Florence Henderson: I Got Crabs From NYC Mayor John Lindsey From a One-Night Infidelity in the 1960s

That's not even a joke headline. That's what actually happened.

"I was lonely. I knew it wasn't the right thing to do. So, what did I do? I did it," she writes in "Life is Not a Stage," set for publication in September.

Henderson went home later that night, and awoke to a grisly surprise the next day as she saw "little black things" crawling over her bed and body.

Yeah I think that's enough of that story.

You know the difference between Florence Henderson and Bill Maher?

People in Hollywood still occasionally return Florence Henderson's calls.

Posted by: Ace at 07:27 PM



Comments

1 EEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

Posted by: Evil ATM out to take your job and your women. at June 26, 2011 07:29 PM (qjUnn)

2 Mom Florence! Why didn't you TELL me?!

Posted by: Barry Williams at June 26, 2011 07:31 PM (3yrGR)

3 Ace - You might want to do a little spanking of 'Ken' in the thread below. Feel free to delete this.

Posted by: Internet Nag at June 26, 2011 07:32 PM (IhHdM)

4 Henderson, now 77, recounts in her upcoming memoir that she was cheating
on her husband during the 1960s, and gave in to her better judgment
when her married and unattractive friend put the moves on her over
drinks at the Beverly Hills Hotel.
Reuters still hiring top-notch wordsmiths, I see.

Posted by: Waterhouse at June 26, 2011 07:32 PM (BkcL5)

5 This story is kind of fiunny. Unlike anything Bill Mahr ever said.

Posted by: Cicero at June 26, 2011 07:34 PM (Txl/u)

6 Why must this information go into my brain? Whyyyyyy?

Posted by: Merovign, Dark Lord of the Sith at June 26, 2011 07:34 PM (bxiXv)

7 Surf and Turf?

Posted by: USA at June 26, 2011 07:35 PM (6Cjut)

8
this is kinda hot

what?

Posted by: soothie at June 26, 2011 07:36 PM (y2sma)

9 We have Clockwork Orange in cities across the country... Hollywood moms boinking slimy politicians... reporters slapped in irons at city meetings...

where does it all end?

Posted by: it ends where i say it ends -- dear leader at June 26, 2011 07:36 PM (A4P7O)

10 O/T: Ace, this is the link to the Cuban blogger everyone is following on twitter. link

Posted by: curious at June 26, 2011 07:37 PM (k1rwm)

11 Well, I guess she had to get it from somewhere.

Posted by: Mike Brady at June 26, 2011 07:37 PM (3yrGR)

12 Reuters still hiring top-notch wordsmiths, I see.
Posted by: Waterhouse at June 26, 2011 07:32 PM (BkcL5)
They really could care less.

Posted by: Cicero at June 26, 2011 07:37 PM (Txl/u)

13
This isn't the first time we're hearing about Mrs Brady being a horn-dog.

Her and Greg were gettin it on, too.

Posted by: soothie at June 26, 2011 07:37 PM (mFNJH)

14 How many other women did John Lindsey provide this "gift" to?

/ewwww.

Posted by: Kratos (Ghost of Sparta) at June 26, 2011 07:37 PM (c0A3e)

15 Mayor Lindsay was the first freaking mayor of NYC evah - and that is saying a lot.

Posted by: Profiterole at June 26, 2011 07:38 PM (ychgM)

16 I shoulda stuck with Marsha.

Posted by: Greg Brady at June 26, 2011 07:38 PM (Txl/u)

17 Hilarious. These days cheaters weep with joy if all they have is an infestation.

Posted by: the Charlie Daniels of the torque wrench at June 26, 2011 07:38 PM (le5qc)

18 They really could care less.

I see what you did there.

Posted by: Waterhouse at June 26, 2011 07:38 PM (BkcL5)

19 Next you'll be trying to tell me Mary Ann was a pothead .

Posted by: Bill D. Cat at June 26, 2011 07:39 PM (npr0X)

20 As we used to say back in college:

"Kwell. It's Swell!"

