George Lucas, Revisionist: Actually, Han Never Shot First; This Was All Your Misunderstanding And Imagination From The Start

Right. And Jabba the Hutt was always supposed to be a gigantic space slug despite the fact they filmed him in the first movie (deleted scene) and he was just a fat dude in barbarian furs.

And Lucas always had nine chapters planned from the beginning. Don't believe nine? Okay, how about six?

Lucas just keeps making stuff up.

In a chat with The Hollywood Reporter (via /Film), Lucas said, "The controversy over who shot first, Greedo or Han Solo, in Episode IV, what I did was try to clean up the confusion, but obviously it upset people because they wanted Solo [who seemed to be the one who shot first in the original] to be a cold-blooded killer, but he actually isn't. It had been done in all close-ups and it was confusing about who did what to whom. I put a little wider shot in there that made it clear that Greedo is the one who shot first, but everyone wanted to think that Han shot first, because they wanted to think that he actually just gunned him down."

My, you have to be sitz-tinkler to get all worried about the message you're sending by having Han "gun Greedo down" like a "cold-blooded murderer."

For one thing, you know, Greedo had a gun on him, and announced, clearly, that he intended to kill Han in the next few seconds.

This seems "bad ass" only because of silly movies in the fifties and stuff when singing cowboys always let the bad guy have the first shot. That continued for decades.

It became accepted that Good Guys Always Let the Bad Guys Shoot First. So that in a movie like The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly, it seemed cold-blooded that Clint Eastwood would whistle for some Bad Guy's attention, then kill them before they had time to reach for their guns.

But it was never really "cold-blooded." Given the context of the fictional scenarios this was occurring in -- these guys were trying to kill the main characters. It wasn't murder. It was just the good guys deciding they're not going to be Total Saps and give away a crucial advantage in a gunfight.

Anyway, this seems more "cold-blooded" than it is. To the extent these films have anything remotely to do with "realism," it's more realistic that you'd just shoot a guy who's aiming to kill you. Without granting him the advantage of getting to shoot first.

Raiders of the Lost Ark? Shocking only because of the movie convention. In real life, if some Swarthy Foreign Heavy with an enormous Ali Baba sword challenged you to a swordfight-- despite your not having a, you know, sword -- what would you do? Engage him in fisticuffs?

Or shoot him? A sword is a deadly weapon, right? It's not like he was only threatening to use harsh language.

None of this would have seemed surprising had it not been established as a movie convention -- and only a convention in the movies -- that good guys are morons who are willing to risk a bullet to the head in the interests of Being Good Sports About This Whole Trying To Murder Each Other Thing.

George Lucas is just really, really silly, and lives in a world of Yes-Men who never call him on his nonsense.

Thanks to @slublog.

Lucas' Real Conception of Han Solo: "Bye everybody!"

Posted by: Ace at 08:24 PM



Comments

1 Shoot first, ask questions later

Posted by: Nevergiveup at February 09, 2012 08:27 PM (eCnLg)

2 George Lucas is a stutter-less star fucker of a fantastic success.

Posted by: Panzer Trout at February 09, 2012 08:28 PM (lpWVn)

3 The fucker shot first. I should know.

Posted by: Greedo at February 09, 2012 08:29 PM (wLGOU)

4 Shoot first. Then shoot again.

OT...those of us in the tundra gloating about our mild winter will pay the price in a few months with the worst infestations of bugs in a century.

Posted by: creeper at February 09, 2012 08:29 PM (gre5a)

5 Holy shit. What about me?

Posted by: That Arab Guy With The Giant Sword at February 09, 2012 08:31 PM (wLGOU)

6 those of us in the tundra gloating about our mild winter will pay the price in a few months with the worst infestations of bugs in a century.
Posted by: creeper at February 09, 2012 08:29 PM (gre5a)


Not me, I'll burn down my house first.

Posted by: Nevergiveup at February 09, 2012 08:31 PM (eCnLg)

7 Now this kind of analysis is what I expect from a smart military blog.

Posted by: History Channel Watcher at February 09, 2012 08:31 PM (kqlYK)

8 Who are you going to believe, the Greatest Filmmaker of All Time or your lyin' eyes?

Posted by: George Lucas at February 09, 2012 08:32 PM (UR5vq)

9 By the way, all the people Indiana Jones killed in cold blood weren't really "killed", they were just KOed.

Posted by: George Lucas at February 09, 2012 08:33 PM (UR5vq)

10 So Lucas' explanation is that he was a crappy filmmaker in the first movie and took twenty years to fix it?

Posted by: Oldcat at February 09, 2012 08:33 PM (z1N6a)

11 I just added the Arab Guy in.

People like to say stuff like "Raiders made manslaughter funny!"

Well, it was funny. But let's face it, it was the right move. It wasn't "cold-blooded."

It was only funny because it subverted the silly movie convention that the Good Guy always has to cede every possible tactical advantage to the Bad Guy.

Indy's shot punctured that convention. But didn't make him a murderer. It just made him a guy whose code for the use of deadly force was not formed by watching old Singing Cowboy movies.

Posted by: ace at February 09, 2012 08:34 PM (nj1bB)

12 US working around United Nations to organize 'friends of Syria' meeting
Published February 09, 2012
| FoxNews.com
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2
The Obama administration is working to help organize a so-called "friends of Syria" meeting as part of what the State Department says is a push to work "outside the U.N. system," after the Security Council shot down a resolution against Syrian President Bashar Assad.


???? Scratching head? I thought the Dems hated when President Bush acted outside the UN?

Posted by: Nevergiveup at February 09, 2012 08:35 PM (eCnLg)

13 In ten years, the Special Edition of Raiders will be released, and Indy's signature weapons will be a walkie-talkie and a wet towel.

Posted by: ace at February 09, 2012 08:35 PM (nj1bB)

14 I asked Han to off me. Otherwise we were scheduled to walk down a really long hallway talking about really boring shit. It was quicker this way.

Posted by: Greedo at February 09, 2012 08:35 PM (wLGOU)

15 I asked Han to off me. Otherwise we were scheduled
to walk down a really long hallway talking about really boring shit. It
was quicker this way.

Posted by: Greedo at February 09, 2012 08:35 PM (wLGOU)

That, and you would have ended up being Han Solo's father by the third movie.

Posted by: Oldcat at February 09, 2012 08:37 PM (z1N6a)

16 those of us in the tundra gloating about our mild winter will pay the
price in a few months with the worst infestations of bugs in a century.



You have snow cover? Bugs like a wet place to spawn.

Posted by: Dale Carnegie at February 09, 2012 08:37 PM (Lpgtj)

17 OT, someone that is gonna be around for the ONT tell the night crawlers that I'm still here, just working days this week.

Back to nights next week, and I'll be here if I can get wifi.

Thanks!

Posted by: DC in Towson at February 09, 2012 08:38 PM (I/cLr)

18 In the mood for a big greasy pastrami. I miss The Hat.

Posted by: grease monkey at February 09, 2012 08:39 PM (VSWPU)

19 I actually shot myself after Lucas pimped me out.

Posted by: Greedo at February 09, 2012 08:39 PM (SzAZ7)

20
Han shooting first actually gives him a bit of character growth too. He was pretty swarthy and unseemly and willing to do something like gun someone down. He is a scoundrel. And even by the end of the movie he's grown. I'm surprised Lucas isn't really upset about that. Han shooting someone in the back from the Millenium Falcon.

And well we all know how Lucas feels about character growth.

Posted by: buzzion at February 09, 2012 08:42 PM (GULKT)

21 Shoot-eee meesah, massa Han!

Posted by: Jar Jar Binks at February 09, 2012 08:42 PM (wLGOU)

22 Han shot first. HTFU

Posted by: Zakn at February 09, 2012 08:43 PM (zyaZ1)

23 Next he will be saying Solo did not shoot him because all he had in his hand was a flashlight..

Posted by: TheGarbone at February 09, 2012 08:44 PM (O3f8/)

24 Go ahead. Shoot first. Don't matter.

Posted by: SMOD at February 09, 2012 08:45 PM (ubduJ)

25 Jar-Jar is big! It's thefans that got small.

Posted by: George Lucas' emotional problems at February 09, 2012 08:46 PM (tSxym)

26 I'm still trying to figure out what the hell Lucas needs more money to buy.

At least with James Cameron, you can figure that he's trying to pay for his latest divorce.

Posted by: alexthechick at February 09, 2012 08:46 PM (Gk3SS)

27 I will not enrich this douchebag further. Not one more penny.

Posted by: Circa (Insert Year Here) at February 09, 2012 08:47 PM (EDjKF)

28 I'm old enough to remember when Lucas believed he had 9 chapters. The series will never be complete until he coughs it up.

Posted by: Alice's Clone Army at February 09, 2012 08:47 PM (ug4P2)

29 It depresses me that this Charles Johnson-like reviser of his own history goes home everynight and masturbates in a huge room full of $50 bills.

(It probably depresses Johnson, too.)

Posted by: Boulder Toilet Hobo at February 09, 2012 08:48 PM (QTHTd)

30 I remember reading somewhere that there actually was supposed to be a sword fight between Indy and the Ali Baba dude, but Harrison ford had a bad case of teh diarrhea the day they shot that scene so he didn't feel up to doing a fight scene so they changed it to the gun.

Posted by: booger at February 09, 2012 08:48 PM (29wvc)

31 27
I will not enrich this douchebag further. Not one more penny.


So, they're now advertising the 3D version in theaters. Seriously, the movies blew chunks, but now you can see them blow 3D chunks! Yea!

Posted by: pep at February 09, 2012 08:49 PM (6TB1Z)

32 " because they wanted Solo to be a cold-blooded killer"

I don't see killing someone who clearly means to do you harm as being a "cold blooded killer" but that's a testament to Lucas' ass-hattery than my bloodlust.

Posted by: h0mi at February 09, 2012 08:50 PM (0f5+I)

33 Merchandising is the mother's milk of filmmaking.

Posted by: Stuff George Lucas Said, vol. VI at February 09, 2012 08:50 PM (wLGOU)

34 "Anyway, this seems more "cold-blooded" than it is. To the extent these films have anything remotely to do with "realism," it's more realistic that you'd just shoot a guy who's aiming to kill you. Without granting him the advantage of getting to shoot first."

Which gets into the problem cops have when they end up shooting someone who has, or appears to have, a weapon. Their training is to kill the person before he has a chance to kill the cop or a fellow cop. We used to have a local call in radio program. When the cops ended up killing someone who had a gun pointed at them, some idiot would call in and say that the cop should have "winged him". Because that's what they would see on tv shows.

People don't distinguish between the fiction on tv and real life. Which also explains why they give credence to tv news people.

Posted by: nerdygirl at February 09, 2012 08:50 PM (GA3jR)

35
The really stupid thing with this new Lucas revisionism is that the "yes, I'll bet you have" joke DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE WHATSOEVER unless Han shoots first.

Which is why Lucas deleted the word "yes" in the Special Crapfest.

Posted by: IllTemperedCur at February 09, 2012 08:51 PM (FIE/L)

36 No, Mark Hamill looked exactly the same through all 3 movies. Why do you ask?

Posted by: George Lucas at February 09, 2012 08:52 PM (6TB1Z)

37 The top enlisted man on a Bangor, Wash.-based ballistic-missile submarine was fired Jan. 3 due to allegations that he was having an inappropriate relationship with a female Naval Academy midshipman onboard, a Submarine Group 9 spokesman confirmed Thursday.

Master Chief Electronics Technician (SS) David Turley had been chief of the boat of Nebraska’ gold crew before he was fired by Capt. Paul Skarpness, then-commander of Submarine Squadron 17, SUBGRU 9 spokesman Lt. Ed Early said. Turley is the first top enlisted member at a command fired in 2012; 13 were fired last year.

Turley’s relief came only a month after the first female submariners arrived in the fleet. They began reporting to ballistic-missile subs Wyoming and Maine and guided-missile subs Georgia and Ohio.

It wasn’t apparent why the Navy, which has ordered an investigation of the allegations, did not disclose the firing until pressed by Navy Times. Early couldn’t immediately say why Turley’s firing wasn’t made public earlier.

Not apparent why it wasn't made public sooner? Yeah take a wild guess

Posted by: Nevergiveup at February 09, 2012 08:52 PM (eCnLg)

38 >>>Han shooting first actually gives him a bit of character growth too.

Sure. and it contrasted him with Luke, the idealistic one, the one who probably would let the other guy shoot first.

Posted by: ace at February 09, 2012 08:53 PM (nj1bB)

39 Coherent plot? That's for pussies.

Posted by: Stuff George Lucas Said, Chapter 7, Verse 16 at February 09, 2012 08:53 PM (wLGOU)

40 George Lucas, please find another part of my childhood where you can squat and drop a steamy dump. They are growing few and far between. FOAD please!

Posted by: Hedgehog at February 09, 2012 08:53 PM (3jGS1)

41 My god. It just keeps getting worse. Now Star Wars-Gate.

Posted by: Jimmah at February 09, 2012 08:53 PM (R/Y92)

42 Why I ought-a....

Posted by: Old Singing Cowboy at February 09, 2012 08:53 PM (ELPgk)

43 This Lucas guy can really spoil a good thing!

Posted by: A turd in the punch bowl at February 09, 2012 08:53 PM (I2LwF)

44 I recall a huge "Time"(?) writeup back in the early 80's when the first or second SW sequel (episodeV or VI) was coming out that said unequivocally that he had planned on 9 episodes, and that (IIRC) the only characters that spanned the whole series were the robots C3PO and R2D2.

