A Sarah Palin Sex/Drugs/Rock'n'Roll Scandal?

Miss_Wasilla_1984.jpgAs we speak, there are rumors buzzing the left-wing blogosphere that Sarah Palin is not the wholesome "hockey mother" of five we've all been presented with.

This was inevitable. When a relatively unknown politician takes national stage for the first time, there's always the risk that previously unknown facts will emerge at inconvenient times. Thus, a candidate's political opponents will scour the tubes of the internets looking for such things. It just happens.

Thus, it should not be surprising to see a barrage of nutroot allegations that Sarah Palin (aka "Miss Wasilla 1984" and runner-up for "Miss Alaska") is not, in fact, the real mother of her fifth child (the one with Down's Syndrome--some claim the child is actually her teenage daughter's child), that she experimented with drugs (e.g., marijuana), that she is a bad mother engaging in what amounts to child abuse by having a career, that she has been known to gallavant onstage in front of hundreds of men (and on camera) half-naked, wearing a two-piece bikini swimsuit (or "bathing suit" as some call it), that she murders wild animals for fun, that there is a bootleg video out there somewhere showing her with an entire hockey team, that she once had some scandalous pictures taken with a Wasilla moose, etc., etc. The list goes on.

Given their penchant for innuendo and allegations based on half-truths, it wouldn't surprise me at all to see a DailyKos post sometime soon along the lines of the following:

snowmobiler.jpgThere is solid evidence that Sarah Palin may have been fully naked (aka nude) at certain times during her term as Governor, may have worn scandalous lingerie at other points, and may have even engaged in wild sex acts in private that would be positively scandalous in public. Although the full details are still unavailable, it's come to light that Sarah Palin repeatedly exploited a blue-collar Eskimo worker for her own private amusement in the bedroom, and that she had sex with him on at least four separate occasions. It's also well-known in Alaska that Sarah Palin got pregnant by a young snowmobile racer (see photo at right). (The snowmobiler openly admits he is the father of Palin's child. Palin claims her husband "Todd" is the father.)

The allegations don't stop there. In the course of our investigations, we have uncovered that there are very credible allegations of topless dancing, moose-tipping, mooning, miscegenation, murder, Mormonism, racketeering, racism, favoritism, flatulence, "Fairbanks hot plates," goobery, global warming, oral sex, orgies, onanism, Catholicism, conspiracy, carbon emissions, corruption, cronyism, cover-ups, climate change, cohabitation, cornhole, usury, short-sheeting, smuggling, satan worship, Santaria (aka "voodoo"), infidelity, whistle-blowing, animal sex (including bestiality), astigmatism, abortion, prostitution, polyamory, peeing in the snow, papism, pornographic (aka "porn" or "sex") videos, embezzlement, bribery, battery, barratry, bigotry, buggery, backroom dealing, nepotism, nihilism, nudity, dildos, and various gay / lesbian activity (i.e., sodomy) taking place in Alaska, the very state Sarah Palin promised to clean up.

There are credible claims that Paris Hilton, Britney Spears, Angelina Jolie and Pat Buchanan have each visited Sarah Palin's state on at least one occasion--and engaged in who knows what sort of illicit and/or racist behavior while they were there. The Pat Buchanan allegations are particularly disturbing, owing to the fact that the Alaska governor had full knowledge of Buchanan's travel plans and allowed Buchanan safe passage into and out of Alaska without even detaining or questioning him. Some claim that Buchanan was even granted "protection" by Alaska state police and local law enforcement. If any state or local law enforcement officials made any formal requests for authorization to capture or kill Pat Buchanan, such requests fell on deaf ears, and were very likely suppressed at the very highest levels of government. Was this the real reason Michael Wooten and Walter Monegan fell out of favor with the Ice Queen? Were they threatening to blow the whistle? I suspect this is just the tip of the iceberg.

I don't even know what all that means, but it sure sounds pretty bad, doesn't it? Whatever happened, you can bet the crack team of amateur sleuths at Daily Kos will find it.

UPDATE : Ace weighs in.


UPDATE: And so it begins: "Sarah Palin" nude pics here.

Posted by: Ragnar at 11:30 AM

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