Posted by: FreakyBoy at June 26, 2011 07:40 PM (xAW84)

21
Here's the story
Of a lovely lady
Who was bringing up three crabs of her own

Posted by: soothie at June 26, 2011 07:40 PM (zgxcs)

22 I wish she'd just blathe to us about this shit.

Posted by: Truman North at June 26, 2011 07:40 PM (K2wpv)

23 btw, John Lindsey was married at this time, so why didn't he have the crab problem dealt with?

Posted by: Kratos (Ghost of Sparta) at June 26, 2011 07:41 PM (c0A3e)

24 Her and Greg were gettin it on, too.

FloHo denies that rumor. From the article:

"Barry did have a serious crush on me, which I understood and helped him
get past," Henderson writes. "Let us just say that if he had
entertained a roll in the hay with me, I would never have done it."

Posted by: Waterhouse at June 26, 2011 07:41 PM (BkcL5)

25 No cigar? amateurs!

Posted by: Free Willie J at June 26, 2011 07:41 PM (6Cjut)

26 Henderson went home later that night, and awoke to a grisly surprise the next day as she saw "little black things" crawling over her bed and body.
Racist.

Posted by: Cicero at June 26, 2011 07:43 PM (Txl/u)

27 "Barry did have a serious crush on me, which I understood and helped him
get past," Henderson writes. "Let us just say that if he had
entertained a roll in the hay with me, I would never have done it."


translated: I gave Greg a few hand-jays* to get him off my back

*as Ace calls them

Posted by: soothie at June 26, 2011 07:43 PM (m9qVG)

28 I thought I recognized that wrinkled, dried-up snatch. She would benefit from a friendly sexual assault. And her poop was luxurious, she certainly eats well.

Posted by: Luke Irvin Chrisco at June 26, 2011 07:44 PM (le5qc)

29 Where is Marcia Brady today?

Posted by: USA at June 26, 2011 07:45 PM (6Cjut)

30
Wasn't Mrs Brady in South Pacific on Broadway?

"I'm gonna wash that man's crabs right outta my hair!
I'm gonna wash that man's crabs right outta my hair!"

Posted by: soothie at June 26, 2011 07:46 PM (uoqdk)

31 FloHo denies that rumor.

Well, look at it from her perspective. Who would you rather publicly admit to screwing; the mayor of New York City, or Greg Brady?

Posted by: The War Between the Undead States at June 26, 2011 07:47 PM (3yrGR)

32 You know the difference between Florence Henderson and Bill Maher?

Florence doesn't interview her parasites.

Posted by: Herr Morgenholz at June 26, 2011 07:47 PM (UBQGM)

33 Ken blames Bill Maher for not getting laid. Perhaps he could court 77 year old Mrs. Brady. She schtupped a guy with AIDS and got crabs prior to that.

#winning

Posted by: laceyunderalls at June 26, 2011 07:47 PM (PQdFM)

34 *Sigh*
She wouldn't be talking about this if she had just used The Official Cure for The Crabs:

Required material:
1) Shaving cream and razor
2) Gasoline or lighter fluid
3) Matches or lighter
4) Ice pick

Procedure:
1) Using shaving cream and razor shave left had side of affected area- this will cause crabs in that area to flee into unshaved area.

2) Soak unshaved area with gasoline or lighter fluid and ignite. This will cause crabs to flee out into unshaved area.

3) Stab crabs with ice pick as they flee to unshaved area.

I know this method works because it was told to me by a retired Master Chief Petty Officer and therefore must be The Truth.

Posted by: Nighthawk at June 26, 2011 07:47 PM (UZmXZ)

35 I think she had sex with The Great Khali last year after a WWE taping.

Posted by: Truman North at June 26, 2011 07:48 PM (K2wpv)

36
now we know why Eve "Jan" Plumb wanted nothing to do with the reunion shows

Posted by: soothie at June 26, 2011 07:49 PM (k4Ha8)

37 Do you think Bill Buckley would have given her crabs? That's what liberalism will do for you. Next add campaign: "Vote conservative: we (probably) don't have crabs."

