Two Muslim "Militants" In India Killed by Precision-Guided Hellfire Weaponry and a Hungry Bear, But Mostly... Actually It Was the Fucking Bear, If You Can Believe It

Gentle Ben just emailed me to say, "My name is ironic."

A bear killed two militants after discovering them in its den in Indian-administered Kashmir, police say.
Two other militants escaped, one of them badly wounded, after the attack in Kulgam district, south of Srinagar.
The militants had assault rifles but were taken by surprise - police found the remains of pudding they had made to eat when the bear attacked.
It is thought to be the first such incident since Muslim separatists took up arms against Indian rule in 1989.
The militants had made their hideout in a cave which was actually the bear's den, said police officer Farooq Ahmed.

If only they'd had weapons, perhaps they'd've had a chance.

The militants had assault rifles but were taken by surprise

Ah, right. Oh well. Let the suicide bombing of Jellystone Park begin.

Posted by: Ace at 08:27 PM

Comments

1 DON'T BLAME THE PUDDING!!!!!!!!!!11!!!!

Posted by: moron # 24362346 at November 03, 2009 08:28 PM (geOvq)

2 Thank God Yogi is on our side!

Posted by: MaureenTheTemp at November 03, 2009 08:29 PM (KYny9)

3
Only You Can Prevent Islamic Extremism.

Posted by: Smokey The Islamist Killer Bear at November 03, 2009 08:29 PM (+FzLa)

4 I came here for the pron and I am highly disappointed.

Posted by: Herr Morgenholz at November 03, 2009 08:29 PM (6YnAG)

5
-
To forgive is human,
to kill, ursine

.

Posted by: BumperStickerist at November 03, 2009 08:29 PM (ruzrP)

6 Ok you got me with that one

very funny stuff!

Posted by: Christopher Taylor at November 03, 2009 08:30 PM (PQY7w)

7
wow, all those years of making that title-joke, Ace finally got his day when he could write this gem! It's like an eclipse...kinda rare.

What a great day all around.

Posted by: Tweet O'Rly? at November 03, 2009 08:30 PM (v77ig)

8 Way to go DeDe!

Posted by: Jean at November 03, 2009 08:30 PM (xCBQ4)

9 Pooh was pissed about the Jihadis hating on Piglet and finally snapped.

Really? You didn't see it coming?

Posted by: Blue Falcon in Boston at November 03, 2009 08:31 PM (ijjAe)

10 THEY HAD PUDDING BITCHES!

Posted by: THE BEAR at November 03, 2009 08:31 PM (21Fy3)

11 You're even funnier on and election night when R's are winning.

Posted by: rickinstl at November 03, 2009 08:31 PM (SawXY)

12 BooBoo was unavailable for comment.

Posted by: shibumi at November 03, 2009 08:31 PM (OKZrE)

13 Damn, these bears have more balls in dealing with militant terrorists than the President of the United States. Joey B should take notes on how to deal with the bad guys.

Posted by: CDR M at November 03, 2009 08:32 PM (cvmTR)

14 These two were obviously pragmatists.

Posted by: Unclefacts, Meteor Summoner, Lover of Bacons at November 03, 2009 08:32 PM (erIg9)

15 Iorek Byrneson has joined the fight.

The Russians were just called "The Bear", but we have actual bears fighting on our side.

Posted by: Darren at November 03, 2009 08:32 PM (PntkJ)

16 We call our boys "bears" now?

Posted by: The Most Hirsute Man In the World (rdb) at November 03, 2009 08:32 PM (Nv1dM)

17 How'd I get a different hashy there?

Posted by: moron #32462413 at November 03, 2009 08:32 PM (p1s9n)

18 Ace's entire blogging career has actually just been one big long setup for this joke today.

Now that that's done, I wonder what Ace will do with himself?

Posted by: sandy burger at November 03, 2009 08:33 PM (MT+0i)

19 Bears are fucking epic!
I for one welcome our new bear overlords.

Posted by: MPFS Indentured Fish Stick to the State at November 03, 2009 08:33 PM (PBGAP)

20 ...police found the remains of pudding they had made to eat...

"Police found their half-eaten remains, which looked like pudding..." is what they were trying to say.

Posted by: Big Bear at November 03, 2009 08:33 PM (7r9DK)

21
I'm B.J. Mohammed and this is my best friend bear.

Posted by: Blazer at November 03, 2009 08:33 PM (+FzLa)

22 Good thing we recovered the weapons. Bears get rifles, we're all fooked.

Posted by: the real joe at November 03, 2009 08:33 PM (nbxDI)

23 Sometimes you have to go a lllooooonnnnggggg way for a joke to work, but it rarely does. This time it worked with the best headline Ace has written this year. Hat's off to you brother.

Posted by: Countrysquire at November 03, 2009 08:33 PM (PpggK)

24 "The militants had assault rifles but were taken by surprise - police found the remains of pudding they had made to eat when the bear attacked"

They should have loaded the guns to shoot the bear when it attacked, instead.

Posted by: right at November 03, 2009 08:33 PM (EquV1)

"muslim separatists in india" = radical islamic killers from Afghanistan, Pakistan and Iran (and other assorted nests of infamy).

Posted by: Dianne at November 03, 2009 08:33 PM (FcncT)

26 They must have raided Pooh's Hunny jar to make the pudding. Either that or Smokey saw fire in the cave and went medieval on 'em.

Posted by: PA Cat at November 03, 2009 08:34 PM (WKAth)

27 Obviously that bear was a trained bear released by the evil zionist JOoooooS, trained to kill poor innocent man-made disaster aficionados.

