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Cool Facts About Levi Johnston: He's Getting All Worried His Junk Might Not Be All That

Worried about it. Might not "look" like all that much, you see.

Any other cool facts about Levi Johnston?

I heard he impregnates girls, refuses to take responsibility for his child and the child's mother, and then tries to turn that shady resume into some kind of paying gig. Anyone else hear that?

Posted by: Ace at 01:15 PM



Comments

1 I repeat my comment from the last thread

Posted by: Mortis at November 05, 2009 01:18 PM (hA5JK)

2 I was in the pool.

Posted by: The shrinkage factor at November 05, 2009 01:19 PM (Zi+FQ)

3 Yeah, I've heard that too.

Posted by: mare at November 05, 2009 01:20 PM (X1fsj)

4

I can help with that.

Posted by: Penis Pump at November 05, 2009 01:21 PM (jvrmc)

5 Well they were able to splice a pretty impressive prosthesis onto Marky Mark for Boogie Nights. Maybe Levi can borrow it for a few hours.

Posted by: TakeFive at November 05, 2009 01:22 PM (/3pxq)

6 Get it straight. That's a picture of my thumb.

Posted by: 'Big' Johnston at November 05, 2009 01:22 PM (7CMP3)

7 [Looks, points, laughs]

Posted by: Levi's costar in the upcoming porno flick at November 05, 2009 01:22 PM (RD7QR)

8 He's a JACKASS!

Posted by: Barry at November 05, 2009 01:23 PM (AfORa)

9 He's hung like a fly

Posted by: Mr. Crabington at November 05, 2009 01:24 PM (ia/06)

10 While on a sex-spree in a Juneau KFC, Levi Johnston used a live chinchilla as a condom.

The bodycount was fourteen pounds of mashed potatoes and one traumatized Colonel Sanders mustache.

In Juneau, they refer to this as "The Night of the Rancid He-bitch."

Levi refers to it as "the best day of his life."

Posted by: IreneFingIrene at November 05, 2009 01:24 PM (lhxhu)

11 Isn't this fucktards 15 minutes up yet?

Posted by: Jewells at November 05, 2009 01:24 PM (l/N7H)

12 But Levi's manager, Tank Johnson, tells Page Six, "it's like a penis, only much much smaller," and refused to confirm whether Johnson would go full-frontal during the shoot.

Read more:

Posted by: Cool Money Grip Devoid O'Funk at November 05, 2009 01:25 PM (KOkrW)

13

Is filing suit against the makers of Extenze. 

"They are LIARS!!  I hate them SO MUCH!!!!"

Posted by: right at November 05, 2009 01:26 PM (EquV1)

14 Levi Johnston once told me he listened to his Ken dolls for advice, but he gave the practice up after Ken told him that Ken liked that Barbie chick.

Posted by: Mr. Crabington at November 05, 2009 01:26 PM (ia/06)

15 I heard that Levi has this magical ability to make Governors tell him all their dirty little secrets, which he then promises not to talk about - only vaguely hint at - in an effort to keep himself on the front page.

Posted by: lorien1973 at November 05, 2009 01:26 PM (IhQuA)

16 hand him a magnifier and a centimeter tape to make him feel better.

Posted by: ahem Levis Johnson at November 05, 2009 01:26 PM (1kwr2)

17 Do women actually buy that magazine?  I thought it's only bought by gay men...I'm sure Levi is well aware of that?

Posted by: Paladin at November 05, 2009 01:27 PM (AfORa)

18

They know about shrinkage, right? Right? It was cold in that photo studio!

Posted by: Levi Costanza at November 05, 2009 01:27 PM (wLFc1)

19 Despite his only being known for fucking somebody and threatening to show us naked pictures of himself, I've never before had Levi Johnston's penis enter my thoughts.

Very milky of you, Ace.

Posted by: oblig. at November 05, 2009 01:27 PM (BxbeY)

20 I wanna know if Levi is bangin Kathy Griffin, and how much vasoline it takes to make that aged cooter even serviceable, much less operable, and further, how much bangin Kathy Griffin (once, tice, fee times a mady) does it take to make one's penis fall off

Posted by: Cool Money Grip Devoid O'Funk at November 05, 2009 01:28 PM (KOkrW)

21 we need Elizabeth for this thread

Posted by: ack saynomore at November 05, 2009 01:28 PM (1kwr2)

22 Penis-fanatic Andrew Sullivan claims this is proof the that Levi is not Tripp's father. He doesn't have the "equipment" to have gotten the job done. It's science.

