Ten Years of Nonsense: "Dave's Law" of New Yorker Cartoons

Originally published March 1, 2013. I've changed the actual caption Iowahak uses to a slightly different one. And, Open Thread.

...

Iowahawk said something yesterday (which he's said before, but he reminded me of it yesterday) about The New Yorker's cartoons.

You know those drab, vague watercolor black-and-white cartoons skewered on Seinfeld for never making any sense?

Iowahawk proposed that every New Yorker cartoon -- every one -- could be made funnier by replacing its caption with:

"I think I'm going to kill myself."

Is it true? Well let's test this proposition under strict laboratory conditions. Let's do Science.

newyorker.jpg
"I think I'm going to kill myself."


I'm going to mark that as a positive. But maybe we just got lucky the first time.

newyorkerfish.gif
"I think I'm going to kill myself."


Pretty good! But two incidences does not define a trend.

new-yorker-menonstreet.jpg
"I'm think I'm going to kill myself."


Well, that works too.

For the last test in Phase One of our experiment, what about the fake New Yorker cartoon which was featured in Seinfeld? The one that made the point about these cartoons sucking and making no sense? The one with the pig at the complaints window that turned out to be stolen from a Ziggy?

seinfeld-new-yorker-cartoon.jpg
"I think I'm going to kill myself."


Well that seals it then. Okay, Iowahawk was right: Every New Yorker cartoon is better with the caption "I think I'm going to kill myself."

But now we have to test against a Control Group. We have to make certain this rule is only applicable to The New Yorker. Perhaps it's an even more generally-applying rule.

What about Family Circus?

Family-Circus.jpg
"I think I'm going to kill myself."


Interesting. Bloom County?

bloom-county_288x288.jpg
"I think I'm going to kill myself."


But what about Calvin and Hobbes?

Calvin-and-Hobbes-calvin-and-hobbes-1395577-1024-768.jpg
"I think I'm going to kill myself."

Well this all seems very intriguing.

But one last test. Surely this trick could not possibly work with Peanuts.

Not Peanuts, surely.

Snoopy-And-Charlie-Brown-1-SUTSS0YOIW-1024x768.jpg
"I think I'm going to kill myself."


Peanuts too.

Conclusions: Iowahawk was correct in his claim that the caption "I think I'm going to kill myself" makes all New Yorker cartoons funnier.

However, it seems the rule also applies to a large number of other cartoons. Iowahawk's rule might an even more powerful Principle of Science than he originally anticipated.

Posted by: Ace at 06:58 PM



Comments

1 I think I'm going to kill myself.

Posted by: this thread at December 27, 2013 07:01 PM (+KtKI)

2 If you read the New Yorker, that's a perfectly reasonable feeling to have.

Posted by: Naes1984 at December 27, 2013 07:02 PM (zeV2E)

3 Dilbert would work for sure.

Posted by: Guido - Fa La Fucking La - Merry Christmas. at December 27, 2013 07:03 PM (yICtd)

4 I think I'm going to... first!

Posted by: Seamus Muldoon at December 27, 2013 07:03 PM (g4TxM)

5 Crap! Now I'm think I'm going to kill myself.

Posted by: Seamus Muldoon at December 27, 2013 07:04 PM (g4TxM)

6 I'm waiting for the sequels. "I think I'm going to kill you."

Posted by: Lincolntf at December 27, 2013 07:04 PM (ZshNr)

7 This survey is not scientifically valid. There is not a hockey stick to be found anywhere in it.

Posted by: Michael Mann at December 27, 2013 07:05 PM (8ZskC)

8 I think it would also work with "well why don't you just blow me." Try it.

Posted by: Guido - Fa La Fucking La - Merry Christmas. at December 27, 2013 07:05 PM (yICtd)

9 Oh yeah, Family Circle. I read that while I'm waiting for the next episode of The Timbertoes to come out.

Posted by: Cicero (@cicero) at December 27, 2013 07:06 PM (8ZskC)

10 Ace, you need someone to talk to? I'm serious. I'll post my cell.

Posted by: Chris at December 27, 2013 07:06 PM (chiF9)

11
Credit to Dr Spank for coming up with something equally as pithy:

"I think I just shit myself."

Posted by: soothsayer at December 27, 2013 07:07 PM (zvr0X)

12 Ace, this could also cover non-cartoon personal situations. If your boss asks you to staple AND collate.

"I think I'm going to kill myself."

Posted by: Seamus Muldoon at December 27, 2013 07:07 PM (g4TxM)

13 Perfectly logical verbiage for any Doonesbury character.

Posted by: Mike Hammer at December 27, 2013 07:07 PM (aDwsi)

14 But first you will blow me!

Posted by: sump at December 27, 2013 07:07 PM (d6+u5)

15 No, C&H is unimprovable.

Posted by: M. LePoint at December 27, 2013 07:07 PM (HEo6y)

16 Please do not interject that line in Far Side cartoons, that would be criminal

Posted by: Misanthropic Humanitarian at December 27, 2013 07:07 PM (HVff2)

17 It also works with "Obama is a dick."

Posted by: Guido - Fa La Fucking La - Merry Christmas. at December 27, 2013 07:07 PM (yICtd)

18 I think I'm going to kill myself.

Oh, no, wait. I'm going to paint my nails. Totally different.

Posted by: Gingy @GingyNorth at December 27, 2013 07:08 PM (N/cFh)

19 Our only hope is that the electorate realizes that there is no such thing as a free lunch.

I think I'm going to kill myself.

Posted by: WalrusRex at December 27, 2013 07:08 PM (E+uky)

20 t also works with "Obama is a dick."

Posted by: Guido
----------------

Actually, I think that is *much* funnier.

Posted by: Mike Hammer at December 27, 2013 07:09 PM (aDwsi)

21 Every still image, from stick figure comic to movie poster, is funnier with the caption, "I think I'm going to kill myself."

Science has spoken. Deny it if you want Science-Deniers!

Posted by: Flatbush Joe at December 27, 2013 07:09 PM (ZPrif)

22 another:

"Republicans think it time for Amnesty."


try it

Posted by: sump at December 27, 2013 07:09 PM (d6+u5)

23 Good stuff...for me to poop on!

Posted by: culture contretemps at December 27, 2013 07:10 PM (R6JT1)

24 Ya--

but it also works with the first picture that pops up of Thomas Friedman:

http://tinyurl.com/lhzuhuf

Posted by: Jesse B. Jackson at December 27, 2013 07:10 PM (RJMhd)

25 Don't forget what Rippy the Razor says, "Down the block, not across the street!"

http://tinyurl.com/mtfr5a8

Posted by: Blanco Basura at December 27, 2013 07:11 PM (JawqV)

26 I'm not signing off on the CH one. It doesn't improve the panel. The others though, yeah, seems to work.

Posted by: BuckIV at December 27, 2013 07:11 PM (CLfqv)

27 COS - TAN - ZAA!!

Posted by: Mr. Moo Moo at December 27, 2013 07:11 PM (0LHZx)

28 ACE I FUCKING LOVE YOU YOU EWOK YOU!!!!!

I suggested this one should go up!!!

WOOT!!!!

Posted by: Dack Thrombosis at December 27, 2013 07:11 PM (oFCZn)

29 In all fairness most of the New Yorker cartoons fall into the category of "non-medy." They are actually less funny than nothing. They really do highlight the fact that east coast upper class wine-and-cheese liberals are not funny.

Posted by: Naes1984 at December 27, 2013 07:12 PM (zeV2E)

30 Yeahhhhhh.

I'm going to have to ask you to go ahead and kill yourself.

Posted by: Bill Lumburgh at December 27, 2013 07:12 PM (roTS7)

31 Iowahawk's rule might an even more powerful Principle of Science than he originally anticipated.

Works for me.

Posted by: DOCTOR Michael E. Mann at December 27, 2013 07:12 PM (xSegX)

32 Oh, I forgot this meme. This one was so funny.
I like bringing back the old posts. Ace or the cobs, you should do thiese for weekend posts.

Posted by: L, elle at December 27, 2013 07:12 PM (0xqKe)

33 Nonsense to the Calvin and Hobbes one. Calvin and Hobbes actually addressed this topic and Calvin wished everyone else was dead.



Posted by: alexthechick - SMOD, you taunty bitch. at December 27, 2013 07:12 PM (Gk3SS)

34 It was the best of times, it was the blurst of times.

Posted by: the million monkeys at December 27, 2013 07:13 PM (QupBk)

35 Also search youtube for a Russian show called Hip Show. It's a 2 on 2 UFC-style fighting game show on an obstacle course.

It's like they saw UFC in a cage and thought, no, too wussy, needs more people and raised platforms you can fall off of and break your neck.

It's fucking genius. I think they pay the fighters in vodka.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yT3qmC9PKWQ

Posted by: Flatbush Joe at December 27, 2013 07:13 PM (ZPrif)

36 This can't be a real Thing unless it has a name.

I'll nominate The Carradine Theorem of Cartoon Humor Amplification.

Posted by: Cicero (@cicero) at December 27, 2013 07:13 PM (8ZskC)

37 Oh man I remember by the time I got to "Not Peanuts, surely." on the original post I was weeping with laughter.

Posted by: Dack Thrombosis at December 27, 2013 07:13 PM (oFCZn)

38 The Supreme Court is charged with protecting individuals from an overly intrusive government.

I think I'm going to kill myself.

Posted by: WalrusRex at December 27, 2013 07:13 PM (E+uky)

39 Curiously, it also works for any comment to a New York Times article.

Posted by: filbert at December 27, 2013 07:14 PM (roTS7)

40 SCIENCE!

Posted by: Magnus Pyke at December 27, 2013 07:14 PM (6DDE+)

41 It also works with "Obama is a dick."
Posted by: Guido - Fa La Fucking La - Merry Christmas. at December 27, 2013 07:07 PM (yICtd)

I was gonna go with: "Barry fucked this up, too." But yours works better.

Posted by: wth at December 27, 2013 07:14 PM (wAQA5)

42 And the second Thomas Friedman pic that shows up at google image search works best with Dr. Spanks--

"I think I just shit myself."

http://tinyurl.com/2dgyws

Posted by: Jesse B. Jackson at December 27, 2013 07:14 PM (RJMhd)

43 They really do highlight the fact that east coast upper class wine-and-cheese liberals are not funny.
Posted by: Naes1984 at December 27, 2013 07:12 PM (zeV2E)

try to imagine them drunk and rowdy at a chilli feed or a kegger in Wyoming.

and they give white people a bad rep too

Posted by: sump at December 27, 2013 07:14 PM (d6+u5)

44 By the sewer he lived

By the sewer he died

They thought it was murder

But it was sewer-side.

Posted by: Seamus Muldoon at December 27, 2013 07:14 PM (g4TxM)

45 Posted by: alexthechick - SMOD, you taunty bitch. at December 27, 2013 07:12 PM (Gk3SS)


So have you leveled up to a battle axe and calling down lightning yet?

Posted by: BCochran1981 - Credible Hulk at December 27, 2013 07:15 PM (JpFMR)

46
wait, let's try another one...

this time by Justine Sacco...


"My life sucks. Just kidding. I'm white!"

Posted by: soothsayer at December 27, 2013 07:15 PM (zvr0X)

47 It also works with "Obama is a dick."
Posted by: Guido - Fa La Fucking La - Mer

****

Or equally well with "I blame George Bush"

Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at December 27, 2013 07:15 PM (DmNpO)

48 I assume the existence of the Hip Show means Russia does not have any liability laws at all.

Posted by: Flatbush Joe at December 27, 2013 07:15 PM (ZPrif)

49 I think I am going to kill myself.

Posted by: GLAAD President at December 27, 2013 07:15 PM (0FSuD)

50 Any of you mechanical wizards have any tips on how to make my recently submerged oil burner more likely to restart when the clean up guys leave? I suppose I'll just hit the red button and pray to the Petroleum Gods for ignition. Getting kinda chilly.

Posted by: Lincolntf at December 27, 2013 07:15 PM (ZshNr)

51 So have you leveled up to a battle axe and calling down lightning yet?

Posted by: BCochran1981 - Credible Hulk at December 27, 2013 07:15 PM (JpFMR)



*shifty eyes* No. *shifty eyes*


Oh. You mean in Skyrim. Yup!



GODMODE.

Posted by: alexthechick - SMOD, you taunty bitch. at December 27, 2013 07:16 PM (Gk3SS)

52 Actually, I take that back.

I think it works BEST when captioned with "I blame George Bush"

Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at December 27, 2013 07:17 PM (DmNpO)

53 I think I am going to kill myself.

Posted by: GLAAD President at December 27, 2013 07:15 PM (0FSuD)

Hey, I've got a GREAT idea for a Very Special Episode of Duck Dynasty!

