Content Warning

I'm putting that up top because I really want you to know -- the link here has a serious, three-alarm all-points-bulletin content warning on it. It's in bad taste (ahem), so you're all on notice.

A while ago Megan Mullaly was on Letterman (I think), plugging her line of celebrity perfumes and beauty products. They were all fake. The funniest one was a perfume, which she had named, with exquisite subtlety, Third Base.

I think she said her marketing tagline was "A first date is the perfect time for Third Base." Or maybe I'm making that up.

Now, this is almost certainly (at a 99.9% confidence level) an April Fools Day gag. When I try to click on the "Order" menu, I'm invited only to enter my email address, which is a pretty good tip-off it's a fake. Someone really trying to sell me something would want my credit card, right? Even for a pre-order. If they ain't takin' credit card numbers, it's because they have no product to sell, and don't want to get nailed for mail fraud.

I withhold that last .1% of confidence, because 1, the site looks pretty professional, and 2, because the thing is, people really would try to sell this, and people really would buy it. Sure, 90% of them would buy it as a goof, but still, they'd sell some stock.

Nevertheless, fake or real but almost certainly fake, it's still kind of funny. But vulgar. With naked pics. A lot of naked pics. And a movie of naked chicks which is, yes, officially pornographic.

The hot new perfume which everyone will be wearing is, apparently, Vulva. Yes, Vulva. Because, as the ad copy tells me,

Men have been intoxicated by the erotically seductive scent of the vagina since time immemorial. Now you can have it anytime, anywhere -- with the authentically natural vaginal fragrance VULVA, the sensual accelerator.

I'm not a biologist, but, um, can't women sort of have that without buying Vulva?

If you download the movie (which is pornographic; did I mention that?) you can choose between a couple of sizes, so you will be downloading either VULVA LARGE or VULVA SMALL to your computer. And... the naked chicks are doing about what you'd expect them to be doing in an ad for VULVA perfume.

The url, by the way, is Get it?

For a prank, someone put a fair amount of money into this.

In related news, Rosie O'Donnell has just announced plans to market her own "sensual accelerator" perfume, tenatively named Pork Chops & Ass.

Thanks to dri.

Good Lord... I misidentified the "Third Base" jokester as Megan McArdle of Jane Galt rather than Megan Mullaly of Will & Grace.


Posted by: Ace at 05:28 AM


1 Bad News: thunderstorm sends my dog into a frenzy at 3:00 AM. Suf the net for hours with nothing good on the screen and a manic dog at my feet.
Good News: Ace posted this, making the whole dog debacle scenario worthwhile. I love naked hotties. I love looking at them. But it's even better when someone puts those naked hotties into a little context. I guess I've looked at too much cheap porn, but it's a nice change of scenery.
Thanks Ace.

Posted by: Helmet at April 04, 2007 06:01 AM (Wy3T0)

2 That's so weird. In unrelated news, my company has just begun production on our new perfume, 'poop shoot'. Please consider buying a vial when you pick up a bottle of Vulva.

Posted by: Kevin at April 04, 2007 06:16 AM (/ndDU)

3 Funny because it's true. The claim about it being every ma's desire, I mean.
Who doesn't wantthe scent of an anonymous chick's ass on their person?
Just the other day, I was saying to myself, "Self, you know what would be good right aboutnow? Random ass smell."

Actually, without getting too graphic, I've had this conversation before. Sure, vulvaroma© is great and wonderful when you're in, let's say, the moment. But if you're sitting in, say,a restaurant and they piped it in, it would be rather sickening.

Vulvaroma ©2007, aterm coined by Bart, an AoSHQ commenter on 04/04/2007.

Posted by: Bart at April 04, 2007 06:30 AM (W5hsn)

4 "I love the smell of Vulva in the morning... It smells like victory."

(Or, so they tell me)

Posted by: Fletch at April 04, 2007 08:15 AM (9vVQL)

5 Call starkist- Tell them we'll be buying all the tuna waste-water they've got...

Posted by: the makers of vulva at April 04, 2007 08:50 AM (Qjrfo)

6 I get the feeling this is a PR exercise designed to show how creatively subversive some PR firm is. Almost like it was created to showcase their ability to create a viral internet buzz event. It has a "Lonelygirl15" or Adultswim Lightbright attached to bridges in Boston feel to it.

Posted by: dri at April 04, 2007 09:07 AM (koO9y)

7 I'm about to fall on my knees and thank God almighty that there are people like Ace in the world to sift through the septic system of the internet and fish out this shit for me. O, what would we do without his crap mining abilities? I know my days wouldn't be nearly as much fun. Or as mentally troubled.