Posted by: ooGcM toabmaetS at February 09, 2012 08:54 PM (fGQVX)

45 having an inappropriate relationship with a female Naval Academy midshipman onboard

Oh, crap. I know one of those girls. I really hope it wasn't her. She's good people.

Posted by: pep at February 09, 2012 08:54 PM (6TB1Z)

46 Character development? You mean with cool CG effects?

Posted by: Stuff George Lucas Said, Chapter 7, Verse 16 at February 09, 2012 08:54 PM (wLGOU)

47 Han shooting first justifies preemptive violence. The Left couldn't like that while demonizing Bush on Iraq.

It was just lucky Greedo was a lousy shot, or the story would have ended there. Nice strategy, relying on luck.

Posted by: Elephant Liberation Front at February 09, 2012 08:56 PM (lgw0N)

48 Behold my newest film project -

Lord of the Rings!

Posted by: George Lucas at February 09, 2012 08:56 PM (UR5vq)

49 Oh good, another top sailor let go because theyjust HAVEto put women on the line boats.

Posted by: USS Diversity at February 09, 2012 08:56 PM (VeTg+)

50 I heard earlier that there was going to be a sausage fest somewhere?

Posted by: Hi guys, its me Obama at February 09, 2012 08:57 PM (R/Y92)

51 Oops - http://tinyurl.com/2dyc6wo

Posted by: George Lucas at February 09, 2012 08:57 PM (UR5vq)

52 I became a bounty hunter in the employ of Jabba the Hutt by routinely missing my target from ~3 feet away.

What?

Posted by: Greedo at February 09, 2012 08:57 PM (XG+Mn)

53 So, they're now advertising the 3D version in theaters.

Isn't the 3D fad pretty much over already?

Posted by: Heorot at February 09, 2012 08:57 PM (rnFTE)

54 Lord of the Rings!

Posted by: George Lucas at February 09, 2012 08:56 PM (UR5vq)

Gandalf takes the ring.

Posted by: Circa (Insert Year Here) at February 09, 2012 08:57 PM (EDjKF)

55 It wasn’t apparent why the Navy, which has ordered an investigation of the allegations, did not disclose the firing until pressed by Navy Times. Early couldn’t immediately say why Turley’s firing wasn’t made public earlier.

What's your point? Don't you know how many women have been busted for prosty while 'in the service?' What's one more?

Posted by: The US Navy, a global force for good at February 09, 2012 08:57 PM (ELPgk)

56 that's interesting. Because in the first draft of the screenplay, there was no r2-d2, but instead a large number of members of a certain royal family who were the original designers of the Death Star and memorized the plans. Or something like that.
I know the driods came in a rewrite.

Posted by: A turd in the punch bowl at February 09, 2012 08:58 PM (I2LwF)

57 4

OT...those of us in the tundra
gloating about our mild winter will pay the price in a few months with
the worst infestations of bugs in a century.


Posted by: creeper at February 09, 2012 08:29 PM (gre5a)

Hmmm... First look at "Mass Locust-Induced Starvation 2012?"

Posted by: Jew janitor's mop bucket at February 09, 2012 08:58 PM (MmrSI)

58 I became a bounty hunter in the employ of Jabba the Hutt by routinely missing my target from ~3 feet away.

What?


Posted by: Greedo at February 09, 2012 08:57 PM (XG+Mn)

The force is bacteria in your blood.I'll never get past that one.

Posted by: Circa (Insert Year Here) at February 09, 2012 08:59 PM (EDjKF)

59
Apparently George Lucas forgot that Han also shoots at Vader first on Bespin. He didn't even think about it. Saw Vader and Stormtrooper and his gun was up and shooting. Yet that's a guy that would let someone with a gun drawn on him shoot first?


Sure. and it contrasted him with Luke, the idealistic one, the one who probably would let the other guy shoot first.

Posted by: ace at February 09, 2012 08:53 PM (nj1bB)


Yeah and even Luke by ROTJ is different. Grabbing a gun through the Force and taking a shot before falling into the Rancor Pit.

Posted by: buzzion at February 09, 2012 08:59 PM (GULKT)

60 I don't give a fuck about George Lucas. Why does Ace?

Posted by: Pecos at February 09, 2012 08:59 PM (2Gb0y)

61 Isn't the 3D fad pretty much over already?

Not a freakin chance in hell. They can charge you 50% more for a ticket, and eventually you will have to buy all new TVs and digital media to watch them at home. I'm surprised congress hasn't mandated 3D TVs by 2014 or some shit.

Posted by: Truman North at February 09, 2012 09:00 PM (I2LwF)

62 >>>I don't give a fuck about George Lucas. Why does Ace?

40+ people ahead of you in the comment seem to.

Please provide for us a list of things we're permitted to discuss.

Thank you for your service.

Posted by: ace at February 09, 2012 09:00 PM (nj1bB)

63 Did they have bitchez on the Millenium Falcon crew? That's right.

Posted by: USS Diversity at February 09, 2012 09:00 PM (VeTg+)

64 Go Chief, getting some middie poon. That is worth some bragging rights.

Posted by: Elephant Liberation Front at February 09, 2012 09:01 PM (lgw0N)

65 So, in order to make Han not a "cold-blooded killer", he had to turn Greedo into the most inept bounty hunter in the galaxy. What, was the sight on Greedo's blaster crooked or something?

Posted by: No One of Consequence at February 09, 2012 09:02 PM (Aby0w)

66 Well, unless she just dropped to her knees to get her qual card signed, then Bad Chief.

Posted by: Elephant Liberation Front at February 09, 2012 09:02 PM (lgw0N)

67 Shooting first is generally a good path to winning...Han was supposed to be a hardscrabble survivor - why on Endor would he wait on the other guy? I'd bet actual old-West gunfighter types who lived didn't.

Posted by: StPatrick_TN at February 09, 2012 09:02 PM (ND9u8)

68 Please provide for us a list of things we're permitted to discuss.

Er...NOT longbows.

Posted by: Circa (Insert Year Here) at February 09, 2012 09:02 PM (EDjKF)

69 Obama is a stuttering clusterf*ck of a miserable failure.

Posted by: steevy at February 09, 2012 09:03 PM (7W3wI)

70 >>>So, in order to make Han not a "cold-blooded killer", he had to turn Greedo into the most inept bounty hunter in the galaxy. What, was the sight on Greedo's blaster crooked or something?

Maybe Greedo was also a Good Guy who would Never Shoot First and so was giving Han a warning shot, across the bow.

Only way to explain missing at a distance of one meter.

Posted by: ace at February 09, 2012 09:03 PM (nj1bB)

71 The force is bacteria in your blood.I'll never get past that one.
Posted by: Circa (Insert Year Here) at February 09, 2012 08:59 PM (EDjKF) It's midichlorians wingnut. Sheesh you think you people would know this shit.

Posted by: Hedgehog at February 09, 2012 09:03 PM (3jGS1)

72 49
Submarines yet. I went inside an old WWII sub. I don't know how the modern ones compare in size, but that sucker had really close quarters. Lot's of bumping against each other, I would imagine.

Posted by: nerdygirl at February 09, 2012 09:04 PM (GA3jR)

73 68Please provide for us a list of things we're permitted to discuss.

Er...NOT longbows.
Posted by: Circa (Insert Year Here) at February 09, 2012 09:02 PM (EDjKF) But we can definitely discuss that witch Christine O'Donnell...and SARAH PALIN!

Posted by: Hedgehog at February 09, 2012 09:04 PM (3jGS1)

74 In the new bluray editions, Han and Greedo shoot simultaneously.

I don't know if I'll be seeing The Phantom Menace 3D myself. One, because I hate 3D, two, because it's a post-production conversion and three, because I'm still working my way through the blurays.

Posted by: Robert at February 09, 2012 09:05 PM (F79HU)

75 midichlorians

Can be killed with Clorox. Therefore, bacteria.

Posted by: Circa (Insert Year Here) at February 09, 2012 09:05 PM (EDjKF)

76 You people have to drop the Han worship; he is a fucking Rebel in Name Only.

Oh, sure he's independent, defies the big empire but has he said word one on the Galactic Charter. NO!!!!

He's already said he's in favor of Wookie marriage! For fuck's sake, what's it going to take to convince you panty-waist nerf herders?!!!!

Just don't come crawling back to us when he gambles away our ship!

Posted by: The Only True Conservative at February 09, 2012 09:05 PM (+Jr2Z)

77 real explanation of why Greedo missed the shot: Greedo was a chick.

Link in my sig

Posted by: Truman North at February 09, 2012 09:06 PM (I2LwF)

78 I'm playing SWTOR right now. Got my big fat Asian Han-type smuggler with my wookie buddy helping out. It's super sweet, and we always shoot first.


George Lucas better stay the hell away from this game if he knows what's good for him.

Posted by: mugiwara at February 09, 2012 09:06 PM (KI/Ch)

79 Can be killed with Clorox. Therefore, bacteria.
Posted by: Circa (Insert Year Here) at February 09, 2012 09:05 PM (EDjKF) Nuh Uh, JEDIS RULE!!

Posted by: Hedgehog at February 09, 2012 09:06 PM (3jGS1)

80 I want to thank whoever suggested Darths and Droids. At ten strips a day I've probably got months worth of reading to keep me busy.

Posted by: Polliwog at February 09, 2012 09:06 PM (zmm1+)

81 Only way to explain missing at a distance of one meter.
Posted by: ace at February 09, 2012 09:03 PM (nj1bB)

Maybe his blaster was the GM Volt model and parts melted.

Posted by: Elephant Liberation Front at February 09, 2012 09:06 PM (lgw0N)

82 Submarines yet. I went inside an old WWII sub. I don't know how the
modern ones compare in size, but that sucker had really close quarters.
Lot's of bumping against each other, I would imagine.


Ohio boats are gigantic (same displacement as a WWII cruiser). Yes, still cozy in places, but you can jog around the missile tubes.

Both the master chief and the middie are idiots.

Posted by: Circa (Insert Year Here) at February 09, 2012 09:07 PM (EDjKF)

83 Oh you didn't a-hole.

Posted by: Harry Plinkett sharpening the knives at February 09, 2012 09:07 PM (789+D)

84 But we can definitely discuss that witch Christine O'Donnell...and SARAH PALIN!
Posted by: Hedgehog at February 09, 2012 09:04 PM (3jGS1)


Or we could choose not to. Choose wisely.

Posted by: StPatrick_TN at February 09, 2012 09:07 PM (ND9u8)

85 Yeah,Lucas is delusional.I don't remember even as a little kid thinking that Han did anything wrong.He killed a killer,a rather dumb killer.

Posted by: steevy at February 09, 2012 09:07 PM (7W3wI)

86 Did they have bitchez on the Millenium Falcon crew? That's right.


Yes, but they violated that chick-flick rule about bitchez talking to each other.


Bitchez love to talk to each other.

Posted by: fluffy, all sensitive 'n' shit at February 09, 2012 09:07 PM (Lpgtj)

87 The brokered convention is a movie convention too.

Convention, what else does it do?

Posted by: The US Navy, a global force for good at February 09, 2012 09:08 PM (ELPgk)

88
74 In the new bluray editions, Han and Greedo shoot simultaneously.I don't know if I'll be seeing The Phantom Menace 3D myself. One, because I hate 3D, two, because it's a post-production conversion and three, because I'm still working my way through the blurays.
Posted by: Robert at February 09, 2012 09:05 PM (F79HU)




If you can find the original Special Edition releases from the late 90's you will see that Greedo shoots first clearly. By the time that Lucas released the original trilogy on DVDbut still 90's Special Edition versions with a few more changes they had further tweaked it so they were shooting simultaneously.

Posted by: buzzion at February 09, 2012 09:08 PM (GULKT)

89 "I don't give a fuck about George Lucas. Why does Ace?"

Maybe for people who get tired of everyone screeching at each other over which of our GOP candidates is the worst.

Posted by: nerdygirl at February 09, 2012 09:08 PM (GA3jR)

90 Han is to a capitalist. Smuggling is pure capitalism.

Posted by: Elephant Liberation Front at February 09, 2012 09:09 PM (lgw0N)

91 81Only way to explain missing at a distance of one meter.
Posted by: ace at February 09, 2012 09:03 PM (nj1bB)

Maybe his blaster was the GM Volt model and parts melted.Posted by: Elephant Liberation Front at February 09, 2012 09:06 PM (lgw0N) In that special edition, not only did he miss but he missed by a solid 1-1/2 feet!!How do you miss a target 3 feet away from you by that much?? Lucas is awful. Just ask Plinkett...

Posted by: Hedgehog at February 09, 2012 09:09 PM (3jGS1)

92 You people have to drop the Han worship; he is a fucking Rebel in Name Only.

Oh, sure he's independent, defies the big empire but has he said word one on the Galactic Charter. NO!!!!

He's
already said he's in favor of Wookie marriage! For fuck's sake, what's
it going to take to convince you panty-waist nerf herders?!!!!

Just don't come crawling back to us when he gambles away our ship!


ABSOLUTELY.

I'm sticking with Palpatine. At least it will be a quick death and not slow motion with new Jedis.

Posted by: Circa (Insert Year Here) at February 09, 2012 09:09 PM (EDjKF)

93 Curious you mention Lucas, I just hired him to ghost write my memoirs.

Posted by: Barak Obama at February 09, 2012 09:09 PM (ODcsU)

94 Yeah, George.

And the Christmas Special? Yeah, that never happened, either.