/NTINTTBJIC

Posted by: Iskandar at November 03, 2009 08:36 PM (u1pln)

28 Wait, were they Jewish bears?
Now that would be really fucking epic.

Posted by: MPFS Indentured Fish Stick to the State at November 03, 2009 08:36 PM (PBGAP)

So funny he even bent the rules and dropped an F bomb in the headline.

Posted by: California Red at November 03, 2009 08:37 PM (tW88P)

30 Abdul....I think he wants our pic-a-nic basket.

Posted by: Mustafa at November 03, 2009 08:37 PM (MMC8r)

31 Smokey, you magnificent bastard!

Posted by: DelD at November 03, 2009 08:37 PM (DYh0l)

32 Two Muslim "Militants" In India Killed by Precision-Guided Hellfire Weaponry and a Hungry Bear, But Mostly... Actually It Was the Fucking Bear, If You Can Believe ItNever. Gets. F*cking. Old.

Posted by: Good Lt. at November 03, 2009 08:37 PM (n/M5O)

33 Iskandar,
Shhhh. Word in the forest is they were Mossad affiliated bears.

Posted by: MPFS Indentured Fish Stick to the State at November 03, 2009 08:37 PM (PBGAP)

Actually, I have had a long standing blood feud with Islam. My great, great, great, great, great, great, etc grandma bear was raped by mohammed when she was only 9. My bear clan has sworn vengance since that day. Oh, pay back is coming.

Posted by: THE BEAR at November 03, 2009 08:38 PM (21Fy3)

35
Wow, Colbert is right.

Posted by: Dang Straights at November 03, 2009 08:38 PM (Dh+s2)

36 Gay militants eat pudding.

Posted by: the real joe at November 03, 2009 08:39 PM (nbxDI)

37 Well, that's just grizzly.

Posted by: Peaches at November 03, 2009 08:39 PM (9Wv2j)

38 That bear is definitely a maximalist.

Posted by: Dr. Spank at November 03, 2009 08:39 PM (muUqs)

39 Infidel-ier than the average bear.

Posted by: right at November 03, 2009 08:40 PM (EquV1)

40 Word in the forest is they were Mossad affiliated bears.

PETA is outraged that they weren't vegan bears.

Posted by: PA Cat at November 03, 2009 08:41 PM (WKAth)

41
BREAKING

Dede Scoffazaza withdrew her endorsement of Owens and endorsed Hoffman.

Posted by: Tweet O'Rly? at November 03, 2009 08:41 PM (v77ig)

42
Do the bears get consideration for reducing carbon emissions?

Posted by: Dang Straights at November 03, 2009 08:41 PM (Dh+s2)

43 So much for that joke about not outrunning the bear but instead outrunning the guy next to you.

Posted by: Aaron at November 03, 2009 08:41 PM (1LoP8)

44 Obama admin sending the moderate taliban more picnic baskets.

Posted by: FreakyBoy at November 03, 2009 08:42 PM (N2wRL)

45 Bears get rifles, we're all fooked.

Support Your Right to Arm Bears.

Posted by: PA Cat at November 03, 2009 08:42 PM (WKAth)

46 Some days the Predators get the militants, and other days the predators get the militants. IYKWIMAITTYD.

Posted by: Darren at November 03, 2009 08:42 PM (PntkJ)

47 So bears do eat shit in the woods...wait..um.

Posted by: Wilhelm Klink at November 03, 2009 08:42 PM (bjqWr)

48 Note to self: do NOT mess with bears wearing +9 cloaks of invisibility.

Posted by: Purple Avenger at November 03, 2009 08:42 PM (FIQYC)

49 It is thought to be the first such incident since Muslim separatists took up arms against Indian rule in 1989.

That we know of. This clan of 007 bears are notoriously secretive concerning their ops. They almost never take credit for a kill publicly. Its just not their style. That's how the bears roll baby.

Posted by: MPFS Indentured Fish Stick to the State at November 03, 2009 08:42 PM (PBGAP)

50 Hey there Mahmoud!

Posted by: Countrysquire at November 03, 2009 08:42 PM (PpggK)

51 OMG! THE BEAR - was her name Aisha?

Posted by: Dianne at November 03, 2009 08:43 PM (FcncT)

52 There truly is a God.

He thought of all the conservatives celebrating the election at their keyboards, champagne in hand, thought of Ace, and sent a bear to do the deed, so that Ace could write that headline.

So he could make it pass out our sinuses and cause us pain.

There truly is a God, and the sumbitch is a Democrat.

Posted by: mrkwong at November 03, 2009 08:43 PM (G8Eo0)

53 That headline is unbearably funny.

Posted by: Y-not, pun Queen at November 03, 2009 08:45 PM (sey23)

54 Mr. Ranger won't like that, Yogi.

Posted by: TexasJew at November 03, 2009 08:45 PM (1doBx)

55 This might just be the greatest misdirection headline at AoSHQ EVER!!!

Posted by: BLue Balls The Pirate at November 03, 2009 08:46 PM (L+u9U)

56 Don't look at us. Our name just sounds Jewish.

Posted by: Berenstain Bears at November 03, 2009 08:46 PM (QX1Fy)

57 police found the remains of pudding they had made to eat when the bear attacked.

Fixed.

