Get Ready To Have Your Minds Not Blown: The Years AD 600-900 Never Happened!

So claims a theory that says there was some kind of conspiracy to move from AD 599 to 901 AD, and so calenders were just manipulated, and some historical figures (like Charlemagne) were invented out of whole cloth to fill in the missing three centuries of "Phantom Time."

Sorry, I just thought this was too weird not to put in a main post.


Upside: This explains why the world didn't end in 2012 -- because it's not 2012. It's 1712.

We've got three hundred more years.

Posted by: Ace at 09:42 PM



Comments

1 Ha

Posted by: Tilikum the Killer Assault Whale at January 16, 2013 09:43 PM (+aCe4)

2 First ever! Now I can die happy.

Posted by: Tilikum the Killer Assault Whale at January 16, 2013 09:43 PM (+aCe4)

3 'splain this to be in twenty words or less.

I've had half a bottle of wine. And two melatonins.

Posted by: Jane D'oh at January 16, 2013 09:43 PM (UOM48)

4 2
First ever! Now I can die happy.

Low standards?

Posted by: Scanner Dan at January 16, 2013 09:43 PM (h5CN9)

5 This is just an effort to try and make guns disappear, given that gunpowder was invented in the 9th century.

Posted by: lorien1973 at January 16, 2013 09:43 PM (mcWHD)

6 Well, there's a whole semester of world history I'll never get back.

Posted by: EC at January 16, 2013 09:44 PM (doBIb)

7 Anyone see the sandy hook conspiracy vids. They are missing the point, its not the shooting that is staged, its the news coverage of it. Actors as partents, interview subjects, medical examiners...

Posted by: reality man at January 16, 2013 09:44 PM (L2x1w)

8 We've got three hundred more years? Shit. I was hoping days.

Posted by: Jane D'oh at January 16, 2013 09:44 PM (UOM48)

9 I'll take Freemasons for $800 Alex.

Posted by: Lemmenkainen, Freelance Warlord at January 16, 2013 09:44 PM (K1JW0)

10 This is the first conspiracy to manipulate the value of the calender I've ever heard of.

Posted by: ace at January 16, 2013 09:44 PM (LCRYB)

11
'splain this to be in twenty words or less.

Year 700 wasn't cool. Year 1000 was. Woosh! It's year 1000. The uneducated masses will never figure it out.

Posted by: lorien1973 at January 16, 2013 09:44 PM (mcWHD)

12 I've always thought I was born 300 years too late.

Posted by: Tobacco Road at January 16, 2013 09:44 PM (4Mv1T)

13 Yeah, I knew prototype #3 was a bad idea. Thank God I saw "Men in Black" and could at least hide the damage.

Posted by: Doc Brown at January 16, 2013 09:45 PM (XBQCw)

14 Wa da tah

Posted by: Pootie-Tang at January 16, 2013 09:45 PM (ySCWu)

15 Tree ring data suggests otherwise.

Posted by: eman at January 16, 2013 09:45 PM (tBnjP)

16 This means I was born 300 years too early, Crud

Posted by: Tilikum the Killer Assault Whale at January 16, 2013 09:45 PM (+aCe4)

17 I think I saw the Illuminati recently. Don't they wear suits and drive large, dark automobiles?

Posted by: Jane D'oh at January 16, 2013 09:45 PM (UOM48)

18 ace at January 16, 2013 09:44 PM (LCRYB)

Nah. Romans were on this a long time ago. September = 7th month. October = 8th month.

July and August were crammed in there.

July for julius caesar
August for Augustus, who also wanted 31 days so he would be thought of as important as Julius.

Posted by: lorien1973 at January 16, 2013 09:46 PM (mcWHD)

19 Chuck Hagel called and told me it was the Jews.

Posted by: Lemmenkainen, Freelance Warlord at January 16, 2013 09:46 PM (K1JW0)

20 "First ever! Now I can die happy.Low standards?
Posted by: Scanner Dan"

No standards.

Posted by: Tilikum the Killer Assault Whale at January 16, 2013 09:46 PM (+aCe4)

21 Charlemagne- who singlehandedly saved Europe from the muz- never existed.

They were just as nice and peaceful then as they are now.

Posted by: Truman North at January 16, 2013 09:47 PM (piAb1)

22
I believe it.

The Roman Catholic church played havoc with the calendar for their whimsy.

Posted by: soothsayer at January 16, 2013 09:47 PM (vzLhi)

Posted by: Lemmenkainen, Freelance Warlord at January 16, 2013 09:47 PM (K1JW0)

24 Back when I was a kid, a year was worth three hundred sixty five silver days.

Posted by: Ron Paul at January 16, 2013 09:47 PM (LCRYB)

25 Wait. So the world is only 5700 years old? Damn!

Posted by: lorien1973 at January 16, 2013 09:47 PM (mcWHD)

26 Damn, that Constitution is really...young!!! Totes!!

Posted by: Glenn Greenwald, Libtard at January 16, 2013 09:47 PM (KZi9D)

27 True fact: I'm the original stage manager in the play, "Some Things You Need To Know Before The World Ends: A Final Evening With The Illuminati."

I'll hate myself for this later.

Thanks, Pinot Grigio, melatonin, and TFG.

Posted by: Jane D'oh at January 16, 2013 09:48 PM (UOM48)

28 >>>Chuck Hagel called and told me it was the Jews.

These sorts of things just slip out occasionally.

Posted by: Colin Powell at January 16, 2013 09:48 PM (LCRYB)

29 We've got three hundred more years.

Not if I can help it!

Posted by: Barry Obama at January 16, 2013 09:48 PM (Vk2pI)

30 Soooo....what was the point?

Posted by: BCochran1981 at January 16, 2013 09:48 PM (GEICT)

31 Don't you see the benefits of this theory?

1. A certain historical figure was never born.
2. ???
3. Prophet!

Posted by: AmishDude at January 16, 2013 09:49 PM (T0NGe)

32 IIRC in 1752 11 days disappeared on the conversion to the Gregorian calendar, essentially a sync correction.

It took a while to catch up, so a lot of dates for some time after that are "inaccurate."

Not 300 years inaccurate, but there you go.

Posted by: Merovign, Dark Lord of the Sith at January 16, 2013 09:49 PM (bxiXv)

33 Shit, they're on to us.

Someone make another movie with Steve Guttenberg!

Posted by: Stonecutters at January 16, 2013 09:49 PM (Vk2pI)

34 PSA:

10 year old Eagle Rare Bourbon is quite excellent.

Turning 51 has its privileges.

Posted by: ChampionCapua at January 16, 2013 09:49 PM (KZi9D)

35 What a fool to really think this could be true.

O/T I had Mark Levin on tonight. Doctors are now supposed to report if they think we have guns and or are dangerous?
I can report that TFG is dangerous, without a gun! TFG thinks he's a king, he's delusional. Lock him up in a mental institution for his own good.

Posted by: CarolT at January 16, 2013 09:49 PM (z4WKX)

36 what about Mohammed and Islam? it was in this period.

Posted by: Saxon at January 16, 2013 09:49 PM (ES5Kq)

37 So do I still need to see a doctor if my erection lasts more than four hours?

Posted by: Dang at January 16, 2013 09:49 PM (R18D0)

38

Pope Gregory is behind this!

Posted by: soothsayer at January 16, 2013 09:50 PM (KeJAW)

39 >>>IIRC in 1752 11 days disappeared on the conversion to the Gregorian calendar, essentially a sync correction.

the video mentions that -- there were riots in London, by people who thought 11 days were being stolen.

People aren't... bright.

Posted by: ace at January 16, 2013 09:50 PM (LCRYB)

40 Damned Bush.

Posted by: USS Diversity at January 16, 2013 09:50 PM (MPjT8)

41 Don't tell the monks of Lindisfarne...

Posted by: waldo at January 16, 2013 09:50 PM (H96hE)

42 Doesn't that also eliminate the Medieval Warm Period and make the Data fit the hockey stick?

Posted by: Fox2! at January 16, 2013 09:50 PM (Sl7KY)

43 IIRC in 1752 11 days disappeared on the conversion to the Gregorian calendar, essentially a sync correction.

That was because leap years had not been done. everyone been getting their welfare free lunch days for decades. Time to pay the piper!

Posted by: lorien1973 at January 16, 2013 09:50 PM (mcWHD)

44 I think astronomy puts this one to rest, and continuous calendars from outside the Western world (Asia for example).

Posted by: Merovign, Dark Lord of the Sith at January 16, 2013 09:50 PM (bxiXv)

45 Ye Gods! I've yet to be born...

Posted by: joethefatman™ (@joethefatman1) at January 16, 2013 09:50 PM (MnSla)

46 OT but I keep hearing this fucking crap about "if it saves one child" we have to give up _____ freedom.

Fuck that my freedoms and the freedoms of Americans are worth a lot of fucking lives. I'd say about 315 million.

Posted by: Mr Pink at January 16, 2013 09:51 PM (VuW3x)

47 People aren't... bright.

Posted by: ace at January 16, 2013 09:50 PM (LCRYB)


Yeah.

Noticed that.

Posted by: Merovign, Dark Lord of the Sith at January 16, 2013 09:51 PM (bxiXv)

48 I've told you morons in these threads that it's almost impossible to know history. It's all faith.

Did Ghengis Khan exist? Did Cleopatra exist? Prove it. Who won the war of 1812? Was there actually a war in 1812? Prove it.

300 years from now, were there WMD or not when Iraq invaded the USA (sic) in 2003? If you get my meaning. (What if only anti-Bush articles survive that long....that will be 'history'.)

Are historical documents just opinion, fiction, or true news?

Posted by: Tonic Dog at January 16, 2013 09:51 PM (X/+QT)

49 I watched the first 11 seconds of the vid. Period.

Posted by: Tobacco Road at January 16, 2013 09:51 PM (4Mv1T)

50 Does this mean the Koran was never written? I think I approve of this conspiracy.

Posted by: lorien1973 at January 16, 2013 09:51 PM (mcWHD)

51 37 So do I still need to see a doctor if my erection lasts more than four hours?
Posted by: Dang at January 16, 2013 09:49 PM (R18D0)


Three hours and 30 minutes.

Posted by: Merovign, Dark Lord of the Sith at January 16, 2013 09:52 PM (bxiXv)

52 when I was a kid I could NOT understand how daylight savings time worked if everyone was changing their clocks at different times. My mom kept saying it didn't matter if she did it at 2am exactly and I couldn't fathom how that could be right.*


* I was sort of right, in a limited way: For the period during which people were changing their clocks whenever they felt like it, clocks would show different times.

But I couldn't understand that it would all work itself out by morning.

Posted by: ace at January 16, 2013 09:52 PM (LCRYB)

53 36 what about Mohammed and Islam? it was in this period.

Beat you to it.

