Noted Gay-Porn Dick-Model and Shiftless Layabout Claims that The Tonight Show Has Impugned His Sterling Reputation

Levi Johnston is complaining that people are making stuff up about him.

On Conan, William Shatner read, poetically, tweets supposedly coming from Johnston, like "Where can I get some weed?" Conan said they were all real. Johnston says they'e not, or at least some weren't.

So here is unemployed attention whore Levi Johnston, attempting to get paid for dishing made-up crap about Sarah Palin, whining that people are speaking falsely about him.

When his kid grows up he can look up to a father who sought to make an income for himself by constantly slandering his grandmother and further hurting his mother.

Fixed It: tachyonshuggy suggests that what Johnston is doing is "whining that people are making what are obviously jokes and acting all butt-hurt about it like a little bitch."

I think that's correct. Butthurt.

Don't be butthurt, Levi.

Are you all butthurt that being an illegitimate father and making your child's mother into a single mother is not the high-paying gig and prestigious career you'd hoped it would be?

Posted by: Ace at 12:51 PM

Comments

1 If he thinks the mocking is intolerable now, he is in for a treat. It will get much, much worse when leftists don't need him anymore.

Posted by: kefka at November 05, 2009 12:55 PM (n1uMU)

2 whining that people are speaking falsely about him making what are obviously jokes and acting all butt-hurt about it like a little bitch.

FTFY

Posted by: tachyonshuggy at November 05, 2009 12:55 PM (yUybe)

3 Levi, If you want to run in the tall grass with the big dogs, don't complain when you get pissed on.

Posted by: Little Dog at November 05, 2009 12:55 PM (9BxUQ)

"Gay-Porn Dick-Model"?

I like that one.

Posted by: Jim in San Diego at November 05, 2009 12:55 PM (H7Rlw)

5 Couldn't happen to a nicer guy! This makes my day.

Posted by: Mandy P. at November 05, 2009 12:55 PM (MK6Kx)

6 Shrinkage!

Posted by: George Costanza at November 05, 2009 12:56 PM (1doBx)

7 How long before he goes on Letterman?

I say Nov sweeps week.

Posted by: runninrebel at November 05, 2009 12:57 PM (i3PJU)

8 You know, that headline could indeed fit a whole bunch of people. I was thinking it was Randy Andy Sullivan snark...

Posted by: shibumi at November 05, 2009 12:59 PM (OKZrE)

9 Shatner cracks me up.

Posted by: sTevo at November 05, 2009 01:00 PM (9BxUQ)

10 They're hurting his widdle feelings! Waah!

Posted by: Robert at November 05, 2009 01:01 PM (Xwq5v)

11
Levi plays hockey, right?

I'd like to hip-check that turd into Stephanie Miller.

Did you ever listen to her show? It is awful. Her and minions are so immature, so childish. They just sit there and make fun of Republicans. No substance, just name-calling.

Posted by: Tweet beats dead horses at November 05, 2009 01:02 PM (z37MR)

12 Levi - trust me, when your 15 minutes are up, your new friends won't care about you either.

Posted by: Cindy Sheehan at November 05, 2009 01:02 PM (V9SYy)

13 I bet family birthdays party for the kid are fun affairs?

Posted by: nevergiveup at November 05, 2009 01:02 PM (TfW4T)

14 Levi Johnston sounds like the 21st century version of Kato Kaolin, only even more aggressively useless and irresponsible.

Posted by: OregonMuse at November 05, 2009 01:03 PM (eR37w)

Did you ever listen to her show? It is awful. Her and minions are so immature, so childish. They just sit there and make fun of Republicans. No substance, just name-calling.

We call it troll training.

Posted by: Stephanie Miller at November 05, 2009 01:03 PM (V9SYy)

16 Has Palin's daughter gotten sole custody yet? Seems to me it'd be pretty easy to demonstrate Levi's unworthiness to parenthood. After that, it's just a matter of telling the kid he died in Afghanistan.

Posted by: Methos at November 05, 2009 01:03 PM (IoxPW)

17 Bear Shit Walking

Posted by: Jean at November 05, 2009 01:03 PM (5ddCw)

18 Hey, can the Palins get a judge in Alaska to terminate Levi's parental rights based on his being a gay-porn dick model?

That would be sweet.

Posted by: Dave at November 05, 2009 01:03 PM (Xm1aB)

Shatner reading the wit and wisdom of one of history's greatest douchebags.

Comedy gold my friends. Comedy gold.