Posted by: filbert at December 27, 2013 07:17 PM (roTS7)

54 I think the original proposition for re-subtitling New Yorker cartoons was "Christ, what an asshole!"

Try that one -- it works even better than "I think I'm going to kill myself."

Posted by: Jeff B. at December 27, 2013 07:17 PM (ewYO6)

55 I think I'm gonna help you kill someone else.

Posted by: Panned Parenthood at December 27, 2013 07:17 PM (R6JT1)

56 It's like they saw UFC in a cage and thought, no, too wussy, needs more people and raised platforms you can fall off of and break your neck.

That reminds me of a story I heard an American Ninja Warrior contestant tell. They were in a downtime, and were near the taping of Wipeout. So they tried out. They got the crowd on their side and made it into a second round. Once it was up to the Producers however, they took one look at the group and went right for the pudgy klutzy guy instead.

It makes me think Wipeout is not in it for the people overcoming obstacles, it does.

Posted by: bonhomme at December 27, 2013 07:17 PM (o4Xc4)

57 Oh. You mean in Skyrim. Yup!

GODMODE.

Posted by: alexthechick - SMOD, you taunty bitch. at December 27, 2013 07:16 PM (Gk3SS)



Marshawn Lynch disapproves.

Posted by: BCochran1981 - Credible Hulk at December 27, 2013 07:19 PM (JpFMR)

58 Try re-captioning with "I had Kaboom for dinner again last night."

Posted by: Seamus Muldoon at December 27, 2013 07:19 PM (g4TxM)

59
If everything is dry, it should ignite. But youll probably need to manually relight the pilot.

Posted by: soothsayer at December 27, 2013 07:19 PM (zvr0X)

60 53 I think I am going to kill myself.

Posted by: GLAAD President at December 27, 2013 07:15 PM (0FSuD)
Hey, I've got a GREAT idea for a Very Special Episode of Duck Dynasty!

Posted by: filbert at December 27, 2013 07:17 PM (roTS7)

Something tells me Federal Duck Stamps don't cover
out of season peacocks.

Posted by: Nip Sip at December 27, 2013 07:19 PM (0FSuD)

61 Marshawn Lynch disapproves.

Beast Mode in no way conflicts with God Mode.

Posted by: bonhomme at December 27, 2013 07:19 PM (o4Xc4)

62 Yeah... its a really funny joke...


right up until you've lost a loved one to suicide...


Then..... not so much....

Posted by: Romeo13 at December 27, 2013 07:20 PM (lZBBB)

63 "The video started with 2 girls and 1 cup."

Posted by: Naes1984 at December 27, 2013 07:20 PM (zeV2E)

64 Marshawn Lynch disapproves.

Posted by: BCochran1981 - Credible Hulk at December 27, 2013 07:19 PM (JpFMR)



BEASTMODE CONCERNED THAT PUNY BRONCOS MAY POSE A MINOR STUMBLING BLOCK ON WAY TO SUPER BOWL GLORY. BEASTMODE ALSO CONCERNED ABOUT UPCOMING NEW YEAR AND PROBABILITY THAT THERE WILL BE MANY PEOPLE DISCOVERING THAT THE INSURANCE THEY BELIEVED THEY OBTAINED THROUGH THE EXCHANGES IS NOT ACTUALLY IN PLACE LEADING TO AN EXACERBATION OF THE UNINSURED PROBLEM THAT THE ACA WAS TO SOLVE.

BUT BEASTMODE DISGRESS.

Posted by: alexthechick - SMOD, you taunty bitch. at December 27, 2013 07:21 PM (Gk3SS)

65 50
Any of you mechanical wizards have any tips on how to make my recently
submerged oil burner more likely to restart when the clean up guys
leave? I suppose I'll just hit the red button and pray to the Petroleum
Gods for ignition. Getting kinda chilly.

Posted by: Lincolntf at December 27, 2013 07:15 PM (ZshNr)
Short of taking it all apart, cleaning it, then reassembling it, I got nothing. But if you're into stuff that goes BOOM you could always spray a little ether in there.

Posted by: LFW - Honorary Pointy Eared Vulcan at December 27, 2013 07:21 PM (SudzO)

66
Then..... not so much...

/insert Calvin and Hobbes frame here

Posted by: soothsayer at December 27, 2013 07:21 PM (zvr0X)

67 "And then he said ...Pull My Finger...."

Posted by: Beto at December 27, 2013 07:22 PM (MhA4j)

68 Then..... not so much....

Way to go Debbie Downer. How about I share the story of how my three year old nephew died?

Posted by: bonhomme at December 27, 2013 07:22 PM (o4Xc4)

69 The rules in a Hip Show is, when it gets down to 2 on 1 fighting (due to your teammate getting knocked or choked out), then you score points if you can survive for 1 minute against 2 attackers without getting KO'd, choked, or submitted.

Posted by: Flatbush Joe at December 27, 2013 07:22 PM (ZPrif)

70 Win the culture war by force or farce.

Posted by: Life Is Bootyful at December 27, 2013 07:22 PM (R6JT1)

71 Something tells me Federal Duck Stamps don't cover

out of season peacocks.

Posted by: Nip Sip at December 27, 2013 07:19 PM (0FSuD)



When is peacock season again? Asking for a friend.

Posted by: alexthechick - SMOD, you taunty bitch. at December 27, 2013 07:23 PM (Gk3SS)

72 I would pay Bill Waterson a nice stipend to keep drawing Calvin & Hobbes.

Posted by: Mr. Dave at December 27, 2013 07:23 PM (EMxef)

73
how about this one:

"obamacare will kill us all."

Posted by: soothsayer at December 27, 2013 07:23 PM (zvr0X)

74 BUT BEASTMODE DISAGRESS.

And then jumps into the endzone holding his crotch.

Posted by: bonhomme at December 27, 2013 07:24 PM (o4Xc4)

75 The New Yorker should be required to have GLAAD review their cartoons before they go to print. I'm pretty sure that some of them are homophobic and generate hate.
Especially the first one. Now that isn't a woman on her knees in front of that man in the suit, is it?
And the third one is clearly ridiculing gay people.

I'd suggest boycotting The New Yorker, but it has so few readers, would anyone even notice?

Posted by: nerdygirl at December 27, 2013 07:24 PM (SdzZb)

76 >>>
Yeah... its a really funny joke...





right up until you've lost a loved one to suicide...





Then..... not so much....


Nah, it's still funny. And I have, so I know from whence I speak.

Still, "Christ, what an asshole!" is ever-so-slightly superior.

Posted by: Jeff B. at December 27, 2013 07:24 PM (ewYO6)

77 I don't know if it can be extrapolated out to a general theory of comics, but Garfield Minus Garfield is awesome.

Posted by: Dales at December 27, 2013 07:24 PM (ajeIF)

78 I can enjoy dark humor despite all the horrible things that have happened in my life. Probably because of it.

Posted by: Flatbush Joe at December 27, 2013 07:24 PM (ZPrif)

79 "The Obama-care website should be fully functional by next week"

Posted by: sump at December 27, 2013 07:24 PM (d6+u5)

80 The two top candidates for the 2016 Democratic nomination are Hillary Clinton and Joe Biden.

I think I am going to kill myself.

Posted by: WalrusRex at December 27, 2013 07:24 PM (E+uky)

81 BEASTMODE CONCERNED THAT PUNY BRONCOS MAY POSE A MINOR STUMBLING BLOCK ON WAY TO SUPER BOWL GLORY. BEASTMODE ALSO CONCERNED ABOUT UPCOMING NEW YEAR AND PROBABILITY THAT THERE WILL BE MANY PEOPLE DISCOVERING THAT THE INSURANCE THEY BELIEVED THEY OBTAINED THROUGH THE EXCHANGES IS NOT ACTUALLY IN PLACE LEADING TO AN EXACERBATION OF THE UNINSURED PROBLEM THAT THE ACA WAS TO SOLVE.

BUT BEASTMODE DISGRESS.
Posted by: alexthechick - SMOD, you taunty bitch. at December 27, 2013 07:21 PM (Gk3SS)



ON SECOND THOUGHT, BEASTMODE REALIZES THAT THE CHANCES OF PEYTON MANNING WINNING A PLAYOFF GAME IN COLD WEATHER IS LOWER THAN CHANCE THAT PAJAMA BOY WON'T DIE A VIRGIN.

BEASTMODE SHOULD NEVER HAVE DOUBTED BEASTMODE. ALSO, BEASTMODE SAYS PAJAMA BOY IS A BIGGER PUSSY THAN TOM BRADY.

Posted by: BCochran1981 - Credible Hulk at December 27, 2013 07:25 PM (JpFMR)

82 In the age of Obama I was considering, "It's above President Obama's pay grade" as the fcuking tag line.

I'm in stitches here.

Posted by: Fritz at December 27, 2013 07:25 PM (TKFmG)

83 I would pay Bill Waterson a nice stipend to keep drawing Calvin & Hobbes.

People have offered. Watterson didn't like all the funny pages restrictions put on him, or the knockoffs, so he said "piss off".

Posted by: bonhomme at December 27, 2013 07:25 PM (o4Xc4)

84 BUT BEASTMODE DISGRESS.


Posted by: alexthechick - SMOD, you taunty bitch. at December 27, 2013 07:21 PM (Gk3SS)
Pfft. I'm not even sure the donkeys will make it past the bye week, and I'm a donkeys fan. You just can't expect to show up and play one quarter of a game and expect to win every time, the morons. (No offense to the Morons and Moronettes here.)

Posted by: LFW - Honorary Pointy Eared Vulcan at December 27, 2013 07:25 PM (SudzO)

85 "I think I'm going to kill myself" would work with most Gary Larsen Cartoons as well. Try it.

Posted by: Truck Monkey, Gruntled New Business Owner at December 27, 2013 07:25 PM (jucos)

86 Posted by: alexthechick - SMOD, you taunty bitch. at December 27, 2013 07:21 PM (Gk3SS)

I think you might have maxed out the All-Caps card on that one BTW.

Posted by: sump at December 27, 2013 07:25 PM (d6+u5)

87 29 "upper class wine-and-cheese liberals are not funny."

They are not funny, but good wine and cheese are a tasty combo. So let's not throw the baby out with the bath water. Its like the leftist nutjobs who go to a public place and kill others and then comment suicide. The problem with leftist nutjobs is that they don't commit suicide first. I am ready to support a trillion dollar DC program to encourage and provide grants to leftists to commit suicide in order to save Gaia.

Its for mother earth!

Posted by: Angel with a sword at December 27, 2013 07:26 PM (hpgw1)

88 Way to go Debbie Downer. How about I share the story of how my three year old nephew died?
Posted by: bonhomme at December 27, 2013 07:22 PM (o4Xc4)

****


Yeah. And I could tell about how my father-in-law was murdered...




...or abducted by aliens, we're still not entirely sure which.

Posted by: Seamus Muldoon at December 27, 2013 07:26 PM (g4TxM)

89 "80 The two top candidates for the 2016 Democratic nomination are Hillary Clinton and Joe Biden."

That prospect is funnier than any New Yorker cartoon.

Posted by: Naes1984 at December 27, 2013 07:26 PM (zeV2E)

90
I think.the newer Clash Of The Titans is on HBO now.

Is that Liam Neeson as Zeus, or is he supposed to be Gandolf?

And why is Pegasus black?

And why o why do we need to suffer these movies with babe-warriors?

Posted by: soothsayer at December 27, 2013 07:26 PM (zvr0X)

91 Don't we need to know what the original captions are in order to know whether, "I think I'm going to kill myself," is actually funnier than the original caption?

Posted by: SARDiver at December 27, 2013 07:27 PM (LgxPj)

92 And then jumps into the endzone holding his crotch.

Posted by: bonhomme at December 27, 2013 07:24 PM (o4Xc4)



You have to admit this is pretty impressive: http://bit.ly/1cXeeFf



Posted by: alexthechick - SMOD, you taunty bitch. at December 27, 2013 07:28 PM (Gk3SS)

93 91 Don't we need to know what the original captions are in order to know whether, "I think I'm going to kill myself," is actually funnier than the original caption?
Posted by: SARDiver at December 27, 2013 07:27 PM (LgxPj)

***********


Don't be all scientific and stuff!