Plus, a South Park reference.

Posted by: AmishDude at January 16, 2013 09:52 PM (T0NGe)

54 France doesn't really exist. Paris is just a big German amusement park.

Posted by: Jim in Virginia at January 16, 2013 09:53 PM (DzfbN)

55 Are historical documents just opinion, fiction, or true news?

Posted by: Tonic Dog at January 16, 2013 09:51 PM (X/+QT)


Worse. *Journalism.*

Posted by: Merovign, Dark Lord of the Sith at January 16, 2013 09:53 PM (bxiXv)

56 36-Mohammed and Islam are not real, they are figments of peoples imaginations.

Okay, I feel good. I solved the SCOAMT problem and the religious extremists in a few short posts here.

Posted by: CarolT at January 16, 2013 09:53 PM (z4WKX)

57 So somehow the entire world just conjured 300 years from whole cloth? Makes the man, the mystery, Obama look like a piker.

Posted by: Lemmenkainen, Freelance Warlord at January 16, 2013 09:53 PM (K1JW0)

58 >>>I think astronomy puts this one to rest, and continuous calendars from outside the Western world (Asia for example).


They're in on it. The Chinese are the Jews of Asia.

Posted by: ace at January 16, 2013 09:53 PM (LCRYB)

59 52
when I was a kid I could NOT understand how daylight savings time worked
if everyone was changing their clocks at different times. My mom kept
saying it didn't matter if she did it at 2am exactly and I couldn't
fathom how that could be right.*





* I was sort of right, in a limited way: For the period during
which people were changing their clocks whenever they felt like it,
clocks would show different times.



But I couldn't understand that it would all work itself out by morning.





Posted by: ace at January 16, 2013 09:52 PM (LCRYB)


Wow....most boys were just beating off....they didn't care what time it was.

Posted by: Tami at January 16, 2013 09:53 PM (X6akg)

60 That 300 extra years is why we are now going to be able to team-up with the dead, dead, dead cultures across the Atlantic (the EU's ESA, etc.) in order to return to the Moon that we could have owned all by ourselves if anyone would have had even a smidge of vision regarding the high ground. F*! Woe, to the short sighted and the timid. Maybe when Islam rules the world we will be able to have the glorious future that might have been...

Posted by: and irresolute at January 16, 2013 09:53 PM (DBH1h)

61
Can't we just have the years 2009-2016 not exist?

Posted by: Justamom of the LiB camp at January 16, 2013 09:54 PM (Sptt8)

62 52 when I was a kid I could NOT understand how daylight savings time worked

Posted by: ace at January 16, 2013 09:52 PM (LCRYB)


Don't get me started!!!!1!!eleventy!!!

Posted by: Merovign, Dark Lord of the Sith at January 16, 2013 09:54 PM (bxiXv)

63 Is that really for real? It came off to me as a parody of conspiracy theorists.

Posted by: mugiwara at January 16, 2013 09:54 PM (hpYnL)

64 They're in on it. The Chinese are the Jews of Asia.



Smoggier

Posted by: Jane D'oh at January 16, 2013 09:54 PM (UOM48)

65 Did Ghengis Khan exist?

Left him on Ceti Alpha 5.

Did Cleopatra exist

Did her.

Who won the war of 1812?

I did. Kicked serious ass.

Slingshot around the sun, baby.

Posted by: James T. Kirk at January 16, 2013 09:54 PM (T0NGe)

66 I've told you morons in these threads that it's almost impossible to know history. It's all faith.

Did Ghengis Khan exist? Did Cleopatra exist? Prove it. Who won the war of 1812? Was there actually a war in 1812? Prove it.

300 years from now, were there WMD or not when Iraq invaded the USA (sic) in 2003? If you get my meaning. (What if only anti-Bush articles survive that long....that will be 'history'.)

Are historical documents just opinion, fiction, or true news?
Posted by: Tonic Dog at January 16, 2013 09:51 PM (X/+QT)

Tree, forest, fall, sound.

Posted by: eman at January 16, 2013 09:55 PM (tBnjP)

67 Yeaaah.

I don't even have teh energy to process this one.

Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at January 16, 2013 09:55 PM (piMMO)

68 They're in on it. The Chinese are the Jews of Asia.

Posted by: ace at January 16, 2013 09:53 PM (LCRYB)


You know, I think you may be onto something. The ladies seem to have *hypnotizing hair-rays*!!!

Posted by: Merovign, Dark Lord of the Sith at January 16, 2013 09:55 PM (bxiXv)

69

Oh, and Dang, I somehow feel that if an erection lasts more than four hours, it's more likely the woman who will need medical help.

Posted by: Justamom of the LiB camp at January 16, 2013 09:55 PM (Sptt8)

70 >>>Is that really for real? It came off to me as a parody of conspiracy theorists.

there's a wikipedia page about the, ahem, theory.

That of course could also be falsified!

Posted by: ace at January 16, 2013 09:55 PM (LCRYB)

71
I am owed a lot of back-dated SS checks, if this is the case.

Posted by: massideas at January 16, 2013 09:56 PM (v32fM)

72 That is so hilarious! Now, can we figure out a way to make the last 4 years go away?

Posted by: Peaches, Pats fan for life at January 16, 2013 09:56 PM (kpCLl)

73 Maybe this theorist has been listening to too much Hendrix.

http://bit.ly/U2wckd

Posted by: sTevo at January 16, 2013 09:56 PM (VMcEw)

74 If teh Jooos were ordering the abortions after every family's first born.

Posted by: Jane D'oh at January 16, 2013 09:56 PM (UOM48)

75 I know sometimes I can't wrap my head around the fact that only 150 some years ago people in America owned other people, so I can see how some goofy shit like this can get traction.

Posted by: Lemmenkainen, Freelance Warlord at January 16, 2013 09:56 PM (K1JW0)

76 But I couldn't understand that it would all work itself out by morning.

Posted by: ace at January 16, 2013 09:52 PM (LCRYB)

Wow....most boys were just beating off....they didn't care what time it was.
Posted by: Tami at January 16, 2013 09:53 PM (X6akg)


Which is why he now owns a shiny blog.

Posted by: Tonic Dog at January 16, 2013 09:56 PM (X/+QT)

77 >>>They're in on it. The Chinese are the Jews of Asia.

Imagine what a pain in the ass it was 2000 years ago to get Chinese takeout in Jerusalem.

Posted by: Truman North at January 16, 2013 09:57 PM (piAb1)

78 That of course could also be falsified!

We don't deal with stuff like that.

Posted by: Climate Scientists at January 16, 2013 09:57 PM (T0NGe)

79 Don't feel bad, Ace.

BJ and the Bear screwed me up and I didn't know the difference between a monkey and a bear for a while there.

Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at January 16, 2013 09:57 PM (piMMO)

80 The Straight Dope had a column on this idea a couple years ago: http://tinyurl.com/3g25et5 . These wack-a-doodle theories are kind of fun, really. Like the one where the Moon was supposedly ejected from Venus. My favorite's the one where we live on the inside of the hollow Earth, but this one's good too.

Posted by: Lance McCormick at January 16, 2013 09:57 PM (0aMfR)

81 "Is that really for real? It came off to me as a parody of conspiracy theorists. there's a wikipedia page about the, ahem, theory. That of course could also be falsified!
Posted by: ace "

The conspiracy is everywhere!

Posted by: Tilikum the Killer Assault Whale at January 16, 2013 09:57 PM (+aCe4)

82 22
I believe it.
The Roman Catholic church played havoc with the calendar for their whimsy.
Posted by: soothsayer at January 16, 2013 09:47 PM (vzLhi)

Um...if you call "whimsy" the fact that calendars were over a week off due to accumulated error...

Posted by: JeremiadBullfrog at January 16, 2013 09:57 PM (Y5I9o)

83 Shit. I kinda liked Charlemagne. His coronation on Christmas Day, 800 was one of the handiest dates in history.

Posted by: joncelli at January 16, 2013 09:57 PM (CWlPF)

84 You know what's funny? I looked up some sources on this, and they all seem to be *German*.

Somehow it seems right that a German conspiracy theory would be all about calendars and math.

Comfortingly stereotypical.

Posted by: Merovign, Dark Lord of the Sith at January 16, 2013 09:57 PM (bxiXv)

85

I don't know what to believe anymore.

Posted by: soothsayer at January 16, 2013 09:57 PM (yhYn1)

86 er, if you don't believe it your just a gun toting un-educated hick ?

now i'll go watch the flick

Posted by: ette at January 16, 2013 09:58 PM (nqBYe)

87 >>>only 150 some years ago people in America owned other people

And now all of us are about to be owned by the SCOAMF.

Posted by: Tobacco Road at January 16, 2013 09:58 PM (4Mv1T)

88 Imagine...Barry's ancestors would have been selling slaves.

Posted by: Jane D'oh at January 16, 2013 09:58 PM (UOM48)

89 Right, Ace. Wiki allows falsified data to be printed. Suuuure.

Posted by: andycanuck at January 16, 2013 09:59 PM (ORGYc)

90 Don't you see the benefits of this theory?

1. A certain historical figure was never born.
2. ???
3. Prophet!Posted by: AmishDude
Word

Posted by: Little Girls' Underpants Gnomes at January 16, 2013 09:59 PM (0WLla)

91 The only thing that makes sense to me is Wheeler Dealers

Posted by: Jones in CO at January 16, 2013 09:59 PM (8sCoq)

92 So my credit card payments aren't due for another 300 years?

COOL!

Posted by: kbdabear at January 16, 2013 09:59 PM (wwsoB)

93 Hey, people own other people in Africa, the Middle East and Asia *now*.

Wrap your cortex around those apples.

Posted by: Merovign, Dark Lord of the Sith at January 16, 2013 09:59 PM (bxiXv)

94 Iraq was a gigantic gamble, and I honestly think

the way it ended sabotaged it, though whether there was ever any chance

of success in the "larger mission" is crystal ball stuff.








Posted by: Merovign, Dark Lord of the Sith at January 16, 2013 09:40 PM (bxiXv)

Iraq
is an example of where we very badly shot ourselves in the foot, and
the mission very nearly died. The Absolute STUPIDEST thing we did in
Iraq was to announce that we were disbanding the Iraqi Army (Youse guys
are now unemployed) and that anyone who had been a member of the Bath
party (everyone in the existing and previous government structure) would
not be allowed in the new government. (The Entire Sunni and much of the
Shia Tribe.)

With a few words, we took Millions of the most
Dangerous people in that Nation, made them our enemy, and convinced them
the only way they would ever prosper is to wipe out we Americans and
push us out of the country. That decision galvanized virtually all the
Sunis against us, and dedicated them to our destruction.

