Dredd Review

Dredd is rated R for language, tone, and graphic violence. The movie runs 95 minutes long. This review, somewhat longer.

Judge Dredd opens with a sequence showing the young Baby Dredd being born in large birthing chamber, beside hundreds of other identical clone Judges-to-be. A long montage shows Dredd's Origin Story, as he's relentlessly trained by the Judges' Martial Arts Midwives. We see the Young Dredd, aged 6, heartbroken and crying as his most beloved Fighting Mistress is killed by a vicious drug dealer, and we can see in his eyes that Judge Dredd vows henceforth to rid Mega-City One of all drug dealers. This 25 minute backstory now revealed, we now proceed to the present.

Wait a minute, none of that happened. The movie begins with a short bit of Judge Dredd, as an adult man, narrating the basic facts of what Mega-City One is (Washington DC to Boston in one uninterrupted heavily urbanized sprawl), the "dying remnant" of a world largely dead due to some calamity (nuclear war, I think, but don't quote me), a city massively overpopulated and also in the grips of social degeneration into a barbaric pit of crime and murder. And then we see Dredd, with no Origin Story at all, in high speed pursuit of Suspects. (And then a very clear shout-out to Road Warrior -- low-angle camera shot of a man in black police leathers walking stiffly along the road.)

Wow, a movie without an Origin Story. I can't believe it. You notice they're doing Origin Stories even for heroes without superpowers now, too? Apparently Conan needs an Origin Story, because you need some kind of explanation how someone gets strong and good with a sword. The Solomon Kane movie (which one day will be released in the US) also gives him an Origin Story. Otherwise, you'd be like, how can this man be good with a sword and a pistol? It's impossible. I'm lost.

Anyway, so the movie avoids the Origin Story. Dumb. Every movie needs an Origin Story. How do I know how Dredd got trained in policework and weapons handling without an origin story?

But then we get some great movie-writing. Judge Dredd's boss summons him, and tells him that he's being assigned a new rookie partner. The partner is Anderson, who actually failed the Judge's fitness test (by three points) but has psychic abilities -- obviously a major boon to any law enforcement operation, so they're giving her a shot in the field anyway.

At this point, Judge Dredd begins screaming at his boss, "I work alone! I don't work with any wet-ear partners! I am the Law!" and giving his boss a lot of Sassy Catchprasing and generally carrying on like Judge Diva, making it very clear that he is a Lone Wolf Bad-Ass who is also an Estrogen Case on the Edge of a Menopausal Breakdown.

Wait a minute, that's not what happens. The boss tells Dredd that the girl only failed by three points, so she's a "marginal case," and Judge Dredd's only brief commentary is:

"It's not marginal. She failed."

Without even shouting it. He just sort of says it.

What horrible direction. Important character-establishing lines need to be Shouted with Emotion. A clear mistake.

This establishes him as a stickler for protocol and a hardass... but also a terse one. And that's all he says about it: He makes his opinion on the matter plain, and then does something you almost never see movie characters who serve in military or paramilitary forces do: He actually obeys the orders of his superior officer without further argument and attempts to carry those orders out.

Holy crap, where did these guys learn movie-making? Don't they know that that every single event in a movie must be filled with lots of jumped-up emotion, especially involving cliched set-ups (the Lone Wolf Who Won't Work With A Partner), with lots of Heroic Complaining about every single thing that's asked of him?

And that the Hero must Rebel from Every Order, even the mundane ones? Otherwise, how do we know he's a hero?

Amateurish mistakes left and right!

So, of course, now that Dredd has Anderson has his rookie/provisional partner, he begins systematically hazing her, asking impossible questions of her to, at various points, embarrass her, play pecking-order games with her, play a game of sexual dominance with her, and take out his ire about this assignment on her personally. We get a whole bunch of "comedy" here too, as Dredd pulls Funny Pranks on his Stupid Woman Partner even though they're in dangerous situations and pranks make no sense in this context.

But wait a minute, none of that happens. When Dredd gets his order to put her through a tough but fair test, he actually... puts her through a tough but fair test, asking her relevant questions (most of which she answers properly), occasionally questioning her judgment calls (but shrugging over differences of opinion), and also laying out with perfect transparency what will determine Success or Failure:

If she incorrectly sentences a suspect, she fails.

If she fails to follow a direct order, she fails.

If she allows anyone to take her weapon from her, she fails.

And then, those criteria being set out, he actually instructs her in proper policework, and is even occasionally helpful towards her. Almost as if he's a senior agent tasked with training a rookie agent, and almost like he actually does his job when asked.

Again, are these guys completely unfamiliar with filmmaking for the past 20 years? Don't they know that we're supposed to have faked-up conflict between the characters, even if they actually don't know each other and therefore have no reason to hate each other, and even if they're partners whose lives depend on the other other?

And what is this "following orders on a mission" crap? We know that the hero is supposed to Go Rogue. Ethan Hunt has Gone Rogue in four straight movies, and even James Bond now goes rogue in about a third of his movies. Heroes in military-like command structures defy orders -- otherwise, they're pencil-necked pencil-pushers and probably Also Gay.

But I'll overlook this mistake, because we get to some Good Old Fashioned Film-Making soon after. A radio call comes in; three murders at a 200-story acology (that is, one of those megastructures they keep saying they're going to build in Shanghai or wherever, where the foot of the building is four city blocks in size and the total volume is big enough for 100,000 people to live, work, go to school, get married and die all in the same building, barely leaving it their whole lives).

It's a complex called Peachtree (cute how the government gives the most awful of projects such an optimistic name), and Dredd gives Anderson the option of whether or not to investigate, as it's her case. She says they'll take it, and they do.

(It wasn't even a trick question -- when Dredd said "It's your call," he really meant "It's your call" -- another lost opportunity for Good Moviemaking.)

When they get there, they find out that the complex is run by a drug baron called "MaMa" (a contraction of Marielle Martinique or something). At this moment, Dredd realizes that MaMa murdered his first partner, 15 years ago, his best friend, and that's why he's vowed never to work with a partner again. And he vows he will get vengeance on MaMa.

Wait a minute, that's not what happens; Dredd has never heard of MaMa before in his entire life, has no backstory involving her, and has no emotional relationship with her whatsoever. She's just another vicious killer in a city of vicious killers; he doesn't register so much as a flinch when it's explained she began as a much-abused prostitute who one day "feminized her pimp" with her teeth.

He doesn't care. He's heard this all before.

Wait a minute, what the hell kind of movie are they making here? They're missing all the classics of every bad action movie for the past thirty years. Where's all the bad jokes, dick-measuring jokes, male-bonding homo jokes, and seething emotion the characters are supposed to have about everything?

Why, this Dredd and Anderson sort of confront their job (and later, their dangerous predicament) with something that almost looks like trained professional detachment.

You can't have a movie about characters with trained professional detachment. You need them SHOUTING THINGS AT EACH OTHER and SCREAMING HOW MUCH THEY HATE THE BAD GUYS and then Making Lots of Bad Jokes (gotta keep the audience laughing) and the near the end Breaking Down and Crying With Each Other, and, of course, then Falling in Love With Each Other.

Anderson and Dredd don't even kiss, let alone fall in love. And the Witty Sexual Banter between them? Nonexistent. A complete gyp! Why, they have no sexual chemistry whatsoever! If anything, it's almost like they wouldn't even think of sex with a colleague (almost like it would be unethical for a senior Judge to seduce a rookie under his wing), and especially not when dozens of heavily-armed gangsters are trying to kill them.

What's the shit? What's going on here? What is this boring crap where the main characters barely know each other and just sort of treat each other as professional colleagues? And then just work together because they're trapped together in an extremely dangerous situation and have no other ally but each other?

Again: Amateurish.

Who is writing this clownshow?

I think George Costanza wrote this movie when he was doing the Opposite thing.

Dropping the act now:

It works. It's credible. It looks good... a little cheap, but good. I do like the look. It opens with a sunbaked cityscape that recalls, I think deliberately, action movies set in California in the late seventies. (The Dredd comic book began about this time, 1979. And Dredd is just the Future Dirty Harry.)

The huge arcologies do not fill the cityscape; instead, they punctuate it, here and there. This lets you see how monstrously large they really are-- if the whole city were made up of such megastructures, we wouldn't get a sense of scale, as scale comes from comparison. If it was all arcologies, they'd just look like normal skyscrapers. But where most of the cityscape is normal skyscrapers and then one of these 200-story gargantuans tower over the skyscrapers -- well, not just tower over them, but bulk over them -- you appreciate how large such a structure is.

In the skies are flying some ugly vulture-looking black aircraft. You never see them up close, and they are never named and never explained. I like this-- this is the Denizen's Eye View of the City, as opposed to the Tourist's Eye View. The tourist's eye gawks and focuses on such things; the jaded denizen just passes over them lazily, as the jaded denizen has seen it all before.

By this choice, the director makes the audience member feel like he's a jaded denizen of Mega-City One rather than a tourist. It's a neat tactic, I think. Show wondrous things, but show them in background, without explanation -- like we're all so familiar with this we just shrug it off.

I don't know what the Vulture craft are. I would guess they're robotic surveillance drones. But I don't know.

I like not knowing. I didn't know what that big skeleton on Tatooine was, either. I liked not knowing what that was, guessing what it was.

It feels like everyone involved takes the situation and the characters seriously, and then, get this, wonder of wonders, I take the situation and characters seriously.

I also think they show a certain amount of confidence in the audience to get it. For example -- I hope this is no spoiler; it happens 25 minutes in -- Dredd orders Anderson to summarily execute a perp. He's attempted to murder Judges; the sentence is death.

Easy sentence to hand down. But not so easy to execute, as the man, now wounded and pleading for his life (and not monstrous at all, but rather a sad little man stuck in World of Shit just doing an awful job for money) actually does have a wife and kid.

Anderson hesitates; Dredd repeats, "Execute the sentence, Judge Anderson."

There is no argument about it. I won't say what happens, but I will say they don't have both characters Explaining their Moral Positions to each other.

See, we know Dredd's position -- he's a hardass in the first place, and he's been doing this for 20 years, so this ain't the first man he's killed in cold blood; hell, it's not even his 100th -- and we know Anderson's position -- Jesus God Almighty, you're ordering me to kill an unarmed man!

Amazing-- we know what they're thinking and feeling without them explaining it all to us. And also amazing-- we gain rather than lose impact by not having the verbalization of their emotional states in there. Almost like the situation and action is enough to carry the story itself, without the need of words.

And there's no easy way out of this: This is a world teetering on collapse, and a violent fascist police state has been called into being, and they work for that violent fascist police state. That's their jobs. There's no magic button to get out of it.

There's also no judgment about it. This is a very interesting stance for the filmmakers to take, no judgment. Or rather: No overt judgment. Again, they're trusting that we the audience knows that this is not the best state of affairs for the world to be in without feeling the need to insult our intelligence by telling us Fascism is Bad.

Yes, Fascism is Bad. We knew that. Thank you for not saying so. Because it's insulting. You actually trust us to know Fascism is Bad and just get on with the business of setting a movie in a violent fascist world coming apart at the seams, where no one in the movie notes Fascism is Bad because it's all they've known their whole lives (and what would the alternative even look like?).

Good, solid movie. Enjoyed it completely.

Despite them not pouring on the emotional arcs and such, there was a question I did get invested in. Not whether they would live or die -- Dredd's an Intellectual Property; he's going to die like James Bond is going to die. Pull the other one.

I hope I haven't spoiled things by telling you a franchise character will probably live.

But would Anderson live? And would she pass?

I actually cared, especially because she does in fact violate one of those rules Dredd clearly laid out (I won't say which). So her status is very much in doubt for most of the movie.

And I actually cared. And I was pleased by the resolution. And I liked it so much I watched it again.

By the way, how conservative badass is this line?

"It isn't marginal. She failed."

I love that line. Sums him up in five words. No excuses, no latitude, no favors, no exceptions. But he's not an idiot about it -- he is, in fact, right.

The flaws in the movie are mostly due to them running away, at high speeds, from Sylverser Stallone's 1995 movie... even avoiding things that may have made the movie better.

Like, for example, it's humorless. The deadpan, cynical satirical humor of the comic book (I'm told) is missing. I wouldn't have minded some Verhoeven-ish satirical elements here. The 1995 Stallone movie featured a mobile robotic snack dispenser which repeated its funny and banal pitch-line over and over:

Eat Recycled Food! It's good for the environment, and it's okay for you.