Posted by: Jesse B. Jackson at December 27, 2013 07:28 PM (RJMhd)

94 I think I'm going to insure myself.

Posted by: seamrog at December 27, 2013 07:29 PM (d12br)

95 I think I'm going to insure myself.

Posted by: seamrog at December 27, 2013 07:29 PM (d12br)



That's some funny shit right there.

Posted by: alexthechick - SMOD, you taunty bitch. at December 27, 2013 07:30 PM (Gk3SS)

96 Wouldn't "The Aristocrats!" be funnier?

Posted by: CoolCzech at December 27, 2013 07:31 PM (niZvt)

97 Yeah. And I could tell about how my father-in-law was murdered...


...or abducted by aliens, we're still not entirely sure which.


My Dad has a fun story. Maintenance guy goes into highly restricted and remote area. Nobody hears from him for a while, so guys with guns go looking. They find his truck running, the drivers side door locked and the passenger side open. They track him with dogs and the dogs lose the scent in a clearing 50 yards away. They comb the woods and nobody is found. The wife has big money in the bank and it goes undisturbed. The wife never hears from him again.

Weird, huh?

Posted by: bonhomme at December 27, 2013 07:31 PM (J79eW)

98 I think I'm going to insure myself.


IT'S A TAX!!!

Posted by: Admiral Akbar at December 27, 2013 07:31 PM (roTS7)

99 Oh, AtC….speaking of killing one's self…

http://tinyurl.com/ppovrfy

What has been seen, cannot be unseen.

Posted by: BCochran1981 - Credible Hulk at December 27, 2013 07:31 PM (JpFMR)

100 . . . can a brutha spare a "c"? I lost one somewhere . . .

Posted by: Admiral Akbar at December 27, 2013 07:32 PM (roTS7)

101 You have to admit this is pretty impressive: http://bit.ly/1cXeeFf

Very.

Posted by: bonhomme at December 27, 2013 07:32 PM (J79eW)

102 >>>> I think I'm going to insure myself.


It's a tax yo!

Posted by: Justice Roberts at December 27, 2013 07:32 PM (d6+u5)

103 Another funny caption would be "Hope and change."

Posted by: WalrusRex at December 27, 2013 07:32 PM (E+uky)

104 Posted by: bonhomme at December 27, 2013 07:31 PM (J79eW)

***

Almost exactly the circumstances of my FIL' s disappearance, except he didn't have any money in the bank.

Posted by: Seamus Muldoon at December 27, 2013 07:33 PM (g4TxM)

105 “When you understand why you don’t believe in other people’s gods, you will understand why I don’t believe in yours.”

Posted by: Albert Einstein at December 27, 2013 07:33 PM (wAQA5)

106 I think I'm going to injure myself. If I don't call a heat/plumbing guy.

Posted by: Lincolntf at December 27, 2013 07:34 PM (ZshNr)

107 Maintenance guy goes into highly restricted and remote area.

*********

Groom lake?

Posted by: Jesse B. Jackson at December 27, 2013 07:34 PM (RJMhd)

108 99 Oh, AtC….speaking of killing one's self…

http://tinyurl.com/ppovrfy

What has been seen, cannot be unseen.


I will not click links from the horde. I will not click links from the horde.

Posted by: Anachronda at December 27, 2013 07:34 PM (U82Km)

109 If I don't call a heat/plumbing guy.
Posted by: Lincolntf at December 27, 2013 07:34 PM (ZshNr)

maybe see if it lights first
or
what's another $200 or so ontop of what you already spent

Posted by: Justice Roberts at December 27, 2013 07:35 PM (d6+u5)

110 "I think I'm going to kill myself, but Valarie won't let me. Yet "

Posted by: B Obama at December 27, 2013 07:36 PM (/djtm)

111
I just realized what I want on my headstone.

"You maniacs! You blew it up! Ahh, damn you. God damn you all to hell!"



What do you want on Your headstone?

Posted by: soothsayer at December 27, 2013 07:36 PM (zvr0X)

112 wowzer sock fail

Posted by: Sump at December 27, 2013 07:36 PM (d6+u5)

113 Try: "I need some pussy."
That works too.

Posted by: wth at December 27, 2013 07:37 PM (wAQA5)

114 I will not click links from the horde. I will not click links from the horde.



Posted by: Anachronda at December 27, 2013 07:34 PM (U82Km)



Oh come on. Nothing has ever gone horribly awry from clicking links from the Horde.


I'm kind of strangely enthralled by it.

Posted by: alexthechick - SMOD, you taunty bitch. at December 27, 2013 07:38 PM (Gk3SS)

115 Posted by: Justice Roberts at December 27, 2013 07:35 PM (d6+u5)

It a heating tax.

Posted by: Golfman in. NC at December 27, 2013 07:38 PM (/djtm)

116 Albums are better also. Check out Elton John's Honky Chateau, Track 3. Fun fact: Elton tried to kill himself while married to a female.

Posted by: dirks strewn at December 27, 2013 07:38 PM (l7oVN)

117 I think I'm going to thrill myself.

(P.J.Boy)

Posted by: seamrog at December 27, 2013 07:38 PM (d12br)

118 I'm kind of strangely enthralled by it.

Posted by: alexthechick - SMOD, you taunty bitch. at December 27, 2013 07:38 PM (Gk3SS)



Right?

Disturbing, yet compelling.

Posted by: BCochran1981 - Credible Hulk at December 27, 2013 07:38 PM (JpFMR)

119 It's dammit.

Posted by: Golfman in. NC at December 27, 2013 07:39 PM (/djtm)

120 Groom lake?

Germany.

Posted by: bonhomme at December 27, 2013 07:39 PM (o4Xc4)

121 OT: Pussy Riot has more balls than John Boehner.

Posted by: WalrusRex at December 27, 2013 07:39 PM (E+uky)

122 108
99 Oh, AtC….speaking of killing one's self…



http://tinyurl.com/ppovrfy



What has been seen, cannot be unseen.



I will not click links from the horde. I will not click links from the horde.

I just don't know what to say about that. Who in their right mind.......

Posted by: LFW - Honorary Pointy Eared Vulcan at December 27, 2013 07:39 PM (SudzO)

123 "I think I just shit myself' > The Big Bang Theory

Posted by: Dr Spank at December 27, 2013 07:39 PM (DpEwG)

124 People have offered. Watterson didn't like all the funny pages restrictions put on him, or the knockoffs, so he said "piss off".

Well, he had a lot of freedom with the books (and used it, some of the intro material for C&H books are gorgeous) and he could have done any format he wanted with no censorship, especially after the internet. He quit in 1995.

The knockoffs were essentially his own fault. He didn't want C&H t-shirts, etc. Fair enough, but he could have done calendars, mugs, etc. which would have put down in entire uncut strips. In that case, the merchandisers could have sued the pants off of the knockoff artists. But since there were no merchandisers, nobody had a financial stake in maintaining copyright.

Because he refused to license the characters, they were stolen.

His naive views not withstanding, I think he just ran out of ideas. I don't think he could think of new stuff for Calvin to do.

Posted by: AmishDude at December 27, 2013 07:40 PM (xSegX)

125 I will give their fans some time to work, and then give the restart one try, I guess. They're still squeegeeing the remnants, fans are next.

Posted by: Lincolntf at December 27, 2013 07:40 PM (ZshNr)

126 "I think I just shit myself' > The Big Bang Theory
Posted by: Dr Spank at December 27, 2013 07:39 PM (DpEwG)

that is a shart yo!

Posted by: Sump at December 27, 2013 07:40 PM (d6+u5)

127 I just don't know what to say about that. Who in their right mind.......

Probably a bored colorist.

Posted by: bonhomme at December 27, 2013 07:40 PM (o4Xc4)

128 120 Groom lake?

Germany.
Posted by: bonhomme at December 27, 2013 07:39 PM (o4Xc4)


************

Yikes.


Was it when there was an "East Germany"?

Posted by: Jesse B. Jackson at December 27, 2013 07:40 PM (RJMhd)

129 Right?



Disturbing, yet compelling.

Posted by: BCochran1981 - Credible Hulk at December 27, 2013 07:38 PM (JpFMR)



Like watching baby ducks trying to cross the 101.

Posted by: alexthechick - SMOD, you taunty bitch. at December 27, 2013 07:40 PM (Gk3SS)

130 What do you want on Your headstone?


****

I should have cut the red wire.

Posted by: Seamus Muldoon at December 27, 2013 07:41 PM (g4TxM)

131 125 I will give their fans some time to work, and then give the restart one try, I guess. They're still squeegeeing the remnants, fans are next.
Posted by: Lincolntf at December 27, 2013 07:40 PM (ZshNr)
********

Try a blow dryer.

Posted by: Jesse B. Jackson at December 27, 2013 07:41 PM (RJMhd)

132 One of the nice things about this meme is in some cases the jokes write themselves...

Posted by: sven10077 at December 27, 2013 07:41 PM (9jfyN)

133 His naive views not withstanding, I think he just ran out of ideas. I don't think he could think of new stuff for Calvin to do.

You could be right. It's better to abandon the work when it's still good than to ride it into the ground.

Right Simpsons?

Posted by: bonhomme at December 27, 2013 07:42 PM (o4Xc4)

134 i call a 'maybe' on the bloom one with them comparing appendages, depends on what they are comparing to?

Posted by: willow at December 27, 2013 07:43 PM (nqBYe)

135 Was it when there was an "East Germany"?

Yes.

Posted by: bonhomme at December 27, 2013 07:43 PM (o4Xc4)

136 What do you want on Your headstone?

"Yippee! I can't wait!"

Posted by: Spooky coincidence at December 27, 2013 07:43 PM (R6JT1)

137 What do you want on Your headstone?
-
"It says all you can eat. If there's a limit it shouldn't say all you can eat!"

Posted by: WalrusRex at December 27, 2013 07:43 PM (E+uky)

138 well on my urn i want written Obamacare took the last slice of my pie.

Posted by: willow at December 27, 2013 07:44 PM (nqBYe)

139 Like watching baby ducks trying to cross the 101.

Posted by: alexthechick - SMOD, you taunty bitch. at December 27, 2013 07:40 PM (Gk3SS)



…………….

You concern me sometimes.

Posted by: BCochran1981 - Credible Hulk at December 27, 2013 07:44 PM (JpFMR)

140 135 Was it when there was an "East Germany"?

Yes.
Posted by: bonhomme at December 27, 2013 07:43 PM (o4Xc4)

*******

Jezzuz--I've got the chills.

Sometimes you go wandering into the wrong places--that would be my guess.

Posted by: Jesse B. Jackson at December 27, 2013 07:44 PM (RJMhd)

141 What do you want on Your headstone?
*******
"I told you I was sick"

Posted by: Truck Monkey, Gruntled New Business Owner at December 27, 2013 07:44 PM (jucos)

142 Like watching baby ducks trying to cross the 101.

I prefer the ducklings on a windy day video.

Posted by: bonhomme at December 27, 2013 07:44 PM (o4Xc4)

143 What's that, from Seinfeld?

heh

Posted by: soothsayer at December 27, 2013 07:44 PM (zvr0X)

144 What's that, from Seinfeld?

heh

Posted by: soothsayer at December 27, 2013 07:44 PM (zvr0X)

145 2 Naes1984 at December 27, 2013 07:02 PM (zeV2E)

We concur, respectfully...

//Bud Dwyer and
Christine Chubbuck

Posted by: sven10077 at December 27, 2013 07:45 PM (9jfyN)

146 What do you want on Your headstone?

If there's no pussy in Heaven I'll be in touch.

Posted by: wth at December 27, 2013 07:45 PM (wAQA5)

147 Obama killed the middle class.

Yep. It works.

Posted by: Fritz at December 27, 2013 07:46 PM (TKFmG)

148 Thanks all. Might try the blow dryer. The ether "blow-up" I've seen before at the Motor Pool, and I'm not messing wth that.

Posted by: Lincolntf at December 27, 2013 07:46 PM (ZshNr)

149
how about this on a headstone?

"Refund? Refund! REFUND? Refund. REF-"

Posted by: soothsayer at December 27, 2013 07:46 PM (zvr0X)

150 You concern me sometimes.

Posted by: BCochran1981 - Credible Hulk at December 27, 2013 07:44 PM (JpFMR)



Sometimes? I'm losing my touch.

Posted by: alexthechick - SMOD, you taunty bitch. at December 27, 2013 07:47 PM (Gk3SS)

151 Sometimes you go wandering into the wrong places--that would be my guess.

This was a highly restricted space guarded by US people. Maybe the East Germans grabbed him? I dunno. It would have been easier I'd think when he was out shopping, not inside a highly restricted space within a military base.

