Money Well Spent

"What do you think a stimulus is? It’s spending — that's the whole point! Seriously.”

- $3.4 million for a 13-foot tunnel for turtles and other wildlife attempting to cross U.S. 27 in Lake Jackson, Fla.
- $1.15 million to install a guardrail for a persistently dry lake bed in Guymon, Okla.
- $9.38 million to renovate a century-old train depot in Lancaster County, Pa., that has not been used for three decades.
- $2.5 million in stimulus checks sent to the deceased.
- $6 million for a snow-making facility in Duluth, Minn.
- $173,834 to weatherize eight pickup trucks in Madison County, Ill.
- $20,000 for a fish sperm freezer at the Gavins Point National Fish Hatchery in South Dakota.
- $380,000 to spay and neuter pets in Wichita, Kan.

There's much more at the link, including an appearance by John Murtha.

The administration pointed to the recently released GDP number for proof that the stimulus worked, but it's a tough sell since even MSNBC is questioning its validity as a yardstick for economic recovery.

Still, we can't say we weren't warned.

Posted by: Slublog at 11:18 AM

Comments

$6 million for a snow-making facility in Duluth, Minn.

What. The. Hell.

Posted by: Circa (Insert Year Here) at November 03, 2009 11:21 AM (B+qrE)

2 One thing I really like is to sit and try and watch a football game where there is commercial after commercial for GM. They must advertise 500% more than Ford or any of the other car companies. And all of those expensive commercials are being paid for with tax dollars we will NEVER get back.

Posted by: maddogg at November 03, 2009 11:22 AM (OlN4e)

3 Since when true Republicans were against fish sperm freezers? More crazy anti-fishery from neo-Confederate wingnuts.

Posted by: Charles Johnson at November 03, 2009 11:24 AM (oDVJr)

4 So it was a huge waste of money. I'm shocked.

Posted by: kefka at November 03, 2009 11:24 AM (n1uMU)

Just for the record--according to the Duluth, Minnahsotaaahhh Chamber of Commerce--Duluth averages just shy of 80 inches of snowfall annually.

Next up, a giant heat lamp for Phoenix and an overhead sprinkler system for Seattle.

Posted by: Circa (Insert Year Here) at November 03, 2009 11:25 AM (B+qrE)

6 Man, Obama sho got a big stash.

Posted by: Detroit Denizen at November 03, 2009 11:25 AM (5aa4z)

7 Where are you going to get the money? That's the whole point--seriously?

Posted by: CUS at November 03, 2009 11:26 AM (wOGfT)

8 You know, I seriously think that it all would have been much better spent to finance a huge, nation-wide drinking binge...

Posted by: Nighthawk at November 03, 2009 11:26 AM (OtQXp)

9 The cars were eating the turtles. With the new underpass they can cross to the other side so we can eat them.

See, stimulus.

Posted by: Civlian Conservation Corps at November 03, 2009 11:27 AM (GtYrq)

10 Barry, you can stop now, I'm like really, really sore.

Posted by: The Chicken at November 03, 2009 11:27 AM (ZGhSv)

11 Math is hard.

OK. Maybe it took Bush 8 years to double the debt. Maybe. It took Obambi 6 months to quadruple it.

Posted by: CUS at November 03, 2009 11:28 AM (wOGfT)

$2.5 million in stimulus checks sent to the deceased.

You've gotta keep those Democratic voters happy.

Posted by: flenser at November 03, 2009 11:28 AM (YzzT+)

13 O/T: Do not cough in public.

Posted by: curious at November 03, 2009 11:28 AM (p302b)

14 This can't be true. Obama promised he would veto bills with pork.

Posted by: Bald Ninja at November 03, 2009 11:28 AM (4pdbX)

15 - $3.4 million for a 13-foot tunnel for turtles and other wildlife attempting to cross U.S. 27 in Lake Jackson, Fla.

You know what's comin' don't ya? Oh yeah baby, teh new spokesman for the Obama administration -

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CMNry4PE93Y

Posted by: koopy at November 03, 2009 11:28 AM (mvMLh)

16 - $380,000 to spay and neuter pets in Wichita, Kan.

Was this to buy Bob Barker's vote and endorsement?

Posted by: Tom in Korea at November 03, 2009 11:29 AM (+gX1+)

17 $1.15 million to install a guardrail for a persistently dry lake bed in Guymon, Okla.

I think that one is pretty defensible. Since Oklahoma is filled with Oklahomans, they had a real problem with locals running off the road into the dry lake bed and then dying of thirst while they waited to drown.

Posted by: Kasper Hauser at November 03, 2009 11:29 AM (KeOQp)

18
President Swift & Bold

Posted by: Tweet at November 03, 2009 11:30 AM (z37MR)

19 We will be setting up a toll booth for that tunnel, and all youse FL shell backs will have to pay us before you enter.