Eat Recycled Food !It's good for the environment, and it's okay for you.

Kind of funny, and sells the Idiocracy-like despair of the future in a cute joke. I love this thing in Dystopian movies, the endlessly-repeating stupid advertisements. Logan's Run sold you on Plankton, farmed from the sea!; Blade Runner sold you on Martian colonies and what was later revealed to be birth control pills.

The film runs completely from any sort of cheekiness like this and winds up being a bit over-grim. But better no humor than bad humor.

They also run away from Dredd's comic book uniform, which is risible parody of Fascist Fashion, with an absurdly huge golden eagle on one shoulder and an oversized heavy-metal badge on his breast. The uniform in this movie is very subdued with those elements barely present.

But fascist governments really do fetishize their uniforms like this! Such a uniform may be silly, but it is quite realistic.

There's also very little actual science-fiction content in this science-fiction film. Apart from the arcologies and Dredd's sorta-silly gun (which fires an assortment of corner-case projectiles, swapping between them on verbal command), I don't think I saw a single technology that isn't present in the here and now.

The film could have used one, specifically -- for most of the film, Dredd and Anderson are trying to escort a prisoner against his will through a project controlled by the prisoner's allies. But he never shouts out or gives their position away. Why not have big metal spider-like device that crawls up the perp's face and sticks its "body" in his mouth, legs wrapping around his head, to gag him? And ungags him -- and drops down to be a "necklace" -- when de-activated?

Obviously these are pretty minor concerns. These, and maybe some shots where funky lighting was used to disguise cheap sets, are the only problems I had.

As far as a Content Warning: The overall tone of the movie is serious, grim, and oppressive, and the depravity and violence of Mega-City One is displayed graphically.

Within the category of very violent, dark-natured movies, I would say this movie is somewhat tasteful and restrained -- but only within that category, if you understand my meaning. Only when compared to other graphically violent movies would this movie seem like they'd showed some restraint here and there.

A lot of sickness and carnage is presented and the characters hardly react to it. Their moral apparatus is deadened-- this is as common to them as grocery shopping.

Even Dredd, the "hero," is deadened to this. Anderson seems to be the only character with a functioning sense of empathy.

And on that: Anderson is almost the "hero" of this story as she's the one most put to the test, she's the one who has to learn, and she's the one with the character arc.

She's also the one that might actually die. Dredd, being a franchise character, won't face that particular danger. Anderson will.

It's hard to argue the hero is not Dredd in a film named "Dredd." And sure, I guess he is. And I'll even note that maybe he has the tiniest little character arc (and it's a good one, despite being so, so small).

Still, Dredd is sort of remote guy. He's not a psychopath, and he's not a monster, but he's barely a warm-blooded animal.

He's all dead inside, really.

Anderson, being more vulnerable (and more human), and also the viewpoint character (mostly), is a bit more relatable.

I'm surprised that feminist-inclined girl-geeks aren't talking about this movie. One thing I agree with feminist critics about -- female characters in movies are typically awful and have little to do except serve as objects for romantic conquest. Anderson here is actually a real character.

I Lied: I have to admit, they did do one Action Movie Cliche, near the beginning. Dredd does do the Let Me Get In a Cute/Funny Line Before I Kill You So Everyone Understands What a Total and Ultimate Badass I Am Because Check This Shit Out I'm Cool For Comedy Bits During Tense Shootouts.

And, as usual, it sucks. It's toned down, but it's still unrealistic. I excuse this based on the genre they're in. It's obligatory. I wish they hadn't obliged, but I understand why they did.

Once they oblige that, though, they do try to keep clear of the Typical Crap That Everyone Hates and Yet Every Movie Is Stuffed Full Of Even Though They Know We Hate It.

Oh Wait, The Ending Is Stupid: If you set up a heart monitor which detonates explosives if you die -- as a protective device -- do you:

a) Set it up so if the receiver receives a flat-line, or if it receives no positive signal at all, it detonates the explosives,

or,

b) Set it up so it only detonates if it receives a flat-line but does nothing if it receives no signal at all,

which do you do?

Bear in mind, if you choose b, someone can just shoot the device so it is non-operational, or take you out of the range of the receivers, or even throw you out of window to your death without consequence.

Guess which option the villain chooses?

But, look: So much goodwill was built up by that point I waved it off. I pretended in my mind that Dredd shot her arm off and then manually "pumped" her severed arm to keep the illusion of bloodflow going for the monitor, at least until the bomb squad rendered it safe.


Corrected the Quote From the 1995 Movie... The real quote is far funnier than I remembered. Thanks to @jimgeraghty.

Posted by: Ace at 04:22 PM



Comments

1 This book was better than the movie.

Posted by: levi at February 13, 2013 04:28 PM (5V/0T)

2 Where can I get the abridged version of this review?

Posted by: gm at February 13, 2013 04:28 PM (/kBoL)

3 Well, Sylvester Stallone must have hated it because of all the shooting...wait, he was in the original right? My bad

Posted by: thunderb at February 13, 2013 04:29 PM (Dnbau)

4 Quick O/T:

No one was interested in watching Teh Won last night......

In preliminary numbers, CBS was the most-watched network for the
one-hour-plus speech and coverage with 6.22 million viewers. NBC was
next with 5.79 million, followed by ABC with 4.59 million and Fox with
2.37 million. Among adults 18-49, NBC was number one but everyone
dropped from last year. In the demo, Fox took the biggest drop from the
2012 speech; the network’s coverage last night posted a 0.9/2, down 47%
from last year. Tuesday’s CBS News Special (1.1/3) was down 27% from
2012, with the NBC News Special (1.6/4) down 20% and the ABC News
Special (1.2/3) down 14%.

Posted by: © Sponge at February 13, 2013 04:30 PM (xmcEQ)

5 Where can I get the abridged version of this review?>>

The Movie sucked.

Posted by: Buzzsaw at February 13, 2013 04:30 PM (81UWZ)

6 'The Lawgiver' is on Feinsteins ban list.

Posted by: RWC at February 13, 2013 04:31 PM (fWAjv)

7 Sounds like they watched every season of Dance Moms, Basketball Wives, Mob Wives and Mob Wives Chicago, and the did the exact opposite.

Posted by: Truman North at February 13, 2013 04:32 PM (I2LwF)

8 Why couldn't I have been born blind?

Posted by: WalrusRex at February 13, 2013 04:32 PM (Hx5uv)

9 Yeah, it was a pretty great flick.

Posted by: fb at February 13, 2013 04:32 PM (JVEmw)

10
The movie was okay, for a torrent. But outside of the Dredd character, the basic premise was done better in The Raid: Redemtion.

Posted by: IllTemperedCur at February 13, 2013 04:32 PM (TIIx5)

11 I read the ENTIRE review. One tiny question:

Do we at least get the Movie Cliche that says every police investigation must eventually lead to a strip club? It's not an investigation if it doesn't wind up in a strip club at some point.

Posted by: Keith Arnold at February 13, 2013 04:33 PM (n4EDK)

12 So, if that movie is future based, it doesn't sound like Owebama got to ban guns, then.

Posted by: © Sponge at February 13, 2013 04:33 PM (xmcEQ)

13 I saw this movie a few weeks ago, loved it. Good review too.

Posted by: Heralder at February 13, 2013 04:33 PM (+xmn4)

14 Barack Obama is a stuttering clusterf*ck of a malignant traitor.

Posted by: AllenG (Dedicated Tenther) Channelling Breitbart at February 13, 2013 04:34 PM (8y9MW)

15 >>>Do we at least get the Movie Cliche that says every police investigation must eventually lead to a strip club?

nope.

That is a pretty established cliche isn't it?

Posted by: ace at February 13, 2013 04:35 PM (LCRYB)

16 What I don't get was why Anderson wasn't able to use the same psychic ability she had previously used to ruin a guy a second time when it mattered more. Trying not to give any spoilers here, so apologies for being cryptic.


Posted by: Xander Crews at February 13, 2013 04:35 PM (NPqnO)

17
Barack Obama is a stuttering clusterf*ck of a malignant traitor.


Posted by: AllenG (Dedicated Tenther) Channelling Breitbart at February 13, 2013 04:34 PM (8y9MW)






There are some things in this world that you can set a clock by. If someone out there had a blog, that might make a decent throwaway-post.



Posted by: IllTemperedCur at February 13, 2013 04:36 PM (TIIx5)

18 As long as the remake has Rob Schneider in it, I'm on board.

Posted by: Gristle Encased Head at February 13, 2013 04:36 PM (+lsX1)

19 >>>What I don't get was why Anderson wasn't able to use the same psychic ability she had previously used to ruin a guy a second time when it mattered more.

hm, that didn't even occur to me. Maybe previously he was "letting her in" because he wanted to brain-rape her? And now he wasn't?

Posted by: ace at February 13, 2013 04:36 PM (LCRYB)

20 I was going to ignore "Dredd" but based on your earlier review I decided to give it a look. As you mentioned in your earlier review, the helmet was the stupidest part of the movie, and it was, in fact, a great and annoying distraction. (How can anyone see out of that thing? Who, in their right mind would wear that? )



Apart from that, the movie was excellent. The plot was good, the action was good, the acting seemed realistic for the circumstances, and the movie worked well.



I liked it, and i'm going to acquire a copy of it down the road.



Posted by: DiogenesLamp at February 13, 2013 04:36 PM (bb5+k)

21 What I don't get was why Anderson wasn't able to use
the same psychic ability she had previously used to ruin a guy a second
time when it mattered more. Trying not to give any spoilers here, so
apologies for being cryptic.




Posted by: Xander Crews at February 13, 2013 04:35 PM (NPqnO)


I'm pretty sure this is one of those movies that no one gives a shit if you give away how it ends, starts or continues. Not like it's a murder/mystery or anything.....;

Posted by: © Sponge at February 13, 2013 04:37 PM (xmcEQ)

22 I liked the movie. I enjoyed it. I wish it had been in theaters for more than five minutes (WTF happened? I heard it was going to be out, I saw it on a theater sign, the *next week* it was playing *nowhere*).

I did not miss the sledgehammer anti-consumerism "wit" of Robocop.

The humor was situational and subtle, but despite being somewhat fanciful (and an Action Movie) it was kind of a Serious Movie. You were not supposed to laugh at people Suffering And Making Hard Decisions.

I will try not to spoil, but I liked the way Dredd tended to deal with adversity - it seemed "professional" somehow (the smaller, non-big-fight adversities I speak of here).

Sure, it could have been better, but it's a Movie Worth Watching that I will probably Watch Again, for me at least.

It was not a "period nostalgia" action movie, just an action movie.

Posted by: Merovign, Dark Lord of the Sith at February 13, 2013 04:37 PM (bxiXv)

23 Ace's movie reviews are both legend, and informative.
But, have I mentioned that there is an actual Sea Slug forum?

But, I don't think they do movie reviews.

http://www.seaslugforum.net/

Posted by: Village Idiot's Apprentice at February 13, 2013 04:37 PM (bTPOR)

24 Why is it that the less interested I am in watching a given movie, the longer Ace's reviews of it are?

Posted by: logprof at February 13, 2013 04:37 PM (4pNjZ)

25
For what it's worth, I liked the "oh wait, that didn't happen" schtick, Ace.

When you stopped doing it, I sorta skimmed the rest. Oh well, I guess I'll have to watch the movie then.

Posted by: BurtTC at February 13, 2013 04:38 PM (TOk1P)

26 saw it on youtube so I cant complain . it was at least entertaining .

Posted by: alec at February 13, 2013 04:38 PM (usWYv)

27 Is there a gifnamation version of this review?

Posted by: Jaws at February 13, 2013 04:38 PM (4I3Uo)

28 holy crap ! the review was longer than the movie ! ( and less entertaining lol )

Posted by: alec at February 13, 2013 04:40 PM (usWYv)

29 I liked the movie, however it would have been better with an overworked sergeant, near retirement, who's tired of Dredd's antics and screams a lot.

Posted by: Dr Spank at February 13, 2013 04:41 PM (4cRnj)

30
19 >>>What I don't get was why Anderson wasn't able to use the same psychic ability she had previously used to ruin a guy a second time when it mattered more. hm, that didn't even occur to me. Maybe previously he was "letting her in" because he wanted to brain-rape her? And now he wasn't?
Posted by: ace at February 13, 2013 04:36 PM (LCRYB)


Well it kind of makes sense to me if you think about it. I'm sure that psychic ability to get fully into the mind like that requires a lot of concentration, so you're not even aware of your actual physical surroundings. Now think about when she used it and when you are thinking about when she should have used it.

