CBS Forbids Exposure of Buttocks, "Puffy" Areas at Grammys;
Ashley Judd Hardest Hit

Recording artists. You have to specify these things for them.

"Buttocks cracks" are forbidden. The recording artists didn't know that.

Whenever I read about celebrities and their planned outrages, I always think of President of the Galaxy Zaphod Beeblebrox, whose real job was not to wield power, but to distract away from real power.

I suppose celebrities are useful. I don't mind being distracted on occasion. I have to admit I'm sometimes pleased by their calculated outrages.

In the American Imperial Court, celebrities are our fools, and recording artists are the fools who show their boobies and buttocks.

Still and all... it's all a bit ridiculous that these idiots hand out Medals and Trophies and Certificates of Effort to each other, and even more ridiculous that we (or at least, some of us) watch them doing so.

Oh Dear Sweet Stupid: Spoken word category?

You know it: Obama, Clinton, Ellen DeGeneres, Rachel Maddow.


Posted by: Ace at 05:17 PM



Comments

1 What about my puffy face?

Posted by: Piers Morgan at February 08, 2013 05:19 PM (F6KtL)

2 Puffy areas? Hmm.

Posted by: toby928© for TB at February 08, 2013 05:19 PM (QupBk)

3 ISWYDT....heh....

poor Ashley Judd.....

Posted by: sven10077 at February 08, 2013 05:19 PM (LRFds)

4 So Beyonce has to buy a pair of pants?

Posted by: Craig Poe at February 08, 2013 05:19 PM (BVkEs)

5 so much for kim k's giant ass

Posted by: navycopjoe at February 08, 2013 05:20 PM (lwUjz)

6

Ashley Judd Hardest Hit
Ouch. Claws are OUT.

And I thought American Crossroads was hard on little Ms Judd.

Posted by: imp at February 08, 2013 05:20 PM (UaxA0)

7 Ashley Judd running for senate.

heh

Posted by: Jane D'oh at February 08, 2013 05:20 PM (UOM48)

8 Assault puffs

Posted by: Puff the magic dragon at February 08, 2013 05:21 PM (bQMb4)

9 It's racism, straight up.

Posted by: toby928© for TB at February 08, 2013 05:21 PM (QupBk)

10 Why on earth would Ashley Judd be hardest hit? She hasn't sniffed a grammy in decades.

Posted by: Al-Gore at February 08, 2013 05:21 PM (xmcEQ)

11
What about...puffy Lips?

All those aging actresses with blow-fish lips, hardest hit.

Posted by: wheatie at February 08, 2013 05:21 PM (BZMZX)

12 SI cover girl for 2013 = Kate Upton.

Posted by: Dr Spank at February 08, 2013 05:21 PM (w+Dvf)

13 Well, now there is absolutely NO REASON to watch the Grammys.

Posted by: maddogg at February 08, 2013 05:22 PM (OlN4e)

14 Why would any woman get the implants if not to have them spilling from the too small and low cut dress she is partly wearing?

Posted by: huerfano at February 08, 2013 05:22 PM (bAGA/)

15 Slipper slope. Could burkas be far behind?

Posted by: Pug Mahon-Assault CAD Monkey at February 08, 2013 05:23 PM (K+mtQ)

16 Not one reference that makes me go to Urban Dictionary? Disappointing thread.

Posted by: Schrödinger's cat at February 08, 2013 05:23 PM (feFL6)

17 Judd is fully qualified to be a Senator. She's dumber than the newspaper absorbing bird piss at the bottom of my bird cage.

Posted by: maddogg at February 08, 2013 05:23 PM (OlN4e)

18 After watching several government assholes pontificate about these storms, I realize what is missing from AOSHQ.

Ace, you need someone translating your stuff into ASL (American Sign Language) in the sidebar.

Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo at February 08, 2013 05:23 PM (GsoHv)

19 Zaphod Beeblebrox
When the Letters are given technical weighting and value they form the words
Barack Obama
Who coincidentally performs the same function for Jarret and Ayers Inc.

Posted by: Dept. Of Accuracy Dept. at February 08, 2013 05:24 PM (+I8Mq)

20
All I know about the Grammys and the pop music industry in general is that they announced Alicia Keys this past Sunday as "14-time Grammy award winning Alicia Keys."