Posted by: CoolCzech at February 09, 2012 09:09 PM (niZvt)

95 @Polliwog:

Looking for more webcomics? I bet I could find a few more for you that'll last years. = P

Posted by: ConservativeMonster at February 09, 2012 09:09 PM (v3pYe)

96 By the way, all the people Indiana Jones killed in cold blood weren't really "killed", they were just KOed.

____________

Now Marion on the other hand... gunning down Nazis with the high caliber machine gun, capping the one Sherpa in the back of the head. Yeah. My girl.

Posted by: Wonkish Rogue at February 09, 2012 09:09 PM (789+D)

97 Ancient weapons and hokey religions are no substitute for having a good blaster at your side. As long as you understand gun safety, wear hearing protection and only fight fairly.

Posted by: Han Solo at February 09, 2012 09:10 PM (wLGOU)

98
Tell me, what's necessarily wrong with being "a cold blooded killer"? Considering what kinds of circles Han Solo moved in, wouldn't that be a plus?
James Bond is a cold blooded killer. Jack Bauer is a cold blooded killer. Wolverine is a cold blooded killer. And they're all pretty fucking cool. George Lucas is a hippy pussy.

Posted by: UGAdawg at February 09, 2012 09:10 PM (WYOrt)

99 How the fuck is that even remotely plausible? Greedo was four fucking feet away armed with a directed-energy weapon. If he shot first Han would have been dead.

Posted by: ol_dirty_/b/tard at February 09, 2012 09:10 PM (KSjsb)

100 >>>The force is bacteria in your blood.I'll never get past that one.

If this were a different sci-fi franchise, that might be an interesting postulate for the existence of sci-fi powers.

However, The Force was always portrayed as mystical and not really sci-fi at all. You had ghosts, a religion, Temples, monk/knights, long speeches about a magical force that "surrounds us, binds us," living in rocks and streams and trees, etc.

It was Magic With a Different Name.

The midichlorian thing is a different genre of sci-fi.

Also it was so predeterminative and genetic. You're just born with it.

Although they always said the force was strong with Luke, and sure, that was partly due to his bloodline, you were free to imagine that luke was strong with the force partly due to his personal choices, his code of ethics, his goodness.

Just making it all midichlorians takes the magic out of what is, in fact, magic.



Posted by: ace at February 09, 2012 09:10 PM (nj1bB)

101 Wait a minute. If there IS a brokered convention... Palpatine 2012?

Posted by: CoolCzech at February 09, 2012 09:11 PM (niZvt)

102 Bitches leave.

Posted by: That Clarence Boddiker Guy From Robocop at February 09, 2012 09:11 PM (nj1bB)

103 Silly bints, I'm the Force.

Posted by: Barak Obama at February 09, 2012 09:12 PM (ODcsU)

104 How the fuck is that even remotely plausible? Greedo was four fucking
feet away armed with a directed-energy weapon. If he shot first Han
would have been dead.


People routinely dodged and deflect directed energy weapons in all these movies. Think about that for way less than a second.

Posted by: Circa (Insert Year Here) at February 09, 2012 09:12 PM (EDjKF)

105 COB: SSBNQual question #1 what's long and hard and filled with seamen?

Posted by: USS Diversity at February 09, 2012 09:12 PM (VeTg+)

106 Isn't the 3D fad pretty much over already?


Posted by: Heorot at February 09, 2012 08:57 PM (rnFTE)

Don't I wish. People are fucking gullible and they charge upwards of 50% more per ticket. Win-win for the studios.
I've seen exactly two movies that were worthwhile in 3D. The stop-motion animated movie Coraline and Transformers: Dark Of The Moon. Avatar was a piece of shit, Clash of the Titans was even worse. Tron: Legacy, Thor and Captain America the 3D was virtually nonexistant. I'm missing a couple of others, but they didn't leave any impressions either.

Posted by: Robert at February 09, 2012 09:12 PM (F79HU)

107 101
Wait a minute. If there IS a brokered convention... Palpatine 2012?

Posted by: CoolCzech at February 09, 2012 09:11 PM (niZvt


Me vs. Death Star. Bet on me.

Posted by: SMOD at February 09, 2012 09:12 PM (q0hEs)

108 94 Yeah, George. And the Christmas Special? Yeah, that never happened, either.
Posted by: CoolCzech at February 09, 2012 09:09 PM (niZvt)



If I ever meet him I will say that the Christmas Special is better than Jar Jar Binks. Just to see his face turn red and his pelican pouch start to shake.

Posted by: buzzion at February 09, 2012 09:12 PM (GULKT)

109 Just making it all midichlorians takes the magic out of what is, in fact, magic.



Posted by: ace at February 09, 2012 09:10 PM (nj1bB) And thus taking a shit all over the first 3 movies. Well played Mr Lucas, well played...

Posted by: Hedgehog at February 09, 2012 09:12 PM (3jGS1)

110 93 Curious you mention Lucas, I just hired him to ghost write my memoirs.
Posted by: Barak Obama at February 09, 2012 09:09 PM (ODcsU)


So instead of maritime metaphors you didn't write and couldn't relate to, we'll have droid-based metaphors which you also didn't write, and couldn't relate to? That's change we can believe in!

note: there was in no way an expressed nor implied use of the word "boy" in the preceding material. Any implications of such are just so full of shit.

Posted by: StPatrick_TN at February 09, 2012 09:12 PM (ND9u8)

111 Any chance Jar Jar never really happened, either?

Posted by: CoolCzech at February 09, 2012 09:13 PM (niZvt)

112 The midichlorian thing is a different genre of sci-fi.

Also it was so predeterminative and genetic. You're just born with it.


Nuh-uh. You can change if you want to.

Posted by: Rick Santorum at February 09, 2012 09:13 PM (6TB1Z)

113 Release my midichlorians, bitch!

Posted by: Darth Gore at February 09, 2012 09:14 PM (niZvt)

114 we'll have droid-based metaphors which you also didn't write, and couldn't relate to


Have you looked at the current Cabinet? It IS the Star Wars cantina scene.

Posted by: Circa (Insert Year Here) at February 09, 2012 09:14 PM (EDjKF)

115 If he shot first Han would have been dead.
Posted by: ol_dirty_/b/tard at February 09, 2012 09:10 PM (KSjsb)

I imagine in universe where light speed weapons shoot a bolt so slow your eye can track it, anything is possible.

Posted by: Elephant Liberation Front at February 09, 2012 09:15 PM (lgw0N)

116 70


Maybe Greedo was also a Good Guy who would Never Shoot First and so was giving Han a warning shot, across the bow.



Only way to explain missing at a distance of one meter.





Posted by: ace at February 09, 2012 09:03 PM (nj1bB)

You jest, but it's not totally out of the realm of possibilities given Lucas's perverted worldview. I recall an interview within the past 10 years in which he stated that he modeled the Empire ("the bad guys") out of his view of the United States during the Vietnam War. This would imply that the Rebels ("the good buys") were inspired by the Viet Cong and Khmer Rouge.
So, there's a good buy/bad guy inversion going within his head.

Posted by: Jew janitor's mop bucket at February 09, 2012 09:15 PM (MmrSI)

117 Help us Lawrence Kasdan, you're our only hope...God I spent too much time reading this shit...

Posted by: Hedgehog at February 09, 2012 09:15 PM (3jGS1)

118 When I was 13, I left midichlorians all over the house. The Force was definitely with me.

Posted by: CoolCzech at February 09, 2012 09:15 PM (niZvt)

119 Sorry George, Han is not a gigantic space pussy - just like you.


Posted by: Lando at February 09, 2012 09:15 PM (zDQa4)

120 How the fuck is that even remotely plausible? Greedo
was four fucking feet away armed with a directed-energy weapon. If he
shot first Han would have been dead.Posted by: ol_dirty_/b


Not that it matters but in one of the collected short stories written by some a-hole sci-fi writer, Greedo was just some poor schmoe who owed Jabba. Jabba forced him to go and 'collect' the bounty, IIRC. Jabba knew Greedo would probably fuck up and either die or get caught by the Empire.

A bit of forced recon, but whatev's. Lucas is a stuttering clusterfuck of a insanely rich failure.

Posted by: The Only True Conservative at February 09, 2012 09:15 PM (+Jr2Z)

121 "You have snow cover? Bugs like a wet place to spawn."


Posted by: Dale Carnegie

{dammit, what's the .html separator for fonts?}

No snow. Plenty of wet. Old Man River runs past our door. Cats still have fleas, house is full of those damn Jap ladybugs, spiders are weaving tarps and I'm buying stock in Raid with every spare dime. Did I mention the centipedes?

Posted by: creeper at February 09, 2012 09:16 PM (gre5a)

122 So, there's a good buy/bad guy inversion going within his head.

Or a craniorectal inversion. Whatever.

Posted by: Rick Santorum at February 09, 2012 09:16 PM (6TB1Z)

123 Can you get midichlorians from a skanky Moss Iseley hooker?

Posted by: al-Cicero, Tea Party Jihadist at February 09, 2012 09:16 PM (wLGOU)

124 Is Fritz the Cat in 3D yet ?

Posted by: grease monkey at February 09, 2012 09:16 PM (VSWPU)

125 Have you looked at the current Cabinet? It IS the Star Wars cantina scene.
Posted by: Circa (Insert Year Here) at February 09, 2012 09:14 PM (EDjKF)


Wrong. Musicians serve a purpose.

Posted by: StPatrick_TN at February 09, 2012 09:16 PM (ND9u8)

126 How is that blue guy supposed to have missed from two feet away? I don't get it. Where does the remarkably slow-moving laser beam go?

And why don't these guys just use conventional guns? A colt 1911 in 45 acp doesn't have much muzzle velocity, but you can't actually see the rounds floating so slowly that they can be deflected purposefully with a sword. And they're not the most accurate weapon, but you can hit a man from 24 inches.

Star Wars is really fucking stupid, huh?

Posted by: Pastafarian at February 09, 2012 09:16 PM (KC3A2)

127 The "midichlorian" explanation would have worked fine for Star Trek, for example. If there were some psionic cult, and then Spock discovers they're infecting each other with a bacteria that creates these powers.

Fine for Star Trek.

Kind of interesting, even.

It just doesn't work in Star Wars. Yoda gives that poetic explanation of it. "Luminous beings are we, not this *crude matter.*"

Crude matter, like psionic bacteria?



Posted by: ace at February 09, 2012 09:16 PM (nj1bB)

128 Not that it matters but in one of the collected short stories written by some a-hole sci-fi writer, Greedo was just some poor schmoe who owed Jabba. Jabba forced him to go and 'collect' the bounty, IIRC. Jabba knew Greedo would probably fuck up and either die or get caught by the Empire.

A bit of forced recon, but whatev's. Lucas is a stuttering clusterfuck of a insanely rich failure.

Posted by: The Only True Conservative at February 09, 2012 09:15 PM (+Jr2ZSo that explains how he couldn't point a pistol at a guy 3 feet away. Not buying it...

Posted by: Hedgehog at February 09, 2012 09:16 PM (3jGS1)

129 I remember the first comeback of 3D in the early 80's.Jaws 3D ,Friday the 13th 3D,Spacehunter etc.I think the technology is better now and TV's and BluRay players are now capoable of reproducing it effectively.

Posted by: steevy at February 09, 2012 09:17 PM (7W3wI)

130 Libya Struggles to Curb Militias as Chaos Grows

As the militiamen saw it, they had the best of intentions. They assaulted another militia at a seaside base here this week to rescue a woman who had been abducted. When the guns fell silent, briefly, the scene that unfolded felt as chaotic as Libya’s revolution these days — a government whose authority extends no further than its offices, militias whose swagger comes from guns far too plentiful and residents whose patience fades with every volley of gunfire that cracks at night.

The country that witnessed the Arab world’s most sweeping revolution is foundering. So is its capital, where a semblance of normality has returned after the chaotic days of the fall of Tripoli last August. But no one would consider a city ordinary where militiamen tortured to death an urbane former diplomat two weeks ago, where hundreds of refugees deemed loyal to Col. Muammar el-Qaddafi waited hopelessly in a camp and where a government official acknowledged that “freedom is a problem.” Much about the scene on Wednesday was lamentable, perhaps because the discord was so commonplace.

Thank you obama. And the beat goes on

Posted by: Nevergiveup at February 09, 2012 09:17 PM (eCnLg)

131 So, there's a good buy/bad guy inversion going within his head.

Is that what it was? I thought "Phantom Menace" was a stroke symptom.

Posted by: CoolCzech at February 09, 2012 09:17 PM (niZvt)

132 You know, now that I think about it, there was a lotta conversations sitting down walking in hallways in the first three.

Of course there weren't the annoying kid with now acting ability. The cute but stilted and out of her depth "love interest". *spit*

And no stupid faux Jamaicans doing a pimp walk with long ears or big flea like critters, inane and pointless "lover" scenes where we get to ogle the "love interest's" tits or super fast light saber scenes that became boring real fast.

About the only guy who was consist and did his freaking job for the 1,2 and 3 was Palapatine and HE got ripped off of the final dramatic scene in 6.

But then we all know George Lucas has been sniffing his own farts for too many years.