Posted by: NJ Turtles Union, Local 156 at November 03, 2009 11:30 AM (92zkk)

20 I think it's money well spent.

Posted by: Runaway Inflation at November 03, 2009 11:34 AM (SPSOE)

21 I personally Created or Saved 11 Jobs This Morning

Really. By using the precise methodology used by the Obama Administration to determine the impact of the Stimulus, I can demonstrate that I created or saved 11 jobs this morning.

I got out of bed, turned on the lights, evacuated, and showered. (+3 jobs saved, 1 at the power company, 1 at the water works, 1 guy at the toilet paper factory.)

I signed on and posted to this blog, saving another job at my ISP. I checked my Facebook, too, saving another job there. I put my trash out, saving 2 more jobs at Waste Management. (+4 jobs)

On the way to work, I stopped to pick up Vitamin Water: 2 jobs saved, for the stocker and the cashier. (If I had used the self checkout, I would have only saved 1 job.) Before going into my office, I dropped of my Neflix movies, saving a job at USPS and a job at Netflix. (+4)

At this rate, I’ll have saved 35 jobs by the time I get home tonight. Yea, me!

Posted by: Gregory of Yardale at November 03, 2009 11:35 AM (PLvLS)

22 I am actually encouraged. I feared most of the money would go into creating meaningless $40K/annum patronage jobs to ensure Obama's numbers would go up and a new base of voters for Democrats.

Posted by: Jean at November 03, 2009 11:36 AM (7K04W)

23 $173,834 to weatherize eight pickup trucks in Madison County, Ill.

Of course, you could have just bought eight new ones in a package with that same money. GM had a scheme going for a while, Cash for Crackpots, or something, and the money would have gone into the UAW's pockets.

Posted by: George Orwell at November 03, 2009 11:38 AM (AZGON)

And all that 787B got us was a 17% unemployment rate.

Color me thrilled.

Posted by: BackwardsBoy at November 03, 2009 11:38 AM (ZGhSv)

$2.5 million in stimulus checks sent to the deceased.

Wait for it.

...

Shovel ready!!!!

...

Don't forget to tip your waitstaff and bartenders.

Posted by: Circa (Insert Year Here) at November 03, 2009 11:38 AM (B+qrE)

Matrix Obama but but you promised to kill me last!

Posted by: Sully aka the US dollar at November 03, 2009 11:39 AM (SqAkN)

27 "- $20,000 for a fish sperm freezer at the Gavins Point National Fish Hatchery in South Dakota."

Thank. God.! I live just a few miles from there and was SOOOO concerned about the thawed out sperm. I mean, srsly, ya can't make a good icey without well frozen fish sperm.

Posted by: prettypinkfluffypanties at November 03, 2009 11:40 AM (mi9P6)

28 You know, I seriously think that it all would have been much better spent to finance a huge, nation-wide drinking binge... Posted by: Nighthawk

That's what I'm talkin' about!

Posted by: Caligula at November 03, 2009 11:40 AM (u1pln)

29 I'm down with the turtle tunnel project, but I could have got it done for about a 20th of that cost.

Posted by: rawmuse at November 03, 2009 11:41 AM (qPHdH)

- $3.4 million for a 13-foot tunnel for turtles and other wildlife attempting to cross U.S. 27 in Lake Jackson, Fla.

Sounds stupid at first, but turtles can't work if they can't get to their jobs.

- $1.15 million to install a guardrail for a persistently dry lake bed in Guymon, Okla.

This was Ted Kennedy's pet project. He's got a boner for guardrails.

- $2.5 million in stimulus checks sent to the deceased.

Spending by the deceased is actually one of the largest components of economic activity in places like Detroit and Branson, Missouri. Also, in Chicago the deceased often schedule shopping trips on election days to coincide with their trips to the polls.

- $6 million for a snow-making facility in Duluth, Minn.

You laugh, but its been a hugely successful project. Just look at all the snow Duluth gets.

Posted by: Cicero at November 03, 2009 11:42 AM (2f7Tz)

$2.5 million in stimulus checks sent to the deceased.

They've got to get paid for voting.

Posted by: TheQuietman at November 03, 2009 11:43 AM (1Jaio)

32 $173,834 to weatherize eight pickup trucks in Madison County, Ill.

"The Pickup Trucks of Madison County," a new film starring Alan Alda and Susan Sarandon, premieres this week. It tells the romantic story of a liberal arts college humanities professor of Oppression Studies (Alda) who, on a journey to photograph evidence of repressive white supremacist gun racks mounted on pickup trucks in rural, backwards Illinois, meets and falls in love with a toothless crack whore peddling used condoms (Sarandon). Rated G.

Posted by: George Orwell at November 03, 2009 11:44 AM (AZGON)

- $20,000 for a fish sperm freezer at the Gavins Point National Fish Hatchery in South Dakota.

I came here to chew bubble gum and freeze fish sperm, and I'm all out of bubble gum.