I can't think of anything less relevant to me and my life.

Posted by: BurtTC at February 08, 2013 05:24 PM (TOk1P)

21 Aaahhhh dooonnnn no whud you bean

Posted by: Meg Ryan at February 08, 2013 05:24 PM (6TB1Z)

22 I thought they were called the 'Gammies'.

Posted by: Leggs at February 08, 2013 05:24 PM (+iUsQ)

23 Why Are So Many Mass Murderers Liberals and Progressives?


Are Liberal Groups Sowing Hate And Anger?


Are Liberals And Progressives Responsible For These Tragic Deaths?


Posted by: Prescient11 at February 08, 2013 05:24 PM (tVTLU)

24 So I can't be rough and tough with my Afro Puffs?

Posted by: Lady of Rage at February 08, 2013 05:24 PM (jucos)

25 Looks like bicycle boy won't be accepting his jazz fusion operetta, "In Search of the Lost Fret" Grammy.

Posted by: LC LaWedgie at February 08, 2013 05:24 PM (bGlsD)

26 I love my Grammy.





Gramps on the other hand is a mean old fart.

Posted by: Seamus Muldoon at February 08, 2013 05:25 PM (qqZuQ)

27 I saw Dolly Parton on something not long ago, and YIKES, wth has she done to her face?!

Posted by: Jane D'oh at February 08, 2013 05:25 PM (UOM48)

28 Ashley judd should never have gotten her Grammy...

by far Acting is her "strength" and her acting was the tease of her gal parts being flaunted....that ship has sailed or rather BLOOOMMMEED

Posted by: sven10077 at February 08, 2013 05:25 PM (LRFds)

29 ..."I suppose celebrities are useful."

Well, it's always nice, Ace...when one of the conservative celebrities comes out and weighs in on an issue.

Like Bruce Willis coming out against gun control.

Posted by: wheatie at February 08, 2013 05:25 PM (BZMZX)

30 Zaphod Beeblebrox
When the Letters are given technical weighting and value they form the words
Barack Obama


Or, I hate whitey. Whatever.

Posted by: Louis Farrakhan at February 08, 2013 05:26 PM (6TB1Z)

31 Judd is fully qualified to be a Senator. She's dumber than the newspaper absorbing bird piss at the bottom of my bird cage.


Posted by: maddogg at February 08, 2013 05:23 PM

There's new medication to mitigate that by actually turning you into a Parrot.
John McCain is one example.

Posted by: Dept. Of Accuracy Dept. at February 08, 2013 05:26 PM (+I8Mq)

32 Just another awards show for the left to blow smoke up each others ass for being great in their own eyes.


I'll pass....boobs or no boobs, I'm still not interested.

Posted by: © Sponge at February 08, 2013 05:26 PM (xmcEQ)

33
Posted by: Jane D'oh at February 08, 2013 05:25 PM (UOM4


we have the same doctor

Posted by: Lil' Kimchi at February 08, 2013 05:26 PM (+iUsQ)

34 27I saw Dolly Parton on something not long ago, and YIKES, wth has she done to her face?!
Posted by: Jane D'oh at February 08, 2013 05:25 PM (UOM4 Thats what a couple of hundred million years will do to ya.

Posted by: maddogg at February 08, 2013 05:26 PM (OlN4e)

35
FUPA's are out??!! FUPA's are out!!1??

Posted by: BackwardsBoy, who did not vote for this shit. at February 08, 2013 05:26 PM (+z4pE)

36

No puffy buttocks for you!

Posted by: Bertram Cabot Jr. at February 08, 2013 05:26 PM (DAoux)

37 YIKES, wth has she done to her face?!


Posted by: Jane D'oh

That's not Her face IYKWIMAITYD

Posted by: Dept. Of Accuracy Dept. at February 08, 2013 05:27 PM (+I8Mq)

38 Pleas don't tell me they've outlawed camel toe, I can hardly find the magazine anymore.

Posted by: Dr Spank at February 08, 2013 05:27 PM (w+Dvf)

39 The Grammy for "and I only know 3 chords" goes to..........

Posted by: © Sponge at February 08, 2013 05:27 PM (xmcEQ)

40 so, what I'm hearing you say is that TFG wins the grammy for the bestest recording of the spoken word, winning 117% of the votes.

