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We Need to Talk About Tom Friedman's Last Column

It's very interesting.


A Conversation With a Cabbie and What It Tells Us About The Next Several Minutes of My Life

tomfriedman.png
by Tom Friedman
Special Guest Columnist for Ace of Spades HQ

I was talking to my cabbie in Cairo, making idle chit-chat as we threaded our way through a colorful and boisterous bazaar, what the locals call a souk, when I pointed out how the world is becoming more interconnected every second.

Then, he stabbed me.

As the blade slipped between my ribs, it occurred to me the rubber of the knife's handle was made in Brazil, and the steel crafted in Japan. Much like the gaudy wares on display at the souk outside the red-flecked windows, my backseat butchering was a glorious melange of the intersection of ideas at the great crossroads of the world.

As my cabbie continued to stab at my torso, I pondered that this moment was made possible by what I call "the pollenization of possibility."

Consider: It required the melding of three cultures, Brazilian, Japanese, and Egyptian, to produce the perforation in my Minnesota-made kidney. It was as if the grand viziers of thought and the great moguls of trade had conspired for years to come together into the red-tipped point of my itinerant assassin's dagger.

You can see this everywhere in the world, in "American" cars with parts made in Japan and largely assembled in Mexico, or in the latest "killer" app, conceived in Silicon Valley but coded in Seoul.

The pace of cross-pollenization and adaptation is unstoppable and ever-increasing, much like the crazed murder-tempo of my assailant's unexpected blood-frenzy.

I hold up my hands in defense, like those "left behind" in the New Economy, trying to protect themselves from the incoming sharp edge of disruptive change. Though, in my case, I was actually trying to protect myself from the incoming the sharp edge of stabbing.

But, just as ideas from far-away cultures penetrate our society, the blade cuts into me like a viral meme, or perhaps a catchy Bollywood song.

But one of those songs that plunges deeply into the meat of your palm and severs the nerves to your fingers.

I cry out to passers-by for help, but just like those left behind by globalization, they are heedless of the changes happening all around them.

Finally, I catch their attention. Then they begin stabbing me too.

As the crowd gathers around me with knives and antiquated farm implements, some scratch-made, some from the nuevas factorias of Veracruz, it strikes to me that I am witnessing what I call the "sudden inevitable."

In my book The Sudden Inevitable, I trace how events that overtake us have percolated in the collective unconscious for decades, even centuries.

This guy just cut off my foot with a shovel.

Ideas are pregnant in the ether before any human speaks them aloud, much like the idea of stabbing me to death has long percolated (I suspect) in the collective mind of my closest confreres.

And thus, as I lie wet and wriggling upon the ground, this conclave of multicultural avatars pulling off my pants and leaving me naked to the waist for God knows what reason, I think about the quickening pulse of international concourse, and how it matches my own quickening pulse, as my heartbeat becomes fast, weak, and thready due to rapid exsanguination. Something of the world has been lost, and it will not be returning any time soon.

Rather like my foot, which I see now has been placed upon a table in the souk and is now being offered for sale at the price of one pound, sixty piastres. I'm rather proud that the foot of a simple man from the farms of Minnesota should command such a lofty price in this place, this chattering beehive of a bazaar where the locals come to haggle over bolts of cotton and baskets of taro, and where Westerners come to be butchered and stripped down for their organs.

And their foot.

I cannot speak any longer. My microrecorder (made in the Netherlands) is almost full. Oh bugger, they just took that too

Posted by: Ace at 06:02 PM




Comments

(Jump to bottom of page)

1 ???

Posted by: Village Idiot's Apprentice at November 18, 2015 06:00 PM (ptqRm)

2 Tom's ghost, "Well that's gratitude for you!"

Posted by: Anna Puma at November 18, 2015 06:01 PM (OAxss)

3 Huh?

Posted by: GJB at November 18, 2015 06:02 PM (J4Ipj)

4 Made me laugh!

Posted by: Kneave Riggall at November 18, 2015 06:02 PM (oax/X)

5

oh, but the tweets were epic
need the tweets

Posted by: artisanal 'ette at November 18, 2015 06:02 PM (qCMvj)

6 That picture begs for the caption "I think I'm going to kill myself."

Can we bring the dick-eating thread back to life?

Posted by: Jane D'oh at November 18, 2015 06:03 PM (FsuaD)

7 Now that was fucking funny. Well done ace!


Posted by: JackStraw at November 18, 2015 06:03 PM (/tuJf)

8 They'll be screaming for his resignation soon...

Posted by: Tammy al-Thor at November 18, 2015 06:03 PM (JqEq4)

9 "Rosebud".......

Posted by: Roman Maroni at November 18, 2015 06:04 PM (vCA4F)

10 Man...he got off easy

Posted by: Zombie Ambassador Stevens at November 18, 2015 06:04 PM (ck8TA)

11 Omg I think I crapped my pants...

Posted by: Jeanne of the no. at November 18, 2015 06:04 PM (Zqsxx)

12 Edit:

Then he stabbed me *in the dick.*

Posted by: Tom Friedman at November 18, 2015 06:04 PM (mcm0N)

13

oh my, this is epic

Posted by: artisanal 'ette at November 18, 2015 06:04 PM (qCMvj)

14 Tweets? Like this one?

I think they're stabbing me in a ritual off friendship. #Ouchouchouch

Posted by: Anna Puma at November 18, 2015 06:04 PM (OAxss)

15 A conservative is a liberal who's been mugged stabbed to death in a middle eastern market place.

Posted by: Pappy O'Daniel at November 18, 2015 06:05 PM (oVJmc)

16 Nailed it, Ace.
Friedman is such a tool!

Posted by: Lizzy at November 18, 2015 06:05 PM (NOIQH)

17 Ace's, I mean.

Posted by: Tammy al-Thor at November 18, 2015 06:05 PM (JqEq4)

18 shit.

Posted by: Pappy O'Daniel at November 18, 2015 06:05 PM (oVJmc)

19 Something of the world has been lost, and it will [not?] be returning any time soon.

Posted by: First-Rate Political Hack at November 18, 2015 06:05 PM (oqDpn)

20 So....has he figured it out yet.

Posted by: Jeanne of the no. at November 18, 2015 06:05 PM (Zqsxx)

21 That is probably just the way he'd write it....
Then he could have a beer in Hell with Walter Duranty and Stalin.

Posted by: tu3031 at November 18, 2015 06:05 PM (YFFpo)

22 I read it and I don't get it...

Posted by: donna at November 18, 2015 06:06 PM (/dSsq)

23 An instant classic. Nice work.

Posted by: Jane D'oh at November 18, 2015 06:06 PM (FsuaD)

24 Still, it's food for thought.

Posted by: Pappy O'Daniel at November 18, 2015 06:06 PM (oVJmc)

25 That picture begs for the caption "I think I'm going to kill myself."

Can we bring the dick-eating thread back to life?


But he doesn't write for The NewYorker.

Posted by: John P. Squibob at November 18, 2015 06:07 PM (DQZLr)

26 Can we bring the dick-eating thread back to life?
Posted by: Jane D'oh


I think he just did.

Posted by: Bertram Cabot Jr. at November 18, 2015 06:07 PM (FkBIv)

27 I read it and I don't get it...

MOTTO: Tom Friedman is a pretentious tool.

Posted by: Pappy O'Daniel at November 18, 2015 06:07 PM (oVJmc)

28 I'm thinking that Friedman might have hired a ghost writer.

Posted by: fluffy at November 18, 2015 06:07 PM (AfsKp)

29 They didn't anally molest him and drag him through the streets Ace?

Posted by: Vic-we have no party at November 18, 2015 06:08 PM (t2KH5)

30 60 piastres for one foot? That's like five piastres an inch. Global inflation and decreased purchasing power fer sure.

Posted by: Seamus Muldoon at November 18, 2015 06:08 PM (NeFrd)

31 Tom Friedman: Waste of a Porn 'Stache

Posted by: Pappy O'Daniel at November 18, 2015 06:08 PM (oVJmc)

32 We take off your pants because your ass looks like a goats. Wait for it.

Posted by: Mohamed, the goat fucker at November 18, 2015 06:08 PM (jJRIy)

33 Viziers!?

Hmmmmm...I'll allow it.

Posted by: Tom Friedman's Life Coach at November 18, 2015 06:08 PM (mcm0N)

34 Touching. In fact, beyond touching. More like, stabbing.

Posted by: USA at November 18, 2015 06:08 PM (tfM+W)

35

You can tell Ace has really been reading some lit lately.
lol

Posted by: artisanal 'ette at November 18, 2015 06:09 PM (qCMvj)

36 Oh my, that was cute. I take it I missed something today.

Posted by: BurtTC at November 18, 2015 06:09 PM (TOk1P)

37 This is preposterous.

I'd never go anywhere, but China.

Posted by: the real Tom Friedman at November 18, 2015 06:09 PM (REdlt)

38 OK, this is one joke that needs explaining.. I don't follow Tom F so I have no idea what this is all about. Except, I'm assuming it didn't happen of course

Posted by: Aslan's Girl at November 18, 2015 06:09 PM (xetep)

39 I especially liked the part where the cabbie cut off his penis and ate it.

Oh wait....

Posted by: Jane D'oh at November 18, 2015 06:09 PM (FsuaD)

40 As my consciousness faded, I mused on the fact that my blood contained iron mined by Rio Tinto in Brazil, potassium shat by seabirds on Fogo island in Canada, and urea originated from nitrogen fixated by chickpeas in Lebanon.

Posted by: T. Friedman at November 18, 2015 06:10 PM (vsbNu)

41 Faisal Saeed Al Mutar
November 15 at 4:27pm
It must be incredibly frustrating as an Islamic terrorist not to have your views and motives taken seriously by the societies you terrorize, even after you have explicitly and repeatedly stated them. Even worse, those on the regressive left, in their endless capacity for masochism and self-loathing, have attempted to shift blame inwardly on themselves, denying the terrorists even the satisfaction of claiming responsibility.

It's like a bad Monty Python sketch:

"We did this because our holy texts exhort us to to do it."

"No you didn't."

"Wait, what? Yes we did..."

"No, this has nothing to do with religion. You guys are just using religion as a front for social and geopolitical reasons."

"WHAT!? Did you even read our official statement? We give explicit Quranic justification. This is jihad, a holy crusade against pagans, blasphemers, and disbelievers."

"No, this is definitely not a Muslim thing. You guys are not true Muslims, and you defame a great religion by saying so."

"Huh!? Who are you to tell us we're not true Muslims!? Islam is literally at the core of everything we do, and we have implemented the truest most literal and honest interpretation of its founding texts. It is our very reason for being."

"Nope. We created you. We installed a social and economic system that alienates and disenfranchises you, and that's why you did this. We're sorry."

"What? Why are you apologizing? We just slaughtered you mercilessly in the streets. We targeted unwitting civilians - disenfranchisement doesn't even enter into it!"

"Listen, it's our fault. We don't blame you for feeling unwelcome and lashing out."

"Seriously, stop taking credit for this! We worked really hard to pull this off, and we're not going to let you take it away from us."

"No, we nourished your extremism. We accept full blame."

"OMG, how many people do we have to kill around here to finally get our message across?"

Posted by: Saw this on FB... at November 18, 2015 06:10 PM (qh617)

42 Hack Journalist Gets Hacked to Pieces

Posted by: HashtagBringBackBaconMcRibs at November 18, 2015 06:10 PM (7wyDO)

43 Isn't he the guy who adopted that adorable little Webster kid?

Posted by: I could be wrong at November 18, 2015 06:10 PM (REdlt)

44 Well, he's in Egypt, if he was in my step dad's home, Indonesia, they would eat his balls

Posted by: Injuin Blackfoot Barry, that eats dog at November 18, 2015 06:10 PM (jJRIy)

45

for those that do not get it

Cabs, Camels or ISIS

http://nyti.ms/1l6ZOh8

Posted by: artisanal 'ette at November 18, 2015 06:10 PM (qCMvj)

46 I wish I could say that it was disturbingly spot-on as satire. Unfortunately, the rule of thumb states you only mock what you admire. Nothing Friedman writes could be admired.
Well done, nonetheless.