Posted by: bonhomme at December 27, 2013 07:47 PM (o4Xc4)

152 Try a blow dryer.

Posted by: Jesse B. Jackson at December 27, 2013 07:41 PM (RJMhd)


easy for you to say

Posted by: Sump at December 27, 2013 07:48 PM (d6+u5)

153 Sometimes? I'm losing my touch.
Posted by: alexthechick - SMOD, you taunty bitch. at December 27, 2013 07:47 PM (Gk3SS)



You will assume I made the joke about touching?


Oh, question. So I got Christmas money to spend. Planning on doing a little shopping on whatever day we do our meet up (*cough cough*), so……lego set or matchbox car track?

Posted by: BCochran1981 - Credible Hulk at December 27, 2013 07:48 PM (JpFMR)

154
"Don't blame me, I voted for not-obama."

Posted by: soothsayer at December 27, 2013 07:49 PM (zvr0X)

155 Oh, question. So I got Christmas money to spend. Planning on doing a little shopping on whatever day we do our meet up (*cough cough*), so……lego set or matchbox car track?

How about a NAS for your *ahem* video collection?

Posted by: bonhomme at December 27, 2013 07:50 PM (o4Xc4)

156 Seamus -
Almost exactly the circumstances of my FIL' s disappearance, except he didn't have any money in the bank.
________

What was the outcome with that, anyway? I haven't seen your link in quite a while. I followed most of the story, but if tjere was ever a conclusion, i missed it.

Posted by: shredded chi, the young curmudgeon at December 27, 2013 07:50 PM (5aFK0)

157 You will assume I made the joke about touching?





Oh, question. So I got Christmas money to spend. Planning on doing a
little shopping on whatever day we do our meet up (*cough cough*),
so……lego set or matchbox car track?

Posted by: BCochran1981 - Credible Hulk at December 27, 2013 07:48 PM (JpFMR)



*shinkicks*


I told you, all y'all have to do all the planning on that and then let me know.


Do you not have money for both? Ummmm. Lego set then.

Posted by: alexthechick - SMOD, you taunty bitch. at December 27, 2013 07:51 PM (Gk3SS)

158 another game

after such and such..
"______________"

will the last republican available turn off the lights?

Posted by: willow at December 27, 2013 07:51 PM (nqBYe)

159 Headstone:

"My most precious assets buried at (indecipherable) Main Street"

Posted by: Spooky coincidence at December 27, 2013 07:51 PM (R6JT1)

160 What was the outcome with that, anyway? I haven't seen your link in quite a while. I followed most of the story, but if there was ever a conclusion, i missed it.

I'm interested too. Also, what happened with Malkin's missing relative?

Posted by: bonhomme at December 27, 2013 07:52 PM (o4Xc4)

161 How about a NAS for your *ahem* video collection?

Posted by: bonhomme at December 27, 2013 07:50 PM (o4Xc4)



Well, with the govt, I've already got enough people in my files.

Posted by: BCochran1981 - Credible Hulk at December 27, 2013 07:52 PM (JpFMR)

162 Try this one.


Want to Masturbate?

Posted by: Funnier at December 27, 2013 07:52 PM (vAjpf)

163 BC, we made news again.

UberFacts ‏@UberFacts 1h
Denver, Colorado is the most sexually active city in the country - Jacksonville, Florida is the least.

Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at December 27, 2013 07:53 PM (DmNpO)

164

Serious u guys, you know what my headstone will read.


"I hate fucking monkeys."

Posted by: soothsayer at December 27, 2013 07:53 PM (zvr0X)

165 @156-

No resolution, no arrest, no interest on the part of sheriff or DA to push the investigation. I haven't posted any updates on the blog. I don't often include the link in my nick these days.

Posted by: Seamus Muldoon at December 27, 2013 07:53 PM (g4TxM)

166 I told you, all y'all have to do all the planning on that and then let me know.

Do you not have money for both? Ummmm. Lego set then.

Posted by: alexthechick - SMOD, you taunty bitch. at December 27, 2013 07:51 PM (Gk3SS)



Yes, but I'm not from here, have no idea where any of you people are or what days/times work. And no way for contact other than here in the comments.

That restricts my planning attempts.

I figure I can sell one gleefully childish toy to the wife. Probably not two.

Posted by: BCochran1981 - Credible Hulk at December 27, 2013 07:53 PM (JpFMR)

167 sooth, well quit fkn them!

Posted by: willow at December 27, 2013 07:54 PM (nqBYe)

168 Denver, Colorado is the most sexually active city in the country - Jacksonville, Florida is the least.

Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at December 27, 2013 07:53 PM (DmNpO)



I…….well…….you know what? I'm not going to say anything. Safer that way.

Posted by: BCochran1981 - Credible Hulk at December 27, 2013 07:55 PM (JpFMR)

169 While we are bringing the best of, I have a request. Revisit this...

http://minx.cc/?post=301345

It's old in the sense that Newsweek is dead, but it is very relevant in the sense that it boils down what we are up against. This really came back to me pre-election, when a LIV friend started buying in to the Romney is evil narrative that seemed so ridiculous to me. The soft voter is so vulnerable to propaganda the media is willing to feed. It's why I dread the Presidential year elections, and it's why I get more optimistic than the average person in the off year elections.

I've said once or twice that this is my favorite post. It's not exactly funny, except in gallows humor sense, but it is insightful.

Posted by: Dave S. at December 27, 2013 07:55 PM (UvR6d)

170 Oh, and thanks for expressing an interest. If there is any new development I'll put up an update.

Posted by: Seamus Muldoon at December 27, 2013 07:55 PM (g4TxM)

171 Me too

Posted by: Garfield at December 27, 2013 07:55 PM (R6JT1)

172 (you know i had to , it's the meme)

Posted by: willow at December 27, 2013 07:55 PM (nqBYe)

173
It makes me that my entire legacy will be an engraved line that no one except the people living in my computer will appreciate.

Posted by: soothsayer at December 27, 2013 07:55 PM (zvr0X)

174 Soothie I thought we were pals

Posted by: Truck Monkey, Gruntled New Business Owner at December 27, 2013 07:55 PM (jucos)

175 Muldoon…..I'm sure this has been asked/suggested a thousand times, but is the option of private investigator a possibility?

Posted by: BCochran1981 - Credible Hulk at December 27, 2013 07:56 PM (JpFMR)

176 "Four out of the five voices in my head say they like you."


Try that for a new caption.

Posted by: Mikey NTH - Don't Wait to the Last Minute to Purchase that Special Someone a Squabble Set! at December 27, 2013 07:57 PM (gmoEG)

177 sooth ack, i can have a tshirt made with such on it, and send to you ..
You can wear it Everywhere!

Posted by: willow at December 27, 2013 07:57 PM (nqBYe)

178 hmmmm Denver sex capital ?

Let's see, thin air, cold, legal pot, libland....

Is this any kind of sex ?

Posted by: jacko at December 27, 2013 07:57 PM (d12br)

179 There is no pilot on an oil burner. I'd disregard Sooth's advice on mechanical items henceforth, based upon that piece of advice.


If the burner has has all the water removed, it should start. You can hit that red reset button multiple times (like 10 or 15) before you may have blown enough oil into the chamber to cause a deflagration-type ignition ( That's a WHOOSH! ignition to non-techies - with fuel oil, not terribly dangerous, but disconcerting, and you may get some black smoke in the house). After that, it would pay to make sure the burner pump is primed - advice on how to do that should be freely available on the 'net, all you will need is a small open end wrench (a crescent wrench should do in a pinch) and a container to catch overflow.

After that, you should call a professional/expert to check that you are getting an ignition spark and proper oil flow. Good luck.


Posted by: West at December 27, 2013 07:58 PM (iMxEz)

180 Or equally well with "I blame George Bush"

Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at December 27, 2013 07:15 PM (DmNpO)


NDH-it works especially well with the Bloom County one. lol.

Posted by: Guido - Fa La Fucking La - Merry Christmas. at December 27, 2013 07:58 PM (yICtd)

181 "Four out of the five voices in my head say they like you."

Five out of seven of the voices in my head care.

Posted by: bonhomme at December 27, 2013 07:58 PM (9PrpA)

182 @175


Damn, I knew we were forgetting something

Posted by: Seamus Muldoon at December 27, 2013 07:59 PM (g4TxM)

183
I dont know how I'd explain it public, willow.

Truck, do you have a CDL?

Posted by: soothsayer at December 27, 2013 07:59 PM (zvr0X)

184 NDH-it works especially well with the Bloom County one. lol.

***




Ha! I had to scroll back up and look but when I saw it I immediately LOLd!

Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at December 27, 2013 08:01 PM (DmNpO)

185 I think I can prime it myself, by turning that little petcock/nipply thing, right? Should I try that before I hit the button? Used to have to do it years ago in a different house, but I remember catching fuel in a tin can. Thanks.

Posted by: Lincolntf at December 27, 2013 08:01 PM (ZshNr)

186 130 What do you want on Your headstone?


I'm dead but Obamas still a dick.

Posted by: Guido - Fa La Fucking La - Merry Christmas. at December 27, 2013 08:01 PM (yICtd)

187 DAILY REMINDER:

Matt Damon is an asshole.

Posted by: WOW at December 27, 2013 08:01 PM (6j8ke)

188 sooth.
big letters I hate Fkn Monkeys!
than streams of lettering of comments from the people in your screen.

Posted by: willow at December 27, 2013 08:02 PM (nqBYe)

189 Does anyone have career choice advice for a lazy bastard? My brother in law didn't like college. He's in the Army Reserves (refuel-er I think).

How hard is it to hack a blue-collar apprentice program? Could he be a plumber or something?

Posted by: bonhomme at December 27, 2013 08:03 PM (J79eW)

190 ...or abducted by aliens, we're still not entirely sure which.

Posted by: Seamus Muldoon at December 27, 2013 07:26 PM (g4TxM)


Go with "abducted by aliens". It was funnier, and he seems to be the kind of guy that would appreciate that.

Evening roonz and roonettez. Stuck in skating rink hell again.

Posted by: GGE of the Moron Horde, NC Chapter at December 27, 2013 08:03 PM (4b6CZ)

191 187 DAILY REMINDER:

Matt Damon is an asshole.


And Abe Vigoda is still alive.

Posted by: Anachronda at December 27, 2013 08:03 PM (U82Km)

192 (with punctuation and everything)

Posted by: willow at December 27, 2013 08:03 PM (nqBYe)

193 Yes, but I'm not from here, have no idea where any
of you people are or what days/times work. And no way for contact other
than here in the comments.



That restricts my planning attempts.



I figure I can sell one gleefully childish toy to the wife. Probably not two.

Posted by: BCochran1981 - Credible Hulk at December 27, 2013 07:53 PM (JpFMR)



Hmmm. Lemme ponder on the planning.


Can you get her to agree to this: http://amzn.to/1kNPu9m



Posted by: alexthechick - SMOD, you taunty bitch. at December 27, 2013 08:04 PM (Gk3SS)

194 Truck, do you have a CDL?
Posted by: soothsayer at December 27, 2013 07:59 PM (zvr0X)
*******
No. I am a broker. Travel agent for the trucking industry.

Posted by: Truck Monkey, Gruntled New Business Owner at December 27, 2013 08:04 PM (jucos)

195 seamus, If you use the alien thing It might actually draw a gazillion people to search for You FIL and the aliens.

Posted by: willow at December 27, 2013 08:05 PM (nqBYe)

196
oh nevermind then

Posted by: soothsayer at December 27, 2013 08:05 PM (zvr0X)

197 Can you get her to agree to this: http://amzn.to/1kNPu9m

Crap, $190 for some fit-together blocks.

Posted by: bonhomme at December 27, 2013 08:05 PM (J79eW)

198 I just heard on the radio that a Chinese icebreaker sent to rescue the Russian ship stuck in the ice in Antarctica also got stuck in the ice. Now an Australian icebreaker is on the way.

This may call for popcorn.

Posted by: rickl at December 27, 2013 08:06 PM (sdi6R)

199 Posted by: GGE of the Moron Horde, NC Chapter at December 27, 2013 08:03 PM (4b6CZ)

***


Well, it did happen in the San Luis Valley, so the alien theory is not lacking in merit.

Posted by: Seamus Muldoon at December 27, 2013 08:06 PM (g4TxM)

200 Ya'll are Cocksucking Fags.

Posted by: Alec Baldwin at December 27, 2013 08:06 PM (jucos)

201 62 Yeah... its a really funny joke...


right up until you've lost a loved one to suicide...