Posted by: Reggie1971 at November 05, 2009 01:04 PM (b68Df)

20 Just to make your ears bleed.

Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds

Posted by: CUS at November 05, 2009 01:04 PM (wOGfT)

21 Hey, Levi. All is forgiven, let's go hunting.

Posted by: Todd P. at November 05, 2009 01:05 PM (ynT/h)

22 If he takes off in a homemade balloon it wouldn't surprise me.

Posted by: Corona at November 05, 2009 01:06 PM (+xghX)

23 What a fag

Posted by: Mortis at November 05, 2009 01:06 PM (hA5JK)

24 21 Hey, Levi. All is forgiven, let's go hunting.

Hey, Todd and Levi, you can come down to my place in Texas to hunt quail!

Posted by: Big Richard C. at November 05, 2009 01:07 PM (olNam)

25 I'd like to hip-check that turd into Stephanie Miller.Did you ever listen to her show? It is awful. Her and minions are so immature, so childish. They just sit there and make fun of Republicans. No substance, just name-calling.

Ugh, she used to be carried on a station around here. Even her show promos were cringe-worthy.

Posted by: Gregory of Yardale at November 05, 2009 01:08 PM (PLvLS)

He is scum and the rest of his life will suck after the left is done with him.

He better keep pumped up and learn some martial arts or spend the rest of his life covered in lunger-spit.

Posted by: Huckleberry at November 05, 2009 01:08 PM (s2bW4)

27 Two points

1) What the hell was her daughter thinking? They are many boys available as boyfriends than this a--hole.

2) He looks like a future Democratic Party politician. IE: No sense of right and wrong, no concern for others feelings, likes publicity and looking at himself in the mirror, likes smoking weed, can I go one and one but who does this sound like now?

Posted by: hous bin pharteen at November 05, 2009 01:08 PM (pU4D7)

28 Butthurt? That is what he get for agreeing to have lifesize rubber fists shoved up his loser ass

Posted by: Todd (the guy who is back to saying Obama sucks cock) at November 05, 2009 01:08 PM (LLOGQ)

29 Don't call me quail.

Posted by: Levi at November 05, 2009 01:08 PM (ynT/h)

Levi, Levi, Levi...you've done it all wrong. You've gotta get rich and rake in the megabucks FIRST. Only then can you start to be a complete and total asshole on the national stage.

THIS DOES NOT WORK:
1) National dickwad
2) ???
3) PROFIT! NO.

Posted by: Jon Gosselin at November 05, 2009 01:08 PM (q/kmn)

31
This is a 5 minute sample from the show today:

"Oh, and Michelle Bachman? [giggles in the background] She's a liar. [more giggles] [sound effect: liar! liar! pants on fire!] [laughter] Steve King? [giggles] Also a liar. [roaring laughter] [sound effect: liar! liar! pants on fire!] Yep, Bachman and King are out there again lying about health care. [laughter, fart noises]. Bacman is a whore." [a gasp, then loud laughter]

Posted by: Tweet beats dead horses at November 05, 2009 01:08 PM (z37MR)

32 I love Shatner! He is the BEST! I have a movie that he played a vet in where spiders took over and killed everyone. It was actually a remake of THE BIRDS! Worth owning. I own mine!

Posted by: rightzilla at November 05, 2009 01:09 PM (rVJH4)

33 Levi and Dede Scuzzyfever ought to get together. They're made for each other. Got that Sarah connection too.

Posted by: Bat Chain Puller at November 05, 2009 01:09 PM (SCcgT)

34 Oh...and Levi who?

Posted by: rightzilla at November 05, 2009 01:09 PM (rVJH4)

35 17 / Jean: ...Threadwinner.

Posted by: Huckleberry at November 05, 2009 01:10 PM (s2bW4)

36 I've seen dogs with a higher sense of honor than this kid, screw that, I've seen jackals that were morally superior to this kid.

I move we reclassify this excuse for earth life into the monera kingdom with the rest of the disease causing, wound infesting, puss bubble bacteria found living off excrement in the intestines of higher lifeforms.

Posted by: MikeTheMoose at November 05, 2009 01:10 PM (0q2P7)

37 One wonders why soeone hasn't beat the crap out of this fuckweasel yet.

Posted by: Vic at November 05, 2009 01:10 PM (CDUiN)

38 Re: 31

You got that from LGF didn't you?

Posted by: kansas at November 05, 2009 01:10 PM (ynT/h)

39

after that, it's just a matter of telling the kid he died in Afghanistan

That would imply a sense of duty and honor that the schmuck does not deserve, not to mention a slap at the memory of all those who have given the last full measure of devotion

Posted by: bulwark at November 05, 2009 01:11 PM (jvrmc)

20 Just to make your ears bleed.

Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds

I have an entire album of My Shatner and one with Leonard Nimoy singing too!!!! THE RAW TALENT IS GOB-STOPPING!