Posted by: buzzion at February 13, 2013 04:41 PM (GULKT)

31 all sarcasm is irony, but not all irony is sarcasm

Posted by: DOA in Scrambletown, FLA at February 13, 2013 04:41 PM (Dll6b)

32 In the skies are flying some ugly vulture-looking black aircraft. You never see them up close, and they are never named and never explained. I like this-- this is the Denizen's Eye View of the City, as opposed to the Tourist's Eye View. The tourist's eye gawks and focuses on such things; the jaded denizen just passes over them lazily, as the jaded denizen has seen it all before.

Yes! This alone makes me want to see the movie, although the rest of it does, too, and up to now I had no desire to.

Reminds me of the final scene in a completely unrelated movie, UHF, where the script called for some weird stuff going on in the background where nobody was going to see it. But the special effects was so cool, they decided to bring it front and center--even though nobody was seeing it. Personally, I think it would have been even cooler if it had just been left in the background, just another crazy thing that happens at the tv station.

Possible Dredd spoiler (I haven’t seen the movie, so don’t know) but Judge Anderson had her own comic for a while back in the day, too.

Posted by: Stephen Price Blair at February 13, 2013 04:41 PM (QF8uk)

33 Oh and Anderson can read my mind anytime.

Posted by: buzzion at February 13, 2013 04:41 PM (GULKT)

34 Sweet fuck ace, can you at least put a picture of titties in the middle! ilu....

Posted by: Prescient11 at February 13, 2013 04:41 PM (tVTLU)

35 we wouldn't get a sense of scale, as scale comes from comparison


Bingo!

Posted by: Senator Bob Menendez at February 13, 2013 04:41 PM (I2LwF)

36
15 -

How about the reluctant informant? You know, the guy they have to rough up a bit to get him to reveal what he knows?

They even did that in "Justified" last night, but with a typical Raylan twist to it.

Posted by: BurtTC at February 13, 2013 04:42 PM (TOk1P)

37 What, no review for Wendigo?

Posted by: Craig Poe at February 13, 2013 04:43 PM (BVkEs)

38 I can't for the review of Skyfall.

Posted by: Dr Spank at February 13, 2013 04:44 PM (4cRnj)

39 Did he at least have a catchphrase? Without a catchphrase it's sometimes hard to remember which character is the protagonist.

Posted by: Gristle Encased Head at February 13, 2013 04:44 PM (+lsX1)

40 When is the 'Over the Top' Prequel coming out?

Posted by: garrett at February 13, 2013 04:44 PM (vxGjP)

41 lolz, I started reading the review and I was like whaaaa? did I miss that?

Good points, makes me like the movie even more. On the other hand, I was disturbed by the lack of awe Dredd had, so that being blasted at by big boom sticks, taking on a building of psychos, dealing with bad guys had no effect on him. But, it was cool when he said "wait" at that one spoilery scene. He was sort of human there.

BTW, the new Total Recall sucked like shit on ice.

Posted by: joeindc44 is now more concerned about Dark Ages 2.0 than Great Depression 2.0 at February 13, 2013 04:45 PM (QxSug)

42
39 Did he at least have a catchphrase? Without a catchphrase it's sometimes hard to remember which character is the protagonist.
Posted by: Gristle Encased Head at February 13, 2013 04:44 PM (+lsX1)


"I am the law."

Posted by: buzzion at February 13, 2013 04:45 PM (GULKT)

43 @ 2

Ace's Dredd review review - coming soon!

Posted by: assault flounder at February 13, 2013 04:45 PM (Kkt/i)

44 I'm waiting for Sea Slug Penis: The Musical.

Posted by: Sea Slug at February 13, 2013 04:45 PM (uhftQ)

45 Clocks in at 3,562 words
98 paragraphs
12 pages

Posted by: Jones in CO at February 13, 2013 04:45 PM (8sCoq)

46 Reminds me of the final scene in a completely unrelated movie, UHF,

Not many people know this, but the turtle is nature's suction cup.

Posted by: Radish at February 13, 2013 04:46 PM (/kI1Q)

47 Great review, Ace! I had no interest in this film before, and now I'm going to try and pick it up at the library tonight. On Blu-Ray, no less!

Posted by: Kensington at February 13, 2013 04:46 PM (/AHDz)

48 Any hot babes in the movie?

Posted by: Steve Cohen, young hipster at heart at February 13, 2013 04:46 PM (4pNjZ)

49 BTW, the new Total Recall sucked like shit on ice.





Posted by: joeindc44 is now more concerned about Dark Ages 2.0 than Great Depression 2.0 at February 13, 2013 04:45 PM (QxSug)


Didn't it have the cockmaster Colin Farrel in it?

That would explain it, for sure.

Posted by: © Sponge at February 13, 2013 04:46 PM (xmcEQ)

50 Based on this review I assume ace is a fan of Last Action Hero.

Posted by: Dr Spank at February 13, 2013 04:47 PM (4cRnj)

51 Clocks in at 3,562 words

Ace could probably do NaNoWriMo in 48 hours.

Posted by: Waterhouse at February 13, 2013 04:47 PM (mO9O5)

52 Okay, I'm sold.

Actually, I was sold before: it looks ever-so-much better than the Stallone version. Which is pathetic, since the character was drawn specifically to look like Sylvester Stallone (originally- they've probably got a new artist by now).

Posted by: AllenG (Dedicated Tenther) Channelling Breitbart at February 13, 2013 04:47 PM (8y9MW)

53 oh, is this the part when I get to argue over whether the Dreddiverse is facist or just totalitarian police state?

Note that Dredd was originally, yawn, a satire of the impending doom that Thatcher and Reagan were going to send us through. All fictional dystopias arise from conservative vision but all real dystopias are created by liberals.

Posted by: joeindc44 is now more concerned about Dark Ages 2.0 than Great Depression 2.0 at February 13, 2013 04:47 PM (QxSug)

54 Based on this review I assume ace is a fan of Last Action Hero.


Posted by: Dr Spank at February 13, 2013 04:47 PM (4cRnj)


I liked that movie.

Posted by: © Sponge at February 13, 2013 04:47 PM (xmcEQ)

55 It opens with a sunbaked cityscape that recalls, I think deliberately,
action tv shows set in California in the late seventies.



They filmed it in Johannesburg, South Africa which really is an urban shithole. It's the same place that District 9 was filmed in.

Posted by: EC at February 13, 2013 04:48 PM (GQ8sn)

56 The movie runs 95 minutes long. This review, somewhat longer.


For the record, I briefly considered changing to Team Weasel for a bit because of that line.

Posted by: alexthechick - SMOD. Team Stompy at February 13, 2013 04:49 PM (VtjlW)

57 "Why not have big metal spider-like device that crawls up the perp's face and sticks its "body" in his mouth, legs wrapping around his head, to gag him? And ungags him -- and drops down to be a "necklace" -- when de-activated?"
Acelusts after sucha device for the hobos.

Posted by: Bravo at February 13, 2013 04:49 PM (JpC1K)

58
50 -

I liked it a lot. The Governator making fun of himself. What's not to like?

Posted by: BurtTC at February 13, 2013 04:49 PM (TOk1P)

59 All fictional dystopias arise from conservative vision but all real dystopias are created by liberals.

And, strangely enough, the real dystopias which arise almost perfectly mimic the fictional ones, except in origin.

Posted by: AllenG (Dedicated Tenther) Channelling Breitbart at February 13, 2013 04:49 PM (8y9MW)

60 **Didn't it have the cockmaster Colin Farrel in it?

That would explain it, for sure.**

I wouldn't blame it on Farrel. It's like it was just so sub-standard, even the special effects from 1991 were done better.

Of course, hotter than the sun wifey in the movie was a good character and hot. or at least she had her moments. But still, a little bit too much of the gay "chicks who kick ass a little too well" movie thing going on.

Also, it didn't help that I was yelling "Cohagen" at the screen every few seconds in Arnold's voice.

Posted by: joeindc44 is now more concerned about Dark Ages 2.0 than Great Depression 2.0 at February 13, 2013 04:49 PM (QxSug)

61
Oh and Anderson can read my mind anytime.

Fuckin' eh. Although I suppose that will be tough after her noggin whacks my headboard 350 times.

Or five. Whatever.

Posted by: Lurking Canuck at February 13, 2013 04:50 PM (0WLla)

62 WORDS!!!!WHAT DO THEY MEAN?????!!!!

Posted by: phoenixgirl at February 13, 2013 04:50 PM (GVxQo)

63 Well, reading that didn't take long.

Posted by: jwest at February 13, 2013 04:51 PM (ZDsRL)

64 And, strangely enough, the real dystopias which arise almost perfectly mimic the fictional ones, except in origin.

Posted by: AllenG (Dedicated Tenther) Channelling Breitbart at February 13, 2013 04:49 PM (8y9MW)


Not a surprise. Just like everyday politics (racism, violence, crime, economic destruction), they point at us and tell us who they are.

Posted by: Merovign, Dark Lord of the Sith at February 13, 2013 04:51 PM (bxiXv)

65 "Apparently Conan needs an Origin Story, because you need some kind of explanation how someone gets strong and good with a sword."
But the Arnold movie HAD an origin story- hisfamily got killed, he grew up on the Wheel of Pain, he learned how to fight and how to bed chicks, etc. Don't tell meTHAT orign story wasn't worth it. WHEEL OF PAIN, Ace. WHEEL. OF. PAIN.

Posted by: Rocko at February 13, 2013 04:51 PM (JpC1K)

66 >>>Clocks in at 3,562 words<<<

And yet still shorter and better written than the SOTU.

Posted by: Guy Mohawk at February 13, 2013 04:51 PM (p/cQy)

67 Dredd is a big, fat pig.

Posted by: Rex Reed, the new Abe Vigoda at February 13, 2013 04:51 PM (BVkEs)

68 I can't fucking believe I just read all of that.

But now I'm gonna rent the movie.

Posted by: Joffen, fucking sunshine patriot at February 13, 2013 04:51 PM (5UlAL)

69 Not a surprise. Just like everyday politics (racism, violence, crime,
economic destruction), they point at us and tell us who they are.


Yeah. That was sarcastic/sardonic humor.

Posted by: AllenG (Dedicated Tenther) Channelling Breitbart at February 13, 2013 04:51 PM (8y9MW)

70 Olivia Thirlby, Judge Anderson, is quite dishy in this movie. I liked her character. Not a total badass like Dredd, but she does manage to kick some ass before the movie's end.

Posted by: EC at February 13, 2013 04:51 PM (GQ8sn)

71 @48

Olivia Thirlby's Anderson character easy on the eyes, so i'd say hot enough.

Posted by: hack at February 13, 2013 04:51 PM (iIOCt)

72 O/T but as the War on Women continues and as the Donks continue to score victory after victory, shouldn't we start awarding them medals?

Like I said in the other thread, I don't think that guy's ILU is an act of valor like Sean Penn beating up Madonna (bronze star) but more of a meritorious service medal kind of deal.

Need some input.

Posted by: joeindc44 is now more concerned about Dark Ages 2.0 than Great Depression 2.0 at February 13, 2013 04:52 PM (QxSug)

73 My take on Dredd?
I laughed. I cried. I saw turtles fall from the sky.

Posted by: Ernest P. Worrel at February 13, 2013 04:52 PM (J8DGo)

74 I've avoided this movie because the word-of-mouth post-"bomb" hype about it has come from the same jerks who told me The Dark Knight was gonna totally kick my dark-'70s-movie-loving ass, so I watched it and it was an enragingly stupid thing made for dumb people by idiots.

And I know there's some slow-motion Matrix-sequel shit in this.

But your sarcasm is persuasive.

Also, RAPE.

Posted by: oblig. at February 13, 2013 04:53 PM (cePv8)

75 yeah, I recall that I found Anderson to be entirely pleasant and easy on the eyes. I forget, she was like a poor man's ... someone.

Posted by: joeindc44 is now more concerned about Dark Ages 2.0 than Great Depression 2.0 at February 13, 2013 04:53 PM (QxSug)

76 For the Morons keep on more pictures of Anderson but too lazy to look her up - her name is Olivia Thirlby.

And *YUM*.

Posted by: Merovign, Dark Lord of the Sith at February 13, 2013 04:53 PM (bxiXv)

77 My husband and I both enjoyed the movie. At the end though, when we saw the credits I was yelling, "That was freaking Carl Urban!?!?" Never once took off his helmet. What kind of movie star does a whole movie without showing his face?

