Was "The Onion's" Joke Really That Bad?

Before I mention the joke, I have to mention the template for it.

Jokes have templates. A lot of times you may think someone sounds like he "just made something up," and he's a quick wit. In fact, what he is is someone who knows a lot of joke templates, and just swaps appropriate words in the A Blank and the B Blank, and makes it sound fresh.

But the template itself is old, old, old, and has been used a million times.

And I'm not knocking this, as I do it all the time; anyone who writes jokes does this. I mean, this is what jokes are, you know.

The template the Onion used was this:

"We're all thinking it: [Insert something truly horrible that absolutely no one at all is thinking]"

You see this joke on sitcoms all the time.

CHARACTER A: [Something fantastically horrible]

CHARACTERS B & C: [Upset reaction that anyone would say such a thing]

CHARACTER A (flatly): Well we were all thinking it.

The point of the joke is not the truth of the statement offered, but some kind of unintentional revelation about the speaker of it.

Of course, while the joke relies on the idea of an "unintentional revelation" about the speaker that he he intended to keep silent, in fact it's completely intentional, because the joke is designed for just that effect.

ME: Lindsey Lohan hasn't been bangable since "The Parent Trap." Well, we were all thinking it.

I mean, honestly, if I believed this I wouldn't write it into the Evidentiary Record.

The simple variation of the joke is to change "We were all thinking it" to "Everyone's afraid to say it, but..." They have the same meaning.

So the Onion deployed this joke with regard to a 9-year-old actress...

Everyone else seems afraid to say it, but that Quvenzhané Wallis is kind of a c**t, right? #Oscars2013

The Onion (@TheOnion) February 25, 2013

The joke is that precisely no one is thinking that, and this is supposed to be the Onion writer "accidentally" exposing the dark twists of his brain. The target of the joke is the Speaker, not the Subject the Speaker is speaking about.

But he didn't mean it, and anyone who's seen this joke any of the sixty five million times it's been deployed knows he didn't mean it.

The only problem here is that this is a kid, and she might read the joke, and might be upset, even though no offense was actually intended.

And that's a concern, but... I mean, do we literally have to worry about every single person who may read our jokes and patrol them to make sure literally no one is ever hurt by them?

And as far as that little girl: I mean, once you explain the joke to her, does she remain upset?

And what's this girl's parents doing letting her read the Internet unsupervised, or be on the sewage pit Twitter, or read the adult-oriented Onion?

They should be burned with fire until they are dead, dead, dead.

Come on, you know you were all thinking it.

Risk Vs. Reward: Given this joke is in fact a cliche (and currently being way overused, to the point where it could have its own TVTropes category), another objection would be "Does the merit of the joke justify its capacity to offend?"

Well, clearly not, given that The Onion felt the need to apologize.

But that said, that's a purely prudential consideration, a cost-benefit determination, not a matter of morality.

And so no, given that people have a short-trigger when it comes to Jokes About Kids, no, it wasn't worth it. It's really a joke that's now in its last gasp, and the writer thought he could give it some freshness by adding even more Shock Value than usual.

But, in none of the worlds that exist did the guy really mean a cute little girl he never met is really a c-word.

Posted by: Ace at 03:24 PM



Comments

1 Yeah, it's kind of crazy how everyone is That's Horrible You Guys over a simple joke.

Posted by: Heralder at February 25, 2013 03:27 PM (+xmn4)

2 They are jackasses of the first order.

Posted by: archie goodwin at February 25, 2013 03:28 PM (Jsiw/)

3 Where's the joke? I was thinking it.

Posted by: Jollyroger at February 25, 2013 03:29 PM (t06LC)

4 The Olson twins just aren't as hot as they were on Full House, amirite?

Posted by: wiserbud at February 25, 2013 03:29 PM (WCe8r)

5 A good internet friend told me that if I'm not offending anybody then I'm playing it too safe; but this was pretty fucking stupid.

Posted by: Captain Hate at February 25, 2013 03:30 PM (UYfkz)

6
Also, I was not being sarcastic, I really don't think it's that big a deal.

Posted by: Heralder at February 25, 2013 03:30 PM (+xmn4)

7 dunno but "The New Yorker" has an article on MacFarlane's hosting that is very lol

not that i think the guy was superduperhilarious, but all these "Seth MacFarlane, destroyer of women" pieces are pretty amusing

Posted by: JDP at February 25, 2013 03:30 PM (60GaT)

8
Just because you can make a tasteless joke..

Posted by: soothsayer at February 25, 2013 03:31 PM (BUcLz)

9
I'm shocked!

How dare they attack a child that is not the son or daughter of the Anti-Christs Sarah Palin and Barack Obama. After all, kids are only fair game if politics are involved.

Posted by: rd at February 25, 2013 03:31 PM (zLp5I)

10 If they'd made the joke about Generic Fanning, no one would have said shit.

Posted by: HeatherRadish™ needs a beer at February 25, 2013 03:31 PM (/kI1Q)

11 Jeebus though--the Onion is desperate .

Posted by: tasker at February 25, 2013 03:32 PM (r2PLg)

12 4
The Olson twins just aren't as hot as they were on Full House, amirite?


Posted by: wiserbud at February 25, 2013 03:29 PM (WCe8r)
They were hotties all right

Posted by: Roman Polanski at February 25, 2013 03:33 PM (FIDMq)

13 'The Evidentiary Record' is what everyone thinks of this place.

Posted by: locomotivebreath1901 at February 25, 2013 03:33 PM (O7he0)

14 So Roman Polanski writes for the Onion now?

Posted by: Vizinni at February 25, 2013 03:33 PM (O7Q1u)

15 After all, kids are only fair game if politics republicans are involved.


Fixed it.

Posted by: rickb223 at February 25, 2013 03:33 PM (GFM2b)

16 The Oscars was a target rich environment for jokes, no?

Posted by: tasker at February 25, 2013 03:33 PM (r2PLg)

17 I get what ace is saying.

"Obama really does have the makings of a fucking tyrant, doesn't he? You were already thinking it!"

See? Not funny.

Posted by: Herr Morgenholz at February 25, 2013 03:33 PM (szUf0)

18 F me. Missed it by that much.

Posted by: Vizinni at February 25, 2013 03:33 PM (O7Q1u)

19 Lindsey Lohan hasn't been bangable since "The Parent Trap." Well, we were all thinking it.

Wait, this is a joke?

Posted by: Roman Polanski at February 25, 2013 03:33 PM (mO9O5)

20 A friend told me this one:
Q: What's the difference between babies and bowling balls?
A: You can't stack bowling balls with a pitchfork.

Funny, no. Actually shockingly awful and that's the point. Thats when I quit hanging around George Tiller. Bad sense of humor.

Posted by: Jollyroger at February 25, 2013 03:34 PM (t06LC)

21 What movie was this girl in? Am I missing something about this joke? Was she really a c**t in the movie or IRL?

Posted by: EC at February 25, 2013 03:34 PM (58gfT)

22 The joke may have been less offensive if the cooter in question wasn't prepubescent.

Posted by: Fritz at February 25, 2013 03:34 PM (WM+rJ)

23 but we need to return the left's humorlessness to them, so more coal on this fire please

Posted by: joeindc44 wonders if anyone has any advice for the GOP at February 25, 2013 03:34 PM (QxSug)

24 Damn, you have to get in a thread early to be first with the Roman Polanski joke.

Posted by: Waterhouse at February 25, 2013 03:34 PM (mO9O5)

25 The evidence is whatever you need it to be. Call me.

Posted by: Winston Smith at February 25, 2013 03:34 PM (/gHaE)

26 Did they do Michelle Obama jokes or was the nine year old easier to pick off?

Posted by: tasker at February 25, 2013 03:34 PM (r2PLg)

27 and really, isn't this a racial code word dog whistle on the part of the onion?

Posted by: joeindc44 wonders if anyone has any advice for the GOP at February 25, 2013 03:34 PM (QxSug)

28 She's kinda hot. Maybe a little too dark for my taste.

Posted by: Roberto Menendez (D) at February 25, 2013 03:35 PM (feFL6)

29 20A friend told me this one:
Q: What's the difference between babies and bowling balls?
A: You can't stack bowling balls with a pitchfork.

Funny, no. Actually shockingly awful and that's the point. Thats when I quit hanging around George Tiller. Bad sense of humor. Posted by: Jollyroger at February 25, 2013 03:34 PM (t06LC)


I laughed, revealing that I'm probably a horrible horrible person.

Posted by: Heralder at February 25, 2013 03:35 PM (+xmn4)

30 Obviously, the C word is the problem. Would the joke have worked by just calling her a bitch? The Onion guy just used the wrong word.

Posted by: joncelli at February 25, 2013 03:35 PM (RD7QR)

31
Barky is a Stuttering Clusterfuck of a Miserable Whore.

What?
You were all thinking it.

Posted by: wheatie at February 25, 2013 03:35 PM (eyJSG)

32 Yes, its that bad. Filthy jokes and young children go together like Ted Nugent and Nancy Botox.

Posted by: maddogg at February 25, 2013 03:36 PM (OlN4e)

33 Nine year old--go team!

Michelle Obama--"Let's think about this gang!!"

Posted by: tasker at February 25, 2013 03:36 PM (r2PLg)

34 Q: How did the dead baby get across the road?

A: It was stapled to the chicken.

I've gotthe template wrong...but come on, we were all thinking it.

Posted by: Lurking Canuck at February 25, 2013 03:36 PM (NF2Bf)

35 Barky is a Stuttering Clusterfuck of a Miserable Whore.



What?

You were all thinking it.



Since 2008.

Posted by: EC at February 25, 2013 03:36 PM (58gfT)

36
I have a different take on these 'jokes' than Ace.

When people, like Seth McFarlane for example, makes crude out-of-bounds jokes about children's privates, periods, feces, blacks, chinks, etc. they're really showing their true selves.

McFarlane can hide behind the humor excuse, but he and The Onion guy are really just a couple of sick fucks who like to say mean shit.

Posted by: soothsayer at February 25, 2013 03:36 PM (Fely/)

37

Yes, it was that bad.


Next.

Posted by: Meremortal at February 25, 2013 03:36 PM (1Y+hH)

38 The joke may have been less offensive if the cooter in question wasn't prepubescent.

Then it wouldn't have been a joke.

Posted by: wiserbud at February 25, 2013 03:36 PM (WCe8r)

39 Red on Red.

A shit I do not give.

LIB

Posted by: weft cut-loop at February 25, 2013 03:37 PM (Ipj15)

40 The joke is in your hand the mirror.

Posted by: Congressional Bathroom at February 25, 2013 03:37 PM (N2yhW)

41 But, in none of the worlds that exist did the guy really mean a cute little girl he never met is really a c-word.

Maybe, but you know who's a real c**t? Frankie Muniz, that's who. Now that guy had better watch his fucking step.

Fuck.
Frankie.
Fucking.
Muniz.

Posted by: Phinn at February 25, 2013 03:38 PM (oFH2D)

42

Blue on Blue attacks. Works for me.

Also, you should have see the "raaaacists" rants flying around the interverse last night.

Posted by: Laurie David's Cervix at February 25, 2013 03:38 PM (kdS6q)

43 >>>Q: What's the difference between babies and bowling balls?