Posted by: rightzilla at November 05, 2009 01:11 PM (rVJH4)

"If he takes off in a homemade balloon it wouldn't surprise me."

You know, when you win a thread this soundly, and this early, it really sucks all the fun out of it for we lesser morons...

Posted by: reason at November 05, 2009 01:11 PM (q/kmn)

42 Noted Gay-Porn Dick-Model

Let me guess, his package needs the AlGore treatment?

No, I haven't looked. Nor am I gonna look. Maybe some of the female moron's will comment, maybe I'll quizz the hillbuzz boyz if I feel ambitious.

And frankly, Levi you're yesterday's trash.

All you have to do is watch my back, and each others. And take out the trash.

Posted by: I R A Darth Aggie at November 05, 2009 01:12 PM (1hM1d)

You two are gonna make me dig up the YouTube of Leonard Nimoy singing the Legend of Bilbo Baggins, aren't you?

Posted by: reason at November 05, 2009 01:12 PM (q/kmn)

44 "whining that people are making what are obviously jokes and acting all butt-hurt about it like a little bitch."

Obama is the same except it's worse for him. They're telling the truth about him.

Posted by: WalrusRex at November 05, 2009 01:12 PM (xxgag)

45 Being a professional dick model is not as glamorous as you might imagine.

Posted by: Truman North at November 05, 2009 01:12 PM (e8YaH)

46 Levi Johnston public relations savvy: A-

Posted by: Mark Halperin at November 05, 2009 01:13 PM (QKKT0)

39

after that, it's just a matter of telling the kid he died in Afghanistan

a back lot porn studio with his mouth full.

Posted by: rightzilla at November 05, 2009 01:13 PM (rVJH4)

48 Has he gotten his GED yet?

Shit, even Kato Kaelin has a high school diploma.

Posted by: HeatherRadish at November 05, 2009 01:14 PM (NtiET)

49 Gay Pron? Now, that I've heard of!

Posted by: Charlie Gibson at November 05, 2009 01:15 PM (PLvLS)

50 Seriously, having this piece of shit saying negative things about anyone has to make them look good.

Posted by: kansas at November 05, 2009 01:15 PM (ynT/h)

I've gotta start reading past the headlines sometimes. I thought somebody finally penned that tome we're all waiting for: "Where the Hell Was Barry Obama During All Those Missing Years, and What the Hell Was He Doing?"

Alas, it's just about this stupid fuck Levi.

Posted by: Sharkman at November 05, 2009 01:15 PM (sZOIi)

From Page Six today:

Is Levi Johnston getting cold feet about his upcoming Playgirl appearance? We hear that the father of Sarah Palin's grandson has been telling folks at the magazine he is worried about how his manhood may look during the shoot. And to make matters worse, one location for the shoot is a chilly ice rink. But Levi's manager, Tank Johnson, tells Page Six, "We haven't had any discussions of that nature at all," and refused to confirm whether Johnson would go full-frontal during the shoot.

Posted by: JWF at November 05, 2009 01:16 PM (1l37M)

53 I really don't know what goes through the head of someone like this. Does anything? Perhaps he's sampled too much meth from his mother and can't think properly?

He's systematically destroying his life piece by piece starting with any relationship he could ever hope to have with his kid or his kid's mother.

Posted by: Xombozo at November 05, 2009 01:17 PM (7bDII)

54 What the hell was her daughter thinking?

Well, there are many possible things, but I'm going with the hot chicks with douchebags theory.

Actually, that pretty much covers the whole thing...

Posted by: I R A Darth Aggie at November 05, 2009 01:18 PM (1hM1d)

Sorry to say it isn't surprising that a girl of Bristol's age would hook up with an asswipe like Levi. Feathers tend to get ruffled when this is talked about, but much of the time young girls will give shitheels such as Levi the nod over nice, good guys.

Posted by: Reggie1971 at November 05, 2009 01:20 PM (b68Df)

56 Does Stephanie Miller have a national syndication talk-sho deal, or is she just an Air America fluffer?

Posted by: OregonMuse at November 05, 2009 01:22 PM (eR37w)

57 @36: Don't hold back, tell us how you really feel

Posted by: Lone Marauder at November 05, 2009 01:22 PM (/bVuS)

58 Feathers tend to get ruffled when this is talked about, but ~~much~~ all of the time young girls will give shitheels such as Levi the nod over nice, good guys.

FIFY. Your welcome.