Posted by: Dr. Spank at November 05, 2009 01:29 PM (muUqs)

23 Levi is a stain on humanity.

Posted by: Unclefacts, Summoner of Bacon Flavored Meteors at November 05, 2009 01:29 PM (erIg9)

24 I heard Piper ripped off Levi's Johnson and shoved it up his ass. Then she brushed Trig's hairr and looked very adorable as he lay crying on the floor. Thus making her more qualified than Obama to run the country.

Posted by: lorien1973 at November 05, 2009 01:29 PM (IhQuA)

25

It is a shame he didn't wait and get a girl pregnant after Pelosi's bill is law..all those free abortions have got to give a guy like Levi less to worry about than his "junk".

 

I guess we can figure some of it is "shrinkage"...

Posted by: ford at November 05, 2009 01:29 PM (Ki7fm)

26 Levi's Johnson left him after having never been used during 'sexy time'

Posted by: Mr. Crabington at November 05, 2009 01:30 PM (ia/06)

27 Nothing to see here. Move along. Trust me.

Posted by: Bristol Palin at November 05, 2009 01:32 PM (IhQuA)

28 Whatever it is, it's apparently big enough for Andrew...

Posted by: GuyfromNH at November 05, 2009 01:32 PM (IQWiJ)

29 I've heard that he's worried that the media and the Democrats won't respect him in the morning.

Posted by: WalrusRex at November 05, 2009 01:32 PM (xxgag)

30 The sizes of Obama's Ego and Levi's Johnson are conversly related

Posted by: Mr. Crabington at November 05, 2009 01:32 PM (ia/06)

31 Levi, you'll be sleeping with me when your 15 minutes are up.

Posted by: Jeff Gillooly's Couch at November 05, 2009 01:32 PM (KhhEw)

32 I like you, Levi Johnston. I hope you will eventually find something you would be good at... here, read this definitive monography about felching wombats.

Posted by: Christopher Johnson at November 05, 2009 01:32 PM (dP6Ky)

33 Posted by: IreneFingIrene at November 05, 2009 01:24 PM (lhxhu) WINNAR! /thread

Posted by: ol_dirty_/b/tard at November 05, 2009 01:34 PM (LMTF1)

34 I heard if you look up "douche bag" in the dictionary, there is a picture of him.

Posted by: Zoltan at November 05, 2009 01:34 PM (0/azW)

35 imagine how Mr. and Mrs. Palin feel about having this man as their grandchild's Dad around for the next 17 years!! The poor kid. what a  sad sack of a Dad.

Posted by: ack saynomore at November 05, 2009 01:34 PM (1kwr2)

36 They could have a Levi v. John Bobbit needle-dick-off!!!!!

Posted by: rightzilla at November 05, 2009 01:35 PM (rVJH4)

37 If that guy were any more of a dirtbag, the Oreck guy could use him as a prototype.

Posted by: jana at November 05, 2009 01:35 PM (vSRlG)

38 Maybe they'll bring in a stuntcock if Levi can't handle things on his own.

Posted by: JWF at November 05, 2009 01:35 PM (1l37M)

39 Levi , it's a gay mag , they want ass shots.

Posted by: I sea kittens at November 05, 2009 01:38 PM (bAL0J)

40 He's a fungus.


Posted by: tdpwells at November 05, 2009 01:39 PM (Ei3oZ)

41 It's against the new Dept of torture memo to have more than one article a day about Levi Johnson.

Posted by: Vic at November 05, 2009 01:42 PM (CDUiN)

42 I don't know why but this reminded me of the Simpons episode when they show Ned Flanders getting out of the shower and they had to block out his penis with an extra long black mark. 

Posted by: polynikes at November 05, 2009 01:42 PM (m2CN7)

43 35, gives me some ideas for pro-abstinence educational material.

Posted by: Scott J. at November 05, 2009 01:42 PM (NY7mQ)

44 Apparently Levi's ambition in life was to be a main feature in Barnely Frank's porn collection.  Bet old Barney has the perfect spot for it on his DC office wall and everything.

Keep livin the dream, Levi.

Posted by: tdpwells at November 05, 2009 01:42 PM (Ei3oZ)

45 I think Levi is going to be very disappointed by the outcome of his life choices.  He will be a pathetic has-been (not that he was much of an ever-was).  He will always only be known as the loser who fathered Sarah Palin's grandchild.

Posted by: katya at November 05, 2009 01:43 PM (RbvF+)

46 Birds of a shitfeather flock together.  No wonder the libs are laughing it up over this shitbat.

Posted by: Jim Lahey at November 05, 2009 01:43 PM (A+6fk)

47

How many of you jerkoffs have your dick talked about on a national level?

Huh? Mr. Smartypantalones?

Posted by: Levi "Meat" Johnson at November 05, 2009 01:43 PM (Zi+FQ)

48

 Yo Levi,

If you tell us everything ya know, (we don't mind creative imaginations) we swear to Obama we will be generous in our usage of photoshop.