Posted by: Buzzy Krumhunger at November 18, 2015 06:11 PM (4S+e6)

47 I always get Krugman and Friedman confused until I remember that Krugman is the one that looks like the lookout at a gang bang.

Posted by: tu3031 at November 18, 2015 06:11 PM (YFFpo)

48 I suppose Mr. Friedman is about to enjoy the hospitality that was given to Momar Khadaffi and to our Libyan Ambassador, and that everyone involved in such hospitality will enjoy it immensely - except, I must presume, Mr. Friedman who hopefully will be unconscious by the time they begin to have their hospitable way with him, following the simple customs of their people.

Posted by: Breidman at November 18, 2015 06:11 PM (2wO/F)

49 sucks to be you, Tom

Posted by: Mr.KnowItAll at November 18, 2015 06:11 PM (VDc7u)

50 I'd prefer him get eaten like the smugs in State of Fear

Posted by: joe-impeachin44 at November 18, 2015 06:11 PM (AWe5n)

51 Tom, the only way you venture in to a place like that? Only if you are a well-trained military specialist with backup standing by to jump in and bring down the wrath of GOD on their sorry asses. People like you get what they get.

Posted by: Eromero at November 18, 2015 06:11 PM (b+df9)

52 Permanent sidebar link. There is no higher praise.

Posted by: Epobirs at November 18, 2015 06:12 PM (IdCqF)

53 From the Egyptian Book of the Dead, how can we rewrite the 42 negative confessions for Tom??

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maat#42_Negative_Confessions_.28Papyrus_of_Ani.29

Posted by: Anna Puma at November 18, 2015 06:12 PM (OAxss)

54 Ahh Ace you bastard I read your Twitter feed!

Posted by: Dack Thrombosis at November 18, 2015 06:12 PM (4ErVI)

55 I had a Nissan Sentra once that was stolen in a marketplace in Mexico City, stripped down and sold for parts, much like Mr. Friedman.

Posted by: Seamus Muldoon at November 18, 2015 06:12 PM (NeFrd)

56 I don't think I understand this.

And top 50!

Posted by: Weasel at November 18, 2015 06:12 PM (e3bId)

57 Damnit!

Posted by: Weasel at November 18, 2015 06:12 PM (e3bId)

58 This guy just cut off my foot with a shovel.

*********

oh gawd--choking-/laughing.

Posted by: Danube River Guide at November 18, 2015 06:12 PM (mcm0N)

59 38
OK, this is one joke that needs explaining.. I don't follow Tom F so I
have no idea what this is all about. Except, I'm assuming it didn't
happen of course


Posted by:at November 18, 2015 06:09 PM (xetep)

We couldn't be that lucky.

Posted by: Nip Sip at November 18, 2015 06:12 PM (jJRIy)

60 And seriously, years ago Friedman used to write stuff that more or less made sense. He had knowledge. He expressed it well.

Then something happened. Ever since his writing appears to be the sort of thing one would write if you are being blackmailed by somebody who has pictures of you in ways you don't want released to the public.

Posted by: BurtTC at November 18, 2015 06:12 PM (TOk1P)

61 for those that do not get it

Cabs, Camels or ISIS


I got two paragraphs in, then said aw f'ck it.

Posted by: John P. Squibob at November 18, 2015 06:12 PM (DQZLr)

62 Deep Thoughts


with Tom Friedman

Posted by: Pappy O'Daniel at November 18, 2015 06:13 PM (oVJmc)

63 new group discovered, worse than ISIS.....the GOP

Posted by: Mr.KnowItAll at November 18, 2015 06:13 PM (VDc7u)

64 Im sure lil' Tommy will get at least a B+ in 8th grade creative writing class for that one.

Posted by: Motown Mope- check hades, we beat the Pack. at November 18, 2015 06:13 PM (24c3y)

65

whoever has a nytimes acct, should post Ace's link there...

Posted by: artisanal 'ette at November 18, 2015 06:14 PM (qCMvj)

66 What wasn't written was what happened after the recorder was taken. The story of rape would shrivel the balls of the students of Mizzoo. Maybe it's best left untold. Those poor babies are trapped in their rooms.

Posted by: Soona at November 18, 2015 06:14 PM (Fmupd)

67 By the Oil of Bergamot, Ace, I think you have the poet lariam down to a T-beam.

Posted by: weft cut-loop at November 18, 2015 06:14 PM (ysFo+)

68 Tom you have guessed correctly.

Posted by: Confrero Uno at November 18, 2015 06:14 PM (mcm0N)

69 >>>I always get Krugman and Friedman confused until I remember that Krugman is the one that looks like the lookout at a gang bang.


Posted by: tu3031 at November 18, 2015 06:11 PM (YFFpo)<<<

And never forget... it's former Enron advisor Paul Krugman!

Posted by: AOSHQ style guide at November 18, 2015 06:14 PM (REdlt)

70 and a smiley knife.

Posted by: Motown Mope- check hades, we beat the Pack. at November 18, 2015 06:14 PM (24c3y)

71 >>OK, this is one joke that needs explaining.. I don't follow Tom F so I have no idea what this is all about. Except, I'm assuming it didn't happen of course

Friedman is an uber pretentious lefty tool who has made a career out of writing the same article over and over and over; the world is flat, there are few differences in cultures accept that the US is less enlightened than China.

Here's your very own Friedman column creator so you to can write just like the most overpaid columnist in the world, including China.

Posted by: JackStraw at November 18, 2015 06:14 PM (/tuJf)

72 I'm going to pass on this thread. It crosses a line for me.

Posted by: @votermom at November 18, 2015 06:15 PM (cbfNE)

73 whoever has a nytimes acct, should post Ace's link there...

Posted by: artisanal 'ette at November 18, 2015 06:14 PM (qCMvj)

They won't let you past the censors

Posted by: Nip Sip at November 18, 2015 06:15 PM (jJRIy)

74
Posted by: Saw this on FB... at November 18, 2015 06:10 PM (qh617)


http://pjmedia.com/instapundit/219146/

Posted by: Pappy O'Daniel at November 18, 2015 06:15 PM (oVJmc)

75 Ahh Ace you bastard I read your Twitter feed!
Posted by: Dack Thrombosis at November 18, 2015 06:12 PM (4ErVI)


me too

we were at the Premiere!

Posted by: artisanal 'ette at November 18, 2015 06:15 PM (qCMvj)

76 new group discovered, worse than ISIS.....the GOP
Posted by: Mr.KnowItAll


What about IHOP?

Posted by: Bertram Cabot Jr. at November 18, 2015 06:16 PM (FkBIv)

77 Posted by: artisanal 'ette at November 18, 2015 06:10 PM (qCMvj)

Thank you. I was too lazy to bing it (I don't google). Sheesh, I read six paragraphs and gave up. What on earth is his point? And after his stupid "SISI/ISIS" comparison I was more than pissed.

Posted by: Aslan's Girl at November 18, 2015 06:16 PM (xetep)

78 Ace, you forgot to tell us what color her evening gown was, as the rain pelted down outside the soiree.

Posted by: Seamus Muldoon at November 18, 2015 06:16 PM (NeFrd)

79
for those that do not get it



Cabs, Camels or ISIS



http://nyti.ms/1l6ZOh8

Posted by: artisanal 'ette at November 18, 2015 06:10 PM (qCMvj)


Well, that was a painful read. He really is quite full of himself, isn't he?

Posted by: Jane D'oh at November 18, 2015 06:16 PM (FsuaD)

80 Epic post.

I'm glad The Sudden Inevitable made the final cut. That was the funniest part in the tweets.

Losing the pants was a nice addition.

Posted by: Dack Thrombosis at November 18, 2015 06:16 PM (4ErVI)

81 >>>I was talking to my cabbie in Cairo, making idle chit-chat as we threaded our way through a colorful and boisterous bazaar, what the locals call a souk


Embrace the souk.

Posted by: Bruce Boehner at November 18, 2015 06:17 PM (E5UB0)

82 stabbing with their steely memes
but they just can't kill the beast

Posted by: Bigby's Knuckle Sandwich at November 18, 2015 06:17 PM (Cq0oW)

83 And in a way, I am kind of happy that I don't get the joke -whatever it is - in the same way I don't have a Facebook account or send texts.

Posted by: Weasel at November 18, 2015 06:17 PM (e3bId)

84 Well written. Funny.

Hopefully, you will "reboot" the character and have him meet the "Only Black Lives Matter" crowd in a future piece.

Posted by: Captain Oblivious at November 18, 2015 06:18 PM (hiT/m)

85 My favorite was when Freidman claimed that some Arab bigwig showed him the solution for establishing peace in the ME*--- that he kept tucked away in his desk drawer for mumble mumble reasons.

Sure, Tom, that really happened, you didn't pull that one out of your arse.


*Unless it simply said: "Wipe Israel off the map."

Posted by: Lizzy at November 18, 2015 06:18 PM (NOIQH)

86 I'm going to pass on this thread. It crosses a line for me.
Posted by: @votermom at November 18, 2015 06:15 PM (cbfNE)


what line?

Posted by: artisanal 'ette at November 18, 2015 06:18 PM (qCMvj)

87 Due to rapid exsanguination.

****
oh got off a good one there. Ha!

Posted by: Danube River Guide at November 18, 2015 06:18 PM (mcm0N)

88 Ace only uses his Power upon the truly worthy douchebags.

Posted by: Mark in Sandy UT at November 18, 2015 06:19 PM (xGX1p)

89 "I hold up my hands in defense, to protect myself from the incoming Knife
of Change, but more immediately to protect myself from the incoming the
Knife of Stabbing"

The Knife of Change is harsh, but really, you totally HAVE to avoid the Knife of Stabbing.

Really.

Posted by: shibumi, RIP USA at November 18, 2015 06:19 PM (9JJgN)

90 what line?
Posted by: artisanal 'ette at November 18, 2015 06:18 PM (qCMvj)

Imagining the gruesome death of a living person.
Reminds me of what the left would write / Photoshop about Palin

Posted by: @votermom at November 18, 2015 06:20 PM (cbfNE)

91 We have lines?

Posted by: Weasel at November 18, 2015 06:20 PM (e3bId)

92 76 new group discovered, worse than ISIS.....the GOP
Posted by: Mr.KnowItAll

What about IHOP?
Posted by: Bertram Cabot Jr. at November 18, 2015 06:16 PM (FkBIv)


We're the worst of the worst.

Posted by: iPhone at November 18, 2015 06:20 PM (Fmupd)

93 IHOP.....oh yea...that's just evil.....it's bags of crap warmed up in a microwave

Posted by: Mr.KnowItAll at November 18, 2015 06:20 PM (VDc7u)

94 I'm going to pass on this thread. It crosses a line for me.

Posted by: @votermom at November 18, 2015 06:15 PM (cbfNE)



what line?

Posted by: artisanal 'ette at November 18, 2015 06:18 PM (qCMvj)


I was wondering the same thing.

Posted by: BurtTC at November 18, 2015 06:20 PM (TOk1P)

95 Arab bigwig showed him the solution for establishing peace in the ME*--- that he kept tucked away in his desk

♫ Peace on Earth...was all it said.

Posted by: Bertram Cabot Jr. at November 18, 2015 06:21 PM (FkBIv)

96 Consider:


I took a shit at an outhouse behind a coffeehouse in Cairo.

My faeces made their way into the groundwater of the Nile Delta.

Those waters were used to irrigate cotton fields in the area.

Yeah, those 300 count cotton sheets you luxuriate in? You may be sleeping and fucking in my shit.

Posted by: Tom Friedman at November 18, 2015 06:21 PM (vsbNu)

97 Didn't Robert Fisk actually write something like this?

"This howling mob of Afghans beat my ass and robbed me, but if I was a howling mob of Afghans I would beat my ass and rob me too....."