Posted by: Not Romney Endorses the SMOD at February 09, 2012 09:18 PM (CP+yl)

133 Sidebar: Obama is a whiny little bitch.

Posted by: Truman North at February 09, 2012 09:18 PM (I2LwF)

134 100 >>>The force is bacteria in your blood.I'll never get past that one. If this were a different sci-fi franchise, that might be an interesting postulate for the existence of sci-fi powers. However, The Force was always portrayed as mystical and not really sci-fi at all. You had ghosts, a religion, Temples, monk/knights, long speeches about a magical force that "surrounds us, binds us," living in rocks and streams and trees, etc. It was Magic With a Different Name. The midichlorian thing is a different genre of sci-fi.


Hell that is essentially the basis for "Force type" powers in the Mass Effect games called Biotics. Its not bacteria but rather a substance called "Element Zero" which is the basis for a lot of technology too. And while some species in the galaxy seem to have it naturally and can use biotic abilities with no extra assistance, humans need to be exposed to it and also need some cybernetic implants to help with control of the powers.

Posted by: buzzion at February 09, 2012 09:18 PM (GULKT)

135 You people have to drop the Han worship; he is a fucking Rebel in Name Only.


Posted by: The Only True Conservative at February 09, 2012 09:05 PM (+Jr2Z)

It's official, Han Solo is a RINO.


If you can find the original Special Edition
releases from the late 90's you will see that Greedo shoots first
clearly. By the time that Lucas released the original trilogy on DVDbut
still 90's Special Edition versions with a few more changes they had
further tweaked it so they were shooting simultaneously.

Posted by: buzzion at February 09, 2012 09:08 PM (GULKT)

Dude...dude...I got the early 90s THX versions (full screen), I got the Special Edition releases (Widescreen), I got the first DVD box set release (widescreen), I got the individual DVD releases with the non-special editions as bonus material AND I got the bluray complete collection.
So, yeah, I'm a nerd.

Posted by: Robert at February 09, 2012 09:18 PM (F79HU)

136
Actually, the miti.....midiklor......uhh, space bacteria weren't the Force, they just allowed the host to communicate with the Force.

On other words, Ameobic Walkie-Talkies

Posted by: IllTemperedCur at February 09, 2012 09:19 PM (FIE/L)

137 >>>And why don't these guys just use conventional guns?

I have a theory about that.

Let's say armor, like that used by Stormtroopers, is very effective against slug-throwers, and thus that sort of lesser tech isn't seen much in Star Wars.

But then the armor is not that great against beam weapons, which explains why Stormtrooper armor NEVER stops a laserbolt.

So the stormtroopers wear it chiefly to guard against more primitive weaponry, which makes a kind of sense, if you imagine that many planets in the Empire are not very rich or technologically sophisticated.

Like with those soviet-export model tanks Saddam Hussein had. As someone explained, they're SHIT against other tanks. Those cheap tanks are for use against lightly-armed civilian rebels.

So maybe that's the key to Stormtroopers. They are armed and armor to keep down rebellions among weaker, more technologically backwards peoples, but if you have modern weapons like blasters, you can take them down easily enough.

Posted by: ace at February 09, 2012 09:20 PM (nj1bB)

138 Libya Struggles to Curb Militias as Chaos Grows


What the world needed was a Lebanon with an 800 mile coastline. And now we have one.

Posted by: Circa (Insert Year Here) at February 09, 2012 09:20 PM (EDjKF)

139 that explains how he couldn't point a pistol at a guy 3 feet away. Not buying it...

Posted by: Hedgehog


Maybe he had a little too much blowie-blow... I KNOW i DID!

Posted by: Carrie Fisher at February 09, 2012 09:20 PM (+Jr2Z)

140 The midichlorian thing would've worked except for the freaking 3 feature length films preceding it that focused on the force being a ethereal or mental thing not the work of imaginary nano sized beings.

Posted by: Not Romney Endorses the SMOD at February 09, 2012 09:21 PM (CP+yl)

141 75
midichlorians

Can be killed with Clorox. Therefore, bacteria.


Posted by: Circa (Insert Year Here) at February 09, 2012 09:05 PM (EDjKF)

According to Plinkett, memories of the prequels are also kill-able with that "magic potion."

Posted by: Jew janitor's mop bucket at February 09, 2012 09:21 PM (MmrSI)

142 Actually, the miti.....midiklor......uhh, space bacteria weren't the
Force, they just allowed the host to communicate with the Force.
On other words, Ameobic Walkie-Talkies


Sort of a microbial John Edwards, then?

Posted by: pep at February 09, 2012 09:22 PM (6TB1Z)

143 I saw Star Wars on the big screen in May 1977, center seat, front row.

Han shot first.

Just when you think Lucas has reached the highest level of assholeness, nope, he climbed another step.

Posted by: eman at February 09, 2012 09:22 PM (DTX4S)

144 OT,
I got a call for a GOP survey. I answered and made sure they knew that I am pro-life, female, and Catholic.

I'm sick and tires of these dam liberal women acting like they are the arbiters of how women think, and what is best for all of us.

Normally I hang up on surveys, but I'm going to answer every one I can.

Posted by: nerdygirl at February 09, 2012 09:23 PM (GA3jR)

145 The only reason for midichlorians is that Lucas needed a device to establish that Anakin was filled to the brim with rich creamy Force. It's a stupid plot device.

Instead of some cool kind of Dalai Lama test, all Lucas could think of was a blood test.

Posted by: AmishDude at February 09, 2012 09:23 PM (+x+o6)

146 No snow. Plenty of wet. Old Man River runs past our door. Cats still
have fleas, house is full of those damn Jap ladybugs, spiders are
weaving tarps and I'm buying stock in Raid with every spare dime. Did I
mention the centipedes?



Sounds like you are a bit south of 'tundra'


I'm hoping for a dry spring, personally.

Posted by: fluffy Carnegie at February 09, 2012 09:23 PM (Lpgtj)

147 It's this same kind of thinking that probably led Lucas to make the battles in the prequels mostly robots vs. robots or clones.

That way, it's not really violent, so it doesn't leave a bad impression on the kids.

Except nobody cares. It's not exciting to watch a bunch of robots killing other robots/clones or even to watch people kill a bunch of other robots (unless it's really, really well done). This goes double for when the robots can be killed by just breathing on them too hard.

Posted by: AD at February 09, 2012 09:23 PM (q0hEs)

148 News flash: George Lucas is still acting like a bitchy little douchebag towards the fandom because they won't kiss his ass like his employees do. *sigh* And he"s choosing that hill to make a stand on too....
And to think that all through the years I took it to mean he meant Han to shoot Greedo under the table for 3 good reasons:
1. Greedo was the killer who meant to shoo Han and take the Millenium Falcon as compensation for the lost cargo of spice.
2. Greedo was a fool who let Han get his gun hand away from the table. (The novelization says as much.) Han saw his chance and took it.
3. Showing Han as the sort of guy who'd casually gut-shoot a gangster and walk away is a good counterpoint for his last-minute protection of Luke later in the movie. Han has become a hero, instead of a scruffy, nerf-herder scoundrel.

Posted by: exdem13 at February 09, 2012 09:23 PM (1GunI)

149 ConservativeMonster. Well, I've read DM of the Rings and am up-to-date on Girl Genius and Weregeek. I'm interested in new ones with the caveat that I don't care for a lot of swearing or gratuitous much of anything (yeah, I know, what am I doing here?)

Posted by: Polliwog at February 09, 2012 09:23 PM (zmm1+)

150 Let's say armor, like that used by
Stormtroopers, is very effective against slug-throwers, and thus that
sort of lesser tech isn't seen much in Star Wars. Posted by: ace


That's pretty much the explanation in the SW RPG. You can find black powder weapons but they suck vs. blasters, cross-bolts, etc. The Stormtroopers were kitted like present day cops are; armored enough to stop small caliber stuff, but absolutely not able to withstand high-caliber weapons.

Posted by: Carrie Fisher at February 09, 2012 09:24 PM (+Jr2Z)

151 135


So, yeah, I'm a nerd.


Posted by: Robert at February 09, 2012 09:18 PM (F79HU)

I didn't see a mention of LaserDiscs in your post... NERD FAIL!!1

Posted by: Jew janitor's mop bucket at February 09, 2012 09:24 PM (MmrSI)

152 Is this the ONT?

Posted by: jewells45 at February 09, 2012 09:24 PM (Z71Vg)

153 it's not even "Han shot first."

Greedo didn't shoot at all.

Han shot, period. Greedo just died.

This was in the Good the Bad and the Ugly first, anyway. Tuco does this, when the guy catches him in the bathtub, and keeps talking about how he's going to kill him and everything, and then Tuco shoots him-- he had the gun in the tub the whole time.

And he says "If you're going to shoot, shoot. Don't talk."

The Han Solo thing was just a minor variation on that.

That didn't make Tuco bad. Tuco was bad, but not because he gunned a guy down who was just talking for two minutes about how much fun he was going to have killing him.

Posted by: ace at February 09, 2012 09:24 PM (nj1bB)

154 Dude...dude...I got the Special Edition releases (Widescreen), I got the first DVD box set release (widescreen), I got the individual DVD releases with the non-special editions as bonus material So, yeah, I'm a nerd.
Posted by: Robert at February 09, 2012 09:18 PM (F79HU)


Fixed that for me.

Posted by: buzzion at February 09, 2012 09:24 PM (GULKT)

155 This is not the ONT ..this is a serious discussion.

Posted by: grease monkey at February 09, 2012 09:25 PM (VSWPU)

156
So maybe that's the key to Stormtroopers. They
are armed and armor to keep down rebellions among weaker, more
technologically backwards peoples, but if you have modern weapons like
blasters, you can take them down easily enough.





Posted by: ace at February 09, 2012 09:20 PM (nj1bB)

So then why did they get their asses handed to them by the ewoks?

Posted by: Robert at February 09, 2012 09:25 PM (F79HU)

157 Falkland Islands newspaper calls Cristina Fernández de Kirchner a bitch
Thousands of complaints after insult that followed Fernández accusing Britain of militarising south Atlantic islands

??? I guess if the shoe fits?

Posted by: Nevergiveup at February 09, 2012 09:25 PM (eCnLg)

158 You know it's bad when I have to go back to the Santorum thread because this one is too dorky.

Posted by: dagny at February 09, 2012 09:25 PM (ZQGZA)

159 >>>Instead of some cool kind of Dalai Lama test, all Lucas could think of was a blood test.

We tried "rock paper scissors" in the early drafts but we just couldn't get it to work.

Posted by: George Lucas at February 09, 2012 09:25 PM (wLGOU)

160 >>>That's pretty much the explanation in the SW RPG.

Which one? The west end games one?

Well, I never saw that explanation, but it make sense and explains a couple of things.

It also explains why the heroes don't wear armor, except as disguises-- they know the armor isn't that effective against the weapons they'll be encountering.

Posted by: ace at February 09, 2012 09:26 PM (nj1bB)

161 MMMMM. Rich. Creamy. Force.

Posted by: Not Romney Endorses the SMOD at February 09, 2012 09:26 PM (CP+yl)

162 Ace sez:

"George Lucas is just really, really silly, and lives in a world of Yes-Men who never call him on his nonsense."

Oh, he certainly is and he assuredly does. The legions of immature-by-choice retarded shut-ins like yourselves allow him to be financially secure in these 2 circumstances.

A match made in heaven, n'est-ce pas?

Posted by: Gerbil Malodor at February 09, 2012 09:26 PM (/CSLJ)

163 lol dagny.

Posted by: jewells45 at February 09, 2012 09:26 PM (Z71Vg)

164 So then why did they get their asses handed to them by the ewoks?


Posted by: Robert


Because, like, Vietnam, dude...

Posted by: G. Lucas at February 09, 2012 09:26 PM (+Jr2Z)

165
A colt 1911 in 45 acp doesn't have much muzzle velocity, but you can't actually see the rounds floating so slowly that they can be deflected purposefully with a sword.






You should shoot a 1911 at an indoor range. The 45 is slow enough so you can see the rounds going downrange. Awesome.

Posted by: IllTemperedCur at February 09, 2012 09:26 PM (FIE/L)

166 >>>.So then why did they get their asses handed to them by the ewoks?

ummmm... well the ewoks didn't use penetrating bullet-type weapons, but heavy rocks and stuff. A lot of stormtroopers were just caught under big deadfall traps and stuff.

Plus, I gotta imagine the ewoks had The Force, in a subtle way.

"The Force" -- the subtle version -- explains why the heroes don't get shot often. They have the force, too. The force is with them. Just not enough to do any magic with.

Posted by: ace at February 09, 2012 09:27 PM (nj1bB)

167 I didn't see a mention of LaserDiscs in your post... NERD FAIL!!1


Posted by: Jew janitor's mop bucket at February 09, 2012 09:24 PM (MmrSI)

HAH! Never owned a laserdisc player. But it's true, I am a mere common nerd, and not a Harry Knowles-esque Lord Of The Nerds.
I also never owned the THX versions in widescreen or the CBS video originals.
Forgive me, Lord Knowles, for I have sinned!

Posted by: Robert at February 09, 2012 09:27 PM (F79HU)

168 the WEG one had storm trooper armor rated highly. It was able to stop about half or more of the damage done by a large hand blaster like Han carried.

Damn, wish I had the book...

Posted by: Truman North at February 09, 2012 09:27 PM (I2LwF)

169 "You jest, but it's not totally out of the realm of possibilities
given Lucas's perverted worldview. I recall an interview within the past
10 years in which he stated that he modeled the Empire ("the bad guys")
out of his view of the United States during the Vietnam War. This would
imply that the Rebels ("the good buys") were inspired by the Viet Cong
and Khmer Rouge."

I think Lucas's telling the truth on that. The Viet Minh, more specifically.