Other than getting the giggles over his constant frown (how did he make his mouth do that?) we both had a great time. The movie was very enjoyable, and gory. Really amazingly gory.

I will say, though, that I don't think that Dredd was past empathy. I think that the fact that he does care and that's why he's incorruptible. Though about the only way you know is that he doesn't kill the "kids" and instead of just carrying out one judicial execution he exacts a more "poetic" justice. And I thought that suggested that he *felt* everything, he just put the necessity of his duty first.

Posted by: Synova at February 13, 2013 04:53 PM (7/PU+)

78 It would have been a better movie if there was a hooker with a heart of gold. And a wacky neighbor- preferably played by 1989 David Leisure.

Posted by: Truman North at February 13, 2013 04:53 PM (I2LwF)

79 >>>But the Arnold movie HAD an origin story- hisfamily got killed, he grew up on the Wheel of Pain, he learned how to fight and how to bed chicks, etc. Don't tell meTHAT orign story wasn't worth it. WHEEL OF PAIN, Ace. WHEEL. OF. PAIN.

I didn't mind that origin story because it was well-done, memorable; but unnecessary, and Not Really Conan.

I couldn't take another origin story in the sequel.

Ho-hum. Gee, I wonder if the Villain will kill his father. (SPOILER: He does.)

Posted by: ace at February 13, 2013 04:53 PM (LCRYB)

80 But the Arnold movie HAD an origin story- hisfamily got killed, he grew
up on the Wheel of Pain, he learned how to fight and how to bed chicks,
etc. Don't tell meTHAT orign story wasn't worth it. WHEEL OF PAIN, Ace.
WHEEL. OF. PAIN.


Also, my understanding is that the Robert E. Howard stories make use of the "Origin Story" in the latest movie. And, really, for the Big Conflict to make sense, there had to be a reason that Conan really hated the Emperor.

Posted by: AllenG (Dedicated Tenther) Channelling Breitbart at February 13, 2013 04:53 PM (8y9MW)

81 I Dredded this review

Posted by: Not and Artist at February 13, 2013 04:54 PM (uRumV)

82 "Didn't it have the cockmaster Colin Farrel in it?"

I thought it was that Freddie Prinze idiot. Oh boy how wrong I was.

Yes, that movie sucked balls and was full of stupid gimmicks.

Posted by: Kaitian at February 13, 2013 04:54 PM (DFoO6)

83 Is there a star review at the bottom - for us non readers?

Posted by: Whatev at February 13, 2013 04:55 PM (A7Wh1)

84 >>>I will say, though, that I don't think that Dredd was past empathy. I think that the fact that he does care and that's why he's incorruptible. Though about the only way you know is that he doesn't kill the "kids" and instead of just carrying out one judicial execution he exacts a more "poetic" justice. And I thought that suggested that he *felt* everything, he just put the necessity of his duty first.

I would guess he has some empathy buried within him but it's a guess, because he's a Hero and I expect the hero to have some empathy.

It's slightly signaled in Anderson's psi-scan of him, where she says "He's angry, but beneath that..." and then the boss stops her.

Still, it's pretty subtle.

Posted by: ace at February 13, 2013 04:55 PM (LCRYB)

85 For the Morons keep on more pictures of Anderson but too lazy to look her up - her name is Olivia Thirlby.


Already name checked her!

I did not realize but the trailer for Dredd had Thirlby in it. It briefly showed the "mind-rape" scene with the informant imagining himself having his way with her. That was supposed to be her, but it was hard to tell from that brief instant. I just assumed it was another Slo-Mo montage of someone.

Posted by: EC at February 13, 2013 04:55 PM (GQ8sn)

86 And I know there's some slow-motion Matrix-sequel shit in this. But your sarcasm is persuasive. Also, RAPE.
Posted by: oblig. at February 13, 2013 04:53 PM (cePv


There is actually a reason for the slow-motion Matrix shit in this. Its not really an "oh this will make the scene look so much cooler!" type of thing.

Posted by: buzzion at February 13, 2013 04:55 PM (GULKT)

87 "how to bed chicks"

His tits did that job alone.

Posted by: Kaitian at February 13, 2013 04:55 PM (DFoO6)

88 Where are the fucking metrics on this type of thing?

Who is measuring how many people are reading long-ass articles by which authors?

How much and in what ways could an advertiser utilize an audience and a style that can get someone with a lot better shit to do to read a million word movie review?

No one is going to exploit this until there is some way to measure it.

Posted by: jwest at February 13, 2013 04:55 PM (ZDsRL)

89 DREDD was declared a fail *before* the DVD/blu-ray sales and PPV numbers came.

there may be another DREDD film in the making.

Posted by: hack at February 13, 2013 04:55 PM (iIOCt)

90 And a wacky neighbor- preferably played by 1989 David Leisure.

So, Seth Rogan.

Posted by: Stephen Price Blair at February 13, 2013 04:55 PM (QF8uk)

91 >>>s there a star review at the bottom - for us non readers?

three? maybe three and a half?

Posted by: ace at February 13, 2013 04:55 PM (LCRYB)

92 Posted by: buzzion at February 13, 2013 04:41 PM (GULKT)

33 Oh and Anderson can read my mind anytime.

... You pig!

Posted by: Sarah Kerrigan at February 13, 2013 04:55 PM (aca0s)

93 Well, if the Dorner story teaches us one thing, it's that there is a segment of America that thinks it's OK to haul off and KILL PEOPLE if you're fired from a job for cause...........

Posted by: © Sponge at February 13, 2013 04:56 PM (xmcEQ)

94
Thanks Jeff Goldb...... errrrr Ace.


..... some body owes me a new packed bearing for my mouse wheel.....


j/k

Posted by: fixerupper at February 13, 2013 04:56 PM (nELVU)

95 IDK, I think Milius's Conan "origin" was just as badass as the rest of the movie so it's not suck.

Plus, this was 1981, so Ace's point about "the last 20 years" of movie making (why I am reminded of JEF's "the mess we're in" talking point) is apt. Conan started before the mold was overused.

Plus, his origin had pit fighting and hookers.

Posted by: joeindc44 is now more concerned about Dark Ages 2.0 than Great Depression 2.0 at February 13, 2013 04:57 PM (QxSug)

96 I've seen the movie. Did anyone cringe when the mind-fuck scene had his dick bitten off?

Posted by: Kaitian at February 13, 2013 04:57 PM (DFoO6)

97 **90 And a wacky neighbor- preferably played by 1989 David Leisure.

So, Seth Rogan.**

Why not bring back Duece Bigalow for a cameo?

Posted by: joeindc44 is now more concerned about Dark Ages 2.0 than Great Depression 2.0 at February 13, 2013 04:57 PM (QxSug)

98 I thought it was that Freddie Prinze idiot. Oh boy how wrong I was. Yes, that movie sucked balls and was full of stupid gimmicks.
Posted by: Kaitian
***

Aw come on, you can too drill thru the center of the earth and not kill the planet. /

Posted by: Sea Slug at February 13, 2013 04:57 PM (uhftQ)

99 And my last comment - about being a non reader reminds me of embarrassing the hell out of my teen daughters when we'd be out at dinner. I'd (in a serious tone) tell the waitress I didn't know how to read, but what is this, and point to a picture. Then watch them cringe.

Posted by: Whatev at February 13, 2013 04:58 PM (A7Wh1)

100 @93, They're called Democrats on Welfare.

Posted by: Kaitian at February 13, 2013 04:58 PM (DFoO6)

101 so what's the verdict? see it or don't see it

Posted by: phoenixgirl at February 13, 2013 04:58 PM (GVxQo)

102 I noticed no mention of...Spoiler Alert!!...Flying squid..Good job Ace.

Posted by: Bosk at February 13, 2013 04:58 PM (n2K+4)

103 I give the movie 81 out of 100 stars.

Posted by: Dr Spank at February 13, 2013 04:58 PM (4cRnj)

104 Hole-E-Shit! The entire Lord Of The Rings series was shorter than that review. Not bad though.....

Posted by: maddogg at February 13, 2013 04:58 PM (OlN4e)

105 77 My husband and I both enjoyed the movie. At the end though, when we saw the credits I was yelling, "That was freaking Carl Urban!?!?" Never once took off his helmet. What kind of movie star does a whole movie without showing his face?

One where he is playing Judge Dredd. Dredd does not remove his helmet.

Posted by: buzzion at February 13, 2013 04:59 PM (GULKT)

106 some body owes me a new packed bearing for my mouse wheel

Laser is the future.

Actually, no, laser is the past. They still make mice with wheels?

Posted by: Stephen Price Blair at February 13, 2013 04:59 PM (QF8uk)

107 "Dredd does not remove his helmet."

Unless you're Sylvester Stallone.

Posted by: Kaitian at February 13, 2013 04:59 PM (DFoO6)

108 Why did Dredd 2012 get burned so bad? I barely hit the theaters and it seems like it was pre-panned before anyone even saw it?

Did somebody piss somebody off in the production chain or in Hollywood?

Posted by: Merovign, Dark Lord of the Sith at February 13, 2013 04:59 PM (bxiXv)

109 I give this review 36 out of 42 flying squids.

Posted by: Waterhouse at February 13, 2013 04:59 PM (mO9O5)

110 ace,

Your review missed one of the biggest plot holes of the movie: the Slo-Mo drug itself.

In the movie, it's explained that the drug works by altering your perception of the world by making everything seem like it's moving at 1/100 of normal speed. If that's correct, then it contradicts what happens to the victims that were thrown from the top floor. MaMa says to give them a hit before they get tossed, making them experience the fall to their deaths take that much longer. But in the real world, they're still falling at the real world speed. Their altered perception wouldn't last one nanosecond longer than the real world one, because as soon as they hit the ground, they'd be dead and no longer registering anything.

I think the drug actually works by speeding up your brain by a factor of 100, making everything in the real world seem to be moving at 1/100 of the normal pace.

I don't know. I don't make movies.

Posted by: EC at February 13, 2013 05:00 PM (GQ8sn)

111 One where he is playing Judge Dredd. Dredd does not remove his helmet.

Posted by: buzzion at February 13, 2013 04:59 PM (GULKT)


So, that kinda goes along with the old adage about why cowgirls are bowlegged.....

Posted by: © Sponge at February 13, 2013 05:00 PM (xmcEQ)

112 I fucking loved Dredd. It really pisses me off that it didn't do very well at the box office. If you only go to shit movies, Hollywood will only make shit movies, and we lose out on gems like Dredd.

Posted by: Cashin at February 13, 2013 05:01 PM (TYEu4)

113 @108, It wasn't liberal enough as in there was no plot that violated liberal's moralities and worked to fixed that violation. Kind of like Zero Dark Thirty.

Posted by: Kaitian at February 13, 2013 05:01 PM (DFoO6)

114 2 Where can I get the abridged version of this review?

----------

I'm pretty certain there's a Reader's Digest Condensed Ace Movie Reviews volume. I'll check next time I'm at the mother-in-law's place.

Posted by: Assault Citizen Anachronda at February 13, 2013 05:01 PM (NmR1a)

115 I liked it. Might see it again. It was a fun movie.

Posted by: Soona at February 13, 2013 05:01 PM (tmdxK)

116 Skeleton on Tattooine?



Krayt Dragon

Posted by: RWC at February 13, 2013 05:02 PM (fWAjv)

117 I though the gimmicks, action and babes were the best part of the new Total Recall. And those parts were good.

Well, the sets, effects and visual backdrops too.

It was the hypothetical 70s-rehash disaster world and the basic plot and story that sucked.

Worth seeing, especially if you have memory problems or are on drugs and won't remember the story anyway.

Posted by: Merovign, Dark Lord of the Sith at February 13, 2013 05:02 PM (bxiXv)

118 I don't always roast to death in a cabin, but when I do, I choose to read an Ace Movie Review...

Posted by: the Most Interesting Man In The Coals at February 13, 2013 05:02 PM (ZshNr)

119 Actually, no, laser is the past. They still make mice with wheels?

Posted by: Stephen Price Blair at February 13, 2013 04:59 PM (QF8uk)

Scroll wheelsSue me.... I'll be at urgent care getting a blood blister pierced and cartilage replaced in my scroll wheel finger.