 

Posted by: playgirls r us at November 05, 2009 01:43 PM (1kwr2)

49 I read that he might not be going full frontal in that photo spread. I thought the whole point of getting the idiot was to show off his manhood.

Posted by: Sassypants at November 05, 2009 01:43 PM (RZYUj)

50

The medical records to show that Levi is really a girl but his doctors assigned him to be a male is forthcoming. The true fear over his manhood is that it is an innie not an outie and these records will reveal why. Film at 11.

Posted by: rightzilla at November 05, 2009 01:44 PM (rVJH4)

51 It'll still be a hit in the gay community.  Which probably wasn't his intention.

Posted by: brak at November 05, 2009 01:44 PM (oJJL4)

52

Mmmm...mmmmm..mmm

This is the type of pant crease I can get into. By pant crease, I mean dick.

Posted by: David Brooks at November 05, 2009 01:46 PM (4FkTt)

53 Has anyone invoked goatse yet?  Cuz if not...

Posted by: tdpwells at November 05, 2009 01:47 PM (Ei3oZ)

54

After the Playgirl gig, Levi will be the new spokesman for Enzyte.

 

Posted by: madtechie at November 05, 2009 01:48 PM (iOoO2)

55 Oh, and Levi will never even be half the sexy Julian is!

Posted by: Jim Lahey at November 05, 2009 01:48 PM (A+6fk)

56 Ace, heck this is a horrible thing to do,(Tease)  we   have so many naughty things to say about this, yet we know we have to draw pretend lines around  and through much of our text.

Posted by: balancing act at November 05, 2009 01:48 PM (1kwr2)

57 Yo  Levi, I'ma happy for you and I'm gonna let you finish but Obama has one of the best pant creases of all time!

Posted by: David Brooks at November 05, 2009 01:48 PM (4FkTt)

58 He's just my type.

Posted by: The Chicken at November 05, 2009 01:48 PM (8ykNX)

59
Word on 8th Ave is that Keith Olberdouch will be the fluffer until Teh Levi shoot.
Word.

Posted by: sickinmass at November 05, 2009 01:49 PM (rYWEB)

60 How many of you jerkoffs have your dick talked about on a national level?

Well, you got me there.

LMAO!

Posted by: HeatherRadish at November 05, 2009 01:49 PM (NtiET)

61 There's no way he'll do full frontal. No. F~cking. Way.

Posted by: Levi's junk at November 05, 2009 01:49 PM (muUqs)

62 Levi's Johnson has a bright future in gay burlesque.

Posted by: Cool Money Grip (Devoid O'Funk) at November 05, 2009 01:50 PM (KOkrW)

63 I hate the fact that I live in a world where I have to be aware of this jagoff. I'd like to hit him in the throat with a cactus.

Posted by: Monty at November 05, 2009 01:50 PM (4Pleu)

64

20 I wanna know if Levi is bangin Kathy Griffin, and how much vasoline it takes to make that aged cooter even serviceable, much less operable, and further, how much bangin Kathy Griffin (once, tice, fee times a mady) does it take to make one's penis fall off

 

Thanks, I just spit up my Red Bull all over my keyboard in both disgust and pure enjoyment at the hilariousness of that comment.

Dude, you fucking rock!

Posted by: TexMex at November 05, 2009 01:51 PM (IEJgC)

65 So what you're saying is that cockholster waste of skin can dish it out, but can't take it?  Shocka! 

I remember a while back before the election (gawd, that seems SO LONG ago) there was some shit about this turd's MySpace or Facebook page and that he appeared to be a douchebag back then. 

Posted by: TheresaD at November 05, 2009 01:51 PM (iGCmo)

66 I'd like to hit him in the throat with a cactus.
  I laughed. outloud.

Posted by: rightzilla at November 05, 2009 01:53 PM (rVJH4)

67 don't tell me he's going out with kathy griffin? I think she just thinks he's hot. Doubt they're seeing each other.

Posted by: Sassypants at November 05, 2009 01:54 PM (RZYUj)

68 Is that a marble in your LEVI's or are you just happy to see me.

Posted by: gus at November 05, 2009 01:55 PM (Vqruj)

69 Oddly, it wasn't until high school that people started calling him "the Little Johnson boy".

Even more odd; this began even before anyone knew his last name.

Posted by: dmoss at November 05, 2009 01:55 PM (z17GE)

70 Anyway, I'm sure the magazine can photoshop the hell out of his weiner.

Posted by: Sassypants at November 05, 2009 01:55 PM (RZYUj)

71 get the boy a snapon.