Posted by: Herr Morgenholz at November 03, 2009 08:46 PM (6YnAG)

58 My-T-Fine!

Posted by: TexasJew at November 03, 2009 08:47 PM (1doBx)

59 So these four militants and a bear walk into a cave... stop me if you've heard this one.

Posted by: somejoe at November 03, 2009 08:47 PM (mYI46)

60 Is shredded Jihadi Kosher? I wouldn't want this zionist bear to get in trouble with the local bear rabbi.

Posted by: Purple Avenger at November 03, 2009 08:47 PM (FIQYC)

61 This headline ought to be bronzed and put on the wall.

Posted by: Dale in San Antonio (Not Dave!) at November 03, 2009 08:47 PM (sXEVG)

62 Bears?....Bears?.... ah ha ha haaaaaaaaaa .... pudding ? pudding?.fu*king pudding?... that is just priceless..... best headline I have ever read.

Posted by: Trois Pistoles at November 03, 2009 08:47 PM (lxEx/)

63 A gift like this headline only comes once in a generation. Enjoy it morons. Tonight we feast like bears!
Hey, would you pass me a leg please?

Posted by: MPFS Indentured Fish Stick to the State at November 03, 2009 08:48 PM (PBGAP)

64 Is shredded Jihadi Kosher?

It might be halal, though.

Posted by: PA Cat at November 03, 2009 08:48 PM (WKAth)

65 Do. Not. F*ck. With. Me.

Posted by: Mother Nature at November 03, 2009 08:49 PM (4iIhs)

66 Is shredded Jihadi Kosher?

If I tear it's throat out lovingly, and with thanks to the Great Bear, then yes. If not, I'll just tear your camp apart in an insane display of ursid berzerker.

Posted by: Rebbe Bear at November 03, 2009 08:50 PM (6YnAG)

67 Liberal Dilemma: Which to shoot, the protected wildlife or the Muslim terrorist?

Posted by: Crusty at November 03, 2009 08:50 PM (qzgbP)

68 There was this one time in Yellowstone when I'd been hiking in the backwoods for a week. Living off the land like the pioneers when I came across a big effing bear. Man I tell ya, I took him out with nothing but the corkscrew from Swiss Army knife.

Posted by: Mr Ranger, Joe Biden at November 03, 2009 08:51 PM (PBGAP)

69 That'll teach those damn jihadis to go drinking this stuff!
If they'd contented themselves with Val-U-Rite, they'd be fine right now.

Posted by: Doug Winship at November 03, 2009 08:51 PM (6WjQu)

70 This clan of 007 bears are notoriously secretive concerning their ops. They almost never take credit for a kill publicly. Its just not their style. That's how the bears roll baby.

No Comment.

Posted by: Special Agent Oso at November 03, 2009 08:51 PM (4iIhs)

71 Here be where the bear shits, douchebags!

Posted by: U.S.S. Yorktown at November 03, 2009 08:52 PM (5RlWq)

72 52 There truly is a God and it apparently isn't Allah!

He thought of all the conservatives celebrating the election at their keyboards, champagne in hand, thought of Ace, and sent a bear to do the deed, so that Ace could write that headline.

So he could make it pass out our sinuses and cause us pain.

There truly is a God, and the sumbitch is a Democrat.

Posted by: mrkwong at November 03, 2009 08:43 PM (G8Eo0)

FIFY

Posted by: concious, but incoherent at November 03, 2009 08:52 PM (kn+jW)

73 There was this one time in Yellowstone when I'd been hiking in the backwoods for a week. Living off the land like the pioneers when I came across a big effing bear. Man I tell ya, I took him out with nothing but the corkscrew from Swiss Army knife.

Posted by: Mr Ranger, Joe Biden at November 03, 2009 08:51 PM (PBGAP)

Thanks for the memories, Joe. Everything heal OK?

Posted by: Bear at November 03, 2009 08:53 PM (6YnAG)

74 Ranger Joe, that's awesome.

Posted by: U.S.S. Yorktown at November 03, 2009 08:53 PM (5RlWq)

75 Will McDonnell win the election?

Does a bear shit militants in the woods?

Posted by: right at November 03, 2009 08:54 PM (EquV1)

76 70

Best sig in a while. Too bad most of the childless (obviously) morons won't get it!

Posted by: Doug Winship at November 03, 2009 08:54 PM (6WjQu)

77 Maybe we should buy the bear a drink.

Posted by: U.S.S. Yorktown at November 03, 2009 08:55 PM (5RlWq)

78 So these bears were bad news for the jihadis?

Posted by: concious, but incoherent at November 03, 2009 08:55 PM (kn+jW)

79 Happy to hear it. But it would have been even better if it were a boar that done it.

Posted by: Deuce Geary at November 03, 2009 08:55 PM (LoOgq)

80 There was this one time in Yellowstone when I'd been hiking in the backwoods for a week. Living off the land like the pioneers when I came across a big effing bear. Man I tell ya, I took him out with nothing but the corkscrew from Swiss Army knife.

Posted by: Mr Ranger, Joe Biden at November 03, 2009 08:51 PM (PBGAP)

Thanks for the memories, Joe. Everything heal OK?

Except for the one ball thing yeah. Hey, when you swing by DC I'll by ya a beer. Friends?

Posted by: Mr Ranger, Joe Biden at November 03, 2009 08:56 PM (PBGAP)

81 This was perfect. There was so much groundwork. It was worth using your F-Bomb allotment in the title.

Posted by: Z Ryan at November 03, 2009 08:56 PM (cMo6P)

82 I'm fairly certain they do not want any more bears.

Posted by: alexthechick at November 03, 2009 08:57 PM (a11WD)

This is the best story I've read in a year. All the time I say we should feed these guys to hungry bears, and now nature's most cuddly fur covered killing machine went and did it for us anyway. Kudos to you, Nature's Bloody Avenger.