A more
militarily stupid decision could hardly have been made. We didn't even
do that to the Nazis after WW II. I can't believe Paul Bremer thought up
this bit of stupidity, and I also couldn't believe that all those War
College Military officers did not scream bloody murder at what an idiot
decision it was before he made the announcement.

The
Consequences were absolutely predictable. At the time, I told anyone who
would listen that Iraq was about to get very ugly, and shortly
thereafter the first bombs started going off. What a clusterfucked up
opportunity.


Reposted from previous thread.

Posted by: DiogenesLamp at January 16, 2013 09:59 PM (bb5+k)

95 OK, daylight savings time is an understandable conundrum, especially for a kid.
I have a sister who argued with me she would have time on her return flight (West) for a movie.

Posted by: Justamom of the LiB camp at January 16, 2013 09:59 PM (Sptt8)

96 Look, you don't WANT to know what happened between 600 and 900 AD.

Just forget about it.

Just never go back to Nevada again.

Posted by: Your buddy who you totally trust at January 16, 2013 10:00 PM (T0NGe)

97
What makes time?

Posted by: soothsayer at January 16, 2013 10:00 PM (FC8Yl)

98 I read somewhere that the missing 300 years were last seen planting explosives in the World Trade Center.

Posted by: mugiwara at January 16, 2013 10:00 PM (hpYnL)

99 just buffers every 20 seconds, so did everyone go to sleep for 300 years like rip van winkle ?

Posted by: ette at January 16, 2013 10:00 PM (nqBYe)

100 93
Hey, people own other people in Africa, the Middle East and Asia *now*.




*gasp*


They're not Muslims, are they?!?

Posted by: Jane D'oh at January 16, 2013 10:00 PM (UOM48)

101 So Cake Girl is 300 years ago?

Posted by: Cowboy Bob at January 16, 2013 10:00 PM (7y5DX)

102 @52 ace when I saw Willy Wonka (at the drive in thank you) I cried at the end because I thought Charlie wouldn't ever go home because the elevator busted loose.

Posted by: Golan Globus at January 16, 2013 10:00 PM (/1U3u)

103 You mean it's NOT 1713 ?



Posted by: The Amish at January 16, 2013 10:01 PM (wwsoB)

104 BJ and the Bear screwed me up and I didn't know the difference between a monkey and a bear for a while there.
And I thought that in Jake and the Fat Man that the fat man was the chubby dog.

Posted by: andycanuck at January 16, 2013 10:01 PM (ORGYc)

105 So, the Library of Alexandria was NOT really destroyed! Or, not destroyed when everyone thinks it was and that is why Islam is such a potent force in the world today and why that cut-yer-arms-off religion's dominant countries are so technologically advanced! A veil has been lifted from my eyes!

Posted by: and irresolute at January 16, 2013 10:01 PM (DBH1h)

106 That was because leap years had not been done. everyone been getting their welfare free lunch days for decades. Time to pay the piper!

Posted by: lorien1973 at January 16, 2013 09:50 PM (mcWHD)


Actually, the problem was that leap years were overdone.

Under the Julian calendar, you add a day every four years.

Under the Gregorian calendar you do the same, unless the year is also divisible by 100, but not also by 400.

Posted by: The Political Hat at January 16, 2013 10:01 PM (Vk2pI)

107 I read somewhere that the missing 300 years were last seen planting explosives in the World Trade Center.


Posted by: mugiwara at January 16, 2013 10:00 PM (hpYnL)

Nu Uh planting them in the 7 building or maybe that's the fifth building?

Posted by: ette at January 16, 2013 10:01 PM (nqBYe)

108 January 1, 627 AD was a Monday.

Yeah. Definitely a Monday.

It definitely existed. Yeah. Definitely.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Ten minutes to Wapner.

Posted by: Rain Man at January 16, 2013 10:01 PM (4I0tk)

109 so Charles Parnell didn't defeat the Moors in 742? I am disappointed.

Posted by: mallfly at January 16, 2013 10:01 PM (jDjlM)

110 If we could get a Congressional resolution about this, we could kick Obamacare down the road until none of us gives a shit anymore. Just sayin'

Posted by: Peaches, Pats fan for life at January 16, 2013 10:02 PM (kpCLl)

111

According to SUPERMAN (1979) lore, the revolution of Earth makes time.

As if centrifugal force somehow magically makes time go.



Posted by: soothsayer at January 16, 2013 10:02 PM (vanqS)

112 48 I've told you morons in these threads that it's almost impossible to know history. It's all faith.

Did Ghengis Khan exist? Did Cleopatra exist? Prove it. Who won the war of 1812? Was there actually a war in 1812? Prove it.

300 years from now, were there WMD or not when Iraq invaded the USA (sic) in 2003? If you get my meaning. (What if only anti-Bush articles survive that long....that will be 'history'.)

Are historical documents just opinion, fiction, or true news?
Posted by: Tonic Dog at January 16, 2013 09:51 PM (X/+QT)
-----

Oh for crying out loud, quit it with the shitty liberal arts "deep thinker" skeptical stance. It all devolves into a bigger dick fight over who's being less "contingent". For example, prove to me that I should have to prove things to you according to your criteria. And when you try to do that, I'll just move the goal posts again.

Posted by: JeremiadBullfrog at January 16, 2013 10:02 PM (Y5I9o)

113 *gasp*

They're not Muslims, are they?!?

Posted by: Jane D'oh at January 16, 2013 10:00 PM (UOM4


(pauses)

(looks left and right)

(leans in)

Maaaaaaaybe.

Posted by: Merovign, Dark Lord of the Sith at January 16, 2013 10:03 PM (bxiXv)

114
I read somewhere that the missing 300 years were last seen planting explosives in the World Trade Center.




Posted by: mugiwara at January 16, 2013 10:00 PM (hpYnL)

Nu Uh planting them in the 7 building or maybe that's the fifth building?


Posted by: ette at January 16, 2013 10:01 PM (nqBYe)



I heard that the missing 300 years set attack ships on fire off the Shoulder of Orion.

Posted by: EC at January 16, 2013 10:03 PM (doBIb)

115 I'm trying to create mnemonic circuits using nothing but stone knives and bearskins

Posted by: Spock at January 16, 2013 10:03 PM (wwsoB)

116 "Now remember, when things look bad and it looks like you're not gonna make it, then you gotta get mean. I mean plumb, mad-dog mean. 'Cause if you lose your head and you give up then you neither live nor win. That's just the way it is." .... When Josey comes home ...

Posted by: and irresolute at January 16, 2013 10:03 PM (DBH1h)

117 Heathens gonna heathen.

Posted by: Lemmenkainen, Freelance Warlord at January 16, 2013 10:04 PM (K1JW0)

118 Posted by: Merovign, Dark Lord of the Sith at January 16, 2013 10:03 PM (bxiXv)

That is classic AoS right there, my friend.

Posted by: Peaches, Pats fan for life at January 16, 2013 10:04 PM (kpCLl)

119 And I thought that in Jake and the Fat Man that the fat man was the chubby dog.


****

Am I being mocked?

Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at January 16, 2013 10:04 PM (piMMO)

120 On the Roman realignment of the calendar-- drift was a real problem. There's Roman accounts of wars and battles and things (pre-Caesar), but the seasons wouldn't match up to the months. Wikipedia (of course) has a long article on it that kind of makes my head hurt, but then, I'm tired and am going to bed.

Posted by: Lance McCormick at January 16, 2013 10:04 PM (0aMfR)

121
so Charles Parnell didn't defeat the Moors in 742? I am disappointed.Posted by: mallfly at January 16, 2013 10:01 PM (jDjlM)
====
it's "Moops".

Posted by: George Costanza at January 16, 2013 10:04 PM (MPjT8)

122 115 I'm trying to create mnemonic circuits using nothing but stone knives and bearskins

Posted by: Spock at January 16, 2013 10:03 PM (wwsoB)


Try soaking the bearskin in saltwater to make it more conductive.

Posted by: Merovign, Dark Lord of the Sith at January 16, 2013 10:05 PM (bxiXv)

123 well we always say the winners re-write history.

so who were the winners?

Posted by: ette at January 16, 2013 10:05 PM (nqBYe)

124 I heard that a little old lady got mutilated late last night.


Missing 300 years again.

Posted by: EC at January 16, 2013 10:06 PM (doBIb)

125 Daylight savings time needs to go away. Shift the time by half an hour and leave it alone. Programming time changes is a real pain in the neck.

I this regard, I agree with Hugo Chavez.

Posted by: sTevo at January 16, 2013 10:06 PM (VMcEw)

126 I am completely out of adult beverages. This thread would go better with adult beverages.

Just sayin'

Posted by: Tobacco Road at January 16, 2013 10:06 PM (4Mv1T)

127 I blame the Large Hadron Collider or Ace's time machine.

Posted by: Hanoverfist at January 16, 2013 10:06 PM (HiKk0)

128 Huh?
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

Posted by: Thorvald at January 16, 2013 10:06 PM (1V6Pv)

129 120 On the Roman realignment of the calendar-- drift was a real problem.

Posted by: Lance McCormick at January 16, 2013 10:04 PM (0aMfR)


WOOO-HOOOO!!!!!!!!

Posted by: Teenager Going Sideways in an RX-7 at January 16, 2013 10:06 PM (bxiXv)

130 104
BJ and the Bear screwed me up and I didn't know the difference between a monkey and a bear for a while there.
And I thought that in Jake and the Fat Man that the fat man was the chubby dog.


Posted by: andycanuck at January 16, 2013 10:01 PM

I don't think I'll ask you anything about The Dukes of Hazzard

Posted by: kbdabear at January 16, 2013 10:06 PM (wwsoB)

131 I am completely out of adult beverages. This thread would go better with adult beverages.

Just sayin'


Posted by: Tobacco Road at January 16, 2013 10:06 PM (4Mv1T)

Dude! Beer run, it's your only hope.

Posted by: Peaches, Pats fan for life at January 16, 2013 10:07 PM (kpCLl)

132 In addition to people being 'not bright' the other reason for the riots was that landlords charged a full month's rent for what was, essentially, half a month.

You'd riot too.

Maybe even convert to Islam.

Posted by: BumperStickerist at January 16, 2013 10:07 PM (RuUvx)

133 so Charles Parnell didn't defeat the Moors in 742? I am disappointed.Posted by: mallfly at January 16, 2013 10:01 PM (jDjlM)

I think you mean Charles Martel. But I already hear the smart set asking, was that his real name? How do you know? Can you prove it? Pedantry is academic masturbation.

Posted by: JeremiadBullfrog at January 16, 2013 10:07 PM (Y5I9o)

134 Charles (Stewart) Parnell was a Protestant Irish nationalist/home rule party leader.

Posted by: andycanuck at January 16, 2013 10:07 PM (ORGYc)

135 Hey speaking of DST, does anybody remember that episode of The Adventures of Pete and Pete when little Pete tries to time travel by crossing time zones during the time change. I always loved that one, and one of these days I'm gonna try it myself.