Posted by: Barack Obama at November 03, 2009 11:45 AM (SqAkN)

34 8 You know, I seriously think that it all would have been much better spent to finance a huge, nation-wide drinking binge...

Well, it did work for the Soviets. We should probably go with whiskey and beer, instead of vodka though.

Posted by: Lebowski at November 03, 2009 11:47 AM (DIYmd)

35 $6 million for a snow-making facility in Duluth, Minn.

I need government stimulus to encourage beer drinking and masturbation.

Posted by: right at November 03, 2009 11:47 AM (EquV1)

36 Have you ever smelled fish sperm when it starts to ferment? We had to do something.

Posted by: Gavin at November 03, 2009 11:48 AM (2f7Tz)

37 So what is wrong with Madison County, IL that they would buy non-weatherized pickup trucks? Is that the Chicago way?

Posted by: Penfold at November 03, 2009 11:48 AM (lF2Kk)

Man, Obama sho got a big stash.

I am reminded of the old "in Living Color" skit: "Whose got mo' money than they know whut to do with? The Gov-MENT!"

Stagflation, here we come! With the Obamunists probably working for defeat in Afghanistan and teh gheys going ape-shit again, we are set to re-live the 1970's.

But where is our New Uncle Ron?

Posted by: Curmudgeon at November 03, 2009 11:48 AM (ujg0T)

39 You know sometimes the only thing you can do is laugh at shit like this. I mean we could have used this money to drill for oil in the gulf of Mexico or maybe even try to get it out of one of the poles. Making us billions. No no, we spend it to f#cking freeze fish sperm.

Posted by: Mr. Pink at November 03, 2009 11:50 AM (SqAkN)

- $3.4 million for a 13-foot tunnel for turtles and other wildlife attempting to cross U.S. 27 in Lake Jackson, Fla.

Chickens apparently do it all the time with no problems. Just hire chickens to be guides for the wildlife and SHAZZAM! no need for a tunnel and so many jobs for chickens created.

Posted by: Speller at November 03, 2009 11:51 AM (XVde2)

41
$6 million for a snow-making facility in Duluth, Minn.

What no money for a rain making facility in Florida?

Posted by: bulwark at November 03, 2009 11:51 AM (jvrmc)

OK--I've used Bing and Google and can't find a damned thing indicating what "weatherizing" an automobile even means.

And at 21 grand a pop, you'd think there would be a thriving industry.

Posted by: Circa (Insert Year Here) at November 03, 2009 11:52 AM (B+qrE)

You know as f#cked up as it probably is, this money would have been better off paying that woman's mortgage and gas bill than f#cking freezing fish sperm.

Posted by: Mr. Pink at November 03, 2009 11:53 AM (SqAkN)

44

Circa

expensive windshield wipers

Posted by: bulwark at November 03, 2009 11:54 AM (jvrmc)

45 $219,000 for Syracuse University to study the sex lives of freshmen women

And you morons would have done it for beer money.

Posted by: HeatherRadish at November 03, 2009 11:54 AM (NtiET)

OK--I've used Bing and Google and can't find a damned thing indicating what "weatherizing" an automobile even means.

By the price tag, I'd say it means building a parking structure around it.

Posted by: Cicero at November 03, 2009 11:54 AM (2f7Tz)

47 $20,000 for a fish sperm freezer at the Gavins Point National Fish Hatchery in South Dakota.

What I don't like is trying to fill those little trays.

Posted by: Percy the Pudwhacking Perch at November 03, 2009 11:55 AM (5aa4z)

48 $173,834 to weatherize eight pickup trucks in Madison County, Ill.

173,834/8 = $21,729.25

Come on, really? I would think you could do it for $729.25. Who gets the other $21,000? Actually, with all the deals out there you could probably buy 4 brand new really nice weatherized trucks. What a scam.

Posted by: Lebowski at November 03, 2009 11:56 AM (DIYmd)

45 $219,000 for Syracuse University to study the sex lives of freshmen women

And you morons would have done it for beer money free.

FIFY

Posted by: Mr. Pink at November 03, 2009 11:56 AM (SqAkN)

50 Who gets the other $21,000?

Chairpeople of Madison County For Obama.

Posted by: HeatherRadish at November 03, 2009 11:56 AM (NtiET)

51 This much stupid should be illegal.

Posted by: Mr. Pink at November 03, 2009 11:57 AM (SqAkN)

52 “I found this national debt hugh pile of crap, doubled, wrapped in a big bow waiting for me as I stepped into the Oval Office. So I took a dump my self and spread it all on the walls.”

Posted by: Barry Sotero at November 03, 2009 11:57 AM (RykTt)

$219,000 for Syracuse University to study the sex lives of freshmen women

And you morons would have done it for beer money.

Make it sophomores and you've got a deal.

In my experience, the froshes were still shy about some things.