Then..... not so much....

Posted by: Romeo13 at December 27, 2013 07:20 PM (lZBBB)



Lost two high-school friends to suicide. Brothers. About five or six years apart.

Posted by: Cicero Kid at December 27, 2013 08:06 PM (6fSty)

202 If he's lazy, he won't hack it as a plumber, carpenter, electrician - any trade. Espexially with no experience. He could find entry level work & get experience easily enough, but they'll work his ass off. And make him do the shittiest jobs onsite.

Posted by: shredded chi, the young curmudgeon at December 27, 2013 08:07 PM (5aFK0)

203 bonhomme what i dislike about the new sets of legos are KIDS.
srsly they eat throw over the fence , toss out the moving vehicle on the freeway what do you have? lose a few what to do buy a Whole new expensive set?

nada

Posted by: willow at December 27, 2013 08:08 PM (nqBYe)

204 "189
Does anyone have career choice advice for a lazy bastard? My brother in
law didn't like college. He's in the Army Reserves (refuel-er I
think).



How hard is it to hack a blue-collar apprentice program? Could he be a plumber or something?"

Plumbing ain't easy. Should pay fairly well, though.

Knowing now what I didn't know then, I'd have become a machinist instead of a frustrated engineer.


Posted by: West at December 27, 2013 08:08 PM (iMxEz)

205 "At least they'll finally stop laughing at me."

-- implies killing oneself, but in a way that commits horrors on others. I like this better.

Posted by: wooga at December 27, 2013 08:08 PM (2G4Er)

206 I recently had a relative commit suicide so I go with the "I think I just shit myself" take.

Posted by: Dr Spank at December 27, 2013 08:09 PM (DpEwG)

207 He could find entry level work & get experience easily enough, but they'll work his ass off. And make him do the shittiest jobs onsite.

That's what I thought. He's worked at McDonald's, is a Reservist, and has been a Missionary.

The guy simply has no drive or ambitions.

Posted by: bonhomme at December 27, 2013 08:09 PM (J79eW)

208 O/T

What to make of this? Newton CT police release photo's of "assault" weapon. It's a 100 year old Enfield.

WTF?

http://tinyurl.com/olhz7l8

Posted by: Nip Sip at December 27, 2013 08:10 PM (0FSuD)

209 207 He could find entry level work & get experience easily enough, but they'll work his ass off. And make him do the shittiest jobs onsite.

That's what I thought. He's worked at McDonald's, is a Reservist, and has been a Missionary.

The guy simply has no drive or ambitions.
Posted by: bonhomme at December 27, 2013 08:09 PM (J79eW)


Fuck, I didn't know you were related to Obama

Posted by: Misanthropic Humanitarian at December 27, 2013 08:10 PM (HVff2)

210 Obi-wan, "So where is our guide Master Quijon?"

Jar Jar, "Mesa your guide yes?"

Obi-wan, "I think I'll go kill myself."

Posted by: Anna Puma (+SmuD) at December 27, 2013 08:11 PM (04hTF)

211 Plumbing ain't easy. Should pay fairly well, though.

Knowing now what I didn't know then, I'd have become a machinist instead of a frustrated engineer.


There's an idea.

Not looking for easy, really. I'm looking for something a lazy person could do.

Posted by: bonhomme at December 27, 2013 08:11 PM (J79eW)

212
I'm not going to have a tombstone because I'm going to go sit on the last Arctic ice floe and drift away on it as it melts into the torrid Arctic Ocean...

Oh, wait...

Posted by: Krebs v Carnot: Epic Battle of the Cycling Stars™ at December 27, 2013 08:12 PM (NEDRr)

213 I didn't know you were related to Obama

Yep, I hail from the Indonesian bonhommes.

Honestly, I think most people who know any twenty-somethings know what I'm talking about.

Posted by: bonhomme at December 27, 2013 08:13 PM (J79eW)

214 i had an electrician for the electric company tell me he (normally)works really hard for about 3 hours a day and good pay.

i thought about it but MATH!

Posted by: willow at December 27, 2013 08:13 PM (nqBYe)

215 What do you want on Your headstone?





Posted by: soothsayer at December 27, 2013 07:36 PM (zvr0X)



"It had to happen sometime."

Actually I've seen my headstone. Or whatever you call the cover on the place you put ashes, my uncle in law calls it his condo. Kind of chilling, actually.

Posted by: GGE of the Moron Horde, NC Chapter at December 27, 2013 08:14 PM (4b6CZ)

216 They also all work with "have you tried hitting the rabbit with a hammer?"

Posted by: Frumious Bandersnatch at December 27, 2013 08:14 PM (1xUj/)

217 198 I just heard on the radio that a Chinese icebreaker sent to rescue the Russian ship stuck in the ice in Antarctica also got stuck in the ice. Now an Australian icebreaker is on the way.

This may call for popcorn


Why don't they send a tanker of Gin? The crew will figure out the rest.

Posted by: Cicero Kid at December 27, 2013 08:15 PM (6fSty)

218
I think I just shit myself.

Posted by: Al Roker at December 27, 2013 08:15 PM (MaP11)

219 or valu-rite

Posted by: willow at December 27, 2013 08:16 PM (nqBYe)

220
oil burners do not have pilots

color me: embarrassed

excuse me, my ass is showing :$

Posted by: soothsayer at December 27, 2013 08:16 PM (zvr0X)

221 Well.. this is an open thread so I'm gonna vent. Back in September when we were scrambling to try and find a place for mom my brother couldn't come up with the money needed to move her in. We paid for everything (and we are NOT rich) with the stipulation he would pay us back. He said he would at the end of the year when he got his bonus. He is now sitting in sunny Arizona in a really nice place I might add because he needed a "break". Hasn't paid me back a dime. I am beginning to get slightly PO'd.

Posted by: jewells45 trying to keep from going crazy at December 27, 2013 08:17 PM (u25eL)

222
How about:

"Tonight I dine in Hell."

I dont think the family would like that.

Posted by: soothsayer at December 27, 2013 08:18 PM (zvr0X)

223 The guy simply has no drive or ambitions.

Posted by: bonhomme at December 27, 2013 08:09 PM (J79eW)



He could run for Congress...

Posted by: GGE of the Moron Horde, NC Chapter at December 27, 2013 08:18 PM (4b6CZ)

224 Posted by: bonhomme at December 27, 2013 08:13 PM (J79eW)

Giving ya shit, didn't know how old he was. Sales? Route delivery?

Posted by: Misanthropic Humanitarian at December 27, 2013 08:18 PM (HVff2)

225 Oh.. and we got the sob story this year that it would be financially so much better for them if we could just draw names. But she (his GF) buys him a $1000 gun and now this vacation!!

Posted by: jewells45 trying to keep from going crazy at December 27, 2013 08:19 PM (u25eL)

226 He is now sitting in sunny Arizona in a really nice
place I might add because he needed a "break". Hasn't paid me back a
dime. I am beginning to get slightly PO'd.

Posted by: jewells45 trying to keep from going crazy at December 27, 2013 08:17 PM (u25eL)



When it comes to relatives, I don't loan anything I can't afford to just give away. It works better that way, and if you do get paid back it's a pleasant surprise.

Posted by: GGE of the Moron Horde, NC Chapter at December 27, 2013 08:20 PM (4b6CZ)

227 222
How about:

"Tonight I dine in Hell."

I dont think the family would like that.

Posted by: soothsayer at December 27, 2013 08:18 PM (zvr0X)


Actually, that would make a good cartoon caption too.

Posted by: rickl at December 27, 2013 08:20 PM (sdi6R)

228 Hasn't paid me back a dime. I am beginning to get slightly PO'd.

I'm very sorry. That sucks. Back when I used to watch daytime Judge shows I learned to get a contract. Even if it's family, get a contract.

Otherwise you might as well just call it a gift. Family will rip you off just as fast as strangers.

Posted by: bonhomme at December 27, 2013 08:20 PM (o4Xc4)

229 I just heard on the radio that a Chinese icebreaker sent to rescue the Russian ship stuck in the ice in Antarctica also got stuck in the ice. Now an Australian icebreaker is on the way.

This may call for popcorn

***

I am reminded of the arrogance of man in declaring that even God himself cannot sink her.

Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at December 27, 2013 08:22 PM (DmNpO)

230 Well.. the latest is now he will pay "some" of it back in January when he gets his bonus. He gets another bonus in January? I don't think so. He's fucking with me but he is fucking with the wrong person. Brother or not.. come the end of January we are having a talk.

Posted by: jewells45 trying to keep from going crazy at December 27, 2013 08:23 PM (u25eL)

231 Nip Sip - That is truly bizarre.
Of course there are 4 illogical forces at work there:

1. The CT State Police,
2. The AP
3. McClatchy Publishing
4. The Charlotte Observer

What could go right?

Posted by: Mike Hammer at December 27, 2013 08:23 PM (aDwsi)

232 Giving ya shit, didn't know how old he was. Sales? Route delivery?

I knew it!

I think he's tried selling insurance. He's worked in a warehouse too, itemizing inventory.

Posted by: bonhomme at December 27, 2013 08:23 PM (o4Xc4)

233 The John Brunner version would be "Christ, what an imagination I've got."

This has been an favorite non-sequitor since Stand On Zanzibar made the rounds among SF readers.

Posted by: epobirs at December 27, 2013 08:23 PM (pojZG)

234 That's silly,the ice at the North Pole has all melted.Right?

Posted by: steevy at December 27, 2013 08:23 PM (zqvg6)

235
drudge has a headline about glow in the dark pigs, I didn't read the article, but I think its cool. You can find your bacon in the dark.

Posted by: Guy Mohawk at December 27, 2013 08:24 PM (MaP11)

236 So it seems the Shackleton Experience in Antarctica might be international this time.

NDH if it really spins out of control, who knows maybe Geraldo Riveria will fly south to cover the story.

Posted by: Anna Puma (+SmuD) at December 27, 2013 08:26 PM (04hTF)

237 drudge has a headline about glow in the dark pigs,
-------------

I haven't read it.
Did they wash ashore from Japan?

Posted by: Mike Hammer at December 27, 2013 08:26 PM (aDwsi)

238 Don't feel too bad, I own the thing and my first thought was "the pilot light went out". It's a classic.

Posted by: Lincolntf at December 27, 2013 08:27 PM (ZshNr)

239 234 That's silly,the ice at the North Pole has all melted.Right?

This is going down in the *ant*arctic.

Posted by: Anachronda at December 27, 2013 08:27 PM (U82Km)

240 222
How about:

"Tonight I dine in Hell."


You make funny joke, we don't eat down here.

Posted by: Zombie Ted at December 27, 2013 08:27 PM (0FSuD)

241 230
Well.. the latest is now he will pay "some" of it back in January when
he gets his bonus. He gets another bonus in January? I don't think so.
He's fucking with me but he is fucking with the wrong person. Brother
or not.. come the end of January we are having a talk.

Posted by: jewells45 trying to keep from going crazy at December 27, 2013 08:23 PM (u25eL)

-----

That's exactly what you need to do. My fiance's aunt has been draining her grandmothers funds for a while now. Way too much was tolerated for way too long, and it got real messy before it was addressed head on.


If you show you will tolerate it, it only gets worse. I think you get that, though.

Posted by: Dave S. at December 27, 2013 08:28 PM (UvR6d)

242 OT: RE my Iowa trip, I've made a decision. On Friday the 3rd of January 2014 I'm going to be at
Gates BBQ, 1221 Brooklyn Ave, Kansas City MO sometime between 4:30 and
5:00 PM for some tasty KC BBQ (which I have not had in a while). I plan
to be there about an hour and then I'll head off for points north so I
can be at the folks before bedtime. Any roonz/roonettez in the area that
would like to join me are more than welcome, I'd be glad to meet any
and all of you. No need to sound off, this is a completely unorganized
event, but if you're in the area I'll be wearing my black North Carolina
ball cap so you will know it's me.

Posted by: GGE of the Moron Horde, NC Chapter at December 27, 2013 08:28 PM (4b6CZ)

243 239 Oh,well they never explained why that cap was getting bigger during the supposed all time low at the North.

Posted by: steevy at December 27, 2013 08:29 PM (zqvg6)

244 @231

True dat. It's an AP story, so the chances that is the gun he used are slim and none.

Look at the BIG magazine! 10 rounds!

Posted by: Nip Sip at December 27, 2013 08:29 PM (0FSuD)

245
Who here are fans of the old science fiction stories by Heinlein, Asimov, etc?

Episodes of the old old radio series X MINUS ONE are available on tuneinradio.com.