Posted by: mugiwara at January 16, 2013 10:07 PM (hpYnL)

136 OT, but I was just watching the clip of Obama high-fiving the kids after his speech.

It occurs to me that the flu will kill thousands more than guns this year and that he is actively spreading germs to those children.

okay.

Back to the topic now.

Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at January 16, 2013 10:07 PM (piMMO)

137 I have a cousin who swears by Alex jones and Jesse Ventura theories, plus that Merck put cancer virus in vaccines. I sent this to him, now he will no doubt think that he has convinced me that he has been right all along.

Posted by: Museisluse at January 16, 2013 10:08 PM (SsWgR)

138 19
Chuck Hagel called and told me it was the Jews.



Posted by: Lemmenkainen, Freelance Warlord at January 16, 2013 09:46 PM (K1JW0)

Makes sense to me.

Posted by: typical ZeroHedge commenter at January 16, 2013 10:08 PM (7xeJQ)

139 now your erection can last for three hundred years and four hours



Posted by: open the pod bay doors, HAL at January 16, 2013 10:08 PM (Dll6b)

140 123 well we always say the winners re-write history.

so who were the winners?

Posted by: ette at January 16, 2013 10:05 PM (nqBYe)


Qui bono?

Obviously, the next step in the investigation is to interview Bono.

Posted by: Merovign, Dark Lord of the Sith at January 16, 2013 10:08 PM (bxiXv)

141 It's 1713?

Ton't you all prefer me over Obama?

Posted by: Queen Anne at January 16, 2013 10:08 PM (Vk2pI)

142 Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.


****

If you throw a banana, does it return to you?

Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at January 16, 2013 10:08 PM (piMMO)

143 Well, despite being late to this interesting thread, I'll attempt to draw attention to John J. O'Neil's take (based on Pirenes historic work) on his theory of 300 lost years as well. See Gates of Vienna blog . . .ooooops . . .can't because blogger dumped that blog a couple of hours ago. Here's the link to the cached page while you can still look it up: http://tinyurl.com/asykg35 from which I quote: "
Why, in an enormous country with up to perhaps five million inhabitants, should
the Muslims wait over 300 years before building themselves
places of worship?"

Note: Gates of Vienna's twitter feed reveals alarm seeks assistance : see here

Posted by: wtd at January 16, 2013 10:09 PM (y7c1A)

144 We will consider this if the Senate sends us a bill.

Posted by: John Boehner at January 16, 2013 10:09 PM (tBnjP)

145

I think you mean Pernell Roberts.

He played Adam Cartwright on Bonanza.

Posted by: soothsayer at January 16, 2013 10:09 PM (+oin+)

146 No, I'm not mocking you, NDH, I'm showing a similar stupidity on my part. I never watched the show as a teenager (even though I had like Cannon) so I only ever saw the commercials with him walking the dog.

Posted by: andycanuck at January 16, 2013 10:09 PM (ORGYc)

147 Posted by: Tobacco Road at January 16, 2013 10:06 PM (4Mv1T)

Dude! Beer run, it's your only hope.


Posted by: Peaches, Pats fan for life at January 16, 2013 10:07 PM (kpCLl)

well yes, but how long will it take.
wiggles eyebrows

Posted by: ette at January 16, 2013 10:09 PM (nqBYe)

148 136 OT, but I was just watching the clip of Obama high-fiving the kids after his speech.

It occurs to me that the flu will kill thousands more
Back to the topic now.
Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at January 16, 2013 10:07 PM (piMMO)

---

That made me want to puke. I'll give you 3 guesses as to who I'm thinking of that actively relied on the public support of children to prop up his failing regime....

Posted by: JeremiadBullfrog at January 16, 2013 10:10 PM (Y5I9o)

149 No, I'm not mocking you, NDH, I'm showing a similar stupidity on my part. I never watched the show as a teenager (even though I had like Cannon) so I only ever saw the commercials with him walking the dog.



****

Then I consider myself in good company.

Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at January 16, 2013 10:10 PM (piMMO)

150 Those must have been the years they buried all knowledge of the Sacred Feminine and the descent of the Merovingian kings from Jesus and Mary Magdalene. I knew they were ruthless.

Posted by: Robert Langdon at January 16, 2013 10:10 PM (XBQCw)

151 sheeet... the guy pronounces "inCongruous" as "in con Groo ous" -- always the sign of a brilliant person. He probably voted for Gore, Kerry, and Obama (twice)

Posted by: mallfly at January 16, 2013 10:10 PM (jDjlM)

152 Obviously, the next step in the investigation is to interview Bono.

Posted by: Merovign, Dark Lord of the Sith at January 16, 2013 10:08 PM (bxiXv)

only if he promises not to sing,

Posted by: ette at January 16, 2013 10:11 PM (nqBYe)

153 The last words Charlemagne said to me were "I love you."

Posted by: Manti Te'o at January 16, 2013 10:11 PM (C8mVl)

154 Surely this is the work of ancient astronauts?

Posted by: steevy at January 16, 2013 10:11 PM (9XBK2)

155 What if time travelers from the future traveled back in time to 600 AD, and looped the next 300 years as a refuge from alien invaders who were incidentally defeated when they accidentally traveled back in time to the Jurassic and were eaten by dinosaurs, thus unraveling their invasion by dying before it was accomplished and leaving the timeline outside the loop intact?

(*tokes*)

Nah, I think they already did that on Star Trek or Stargate - something starting with Star, anyway.

Posted by: Merovign, Dark Lord of the Sith at January 16, 2013 10:11 PM (bxiXv)

156 1713, 2013, America's still under the rule of a despotic monarchist with delusions of divine right. Strange how we've come full circle.

Posted by: Insomniac at January 16, 2013 10:11 PM (NEIxp)

157 >>>well yes, but how long will it take.
wiggles eyebrows.

Exactly. So here I sit. Thirsty.

I always go to bed early when I'm thirsty.

Posted by: Tobacco Road at January 16, 2013 10:11 PM (4Mv1T)

158 1- There is dark matter.
2- Dark matter likely makes up structures, just like regular atoms make solids liquids gases.
3- Regular matter has the ability to self-replicate, replicate via sexual reproduction and evolve. We call this life.
4- Dark matter, since it likely creates structures we cannot observe, could theoretically amass into structures that are also self-replicating and would be what we call alive.
5- Since we have no way of directly observing this, there could be dark matter organisms that occupy the same space we do. Perhaps even intelligent life.
Intelligent life that is incredibly hard to see but fleetingly interacts with regular matter, influences it.


6- These organisms are what we call ghosts or shadow people.

7- They are watching Ace fap right now.

Posted by: CAC at January 16, 2013 10:12 PM (vDtui)

159 I'm trying to create mnemonic circuits using nothing but stone knives and bearskins
Do you need a small block of platinum?

Posted by: president o'bumbles at January 16, 2013 10:12 PM (ORGYc)

160 Great! I'm gonna party like it's 1699!

Posted by: Dave Wong & John Cheese at January 16, 2013 10:12 PM (mbxHg)

161 Why don't we just ask Helen Thomas?

Posted by: eman at January 16, 2013 10:12 PM (tBnjP)

162 154 Surely this is the work of ancient astronauts?
Posted by: steevy at January 16, 2013 10:11 PM (9XBK2)

Tune in at 9:00 PM Eastern to find out!

Posted by: History Channel at January 16, 2013 10:12 PM (NEIxp)

163 ...Nah, I think they already did that on Star Trek or Stargate - something starting with Star, anyway.

It was Dances with the Stars.

Not that I ever watched it.

Posted by: Tobacco Road at January 16, 2013 10:13 PM (4Mv1T)

164 Why don't we just ask Helen Thomas?

****

And Abe Vigoda

Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at January 16, 2013 10:13 PM (piMMO)

165 134 Charles (Stewart) Parnell was a Protestant Irish nationalist/home rule party leader.
Posted by: andycanuck at January 16, 2013 10:07 PM (ORGYc)

---

*snark*But if all that gets preserved from this generation for future generations is this AoS thread, then future history might actually come to believe that WAS Charles Parnell.

Which prompts the question: How would the future evaluate our civilization if all they had as evidence was AoS threads?

Kind of makes you think of that sidebar link a few weeks back that had drawings of modern animals based on their skeletons...

Posted by: JeremiadBullfrog at January 16, 2013 10:13 PM (Y5I9o)

166 (*tokes*)

Nah, I think they already did that on Star Trek or Stargate - something starting with Star, anyway.

Posted by: Merovign, Dark Lord of the Sith at January 16, 2013 10:11 PM (bxiXv)



Duuuuude, don't bogart that shit. Puff puff give man.

Posted by: BCochran1981 at January 16, 2013 10:13 PM (GEICT)

167 141 It's 1713?

Ton't you all prefer me over Obama?
Posted by: Queen Anne at January 16, 2013 10:08 PM (Vk2pI)


Hey, didn't you have a Reliant Scimitar?

Posted by: Merovign, Dark Lord of the Sith at January 16, 2013 10:13 PM (bxiXv)

168 hey does this mean we can have do overs?

you know like, with what i know now.

Posted by: ette at January 16, 2013 10:14 PM (nqBYe)

169 Howstuffworks has a conspiracy branch? For fuck's sake.

Posted by: fb at January 16, 2013 10:14 PM (qnMOL)

170 155
What if time travelers from the future traveled back in time to 600 AD,
and looped the next 300 years as a refuge from alien invaders who were
incidentally defeated when they accidentally traveled back in time to
the Jurassic and were eaten by dinosaurs, thus unraveling their invasion
by dying before it was accomplished and leaving the timeline outside
the loop intact?



(*tokes*)



Nah, I think they already did that on Star Trek or Stargate - something starting with Star, anyway.

Posted by: Merovign, Dark Lord of the Sith at January 16, 2013 10:11 PM

No silly, it was all explained on Ancient Aliens !!

Posted by: Georgio Tsoukalos at January 16, 2013 10:14 PM (wwsoB)

171 150 Those must have been the years they buried all knowledge of the Sacred Feminine and the descent of the Merovingian kings from Jesus and Mary Magdalene. I knew they were ruthless.

Posted by: Robert Langdon at January 16, 2013 10:10 PM (XBQCw)


Hey now.

Posted by: Merovign, Dark Lord of the Sith at January 16, 2013 10:14 PM (bxiXv)

172 1587- They are watching Ace fap right now.
Posted by: CAC at January 16, 2013 10:12 PM (vDtui)
---

Waitaminute...are you talking about Dark Matter or White Dwarves?

ooooohhhhhh...SNAP!

Posted by: JeremiadBullfrog at January 16, 2013 10:15 PM (Y5I9o)

173 "Is it a load of paranoid claptrap? Or is there something they don't want you to know"?"
I'll take door number one, Monty...