Posted by: I R A Darth Aggie at November 05, 2009 01:23 PM (1hM1d)

59 What the hell was her daughter thinking?

Teenagers don't do a lot of that. Their brains aren't fully developed yet.

But there's really no need to bash Bristol unless she fails to learn from this experience and does it again with a different douchebag.

Posted by: HeatherRadish at November 05, 2009 01:23 PM (NtiET)

60 Feathers tend to get ruffled when this is talked about, but much all of the time young girls will give over-confident shitheels such as Levi the nod over nice, good guys who sit around whining that the pretty girls don't like them.

FIFY.

Posted by: HeatherRadish at November 05, 2009 01:25 PM (NtiET)

You are correct. It is ALL the time. I was insufficiently blunt in my post.

Posted by: Reggie1971 at November 05, 2009 01:26 PM (b68Df)

62 Let me tell you, my teens and twenties would have been unbearable if all the shot sweeti piecs of ass out there weren't unreasonably attracted to total douchebags.

Posted by: Truman North at November 05, 2009 01:27 PM (e8YaH)

63 Feathers tend to get ruffled when this is talked about, but much all of the time young girls will give over-confident shitheels such as Levi the nod over nice, good guys who sit around whining that the pretty girls don't like them.

I have two teenage sons. One is an overconfident shitheel. The other is a decent, respectful kid. Guess which one has a girlfriend?

Posted by: Gregory of Yardale at November 05, 2009 01:29 PM (PLvLS)

64 OT
Italian courts at it again.
http://tinyurl.com/yclu2c6
Convicting Americans for protecting their marinara slurping asses.

Posted by: right at November 05, 2009 01:30 PM (EquV1)

65 Of course, the real fun comes in when the women in a douchebag's life go running to their nice guy friends to whine and bitch about the latest thing said douchebag did to them.

Initially, it's all about listening and being a good friend. Eventually, you just eat your food while nodding and pretending to listen. At some point, you say something like this:

He is what he is, no more no less. You need to be able to accept that, or you need to walk away. Forcing him to change will only make him resent you. And that's true of everyone, you and me included. Now bring me my sammich, bitch!

Ok, I may have employed a little poetic license with that last sentence...

Posted by: I R A Darth Aggie at November 05, 2009 01:30 PM (1hM1d)

66 Look, he was a nice looking jock. We can all look back to the one like him in our own high schools as often they are not as successfull five minutes after they graduate as they were projected to be before. He was never taught respect for anyone and he has not figured out how to learn anything on his own. Bristol APPEARS to have learned a HEAP from all of this and we can only hope that contineus.

Posted by: rightzilla at November 05, 2009 01:30 PM (rVJH4)

67 I have two teenage sons. One is an overconfident shitheel. The other is a decent, respectful kid. Guess which one has a girlfriend?

So, are you having the overconfident shitheel give the respectful one lessons? remember, it is easier for a decent respectful type to behave like an overconfident shitheel than it is for the overconfident shitheel to behave in a decent and respectful manner...

Posted by: I R A Darth Aggie at November 05, 2009 01:34 PM (1hM1d)

68 Hey, thanks HeatherRadish. Now, about that sammich...

Posted by: I R A Darth Aggie at November 05, 2009 01:37 PM (1hM1d)

69 So, are you having the overconfident shitheel give the respectful one lessons?

I don't think it's really trainable; you're either a douchebag or you're not.

What's funny is the shitheel is dating an ultra-liberal British college chick who pretends to be offended by his outspoken racial insensitivity (think Clint-Eastwood-in-Gran-Torino), but she is so obviously turned on by it.

Posted by: Gregory of Yardale at November 05, 2009 01:38 PM (PLvLS)

#52 JWF

He shouldn't worry, they can airbrush him a new an improved appendage. LOL

Posted by: elclynn at November 05, 2009 01:38 PM (rWO3f)

71 I really don't know what goes through the head of someone like this.

The sweet, sweet music of his agent's words telling him that he is super-fantastic, and will make A LOT of money.

Posted by: CUS at November 05, 2009 01:39 PM (wOGfT)

72 To be confidant one doesn't have to be a douche or as you guys call it a "shitheel". Sure, it's harder to do because without the massively over inflated self opinion and lack of empathy characteristic of most douche-bags it's hard not to care what others think. But it is possible.

Girls don't like "shitheels" they simply like self confidence and "shitheels" are the one who have it most of the time.

Posted by: Xombozo at November 05, 2009 01:47 PM (7bDII)

73 1) What the hell was her daughter thinking? They are many boys available as boyfriends than this a--hole.
Posted by: hous bin pharteen at November 05, 2009 01:08 PM (pU4D7)

Teenage guys often think with their dicks. Likewise, I suspect teenage girls sometimes think with the vajayjay.