Also: Dimension X episodes.

Great listening while in bed trying to fall asleep.

Posted by: soothsayer at December 27, 2013 08:29 PM (zvr0X)

246 I'll be wearing my black North Carolina
ball cap so you will know it's me.
-------------------------

Fwd
From: Bob at NSA
To: ATF, FBI

FYI. See attached.

Posted by: Mike Hammer at December 27, 2013 08:30 PM (aDwsi)

247 Family will rip you off just as fast as[ faster than strangers.

Posted by: bonhomme at December 27, 2013 08:20 PM (o4Xc4)



In my experience. YMMV.

Posted by: GGE of the Moron Horde, NC Chapter at December 27, 2013 08:30 PM (4b6CZ)

248 Fwd

From: Bob at NSA

To: ATF, FBI



FYI. See attached.




Can't a guy just eat his waffles?

Posted by: GGE of the Moron Horde, NC Chapter at December 27, 2013 08:32 PM (4b6CZ)

249 True dat. It's an AP story, so the chances that is the gun he used are slim and none.

Look at the BIG magazine! 10 rounds!

Posted by: Nip Sip
-------------

Yeah, I mean, they published the story re Obama using a rifle to shoot skeet, so what the hell.

Posted by: Mike Hammer at December 27, 2013 08:32 PM (aDwsi)

250 @242

Gates BBQ, 1221 Brooklyn Ave, Kansas City MO sometime between 4:30 and
5:00 PM for sometasty KC BBQ

You funny man. Tasty KC BBQ? Better smoke a big one to get that shit down, that or a case of beer.

How you do taste the meat with that half pound of sugar BBQ sauce on it? Oh, never mind, who would want to taste KC BBQ without a sugar cover.

Posted by: Nip Sip at December 27, 2013 08:33 PM (0FSuD)

251 So has Mike's cat tossed some money at the movie Kickstarter Kung Fury?

Posted by: Anna Puma (+SmuD) at December 27, 2013 08:34 PM (04hTF)

252 Not looking for easy, really. I'm looking for something a lazy person could do.

Posted by: bonhomme at December 27, 2013 08:11 PM (J79eW)
Send him to truck driving school. He doesn't even have to load/unload his own truck if he wants to hire a lumper.

Posted by: LFW - Honorary Pointy Eared Vulcan at December 27, 2013 08:36 PM (SudzO)

253 Posted by: Anna Puma (+SmuD) at December 27, 2013 08:34 PM (04hTF)

Do I remember correctly that you started a Horde guild for Never Winter Nights? Or am I confusing it with GuildWars 2?

Posted by: Polliwog the 'Ette at December 27, 2013 08:37 PM (GDulk)

254 Anna - The Cat is on probation, allowance cut. An ugly incident associated with the Christmas tree.

Posted by: Mike Hammer at December 27, 2013 08:37 PM (aDwsi)

255 True dat. It's an AP story, so the chances that is the gun he used are slim and none.



Look at the BIG magazine! 10 rounds!



Posted by: Nip Sip

-------------



lol, reading the caption it basically says "This is an Enfeild. {name of fucktard killer who gets no publicity on my time} used a semi-automatic to kill everyone in the entire school." No actual correlation between the two in the caption, but of course how many people will actually read the caption?

Posted by: GGE of the Moron Horde, NC Chapter at December 27, 2013 08:38 PM (4b6CZ)

256 Season of Peace brought to a rude halt.
Hardest hit: barbecue

Posted by: Mike Hammer at December 27, 2013 08:39 PM (aDwsi)

257 We're going heatless tonight. Too much water/cleanser/anti-mold liquids on everything. Space heaters, kitties and comforters will do the job for tonight.

Posted by: Lincolntf at December 27, 2013 08:39 PM (ZshNr)

258 You funny man. Tasty KC BBQ? Better smoke a big one to get that shit down, that or a case of beer.



How you do taste the meat with that half pound of sugar BBQ sauce on
it? Oh, never mind, who would want to taste KC BBQ without a sugar
cover.

Posted by: Nip Sip at December 27, 2013 08:33 PM (0FSuD)



Oh, what an opportunity...

Tomato in BBQ sauce: right or wrong? And when you say BBQ, do you mean pork or beef?

Discuss.

Posted by: GGE of the Moron Horde, NC Chapter at December 27, 2013 08:40 PM (4b6CZ)

259 Polliwogette I think in Guild Wars 2 I had tried to set up an AoS guild. However it has been almost a year since I played that game. D+D Neverwinter, don't think so.

Posted by: Anna Puma (+SmuD) at December 27, 2013 08:41 PM (04hTF)

260 Will the plan to colonize Antarctica with International Icebreaker Peoples jeopardize AGW Science?

….I'm starting to get concerned

Posted by: ontherocks at December 27, 2013 08:41 PM (6CUON)

261 I know I'm way too late, but it has to work well with:

"If you like your health insurance...."

Posted by: Meremortal, at December 27, 2013 08:42 PM (1Y+hH)

262 Crazed killers everywhere ponder a .303 upper for their AR-10's

Posted by: Mike Hammer at December 27, 2013 08:43 PM (aDwsi)

263 Long BBQ sauce or Cross BBQ sauce, discuss.

Posted by: Anna Puma (+SmuD) at December 27, 2013 08:43 PM (04hTF)

264 ….I'm starting to get concerned

Posted by: ontherocks
----------------

The ships are not coal-powered, so, no worries.

Posted by: Mike Hammer at December 27, 2013 08:44 PM (aDwsi)

265 "185
I think I can prime it myself, by turning that little petcock/nipply
thing, right? Should I try that before I hit the button? Used to have to
do it years ago in a different house, but I remember catching fuel in a
tin can. Thanks."

Sorry, was away for a bit.

Yes.

1 . Loosen the nipple and then close only enough to seal.
2. Hit the red button. The burner fan should go on.
3. Open the nipple slightly. Oil and or oil and air bubbles should come out (catch in can). Hopefully the air bubbles will eventually stop, and you will get clear (red) oil out. Close the nipple, at which point the burner should start IF the problem was priming.

If you don't get anything, or don't get clear oil out before the safety cutout stops the burner, immediately close the nipple when the burner stops (enough to seal only), then repeat steps 2-3.

If you got clear oil out, closed the nipple and still got no fire, it's probably something else. If the ignition circuit was submersed it may have been damaged or is still wet. The hair dryer suggestion may help then to dry things out, but I think it'll take a lot of drying - and parts may have to be replaced.




Posted by: West at December 27, 2013 08:44 PM (iMxEz)

266 Something tells me Federal Duck Stamps don't cover out of season peacocks.


Peacock are always in season. I can tell you from experience that watching them tumble out of the sky is quite the scene.

Posted by: garrett at December 27, 2013 08:45 PM (jJXic)

267 An ugly incident associated with the Christmas tree.

Posted by: Mike Hammer at December 27, 2013 08:37 PM (aDwsi)



Like this? http://tinyurl.com/y9g5aru

Posted by: GGE of the Moron Horde, NC Chapter at December 27, 2013 08:45 PM (4b6CZ)

268 And when you say BBQ, do you mean pork or beef?Discuss.
Posted by: GGE of the Moron Horde, NC Chapter at December 27, 2013 08:40 PM (4b6CZ)

YES! I've eaten BBQ from all over mid-west, northern plains, east coast, east Texas, hill country Texas and west Texas. It's all good.

Posted by: tbodie at December 27, 2013 08:45 PM (vuXw6)

269 The ships are not coal-powered, so, no worries.

Posted by: Mike Hammer
----------------

BTW, I'm betting that those people are *not* buying carbon offsets for the fuel being burned to power all of the ships participating in this fiasco.

Posted by: Mike Hammer at December 27, 2013 08:46 PM (aDwsi)

270 GGE, Mike probably took that picture.

Posted by: Anna Puma (+SmuD) at December 27, 2013 08:46 PM (04hTF)

271 Lotta nipple talk around these parts.

Posted by: garrett at December 27, 2013 08:47 PM (jJXic)

272 260 ontherocks at December 27, 2013 08:41 PM (6CUON)


somewhere AlGore is crying....

Posted by: sven10077 at December 27, 2013 08:47 PM (9jfyN)

273 GGE - Close enough.

Posted by: Mike Hammer at December 27, 2013 08:47 PM (aDwsi)

274 BTW, I'm betting that those people are *not* buying
carbon offsets for the fuel being burned to power all of the ships
participating in this fiasco.

Posted by: Mike Hammer at December 27, 2013 08:46 PM (aDwsi)



*looks mournfully at printer* talk about a lost opportunity...

Posted by: GGE of the Moron Horde, NC Chapter at December 27, 2013 08:48 PM (4b6CZ)

275 Re: Newtown: 15 of the 26 victims were piled into a single bathroom where they'd fled. Most were kids, but several were adults. There were so many in the bathroom that the door couldn't be closed all the way, so the killer just stood outside the door and slaughtered them.

Another bathroom packed with survivors managed to get the door closed all the way.

This breaks my heart. 15 lives snuffed out because an adult was too scared, understandably, to make sure that door latch clicked shut.

Posted by: Sharkman at December 27, 2013 08:49 PM (TM1p8)

276 YES! I've eaten BBQ from all over mid-west, northern
plains, east coast, east Texas, hill country Texas and west Texas. It's
all good.

Posted by: tbodie at December 27, 2013 08:45 PM (vuXw6)

------

You pacifist! You keep talking like this and vinegar based BBQ will eventually overtake the entire country.

Posted by: Dave S. at December 27, 2013 08:49 PM (UvR6d)

277 This breaks my heart. 15 lives snuffed out because an adult was too scared, understandably, to make sure that door latch clicked shut.

Posted by: Sharkman
---------------------------

Adrenalin and panic is a bad mix.

Posted by: Mike Hammer at December 27, 2013 08:50 PM (aDwsi)

278 Now an Australian icebreaker is on the way.

This may call for popcorn


And six sticks of dynamite.

Posted by: t-bird at December 27, 2013 08:50 PM (FcR7P)

279 You pacifist! You keep talking like this and vinegar based BBQ will eventually overtake the entire country.
Posted by: Dave S. at December 27, 2013 08:49 PM (UvR6d)

hahahahaha.......... Never been called a pacifist before.

Posted by: tbodie at December 27, 2013 08:53 PM (vuXw6)

280 Well, all the horde knows BBQ is pork, except Dave from Texas.

Tomato vs vinegar? What we doing a NC cross state feud?

KC is tomato and too sweet for me.

No one in NC would serve it. No kick.

I like a mix of both. Scotts is vinegar and hot as hell. I like Hog Heavens in Pawleys for tomato.

Posted by: Nip Sip at December 27, 2013 08:54 PM (0FSuD)

281 Have any of the science geniuses suggested something militant like oh say dropping bombs to break the ice?

Posted by: Anna Puma (+SmuD) at December 27, 2013 08:54 PM (04hTF)

282 You pacifist! You keep talking like this and vinegar based BBQ will eventually overtake the entire country.


Posted by: Dave S. at December 27, 2013 08:49 PM (UvR6d)



we're here for your meat...

Posted by: East Carolina sauce at December 27, 2013 08:54 PM (4b6CZ)

283 "220


oil burners do not have pilots



color me: embarrassed



excuse me, my ass is showing :$
"

Nothin personal, sooth, just sayin'.

P.S. I figgered out how to find the air leak on your suspension:

"Lincoln Navigator Suspension Parts And Air Suspension To Coil Spring Conversion Kits"

And now that I think about it, nothing on the headstone for me. In a generation or a couple, no one is going to get the reference anyway..If I haven't made my mark by the time I croak, some pithy saying on a headstone probably won't turn the tide.


Posted by: West at December 27, 2013 08:54 PM (iMxEz)

284 Biggest BBQ surprise I had was chopped beef sandwhich with coleslaw. Guess that was tomato and vinegar sauce all combined in one great taste.

Found it in a small shop in Martin, Tn.

Posted by: tbodie at December 27, 2013 08:57 PM (vuXw6)

285 I like a mix of both. Scotts is vinegar and hot as hell. I like Hog Heavens in Pawleys for tomato.

Posted by: Nip Sip at December 27, 2013 08:54 PM (0FSuD)


I make my own, I've made both the East Carolina sauce and the Lexington Dip sauce and I like them both. Haven't made the SoCarolina mustard sauce yet. Yet. Famous Dave makes some tomato based sauces with some zip to them, but yep, they're pretty sweet in comparison.