Posted by: the guy that moves pianos for a living... at November 18, 2015 06:21 PM (tEDMc)

98 Tom, what the fruck you doing in Egypt?!?!

You come here...You know you rove us wrong time.

Posted by: CHINA at November 18, 2015 06:21 PM (OmSir)

99

I could see him visualizing he is reading this on a stage behind a very tall (aka normal sized) podium.

His little troll-like face peeking around, his finger tips touching as if *almost* in prayer...

froxsplaining

Posted by: artisanal 'ette at November 18, 2015 06:21 PM (qCMvj)

100 This is a parody of Friedman and it is a damn good one, too. He writes in this lefty asshole manner. The joke is that he sees the world thru this bizarre prism. He is no friend of the jews tho a jew himself.

Posted by: Bruce With a Wang! at November 18, 2015 06:22 PM (iQIUe)

101 Self-hating NY Jew BIL looooooves him some Tom Friedman.

Posted by: Jane D'oh at November 18, 2015 06:23 PM (FsuaD)

102
Very nice, ace.

Reminds me of AllahPundit's best days, when he regularly did spoof Friedman columns at his eponymous blog.

Haven't glanced at Friedman stuff in years and years, so I guess he's morphed into an even more ridiculous figure, as you spoof him, than he was even back then? Wow.

Posted by: rhomboid at November 18, 2015 06:23 PM (QDnY+)

103 #97

Yep, that was the notorious column that launching fisk as a verb.

Posted by: Epobirs at November 18, 2015 06:23 PM (IdCqF)

104 Ace, you seem really, really angry in this post.

Loosing control angry.

Loosing the funny, angry.


Posted by: EFG at November 18, 2015 06:23 PM (C+qQ0)

105 O/T

Moorish nation, aka BLM members, use fake document to occupy homes. The Obama voters are crazy as shit. Reparations bitches!





http://tinyurl.com/ojl8kuv

Posted by: Nip Sip at November 18, 2015 06:23 PM (jJRIy)

106 Imagining the gruesome death of a living person.
Reminds me of what the left would write / Photoshop about Palin
Posted by: @votermom at November 18, 2015 06:20 PM (cbfNE)


ah, okay

It's just Ace doing Friedman parody...

Showing how deranged Friedman is; how he clings to his ideology no matter what; and how he avoids reality.

Posted by: artisanal 'ette at November 18, 2015 06:24 PM (qCMvj)

107 35

You can tell Ace has really been reading some lit lately.
lol

Posted by: artisanal 'ette at November 18, 2015 06:09 PM (qCMvj)



Yeah but did he ever finish Hound of the Baskervilles?

Posted by: buzzion at November 18, 2015 06:24 PM (z/Ubi)

108 #HeartYourCabbie!

Posted by: Diogenes at November 18, 2015 06:24 PM (r65B3)

109 Not judging, it's just too dark for me. See you guys next thread.

Posted by: @votermom at November 18, 2015 06:24 PM (cbfNE)

110 Remember Tom loves him some Chinese communism.

Posted by: Dack Thrombosis at November 18, 2015 06:24 PM (4ErVI)

111 He's one of these guys who thinks the Israelis are requited to commit suicide. Simon Schama is another one. He admits that the wall has worked wonders in protecting Israelis but believes it hinders communication between terrorists and Jews. smh

Posted by: Bruce With a Wang! at November 18, 2015 06:24 PM (iQIUe)

112 And in a way, I am kind of happy that I don't get the joke -whatever it is - in the same way I don't have a Facebook account or send texts.

Posted by: Weasel at November 18, 2015 06:17 PM (e3bId)

OMG GETTIN STABD BBL

Posted by: Secundus at November 18, 2015 06:25 PM (s1yyP)

113 Unfortunately, the rule of thumb states you only mock what you admire.

I admire Friedman's house.

https://cryptome.org/eyeball/friedman/pict5.jpg

I admire that he has stated he should share it with several hundred "Syrian" "refugees".

Wait, he hasn't?

Posted by: strange at November 18, 2015 06:25 PM (B+u5V)

114 Ace, you seem really, really angry in this post.

Loosing control angry.

Loosing the funny, angry.


Posted by: EFG


I'm sorry, but the AoSHQ Concern Window is closed for the day. Perhaps you could try again in a few hours.

Posted by: weft cut-loop at November 18, 2015 06:25 PM (ysFo+)

115
Now that was fucking funny. Well done ace!







Posted by: JackStraw at November 18, 2015 06:03 PM (/tuJf)

Ditto!

Posted by: Count de Monet at November 18, 2015 06:25 PM (JO9+V)

116 what line?



Posted by: artisanal 'ette at November 18, 2015 06:18 PM (qCMvj)


I was wondering the same thing.


Posted by: BurtTC at November 18, 2015 06:20 PM (TOk1P)

Dumb shits, THE RED LINE!

Posted by: Injuin Blackfoot Barry, that eats dog at November 18, 2015 06:25 PM (jJRIy)

117 I believe the lesson to be learned here, is Tom should have used Uber.

Posted by: Jane D'oh at November 18, 2015 06:25 PM (FsuaD)

118 Ace, you seem really, really angry in this post.

Loosing control angry.

Loosing the funny, angry.




Posted by: EFG at November 18, 2015 06:23 PM (C+qQ0)


Your CONCERN is noted.

Posted by: BurtTC at November 18, 2015 06:25 PM (TOk1P)

119 Remember Tom loves him some Chinese communism.

The Chinese would knife him with such efficiency.

Posted by: Pappy O'Daniel at November 18, 2015 06:25 PM (oVJmc)

120 Didn't Robert Fisk actually write something like this?

"This howling mob of Afghans beat my ass and robbed me, but if I was a howling mob of Afghans I would beat my ass and rob me too....."

**********

a nice post 9-11 white guy taking his beating from the wogs because he deserved it column

eesh, these lefties are a death cult.

Posted by: joe-impeachin44 at November 18, 2015 06:25 PM (AWe5n)

121 This fills me with mirth of the Thanksgiving season.

Posted by: Yoshi, Aggrieved Victim of the White Man at November 18, 2015 06:25 PM (rp8GY)

122
Ecce Friedman....

Posted by: Laurie David's Cervix at November 18, 2015 06:25 PM (kdS6q)

123 110 Remember Tom loves him some Chinese communism.
Posted by: Dack Thrombosis at November 18, 2015 06:24 PM (4ErVI)
=====

Why not? I am sure they are paying him to write that Chicom propaganda.

Posted by: Bruce With a Wang! at November 18, 2015 06:25 PM (iQIUe)

124 Congrats, Ace. You did something I thought was impossible--you made me want to read Friedman's column.

Posted by: Dave at November 18, 2015 06:26 PM (cxLne)

125 When did the lines appear?

I was told there would be no lines.

Posted by: Weasel at November 18, 2015 06:26 PM (e3bId)

126

Positively Ben praises Ace.

Ben Shapiro

@AceofSpadesHQ This is legitimately one of the greatest things ever.


Ben Shapiro

Didn't think @AceofSpadesHQ could top himself today. He did.


Agreed.
See, we are all watching and reading Ace.

Posted by: artisanal 'ette at November 18, 2015 06:27 PM (qCMvj)

127 Ace, you seem really, really angry in this post.



Loosing control angry.



Loosing the funny, angry.





Posted by: EFG


You seem very, very concerned in this comment.

Losing the ability to spell angry.

Posted by: Pappy O'Daniel at November 18, 2015 06:27 PM (oVJmc)

128 That there is some funny stuff Ace. You have a gift.

Posted by: Cicero (@cicero) at November 18, 2015 06:27 PM (8ZskC)

129 Not judging, it's just too dark for me. See you guys next thread.

Posted by: @votermom at November 18, 2015 06:24 PM (cbfNE)


Oh... we're going to be discussing the Black Knight from Monty Python in the next thread, so.....

Posted by: BurtTC at November 18, 2015 06:27 PM (TOk1P)

130

I admire Friedman's house.


Is that Friedman's house ... or his wife's house?

Posted by: Arbalest at November 18, 2015 06:27 PM (FlRtG)

131 That is a thing of beauty.

Posted by: alexthechick - c'mon SMOD at November 18, 2015 06:27 PM (IrByp)

132 Congrats, Ace. You did something I thought was impossible--you made me want to read Friedman's column.
Posted by: Dave at November 18, 2015 06:26 PM (cxLne)


heh
double-edged sword

Posted by: artisanal 'ette at November 18, 2015 06:28 PM (qCMvj)

133 Loosing or losing?

Posted by: Bertram Cabot Jr. at November 18, 2015 06:28 PM (FkBIv)

134 Didn't Robert Fisk actually write something like this?
Posted by: the guy that moves pianos for a living... at November 18, 2015 06:21 PM (tEDMc)

My Beating is a Symbol of this Filthy War

They started by shaking hands. We said "Salaam aleikum" - peace be upon you - then the first pebbles flew past my face. A small boy tried to grab my bag. Then another. Then someone punched me in the back. Then young men broke my glasses, began smashing stones into my face and head. I couldn't see for the blood pouring down my forehead and swamping my eyes. And even then, I understood. I couldn't blame them for what they were doing.

Posted by: R. Fisk at November 18, 2015 06:28 PM (FohCt)

135

Best Monty Python script in waiting...

Posted by: artisanal 'ette at November 18, 2015 06:28 PM (qCMvj)

136 124 Congrats, Ace. You did something I thought was impossible--you made me want to read Friedman's column.
Posted by: Dave at November 18, 2015 06:26 PM (cxLne)

--There's no particular column you need to read: They're all pretty much cookie cutter.

Posted by: logprof at November 18, 2015 06:29 PM (vsbNu)

137 next one should be how he realized when they bent him over, he should have spent more time doing yoga so he could be more flexible.......

Posted by: phoenixgirl, i was born a rebel at November 18, 2015 06:29 PM (0O7c5)

138
Did you read that some dog hate pooped at Vanderbilt U.? BLM is outraged!!!1!!!

Posted by: Bruce With a Wang! at November 18, 2015 06:29 PM (iQIUe)

139 I must say that Friedman exhibits a remarkable intellectual detachment even as he maintains an admirable posture of moral and cultural relativism while being stabbed, butchered and maimed for life during that encounter.

Posted by: A New York Times Reader at November 18, 2015 06:29 PM (1INh1)

140 I snickered with unholy glee at reading this. Friedman is an absolute douche, and I am glad to contemplate the mental picture of his sanctimonious, over-paid, over-educated *ss being flayed.
Or worse.
Yeah, I'm a bad person. Deal.

Posted by: CeliaHayes at November 18, 2015 06:29 PM (95iDF)

141 Doc Brown to Ace, "Where we're going, there are blurred lines."

Posted by: Anna Puma at November 18, 2015 06:29 PM (OAxss)

142 Yeesh, he's still nutting over the 'Asian economic miracle.'

Hasn't read the papers, I see.

Posted by: Pappy O'Daniel at November 18, 2015 06:29 PM (oVJmc)

143 Dear Mr. Ace

We love your work. Can we interest you in writing the next five Spiderman reboots?

Sincerely,

The Suits

Posted by: The Suits at Sony Pictures at November 18, 2015 06:29 PM (8ZskC)

144 Ka-Boom! is not just for breakfast!

Fucking brilliant Ace.

Posted by: All Hail Eris, Michigangsta at November 18, 2015 06:30 PM (jR7Wy)

145 I know what people are talking about as a far as a line -- a man was just stabbed today in Marseilles, after all.

I get the discomfort. I thought it was funny, though, and makes a point about those who continue to fetishize the wonders of bringing in new cultures to the US even as one of those new cultures has a strain of barbaric murder in them.

And yet they just keep talking about how wonderful the souks are.

Posted by: ace at November 18, 2015 06:30 PM (dciA+)

146 Yeesh, he's still nutting over the 'Asian economic miracle.'

Maybe we can build some ghost cities here.