Posted by: mallfly at January 16, 2013 10:15 PM (jDjlM)

174 I think this post was bumped.

Posted by: Isaac Newton at January 16, 2013 10:15 PM (2rucj)

175
>>> It was Dances with the Stars.

Star Search. I remember it well.


Posted by: soothsayer at January 16, 2013 10:15 PM (+oin+)

176 Dude! Beer run, it's your only hope.


I don't remember Princess Leia saying this in Star Wars.

Posted by: Hanoverfist at January 16, 2013 10:15 PM (HiKk0)

177 7- They are watching Ace fap right now.
Posted by: CAC at January 16, 2013 10:12 PM (vDtui)

Their lives are worse than ours.

Posted by: eman at January 16, 2013 10:15 PM (tBnjP)

178 Off, amazingly appropriate sock...

Posted by: Brother Cavil, Ampersands Anonymous at January 16, 2013 10:15 PM (mbxHg)

179 that is just crazy
one more crazy conspiracy theory for the crazies out there

I guess the liberal conspiracy theorists have finally gotten bored with the "Bush caused 9/11" and "Fire doesn't melt steel" nonsense and have to invent a new one


Posted by: chemjeff at January 16, 2013 10:16 PM (BBWjt)

180 I always go to bed early when I'm thirsty.


Posted by: Tobacco Road at January 16, 2013 10:11 PM (4Mv1T)

you can sleep when wondering about the missing 300 years@!!!?
stay and play. here's a nice cup of tea.

Posted by: ette at January 16, 2013 10:16 PM (nqBYe)

181 Parnell ( brought low by a woman )


is how he's known in Ireland. Most of the Irish leaders until the Rising were Protestant , like Wolfe Tone

Posted by: open the pod bay doors, HAL at January 16, 2013 10:16 PM (Dll6b)

182 So is this like the mother of all Y2K's?

Posted by: JeremiadBullfrog at January 16, 2013 10:16 PM (Y5I9o)

183 Speaking of Star Trek and Big Bang Theory, did you guys see who is in the latest commercial with Shatner?

Even though she plays his daughter, they probably had to strap him tightly to his seat in that AC Cobra

Posted by: kbdabear at January 16, 2013 10:17 PM (wwsoB)

184 This is the first conspiracy to manipulate the value of the calender I've ever heard of.Posted by: ace at January 16, 2013 09:44 PM (LCRYB)There is a crazier one out there - that pretty much all history prior to 1500 was made up, that the Israelite kings are a reflction of the Holy Roman Emperors, that Byzantium and Romewere the same city...There is also a perfectly valid historical theory currently being debated that we have the dates prior to 800BC off by about 200 years, due to a mistake in reconciling Egyptian dating with that from the rest of the Middle East.

Posted by: Grey Fox at January 16, 2013 10:17 PM (rZPpd)

185 So the Islamic conquest of Mecca (AD 630) to the Umayyad Caliphate (AD 750) stretching from Morocco to Pakistan happened overnight? Er, I'm not sure how that's going to make me feel any better.

Posted by: cthulhu at January 16, 2013 10:17 PM (kaalw)

186 It occurs to me that the flu will kill thousands more than guns this
year and that he is actively spreading germs to those children.


Not to mention the taxpayer-funded abortions, eh?

Posted by: Peaches, Pats fan for life at January 16, 2013 10:17 PM (kpCLl)

187 Posted by: CAC at January 16, 2013 10:12 PM (vDtui)

Actually the math thing on dark matter and positive and negative matter and energy is kind of fascinating. No idea if it will all work out in the end, but the most fun I ever had with math.

The whole "sea of negative energy" thing is trippy. Basically the entire physical universe would be a relatively tiny heat dump for the *real* universe, which we can't see or measure.

*toke*

I'm sorry, have I been saying "toke?" I meant I took a sip of Coke. Sorry.

*toke*

Posted by: Merovign, Dark Lord of the Sith at January 16, 2013 10:17 PM (bxiXv)

188 Forget standing on the shoulders of giants; you can see real far away standing on the bodies of 26 kids and teachers!

Posted by: president o'bumbles at January 16, 2013 10:17 PM (ORGYc)

189

The Democrats just called and said woo hoo, now Social Security is gonna last another 300 years!

Posted by: soothsayer at January 16, 2013 10:17 PM (vanqS)

190


I heard that the missing 300 years set attack ships on fire off the Shoulder of Orion.
Posted by: EC at January 16, 2013 10:03 PM
-----
All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain.

Posted by: Lurkasaurus at January 16, 2013 10:17 PM (M1feW)

191 Is this a genuine conspiracy theory, or a spoof?

Posted by: logprof at January 16, 2013 10:17 PM (StDOM)

192 Amazing that the Popes and Kings were able to get the Chinese to go in on the deal, without even being in contact with them. Cuz the Chinese have always kept pretty good records about these kinds of things.

Posted by: tom servo at January 16, 2013 10:18 PM (hTDbY)

193 It was Dances with the Stars.

Not that I ever watched it.

Posted by: Tobacco Road at January 16, 2013 10:13 PM (4Mv1T)


Dances with Stars had a time-travel episode.

Talk about over-using tropes.

Posted by: Merovign, Dark Lord of the Sith at January 16, 2013 10:18 PM (bxiXv)

194 120


Wikipedia (of course) has a
long article on it that kind of makes my head hurt, but then, I'm tired
and am going to bed.



Posted by: Lance McCormick at January 16, 2013 10:04 PM (0aMfR)

Too bad you're going to bed. This will make your head explode.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Time_cube

Well, maybe not the wiki page so much, but the original madness it describes:

http://preview.tinyurl.com/a6aztoz

(the current timecube.com site redirects to something else, now)

Posted by: Sandra Fluke's solid gold diaphragm at January 16, 2013 10:18 PM (7xeJQ)

195 >>mother of all Y2K's?

Nah. Much more like MST3K

Posted by: Tobacco Road at January 16, 2013 10:18 PM (4Mv1T)

196 Dan Brown is a monumental literary talent compared to Stephanie Myers,and Myers towers over Elena Dunham.Hell,the idiot who wrote that 50 Shades of perversion has more talent than Dunham.

Posted by: steevy at January 16, 2013 10:19 PM (9XBK2)

197 So, does this mean we won't see another ONT for 300 years??? Or is it churlish of me to ask?

Posted by: Peaches, Pats fan for life at January 16, 2013 10:19 PM (kpCLl)

198 No silly, it was all explained on Ancient Aliens !!

Posted by: Georgio Tsoukalos at January 16, 2013 10:14 PM (wwsoB)


Dude, fix yo damn hair!

Posted by: Don King at January 16, 2013 10:19 PM (bxiXv)

199 So the Islamic conquest of Mecca (AD 630) to the Umayyad Caliphate (AD 750) stretching from Morocco to Pakistan happened overnight? Er, I'm not sure how that's going to make me feel any better.

****

Zombie apocalypse?

Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at January 16, 2013 10:20 PM (piMMO)

200 Losing large periods in history -- don't see the big deal here.

Posted by: Climate "Scientists" at January 16, 2013 10:20 PM (4I0tk)

201 188 Forget standing on the shoulders of giants; you can see real far away standing on the bodies of 26 kids and teachers!
Posted by: president o'bumbles at January 16, 2013 10:17 PM (ORGYc)

Works jolly good for me, eh what?

Posted by: Piers Morgan at January 16, 2013 10:20 PM (NEIxp)

202 192 Amazing that the Popes and Kings were able to get the Chinese to go in on the deal, without even being in contact with them. Cuz the Chinese have always kept pretty good records about these kinds of things.
Posted by: tom servo at January 16, 2013 10:18 PM (hTDbY)
---

It's Communist conspiracy, duh!

Posted by: JeremiadBullfrog at January 16, 2013 10:20 PM (Y5I9o)

203 The Years AD 600-900 Never Happened

You mean it was all a dream?

Posted by: Pamela Ewing at January 16, 2013 10:20 PM (wwsoB)

204 1561713, 2013, America's still under the rule of a despotic monarchist with delusions of divine right. Strange how we've come full circle. Posted by: Insomniac at January 16, 2013 10:11 PM (NEIxp)Hey now - the Hanoverian kings were the limited monarchy ones, standing in opposition to the Jacobites, who really did believe in divine right. I'd take George III over Obama any day, and, yes, I am being at least somewhat serious.

Posted by: Grey Fox at January 16, 2013 10:21 PM (rZPpd)

205 195 >>mother of all Y2K's?


Like Y2K...times 10,000.

Posted by: Insomniac at January 16, 2013 10:22 PM (NEIxp)

206 This is all so silly.

There are bench marks in astronomical observations and tree rings and coral growth rings that can calibrate historical events.

Posted by: eman at January 16, 2013 10:22 PM (tBnjP)

207 197 So, does this mean we won't see another ONT for 300 years??? Or is it churlish of me to ask?

Posted by: Peaches, Pats fan for life at January 16, 2013 10:19 PM (kpCLl)


No, just that tonight's ONT will be about the Tuscarora War

http://www.nchistoricsites.org/bath/tuscarora.htm

and the new style of wearing an onion on your belt.

Posted by: Merovign, Dark Lord of the Sith at January 16, 2013 10:22 PM (bxiXv)

208 I swear, I am about 3.5 seconds from turning into a solid, flaming ball of hate.

I have no idea why I was compelled to share that, but thank you all, most sincerely, for providing me with the opportunity.

Posted by: Peaches, Pats fan for life at January 16, 2013 10:22 PM (kpCLl)

209 ok so how many days to set my clock/day (same month?) back on the computer, and will it collapse in crisis , fight with the satellite or?


Posted by: ette at January 16, 2013 10:23 PM (nqBYe)

210 197
So, does this mean we won't see another ONT for 300 years??? Or is it churlish of me to ask?


Posted by: Peaches, Pats fan for life at January 16, 2013 10:19 PM

Just some advice ... don't bring up the blog software

Posted by: kbdabear at January 16, 2013 10:23 PM (wwsoB)

211 When you tweeted this, I thought it was 600-900BC. Which, really, who would miss? Homer?

Posted by: moviegique at January 16, 2013 10:23 PM (Cepxj)

212 greyfox is talking about Fomenko, a Soviet mathematician, and his New Chronolog

http://tinyurl.com/8eq9e9

Kasparov is supposedly a devotee. Very interesting stuff-seriously, I read the first book, it's totally awesome. If, also, total bullshit.

Posted by: JohnW at January 16, 2013 10:23 PM (0vtx1)

213 Hell, Homer ain't even real. Waitaminute...

Posted by: moviegique at January 16, 2013 10:23 PM (Cepxj)

214 so i may have gotten those history questions correct when my years were off a couple centuries?