Posted by: GGE of the Moron Horde, NC Chapter at December 27, 2013 08:58 PM (4b6CZ)

286 Have any of the science geniuses suggested something militant like oh say dropping bombs to break the ice?

Posted by: Anna Puma
---------------

No way to get an A-10 in range, but I would think that one could stitch an opening to open water

Posted by: Mike Hammer at December 27, 2013 08:58 PM (aDwsi)

287 Does anyone have career choice advice for a lazy bastard?

OSHA compliance officer at any large construction/industrial site. Not much heavy lifting at all. Mostly you just walk around and look at stuff...but you DO need to learn all the applicable OSHA regulations...which is a steep learning curve.

The good thing is you'll be keeping dumb asses from injuring or killing each other, and keeping your employer from collecting hefty OSHA fines.

Posted by: Purp at December 27, 2013 08:58 PM (70Unk)

288 Posted by: Anna Puma (+SmuD) at December 27, 2013 08:41 PM (04hTF)

OK. Eldest Kidlet and Son just discovered Never Winter so I thought I'd check.

Posted by: Polliwog the 'Ette at December 27, 2013 08:59 PM (GDulk)

289 in another 40 or 50 years china is going to put a man on the south pole.

Posted by: yankeefifth at December 27, 2013 08:59 PM (rDidD)

290 china sucks, on e big ball sucking factory of louts and thieves.

Posted by: yankeefifth at December 27, 2013 09:02 PM (rDidD)

291 before china puts someone on the south pole they hae to steal a map and a compass.

Posted by: yankeefifth at December 27, 2013 09:03 PM (rDidD)

292 Cartoons->Oil burners->Enfields->Ice breakers->barbecue

This place has the strangest thread development.

Posted by: Mike Hammer at December 27, 2013 09:04 PM (aDwsi)

293 259 Polliwogette I think in Guild Wars 2 I had tried to set up an AoS guild. However it has been almost a year since I played that game. D+D Neverwinter, don't think so.

Posted by: Anna Puma (+SmuD) at December 27, 2013 08:41 PM (04hTF)


For Neverwinter, we tried, and failed to get 5 people above level X at the same time to sign the charter.

I had 2 accounts I could re-activate to help start a guild, but I haven't had time to do any MMOs of late.

Posted by: ConservativeMonster at December 27, 2013 09:04 PM (ioT3q)

294 before china puts someone on the south pole they hae to steal a map and a compass.

Sold them that in '98

Posted by: Bill Clinton at December 27, 2013 09:05 PM (vuXw6)

295 china sucks, on e big ball sucking factory of louts and thieves.

Posted by: yankeefifth at December 27, 2013 09:02 PM (rDidD)



Every once in a while we'll get an attack on our servers trying to crash firewalls to mine data. All of our really important stuff is on a sub-system, the IT folks probably know better how to explain it, but it's not connected to the main system at all. Every hour one of the IT folks have to download pertinent stuff (production data) from that system and put it on the main system, but they are very picky/careful what information gets migrated between the two systems. The usual suspect in the attacks are from China.

Posted by: GGE of the Moron Horde, NC Chapter at December 27, 2013 09:05 PM (4b6CZ)

296 "211
Plumbing ain't easy. Should pay fairly well, though.


Knowing now what I didn't know then, I'd have become a machinist instead of a frustrated engineer.


There's an idea.


Not looking for easy, really. I'm looking for something a lazy person could do."

Don't easy and lazy usually go together?

Or is Lazy a being used as a euphemism for Stupid?

Or maybe Lazy like sometimes I'll work real hard at something so's I can do it easier naxt time - that kind of lazy?

If he wants to sit on his ass all day, computer programming's the thing! But you gotta think a little bit, if he's too lazy to think, that'll be a problem.

I dunno, shit, if there wear some 'lazy' way to make money, I'd be doing that myself.





Posted by: West at December 27, 2013 09:06 PM (iMxEz)

297 and now to change socks..............

Posted by: tbodie at December 27, 2013 09:07 PM (vuXw6)

298 257 We're going heatless tonight. Too much water/cleanser/anti-mold liquids on everything. Space heaters, kitties pussy and comforters will do the job for tonight.
Posted by: Lincolntf at December 27, 2013 08:39 PM (ZshNr)

Posted by: Why Denver has More Sex Than Jacksonville, FLA at December 27, 2013 09:07 PM (RJMhd)

299 Fi and Polli, want to shoot for tomorrow night on Neverwinter? Think ChemJeff might still be playing.

Posted by: Anna Puma (+SmuD) at December 27, 2013 09:07 PM (04hTF)

300
I found my air leak, Mr West. Thanks all the same.



Posted by: soothsayer at December 27, 2013 09:09 PM (jKBzE)

301 That enfield action has killed a lot of people, I wouldn't turn my back on it.

Posted by: Jean at December 27, 2013 09:10 PM (4JkHl)

302 Soothsayer found Valerie Plame thrown under the tires?

Posted by: Anna Puma (+SmuD) at December 27, 2013 09:10 PM (04hTF)

303 FWIW, I've put out plans for the KC area morons, but any Memphis area morons, I'll be overnighting in Millington on the 2nd, plan to be there around 7 PM local. Anyone want to do supper/drinks somewhere? I'll also be rolling through St Louis between 11 and 11:30 on the 3rd, anyone want to meet up for lunch?

Posted by: GGE of the Moron Horde, NC Chapter at December 27, 2013 09:11 PM (4b6CZ)

304 Cartoons->Oil burners->Enfields->Ice breakers->barbecue This place has the strangest thread development.
Posted by: Mike Hammer at December 27, 2013 09:04 PM (aDwsi)

Yep. And next comes the ONT.

Posted by: tbodie at December 27, 2013 09:11 PM (vuXw6)

305 Aim a clamp light with a 100W bulb at the burner gun for a while. Heating it a bit above ambient will drive out most of the moisture from its innards and electrical parts.

Posted by: Purp at December 27, 2013 09:11 PM (70Unk)

306 Mike, KC-135Rs might do it. Does the McMurdo still handle air traffic during the summer? Know they have operated A-10s in Alaska in winter.

Posted by: Anna Puma (+SmuD) at December 27, 2013 09:12 PM (04hTF)

307 Have any of the science geniuses suggested something militant like oh say dropping bombs to break the ice?
-
Bruce Willis and a ragtag band of adventurers + nuclear weapon. You do the math.

Posted by: WalrusRex at December 27, 2013 09:13 PM (E+uky)

308 Hey WalrusRex and Mike, I think we got a SyFy screenplay.... yippy ka-yay!

Posted by: Anna Puma (+SmuD) at December 27, 2013 09:14 PM (04hTF)

309 I've been trying to find a Monty Python sketch that resembles the icebreaker story. There was one where policemen kept entering a room to investigate a crime and dropping dead.

Posted by: rickl at December 27, 2013 09:15 PM (sdi6R)

310 GGE is your contact info in the yahoo group?

Posted by: Jean at December 27, 2013 09:16 PM (4JkHl)

311 304 Cartoons->Oil burners->Enfields->Ice breakers->barbecue This place has the strangest thread development.


The valu rite kicks in, anything is possible.

Posted by: Nip Sip at December 27, 2013 09:16 PM (0FSuD)

312 Posted by: Anna Puma (+SmuD) at December 27, 2013 09:07 PM (04hTF)

I haven't actually played Neverwinter myself. The kids just discovered it yesterday.

Posted by: Polliwog the 'Ette at December 27, 2013 09:16 PM (GDulk)

313 301 Jean at December 27, 2013 09:10 PM (4JkHl)

Enfields harvesting Germans since 1914...

Posted by: sven10077 at December 27, 2013 09:18 PM (9jfyN)

314 307 Have any of the science geniuses suggested something militant like oh say dropping bombs to break the ice?

Maybe shallow depth charges under it, but bombs aren't going to do much to the ice.

Posted by: Jean at December 27, 2013 09:19 PM (4JkHl)

315 314 Jean at December 27, 2013 09:19 PM (4JkHl)

You don't know our bombs sir.

//C LeMay and R Oppenheimer

Posted by: sven10077 at December 27, 2013 09:20 PM (9jfyN)

316 Penguins...with freaking lasers on their heads.

Posted by: Purp at December 27, 2013 09:20 PM (70Unk)

317 Hey WalrusRex and Mike, I think we got a SyFy screenplay.... yippy ka-yay!

Posted by: Anna Puma
-------------------

Title?

Posted by: Mike Hammer at December 27, 2013 09:22 PM (aDwsi)

318 Penguins...with freaking lasers on their heads.
Posted by: Purp at December 27, 2013 09:20 PM (70Unk)

I believe the NHL has rules against arming the players.

Posted by: tbodie at December 27, 2013 09:22 PM (vuXw6)

319 316 Purp at December 27, 2013 09:20 PM (70Unk)

I wanna swim wif da dolphinsk!

//C Thatcher esq

http://youtu.be/bKHFUjNw70A

Posted by: sven10077 at December 27, 2013 09:23 PM (9jfyN)

320 Penguins...with freaking lasers on their heads.

Posted by: Purp
---------------

What could go wrong?

Posted by: Mike Hammer at December 27, 2013 09:23 PM (aDwsi)

321 320 Mike Hammer at December 27, 2013 09:23 PM (aDwsi)

Well it depends, are these Happy Feet penguins or with Madagascar Penguins?

Posted by: sven10077 at December 27, 2013 09:24 PM (9jfyN)

322 Ice Hard???

Posted by: Anna Puma (+SmuD) at December 27, 2013 09:25 PM (04hTF)

323 322 Anna Puma (+SmuD) at December 27, 2013 09:25 PM (04hTF)

a compelling series until Ice Hard 4 Ice Harder with a Knife! that was a let down

Posted by: sven10077 at December 27, 2013 09:26 PM (9jfyN)

324 I had missed this. I will never look at a cartoon the same again

Posted by: sybilll at December 27, 2013 09:26 PM (WRe8E)

325 I thought the Russians had trouble blasting through the pack at Novaya Zemlya.

Posted by: Jean at December 27, 2013 09:26 PM (4JkHl)

326 re:sidebar, TNR is indistinguishable from The Nation or Mother Jones these days, as ex-editor Marty Peretz pointed out. For all the loling liberals do at FOX News's "fair and balanced" claim they've got their own magazine claiming "unbiased" opinion when they rarely print anything disagreeing with left-liberal orthodoxy now.

Posted by: blue.dot at December 27, 2013 09:27 PM (TP6sz)

327 "Aim a clamp light with a 100W bulb at the burner gun for a while.
Heating it a bit above ambient will drive out most of the moisture from
its innards and electrical parts."

If you still have a 100W bulb.

Posted by: mrp at December 27, 2013 09:27 PM (HjPtV)

328 Well it depends, are these Happy Feet penguins or with Madagascar Penguins?

Posted by: sven

The feral kind:
http://tinyurl.com/l6pwctn

Posted by: Mike Hammer at December 27, 2013 09:27 PM (aDwsi)

329 320 Penguins...with freaking lasers on their heads.

Posted by: Purp
---------------

What could go wrong?
Posted by: Mike Hammer at December 27, 2013 09:23 PM (aDwsi)

You haven't seen Managascar?

Posted by: Jean at December 27, 2013 09:28 PM (4JkHl)

330 325 Jean at December 27, 2013 09:26 PM (4JkHl)

Didn't Bruce Willis' son become a KGB Ninja going after the Russian Mob or something?

Posted by: sven10077 at December 27, 2013 09:28 PM (9jfyN)

331 I have read ice is not as easy to damage with bombs as you might think, it was a reason they considred making that super carrier out of pykrete.

Posted by: yankeefifth at December 27, 2013 09:28 PM (rDidD)

332 This is the shit that makes this place a smart military blog.

Posted by: Mallamutt, at December 27, 2013 09:28 PM (OWjjx)

333 328 Mike Hammer at December 27, 2013 09:27 PM (aDwsi)

Nice...

they are practicing with Smith and Wessons

Posted by: sven10077 at December 27, 2013 09:29 PM (9jfyN)

334 Try "C'est magnifique" as a caption for each cartoon. They laughed in Paris!

Posted by: mrp at December 27, 2013 09:29 PM (HjPtV)

335 eventually, in 40 or 50 years, china is going to put a comment on this smart military blog.