Posted by: Bertram Cabot Jr. at November 18, 2015 06:30 PM (FkBIv)

147 Lines? We don't need no steenking lines.

Posted by: iPhone at November 18, 2015 06:30 PM (Fmupd)

148 Agreed.
See, we are all watching and reading Ace.
Posted by: artisanal 'ette at November 18, 2015 06:27 PM (qCMvj

nice!

Posted by: Yoshi, Aggrieved Victim of the White Man at November 18, 2015 06:30 PM (rp8GY)

149 I must say that Friedman exhibits a remarkable
intellectual detachment even as he maintains an admirable posture of
moral and cultural relativism while being stabbed, butchered and maimed
for life during that encounter.


Posted by: A New York Times Reader at November 18, 2015 06:29 PM (1INh1)


I blame Israel.

Posted by: Me Too at November 18, 2015 06:30 PM (TOk1P)

150 Didn't Robert Fisk actually write something like this?

Yes, he did. And gave birth to the art of " Fisking".

Posted by: tu3031 at November 18, 2015 06:30 PM (YFFpo)

151 I don't get it. Frogs raid house 12 hours ago, shoot 5,000 rounds and only kill two people, one which blew herself up and they still do not know who they killed.



Back to the range boys.

Posted by: Nip Sip at November 18, 2015 06:31 PM (jJRIy)

152 Ace, you seem really, really angry in this post.

Loosing control angry.

Loosing the funny, angry.

Posted by: EFG at November 18, 2015 06:23 PM (C+qQ0)


Is that you Margaret Cho?
Or, is that you, silly, silly girl, Cher?

Posted by: artisanal 'ette: Comedienne! I can say what I want! at November 18, 2015 06:31 PM (qCMvj)

153 Heading to supper.


Will be driving right past the latest #BLM protest.
Less then three hours old.

Posted by: Village Idiot's Apprentice at November 18, 2015 06:31 PM (ptqRm)

154 Dear God,

Please let this be real and not a parody.

If not, please make this a self-faux filling prophecy.

Amen,
Peetey

P.S. I said "please."

Posted by: @PeeteySDee at November 18, 2015 06:31 PM (z9+yX)

155 Shit

Posted by: Soona at November 18, 2015 06:31 PM (Fmupd)

156 Did you read that some dog hate pooped at Vanderbilt U.?

****

A swastika?

Must have been a German shepherd.

Posted by: Seamus Muldoon at November 18, 2015 06:31 PM (NeFrd)

157 Okay, that was recognizable as parody, and funny as hell besides.

Posted by: sock_rat_eez at November 18, 2015 06:31 PM (erRNA)

158 His head would make a pretty good ball for polo on the northern Afghan plains.

Posted by: Ootah the Terrible at November 18, 2015 06:32 PM (JO9+V)

159 Shoulda called it :

Killing Friedman.

Posted by: Bill "Who's Your Pappy" O'Reilly at November 18, 2015 06:32 PM (mcm0N)

160

What is even more hilarious are Friedman's followers. Try reading the "serious-response" comments.

bwhahaha

Posted by: artisanal 'ette: Comedienne! I can say what I want! at November 18, 2015 06:32 PM (qCMvj)

161 Vibrant cultural diversity man can do no wrong. Wrong is a social construct.

Posted by: Bertram Cabot Jr. at November 18, 2015 06:32 PM (FkBIv)

162 It could be because I've worked Help Desk, but I find this hysterical:

http://www.nationalreview.com/article/427257/isis-help-desk-encryption-technology

Posted by: Notsothoreau at November 18, 2015 06:32 PM (Lqy/e)

163 AlextheChick, you've been training a beluga whale in your spare time??

https://youtu.be/Tq4b0vVa8wc

Posted by: Anna Puma at November 18, 2015 06:32 PM (OAxss)

164 i keep fearing these scum are going to pull something like a mall massacre during Christmas.

I'd mentioned before, I don't want to go to our usual mall for Santa pictures because of all the Muslims that go there.

at the same time, as a permit holder, i kinda want to just go and hang out that morning because of all those kids... fuck.

Posted by: Bigby's Knuckle Sandwich at November 18, 2015 06:32 PM (Cq0oW)

165 Um...


Wait, let's try again:

What the ...


No, that's not it. How about:

Holy ....


You know what? I GIVE UP!

Posted by: Optimizer at November 18, 2015 06:32 PM (/q6+P)

166 Losing the ability to spell angry.


Posted by: Pappy O'Daniel at November 18, 2015 06:27 PM (oVJmc)
*********Heh. It took me a while to figure out what you were getting at. I actually wondered if I misspelled "angry" for a second."Loosing".That's embarrassing.

Posted by: EFG at November 18, 2015 06:32 PM (C+qQ0)

167 Loosing control angry.

Loosing the funny, angry.


****


Loosing the hounds of war?

Posted by: Seamus Muldoon at November 18, 2015 06:33 PM (NeFrd)

168 And yet they just keep talking about how wonderful the souks are.

I've been in lots of souks. They're basically dirty swap meets full of dusty merchandise in cultures that where shopping within a clean, enclosed, air-conditioned structure hasn't quite caught on.

Posted by: Cicero (@cicero) at November 18, 2015 06:33 PM (8ZskC)

169 Ace, you magnificent furry little bastard, you've outdone yourself this time!

Posted by: Insomniac - Pale Horse/Death 2016 at November 18, 2015 06:33 PM (kpqmD)

170 that never ges old, Ace. Bravo

g'early evenin', 'rons

Posted by: AltonJackson at November 18, 2015 06:33 PM (KCxzN)

171 The good thing about the Fisk's story though was that he actually did take an ass kicking.

Posted by: tu3031 at November 18, 2015 06:33 PM (YFFpo)

172 Stabbing is a metaphor for ghey sex.

Posted by: Mortimer at November 18, 2015 06:33 PM (0dcbp)

173 Why is Martinez on Fox?

Quoting- Americans are starving fo leadership. Just after saying that illegals NM ID's look just like mine. FMe.

She leads a state that carries, what, 5 electoral votes?

Oh. VP candidate.

See above.

Posted by: Golfman - Xenophobe Extrodinaire at November 18, 2015 06:33 PM (48QDY)

174

*Ace drops mic and goes to nibble on some French cheese and duck liver pate*

Posted by: artisanal 'ette: Comedienne! I can say what I want! at November 18, 2015 06:34 PM (qCMvj)

175 Happy to see Ace jumping on the Friedman busted bandwagon with stompy boots.
I have for many, many years thought that they should name an award after TF titled something like "The Slogger"
Basically Friedman got infinite milage out of the fact that he took the trouble to learn Arabic and was willing to hang out in that dangerous shithole of Beirut longer than just about any other Western journalist.
And so the times gave him a Platform and the Aura of Intelligence, though he is an unintelligent, hack-writing slogger at best, not to mention all those characteric conceits about how The World Is Now Round (or Ovoid, etc).
Well done and fracking funny.

Posted by: Ex NYC Peasant at November 18, 2015 06:34 PM (k8tEg)

176 Moorish nation, aka BLM members, use fake document to occupy homes. The Obama voters are crazy as shit. Reparations bitches!





http://tinyurl.com/ojl8kuv

Posted by: Nip Sip at November 18, 2015 06:23 PM (jJRIy)


Man! Judging by her picture, they already strapped her into Old Sparky, and threw the switch.

Posted by: Alberta Oil Peon at November 18, 2015 06:34 PM (0yhH4)

177 Stabbing is a metaphor for ghey sex.

That's no knife.

Now this here's a knife.

Posted by: Crocodile Dundee at November 18, 2015 06:35 PM (8ZskC)

178 >>>believes it hinders communication between terrorists and Jews<<<

Has anyone told him that's the point?


Posted by: the guy that moves pianos for a living... at November 18, 2015 06:35 PM (tEDMc)

179 Nice work ace.

Posted by: ISIS' Greatest Recruitment Tool at November 18, 2015 06:35 PM (JVEmw)

180 Tom Friedman would make Carl Panzram blush....

Posted by: Hairyback Guy at November 18, 2015 06:35 PM (ej1L0)

181 Loosing".That's embarrassing.
Posted by: EFG at November 18, 2015 06:32 PM (C+qQ0)



heh.
Well... when you put it in leftist-whore-Tom context, it kinda works

Posted by: artisanal 'ette: Comedienne! I can say what I want! at November 18, 2015 06:35 PM (qCMvj)

182 Loosing the hounds of war?

Posted by: Seamus Muldoon at November 18, 2015 06:33 PM (NeFrd)
****************I thought it was the "hogs of war."

Posted by: EFG at November 18, 2015 06:35 PM (C+qQ0)

183 This post goes into the AoS Hall of Fame.

Posted by: Pastafarian at November 18, 2015 06:35 PM (pCf+a)

184 Take the rest of the week off, ace!

Posted by: Count de Monet at November 18, 2015 06:35 PM (JO9+V)

185 164 i keep fearing these scum are going to pull something like a mall massacre during Christmas.


--

Me too.

Posted by: @votermom at November 18, 2015 06:36 PM (cbfNE)

186 chuckle

Posted by: willow at November 18, 2015 06:36 PM (jOumW)

187 That infidel dog told me how great his house was and he deserved it because he important man. Global Warming reductions for peons, he say!

So I stabbed his ass. Stabbed his ass goodly.

Posted by: friedman's egyptian cabbie at November 18, 2015 06:37 PM (xodPA)

188 Totally did not get. That's okay I don't read this Friedman dude so I don't care. So for all I know Ace could have just written the most brilliant parody of our age.

Posted by: Sat rose at November 18, 2015 06:37 PM (nycWw)

189 Take the rest of the week off, ace!
Posted by: Count de Monet at November 18, 2015 06:35 PM (JO9+V)

nooo i haven't had enough ace yet.

Posted by: willow at November 18, 2015 06:37 PM (jOumW)

190 seriously, could you blame the cabbie?

If he did that to david brooks, i think he should get a Pulitzer

Posted by: Gentlemen, this is democracy manifest at November 18, 2015 06:37 PM (LWu6U)

191 167 Loosing control angry.

Loosing the funny, angry.


****


Loosing the hounds of war?
Posted by: Seamus Muldoon at November 18, 2015 06:33 PM (NeFrd)

HAVOC!!!

Posted by: Insomniac - Pale Horse/Death 2016 at November 18, 2015 06:37 PM (kpqmD)

192 for all I know Ace could have just written the most brilliant parody of our age.
Posted by: Sat rose at November 18, 2015 06:37 PM (nycWw)

exactly

Posted by: willow at November 18, 2015 06:37 PM (jOumW)

193 So now we get bomb threats on planes.



Why don't the ISIS assholes call in 100 threats on next Wednesday, busiest day of the year?

Posted by: Nip Sip at November 18, 2015 06:38 PM (jJRIy)

194 168
And yet they just keep talking about how wonderful the souks are.



I've been in lots of souks. They're basically dirty swap meets full
of dusty merchandise in cultures that where shopping within a clean,
enclosed, air-conditioned structure hasn't quite caught on.

Posted by: Cicero (@cicero) at November 18, 2015 06:33 PM (8ZskC)


Hmm. Late FIL brought me a necklace from a gold souk in Saudi Arabia. My name spelled in Arabic. Must have wanted me to wear it going through TSA.

Posted by: Jane D'oh at November 18, 2015 06:38 PM (FsuaD)

195 Hey, did I write that? Well, if I didn't , I should've.

Posted by: Mike Barnicle at November 18, 2015 06:38 PM (YFFpo)

196 >>>And in a way, I am kind of happy that I don't get the joke

The joke is either that these liberal elites would never support the measures they do so strenuously, if they thought they'd have to suffer the consequences of those measures.

It could also be that Western liberals are so anxious to see nobility and peacefulness in cultures where there is none, and so guilt ridden that they'd actually allow themselves to be butchered without complaining. Not even being murdered would cause their Smurf colored glasses to fall off.

Posted by: Bruce Boehner at November 18, 2015 06:38 PM (E5UB0)

197 Wow, the Tom Friedman bloggin at AoSHQ. Truly, The World Is Flat.

Posted by: mugiwara at November 18, 2015 06:38 PM (4nYDA)

198 HAVOC!!!

Posted by: Insomniac


****

Aw, quit crying.