The Empire was *European* (note the accents! they're all English, or at least Buckley / AngloAmerican); and Lucas conceived the thing in reaction to Nixon / Ford. Nixon, don't forget, was pretty damn authoritarian himself. Price controls, anyone? Watergate? Just because he was on "Team Red" doesn't make him a good guy. I'd call him a Goldbergian "liberal fascist" except that he wasn't liberal.

So, there's the famous deleted scene where Biggs tells Luke "It won't be long before your uncle is merely a tenant, slaving for the greater glory of the Empire."

So, maybe America *could* have learnt a thing or two from the Viet Minh, in the Nixon years. Maybe we still can.

Posted by: Boulder Toilet Hobo at February 09, 2012 09:28 PM (QTHTd)

170 Ace: "I have a theory about that."

Well that does make sense. It appears as though you've spent quite a bit of time thinking about these issues. That's unsettling.

I don't think I'll bother with any of my other technical quibbles, I suspect you'll have those covered too.

Posted by: Pastafarian at February 09, 2012 09:28 PM (KC3A2)

171 So we are supposed to believe that Greedo, a galactic bounty hunter, had his gun drawn and pointing at a non moving han solo, and missed from a distance of three feet?

He's an idiot.

Posted by: KLH at February 09, 2012 09:29 PM (AtCn2)

172 Crude matter, like psionic bacteria?

Who you calling crude, you hairy little putz. I'll potch you in the genechtagazoink!

Posted by: Lightning leaps from the fingers of Joy Behar at February 09, 2012 09:29 PM (zDQa4)

173 Posted by: ace at February 09, 2012 09:24 PM (nj1bB)

So true. There is no first.

Posted by: eman at February 09, 2012 09:29 PM (DTX4S)

174 Oooh look, an insult spewing troll.

Can I shoot it?

Posted by: Circa (Insert Year Here) at February 09, 2012 09:29 PM (EDjKF)

175 Someone tell George that Jedi mind tricks don't work in the real world.

And I absolutely remember as a kid that Star Wars was going to be nine episodes. After the prequels I am very glad that he won't be making any more.

Posted by: Ghost of Lee Atwater at February 09, 2012 09:29 PM (NyiO8)

176 Nevergiveup, re:Libya
I thank the Lord every day that I live in this country.

Posted by: nerdygirl at February 09, 2012 09:29 PM (GA3jR)

177 Greedo totally let Han Solo do whatever he wanted with his shooting hand, beneath the table.

He never disarmed Solo. He never even seemed curious about whether Solo had a gun on his shooting-hand-side hip.

All Solo had to do was play with the wall with his other hand and apparently Greedo took that to mean that his other hand was just below the table, making origami, or pulling his pud.

Posted by: ace at February 09, 2012 09:30 PM (nj1bB)

178
The legions of immature-by-choice retarded shut-ins like yourselves allow him to be financially secure in these 2 circumstances.





Who's "retarded"??????

Posted by: IllTemperedCur at February 09, 2012 09:30 PM (FIE/L)

179 Greedo: Show me the clumsier of your two hands, NOW!!! I mean it -- show me that left hand!!!

Posted by: ace at February 09, 2012 09:30 PM (nj1bB)

180 Greedo was a chick. That explains so much.

Posted by: Truman North at February 09, 2012 09:30 PM (I2LwF)

181 Yes, America should mimic a communist insurgency.

What the fuck is wrong with you, Toilet Hobo?

Damn if I did not just write that last sentence with a straight face.

Posted by: Circa (Insert Year Here) at February 09, 2012 09:32 PM (EDjKF)

182 Mad TV was onto George Lucas years ago.

http://tinyurl.com/747u3qv

Posted by: Llarry at February 09, 2012 09:32 PM (Rnfm0)

183 145 The only reason for midichlorians is that Lucas needed a device to establish that Anakin was filled to the brim with rich creamy Force. It's a stupid plot device. Instead of some cool kind of Dalai Lama test, all Lucas could think of was a blood test.
Posted by: AmishDude at February 09, 2012 09:23 PM (+x+o6)


Again the Expanded Universe novels did a better job of that. Kevin Anderson's Jedi Search established two ways to detect Force sensitivity.

One was technological with a device where if one was Force sensitive the readout display would show an aura around the person. Which does make some sense since if you can use the Force to do physical acts there should be a way to see someone with that power even if it is just in "Stand-by" mode.

The other method was done by a Jedi probing someone's mind. There was a part of the mind where using the Force to probe would result in a reflex reaction that would shove the other person away very forcefully.

Niether needing some stupid bacteria in the blood excuse.

Posted by: buzzion at February 09, 2012 09:33 PM (GULKT)

184 @ Polliwog:

Well, here's one set in a zombie apocalypse. It's pretty upbeat given the setting (if you're a main character).

Dead Winter
deadwinter.cc


This is a personal fave, but there are 10+ years of archives (daily webcomic) and the early art is pretty rough. You do see the difference everyday practice makes.

Sluggy Freelance
sluggy.com

I'll have a few more recommendations when I get home, these were just the great ones off the top of my head. Lemme know if you have any preferences on story/setting/artstyle.

Posted by: ConservativeMonster at February 09, 2012 09:33 PM (v3pYe)

185 So then why did they get their asses handed to them by the ewoks?
Posted by: Robert at February 09, 2012 09:25 PM (F79HU) So I could sell more toys assholes!!!!!

Posted by: George Lucas at February 09, 2012 09:33 PM (3jGS1)

186
Now if Jabba had hired Tea Party Tri-Corner Hat Girl to bring Han in, she'd have him trussed up in no time.

Wouldn't have needed all that expensive carbonite, either.

Posted by: IllTemperedCur at February 09, 2012 09:34 PM (FIE/L)

187 Neither needing some stupid bacteria in the blood excuse.

Posted by: buzzion


Geez, did I hire those writers and sign off on the stories?

Fire them. I don't care if they've been paid. Fire them.

Posted by: G. Lucas at February 09, 2012 09:35 PM (+Jr2Z)

188 I think Greedo didn't disarm Han because he didn't think Han had the balls to fire a blaster in the bar.

Posted by: AmishDude at February 09, 2012 09:35 PM (+x+o6)

189 >>>The only reason for midichlorians is that Lucas needed a device to establish that Anakin was filled to the brim with rich creamy Force. It's a stupid plot device. Instead of some cool kind of Dalai Lama test, all Lucas could think of was a blood test.

Uh, why did he need an explanation at all? Force users detected other force users, without technological aid, from distances of hundreds of meters.

Vader felt luke's strength with the force when Luke was in another spaceship, like 500 meters away.

Everyone was always "sensing" those with the force.

Why couldn't Qui Jonn had just felt it?

Posted by: ace at February 09, 2012 09:35 PM (nj1bB)

190 And the whole idea of Greedo "shooting first" and missing is 100% BS because at less than a meter range he couldn't possibly miss! He hadn't leveled his blaster at Han though, which let Han take a chance and shoot him under the table (again not a chance of missing) because Han knew that Greedo couldn't kill him with a reflexive trigger-pull.

Lucas sold out to the Hollywood PC crowd and wussed out one of his best heroes to score points with the crowd who have made most movies near-impossible to enjoy in the past 15 years. In retrospect I don't see how I could have watched that scene, and then have been surprised at Lucas compromising his artistic vision and imagination in the prequels. PC is the death of good story-telling in any genre or format.

Any of you morons still gonna see the 3-D re-releases and support this guy in his belief that a little CG razzle-dazzle makes up for giving up on the story-telling that made him a hit in the first place?



Posted by: exdem13 at February 09, 2012 09:35 PM (1GunI)

191 It might have been interesting if Anikin actually wasn't all that strong with the force -- thus necessitating a short-cut via the Dark Side.

Posted by: ace at February 09, 2012 09:35 PM (nj1bB)

192 Start with the backstory to the 1944 bomb plot, throw in a dash of libtard Vietnam angst, slather it in special effects and Muppets, and what do you get?

Star Wars.

Posted by: A Balrog of Morgoth at February 09, 2012 09:35 PM (K0jnH)

193 That didn't make Tuco bad. Tuco was bad, but not because he gunned a guy down who was just talking for two minutes about how much fun he was going to have killing him.

-----------------

So was Tuco the "bad" or the "ugly"?

Posted by: Wonkish Rogue at February 09, 2012 09:36 PM (789+D)

194 Why couldn't Qui Jonn had just felt it?


Baseball season is weeks away and we already have the first irresistible hanging curveball of 2012.

Posted by: Circa (Insert Year Here) at February 09, 2012 09:36 PM (EDjKF)

195 Tuco was the Ugly, not the Bad.

Angel-Eyes was the Bad.

Posted by: ace at February 09, 2012 09:37 PM (nj1bB)

196 Why couldn't Qui Jonn had just felt it?

Posted by: ace at February 09, 2012 09:35 PM (nj1bB) Don't forget in Star Wars Darth Vader could sense Obi Wan's presence and the fact that Luke was strong with the force while chaing him in a tie fighter.I guess Qi Gon needed the needle...

Posted by: George Lucas at February 09, 2012 09:37 PM (3jGS1)

197 Of course Indiana was always in the Cantina!

The Crystal Skull transported him there, brought him back, and then erased his memory of it.

Sheesh, do I have to explain everything?!

Posted by: George Lucas at February 09, 2012 09:38 PM (DTX4S)

198 But in reality Tuco was worse than Angel-Eyes. I mean, Tuco raped like fifteen people and murdered a bunch more.

Angel-Eyes tended to kill other bandits and stuff. Yeah, professional hitman and stuff. But he was only "bad" because he was in Clint Eastwood's way.

Posted by: ace at February 09, 2012 09:38 PM (nj1bB)

199 George Lucas has never met Raylan Givens.

Talk about shooting first and it being, you know, Justified.

Posted by: dicentra at February 09, 2012 09:38 PM (AIGFR)

200
It might have been interesting if Anikin actually wasn't all that strong with the force -- thus necessitating a short-cut via the Dark Side.








Ooo, good one.

So what would a Moron Horde-written Star Wars look like? One thing for sure, Amidala wears a ball-gag throughout the series, just to keep her from talking.

Posted by: IllTemperedCur at February 09, 2012 09:39 PM (FIE/L)

201 The thing is this: if you're seeing Star Wars for the first time, and you see Han Solo shoot Greedo, it gives you the idea that this guy might be dangerous, that he might just turn Luke and Ben in for the reward, or he might just space them. It keeps the viewer on his toes. It adds an element of "is this guy trustworthy?" so that (SPOILER ALERT) when he does come back and save Luke at the end of the movie it's a complete surprise (it was for me).

In the "Greedo shoots first" version, he's just being defensive. It completely changes the entire meaning of the scene. And it makes his rescue of Luke at the end of the movie INEVITABLE. OF COURSE he's not just going to take the money and run.

I'm starting to agree with Plinkette that the opening scene of the massive starship flying over and past the camera was NOT George Lucas' idea, and he probably fought against it. It's too good a shot for someone as completely uncreative as George Lucas.

Posted by: BeckoningChasm at February 09, 2012 09:40 PM (i0App)

202 This is a novel method of coaxing em out of the closet.

Posted by: sTevo at February 09, 2012 09:40 PM (VMcEw)

203 Why couldn't Qui Jonn had just felt it?
Posted by: ace


Geez, do I have to wipe your behinds too?!! Because Qui Gon was a fucking RINO!! Qui Gon lobbied for ForceCare on Tython!!!


Posted by: The Only True Conservative at February 09, 2012 09:40 PM (+Jr2Z)

204 198But in reality Tuco was worse than Angel-Eyes. I mean, Tuco raped like fifteen people and murdered a bunch more.

Angel-Eyes tended to kill other bandits and stuff. Yeah, professional hitman and stuff. But he was only "bad" because he was in Clint Eastwood's way.

Posted by: ace at February 09, 2012 09:38 PM (nj1bBCould you PLEASE keep your Sergio Leone issues out of a Star Wars Thread???

Posted by: George Lucas at February 09, 2012 09:40 PM (3jGS1)

205 It's too bad his ex took him to the fucking cleaners. He might have been a better film maker instead of chasing down every last fucking cent

Posted by: Zakn at February 09, 2012 09:41 PM (zyaZ1)

206 >That didn't make Tuco bad. Tuco was bad, but not because he gunned a guy down who was just talking for two minutes about how much fun he was going to have killing him.



Tuco was ugly. Angel Eyes was bad.

Posted by: embittered redleg at February 09, 2012 09:41 PM (CuPwN)

207 George Lucas hates Star Wars fans. Once you realize that everything makes sense.

Posted by: sandbagger at February 09, 2012 09:41 PM (azLML)

208 Dead Winter is a great story. The AMC Walking Dead writeing staff should be made to read every last strip. But I'll save that rant for Sunday.

And yes, Greedo was played by a chick. EIther that, or we are led to believe that Rodian bounty hunters and gunslingers think platform heel boots are tuff gear....

Posted by: exdem13 at February 09, 2012 09:41 PM (1GunI)

209 But in reality Tuco was worse than Angel-Eyes. I mean, Tuco raped like fifteen people and murdered a bunch more.



Angel-Eyes tended to kill other bandits and stuff. Yeah,
professional hitman and stuff. But he was only "bad" because he was in
Clint Eastwood's way.


The Ukulele Orchestra of Great Britain plays the theme from The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly.