Posted by: yankeefifth at December 27, 2013 09:30 PM (rDidD)

336 So what is on the stranded by ice ship? All of the President's hidden records? The one Ring? One billion Furbies?

Posted by: Anna Puma (+SmuD) at December 27, 2013 09:30 PM (04hTF)

337 335 yankeefifth at December 27, 2013 09:30 PM (rDidD)

You go NOW you eat here 5 hour!

//Lace Wigs at the China Wok

Posted by: sven10077 at December 27, 2013 09:31 PM (9jfyN)

338 when china puts a comment here, on this smart military blog, in 40 or 50 years, it will be plagiarized.

Posted by: yankeefifth at December 27, 2013 09:32 PM (rDidD)

339 I have read ice is not as easy to damage with bombs as you might think, it was a reason they considred making that super carrier out of pykrete.

Posted by: yankeefifth
---------------

As an aside, just thie afternoon I picked up a terriffic book: 'Modern Shipfitter's Handbook', 1941.

*Lots* of fold-out drawings. Very cool. $1.50

Posted by: Mike Hammer at December 27, 2013 09:32 PM (aDwsi)

340 *this

Posted by: Mike Hammer at December 27, 2013 09:32 PM (aDwsi)

341 336 So what is on the stranded by ice ship? All of the President's hidden records? The one Ring? One billion Furbies?



Posted by: Anna Puma (+SmuD) at December 27, 2013 09:30 PM (04hTF)


The scientists who wrote the IPCC part that said the Ice would all be gone by now...

Posted by: Romeo13 at December 27, 2013 09:34 PM (lZBBB)

342 pykrete is not pure ice either. Ice + wood shavings and the Royal Navy gets a hard to sink or melt aircraft carrier.

Posted by: Anna Puma (+SmuD) at December 27, 2013 09:34 PM (04hTF)

343 and another thing, in addition to china, you know what really sucks, real chinese food, you know, stuff not improved for consumption in the civilized world.

Posted by: yankeefifth at December 27, 2013 09:35 PM (rDidD)

344 341 Romeo13 at December 27, 2013 09:34 PM (lZBBB)

Romeo13 come on down....

you won with THE IPCC'S INTEGRITY your prize is a season's worth of Ben and Jerry's

Posted by: sven10077 at December 27, 2013 09:35 PM (9jfyN)

345 so anyone know why spellchscker keeps telling me china and chinese should be capitalized?

Posted by: yankeefifth at December 27, 2013 09:36 PM (rDidD)

346 My condolences to the Colorado Avalanche fans, here.

Hawks up 7 - 1

Posted by: garrett at December 27, 2013 09:36 PM (EmR4I)

347 so anyone know why spellchscker keeps telling me china and chinese should be capitalized?


Try islam, mohammed, and/or quran.

Posted by: garrett at December 27, 2013 09:37 PM (EmR4I)

348 GGE is your contact info in the yahoo group?

Posted by: Jean at December 27, 2013 09:16 PM (4JkHl)


I'm in the group there. I've been posting messages there about a KCMO meetup. If not, blog in link in nic, email addy can be found from there.

Posted by: GGE of the Moron Horde, NC Chapter at December 27, 2013 09:37 PM (4b6CZ)

349 Proper nouns get capitalized.

Posted by: Purp at December 27, 2013 09:38 PM (70Unk)

350 347 garrett at December 27, 2013 09:37 PM (EmR4I)

mexico, worf, ogabe, or democrat

Posted by: sven10077 at December 27, 2013 09:38 PM (9jfyN)

351 Anna Puma (+SmuD) at December 27, 2013 09:34 PM



hey Anna. I think part of the reason or inspiration for pykrete was a knowledge that it was ineffective to bomb ice / it is capable of absorbing the explosive force somehow.

Posted by: yankeefifth at December 27, 2013 09:38 PM (rDidD)

352 Proper nouns get capitalized.
Posted by: Purp at December 27, 2013 09:38 PM (70Unk)


yeah, so?

Posted by: yankeefifth at December 27, 2013 09:39 PM (rDidD)

353 305 Aim a clamp light with a 100W bulb at the burner gun for a while. Heating it a bit above ambient will drive out most of the moisture from its innards and electrical parts.



Just a minute there...

Posted by: EPA and the Bulb Police at December 27, 2013 09:40 PM (6fSty)

354 GE - A thoughtful person would transport a shipment of grits out there.

Posted by: Mike Hammer at December 27, 2013 09:40 PM (aDwsi)

355 It's a sino ego thing, they have hacked all the worlds spellcheckers in a show of puffery and dominance.

Posted by: Jean at December 27, 2013 09:41 PM (4JkHl)

356 Proper nouns get capitalized.


Nothing proper about islam.

Posted by: garrett at December 27, 2013 09:41 PM (EmR4I)

357 fortunately for those clowns stuck by the chinese ice breaker there is plenty of wind so there is no worry about them running out of energy.

Posted by: yankeefifth at December 27, 2013 09:42 PM (rDidD)

358 GE - A thoughtful person would transport a shipment of grits out there.

Posted by: Mike Hammer at December 27, 2013 09:40 PM (aDwsi)


Indeed. And some shrimp so that a thoughtful person could cook a decent breakfast (don't have to worry about finding bacon there at least).

Posted by: GGE of the Moron Horde, NC Chapter at December 27, 2013 09:42 PM (4b6CZ)

359 355 Jean at December 27, 2013 09:41 PM (4JkHl)

The Sino/Scandia Alliance will force us all to like Hockey and Bamboo

Posted by: sven10077 at December 27, 2013 09:42 PM (9jfyN)

360 FFS!

@stevebruskCNN

A senior Defense Department official tells CNN’s Barbara Starr four U.S. military personnel are being held in Libyan government custody

Posted by: weft cut-loop at December 27, 2013 09:43 PM (dwArK)

361 fortunately for those clowns stuck by the chinese ice breaker there is plenty of wind so there is no worry about them running out of energy.
Posted by: yankeefifth at December 27, 2013 09:42 PM (rDidD)

For some reason, this made me laugh.

Posted by: tbodie at December 27, 2013 09:43 PM (vuXw6)

362 It's a sino ego thing, they have hacked all the worlds spellcheckers in a show of puffery and dominance.
Posted by: Jean

I guess that makes sense, it explains why spellchecker is not trying to capitalize ballsuckers.

Posted by: yankeefifth at December 27, 2013 09:44 PM (rDidD)

363 360 weft cut-loop at December 27, 2013 09:43 PM (dwArK)

Yeah...since Barry has been in charge the Erf respects us!

//S "no the by far inferior" Rice

Posted by: sven10077 at December 27, 2013 09:44 PM (9jfyN)

364 346
My condolences to the Colorado Avalanche fans, here.



Hawks up 7 - 1

Posted by: garrett at December 27, 2013 09:36 PM (EmR4I)

-----

Get them out of the way tonight. Going to the Blues vs. Hawks game tomorrow.

Posted by: Dave S. at December 27, 2013 09:44 PM (UvR6d)

365 Posted by: weft cut-loop at December 27, 2013 09:43 PM (dwArK)


Oh how far we have fallen. They would never have tried that shit when Reagan was in charge. The worst Kadaffy ever did was come out in his glass bottomed rowboat to find the "nuclear powered aircraft carrier" Forrestal. He didn't find us so he wisely went on home. Sad thing is, we didn't even get to shoot down one of his airplanes.



Line of Death. Gulf of Sidra. Mad duck of the Middle East. Good times, good times...

Posted by: GGE of the Moron Horde, NC Chapter at December 27, 2013 09:47 PM (4b6CZ)

366 I think I'm gonna help you kill someone else.
Posted by: Panned Parenthood

Bronco Bama, IL State Sen., vote for me for Pres., you'll love it!

Posted by: The Farmer at December 27, 2013 09:50 PM (eBupg)

367

snood

Posted by: soothsayer at December 27, 2013 09:50 PM (jKBzE)

368 See you on the ONT!!!



*bails from thread*

Posted by: GGE of the Moron Horde, NC Chapter at December 27, 2013 09:53 PM (4b6CZ)

369 Get them out of the way tonight. Going to the Blues vs. Hawks game tomorrow.

Damn. I'm green.

That should be a good one.

Posted by: garrett at December 27, 2013 09:57 PM (EmR4I)

370 West, I'm a lazy person, myself, although I prefer the term "naturally efficient."

Posted by: JonathanG at December 27, 2013 11:11 PM (aYOnh)

371 #54 For what it's worth at this late point in the thread, "Christ, what an asshole" is indeed the canonical form. But Ace's version works surprisingly well too.

Posted by: Frank Underwood (D-SC) at December 28, 2013 12:06 AM (OpaBw)

372 A Ballade of Suicide

THE gallows in my garden, people say,
Is new and neat and adequately tall.
I tie the noose on in a knowing way
As one that knots his necktie for a ball;
But just as all the neighbours -- on the wall --
Are drawing a long breath to shout 'Hurray!'
The strangest whim has seized me . . . After all
I think I will not hang myself today.


Tomorrow is the time I get my pay --
My uncle's sword is hanging in the hall --
I see a little cloud all pink and grey --
Perhaps the Rector's mother will not call --
I fancy that I heard from Mr Gall
That mushrooms could be cooked another way --
I never read the works of Juvenal --
I think I will not hang myself today.


The world will have another washing day;
The decadents decay; the pedants pall;
And H.G. Wells has found that children play,
And Bernard Shaw discovered that they squall;
Rationalists are growing rational --
And through thick woods one finds a stream astray,
So secret that the very sky seems small --
I think I will not hang myself today.


Envoi
Prince, I can hear the trumpet of Germinal,
The tumbrils toiling up the terrible way;
Even today your royal head may fall --
I think I will not hang myself today.
G. K. Chesterton

Posted by: Mark Noonan at December 28, 2013 01:16 AM (UI/5X)

373 Sorry, but "What have you done with Dr, Millmoss?" still works better.

Posted by: PersonFromPorlock at December 28, 2013 07:37 AM (lILC0)

374 It *works* with all of them, but only the Family Circus is truly funny with it.

As far as a name, you could call it the "Cards Against Humanity Shortcut," because it's the same humor principle from which that game operates: something bizarre and shocking tends to be funny when juxtaposed with something ordinary (for the right senses of humor).

Posted by: Nicholas Kronos at December 28, 2013 09:59 AM (mYm3B)






Processing 0.07, elapsed 0.073 seconds.
15 queries taking 0.0177 seconds, 383 records returned.
Page size 173 kb.
Powered by Minx 0.7 alpha.

MuNuvians
MeeNuvians
Polls! Polls! Polls!
Frequently Asked Questions
The (Almost) Complete Paul Anka Integrity Kick
Top Top Tens
Greatest Hitjobs

The Ace of Spades HQ Sex-for-Money Skankathon
A D&D Guide to the Democratic Candidates
Margaret Cho: Just Not Funny
More Margaret Cho Abuse
Margaret Cho: Still Not Funny
Iraqi Prisoner Claims He Was Raped... By Woman
Wonkette Announces "Morning Zoo" Format
John Kerry's "Plan" Causes Surrender of Moqtada al-Sadr's Militia
World Muslim Leaders Apologize for Nick Berg's Beheading
Michael Moore Goes on Lunchtime Manhattan Death-Spree
Milestone: Oliver Willis Posts 400th "Fake News Article" Referencing Britney Spears
Liberal Economists Rue a "New Decade of Greed"
Artificial Insouciance: Maureen Dowd's Word Processor Revolts Against Her Numbing Imbecility
Intelligence Officials Eye Blogs for Tips
They Done Found Us Out, Cletus: Intrepid Internet Detective Figures Out Our Master Plan
Shock: Josh Marshall Almost Mentions Sarin Discovery in Iraq
Leather-Clad Biker Freaks Terrorize Australian Town
When Clinton Was President, Torture Was Cool
What Wonkette Means When She Explains What Tina Brown Means
Wonkette's Stand-Up Act
Wankette HQ Gay-Rumors Du Jour
Here's What's Bugging Me: Goose and Slider
My Own Micah Wright Style Confession of Dishonesty
Outraged "Conservatives" React to the FMA
An On-Line Impression of Dennis Miller Having Sex with a Kodiak Bear
The Story the Rightwing Media Refuses to Report!
Our Lunch with David "Glengarry Glen Ross" Mamet
The House of Love: Paul Krugman
A Michael Moore Mystery (TM)
The Dowd-O-Matic!
Liberal Consistency and Other Myths
Kepler's Laws of Liberal Media Bias
John Kerry-- The Splunge! Candidate
"Divisive" Politics & "Attacks on Patriotism" (very long)
The Donkey ("The Raven" parody)
News/Chat