Posted by: AltonJackson at February 08, 2013 05:28 PM (1EUmb)

41 cbd, just put a drawing of a middle finger in the sidebar. That's a direct translation of 73% of what's written here.

Posted by: Mama AJ at February 08, 2013 05:28 PM (wPzgV)

42 I suppose celebrities are useful.

During that brief, glorious time a few years ago when it seemed like the way celebrities would be made from now on was via porno movies with kinky famous-dude's-daughter's-stolen-video premises, I had this opinion.

...Ah, well. We'll always have Paris.

Until the syphilis really kicks in.

Posted by: oblig. at February 08, 2013 05:28 PM (cePv8)

43 I always kind of liked Dolly Parton as an entertainer, but heck, I thought she was old when I first heard of her, which was in the 1960's

Posted by: Seamus Muldoon at February 08, 2013 05:29 PM (qqZuQ)

44 Number of fucks given UNEXPECTEDLY remains zero.

Posted by: akula51 at February 08, 2013 05:29 PM (YesJa)

45
Grammy Award 1993

Earvin "Magic" Johnson Robert O'Keefe for What You Can Do to Avoid AIDS




Well, I guess the first option that might work is to not be Earvin "Magic" Johnson....

Posted by: Laurie David's Cervix at February 08, 2013 05:30 PM (kdS6q)

46 No T? or A? Why watch?

Posted by: R13 at February 08, 2013 05:30 PM (lZBBB)

47 Although there was a period of time when I'd have sold a kidney for a night with Ashley Judd. Maybe.

Posted by: USS Diversity at February 08, 2013 05:30 PM (QLJPW)

48 The Grammys became irrelevant over thirty years ago, when A Taste Of Honey won "Best New Artist" over (if I recall) The Cars, Tom Petty, Elvis Costello and someone else.

Posted by: BeckoningChasm at February 08, 2013 05:30 PM (DuH+r)

49 Posted by: Mama AJ at February 08, 2013 05:28 PM (wPzgV)

I love this place!

Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo at February 08, 2013 05:31 PM (GsoHv)

50 No T? or A? Why watch?
Posted by: R13 at February 08, 2013 05:30 PM (lZBBB)
-----------------------------------------------------
MATT DAMON

Posted by: MATT DAMON at February 08, 2013 05:31 PM (jucos)

51 21 Aaahhhh dooonnnn no whud you bean
Posted by: Meg Ryan at February 08, 2013 05:24 PM (6TB1Z)

----------

Yoor libs look berfectly nadural. ...dust like bine!

Posted by: Nicole Kidman at February 08, 2013 05:31 PM (BZMZX)

52 The Grammys became irrelevant over thirty years ago, when A Taste Of Honey won "Best New Artist" over (if I recall) The Cars, Tom Petty, Elvis Costello and someone else.
Posted by: BeckoningChasm at February 08, 2013 05:30 PM (DuH+r)
----------------------------------------------------------
Their Album cover was the shit. Instant wood.

Posted by: MATT DAMON at February 08, 2013 05:32 PM (jucos)

53 No T? or A? Why watch?

Posted by: R13 at February 08, 2013 05:30 PM (lZBBB)


Would you watch for that, really?

If there was a wardrobe malfunction, I would just catch it online the next day. NO WAY that shit's worth suffering through for the chance of a tit flash from some tired old pin cushion loaded with saline and botox.

Posted by: © Sponge at February 08, 2013 05:32 PM (xmcEQ)

54
Meh, I'll wait until the next day, then scroll waaaaayyyy down the list to find out who the real artists are and what they won, like Best Blues, new Blues and stuff like that.

Which reminds me, a friend of mine won Best New Artist at the IBCC Comptetition in Memphis the other day. A kid named Selwyn Birchwood. Good guitar player from here, writes his own stuff, and his GF is a knockout.