Posted by: rightzilla at November 05, 2009 01:56 PM (rVJH4)

72 I think Levi is going to be very disappointed by the outcome of his life choices.

In all seriousness, I don't think he's going to live that long.  Between the tabloid-mag 'celebrity' circuit, his lack of any qualifications for holding down a straight job that can't be done more cheaply by illegal Mexicans,  and his family history of drug addiction, I expect they'll find him dead of an overdose in a flophouse somewhere.  

But I think Tripp will be OK with Todd Palin as his de facto dad.  See Thomas, Clarence.

Posted by: HeatherRadish at November 05, 2009 01:56 PM (NtiET)

73

How many of you jerkoffs have your dick talked about on a national level?

Don't ask.

Posted by: Guy doing 3 years for dicking a horse at November 05, 2009 01:56 PM (5aa4z)

74 I heard he has to use a thimble as a cup when playing hockey.

Posted by: TC at November 05, 2009 01:57 PM (DYJjQ)

75

Levi Johnston dropped out of high school, then couldn't land the job he dropped out to get because one of the prerequisites was a high-school diploma.

I guess these aren't as funny when they're true.

Posted by: Michael Rittenhouse at November 05, 2009 01:57 PM (2QFX4)

76 They made it look bigger by posing it next to Megan Fox's thumb.

Posted by: Michael Rittenhouse at November 05, 2009 01:58 PM (2QFX4)

77 I already vented on the last thread. I'm cool now.

Posted by: MikeTheMoose at November 05, 2009 01:59 PM (0q2P7)

78 get the boy a snapon.

Brain transplant wouldn't hurt either.

Posted by: PA Cat at November 05, 2009 01:59 PM (zVthp)

79 They made it look bigger by posing it next to Megan Fox's thumb.

Posted by: Michael Rittenhouse at November 05, 2009 01:58 PM (2QFX4)

Threadwinner.

Posted by: Herr Morgenholz at November 05, 2009 02:00 PM (5aa4z)

80 Levi Johnson caught sitting in the urinal at Toco Bell. when asked "WTF?" he responded "I always sit down to pee."

Posted by: rightzilla at November 05, 2009 02:00 PM (rVJH4)

81 Levi Johnson can blow bubbles. With his mind.

Posted by: Bill H at November 05, 2009 02:00 PM (q8CmE)

82 Now, there is the possibility, with his name recognition, that he could become a legitimate male model - like Madonna's boy toy and Halle Berry's boyfriend. He better hope for his sake, that that happens to his career.

Posted by: Sassypants at November 05, 2009 02:02 PM (RZYUj)

83 He hates retards, and owns no mirrors.

Posted by: Levi's junk at November 05, 2009 02:02 PM (muUqs)

84 I expect they'll find him dead of an overdose in a flophouse somewhere. 

So I suppose you've seen Less than Zero?

Posted by: CUS at November 05, 2009 02:03 PM (wOGfT)

85

Let me out! Let me Out!

Scrappy Dappy Doooooo

Posted by: Johnston's Junk at November 05, 2009 02:03 PM (4FkTt)

86 What was that line from Tank Girl? Something about a microscope and tweezers?

Posted by: fiatboomer at November 05, 2009 02:05 PM (0Wf6c)

87 I wanna know if Levi is bangin Kathy Griffin, and how much vasoline it takes to make that aged cooter even serviceable, much less operable, and further, how much bangin Kathy Griffin (once, tice, fee times a mady) does it take to make one's penis fall off

Posted by: Cool Money Grip Devoid O'Funk at November 05, 2009 01:28 PM (KOkrW)

Gawd, I can just see that happening. All sorts of black smoke pouring out, like an out-of-tune Diesel. Chukka-chukka-chukka-chukka-chukka...

Posted by: Bill H at November 05, 2009 02:05 PM (q8CmE)

88 Levi wears one of those penis sheilds so he does not pee on himself when he is changing his own diper. no. Really.

Posted by: rightzilla at November 05, 2009 02:05 PM (rVJH4)

89

Totally OT but Fox News just mentioned it's Helen Thomas' birthday.  Thought you'd like to know.

Posted by: katya at November 05, 2009 02:06 PM (RbvF+)

90 89 - what is she -- like 105 now?

Posted by: Sassypants at November 05, 2009 02:07 PM (RZYUj)

91 I'm a Granny and even I know that Playgirl is not for girls.  Do gays like teeny weenies?   What a sorry excuse for a human, such great life and career choices.

Posted by: jAYNE at November 05, 2009 02:07 PM (cnHjD)

92 Not everyone has a photogenic penis......it doesn't make them a bad person.......

Posted by: fumunda cheese at November 05, 2009 02:07 PM (rVJH4)

93

I believe it's safe to assume Levi has had a member of the opposite sex tell him...It looks like a dick, only smaller.