Posted by: somebody else, not me at June 26, 2011 07:50 PM (7EV/g)

38 Send us the GPS coordinates. Nothing better than catching crabs

Posted by: Capt. Sig hansen and the crew of the Northwestern at June 26, 2011 07:50 PM (le5qc)

39 Florence Henderson gave me crabs.

Posted by: The Great Khali at June 26, 2011 07:50 PM (yQWNf)

40 You know ............ if I had to guess who'd have got crabs back in the day , I'd have said Alice . Filthy , filthy whore that one .

Posted by: Bill D. Cat at June 26, 2011 07:52 PM (npr0X)

41 She dined at the red lobster?

Posted by: USA at June 26, 2011 07:52 PM (6Cjut)

42 29
Where is Marcia Brady today?

The Ellen Show? *shrugs*.

Posted by: Kratos (Ghost of Sparta) at June 26, 2011 07:52 PM (c0A3e)

43

You guys watch the Partridge Family tv movie a few years ago?
There was scene in it with the PF meeting the Brady Bunch on the studio.

The PF weren't too happy with the new competition. And the Brady kids thought they were hot shit.

Posted by: soothie at June 26, 2011 07:53 PM (HY/zQ)

44 Allow me to introduce you to Ceti Alpha V's only remaining indigenous inhabitant....

Posted by: Khan Noonien Singh Searching Through Florence Henderson's Pubes With a Pair of Tongs at June 26, 2011 07:53 PM (3yrGR)

45 I realize Florence would've been taut and pneumatic at the time, but for some reason I'm keep picturing Shirley Jones in Grandma's Boy instead.

Posted by: Waterhouse at June 26, 2011 07:54 PM (BkcL5)

46 Where is Marcia Brady today?Marcia Marcia Marcia!

Posted by: Jan Brady at June 26, 2011 07:55 PM (yQWNf)

47 11
Well, I guess she had to get it from somewhere.


Posted by: Mike Brady at June 26, 2011 07:37 PM (3yrGR)

I'm pretty sure Robert Reed wasn't fucking Florence Henderson. Given that he was as gay as a spring frock.
Florence Henderson never really did anything for me. Too bug-eyed. I saw a grown-up Maureen McCormick (Jan, the middle girl) on a Love Boat re-run and she was damned cute.

Posted by: Beppo at June 26, 2011 07:56 PM (uI4Or)

48 Good thing she didn't do the horizontal mambo with Orson Welles - she'd a got lobsters.

Posted by: Darryl's other brother at June 26, 2011 07:57 PM (hne2F)

49 That must have been a heavy infestation if she had them crawling all over her body and bed, as she said.
She didn't notice anything while they were doing the wild thing?
Mrs. Brady must have been drunk too!

Posted by: Who Knows at June 26, 2011 07:57 PM (1cx/R)

50 Well, that's just great. There goes my childhood. Next you'll tell me something disgusting about Mary Ann. I'm warning you sir, Terri Garr is off limits!

Posted by: Duke Lowell at June 26, 2011 07:58 PM (EHNyR)

51 According to wiki (this is so sad): Following the cancellation of The Brady Bunch, McCormick ["Marsha"] went through years of addiction to cocaine and Quaaludes that harmed her career. McCormick later claimed she sometimes traded sex for cocaine.

Posted by: USA at June 26, 2011 07:59 PM (6Cjut)

52 The Professor, Skipper and I used to run train on Mary Ann down by the lagoon.

Posted by: Gilligan at June 26, 2011 07:59 PM (yQWNf)

53 Those were the days when Danny Bonaduce was considered cute.
In a early seventies, smart mouth, Tatum O'Neal, precocious way.
He's had quite the wild ride himself since then.

Posted by: Who Knows at June 26, 2011 08:01 PM (1cx/R)

54 And to think of all of my mother's hand lotion I wasted as an adolescent on Flo, Mary Ann, and Lovie Howell.

Posted by: Ombudsman at June 26, 2011 08:01 PM (6U4X6)

55 Ombudsman, did you mean to say Lovie Howell out loud?

Posted by: Who Knows at June 26, 2011 08:03 PM (1cx/R)

56 Ombudsman, are you blind?!

Posted by: Thurston Howell III at June 26, 2011 08:05 PM (3yrGR)

57 "Gay as a spring frock" - oh, nice.