>>>A: You can't stack bowling balls with a pitchfork.


A pedophile and a little boy are walking in the woods.

"Mister, I'm getting kind of scared here in the dark woods"

"You're scared? Think of me. I have to walk out of here by myself."

Posted by: Herr Morgenholz at February 25, 2013 03:38 PM (szUf0)

44 We will have to wait several years for her to reveal her politics.

Only then will we know if it's a joke.

Posted by: jwb7605 (Let It Burn) at February 25, 2013 03:38 PM (Qxe/p)

45 I don't get it.

Posted by: Low Information Poster at February 25, 2013 03:39 PM (BVkEs)

46
For mere $500,000 you can come to the White House and call that thing I'm married to anything you want.

Posted by: President TFG at February 25, 2013 03:39 PM (mETGQ)

47 Yeah, it was in bad taste. Pathetic that anyone would have to go that low for a cheap laugh. It was the kid's night and who wants their 9 year old daughter referred to as a cunt. And you know if anyone said the same about Obama's daughter or the fatass flotus, they would probably get a warning here.

Posted by: I chase him - I bite him at February 25, 2013 03:39 PM (6J6x7)

48
35
Barky is a Stuttering Clusterfuck of a Miserable Whore.




What?


You were all thinking it.

----------------------------------

Since 2008.


Posted by: EC at February 25, 2013 03:36 PM (58gfT)


Oh no, he's been a SCOAMW since waaaaaay before that.

Posted by: BCochran1981 at February 25, 2013 03:40 PM (da5Wo)

49 Q. What's 18 inches long and makes a woman scream?

A. Crib death.

Posted by: LibertarianJim (team #letitburn) at February 25, 2013 03:40 PM (9TK8E)

50 There is a whole lot of humor which is based on cruelty.... either real... or imagined...

Think Three Stooges...

Posted by: Romeo13 at February 25, 2013 03:40 PM (lZBBB)

51 What movie was this girl in?

Posted by: EC at February 25, 2013 03:42 PM (58gfT)

52 49

I bow.

Posted by: Herr Morgenholz at February 25, 2013 03:42 PM (szUf0)

53 Posted by: Herr Morgenholz

Okay, I laughed, out loud. But you're the evil one, not me.

Posted by: Dr Spank at February 25, 2013 03:42 PM (4cRnj)

54 If he'd have said "bitch" instead, no one would have ever heard about this.

It's purely that he dared to tweet THE C-WORD (about someone other than a conservative woman).

Posted by: Andy at February 25, 2013 03:42 PM (C/NnJ)

55 Wow I actually went through The Onion twitter--

no Michelle Obama joke.

So they went after that joke on the nine year old but thought better about or were more afraid to do a Michelle Obama joke.

(the joke in question has been deleted.)

Posted by: tasker at February 25, 2013 03:42 PM (r2PLg)

56 Q: How do you make a dead baby shake?

A: 2 scoops of ice cream and once scoop of dead baby.

Posted by: wiserbud at February 25, 2013 03:42 PM (WCe8r)

57 You know what's black and blue and hates men?

A rape victim.

Posted by: Roberto Menendez (D) at February 25, 2013 03:43 PM (feFL6)

58 Posted by: joncelli at February 25, 2013 03:35 PM (RD7QR)

You may be right since in the non-context of Twitter it looks like he's saying "she's a bitch" instead of that she's hot. "Hot" about a kid is tacky, but concievably a joke, where as "bitch" seems like nastiness if there's no evidence as to the kid's bad attitude.

Posted by: Polliwog the 'Ette, assault Hobbit at February 25, 2013 03:43 PM (wbeNt)

59
~ tap tap tap tap tap ~

... so Hadji is allotted three more "that is what she said" jokes before Hadji must renew his subscription? You take credit cards?

Ha! That's what she said.

Camel dung. Hadji can only use two more. The person who said it was right - Dying, it is easy the comedy, it is hard. Too many rules. Wait ... this microphone, it is on? Yes?

... and so.

Hello! It is I, Hadji the Muslim comic, or as your border security people say "Come right in sir" as Hadji walks past the Swedish grandmother getting her cavities searched. Profiling - Hadji loves it.

But, you are not here for the education you are here for the funny. Or 'teh funny' as is said by some. And Hadji has teh funny.

In Spades.

David Spades. He is chained in Hadji's basement writing comedy bits for Hadji to use.Every time you laugh at the joke of Spade, David Spade gets an ounce of water. David Spade has been awful thirsty of late.

So, Hadji see how this works.Here is the joke:

David Spade walks into a bar and says "for gods sake I am trapped in a closet at an apartment building at the corner of ..." Wait a second ... this joke, it has too much set-up tomake funny. Hadji goes to the punch-line.

And David Spade says "hot buttered popcorn"

~ sigh ~ David Spade, he is to be a camel.

And not in the sexy way.

Hadji makes the funny - and he makes the funny Onion-style.

Movie about President Obama's cabinet choice for Defense in early contention for Oscar nomination: Zero Dork Thirty.

Thank you thank you thank you

The waitresses are ritually clean, so tip them without having to ablute yourselves afterwards. Attempt the veal.

-

Posted by: Hadji the Muslim Comic at February 25, 2013 03:43 PM (J8DGo)

60 I guess that Onion tweet really pissed off the right people, they've apologized.

Did Letterman ever apologize for the crack about some Yankee banging Sarah Palin's nine or ten year old daughter? I thought it was more of a "I'm sorry you guys don't get how funny it is to attack children of Sarah Palin" reticence.

Posted by: Baron Von Ottomatic at February 25, 2013 03:44 PM (6WVi+)

61 Is it okay if we call Reggie a c*nt?

Posted by: joncelli at February 25, 2013 03:44 PM (RD7QR)

62 Comedy is not pretty.

Posted by: Dr. Varno at February 25, 2013 03:45 PM (t62l5)

63 62
Comedy is not pretty.

Posted by: Dr. Varno at February 25, 2013 03:45 PM (t62l5)

And these days...rarely funny

Posted by: Red Shirt at February 25, 2013 03:46 PM (FIDMq)

64
If they'd used another word besides the c-word I could have laughed. Still, I guess the c-word kind of says more about the joke-teller, doesn't it. So it wouldn't speak as poorly about thejoke-teller had he used the word "bitch" or said she was a horse's ass.

I curse a lot and NEVER use the c-word, so I guess I have a hangup with it.

Posted by: spongeworthy at February 25, 2013 03:46 PM (r5w1L)

65 >>It's purely that he dared to tweet THE C-WORD

Yeh, that was over-the-top.

And it was about a specific kid, unlike the jokes being tossed up here.

Posted by: Mama AJ at February 25, 2013 03:46 PM (SUKHu)

66 "Michelle Obama really is an attention seeking whore, isn't she? We were all thinking it."

See? Not funny.

Posted by: Herr Morgenholz at February 25, 2013 03:46 PM (szUf0)

67
We totally disapprove and give you a down twinkles on this entire post.

Posted by: Dept of Political Correctness, you guys at February 25, 2013 03:47 PM (p/cQy)

68 A kid goes up to his father and says, "Hey, Pop, know how old I am today?"



His father says, "No...how old?"



He says, "I'm eleven!"



He goes into the kitchen and says to his grandmother, "Hey, Grandma, know how old I am today?"



She says, "Come closer..."



She unzips his jeans and reaches her thin, spotted arm down into his underwear.



She fondles his genitals for a few minutes and then she says, "You're eleven."



He says, "How could you tell?"



She says, "I heard you tell your father."

Posted by: Dr Spank at February 25, 2013 03:47 PM (4cRnj)

69 Beasts of The Southern Wild.

Never heard of it.

Posted by: EC at February 25, 2013 03:47 PM (58gfT)

70 Hahaha. Someone told me a good one the other day, but I didn't get it.

What is better than winning a medal at the
Special Olympics?

Not being retarded

Posted by: Joe Biden, I think at February 25, 2013 03:47 PM (feFL6)

71 I saw that girl on the read carpet while I was on the treadmill watching the tube.

Sorry to say that tweet was more accurate than sarcastically outlandish.

Posted by: polyworthy at February 25, 2013 03:47 PM (m2CN7)

72 It only makes sense (as a joke) if the girl in question is all sugar and spice and yadda yadda....


But these jokes just never do work....so never really worth it.


And I'd still hit Lindsay Lohan like like a horsemanbaby.

Posted by: eleven at February 25, 2013 03:47 PM (KXm42)

73 Gee, it's not like they called Michelle a Bigfoot. Or something.

Posted by: Craig Poe at February 25, 2013 03:47 PM (BVkEs)

74 "But, in none of the worlds that exist did the guy really mean a cute little girl he never met is really a c-word."
You wouldn't say that if that c*nt turned YOU down for a blowjob.

Posted by: Rocko at February 25, 2013 03:47 PM (6T8Ay)

75 So they went after that joke on the nine year old but thought better about or were more afraid to do a Michelle Obama joke.


Joke on a nine year old won't get you a drone strike.

Posted by: rickb223 at February 25, 2013 03:47 PM (GFM2b)

76 >>And what's this girl's parents doing letting her read the Internet unsupervised

Oh, I'm sure when she googles her name in 10 years, this word will still pop up.

Posted by: Mama AJ at February 25, 2013 03:47 PM (SUKHu)

77
IMHO, what is over the top is to even attempt to intellectualize something that offends basic decency..


Posted by: Mr. Peabody at February 25, 2013 03:48 PM (3bo9E)

78 Playing Angel's advocate Ace, there are some things that don't get to be the subject of jokes:

Pedophilia. Well children in general. I mean real children, not 17-1/2 year olds defined as children by the New York Times.

Assassins getting in the head of their victims.

Why be so surprised. Everyone's thinking it.

Posted by: John P. Squibob at February 25, 2013 03:48 PM (kqqGm)

79 A nine year old black girl.

Why is The Onion racist?

Posted by: EC at February 25, 2013 03:48 PM (58gfT)

80
Posted by: Herr Morgenholz at February 25, 2013 03:46 PM (szUf0)


I still think "Joe Biden is paste eating retard." is a knee slapper.

Posted by: President TFG at February 25, 2013 03:48 PM (mETGQ)

81 >>>Oh, I'm sure when she googles her name in 10 years, this word will still pop up.

right... but do I have to worry about a nineteen year old actress finding out that someone working for a parody newspaper once used a shopworn joke including her name?

Posted by: ace at February 25, 2013 03:49 PM (LCRYB)

82
as ace is pointing out, you have to know the rules to break the rules.

Unless you'reBill Hicks, then you just have to contract cancer and then die.

Posted by: BumperStickerist at February 25, 2013 03:49 PM (J8DGo)

83 Why was the tomato red?

Because it saw the salad dressing.

....

The salad dressing.

...

Like, it's getting dressed.

...

And the tomato ... it's all embarrassed. At the salad's nudity.

...

Uhm...

...

You were all thinking it?


Posted by: Warden at February 25, 2013 03:49 PM (HzhBE)

84 Oh, I'm sure when she googles her name in 10 years, this word will still pop up.

Posted by: Mama AJ at February 25, 2013 03:47 PM (SUKHu)

Of course in 10 years she'll probably be as screwed up as Lindsay Lohan, so by that time her name will be associated with exposed lady parts again.

