Bar Etiquette [CharlieBrown'sDildo]

This is sort of a follow-up to Damn Dirty RINO's post about the life of a weekend bartender, but from the perspective on the other side of the bar.

Admittedly, these rules don't apply to all bars. One of my first regular stops when I was tall enough to look over the bar to order a drink was a place that taught me to order my beer, sit down, shut up and listen to the juke box. Anything else would jeopardize my health.

This is tailored to my local joint in the suburbs, so some of the behavior just doesn't exist in other places.

In no particular order:

1. Don’t nurse one drink for 45 minutes. It’s rude to the people who want to…you know…drink at the bar, and it cuts into the income of the bartenders.

2. Your shopping bag or briefcase is not deserving of a seat. I am, and if you don’t move the bag I am going to say something rude.

3. Spreading out so that you have plenty of leg room and can look at your drinking buddy may be fun, but it takes up two spots at the bar that can be used by people who are less self-centered than you are.

4. Nobody — and I mean literally nobody on earth — wants to hear your phone conversation. If you absolutely must jabber about the new shoes you just bought (the ones in the bag on the chair next to you), go outside.

5. Don’t sit at the bar while pretending to read a book or making entries in your oh-so-precious “life journal”. This isn’t Eat Pray Love. You are wasting a stool and ruining the atmosphere with your pretentiousness. Go to Starbuck’s and write your shitty poetry there.

6. Move over so that the nice couple behind you, politely waiting to sit down together, can sit down…together. You are not the most important person on earth, despite what your therapist says.

7. If you lay your arm across mine to waggle a fistful of cash at the bartender, I am going to be very tempted to knock your teeth down your throat (I won’t, but I will say something). Don’t touch me unless you are Brooklyn Decker or Kelly Brook[NSFW].

There are many more, but these are the big ones in my book. Feel free to add to the list or embellish mine.

Posted by: Open Blogger at 07:25 PM



Comments

1 Shit, rules everywhere

Posted by: Cricket at December 22, 2012 07:30 PM (2ArJQ)

2 And if you and the bartender are the only ones at the bar you have to make small talk for a little while, then ignore one another.

Posted by: joncelli, because somebody had to at December 22, 2012 07:31 PM (CWlPF)

3 Go to Starbuck’s and write your shitty poetry there.
---
Strikes me funny.

Posted by: sTevo at December 22, 2012 07:32 PM (VMcEw)

4 My Bartender in College? Vince Flynn. I spent a LOT of time Drinking at Tiffany's Lounge back in the day. He made the best "Combats". Good times.

Posted by: Truck Monkey at December 22, 2012 07:34 PM (jucos)

5 Tiffs on Ford Parkway?

Posted by: D. Hopper at December 22, 2012 07:34 PM (AVfT8)

6 Wasn't Brooklyn Decker born whae that pic of Kelly Brock was taken


that is alot of age span there



Posted by: moron #3 at December 22, 2012 07:36 PM (jfSqj)

7 Tiffs on Ford Parkway?
Posted by: D. Hopper at December 22, 2012 07:34 PM (AVfT
---------------------------------------------------------
Yes Sir. Went to The College of St. Thomas on Summit Ave.

Posted by: Truck Monkey at December 22, 2012 07:36 PM (jucos)

8 Uh, CBD, why you hangin' out in a gay bar? NTTAWWT.

Posted by: Peaches at December 22, 2012 07:37 PM (kpCLl)

9 i think it's still there...

Posted by: D. Hopper at December 22, 2012 07:37 PM (AVfT8)

10 also if you find a cherry in your drink don't break it because gentlemen know how to hold their liquor

Posted by: Cricket at December 22, 2012 07:37 PM (2ArJQ)

11 It is. I was just there in May. The place hasn't changed much on the inside either.

Posted by: Truck Monkey at December 22, 2012 07:38 PM (jucos)

12 used to play pool there back in the mid 70s while at the U.

Posted by: D. Hopper at December 22, 2012 07:39 PM (AVfT8)

13 First bar I frequented was in Charlotte, when I was 17. The Foxhole. Name says it all. The Outlaws motorcycle gang would come in occasionally, with female companions, with tattoos identifying them as 'Property of the Outlaws". Always a pleasant bunch.

Two rules.
Don't leave your smokes and beer at the bar when you go for a leak, cause they would 'borrow" 'em.
Second- There were no other rules.

Posted by: Tobacco Road at December 22, 2012 07:40 PM (4Mv1T)

14 We used to go to Jerry's on Rt 22 after all the other joints were closed. He was a former Broadway singer, and we would sit there until 4 singing Sinatra along with the jukebox. Glasses weren't particularly clean. Monkey on the wire was amusing.

Posted by: Cricket at December 22, 2012 07:40 PM (2ArJQ)

15 Hey, CBD, did you try BF3 yet?

Posted by: Not Ready to Unsock at December 22, 2012 07:40 PM (BgIBZ)

16 It is. I was just there in May. The place hasn't changed much on the inside either.
Posted by: Truck Monkey at December 22, 2012 07:38 PM (jucos)

Vince Flynn has though, made a ton of money, has a hot wife, kids battled prostrate cancer


Hangs with Rush and Beck
(the radio guys not the musicisians)





Posted by: Jake in ID at December 22, 2012 07:41 PM (jfSqj)

17 Detroit going to lay down tonight? Will the Falcons phone it in?

Posted by: D. Hopper at December 22, 2012 07:41 PM (AVfT8)

18
Agree with all the taking up space ones mostly like sitting with empty seat to the left and right of you while a couple stands, or putting bags on seats.
I'll add saving seats. There are exceptions; someone parking, someone smoking. But I cant stand people who hold seats for people who have yet to arrive, when others want/need those seats. In fact, I hate them.
People talking on phones doesnt bother me. Everyone is talking to someone anyway, so who cares if the other person is there or on a phone.
Never leave just change for a tip. Douchebags.
A dollar a drink is reasonable, but that has been the standard for decades. Inflation anyone?



Posted by: NRA LIFER at December 22, 2012 07:41 PM (1p/VD)

19 The only way I'm moving over at the bar is if you look like Brooklyn Decker or Kelly Brook. Or you can buy me a drink.

Posted by: Fritz at December 22, 2012 07:41 PM (w3+gB)

20 8. Bail out the tavern industry, and use it to spread the output of The Ministry of Truth.

Posted by: #OccupyResoluteDesk at December 22, 2012 07:41 PM (7QU6R)

21 flynn still lives in st. paul me thinks...

Posted by: D. Hopper at December 22, 2012 07:41 PM (AVfT8)

22 You didn't say anything about ripping a wet, loud nasty one.

Posted by: Social Security Administration Worker at December 22, 2012 07:42 PM (qs9G3)

23 used to play pool there back in the mid 70s while at the U.
Posted by: D. Hopper at December 22, 2012 07:39 PM (AVfT
------------------------------------------------------
Small world. You still live there?

Posted by: Truck Monkey at December 22, 2012 07:42 PM (jucos)

24 Three more:

Never wave a 20 dollar bill at a bartender to get their attention.

Never put your head down on the bar.

Pre-tipping a bartender is okay but they keep track of the "prevailing rate."

Posted by: ErikW on the damned phone at December 22, 2012 07:43 PM (BtG9r)

25 I read and write at the bar. I also tip well.

So fuck that rule, asshole.

Posted by: Mikey NTH at December 22, 2012 07:43 PM (gmoEG)

26 If you're female and leaning over my shoulder giving me a back boob massage when getting a drink or paying for said,...well, I don't think there's anything wrong with that so continue. (nevermind)

Posted by: @JavaJoeX at December 22, 2012 07:44 PM (bbk1i)

27 Attempting to repeatedly order fancy-schmancy office boy bottled beer at a brew pub (like say... at J.J. Bitting's in Woodbridge, NJ).

Posted by: Bayonets on my Christmas Tree at December 22, 2012 07:44 PM (EYx1k)

28 From a former bartender, if you are a regular, even though I appreciate the business and tips, I dont want to hear the same story every time you get drunk. Come up with a new one on occasion!

Posted by: lou's a Mrs at December 22, 2012 07:45 PM (adaoe)

29 Okay, at my regular place, you want to always, without fail, tip the bar wenches, even the ones that don't have the most awesome rack. You also do not want to bring your machete in from the car unless they know you really, really well and you have a really, really good reason.

Posted by: Peaches at December 22, 2012 07:45 PM (kpCLl)

30 Don't try to stuff singles in the bartenders g-string until you've built up a trusting relationship with him.

Posted by: Gristle Encased Head at December 22, 2012 07:46 PM (KM/V2)

31 I don't do well in bars, at least not alone. I tend to go only if I'm playing or a friend is playing so I can pull bodyguard duty watching over his wife for him while he's on stage.
Oldest, skinniest, most plain looking body guard you've ever seen.

Posted by: teej at December 22, 2012 07:46 PM (gS7S1)

32 If you win in a coin challenge don't switch from "sip and save" to top shelf just because someone else is paying. That's an Obama move.

Posted by: Minuteman at December 22, 2012 07:47 PM (qs9G3)

33 From a former bartender, if you are a regular, even though I appreciate
the business and tips, I dont want to hear the same story every time
you get drunk. Come up with a new one on occasion!

Better still, if you get drunk, please shut your fuckin' piehole, nobody cares.

Also, do not ever try to buy me a beer. The bar wenches (aka, sweet goddesses of beer) know I don't allow that. There is no way in hell your $4 "investment" will entitle you to talk to me, even for a minute. I will hurt you.

Posted by: Peaches at December 22, 2012 07:47 PM (kpCLl)

34 Stranger in a Strange Bar rule: If some asshole picks a fight with you, yell "How many want to see this jerk get his ass handed to him?". If the crowd goes Yah! - then cold-cock the stupid drunk.

If they obviously don't agree - you've obviously overstayed your welcome. Get the fvck out as expeditiously as you can.

Posted by: east of nowhere at December 22, 2012 07:47 PM (qOURa)

35 Okay, Peaches, spill. Why did you really, really need to bring your machete in with you? And what is the usual tip for moving/hiding bodies?

Posted by: Sabrina Chase at December 22, 2012 07:49 PM (wfSF5)

36 If you go into a bar w/ your buddy....and are hetero ....don't both order girly drinks....like frozen margarita's or something. This is okay if you go into a gay bar w/ your buddy.

Posted by: John Stark Dark at December 22, 2012 07:49 PM (0JB89)

37 First bar I drank at was a local working man bar. Bud or Old Style (still from La Crosse WI) in a bottle. Shots or a highball. No wine that I remember. Hard boiled eggs in a basket behind the bar for a quarter, made fresh daily by the owner. Slims Jims and Salmon Sharpies. If anyone asked for a blended drink, the bartenders would laugh at them.

Posted by: Bruce at December 22, 2012 07:49 PM (d6+Gd)

38 Better still, if you get drunk, please shut your fuckin' piehole, nobody cares.Also, do not ever try to buy me a beer. The bar wenches (aka, sweet goddesses of beer) know I don't allow that. There is no way in hell your $4 "investment" will entitle you to talk to me, even for a minute. I will hurt you.
Posted by: Peaches at December 22, 2012 07:47 PM (kpCLl)

Ya know, I worked at a bar in Vegas, small, but with gambling we were resposible for a lot of money. I never drank while I was behind the bar, but hell yeah when my shift was over!

Posted by: lou's a Mrs at December 22, 2012 07:49 PM (adaoe)

39 If you are a smoker, and you face away from me to engage your friend, but hold the cigarette away from you, and in my direction, I WILL dump a drink on it, and your hand.

Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at December 22, 2012 07:50 PM (piMMO)

40 I read and write at the bar. I also tip well.

So fuck that rule, asshole.

Posted by: Mikey NTH at December 22, 2012 07:43 PM (gmoEG)


No shit. If I'm buying drinks and not causing trouble, what does anybody else care?

Posted by: AD at December 22, 2012 07:51 PM (Ysek9)

41 Okay, Peaches, spill. Why did you really, really need to bring your
machete in with you?

NOT ME!!!! That was my friend Jaime.

And what is the usual tip for moving/hiding bodies?

Personally, if I had that problem, I would call Jaime.

Posted by: Peaches at December 22, 2012 07:51 PM (kpCLl)

42 Better still, if you get drunk, please shut your fuckin' piehole, nobody cares.
****

This reminds me of Crazy, Stupid, Love.

Great scene where Ryan Reynolds introduces himself to Steve Carrell.

Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at December 22, 2012 07:51 PM (piMMO)

43 Also, I know the guys wont agree with me here, but if ya want to have sex, take it home. Dont do it at my bar,just creepy.

Posted by: lou's a Mrs at December 22, 2012 07:52 PM (adaoe)

44 Oops, I see #7 was my number one on mine.

Anywho, keep your money in your wallet. Nobody likes somebody who flashes their money around and besides, it's stupid and invites negative attention.

Posted by: ErikW on the damned phone at December 22, 2012 07:53 PM (BtG9r)

45 If you are a smoker, and you face away from me to
engage your friend, but hold the cigarette away from you, and in my
direction, I WILL dump a drink on it, and your hand.

Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at December 22, 2012 07:50 PM (piMMO)

Wait, what? There are still places in this country where people smoke in bars? I'm actually astonished. I've been in Califuckistan for so long, I assumed that by this point it was everywhere. And, even though I smoke, I would never go into a bar where smoking was allowed, so gross!

Posted by: Peaches at December 22, 2012 07:54 PM (kpCLl)

46 Also, I know the guys wont agree with me here, but if ya want to have sex, take it home. Dont do it at my bar,just creepy.


****

I also don't want to see teo women whoring it up with each other in the transparent attempt to get the attention of the men in the bar.

The tactic will work, of course, but in the morning you'll still be a whore.

Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at December 22, 2012 07:54 PM (piMMO)

47 even though I smoke, I would never go into a bar where smoking was allowed, so gross!
Posted by: Peaches at December 22, 2012 07:54 PM (kpCLl)

Most bars in lv allow it.

Posted by: lou's a Mrs at December 22, 2012 07:54 PM (adaoe)

48 Also if you feel like passing out in a bar please go out and lie down in the snow. There's a pretty good chance they'll find you the next day.

Posted by: Cricket at December 22, 2012 07:55 PM (2ArJQ)

49 The tactic will work, of course, but in the morning you'll still be a whore.
Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at December 22, 2012 07:54 PM (piMMO)
Thank you, made me lol, seen it a million times, and they end up with some real goobers, talk about awkward in the am!

Posted by: lou's a Mrs at December 22, 2012 07:55 PM (adaoe)

50 Most bars in lv allow it.

Posted by: lou's a Mrs at December 22, 2012 07:54 PM (adaoe)

Oh, sure, Vegas. But don't they have those crazy oxygen-pumping ventilation systems there? Or maybe that's just the casinos . . . I'm not a person who ever felt comfortable in vegas, just not my kinda place.

Posted by: Peaches at December 22, 2012 07:56 PM (kpCLl)

51 can smoke in bars in ID, 'cept Boise where the mayor is a fascist


Posted by: Jake in ID at December 22, 2012 07:56 PM (jfSqj)

52 If I as a customer tell you that the tap beer you just gave me and that I have taken 2 swallows of , is off. Please believe me. I am not trying to get something for nothing. Either your line or the spout is funked. The beer is flat and sour. I drink enough beer to know what I'm talking about.

Posted by: Bruce at December 22, 2012 07:56 PM (d6+Gd)

53 Wait, what? There are still places in this country where people smoke in bars? I'm actually astonished. I've been in Califuckistan for so long, I assumed that by this point it was everywhere. And, even though I smoke, I would never go into a bar where smoking was allowed, so gross!

****

Here in Florida it is determined by whether they can be considered a restaurant or not. Some pubs serve food up until it reaches a certain percentage of take and then stop cold. So, you can walk into a pub with no smoke and walk out covered in it.

Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at December 22, 2012 07:57 PM (piMMO)

54 I also used to drink a lot in Menomonie WI. UW Stout. Epic drunk weekends spent there.

Posted by: Truck Monkey at December 22, 2012 07:57 PM (jucos)

55 Corrollary to my previous post.
-----
if you go into a Chinese bar late night w your buddy....don't split a scorpion bowl....unless its a gay Chinese bar...

Posted by: John Stark Dark at December 22, 2012 07:58 PM (0JB89)

56 Oh, sure, Vegas. But don't they have those crazy oxygen-pumping ventilation systems there? Or maybe that's just the casinos . . . I'm not a person who ever felt comfortable in vegas, just not my kinda place.
Posted by: Peaches at December 22, 2012 07:56 PM (kpCLl)

Yeah they do Peaches, but my bar would get really gross sometimes, and i am a smoker too.

Posted by: lou's a Mrs at December 22, 2012 07:58 PM (adaoe)

57 Males should never order a drink with more than 2 ingredients plus ice.

Posted by: Putter at December 22, 2012 07:58 PM (JHWGg)

58
Where I am from signaling a bartender by waving a bill is the norm, far better than yelling, or talking over someone to get the bartenders attention. Or clanking bottles or glasses.
I usually to place my empty glass towards the well area, but if they are deliquent, I will try to hold out some cash.

Posted by: NRA LIFER at December 22, 2012 07:58 PM (1p/VD)

59 True story.

I was three sheets to the wind in a bar in Scranton and I told the Bartender, Chuck, "Chuck, did you know I can sing out of my asshole?" And Chuck the bartender said "I don't believe you, Joe, you're just drunk", God love 'im.

"And then I said, "Oh, yeah, just watch!" So I jumped up on the bar, dropped my trousers and proceeded to shit on the bar. And Chuck the bartender interrupts me and yells "Joe, you crazy drunk fuck, what the fuck are you doing?"

I told him, "Relax Chuck, I'm clearing my throat."

Posted by: Joe Biden at December 22, 2012 07:58 PM (qs9G3)

60 If you want to get shitfaced and belligerent, I suggest your house would be a better location than wherever I am. Looking at you, Towson U kid with a broken nose.

Posted by: DC in Towson at December 22, 2012 07:58 PM (Ai+tZ)

61 I worked at a college bar when I was in college.

It was interesting watching the 'players' go home with a brank new skank each night


gack! skinny pock marked uggos I would not touch with Michelle's dick


Posted by: Jake in ID at December 22, 2012 07:59 PM (jfSqj)

62 For many years it seemed normal to get home from a night out reeking of cigarette smoke. I can't even fathom it now. I remember coming home from clubs and discovering that my panties reeked of smoke, even though they'd been safely inside my jeans the whole night. Gack, so gross. I mean, how hard is it to walk outside and burn one and come back in?

Posted by: Peaches at December 22, 2012 07:59 PM (kpCLl)

63 "...where the mayor is a fascist."

ding ding ding

Passing laws that tell a private business owner he can't allow a legal activity like smoking in his place. F*c#@ng nazis.

Posted by: teej at December 22, 2012 08:00 PM (RlvM2)

64 57 Males should never order a drink with more than 2 ingredients plus ice.
Posted by: Putter at December 22, 2012 07:58 PM (JHWGg)
Dont ever order a blender drink, my blender was always broken!

Posted by: lou's a Mrs at December 22, 2012 08:00 PM (adaoe)

65 I once got so drunk at O'Gara's that I went out to my car to sleep it off. Started it and turned on the heat. Almost got a DUI because of it.

Posted by: Truck Monkey at December 22, 2012 08:01 PM (jucos)

66 If there's a wicked hot chick (like Peaches) in the bar (and you don't smoke and/or don't have your own light on you)...don't hit her up for a smoke just to start a conversation....'cause you'll look like a jackass when you need to then bum a light off of her...or someone else

Posted by: John Stark Dark at December 22, 2012 08:02 PM (0JB89)

67 I quit smoking years ago, but I do miss sitting at a bar for a few hours with a beer and a smoke. I do not miss the smell though.

Posted by: Bruce at December 22, 2012 08:03 PM (d6+Gd)

68 HA!

Comedy Central has South Park and Beavis and Butthead in rotation tonight.

Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at December 22, 2012 08:03 PM (piMMO)

69 If more than half the crowd is at the bar to watch a ballgame, DO NOT play the fricking jukebox, that has the volume at eleventeen from the previous night.

Posted by: seamrog at December 22, 2012 08:04 PM (pd3CB)

70 I quit smoking a year ago Jan 7th. I cannot stand to be around the smell of it. It is nasty. I am not a preachy ex-smoker either. they're the worst.

Posted by: Truck Monkey at December 22, 2012 08:04 PM (jucos)

71 If a girl wants to sit and drink at a bar, don't give her a lecture about how she shouldn't be there.

I've had more than one guy, usually older and obviously not hitting on me, tell me I shouldn't sit there and have a drink I should go out and enjoy life or some shit.

Fuck off pal, you don't know me.

Posted by: Elizabethe at December 22, 2012 08:05 PM (vc40y)

72 Peaches, can we have the wicked hit photo JSD is talking about??

'Cause it's AoSHQ, you know, pics or it didn't happen.

Posted by: Sean Bannion at December 22, 2012 08:05 PM (AkPjA)

73 69 If more than half the crowd is at the bar to watch a ballgame, DO NOT play the fricking jukebox, that has the volume at eleventeen from the previous night.
Posted by: seamrog at December 22, 2012 08:04 PM (pd3CB)

AKA Stone Temple Pilots Creep!

Posted by: lou's a Mrs at December 22, 2012 08:05 PM (adaoe)

74
On the other hand, I cant tolerate bartenders or waitresses that act like its a privilege for them to serve you. That's not a bar. That's a clubattitude for hipsters, teenagers, non-drinkers, and Los Angelinos.

Your social life isnt more important than my drink.

See me empty fisted... chop, chop.

Posted by: NRA LIFER at December 22, 2012 08:05 PM (1p/VD)

75 Dont ever order a blender drink, my blender was always broken!

Posted by: lou's a Mrs at December 22, 2012 08:00 PM (adaoe)Oh, lou, that is too funny. Kenny Sullivan, bless his heart, any time the fuckin' hipsters would come into our little local dive bar and order some stupid crap, he'd just deadpan 'em and say "blender's broken, what kind of beer do you want?"

Posted by: Peaches at December 22, 2012 08:06 PM (kpCLl)

76 Children don't belong in bars...don't bring your children into bars...ever.

Posted by: Max Wedge at December 22, 2012 08:06 PM (6DDE+)

77 I will always choose a no smoking bar (or smoking outside) over a smoking bar. I loathe going home and having to wash my hair just to go to sleep and throwing my clothes straight in the washing machine. I used to smoke when I drank in my younger days. I can't stand the smell of it now.

Posted by: no good deed at December 22, 2012 08:06 PM (mjR67)

78 I suspect I am now officially too bombed to comment any longer on this fascinating thread. Fucking eggnog.

Posted by: Cricket at December 22, 2012 08:07 PM (2ArJQ)

79 I've had more than one guy, usually older and obviously not hitting on me, tell me I shouldn't sit there and have a drink I should go out and enjoy life or some Posted by: Elizabethe at December 22, 2012 08:05 PM (vc40y)

Seriously??

Was there some kind of pattern or common characteristic of guys who would tell you this?

Posted by: Sean Bannion at December 22, 2012 08:07 PM (AkPjA)

80 Don’t touch me unless you are Brooklyn Decker or Kelly Brook.

Damn. And I so wanted to.

Posted by: Jessica Alba at December 22, 2012 08:07 PM (2IW5Q)

81 @58 - That's considered bad manners where I'm from. An empty glass or bottle pushed forward should be plenty enough to alert the barkeep that a customer would like a refill.

Showing a bill when it's busy is what drives bartenders nuts. They already have a queue in their mind, they don't need the distraction.

Posted by: ErikW on the damned phone at December 22, 2012 08:07 PM (BtG9r)

82 72 Peaches, can we have the wicked hit photo JSD is talking about??

'Cause it's AoSHQ, you know, pics or it didn't happen.
Posted by: Sean Bannion at December 22, 2012 08:05 PM (AkPjA)


Seconded.

Posted by: DC in Towson at December 22, 2012 08:07 PM (Ai+tZ)

83 And if you give a eulogy for someone awarded the Medal of Honor for exceptional bad-assery don't be a douche and make it about yourself.

Posted by: Minuteman at December 22, 2012 08:07 PM (qs9G3)

84 Fuck off pal, you don't know me.





Posted by: Elizabethe at December 22, 2012 08:05 PM (vc40y)
No shit, Elizabethe! I've never even heard of that. Of course, it's entirely possible that most of the old douchebags that would do such a thing died on the spot.

Posted by: Peaches at December 22, 2012 08:08 PM (kpCLl)

85 No shit. If I'm buying drinks and not causing trouble, what does anybody else care?

Well, I read that along with the rule of not buying many drinks. I deliberately choose Wednesdays as my “write in the bar” night, because the bar (at least the one I go to) is never full on Wednesdays.

The people are more interesting, too.

That said, I do drink more than one drink every 45 minutes when I’m writing.

Posted by: Stephen Price Blair at December 22, 2012 08:08 PM (CeNUw)

86
Dont judge people who are drinking alone, how muchpeople are drinking,or whatpeople are drinking, even if it is a sissy drink.

A real bar is a comfortable place where peoplego toescape all that bullshit.

Posted by: NRA LIFER at December 22, 2012 08:08 PM (1p/VD)

87 Wow, the way some of you talk about it I can't imagine why you'd want to go to a bar at all. If it's that unpleasant save your money and pick up the good stuff on the way home.

Posted by: Not Ready to Unsock at December 22, 2012 08:09 PM (BgIBZ)

88 Note to self -- don't try and buy Peaches a drink.

Instead, offer to buy her boobs a drink. Be sure and not make eye contact while making the offer.

Posted by: GnuBreed at December 22, 2012 08:09 PM (cHZB7)

89 77
I will always choose a no smoking bar (or smoking outside) over a smoking bar.


Where are these smoking bars of which you speak? I don't smoke in bars, but I like it when other people do. But everywhere I go, smoking in bars now on the ever-increasing things-that-adults-may-not-do-ever list. I haven't seen a bar that allowed smoking in years.

Posted by: Splunge at December 22, 2012 08:09 PM (2IW5Q)

90 Peaches, can we have the wicked hit photo JSD is talking about??

The fuck are you talkin' about?

Posted by: Peaches at December 22, 2012 08:10 PM (kpCLl)

91 And if you give a eulogy for someone awarded the Medal of Honor for exceptional bad-assery don't be a douche and make it about yourself.

Let me be clear, there was nothing douchey about it.

I reject the false choice between decorum and my awesomeness.

Posted by: Barrack Hussein Obama at December 22, 2012 08:10 PM (AkPjA)

92 Posted by: Peaches at December 22, 2012 07:37 PM (kpCLl)

Young lady, this is the major leagues; you have to bring your "A" game.

Oh, wait, you're a Red Sox fan -- you don't have an "A" game.

Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo at December 22, 2012 08:10 PM (GsoHv)

93 76 Children don't belong in bars...don't bring your children into bars...ever.
Posted by: Max Wedge at December 22, 2012 08:06 PM (6DDE+)

Except in Wisconsin. They're even behind the bar.

Posted by: Minuteman at December 22, 2012 08:10 PM (qs9G3)

94 Ooooo smoking is soooo nasty !!
That's one reason I drink at home . Well , that and being a misanthrope . I can drink and smoke to my hearts content .
Currently Torpedo ipa and a Marlboro . Yeah , yeah , you'll outlive me . Congratulations , now take all that sanctimony , wad it up into a little ball and shove it up your fat ass .

Posted by: awkward davies at December 22, 2012 08:10 PM (USjX1)

95 discovering that my panties reeked of smoke, even though they'd been safely inside my jeans the whole

Posted by: Peaches at December 22, 2012 07:59 PM (kpCLl)

I ended up taking a shower before going to bed , got no matter what, got sick and tired of waking up smelling like smoke and my sheets would reek of smoke after rolling arond in them all night. Going to bed sober and huffing past due Marlbourls, no thanks

(don't smoke, Jake is for smokers rights!)

Posted by: Jake in ID at December 22, 2012 08:11 PM (jfSqj)

96 Males should never order a drink with more than 2 ingredients plus ice.

That excludes proper manhattans, so fail.

Posted by: bebe's boobs destroy at December 22, 2012 08:11 PM (9Zv+u)

97 91
Let me be clear, there was nothing douchey about it.


Hey, douche, even Slate called you out on that one.

Posted by: Splunge at December 22, 2012 08:12 PM (2IW5Q)

98 Little guys are funny.

-much love, 6' 7".

Posted by: Ferb Fletcher at December 22, 2012 08:12 PM (Q8Wa9)

99
Where I tended bar in college I worked in boots so I wouldn't scream when a mouse ran over my feet, but if anyone found a roach in their food it was from the pothead salad maker.
The customers were a friendly mix of has been and wanna be mafiosos, and I can't remember bar etiquette entering into anything. We all just partied hard all the time. Four deep plus waitresses, $200 on a Saturday night in 1990.

Posted by: Justamom at December 22, 2012 08:12 PM (Sptt8)

100 You can still smoke in some places in TX, Splunge. Land of the free-ish, you know. There is one dive bar I go to with the funniest karaoke that is so saturated with smoke you can smell it twenty yards away from the front door.

Posted by: no good deed at December 22, 2012 08:13 PM (mjR67)

101 Sorry, my bitching was from behind the bar. I was a damn good bartender, put your bottle up and a new beer appeared. I never had to be chased down, hello, I was trying to make money. I hate lazy bartenders! Except for the broken blender, I was pretty easygoing!

Posted by: lou's a Mrs at December 22, 2012 08:13 PM (adaoe)

102 Posted by: Not Ready to Unsock at December 22, 2012 07:40 PM (BgIBZ)

I ordered it, but it doesn't arrive until Monday. Unless Dell screwed up the order, and judging by what I just saw on their web site, they did.

Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo at December 22, 2012 08:13 PM (GsoHv)

103 96
Males should never order a drink with more than 2 ingredients plus ice.



That excludes proper manhattans, so fail.


Also "Robert Bork Martinis," which contain lemon peel. Definitely fail.

Posted by: Splunge at December 22, 2012 08:14 PM (2IW5Q)

104 Hey, douche, even Slate called you out on that one. Posted by: Splunge at December 22, 2012 08:12 PM (2IW5Q)

Make no mistake, they will be audited soon. As a nation we deserve better.

Now, watch the drive!

Posted by: Barrack Hussein Obama at December 22, 2012 08:14 PM (AkPjA)

105 96, Knowing what lives in Manhattan, I would not order a drink by the same name.

Posted by: Putter at December 22, 2012 08:14 PM (JHWGg)

106 (don't smoke, Jake is for smokers rights!)

****

I'm with you. I don't smoke, and hate to be around it, but I voted against the restaurant smoking ban in Florida.

I was stunned at how many supposed conservatives voted for it because, you know, it's their right to require an establishment meet their own personal demands.

Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at December 22, 2012 08:14 PM (piMMO)

107 Males should never order a drink with more than 2 ingredients plus ice.


Beefeaters and Tonic, light on the ice.

Posted by: Samuel Adams at December 22, 2012 08:14 PM (ZOf1l)

108
Anybody ever tend bar where they tried, I repeat tried, to put those stupid metered shot contraptions on the tops of the bottles?

Posted by: Justamom at December 22, 2012 08:16 PM (Sptt8)

109

66 If there's a wicked hot chick (like Peaches) in the bar (and you don't smoke and/or ____
---JSD
_______
90 Peaches, can we have the wicked hit photo JSD is talking about??

The fuck are you talkin' about?

Posted by: Peaches at December 22, 2012 08:10
----
Yeah...that was me.