Posted by: Booter at November 05, 2009 02:07 PM (eimUK)

94 Gawd, look at the zits on that kid's forehead!  Dude, get some ProActive!

Posted by: Laura at November 05, 2009 02:07 PM (fuw6p)

95 Helen Thomas has a bigger Penis than Levi Johnsom

Posted by: rightzilla at November 05, 2009 02:08 PM (rVJH4)

96 89

Totally OT but Fox News just mentioned it's Helen Thomas' birthday.  Thought you'd like to know.


We're officially an innee.

Posted by: Levi's junk at November 05, 2009 02:09 PM (muUqs)

97

Totally OT but Fox News just mentioned it's Helen Thomas' birthday.  Thought you'd like to know.

Think how much heat load the candles on THAT cake dumps on the HVAC system!

Posted by: Sort-of-Mad Max at November 05, 2009 02:09 PM (ERJIu)

98 I wanna know if Levi is bangin Kathy Griffin, and how much vasoline it takes to make that aged cooter even serviceable, much less operable, and further, how much bangin Kathy Griffin (once, tice, fee times a mady) does it take to make one's penis fall off

Posted by: Cool Money Grip Devoid O'Funk at November 05, 2009 01:28 PM (KOkrW)

Gawd, I can just see that happening. All sorts of black smoke pouring out, like an out-of-tune Diesel. Chukka-chukka-chukka-chukka-chukka...

 

Where do I send the bill for the brainbleach?

Posted by: Naan at November 05, 2009 02:10 PM (YR3gL)

99

With all due respect to my brothers in Alaska, there is probably a correlation between average temperatures and ones unit size. I suspect living day in day out freezing, with your balls cinched up and your schlong trying to crawl back up into your stomach to escape the cold probably inhibits natural growth somewhat. I'm in the deep south, so, ahem, we don't suffer this affliction.

Posted by: JDW at November 05, 2009 02:12 PM (uw+0A)

100  Gawd, look at the zits on that kid's forehead!  Dude, get some ProActive!

Posted by: Laura at November 05, 2009 02:07 PM (fuw6p)

From what I've read here so far, they're probably bigger than his dick.

Posted by: Bill H at November 05, 2009 02:12 PM (q8CmE)

101

Ok, so I haven't read through all the replies but I heard I someone was looking for my thoughts on the subject, so here are my thoughts on Levi Johnston....

It's too bad that Playgirl doesn't have a big enough telephoto lens in order to get a picture of his itty bitty limp dick. Maybe if they use their biggest telephoto lens, with a pair of binoculars at the end and a magnifying glass they could at least get something the resembles a piece of rice for the photo.



Posted by: Elizabeth at November 05, 2009 02:12 PM (hA5JK)

102 Gawd, look at the zits on that kid's forehead!  Dude, get some ProActive!

From what I hear, ProActive doesn't work on genetial warts.

Posted by: Elizabeth at November 05, 2009 02:14 PM (hA5JK)

103 All the critics of Jon and Kate keep saying that they have to remember that their kids will be able to watch and read about all this stuff on the internet and they may have some explaining to do.  Why hasn't anyone given this advice to this kid?   I'm so tired of seeing him on the puffery shows, the ones that say they are news but are pure puffery, saying that "Sarah Palin better watch out cause he know as lot of stuff"  (presumably bad career ruining stuff) and if she doesn't do what he wants then this little man will spill his guts.  I really think that it is time for Sarah Palin to effectively castrate him and his message (relax i mean figuratively)  Force him to come clean withe eveything he knows and tell it all.   The sooner the better.  It is amazing how much like "blackmail" these little utterances sound all over the place...yeah I know he isnt' asking for remuneration...that is being given by the stupid media.

Posted by: curious at November 05, 2009 02:15 PM (p302b)

104

Totally OT but Fox News just mentioned it's Helen Thomas' birthday.  Thought you'd like to know.

Think how much heat load the candles on THAT cake dumps on the HVAC system!

Posted by: Sort-of-Mad Max at November 05, 2009 02:09 PM (ERJIu)

May not want to tell Algore- think of the soot output.

Posted by: Bill H at November 05, 2009 02:16 PM (q8CmE)

105 He's lucky he knocked up Palin's daughter. Had he done the same to MY child, he wouldn't have anything left to show off in ANY magazine. And after I cut THAT off, I'd beat his ass until he couldn't walk either.

Not to mention what I'd have done had he threatened me like he did Palin. Oh no. This little weasel bastard hasn't gotten what's coming to him yet. But he will. I watch My Name Is Earl. I know what happens to assholes when they piss karma off.

And I can't wait to see what karma has in store for this little creep.