Posted by: joncelli at February 25, 2013 03:49 PM (RD7QR)

85 One hobo meets another another under their mutual bridge.

"Man, I had the best sex ever last night from a girl I met down at the railroad tracks."

Other one asks "Did she give good head?"

"Head? Couldn't find it."

Posted by: Herr Morgenholz at February 25, 2013 03:50 PM (szUf0)

86 Every time you laugh at the joke of Spade, David Spade gets an ounce of water. David Spade has been awful thirsty of late.

I snickered.

Posted by: HeatherRadish™ needs a beer at February 25, 2013 03:50 PM (/kI1Q)

87 >>>"Michelle Obama really is an attention seeking whore, isn't she? We were all thinking it."
See? Not funny.

How about:
"Michelle Obama would never stoop to being an attention seeking whore. We can admit as much, can't we?"

Does the dry British sarcasm help?

Posted by: Dr. Varno at February 25, 2013 03:50 PM (t62l5)

88 66 "Michelle Obama really is an attention seeking whore, isn't she? We were all thinking it."

See? Not funny.
Posted by: Herr Morgenholz at February 25, 2013 03:46 PM (szUf0)


___________________

Okay--but the yalso didn't joke about that Twilight chick.

She came out limping with one heel broken off, her hair all messed up and scratching her head like she had fleas and got all surly with Daniel Radcliffe--aka Harry Potter.

It was so bad we thought it was going to be a little skit but no.

Posted by: tasker at February 25, 2013 03:50 PM (r2PLg)

89 Complimentary Ghey Joke:
I just read the book "Truly Tasteless Jokes", but couldn't get past the picture of Michelle's outfit from last night.

Posted by: Roy at February 25, 2013 03:50 PM (VndSC)

90 Why did God create yeast infections?

So women would know what it's like to live with an
irritating cunt once in a while too.

Posted by: Male 'Onion' Writer at February 25, 2013 03:51 PM (feFL6)

91 So they went after that joke on the nine year old but thought better about or were more afraid to do a Michelle Obama joke.

(the joke in question has been deleted.)Posted by: tasker at February 25, 2013 03:42 PM (r2PLg)
See this is where people are going wrong in my opinion, you're attributing thought to this joke. It's twitter. It's the very antithesis of "thought out". this is why so many people get into trouble on twitter.

Posted by: Heralder at February 25, 2013 03:51 PM (+xmn4)

92 well, think of what happened to the idiot who did that Wonkette article about Palin's Down Syndrome kid. Making fun of children does sometime blow up in your face. Remember Limbaugh in Nov 1992 and Chelsea..?

Posted by: mallfly at February 25, 2013 03:51 PM (bJm7W)

93 Eh, it was just lame to include the kid in their stupid "joke". It wasn't funny, just more vulgar garbage disguised as biting humor.

Posted by: Chris at February 25, 2013 03:52 PM (gI9Bk)

94 What makes it weird is no one really knows who this girl is. I have no prior knowledge to know whether they are just being absurd or making a not so subtle hint at her behavior.

Posted by: Adam Smith's Invisible Pimp Hand at February 25, 2013 03:52 PM (NzBQO)

95 Here about the guy who liked to screwninety nine year olds?


He was going to go for ahundred and fiftybut that would have been too many.

Posted by: polyworthy at February 25, 2013 03:52 PM (m2CN7)

96 Okay, yeh, maybe it wouldn't matter in 10 years, but I'd rather a 10-17 year old didn't have the c-word associated with her name at all.

Posted by: Mama AJ at February 25, 2013 03:53 PM (SUKHu)

97 A clown goes down on his clown girlfriend.

"This tastes funny."

Posted by: Herr Morgenholz at February 25, 2013 03:53 PM (szUf0)

98 it's a really toxic word and I think it's best saved for very special situations for people so vile, no other word will do


Posted by: Jones in CO at February 25, 2013 03:53 PM (8sCoq)

99 Calling her a c*nt was over the line. Attention whore would have more accurate.

Posted by: Dr Spank at February 25, 2013 03:53 PM (4cRnj)

100 Stupid Onion should've made it about Sarah Palin...That's always riotously funny.

Posted by: zsasz at February 25, 2013 03:53 PM (MMC8r)

101 A 9 year old boy asks his dad for $10. Father says, "Okay, I'll give you $10 for a blowjob." Kid feels weird about it, but finally agrees.

The next week, the kid asks his father for another $10. Father says, "Okay, but that will be another blowjob."

Kid says "Okay, but you have to swallow this time or no deal."

Posted by: wiserbud at February 25, 2013 03:53 PM (WCe8r)

102 What makes it weird is no one really knows who this girl is.

Good luck trying to type her name into Wikipedia to find out.

Posted by: HeatherRadish™ needs a beer at February 25, 2013 03:53 PM (/kI1Q)

103 91...[It's twitter. It's the very antithesis of "thought out". this is why so many people get into trouble on twitter.

It's like...Twitter Tourette's.

Posted by: wheatie at February 25, 2013 03:53 PM (eyJSG)

104 Ms Lohan's a CILF. Srsly.

Posted by: The littl shyning man at February 25, 2013 03:54 PM (ndp2I)

105 Calling her a c*nt was over the line. Attention whore would have more accurate.
Posted by: Dr Spank

Are we talking about the 9 year old, or Michelle?

Posted by: Roy at February 25, 2013 03:54 PM (VndSC)

106 91 So they went after that joke on the nine year old but thought better about or were more afraid to do a Michelle Obama joke.

(the joke in question has been deleted.)Posted by: tasker at February 25, 2013 03:42 PM (r2PLg)See this is where people are going wrong in my opinion, you're attributing thought to this joke. It's twitter. It's the very antithesis of "thought out". this is why so many people get into trouble on twitter.
Posted by: Heralder at February 25, 2013 03:51 PM (+xmn4)

______________

True --great point.

But I think it reveals a point that they have more of a taboo in their unconscious about going after Michelle Obama the first African American Fist Lady than they do about going after the youngest actress ever nominated for an Oscar.

Posted by: tasker at February 25, 2013 03:54 PM (r2PLg)

107 The Hadji, he is on fire today.
AAIIIEEEE

We were all thinking it.

Posted by: comatus at February 25, 2013 03:54 PM (qaVK+)

108 Are we talking about the 9 year old, or Michelle?

Posted by: Roy


Both.

Posted by: Dr Spank at February 25, 2013 03:55 PM (4cRnj)

109
I saw your boobs, I saw your boobs, boobs boobs boobs, I saw your booobs.

Posted by: Boob seer at February 25, 2013 03:55 PM (p/cQy)

110 maybe this joke would be funny, if anyone knew who this girl was or how to pronounce her first name

Posted by: L, elle at February 25, 2013 03:55 PM (0PiQ4)

111 >>>Eh, it was just lame to include the kid in their stupid "joke". It wasn't funny, just more vulgar garbage disguised as biting humor.

I can agree it's a lame joke. It is making its last appearances, right before the official deadline, in sitcoms and in twitter timelines.

But whenver you do the joke, it does have to contain some dark/crazy/awful part. That's the whole point.

Kate Upton certainly is an attractively buxom woman/Well we were all thinking it

just doesn't work since we are all actually thinking it.

So yeah, if it's kids, I guess, it's not worth it.

But again, the writer didn't mean it. If you want to rap him, rap him on failing to appreciate that the lame joke included such objectionable stuff, but you know, don't say he MEANT it.

He didn't.

Posted by: ace at February 25, 2013 03:55 PM (LCRYB)

112 edit: damn it not-

"Fist Lady."

First Lady.

oh gawd.

Posted by: tasker at February 25, 2013 03:55 PM (r2PLg)

113 By the way, did Danica Patrick "take the pole" at Daytona?

Posted by: Dr. Varno at February 25, 2013 03:56 PM (t62l5)

114 It would have been a hoot if Michelle had been there to announce 'Django Unchained.'

Posted by: zsasz at February 25, 2013 03:56 PM (MMC8r)

115 Tosh does a funny bit like this in one of his standup specials. It's about how a Beckham/Brad Pitt baby would be hotter than baby Jesus because it would have better abs. He then says he'd f*ck that baby and when the crowd groans he gets indignant about their concern for his motives towards this purely fictional baby.

Posted by: asteocles at February 25, 2013 03:56 PM (CxnxF)

116 From reading these comments, it appears some believe there was some remote sexual context to the Twitter joke. There was none. The little girl is very nice and it's outlandish to refer to her personality negatively. So they used the c-word. Nothing smutty about the joke, just harsh language.

Posted by: spongeworthy at February 25, 2013 03:56 PM (r5w1L)

117 WTF?

Why even ask the question. It wasn't even a 'joke'. It was abhorrent and beyond the pale.

Why is this even up for discussion?

Posted by: laceyunderalls at February 25, 2013 03:56 PM (pLTLS)

118
I heard that Michelle likes always on top when bumping ugly s with the scoamf.
Since he's only good at fucking up.

Posted by: YIKES! at February 25, 2013 03:56 PM (mETGQ)

119 Yeah verily, for a Male shall NOT use the C word, as only Women may use it about each other....

Just as no White may say the N word....

Posted by: THE Rules at February 25, 2013 03:57 PM (lZBBB)

120 It would have been a hoot if Michelle had been there to announce 'Django Unchained.'
Posted by: zsasz at February 25, 2013 03:56 PM (MMC8r)
...why?

Posted by: CAC at February 25, 2013 03:57 PM (6v/2T)

121 How does the X know when their mother is having her period?

The dog's dick tastes funny.

Posted by: @PurpAv at February 25, 2013 03:57 PM (/gHaE)

122 Comedy -

"L'il Bush" --- not Eve Ensler's next book, but an animated series about Dubya.

The Age of W. - When comedy was transgressive seriously you guys.

Posted by: BumperStickerist at February 25, 2013 03:57 PM (J8DGo)

123 She is, however, the first Oscar winner that was named from a Scrabble bag.

Posted by: zsasz at February 25, 2013 03:57 PM (MMC8r)

124
I think the one about a child would have been more shocking so they went for it, then had an "Oh shit" moment after it started to sink in. Might be he could have saved it by then tweeting pictures of his junk and saying he was hacked.

Posted by: Heralder at February 25, 2013 03:57 PM (+xmn4)

125 What's so good about an Ethiopian blowjob?

You know the c*nt will swallow.

Posted by: Male 'Onion' Writer at February 25, 2013 03:57 PM (feFL6)

126 dammit

Posted by: YIKES! at February 25, 2013 03:57 PM (mETGQ)

127 Woops that was in response to tasker.

Posted by: Heralder at February 25, 2013 03:57 PM (+xmn4)

128 1. The kid in question is absolutely adorable. Always appears cheerful and sweet too.
2. I have no problem if a conservative attacks someone for making vulgar and nasty "jokes" about her.
3. I do have a problem with lefties getting upset by it because they have no standards about vulgarity and nastiness to begin with.
4. Anyone who likes these jokes and therefore gets all pissy at "judgmental" conservatives who object to them should think twice. This kind of humor depends entirely on transgression for its effectiveness. If there are no standards, if there are no "judges," there is no transgression and therefore no humor here.
5. I am going to fry up a whole pound of bacon to make BLTs tonight.