Posted by: John Stark Dark at December 22, 2012 08:17 PM (0JB89)

110 Children don't belong in bars...don't bring your children into bars...ever.
Posted by: Max Wedge at December 22, 2012 08:06 PM (6DDE+)


blarney on that, some mountain bars in ID are just fine with that.

city bars, nope though






Posted by: Jake in ID at December 22, 2012 08:17 PM (jfSqj)

111 If a girl wants to sit and drink at a bar, don't give her a lecture about how she shouldn't be there.

OMG, you ever have them come up to you and tell you to smile? WTF is up with that? Why do they think that I'm vaguely interested in a stranger's dumb fuck opinion? Don't ever do that ANYWHERE.

Posted by: bebe's boobs destroy at December 22, 2012 08:17 PM (9Zv+u)

112 "A dollar a drink is reasonable, but that has been the standard for decades. Inflation anyone?"

Posted by: NRA LIFER at December 22, 2012 07:41 PM (1p/VD)

Phone vs. real life is different.

$1 tip is a tough one for me. On a beer? Sure. But a cocktail that takes a bit of time, I think that $1.50 or maybe even $2 is reasonable.

And that is a perfect segue into the next "DON'T DO THIS."

Two drinks deserves at least $2. Don't be a cheap bastard. You just shelled out $20 for two glasses of of fancy wine and you are going to stiff the bartender and give him $1?

Care to guess why you are drinking with your BFF and not in the sack with someone?

Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo at December 22, 2012 08:17 PM (GsoHv)

113 69If more than half the crowd is at the bar to watch a ballgame, DO NOT play the fricking jukebox, that has the volume at eleventeen from the previous night.Posted by: seamrog at December 22, 2012 08:04 PM (pd3CB)Holy crap that pisses me off like the guy that shows up at fourth of July fireworks with a guitar and starts "entertaining". I gave my love a cherry that had no stone.

Posted by: JimboHoffa at December 22, 2012 08:17 PM (dAfqy)

114 Once, and only once, when I was very young, I got kicked out of a bar. A gay bar . . . not the kind where CBD hangs out with the ferns and the chardonnay and the hand sanitizer, this was some hard-ass loser leather 'mo hang. We rolled up and walked in, I put some tunes on the jukebox and started dancing around having a good time. Whoa!! 'Scuse the fuck outta me, didn't mean to disrupt your space/time continuum of morosity, you ugly fuckers.

I never did that again. I can't remember if it was in Jersey or Santa Monica.

Posted by: Peaches at December 22, 2012 08:19 PM (kpCLl)

115 OMG, you ever have them come up to you and tell you to smile? WTF is up with that? Why do they think that I'm vaguely interested in a stranger's dumb fuck opinion? Don't ever do that ANYWHERE.


****

I hate that and, at the risk of sounding like a real bitch, I can assure you that the end result of such an approach has always been far from what they expected.

Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at December 22, 2012 08:19 PM (piMMO)

116 So fuck that rule, asshole.

Posted by: Mikey NTH at December 22, 2012 07:43 PM (gmoEG)

And you are polite too!

You are in the minority.

Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo at December 22, 2012 08:19 PM (GsoHv)

117 Males should never order a drink with more than 2 ingredients plus ice.

Bullshit. I'm paying, i tip huge, I'm drinking what I want. I generally drink beer or a whatever-and-diet, or a G&T, but if I want a white Russian, I'll damn sure order one.

Don't wanna make it? Learn how to sell insurance or some shit to pay the bills.

Posted by: DC in Towson at December 22, 2012 08:19 PM (Ai+tZ)

118 $1 tip is a tough one for me. On a beer? Sure. But a cocktail that takes a bit of time, I think that $1.50 or maybe even $2 is reasonable.

I usually tip $1.50 to $2.00 a drink at the beginning of the night, because I know I’m going to start forgetting by the end of the night…

That’s when I’m with my friends; when I’m on my own I do one big tip when I leave. Again, tend to tip a bit more than $1 a drink to make up for the times I’m an inadvertent asshole.

Posted by: Stephen Price Blair at December 22, 2012 08:20 PM (CeNUw)

119 "...at J.J. Bitting's in Woodbridge, NJ). "

Posted by: Bayonets on my Christmas Tree at December 22, 2012 07:44 PM (EYx1k)

Which means you need to be on the NY/NJ Moron meetup e-mail list.

nynjmeet at optimum dot net.

Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo at December 22, 2012 08:21 PM (GsoHv)

120 Posted by: Sean Bannion at December 22, 2012 08:07 PM (

And peaches. I don't know, no shit. Anyway. A bartender once threw one of them out for me, so yeah, hazardous occupation.

I mean, I don't mind people talking to me, but lead with "hi, how are you? What's going on?" Small talk. Don't just drop me with the heavy advice right away.

Posted by: Elizabethe at December 22, 2012 08:21 PM (vc40y)

121 yeah, that's funny, some internet fag telling me what to order in a bar. it is to laugh.

Posted by: D. Hopper at December 22, 2012 08:21 PM (AVfT8)

122 When I left the blue state of NH...for Redder pastures....I believe you could. Not sure how much its changed. That was a few years back...and hadn't been in too many bars for a few years before that.....(kids...they become more important). When I was still a boozehound it was a smokers paradise.

Posted by: John Stark Dark at December 22, 2012 08:22 PM (0JB89)

123 Tip a buck a beer, every time, no exceptions. If you can't afford that, pick up a 12-er of lucky lite and drink at home. I see people all the time, they will sit there for a couple of hours and drink steadily and then, at the end, leave a buck or two. We call those people assholes.

Posted by: Peaches at December 22, 2012 08:22 PM (kpCLl)

124 110...I don't live in the city and kids don't sit at the bar. Do they let kids drink in Idaho?...

Posted by: Max Wedge at December 22, 2012 08:22 PM (6DDE+)

125 Posted by: bebe's boobs destroy at December 22, 2012 08:17 PM (9Zv+u)
And NDH

Seriously. Steady barrage of people like that.

Posted by: Elizabethe at December 22, 2012 08:23 PM (vc40y)

126 Obviously, there's a difference in describing experiences in a "bar".

Some of you are talking about offensive customer's perceptions in eastern metrosexual fern-bars.

I'm thinking of confrontations in those places you find as the first and only stop off the interstate exits in Wyoming, North Dakota, Montana...


Posted by: east of nowhere at December 22, 2012 08:23 PM (qOURa)

127 No shit. If I'm buying drinks and not causing trouble, what does anybody else care?

Well, I read that along with the rule of not buying many drinks. I deliberately choose Wednesdays as my “write in the bar” night, because the bar (at least the one I go to) is never full on Wednesdays.

The people are more interesting, too.

That said, I do drink more than one drink every 45 minutes when I’m writing.

Posted by: Stephen Price Blair at December 22, 2012 08:08 PM (CeNUw)


I enjoy single malt scotches and think anything 16 years old or less is crap.

Any bartenders who dislike this arrangement are free to voice their complaints.

Posted by: AD at December 22, 2012 08:24 PM (Ysek9)

128 So Peaches will have a double?

Posted by: andycanuck at December 22, 2012 08:24 PM (jPVBi)

129 105 96, Knowing what lives in Manhattan, I would not order a drink by the same name.

You are missing out on a sublime winter time treat. That, and my father's famed merry christmas manhattans fart in your general direction.

Posted by: bebe's boobs destroy at December 22, 2012 08:25 PM (9Zv+u)

130 117, obviously, I was not talking to you.

Posted by: Putter at December 22, 2012 08:26 PM (JHWGg)

131 Rule 1: Don't eye fuck me.

Posted by: Javems at December 22, 2012 08:27 PM (c8xU9)

132 Dont ever order a blender drink, my blender was always broken!

Posted by: lou's a Mrs at December 22, 2012 08:00 PM (adaoe)

Exactly.

I have a pretty good relationship with the bartenders at this place, however if I ever ordered a blender drink I am confident that at least one of them would tell me to fuck off.

Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo at December 22, 2012 08:27 PM (GsoHv)

133 I don't live in the city and kids don't sit at the bar. Do they let kids drink in Idaho?...
Posted by: Max Wedge at December 22, 2012 08:22 PM (6DDE+)

serious?

But stopping for a beer in a mtn bar in ID with a 2 yo and staying for 20 minutes when the bar has 5 customers is not frowned apon in the afternoon


now after 8pm, the rules are diffrent

and kids don't sit at the bar

Posted by: Jake in ID at December 22, 2012 08:28 PM (jfSqj)

134 I had no idea there was a Gabe throwing poop at conservatives post from today until just now.

That Gabe, always bringing it.

Posted by: Truman North (D) at December 22, 2012 08:28 PM (I2LwF)

135 Knowing what lives in Manhattan, I would not order a drink by the same name.
I'll have a Curious and don't screw me on the cat chasers, buddy.

Posted by: andycanuck at December 22, 2012 08:28 PM (jPVBi)

136 I enjoy single malt scotches and think anything 16 years old or less is crap.

Yeah, I expect they don’t have 16-year-old scotch at my bar, so fair enough.

Posted by: Stephen Price Blair at December 22, 2012 08:28 PM (CeNUw)

137 I've violated #1 repeatedly. If you go somewhere to watch a game, the bar is really the only place you can sit. And heavy drinking when you're by yourself is for losers.

Posted by: Zippity Doo Dah at December 22, 2012 08:28 PM (E55AK)

138 Oh, bebe, you are so right! Growing up, I remember the grown-ups all drinking Manhattans and whiskey sours, and we would be sneaking the maraschino cherries out of the jar. They seemed so swanky and elegant.

Posted by: Peaches at December 22, 2012 08:29 PM (kpCLl)

139 Rule 1: Don't eye fuck me. Posted by: Javems at December 22, 2012 08:27 PM (c8xU9)

THIS.

This is the Prime Directive. V

Posted by: Sean Bannion. at December 22, 2012 08:29 PM (AkPjA)

140 129
105 96, Knowing what lives in Manhattan, I would not order a drink by the same name.



You are missing out on a sublime winter time treat.


The Manhattan is something, isn't it? Never felt I mastered it, though. Seems fussy to get just right. I guess I have to get the right red vermouth, and the right ratio, and the right rye (no I am not using bourbon, sorry), for me. I saw a recipe online that called for 4:1 and Vya vermouth, any thoughts or advice about that?

Tried Carpo Antica or whatever it's called once. Not again, thanks. Weird stuff.

Posted by: Splunge at December 22, 2012 08:29 PM (2IW5Q)

141 Exactly.I have a pretty good relationship with the bartenders at this place, however if I ever ordered a blender drink I am confident that at least one of them would tell me to fuck off.
Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo at December 22, 2012 08:27 PM (GsoHv)

The reason is, they are just a pain in the ass, and once one person gets one, the whole bar wants one, and they take forever. If you are alone behind the bar at happy hour, you really just dont have time!

Posted by: lou's a Mrs at December 22, 2012 08:29 PM (adaoe)

142 I smoked like a chimney for 18 years, spent a ton of time in bars from biker bars in my 20's to hipster joints in my early thirties in the late 80's to early 90's

I've been off the smokes for 23 years. I'm not sanctimonious. They just fuckin' stink.

Posted by: Tobacco Road at December 22, 2012 08:30 PM (4Mv1T)

143 127
I enjoy single malt scotches and think anything 16 years old or less is crap.


Do you enjoy hangovers? Because after a couple of those, I'm leery of any Scotch with more than 10 years under its belt.

Posted by: Splunge at December 22, 2012 08:31 PM (2IW5Q)

144 An awkward morning beats a boring night.

Posted by: Whiskey_Joe at December 22, 2012 08:32 PM (RIm0W)

145 I'll have a Curious and don't screw me on the cat chasers, buddy. Posted by: andycanuck

Golf Clap. That made me laugh out loud.

Posted by: bebe's boobs destroy at December 22, 2012 08:32 PM (9Zv+u)

146 And my nic does make my previous comment somewhat ironic, eh?

It's just where I live.

Posted by: Tobacco Road at December 22, 2012 08:32 PM (4Mv1T)

147 And heavy drinking when you're by yourself is for losers.

Wait, what?

Posted by: DC in Towson at December 22, 2012 08:32 PM (Ai+tZ)

148 Wait.

I'm watching a B and B from 2011.

I didn't know they made any that recently.

Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at December 22, 2012 08:33 PM (piMMO)

149 131 Rule 1: Don't eye fuck me.

Posted by: Javems at December 22, 2012 08:27 PM (c8xU
---------
is it okay if I do....?

Posted by: candace.swanepoel at December 22, 2012 08:33 PM (0JB89)

150 ;^)

Posted by: andycanuck at December 22, 2012 08:33 PM (jPVBi)

151 137
And heavy drinking when you're
by yourself is for losers.


Inflatable chicks count, right?

Posted by: Splunge at December 22, 2012 08:34 PM (2IW5Q)

152 >>>I'm thinking of confrontations in those places you find as the first and
only stop off the interstate exits in Wyoming, North Dakota, Montana...

If you're not packing, you should at least, have easy access to your loaded weapon in your vehicle.

Posted by: Fritz at December 22, 2012 08:34 PM (w3+gB)

153 133...wouldn't happen...not at noon, 8pm or midnight. Kids don't belong in bars...least not the ones I prefer to frequent...!

Posted by: Max Wedge at December 22, 2012 08:34 PM (6DDE+)

154 Anybody ever been to a bar in East Rogers Park in Chicago called Cheers? Don't know if it's still there today.

Posted by: Vertov at December 22, 2012 08:34 PM (rRr9n)

155
Posted by: Zippity Doo Dah at December 22, 2012 08:28 PM (E55AK)

So you're the lightweight metro taking up seats at the bar and judging people who can actually drink and hold large quantities of alcohol.

Posted by: NRA LIFER at December 22, 2012 08:34 PM (1p/VD)

156 What TV show (?) is "B and B", NDH?

Posted by: andycanuck at December 22, 2012 08:34 PM (jPVBi)

157 22 You didn't say anything about ripping a wet, loud nasty one.
Posted by: Social Security Administration Worker at December 22, 2012 07:42 PM (qs9G3)


----------------


Who run Fartertown?!

Posted by: Master/Obammer at December 22, 2012 08:34 PM (8hBZi)

158 151 137 And heavy drinking when you're by yourself is for losers.Inflatable chicks count, right?
Posted by: Splunge at December 22, 2012 08:34 PM (2IW5Q)

Ok laughing.

Posted by: lou's a Mrs at December 22, 2012 08:34 PM (adaoe)

159 Never felt I mastered it, though.

Really? Ok, here's Daddy's recipe

2 parts Canadian Club
1 part sweet Vermouth
1/2 part dry Vermouth
dash bitters

chill real good in the freezer. serve with a maraschino cherry. mmmmm. Daddy got a lot of people fucked up on those things.

Posted by: bebe's boobs destroy at December 22, 2012 08:35 PM (9Zv+u)

160 Jesus, don't post stuff like this. Next thing we know Barry'll appoint a Bar Czar.

Posted by: Jay Guevara at December 22, 2012 08:35 PM (4u2LN)

161 >>>And heavy drinking when you're
by yourself is for losers.


...and the horse you rode in one.

I only drink two ways. When I'm with someone, and when I'm not.

Posted by: Tobacco Road at December 22, 2012 08:36 PM (4Mv1T)

162 Used to be a country western place near where i lived, started going there when i was 18 and they never id'd me. That was a great place, bar, pool tables and a little dance floor for when a band was there on the weekends, great people, i never had a bad night there and i went there for about 4 years.

Posted by: booger at December 22, 2012 08:36 PM (HI6wa)

163 If the waitress leans forward on the table to take your order , giving you a nice, clear look at her funbags, YOU MUST TIP!!!

Posted by: EC at December 22, 2012 08:36 PM (doBIb)

164 Someone in here call me a loser?

Posted by: G. Thorogood. at December 22, 2012 08:38 PM (0JB89)

165 'So you're the lightweight metro taking up seats at the bar and
judging people who can actually drink and hold large quantities of
alcohol.'


If you say so.