Posted by: Mad Monica at November 05, 2009 02:17 PM (oocLi)

106 "95 Helen Thomas has a bigger Penis than Levi Johnsom every male in the house and the senate.  FIFY

Posted by: rightzilla at November 05, 2009 02:08 PM (rVJH4)

Posted by: curious at November 05, 2009 02:18 PM (p302b)

107

And I can't wait to see what karma has in store for this little creep.

Revenge. It's a dish best served cold!

Posted by: Ricardo Montalban's Prosthetic Chest at November 05, 2009 02:19 PM (ERJIu)

108 After major garett wimped out on fox, switched back to CNBC, at least they are upfront about how they are reporting.

Posted by: curious at November 05, 2009 02:20 PM (p302b)

109 Bristol would have been better off keeping the name of her baby's daddy to herself and keeping sole custody but she was naive and she got played.   I would invest a a good paternity test just to make sure mr. big mouth is the daddy.   If he isn't under the bus he goes.   If BO can do it why can't SP?

Posted by: curious at November 05, 2009 02:22 PM (p302b)

110 I'd call him trailer trash but that would be an insult to trailer trash. Why would anyone want to be around this scumbag? Why are the democrats so hooked on him? Why are the propaganda media so in love with this trash? Are the trying to developing a tradition like "Tingle Legs"

Posted by: John at November 05, 2009 02:27 PM (bvaOU)

111

Yanno, I can see why Levi might be worried that he looks like he's hung like a churchmouse. But I have some helpful advice. Once he's naked in front of that camera, he could say "Go, go, gadget penis!!"

What? It always seems to work for Inspector Gadget.

Posted by: Bill H at November 05, 2009 02:28 PM (q8CmE)

112

Levi, dude, if you don't straighten up you'll end up sleeping on MY couch!

Posted by: Kato Kaelin at November 05, 2009 02:30 PM (ERJIu)

113

 I would invest a a good paternity test just to make sure mr. big mouth is the daddy.

I am thinking though she was not able to stay with the TRUE LOVE WAITS commitment and was having sex with this guy, she didn't go rouge whore, so there likely is not question as to the paternity.

Posted by: rightzilla at November 05, 2009 02:31 PM (rVJH4)

114 Will the real Slim Shadie please stand up?? Please?

Posted by: Say What? at November 05, 2009 02:34 PM (vwh8M)

115 Hung like a baby, myself.

18 inches, 7 1/2 lbs.  *rimshot*

Posted by: Rimshot guy at November 05, 2009 02:37 PM (5aa4z)

116

Let me explain something for you Levi.  There is sufficient, insufficient and get that thing the hell away from me.  Rest assured sunshine, you fall in the insufficient category.  Be sure to bring the magnifying glass to help all your future "conquests" find that thing. 

And poor Bristol.  How many times did she have to lie that size doesn't matter to mr. your nuts are wearing a helmet?

Posted by: bebe's boobs destroy at November 05, 2009 02:38 PM (cniXs)

117 Built like a Ken doll with the mind of a dead weasel.  You just know he's Megaton McCain's type. 

Posted by: kathysaysso at November 05, 2009 02:39 PM (ZtwUX)

118 Kids, I've been a loyal reader for a while, ( even hit the tip jar when Ace was begging errrrrr asking a while ago) but I never signed on to comment until today. You are the frakin FUNNIEST bastards I've ever had the joy to read. Keep it up (except for you, Levi, do us a favor and stop using our precious air) and thanks, you make on old guy hopeful for the future.

Posted by: Big Rob at November 05, 2009 02:44 PM (rHVFP)

119

Interesting fact about Levi:

Cindy Sheehan told him to enjoy his 15 minutes, 'cause when they're up, they're up hard.

Posted by: Zorachus at November 05, 2009 02:44 PM (fzOX8)

120

if I click that link is my pc at work going to go apeshit???

I try not to link to pron at work. It's what I do. (err, don't do).

Posted by: laceyunderalls at November 05, 2009 02:45 PM (pLTLS)

121

Posted by: Big Rob at November 05, 2009 02:44 PM (rHVFP)

Aw hell.  Stick around, Rob.  Most of us are old farts ourselves.  We just act juvenile here to get it out of our systems.  Can't be lighting farts in front of the kids, ya know?

Posted by: Herr Morgenholz at November 05, 2009 02:46 PM (5aa4z)

122

Utter douchebag. 

Is Todd Palin still itching to put the beatdown on this shmuck?  Probably not.  The boy's life is spent on so many levels.  Let it ride! 

Posted by: kevlarchick at November 05, 2009 02:46 PM (TNuqz)

123  Hung like a baby, myself.

18 inches, 7 1/2 lbs.  *rimshot*

Posted by: Rimshot guy at November 05, 2009 02:37 PM (5aa4z)

Wow. That was a real knee slapper.