Posted by: ol_dirty_/b/tard at November 05, 2009 02:09 PM (IoUF1)

There was a bit from a comedian back in my highschool days... "So my last girlfriend says to me, 'I'm breaking up with you because you don't have any self-confidence.' And I think to myself, 'Well, this will certainly help...'"

Also, the name of the site has long-since faded from memory, but I remember an online blog from about five years ago where the 20-something kids running it did an experiment on girls being attracted to jerks. The guy running the experiment basically used his current inability to get consistent dates / interest out of girls because he was (self-allegedly) a nice guy as the control. Then, as two seperate experiments, he hit on a reasonably-wholesome girl and a mouthy tart that he meets at the local mall. Basically acts pretty aloof and kinda jerky (but not too much of a jerk to run them off), and gets phone numbers from both of them. He chronicles his dates with them over the course of the next couple of weeks, all the obnoxious things he does, and how they criticize him for it, but still put up with it. It was very entertaining to read.

Posted by: reason at November 05, 2009 02:09 PM (V40IZ)

I know alot of things about Levi Johnston. But I'm not going to say them.

I know that he blows goats and three way sex with Olberman and Charles Johnson in a hot tub. RUBADUBDUB. But I'm not going to say those things about him.

I saw him perform cunnilingus on a hamster while Doo Doo Scozzafava watched in the neeeyude. But I won't say that because I don't want to hurt Levi.

I've got much more, but I'm not going to say it until I get offered more cash.

Posted by: gus at November 05, 2009 02:13 PM (Vqruj)

Found it. Sorta. It was called "The Deacon Effect" and was on galaktek.com which no longer seems to resolve. I'm sure someone that wanted to could find a suitable wayback-machine on the Internet and look it up.

Posted by: reason at November 05, 2009 02:15 PM (V40IZ)

http://tinyurl.com/ybh832a

Welcome.

Posted by: reason at November 05, 2009 02:21 PM (V40IZ)

78 Teenage guys often think with their dicks. Likewise, I suspect teenage girls sometimes think with the vajayjay.

Nah. Teenage girls pick their dates with an eye towards their social standing with other girls. They also dress in order to impress other girls.

Posted by: Rob Crawford at November 05, 2009 02:33 PM (ZJ/un)

79 So Levi is basically Barack Obama Sr., except he hasn't sired as many children to be a deadbeat dad to, yet.

Posted by: The Most Interesting Man In The World at November 05, 2009 02:44 PM (k7SeR)

80 79 - and the one girl he knocked up so far hasn't turned out to be irrepairably liberal, needy, and Communist.

Posted by: reason at November 05, 2009 02:54 PM (q/kmn)

81
Hey Levi,

You're traveling through another dimension -- a dimension not only of sight and sound but of mind. A journey into a wondrous land whose boundaries are that of imagination. That's a signpost up ahead: your next stop: the Motel room OD Zone!

Posted by: scrubjay at November 05, 2009 03:01 PM (fKFPG)

82 lunger-spit

Nice. Disgusting, but nice.

Posted by: toby928 at November 05, 2009 03:18 PM (PD1tk)

83 I think Gregory of Yardale is my new favorite moron. The bit about the girlfriend who doesn't realize how much she's turned on by your son's crudeness is particularly amusing. Young women are amazing like that. The reality (that they're turned on by stuff that's not supposed to turn them on) doesn't compute with what's expected of them (usually the PC tropes they learn in college), so they just lie to themselves ("Your crude behavior doesn't turn me on!").

Question: where did you fall on the spectrum when you were younger? Where you more like the respectful son or the shitheel?

Posted by: Kensington at November 05, 2009 03:20 PM (kSpSZ)

84 Teenage guys often think with their dicks. Likewise, I suspect teenage girls sometimes think with the vajayjay.
------------------------
Nah. Teenage girls pick their dates with an eye towards their social standing with other girls. They also dress in order to impress other girls.
------------------------
Just to finish off the thought, and how to piss off their dads the most.

Posted by: CUS at November 05, 2009 04:24 PM (wOGfT)

85 I know it's been said, but I'll repeat it as I've seen this shit happen over and over with what seemed like the majority of the females I've known. They always pick the douche-bag and the nice guys get left behind. I have no sympathy for them for their shitty pick when they end up single mothers or abused, and no sympathy for the douchebag when he turns out to be as worthless as the rest of us who had a brain knew he would be from casual observation. Oh, and when that same girl comes running around looking for a new daddy for her bastards? Yeeaah.. enjoy your new status as welfare momma, dumb cow.

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