Posted by: Zippity Doo Dah at December 22, 2012 08:38 PM (E55AK)

166 Totally OT, but I just watched a Starbucks commercial about "Terrell" and his wife who are regulars at a particular Starbucks.

They showed Terrell's mother who said that times are tough and she couldn't afford to attend their wedding. Starucks then springs for a trip?

WTF?

You can afford to get married, but can't afford to have your mom shipped in for it?

How about cutting down on the fucking $8 a day Starbucks runs?

Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at December 22, 2012 08:39 PM (piMMO)

167 And heavy drinking when you're by yourself is for losers.

Nah, by yourself is the only time you should drink heavily, that way you don't get into any trouble, hanging out with others is for drinking normally*



*ages 17-22 are exempt from this rule

Posted by: booger at December 22, 2012 08:39 PM (HI6wa)

168 Someone in here call me a loser?Posted by: G. Thorogood. at December 22, 2012 08:38 PM (0JB89)Wasn't me.

Posted by: Norm at December 22, 2012 08:39 PM (1p/VD)

169 NORM!

Posted by: bebe's boobs destroy at December 22, 2012 08:41 PM (9Zv+u)

170
163 If the waitress leans forward on the table to take your order , giving you a nice, clear look at her funbags, YOU MUST TIP!!!
Posted by: EC at December 22, 2012 08:36 PM (doBIb)


Oh don't you worry. I'll have a tip for her.

Posted by: buzzion at December 22, 2012 08:41 PM (GULKT)

171 And heavy drinking when you're by yourself is for losers.


Posted by: Zippity Doo Dah at December 22, 2012 08:28 PM (E55AK)
I am not normally what you would call a "heavy drinker," but I'm pretty sure if I were drinking with you, I'd need to really power down, buddy. Because of the fun times, naturally.

Posted by: Peaches at December 22, 2012 08:42 PM (kpCLl)

172 They showed Terrell's mother who said that times are tough and she couldn't afford to attend their wedding. Starucks then springs for a trip?


What kind of douche doesn't fly in his own mother to his wedding? Oh yeah! The douches who go to Starbucks.

Posted by: EC at December 22, 2012 08:42 PM (doBIb)

173 NORM!!!!!!

Posted by: G. Thorogood. at December 22, 2012 08:42 PM (0JB89)

174 Males should never order a drink with more than 2 ingredients plus ice.

That excludes proper manhattans, so fail.
Posted by: bebe's boobs destroy


No kidding. It excludes all the of the six basic drinks: Martini, Manhattan, Old Fashion, Daiquiri, Sidecar, and the Jack Rose.

If you're going to drink cocktails, you're going to order one of those eventually.

Posted by: weft cut-loop at December 22, 2012 08:42 PM (FaqTv)

175 NRA Lifer- I think we need to have a drink, and kick some metro ass.

Posted by: Tobacco Road at December 22, 2012 08:43 PM (4Mv1T)

176 MORN!!

Posted by: Quark at December 22, 2012 08:43 PM (GULKT)

177 Hello George, need a beer buddy. Put it on my tab.

Posted by: Norm at December 22, 2012 08:44 PM (1p/VD)

178 EC too funny.

Posted by: lou's a Mrs who on occasion drinks alone, or with someone else at December 22, 2012 08:44 PM (adaoe)

179 Yeah, I picked the Lions (((burp)))

Posted by: CraigPoe at December 22, 2012 08:44 PM (BVkEs)

180 I know things are a little up in the air at the moment due to Ace being on vacation, but is there some sort of process for submitting an article for the blog? I have a couple of ideas rattling around my head I'd like to put down on 'paper' and see if anyone finds interesting.

Posted by: Emile Antoon Khadaji at December 22, 2012 08:44 PM (rKvZm)

181 > 152
>>>I'm thinking of confrontations in those places you find as the first and
only stop off the interstate exits in Wyoming, North Dakota, Montana...

> If you're not packing, you should at least, have easy access to your loaded weapon in your vehicle.

Well, I was speaking from experiences over a 20yr perspective, in the first few posts. These days, I like a shoulder holster for a Commander sized 45acp as hassle-free backup.

Posted by: east of nowhere at December 22, 2012 08:44 PM (qOURa)

182 ..wouldn't happen...not at noon, 8pm or midnight. Kids don't belong in bars...least not the ones I prefer to frequent...!
Posted by: Max Wedge at December 22, 2012 08:34 PM (6DDE+)

well, don't bother journeying to Idaho.
You would not like it here

Crap, you can get 'to go cups' in alot of places still




Posted by: Jake in ID at December 22, 2012 08:45 PM (jfSqj)

183 is there some sort of process for submitting an article for the blog?

First, submit your trash for analysis.

Posted by: Stephen Price Blair at December 22, 2012 08:45 PM (CeNUw)

184 Do you enjoy hangovers? Because after a couple of those, I'm leery of any Scotch with more than 10 years under its belt.

I just haven't noticed a difference in hangover affects based on years. The largest difference to me is how smooth it tastes.

If I was in a situation where I had to drive, I certainly wouldn't do that, though.

Posted by: AD at December 22, 2012 08:46 PM (Ysek9)

185 If you take me home you have to bring me back to the same bar the same night before closing. Actually I prefer we just go out in the parking lot. With all your friends.

Don't worry about birth control, there are government stocked rubber machines in the little girl's room now.

Posted by: Sandra Fluke at December 22, 2012 08:46 PM (qs9G3)

186 Bars aren't my thang, and I have only been in 5, 3 of which were on the same night, but the best time I ever had was at a lesbian bar that we ended up in, not knowing before they told us at the door that it was a lesbian bar. (It was the third of that noght)

I had a blast and danced all night. I didn't realize I was dancing with women half the time because of all the flannel shirts and buzz cuts... but it was lots of fun.

Posted by: Tammy al-Thor at December 22, 2012 08:46 PM (66ST/)

187 How come no one ever calls out my name when I show up?

Posted by: Cliff at December 22, 2012 08:46 PM (0JB89)

188 179 Yeah, I picked the Lions


To lose big?

Posted by: booger at December 22, 2012 08:47 PM (HI6wa)

189 174, Funny, I've never seen a biker or a lumberjack order a Jack Rose.

Posted by: Putter at December 22, 2012 08:47 PM (JHWGg)

190 183
is there some sort of process for submitting an article for the blog?



First, submit your trash for analysis.

Crap. I just boxed it up and mailed it to Fred Phelps. How much do you need?

Posted by: Emile Antoon Khadaji at December 22, 2012 08:47 PM (rKvZm)

191 What TV show (?) is "B and B", NDH?


****

Beavis and Butthead. Sorry. I was referencing an earlier comment.

Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at December 22, 2012 08:48 PM (piMMO)

192
187 How come no one ever calls out my name when I show up?
Posted by: Cliff at December 22, 2012 08:46 PM (0JB89


You're a mailman. No one is happy to see the guy that brings the bills.

Posted by: buzzion at December 22, 2012 08:48 PM (GULKT)

193 I will leave the bar to go to your car, but you'll have to wait until I finish pulling my train for the night.

Posted by: Sandra Fluke at December 22, 2012 08:48 PM (qs9G3)

194 is there some sort of process for submitting an article for the blog?

Seriously, I thought there was a post just in the last week or two about it, but I can’t find it now.

Good thing I already overtipped the bartender.

Posted by: Stephen Price Blair at December 22, 2012 08:48 PM (CeNUw)

195 Went to liquor store to get champagne today, they had miniature red solo cups. Should have bought them, I guess they would have been good for shots.

Posted by: lou's a Mrs at December 22, 2012 08:48 PM (adaoe)

196 is there some sort of process for submitting an article for the blog?


***

There used to be a tips line but I would suggest writing to Ace or maybe tweeting one of the coblogger

Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at December 22, 2012 08:48 PM (piMMO)

197 I didn't realize I was dancing with women half the time because of all the flannel shirts and buzz cuts...

That's hilarious, Tammy! Why do I suspect you were the belle of the ball?

Posted by: Peaches at December 22, 2012 08:49 PM (kpCLl)

198 I miss the fun drinks like a Flaming Dr. Pepper.

They're illegal now in Ohio but it was a shot of Amaretto layered with 151, lit on fire and slid into a pint glass of ale.

It tastes exactly like Dr.Pepper but you had to be careful with your technique. I've seen hands and bartops flickering with blue flames.

Posted by: ErikW on the damned phone at December 22, 2012 08:49 PM (BtG9r)

199 petition to have Piers Morgan deported for dissing the second amendment has over 10,000 signatures.... one of which is not mine.... no way i'ma signing up for Barkys website........... an option for the site wonders if you want to sign up for daily updates from Obama and other whitehouse officials..... hahahahahaahhahaha. GFYS Barky

Posted by: Some Guy in Wisconsin at December 22, 2012 08:49 PM (dmMDQ)

200
191 What TV show (?) is "B and B", NDH? **** Beavis and Butthead. Sorry. I was referencing an earlier comment.
Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at December 22, 2012 08:48 PM (piMMO)


Yeah ace had a post about it when they started making and airing new ones. I guess now instead of ripping on music videos its reality tv shows. Fitting since I think that is all MTV shows now.

Posted by: buzzion at December 22, 2012 08:49 PM (GULKT)

201 I used to always take a book into the bar with me when I went after school (and then after work) for a few drinks. And not some light-reading novel bullshit, we're talking about The Decline And Fall Of The Roman Empire or the Riverside Shakespeare or Foucault's A History of Madness, stuff like that. The fact that it was immediately obvious that I was seriously into my reading and not 'fronting' for the sake of others made it alright. Also, the fact that I drank like a fucking fish and tipped generously.

And the funny thing is, even though it was never my intent, it DID lead me to start a number of fun conversations, make friends, and (yes) go home with a few girls. Ah, the early twenties...seems like a lifetime ago.

Posted by: Jeff B. at December 22, 2012 08:50 PM (/COnL)

202 Yeah ace had a post about it when they started making and airing new ones. I guess now instead of ripping on music videos its reality tv shows. Fitting since I think that is all MTV shows now.


***

I miss the MTV of old.

Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at December 22, 2012 08:51 PM (piMMO)

203 Posted by: Tammy al-Thor at December 22, 2012 08:46 PM (66ST/)

Hi Tammy!
One more bar thing, dont order jagermeister, instant asshole!

Posted by: lou's a Mrs at December 22, 2012 08:51 PM (adaoe)

204 I've read in bars before, mostly because I wanted to get out of the house, listen to music, and have a drink while I enjoyed my book. That said, I always made sure I was out of the way of other customers, ordered drinks regularly, and tipped well enough.
$1 a drink is enough, IMHO, especially if all you order is a $4 beer or straight liquor. If the bartender has to work to make the order, then yeah, tip a little extra.
My two favorite bars were Sugar Shack in Leesville, LA and Morrison Street Bar and Grill in Portland, OR. Both had good staff, decent prices, and were low key.

Posted by: Colorado Alex at December 22, 2012 08:52 PM (o1kXv)

205 182...go cups?!...now THAT I like!

Posted by: Max Wedge at December 22, 2012 08:52 PM (6DDE+)

206 Oh please!

That damn Starbucks ad is on CC again!

AND, it turns out the mom totally missed the wedding. Starbucks sprung for a trip later on when the son STILL couldn't afford it.

Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at December 22, 2012 08:53 PM (piMMO)

207 AND, it turns out the mom totally missed the wedding. Starbucks sprung for a trip later on when the son STILL couldn't afford it.


Douche x 2.

Posted by: EC at December 22, 2012 08:54 PM (doBIb)

208 Posted by: Peaches at December 22, 2012 08:49 PM (kpCLl)


My hot cousin was the actual belle, but I didn't sit very much!

Posted by: Tammy al-Thor at December 22, 2012 08:54 PM (66ST/)

209
206 Oh please! That damn Starbucks ad is on CC again! AND, it turns out the mom totally missed the wedding. Starbucks sprung for a trip later on when the son STILL couldn't afford it.
Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at December 22, 2012 08:53 PM (piMMO)


Hey why wouldn't Starbucks run that ad. Makes them look altruistic. Makes the son look like a douchebag.

Posted by: buzzion at December 22, 2012 08:54 PM (GULKT)

210 "Tip a buck a beer, every time, no exceptions."

Unless you're drinking five dollar beers, I don't think so.

Posted by: lowandslow at December 22, 2012 08:54 PM (GZitp)

211 My favorite haunt of all time remains Charles Village Pub in Baltimore, MD. Right by the undergrad I went to (Johns Hopkins), home of the $4.00 Long Islands, with two-for-ones during happy hour...dear lord I did a ridiculous amount of drinking during those years.

Posted by: Jeff B. at December 22, 2012 08:55 PM (/COnL)

212 Mrs lou!!! How do?

Posted by: Tammy al-Thor at December 22, 2012 08:55 PM (66ST/)

213 Which means you need to be on the NY/NJ Moron meetup e-mail list.

Used to live there. Now it's only a short 1,800 mile road trip.

Posted by: Bayonets on my Christmas Tree at December 22, 2012 08:55 PM (EYx1k)

214 Screaming Nazi:

1 part Jager

1 part Rumple Minze


Pour over ice. It'll clear your sinuses.

Posted by: ErikW on the damned phone at December 22, 2012 08:56 PM (BtG9r)

215 I sat too close to yankeefifth last night and caught his cooties. I hate having a cold.

Posted by: Tammy al-Thor at December 22, 2012 08:57 PM (66ST/)

216 Hey why wouldn't Starbucks run that ad. Makes them look altruistic. Makes the son look like a douchebag.


****

The silver lining.

Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at December 22, 2012 08:57 PM (piMMO)

217 174, Funny, I've never seen a biker or a lumberjack order a Jack Rose.
Posted by: Putter


Which is odd, seeing that they both are known for drinking cocktails, right?

Posted by: weft cut-loop at December 22, 2012 08:58 PM (FaqTv)

218 I'll have a Screaming Viking.

Posted by: EC at December 22, 2012 08:58 PM (doBIb)

219 Thanks, NDH. I didn't recognize it as a show's nickname. I've only seen the odd clip as well so it wouldn't have sprung to mind despite the earlier reference to it.

Posted by: andycanuck at December 22, 2012 08:59 PM (jPVBi)

220 212 Mrs lou!!! How do?
Posted by: Tammy al-Thor at December 22, 2012 08:55 PM (66ST/)

Really good. Waiting for lasanga to come out of oven. Love being a Mrs

Posted by: lou's a Mrs at December 22, 2012 09:00 PM (adaoe)

221 I'll have a Screaming Viking.


****

Me too!!!

http://bit.ly/Y0Tq8E

Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at December 22, 2012 09:00 PM (piMMO)

222 Being a Mrs. is the most glorious thing in the world. I I was born to be a wife.

Congratulations again! I just love a newlywed!

Posted by: Tammy al-Thor at December 22, 2012 09:01 PM (66ST/)

223 CBD- I would like to personally thank you for posting this drinking thread. That's 2 at AoSHQ in the 3 days. The only thing that would be better is 3 in 3 days.

I think it sorta sets the ton for the ONT. Don't you?

Posted by: Tobacco Road at December 22, 2012 09:02 PM (4Mv1T)

224 Emile, here’s the post where Ace last asked for cob-loggers: http://ace.mu.nu/archives/335463.php

So it sounds like the process is “e-mail Ace”.

Posted by: Stephen Price Blair at December 22, 2012 09:02 PM (CeNUw)

225 tone. I mean tone.

Posted by: Tobacco Road at December 22, 2012 09:02 PM (4Mv1T)

226
Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at December 22, 2012 09:00 PM (piMMO)

I dont drink fancy or mixed drinks, but I like some of the names. Ordering a 'Red Headed Slut' and a 'Blow Job' are two of my favorites.

Posted by: Norm at December 22, 2012 09:03 PM (1p/VD)

227 Shit, rules everywhere


Fuckin A. I'll stick to hanging out with my drinking buddy George Thoroughgood.

Posted by: fluffy at December 22, 2012 09:03 PM (z9HTb)

228 Me too!!!



http://bit.ly/Y0Tq8E

Bless you for that, NDH.