I will never look at the pretty spring frock I bought the same way again.

Posted by: Dianna at June 26, 2011 08:06 PM (mKMj1)

58 Lovie Howell? Seriously?

Posted by: Duke Lowell at June 26, 2011 08:06 PM (EHNyR)

59 Ombudsman, did you mean to say Lovie Howell out loud?

Posted by: Who Knows at June 26, 2011 08:03 PM (1cx/R)
Oh, stop. As a horny 14 year old, you'd have banged Lovie Howell like a Viking if the opportunity presented itself, and you know it.

Posted by: Ombudsman at June 26, 2011 08:08 PM (6U4X6)

60 Pipe fitting
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Posted by: jason at June 26, 2011 08:08 PM (yBOv7)

61 You know the difference between Florence Henderson and Bill Maher?
Henderson eventually had her case of crabs cured.

Posted by: andycanuck at June 26, 2011 08:08 PM (vtqbC)

62 Having never had them, I thought crabs were little unseen buggars that itched like crazy. You mean they're black big enough to see crawling on you?Great googely moogely.

Posted by: Steph at June 26, 2011 08:09 PM (AkdC5)

63

Were they from the Lollipop Guild?

Posted by: CoolCzech at June 26, 2011 08:09 PM (kUaEF)

64 Henderson went home later that night, and awoke to a grisly surprise the next day as she saw "little black things" crawling over her bed and body.

Were they from the Lollipop Guild?

Posted by: CoolCzech at June 26, 2011 08:10 PM (kUaEF)

65 You know, if Florence shaved her vajajay that might not have happened...

Posted by: CoolCzech at June 26, 2011 08:10 PM (kUaEF)

66 #34 nighthawk

I know this method works because it was told to me by a retired Master Chief Petty Officer and therefore must be The Truth.

Trust me...it works.

Posted by: Another retired Master Chief at June 26, 2011 08:11 PM (FOjNM)

67 52 The Professor, Skipper and I used to run train on Mary Ann down by the lagoon.
Posted by: Gilligan at June 26, 2011 07:59 PM (yQWNf)

Me and the Howell bitch scissored her the whole time we were on the island.

Posted by: Ginger at June 26, 2011 08:12 PM (kUaEF)

68 How did Florence Henderson feel after Mayor Lindsay gave her crabs? Crabby!

Posted by: Bill Maher at June 26, 2011 08:13 PM (liBQN)

69 Why are crabs part of a seafood diet? Because when I "see food," I eat crabs!

Posted by: Bill Maher at June 26, 2011 08:14 PM (liBQN)

70 If Maher was in bed with Florence when she discovered the crabs, he would have groomed her and killed the crabs with his teeth.

Posted by: CoolCzech at June 26, 2011 08:14 PM (kUaEF)

71 This could be a good movie. Eat, Pray, Crabs.

Posted by: CoolCzech at June 26, 2011 08:14 PM (kUaEF)

72 Hmmm, hmmm, hmmm! I sure could eat one of Flo's famous Crabby Cakes!

Posted by: CoolCzech at June 26, 2011 08:15 PM (kUaEF)

73 Sam the butcher gave me trichanosis. Other white meat, my ass...

Posted by: Alice at June 26, 2011 08:15 PM (UZuc4)

74 Florence Henderson walks in a bar with a crab on her head. The bartender says, "we don't serve crabs here!" The crabs says, "serve her anyway, Mayor Lindsay gave her to me."

Posted by: Bill Maher at June 26, 2011 08:16 PM (liBQN)

75 52 The Professor, Skipper and I used to run train on Mary Ann down by the lagoon.


Posted by: Gilligan at June 26, 2011 07:59 PM (yQWNf)

Hey, the Professor kept them all alive. Ginger, Mary Ann, and Lovie should have serviced him like a Pasha.

Posted by: Ombudsman at June 26, 2011 08:16 PM (6U4X6)

76 Posted by: Ginger at June 26, 2011 08:12 PM (kUaEF)

AOSHQ - Come for the snark, stay to have your childhood memories friggin ruined.