One of the great musical performances of all time.

http://tinyurl.com/24eq2d3

Posted by: Llarry at February 09, 2012 09:42 PM (Rnfm0)

210 ummmm... well the ewoks didn't use penetrating bullet-type weapons, but
heavy rocks and stuff. A lot of stormtroopers were just caught under
big deadfall traps and stuff.

Just finished "The Last Days of the Incas". Very interesting, including the battles in which about 200 Spaniards faced off against an Inca army of well over 100,000. Of course, the Spaniards had armor, modern weaponry (swords and harquebuses) and horses, which terrified the Incas. The only battles the Incas won were when they ambushed the Spaniards in the mountain passes and pushed large boulders onto them, wiping them out.

It was sad because you knew it wouldn't end well for the Incas, and it didn't. I guess they didn't have the force on their side. The Spaniards were real aholes.

Posted by: pep at February 09, 2012 09:42 PM (6TB1Z)

211 ace, I think from a movie point of view, Lucas needed that look of surprise from Obi-Wan. But you're right, he could have put the Force-detection elsewhere in the story.

I think he just wanted to establish that Anakin was so forcy that he HAD to be trained, that it was an imperative.

Posted by: AmishDude at February 09, 2012 09:42 PM (+x+o6)

212
But in reality Tuco was worse than Angel-Eyes. I mean, Tuco raped like fifteen people and murdered a bunch more.






On the other hand, Tuco is actually the main character. Blondie is the sidekick.

Posted by: IllTemperedCur at February 09, 2012 09:42 PM (FIE/L)

213 195 Tuco was the Ugly, not the Bad.

Angel-Eyes was the Bad.
----------

Yeah but I've always wondered why. By what measure was Angel Eyes any worse than Tuco or even Blondie when you get right down to it? Blondie cause he feels bad when Tuco lets the dude hang instead of letting Blondie shoot him down? OK OK I know. Different thread material.

Posted by: Wonkish Rogue at February 09, 2012 09:43 PM (789+D)

214 ummmm... well the ewoks didn't use penetrating
bullet-type weapons, but heavy rocks and stuff. A lot of stormtroopers
were just caught under big deadfall traps and stuff.



Plus, I gotta imagine the ewoks had The Force, in a subtle way.



"The Force" -- the subtle version -- explains why the heroes don't
get shot often. They have the force, too. The force is with them.
Just not enough to do any magic with.





Posted by: ace at February 09, 2012 09:27 PM (nj1bB)

It's all good.
But here's how I would explain it. Stormtrooper armor is flimsy armor meant to do fook all. The original stormtroopers were all clones able to be grown in mass quantities and thus their lives were cheap and expendable. The Empire, being all evil, simply didn't care enough to give its own men, who at this point are probably mostly regular enlisted men instead of clones, the proper protection opting instead on cost cutting measures to save money for more star destroyers and death stars. The Rebellion has a similar problem, but they don't provide armor not because they're evil but because they simply can't afford it. Hell, they don't even really have uniforms. Each member is gonna bring what he can to the fight.

As for lasers versus projectile weapons...who knows? Not knowing how they actually work, I just assume laser weapons provide better cost/benefit in that they seem to have the same stopping power while offering more shots per...what, cartridge? They never do seem to reload.

Now on to Endor. It's easy, the Empire actually does have the upper hand in that battle early on, slapping around Rebel and ewok alike. However, once the shield generator is destroyed and the ranking officers are killed in the process (Han, Leia and the rest do seem to get surrounded by all the officers), the remaining Stormtroopers suffer a loss of morale and fall into complete disarray allowing the Rebels and furrballs to get the upper hand.

Posted by: Robert at February 09, 2012 09:43 PM (F79HU)

215 I recall that the Death Star had 1,000,000 people on it. Luke Skywalker kills a MILLION people and Lucas has his panties in a twist about one guy? Geez.

Posted by: 5Cats at February 09, 2012 09:43 PM (EbYrW)

216 Thanks CM. I'll check those out. I like a wide range of art styles, can't get much different than Order of the Stick and Girl Genius, but sci-fi and fantasy do seem to be my go-to genres.

Posted by: Polliwog at February 09, 2012 09:43 PM (zmm1+)

217 In Star Wars characters argue about stuff that reveals and reinforces their characters. Luke and Han argue about saving the princess. Luke's idealistic, Han just wants to stay out of it. Until money is mentioned.

In the prequels characters argue about stuff that doesn't reveal character at all. Is it idealistic to want to fight the Trade Federation? Or what?

They discuss nothing but abstractions and stuff that's all off-screen and unexplained so that in discussing this nonsense we get no insight into WHO they are.

Posted by: ace at February 09, 2012 09:43 PM (nj1bB)

218 "So maybe that's the key to Stormtroopers. They are armed and armor to
keep down rebellions among weaker, more technologically backwards
peoples, but if you have modern weapons like blasters, you can take them
down easily enough."

But that doesn't make sense if they were defeated by a bunch of teddy bears with rocks and sticks.

Posted by: BeckoningChasm at February 09, 2012 09:43 PM (i0App)

219 Tatooine is a desert due to carbon dioxide.

That's why the Millennium Falcon is a hybrid.

Der!

Posted by: George Lucas at February 09, 2012 09:44 PM (DTX4S)

220 Oh and 5cats, what about when they killed the baby Death Star? What about all those construction workers?

Posted by: Zakn at February 09, 2012 09:44 PM (zyaZ1)

221 Greedo didn't think Han would shoot him was because Han supposedly caved to the empire and let the cargo get taken. Plus let's face it; going by the fact he's a two bit gunsel for an overweight slug means he a typical dumbass.

Stupid cuts across all colors, classes and races.

It's a bell curve; the stupid ones are all the way to the left and the smart ones are all the way to the right while most of us shlubs are chugging along in the middle.

Posted by: Not Romney Endorses the SMOD at February 09, 2012 09:44 PM (CP+yl)

222 Why dd Tuco call him "blondie"...looked to me like he had brown hair.

Posted by: USS Diversity at February 09, 2012 09:44 PM (VeTg+)

223 You will never love a woman as much as George Lucas hates Star Wars fans

Posted by: Truman North at February 09, 2012 09:45 PM (I2LwF)

224 Did you ever read that book On Killing?

Adrenalin and fear can cause really wild outcomes.

Posted by: Elephant Liberation Front at February 09, 2012 09:46 PM (lgw0N)

225

So what would a Moron Horde-written Star Wars look like? One thing for sure, Amidala wears a ball-gag throughout the series, just to keep her from talking.
Posted by: IllTemperedCur at February 09, 2012 09:39 PM (FIE/L)


Well, for starters Jar Jar has a nasty run in with a Sith taxidermist early on, and spends the rest of the trilogy standing upright in Amidala's bathroom, with a roll of toilet paper on his stuffed schwang.

Posted by: CoolCzech at February 09, 2012 09:46 PM (niZvt)

226 222 Why dd Tuco call him "blondie"...looked to me like he had brown hair.


----------

Racial stereotype probably.

Posted by: Wonkish Rogue at February 09, 2012 09:46 PM (789+D)

227 Two Fucking words Nute Gunray. Gee who was he parodying there?? Fuck Lucas. He's a douche canoe!!

Posted by: Hedgehog at February 09, 2012 09:46 PM (3jGS1)

228
Oh and 5cats, what about when they killed the baby Death Star? What about all those construction workers?
Posted by: Zakn at February 09, 2012 09:44 PM (zyaZ1)






Non-union shop. Fuck 'em.

Posted by: George Lucas at February 09, 2012 09:46 PM (FIE/L)

229 >>>Blondie cause he feels bad when Tuco lets the dude hang instead of letting Blondie shoot him down? OK OK I know. Different thread material.

Blondie was definitely not as bad as the other two. He also gave the dying soldier a cigarette.

Blondie just really didn't do anything truly evil like the other two, by which I chiefly mean killing innocents. Angel-Eyes did on screen, and we know Tuco did due to his rap sheet. (Assuming he wasn't framed.)

Blondie shot... um, hats off people. Which is I guess kind of silly. But... Okay, he shot some hats, and conned people out of reward money.

Apart from that he only kills other combatants who are no better than himself so no problem with that.

Blondie isn't "Good" but he's not bad.

Posted by: ace at February 09, 2012 09:46 PM (nj1bB)

230 >>Why couldn't Qui Jonn had just felt it?


My guess is that Lucas felt like he needed some bullshit reason to show that Anakin was stronger with the Force than even Yoda but couldn't figure out how to do it, so he introduced some objective test. In that same vein, Qui-Gonn never even felt the Force around Anakin when he first met him, so how in the hell could they sense the Force in Episodes 4, 5, and 6 when they never could in the prequels?


With that midichlorian horseshit he completely gutted the whole mystique of the Force.

Posted by: Ghost of Lee Atwater at February 09, 2012 09:47 PM (NyiO8)

231 Ace, we only have to mention Sergio Leone's scoundrels because Lucas needs a remedial course in Scoundrels 101. At least we have to do Leone, because Star Wars is PG and all, so we can't have Han show up at the Death Star attack and say "I'm a scoundrel, but I'm not a fucking scoundrel."

Posted by: exdem13 at February 09, 2012 09:47 PM (1GunI)

232 What about all those construction workers?

I sense a scene from "Clerks" coming up.

Was it "Clerks"? Some Kevin Smith movie.

Posted by: Waterhouse at February 09, 2012 09:47 PM (trw4I)

233 So what would a Moron Horde-written Star Wars look like? One thing for sure, Amidala wears a ball-gag throughout the series, just to keep her from talking.
Posted by: IllTemperedCur at February 09, 2012 09:39 PM (FIE/L)


Honestly I've considered some things that could have been done to "fix" the prequels to still keep some of the shock value to "I am your father."

All you need is another pupil of Obi-wan's to turn to the dark side. Have Obi-wan still fight Anakin. Have another Jedi fight the other pupil. Leave it ambiguous as to whether Anakin or the other Pupil was the one that died.

And have Palpatine name him Darth Vader as the suit goes on. Then have Vader confront a fleeing Obi-Wan and Yoda, with a look of horror/sadness on their faces.

End it with a short discussion between Yoda Obi-wan and Bail Organa that when the twins are old enough they will tell them about their father but won't tell them everything to protect them

Posted by: buzzion at February 09, 2012 09:48 PM (GULKT)

234 222 Why dd Tuco call him "blondie"...looked to me like he had brown hair.
Posted by: USS Diversity at February 09, 2012 09:44 PM (VeTg+)

This has been tormenting me for years.

Posted by: George Lucas' emotional problems at February 09, 2012 09:48 PM (tSxym)

235 So perhaps the title refers not to the individual actors but to some kind of overarching critique of the entire setting?

Posted by: Wonkish Rogue at February 09, 2012 09:48 PM (789+D)

236 >>>>>>"So maybe that's the key to Stormtroopers. They are armed and armor to
keep down rebellions among weaker, more technologically backwards

peoples, but if you have modern weapons like blasters, you can take them

down easily enough."

How to defeat blasters: cover your armor with mirrors.

Posted by: pep at February 09, 2012 09:48 PM (6TB1Z)

237
One thing with Angel Eyes, he had a code. Ethics.

Posted by: IllTemperedCur at February 09, 2012 09:49 PM (FIE/L)

238 Clerks indeed.

You think your standard Stormtrooper knows how to install a toilet main? All they know is killing in white uniforms.

Posted by: Wonkish Rogue at February 09, 2012 09:49 PM (789+D)

239 Let me explain why Stormtrooper armor sucked, in one sentence: It was made out of cardboard and plastic by a bunch of stoners working on a Hollywood studio lot.

Posted by: A Balrog of Morgoth at February 09, 2012 09:49 PM (K0jnH)

240 @69 : Obama Greedo is was a stuttering clusterf*ck of a miserable failure bounty hunter.

fify

Posted by: Brian in Santa Cruz at February 09, 2012 09:50 PM (0F6Sg)

241 It's only a controversy if you're a pussy. Like Lucas.

Posted by: Laura Castellano at February 09, 2012 09:50 PM (fuw6p)

242
How can crappy scripts written when Jimmeh was president matter in this day and age?

Posted by: sTevo at February 09, 2012 09:50 PM (VMcEw)

243 "242
How can crappy scripts written when Jimmeh was president matter in this day and age?"

It was *written* under Ford, technically; it was wrapped up, post-produced and marketed in winter/spring 1977

Posted by: Boulder Toilet Hobo at February 09, 2012 09:52 PM (QTHTd)

244
Oops, hit enter too soon.

Anyway, Angel Eyes and ethics. Although he kills the Mexican in front of his family in his intro scene, the Mex gives him all his cash and asks that Angel Eyes kill the guy that hired him.

"But you know the pity is when I'm paid, I always follow my job through. You know that."

Pillow.......Face.........Bang.

Posted by: IllTemperedCur at February 09, 2012 09:53 PM (FIE/L)

245 How can crappy scripts written when Jimmeh was president matter in this day and age?

Posted by: sTevo at February 09, 2012 09:50 PM (VMcEw)
That wouldn't be a problem if they weren't constantly "revised" to keep pace with the creator's raging case of cranial hemorrhoids.

Posted by: A Balrog of Morgoth at February 09, 2012 09:53 PM (K0jnH)

246 How can crappy scripts written when Jimmeh was president matter in this day and age?

I remember very clearly when Star Wars came out. It was a huge hit because it was the first film of the 70s (late 70s) that wasn't all angsty and full of liberal handwringing and sensitive males and oh, aren't Americans terrible people. It was a lousy movie, but it was revolutionary for the time.