An aside, I wonder how many raw fish the bear had to eat to get the stink of these hapless fucks off his breath.

Posted by: UGAdawg at November 03, 2009 08:58 PM (O4miG)

Ace,

Is the bear story the "big" surprise we were looking for tonight?

Or is Drew being at a rest stop in upstate what you were hinting about this afternoon?

Posted by: Kemp at November 03, 2009 08:58 PM (2+9Yx)

85 It was Chaney in a bear suit.

Posted by: Zoltan at November 03, 2009 08:58 PM (0/azW)

86 I always knew the bears were on our side. You just can't tempt them with pudding. Make that mistake and all bets are off.

Posted by: Purple Avenger at November 03, 2009 08:59 PM (FIQYC)

87 These two were obviously pragmatists.

Ursinus maximus FTW!

Posted by: Mama AJ at November 03, 2009 09:00 PM (Be4xl)

88 Too bad most of the childless (obviously) morons won't get it!

Not sure how I ever got laid, either.

It probably had a little to do with never mentioning my interest in this here blog.

Then again, it could've been the mailman...

Posted by: Che Pizza at November 03, 2009 09:00 PM (4iIhs)

89
Was it the Bear Jew from Inglorious Basterds?

Posted by: Tweet O'Rly? at November 03, 2009 09:00 PM (v77ig)

90
Just proves the old adage, don't bring pudding to a bearfight.

Posted by: Dang Straights at November 03, 2009 09:00 PM (Dh+s2)

28 Wait, were they Jewish bears?
Now that would be really fucking epic.

I don't think terrorist are Kosher, just saying. Also wouldn't you think the dumb fucks would smell the bear shit in a bear den? Probably not, they couldn't smell shit over themselves.

Posted by: Kemp at November 03, 2009 09:00 PM (2+9Yx)

92

Almost got mauled/killed by a bear two summers ago. When you look up from your book and see a bear six feet away it's a real WTF moment. The strangest thing is that about six weeks before it happened I developed a fixation on what I'd do if I got cornered in the garden/yard by a bear. Every two or three days it would pop into my mind from out of nowhere.

Moral to the story?

None.

Looks like it'll be a good election night for conservatives. Enjoy it while we can. Gotta go beddy bye now to help build Obama's new America tomorrow.

Posted by: Tinian at November 03, 2009 09:01 PM (7+pP9)

93 Damn it, ursinus maximalist.

_{My whole day has been like this.}

Posted by: Mama AJ at November 03, 2009 09:02 PM (Be4xl)

94 Fucking morons. It wasn't THAT kind of bear!

Posted by: Ditka at November 03, 2009 09:02 PM (4iIhs)

95 I keep picturing these dumb fu*ks popping the tops off of their little plastic pudding cups and then......

Posted by: Trois Pistoles at November 03, 2009 09:02 PM (lxEx/)

96 Cry 'havoc', and let slip the bears of war!

Posted by: Zombie Shakespeare, updating a play at November 03, 2009 09:04 PM (QX1Fy)

97 I didn't mean to kill'em, but they wouldn't give up the pudding peacefully, so they forced my hand. Look, only retards hold out on a bear that wants their pudding, right?

Posted by: The Bear at November 03, 2009 09:05 PM (FIQYC)

98
Creigh Deeds just conceded. Wow, figured they would litigate.

Posted by: Dang Straights at November 03, 2009 09:05 PM (Dh+s2)

99 You sure they weren't killed by Frank Rich panning their off-off-off-Broadway play "Cave!"?

Posted by: eman at November 03, 2009 09:05 PM (j+aj1)

100
<a href="http://media.photobucket.com/image/pudding pops/timhere/BillMothaFuckinCosby.jpg?o=1" target="_blank"><___ src="http://i273.photobucket.com/albums/jj236/timhere/BillMothaFuckinCosby.jpg" border="0"></a>

Posted by: Bill Cosby at November 03, 2009 09:06 PM (4iIhs)

101 And here people thought that Smokey wore that campaign hat for show. Ooh-rah, Mr. Bear.

PS: #94: ROFL. Did they really find "pudding" or was it the remains of the saran wrap/Astroglide combat suit the "bear" was wearing?

Posted by: Darren at November 03, 2009 09:06 PM (PntkJ)

102 It has been 40 minutes since those militants were mauled by wild bears, and Ace's commenters are still celebrating.

Posted by: Zimriel at November 03, 2009 09:07 PM (rtzHA)

103

More victims of a bear market? Obviously, the government has failed in regulating it.

Posted by: runningrn at November 03, 2009 09:07 PM (qP2BK)

104 These guys obviously were never Scouts.

Rule #1: never eat pudding in a cave.

Posted by: eman at November 03, 2009 09:07 PM (j+aj1)

105 Bears are pussies. I know.

Posted by: The Dow at November 03, 2009 09:07 PM (6YnAG)

106 Bear Cairns?

Posted by: runningrn at November 03, 2009 09:08 PM (qP2BK)

107 Don't fuck with a More Than Average Bear, Booboo!

Posted by: Yogi at November 03, 2009 09:09 PM (QECjC)

108 MATT DAMON!!!!!!

PUDDING!!!111!!1!!1!!11!!

*chomp*

Posted by: moron # 3263442 at November 03, 2009 09:09 PM (p1s9n)

109 Bears apparently love any sort of soft food - pudding, porridge, whatev.

#5, that cracked me up.

Posted by: Cathy at November 03, 2009 09:09 PM (5aIHo)

110

New Marines recruiting motto:

The Marines are looking for a few good men...and bears!