Posted by: Monica at April 04, 2007 10:12 AM (rFLG5)

8 p.s. I'm not the least bit offended either. huh.

Posted by: Monica at April 04, 2007 10:21 AM (rFLG5)

9 Off Topic...(A f*ckin' Liberal got me fired up this morning, so I did a little research.)
H.R.4655 IRAQ LIBERATION ACT OF 1998Passed House by Yea-Nay Vote: 360 - 38Passed Senate without amendment by Unanimous Consent.SEC. 7. ASSISTANCE FOR IRAQ UPON REPLACEMENT OF SADDAM HUSSEIN REGIME.It is the sense of the Congress that once the Saddam Hussein regime is removed from power in Iraq, the United States should support Iraq's transition to democracy by providing immediate and substantial humanitarian assistance to the Iraqi people, by providing democracy transition assistance to Iraqi parties and movements with democratic goals, and by convening Iraq's foreign creditors to develop a multilateral response to Iraq's foreign debt incurred by Saddam Hussein's regime.
So, the question is: Why are we NOT holding the f*cking, backstabbing, treacherous, weasels to their word?

Posted by: franksalterego at April 04, 2007 10:23 AM (L4grr)

10 Holy shit. Ace doesn't have the morning shift at 7-11 today. Sweet.

Posted by: SOC at April 04, 2007 10:24 AM (1/F/d)

11 "I love the smell of Vulva in the morning... It smells like victory."(Or, so they tell me)"
Fletch, aproperly used vulva should smell like dried spunk and sex in the morning.

Posted by: Don Carne at April 04, 2007 11:00 AM (RJDcF)

12 I am thinking you should start a new Yahoo email account and enter it in the ad.
Then we can start bets on how many porn ads you get and how soon.
Tuna waste water futures are the future. I knew there was a reason I saved all those empty tuna cans.

Posted by: kempermanx at April 04, 2007 11:10 AM (qvT/A)

13 Kemp, I thought it was because you're insane and have 15 cats...

Posted by: Sinistar at April 04, 2007 11:14 AM (xqzta)

14 These perfume guys aren't original at all. Andrew Sullivan came up with a fragrance called "Sphincter " a couple of years ago.

Posted by: Tom Cruise at April 04, 2007 11:20 AM (koO9y)

15 True story...

When I was in college, my buddies and I made a bet as to who could come up with the worst pick up line, use it, and have it work.

The winning, and I use that term loosely, line was the following:

"Baby, I know you're in heat because I could smell your c**t from across the bar."

We were ahead of our time. Or society has de-evolved down to our level.

The moral of the story? Blame Bush! (heh)

Posted by: Jack M. at April 04, 2007 11:47 AM (gfp19)

16 sorry for OT, but this is important:

The Global War on Terror is over, thanks nancy!

Posted by: Capt. Classy at April 04, 2007 11:54 AM (WNF0m)

17 ugh

Posted by: Capt. Classy at April 04, 2007 11:56 AM (WNF0m)

18 No WAY that line worked, Jack. No friggin' way!

Posted by: AFKAF at April 04, 2007 12:16 PM (ivbbD)

19 Yeah I'm calling you on that Jack. SHENANNEGINS!

Posted by: Don Carne at April 04, 2007 12:19 PM (RJDcF)

20 I promise...the line worked.

I didnt deliver it. Which probably explains it's appeal.

And it didnt work it's first time out. Or it's second.

But sadly, it did in fact work by 2:00 AM. And I lost the bet.

Posted by: Jack M. at April 04, 2007 12:42 PM (gfp19)

21 Jack M.,

Dude, I was using that line before my first murder.

Posted by: Multiple Miggs at April 04, 2007 12:57 PM (+u1X0)

22 "No WAY that line worked, Jack. No friggin' way!"

That line might work on a She-male as he/she would probably take it as a compliment.

Posted by: Wonkette at April 04, 2007 01:04 PM (koO9y)

23 i can personally attest to its veracity, as i've used the same line successfully on many occasions.

Posted by: Rosie O'Donnell at April 04, 2007 01:29 PM (m/SY/)

24 I've got this old bottle of male hygeine spray called Umpire.
It's for foul balls.

Posted by: Gunslinger at April 04, 2007 02:02 PM (x0jT7)

25 Ace, I think you missed the intent. This stuff not only smells like pooter, it TASTES like pooter. They suggest you put some on the back of your hand, and the inferrence it to lick it and sniff it while you imagine that you had a real one instead of old Rosie.....

Posted by: PHenry at April 04, 2007 08:13 PM (WJxYE)

Processing 0.01, elapsed 0.008 seconds.
18 queries taking 0.0048 seconds, 33 records returned.
Page size 15 kb.
Powered by Minx 0.7 alpha.