Posted by: Duke Lowell at June 26, 2011 08:17 PM (EHNyR)

77 According to wiki (this is so sad): Following the cancellation of The Brady Bunch, McCormick ["Marsha"] went through years of addiction to cocaine and Quaaludes that harmed her career. McCormick later claimed she sometimes traded sex for cocaine.
Posted by: USA at June 26, 2011 07:59 PM (6Cjut)

Poor deluded girl!

I would have happily traded her my entire baseball card selection for sex!

Posted by: CoolCzech at June 26, 2011 08:17 PM (kUaEF)

78 Shock revelations, baby. I gotta rush out and get that book.

Posted by: rdbrewer at June 26, 2011 08:18 PM (y9qY8)

79 A crab walks into Florence Henderson's vagina covered with shit. Another crab asks, "Were you a gift from the Mayor, too? The shit-covered crab says, " Yes -- from Mayor Koch to Robert Reed!"

Posted by: Bill Maher at June 26, 2011 08:22 PM (liBQN)

80 According to wiki (this is so sad): Following the cancellation of The
Brady Bunch, McCormick ["Marsha"] went through years of addiction to
cocaine and Quaaludes that harmed her career. McCormick later claimed
she sometimes traded sex for cocaine.

She even started brushing her hair only 80 or 90 times before bed.

Posted by: The War Between the Undead States at June 26, 2011 08:22 PM (3yrGR)

81 How many crabs can you fit into Florence Henderson's empty vagina? Just one -- 'cause then it's not empty anymore!

Posted by: Bill Maher at June 26, 2011 08:24 PM (liBQN)

82
I slept with Bill Maher and all I got was cockroaches.

Posted by: Janeane Garglemalo at June 26, 2011 08:24 PM (gppu7)

83 I hate when I wake up to black crawling things in my bed.
I mean, that must have sucked for Flo.
(warning: Bill Maher "originality" in this post)

Posted by: Chuckles Johan's Son at June 26, 2011 08:25 PM (VxqUc)

84 On the whole, we'd rather be in Philadelphia.

Posted by: Janeane G.'s Crabs at June 26, 2011 08:27 PM (3yrGR)

85 A priest is eating out Florence Henderson's pussy when a rabbi walks in. "Want a turn?" asks the priest. "No, crabs aren't Kosher!" says the rabbi.

Posted by: Bill Maher at June 26, 2011 08:27 PM (liBQN)

86 Rumor has it that Florence makes a mean Cioppino.

Posted by: garrett at June 26, 2011 08:34 PM (vSi9h)

87 no, don't check back

Posted by: Nora at June 26, 2011 08:35 PM (VxqUc)

88 Lindsey was Gay. I think Flo was mistaken.

Posted by: Robert L at June 26, 2011 08:51 PM (chQc8)

89 Bitch got off easy. I still have outbreaks once a month.

Posted by: New York City at June 26, 2011 09:22 PM (GqM5k)

90 My innocent childhood memories of the Brady Bunch just came crashing down horribly. Ick.

Posted by: JohnAGJ at June 26, 2011 10:34 PM (LB57v)

91 Okie dokie, I personally never had any such thing, but Florence effin' Henderson has a down dirty with the Mayor of NYC and walks away with crabs? I can't stop laughing. I really needed that, Ace, you magnificent bastard.

Posted by: Peaches at June 26, 2011 10:38 PM (afUO8)

92
Crabs aren't black, they're white/clear looking.

Don't ask me how I know that.

Posted by: thebronze at June 26, 2011 11:52 PM (bojRH)

93 What the hell is wrong with her? Seriously. At 77 years of age Florence Henderson has decades of Hollywood "glamour" to dish about. And this is the story she decides to tell? Nobody needed to know this. How absolutely frickin' gross. This is just clueless, classless and tasteless. I will never look at Florence Henderson again and not shudder.

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95 Here's the story of an itchy lady...

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96 Lindsay just did to her what he did to the entire population of NYC during his tenure there.

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