Posted by: concious, but incoherent at November 03, 2009 09:09 PM (kn+jW)

111 I love the ad at top "The time to talk about alcohol and drugs with your kid is now". Well then what the fuck are we going to talk about at his first Aerosmith concert?

Posted by: Herr Morgenholz at November 03, 2009 09:10 PM (6YnAG)

112

85 It was Chaney in a bear suit.

He does it for his grandkids. The killing jihadis, I mean. Who the fuck knows what the bear suit is for.

Posted by: Cincinnatus at November 03, 2009 09:10 PM (f4sLg)

113 Bears like the juicy parts.

Posted by: torabora at November 03, 2009 09:10 PM (g5JCw)

114 ... Actually It Was the Fucking Bear, If You Can Believe It

I didn't see that one coming. This is shaping up to be a good night.

Posted by: Fortunate Son at November 03, 2009 09:10 PM (B7kwl)

115 FACT: Bears eat terrorists

Posted by: Dwight K. Schrute at November 03, 2009 09:11 PM (I3Udb)

116 Initial news reports indicated it was a Navy Seal, but upon further review...

Posted by: concious, but incoherent at November 03, 2009 09:12 PM (kn+jW)

117 Does a bear shit militants in the woods?

Posted by: right at November 03, 2009 08:54 PM

I haven't laughed that long and loud in a long time! That was fabulous.

Posted by: Dianne at November 03, 2009 09:12 PM (FcncT)

118 They should've had some Puddin Pops instead.

Posted by: Bill Cosby at November 03, 2009 09:13 PM (4iIhs)

119 Plus, bears don't feel required to kill you before they start eating you.

Pinning you down and then tucking in is just fine.

Posted by: eman at November 03, 2009 09:13 PM (j+aj1)

120 On a related note The UN just declared the use of Bears to kill terrorists is a violation of international law.

Posted by: Ben at November 03, 2009 09:13 PM (bftbi)

121 This is awesome. Seriously, this is up for story of the year.

Guess that CIA ultra-secret "bear assassin" program is paying off after all.

Posted by: brak at November 03, 2009 09:14 PM (uMIwK)

122 Tasted like pork.

Posted by: The bear at November 03, 2009 09:15 PM (j+aj1)

123 The bear didn't dither, did it.

Posted by: torabora at November 03, 2009 09:15 PM (g5JCw)

124 Also, I say we let bears run Gitmo.

Posted by: brak at November 03, 2009 09:15 PM (uMIwK)

125 I order my bears to attack!

Posted by: Grizzly Adams at November 03, 2009 09:15 PM (TUWci)

126 So, when are the terrorists going to call us in?

Posted by: Bear Patrol, Springfield Police Department at November 03, 2009 09:16 PM (U7TcP)

127

Yogi: "Hey, hey, Boo Boo, I can't poo poo."

Boo Boo: "It must have been something you ate."

Posted by: runningrn at November 03, 2009 09:16 PM (qP2BK)

128 Guess that CIA ultra-secret "bear assassin" program is paying off after all.

Any minute now Pooty-poot will claim that the bears were Russian.

Posted by: PA Cat at November 03, 2009 09:16 PM (WKAth)

129

You are dozing peacfully as you prepare your pudding when you suddenly hear a heavy, shuflling tread and a snuffling sound at the front of the cave.

Okay, roll initiative! You roll a 1 and the bear rolls a ... six He gets three free rounds.

Oh... the bear hits with it's claw, claw, bite and gets it's hug attack... And now for damage... Hm....

(You three guys will probably want to roll up new characters....)

Posted by: Warthog at November 03, 2009 09:16 PM (EkL4H)

130 First the guy who was trying to be their friend in Alaska, then these clowns in India. The International Bear Conspiracy not only rocks, but doesn't suffer fools gladly.

Posted by: joncelli at November 03, 2009 09:17 PM (vPMF5)

131 They should've had some Puddin Pops instead.

The internets hate me tonite.

Posted by: Bill Cosby at November 03, 2009 09:17 PM (4iIhs)

132 I don't see the humor in all of this. You people disgust me.

Posted by: Zombie of Timothy Treadwell at November 03, 2009 09:17 PM (qP2BK)

133 How can I have any pudding if I don't eat my meat?

Posted by: The bear at November 03, 2009 09:18 PM (j+aj1)

134 Something is definitely afoot with the internet. Last night was really bad (and slow), tonight, I'm getting weird messages, failure to link, etc. Hmmm....I blame Da Bears.

Posted by: Zombie of Timothy Treadwell at November 03, 2009 09:18 PM (qP2BK)

135 I think we should all chip in and buy Yogi a couple of steaks!!

Posted by: GarandFan at November 03, 2009 09:19 PM (ZQBnQ)

136 What a heartwarming story! But if it had been wild pigs or dogs it would have been perfect, actually.

Posted by: rian at November 03, 2009 09:19 PM (G5p2r)

137 Drew has a new NY-23 thread up.

Posted by: PA Cat at November 03, 2009 09:19 PM (WKAth)

138

It was Chaney in a bear suit.

Yeah, he likes to borrow mine from time to time and scare the crap out of people.

Posted by: Mike Ditka at November 03, 2009 09:20 PM (qP2BK)

139 How can I have any pudding if I don't eat my meat?

"You! Stand still, Laddy!"