Posted by: Bill H at November 05, 2009 02:46 PM (q8CmE)

124

Wow. That was a real knee slapper.

Posted by: Bill H at November 05, 2009 02:46 PM (q8CmE)

Hits the shin, too.  *rimshot*

Posted by: Rimshot guy at November 05, 2009 02:49 PM (5aa4z)

125

110 -- Because he's almost custom made to fit their idea of what poor, white, men from flyover country "are really like"; that they've made him their court monkey and can also hammer Palin with it is just +100 in their book.

Levi...oh dear Lord, why? (on so many levels)  He's like getting a migraine right before an expected night of sweet, hot lovin'. 

Posted by: unknown jane at November 05, 2009 02:51 PM (5/yRG)

126 Ace!  I did hear about this Levi Johnston and his tiny johnson!  Also, did you hear that Obama's advisor, Valerie Jarrett, is a crack whore?!?!?  I read it somewhere on the interwebs, I'm tellin' ya

Posted by: The Butcher at November 05, 2009 02:54 PM (8g9qq)

127 ahahahahahaha!

Posted by: Alana at November 05, 2009 02:54 PM (JE2zV)

128

Thanks Herr, I think I will.

 

Posted by: Big Rob at November 05, 2009 02:54 PM (rHVFP)

129  Built like a Ken doll with the mind of a dead weasel.  You just know he's Megaton McCain's type. 

Posted by: kathysaysso at November 05, 2009 02:39 PM (ZtwUX)

True. She is "big enough" for the both of them.

Posted by: Bill H at November 05, 2009 02:55 PM (q8CmE)

130 guess "big nose, little hose" is true?

Posted by: curious at November 05, 2009 02:56 PM (p302b)

131

 Ace!  I did hear about this Levi Johnston and his tiny johnson! 

I just realized that he can legitimately call it "Mini Me".

Posted by: Bill H at November 05, 2009 02:58 PM (q8CmE)

132 Well Shep is leading with technology that is ready to go and the government won't use, technology that will protect the troops and save lives.

Posted by: curious at November 05, 2009 03:00 PM (p302b)

133

What was the other Seinfeld line?  Oh yes...

"...like a frightened turtle!"

Posted by: reason at November 05, 2009 03:06 PM (V40IZ)

134 Went back to fox, couldn't take the happy happy happy environment on CNBC

Posted by: curious at November 05, 2009 03:07 PM (p302b)

135

Anyone else hear that?

Yes.  In fact, Juliet Huddy was on Red Eye a few weeks ago commenting about WhiteTrashBoy appearing in pistachio commercials.  Her argument?  In a nutshell, he's cute, so he's alright.  Couple of weeks later, she brought out the Teachable Moment disdain for that ESPN dude with the psycho lover.  She wanted to use the opportunity to lecture all men about the importance of being honest. 

She's dumber than a flat rock.  So, I sent a nasty email to Gutfeld:

Huddy is such an ignorant termagant.  She sets the standard for hypocrisy.  On her last visit you spent a few moments on the stupidity of Levi Johnson in pistachio commercials.  Huddy's respose?  To paraphrase, "He's kinda' cute, so he's okay." 
 
Tonight?  On that ESPN idiot who went into in-patient treatment after his girlfriend, a short dude, he was dating went nutso, this was Huddy's response:  "Don't cheat; don't lie; don't cover up for your friends, guys, etc.," to paraphrase.  So.  If you're a hick who's dumber than a flat rock and exhibits no loyalty whatsoever to the mother of his child, you're okay if you're cute.  If you're a dude who has an affair at work, you're evil.
 
I thought about writing after that unfortunate Levi Johnson comment, but I figured it wasn't worth it.  But after tonight's display of principled courage, I had to write.
 
Double standard much?

I can't stand women who think with their crotch while on a crotch-first voyage through life.

Posted by: The Most Hirsute Man In the World at November 05, 2009 03:20 PM (mkihu)

136 Imagine that I highlighted the part about the child and the mother.  Meant to.

Posted by: The Most Hirsute Man In the World at November 05, 2009 03:22 PM (mkihu)

137 He shouldn't worry.  Dave in Texas told me his dick was as big as his brain.

Posted by: The Most Hirsute Man In the World at November 05, 2009 03:24 PM (mkihu)

138 I decided to come out today and make a stand for truth while hedging my bets on the size of my little pee pee.

Posted by: WhiteTrashBoy at November 05, 2009 03:25 PM (mkihu)

139 Idiot should have remained quiet regarding his worries about the size of his Johnson. Now if he doesn't do full frontal everyone will assume it's because he is hiding a cashew in his shorts. F'ing brilliant.