Posted by: Seamus Muldoon at November 18, 2015 06:38 PM (NeFrd)

199 Fuck Freidman for saying Saudi woman can't drive as apposed to the accurate "can drive but are prevented from doing so by 7th century savages".

Posted by: pashmr at November 18, 2015 06:39 PM (Zpkhj)

200 190
seriously, could you blame the cabbie?

If he did that to david brooks, i think he should get a Pulitzer


Posted by: Gentlemen, this is democracy manifest at November 18, 2015 06:37 PM (LWu6U)


Brooks already did it to himself.. http://tinyurl.com/nzejgeh


Published the day of Paris attack, good work Dave.

Posted by: Nip Sip at November 18, 2015 06:39 PM (jJRIy)

201
Hmm. Late FIL brought me a necklace from a gold souk in Saudi Arabia. My name spelled in Arabic. Must have wanted me to wear it going through TSA.

Posted by: Jane D'oh at November 18, 2015 06:38 PM (FsuaD)

that might have been your ticket to not be touched and harassed during the inspect em process.

Posted by: willow at November 18, 2015 06:39 PM (jOumW)

202 Vanderbilt Hate Crime Turns Out To Be Blind Girl's Dog's Poop

http://goo.gl/y0282J


Hell, she picked it up (which by law she doesnt have to do) but couldnt find a trash can to toss it in.

Probably was a German Shepard or a yellow lab.

Posted by: Bruce With a Wang! at November 18, 2015 06:40 PM (iQIUe)

203 Ohh, Ace, do me next. Do me!

Posted by: Davids Brooks at November 18, 2015 06:40 PM (REdlt)

204 It could also be that Western liberals are so anxious to see nobility and peacefulness in cultures where there is none, and so guilt ridden that they'd actually allow themselves to be butchered without complaining.

****


I appreciated it as parody on this level, without any real firsthand knowledge of who Tom Friedman is. He has never been on my radar.

Posted by: Seamus Muldoon at November 18, 2015 06:41 PM (NeFrd)

205 This beautiful tale brings tears to my eyes. Now for a little Gail Collins dessert...

Posted by: Caliban at November 18, 2015 06:41 PM (3GFMN)

206 By the way, the world is not flat. Trying doing work in the ME, Africa, or many places in Asia. Yea, you can buy a Big Mac just about anywhere but much of the world is a backward toilet.

There isn't a real big refugee crisis leaving from Europe or the US.

Posted by: JackStraw at November 18, 2015 06:41 PM (/tuJf)

207 Good job, Ace!
You would have received bonus points if you mentioned
China and the latest Bradley Cooper update.

Bradley attended the Adele concert at Radio City Music Hall last night
with his new steady Irina Shayk.

Posted by: Mister Ghost at November 18, 2015 06:41 PM (IOzCL)

208 Allah's shit! I just Googled his house and found this:
http://tinyurl.com/qxdhd6e

I should have cut off his head and not just do the stabby things.

Posted by: friedman's egyptian cabbie at November 18, 2015 06:41 PM (xodPA)

209 Put me in the confused/concerned camp.

I know that Friedman is a lefty tool, but it seems to be the case that this parody, while well done literary-wise, is mocking some specific thing, of which many people (including myself) are unaware.

And without the context of what the parody is parodying, it does seem to be a bit gruesome concerning a living person, distasteful as he may be.

We don't like it when the left, as it does all day every day, fantasizes about and creates "fictional scenarios of" and visualizes the violent end of their political opponents (blowing up "climate change deniers," assassinating Bush, etc. etc.), but this parody would seem to give them fodder for saying that hey, you guys do it too.

If we protest that "it's all just in fun," then the Left can protest (as they already do anyway) that their violent fantasies are also "just in fun."

I'm sure that there is some context to the parody, but perhaps it is not well-known enough so that the parody is firmly contextualized enough to be identified as humor.

Posted by: zombie at November 18, 2015 06:41 PM (jBuUi)

210 Damn, I'll miss Tom's praise of the progressive-commie overlords of China.

Posted by: huerfano at November 18, 2015 06:42 PM (NSb9d)

211 203 Ohh, Ace, do me next. Do me!
Posted by: Davids Brooks at November 18, 2015 06:40 PM (REdlt)

Seems gay.

NTTAWWT

Posted by: @votermom at November 18, 2015 06:42 PM (cbfNE)

212 191 167 Loosing control angry.

Loosing the funny, angry.


****


Loosing the hounds of war?
Posted by: Seamus Muldoon at November 18, 2015 06:33 PM (NeFrd)

HAVOC!!!
Posted by: Insomniac - Pale Horse/Death 2016 at November 18, 2015 06:37 PM (kpqmD)


------------------


I was wonder if he/she meant "looser", like Reggie.

Posted by: Baraka O - yes, I'm still here at November 18, 2015 06:42 PM (Fmupd)

213 And yet they just keep talking about how wonderful the souks are.

Really, we shouldn't worry we may be importing a radical strain of Islam whose adherents will stab you on a street corner or blow you up at a sporting event. Think of the new cuisine you'll get to try. :/

Posted by: no good deed at November 18, 2015 06:42 PM (GgxVX)

214 >>>seriously, could you blame the cabbie?

my original idea was that the cabbie would just be annoyed by him, and that the cabbie would sort of be understandably motivated, bu that idea dropped out of it.

Posted by: ace at November 18, 2015 06:42 PM (dciA+)

215 Milton Friedman, I've maybe heard of - but this 'Tom' guy? Never heard of him.

Posted by: Charles Gibson at November 18, 2015 06:42 PM (TTDPZ)

216 Dammit Ace don't tease us like that.

Posted by: Richard McEnroe at November 18, 2015 06:43 PM (JkRJF)

217 your version is much better than his, and more likely to occur in the manner described

Posted by: the Butcher at November 18, 2015 06:43 PM (fUjxW)

218 Oh for shit's sake --ace is not wishing Friedman DEAD.

Cripes it's a cry to the Left. A gawd damn wake up call.

Humor might be one way to reach them.

Plus Friedman is useful just for the comic material.

So Friedman lost a metaphorical foot, some Americans are losing the country they fought for.

You terds de la merde in the punch bowl.

Posted by: Danube River Guide at November 18, 2015 06:43 PM (mcm0N)

219 This probably makes more sense if you do the twitters.

Actually this reminds me of a highly uncomfortable cab ride where my ex boyfriend decided it would be fun to get into an important discussion rather than polite chit chat which ended with the cabbie griping about us both being blind and blue eyed (I am actually neither of these things)..

Posted by: Lea at November 18, 2015 06:43 PM (vmMMi)

220

I saw you start this on twitter Ace


v.v. glad it becmae a post

bravo

Posted by: ThunderB at November 18, 2015 06:43 PM (zOTsN)

221 It's funny. Get over it.

Posted by: Bruce With a Wang! at November 18, 2015 06:44 PM (iQIUe)

222 Funny stuff.

Good work, Ace.

Posted by: naturalfake at November 18, 2015 06:44 PM (KUa85)

223 It's a parody wrapped in a satire, covered with irony.

Posted by: Seamus Muldoon at November 18, 2015 06:44 PM (NeFrd)

224 all who are confused

Friedman was attacked at one point and wrote a noodle filled article like that

Posted by: Bigby's Knuckle Sandwich at November 18, 2015 06:44 PM (Cq0oW)

225 Do me do me! I am a black racist, so make me get beat up by whitey.

Posted by: Charles Blow at November 18, 2015 06:44 PM (jJRIy)

226 I was wonder if he/she meant "looser", like Reggie.

Posted by: Baraka O - yes, I'm still here at November 18, 2015 06:42 PM (Fmupd)
*********No, I just screwed the pooch on spelling.

Posted by: EFG at November 18, 2015 06:45 PM (C+qQ0)

227 Very funny...Tom should have vetted his travel plans like he wanted to do to modems a few years back.

Posted by: William Eaton at November 18, 2015 06:45 PM (q52Ma)

228 Oh bugger indeed! did the guy bugger him as well?

Posted by: Comanche Voter at November 18, 2015 06:45 PM (Sda6L)

229 New ISIS Olympic event, Jew sticking and gay flying.

Posted by: redenzo at November 18, 2015 06:45 PM (WCnJW)

230 Tom Friedman's Last Column
"last column" as in "most recent column" or as in "final column"? or both?

Posted by: m at November 18, 2015 06:45 PM (tElZn)

231 "This and the Jew stabbing I get" -- John Kerry

Posted by: Dr Spank at November 18, 2015 06:45 PM (TJCSB)

232 Totally did not get. That's okay I don't read this Friedman dude so I don't care.

It actually applies to a lot of other snooty creeps as well.

Posted by: Bertram Cabot Jr. at November 18, 2015 06:45 PM (FkBIv)

233 This piece was so far off the mark.

Where was the advocacy for a large gas tax to solve all problems?!

Just embarrassing.

Posted by: the real Tom Friedman at November 18, 2015 06:46 PM (REdlt)

234 Sounds like Friedman read "Pincher Martin", passed out, woke up and wrote the piece.

Posted by: Lincolntf at November 18, 2015 06:46 PM (2cS/G)

235 It's all in code. Just read the first letter of every third word. It tells you to worship Satan.

Posted by: Cicero (@cicero) at November 18, 2015 06:46 PM (8ZskC)

236 >>>Actually this reminds me of a highly uncomfortable cab ride where my ex boyfriend decided it would be fun to get into an important discussion rather than polite chit chat which ended with the cabbie griping about us both being blind and blue eyed (I am actually neither of these things)..

i just had a wonderful, wonderful discussion with a cabbie the night of the Paris attacks.

Just wonderful.

Posted by: ace at November 18, 2015 06:46 PM (dciA+)

237 Alternate version.

"There I was taking a tour in this climate ravaged oasis in Egypt contemplating how I could extol the brutality of this catastrophic event. As I was walking with my guide saying how the West was to blame for all of this, he tripped me.

So I stumbled and stumbled again. Flailing my arms while noting the beauty of the desert. Then a great blackness opened beneath my feet. It was the oasis well with no OSHA mandated protective barrier. Down I fell. I admired the craftsmanship and dedication it took to dig by hand this well. I continued to fall.

Then I landed with a wet but muffled splash. I was at the bottom and had to crane my head to see far above me the circular opening to the well gleaming like a blue gem. I thought it was fitting as some atonement for my Western hubris, that it was the stagnant muddy water of Egypt that would finally remove me from the ecosphere."

Posted by: Anna Puma at November 18, 2015 06:47 PM (OAxss)

238 Speaking of why journalists are quite stupid but think they are not...

https://www.farnamstreetblog.com/2015/09/two-types-of-knowledge

Posted by: @PeeteySDee at November 18, 2015 06:47 PM (z9+yX)

239 I think it's funny. when the left has their murder fantasies they are never funny.

Posted by: CaliGirl at November 18, 2015 06:47 PM (BHl9S)

240 Friedman has a face made for punching. By my fist.

*balls up smallish fist*

Posted by: Jane D'oh at November 18, 2015 06:47 PM (FsuaD)

241 Bravo

Posted by: tmitsss at November 18, 2015 06:47 PM (gMoah)

242


I nominate this post for the

Ewok Booker International Prize

AND the

Noble Prize in Erotica

Posted by: artisanal 'ette: Comedienne! I can say what I want! at November 18, 2015 06:47 PM (qCMvj)

243 thank you for the compliments.

for the h8rs, don't worry, i'm putting up that awesome "Poop Hatecrime" story.

Posted by: ace at November 18, 2015 06:47 PM (dciA+)

244 Hah! Hilarious parody! ROFL.

(And for those of you who actually think Ace is seriously yearning for Friedman's demise, puh-lease. Was Dan Akroyd yearning for Julia Child to bleed to death?!?)