Posted by: no good deed at December 22, 2012 09:03 PM (mjR67)

229 211 My favorite haunt of all time remains Charles Village Pub in Baltimore, MD. Right by the undergrad I went to (Johns Hopkins), home of the $4.00 Long Islands, with two-for-ones during happy hour...dear lord I did a ridiculous amount of drinking during those years.
Posted by: Jeff B. at December 22, 2012 08:55 PM (/COnL)


My favorite place too, we go about once a week or so. Burned down a few years ago, they just reopened this summer. Now have 5 or 6 bars, including 2 outdoors. Next time you get in town, let me know, there's a bunch of Towson area Morons.

Posted by: DC in Towson at December 22, 2012 09:03 PM (Ai+tZ)

230 Once some giant ahole was being a giant ahole at the bar, so I ordered a glass of ice water and then poured on on his head. From what ensued, I recommend you do not do that.

Posted by: Cowboy at December 22, 2012 09:04 PM (WcgMM)

231 It seems the South Park and Beavis and Butthead rotation is a marathon. On all night.

Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at December 22, 2012 09:04 PM (piMMO)

232 Screaming Viking??

I'll see your Gronk and raise you a Bloodline:

http://tinyurl.com/bsn4r6w


I wish I could find his latest sack dance, good lord.

Posted by: Tammy al-Thor at December 22, 2012 09:04 PM (66ST/)

233 Sands of iwo Jima on military ch. For anyone interested. You know...w/ John Wayne. Was watching "too cute" w the kids they left so ...

Posted by: John Stark Dark at December 22, 2012 09:04 PM (0JB89)

234 Biker bars are usually the most easy going and least likely place to find fuckwads trying to order the latest fad. In Florida I prefer riding up to where I see my brothers are. And usually are all Vets too.
If I can make recommendations- Porpoise Pub in Seminole is a real bar. No pretense. Bikers, bands, and booze. Mahuffers in Indian Shores- if Fred Sanford's place had a bar and bands.
If the bar has wifi you know it's not a 'bar'.
Oh, and I smoke cigars at bars. Not stinky cheapos or smelly cigs. Cigars and whiskey are for men...

Posted by: Mr Wolf, Esq at December 22, 2012 09:06 PM (izPgb)

235 >>>My favorite place too, we go about once a week or so. Burned down a
few years ago, they just reopened this summer. Now have 5 or 6 bars,
including 2 outdoors. Next time you get in town, let me know, there's a
bunch of Towson area Morons.


Huh, I'm stunned that there's another Moron in this thread familiar with the joint. You a JHU alum?

Posted by: Jeff B. at December 22, 2012 09:06 PM (/COnL)

236 I dont drink fancy or mixed drinks, but I like some of the names. Ordering a 'Red Headed Slut' and a 'Blow Job' are two of my favorites.


****

Sex on the Beach or a Long, Slow Screw on the Beach. Don't ask me what's in them.

A couple of weeks ago one of the morons was tweeting for bad cocktail names and I submitted Sex on a Hot Tin Roof then realized it would actually be an AWESOME name for a drink.

Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at December 22, 2012 09:06 PM (piMMO)

237 Bars I have loved:

Bob and Nonie's in Townsend, Wisconsin. Wisconsin lets kids sit at the bar so we used to sit there with my mom and dad and drink Wabeno Bottling Company's cream soda. They had a great pinball machine and bowling game, too!

Renato's in West Berlin, where I used to hang out with my husband until three AM, when Renato would give us a shot of groppa.

Schneider's, south side Indianapolis. Great bar food and they make great martinis. No smoking any more, though, because the smoking Nazis have taken over Indianapolis.

Posted by: Miss Marple at December 22, 2012 09:06 PM (GoIUi)

238 No no no!!!

Didn't any of you watch Cheers? A Screaming Viking was that fake drink everyone ordered so that Sam wouldn't get fired when Rebecca took over the bar.

"How do you like your cucumber, Mr Peterson?"

"Slightly bruised, Woody."

Posted by: EC at December 22, 2012 09:08 PM (doBIb)

239 I'll see your Gronk and raise you a Bloodline:

http://tinyurl.com/bsn4r6w


I wish I could find his latest sack dance, good lord.

***

If only he'd cut that hair!!!

Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at December 22, 2012 09:09 PM (piMMO)

240 Nope, never saw Cheers. I like my Screaming Viking better!

Posted by: Tammy al-Thor at December 22, 2012 09:09 PM (66ST/)

241 JeffB, nope, towson born and raised. I live about 2 miles from the joint now, and my buddy is in walking distance.

Posted by: DC in Towson at December 22, 2012 09:09 PM (Ai+tZ)

242 Have to say that Wisconsin (outside of Milwaukee and the shithole college-kid parts of Madison) has a damn good bar/drinking culture.

Also, Wisconsin is home to the single greatest budget-price microbrew on the face of the earth: Spotted Cow. Will cost you as much as a Budweiser, will taste as good as any give frou-frou $10 specialty beer. It's a fucking crime that you can't buy it outside the state.

Posted by: Jeff B. at December 22, 2012 09:09 PM (/COnL)

243 Bars I have loved:

The original Billy Goat under Wacker Drive in Chicago.

Nunu's, on Fifth Avenue just up the hill from downtown here in San Diego. (That’s the one I still go to.)

Posted by: Stephen Price Blair at December 22, 2012 09:10 PM (CeNUw)

244 When I tended bar I (and all other bartenders I know) despised shooters only slightly less than the people who order them. Usually young people who just started drinking, they'd come in and order all these bizarre things. And they'd try to stump you with the latest or most obscure crazy thing. Defense: Ask, "What color is it?" and proceed accordingly. They'll love ya, and swear you make the best fill-in-the-blank, as long as you can makeone of them decentthen color it to taste.

Posted by: Cowboy at December 22, 2012 09:10 PM (WcgMM)

245 Om nom nom nom pie.


Apple you perverts.

Posted by: alexthechick - SMOD. Considering waiting until after March Madness. at December 22, 2012 09:10 PM (Gk3SS)

246 Yea, I'm not a fan of the hair. When he was at SC he wore a freaking skinny black headband at practice, looked so prissy.


I wouldn't make him cut it, though.

Posted by: Tammy al-Thor at December 22, 2012 09:11 PM (66ST/)

247 Alex,

SMOD has failed us.


*sad*

Posted by: EC at December 22, 2012 09:11 PM (doBIb)

248 231
It seems the South Park and Beavis and Butthead rotation is a marathon. On all night.

Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at December 22, 2012 09:04 PM (piMMO)

---
Thanks for the tip. (I know, I said tip)

Posted by: CraigPoe at December 22, 2012 09:12 PM (BVkEs)

249 245 Om nom nom nom pie.


Apple you perverts.
Posted by: alexthechick - SMOD. Considering waiting until after March Madness. at December 22, 2012 09:10 PM (Gk3SS)


Anybody else thinking of the Cheech Marin line from "from dusk till dawn"?

Posted by: DC in Towson at December 22, 2012 09:12 PM (Ai+tZ)

250 Yea, I'm not a fan of the hair. When he was at SC he wore a freaking skinny black headband at practice, looked so prissy.


I wouldn't make him cut it, though.


**

Still. What's that saying about a screen door?

Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at December 22, 2012 09:12 PM (piMMO)

251 Apple you perverts.

What kind of parent names their girl "Apple"?

Posted by: Colorado Alex at December 22, 2012 09:13 PM (o1kXv)

252 Alex,



SMOD has failed us.





*sad*

Posted by: EC at December 22, 2012 09:11 PM (doBIb)


I'm rather certain we have failed SMOD.

Posted by: alexthechick - SMOD. Totes waiting until after March Madness. at December 22, 2012 09:13 PM (Gk3SS)

253

FUCKITY FUCK FUCK FUCK.

Posted by: alexthechick - SMOD. Totes waiting until after March Madness. at December 22, 2012 09:13 PM (Gk3SS)

254 Thanks for the tip. (I know, I said tip)


***

Uh heh Uh heh

Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at December 22, 2012 09:13 PM (piMMO)

255 For a couple of summers during high school i worked at a vet clinic that had a small biker bar right behind it, never saw what it was like at night since the clinic closed at 6, but it was always fun talking to the guys and gals who hung out there during the day, that was my early lesson in bar protocol.

Posted by: booger at December 22, 2012 09:13 PM (HI6wa)

256 I also don't want to see teo women whoring it up
with each other in the transparent attempt to get the attention of the
men in the bar.



Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at December 22, 2012 07:54 PM (piMMO)

_____________________
Speak for yourself!

Posted by: Mr. Moo Moo at December 22, 2012 09:13 PM (HDgX3)

257 Sex on the Beach or a Long, Slow Screw on the Beach. Don't ask me what's in them.
Sand?

Posted by: andycanuck at December 22, 2012 09:13 PM (jPVBi)

258 245
Om nom nom nom pie.


Apple you perverts.


When you've been watching Season 2 of Justified, "Apple Pie" takes on a whole different meaning. One very fitting for this thread.

Pass the mason jar.

Posted by: Splunge at December 22, 2012 09:13 PM (2IW5Q)

259 Former cocktail waitress here....


From Clubs Mutsu + Tohoku, to NCEP, to small town mainland--can only say it was "the most fun a gal could have, while remaining clothed."


I should write a book. Good times, good times!

Posted by: JeanQueenie at December 22, 2012 09:14 PM (Gmp2Z)

260 Still. What's that saying about a screen door?
Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at December 22, 2012 09:12 PM (piMMO)

Amen, my sister. His arms alone would do it for me.

Posted by: Tammy al-Thor at December 22, 2012 09:15 PM (66ST/)

261
245 Om nom nom nom pie.Apple you perverts.
Posted by: alexthechick - SMOD. Considering waiting until after March Madness. at December 22, 2012 09:10 PM (Gk3SS)


And what is her non-stripper name?

Posted by: buzzion at December 22, 2012 09:15 PM (GULKT)

262 Anybody else thinking of the Cheech Marin line from "from dusk till dawn"?


All right, we got white pussy, black pussy, Spanish pussy, yellow pussy, we got hot pussy, cold pussy, we got wet pussy, we got *sniffs* smelly pussy, we got hairy pussy, bloody pussy, we got snappin' pussy, we got silk pussy, velvet pussy, Naugahyde pussy, we even got horse pussy, dog pussy, chicken pussy! Come on, you want pussy, come on in, pussy lovers! If we don't got it, you don't want it! Come on in, pussy lovers!

Posted by: EC at December 22, 2012 09:15 PM (doBIb)

263 Here's a Long, Slow Screw Against a Wall.

Turns out there are variations on the theme.

http://www.webtender.com/db/drink/4604

Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at December 22, 2012 09:15 PM (piMMO)

264
251 Apple you perverts. What kind of parent names their girl "Apple"?
Posted by: Colorado Alex at December 22, 2012 09:13 PM (o1kXv)


Gwyneth Paltrow.

Posted by: buzzion at December 22, 2012 09:15 PM (GULKT)

265 And what is her non-stripper name?

Cherri.

Posted by: Colorado Alex at December 22, 2012 09:16 PM (o1kXv)

266 If the bar is busy:

1) Don't order weird-assed drinks (unless it's a specialty of the bar or something like that). Some bartenders might be interested in learning how to make a Pharaoh Rameses' Foreskin if the bar is slow (especially if it's good), but not when it's busy.
2) Don't make the bartender or waitress recite every friggin' type of beer (or other booze) that they have on hand.
3) If you do 2) don't take five friggin' minutes to make up your mind after hearing the list.

Posted by: Rodrigo Borgia, Pope Alexander VI at December 22, 2012 09:16 PM (w9BpZ)

267 Sex on the Beach? Hell, I've been ordering Sex with a Bitch. No wonder.

Posted by: CraigPoe at December 22, 2012 09:17 PM (BVkEs)

268 You guys (and the webtender) are spelling it wrong. It's "Sloe Screw Against the Wall"

Posted by: Cowboy at December 22, 2012 09:17 PM (WcgMM)

269 Don't, Splunge! It's poisoned!

Posted by: andycanuck at December 22, 2012 09:17 PM (jPVBi)

270 Is it just me or does it seem like, contrary to what one might expect, the "bartending/drinking" threads attract a lot more women than the typical AoSHQ thread?

A more clever man than me would study such behavioral phenomena carefully for hook-up tips.

Posted by: Jeff B. at December 22, 2012 09:17 PM (/COnL)

271 2) Don't make the bartender or waitress recite every friggin' type of beer (or other booze) that they have on hand.

3) If you do 2) don't take five friggin' minutes to make up your mind after hearing the list.





Posted by: Rodrigo Borgia, Pope Alexander VI at December 22, 2012 09:16 PM (w9BpZ)

___________________
3a. If after the bartender/waitress has named 25 microbrews, don't ask for a Bud Lite.

Posted by: Mr. Moo Moo at December 22, 2012 09:17 PM (HDgX3)

272 Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at December 22, 2012 09:15 PM (piMMO)

You have NO IDEA how much I need this. And the first one need not be all that slow.

Posted by: Tammy al-Thor at December 22, 2012 09:17 PM (66ST/)

273 Amen, my sister. His arms alone would do it for me.


***


Not to take anything away from he who need not be named.

Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at December 22, 2012 09:18 PM (piMMO)

274 Posted by: EC at December 22, 2012 09:15 PM

Right now, come on in and enjoy our penny pussy special. Buy one piece of pussy, get a second piece, or equal or lesser value, for only a penny! Try and beat pussy for a penny! If you can pussy cheaper than a penny, fuck it!

Posted by: DC in Towson at December 22, 2012 09:18 PM (Ai+tZ)

275 Come on, you want pussy, come on in, pussy lovers! If we don't got it, you don't want it! Come on in, pussy lovers!


Can I get me some lightly-scented, Naugahyde chicken pussy?

Posted by: fluffy at December 22, 2012 09:18 PM (z9HTb)

276 ...Hell, I've been ordering Sex with a Bitch. No wonder.

That made me snort. Good one.

Posted by: Tobacco Road at December 22, 2012 09:18 PM (4Mv1T)

277 When did Detroit become a defensive power house? Falcons' offense is sucking the big Cohiba.

Posted by: Fritz at December 22, 2012 09:19 PM (w3+gB)

278 Don't go to the bar AFTER you're done a bunch of meth, crack, or whatever. Seen too many guys come in, order a coke or water, and stare at it stupidly for a few minutes before they hit the floor.

Posted by: Gordon undead Ramsay at December 22, 2012 09:19 PM (9HhTH)

279
That made me snort.

****

Me too.

Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at December 22, 2012 09:20 PM (piMMO)

280 Not to take anything away from he who need not be named.
Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at December 22, 2012 09:18 PM (piMMO)

Not at all. Goes without saying, right??

He's gonna have plenty of free time on his hands now, too, and a great need for comfort and frustration release.

Tough job, but somebody's gotta do it.

Posted by: Tammy al-Thor at December 22, 2012 09:20 PM (66ST/)

281 And what is her non-stripper name?

Posted by: buzzion at December 22, 2012 09:15 PM (GULKT)



Leave it to all y'all to make that pervy. *wipes away a tear of pride*

Posted by: alexthechick - SMOD. Totes waiting until after March Madness. at December 22, 2012 09:20 PM (Gk3SS)

282 That old guy, you know the one who always sits in the samestool at the bar against the wall. If you get there before him and he shows up, Get off his barstool.

Posted by: D-lo at December 22, 2012 09:21 PM (Pw8MP)

283 My current fave drink- Moscow Mule. Mostly at home.
Vodka
Ginger beer (ginger ale but is weaker)
Squeeze of lime.
When out its just vodka and ginger ale.

Posted by: Mr Wolf, Esq at December 22, 2012 09:21 PM (WgBz9)

284 I drink alone.
No need for 'etiquette' . No one gets insulted, no one's feeling hurts, no bar fights, no emergency medical treatment required.