Posted by: BackwardsBoy, who did not vote for this shit. at February 08, 2013 05:33 PM (+z4pE)

55 I prefer sharp elbows anyways...

Posted by: Brock O'bama at February 08, 2013 05:33 PM (eDWZG)

56 Government built the Hoover Dam. How can you hate government? Government.

Posted by: Rachel Maddow at February 08, 2013 05:33 PM (60GaT)

57 21 Aaahhhh dooonnnn no whud you bean
Posted by: Meg Ryan at February 08, 2013 05:24 PM (6TB1Z)

----------

Yoor libs look berfectly nadural. ...dust like bine!
Posted by: Nicole Kidman at February 08, 2013 05:31 PM (BZMZX)
-----------------------------------------------------------
Da dupse you say. I hab had berry liddo werk done myselp

Posted by: 'Lil Kim at February 08, 2013 05:33 PM (jucos)

58 Puffy Judd is an ivy league grad now. Doesn't that mean she is our better now?

Posted by: Invictus at February 08, 2013 05:34 PM (OQpzc)

59 Although there was a period of time when I'd have sold a kidney for a night with Ashley Judd. Maybe.

Word. Well, your kidney anyway.

Posted by: toby928© for TB at February 08, 2013 05:35 PM (QupBk)

60 First they came for women in the Middle East.. and I said nothing...

Next it was the lingerie bowl... and I remained silent....

Next, the Grammys.... but...

Posted by: R13 at February 08, 2013 05:35 PM (lZBBB)

61 I saw Dolly Parton on something not long ago, and YIKES, wth has she done to her face?!
Posted by: Jane D'oh at February 08, 2013 05:25 PM (UOM4

Bad plastic surgery.

Posted by: harleycowboy at February 08, 2013 05:36 PM (wSTfB)

62 there was a recent article on how the "prudes" complaining about Beyonce's performance were "objectifying her"

i made sure to not read it

Posted by: JDP at February 08, 2013 05:36 PM (60GaT)

63
The Grammys became irrelevant over thirty years ago, when A Taste Of Honey won "Best New Artist" over (if I recall) The Cars, Tom Petty, Elvis Costello and someone else.
Posted by: BeckoningChasm at February 08, 2013 05:30 PM (DuH+r)
===================
I don't remember that happening, and I had all the "loser" albums. So I guess the Grammys were irrelevant even then. Disco sucked then, sucks now.

Posted by: USS Diversity at February 08, 2013 05:36 PM (QLJPW)

64 >>>and even more ridiculous that we (or at least, some of us) watch them doing so.

And perhaps the pinnacle of ridiculousness, when the jesters of the court get together to award each other trophies they get rules of conduct put on them by the broadcaster for those who might want to watch the event ensuring anything interesting that might happen that would make the event entertaining does not happen.

Posted by: MikeTheMoose Offering Moobats Gasoline and Matches at February 08, 2013 05:37 PM (0q2P7)

65 And then there was the Jethro Tull "Best Heavy Metal Album/Performance/Whatever" incident...sigh.

Posted by: akula51 at February 08, 2013 05:37 PM (YesJa)

66
Official videos for the spoken word nominess on the Grammy site. See Moo talk about the book her ghost writer done 'rit:

http://tinyurl.com/av55s2q

Posted by: Laurie David's Cervix at February 08, 2013 05:37 PM (kdS6q)

67 Holy crap. There's a Grammy spoken word category?

This leads me to ask, why not a Grammy Buttock Crack category? I would find that infinitely more interesting.

Posted by: Fritz at February 08, 2013 05:37 PM (WM+rJ)

68 Mrs928 reading Uncle Remus to her little school kids should be on an album.

Posted by: toby928© for TB at February 08, 2013 05:39 PM (QupBk)

69 How much cleavage is too much?

Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at February 08, 2013 05:39 PM (piMMO)

70 Speaking of Beyonce. This is a video Rum turned me onto a few years ago. It is the song Halo adapted to a dance troop. Almost makes me wanna see a ballet someday. It is pretty cool.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SIGq5yNztxo

Posted by: Invictus at February 08, 2013 05:39 PM (OQpzc)

71
All these celebrity 'Awards' shows are just big spooge-fests anyway...with these people giving each other hand jobs.

The ratings have been going down, on all of them.
Maybe they think the reason for this, is because of all the revealing gowns, showing 'puffy' boobs and asses...keeping families from tuning in.