Posted by: R. Waters at November 03, 2009 09:20 PM (4iIhs)

140 Hey BooBoo! Let's get us a jihadi pic-a-nic basket!

Posted by: Yogi "the Assassin" Bear at November 03, 2009 09:20 PM (vPMF5)

141 Just checked the VA results with 80-something% reporting.

20-point Republican blowouts pretty much across the board even reaching down to the local elections. I only saw two assembly seats where a democrat was winning who wasn't the only name on the ballot other than write-ins.

AllahPundit was hoping for 15%. Got that and more, a lot more.

Posted by: Purple Avenger at November 03, 2009 09:21 PM (FIQYC)

142 Was it the Bear Jew from Inglorious Basterds?

Was the bear circumcised?

Posted by: MPFS Indentured Fish Stick to the State at November 03, 2009 09:21 PM (PBGAP)

143

They looked like pic-a-nic baskets! I swear!

(I can quit them any time)

Posted by: Strung-Out Yogi at November 03, 2009 09:21 PM (TUWci)

144

This is awesome. Seriously, this is up for story of the year.

Guess that CIA ultra-secret "bear assassin" program is paying off after all.

Yup, that was all my idea. Have the special ops guys dress up like bears, hide in caves and wait for weary Jihadis to hunker down for the night, then rip their F'N heads off. We use to do a similar thing when I was a kid in that Hellhole, Scranton, Pennsylvania.

Posted by: Sherrif Joe F'N Biden at November 03, 2009 09:23 PM (qP2BK)

145 20-point Republican blowouts pretty much across the board even reaching down to the local elections. I only saw two assembly seats where a democrat was winning who wasn't the only name on the ballot other than write-ins.

Shit.

Posted by: Oprah at November 03, 2009 09:24 PM (4iIhs)

146 It was Chaney in a bear suit.

Naw, remember Night of the Cougar Man.
Cheney was all "suited up" for a night on the town when he stumbled upon them....

Posted by: Doug Winship at November 03, 2009 09:24 PM (6WjQu)

147 Night of the Sodomizing Bear Man.

Posted by: Yogi at November 03, 2009 09:26 PM (QECjC)

148 Actually, it wasn't a full bear that killed them. It was a half man, half bear, and half pig.

MANBEARPIG STRIKES AGAIN!!!

Posted by: wooga at November 03, 2009 09:26 PM (2p0e3)

149 How can I have any pudding if I don't eat my meat?

Posted by: The bear at November 03, 2009 09:18 PM

***********

Exactly - LOL! Pink Floyd got those lyrics from SOMEWHERE!

Posted by: Dianne at November 03, 2009 09:27 PM (FcncT)

150 "It was Chaney in a bear suit."

It wasn't so much a "suit" as a lack of cougar.

Posted by: right at November 03, 2009 09:27 PM (EquV1)

151 Wasn't this a Bugs Bunny cartoon? Elmer Fudd chases Bugs into a cave, you see the one pair of eyeballs in the dark, then the second pair over them, Elmer strikes a match and we see the bear behind him, Elmer does a take as the match goes out...

Posted by: Richard McEnroe at November 03, 2009 09:27 PM (N2z1C)

152 The jihadis didn't initially recognize how dangerous the situation was because the bear was wearing a burka, and a stunning one at that!

Posted by: concious, but incoherent at November 03, 2009 09:28 PM (kn+jW)

153 Actually, it wasn't a full bear that killed them. It was a half man, half bear, and half pig.

MANBEARPIG STRIKES AGAIN!!!

I had nothing to do with it. I was too busy counting my money.

Posted by: Al Gore at November 03, 2009 09:28 PM (6WjQu)

154 I was too slow on the cougar.

Posted by: right at November 03, 2009 09:28 PM (EquV1)

155 The bear reads The Far Side.

Posted by: eman at November 03, 2009 09:30 PM (j+aj1)

156 How's my ass taste, Mahmoud?

Posted by: The bear at November 03, 2009 09:32 PM (SuGDg)

157 How's my ass taste, Mahmoud?

How did mine taste, infidel bear?

Posted by: Masticated Jihadi at November 03, 2009 09:33 PM (QX1Fy)

158 The bear was pissed from being awakened each morning at 5 am by the screeching call for prayers!

Posted by: concious, but incoherent at November 03, 2009 09:34 PM (kn+jW)

159

Gay Kashmiri butt-cowboys sitting around eating pudding.

Didn't somebody make a movie about this?

Posted by: gebrauchshund at November 03, 2009 09:34 PM (ZTGFz)

160 Hmm, two armed survivors, huh?

Betcha the corpses have bullet holes in the legs.

Remember, if you're in bear country by yourself, carry as much gun as you can. But if you're with a buddy, a .22 revolver is all you need.

Posted by: schizuki at November 03, 2009 09:35 PM (SuGDg)

161

Bears are just larger, furrier, more vicious Ewoks.

So, where have you been, Ace?

Posted by: Mikey NTH at November 03, 2009 09:35 PM (TUWci)

162 The region where this occurred will now be renamed Tora Beara!

Posted by: concious, but incoherent at November 03, 2009 09:36 PM (kn+jW)

163 Does this count as "martyrdom"? does this get them the white raisins?

Posted by: logprof at November 03, 2009 09:36 PM (I3Udb)

164 How's my ass taste, Mahmoud?

How did mine taste, infidel bear?

=============================

Like day-old pudding and your buddy's dick.

Posted by: The bear at November 03, 2009 09:38 PM (SuGDg)

165 Martyrdom? Not a chance.
Allah loves bears, infidel!

Posted by: Doug Winship at November 03, 2009 09:39 PM (6WjQu)

166 Hell fire just last week I was watching the UC Berkeley Golden Bear football team in a close match and was yelling "Go Bears"! I guess that bear down in East Wazoostan heard me and decided to get a little Mohammed.