Posted by: fixerupper at February 13, 2013 05:02 PM (nELVU)

120 Dredd needed a cat or something to humanize him. And maybe a hooker with a heart of gold who's in love with Dredd.

Posted by: George Lucas at February 13, 2013 05:02 PM (4cRnj)

121
But, have I mentioned that there is an actual Sea Slug forum?

But, I don't think they do movie reviews.


Yet there is no Ass-Powered Temporarily Flying Squid forum?

Oh, teh molluskity!

Posted by: BackwardsBoy, who did not vote for this shit. at February 13, 2013 05:03 PM (+z4pE)

122 They still make mice with wheels?

How do you scroll without a wheel?

Posted by: Radish at February 13, 2013 05:03 PM (/kI1Q)

123 22 I enjoyed it. I wish it had been in theaters for more than five minutes (WTF happened? I heard it was going to be out, I saw it on a theater sign, the *next week* it was playing *nowhere*).

----------

Could be worse. They apparently couldn't even be bothered to ship out to my neck of the lack of woods.

Posted by: Assault Citizen Anachronda at February 13, 2013 05:03 PM (NmR1a)

124 >>>Skeleton on Tattooine?



>>>Krayt Dragon

Thanks for ruining my childhood, Childhood-Ruiner.

Posted by: ace at February 13, 2013 05:03 PM (LCRYB)

125 116 Skeleton on Tattooine?



Krayt Dragon
Posted by: RWC at February 13, 2013 05:02 PM (fWAjv)

_____________

Hell I have t go google--

"Tattooine" pretty sure I am going to out myself as the lone- not a sic-fi nerd -here.

Posted by: tasker at February 13, 2013 05:03 PM (r2PLg)

126
Jeebus Pixie....

The "return" key.... twice..... How does it work???

Posted by: fixerupper at February 13, 2013 05:04 PM (nELVU)

127 I'll be at urgent care getting a blood blister pierced and cartilage replaced in my scroll wheel finger.

See if you can get the Casanova Frankenstein attachment.

Posted by: Stephen Price Blair at February 13, 2013 05:04 PM (QF8uk)

128 Kind of like Zero Dark Thirty.
Posted by: Kaitian at February 13, 2013 05:01 PM (DFoO6)


I think the buzz on ZDT was that it was going to be a Obamaganda movie, and it wasn't so the left had a temper tantrum, more than anything else.

Posted by: Merovign, Dark Lord of the Sith at February 13, 2013 05:04 PM (bxiXv)

129 I did really miss one thing about the movie. No metal-head guy. That fight scene in the first Dredd was the best of the whole movie.

Posted by: Soona at February 13, 2013 05:04 PM (tmdxK)

130 This whole plot sounds like a riff on "Caves of Steel", Asimovs first Robot series book. Anderson is Daneel Olivaw and Dredd is a hard ass version of Elijah Bailey, but the whole distopian, overcrowded megalopolis with summary justice is familiar. Also, do they ever go outdoors in this movie? If not, that's another similarity.

Posted by: MTF at February 13, 2013 05:04 PM (B5y+v)

131 Oh gawd--

I knew it was going to be Star Wars related!

Posted by: tasker at February 13, 2013 05:05 PM (r2PLg)

132 "Tattooine" pretty sure I am going to out myself as the lone- not a sic-fi nerd -here.
Posted by: tasker at February 13, 2013 05:03 PM (r2PLg)

Tatooine. Damn.

Posted by: RWC at February 13, 2013 05:05 PM (fWAjv)

133 Excellent review... Spot On!

Posted by: Kaptain Amerika at February 13, 2013 05:05 PM (a0o+l)

134 Top tip: new mice have wheels, old mice have balls.

Posted by: Merovign, Dark Lord of the Sith at February 13, 2013 05:06 PM (bxiXv)

135 But, have I mentioned that there is an actual Sea Slug forum?But, I don't think they do movie reviews.Yet there is no Ass-Powered Temporarily Flying Squid forum?Oh, teh molluskity!
Posted by: BackwardsBoy, who did not vote for this shit.
***

We have a better union. Plus, because we don't shoot stuff from out butts people take us more serioisly.

Posted by: Sea Slug at February 13, 2013 05:07 PM (uhftQ)

136 10
The movie was okay, for a torrent. But outside of the Dredd character, the basic premise was done better in The Raid: Redemtion.
Posted by: IllTemperedCur at February 13, 2013 04:32 PM (TIIx5)

The Raid: Redemption is an awesome movie. And there is a movie that has the defying orders and screaming cliche to the t. Hard Boiled which is also awesome by the way.

Posted by: Ed Wood VS Godzilla at February 13, 2013 05:07 PM (obHYs)

137 Good review, and Dredd is now on my NetFlix queue just below Abe Lincoln: Vampire Hunter.

And Ace, have you seen Seven Psychopaths? I watched it last week and it was surprisingly good. And Sam Rockwell rocked his part.

Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo at February 13, 2013 05:07 PM (GsoHv)

138 Ace, enough with these political posts already! Either do a movie review or I want a refund. Or feel free to lighten things up with an occasional post about reverse-butt-chugging squids or slugs with detachable penii.

Posted by: jakeman at February 13, 2013 05:08 PM (96M6e)

139 The movie was okay, for a torrent. But outside of the Dredd character, the basic premise was done better in The Raid: Redemtion.

Posted by: IllTemperedCur at February 13, 2013 04:32 PM (TIIx5)



The Raid: Redemption is an awesome movie. And there is a movie that
has the defying orders and screaming cliche to the t. Hard Boiled
which is also awesome by the way.


The Raid: Redemption was actually filmed AFTER Dredd, but was released before it.

Posted by: EC at February 13, 2013 05:08 PM (GQ8sn)

140 abe lincoln vampire hunter was actually an enjoyable movie.....it was all kinds of inaccurate but still enjoyable

Posted by: phoenixgirl at February 13, 2013 05:09 PM (GVxQo)

141 >>>This is a world teetering on collapse, and a violent fascist police
state has been called into being, and they work for that violent fascist
police state. That's their jobs. There's no magic button to get out of it.

Kind of a philosophical problem, how does an immoral population survive outside a totalitarian framework? The theory is that it doesn't. Lose your morality, and lose your capacity to be free as a society. This leads to more troubling questions. If totalitarianism is the only way this society will survive in the near term, is it ethically justified? If it is ethically justified, doesn't that at least imply a medium to long term responsibility to return it to a free state at some point? If so what possible plan could be in place that would accomplish that goal given the resource scarcity? And that assumes stewards of the people who are genuinely more concerned with society than their own interests; doesn't the use of real people in the role of leaders nearly preclude any meaningful chance of ever returning to freedom? If so is allowing the society to collapse, undergo a mass die-off and reform as a smaller free society the ethical imperative? If so doesn't allowing such a chaotic event in fact introduce risks of malevolent totalitarian elements rising to power and exploiting the society in a much more draconian manner? If so do those risks make the risks of a near term controlled fascism the better route back to freedom? And at last an expository. I wish these questions were merely academic.


Posted by: MikeTheMoose Offering Moobats Gasoline and Matches at February 13, 2013 05:09 PM (0q2P7)

142 131 Oh gawd--

I knew it was going to be Star Wars related!

Posted by: tasker at February 13, 2013 05:05 PM (r2PLg)


How are you going to get a Krayt Dragon Pearl - Grade 3 Gemstone - Armor +70 if you don't know what a Krayt Dragon is?

Posted by: RWC at February 13, 2013 05:09 PM (fWAjv)

143
137 Good review, and Dredd is now on my NetFlix queue just below Abe Lincoln: Vampire Hunter.And Ace, have you seen Seven Psychopaths? I watched it last week and it was surprisingly good. And Sam Rockwell rocked his part.
Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo at February 13, 2013 05:07 PM (GsoHv)


You might want to bump it above that. And I think ace mentioned watching seven psycopaths in a previous thread.

Posted by: buzzion at February 13, 2013 05:09 PM (GULKT)

144 Yes but if you choose (a) then you and everyone else dies if the batteries die or you accidentally enter a faraday cage or get out of range. (a) has huge problems with false positives that kill you and everyone else in the arcology. So they chose (b), because if you're a rich bastard how often are you really going to leave your swank penthouse apartment?

Posted by: Jeff the Baptist at February 13, 2013 05:10 PM (Si0MJ)

145 This was a great movie, and cool piece of trivia the sound during the Slomo Scenes is actually Justin Beibers Baby slowed down 800x

Posted by: CarolinaPunk at February 13, 2013 05:10 PM (oL1j3)

146 .....it was all kinds of inaccurate but still enjoyable

Posted by: phoenixgirl at February 13, 2013 05:09 PM (GVxQo)

Lemme guess. The "vampire hunter" part. Amirite???

Posted by: fixerupper at February 13, 2013 05:10 PM (nELVU)

147 You already did a review. That's why I watched the movie in the first place.

Or did I just go back in time? If so, there's a lot of sport betting I need to be making. brb

Posted by: polynikes at February 13, 2013 05:10 PM (m2CN7)

148

crap, I haven't seen it yet

*keeps eyes closed

I recently watched:

James's Journey to Jerusalem (I don't recommend it. Think Mel Gibson's Get The Gringo without the comedy, but located in Israel v Mexico.)

Beasts of the Southern Wild (Weird -- off the grid folks in Louisiana after a major natural disaster. Pure libertarians? )

21 Jump Street (I laughed out loud in many spots, but some of it was over the top, and very cliche. Weird to see two original Jump Streeter's cameo.)

Next up: Flight, Prometheus and Looper.

Dredd? It's on my list. I'll have to come back to this, then.






Posted by: beach voyeur at February 13, 2013 05:11 PM (LpQbZ)

149 How can you spend all this time writing movie reviews when the Republic is being destroyed? And by supporting Hollywood trash you are helping them!!!

Posted by: TRU CON! at February 13, 2013 05:12 PM (0WLla)

150 How are you going to get a Krayt Dragon Pearl - Grade 3 Gemstone - Armor +70 if you don't know what a Krayt Dragon is?
Posted by: RWC at February 13, 2013 05:09 PM (fWAjv)

________________

Can I trade a gaggle of ewoks for it?

Posted by: tasker at February 13, 2013 05:12 PM (r2PLg)

151 I never watch films but do occasionally search out blockbuster "unboxing" youtube video events - vicarious thrill.

My favorite?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xQ8kqqs7A-I

Unboxing No Country for Old Men Blu-Ray (HD) 5.1 DigiDolb

Posted by: 13times at February 13, 2013 05:12 PM (h6XiD)

152 wait, what's a Tattooine?

Posted by: joeindc44 is now more concerned about Dark Ages 2.0 than Great Depression 2.0 at February 13, 2013 05:12 PM (QxSug)

153 'It's not marginal. She failed' should be stitched on a pillow.

Posted by: Meghan's McCans at February 13, 2013 05:12 PM (xfWVe)

154 How does the Lawgiver pistol hold that much ammo of different types? That gun looked like it could hold 15 rounds of whatever, maybe less for the exotic type. Incendiary? Flares? Armour piercing? Rapid fire? LOL WUT?

Posted by: EC at February 13, 2013 05:12 PM (GQ8sn)

155 How can you spend all this time writing movie reviews when the Republic is being destroyed? And by supporting Hollywood trash you are helping them!!!
Posted by: TRU CON!
***

I'm just a sea slug damnit. I don't even have thumbs.

Posted by: Sea Slug at February 13, 2013 05:12 PM (uhftQ)

156 Beasts of the Southern Wild>>

I must be spending too much time here since I read that as

Breasts of the Southern Wild

Posted by: Buzzsaw at February 13, 2013 05:13 PM (81UWZ)

157 The movie runs 95 minutes long. This review, somewhat longer.



True, dat.

Posted by: Jane D'oh at February 13, 2013 05:13 PM (UOM48)

158 Where can I get the abridged version of this review?

You can roll one yourself by stopping at the halfway point. By that time, Ace has already flogged the point into gluons and there's nothing to be gained by continuing...

Posted by: Additional Blond Agent at February 13, 2013 05:13 PM (PMGbu)

159 I raise your Hooker with a Heart of Gold with:

cloying child/grifter/street urchin who reminds Dredd of himself lo these many years gone by...

That's what Dredd needed, a shortstack.

Posted by: joeindc44 is now more concerned about Dark Ages 2.0 than Great Depression 2.0 at February 13, 2013 05:13 PM (QxSug)

160 I actually bothered to try to read the--

he likes it--he doesn't like it--review and therefore missed most of the thread.