...and I get to choose the music. ,

Posted by: Skandia Recluse at December 22, 2012 09:23 PM (IsDs3)

285 zzz

What's up with all the crappy posts lately?

Posted by: Gerry at December 22, 2012 09:23 PM (GmBJN)

286 Found on Bing. I've never heard of this before.

C**k Sucking Cowboy Leaning towards downright dirty, the C**k Sucking Cowboy is among the more lewdly-named cocktails. Modesty often has this warm little shot abbreviated to just 'Cowboy'. A good party starter.
What's in it? Two parts butterscotch Schnapps, one part Baileys. Layer in a shot glass.

Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at December 22, 2012 09:23 PM (piMMO)

287 283 My current fave drink- Moscow Mule. Mostly at home.
Vodka
Ginger beer (ginger ale but is weaker)
Squeeze of lime.
When out its just vodka and ginger ale.
Posted by: Mr Wolf, Esq at December 22, 2012 09:21 PM (WgBz9)
---

You should try it in a cold copper cup! I keep one around just for that!

Posted by: Not Ready to Unsock at December 22, 2012 09:24 PM (BgIBZ)

288 If you get there before him and he shows up, Get off his barstool.

My favorite watering hole has that guy, with that stool, and a brass plaque on the bar, that says that's his stool.

Posted by: Tobacco Road at December 22, 2012 09:24 PM (4Mv1T)

289 "Pharaoh Rameses' Foreskin"

I just made this up, by the way, but here's a recipe:

1 pitted prune
1 shot triple sec
1 shot coconut cream
2 shots arack.

Let me know how it tastes.

Posted by: Rodrigo Borgia, Pope Alexander VI at December 22, 2012 09:24 PM (w9BpZ)

290 Not at all. Goes without saying, right??

He's gonna have plenty of free time on his hands now, too, and a great need for comfort and frustration release.

Tough job, but somebody's gotta do it.

***

And.... I saw something about he and the Camilla girl breaking up.

Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at December 22, 2012 09:25 PM (piMMO)

291 What's up with all the crappy posts lately?

Posted by: Gerry


You're nothing if not consistent.

Posted by: weft cut-loop at December 22, 2012 09:25 PM (FaqTv)

292 285 zzzWhat's up with all the crappy posts lately?
Posted by: Gerry at December 22, 2012 09:23 PM (GmBJN)

And your blog is?

Posted by: lou's a Mrs at December 22, 2012 09:25 PM (adaoe)

293 If your cell phone rings with some lame American Idol ring tone, I'm going to fart and blame it on you.

Posted by: dfbaskwill at December 22, 2012 09:25 PM (ndlFj)

294 If you step up to the waitress station to order a drink, get your business done and GTFO. If you make my waitress wait, I will kill you.

Posted by: Rodrigo Borgia, Pope Alexander VI at December 22, 2012 09:25 PM (w9BpZ)

295 Double shots for all of you assholes that bet against the Falcons!!11!!

Posted by: Fritz at December 22, 2012 09:26 PM (w3+gB)

296 Back in the 80's, the club (overseas) would have "Amateur Go-Go Night" both male and female competitions. Bet that wouldn't fly in today's PC military.

Posted by: JeanQueenie at December 22, 2012 09:26 PM (Gmp2Z)

297 What's up with all the crappy posts lately?


***

Ace should be pleased t know you miss him.

Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at December 22, 2012 09:26 PM (piMMO)

298 I got a set of copper mugs for Christmas last year, use the for all non-wine drinks. Unless I'm using the ceramic Dogfishhead mug.

Posted by: DC in Towson at December 22, 2012 09:27 PM (Ai+tZ)

299 "3a. If after the bartender/waitress has named 25 microbrews, don't ask for a Bud Lite."

Microbrews, 95% of them are pure crap. It's like your home brew neighbor that really thinks he a master brewer when the fact of the matter is, his beer taste like shit. Most Microbrews are shit also, it's just that a bunch of pretentious douchebags decided it was stylish to pretend they taste good. Microbrew bars are just hangouts for mind dead hipsters that are nearing middle age.

Posted by: lowandslow at December 22, 2012 09:27 PM (GZitp)

300 And.... I saw something about he and the Camilla girl breaking up.
Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at December 22, 2012 09:25 PM (piMMO)

Heh... saw that, too..... broke my heart.

Posted by: Tammy al-Thor at December 22, 2012 09:27 PM (66ST/)

301 I'd say some of these "rules" are from lazy bar tenders who forgot they they are in a SERVICE industry:

Don’t nurse one drink for 45 minutes. It’s rude to the people who want to…you know…drink at the bar,

Depends, as long as there is no one waiting for my chair, shove this rule up your nose! I'm not costing you money, I'm just not making you as much as you think you ought to, again if no one is waiting, I'll nurse the drink for 2 hours!

Don’t sit at the bar while pretending to read a book or making entries in your oh-so-precious “life journal”.

Again depends, again if no one's waiting I'll write in my life journal or the next great pornographic novel, and you can stuff your attitude up your nose. You work for me and as long as I'm not costing you money, tuff sh!te if I'm writing....

Nobody — and I mean literally nobody on earth — wants to hear your phone conversation.

You might have missed this a bar is full of people drinking and socializing, almost by definition any conversation is inane to someone. If I want to talk about shoes or the hermaneutics of the Hobbit, as long as I'm paying for the drinks, you'll have to bear it. I might consider your discussion of Obama as Kenyan Marxist or the latest Patriots game inane and tedious, but I'll just shut and bear it, you do the same.

Blender's broken Stuff that attitude up your nose too, you're just too lazy to serve the customer. How'd that work out for GM? And how would you like it pulled on you, "Nah, we can't rotate your tires, give you an oil change, though." "Nah, I don't want to cook the fish sandwich for you, how about some pie instead?" Get your lazy @rse over to the blender and make that Daiquiri!

$1 tip per beer Greedy bar tender. News flash I tip the wait staff at the restaurant 20%. UNLESS my beer is $5 or more, no way! I give the wait staff 20% for waiting on me, I'm NOT giving you over 20% for drawing a beer or popping the top on one...get over your lazy greedy self.

Posted by: Joe at December 22, 2012 09:28 PM (GZrIP)

302 Tip: Don't order a top-shelf vodka if you're going to mix it, as in a "Kettle One Bloody Mary." That's a waste of money, it announces you don't know what you're doing, and a good bartender will think less of you. A poor bartender might even slip you the rail vodka and charge you for the top shelf and you'll never be the wiser unless you are Super Vokda Tasting Man. Also, martinis are made with gin, not vodka. Know this before you complain your martini has gin in it.

Posted by: Cowboy at December 22, 2012 09:28 PM (WcgMM)

303 "It's like your home brew neighbor that really thinks he a master brewer when the fact of the matter is, his beer taste like shit."

Probably because your neighbor is a hillbilly with no taste, like you.

Posted by: Rodrigo Borgia, Pope Alexander VI at December 22, 2012 09:29 PM (w9BpZ)

304 it's just that a bunch of pretentious douchebags decided it was stylish to pretend they taste good


****

Along the same line, I've read the results of several blind taste tests which show Grey Goose is way down the scale, but don't tell the douchebags that.


MARKETING!

Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at December 22, 2012 09:29 PM (piMMO)

305
297 What's up with all the crappy posts lately? *** Ace should be pleased t know you miss him.
Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at December 22, 2012 09:26 PM (piMMO)


They bitch and moan about what ace posts all the time too.

Posted by: buzzion at December 22, 2012 09:30 PM (GULKT)

306 Are these rules for dive bars? o_O

Posted by: Tonic Dog at December 22, 2012 09:31 PM (X/+QT)

307 They bitch and moan about what ace posts all the time too.


***

I know. I did a lousy job with the sarc on that one.

Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at December 22, 2012 09:31 PM (piMMO)

308 is it true that there is a rule that it is ok if you date your girlfriends sister only when you are in the bar?

Posted by: yankeefifth at December 22, 2012 09:31 PM (Z9EHQ)

309 " Don't order a top-shelf vodka"

No such thing. Vodka is 1) alcohol and 2) water.


"Also, martinis are made with gin, not vodka"

This, however, is 100% correct. Nothing pisses me off more than some punk kid bartender trying to serve me a "martini" made with vodka.

Posted by: Rodrigo Borgia, Pope Alexander VI at December 22, 2012 09:31 PM (w9BpZ)

310 >>>Posted by: Joe

I think you've wandered into the wrong watering hole pardner.

Posted by: Tobacco Road at December 22, 2012 09:31 PM (4Mv1T)

311 MARKETING!
Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at December 22, 2012 09:29 PM (piMMO)

Well, shit, I like Grey Goose.

Someone did tell me that the Costco generic brand is Grey Goose with a different label.

Posted by: Tammy al-Thor at December 22, 2012 09:32 PM (66ST/)

312 "Blender's broken" is hogwash--maybe the blades were dull, but that's no excuse.

We'd at least strain the pieces of ice out of it for our customers.


Posted by: JeanQueenie at December 22, 2012 09:32 PM (Gmp2Z)

313 MARKETING!
Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at December 22, 2012 09:29 PM (piMMO)

michelle obama is not effin ugly

MARKETING!

Posted by: yankeefifth at December 22, 2012 09:32 PM (Z9EHQ)

314 Aww, look, all the complainy complainer tonsure here. Yay.

Posted by: DC in Towson at December 22, 2012 09:32 PM (Ai+tZ)

315 "Are these rules for dive bars?"

For a dive bar, add:

Always sit with your back to a wall. Always.

Posted by: Rodrigo Borgia, Pope Alexander VI at December 22, 2012 09:32 PM (w9BpZ)

316 Mr yankeefifth, I do believe you gave me your damned cooties.

Posted by: Tammy al-Thor at December 22, 2012 09:33 PM (66ST/)

317 Rule # 8:


Joe has had it with your shit.

Posted by: fluffy at December 22, 2012 09:33 PM (z9HTb)

318 We'd at least strain the pieces of ice out of it for our customers.


Posted by: JeanQueenie

you mean with a strainer or your teeth?

Posted by: yankeefifth at December 22, 2012 09:33 PM (Z9EHQ)

319
The new big drink in D.C. is 'The Obama'
Take some Hawaiian Punch add a spalshPremium Chicagomalt liquor, garnish with arugala and down it while enjoying a smoke and looking at yourself in the mirror

Posted by: Norm at December 22, 2012 09:33 PM (1p/VD)

320
Dayum all the rules! Don't smoke, don't be loud, don't have fun, don't be ugly, don't talk. Judgmental a little...

Posted by: Moana at December 22, 2012 09:33 PM (r+yB8)

321 The new big drink in D.C. is 'The Obama'
Take some Hawaiian Punch add a spalshPremium Chicagomalt liquor, garnish with arugala and down it while enjoying a smoke and looking at yourself in the mirror


****

BIG LOL

Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at December 22, 2012 09:34 PM (piMMO)

322 What's up with all the crappy posts lately?


Fuck that. I am actually enjoying this week's posts by the new/temp crew .
The temps are doing a fucking great job.

There's more to life than 100,000 words movie reviews about movies I'll never watch. j/k

Posted by: grease monkey at December 22, 2012 09:34 PM (VSWPU)

323 Wow, autocorrect did a number on my last. Should have read "Complainy Complainertons are here"

Posted by: DC in Towson at December 22, 2012 09:34 PM (Ai+tZ)

324 Y5 "you mean with a strainer or your teeth?"

Strainer. I was trying to be serious. Maybe I need a couple more drinks to fit in here.....

Posted by: JeanQueenie at December 22, 2012 09:35 PM (Gmp2Z)

325 a. If after the bartender/waitress has named 25 microbrews, don't ask for a Bud Lite.

And if I want a Bud Lite? Sorry about your luck here but it's like wait staff at a restaurant, they recite the daily specials, am I supposed to order one, even though I came in for a burger?

Posted by: Joe at December 22, 2012 09:35 PM (GZrIP)

326 "The Obama" drink, LOL!

Posted by: SouthDakotaGirl at December 22, 2012 09:35 PM (mM3Rd)

327 MissTammy!

Sincere apologies. I had quarantined myself but it seems to have been a waste of time since I have infected MrsYankeefifth and my hot new neighbor. Hope no one finds out they got infected the same way.









which is me sneezing and coughing in the elevator.

Posted by: yankeefifth at December 22, 2012 09:35 PM (Z9EHQ)

328 I am VERY much enjoying the new crew. Shame on me for not saying so earlier.

Thank you, everyone!

Posted by: Tammy al-Thor at December 22, 2012 09:36 PM (66ST/)

329 Posted by: yankeefifth at December 22, 2012 09:35 PM (Z9EHQ)

Oh sure.

Posted by: Tammy al-Thor at December 22, 2012 09:37 PM (66ST/)

330 I am VERY much enjoying the new crew. Shame on me for not saying so earlier.

Thank you, everyone!


****

I feel fairly certain that between the Kate Upton thread and the half-assed ONT, I won't be invited back.

Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at December 22, 2012 09:37 PM (piMMO)

331 Strainer. I was trying to be serious. Maybe I need a couple more drinks to fit in here.....
Posted by: JeanQueenie

no offense intended. so you know I think SOP at the hq is to strain with teeth yours or the false ones behind the cash register.

Posted by: yankeefifth at December 22, 2012 09:37 PM (Z9EHQ)

332 123
Tip a buck a beer, every time, no exceptions. If you can't afford that,
pick up a 12-er of lucky lite and drink at home. I see people all the
time, they will sit there for a couple of hours and drink steadily and
then, at the end, leave a buck or two. We call those people assholes.


Posted by: Peaches at December 22, 2012 08:22 PM (kpCLl)

Get a job at walmart cause if ya worked anywhere I drink you would get fired!

Posted by: Bar Guy at December 22, 2012 09:38 PM (Oi60j)

333 Posted by: yankeefifth at December 22, 2012 09:35 PM (Z9EHQ)

Oh sure.
Posted by: Tammy al-Thor at December 22, 2012 09:37 PM (66ST/)

my new neighbors hot mom has it too.

Posted by: yankeefifth at December 22, 2012 09:38 PM (Z9EHQ)

334 So many rules. Reading is verboten? Really? Let me outta here.

Posted by: poe at December 22, 2012 09:38 PM (UjZou)

335 I beg to differ, there are top shelf vodkas and rail vodkas. Big difference between the thrice distilled brands like Kettle One and Grey Goose and the rail brands like Aristocrat. But yes, all the subtlety melts away fast with vodka. If I put a Kettle One on the rocks next to an Aristocrat, or a Smirnoff, you could easily taste the higher quality. But, I could mix any with anything, and you can't. This is not conjecture, this is demonstrable (and I've demonstrated it many times).

Posted by: Cowboy at December 22, 2012 09:38 PM (WcgMM)

336 And if I want a Bud Lite? Sorry about your luck
here but it's like wait staff at a restaurant, they recite the daily
specials, am I supposed to order one, even though I came in for a
burger?

Posted by: Joe at December 22, 2012 09:35 PM (GZrIP)

__________________
100% of bars in America have Bud Lite. If you want a Bud Lite say so upfront.

Posted by: Mr. Moo Moo at December 22, 2012 09:39 PM (HDgX3)

337 What's with all the crappy commenters..... oh wait, I am one of them. Never mind.

Posted by: Truck Monkey at December 22, 2012 09:39 PM (jucos)

338 I feel fairly certain that between the Kate Upton thread and the half-assed ONT, I won't be invited back.
Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse

Kate Upton thread - you had her bikini here?

Posted by: yankeefifth at December 22, 2012 09:39 PM (Z9EHQ)

339 I won't be invited back.
Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at December 22, 2012 09:37 PM (piMMO)


Oh you will, or there will be a mutiny. There will be a mutiny and it won't end well.

Posted by: Tammy al-Thor at December 22, 2012 09:39 PM (66ST/)

340 Ah, Okay Y5....

Then, definitely used the false teeth in a glass on the back-bar...heh. The ones pickled in Everclear....

Posted by: JeanQueenie at December 22, 2012 09:40 PM (Gmp2Z)

341 "Probably because your neighbor is a hillbilly with no taste, like you.