Posted by: phoenixgirl at January 16, 2013 10:23 PM (GVxQo)

215 O/T: andycanuck I read your comment last night after I went to bed and if I offended you with my comment then I'm sorry, it wasn't my intent.

Posted by: chemjeff at January 16, 2013 10:23 PM (BBWjt)

216 Charlemagne? All this time I've been calling him Chantilly Lane.

Posted by: Whatev at January 16, 2013 10:23 PM (lreFA)

217 As an added bonus (?), here's the original Time Cube RPG:

http://preview.tinyurl.com/dd26g

Posted by: Sandra Fluke's solid gold diaphragm at January 16, 2013 10:23 PM (7xeJQ)

218 208 I swear, I am about 3.5 seconds from turning into a solid, flaming ball of hate.

I have no idea why I was compelled to share that, but thank you all, most sincerely, for providing me with the opportunity.
Posted by: Peaches, Pats fan for life at January 16, 2013 10:22 PM (kpCLl)

Any particular reason, or just on general principle?

Posted by: Insomniac at January 16, 2013 10:24 PM (NEIxp)

219 Just some advice ... don't bring up the blog software



Posted by: kbdabear at January 16, 2013 10:23 PM (wwsoB)

Jeez, I would sooner discuss people's bowel movements than engage in a discussion of fuckin' software. If I'm here, it's working. Ampersands be damned, they probably haven't actually been invented yet.

Posted by: Peaches, Pats fan for life at January 16, 2013 10:24 PM (kpCLl)

220 Speaking of mind blowing, how about that lying sac, Lance Armstrong? What a fraud...

Posted by: Manit Te'O at January 16, 2013 10:25 PM (+kznc)

221 Posted by: James T. Kirk at January 16, 2013 09:54 PM (T0NGe)

Tibby-chan, I've missed you. I have been reviewing the Historical Documents.

Posted by: Bob, Person of Hench at January 16, 2013 10:25 PM (1efte)

222 220
Speaking of mind blowing, how about that lying sac, Lance Armstrong? What a fraud...

Posted by: Manit Te'O at January 16, 2013 10:25 PM (+kznc)

I have to call threadwinner on that one. lmao!

Posted by: Peaches, Pats fan for life at January 16, 2013 10:26 PM (kpCLl)

223 >>>don't bring up the blog software

The blog has software?

Posted by: Tobacco Road at January 16, 2013 10:26 PM (4Mv1T)

224 I read that story about T'eo.Is it possible he was really duped or is he a huge liar?

Posted by: steevy at January 16, 2013 10:26 PM (9XBK2)

225 220 Speaking of mind blowing, how about that lying sac, Lance Armstrong? What a fraud...
Posted by: Manit Te'O at January 16, 2013 10:25 PM (+kznc)


Who is this Lance...Armstrong was it? Is he a blacksmith?

Posted by: Insomniac at January 16, 2013 10:26 PM (NEIxp)

226 Any particular reason, or just on general principle?
Posted by: Insomniac at January 16, 2013 10:24 PM (NEIxp)


I think 812 AD was their favorite year.

Posted by: Merovign, Dark Lord of the Sith at January 16, 2013 10:26 PM (bxiXv)

227 The blog has software?
Posted by: Tobacco Road at January 16, 2013 10:26 PM (4Mv1T)


It's 1713, software hasn't been invented yet.

Posted by: Merovign, Dark Lord of the Sith at January 16, 2013 10:27 PM (bxiXv)

228 One of Fomenko's simplest methods is statistical correlation of texts. His basic assumption is that a text which describes a sequence of events will devote more space to more important events (for example, a period of war or an unrest will have much more space devoted to than a period of peaceful, non-eventful years), and that this irregularity will remain visible in other descriptions of the period. For each analysed text, a function is devised which maps each year mentioned in the text with the number of pages (lines, letters) devoted in the text to its description (which could be zero). The function of the two texts are then compared.[21]

For example, Fomenko compares the contemporary history of Rome written by Titus Livius with a modern history of Rome written by Russian historian V. S. Sergeev, calculating that the two have high correlation, and thus that they describe the same period of history, which is undisputed.[22] He also compares modern texts which describe different periods, and calculates low correlation, as expected.[22] However, when he compares, for example, the ancient history of Rome and the medieval history of Rome, he calculates a high correlation, and concludes that ancient history of Rome is a copy of medieval history of Rome, thus clashing with mainstream accounts.[23]

Seriously, read the wiki article. This is grade A crazy.

Posted by: JohnW at January 16, 2013 10:28 PM (0vtx1)

229 I didn't mind, chemjeff, but Mr Chin-chin is still livid.

Posted by: andycanuck at January 16, 2013 10:28 PM (ORGYc)

230 220
Speaking of mind blowing, how about that lying sac, Lance Armstrong? What a fraud...

Posted by: Manit Te'O at January 16, 2013 10:25 PM (+kznc)


Lance may have lied, but no one fake died.

Posted by: Tami at January 16, 2013 10:28 PM (X6akg)

231 Any particular reason, or just on general principle?

Posted by: Insomniac at January 16, 2013 10:24 PM (NEIxp)

Both. I won't bore y'all with the details, but teh plastic jeebus figures prominently . . . along with some secret sauce particular to my own fabulous life here in the 18th century.

Posted by: Peaches, Pats fan for life at January 16, 2013 10:28 PM (kpCLl)

232 Kind of makes you think of that sidebar link a few weeks back that had drawings of modern animals based on their skeletons...
Posted by: JeremiadBullfrog at January 16, 2013 10:13 PM (Y5I9o)


That story was so stupid.

Drawings of extinct felines, for example, look like, wait for it, cats.


Posted by: eman at January 16, 2013 10:28 PM (tBnjP)

233 Carbon dating.

Posted by: jb at January 16, 2013 10:28 PM (jUndu)

234 The blog has software?
Posted by: Tobacco Road at January 16, 2013 10:26 PM (4Mv1T)

It's 1713, software hasn't been invented yet.

Posted by: Merovign, Dark Lord of the Sith at January 16, 2013 10:27 PM (bxiXv)


This blog is run with demons!

BURN THE WITCH!!1!

Posted by: Turned Me Into A Newt at January 16, 2013 10:28 PM (Vk2pI)

235 Speaking of mind blowing, how about that lying sac, Lance Armstrong? What a fraud...

****


They're going to have to invent a new word for 'prick' because of him.

Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at January 16, 2013 10:29 PM (piMMO)

236 @194 *whew*
The main question now for me (as I am about to lay me down to sleep) is whether the sun will rise tomorrow.
Pretty sure one of L'il Barry's new executive orders outlawed the sacrifice of the hearts of ritual victims to ensure tomorrow's sunrise. http://preview.tinyurl.com/befdf2d

Posted by: Thorvald at January 16, 2013 10:29 PM (1V6Pv)

237
Wait, it's 1712?
When news of this gets out, the Merkin Market will be booming!

Posted by: garrett at January 16, 2013 10:29 PM (6Osj6)

238
greyfox is talking about Fomenko, a Soviet mathematician, and his New Chronolog

http://tinyurl.com/8eq9e9

Kasparov is supposedly a devotee. Very interesting stuff-seriously, I read the first book, it's totally awesome. If, also, total bullshit.


Good to have a name - allI remembered was the "New Chronology" mincker, and since thatis appliedto the BC readjustment theory as wellI didn't want to use it for fear of causing confusion.
And yes, speaking as someone who did his M.A. thesis on England AD 600-800, it is total BS.

Posted by: Grey Fox at January 16, 2013 10:29 PM (rZPpd)

239 Seriously though, somebody tell me how dark matter intelligent life can't exist.

Because if it can,

Then ghosts really could watch us fap.

Posted by: CAC at January 16, 2013 10:29 PM (vDtui)

240 guys, I'm not new here. I know the difference between Martel and Parnell.
re 194: time cube. I believe I read about that maybe eight years ago. the guy claims it's the same time on four difference places on the earth and the government is suppressing this information?

Posted by: mallfly at January 16, 2013 10:29 PM (jDjlM)

241 I still can't see my feet.

Posted by: Linda Ronstadt at January 16, 2013 10:30 PM (jucos)

242 Carbon dating.

Posted by: jb at January 16, 2013 10:28 PM (jUndu)


Bigots! What about silicon dating?

Posted by: Outlawed Candadian Sexbot at January 16, 2013 10:31 PM (Vk2pI)

243 It's 1713, software hasn't been invented yet.
I am currently working on a device called a 'hamster wheel'. You shove it up an actor's ass and it helps him emote.

Posted by: zombie sir isaac newton at January 16, 2013 10:31 PM (ORGYc)

244 I still can't see my feet.

****

I still love her voice.

Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at January 16, 2013 10:31 PM (piMMO)

245 That is one fortune cookie I can't open right now.

Posted by: navybrat at January 16, 2013 10:31 PM (+4kqJ)

246 re 234: It's 1713, software hasn't been invented yet. so what did they wear on their feet,bark and twigs..?
For those who are going to criticize me, this is a joke.

Posted by: mallfly at January 16, 2013 10:31 PM (jDjlM)

247 192 Amazing that the Popes and Kings were able to get the Chinese to go
in on the deal, without even being in contact with them. Cuz the Chinese
have always kept pretty good records about these kinds of things.

Posted by: tom servo at January 16, 2013 10:18 PM (hTDbY)


Apparently the Caliphs and Byzantine Emperors went along with it too for some reason.

Posted by: AD at January 16, 2013 10:32 PM (bcLkZ)

248 Seriously though, somebody tell me how dark matter intelligent life can't exist.

Because if it can,

Then ghosts really could watch us fap.
Posted by: CAC at January 16, 2013 10:29 PM (vDtui)

They can't watch because they don't interact with light. If they did, we would not use the term dark matter.

Posted by: eman at January 16, 2013 10:32 PM (tBnjP)

249 >>>I still love her voice.

I still have several of her LPs in vinyl. And she sounds pretty darn good through the old Bose 501s.

Posted by: Tobacco Road at January 16, 2013 10:33 PM (4Mv1T)

250 How does this affect the quart of milk I have in my fridge? It has a due date of next Tuesday. Is it really good for another 300 more years?

Posted by: Hepcat at January 16, 2013 10:33 PM (vesvP)

251 Posted by: mallfly at January 16, 2013 10:29 PM (jDjlM)

It's pretty obvious that you aren't drinking fast enough, mallfly.

Posted by: Peaches, Pats fan for life at January 16, 2013 10:33 PM (kpCLl)

252 Shit. It's 1713 and I don't have a lace wig.

Posted by: andycanuck at January 16, 2013 10:33 PM (ORGYc)

253
Posted by: CAC at January 16, 2013 10:29 PM (vDtui)

Dude, my physicist wife is asleep, don't make me wake her up just to come smack you.
Because smack she shall. She hates people who mess up her Thesis topic (Dark matter and the universe.)