Posted by: tasker at February 13, 2013 05:14 PM (r2PLg)

161 The flaws in the movie are mostly due to them running away, at high
speeds, from Sylverser Stallone's 1995 movie... even avoiding things
that may have made the movie better.



Nipples. The film needed nipples.

Posted by: Joel Schumacher at February 13, 2013 05:14 PM (8ZskC)

162 NO!!! the vampire part was BELIEVABLE!!!!

Posted by: phoenixgirl at February 13, 2013 05:15 PM (GVxQo)

163 Whoa, fixer upper @ 146, what's that pixy anomaly you have there ...

Posted by: Jean at February 13, 2013 05:15 PM (Io7hX)

164 I wish these questions were merely academic.
Posted by: MikeTheMoose Offering Moobats Gasoline and Matches at February 13, 2013 05:09 PM (0q2P7)


------------------------------------------------


I wish you'd learn about paragraphs.

Posted by: Soona at February 13, 2013 05:15 PM (tmdxK)

165 152 wait, what's a Tattooine?
Posted by: joeindc44 is now more concerned about Dark Ages 2.0 than Great Depression 2.0 at February 13, 2013 05:12 PM (QxSug)

___________________

I think it's a young harlot with tattoos the girl of Ace's early childhood dreams.

Posted by: tasker at February 13, 2013 05:15 PM (r2PLg)

166 Needed more sea slug or flying squid.

Posted by: Sea Slug at February 13, 2013 05:15 PM (uhftQ)

167 yes, 21 jump street was the funniest movie in a long time.

BTW, Jack Reacher was good. If Ace liked Dredd and its adult tone then I would submit it for review.

Second, when are people going to get over it and realize that ZDT actually sucked?

I mean I was stoked for the first few minutes when we be torturing terrorists up in this bitch but then ... oy

Also Skyfall and Dark Knight Rises were basically the same silly, shitty movies.

Posted by: joeindc44 is now more concerned about Dark Ages 2.0 than Great Depression 2.0 at February 13, 2013 05:16 PM (QxSug)

168 The 1st Dredd did have a young Diane Lane, which was nice.

Posted by: Dr Spank at February 13, 2013 05:16 PM (4cRnj)

169 You already did a review. That's why I watched the movie in the first place.



Or did I just go back in time? If so, there's a lot of sport betting I need to be making. brb
polynikes at February 13, 2013 05:10 PM (m2CN7)


Ace did a brief writeup (which would pass for a full review anywhere but here), which was also when I elected to see the movie. I think the two-stage see/don't see followed by the full review process worked well.

Posted by: Xander Crews at February 13, 2013 05:16 PM (NPqnO)

170 I rarely watch films but do occasionally search out blockbuster unboxing events on pirate sites and youtube - vicarious thrill.

My favorite:
http://tinyurl.com/c8wkp3n

Unboxing No Country for Old Men Blu-Ray (3D-HD) 5.1 DigiDolby.

Posted by: 13times at February 13, 2013 05:16 PM (h6XiD)

171 152 wait, what's a Tattooine?
Posted by: joeindc44 is now more concerned about Dark Ages 2.0 than Great Depression 2.0 at February 13, 2013 05:12 PM (QxSug)

________________

Actually--it's a form of a weasel.

Boom1

Posted by: tasker at February 13, 2013 05:17 PM (r2PLg)

172 I just saw Dredd last night, and I thought it was really, really good. The incredible sadism of the villain was kind of a turn off but otherwise a solid movie. Kudos to Karl Urban for keeping the helmet on and still making a character.

Posted by: BeckoningChasm at February 13, 2013 05:17 PM (xjpRj)

173
Some cable channel showed Knight and Day the other night. It was funny and the kind of movie where you just check your mind at the door and enjoy it. Lots of explosions and people shooting at each other (and always missing).

Gratuitous use of knock-out drugs. Musclecar-fu. Kung-Fu. Bikini-fu.

A romp. Three stars.

Posted by: BackwardsBoy, who did not vote for this shit. at February 13, 2013 05:18 PM (+z4pE)

174 **165 152 wait, what's a Tattooine?
Posted by: joeindc44 is now more concerned about Dark Ages 2.0 than Great Depression 2.0 at February 13, 2013 05:12 PM (QxSug)

___________________

I think it's a young harlot with tattoos the girl of Ace's early childhood dreams.**

It's just funny to me to have watched and enjoyed Star Wards without knowing the name of every minor character well into adulthood or remembering the names of various planets visited or destroyed.

Although learning there was a character named Gran Moff Tarkin made me wish I knew that earlier.

Posted by: joeindc44 is now more concerned about Dark Ages 2.0 than Great Depression 2.0 at February 13, 2013 05:18 PM (QxSug)

175 BeckoningChasm? I'm on my way.

Posted by: Sea Slug at February 13, 2013 05:18 PM (uhftQ)

176 A little mood music:

"I am the law" by Anthrax

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9rVFi6qkPHE

Posted by: The Political Hat at February 13, 2013 05:19 PM (XvHmy)

177 145 This was a great movie, and cool piece of trivia the sound during the Slomo Scenes is actually Justin Beibers Baby slowed down 800x

Posted by: CarolinaPunk at February 13, 2013 05:10 PM (oL1j3)


Apart from the fact that "slow something down eight hundred times" doesn't functionally mean anything in English or Math, that was an awesome "remix" of a Bieber song that went viral on YouTube years back, and was of course posted here.

It was also not slowed down "800%" like YouTube says, because 100% slower is stopped.

It was slowed down 87.5%.

Also, get off my lawn.

Posted by: Merovign, Dark Lord of the Sith at February 13, 2013 05:19 PM (bxiXv)

178 95 minutes.. sounds like they had to cut a lot of what they filmed to keep the story coherent. certainly missing a scene or two, though 95 minutes of starkness might be all that's watchable

Posted by: Bill from Chappaqua at February 13, 2013 05:19 PM (0SXI6)

179 How does the Lawgiver pistol hold that much ammo of different types? That gun looked like it could hold 15 rounds of whatever, maybe less for the exotic type. Incendiary? Flares? Armour piercing? Rapid fire? LOL WUT?
Posted by: EC at February 13, 2013 05:12 PM (GQ8sn)


--------------------------------------------


Looks like you're asking for a drone strike.

Posted by: Soona at February 13, 2013 05:19 PM (tmdxK)

180 K&D was plesant, it was a bit of a good on Tom Cruise's career, I think. I liked how Cameron would just black out and Cruise would be like, oh yeah, I just killed all the bad guys and now we're at a spa.

Posted by: joeindc44 is now more concerned about Dark Ages 2.0 than Great Depression 2.0 at February 13, 2013 05:19 PM (QxSug)

181

""

Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo at February 13, 2013 05:20 PM (GsoHv)

182 Star Wards? Celebrity rehab?

Posted by: Sea Slug at February 13, 2013 05:20 PM (uhftQ)

183 How can you spend all this time writing movie reviews when the Republic is being destroyed? And by supporting Hollywood trash you are helping them!!!
Posted by: TRU CON! at February 13, 2013 05:12 PM (0WLla)



Love in an elevator

Love in an elevator
Livin' it up when I'm goin' down
Love in an elevator
Lovin' it up 'til I hit the ground


Why not?


Posted by: Nerosmith at February 13, 2013 05:20 PM (LpQbZ)

184 Oops.

colon grin colon

Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo at February 13, 2013 05:20 PM (GsoHv)

185 I liked Knight and Day as well, just a fun little movie.

Posted by: Dr Spank at February 13, 2013 05:20 PM (4cRnj)

186 Heh. Check out all the water drinkin' on Drudge.

Posted by: Jane D'oh at February 13, 2013 05:21 PM (UOM48)

187 colon grin colon


Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo at February 13, 2013 05:20 PM (GsoHv)

----
I'll take "Barney Frank between two cabana boys" for $600.00 Alex.

Posted by: fixerupper at February 13, 2013 05:21 PM (nELVU)

188 colon grin colon
Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo
***

I can make my colon grin.

Posted by: Sea Slug at February 13, 2013 05:22 PM (uhftQ)

189 I think EC is starting a course of whatever CAC was on a couple of weeks ago.

Posted by: Merovign, Dark Lord of the Sith at February 13, 2013 05:22 PM (bxiXv)

190 >>>I wish you'd learn about paragraphs.

Whiner. You're lucky I used punctuation and majuscule characters.

Posted by: MikeTheMoose Offering Moobats Gasoline and Matches at February 13, 2013 05:22 PM (0q2P7)

191 yes, 21 jump street was the funniest movie in a long time.



Also Skyfall and Dark Knight Rises were basically the same silly, shitty movies.

joeindc44 is now more concerned about Dark Ages 2.0 than Great Depression 2.0 at February 13, 2013 05:16 PM (QxSug)


21 Jump Street and Dredd both benefited in that I watched both
expecting them to blow and was pleasantly surprised that they were, while
not great, amusing.

Skyfall pissed me off for all the reasons the Red Letter Media guys mocked critics of the film. It was entirely implausible and laughably stupid at times. RLM argues that Bond films are supposed to be implausible, but mistakes the old school campy Bond for the new, serious Bond.

Posted by: Xander Crews at February 13, 2013 05:22 PM (NPqnO)

192 The PPACA bill was shorter than this review.

Posted by: MadisonConservative at February 13, 2013 05:22 PM (Y/HG5)

193 Read Dredd comics when I was a teenager. Hated the Stallone movie. Loved this one. I remember reading awhile back that Dredd was a satire on fascism. I didn't catch that. What I saw were future cops trying to bring 'law to the lawless'.

And that scene in the film where Anderson explains her motivations, her reasons for wanting to be a judge, her desire to make a difference? When Dredd says, 'Admirable', he wasn't being sarcastic. I liked that, thought it was a good touch. There's entirely too much sarcasm and (sometimes exquisitely forced) irony going on, both in movies and in life.

Posted by: troyriser at February 13, 2013 05:23 PM (vtiE6)

194 I thought Skyfall was the best Bond movie in a long time.

Posted by: Dr Spank at February 13, 2013 05:23 PM (4cRnj)

195 This movie really needed some cigar-chopping, inter-agency, justidictional grousing with a smoking-gun pissing match. And mullets.

Posted by: Fritz at February 13, 2013 05:24 PM (UzPAd)

196 That Twitchy flashing picture in the sidebar is giving me temporal-lobe epilepsy.

Posted by: Merovign, Dark Lord of the Sith at February 13, 2013 05:24 PM (bxiXv)

197 Gran Moff Tarkin made me wish I knew that earlier.
Posted by: joeindc44 is now more concerned about Dark Ages 2.0 than Great Depression 2.0 at February 13, 2013 05:18 PM (QxSug)

______________


Gran Moff?

Off to the googles.

Posted by: tasker at February 13, 2013 05:25 PM (r2PLg)

198 Bond Casino Royale was the best one of them all.

Posted by: Sea Slug at February 13, 2013 05:25 PM (uhftQ)

199
I liked Knight and Day as well, just a fun little movie.

The GTO was to die for.

Posted by: BackwardsBoy, who did not vote for this shit. at February 13, 2013 05:25 PM (+z4pE)

200 **I remember reading awhile back that Dredd was a satire on fascism.**

yeah, and Rorsach was supposed to be a doink in the eye of ayn rand or something.

Stupid lefties

Posted by: joeindc44 is now more concerned about Dark Ages 2.0 than Great Depression 2.0 at February 13, 2013 05:25 PM (QxSug)

201 i enjoyed skyfall....i fell asleep in the middle but i liked the beginning and the end

Posted by: phoenixgirl at February 13, 2013 05:25 PM (GVxQo)

202 >>>When Dredd says, 'Admirable', he wasn't being sarcastic.

I forgot that. I really liked it.

I read it a little different: "Admirable" -- and he did mean that -- but what he didn't say was "and naive."

But he did mean "Admirable." Again, we get so much sarcasm -- everything turned into A Line -- it's good to hear someone just say what they think for a change.

Posted by: ace at February 13, 2013 05:26 PM (LCRYB)

203 Heh. Check out all the water drinkin' on Drudge.
Posted by: Jane D'oh at February 13, 2013 05:21 PM (UOM4



awesome
really.
lol

Posted by: saltwater at February 13, 2013 05:26 PM (LpQbZ)

204 There's entirely too much sarcasm and (sometimes exquisitely forced) irony going on, both in movies and in life.

Posted by: troyriser at February 13, 2013 05:23 PM (vtiE6)


It was almost like Urban was playing "A real person in an extraordinary situation" rather than the typical mocking caricature.