Posted by: Circa (Insert Year Here) at November 03, 2009 11:57 AM (B+qrE)

Is there a hamster and hamster wheel stimulus fund?

Posted by: andycanuck at November 03, 2009 11:58 AM (2qU2d)

55 It's the 21st century, Circa. They do that stuff in high school now.

Posted by: HeatherRadish at November 03, 2009 11:58 AM (NtiET)

56 OK--I've used Bing and Google and can't find a damned thing indicating what "weatherizing" an automobile even means.

Changing out the coolant. $56 for the coolant and $173,778 for gubmint "experts" to flush out the radiator.

Posted by: koopy at November 03, 2009 11:58 AM (mvMLh)

It's the 21st century, Circa. They do that stuff in high school now.

Touche'. Time...it marches like a Roman legion.

Posted by: Circa (Insert Year Here) at November 03, 2009 11:59 AM (B+qrE)

Make it sophomores and you've got a deal.

In my experience, the froshes were still shy about some things.

I don't know, ya gotta get em before the gain the freshman 15.

Posted by: Lebowski at November 03, 2009 11:59 AM (DIYmd)

59 I need government stimulus to encourage beer drinking and masturbation.

Hey buddy. We can't do everything.

Posted by: The Farm Bill at November 03, 2009 12:00 PM (GtYrq)

Changing out the coolant. $56 for the coolant and $173,778 for gubmint "experts" to flush out the radiator.

One of the cold clime morons correct me, but it could also include a space age piece of cardboard tied in front of the radiator, right?

If so, that just eats the hell out of the profit margin.

Posted by: Circa (Insert Year Here) at November 03, 2009 12:01 PM (B+qrE)

61 OK--I've used Bing and Google and can't find a damned thing indicating what "weatherizing" an automobile even means.

Under body coating laced with unicorn urine.

Posted by: WTFCI at November 03, 2009 12:01 PM (GtYrq)

You know sometimes the only thing you can do is laugh at shit like this.

Especially when we could've had tax cuts and deregulation to actually encourage the creation of jobs and wealth. Instead, yesterday, The Vapid One® surrounded himself with economists and photographers while scratching his little wooden head over how to do just that.

This idiot has no idea what to do. He's never held down a real job. All he's ever done is steal other peoples' money, first as a lawyer, then as a communtiy organizer.

He's in so far over his head that he has to look up to see bottom.

Posted by: BackwardsBoy at November 03, 2009 12:02 PM (ZGhSv)

63 Sweet Jeebus on a running board, I gotta get into the weatherizing truck business. If I did one lousy truck a month in a year I could clear 250 large.

I'll call it "Blue State Vehicle Weatherizing for Hope, Change, and Our Leader, an equal-opportunity employer."

Posted by: George Orwell at November 03, 2009 12:03 PM (AZGON)

64 $380,000 to spay and neuter pets in Wichita, Kan.

You can get Ozzy Osbourne to bite their nuts off for free.

Posted by: George Orwell at November 03, 2009 12:03 PM (AZGON)

>$6 million for a snow-making facility in Duluth, Minn.

where the annual snowfall is something around 80 inches

Posted by: Cool Money Grip at November 03, 2009 12:09 PM (KOkrW)

66 But where is our New Uncle Ron?

I'd settle for Auntie Granma Sarah

And you morons would have done it for beer money free.
FIFY

The beer money is for her to finally make me look good.

Posted by: CUS at November 03, 2009 12:10 PM (wOGfT)

67 Holy shit. Spending like that is really going to amp up that Keynensian multiplier like fucking gangbusters.

Posted by: MacDaddy McDiddy at November 03, 2009 12:10 PM (GfYt/)

68 - $20,000 for a fish sperm freezer at the Gavins Point National Fish Hatchery in South Dakota.

Ok, the jokes about the fish sperm are teh funny, but I can easily imagine a reasonable economic development angle for this particular expenditure.

THAT DOESN'T MEAN I'M FOR THE SPENDULUS, merely that this particular expense doesn't send me to eleventy!!1!!! compared to some of the other stuff.

Posted by: Y-not, wet blanket at November 03, 2009 12:12 PM (sey23)

69 Guys, when I wrote about aggregate demand and government spending, I didn't mean "just shovel money into a furnace."

Dickwads.

Posted by: John Maynard Keynes at November 03, 2009 12:13 PM (AZGON)

70 Hardly gets cold in Madison County, IL.

Posted by: CUS at November 03, 2009 12:14 PM (wOGfT)

$300,000 for a GPS-equipped helicopter to hunt for radioactive rabbit droppings at the Hanford nuclear reservation in Washington state.

No, they're making this stuff up, surely. Radioactive rabbit droppings?

Posted by: flenser at November 03, 2009 12:14 PM (YzzT+)

72 OK, try, try again.

Hardly gets cold in Madison County, IL.

Posted by: CUS at November 03, 2009 12:17 PM (wOGfT)

73 @71 Radioactive rabbit droppings?