Posted by: tsrblke at January 16, 2013 10:34 PM (GaqMa)

254 239 Seriously though, somebody tell me how dark matter intelligent life can't exist.

Because if it can,

Then ghosts really could watch us fap.

Posted by: CAC at January 16, 2013 10:29 PM (vDtui)


Because potato. So you can relax.

Just kidding, that's where Angels live. Really. *All around you now.* Invisible. Intangible. Watching.

Posted by: Merovign, Dark Lord of the Sith at January 16, 2013 10:34 PM (bxiXv)

255 252 Shit. It's 1713 and I don't have a lace wig.
Posted by: andycanuck at January 16, 2013 10:33 PM (ORGYc)


Pfffft. Lace wigs are SO 1710...

Posted by: Insomniac at January 16, 2013 10:35 PM (NEIxp)

256 Silicon dating? You better believe it!

Posted by: Hugh Hefner at January 16, 2013 10:36 PM (C8mVl)

257 I guess they didn't call it the Dark Ages for nothing...

Posted by: navybrat at January 16, 2013 10:36 PM (+4kqJ)

258 They can't watch because they don't interact with light. If they did, we would not use the term dark matter.





Posted by: eman at January 16, 2013 10:32 PM (tBnjP)

So, you're saying that if we turn the lights off before we fap, they can't watch? I must make a note, but to be completely honest, I'm not sure I've fapped since early November.

Posted by: Peaches, Pats fan for life at January 16, 2013 10:37 PM (kpCLl)

259
Do dark matter being worry about us, do you think?

Anybody ever read C.S. Lewis' unfinished story "The Dark Tower?" Sort of a Sci-fi dystopian version of Narnia, without magic...

Posted by: Grey Fox at January 16, 2013 10:37 PM (rZPpd)

260 re 251: Peaches, I am not sure if that's an insult, a compliment, or just an observation. Like all alcoholics, I drink at just the right speed to pass out but somehow get to work the next day. Just like Ace.

Posted by: mallfly at January 16, 2013 10:39 PM (jDjlM)

261 I'm worried what 4 more years of TFG will do to my sanity. 300 = no problem.

Posted by: DaveA at January 16, 2013 10:39 PM (Kr3Y8)

262 I haven't read anything that says dark matter can't form into what we would call life.

That's the unnerving thing.

Posted by: CAC at January 16, 2013 10:39 PM (vDtui)

263 This explains A LOT! That whole Pippin musical for example.

Posted by: ParanoidGirlInSeattle at January 16, 2013 10:39 PM (RZ8pf)

264 See, it's only 1712. That's why you people only get muskets.

Posted by: Piers Morgan at January 16, 2013 10:40 PM (2jQGY)

265 I still have several of her LPs in vinyl. And she sounds pretty darn good through the old Bose 501s.


****

And I think her albums with the Nelson Riddle Orchestra are fantastic.

Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at January 16, 2013 10:40 PM (piMMO)

266 So, you're saying that if we turn the lights off before we fap, they can't watch? I must make a note, but to be completely honest, I'm not sure I've fapped since early November.


****

Hell, fapping might be the only thing the bastard doesn't take away from us.

Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at January 16, 2013 10:41 PM (piMMO)

267 wasn't all this dark matter stuff explained in the Buckaroo Bonzai movie?

Posted by: mallfly at January 16, 2013 10:42 PM (jDjlM)

268 262 I haven't read anything that says dark matter can't form into what we would call life.

That's the unnerving thing.
Posted by: CAC at January 16, 2013 10:39 PM (vDtui)


Well, we can't observe it, so we don't know.

What if it's *alive* in and of itself, a gigantic, universal brain?

Posted by: Merovign, Dark Lord of the Sith at January 16, 2013 10:42 PM (bxiXv)

269 Mallfly, if I were insulting you, there would be no doubt in your mind. It was just a joke.

Posted by: Peaches, Pats fan for life at January 16, 2013 10:42 PM (kpCLl)

270
See, it's only 1712. That's why you people only get muskets.

And swords and polearms, too - "arms" isn't limited to guns, and blades are whole lot more useful for close quarter combat (or massacres, as a lot of dead women and kids of all racesalong the frontiers could testify...)

Posted by: Grey Fox at January 16, 2013 10:42 PM (rZPpd)

271 What about carbon dating? Is that a lie too?

Posted by: Revenant at January 16, 2013 10:43 PM (9wUYb)

272 267 wasn't all this dark matter stuff explained in the Buckaroo Bonzai movie?

Posted by: mallfly at January 16, 2013 10:42 PM (jDjlM)


No, the Lectroids were from the Eighth Dimension.

Posted by: Merovign, Dark Lord of the Sith at January 16, 2013 10:43 PM (bxiXv)

273 look they might have had a world incident that confused everyone for a while.
like now.
there is the world before obama and real world meaning which we can call AO Obama.

Posted by: ette at January 16, 2013 10:44 PM (nqBYe)

274 they're going to ruin worm holes too aren't they?

Posted by: phoenixgirl at January 16, 2013 10:44 PM (GVxQo)

275 *piffle* Immanuel Velikovsky always thought a hundred years BC had been excised from his studies of Egypt and its Pharaohs.

Posted by: Anna Puma (+SmuD) at January 16, 2013 10:44 PM (I9Y9q)

276 Carbon dating is measured and then converted to years, no?
A simple matter of recalibration.

Posted by: navybrat at January 16, 2013 10:46 PM (+4kqJ)

277
What about carbon dating? Is that a lie too?

It can be miserably inaccurate, I believe - I'd put more stock in things like numismatics, pottery shards and tree-ring data, but then I know a lot more about that kind of thing thanI do about the difficulties of carbon-dating.

Posted by: Grey Fox at January 16, 2013 10:46 PM (rZPpd)

278 247 192 Amazing that the Popes and Kings were able to get the Chinese to go
in on the deal, without even being in contact with them. Cuz the Chinese
have always kept pretty good records about these kinds of things.

Posted by: tom servo at January 16, 2013 10:18 PM (hTDbY)

Apparently the Caliphs and Byzantine Emperors went along with it too for some reason.
Posted by: AD at January 16, 2013 10:32 PM (bcLkZ)

That wouldn't really matter. Since there was no or very little contact, the stuff they had happening still happened, it just doesn't match up to the stuff Europe had happening at that time.

Posted by: JohnW at January 16, 2013 10:46 PM (0vtx1)

279 The fact that most of the planet agree on the year 2013 is still odd. Having it based on Christ and all. All a UN plot or something. At least those not under Islamic calender and year based on Mohammad revelation.

Why the soviets did not create year 1 when they took over or when Lenin was born or Mao year one when he took over. What year is it in North Korea, that I can see them calling it a year based on someones birthday in the 20th century. Then half the planet would be on a different year over just Islam. All old soviet blocks would still use the Soviet year.

Posted by: Trevor (@tjexcite) at January 16, 2013 10:48 PM (Ea64Y)

280 I'm not sure I've fapped since early November.

Have mercy on us Peaches. Sob.

Posted by: The Fapping Ghosts at January 16, 2013 10:48 PM (Pfm7z)

281 247 192 Amazing that the Popes and Kings were able to get the Chinese to go
in on the deal, without even being in contact with them. Cuz the Chinese
have always kept pretty good records about these kinds of things.

Posted by: tom servo at January 16, 2013 10:18 PM (hTDbY)

Apparently the Caliphs and Byzantine Emperors went along with it too for some reason.
Posted by: AD at January 16, 2013 10:32 PM (bcLkZ)


Not to mention Halley's Comet, for which there are observational records throughout that period.

Posted by: rickl at January 16, 2013 10:54 PM (sdi6R)

282 That wouldn't really matter. Since there was no or very little contact, the stuff they had happening still happened, it just doesn't match up to the stuff Europe had happening at that time.

Posted by: JohnW at January 16, 2013 10:46 PM (0vtx1)

Sorry, but at the diplomatic level (king to pope to emperor to caliph) there was a significant amount of contact. There are texts by Byzantines discussing Mohammed. There were numerous fights between the Popes, the barbarian kings, and the Byzantine emperors.

There are many contemporary texts by Muslims discussing some random war with the Byzantines or some monk at Aachen discussing Viking invasions in England. There are both Muslim and French accounts of the Islamic invasion in France in the 730s. You can match one account to the other. All of these groups would have had to have been coordinating for this to be true.

Posted by: AD at January 16, 2013 10:55 PM (bcLkZ)

283
That wouldn't really matter. Since there was no or very little contact, the stuff they had happening still happened, it just doesn't match up to the stuff Europe had happening at that time.

Except that you would have to have, say, a three hundred year discrepancy between Justinian and Alexis Comnenus. In any case,it isn't like the Byzantines, Arabs, and the West never made any sort of contact in that period - The Byzantines and the Carolingians had discussions during the Iconoclast Controversy, Charles Martel and the Moors fought, and Caliph Haroun al-Rashid sent an embassy to Charlemagne, just to name three major contacts during that 300 year period. The "Dark Age" Europe had a thriving international trade, hard as that may to believe to some...

Posted by: Grey Fox at January 16, 2013 10:55 PM (rZPpd)

284 oh, and just a moment ago on FOX there was a clip of Bill and Hillary hugging and smiling and acting like they didn't want each other dead. I understand that Hillary takes Viagra... away from Bill...

Posted by: mallfly at January 16, 2013 10:57 PM (jDjlM)

285 Let's say the Chinese write down that in 778, future emperor Xianzong is born. Well, that still happened in 778. It just didn't happen contemporaneously with the death of Roland (which never happened, according to Phantom time), but instead with the sack of Rome by the Vandals. Nobody would ever realize the two events wouldn't line up because there was no regular contact between the two cultures for another 700 years.

Posted by: JohnW at January 16, 2013 10:58 PM (0vtx1)

286 Actually one interesting thing is that there are apparently Byzantine accounts of Mohammed referring to him as being alive years after he is supposed to have died, but...again, we're talking about a few years, not 300.

Posted by: AD at January 16, 2013 10:59 PM (bcLkZ)

287 You are, of course, absolutely right about the Byzantines and the Muslims accounts not lining up. But the Chinese wouldn't matter very much.

Posted by: JohnW at January 16, 2013 11:01 PM (0vtx1)

288 by the by, did they guy who did this video have anything to say about Elvis or Aaliya still being alive..?

Posted by: mallfly at January 16, 2013 11:03 PM (jDjlM)

289 275 *piffle* Immanuel Velikovsky always thought a hundred years BC had been excised from his studies of Egypt and its Pharaohs.
Posted by: Anna Puma (+SmuD) at January 16, 2013 10:44 PM (I9Y9q)


Actually, Velikovsky was onto something in as much as the solar system is a gigantic pool table with collisions happening all the time. He was off on the specific details, though. The planets themselves weren't careening into one another during historical time, but there was plenty of debris crashing into the planets. Most astronomers in the 1950s didn't fully appreciate that at the time.