Posted by: Happy Fellow at November 03, 2009 09:39 PM (w6nDa)

167

There is a bear in the woods.

For some people the bear is easy to see.

Because he's chewing on their faces.

Posted by: right at November 03, 2009 09:43 PM (EquV1)

168

Anyone rmember the bear hunter joke?

It's long, the punch line,

"This isn't about hunting is it" says the bear as he mounts the hunter for the third time.

Posted by: Kemp at November 03, 2009 09:46 PM (2+9Yx)

169 Bear-n-stien bears? Joos!

Posted by: hutch1200 at November 03, 2009 09:48 PM (Tm8cF)

170 See, this is why I not only believe that there is a God, but that He has a pretty fey sense of humor.

Posted by: Monty at November 03, 2009 09:49 PM (nTxjg)

171 This is the coolest fucking thing I've read all day.

Posted by: HeatherRadish at November 03, 2009 09:51 PM (OkT2m)

172

Bears are just larger, furrier, more vicious Ewoks. So, where have you been, Ace?

Posted by: Mikey NTH at November 03, 2009 09:35 PM (TUWci)

Good point. Perhaps the headline should change:

Two Muslim "Militants" In India Killed by Precision-Guided Hellfire Weaponry and a Hungry Ewok, But Mostly... Actually It Was the Fucking Ewok, If You Can Believe It

Posted by: Oprah at November 03, 2009 09:51 PM (4iIhs)

173 reminds me of an old joke. Two lions are walking thru the jungle, single file, when the one in the rear starts licking the front one's ass. the front one says WTF? and the back one says " sorry. I just ate a (lawyer/terrorist/politician/NYT reporter) and i'm trying to get the taste out of my mouth.

Posted by: mark c at November 03, 2009 09:55 PM (SBIko)

174 Die "you fat/thin/fat/thin pick a size for god's sake" sockpuppet.

Posted by: Che PIzza at November 03, 2009 09:57 PM (4iIhs)

175 There goes our damn funding.

Posted by: killer squirrell corps at November 03, 2009 10:02 PM (Tm8cF)

176

Gay Kashmiri butt-cowboys sitting around eating pudding.

Didn't somebody make a movie about this?

The bear, sobbing "I can't quit you...."

Posted by: runningrn at November 03, 2009 10:04 PM (qP2BK)

177

I don't know if any of you saw "Grizzly man", the Timothy Treadwell story. The thing that I found the most impressive, was the bear ate his watch. When they did the necropsy on the bear, the watch was still ticking. Honest to God, it was a Timex.

Posted by: runningrn at November 03, 2009 10:07 PM (qP2BK)

178

Didn't somebody make a movie about this?

yeah, "Bearsnack Mountain".

Posted by: mark c at November 03, 2009 10:09 PM (SBIko)

179 Not to distract us all from Death Bear 2009, but Politico looks like it is calling NJ for Christie:
http://www.politico.com/election/2009/maps/#/NJ

Posted by: Doug Winship at November 03, 2009 10:10 PM (6WjQu)

180 Ever since they got Cutler the Bears have been angry.

Posted by: gus at November 03, 2009 10:11 PM (MaqIC)

181 It is thought to be the first such incident since Muslim separatists took up arms against Indian rule in 1989.

I am trying to figure out what the blue blazes could be going through the mind of the person who wrote that.

I mean, did they lean around the cubicle wall and say "does anyone have any statistics of militants eaten by bears?"

Whiskey tango foxtrot?

Posted by: Merovign, Strong on His Mountain at November 03, 2009 10:17 PM (bxiXv)

182 The stand-up comedy is just a cover. Call me Codename: Wakka Wakka

Posted by: Fozzie at November 03, 2009 10:46 PM (9Lm5R)

183
"But Yogi, Mr. Ranger isn't gonna like this."

Posted by: Boo-Boo at November 03, 2009 11:29 PM (rYWEB)

184 Where�s Goldilocks?

Posted by: Boo-Boo at November 03, 2009 11:43 PM (rYWEB)

185 Globular Clusters!!!

Posted by: Rewrite! at November 04, 2009 12:36 AM (UaSIe)

186 Does Yogi get like 144 virgins..?

Posted by: Imam BooBoo at November 04, 2009 12:37 AM (UaSIe)

187 The proof is in the pudding.

Posted by: runningrn at November 04, 2009 12:38 AM (qP2BK)

188

This terrorist tastes horrible

This terrorist tastes bad

This... Hey!

Posted by: Goldilocks at November 04, 2009 12:39 AM (UaSIe)

189 Only YOU can prevent SplodeyDopes!

Posted by: Smokey at November 04, 2009 12:40 AM (UaSIe)

190 Damned bear killed by bros!

Posted by: Obama at November 04, 2009 12:41 AM (UaSIe)

191 I see a new act for the Country Bear Jamboree. The Audio-Animatronic Mohammedan Munch.

They've still got the Country Bear Jamboree in Florida, right? The one in Disneyland (Mexico del Norte) was ripped out some years ago.

Posted by: mrkwong at November 04, 2009 02:34 AM (G8Eo0)

192

Damn that Dick Cheney!

We finally get to see his black ops assassins in action ! Who'da thought... bears for goodness sakes! Are there Cougar assassins too? I can't wait for the next installment!

Save the trees! Eat a beaver.