Posted by: pep at February 09, 2012 09:54 PM (6TB1Z)

247 buzzion: "All you need is another pupil of Obi-wan's to turn to the dark side."

That was done in the kids' books, Xanatos I believe his name was. (They're actually... not badly written. Jude Watson didn't fall off his/her game until book 9 or so.)

Posted by: Boulder Toilet Hobo at February 09, 2012 09:54 PM (QTHTd)

248 I was actually more insulted by Kingdom of the Crystal Skull than by any of the Star Wars prequels. That shitfest made The Phantom Menace into Citizen Kane by comparison.

Posted by: Ghost of Lee Atwater at February 09, 2012 09:54 PM (NyiO8)

249 I would have included more hot women in latex if I'd had a hand in the SW script.

It would have looked like a cross between SW and Underworld.

Posted by: Elephant Liberation Front at February 09, 2012 09:55 PM (lgw0N)

250 213 195 Tuco was the Ugly, not the Bad.

Angel-Eyes was the Bad.
----------

Yeah but I've always wondered why. By what measure was Angel Eyes any worse than Tuco or even Blondie when you get right down to it? Blondie cause he feels bad when Tuco lets the dude hang instead of letting Blondie shoot him down? OK OK I know. Different thread material.

Posted by: Wonkish Rogue at February 09, 2012 09:43 PM (789+D)



Just going by the portrayals, Angel Eyes was more cold-blooded. Tuco had a reason for doing everything he did. Even when it came to letting Shorty die, it was so Eastwood wouldn't have a chance to escape. Angel Eyes enjoyed killing, whether the guy in question had a beef with him or not.

The stuff Tuco did completely ran the gambit, so it's not reasonable to he had an excuse for everything (deserting your wife, rape, etc.) and it's stupid to overlook that, but that and the bit with his brother is what made him seem more sympathetic. Plus, he was (presumably) willing to share the loot in the end. Angel Eyes wasn't.

Posted by: AD at February 09, 2012 09:56 PM (q0hEs)

251 I have always thought that Return of the Jedi was a totalrip off of "Follow the Leader" episode from Lost in Space

Posted by: avi at February 09, 2012 09:56 PM (iSFyV)

252 Well, The Hobbit will be here soon, so we've got that to look forward to.

Posted by: A Balrog of Morgoth at February 09, 2012 09:56 PM (K0jnH)

253 31
So, they're now advertising the 3D version in theaters.

--------

Yes. And the ad *starts* with a shot of Luke from Episode IV, then winds through the other episodes, before saying "Psyche! It's the Jar-Jar episode!"

Posted by: Anachronda at February 09, 2012 09:57 PM (6fER6)

254 Han Solo shot first when confronted by Darth Vader in Cloud City.

Guess Lucas forgets about that.

Posted by: captfsh at February 09, 2012 09:57 PM (iRrSm)

255 Was it "Clerks"?

Yes. and Clerks is awesome.

Posted by: garrett at February 09, 2012 09:57 PM (utQBd)

256 How to defeat blasters: cover your armor with mirrors.Posted by: pep

Except for the fact that blasters aren't lasers, right?

Second, even if they were, mirrors that have the slightest amount of dust or dirt are not the reflective surface you are looking for.

Posted by: weft cut-loop at February 09, 2012 09:58 PM (+Jr2Z)

257 Ace is wrong.

There's nothing revisionist here. Nothing RECENTLY revisionist at least.

Lucas said this fifteen years ago. FIFTEEN YEARS AGO. When the Special Editions came out.

Yes he was wrong then too, but this isn't new news. Which means it's not news.

Posted by: Ace is trolling his blog at February 09, 2012 09:58 PM (gVqQ3)

258 And Kitten Natividad as Princess Leia. You know, for merchandising purposes.

Posted by: al-Cicero, Tea Party Jihadist at February 09, 2012 09:58 PM (wLGOU)

259 218 But that doesn't make sense if they were defeated by a bunch of teddy bears with rocks and sticks.

The Ewokssymbolize the Viet Cong and the Empire is, well duh, the US.
So what does that make Ace?

Posted by: Freshman college film student at February 09, 2012 09:58 PM (p9up6)

260 >>Yes. And the ad *starts* with a shot of Luke from Episode IV, then winds
through the other episodes, before saying "Psyche! It's the Jar-Jar
episode!"

I'll be surprised if Ep. 4-6 in 3D ever happen, given that he's said that he'll make that determination based upon how well Ep. 1 does at the box office.

Posted by: Ghost of Lee Atwater at February 09, 2012 09:59 PM (NyiO8)

261 Blondie shot... um, hats off people. Which is I guess kind of silly.
But... Okay, he shot some hats, and conned people out of reward money.



Apart from that he only kills other combatants who are no better than himself so no problem with that.




Okay, this is as good a time to ask as any. This has been bugging me for years. Did Blondie kill Bill Carson or not?

Posted by: AD at February 09, 2012 10:00 PM (q0hEs)

262 There are no new stories, Avi. Everything by now is a rip off of something.

Posted by: Elephant Liberation Front at February 09, 2012 10:00 PM (lgw0N)

263 It's nice having Tea Party Babe in the sidebar.

Posted by: Waterhouse at February 09, 2012 10:00 PM (trw4I)

264 if the producers of Lost in Space are alive they should sue Lucas for plagiarism from "Follow the Leader"

Posted by: avi at February 09, 2012 10:00 PM (iSFyV)

265
I am getting this overpowering urge for a f#cking pizza roll.

Posted by: sTevo at February 09, 2012 10:01 PM (VMcEw)

266 254 Han Solo shot first when confronted by Darth Vader in Cloud City.

Guess Lucas forgets about that.

-------------------------

Yeah but Vader was an American imperialist. Greedo was just a down on his luck guy just trying to make a buck in the harsh times brought on by unnecessary wars and tax cuts for royal family on Naboo.

Posted by: Wonkish Rogue at February 09, 2012 10:01 PM (789+D)

267 Why dd Tuco call him "blondie"...looked to me like he had brown hair.

Posted by: USS Diversity at February 09, 2012 09:44 PM (VeTg+)

Dark blonde hair can look very brown.

Posted by: Robert at February 09, 2012 10:01 PM (F79HU)

268 262 There are no new stories, Avi. Everything by now is a rip off of something.

A New Hope was inspired by "the Hidden Fortress"

Return of the Jedi was stolen from "Follow the Leader"

Posted by: avi at February 09, 2012 10:02 PM (iSFyV)

269 Okay, this is as good a time to ask as any. This has been bugging me for years. Did Blondie kill Bill Carson or not?

------------------

Carson seemed pretty far gone at that point. Blondie was almost dead too so it seems unlikely he would have been able.

Posted by: Wonkish Rogue at February 09, 2012 10:02 PM (789+D)

270 >>>>>Except for the fact that blasters aren't lasers, right?

They aren't? I always thought they were, and shot a species of very lazy photons. What are they then?

Posted by: pep at February 09, 2012 10:02 PM (6TB1Z)

271
The decline of Star Wars franchise can be traced to the day that George Lucas took complete creative control.

Posted by: Ernie McCracken at February 09, 2012 10:02 PM (ZETiK)

272 How about Anakin lives on a very remote planet and when he is born both the Jedi and the Sith feel a disturbance in the Force.

Both sides know the Chosen One has been born and both sides scramble to find him. After years of fighting and searching, both sides find Anakin. Each tries everything it can to win Anakin to their team.

At the end of The Phantom Menace Anakin sides with the Jedi, but the Sith haven't given up.

Posted by: eman at February 09, 2012 10:02 PM (DTX4S)

273 Carson seemed pretty far gone at that point. Blondie was almost dead too so it seems unlikely he would have been able.


Damn convenient timing, though.

Posted by: AD at February 09, 2012 10:03 PM (q0hEs)

274 George Lucas loves to revise his revisions too. ESB special edition releases has Luke doing this gay ass scream after he jumps into the pit on Cloud City. By the time the Special Editions are moved to DVD the gay ass scream has been removed.

Posted by: buzzion at February 09, 2012 10:03 PM (GULKT)

275 Dang, I knewI should have read the comments first.

Posted by: Freshman college film student at February 09, 2012 10:04 PM (p9up6)

276 I always thought Carson just up and died.

Posted by: USS Diversity at February 09, 2012 10:05 PM (VeTg+)

277 You'd think I would comment on this thread.

Posted by: Merovign, Dark Lord of the Sith at February 09, 2012 10:05 PM (bxiXv)

278 Memo to the Ace of Spuds: Yea, this is what Lucas does - he makes things up ! You just now figuring this out? What, you thought all that Star Wars crap was actually real?

Posted by: VADM (Red) Cuthbert Lord Collingwood (Mentioned in Dispatches) at February 09, 2012 10:06 PM (kkQ6Q)

279 Nerdygirl: The USS Silversides at Muskegon, Michigan, right?

Posted by: CMU VET at February 09, 2012 10:06 PM (cEVyk)

280 They aren't? I always thought they were, and shot a species of very lazy photons. What are they then?
Posted by: pep at February 09, 2012 10:02 PM (6TB1Z)

Maybe plasma weapons.

Posted by: Elephant Liberation Front at February 09, 2012 10:07 PM (lgw0N)

281 I imagine that the Middie will be requested to resign.

Posted by: Fifth French Republic at February 09, 2012 10:07 PM (RJOgX)

282 They aren't? I always thought they were, and shot a species of very lazy photons. What are they then?
Posted by: pep at February 09, 2012 10:02 PM (6TB1Z)


High-energy plasma in a magnetic container or high-energy particles "cohered" before being ejected, depending on the "era."

It's literally physical stuff, just dangerously energetic and hurled at high speed (but not light speed).

PS the light saber is supposed to be the same kind of technology, just held in place via exotic means.

Posted by: Merovign, Dark Lord of the Sith at February 09, 2012 10:09 PM (bxiXv)

283 So, a blaster is a phased plasma rifle?

Posted by: eman at February 09, 2012 10:11 PM (DTX4S)

284 PS Lucas is the worst thing that ever happened to Star Wars.

It was like some people came up with this exotic, beautiful, and dramatic setting. And then Lucas ran in and yelled "great! Now let's populate it with a bunch of whiny retards who can run around banging into each other!" Everyone else was too tired from making it to stop him, so here we are.

Posted by: Merovign, Dark Lord of the Sith at February 09, 2012 10:11 PM (bxiXv)

285 283 So, a blaster is a phased plasma rifle?
Posted by: eman at February 09, 2012 10:11 PM (DTX4S)


The idea is older than SW, B5, Terminator, Aliens, or any of the other modern versions. I know they used in in Dr. Who in the 60s or 70s. I think it goes back to pulp Sci-Fi.

Posted by: Merovign, Dark Lord of the Sith at February 09, 2012 10:14 PM (bxiXv)

286 I became a bounty hunter after I was laid off from my job as a Shooting Instructor over at the Imperial Stormtrooper Academy.

Posted by: Greedo at February 09, 2012 10:15 PM (2jQGY)

287 On the plus side once Lucas is dead for awhile, they'll get remade.

Posted by: Elephant Liberation Front at February 09, 2012 10:15 PM (lgw0N)

288 This is my favorite Tee Fury shirt that I own...the ultimate classical tattoo style "Han Shot First"

http://www.teefury.com/archive/1110/Han_Shot_First/

It's like Lucas has decided it's his life's goal right now to completely screw-up everyone's favorite parts of Star Wars...someone needs to check his meds.

Posted by: Brian in BC at February 09, 2012 10:15 PM (3lxx0)

289 I used to be a bounty hunter, then I took a blaster bolt in the knee.

Posted by: Merovign, Dark Lord of the Sith at February 09, 2012 10:16 PM (bxiXv)

290 I'm so glad that we've solved all of our other problems and this is all that we have to worry about.


Skynet/WOPR 2012

Posted by: Skynet/WOPR 2012 at February 09, 2012 10:17 PM (BYU6W)

291 Goddammit, somebody get me a throat lozenge.

Posted by: sTevo at February 09, 2012 10:17 PM (VMcEw)

292
I used to be a bounty hunter, then I took a blaster bolt in the knee.

Posted by: Merovign


That's a bannin'.

Posted by: weft cut-loop at February 09, 2012 10:18 PM (+Jr2Z)

293 290 I'm so glad that we've solved all of our other problems and this is all that we have to worry about.

Posted by: Skynet/WOPR 2012 at February 09, 2012 10:17 PM (BYU6W)


Well, that was unintentionally ironic.

Posted by: Merovign, Dark Lord of the Sith at February 09, 2012 10:19 PM (bxiXv)

294 Special effects are just a vehicle, a means for telling a story. A special effect without a story is a pretty boring thing. That was my defining creed when I made episodes I II III.

Posted by: Gerg Lucas at February 09, 2012 10:19 PM (zGfJp)

295 Did this need a post breaking it down this far? I mean, you could just as easily and accurately said:

"Everything that guy just said is bullshit."

Posted by: Burn the Witch at February 09, 2012 10:19 PM (rX1N2)

296 Aw man I kinda liked ol' Devil.

Posted by: USS Diversity at February 09, 2012 10:19 PM (VeTg+)

297 About time Ace put up a post about something that really, really matters. One gets tired of all this silly politics stuff. We all know we're lookin' at four more years of Frances the talking stool.

Posted by: Peaches at February 09, 2012 10:20 PM (cCiY7)

298 288


It's like Lucas has decided it's his life's goal right now to
completely screw-up everyone's favorite parts of Star Wars...someone
needs to check his meds.