Posted by: Margarita DeVille at February 25, 2013 03:58 PM (C8mVl)

129 >>>Why even ask the question. It wasn't even a 'joke'. It was abhorrent and beyond the pale.

When the Red Letter Media guy says Indiana Jones' love interest in Temple of Doom is "Sexy Indian Children," and shows a picture of a shirtless 12 year old Indian boy, is that beyond the pale, or do you know he's pulling your leg?

Posted by: ace at February 25, 2013 03:58 PM (LCRYB)

130 Seth Macfarlane's joke about her being 16 years away from being in George Clooney's range was pretty funny. Clooney didn't look to thrilled with the joke, just gave him the death stare.

Posted by: Adam Smith's Invisible Pimp Hand at February 25, 2013 03:58 PM (NzBQO)

131 Posted by: ace at February 25, 2013 03:55 PM (LCRYB)

A joke has to have some semblance of truth to it and unfortunately if you saw this little girl you would have been thinking the same thing. Maybe not the c-word but something similar.

Posted by: polyworthy at February 25, 2013 03:58 PM (m2CN7)

132 But again, the writer didn't mean it. If you want to rap him, rap him on failing to appreciate that the lame joke included such objectionable stuff, but you know, don't say he MEANT it.

He didn't.
Posted by: ace at February 25, 2013 03:55 PM (LCRYB)

Making a tasteless awful joke is deliberate, but actually meaning the insult itself, I guess some haven't realized that's 99% of comedy out there now.

Hell look at what Adam Carolla and Dana Gould frequently did with Huell Howser. Half of Gould's stand up was insinuating Huell was a child-molesting murderer.

Posted by: CAC at February 25, 2013 03:59 PM (6v/2T)

133 there wouldn't be any outrage if the kid was white

Posted by: weo at February 25, 2013 03:59 PM (9JrlY)

134 I thought their tasteless jokes about the Pistorius murder case were far more offensive than this joke, which was "inartful" but without intentional malice toward the young girl. Maybe it's just me, but I don't find murder amusing.

Posted by: Danishova at February 25, 2013 03:59 PM (twzzy)

135 124
I think the one about a child would have been more shocking so they went for it, then had an "Oh shit" moment after it started to sink in. Might be he could have saved it by then tweeting pictures of his junk and saying he was hacked.
Posted by: Heralder at February 25, 2013 03:57 PM (+xmn4)

_________________

Okay I get it.

LOL! at that second part--ha!

Posted by: tasker at February 25, 2013 03:59 PM (r2PLg)

136 I hear she got knocked up by A-Rod.

Posted by: zsasz at February 25, 2013 04:00 PM (MMC8r)

137 Using the phrase, "kind of" make everything more palatable. I can walk into a room full of my mother's friends and say, "It kind of smells like one of you old ladies shit yourselves" and they all still think I'm a polite young man.

Posted by: Dang at February 25, 2013 04:00 PM (R18D0)

138 The Onion joke was that bad, it was that bad because it sucked, it wasn't funny, not even close to funny. And that is why every one who works at the onion should be shot into the sun. For science and the betterment of man kind.

Posted by: Dave in MA at February 25, 2013 04:00 PM (zsPnE)

139
My question is who doesn't know if it comes from the Onion, it is massive sarcasm?

Posted by: Guy Mohawk at February 25, 2013 04:00 PM (p/cQy)

140 >>>Maybe it's just me, but I don't find murder amusing.

End of the Day, there are people who find dark material funny and people who say it's always out of line to use dark material in humor.

I'm in the first camp, and I simply cannot accept that I'm essentially not allowed to joke about dark material.

People who say "This is no time for joking" never say "This IS the time for joking."

Posted by: ace at February 25, 2013 04:00 PM (LCRYB)

141 110 maybe this joke would be funny, if anyone knew who this girl was or how to pronounce her first name

Posted by: L, elle at February 25, 2013 03:55 PM (0PiQ4)


You call it corn, we call it Quvenzhané .

Posted by: 1976 Mazola Commercial at February 25, 2013 04:01 PM (fWAjv)

142 64

I curse a lot and NEVER use the c-word, so I guess I have a hangup with it.


Posted by: spongeworthy at February 25, 2013 03:46 PM (r5w1L)

I'm guessing you don't make a lot of Trainspotting references, then.

Posted by: Big McLargeHuge at February 25, 2013 04:01 PM (XTy5s)

143
>>>if you saw this little girl you would have been thinking the same thing.

No, you wouldn't, Stop being an asshole.

Posted by: spongeworthy at February 25, 2013 04:01 PM (r5w1L)

144 When the Red Letter Media guy says Indiana Jones' love interest in Temple of Doom is "Sexy Indian Children," and shows a picture of a shirtless 12 year old Indian boy, is that beyond the pale, or do you know he's pulling your leg?
-------------
ace, if you were given a choice between spending a week with Kate Capshaw ora shirtless 12 year old Indian boy, -- and were not deaf --- whom would you choose?
_

Posted by: BumperStickerist at February 25, 2013 04:01 PM (J8DGo)

145 >>>Why even ask the question. It wasn't even a 'joke'. It was abhorrent and beyond the pale.

The Onion should have walked up behind her, grabbed her, and stuck its tongue down her throat. Because that's ROMANTIC! and if you disagree, you're "ruining everything for other women."

Heh.

Posted by: HeatherRadish™ needs a beer at February 25, 2013 04:01 PM (/kI1Q)

146 >>>You call it corn, we call it Quvenzhané .


Gesundheit.

Posted by: Dr. Varno at February 25, 2013 04:01 PM (t62l5)

147 Thing is the kid did act nonchalant and kind of tired of the media after 20 interviews back to back on the red carpet.

IOW she didn't fake being thrilled to talk to them after awhile like all the other starlets.

Posted by: tasker at February 25, 2013 04:01 PM (r2PLg)

148 Has the word "brat" been banned, or what?

Posted by: Craig Poe at February 25, 2013 04:01 PM (BVkEs)

149 meh, not all humor is for everyone, but I wonder if the libs would have gotten so outraged and the Onion would have deleted the tweet if it were about Sarah Palin's daughter?

Posted by: wiserbud at February 25, 2013 04:02 PM (WCe8r)

150 >>>The Onion joke was that bad, it was that bad because it sucked, it wasn't funny, not even close to funny.

yeah but it's not like he painstakingly crafted this joke over a few days. He just used an existing template for a quickie, throwaway joke in a Twitter feed.

Posted by: ace at February 25, 2013 04:02 PM (LCRYB)

151 End of the Day, there are people who find dark material funny and people who say it's always out of line to use dark material in humor.

I'm in the first camp, and I simply cannot accept that I'm essentially not allowed to joke about dark material.

People who say "This is no time for joking" never say "This IS the time for joking."

Posted by: ace at February 25, 2013 04:00 PM (LCRYB)
Anyone who heard the joke about "the clown and the kid walking into the woods" and doesn't simultaneously groan and laugh at the punchline is a humorless old bint.

Posted by: CAC at February 25, 2013 04:02 PM (6v/2T)

152
Maybethe 'Tasteless Joke' is a byproduct of political correctness.

We've reached a sort of PC-overload.
There is a huge list of "things you cannot say" now.

So, of course...for their shock value...they become irresistable.

Posted by: wheatie at February 25, 2013 04:02 PM (eyJSG)

153
The stock market is way over-valued. Come on, we're all thinking it.

Also Barack Obama is gay.

Posted by: Guy Mohawk at February 25, 2013 04:02 PM (p/cQy)

154 The Hadji, he is on fire today.
AAIIIEEEE

We were all thinking it.


Posted by: comatus at February 25, 2013 03:54 PM (qaVK+)


The Hadji, he should be on fire today.
C'mon, we were all thinking it.

Posted by: Hrothgar at February 25, 2013 04:02 PM (Cnqmv)

155 I swear a lot as well and the only woman that ever warranted the C word was Hillary Clinton.

Posted by: Jaimo at February 25, 2013 04:03 PM (9U1OG)

156 It's only OK to call a woman a cunt if she's a Republican cunt. Also acceptable: slut, whore, twat, gash and sow-belly pig. Just ask noted political philosopher and C-list comedian Bill Maher!

Posted by: Fart at February 25, 2013 04:03 PM (2aB+q)

157 If we couldn't joke about death, there'd be no Darwin Awards.

Posted by: @PurpAv at February 25, 2013 04:03 PM (/gHaE)

158 Hey, Barack told me a good one, but I don't get it...

What's the difference between oral sex & anal sex?

Oral sex makes your day, anal sex kinda makes your hole weak.

Posted by: Joe Biden, I think at February 25, 2013 04:03 PM (feFL6)

159 I say, rollin' around,
sittin' on dubs
can not lie, was high on shrubs,
Coolin' in my Escalade,
Man I'm paid, I got it made,
Take me to your special place,
Close your eyes show me your face,

I'm gonna piss on it.

(Chorus)
Haters wanna hate,
Lovers wanna love,
I don't even want,
None of the above,
I want to piss on you.
Yes I do, I'll piss on you,
I'll pee on you.


Posted by: R. Kelly at February 25, 2013 04:03 PM (fWAjv)

160 131---"A joke has to have some semblance of truth to it and unfortunately if you saw this little girl you would have been thinking the same thing. Maybe not the c-word but something similar."
Posted by: polyworthy at February 25, 2013 03:58 PM (m2CN7)

What the hell are you talking about?
I have seen this little girl on the red carpet throughout the awards season and have never, ever seen her appear as anything other than a sweet little girl.

Posted by: Margarita DeVille at February 25, 2013 04:03 PM (C8mVl)

161 Call me old fashioned but I don't think these kind of "jokes" either written or verbalized are ever funny when it comes to kids.
That goes for Obama's girls, Palin's, and everyone else's. Get as crude and rude with the adults as you want and let it all sort out.

Posted by: Cheri at February 25, 2013 04:03 PM (G+Wff)

162 I think "Murder" is a funny word -- or can be darkly funny -- precisely because it is such a horrible moral transgression.

I think saying "I got a Murder Boner" is funny. Precisely because it's just awful.

Posted by: ace at February 25, 2013 04:04 PM (LCRYB)

163 #159
You need the remix edition
(About the song of his pissin')

Posted by: CAC at February 25, 2013 04:04 PM (6v/2T)

164 When the Red Letter Media guy says Indiana Jones' love interest in Temple of Doom is "Sexy Indian Children," and shows a picture of a shirtless 12 year old Indian boy, is that beyond the pale, or do you know he's pulling your leg?

^^^

A. Nine.Year.Old.Baby.Girl.Was.Called.A.C_ _ _

Why is the 'writer's' intent even a consideration in this?

Posted by: laceyunderalls at February 25, 2013 04:04 PM (pLTLS)

165 >>>Anyone who heard the joke about "the clown and the kid walking into the woods" and doesn't simultaneously groan and laugh at the punchline is a humorless old bint.

yeah that's a good joke. I laughed, even though I'd heard it before.

Posted by: ace at February 25, 2013 04:04 PM (LCRYB)

166 All I know is we had a lot of fun explaining Kristen Stewart's appearance and The Onion has nothing.

zappo.

Gawd-she is weird.

Posted by: tasker at February 25, 2013 04:04 PM (r2PLg)

167 there wouldn't be any outrage if the kid was white

***

I wouldn't bet on that.