Posted by: chuck in st paul at November 04, 2009 09:46 AM (adr25)

193 A couple of terrorists sitting around in a bear cave eating pudding? This wasn't about the hunting, was it?

Posted by: blah at November 04, 2009 10:49 AM (qZgB+)

194 Remember, Jihadis, sometimes you get the Bear, and sometimes the Bear gets you.

Posted by: The Dude (Lebowski) at November 04, 2009 11:23 AM (RD17r)

195 All your caves are belong to us.

Posted by: The Bears at November 04, 2009 11:28 AM (RD17r)

196 200-0 blow-out for Da Bearz

Posted by: Da Superfanz at November 04, 2009 11:35 AM (KsxrY)

197 Vince Vaughn & the War on Terror: Levereging Cliched Metaphors from Swingers in a Modern Counter-Insurgency Trent: You know what you are? You're like a big bear with claws and with fangs... Sue: ...big fucking teeth, man. Trent: Yeah... big fuckin' teeth on ya'. And he's just like this little jihadist, who's just kinda cowering in the corner. Sue: Shivering. Trent: Yeah, man just kinda... you know, you got these claws and you're staring at these claws and your thinking to yourself, and with these claws you're thinking, "How am I supposed to kill this radical islamist?" Sue: And you're poking at it, you're poking at it... Trent: Yeah, you're not hurting it. You're just kinda gently batting the Kashmiri separatist around, you know what I mean? And the he's scared Mike, the militant's scared of you, shivering. Sue: And you got these fucking claws and these fangs... Trent: And you got these fucking claws and these fangs, man! And you're looking at your claws and you're looking at your fangs. And you're thinking to yourself, you don't know what to do, man. "I don't know how to send him to paradise." With *this* you don't know how to send him to paradise, do you know what I mean? Sue: You're like a big bear, man. Mike: So you're not just like fucking with me? Trent: No I'm not fucking with you. Sue: Honestly, man.

Posted by: h00v3r at November 04, 2009 02:48 PM (u3QvZ)

198 Great topic, they are more attractive than others,

nike air max 90/95

Posted by: Nike air max 90 shoe at November 05, 2009 12:05 PM (ExXAe)

199 discount Discount Boots
Womens UGG
UGG Shoes
UGG Australia
UGG UK
UGG USA
discount ugg boots
cheap ugg boots
air force 1 shoes
Nike air force
air force 1 mens
air force 1 boots
air force onefree shipping

Posted by: reviewups at November 06, 2009 03:35 AM (XxrVz)

200 Come to our website for shopping with high quality and best service! There have new products,MBT M. Walk
and MBT Lami,Welcome everybody to buy it.

Posted by: mbt shoes at November 08, 2009 10:49 AM (QhfLM)

Posted by: reviewups at November 10, 2009 04:11 AM (UHjri)

Posted by: ugg boots at November 12, 2009 04:29 AM (IeIJx)

203 nike dunk sb

Do anything needed to support an idea, a good idea usually brings good results, doing

business is like that.http://www.dunksky.com/.This site has always been on

Posted by: nike dunk sb at November 14, 2009 03:26 AM (APB+g)

204 buy [url=http://www.reviewups.com/]discount ugg shoes[/url]
[url=http://www.reviewups.com/]cheap ugg shoes[/url]
[url=http://www.reviewups.com/]cheap ugg[/url]
[url=http://www.reviewups.com/ugg-coquette-casual-shoes-c-22]ugg rainier[/url]
[url=http://www.reviewups.com/]buy ugg[/url]
[url=http://www.reviewups.com/]ugg usa[/url]
[url=http://www.reviewups.com/]discount ugg boots[/url]
[url=http://www.reviewups.com/ugg-classic-short-c-1]ugg 5825[/url]
[url=http://www.reviewups.com/]ugg shoes sale[/url]
[url=http://www.reviewups.com/ugg-sundance-c-5]ugg sundance[/url]
[url=http://www.reviewups.com/]ugg shoes[/url]
[url=http://www.reviewups.com/]cheap ugg boots[/url]
[url=http://www.reviewups.com/ugg-classic-tall-c-3]ugg 5815[/url]
[url=http://www.reviewups.com/]ugg sale[/url]
[url=http://www.reviewups.com/]ugg uk[/url]
[url=http://www.reviewups.com/ugg-knightsbridge-c-27]ugg knightsbridge[/url]
[url=http://www.reviewups.com/]womens ugg boots[/url]
[url=http://www.reviewups.com/]ugg boots[/url]
[url=http://www.reviewups.com/]ugg australia[/url]
[url=http://www.reviewups.com/ugg-classic-cardy-c-2]ugg 5819[/url]from usa

Posted by: cheap at November 14, 2009 06:45 AM (s7MB5)

205 BJ's Restaurants links of london . Management might be tempted to belly up and drown cheap links of london their sorrows, links of london jewellery since the majority of this chain's 89 restaurants are in links of london jewelry deep-recession states like California, Arizona, links of london sale and Florida. links london

Posted by: mxc at November 16, 2009 10:04 PM (amVaT)

Posted by: nike shoes at November 17, 2009 07:36 AM (f9Cxq)

207 ugg classic cardy
ugg bailey button
ugg classic tall
ugg classic mini
ugg rainier
ugg 5819
ugg knightsbridge
ugg 5815
ugg 5825
ugg sundance
ugg ultra tall

Posted by: reviewups at November 17, 2009 08:32 PM (Ax6I6)

Processing 0.04, elapsed 0.0504 seconds.
15 queries taking 0.0097 seconds, 216 records returned.
Page size 103 kb.
Powered by Minx 0.7 alpha.