I'm putting that up top because I really want you to know -- the link here has a serious, three-alarm all-points-bulletin content warning on it. It's in bad taste (ahem), so you're all on notice.A while ago Megan Mullaly was on Letterman (I think), plugging her line of celebrity perfumes and beauty products. They were all fake. The funniest one was a perfume, which she had named, with exquisite subtlety, Third Base. I think she said her marketing tagline was "A first date is the perfect time for Third Base." Or maybe I'm making that up.
Now, this is almost certainly (at a 99.9% confidence level) an April Fools Day gag. When I try to click on the "Order" menu, I'm invited only to enter my email address, which is a pretty good tip-off it's a fake. Someone really trying to sell me something would want my credit card, right? Even for a pre-order. If they ain't takin' credit card numbers, it's because they have no product to sell, and don't want to get nailed for mail fraud. I withhold that last .1% of confidence, because 1, the site looks pretty professional, and 2, because the thing is, people really would try to sell this, and people really would buy it. Sure, 90% of them would buy it as a goof, but still, they'd sell some stock. Nevertheless, fake or real but almost certainly fake, it's still kind of funny. But vulgar. With naked pics. A lot of naked pics. And a movie of naked chicks which is, yes, officially pornographic.
The hot new perfume which everyone will be wearing is, apparently, Vulva. Yes, Vulva. Because, as the ad copy tells me,
Men have been intoxicated by the erotically seductive scent of the vagina since time immemorial. Now you can have it anytime, anywhere -- with the authentically natural vaginal fragrance VULVA, the sensual accelerator.I'm not a biologist, but, um, can't women sort of have that without buying Vulva? If you download the movie (which is pornographic; did I mention that?) you can choose between a couple of sizes, so you will be downloading either VULVA LARGE or VULVA SMALL to your computer. And... the naked chicks are doing about what you'd expect them to be doing in an ad for VULVA perfume. The url, by the way, is smellmeand.com. Get it? For a prank, someone put a fair amount of money into this. In related news, Rosie O'Donnell has just announced plans to market her own "sensual accelerator" perfume, tenatively named Pork Chops & Ass. Thanks to dri. Good Lord... I misidentified the "Third Base" jokester as Megan McArdle of Jane Galt rather than Megan Mullaly of Will & Grace. Whoops!
Good News: Ace posted this, making the whole dog debacle scenario worthwhile. I love naked hotties. I love looking at them. But it's even better when someone puts those naked hotties into a little context. I guess I've looked at too much cheap porn, but it's a nice change of scenery.
Posted by: Helmet at April 04, 2007 06:01 AM (Wy3T0)
Posted by: Kevin at April 04, 2007 06:16 AM (/ndDU)
Who doesn't wantthe scent of an anonymous chick's ass on their person?
Just the other day, I was saying to myself, "Self, you know what would be good right aboutnow? Random ass smell."
Actually, without getting too graphic, I've had this conversation before. Sure, vulvaroma© is great and wonderful when you're in, let's say, the moment. But if you're sitting in, say,a restaurant and they piped it in, it would be rather sickening.
Vulvaroma ©2007, aterm coined by Bart, an AoSHQ commenter on 04/04/2007.
Posted by: Bart at April 04, 2007 06:30 AM (W5hsn)
(Or, so they tell me)
Posted by: Fletch at April 04, 2007 08:15 AM (9vVQL)
Posted by: the makers of vulva at April 04, 2007 08:50 AM (Qjrfo)
Posted by: dri at April 04, 2007 09:07 AM (koO9y)
Posted by: Monica at April 04, 2007 10:12 AM (rFLG5)
Posted by: Monica at April 04, 2007 10:21 AM (rFLG5)
H.R.4655 IRAQ LIBERATION ACT OF 1998Passed House by Yea-Nay Vote: 360 - 38Passed Senate without amendment by Unanimous Consent.SEC. 7. ASSISTANCE FOR IRAQ UPON REPLACEMENT OF SADDAM HUSSEIN REGIME.It is the sense of the Congress that once the Saddam Hussein regime is removed from power in Iraq, the United States should support Iraq's transition to democracy by providing immediate and substantial humanitarian assistance to the Iraqi people, by providing democracy transition assistance to Iraqi parties and movements with democratic goals, and by convening Iraq's foreign creditors to develop a multilateral response to Iraq's foreign debt incurred by Saddam Hussein's regime.
So, the question is: Why are we NOT holding the f*cking, backstabbing, treacherous, weasels to their word?
Posted by: franksalterego at April 04, 2007 10:23 AM (L4grr)
Posted by: SOC at April 04, 2007 10:24 AM (1/F/d)
Fletch, aproperly used vulva should smell like dried spunk and sex in the morning.
Posted by: Don Carne at April 04, 2007 11:00 AM (RJDcF)
Then we can start bets on how many porn ads you get and how soon.
Tuna waste water futures are the future. I knew there was a reason I saved all those empty tuna cans.
Posted by: kempermanx at April 04, 2007 11:10 AM (qvT/A)
Posted by: Sinistar at April 04, 2007 11:14 AM (xqzta)
Posted by: Tom Cruise at April 04, 2007 11:20 AM (koO9y)
When I was in college, my buddies and I made a bet as to who could come up with the worst pick up line, use it, and have it work.
The winning, and I use that term loosely, line was the following:
"Baby, I know you're in heat because I could smell your c**t from across the bar."
We were ahead of our time. Or society has de-evolved down to our level.
The moral of the story? Blame Bush! (heh)
Posted by: Jack M. at April 04, 2007 11:47 AM (gfp19)
The Global War on Terror is over, thanks nancy!
Posted by: Capt. Classy at April 04, 2007 11:54 AM (WNF0m)
Posted by: Capt. Classy at April 04, 2007 11:56 AM (WNF0m)
Posted by: AFKAF at April 04, 2007 12:16 PM (ivbbD)
Posted by: Don Carne at April 04, 2007 12:19 PM (RJDcF)
I didnt deliver it. Which probably explains it's appeal.
And it didnt work it's first time out. Or it's second.
But sadly, it did in fact work by 2:00 AM. And I lost the bet.
Posted by: Jack M. at April 04, 2007 12:42 PM (gfp19)
Dude, I was using that line before my first murder.
Posted by: Multiple Miggs at April 04, 2007 12:57 PM (+u1X0)
That line might work on a She-male as he/she would probably take it as a compliment.
Posted by: Wonkette at April 04, 2007 01:04 PM (koO9y)
Posted by: Rosie O'Donnell at April 04, 2007 01:29 PM (m/SY/)
It's for foul balls.
Posted by: Gunslinger at April 04, 2007 02:02 PM (x0jT7)
Posted by: PHenry at April 04, 2007 08:13 PM (WJxYE)
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