*Shocking*.

I liked that too, I mentioned above his caution and realism in other scenes - no use wasting time trying to rewrite reality, move on to the next option.

Posted by: Merovign, Dark Lord of the Sith at February 13, 2013 05:26 PM (bxiXv)

205 @77 the running gag with Dredd in the comics was that he NEVER took off his helmet. not even while in the bath.

Posted by: hack at February 13, 2013 05:26 PM (iIOCt)

206 Grand Moff Wilhuff Tarkin

______________

Oh that dude.

Whenever I hear Carson from Downton Abbey I hear a cross of that guy and Darth Vader.

Posted by: tasker at February 13, 2013 05:26 PM (r2PLg)

207 KD was plesant, it was a bit of a good on Tom Cruise's career, I think. I liked how Cameron would just black out and Cruise would be like, oh yeah, I just killed all the bad guys and now we're at a spa.
Posted by: joeindc44 is now more concerned about Dark Ages 2.0 than Great Depression 2.0 at February 13, 2013 05:19 PM (QxSug)


----------------------------------------------------


It was also a fun movie. I took it as satire on all the movies of that genre.

Totally impossible shit happens, but I didn't care.

Posted by: Soona at February 13, 2013 05:27 PM (tmdxK)

208 # of morons who claim to have read that = # of liars on AoS HQ

Posted by: Gerry at February 13, 2013 05:27 PM (53cOD)

209 177 It was also not slowed down "800%" like YouTube says, because 100% slower is stopped.

--------

so, if you slow it down 800% it'd be like the chipmunks telling you paul is dead?

Posted by: Assault Citizen Anachronda at February 13, 2013 05:27 PM (IrbU4)

210 Yeah Dredd was missing the angry black police captain. It would have been funny if it had a police captain in a black suit and helmet yelling at Dredd.

Posted by: polynikes at February 13, 2013 05:27 PM (m2CN7)

211 What is the half-life of an AoS movie review?

Posted by: Jones in CO at February 13, 2013 05:27 PM (8sCoq)

212 No, Casino Royale was the best bond movie in a while. But, on that point, I recalled that I really liked Die Another Day (bond was in ass kicking mode after being tortured for a year, yeah a yeah). But on recent replay, it's very dated, the dialog was infantile. It had a ghey madonna cameo and the bitches (at least Jinx) were entirely too self-assured.

So who knows, maybe all of them movies suck.

IDK, Skyfall lovers seem to love it like it wasn't crap. Mrs. Broccolli is ruining the franchise.

Posted by: joeindc44 is now more concerned about Dark Ages 2.0 than Great Depression 2.0 at February 13, 2013 05:28 PM (QxSug)

213 Good, solid movie. Enjoyed it completely.

Although I am very tired after reading the review, I did too. Thanks, I asked about this movie a while ago when it was coming out on DVD. Oh, good review too. Fun.

Posted by: eureka! at February 13, 2013 05:29 PM (HPRku)

214 211 What is the half-life of an AoS movie review?
Posted by: Jones in CO at February 13, 2013 05:27 PM (8sCoq)

_____________________

I dunno but if you really read it--the thread dies before it's over.

Posted by: tasker at February 13, 2013 05:29 PM (r2PLg)

215 Heh. Check out all the water drinkin' on Drudge.

Posted by: Jane D'oh at February 13, 2013 05:21 PM (UOM4


Also on Drudge:

Students Told to Stop ‘USA!’ Chant, Take Off American Flag Bandanas

http://tinyurl.com/a9ls8wf

Posted by: The Political Hat at February 13, 2013 05:29 PM (XvHmy)

216 soona, I caught that I wrote good, when I meant goof.

yeah, it was fun wink wink satire. And it was done so that you were caught up in the fun of hanging with ultra-competent secret agent tom cruise.

Posted by: joeindc44 is now more concerned about Dark Ages 2.0 than Great Depression 2.0 at February 13, 2013 05:30 PM (QxSug)

217
Heh. Check out all the water drinkin' on Drudge.


First real story under headline: "Obama Agenda Seen as Dead in the Water by Republicans."

LOL

Posted by: BackwardsBoy, who did not vote for this shit. at February 13, 2013 05:30 PM (+z4pE)

218 Students Told to Stop ‘USA!’ Chant, Take Off American Flag Bandanas

Posted by: The Political Hat at February 13, 2013 05:29 PM (XvHmy)


Oh, fucking fuckberries. Shut down the damned public schools, they don't do anything but turn out idiots anyway.

Also, traitors and perverts.

Posted by: Merovign, Dark Lord of the Sith at February 13, 2013 05:32 PM (bxiXv)

219 WHEEL OF PAIN, Ace. WHEEL. OF. PAIN.
Posted by: Rocko at February 13, 2013 04:51 PM (JpC1K)


RaaaaAAARGH!!!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sMqQA1SUifw

Posted by: alex (Moron Toolkit for Chrome Beta in name) at February 13, 2013 05:33 PM (4YlNx)

220 First real story under headline: "Obama Agenda Seen as Dead in the Water by Republicans."LOL
Posted by: BackwardsBoy, who did not vote for this shit. at February 13, 2013 05:30 PM (+z4pE)


---------------------------------------------


The low-hanging fruit isn't tasting so good anymore.

Posted by: Soona at February 13, 2013 05:34 PM (tmdxK)

221
Why does Obama want "pre-school for every child?"

a) to jump-start education for children

b) to expand the teachers union

c) to get children into the hands of public school educators so as to begin the brainwashing at an earlier age

Posted by: soothsayer at February 13, 2013 05:35 PM (QL6OW)

222 Link to Moron Toolkit for Chrome Beta link not allowed in name.

Posted by: alex at February 13, 2013 05:35 PM (4YlNx)

223

221

B

Posted by: Jones in CO at February 13, 2013 05:36 PM (8sCoq)

224 Posted by: soothsayer at February 13, 2013 05:35 PM

B and C.

How many years of Head Start, and universities have to offer remedial algebra to catch people up?

Posted by: Radish at February 13, 2013 05:36 PM (/kI1Q)

225
221

B



...Baker St.?

Posted by: soothsayer holmes at February 13, 2013 05:37 PM (QL6OW)

226 The question of totalitarianism in a degenerate society is prickly, but the base fact is, a people that regulates itself has no need of a State that will regulate it, and one that won't has no way of keeping a State from regulating it. It's that simple, sadly.

Posted by: Brother Cavil, Keeper of Ampersands and Breitbart Login Spaces at February 13, 2013 05:38 PM (GBXon)

227 c) to get children into the hands of public school educators so as to begin the brainwashing at an earlier age
Posted by: soothsayer at February 13, 2013 05:35 PM (QL6OW)


--------------------------------------------------


Give me the minds of the young children and I'll make them nazis for the rest of their lives. -- Shit Hitler Said, Vol 3, pg. 666

Posted by: Soona at February 13, 2013 05:38 PM (tmdxK)

228 I liked DREDD more than Ace did.

The movie writing/directing in establishing character by action is just superb.

And the 3D- the best I've seen so far.

Not that it will ever happen, but if they ever bring DREdd back for a quicky run at your local megascreen megasound system theater be sure to catch it.

Turning brutality into esthetic eye-candy for your cinematic pleasure.

Also, there is some humor in DREDD- no punchlines or anything like that.

But situational-character driven comedy based on reaction- yeah, it's there and it's dark and in some cases laugh out loud funny.

Great movie. In the 2012 top five for sure.

Posted by: naturalfake at February 13, 2013 05:39 PM (j2lYi)

229 Just thinking about a butterfly fapping my wang in Tokyo...

Posted by: Steve "Sheetshooter" Cohen at February 13, 2013 05:40 PM (bGlsD)

230
I'm going with C.

Gotta get those away from their parents and into the schools fast. They need to un-learn all that stuff about Jesus, and traditional values, and about how girls are girls, and boys are boys.

Posted by: soothsayer holmes at February 13, 2013 05:40 PM (QL6OW)

231 "War and Peace" was shorter.

Posted by: Ronster at February 13, 2013 05:40 PM (JgkPs)

232 Great movie. In the 2012 top five for sure.



Posted by: naturalfak


Great idea for an ace post, top ten movies of 2012.

Posted by: Dr Spank at February 13, 2013 05:40 PM (4cRnj)

233 I really liked Dredd. Unfortunately, I had watched it just after The Raid: Redemption. I didn't know they both has the same tower defense theme. And it's really hard to top The Raid. However, Anderson was a really great character.

Posted by: MrX at February 13, 2013 05:41 PM (PxmNZ)

234 Great idea for an ace post, top ten movies of 2012.
Posted by: Dr Spank at February 13, 2013 05:40 PM (4cRnj)

_____________

If he was honest--they probably would have titles akin to your handle.

Tula Does Tattoine

Posted by: tasker at February 13, 2013 05:41 PM (r2PLg)

235 "War and Peace" was shorter.

I remember it running slightly longer than 95 minutes.

Posted by: Radish at February 13, 2013 05:42 PM (/kI1Q)

236 I liked DREDD more than Ace did.
Posted by: naturalfake at February 13, 2013 05:39 PM (j2lYi)


------------------------------------------------


But I liked it better than you did.

Posted by: Soona at February 13, 2013 05:42 PM (tmdxK)

237 >Great idea for an ace post, top ten movie reviews of 2012.

Posted by: Jones in CO at February 13, 2013 05:42 PM (8sCoq)

238 >>If he was honest--they probably would have titles akin to your handle.

Hah!

Posted by: Dr Spank at February 13, 2013 05:43 PM (4cRnj)

239 201
i enjoyed skyfall....i fell asleep in the middle but i liked the beginning and the end

Posted by: phoenixgirl at February 13, 2013 05:25 PM (GVxQo


Lol. I'm going to show your post to my husband. He's still pissed we haven't seen it.
Pro tip, husband: Try getting home earlier than 8:00 on a weeknight and we'll catch the occasional first-run film.

Posted by: Jane D'oh at February 13, 2013 05:43 PM (UOM48)

240
The way I understand it, children from age 0-5 are taught the basics, i.e., how to be a human being and how to get along with other human beings.

Pre-school and pre-pre-school aren't the best places for that sort of stuff.

Posted by: soothsayer holmes at February 13, 2013 05:44 PM (QL6OW)

241
205 @77 the running gag with Dredd in the comics was that he NEVER took off his helmet. not even while in the bath.
Posted by: hack at February 13, 2013 05:26 PM (iIOCt)


On the Blu-Ray special features they mention he takes it off one time in the comics, but it was just so anti-climatic that they went and put a black bar over his face in the panel. There's also the creators joke that under the helmet is Clint Eastwood.

Posted by: buzzion at February 13, 2013 05:45 PM (GULKT)

242 I remember it running slightly longer than 95 minutes.

I'm comparing the book to Ace's movie review above.

Posted by: Ronster at February 13, 2013 05:45 PM (JgkPs)

243
Gotta get those away from their parents and into the schools fast. They need to un-learn all that stuff about Jesus, and traditional values, and about how girls are girls, and boys are boys.

Two more generations of pubic school and they won't have to do even that. When today's grandparents die off, that'll be the last of that type of thinking.

Which ties back into Brother Cavil's point @226 above: the state will raise a whole nation of idiots who will require Big Brothering because they can't think for themselves.

Posted by: BackwardsBoy, who did not vote for this shit. at February 13, 2013 05:45 PM (+z4pE)

244 Lol. I'm going to show your post to my husband. He's still pissed we haven't seen it.Pro tip, husband: Try getting home earlier than 8:00 on a weeknight and we'll catch the occasional first-run film.
Posted by: Jane D'oh at February 13, 2013 05:43 PM (UOM4


-------------------------------------------------


Heh. Why do you think he gets home at 8pm? He's at the theater watching the early movies.

Posted by: Soona at February 13, 2013 05:46 PM (tmdxK)

245 Fucken wow, what a review! don't even need to see the movie. lol

Posted by: Killerdog at February 13, 2013 05:47 PM (7oIvj)

246 @236 I liked DREDD more than Ace did.
Posted by: naturalfake at February 13, 2013 05:39 PM (j2lYi)


------------------------------------------------


But I liked it better than you did.
Posted by: Soona at February 13, 2013 05:42 PM(tmdxK)



Oh yeah.

Well, I......uh

I........



I got nothin.

Posted by: naturalfake at February 13, 2013 05:47 PM (j2lYi)

247 I bought the Blu-ray. Almost too crisp. Makes the digital video look even more obvious.

Great film though, very enjoyable.