Posted by: Rodrigo Borgia, Pope Alexander VI at December 22, 2012 09:29 PM (w9BpZ)"
Yeah because knowing what a good beer taste like is so fucking complex. You have to have a refined palate and an appreciation for the ingredients and process, you know, to really understand a fucking beer.Beer snobs are no different then wine, food and coffee snobs.

Posted by: lowandslow at December 22, 2012 09:40 PM (GZitp)

342 When does Ace return?

Posted by: poe at December 22, 2012 09:40 PM (UjZou)

343 Protesters are starting to come after hotels that give NRA members discounts. Time to recognize that culture war was declared long ago and it's time to get on 24/7 war footing http://tinyurl.com/bqaelzv

Posted by: DAve at December 22, 2012 09:40 PM (XDC0v)

344 Wrong watering hole, I guess so...of course if enough people get the idea that they've wandered into the "wrong watering hole" the watering hole shuts its doors and then the bar tender is out on the street...no doubt cursing the D-bag's and hipsters.

Some of the "rules" are good, common courtesy, so often forgotten, but some of them are just from people who are best out of the service industry because they've started to think the customer is a bother and works for them.

Posted by: Joe at December 22, 2012 09:40 PM (GZrIP)

345 Oh you will, or there will be a mutiny. There will be a mutiny and it won't end well.
Posted by: Tammy al-Thor at December 22, 2012 09:39 PM (66ST/)



Posted by: yankeefifth at December 22, 2012 09:40 PM (Z9EHQ)

346 You ain't gonna catch me complimenting the stand-in officials, not while Ace still breathes. That's just nuts. Nah, new crew, despite being some of my very best imaginary friends in a flat screen right up until now, you're just no Ace and never will be.

Right after Ace is back, you can go back to being the wittiest mother fuckers on line, but until then, meh, you'll do in a pinch. (Right Ace? You still mad bro?)

Posted by: comatus at December 22, 2012 09:41 PM (qaVK+)

347 And if I want a Bud Lite?

If you want a Bud Lite, do you need to have the list recited to you?

Posted by: Stephen Price Blair at December 22, 2012 09:41 PM (CeNUw)

348 NDH, Those were two mighty fine posts.

Posted by: sTevo at December 22, 2012 09:41 PM (VMcEw)

349 This is not conjecture, this is demonstrable (and I've demonstrated it many times).
Posted by: Cowboy at December 22, 2012 09:38 PM (WcgMM)

I believe this is true, but I must say Bloody Mary's made with Grey Goose are very smooth. I can usually have 2 almost on a row if Thor makes them with the GG. The Smirnoff burns my throat going down.

Posted by: Tammy al-Thor at December 22, 2012 09:41 PM (66ST/)

350 309
" Don't order a top-shelf vodka"

No such thing. Vodka is 1) alcohol and 2) water.


"Also, martinis are made with gin, not vodka"


This, however, is 100% correct. Nothing pisses me off more than some
punk kid bartender trying to serve me a "martini" made with vodka.

Posted by: Rodrigo Borgia, Pope Alexander VI at December 22, 2012 09:31 PM (w9BpZ)


People ignorant about vodka should not post about vodka. Hahaha! :-P

Posted by: Tonic Dog at December 22, 2012 09:42 PM (X/+QT)

351 Strainer? I just met her!

Posted by: andycanuck at December 22, 2012 09:42 PM (jPVBi)

352 100% of bars in America have Bud Lite. If you want a Bud Lite say so upfront.

I might want something besides a Bud Lite, I don't know until I know my options. You don't want to give me options, then don't offer 25 micro-brews and Bud Lite...just say, Bud or Bud Lite, it's all we have OR say, here's our menu, we have 25 micro-brews, can I answer any questions about any of them?

Again, IF you don't want to serve the public, go work for the DMV.

Posted by: Joe at December 22, 2012 09:43 PM (GZrIP)

353 6 bars. I have been to 6 bars. I forgot about The Starting Gate in Los Alamitos.

Posted by: Tammy al-Thor at December 22, 2012 09:46 PM (66ST/)

354
There is a difference between top shelf and rail, a big difference. But its a little pretentious to pretend you care about the taste.

The real difference is the next morning, the hangover, or lack thereof.

Posted by: Norm at December 22, 2012 09:46 PM (1p/VD)

355 NDH ----great posts this week!!! Seriously.

Posted by: John Stark Dark at December 22, 2012 09:46 PM (0JB89)

356 Wyndham Hotels Worldwide – which owns Ramada, Days Inn, Wingate and Super 8 – and Best Western because both organizations are listed as "friends of the NRA" on the NRA's website.

Posted by: DAve at December 22, 2012 09:47 PM (XDC0v)

357 Protesters are starting to come after hotels that give NRA members discounts. Time to recognize that culture war was declared long ago and it's time to get on 24/7 war footing http://tinyurl.com/bqaelzv
Posted by: DAve at December 22, 2012 09:40 PM (XDC0v)

I am not sure what war footing means but I think we should start boycotting the left and their institutions.

Posted by: yankeefifth at December 22, 2012 09:47 PM (Z9EHQ)

358 "People ignorant about vodka should not post about vodka. "

That would be the same as "people who think there's such a thing as 'top-shelf' vodka", but I still see you posting.

Posted by: Rodrigo Borgia, Pope Alexander VI at December 22, 2012 09:47 PM (w9BpZ)

359 I'm betting almost all bars in America do not have Bud Lite. Now I'm sure they do have Bud Light and Miller Lite.

Posted by: buzzion at December 22, 2012 09:48 PM (GULKT)

360 All right, this is crappy. I'll be around the ONT, after I put Cougar to bed.

Posted by: DC in Towson at December 22, 2012 09:48 PM (Ai+tZ)

361 "Yeah because knowing what a good beer taste like is so fucking complex."

Apparently so, since you think that bullshit rice and/or corn crap tastes like "good beer".

Posted by: Rodrigo Borgia, Pope Alexander VI at December 22, 2012 09:48 PM (w9BpZ)

362 The beautiful thing about the Tap Room is that they have 32 craft brews and only one nascar.

https://www.facebook.com/WasenaCityTapRoom

Posted by: sTevo at December 22, 2012 09:49 PM (VMcEw)

363 349
I believe this is true, but I must say Bloody Mary's made with Grey
Goose are very smooth. I can usually have 2 almost on a row if Thor
makes them with the GG. The Smirnoff burns my throat going down.


Not surprised here. Grey Goose is a little bit sweet, and very smooth. No wonder it's so popular. Smirnoff tastes medicinal, almost like rubbing alcohol smells, and it's harsh. To my taste, the regular Stoly and Absolut are similar, less harsh than Smirnoff, but with minimal positive qualities. I've run into a high-end Stoly some time in the past, and it's quite good. Black label, if I remember right.

My current favorite vodka is Tito's, out of Texas. It's really good, and it's reasonably cheap. Maybe $17/750ml if you shop around.

Posted by: Splunge at December 22, 2012 09:49 PM (2IW5Q)

364 We call those people Massholes.

Posted by: Peaches at December 22, 2012 08:22 PM (kpCLl)

FIFY

Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo at December 22, 2012 09:49 PM (GsoHv)

365 Yea, time to take a break.

Since yankee was so generous with his germs, I may not make it to the ONT, so I"ll say goodnight now.

Posted by: Tammy al-Thor at December 22, 2012 09:49 PM (66ST/)

366 Bill Ayers: Left Must Utilize Its 'Absolute Access' To America's 'Classrooms' Like i said, war, whether you're fighting or not...

Posted by: DAve at December 22, 2012 09:50 PM (XDC0v)

367 " Big difference between the thrice distilled brands like Kettle One and Grey Goose and the rail brands like Aristocrat."

You'd be better off buying Everclear and just watering it down more. No need to pay "top-shelf" prices.

Posted by: Rodrigo Borgia, Pope Alexander VI at December 22, 2012 09:50 PM (w9BpZ)

368 That's not to say there isn't a huge difference between Popov Vodka and Stoli, at least hangover-wise. Then again, if you run Popov through a Brita filter a few times, the edge does get softened a bit.

Posted by: Professor Marius von Totenkopf (formerly Hoss Fuentes) at December 22, 2012 09:50 PM (aozUR)

369 >>>The Smirnoff burns my throat going down.

Tammy- I think I saw a blind taste test a few years ago where the Smirnoff's stacked up as good or better than the Grey Goose and some other high dollar vodka. Or maybe it was some twisted marketing. Not sure. I liek the Smirnoff blue label. 100 proof. Triple distilled I believe, same as the other good stuff.

Posted by: Tobacco Road at December 22, 2012 09:51 PM (4Mv1T)

370 361
"Yeah because knowing what a good beer taste like is so fucking complex."



Apparently so, since you think that bullshit rice and/or corn crap tastes like "good beer".





Posted by: Rodrigo Borgia, Pope Alexander VI at December 22, 2012 09:48 PM (w9BpZ)

Wow, maybe you should stick to ice cream if ya want really good taste.

Posted by: Bar Guy at December 22, 2012 09:51 PM (Oi60j)

371 "Grey Goose is a little bit sweet, and very smooth."

You folks are the same ones that buy $200 wooden knobs for your CD players because it "gives the sound more presence".

Posted by: Rodrigo Borgia, Pope Alexander VI at December 22, 2012 09:51 PM (w9BpZ)

372 Scotch, Whiskey or bourbon is all a fella needs.

I don't often drink beer but when I do its Pabst Blue Ribbon.


Why?

It's just as good as any other crap beer and a tall boy can be had for a dollar

Posted by: General Woundwort at December 22, 2012 09:52 PM (zOP5o)

373 "Rodrigo Borgia, Pope Alexander VI at December 22, 2012 09:51 PM (w9BpZ)"

Who the fuck is this guy?

Posted by: lowandslow at December 22, 2012 09:52 PM (GZitp)

374 367
You'd be better off buying Everclear and just watering it down more. No need to pay "top-shelf" prices.


I call. If you're in the North Bay of CA, I invite you to set up a blind taste test based on that premise. If I can't tell Everclear or Smirnoff from Tito's or Grey Goose, blind, I will pay you $100, as long as you agree to pay me $100 if I can. Multiple trials, to take the randomness out of it. What say?

Posted by: Splunge at December 22, 2012 09:52 PM (2IW5Q)

375 "Wow, maybe you should stick to ice cream if ya want really good taste"

Maybe you should drink something else if you can't handle the taste of beer.


Posted by: Rodrigo Borgia, Pope Alexander VI at December 22, 2012 09:52 PM (w9BpZ)

376 Then again, don't waste your money on vodka. It's booze for people who don't like booze.

I will admit being an asshole beer snob sometimes. I blame that on living near Dogfish Head and Fordham. My go-to is Shiner or Yuengling, though.

Posted by: Professor Marius von Totenkopf (formerly Hoss Fuentes) at December 22, 2012 09:53 PM (aozUR)

377 372 Scotch, Whiskey or bourbon is all a fella needs. I don't often drink beer but when I do its Pabst Blue Ribbon. Why?

Because its Dennis Hopper Approved.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Sm8JM-K1dc

Posted by: buzzion at December 22, 2012 09:53 PM (GULKT)

378 My rule... Some bars don't deserve me.If a bar does not have the correct ingredients for a fluffy duck, one declares "harrumph. I bid you adieu, sir."

Posted by: otho at December 22, 2012 09:53 PM (yBF/9)

379 Great bars-

Simon's, Hop Leaf, and the Gage in Chicago. Sugar House, Town Pump Tavern, One Eyed Betty's in Detroit (and near environs). Could go on, but I'm drinkin' here.

Great and unsung Vodka- Shakers out of Minnesota, Titos in Texas.


Posted by: Chariots of Toast at December 22, 2012 09:54 PM (3m+gl)

380 http://www.beerfm.com/2012/12/top-12-beers-of-2012/

I had the Fuller's London Porter last week and it was quit good. I agree with the rating.

Posted by: sTevo at December 22, 2012 09:54 PM (VMcEw)

381 375
"Wow, maybe you should stick to ice cream if ya want really good taste"



Maybe you should drink something else if you can't handle the taste of beer.







Posted by: Rodrigo Borgia, Pope Alexander VI at December 22, 2012 09:52 PM (w9BpZ)

You can kiss my ass, dickhead.

Posted by: Bar Guy at December 22, 2012 09:55 PM (Oi60j)

382 Man, I hate to see this place get pretentious and exclusive. Why all the judgment?

Posted by: Moana at December 22, 2012 09:55 PM (r+yB8)

383 Why would anyone want to go to a bar?

Posted by: garrett at December 22, 2012 09:55 PM (SK1c2)

384 I haven't read all the comments, but I'm going to have to personally take issue with #5. Who the fuck do you think you are that you have the right to tell me what I can and can't do when I'm out enjoying a libation that I paid for? I love to read at the bar. I dare say I've been reading in bars since before you were born. I have to deal with and interact with people all day long, at work, then at home after that. I came out here just so I could relax and get away from other people's demands, and I do that by reading, sometime on dead tree book, sometimes on e-books. T'other day I was sitting at the bar, beer in front of me, reading The Federalist Papers on my ipad. Pretentious? Stuff it up your gob and leave me the fuck alone, I'm not doing it for you. It's bad enough that I have to put up with the giggly drunk assholes who think that me reading a book is an invitation for them to ask me how I like Dick Frances or Stephen King or James Patterson or Twilight or whatever drek they think is worth bothering me over (aside-It's actually not a bad way to pick up women, I had great success when I was younger. Women are like cats, curious. Let them see something out of the ordinary and they can't resist), I don't need or want your approval. In fact, if I cared what you think, do you think I'd be out, in a bar, reading? Fuck no, I'd be worrying what drink to order so that all the cool kids like CBD would like me. Reading in a bar is what *I* want to do, who gives a shit about anyone else? Now get the fuck off my lawn!

Posted by: Weirddave at December 22, 2012 09:55 PM (aH+zP)

385 One more rule, the Dos Equis guy isnt cool or funny. He's a Eurotrash homo.

Posted by: Norm at December 22, 2012 09:55 PM (1p/VD)

386 I am not sure what war footing means but I think we should start boycotting the left and their institutions.

I’m going to start making sure I use my NRA member number when staying at Best Western or Wyndham.

I stayed at a Wyndham in Round Rock last year. Came in late at night; the next morning, I opened the drapes and there was a bullet hole in the window taped over. Judging from the angle in the double-paned glass, it was fired from inside the room.

Posted by: Stephen Price Blair at December 22, 2012 09:55 PM (CeNUw)

387 365 Yea, time to take a break. Since yankee was so generous with his germs, I may not make it to the ONT, so I"ll say goodnight now.
Posted by: Tammy al-Thor at December 22, 2012 09:49 PM (66ST/)

Night Tammy, hope you feel better.
And for the folks bitching cause a bartender does not want to make you a frufru drink. Go to a bar that specializes in them.
As for me, blender was broken because I worked a bar with construction workers who ordered beers and shotstipped well, and I did not have time for snotty assholes who wanted frozen drinks and did not tip. Hows that!

Posted by: lou's a Mrs at December 22, 2012 09:56 PM (adaoe)

388 385
One more rule, the Dos Equis guy isnt cool or funny. He's a Eurotrash homo.

Posted by: Norm at December 22, 2012 09:55 PM (1p/VD)

Or, you know, some Jewish dude from New York, if you saw him on Red Eye.

Posted by: Professor Marius von Totenkopf (formerly Hoss Fuentes) at December 22, 2012 09:56 PM (aozUR)

389 383Why would anyone want to go to a bar?Posted by: garrett at December 22, 2012 09:55 PM (SK1c2)HaHaHa. Good one.