Posted by: Margarita DeVille at November 18, 2015 06:48 PM (T/5A0)

245 This is the funniest shit I have read in awhile.

And gawd damn it if Friedman doesn't deserve much worse because he LIES about China. --for that alone he should be made to dit in a country Chinese crapper for five hours... Or something.

Posted by: Danube River Guide at November 18, 2015 06:48 PM (mcm0N)

246

I'm going to pass on this thread. It crosses a line for me.

What line?

Posted by: Soothsayer, now with a low profile tip and ergonomical handle at November 18, 2015 06:49 PM (qqFtU)

247 Damn, that's some fine writing there.

I kept waiting for something about the first rule of assholes being to stop buggering.

Posted by: Furious George at November 18, 2015 06:49 PM (3GAnN)

248 Seriously Ace, is this level of violence really appropriate for the chirrdren?

Posted by: Nancy Pelosi at November 18, 2015 06:49 PM (8ZskC)

249
for the h8rs, don't worry, i'm putting up that awesome "Poop Hatecrime" story.




oh joy

(not a hater, just weak stomach)

Posted by: @votermom at November 18, 2015 06:49 PM (cbfNE)

250 "Poop Hatecrime" hasn't put out a decent album in years.

Posted by: Dr Spank at November 18, 2015 06:49 PM (TJCSB)

251 I really, really hope this makes it to Friedman. Love to be a fly on the wall.

Posted by: Jane D'oh at November 18, 2015 06:49 PM (FsuaD)

252 No f'n way I'm ever going to Cairo.

Posted by: freaked at November 18, 2015 06:49 PM (BO/km)

253 They don't understand and appreciate you like I do Ace.

Posted by: Dack Thrombosis at November 18, 2015 06:49 PM (4ErVI)

254 Had me until the shovel bit, now if they cut off his head well,

Posted by: Skip at November 18, 2015 06:49 PM (KSdzX)

255 i just had a wonderful, wonderful discussion with a cabbie the night of the Paris attacks.

Just wonderful.

Posted by: ace at November 18, 2015 06:46 PM (dciA+)


Uber not international or flat enough for you?

Posted by: artisanal 'ette: Comedienne! I can say what I want! at November 18, 2015 06:49 PM (qCMvj)

256 From Twitter: @SenFeinstein will introduce bill tomorrow to suspend visa waiver program from Europe for people who've been in Syria or Iraq for 5 yrs

To this cynic, this is very sad news. Looks to me as though Feinstein is covering her ass with a look tough move because her intelligence briefings tell her something very bad is on the horizon.

God save us all from these barbarics and our feckless leaders.

Posted by: USA at November 18, 2015 06:49 PM (tfM+W)

257 Tom makes Dale look like Shane.

Tom is the character that does not get it and cannot get it.

At best Tom is doomed to be devoured, assimilated, vaporized, etc.

At worst, he is the guy who gets lots of other people devoured, assimilated, vaporized, etc.

Posted by: eman at November 18, 2015 06:50 PM (MQEz6)

258 219 This probably makes more sense if you do the twitters.

Posted by: Lea

220

I saw you start this on twitter Ace

v.v. glad it becmae a post

bravo
Posted by: ThunderB


Ah, that might explain things.

So, this parody started out as a twitter riff, and Ace expanded it into a full-on essay?

For those of us who don't do twitter, then, the whole thing just came out of the blue and seemed a bit gory.

Posted by: zombie at November 18, 2015 06:50 PM (jBuUi)

259 And without the context of what the parody is parodying, it does seem to be a bit gruesome concerning a living person, distasteful as he may be.

Posted by: zombie at November 18, 2015 06:41 PM (jBuUi)


My dear, are you sure your name is "zombie"?

Posted by: Caliban at November 18, 2015 06:50 PM (3GFMN)

260 No f'n way I'm ever going to Cairo.
Posted by: freaked at November 18, 2015 06:49 PM (BO/km)


One place on my travel list I won't see, the pyramids...

Posted by: artisanal 'ette: Comedienne! I can say what I want! at November 18, 2015 06:50 PM (qCMvj)

261 a poop hate crime?
Surely you jest

Posted by: The Hardly Boys, back at it with raging clues at November 18, 2015 06:50 PM (AkOaV)

262 I'm not sure you've captured Tom's brand of douchiness. I imagine, like Gheraldo, he would be properly upset if he and his was threatened, and would be full of irrelevant platitudes if *someone else* was the target.

Particularly someone not of his *tribe*, you know, people of unearned wealth and unearned position who signal their virtue with the resources of others because that's the only way they know.

Posted by: Merovign, Dark Lord of the Sith at November 18, 2015 06:50 PM (bLnSU)

263 PURE GOLD!

Posted by: dealkiller at November 18, 2015 06:51 PM (eNtNY)

264 He will never get it in his safe space

Posted by: Skip at November 18, 2015 06:51 PM (KSdzX)

265 224 all who are confused

Friedman was attacked at one point and wrote a noodle filled article like that
Posted by: Bigby's Knuckle Sandwich


Ah, OK, getting clearer now.

Posted by: zombie at November 18, 2015 06:51 PM (jBuUi)

266 I saw Blind Girl's Dog Poop open for Chocolate Swastika in 1995.

Posted by: Bruce Boehner at November 18, 2015 06:51 PM (E5UB0)

267 240
Friedman has a face made for punching. By my fist.

*balls up smallish fist*


Posted by: Jane D'oh at November 18, 2015 06:47 PM (FsuaD)

Here, use this bottle made in Bogota.

Posted by: Dack Thrombosis at November 18, 2015 06:51 PM (4ErVI)

268 If we protest that "it's all just in fun," then the Left can protest (as they already do anyway) that their violent fantasies are also "just in fun."

I'm sure that there is some context to the parody, but perhaps it is not well-known enough so that the parody is firmly contextualized enough to be identified as humor.
Posted by: zombie at November 18, 2015 06:41 PM (jBuUi)



---------------------


It's almost like we're tired of pretending otherwise, even in satire, huh, Zombie. I don't quite grasp all the concern about America-hating lefties getting their own shit thrown back at them.

Posted by: Baraka O - yes, I'm still here at November 18, 2015 06:51 PM (Fmupd)

269 That column has layers. Like a 7 layer dip.

Posted by: freaked at November 18, 2015 06:51 PM (BO/km)

270 The column being parodied, if I'm not mistaken, is linked in my sock.

Posted by: andycanuck at November 18, 2015 06:51 PM (xodPA)

271 Ace, that was brilliant.

Lizzy: My favorite was when Freidman claimed that some Arab bigwig showed him the solution for establishing peace in the ME*--- that he kept tucked away in his desk drawer for mumble mumble reasons.

There are a lot of solutions out there. I read Victor Navasky's memoir about being editor of The Nation, and in it, he writes:

One morning in 1981 I had awakened with what I was certain, despite my well-known modesty and humility, was the solution to the crisis in the Middle East.

His solution? Gandhian non-resistance. Yes, he words it like that. Basically, if the Palestinians stop bombing Israel, there will be peace. Of course he can't word it that way because that would be too simple. And after this amazing epiphany he then tried to convince Palestinian writer Edward Said to make the suggestion, since it would sound better coming from a Palestinian than from a New York Jew.

Oddly, that didn't work out.

Posted by: Stephen Price Blair at November 18, 2015 06:51 PM (2lndx)

272 And without the context of what the parody is parodying, it does seem to be a bit gruesome concerning a living person, distasteful as he may be.

Posted by: zombie at November 18, 2015 06:41 PM (jBuUi)


how could you miss this in the headline?


We Need to Talk About Tom Friedman's Last Column
It's very interesting.

Posted by: artisanal 'ette: Comedienne! I can say what I want! at November 18, 2015 06:52 PM (qCMvj)

273 Had one cab ride in DC. Old, beat-up piece of crap, with a driver named Mohammed.

Uber is so much nicer, but even the Uber drivers were all named Achmed or Mohammed.

Probably just nice, young Syrians, trying to make better lives for themselves.

Posted by: Jane D'oh at November 18, 2015 06:52 PM (FsuaD)

274

And, how could not miss the big picture of TF's face ....

Posted by: artisanal 'ette: Comedienne! I can say what I want! at November 18, 2015 06:52 PM (qCMvj)

275 Definitely ISIS recruitment post of the day.

Posted by: Dr Spank at November 18, 2015 06:52 PM (TJCSB)

276 Tom makes Dale look like Shane.

--

So, Principal Flutie, the one that got eaten by were hyenas on Buffy

Posted by: @votermom at November 18, 2015 06:52 PM (cbfNE)

277 I think I agree with zombie on this one, though most of me just doesn't imagine this is a very "friedman" reaction, and thus inauthentic.

Posted by: Merovign, Dark Lord of the Sith at November 18, 2015 06:52 PM (bLnSU)

278 Sadly, the Japanese make relatively few blades any more, and none of the cheap crap found in a Cairo bazaar. But Friedman has other problems besides making shit up.

So.......

Posted by: Ryoma Sakamoto at November 18, 2015 06:52 PM (w/bVh)

279 When he first started tweeting it on Twitter, sentence I was laughing hysterically


on the re read just now, it weirdly reminded me of Chris Stevens

ack

Posted by: ThunderB at November 18, 2015 06:52 PM (zOTsN)

280 >>>I just had a wonderful, wonderful discussion with a cabbie the night of the Paris attacks.
Just wonderful.
Posted by: ace at November 18, 2015 06:46 PM (dciA+)

Real of sarcasm? I cannot tell.

Posted by: Lea at November 18, 2015 06:52 PM (vmMMi)

281 The column being parodied, if I'm not mistaken, is linked in my sock.

I have the Encyclopedia Britannica in my sock.

Posted by: Sandy Berger at November 18, 2015 06:52 PM (8ZskC)

282

Ace captured exactly how Friedman thinks and writes. He's so full of shit.

Remember that scene in High Fidelity when John or Joan Cusask (they're both the same person) remarks about his ex-girlfriend played by Catherine Z. Jones about how she the most unoriginal things as if she just thought of them and no one else has ever heard them?

That's Tom Friedman.

Posted by: Soothsayer, now with a low profile tip and ergonomical handle at November 18, 2015 06:53 PM (qqFtU)

283 230 Tom Friedman's Last Column
"last column" as in "most recent column" or as in "final column"? or both?
Posted by: m


D'oh!

I understood the title to be "Friedman's FINAL column," which emphasized that he dies as a result of the stabbing.

Didn't occur to me (until now) that it may have meant "most recent" column.

Posted by: zombie at November 18, 2015 06:53 PM (jBuUi)

284 Damn it all! Off sock.

Posted by: Soona at November 18, 2015 06:53 PM (Fmupd)

285 240
Friedman has a face made for punching. By my fist.

*balls up smallish fist*


Posted by: Jane D'oh at November 18, 2015 06:47 PM (FsuaD)

Don't forget me and Krugman.

Posted by: Charles Blow at November 18, 2015 06:53 PM (jJRIy)

286 244 Hah! Hilarious parody! ROFL.

(And for those of you who actually think Ace is seriously yearning for Friedman's demise, puh-lease. Was Dan Akroyd yearning for Julia Child to bleed to death?!?)

Posted by: Margarita DeVille at November 18, 2015 06:48 PM (T/5A0)

*********

Ca c'est plus vraiment.

Posted by: Danube River Guide at November 18, 2015 06:53 PM (mcm0N)

287 The ace-o-spades is back! Awesome post.

Posted by: WinLinBSDAdmin at November 18, 2015 06:53 PM (B11vO)

288 I'm sure that there is some context to the parody, but perhaps it is not well-known enough so that the parody is firmly contextualized enough to be identified as humor.

Posted by: zombie at November 18, 2015 06:41 PM (jBuUi)


Well, this parody is written in the first person, in mockery of Friedman's own writing style. So, right away, it's clear that it's a spoof, because no real person would blather on like that whilst being stabbed to death. It really is like the Black Knight in "Holy Grail" by the Pythons. A gruesome topic that is done so ridiculously over the top that it becomes non-gruesome. Which distinguishes it from the lefty screeds fantasizing about the death of figures on the Right.