Posted by: wheatie at February 08, 2013 05:40 PM (BZMZX)

72 How much cleavage is too much?

That's one of those Zen questions, isn't it. How high is Up, grasshopper?

Posted by: toby928© for TB at February 08, 2013 05:40 PM (QupBk)

73 I haven't watched awards shows in ages. These people are self-important and obnoxious enough. They don't need us adding to their over-blown egos.

Posted by: nerdygirl at February 08, 2013 05:40 PM (9H+iJ)

74 Puffy Judd is an ivy league grad now. Doesn't that mean she is our better now?


***

So I Queef Olberman, right?

Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at February 08, 2013 05:40 PM (piMMO)

75 42 Seamus it was several lifetime ago. Dolly was in her 20's when she appeared on The Porter Wagner Show.

Posted by: Ms.M at February 08, 2013 05:41 PM (+qScL)

76 BRB, recording an audiobook of my manifesto so I can win next year's Spoken Word Grammy.

Posted by: Chris Dorner at February 08, 2013 05:41 PM (2jQGY)

77 "Still and all... it's all a bit ridiculous that these idiots hand out
Medals and Trophies and Certificates of Effort to each other, and even
more ridiculous that we (or at least, some of us) watch them doing so."

Not here. No TV to watch. Cancelled cable. Binned the idiot box. Beast starvation commenced.

It is a modest but undeniable feeling of satisfaction that the media-industrial complex's unstinting support for liberalism is not getting even so much as one polished penny from me.

Posted by: torquewrench at February 08, 2013 05:43 PM (gqT4g)

78 I wouldn't normally watch. But now I will. Why? Because in an act of feigned outrage against "the man" some hot chick is going to give us a boob flash.

Posted by: Marcus at February 08, 2013 05:43 PM (GGCsk)

79 ***



So I Queef Olberman, right?

Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at February 08, 2013 05:40 PM (piMMO)
But, he went to the "other" Cornell University, and despised being called out for that, didn't he? Apparently there are two Cornells? One that's Ivy League, and the other that's... well... not so much.

Posted by: Brock O'bama at February 08, 2013 05:43 PM (eDWZG)

80 Aren't they going to have the Children's Gun-Control Choir on? I thought I read that somewhere.

Posted by: Margarita DeVille at February 08, 2013 05:44 PM (C8mVl)

81 76
BRB, recording an audiobook of my manifesto so I can win next year's Spoken Word Grammy.

Posted by: Chris Dorner at February 08, 2013 05:41 PM (2jQGY

I shouldn't laugh, but I did.

Posted by: Jane D'oh at February 08, 2013 05:45 PM (UOM48)

82 And then there was the Jethro Tull "Best Heavy Metal Album/Performance/Whatever" incident...sigh.
Posted by: akula51 at February 08, 2013 05:37 PM (YesJa)

the self-important Metallica made it much worse by whining like jilted school girls

Posted by: ghostofhallelujah at February 08, 2013 05:45 PM (XvrTA)

83 80
Aren't they going to have the Children's Gun-Control Choir on? I thought I read that somewhere.



Posted by: Margarita DeVille at February 08, 2013 05:44 PM (C8mVl

SHHhhhhhhhh! Please, please don't give them any ideas.

Posted by: Jane D'oh at February 08, 2013 05:45 PM (UOM48)

84 "What about...puffy Lips?
All those aging actresses with blow-fish lips, hardest hit.
Posted by: wheatie"

I'm wondering if the lesser known, C list actresses are doing this more than the others. I was watching some made for tv movie and it looked like 3 actresses, the ones whose names you've never heard of, had done this. Maybe it's just more noticeable because the less successful actresses are going to poorer quality plastic surgeons.
One plastic surgeon on some show said that the reason they look so bad is that they do too much to the upper lip.

Posted by: nerdygirl at February 08, 2013 05:46 PM (9H+iJ)

Posted by: Jane D'oh at February 08, 2013 05:46 PM (UOM48)

86 Obama Spoken Word: "Ummm.....errrr.....ahhhh.....let me be clear....ummm"

Posted by: Jane D'oh at February 08, 2013 05:47 PM (UOM48)

87 One plastic surgeon on some show said that the reason they look so bad is that they do too much to the upper lip.
Posted by: nerdygirl at February 08, 2013 05:46 PM (9H+iJ)


I bet it feels good on the penis. If you are a C list actress that would be important.