Posted by: Brian in BC at February 09, 2012 10:15 PM (3lxx0)

Slave Leia... in a CGI niqab.

Okay, that's all for me. The Ambien's kicking my ass. 'Night.

Posted by: Jew janitor's mop bucket at February 09, 2012 10:20 PM (MmrSI)

299 I used to be a bounty hunter, then I took a blaster bolt in the knee.
Posted by: Merovign, Dark Lord of the Sith at February 09, 2012 10:16 PM (bxiXv)

The benefits must have sucked. Losing body parts never slowed down Luke or Darth.

Posted by: Elephant Liberation Front at February 09, 2012 10:20 PM (lgw0N)

300 "Everything that guy just said is bullshit."


No that's the SCOAMF threads.

And why do I always miss the good threads?

Posted by: Bomber at February 09, 2012 10:20 PM (d88g9)

301 Well damn.

Posted by: Bomber at February 09, 2012 10:23 PM (d88g9)

302 Are all six movies going to be re-re-released in totally-necessary 3D?

Posted by: Waterhouse at February 09, 2012 10:25 PM (trw4I)

303 Not only can Ifuck up a wet dream, I excel at it.

Posted by: George Lucas at February 09, 2012 10:25 PM (ZETiK)

304 Dear Mr. "of Spades",

#caring

That is all.

Posted by: Not the Great Pumpkin at February 09, 2012 10:26 PM (+6ZZN)

305 ONT is up.

Posted by: Bomber at February 09, 2012 10:26 PM (d88g9)

306 I thought if I let him strike me down I would just get stronger. WTF?

Posted by: Greedo at February 09, 2012 10:28 PM (SzAZ7)

307 Angel Eyes was The Bad because he didn't get better. Both Tuco and Blondie showed at least the possibility of redemption.

Posted by: Trimegistus at February 09, 2012 10:29 PM (9tfpD)

308 302 Are all six movies going to be re-re-released in totally-necessary 3D?
Posted by: Waterhouse at February 09, 2012 10:25 PM (trw4I)


Only if the Phantom Shitty Menace in 3D makes enough money to "justify" releasing the others.

Posted by: buzzion at February 09, 2012 10:30 PM (GULKT)

309 307 Angel Eyes was The Bad because he didn't get better. Both Tuco and Blondie showed at least the possibility of redemption.
Posted by: Trimegistus at February 09, 2012 10:29 PM (9tfpD)
I did?

Posted by: Tuco the unremittingly sleazy at February 09, 2012 10:37 PM (tSxym)

310
Only if the Phantom Shitty Menace in 3D makes enough money to "justify" releasing the others.





In other words "you'll have to give me hundreds of millions of simoleans for the prequel monkey-crap before you get to see the good films in 3D."

Posted by: IllTemperedCur at February 09, 2012 10:40 PM (FIE/L)

311 Precisely

Posted by: buzzion at February 09, 2012 10:43 PM (GULKT)

312 "Right. And Jabba the Hutt was always supposed to be a gigantic space slug despite the fact they filmed him in the first movie (deleted scene) and he was just a fat dude in barbarian furs."

Not just that, but the original novelization of Star Wars, which included this deleted scene, doesn't mention anything about Jabba being a space slug either, despite obviously not having any special effects limitations.

Overall, the thing that disturbs me the most about Lucas was his decision to feature the Star Wars version of the Immaculate Conception in Ep1. I'm not religious and it's not something that offended me, but I remember watching all the Joseph Campbell interviews back in the early 90s about Star Wars as a modern Myth. Back then, all of that sounded nice, but I remember watching Ep 1 for the first time when Anikin's mom said that there was no father, my first thought was "Holy crap. Lucas is taking this movie WAY to seriously and all that Campbell stuff went straight to his head."

I don't think anyone has ever deserved to hear the words "Get over yourself" as much as Lucas.

Posted by: Thulsa Doom at February 09, 2012 10:50 PM (yEPg5)

313
1997: How's that script coming along?
George Lucas: I have my top men working on it.
1997: Who?
George Lucas: TOP. MEN.

Posted by: Cincinnatus at February 09, 2012 10:53 PM (PUh0F)

314 We know Lucas is talking out of his ass, but here's anoth data point,..

The novelization of the movie...the one that George Lucas has a fucking writing credit for...has Solo shooting first. And it was released concurrently with the movie. I still have my copy and, yep, Lucas is full of shite.

Posted by: JohnTant at February 09, 2012 10:54 PM (ApEvc)

315 3-D. Lucas' latest half-assed gimmick.

So he can sell them to you. Again.

Posted by: nickless at February 09, 2012 10:58 PM (MMC8r)

316 Is this thread for real?

Posted by: Gerry at February 09, 2012 11:01 PM (p6yrx)

317 Psh, Han never shoots first!

Watch it, it's funny.

Posted by: Crispian at February 10, 2012 12:42 AM (P9LP6)

318 Well, if I lived in a world of bad guys who shoot like storm troopers hell yes I'd give them the first shot.

And the second. In fact I'd probably order a pizza, and only start shooting back after I'd had a nice meal and a little conversation.

After all, none of those guys can hit the broad side of a barn. So if anything by shooting first Han was probably not saving his own life, but rather the life of some innocent bystander standing way off to his left, assuming Greedo was as good a shot as any of the other Lucas villians that appeared in the Star Wars movies.

But you know, of all of my gripes about the really bad plot holes in Star Wars, this doesn't even make the top ten. Ok, so Darth Vader is Luke's father. When Luke and Leia are born they are separated and they are "hidden" from there father.

So how do they choose to hide Luke? Well for starters they don't even bother to change his last name. I can't imagine there are a whole ton of "Skywalkers" in the galactic phone book. Then they take him and put him with the only "family" he has, people who are well known to Vader and probably the first place anyone would look. Worst yet, it's on a planet that is more or less the center of the universe, or might as well be considering how often every main character in the story ends up there. Nice job of hiding him guys. Why not hit up Darth Vader for child support while your at it? Might as well for as many red flags as you raised with that stunt.



Posted by: StuckOnStupid at February 10, 2012 12:44 AM (R5yLq)

319 Oops, link didn't link, here's the link to the above referred video.

Posted by: Crispian at February 10, 2012 12:44 AM (P9LP6)

320 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0VJp9QGjGmYfeature=related

Posted by: Crispian at February 10, 2012 12:45 AM (P9LP6)

321 So, in order to make Han not a "cold-blooded killer", he had to turn Greedo into the most inept bounty hunter in the galaxy. What, was the sight on Greedo's blaster crooked or something?

Maybe Greedo was also a Good Guy who would Never Shoot First and so was giving Han a warning shot, across the bow.

Only way to explain missing at a distance of one meter.

Posted by: ace at February 09, 2012 09:03 PM (nj1bB)

No, I was a singing cowboy.

Posted by: Greedo at February 10, 2012 01:41 AM (DaQf3)

322 Your whole article can be summed up in one sentence.

Better to be judged by 12 than carried by 6.

Posted by: DK at February 10, 2012 03:40 AM (6F00J)

323 If you read some of the work done by the folks who trained the boys in ww2, one of the problems they had to overcome with the wholesome american farmboys was getting it into their heads that they were not involved in a sporting contest but rather a fight to the death.

Or shoot him? A sword is a deadly weapon, right? It's not like he was only threatening to use harsh language.

In fact in Applegate's "kill or be killed" there is an explicitly illustrated passage on how to handle an assailant armed with an edged weapon when you have a gun, you shoot him.

Posted by: steve l. at February 10, 2012 04:16 AM (R0MFk)

324 ok, that block quote was italicized in the preview

Posted by: steve l. at February 10, 2012 04:20 AM (R0MFk)

325 Someone should release the Plinkett reviews in 3D surround sound.

Posted by: Damn Sockpuppet at February 10, 2012 04:40 AM (dIHHd)

326 Greedo made the moves on me. And then I shot him.
Is that better?

Posted by: Bea Arthur's Dick at February 10, 2012 06:50 AM (dM1NM)

327 "Overall, the thing that disturbs me the most about Lucas was his
decision to feature the Star Wars version of the Immaculate Conception
in Ep1."

That was strange. Also strange was the scientific explanation for the Force. Something they didn't manage to mention in the first three entire movies? Obi wan never mentioned it? The Empire never looked into it? Nothing?

So they both go way too religious and undermine the fantasy. Ordinarily, it wouldn't be possible to go overboard in both directions.


Posted by: Dustin at February 10, 2012 07:43 AM (wcT+8)

328
Alderaan shot first.

Posted by: Dr. Varno at February 10, 2012 08:53 AM (gB6Vc)

329
Someone ever tries to kill you, you try to kill 'em right back!

-- Malcom Reynolds, Browncoat and naught man aiming to misbehave.

Posted by: I R A Darth Aggie © at February 10, 2012 09:28 AM (1hM1d)

330 It was only funny because it subverted the silly movie convention that
the Good Guy always has to cede every possible tactical advantage to
the Bad Guy.


And it wasn't even done intentionally. I read years back that Ford had the flu that day and didn't have the energy to perform the fight as scripted. The gunshot was written in as a result...

Posted by: Additional Blond Agent at February 10, 2012 09:51 AM (uehxp)

331 Dear Star Wars fanatics,

There is a whole galaxy of movies out there that actually have good scripts and good acting. It may be a galaxy far, far away from the one where George Lucas is able to jerk your chain and get you to buy the same movie 5 times in a "new format" but it's there. For a good Harrison Ford movie, see Witness please.

Posted by: SalvucciFumbles at February 10, 2012 10:40 AM (ucnjR)

332 You all are racist.


Now go see Red Tails.

Posted by: George Lucas at February 10, 2012 10:50 AM (4BCY5)

333 I'm shocked a drug smuggler would shoot a hit man, sent by a mobster first! Shocked I tells ye!

Posted by: Wild Bill at February 10, 2012 12:46 PM (rndzn)

334 @331 -- You are Correct. Ford was sick as a dog and said "If this was real life, and I had a gun, I'd just shoot him." Speilberg acquiesced.

Ford was always screwing with Lucas' vision. I read somewhere that he said on the set of the first movie "You can write this shit, George, but you can't say it."

Which is why I have no difficulty believe that the scene in the Detention Bay with Han at the intercom (aka the Funniest Thing in Star Wars) is entirely ad-libbed.

Posted by: Boring Conversation Anyway... at February 10, 2012 01:28 PM (V0QP1)

335 Like with those soviet-export model tanks Saddam
Hussein had. As someone explained, they're SHIT against other tanks.
Those cheap tanks are for use against lightly-armed civilian rebels.



So maybe that's the key to Stormtroopers. They are armed and armor
to keep down rebellions among weaker, more technologically backwards
peoples, but if you have modern weapons like blasters, you can take them
down easily enough.





Posted by: ace at February 09, 2012 09:20 PM (nj1bB)
But they did even worse against the Ewoks than against everyone else.

Posted by: Oldcat at February 10, 2012 01:43 PM (z1N6a)

336 Wow, Chuckie never sleeps, check out this little rant...
"Mitt Romney is just beginning his speech at CPAC, sharing billing with
white nationalists, Birthers, and sovereign citizen weirdos. Why hasn’t
the presence of outright racists at the most high profile Republican
event been a bigger story? Shouldn’t presidential candidates be held
responsible for legitimizing the views of these disgusting people?"

Posted by: Chairman LMAO at February 10, 2012 01:55 PM (9eDbm)

337 The sad part is American forces in combat have to live and die with the rules Han and lucas set up, the taliban have to shoot first and if the troops are in a bar, civilians may die so the ROE is, let greedo/taliban shoot first.

Posted by: HEP-T at February 10, 2012 02:21 PM (oJm29)

338 The biggest problem I have with the re-edit is that no one in the galaxy would miss from that close a distance. Unless Greedo was smoking Dagobah ganja, he would have blasted Solo in the face.

But no, Lucas doesn't think anyone would notice that. Just sit there and eat your peas.

Guy is Hollywood's version of Obama.

Posted by: Wyatt Earp at February 10, 2012 02:22 PM (zQphl)

339 Lucas is a hack. He has no respect for the good acting and the great music created by others, that gave him the money to afford the scene-by-scene destruction of the original series.

Posted by: Chris Balsz at February 10, 2012 02:38 PM (3GtyG)

340 eh watching it back, Lucas was probably right. But Han Shooting first is better whatever way you look at it. Appreciate it's for 6 year olds but still.

Posted by: Poosh at February 10, 2012 03:41 PM (MZtJ/)

341 The scientific explanation for the force, which isn't really a scientific explanation at all if you pay attention, i.e medichlorians or whatever, was actually described to some extent in Empire Strikes Back by Yoda. The medichlorians are not the force, they merely are the medium to which we can react with the force.

It also explains why "the force is strong" with the Skywalker family and can be passed on genetically.

Posted by: Poosh at February 10, 2012 03:50 PM (MZtJ/)

342 What a bunch of fucking nerds.

Posted by: Brad at February 10, 2012 05:58 PM (7yu6O)

343 Whoever shoots second is a pussy.

Han Solo is not a pussy.

Posted by: Steve O at February 10, 2012 10:17 PM (Orxpy)

344
So I checked with my wife's 11 year old cousin on this, who has the archive of the old Marvel Comics Star Wars series. It's not even close. Greedo is in mid-sentence when Han shoots him. George Lucas -- revisionist lame-ass.

Posted by: Throat Wobbler Mangrove at February 11, 2012 04:58 PM (a0XVb)






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