Posted by: rickl at January 16, 2013 11:04 PM (sdi6R)

290 As a purveyor of fine hooey, I gotta say: that there is Nobel-grade. Bravo!

Posted by: #OccupyResoluteDesk at January 16, 2013 11:41 PM (7QU6R)

291 I'm sure that the inhabitants of the British Isles will be glad to know that the Viking Age was only a set of Medieval adventure stories.

Posted by: exdem13 at January 16, 2013 11:57 PM (1GunI)

292 Actually one interesting thing is that there are apparently Byzantine
accounts of Mohammed referring to him as being alive years after he is
supposed to have died


"Doctrina Jacobi nuper baptizati".

Admittedly the account is a "Christian hadith", passed from Arabs to Abraham to Justus to Jacob-newly-baptised. So by the time Jacob passed it to us, he thought the (unnamed) Prophet was still alive which he might have not have been by then.

Another mindblowing thought is that nobody thought to name this Prophet "Muhammad" - or anything else - until the 650s. Maybe his name was "Qutham".

Posted by: boulder hobo, writer of books no-one reads at January 17, 2013 12:09 AM (QTHTd)

293 But yeah, the "centuries of darkness" meme has been lingering on. Emmet Scott gives it an airing in the otherwise-good "Mohammed and Charlemagne Revisited". It's stupid.

What is true is that the Persian War, Arab invasions and ensuing "jihad" piracy threw three continents right back to the Iron Age for centuries. That's why it is so hard to find decent historiography from 615-915 AD, give or take.

Posted by: boulder hobo at January 17, 2013 12:12 AM (QTHTd)

294 Poppycock. The most technologically excellent building arch cited in the video is none other than a Roman arch. Been around for a loooong time. As for meticulous records, look no further than the Chinese, who recorded damn near everything- including peasants born in villages. But I do like these conspiracy videos anyway. And I secretly watch Ancient Aliens to the dismay of Mrs. Squirrel.

Posted by: Secret Squirrel's Balls Und Sheft at January 17, 2013 12:25 AM (0SmH0)

295 Whut? Gates of Vienna might not be my cup of tea but why did blogger kill it?

Posted by: boulder hobo at January 17, 2013 12:32 AM (QTHTd)

296 66
I've told you morons in these threads that it's almost impossible to know history. It's all faith.



Did Ghengis Khan exist? Did Cleopatra exist? Prove it. Who won the war of 1812? Was there actually a war in 1812? Prove it.


*********
Bong-hitters in college dorms have offered up the same bogus and jejune claim, generally expressed as, "Prove that the earth and everything on it didn't exist until ten seconds ago".

Your mistake ---- and it's a big one --- is confusing "proof" with "evidence".

There's plenty of "evidence" that the people and events you refer to existed/happened, and that's how people record and attempt to reconstruct history.

Strong evidence, weak evidence, no evidence, compelling evidence, evidence "beyond a reasonable doubt", scientific evidence (itself always contingent). Those are the standards humans use.

"Proof" as you seem to use the term is correctly applied only to mathematics. Nowhere else, not even in science.

For example: you've been charged with theft in, say, France, where "innocent until proved guilty" does not apply. You plead innocence. The authorities challenge you, saying "prove to us you didn't steal this stuff AND everything else you claim to own."

Unless you do that, they will lock you up for a long time. Would you not object that their standard of "proof" is unreasonable?

Or, you are the sole heir in a family line. A distant relative dies without a will. Probate court asks you to "prove" you are
you; if you do, you gain a multi-million dollar estate. You offer evidence, including your birth certificate, birth notices in newspapers naming your parents, and birth records for your parents.

Would you accept the court telling you, "That's not proof! You could have falsified all those docs."

IOW I'm willing to bet your standard of "proof" would loosen up quite a bit.

In everyday life you are asked for evidence of your identity and age. Why is your ID card "proof"? After all, it could be forged, right?







Posted by: Pass the bong at January 17, 2013 01:21 AM (HVtRc)

297 The short answer to this bullshit about missing years can be found in astronomy software that can accurately look back thousands of years to re-create the positions of solar system objects for any point in time.

Eclipses, solar and lunar? No problem. Ditto close conjunctions of planets, and star occultations behind planets and the Moon.

Many contemporary astronomical records were kept by Europeans and Jews during the period in question. Not all such recorded events have survived but those that have confirm the dates "predicted" by the software, which of course relies on nothing more than celestial dynamics and the vagaries of the Earth's orbit and polar precession.

So...if European astronomers noted a solar eclipse in , say, 794AD, and Chinese astronomers noted one on the equivalent date in their calendar, it's obvious that the alleged gap is bullshit.



Posted by: Jim Sonweed at January 17, 2013 01:42 AM (HVtRc)

298 I believe God is fking with us

Posted by: blink at January 17, 2013 01:43 AM (Mxm/O)

299 I'm not reading 297 comments to see if anybody has mentioned this yet, but here goes:

Muhammad supposedly got his first revelation from Allah in 610 AD. So if this whole "phantom years" thing is true, then guess what: Islam doesn't really exist! Somebody tell these Muslims so they can stop killing people, ok?

Posted by: Picky at January 17, 2013 01:44 AM (9nFDD)

300 To begin with any thought in relevency, the universe is only 6k years old

Posted by: blink at January 17, 2013 01:58 AM (Mxm/O)

301 This video is monumentally stupid.

The guy shows his ignorance in nearly every sentence.

For example...Arches can be found in ancient ruins around the Mediterranean, dating back to 2000 BC.
I guess this guy never heard of the Etruscans.

Posted by: wheatie at January 17, 2013 02:11 AM (fH4X9)

302 if European astronomers noted a solar eclipse in , say, 794AD, and Chinese astronomers noted one on the equivalent date in their calendar, it's obvious that the alleged gap is bullshit.

Posted by: Jim Sonweed at January 17, 2013 01:42 AM (HVtRc)
---

Bam. Nice.

Posted by: Not Ready to Unsock at January 17, 2013 02:18 AM (1FLBb)

303 "Is it a load of paranoid clap-trap?"

Yep.

Someone years from now, maybe not even too many years given how quickly the memory hole closes on us, is going to dig up this chock full o' nuttsiness blog, and then post a HuBube asking ... Is Ace of Spades HQ a load of paranoid clap-trap?

Human history is littered up to its eyeballs with bad ideas and failed "theories": it's how we get to good ideas and theories worth being called such. AoSHQ is headed into the litter pile.

Posted by: Rex the Wonder God at January 17, 2013 03:16 AM (21TJo)

304 I'd thought I'd heard every possible weird historical theory, but this one takes the cake. History is strange enough without bozos dreaming up this nonsense. I doubt if this clown has any possible idea about the amount of research it takes to actually prove a new theory. Nahh it is easier to just produce a YouTube vid making bizarre speculations, because there will be enough fools out there to embrace the craziness.History Channel will probably decide to do a documentary on it.

Signed, Grumpy in the early morn

Posted by: I'd rather be surfin at January 17, 2013 06:02 AM (g5wi5)

305 Now that there was some explosively funny stuff! Technically, if the velocity of the coffee in the nasal passages is less than the speed of sound in coffee at ambient temperature and pressure; it isn't actually "explosive". Nevertheless...

PS - would it be paranoid claptrap to suggest we simply mint a calendar containing .0095 trillion seconds and walk it over to NIST? Hey, problem solved, right?

Posted by: Jimmy don\'t play that at January 17, 2013 08:26 AM (xcwcN)

306 The Byzantines just imagined they were at war with the Persians for three hundred years.

Posted by: A Balrog of Morgoth at January 17, 2013 09:10 AM (NL15p)

307 I'm pretty certain I don't have three hundred more years.

Posted by: Mikey NTH - sees the gods of the copybook headings on the horizon at January 17, 2013 09:18 AM (hLRSq)

308 But I couldn't understand that it would all work itself out by morning. Posted by: ace at January 16, 2013 09:52 PM (LCRYB) Wow....most boys were just beating off....they didn't care what time it was.Posted by: Tami at January 16, 2013 09:53 PM (X6akg)Which is why he now owns a shiny blog. - Tonic Dog
Wax on - Whacks off!

Posted by: Mr. Myagi at January 17, 2013 09:25 AM (5iuEW)

309 The only thing that matters is how this affects global warming.

Posted by: Uncle Jefe at January 17, 2013 11:12 AM (25KoS)

310 I see that Grey Fox already mentioned this, but here's some details:

The Greek Dark Ages may never have happened.

See, there's this period of time in the standard late bronze age/early iron age timeline, from about 1200 BC to 900 BC, which may or may not have never happened, at least in some regions like Archaic Greece.

The reasons for the problem are involved, and have to do with key Egyptian dynastic lists being perhaps mis-interpreted as being rigidly sequential whereas a number of them in that range were actually simultaneous - two or more Egyptian dynasties ruling different parts of Egypt at the same time - and the error being transmitted by increasingly dodgy pottery-find matches radiating outwards from Egypt through the Levant to points north and west.

There's several reasons why this "no Greek Dark Ages" would be fruitful.

For one thing, it solves the apparent problem of "No Solomonic Kingdom of Israel" - if this timeline error is a thing, then that explains why they haven't been able to properly assign any of the many layers of ruins to the historic kingdom of David and Solomon.

Secondly, it removes the sudden disappearance of the Mycenean Greeks and sudden reappearance of Archaic Greeks 200 years later, with little in the physical record in between.

That's because the physical record was telescoped, 50 years worth of material pulled across an artificial gap of 200-300 years.

There's also this business of the disappearing and reappearing Hittites, wherein the original Hittite Empire disappears at the beginning of the iron age, and then Hittite successor states in Syria appear a hundred and fifty years later.

The revised timeline closes that gap as well.

See James' Centuries of Darkness.

Posted by: Mitch H. at January 17, 2013 12:58 PM (jwKxK)

311 If it's really 1712, then we're subjects of Queen Anne.

So Obama has no authority.

Posted by: George LeS at January 17, 2013 03:16 PM (C4s3i)

312 83 "Shit. I kinda liked Charlemagne. His coronation on Christmas Day, 800 was one of the handiest dates in history."

The veal was very good that night. I hope you tried it.

Posted by: jbarntt at January 17, 2013 10:15 PM (UNFot)

313 What is up with that dead voice? Is that supposed to make something so insane suddenly believable? I mean, people rioted when they changed the calendar by 11 days, but 300 years is gonna disappear without so much as a single monk documenting it? WTF? Is it me or them that needs to tighten our tinfoil?

Posted by: GWB at January 19, 2013 02:16 PM (79Qg8)






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