They burn like hell coming out, let me tell you.

Posted by: Bugs Bunny at November 03, 2009 12:18 PM (sey23)

74 $462,000 to purchase 22 concrete toilets for use in the Mark Twain National Forest in Missouri

For only 20 grand, you can have your own concrete shitter installed, too!

Posted by: Billy"The Shitterpeddlar" Mays at November 03, 2009 12:19 PM (5aa4z)

75 Anyone wanna give a miwwyon bucks fow my twewlve-foot tewtuwe tunnew?

Posted by: Bawney Fwank at November 03, 2009 12:20 PM (sPO/s)

76 Yeah you laugh at the fish sperm freezer now, but wait until you have to take on the roll of "hunter/gatherer" to feed your family.

You'll thank your lucky stars for government fish stocking programs!

Posted by: Rickshaw Jack at November 03, 2009 12:20 PM (mcbkO)

77 Fear our droppings, infidels!

Posted by: Jihadist Bunny (as popularized on Palestinian kids' TV) at November 03, 2009 12:20 PM (sey23)

78 You'll thank your lucky stars for government fish stocking programs!

Zombie clone fish.

Posted by: 5th Grade Science Lesson, Circa 1995 at November 03, 2009 12:21 PM (aVQo/)

79 How much was spent to curtail the growth of Michelle's ginormous ASS??????

Posted by: Todd (the guy who thinks Michelle's ass is way too big) at November 03, 2009 12:22 PM (LLOGQ)

80 For 20 grand from Obambi's stash, I would dip my balls in an ice bath.

Posted by: CUS at November 03, 2009 12:23 PM (wOGfT)

"You can get Ozzy Osbourne to bite their nuts off for free."

^{Munnuhummin muh nuh flummin mun nuwimuh. Fucker.}

Posted by: Ozzy Osbourne at November 03, 2009 12:23 PM (sPO/s)

82 Radioactive rabbit droppings?

Don't laugh.

Posted by: night of the lepus at November 03, 2009 12:23 PM (PD1tk)

70: Madison County, IL is across the river from STL. It also is one of those "jackpot justice" counties where tort lawyers judge shop for friendly payouts.

Oh, and their rep is Jerry Costello (D), who has more corrupt associates than Tony Soprano

Posted by: eddiebear at November 03, 2009 12:24 PM (wnU1W)

84 $1 million for Portland, Ore., to replace 100 aging bike lockers and build a garage that would house 250 bicycles.

In a shameless attempt to curry the favor of internet legend and kingmaker Charles Johnson, the hapless government didn't even get Johnson's home city correct.

Posted by: John Maynard Keynes at November 03, 2009 12:24 PM (AZGON)

$380,000 to spay and neuter pets in Wichita, Kan.

The price is right, bitch.

Posted by: Entropy at November 03, 2009 12:24 PM (IsLT6)

86 The fish sperm money was reperations for all the fish we have oppressed.

Posted by: Mr. Pink at November 03, 2009 12:26 PM (SqAkN)

"weatherizing an automobile"

http://tinyurl.com/yetghbs

In the defense of the current Administration, they probably were forced to have this done at a union shop. Hence the pricetag.

Posted by: reason at November 03, 2009 12:26 PM (sPO/s)

88 Oh My: "For the first time in over three years of operation, Above the Law has been sued. We feel the lawsuit has no merit, but we will not comment further on this ongoing litigation. To access the pro se complaint, coverage by other news outlets and blogs, and ATL’s prior posts about Professor Donald Jones click on the links collected below."

Posted by: curious at November 03, 2009 12:26 PM (p302b)

89 $375,000 for foot coffins? Wow.

Posted by: Dr. Spank at November 03, 2009 12:27 PM (muUqs)

90 Did you know that Veterinarians get a bonus for every set of genitalia they amputate, which they then sell to the Koreans for use in aphrodisiacal soups and dog-penis charm necklaces?

Posted by: Entropy at November 03, 2009 12:27 PM (IsLT6)

91 O/T: Rush just played a robo call that the president is doing for Jon Corzine.

Posted by: curious at November 03, 2009 12:27 PM (p302b)

92 68 -
Now the $5 grand in Skinemax fish porn does seem a bit over-much!

Posted by: Y-not at November 03, 2009 12:28 PM (sey23)

CUS - seriously? For how long? You see, I've been kinda working on this little project on the side...

Posted by: John Holdren, Science / Facial Hair Czar at November 03, 2009 12:28 PM (sPO/s)

94 $3.1 million to transform a canal barge into a floating museum that will travel the Erie Canal in New York state.

Brilliant, guys. Build a museum... that can sink. I think there's a song in there somewhere...

Posted by: Gordon Lightfoot at November 03, 2009 12:29 PM (AZGON)

95

Bugs Bunny

Not to mention what it does to the fur.