Posted by: Alberta Oil Peon at November 18, 2015 06:53 PM (0yhH4)

289 God's holy trousers! ace has written a gem for the ages.

Posted by: Daniel Dravot and Peachy Carnehan at November 18, 2015 06:54 PM (JO9+V)

290 I saw Blind Girl's Dog Poop open for Chocolate Swastika in 1995.
Posted by: Bruce Boehner at November 18, 2015 06:51 PM (E5UB0)


oh, this is a good one

Posted by: artisanal 'ette: Comedienne! I can say what I want! at November 18, 2015 06:54 PM (qCMvj)

291 all who are confused

Friedman was attacked at one point and wrote a noodle filled article like that
Posted by: Bigby's Knuckle Sandwich
------------------------------------------------
Ugh. So it's my 'delusional and suicidal' theory. I prefer the 'callous because it doesn't affect me' theory. I don't like that people can be in such a state where they are oblivious to obvious facts AND so guilt ridden with a false burden of guilt that they would let these subhuman POS murder them.

Posted by: Bruce Boehner at November 18, 2015 06:54 PM (E5UB0)

292 Trump in Worcester, MA in a few minutes, streaming online and on C-span. SJW's have posted plans to disrupt the presentation.

Posted by: Lincolntf at November 18, 2015 06:54 PM (2cS/G)

293 Oh that guy's not dead? He lived?

Posted by: freaked at November 18, 2015 06:54 PM (BO/km)

294 Real of sarcasm? I cannot tell.

Posted by: Lea at November 18, 2015 06:52 PM (vmMMi)

Has to be snarc, all millennials use Urber, not a cab.

Posted by: Charles Blow at November 18, 2015 06:55 PM (jJRIy)

295 I cannot speak any longer.

My microrecorder (made in the Netherlands) is almost full.

Oh bugger, they just took that too



...?

Waaaaiiiit a minute.

How can this guy be speaking into his microrecorder if he can't speak any longer?

And...well, this is just illogical.

How can Thomas Friedman be recording anything at all if thieves in the crowd took his micro recorder?

And-

How did this get printed up if the micro recorder which contained Mr Friedman's column was stolen?


Nice try, Ace.

But, I don't think Mr Thomas Friedman wrote this column at all.

I think you wrote this column yourself, that's what I think.

Well, sir. I do not come here for this kind of buffoonery.

No, sir. Not at all.

I shall be reporting you to the Internet Police.

Good evening.

Posted by: naturalfake at November 18, 2015 06:55 PM (KUa85)

296
btw, that remark itself in the movie wasn't an original thought or a clever observation because 90% of people are like that.

Maybe it's me, but all I hear from people is bullshit that I heard a thousand time before.

But it was a well-delivered line.

Posted by: Soothsayer, now with a low profile tip and ergonomical handle at November 18, 2015 06:55 PM (qqFtU)

297 His solution? Gandhian non-resistance. Yes, he words it like that.

Posted by: Stephen Price Blair at November 18, 2015 06:51 PM (2lndx)


Are you sure he didn't just groggily scrawl "kill all the Jews" in crayon when he awoke?

That seems to be the mean and median of "Middle Eastern Solutions."

Posted by: Merovign, Dark Lord of the Sith at November 18, 2015 06:55 PM (bLnSU)

298 thank you for the compliments.

for the h8rs, don't worry, i'm putting up that awesome "Poop Hatecrime" story.

Posted by: ace at November 18, 2015 06:47 PM (dciA+)


I hope you have a picture of the perp.

*woof*

Posted by: artisanal 'ette: Comedienne! I can say what I want! at November 18, 2015 06:55 PM (qCMvj)

299 >>>
I understood the title to be "Friedman's FINAL column," which emphasized that he dies as a result of the stabbing.

Didn't occur to me (until now) that it may have meant "most recent" column.

...

i said "last" to play upon that ambiguity of meaning.

Posted by: ace at November 18, 2015 06:55 PM (dciA+)

300 A definite smorgasbord of ethnic cultural folkways. All that is needed is a display of their native folk dances to make a leftist squee and feel entranced.

They sent a poet (to be murdered by savages).

Posted by: Inspector Cussword at November 18, 2015 06:55 PM (56fVf)

301 243 thank you for the compliments.

for the h8rs, don't worry...
Posted by: ace


I'm not a h8ter, merely a "don't-understander."

Writing skill: A+
Clarity of thesis: Incomplete

Posted by: zombie at November 18, 2015 06:55 PM (jBuUi)

302 277
I think I agree with zombie on this one, though most of me just doesn't
imagine this is a very "friedman" reaction, and thus inauthentic.

Posted by: Merovign, Dark Lord of the Sith at November 18, 2015 06:52 PM (bLnSU)

Actually, it is because he's always taking these in the moment snapshots of daily interaction and then tying them to some cosmic idea or scheme.
That he would do so while being mauled is what makes it funny.

Posted by: Dack Thrombosis at November 18, 2015 06:56 PM (4ErVI)

303 260
No f'n way I'm ever going to Cairo.

Posted by: freaked at November 18, 2015 06:49 PM (BO/km)



One place on my travel list I won't see, the pyramids...

Posted by: artisanal 'ette: Comedienne! I can say what I want! at November 18, 2015 06:50 PM (qCMvj)


But my Prog life coach SIL told us all last winter Egypt is perfectly safe.

Posted by: Jane D'oh at November 18, 2015 06:56 PM (FsuaD)

304 One up on the poop deck.

Posted by: weft cut-loop at November 18, 2015 06:56 PM (ysFo+)

305 >>>How can this guy be speaking into his microrecorder if he can't speak any longer?


you can hear his words trailing away as the thief absconds with the recorder.

Posted by: ace at November 18, 2015 06:56 PM (dciA+)

306 >>Actually this reminds me of a highly uncomfortable cab ride where my ex boyfriend ...

One of the worst taxi rides I had was coming home from Washington National late at night (business travel) in 1998, and after the cabbie mentioned he was from Afghanistan, I innocently mentioned how awful it must have been for him to see the Taliban destroying the giant Buddhas.
Hoo boy, he exploded with anger and lectured me the entire ride home about how all that was western propaganda, and how great the Taliban was, and dumb Americans had no idea what they were talking about blah blah blah. Yikes, it was bad.


Posted by: Lizzy at November 18, 2015 06:56 PM (NOIQH)

307 i said "last" to play upon that ambiguity of meaning.

Posted by: ace at November 18, 2015 06:55 PM (dciA+)


THREADWINNER

Posted by: Cicero (@cicero) at November 18, 2015 06:56 PM (8ZskC)

308

poop nood

Posted by: artisanal 'ette: Comedienne! I can say what I want! at November 18, 2015 06:56 PM (qCMvj)

309 185
164 i keep fearing these scum are going to pull something like a mall massacre during Christmas.





--



Me too.

Posted by: @votermom at November 18, 2015 06:36 PM (cbfNE)
shop online......don't be a target

Posted by: phoenixgirl, i was born a rebel at November 18, 2015 06:56 PM (0O7c5)

310 209
We don't like it when the left, as it does all day every day, fantasizes about and creates "fictional scenarios of" and visualizes the violent end of their political opponents (blowing up "climate change deniers," assassinating Bush, etc. etc.), but this parody would seem to give them fodder for saying that hey, you guys do it too.

Posted by: zombie at November 18, 2015 06:41 PM (jBuUi)



On the other hand, it could be argued that the Left has been doing this for years, and turnabout is fair play.

They don't play by the Marquess of Queensbury rules, so why should we?

Posted by: rickl at November 18, 2015 06:57 PM (sdi6R)

311 Oh look. Fox reporting ISIS is threatening an attack on NYC. Specifically Times Square.

Hope it won't become a setback.

Posted by: Jane D'oh at November 18, 2015 06:57 PM (FsuaD)

312 Posting my facebook rant here:

Hey fellow Christians: fun thought.

You may want to reconsider some of your recent posts implying that anyone who has a view with a shade of nuance with respect to US immigration policy is:

A: unloving
B: un-Christian
C: unfamiliar with (pick one) the parable of the good Samaritan; Jesus' sojourn in Egypt; Abraham's travels; OT injunctions regarding the foriegner, etc.

I enjoy a good false equivalence as much as the next guy, not to mention the odd straw man. But to my point: you might attempt the admittedly heavy lift of understanding the viewpoint of those who oppose the president's current proposal on admitting what is being called Syrian refugees before hectoring us based upon your incomplete and/or wildly erroneous guesses of what you assume must be our position and/or emotional state.

You have all failed completely and utterly in this regard. The result has been a disgusting smear of the character of your brothers in Christ.

I'm not sure if you comprehend the irony of lecturing your fellow pilgrims on judgement and love while demonstrably missing in both regards yourselves and simply proceed anyway, or whether it escapes your notice. As such I'm not sure whether to be disappointed with you or feel pity.

PS some of you all just did the same thing regarding the supposed Starbucks backlash, of which I would have been happily unaware if so many of you weren't so zealous to inform the rest of us how to behave, and how embarrassed you were about your (mis)perception of our behavior.

Posted by: TexasDan at November 18, 2015 06:57 PM (QVfCp)

313 Egyptians react to Obama's security speech. This is good shit.



http://tinyurl.com/qfmbd9u

Posted by: Nip Sip at November 18, 2015 06:58 PM (jJRIy)

314 The column being parodied, if I'm not mistaken, is linked in my sock.

Posted by: andycanuck at November 18, 2015 06:51 PM (xodPA)


I seem to have been wrong in my judgement of inauthenticity, though I cannot manage to say "I don't read that much Friedman" as if it's a bad thing.

Posted by: Merovign, Dark Lord of the Sith at November 18, 2015 06:58 PM (bLnSU)

315 >>>For those of us who don't do twitter, then, the whole thing just came out of the blue and seemed a bit gory.

i noticed that and took out some of the gore.

i kept the severed foot though.

Posted by: ace at November 18, 2015 06:58 PM (dciA+)

316 >>millennials use Urber, not a cab.
Posted by: Charles Blow at November 18, 2015 06:55 PM (jJRIy)

Ha, don't think ace is a millennial...

When I was in school some girl got in a cab at union station and they guy kidnapped her and took her out in the middle of nowhere. I was not down for pissing off cabbies!

Posted by: Lea at November 18, 2015 06:58 PM (vmMMi)

317 Excellent!

Posted by: Pastorius at November 18, 2015 06:58 PM (SK7hA)

318 I think I just smelled my dog taking a Friedman.

Posted by: blind girl with a seeing-eye dog at November 18, 2015 06:59 PM (xodPA)

319 *waves to Merovign*

Hope you like my more sanitized version of stream of consciousness.

Posted by: Anna Puma at November 18, 2015 06:59 PM (OAxss)

320 One place on my travel list I won't see, the pyramids...

Posted by: artisanal 'ette: Comedienne! I can say what I want! at November 18, 2015 06:50 PM (qCMvj)


Aw, they'll still be standing, once the radiation dies down.

Posted by: Alberta Oil Peon at November 18, 2015 06:59 PM (0yhH4)

321 DiFi has drafterd a bil she is going to introduce tommorrow suspending the refugee program


DiFi - doing what ISIS wants

and racist

Posted by: ThunderB at November 18, 2015 07:00 PM (zOTsN)

322 Le dernier.

Hmmm....I think that's in the beginning of Swedish House Mafia's video--"Don't You Worry Child--See Heaven's Got A Plan for You".

Posted by: Danube River Guide at November 18, 2015 07:00 PM (mcm0N)

323 Shit Lizzy! It was kind of like that although I don't remember the exact topic. And the ex was egging him on. Ugh.

Off to new thread...

Posted by: Lea at November 18, 2015 07:00 PM (vmMMi)

324 I didn't read this as a murder fantasy at all.
I hate murder fantasies.

I read it as a parody of a pretentious, multi-cult lefty who never lets actual physical reality interfere with his bloviations, and wouldn't even if he were being stabbed to death.