HE NEVER TAKES OFF THE MASK!!!!!!!

Posted by: Eaton Cox at February 13, 2013 05:53 PM (q177U)

248 He didn't have time to bleed.

Posted by: Dr. Varno at February 13, 2013 05:53 PM (vU7KM)

249 What's wrong with an origin for Conan(The Barbarian) ? The whole enigma of steel / voter turnout / cult of personality with snakes thing . I think Bob Beckel did a cameo in it . Still waiting for a "R" rated live action "Thundarr the Barbarian" movie . DEVIL DOGS , OOKLA , ARIEL l ---RIDE !!!!!!!!

Posted by: DrDrill at February 13, 2013 05:56 PM (sOFZs)

250 Nice review. You just sold a movie ticket. The economy may boom as a result via the butterfly effect.

Posted by: and irresolute at February 13, 2013 06:03 PM (DBH1h)

251 That's an awful lot of pontificating about a shitty movie, Ace.

Posted by: Norman Bean at February 13, 2013 06:03 PM (sTS/8)

252 I kinda liked the Stallone Dredd. But I also liked Demolition Man and Tango & Cash. I liked early 90s cheesy Stallone

Posted by: Flatbush Joe at February 13, 2013 06:05 PM (ZPrif)

253 I recommend Dredd.A goodly amount of extreme violence and slow motion effects.

Dredd is indeed a bad ass that is a universe away from Stallone.

Posted by: Drider at February 13, 2013 06:05 PM (up0oG)

254 Also wish the girl had been prettier. Her hair looked really fake for some reason.

Same girl with dark hair would have worked. it looked like a bad blonde wig. Not sure why.

Posted by: Flatbush Joe at February 13, 2013 06:07 PM (ZPrif)

255 Posted by: http://libertasperadamas.blogspot.com / MikeTheMoose at February 13, 2013 05:09 PM (0q2P7)

The Dredd comics are a dystopia of Western urban societies, and, therefore, function as satire what is going on today.

Sometimes that parody takes the form of mocking the Western system of government as "fascist". The Statue of Liberty, for instance, is dwarfed by a statue of a Judge. But these are the exception rather than the rule; definitely the inferior entries in the series.

Because deep down Dredd is the protagonist - he is the hero, he is the reason everyone is buying those comics. A society than can produce a hero like Dredd - and most of the comics have society recognise Dredd as a hero - such a society can't be all bad.

So the best Dredd episodes understand that his society is not fascist. It is severely authoritarian, but much more Pinochet than Mussolini or even Franco.

It's a lot like Warhammer actually. This society is what happens when basic survival is at stake, not just "our taxes are too high" or "a friend of a friend got mugged last weekend".

Posted by: boulder toilet hobo at February 13, 2013 06:08 PM (QTHTd)

256 Ooo, ooo, Ace review!

I wasn't able to watch the movie once the mega-graphic violence sequences started but, from what I saw, I would concur with the review - it's a welcome change from the all touchy-feely-silly cliches.

mac :]

Posted by: macbrooks at February 13, 2013 06:14 PM (Kcjfs)

257 **So the best Dredd episodes understand that his society is not fascist. It is severely authoritarian, but much more Pinochet than Mussolini or even Franco.**

Now can we get into fascist versus totalitarian versus authoritarian in general?

This idiocy skews the discussion through a far left lens in which, oh God, they still can't take ownership of the German NAtionalist Socialist Workers, let alone GET OVER the fact that Pinochet was trying to stop commies back in the cold war. The left will never forgive someone who fights back.

So, is dredd a nazi? probably not, he's a cop in a very violent, authoritarian society.

Posted by: joeindc44 is now more concerned about Dark Ages 2.0 than Great Depression 2.0 at February 13, 2013 06:15 PM (QxSug)

258 joeindc, to nitpick some more, the West has had two Dark Ages already. The one to which you refer is 500-800 AD, and I agree, those were some shitty centuries.

But there's another one that kicked off 1200 BC and ended maybe 600 BC in Greece. Google "Sea Peoples". It was so bad that until the 1800s AD, we barely knew there even was a civilisation "before the Trojan War".

So, Dark Ages 3.0

Posted by: boulder toilet hobo at February 13, 2013 06:24 PM (QTHTd)

259 I am very anglo-centric and Christianist in my outlook, all that shiznit is BC (not BCE, gayfegs). 2.0 or die!

Posted by: joeindc44 is now more concerned about Dark Ages 2.0 than Great Depression 2.0 at February 13, 2013 06:31 PM (QxSug)

260 "What kind of movie star does a whole movie without showing his face?"
===============

Not quite the same thing but "The Blues Brothers" concealed John Belushi's eyes for the entire movie except for one critical scene toward the end.

It was a risky move because Belushi's eyes were very expressive and I've read that some people thought it was a mistake to hide them for so long.

Posted by: Kensington at February 13, 2013 06:37 PM (/AHDz)

261 I know people like the old Conan movie and Milius is usually great but his "origin" of Conan sucks.The real "origin" of Conan is that he comes from a tough,barbaric tribe,spent his life fighting and learning to fight.Had to leave his tribe at 16 because he killed someone he wasn't supposed too(somebody higher in the tribe heirarchy I guess),he than roamed the world using the skills he already had and developing new ones.He was a thief,he was a pirate,he was a mercenary soldier(working his way to a general).He didn't grow up a slave pushing a stupid fucking wheel around.

Posted by: steevy at February 13, 2013 06:40 PM (9XBK2)

262 I got about halfway through the review but got distracted by Molly Ringwald's magnificent tits and just couldn't finish it.

Posted by: TrueNorthist at February 13, 2013 06:45 PM (3Aixx)

263
Dude, Molly Ringwald's belly sticks out farther than her tits.

Posted by: Sharkman at February 13, 2013 07:01 PM (03IDC)

264 Also wish the girl had been prettier. Her hair looked really fake for some reason. Same girl with dark hair would have worked. it looked like a bad blonde wig. Not sure why.
Posted by: Flatbush Joe at February 13, 2013 06:07 PM (ZPrif)

Judge Anderson is a blonde. She's always been a blonde. She'll always be a blonde.

Posted by: troyriser at February 13, 2013 07:05 PM (vtiE6)

265
I watched it twice too.

As a health care person, I noticed the blood was wrong, too red and too thin. But wow, was there a lot of it!

The wrist thing threw me a bit too. I thought about it and I think you'd rather have it transmit a signal on your death rather than a continuous one that is interrupted. What if there was a malfunction? What if you reach into the microwave for your popcorn and the metal walls interrupted the signal? Would ruin your whole day.

Another thing, why would Dredd tell her what he was going to do? Sheshould have manually interrupted the signal as soon as she was thrown out the window, I mean she had a lot of time to think about it.

One last thing too, when she was thrown out the window the flashing light that showed her heartbeat should have been either lit or dark, or at the very most only one transition to on or off because of the time dilatation.

In summation, a very solid movie. I enjoyed it throughout and recommend it to everyonewho likes action movies.

Posted by: Armed and Larry at February 13, 2013 08:00 PM (geQ1s)

266 >>> know people like the old Conan movie and Milius is usually great but his "origin" of Conan sucks.

as a Conan (written) fan, I get your complaint, but the origin story worked well in the movie. Yes, it's... um, apocryphal. Still.

I love the movie, even though it takes liberties.

I don't get why the HORRRRRRIFIC 2011 remake did the same. Lately these movies have tried to buy Geek Goodwill by being faithful to the "real" story.

Not like that would have saved it. One of the worst movies I've ever seen.

Posted by: ace at February 13, 2013 08:07 PM (LCRYB)

267 >>>le "Sea Peoples". It was so bad that until the 1800s AD, we barely knew there even was a civilisation "before the Trojan War".

OOH! I'm a fan of the "Sea People's" invasion! They're really mysterious.

I know very little about them but I know enough to say OOH, I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT!

Sea Peoples, yes!

Posted by: ace at February 13, 2013 08:08 PM (LCRYB)

268 The Solomon Kane movie so utterly and almost enthusiastically fucked up the character as to be, well, a Hollywood dumbing down of genre literature by hacks who think they know more than the author because they can get a table at Wolfgang Puck's. Unprecedented, I know.

You're better off learning enough Spanish to watch Vigo Mortensen in Captain Alatriste.

Posted by: richard mcenroe at February 13, 2013 08:26 PM (qvify)

269 233
I really liked Dredd. Unfortunately, I had watched it just after The
Raid: Redemption. I didn't know they both has the same tower defense
theme. And it's really hard to top The Raid. However, Anderson was a
really great character.



Posted by: MrX at February 13, 2013 05:41 PM


I was the reverse. Saw Dredd, very good as noted above. The Raid which I watched a week or so later (some asshole with a pass had the only copy out for a month), however, was something altogether different. Just great. Kinda smorgasbord of action--guns, knives, Indonesian kung fu or whatever.

Posted by: eureka! at February 13, 2013 09:00 PM (HPRku)

270 86-"There is actually a reason for the slow-motion Matrix shit in this. Its not really an "oh this will make the scene look so much cooler!" type of thing."

Oh it really was an excuse for "this will make the scene look so much cooler!" but it was an excuse that fit.

Along with the sparklies.

In fact, I'd say it was a brilliant excuse for "this will make the whole scene look so much cooler."

Posted by: Synova at February 13, 2013 10:03 PM (7/PU+)

271 Lol. I'm going to show your post to my husband. He's still pissed we haven't seen it.Pro tip, husband: Try getting home earlier than 8:00 on a weeknight and we'll catch the occasional first-run film.
Posted by: Jane D'oh at February 13, 2013 05:43 PM (UOM4


One word: Nooners.

Unless you don't have transportation or taking the time is impossible because of what he does for work, plan a long lunch and catch an early show.

Posted by: Synova at February 13, 2013 10:10 PM (7/PU+)

272 >>>he Solomon Kane movie so utterly and almost enthusiastically fucked up the character as to be, well, a Hollywood dumbing down of genre literature by hacks who think they know more than the author because they can get a table at Wolfgang Puck's. Unprecedented, I know.

I hear mixed things. I know it's got a stupid origin story.

I don't get it. he Hates Evil. I need an explanation?

Posted by: ace at February 14, 2013 01:09 AM (LCRYB)

273 Ace, your writing is outstanding. Great writing helps people notice what they almost noticed.

I remember watching the movie, and thinking some of that stuff, but I have this overwhelming desire to lift huge blocks of your writing as pass it off as my own, because your writing makes the reader believe that all those thoughts were his own.

Well done.

Posted by: brando at February 14, 2013 09:55 PM (qQEcv)

274 Another point showing that Dredd "cared."

When going into Peachtree, he pointed out to the rookie that vagrancy was punishable by two months in jail. He then told the actual vagrant to beat feet and be gone by the time Dredd came out of Peachtree.

Only when he came out and the guy was still there... did he move to bust him. Unfortunately for the vagrant, at that time the blast door came down and killed him.

It's not a big thing. Just a little glimpse behind the mask.

Posted by: Abraham Simpson at February 15, 2013 03:19 AM (C+qQ0)

275 I've read enough of the comics to know that, like Dredd, Anderson is also Intellectual Property, and should share a similar immunity. In the comics, though, she's not a rookie - she's close to the top in Psi Corps, possibly THE top (it's been a while) and approximately equal in rank to Dredd, on the moral scale if not the professional one.

Posted by: perturbed at February 15, 2013 07:44 AM (u6Ueb)

276 Ace, why do you say the sets look "cheap"? Not being a smart-ass. I thought the sets looked pretty amazing, especially the arcology or whatever.

Posted by: Beowulf at February 22, 2013 04:13 PM (HlQeF)

277 >>>ce, why do you say the sets look "cheap"? Not being a smart-ass. I thought the sets looked pretty amazing, especially the arcology or whatever.

well I was looking for faults, to balance the fanboyism, but I did think that a lot of the hallway shots looked a bit small and cheap, hidden by strange colored lighting and high-corner camera angles.

There's a classroom, for example, where it's like... what, 20 kids in there, cramped, at most?

Posted by: ace at February 23, 2013 06:54 PM (LCRYB)

278 They did apparently (it looks this way) make use of a full hangar-sized big set to do the central-well shots of the arcology. There, you could see some money on the screen.

Posted by: ace at February 23, 2013 06:55 PM (LCRYB)

279 thanks, brando.

Posted by: ace at February 23, 2013 06:57 PM (LCRYB)






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