Posted by: Peter Cottontail at November 03, 2009 12:29 PM (jvrmc)

Seriously though how many dog testicles does $380,000 buy you?

Like if you shoveled them all into a giant mound.

You could put 2x4's and clay climbing grips on the side and call it Mount Testicle.

Posted by: Entropy at November 03, 2009 12:30 PM (IsLT6)

97 Come on, the Fish Sperm Freezer was totally worth it. It comes fully stocked!

Posted by: Andrew Sullivan at November 03, 2009 12:30 PM (Q1lie)

98 dog-penis charm necklaces

I need to get my wife one of them.
She will be pleased.

Posted by: Rickshaw Jack at November 03, 2009 12:30 PM (mcbkO)

$2.3 million for the U.S. Forest Service to rear large numbers of arthropods, including the Asian longhorned beetle, the nun moth and the woolly adelgid.

Forget the black helicopter and trilateral commission crap--They're going to kill us all with wooly adelgids.

Posted by: Circa (Insert Year Here) at November 03, 2009 12:30 PM (B+qrE)

100

So what is wrong with Madison County, IL that they would buy non-weatherized pickup trucks? Is that the Chicago way?

As a proud (?) resident of Madison County, IL. I laugh. Because while our trucks are being weatherized, our county jail has to lay off guards.

Money well spent.

Oh, and the weatherization - probably bought new wiper blades from the County Chairman's cousin who owns the auto parts store.

Posted by: Mallamutt at November 03, 2009 12:31 PM (V9SYy)

101 $3.1 million to transform a canal barge into a floating museum that will travel the Erie Canal in New York state.

3.1 million to fix up that old crappy boat. If anyone cared about it, it wouldn't need to be fixed up.

Posted by: Andrew Sullivan at November 03, 2009 12:32 PM (Q1lie)

102 At least I can see where I've been.

Posted by: The Energizer Bunny at November 03, 2009 12:32 PM (ZGhSv)

103 I bet Apple is pissed, Microsoft scored $11M to build a bridge -- and the fruit go nothing.

Posted by: Jean at November 03, 2009 12:32 PM (NI090)

104 Dang! Now I gotta see Chevy (Guvmint Motors) commercials on AoSHQ? I hope Ace & Co. are getting a little stimulated.

Posted by: maddogg at November 03, 2009 12:33 PM (OlN4e)

105 Come on, the Fish Sperm Freezer was totally worth it. It comes fully stocked!

So Andrew do tell. What happens when you eat caviar and a frozen fish spermcicle at the same time?

Posted by: CUS at November 03, 2009 12:33 PM (wOGfT)

106

So Andrew do tell. What happens when you eat caviar and a frozen fish spermcicle at the same time?

You get one free pass for 2 to climb Mount Testicle.

Posted by: Entropy at November 03, 2009 12:35 PM (IsLT6)

107 The 8 pickups are going to be used to drive around the lots of those huge strip clubs in East St Louis and jump start cars. Kinda like the concierge service at the airport.

Posted by: Jean at November 03, 2009 12:35 PM (7K04W)

108 CUS - seriously? For how long? You see, I've been kinda working on this little project on the side...

Money first, John. Seriously though, any male moron knows what happens 'down there' when you try going swimming in a cold lake. They pull up to where it's warm to protect themselves.

Posted by: CUS at November 03, 2009 12:35 PM (wOGfT)

109 They are, maddogg. And I shudder in horror to think about it.

Posted by: that Falcons cheerleader that DiT posted at November 03, 2009 12:36 PM (XiVKO)

110 Hey, I know saving my kids and grandkids from radioactive bunny poo was a top priority concern of mine.

Posted by: unknown jane at November 03, 2009 12:38 PM (5/yRG)

111 $6 million for a snow-making facility in Duluth, Minn.

Hey you wingnuts, pretty soon there won't be any snow in Minnesota, because you plebs keep using fossil fuels.

Now, if you'll excuse me I am running late to my flight. I'm picking up an award for fighting global warming in Tahiti, and my stretch SUV limo is waiting.

Posted by: Al Gore at November 03, 2009 12:39 PM (7BU4a)

112

Seriously though how many dog testicles does $380,000 buy you?

Like if you shoveled them all into a giant mound.

You could put 2x4's and clay climbing grips on the side and call it Mount Testicle.

Or, you cam make money like these enterprising Americans:

http://www.huntleyturkeytesticlefestival.com/

Posted by: CUS at November 03, 2009 12:39 PM (wOGfT)

113 Come on folks. The fish sperm freezer is useful to the country for many years and cost nothing compared to most of that other shit. $174,000 to winterize 8 pickups? That's 22 grand each, now thats corruption.

Posted by: maddogg at November 03, 2009 12:39 PM (OlN4e)

114

"Mount Testicle"

I shall move my throne to its summit and rule all the lands within my sight from above!