Posted by: Oldsailors Poet, Author of Amy Lynn available on KINDLE finally at February 08, 2013 05:49 PM (l86i3)

88 All my friends and I will be sitting in front of the television watching every minute of the Grammys. Then I'll fill their bowls with Purina Fancy Feast and we'll call it a night.

Posted by: Food Fright!!! at February 08, 2013 05:52 PM (feFL6)

89 " 27I saw Dolly Parton on something not long ago, and YIKES, wth has she done to her face?!"

They're trying so hard to look young that they just look ridiculous. Cher comes to mind. She looks like she's had a layer of plastic applied to her face.

Posted by: nerdygirl at February 08, 2013 05:52 PM (9H+iJ)

90 84....One plastic surgeon on some show said that the reason they look so bad is that they do too much to the upper lip.

Could be, nerdygirl....I dunno.

I think the whole reason they get those 'lip injections' is because of the upper-lip wrinkles.
And also, our lips start to get less 'full' as we age.

The first actress I noticed it on, was Barbara Hershey.
Then, it seemed to be a new fad...and a lot of actresses were going puffy-lip.

If you haven't seen Nicole Kidman lately, she's got the fish lips now too.

Posted by: wheatie at February 08, 2013 05:52 PM (BZMZX)

91 How sad is it that they even had to write the memo?
Yeah, these entertainers like their bizarre outfits, but you'd think they could restrain themselves for one night.

Posted by: Lizzy at February 08, 2013 05:54 PM (amaU1)

92 '62 there was a recent article on how the "prudes" complaining about Beyonce's performance were "objectifying her" '

Well, that's all wrong. Complaining about Beyonce isn't "objectifying her", it's raaaacist!

Posted by: nerdygirl at February 08, 2013 05:58 PM (9H+iJ)

93 "I bet it feels good on the penis. If you are a C list actress that would be important.
Posted by: Oldsailors Poet,"

That never even occurred to me.
Why it's almost like the ultra liberals in the entertainment industry engage in rampant sexual harassment.

Posted by: nerdygirl at February 08, 2013 06:04 PM (9H+iJ)

94 So, I guess it's safe to assume that Puffy Ami Yumi won't be making an appearance?

Posted by: Assault Citizen Anachronda at February 08, 2013 06:05 PM (IrbU4)

95 Purple. Haze. Wasinmy. Brain.

Lately. Things. Don'tseemthe. Same.
Actin'. Funny. ButIdon'tknow. Why?

'Scuse. Me. While. I. Kiss. The. Sky.

Posted by: Bill Shatner at February 08, 2013 06:06 PM (WM+rJ)

96 F**k the Grammys

Posted by: Metallica from 1989 at February 08, 2013 06:42 PM (XvHmy)

97 Ace...I sort of hope Ashley runs for Senate as I will oppose puffiness and can't wait to see what you come up with!

Posted by: ChristyBlinky poised in fluid situation at February 08, 2013 06:59 PM (baL2B)

98 These things, Grammys, Oscars, Emmys, Golden Globes are all just Hollywood circle-jerks. They get together and masturbate each other. Their delicate egos need constant massage and they get some free press to boot if they can be "outrageous "
I refuse to watch.

Posted by: Max Entropy at February 08, 2013 07:11 PM (bv67p)

99 The Grammys. Hah! They're dead to me.

Posted by: dissent555 at February 08, 2013 07:18 PM (yR6A1)

100 What the hell, nobody thought to throw Paul Harvey's "Farmer" ad into the spoken-word hat? Would've been a shoo-in.

Posted by: comatus at February 08, 2013 07:30 PM (qaVK+)

101 Obvious ratings ploy. The fuckin' fix is in.

Posted by: nip at February 08, 2013 08:22 PM (11Tdq)

102 From the pic on Twitchy it appears Chris Rock has fish lips. Looks like he's stuck to a shower door or an aquarium wall.

Posted by: Bill sometimes Bill from Canada at February 08, 2013 09:26 PM (ROHhf)






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