Folks were LIVID about a young Dakota Fanning acting a rape scene.

Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at February 25, 2013 04:04 PM (piMMO)

168
right... but do I have to worry about a nineteen year old actress finding out that someone working for a parody newspaper once used a shopworn joke including her name?

---
Maybe it was about some other person with the same name..

Posted by: Buzzsaw90 at February 25, 2013 04:05 PM (SO2Q8)

169 if you saw this little girl you would have been thinking the same thing. No, you wouldn't, Stop being an asshole.
Posted by: spongeworthy at February 25, 2013 04:01 PM (r5w1L)

Because I thought this was a snotty little girl who thought she was more important than she was I'm an asshole? I know what I would like to call you sinceits on the tip of my tongue.

Posted by: polyworthy at February 25, 2013 04:05 PM (m2CN7)

170 #133 - Was waiting for that. Was going to post it myself, but thought that would be dog whistle and I'd get my ass chewed.

Posted by: Jaimo at February 25, 2013 04:06 PM (9U1OG)

171 163 #159
You need the remix edition
(About the song of his pissin')

Posted by: CAC at February 25, 2013 04:04 PM (6v/2T)

There is another piss song?

Posted by: RWC at February 25, 2013 04:06 PM (fWAjv)

172 What is "The Onion" of which you speak? Who really cares?

Posted by: olddog at February 25, 2013 04:06 PM (uAog8)

173
What's black and white and read all over and can't go through a revolving door?

a nun with a spear through her head

Posted by: Buzzsaw90 at February 25, 2013 04:06 PM (SO2Q8)

174 IOW she didn't fake being thrilled to talk to them after awhile like all the other starlets.Posted by: tasker at February 25, 2013 04:01 PM (r2PLg)

Ahh, the delightful honesty of children!

Posted by: Heralder at February 25, 2013 04:06 PM (+xmn4)

175 Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at February 25, 2013 04:04 PM (piMMO)

I forget, was that a rape rape scene?

Posted by: Hrothgar at February 25, 2013 04:06 PM (Cnqmv)

176 Wait I missed this part:
But, in none of the worlds that exist

Posted by Ace at 03:24 PM Comments

ACE IS A DIMENSIONALIST!

Posted by: CAC at February 25, 2013 04:06 PM (6v/2T)

177 Yeah, i saw some people on twitter last night making this point but the problem is it just doesn't work with a 9 year old girl, the ick factor is too high. That's why the Onion even got the apology wrong, they said no one should be the butt of that joke but that's not true, if they had said it about Charlize Theron who cares? The problem isn't the joke, it's that they did it about a 9 year old girl.

Posted by: booger at February 25, 2013 04:06 PM (HI6wa)

178 154 The Hadji, he is on fire today.AAIIIEEEE


We were all thinking it.

Posted by: comatus at February 25, 2013 03:54 PM (qaVK+)

The Hadji, he should be on fire today.C'mon, we were all thinking it.


Posted by: Hrothgar at February 25, 2013 04:02 PM (Cnqmv)


thinking what? /hastily puts the match out and tries to look innocent...

Posted by: Romeo13 at February 25, 2013 04:07 PM (lZBBB)

179 IMHO, a "joke" that relies on such a pained analysis for justification is not worth justifying.

Using the word c**t to refer to a 9 year old girl cannot BE funny. It can only be disgusting.

Posted by: IronDioPriest at February 25, 2013 04:07 PM (1dJQd)

180 All I know is we had a lot of fun explaining Kristen Stewart's appearance and The Onion has nothing.



zappo.



Gawd-she is weird.

Posted by: tasker at February 25, 2013 04:04 PM (r2PLg)

If there is ever an Oscar for excellent use of lip biting, stuttering, or looking absolutely baked in film she'll win it in a limped walk.

Posted by: Adam Smith's Invisible Pimp Hand at February 25, 2013 04:07 PM (NzBQO)

181 174 IOW she didn't fake being thrilled to talk to them after awhile like all the other starlets.Posted by: tasker at February 25, 2013 04:01 PM (r2PLg)

Ahh, the delightful honesty of children!
Posted by: Heralder at February 25, 2013 04:06 PM (+xmn4)

_______________

Yep.

Posted by: tasker at February 25, 2013 04:07 PM (r2PLg)

182 Maybe it was about some other person with the same name..

Posted by: Buzzsaw90 at February 25, 2013 04:05 PM (SO2Q


I personally know 3 women named Quvenzhané Wallis.

Posted by: Jay Carney at February 25, 2013 04:07 PM (fWAjv)

183 One must have a heart of stone to read thecunt-ededness of little Quvenzhané Wallis without laughing.

Posted by: Oscar Wilde at February 25, 2013 04:08 PM (J8DGo)

184 I forget, was that a rape rape scene?

***

Hell if I know. Supposedly, the scene was filmed in an "artistic" way so, ya know.... no problem.

I do know that only pervs went to see it and it tanked completely at the box office.

Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at February 25, 2013 04:08 PM (piMMO)

185
I don't mind hearing the c-word and I may have typed it once in a fit of pique at somebody *coughPelosi*, but it just won't escape my lips. I barely even say it in my head.

Some childhood trauma, no doubt.

Posted by: spongeworthy at February 25, 2013 04:08 PM (r5w1L)

186 There was comedy, who's title I don't remember anymore, where a supposedly very good hitman was sent to whack some dude, and the dude winds up killing the hitman first.

Subsequent conversation about how the dude survived the very good hitman had the line "If he's so fucking good, then why is he so fucking dead?"

I thought that was hilarious.

Posted by: @PurpAv at February 25, 2013 04:09 PM (/gHaE)

187 Supposedly, the scene was filmed in an "artistic" way so, ya know.... no problem.

I do know that only pervs went to see it and it tanked completely at the box office.
Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at February 25, 2013 04:08 PM (piMMO)

Since art itself feigns honesty and bravery about sex (try to find one artist besides John Currin who has used a model bigger than an A cup in the last 60 years), I thought Seth's boob gag was hysterical.

Posted by: CAC at February 25, 2013 04:09 PM (6v/2T)

188 Anyone who heard the joke about "the clown and the kid walking into the
woods" and doesn't simultaneously groan and laugh at the punchline is a
humorless old bint.


Top that one off, if you don't mind. I've never heard it.

Posted by: Dang at February 25, 2013 04:09 PM (R18D0)

189 What's the first thing a woman does when she gets
out of the battered wives' shelter?

The dishes, if the c*nt knows what's good for her

Posted by: Male 'Onion' Writer at February 25, 2013 04:09 PM (feFL6)

190 :::yeah but it's not like he painstakingly crafted this joke over a few days. He just used an existing template for a quickie, throwaway joke in a Twitter feed.:::

Iget the format.I just don't gethow you could fuck it up that badly.Very little offends me, and this doesn't, either. It was just lame. Richard Lewis Lame.

Posted by: Empire of Jeff at February 25, 2013 04:10 PM (CJjw5)

191 If there is ever an Oscar for excellent use of lip biting, stuttering, or looking absolutely baked in film she'll win it in a limped walk.
Posted by: Adam Smith's Invisible Pimp Hand at February 25, 2013 04:07 PM (NzBQO)

____________________

LOL--gawd only knows what she was doing back stage to get her hell broken and her hair all messed up but she looked annoyed that she had been interrupted to come on stage.

Posted by: tasker at February 25, 2013 04:10 PM (r2PLg)

192 Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at February 25, 2013 04:08 PM (piMMO)

So long as it was filmed artistically, that makes it all right!

Posted by: Woody Allen at February 25, 2013 04:10 PM (Cnqmv)

193
>>> I know what I would like to call you sinceits on the tip of my tongue.

So that would be, "Dad's seed"?

Posted by: spongeworthy at February 25, 2013 04:10 PM (r5w1L)

194
I personally know 3 women named Quvenzhané Wallis.
---
And how many of them are c**ts?

Posted by: Buzzsaw90 at February 25, 2013 04:10 PM (SO2Q8)

195 what she was doing back stage to get her *heel* broken off and her hair all messed up

Posted by: tasker at February 25, 2013 04:11 PM (r2PLg)

196 And, for the record, I've used the 'C' word. Hell, I've used it here before.

If they had made the joke about an obviously nice woman, such as Sandra Bullock, it would have been absurd and funny and everyone would have picked up on it.

The fact that a child was the subject does make all the difference in the world.

Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at February 25, 2013 04:11 PM (piMMO)

197 ::: It's really a joke that's now in its last gasp, and the writer thought he could give it some freshness by adding even more Shock Value than usual.:::

This joke was the Andy Dick of Kathy Griffins.

Posted by: Empire of Jeff at February 25, 2013 04:11 PM (CJjw5)

198 if they had said it about Charlize Theron who cares?

if they had said it about Charlize, it wouldn't have been a joke.

Posted by: wiserbud at February 25, 2013 04:11 PM (WCe8r)

199 It's been only two weeks since Rep. Charlie Rangel (D-NY) introduced H.R.747 "To amend the Military Selective Service Act to require the registration of women with the Selective Service System" and now, they want to get rid of the draft completely ...


WASHINGTON—Two lawmakers are waging a little-noticed campaign to abolish the Selective Service System, the independent federal agency that manages draft registration.
They say the millions of dollars the agency spends each year preparing for the possibility of a military draft is a waste of money.

Reps. Peter DeFazio, D-Ore., and Rep. Mike Coffman, R-Colo., say the Pentagon has no interest in returning to conscription due to the success of the all-volunteer force.

Posted by: Dana Sculley at February 25, 2013 04:11 PM (e8kgV)

200 I think racist jokes are funny, and those are off limits. Only Chris Rock can make black jokes and George Lopez can only make Mexican jokes. I hate all the pc boundaries of comedy. this joke just wasn't funny.

Posted by: L, elle at February 25, 2013 04:11 PM (0PiQ4)

201 Ow! My balls!

Posted by: S & P 500 at February 25, 2013 04:12 PM (Ipj15)

202 Posted by: tasker at February 25, 2013 04:11 PM (r2PLg)


"What" or "Who"?

Posted by: Hrothgar at February 25, 2013 04:12 PM (Cnqmv)

203 The Onion is reporting that Lil' Q went home after the Oscar snub and snapped her puppy's neck.

Devolving.......

Posted by: Craig Poe at February 25, 2013 04:12 PM (BVkEs)

204
Should've used...'mewling quim'...instead of 'c**t'.

Posted by: wheatie at February 25, 2013 04:12 PM (eyJSG)

205 "This IS the time for joking."

That's what SHE said!!!!!!!

C'mon, you were all thinking it.

Posted by: Warden at February 25, 2013 04:12 PM (HzhBE)

206 Oh wait never mind she had crutches and ditched them?

Posted by: tasker at February 25, 2013 04:12 PM (r2PLg)

207
LOL--gawd only knows what she was doing back stage to get her hell broken and her hair all messed up but she looked annoyed that she had been interrupted to come on stage.
----
Bitch eyed me so bitch gotta pay

Posted by: Quvenzhané Wallis at February 25, 2013 04:13 PM (SO2Q8)

208 She was claiming some sort of injury to her leg or something. Then at least have Harry Potter keep you stable while you walk out on stage, take his hand or something the girl just looked awkward.