Posted by: the lesser-known Greek diety TESTICLES! at November 03, 2009 12:39 PM (XiVKO)

115 Fish sperm is known as milt by the way

Posted by: Master Baiter at November 03, 2009 12:39 PM (GfYt/)

116

But did Monty's home for wayward streetwalkers get funded?

Posted by: ParanoidGirlInSeattle at November 03, 2009 12:40 PM (RZ8pf)

117 Milt Romney?

Posted by: Hugh Hewitt at November 03, 2009 12:41 PM (AZGON)

118 Miltcicle?

Posted by: CUS at November 03, 2009 12:41 PM (wOGfT)

119 Oh and I would like to turn down the offer of an overhead sprinkler on behalf of the city of Seattle. Instead could we please have money to study how to de-stupidify drivers who suddenly forget to drive the moment a raindrop hits their windshield?

Posted by: ParanoidGirlInSeattle at November 03, 2009 12:42 PM (RZ8pf)

120

Big Bass M&M, milts in your mouth, not in your hand...

Posted by: maddogg at November 03, 2009 12:42 PM (OlN4e)

121

The 8 pickups are going to be used to drive around the lots of those huge strip clubs in East St Louis and jump start cars. Kinda like the concierge service at the airport.

The strip clubs are in St. Clair County and none are in East St. Louis. They are in Washington Park, Sauget, Madison (the City) and parts of unincorporated St. Clair County. Or so I have been told - I, of course, have no personal knowledge of said strip clubs location (in case Mrs. Mallamutt is reading this afternoon).

Posted by: Mallamutt at November 03, 2009 12:43 PM (V9SYy)

122 "19 We will be setting up a toll booth for that tunnel, and all youse FL shell backs will have to pay us before you enter."

Yea, 400k to drill the tunnel and the other other 3 million to pay for the express pay Tortoise Tag lane.

Posted by: Josh Reiter at November 03, 2009 12:43 PM (ckQml)

123 $1 million to study the health effects of environmentally friendly public housing on 300 people in Chicago.

Payments of about $3300 per person to buy votes.

Posted by: George Orwell at November 03, 2009 12:44 PM (AZGON)

124

And let me also add: as a Marine and as a child, grandchild, and close relative of Marines, with a son who wants to become a Marine, there is absolutely no person more deserving of an airport being named after him than John Murtha. I think I will endeavor to fly to PA once a month so I can help support that airport even more -- because, again, nobody is more deserving than John Murtha, semper fidelis, right Johnny boy?

*that was probably a bit over the top in the sarcasm department, wasn't it?

Posted by: unknown jane at November 03, 2009 12:44 PM (5/yRG)

125

Oh and I would like to turn down the offer of an overhead sprinkler on behalf of the city of Seattle.

AMERICA-HATING RACIST.

Posted by: Circa (Insert Year Here) at November 03, 2009 12:44 PM (B+qrE)

126

Oh, and their rep is Jerry Costello (D), who has more corrupt associates than Tony Soprano

Again, its St. Clair county. We have John Shimkus (R-IL). And yes, Costello is about as crooked as they come.

Posted by: Mallamutt at November 03, 2009 12:45 PM (V9SYy)

127 So Andrew do tell. What happens when you eat caviar and a frozen fish spermcicle at the same time?

Posted by: CUS at November 03, 2009 12:33 PM (wOGfT)

Caviar??? That's eggs! No egges please. Why would you want eggs if you have sperm? Sperm only please.

Posted by: Andrew Sullivan at November 03, 2009 12:45 PM (Q1lie)

128 Color me clueless, but how does one go about weatherizing a pickup truck?

Posted by: Hotspur at November 03, 2009 12:46 PM (c158/)

129

- $2.5 million in stimulus checks sent to the deceased.

It came from Obama's stash.

Obama! Obama! Obama! Obama!

Posted by: Zombie Detriot Resident at November 03, 2009 12:47 PM (V9SYy)

130

OK--I've used Bing and Google and can't find a damned thing indicating what "weatherizing" an automobile even means.

Posted by: Circa (Insert Year Here) at November 03, 2009 11:52 AM (B+qrE)

Weatherizing an auto is installing heaters in the engine block, inside the oil pan, and under the battery for extremely cold climates. I went to Fairbanks, AK a couple times and the lodging I was staying at onbase had a sign saying not to plug your auto in unless it was -10 or colder. I could have used that last year here in Mi. for a few weeks. They got ripped off though, must be union work. You could buy a new fleet of trucks already weatherized for that price.

Posted by: Bill R. at November 03, 2009 12:47 PM (EhlQq)

131 $983,952 for street beautification in Ann Arbor, Mich., including decorative lighting, trees, benches and bike paths.

On the two streets where the most powerful Ann Arbor politicians live.

Posted by: George Orwell at November 03, 2009 12:48 PM (AZGON)

132

Color me clueless, but how does one go about weatherizing a pickup truck?