Posted by: Usful Ijit at November 05, 2009 03:27 PM (+8fSS)

140 139 -- well, 'Brillance, thy name is Levi Johnston", right?  God, I've seen cattle that were more intellectual; poor girl, poor baby, poor girl's parents.

Posted by: unknown jane at November 05, 2009 03:34 PM (5/yRG)

141 Don't confuse me with him.  I do not have a levi johnson.

Posted by: Magic Johnson at November 05, 2009 03:44 PM (mkihu)

142

Now if he doesn't do full frontal everyone will assume it's because he is hiding a cashew in his shorts. F'ing brilliant.

Heh.  Good point.

Posted by: Schmoopy (rdb) at November 05, 2009 03:51 PM (mkihu)

143 Levi, call me.  I have mad Photoshop skilz and can fix all your problems.

Posted by: Ron Jeremy at November 05, 2009 04:08 PM (HLug1)

144

Interesting fact about Levi:

Cindy Sheehan told him to enjoy his 15 minutes, 'cause when they're up, they're up hard.

He doesn't know what hard is.

Posted by: rightzilla at November 05, 2009 04:13 PM (rVJH4)

145

Now if he doesn't do full frontal everyone will assume it's because he is hiding a cashew in his shorts. F'ing brilliant.

Heh.  Good point.

Posted by: Schmoopy (rdb)at November 05, 2009 03:51 PM (mkihu)

I'm going to take a guess here, and surmise that Levi's nickname is NOT "Tripod".

Posted by: Bill H at November 05, 2009 04:19 PM (q8CmE)

146 Levi Johnston: possesses first recorded male "puppy-dog nose", but he only has one.

Posted by: sherlock at November 05, 2009 04:53 PM (EDJhu)

147

What a piece of work this bastard is. There was a day, back in my youth when shame was still an effective tool for controlling this kind of behavior, but thanks to liberalism we've done away with it.

What a shame. No pun intended.

Posted by: LGoPs at November 05, 2009 05:37 PM (QiSD7)

148 I heard that the cock sucking piece of shit was dating that lesbian Kathy Griffon as a cover to get hooked upp with her gays as she calls them for some deep tissue sweidsh anal massages.

I also heard that he has picked up his mum's Meth Addiction.

I can't wait to hear that he stumbled into oncoming traffic after a night out on the town with his new liberal best friends and had his anus introduced to his mouth.

Posted by: Jeremiah God Damn Barack AmeriKKKa at November 05, 2009 07:39 PM (KQ2r0)

149

A long long time ago, I, for the first and last time, dated someone who was kind of slutty and weird and "fun". We were laying in the hammock, and we got to talking about the subject of my wingwong. I'm not sure why. I remember wondering aloud about her seemingly uncharacteristic curiosity about something she'd surely seen before. 

The conversation kind of died when she responded that mine was the first one she could remember seeing one while sober and with the lights on.

Ugggh. I did NOT need to hear that.

Posted by: Cack Finger at November 05, 2009 09:10 PM (LDQCY)

150

Ah # 149--that will definitely put a bend in the ol banana! 

And I suspect that Levi Short Dick Short Round Johnson may be okay when it comes to 17 year old girls in Alaska--they haven't seen much--but when the  hottie houris in Los Angeles take a look  they're going to laugh--and ask him if he left something at home. If you're not hung like a Mack Truck, you ain't making it in Los Angeles--at least with the pervert pool he's playing with.

He better get used to being punked in the old wazoo, because he doesn't have the equipment to play down south.

Posted by: Happy Fellow at November 05, 2009 09:38 PM (w6nDa)

151

Someday science will give us glow in the dark tattoo ink and on that wondrous day all nerdy men, who just don't give a fuck anymore, can proudly sport bright, blue-glowing, 'Tron-lines' along the major contours of their peckers...

Why should we waste all that science on crap like food pills, orthopedic beds, 'learn while you sleep', free energy, and flying cars?

 

 

 

Posted by: Cack Finger at November 05, 2009 10:24 PM (LDQCY)

152 get the boy a snapon.   uh you mean strap-on right?

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160

I can't wait to see that sexy dude in Playgirl. Hate him all you want, but he is hot.

Posted by: sustaining at November 12, 2009 07:15 PM (aMU0r)

161 Levi Johnston thinks his link to the Sarah Palin family is a fast GRAVY TRAIN to fame and a long, STREAK OF LUCK. In reality, Levi has turned himself into a pathetic crawling maggot thriving off the muck found in the Palin's family toilet. Someone needs to inform L. J. he's living in the DARK (literally) and that what he's pouring down his throat is definitely NOT gravy. Someday (sadly), Levi will regret his many crappy decisions!

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