Posted by: Adam Smith's Invisible Pimp Hand at February 25, 2013 04:13 PM (NzBQO)

209 Quvenzhané Wallis.

From what I heard, CNN has already signed her up to do the morning show in 9 years.

Posted by: Soledad O'Brien at February 25, 2013 04:14 PM (WCe8r)

210 Posted by: Dana Sculley at February 25, 2013 04:11 PM (e8kgV)

Actualy.... getting rid of the draft board would save money.... I like it...


If we need a draft, register people THEN....

Heck... I was on a US Navy Ship when I got a letter saying I had not registered for the draft.... cracked my Capt. up...

Posted by: Romeo13 at February 25, 2013 04:14 PM (lZBBB)

211 Ace's Joke Review: 639 words.

Posted by: Dr. Varno at February 25, 2013 04:15 PM (t62l5)

212 We're taking all hopes of a better life for them away so that we can live in our fantasy candy land a few years longer. Lets at least not call them names as we guarantee they'll be broke. That's just....impolite.

Posted by: Dave S. at February 25, 2013 04:15 PM (xDlyw)

213 You know what would have made that Onion joke funny?

If it had been about Brian Dennehy.

Posted by: Warden at February 25, 2013 04:15 PM (HzhBE)

214 I don't really *get* the c-word.

I understand it's supposed to be offensive. But then I've only heard British people say it so it's also slightly hilarious as all British-English is hilarious.

Posted by: HoboJerky, now with 74% more DOOM! at February 25, 2013 04:15 PM (FsUAO)

215 I kind of have a rule that I employ if I'm hesitating before hitting the "post" button or saying it verbally

If I have to hesitate, there's a good reason

Is the laugh I produce going to be worth the potential shit I receive?

Although in some places you can delete a comment, you can't unsay what others have heard


Posted by: kbdabear at February 25, 2013 04:16 PM (mCvL4)

216 :::The fact that a child was the subject does make all the difference in the world.:::

Remember Russell Brand making the jokes about the Jonas Brothers' sex lives (or lack thereof)? It's not funny, it's just skeevy. So you're a grown man making sexual innuendos about young teenage boys. See you at the bus station, Uncle Diddles, ya creepy fuck.

Same thing here - we're not having a laugh at you, we're crossing to the other side of the street because you're humping a mailbox and shrieking about making a "mailman baby."

Posted by: Empire of Jeff at February 25, 2013 04:16 PM (CJjw5)

217 Cunt you guys!


Now with postmodifiers...

Cunt and stuff you guys!

or...

Cunt and junk you guys!

Posted by: Dang at February 25, 2013 04:17 PM (R18D0)

218 202 Posted by: tasker at February 25, 2013 04:11 PM (r2PLg)


"What" or "Who"?
Posted by: Hrothgar at February 25, 2013 04:12 PM (Cnqmv)

___________________

Ya we took a vote on that.

George Clooney "won".

Posted by: tasker at February 25, 2013 04:17 PM (r2PLg)

219 200 I think racist jokes are funny, and those are off limits. Only Chris Rock can make black jokes and George Lopez can only make Mexican jokes. I hate all the pc boundaries of comedy. this joke just wasn't funny.

Posted by: L, elle at February 25, 2013 04:11 PM (0PiQ4)


Love this one.

http://tinyurl.com/6ctwjp

(NSFW - language)

Posted by: RWC at February 25, 2013 04:17 PM (fWAjv)

220 What was up with Affleck looking pissed the whole night, dude took home the top trophy and he still looked mad as hell. You didn't get MVP big fucking deal. He looked sick of people joking about him not getting nominated.

Posted by: Adam Smith's Invisible Pimp Hand at February 25, 2013 04:17 PM (NzBQO)

221 I don't know Ace, calling a 9 year old girl a cunt pushes limits. Even if you want to deconstruct it by studying the origins of the joke's structure.

If this was a smoky booze filled comedy club, who givesa shit. But to have it out on twitter is another matter. I am no prude. But I think that's in poor taste. Is that "cutting edge" "comedy" these days.

and who in the fuck erased my campaign slogan for 2016???

Marco Rubio-Tom Cotton 2016!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Suck it honkies.

Is the First Amendment under attack along with the Second???

Posted by: Prescient11 at February 25, 2013 04:17 PM (tVTLU)

222 Seth Macfarlane's joke about her being 16 years away
from being in George Clooney's range was pretty funny. Clooney didn't
look to thrilled with the joke, just gave him the death stare.


Posted by: Adam Smith's Invisible Pimp Hand at February 25, 2013 03:58 PM (NzBQO)


That may mean the dumbass didn't understand it since there was math involved; full props to Macfarlane for that.

Posted by: Captain Hate at February 25, 2013 04:18 PM (UYfkz)

223
Barack Obama walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder.

Bartender says "That's awesome, where'd you get it?"

Parrot says, "Indonesia."

Posted by: Wodeshed at February 25, 2013 04:18 PM (a9L+B)

224 So that would be, "Dad's seed"?
Posted by: spongeworthy at February 25, 2013 04:10 PM (r5w1L)

Yes your mom does have a weird name.

Posted by: polyworthy at February 25, 2013 04:18 PM (m2CN7)

225 186
There was comedy, who's title I don't remember anymore, where a
supposedly very good hitman was sent to whack some dude, and the dude
winds up killing the hitman first.

Subsequent conversation about
how the dude survived the very good hitman had the line "If he's so
fucking good, then why is he so fucking dead?"



Prizzi's Honor, I think. And Nicholson delivered the line.

Posted by: real joe in blue state hell at February 25, 2013 04:19 PM (+2ssF)

226 Yeah, it was that bad. Reminds me of the black racists attacking Gabby Douglas. There is an age limit for that sort of thing.

The Onion used to be funny,now they just aren't. Kinda like MAD Magazine.

Posted by: BlueStateRebel at February 25, 2013 04:19 PM (7ObY1)

227
Top that one off, if you don't mind. I've never heard it.
Posted by: Dang at February 25, 2013 04:09 PM (R18D0)
A clown is walking a kid into the woods.
Halfway into the deep woods the kid tells the clown "mister I'm scared! It's so dark in here!"

The clown tells the kid "You think you're scared? I gotta walk out of these woods alone."

/end scene

Posted by: CAC at February 25, 2013 04:19 PM (6v/2T)

228 So the police ask me who I think murdered my girlfriend. I told them I didn't know, I was stumped.

Posted by: Oscar Pistorius at February 25, 2013 04:19 PM (feFL6)

229 I'm sure this has been pointed out but like I'm going to read the comments. I think the problem is that given the cesspool of twitter and ye olde internets in general, it's hard to tell is someone is serious when a comment like that is made. Take the tweet someone put out about how if the Church is serious about interfaith outreach the next Pope will be Muslim or Jewish. Maybe that's a joke. Maybe it's not.


Not that I think the Onion meant it about Alphabet Wallis*. But you know what? If that was from TMZ? I would think they were being dead serious.


*The Alphabet Wallis joke is funny because we are all thinking what the hell is wrong with her parents for giving her that name.

Posted by: alexthechick - Chaotic Evil Hobbit. at February 25, 2013 04:19 PM (VtjlW)

230 C-word, F-word, N-word, R-word, M-word... Does context really matter? It's all red herring shit to manipulate.

Posted by: olddog at February 25, 2013 04:20 PM (uAog8)

231 "If he's so

fucking good, then why is he so fucking dead?"


Prizzi's Honor, I think. And Nicholson delivered the line.


Posted by: real joe in blue state hell
Bingo! Best line of the movie. Maybe the only good line.

Posted by: Dang at February 25, 2013 04:20 PM (R18D0)

232 What's the difference between Mary Decker Slaney and Quvenzhané Wallis? One is a Cunning Runt.

Posted by: Truck Monkey at February 25, 2013 04:20 PM (jucos)

233 Eesh, the little girl behaved quite well for a third-grader who's been dressed up, kept up late, and trotted around being constantly asked the same questions over and over again while her (admittedly horrible) name is constantly mispronounced. She's 9! Just leave her out of stupid jokes. A similar joke about, say Bradley Coopers mom, might have been a teeny bit funny.

Posted by: jenny on the phone at February 25, 2013 04:20 PM (3FIgp)

234 A clown is walking a kid into the woods.

Halfway into the deep woods the kid tells the clown "mister I'm scared! It's so dark in here!"



The clown tells the kid "You think you're scared? I gotta walk out of these woods alone."



/end scene

Posted by: CAC

Oh crap! that is good! LOL! Thanks!

Posted by: Dang at February 25, 2013 04:21 PM (R18D0)

235 YOU DON'T HATE HER FOR BEING A CUNT - YOU HATE HER BROWN SKIN!

Posted by: KayInMaine at February 25, 2013 04:22 PM (3w4WK)

236 Hey, leave little Quvdrgnkb Mxyzptlk alone!!!

Posted by: Chris Crocker at February 25, 2013 04:22 PM (dSE0q)

237 @220: He was angry that MacFarlane dared make a joke about Lincoln's assassination since TFG fancies himself the reincarnation of Lincoln.

Or something.

Anyway, I thought the Lincoln joke was funny, if derivative.

Posted by: Ian S. at February 25, 2013 04:23 PM (B/VB5)

238 A clown is walking a kid into the woods.

Halfway into the deep woods the kid tells the clown "mister I'm scared! It's so dark in here!"



The clown tells the kid "You think you're scared? I gotta walk out of these woods alone."



/end scene

Posted by: CAC
--------------------------------------------------
This joke could only be made better by spiders. Where is AtC?

Posted by: Truck Monkey at February 25, 2013 04:23 PM (jucos)

239
This joke was the Andy Dick of Kathy Griffins.



Posted by: Empire of Jeff at February 25, 2013 04:11 PM

I think you've just invented a new metric

What do you say ace, isn't this the gold standard for failed jokes?

Posted by: kbdabear at February 25, 2013 04:24 PM (mCvL4)

240 This joke could only be made better by spiders. Where is AtC?
Posted by: Truck Monkey at February 25, 2013 04:23 PM (jucos)



I hate all of you. Also DirecTV. You know why.

Posted by: alexthechick - Chaotic Evil Hobbit. at February 25, 2013 04:24 PM (VtjlW)

241 The reason why Danica Patrick only led one lap at Daytona yesterday was that she stopped to ask for directions. We're all thinking it.

Posted by: Kevin in ABQ at February 25, 2013 04:24 PM (XrGnJ)

242 Yay trolls!

My favorite joke:

Why did Helen Keller's dog run away?

...

You would too if you're name was "BLURGHHHACCGGGKKK"

Posted by: HoboJerky, now with 74% more DOOM! at February 25, 2013 04:24 PM (FsUAO)

243 The "unintentional revelation" (of a running joke on this site) is that Ace will spooge in your mouth, despite all assurances to the contrary. Be forewarned!

Posted by: wooga at February 25, 2013 04:25 PM (7SwK/)

244 Good Lord how is that kids name pronounced?

Posted by: Hello, it's me Donna let it burn really.really bummed at February 25, 2013 04:26 PM (9+ccr)

245 I hate all of you. Also DirecTV. You know why.
Posted by: alexthechick - Chaotic Evil Hobbit. at February 25, 2013 04:24 PM (VtjlW)
------------------------------------------------------
Delightful isn't it? I could wet myself just thinking about it.