Posted by: Norm at December 22, 2012 09:57 PM (1p/VD)

390 I mean, besides a topless bar?

Posted by: garrett at December 22, 2012 09:57 PM (SK1c2)

391 I don't drink vodka at all, Rodrigo. Prefer scotch. But, I was a bartender for 15 years, and one who took an interest in his, ahem, "products". A gulf does exist between rail vodkas and top shelf vodkas in terms of the quality of the product. Vodka is not scotch, however. That bridge from rail to top shelf is shorter with vodka. But it IS there. A blind taste test of mixed rail and top shelf vodkas would handily prove it to you.

Posted by: Cowboy at December 22, 2012 09:57 PM (WcgMM)

392 I can't taste the difference, but it does go down smoother to me. And I am about as pretentious as a feather pillow. I wear clothes from Wal-Mart, for fucks sake, and drive a 1986 beat up truck, I could give two shits about how much something costs. I can tell the difference, whether you believe it or not. (Again, it isn't a taste for me, it's the fact that it doesn't burn) Absolut is not as smooth to me. I used to work with Russians, and they had a brand that was pretty darn good, I took a shot of that and it didn't burn much, either. Can't remember what it was, though.

And I have never heard of wooden knobs for CDs, but I do prefer vinyl to CDs; there is a definite difference.

And now goodnight for real!

Posted by: Tammy al-Thor at December 22, 2012 09:57 PM (66ST/)

393 I've gotten cheap as I get older, or the price of Scotch has gotten outrageous! No way I'm shelling out $40 for Glenfiddich or the like...

I'm drinking Irish Whisky now.

It seems the reality is that MOST folks can't tell the difference between a c-grade something and an A-grade something, that the choices and claims are really just marketing and snobbery.

Posted by: Joe at December 22, 2012 09:57 PM (GZrIP)

394 You folks are the same ones that buy $200 wooden knobs for your CD players because it "gives the sound more presence".



*****

I'm not saying I agree, I'm just saying that I LMAO.

Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at December 22, 2012 09:58 PM (piMMO)

395 ont up

Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at December 22, 2012 09:58 PM (piMMO)

396 "A blind taste test of mixed rail and top shelf vodkas would handily prove it to you."

It's already been done, multiple times. Google it. One is in the link in my nick.

The differences are so slight that that they essentially don't matter.

Posted by: Rodrigo Borgia, Pope Alexander VI at December 22, 2012 09:58 PM (w9BpZ)

397 >>>Because its Dennis Hopper Approved.

Whatever else our differences, you have great taste in movies, my friend.

Posted by: Jeff B. at December 22, 2012 09:59 PM (/COnL)

398 The favorite bar game me and my drunken fools of friends used to play: When using the restroom, place a dollar bill in the urinal and do your business on it. Flush urinal and return to table. Then spend the rest of the night trying to figure out who fished it out...because someone always did. We were easily amused. If that got boring I'd throw mints at the frat boys and see which one would threaten to kick my ass. Many tried but none ever did. The bouncer usually held his own though.

Posted by: genghis at December 22, 2012 10:00 PM (4T2lB)

399 >>>but when I do its Pabst Blue Ribbon

Funny thing. I was assigned, yes, assigned, the Brewing industry in America for my senior research project in business school 30 years ago. PBR was the primary subject because of the damage they did to their otherwise great beer and brand due to their decision to grab market share through price cutting. "Popular prices" for those old enough to remember their ads. I grew up in the south drinking in the 70's just thinking it was cheap swill. Who knew?

Posted by: Tobacco Road at December 22, 2012 10:00 PM (4Mv1T)

400 I love the Dennis Hopper PBR endorsement as well.

Posted by: sTevo at December 22, 2012 10:00 PM (VMcEw)

401 Come on ya drunk bastads ONT is up!

Posted by: Elizabethe at December 22, 2012 10:01 PM (vc40y)

402 Depends, Blair. Was is nick, or spall in the first surface of the window glass?
Could have been from a UAV, you know. Now that it's war 24/7 and all...and there either is or is not some Diane Feinstein amendment in the UCMJ or whatevs.

Posted by: comatus at December 22, 2012 10:03 PM (qaVK+)

403 Rodrigo, in that link you put up the vodka drinkers are MIXING the vodkas. Your link proves MY thesis, not yours: it is a waste to MIX a top shelf vodka with anything (see original post above). Criminey!

Posted by: Cowboy at December 22, 2012 10:03 PM (WcgMM)

404 FFS you tell a guy what has been your BUSINESS for 15 years, and they want to talk smack on you about it!

Posted by: Cowboy at December 22, 2012 10:04 PM (WcgMM)

405 There was a dive bar near the port authority we used to drink at that showed dirty movies and served PBR for 50 cents a glass.

Ah those were the times.

Posted by: General Woundwort at December 22, 2012 10:05 PM (zOP5o)

406 Ah those were the times.

Posted by: General Woundwort at December 22, 2012 10:05 PM (zOP5o)

And then you could walk around the corner for a $10 BJ.

Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo at December 22, 2012 10:07 PM (GsoHv)

407 All I have to say is that a martini is gin and dry vermouth.

Pouring something in a martini glass does not make it a martini. So please rename your chocolate martini, your strawberry martini, and whatever other godawful concoction you come up with.

Thank you.

Posted by: Miss Marple at December 22, 2012 10:08 PM (GoIUi)

408 @406

They were actually $5.00

Posted by: General Woundwort at December 22, 2012 10:09 PM (zOP5o)

409 ~ tap tap tap tap tap ~

... no - it is a falsehood that Hadji only tips in almonds and beside how was Hadji to know that the waitress was allergic to such generosity. Hadji al....

wait, Hadji can hear his voice. It is like the rumble of thunder ... ahhhh, so this mic it is on? Yes? Yes.

and so.

Hadji knows about bars, the den of the infidel, the temple of the depraved, and the sexy sexy women with the ankles that are turned as by a master carpenter ... Hadji? He been around.

The key to the good time is to make the hah-hah with each other ... but not too much hah-hah, just enough hah-hah to keep the rage of the infidel from welling up and turning towards fisticuffs.

So Hadji will help with the making of the hah-hah.

To the women, a man may say: May I purchase you a drink in the hopeful expectation of treating you like a ripe muskmelon later?

The women, they love it! The laughter will flow as if from the spring.

But if it is a joke that you are wanting, because you Allah has not blessed you with the funny, Hadji will do for you a solid. Here is the Hadji Field Test for Men to Say to Women Humor Detection among the Infidel Horde.

Say to the person:

When is a sea gull not a sea gull?

When the gull is over the bay - as then it is a Bay Gull.

The person you are saying this to? If they laugh? They do not have the funniness inside of them and are soul dead.

If they do not laugh - but do not strike you with the side of their hand - you are with a person of humor and may have sex with them, inshallah.

Thank you thank you thank you.

Hadji is most pleased to help with you in the destroying of your society.

The drinks are two for the minimum and - according to the stamp on the side of box in the kitchen - the veal is hallal as of three weeks ago.

Tip the waitresses - they are slatterns at heart.
_


Posted by: Hadji the Muslim Comic at December 22, 2012 10:09 PM (RuUvx)

410
399 >>>but when I do its Pabst Blue Ribbon Funny thing. I was assigned, yes, assigned, the Brewing industry in America for my senior research project in business school 30 years ago. PBR was the primary subject because of the damage they did to their otherwise great beer and brand due to their decision to grab market share through price cutting. "Popular prices" for those old enough to remember their ads. I grew up in the south drinking in the 70's just thinking it was cheap swill. Who knew?
Posted by: Tobacco Road at December 22, 2012 10:00 PM (4Mv1T)


There's a cracked article that talks about American stuff that is wildly bizarrely popular in other countries, like KitKats in Japan with over 40 varieties. In China its Pabst Blue Ribbon. The bottle for it they had pictured looked like a champagne bottle and it wasn't cheap either.

Posted by: buzzion at December 22, 2012 10:10 PM (GULKT)

411 407
All I have to say is that a martini is gin and dry vermouth.

Pouring
something in a martini glass does not make it a martini. So please
rename your chocolate martini, your strawberry martini, and whatever
other godawful concoction you come up with.


Applause. Also, please do not put any letters other than "mar" before "tini." It's just wrong.

Posted by: Splunge at December 22, 2012 10:13 PM (2IW5Q)

412 Corona in Mexico is the cheap shit the campesinos buy, marketing here make it expensive poofter shit..

Posted by: @PurpAv at December 22, 2012 10:14 PM (xpgUt)

413 that's tecate...

Posted by: D. Hopper at December 22, 2012 10:21 PM (AVfT8)

414 My bar etiquette rules:

Stay away from bars because there are people who will fight and disfigure you for life for nothing

Posted by: Village Idiot at December 22, 2012 10:22 PM (utXSy)

415 If the waitress leans forward on the table to take your order , giving you a nice, clear look at her funbags, YOU MUST TIP!!!

Posted by: EC at December 22, 2012 08:36 PM (doBIb)
I worked at a bar as a college student, and the female servers used to share tips on the best bras and what tailor in town is the best at tailoring bar Tshirts to accentuate the positive. My pals used to tell me that they'd make 50% more in tips if the drunken male clientele had a nice view of her rack. Looking's fine. touching those Orbs from Heaven aint.

Posted by: ombudsman at December 22, 2012 10:26 PM (HqXYa)

416 Also, martinis are made with gin, not vodka. Know this before you complain your martini has gin in it.
Posted by: Cowboy at December 22, 2012 09:28 PM (WcgMM)

Gin is a tool of satan. Martinis are better with vodka. End of story.

Posted by: joncelli, because somebody had to at December 22, 2012 10:37 PM (CWlPF)

417 >>>Corona in Mexico is the cheap shit the campesinos buy, marketing here make it expensive poofter shit.[/i}

I have heard that. Explains the formaldehyde aftertaste.

Posted by: Tobacco Road at December 22, 2012 10:43 PM (4Mv1T)

418 1. Go to a bar to drink not for therapy.
2. For bartenders, please put away your iphone and other gizmos when on shift. It must be NOVA, but most of the places I go the staff is clicking away on their phones and act like its beneath them to serve you.
3. Don't overstay your welcome.
evening morons, checking out the digs here at the horde.

Posted by: RichatUF at December 22, 2012 10:44 PM (rJdKc)

419 Oh SHIT!

Posted by: Tobacco Road at December 22, 2012 10:44 PM (4Mv1T)

420 *whew*

Posted by: Tobacco Road at December 22, 2012 10:44 PM (4Mv1T)

421 I heart bar and drinking threads.

Posted by: USS Diversity at December 22, 2012 10:46 PM (MPjT8)

422 did everyone take the road show over to the ont...

Posted by: RichatUF at December 22, 2012 10:57 PM (rJdKc)

423 Test

Posted by: Judge_Roy_bean at December 22, 2012 11:13 PM (HlR0P)

424 Hey guys,

What happenned? I threw a mean post (my last evening) at what looked like Iranian hackers selling purses and got banned.

Everything appears OK now. So What's up Rons and Ettes?

Posted by: Judge_Roy_bean at December 22, 2012 11:15 PM (HlR0P)

425 412 Corona in Mexico is the cheap shit the campesinos buy, marketing here make it expensive poofter shit..
Posted by: @PurpAv at December 22, 2012 10:14 PM (xpgUt)


Aw. When I had my roof replaced about five years ago, it was five Mexicans who did most of the work. At the end of the day, I bought them a case of Corona.

If I had known that, I would have gotten them something better. As it is, Corona is more expensive than what I normally drink.

Posted by: rickl at December 22, 2012 11:20 PM (sdi6R)

426 I agree with most of these. But please let me make a case against the "no reading" rule.

First, if you're a female, reading a book keeps guys from hitting on you.

Second, and more generally, I'm not sure how me reading a book is hurting you. You seem to think it's pretentious, but I'm reading, really. I like it. It's what I do. The alternative is drinking while staring off into space and being bored. Or playing "Fruit Ninja" on my phone. I read most of "Infinite Jest" while drinking Belgian beer and eating olives at the Back Abbey in Claremont. Best nights of my life.

Posted by: Sparky at December 23, 2012 12:24 AM (2OAkm)

427 1. My tip determines the barkeeps income not the number of drinks I drink. I didn't come here to down two shots and go home.

2. My stuff deserves a seat a lot more than air does. I'll move it if I see you coming, or alternately if you sneak up on me and say something non dickish like "is this seat taken?"

4. Demonstrate why you conversation absolutely must be had in a bar, OR insist on complete bar silence, OR let me take a g'damn call that will probably only last a minute anyway.

5. If I'm there for more than 5 minutes and my attempt to start a conversation fail. Don't blame me if I whip out something o read. I'm not the one ruining your atmosphere.

7. If you're sitting at the bar people order past you. Get used to it or sit at a damn table.

Posted by: MikeTheMoose Is Shrugging at December 23, 2012 12:59 AM (GE1+K)

428
Hey, Judge_Roy_bean!
That would be the name of my favorite watering hole.
Judge Roy Bean's

Posted by: GT 5.0 at December 23, 2012 02:25 AM (wb/qi)

429
Last call, everybody, Last Call!

Drink 'em up and set 'em down, c'mon now! The ONT is up, and we're a fixin' to turn down the music, turn up the lights and take up the glasses!

Been fun, but the bar is now closed!


Jim
Sunk New Dawn
Galveston, TX

<I>(yes, I've done this before, whydja ask?)</I>

Posted by: Jim at December 23, 2012 02:36 AM (vvk2F)

430 Excellent pointers, CBD.

Another thing to remember when ordering a drink from a bartender is that it doesn't matter how much you tip, if you're an asshole, you're not worth the money it's going to take to make you happy, and certainly not worth trying to entice back into the place with extra attentiveness. I managed to get by before you came in, and I'll get by just fine if I never see you again in my life.

I have the luxury of pretty much calling the shots where I work, and if I get the impression that you're detracting from other patrons' enjoyment, I will make you feel unwelcome.

And, finally, a simple please and thank you is often worth more than your tip. If you're too good to extend common courtesy to the guy who's serving your drinks to you, then you should probably just drink at home. Unlike the bartender and everyone else in the place, your family is accustomed to being miserable in your presence.

Posted by: DamnDirtyRINO at December 23, 2012 02:45 AM (m0h0I)

431 Oops. Should say, "if you're an asshole, you're not worth the *effort* it's
going to take to make you happy..."

Posted by: DamnDirtyRINO at December 23, 2012 02:51 AM (m0h0I)

432 ....rrhaughhhhhhrrr.. mtlahphth... mthlaapth. Geez, my f'in head's killing me.... Where's my shirt? Crap.... Who the f' is "Kate" and why's she saying "Don't worry about the rubber breaking?" Where the f am I? Ohhhh... My f'in head....

Posted by: Manolo at December 23, 2012 08:22 AM (PttbO)

433 NSFW on the girlie link, please? Some of us may be at the in-laws' house this week.

Posted by: Michael Rittenhouse at December 23, 2012 09:20 AM (RW1tv)

434 I can see why the Bartender is only a weekend Gig for Him.... HE SUCKS !!!

Posted by: DW Pepper at December 23, 2012 09:56 AM (t8QyJ)

435 @ 434 -- Well, damn. I was counting on seeing your high-maintenance, low-tipping ass parked in a stool across from me someday.

Posted by: DamnDirtyRINO at December 23, 2012 10:36 AM (m0h0I)

436 @ 430 "And, finally, a simple please and thank you is often worth more than your tip."

I don't know if I'd go that far. Back in the day when I used to bartend, too many women would give me the head tilt, sincere "Thank-you so much" as they stiffed me. Esp working in a loud, crowded place, just a tip is enough appreciation. If I can't afford to pay for service, I don't go out, period.

Posted by: venus velvet at December 23, 2012 01:53 PM (g94P/)

437 Posted by: DamnDirtyRINO at December 23, 2012 02:45 AM (m0h0I)

Actually, you are incorrect, or just being too nice.

Please and thank you and a tip are the minimum requirements for membership in the "I am not an asshole" club.

Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo at December 23, 2012 02:18 PM (GsoHv)

438 @ 436 | 437
-- Y'all do have a point.

Posted by: DamnDirtyRINO at December 24, 2012 06:54 AM (m0h0I)






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