Anyway, it was just a flesh wound.

Posted by: Margarita DeVille at November 18, 2015 07:01 PM (T/5A0)

325 Actually if you've read David Brooks, he's a lot like Friedman. They're both egocentric enough to think their mundane observations are worthy of interest to everyone else and that they point to cosmic truths or schemes the rest of us are too stupid to see or understand.

Posted by: Dack Thrombosis at November 18, 2015 07:01 PM (4ErVI)

326 That seems to be the mean and median of "Middle Eastern Solutions."

Yeah, I'm sure that's why he thought his idea was so original. It was painful reading most of his book but this idea that if the Palestinians stop being terrorists, *maybe* the Israeli's will be open to peace, and how amazing am I for coming up with that idea, was probably the funniest/most painful.

Posted by: Stephen Price Blair at November 18, 2015 07:01 PM (2lndx)

327 *waves at Anna*

I have been very busy not accomplishing anything lately.

Posted by: Merovign, Dark Lord of the Sith at November 18, 2015 07:01 PM (bLnSU)

328 Cab stories. So when we first came to America, we missed our conncting flight to Newark and had to land in JFK at midnight. No one to meet us, too far to go to the house we had planned to. So we get a cab and ask him to drive us to a nearby hotel. Cabbue us middle eastern. Person at front desk is ME ( it was a Best Western).
Hubby shoved the chair under the hotel doorknob as soon as we got to the room.
It's funny now.

Posted by: @votermom at November 18, 2015 07:02 PM (cbfNE)

329 Vanderbilt Hate Crime Turns Out To Be Blind Girl's Dog's Poop


Dueling Victimologies!

Strike up the banjos!

Posted by: Pappy O'Daniel at November 18, 2015 07:03 PM (oVJmc)

330 Ace, I think the problem with some among the Horde is lack of familiarity with Friedman. You nailed his voice, I might have not even realized it was parody were it not for the lack of wedging in a call for moar Carbon Tax.

Posted by: mugiwara at November 18, 2015 07:03 PM (4nYDA)

331 DiFi has drafterd a bil she is going to introduce tommorrow suspending the refugee program

DAMN REPUBLICANS!

Posted by: Pappy O'Daniel at November 18, 2015 07:03 PM (oVJmc)

332 this idea that if the Palestinians stop being terrorists, *maybe* the Israeli's will be open to peace, and how amazing am I for coming up with that idea, was probably the funniest/most painful.

Posted by: Stephen Price Blair at November 18, 2015 07:01 PM (2lndx)


I could imagine that being rejected as a skit from the original Monty Python "because we're trying to be psychedelic, not pstupid."

Unfortunately, it is what passes for though an awful lot.

One of my Fakebook acquaintances actually opened their virtue signaling refugee post by claiming they wanted everyone to know what their position was *and* that they couldn't do anything personally to help.

It read as if it had been written as a parody of moral preening through resources taken from others.

Posted by: Merovign, Dark Lord of the Sith at November 18, 2015 07:05 PM (bLnSU)

333 shop online......don't be a target
Posted by: phoenixgirl, i was born a rebel at November 18, 2015 06:56 PM (0O7c5)

Posted by: @votermom at November 18, 2015 07:05 PM (cbfNE)

334 Very well done.

Posted by: The Sampo at November 18, 2015 07:07 PM (izd8z)

335 If only.

Posted by: fretless at November 18, 2015 07:07 PM (TtMyK)

336 i noticed that and took out some of the gore.

i kept the severed foot though.
Posted by: ace


OK!

But imagine, if you would, writing a similarly gory parody about Hillary Clinton. Considering that her goons just tried to shut down the Laugh Factory for posting entirely non-violent mockery of her, one could imagine her and her goons/lawyers going ballistic over something like this.

The question then becomes: Is Friedman as over-sensitive, aggressive and revenge-minded as Hillary? Probably not (no one could be THAT over-sensitive), but even if he's somewhere on the spectrum of sensitivity, he might try pushback.

You're probably beneath his royal notice, though.

Posted by: zombie at November 18, 2015 07:09 PM (jBuUi)

337 I made the serious error of judgement. I started reading this while eating a bowl of sausage gumbo soup. I fired a bit of chewed sausage out my nose at: and then he stabbed me.

Kudos ace. It's not easy to parody someone so magnificently screwed up. Like Jonathan Swift you cut with a pen.

Posted by: simplemind at November 18, 2015 07:13 PM (BTnAK)

338 Wake up.

Posted by: grammie winger, watching the fig tree at November 18, 2015 07:17 PM (dFi94)

339
So how many columns has China Tom written that reference a recent cabbie epiphany? If memory serves, it's at least 2-3 times a year.

Posted by: IllTemperedCur at November 18, 2015 07:18 PM (o98Jz)

340 We will sell them the rope with which they will hang us.

And Friedman will pontificate about the glories of free trade, and equal cultures, even as the noose tightens around the flabby creases of his neck.

As Tom gags and sputters his last words of leftist lore, he is at peace, confident he has been part of delivering what every beauty queen wants ... World Peace (and death of the west).

(OK, I have no idea what he is babbling about, but the Ace version was entertaining.)

Posted by: Illiniwek at November 18, 2015 07:18 PM (Nc0+l)

341 Brilliant, ace. Bravo.

Posted by: Donna&&&&V. (brandisher of ampersands) at November 18, 2015 07:21 PM (P8951)

342 Next book: "The EKG Is Flat".

Posted by: mc at November 18, 2015 07:23 PM (jHbIf)

343 OMG this is your masterpiece Ace.


Posted by: pj at November 18, 2015 07:27 PM (cHuNI)

344 I'll save this and read it later. I am not in right mindsight to appreciate it right now.

Related though: Have any of you used Uber? I have a couple of friends that swear by it, but Drudge keeps putting up links about Uber drivers being rapists and psychos so I hesitate to use it.

Posted by: L, Elle at November 18, 2015 07:27 PM (2x3L+)

345 Reading comments now. That good, huh? Maybe I'll read it now

Posted by: L, Elle at November 18, 2015 07:29 PM (2x3L+)

346 Funny stuff, Ace! Friedman is a buffoon, like Obama but less titled.

My brother swears by Uber. With Uber you get a picture of the driver and the reviews of those that have ridden with the driver. That's more than you get with a cab.

Posted by: East Bay Jay at November 18, 2015 07:32 PM (PvCxa)

347 LOL. Excellent...

Posted by: SuperFly at November 18, 2015 07:33 PM (aHX05)

348 prophetic

Posted by: ploome at November 18, 2015 07:37 PM (YMH9o)

349 Among all of The New York Times columnists with only one foot, Friedman is my favorite.

Posted by: Groty at November 18, 2015 07:42 PM (QRGpe)

350 Yes, Friedman, a citizen of the World. Our better.

Which brings to mind the scene in, The Sand Pebbles, in which the fool missionary running from armed, murderous Chinese commies holds aloft a piece of paper trying to prove to them he is not a bitter clinger.

He shouts, "Look at this paper, I am a citizen of the World!"

For which he gets shot in the back of the head from whence falls some stuff that could cause a riot at Vanderbilt.

I may be wrong about the riot, but not the stuff.

Very good job, Ace.

Posted by: (Not J.J.) Sefton at November 18, 2015 07:42 PM (wi0rD)

351 Best thing I've seen since the Iowahawk version of Genesis/ Creation. Bravo, Ace.

Posted by: Wind Breaker at November 18, 2015 07:44 PM (QrNwD)

352 This is up there with iowahawk's "Heart of Redness".

Posted by: Walsingham at November 18, 2015 07:53 PM (dCigj)

353 Friedman is a vile little weasel who views life thru his billionaire wife's pocketbook and a 12,000 sq. ft. bubble. Your piece was brilliant. Thank you.

Posted by: SuperFly at November 18, 2015 07:54 PM (aHX05)

354 At the risk of being Willowed, ---this is on par with Iowahawk's Zarkawi saga

Glad to see others recognize the connection.

Well done, sir

Posted by: Far Post at November 18, 2015 08:02 PM (w6PdG)

355 So was this an actual Tom Friedman article, something generated by that 'Create a Tom Friedman article' website, or something Ace wrote as a spoof?

I can't tell the difference any more.

Posted by: rosignol at November 18, 2015 08:12 PM (B7FlU)

356 ROFL .... literally

Posted by: Neo at November 18, 2015 08:14 PM (e8kgV)

357 Pantsless in Gaza. I always thought that should be some kind of leftist wet dream,

Posted by: JimK at November 18, 2015 08:20 PM (FmJ1+)

358 This is the first Tom Friedman I have read in about 10 years, and the best. Bravo!

Posted by: Sanfranpsycho at November 18, 2015 08:42 PM (afaIk)

359 Kudos. You capture the cvnt bubble in spades. (I denounce myself)

Posted by: eureka! is troubled these days at November 18, 2015 09:14 PM (g1MTt)

360 #357
Pantsless.
And footless in Gaza, too.

Bravo, Ace!!

Posted by: JewishOdysseus (@JewishOdysseus) at November 18, 2015 09:21 PM (+O9YB)

361 Friedman's dead?
Dam.. I was going to send him a Candygram for Kwanzaa..

Posted by: TexasJew at November 18, 2015 09:54 PM (N0ROS)

362 Classic.

Posted by: SFCMAC at November 18, 2015 10:03 PM (Mkr5G)

363 Top satire.

Posted by: bour3 at November 18, 2015 10:04 PM (5x3+2)

364 This one goes into the archives, Ace. Bravo! Bravo!

golf clap too...

Posted by: Chi-Town Jerry at November 18, 2015 10:14 PM (UpGcq)

365 This is a .masterpiece. If Friedman had any scruples, he'd send you his foot in tribute.

Posted by: Forgetler at November 18, 2015 10:16 PM (MyT5X)

366 The fuck?...

Posted by: mojo at November 18, 2015 10:17 PM (OmBeX)

367 "I cannot speak any longer. My microrecorder (made in the Netherlands) is almost full. Oh bugger, they just took that too."

Sometimes one word makes the whole thing. For me, that word was "bugger." Damn that was funny.

Posted by: MaxMBJ at November 19, 2015 12:20 AM (Uq9ly)

368 First rate piece of parody.

My hat (made in Sri Lanka from yak wool harvested in Kamchatka, then milled by indigenous laborers in Helmand Province who were - thanks to be beneficent efforts of the Obama Administration - *finally* paid a fair trade wage) is off to you, sir.

Posted by: Cassandra at November 19, 2015 08:42 AM (EnWWL)

369 Brilliant. Laughed all the way through.

Posted by: Hurling Dervish at November 19, 2015 10:50 AM (zOZ88)

370 Except, it's much better written than anything from Friedman.

Posted by: skzion at November 19, 2015 11:15 AM (9C0d4)

371 I'm late, but that's the GREATEST Ace post ever!

Posted by: Raymond Reddington at November 19, 2015 11:18 AM (659DL)

372 I'm dying laughing over here. I spit take when I read, "Then, he stabbed me."

Posted by: HeftyJo at November 19, 2015 12:22 PM (ckQml)

373 Ace, may I post this on Facebook or is such action frowned upon? It is so funny!

Posted by: Per at November 19, 2015 01:12 PM (YMuR8)

374 Ah yes, Tom Friedman...our generation's Chauncey Gardiner

Posted by: MWR at November 19, 2015 01:16 PM (Tnv3m)

375 Second funniest shit I saw on Twitter yesterday - right behind the BLM trolls calling me racist all afternoon.

Keep bashing teh Friedman, Ace - it really can't be done enough.

Posted by: SocietyIs2Blame at November 19, 2015 03:39 PM (RtG9B)

376 Awsome work Ace - quite worthy of Iowahawk.

BTW - a request for Iowahawk to guest on the podcast? Talk cars, new media, and just get to hear the rancorous laughter

Posted by: Fred Zeppelin at November 20, 2015 06:52 AM (67aEn)

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