Posted by: Truck Monkey at February 25, 2013 04:26 PM (jucos)

246 If she wasn't black, there'd be no problem.

swidt?

Posted by: Bitter Clinger and All That at February 25, 2013 04:26 PM (qyv02)

247 What's Helen Keller's favorite color?

Corduroy.

Posted by: Wodeshed at February 25, 2013 04:26 PM (a9L+B)

248 This joke could only be made better by spiders. Where is AtC?

Posted by: Truck Monkey at February 25, 2013 04:23 PM (jucos)

Can you do me a favor. When you see her, can you give her this


http://tinyurl.com/85g2xx5

Thanks.

Posted by: RWC at February 25, 2013 04:26 PM (fWAjv)

249 The problem with the c*nt word is that right off the bat half the population is gonna be offended. Unless it's directed at Sarah Palin and the room is filled with Democrats. Then the women will be like, 'I know I shouldn't have laughed, but that comedian was *so* funny. I couldn't help myself.'

They have a 'line in the sand', but it's very flexible.




Posted by: Regular Moron at February 25, 2013 04:27 PM (feFL6)

250 I hate all of you. Also DirecTV. You know why.
Posted by: alexthechick - Chaotic Evil Hobbit. at February 25, 2013 04:24 PM (VtjlW)

My wife hates clowns and spiders.
Hates.
If only there was a movie that combined the two.

Eh well. On a different note, I tivo'd IT for her, since she likes Stephen King. Don't know anything about that movie, but I'm sure she'll have a blast.

Posted by: CAC at February 25, 2013 04:27 PM (6v/2T)

251 @244: I don't know, but if Superman can say her name backwards she'll return to her home dimension.

Posted by: Ian S. at February 25, 2013 04:27 PM (B/VB5)

252 244
Good Lord how is that kids name pronounced?


Oh, the traditional way.

Posted by: real joe in blue state hell at February 25, 2013 04:27 PM (+2ssF)

253 All of us down at the Brattleboro Woman’s Reproductive and Pregnancy Decision Center think that Presdent Obama ought to do something about this insult to the young girl of color. How disgusting to say such a thing to future leade. I hope Presdent Obama sends the FBI to ivestigate these peeple and then they will learn not to say such stewped things in the Fucture. We call on Presdent Obama to do something about this before other young girls of color are harmed....

Posted by: Mary Clogginstein from Brattleboro, Vt at February 25, 2013 04:27 PM (90aTA)

254 Phuckin' Phinn

I better not catch u out alone when I'm going out for skittles and Arizona Ice Tea.

Posted by: Frankie Munoz at February 25, 2013 04:28 PM (dSE0q)

255 This joke was the Andy Dick of Kathy Griffins.



Posted by: Empire of Jeff at February 25, 2013 04:11 PM

I think you've just invented a new metric

What do you say ace, isn't this the gold standard for failed jokes?

Posted by: kbdabear at February 25, 2013 04:24 PM (mCvL4)
-------------------------------------------------------
Carrot Top would have to be in there somewhere for it to be the gold standard.

Posted by: Truck Monkey at February 25, 2013 04:28 PM (jucos)

256 Eh well. On a different note, I tivo'd IT for her, since she likes Stephen King. Don't know anything about that movie, but I'm sure she'll have a blast.
Posted by: CAC at February 25, 2013 04:27 PM (6v/2T)



I will miss you when you're gone.


Also dibs on your widow. What, we were all thinking it.

Posted by: alexthechick - Chaotic Evil Hobbit. at February 25, 2013 04:28 PM (VtjlW)

257 251 252 are hilarious.

Posted by: Heralder at February 25, 2013 04:28 PM (+xmn4)

258 Control the language. Control the message. Control the FSA. We win! You lose! Oh, and btw, ban Mark Twain's Huck Finn.

Posted by: olddog at February 25, 2013 04:28 PM (uAog8)

259

If I had a c*nt, it would look like Quvenananyashia. Or whatever.

Posted by: Barack Obama at February 25, 2013 04:28 PM (a9L+B)

260 Quvenzhané Wallis?





No clue who this is.....and the joke's not funny.

Posted by: Tami at February 25, 2013 04:29 PM (X6akg)

261 And I'm going to hell, because I snorted at 259.

Posted by: jenny on the phone at February 25, 2013 04:30 PM (3FIgp)

262 Young man: "Dad can I have twenty bucks?
Dad: "Twenty bucks? For what?"
Young man: *looking embarrassed* "A blow job."
Dad: "I dunno. You any good?"

Posted by: Dang at February 25, 2013 04:30 PM (R18D0)

263 Everyone else seems afraid to say it, but that Baraka Obama is kind of a c**t, right?

Not funny. Too true.

Posted by: Ammo Dump at February 25, 2013 04:30 PM (YYyqq)

264 Why did Hellen Keller masturbate with only one hand?
She used the other to moan with...


Posted by: CSMBigBird at February 25, 2013 04:30 PM (jsWA8)

265 Whoever is in charge of the Onion's Twitter account should be taken out back and flogged with a skunk. I dumped it from my follow list months ago for being unfunny, I'm talking SNL level unfunny.

Feelin' a little vindicated now.

Posted by: Brother Cavil and his Ampersandsaurus at February 25, 2013 04:31 PM (GBXon)

266 250...My wife hates clowns and spiders. Hates. If only there was a movie that combined the two.

''Attack of the Clown Spiders'

'Clown Cunny Spiders From Outer Space'

Posted by: wheatie at February 25, 2013 04:31 PM (eyJSG)

267 Serious you guys, that c*nt joke would have been funny if you'd said it over and over and over.

Don't tell me you weren't all thinking it!

Posted by: Seth McFarlane at February 25, 2013 04:31 PM (mCvL4)

268 Posted by: Brother Cavil and his Ampersandsaurus at February 25, 2013 04:31 PM (GBXon)

They're very hit and miss with me, more miss for the last many years.

Posted by: Heralder at February 25, 2013 04:32 PM (+xmn4)

269 Not to put too fine a point on this, but I didn't even need to see this kid's name before I knew she wasn't white. I don't watch the Oscars if you can't tell lol. I'm not trying to drag race into this and I'm sure people would be upset no matter her race but I think the degree of outrage here is amplified because let's face it, she's a member of a politically protected class of people. If you're not black you just aren't allowed to mock black folks.

I get the joke, not that funny but I get it. What I don't get is why the Onion which jokes about murder torture, 9/11, pedophiles, rape and any horrible thing you can imagine was forced to apologize. Yeah it was nasty and cruel to say that to child, but it kind of sets a bad precedent right?

So that time the Onion joked about tears being an awesome lubricant for anal rape and then didn't apologize . . . they actually meant it?

Posted by: Irish Mike at February 25, 2013 04:32 PM (r4WRj)

270 Also DirecTV. You know why.

Posted by: alexthechick - Chaotic Evil Hobbit. at February 25, 2013 04:24 PM (VtjlW)

Let me guess....you stumbled across the 24 hour arachnid channel?

Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo at February 25, 2013 04:33 PM (GsoHv)

271 I tivo'd IT for her, since she likes Stephen King. Don't know anything about that movie, but I'm sure she'll have a blast.

Uh, yeah, hope that couch is comfy. You'll be there a while. Until the CSI folks get there to take you to the ME's office, anyway.

Posted by: Brother Cavil and his Ampersandsaurus at February 25, 2013 04:33 PM (GBXon)

272 I think the joke was tasteless, but I wasn't offended by it. Frankly, I approve of more people using the word 'cunt' because it seems like the feminazi PC police are trying to make that word completely verboten. But clearly, the potential laughs from the Onion tweet were far less than the potential outrage.

If it had been a funny joke I would have been ok with it, but it clearly wasn't, and any potential it had for being funny was immediately forgotten when you realized he was calling a 9-year old a cunt.

Posted by: OSUsux at February 25, 2013 04:33 PM (DFXmi)

273 I have no idea who this girl is. Was she nominated for an Oscar or something?

Posted by: Mr. Moo Moo at February 25, 2013 04:33 PM (HDgX3)

274 My wife follows The Onion and reads the funny headlines to me. It's a good system.

Posted by: Dang at February 25, 2013 04:33 PM (R18D0)

275 I can forgive The Onion. They did that "Bullshit Happening Somewhere" news sketch that was utterly perfect in every way. So they whiffed one. It happens.

Posted by: Burn the Witch at February 25, 2013 04:33 PM (yCvxi)

276 To me, what's wrong with this joke is: kids take things to heart, more than adults, and kids are cruel to each other.

Yes, we can hope that her parents will shield her from it. Then she goes to school. I am reasonably confident that she will hear the c-word a lot there, and that will happen because exactly the kids whose parents fall down in the area of shielding the "joke" from their view, are exactly the kids who are cruel enough to torment her with it.

Posted by: Splunge at February 25, 2013 04:34 PM (2IW5Q)

277 Lohan was totally bangable during the Mean Girls era.

Posted by: Mr. Moo Moo at February 25, 2013 04:34 PM (HDgX3)

278 So Pennywise was a spider?

Never read the book or watched the movie.

Posted by: RWC at February 25, 2013 04:34 PM (fWAjv)

279 The problem with the c*nt word is that right off the bat half the population is gonna be offended.


As long as my ex-wife is in that half, it's a small price to pay.

Posted by: rickb223 at February 25, 2013 04:35 PM (GFM2b)

280 Good Lord how is that kids name pronounced?

/kwə.ˈvɛn.ʒə.neɪ/

Wikipedia informs me she was doomed from conception: "Wallis was born in Houma, Louisiana, the daughter of Qulyndreia, a teacher, and Venjie Wallis, Sr., a truck driver. "Quven", the first part of her name, combines her parents' first names, while her mother has stated that zhané means "fairy" in Swahili."

Posted by: HeatherRadish™ needs a beer at February 25, 2013 04:35 PM (/kI1Q)

281 Huh. I just figure it's because she's black and you know how that goes...you can never say anything remotely bad about them.

Posted by: Dack Thrombosis at February 25, 2013 04:36 PM (BuSM8)

282 273
I have no idea who this girl is. Was she nominated for an Oscar or something?


Posted by: Mr. Moo Moo at February 25, 2013 04:33 PM (HDgX3)

The Oscars happened?

Posted by: Red Shirt at February 25, 2013 04:36 PM (FIDMq)

283 So Pennywise was a spider?

Never read the book or watched the movie.
Posted by: RWC at February 25, 2013 04:34 PM (fWAjv)

YES. THAT'S THE FUCKING JOKE.

Posted by: CAC at February 25, 2013 04:36 PM (6v/2T)

284 Let me guess....you stumbled across the 24 hour arachnid channel?
Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo at February 25, 2013 04:33 PM (GsoHv)


The clowns in the woods commercial. Not. Right.

Posted by: alexthechick - Chaotic Evil Hobbit. at February 25, 2013 04:36 PM (VtjlW)

285 "Wallis was born in Houma, Louisiana, the daughter of Qulyndreia, a teacher, and Venjie Wallis, Sr., a truck driver.

Isn't Qulyndreia one of the failed solar companies Obama threw our money at?

Posted by: Ian S. at February 25, 2013 04:37 PM (B/VB5)

286 Wikipedia informs me she was doomed from conception: "Wallis was born in Houma, Louisiana,



That'll do it.

Posted by: rickb223 at February 25, 2013 04:37 PM (GFM2b)

287 Wikipedia informs me she was doomed from conception:

Posted by: HeatherRadish™ needs a beer at February 25, 2013 04:35 PM (/kI1Q)
Because doomed people win Oscars.

(as a joke the rebuttal MUST reference Dr. Drew)

Also, your Willendorf is showing.

Posted by: CAC at February 25, 2013 04:37 PM (6v/2T)

288 >>>I mean, do we literally have to worry about every single person who may read our jokes and patrol them to make sure literally no one is ever hurt by them?


You've layed down the law on us so many times Ace. Edgy is only acceptable if it's funny. And most of us aren't nearly as funny as we think. Or so you've told us. Because "It's just not funny" makes edgy over the line.

Telling jokes directly about a 9 yo girl that very well would seriously
upset her didn't come off as funny (It might have had a chance with verbal delivery but in the flat emotionless space of 140 characters it never had a chance) it came off as being a dick.

Posted by: MikeTheMoose Offering Moobats Gasoline and Matches at February 25, 2013 04:37 PM (0q2P7)

289 Since constitutional rights are now subject to people's needs...
Why does anyone NEED to say 'c*nt' ?
Shouldn't we just outlaw that word ?
It would have saved at least this one child from having been called it.

Posted by: McCool at February 25, 2013 04:38 PM (nCSwS)

290 No the joke isn't funny.

Didn't watch Oscars but heard on the radio the kid was annoying. From the little snippet I heard her parents have been grooming/training her for movies for years. I hope in 10 years it all works out for the kid.

Posted by: Long Island at February 25, 2013 04:38 PM (hl8SI)

291 The Onion is the American-English translation of "крокодил". It cracks jokes at the enemies of the regime; at which jokes you must then publicly laugh, on pain of being tagged as such an enemy yourself.

They have spoken power to truth, and have been applauded for it, for a very long time. A nine year old girl? Why not?

Posted by: boulder toilet hobo at February 25, 2013 04:39 PM (QTHTd)

292
Let's not forget her sister, Qunyquekya.

How do you pronounce it? F*ck you...look it up.

Posted by: Wodeshed at February 25, 2013 04:39 PM (a9L+B)

293 The Aristocrats!

Posted by: toby928© for TB at February 25, 2013 04:39 PM (QupBk)

294 zhané means "fairy" in Swahili."

Posted by: HeatherRadish™ needs a beer at February 25, 2013 04:35 PM (/kI1Q)

Idiots.

This is the same mindset that has retarded 20-somethings getting kanji tattooed on their bodies.

Oh..it's so meaningful.

Bullshit. The tattoo artist probably wrote "I'll fuck for free," or "I have a very small penis," instead of "Rock of Peace," or whatever blather they think they are getting.

Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo at February 25, 2013 04:39 PM (GsoHv)

295 When Capt Kirk appeared last night, couldn't have have told us if a universe existed where Seth McFarlane is funny?

Posted by: kbdabear at February 25, 2013 04:41 PM (mCvL4)

296 :::Wikipedia informs me she was doomed from conception: "Wallis was born in Houma, Louisiana, That'll do it.
Posted by: rickb223 at February 25, 2013 04:37 PM (GFM2b):::

That's alsomy place of birth, jerkweed.

Posted by: Empire of Jeff at February 25, 2013 04:41 PM (CJjw5)

297 Queegqueeg?

Posted by: Dack Thrombosis at February 25, 2013 04:41 PM (BuSM8)

298 YES. THAT'S THE FUCKING JOKE.
Posted by: CAC at February 25, 2013 04:36 PM (6v/2T)

OOOOOOOKAAAAAAAAYYYYYY

Posted by: RWC at February 25, 2013 04:41 PM (fWAjv)

299
Queegqueeg?

Queequeg. Noted scrimshaw artist and harpooner of whales.

Posted by: Wodeshed at February 25, 2013 04:42 PM (a9L+B)

300 Because doomed people win Oscars.

That's going to help people spell her name. Lol.

Posted by: HeatherRadish™ needs a beer at February 25, 2013 04:42 PM (/kI1Q)

301 As to names, I have a theory that there's a smartphone app that strings syllables together semi-randomly (OK, it's a regular expression, close enough) to generate these names. It's the only thing that comes to mind as to where on Earth some of this crap comes from. Please, parents, I don't care if your ancestors came here first class, coach, or freight, give your child the dignity of a proper name!

Posted by: Brother Cavil and his Ampersandsaurus at February 25, 2013 04:42 PM (GBXon)

302 Three words that will never go away. In fact their power has been magnified:

The N word

The C word

The F word (no not fuck)

How come white males don't have a taboo word?

What would it be?

What word is soooooo offensive to white males that it's been banned?

None. That's what. And the reason why is because white males aren't worried about what names you might call them.

And if they are, they'll punch your lights out. Unless they're sissies.

White males rule and all the rest of youse is envious.

Posted by: Bitter Clinger and All That at February 25, 2013 04:43 PM (qyv02)

303 Just remember, "A and B, but mostly B" NEVER gets old.

Posted by: IllTemperedCur at February 25, 2013 04:44 PM (TIIx5)

304 Bullshit. The tattoo artist probably wrote "I'll fuck for free," or "I have a very small penis," instead of "Rock of Peace," or whatever blather they think they are getting.

Which in turn keeps the website "Hanzi Smatter" in business. (Fans of schadenfreude already have it bookmarked, of course).

Posted by: Ian S. at February 25, 2013 04:44 PM (B/VB5)

305 That's also my place of birth, jerkweed.

Your point?

Posted by: toby928© for TB at February 25, 2013 04:45 PM (QupBk)

306 The Onion isnt worth defending you guys.

Posted by: Y-not on the phone at February 25, 2013 04:45 PM (5H6zj)

307 Wait, that might get me removed from the protected rolls.

Posted by: toby928© for TB at February 25, 2013 04:46 PM (QupBk)

308 What if the clown virus transmits like the zombie virus.

hmmmm


http://tinyurl.com/acfye8v

Posted by: RWC at February 25, 2013 04:47 PM (fWAjv)

309 I love all the people outraged by this. Joke sucked, it was rude but come on.

The Onion blasted out a tweet that was ugly, personal, vulgar, cruel and crossed all lines of good taste . . . and people are shocked at this. Now if the Amish had tweeted this out I'd be shocked but that's another story.

Ace of Spades, a vulgar blog that has a running joke whereby the transgressions of the state against its citizens are compared to an unwanted rape of your mouth with a creamy finish apparently has many readers that are offended by vulgar, boundary pushing humor. Who knew?

PS. I'm waiting for the Seriously You Guys She's Not A Cunt! comment.

Posted by: Irish Mike at February 25, 2013 04:49 PM (r4WRj)

310 That's also my place of birth, jerkweed.

From Louisiana and you couldn't make it in the restaurant business? You could have sauteed your shrimp in 'eau de l'Jeff taint' and made a killing.

It's not nice to troll the Radish.

Posted by: Regular Moron at February 25, 2013 04:49 PM (feFL6)

311 What if the clown virus transmits like the zombie virus.


Then everyone tastes funny?

Posted by: rickb223 at February 25, 2013 04:50 PM (GFM2b)

312 "Ace of Spades, a vulgar blog that has a running joke whereby the transgressions of the state against its citizens are compared to an unwanted rape of your mouth with a creamy finish apparently has many readers that are offended by vulgar, boundary pushing humor. Who knew?"


Tell me about it.

Posted by: The Chicken at February 25, 2013 04:50 PM (yCvxi)

313 Queequeg. Noted scrimshaw artist and harpooner of whales.



He dated FLOTUS?

Posted by: rickb223 at February 25, 2013 04:52 PM (GFM2b)

314 The Aristocrats!


Now that joke is just flat out not funny. What a lot of a big deal about such a lame-ass punch-line.

Posted by: eleven at February 25, 2013 04:52 PM (KXm42)

315 That's alsomy place of birth, jerkweed.

Posted by: Empire of Jeff at February 25, 2013 04:41 PM (CJjw5)

QED

Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo at February 25, 2013 04:54 PM (GsoHv)

316 The tattoo joke is so old, I read it in Readers Digest. Except in RD of course it was embroidery, on a sweater. Girl stole the menu from her favorite Chinese restaurant, had the logo stitched up, found out the ideograms meant "Cheap But Good."

They stayed at it so long, the entire template cycle of humor was in the Digest.

Posted by: comatus at February 25, 2013 04:57 PM (qaVK+)

317
But, in none of the worlds that exist did the guy really mean a cute little girl he never met is really a c-word.

Now? no, I doubt she's a scrunt.

But give her between 6 and 10 years and we can revisit the subject...

Posted by: I R A Darth Aggie ® at February 25, 2013 04:58 PM (1hM1d)

318 Because doomed people win Oscars.

That's going to help people spell her name. Lol.
Posted by: HeatherRadish™ needs a beer at February 25, 2013 04:42 PM (/kI1Q)
Tuche.

Posted by: CAC at February 25, 2013 04:59 PM (6v/2T)

319 Propesia 8:33-37

33 And Walter begat Phillip.

34 And Phillip met up with Drangrmba Bophutotu who convinced him that he was a Kinshasha Prince by way of Llasa Burundi.

35 And Philip stopped eating pork for awhile and changed his name to Mzurdokenda.

36 And Mzurdokenda begat Venjie.

37 And Venjie laid down with Qulyndreia on the third night of Kwanzaa and begat Quvenzhané.

Posted by: Book of Propecia at February 25, 2013 05:11 PM (dSE0q)

320 "Hi, my name's Jaquavionzentavious."

"Distinctive...what's it mean?"

"It means my folks are assholes, and when I turn 18,
I'm suing them and changing it to 'Malcolm'..."

Posted by: Brother Cavil and his Ampersandsaurus at February 25, 2013 05:21 PM (GBXon)

321 Everyone's afraid to say it, but, Michelle Obama is ugly.

Posted by: The Day The Media Told The Truth at February 25, 2013 05:50 PM (o7mfU)

322 It's not much of a shock joke when there's nothing shocking about it based on the source. It's more pathetic than anything else.

Nothing much funny anymore about mean people sucking like mean people do. Vast bulk of current 'humor' leaves me cold, anymore - - nothing surprising or original about it anymore, and even the race to the bottom is no longer funny because the whole premise of "I can't believe anyone would dare actually say that!" has been burnt out through overuse.

Posted by: Sarge at February 25, 2013 05:50 PM (We5IL)

323 Could not agree more with this post.

Posted by: Nick at February 25, 2013 06:09 PM (LtjBB)

324 People who didn't find the joke funny: Okay, that's cool, whatever, to each their own.

People who actually did not get the joke, by which I mean the intent of the joke (as Ace pretty expertly described): You are sort of a dim bulb, aren't you?

Yeah, the comedian went after a 9-year old black girl, so he was asking for backlash. But to truly be "offended" by this attempt at humor? Pathetic.

Posted by: JohnKerryIsADoucheBag at February 26, 2013 03:12 AM (l7fAH)






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