Hey, look, these snow tires are expensive. And you need the high end windshield wipers, o.k. Not to mention, special windshield cleaner for all the bad weather - alright. Hey, nice post you have there, be a shame if something were to happen, just saying, o.k.

Posted by: SEIU "Auto" Parts Dealer at November 03, 2009 12:49 PM (V9SYy)

133 $219,000 for Syracuse University to study the sex lives of freshmen women.

Ace will do it for half the price, and even write a thank you note.

Posted by: George Orwell at November 03, 2009 12:49 PM (AZGON)

134

Was that asian longhorned beetle thing for real?

Why the fuck would they want to rear large numbers of those??????

Posted by: grognard at November 03, 2009 12:49 PM (v0kvW)

135 $300,000 for a GPS-equipped helicopter to hunt for radioactive rabbit droppings at the Hanford nuclear reservation in Washington state.

I will not permit radioactive rabbit waste to be stored in Yucca Mountain.

Posted by: Harry "Grifter" Reid at November 03, 2009 12:51 PM (AZGON)

136

What happens when you eat caviar and a frozen fish spermcicle at the same time?

Hopefully, you get a reality TV show! Time for some research...

^{om nom nom}

Posted by: Nadiya Suleman at November 03, 2009 12:51 PM (XiVKO)

137

Weatherizing an auto is installing heaters in the engine block, inside the oil pan, and under the battery for extremely cold climates.

Which is why it is such a joke. We have, maybe, on an average winter, about 3 days where it gets below 0. Most of the time, its between 20 and 40 degrees.

Posted by: Mallamutt at November 03, 2009 12:51 PM (V9SYy)

138 So just leaving a drop lamp under the hood isn't OK anymore?

Posted by: Jean at November 03, 2009 12:52 PM (tJF9l)

139

Bill R.--thanks.

I have a difficult time believing that Madison County, IL, which is roughly on the same latitude as Washington, DC has need for this kind of vehicle. Someone's nephew just rang up some of Obama's stash.

Posted by: Circa (Insert Year Here) at November 03, 2009 12:53 PM (B+qrE)

140 PGiS @116 - you needin' a place to stay, sugarlips?

Posted by: desperate moron donning his Monty sockpuppet at November 03, 2009 12:55 PM (XiVKO)

141 I'm not a wayward streetwalker. Yet. Though if this non-recession keeps up, it could come to that.

Posted by: ParanoidGirlInSeattle at November 03, 2009 12:57 PM (RZ8pf)

142 Color me clueless, but how does one go about weatherizing a pickup truck?

Posted by: Hotspur at November 03, 2009 12:46 PM (c158/)

First, you get the government to give you $21,729...

Posted by: Cicero at November 03, 2009 12:58 PM (QKKT0)

143 "92 68 -
Now the $5 grand in Skinemax fish porn does seem a bit over-much!"

Those waterproof porn mags cost a bundle. Anybody else curious how they get them to aim for the little containers? Not like they got thumbs to hold anything with.....

Posted by: prettypinkfluffypanties at November 03, 2009 12:58 PM (mi9P6)

144 I forgot, they probably had to buy some extension cords to run to their maintenance building since the infrastructure is not in place for them to plug in wherever they park the trucks.

Posted by: Bill R. at November 03, 2009 12:59 PM (EhlQq)

145 Bill - I know! They'll make the heaters run off of solar! They can run all night that way, and be toasty-warm and ready to go first thing...^{_{in...the morning...}}

Posted by: reason at November 03, 2009 01:02 PM (XiVKO)

146

A set of four new snow tires: $1,077.50

Flush and replace antifreeze: $55.65

Oil pan heater installation: 268.17

Having $20,327.93 in taxpayer money left to spend on hookers: Priceless

Posted by: Cicero at November 03, 2009 01:03 PM (QKKT0)

147 Anybody else curious how they get them to aim for the little containers?

The fluffer spits. Don't you guys know anything? (jeez)

Posted by: CUS at November 03, 2009 01:03 PM (wOGfT)

148 51 This much stupid should be illegal.

"Gross negligence" is a is a kind way of saying "stooooopid as fuck!!"

Posted by: Lemmiwinks at November 03, 2009 01:03 PM (IqfKc)

149 Well now there is a job I am absolutely not applying for, fish fluffer.

Posted by: ParanoidGirlInSeattle at November 03, 2009 01:04 PM (RZ8pf)

150

PGiS - you couldn't anyway. We're union.

Posted by: a plecostomus at November 03, 2009 01:08 PM (XiVKO)

151 ^{(do an image search...the joke is worth it)}

Posted by: reason at November 03, 2009 01:10 PM (XiVKO)

152 17 $1.15 million to install a guardrail for a persistently dry lake bed in Guymon, Okla.

I think that one is pretty defensible. Since Oklahoma is filled with Oklahomans, they had a real problem with locals running off the road into the dry lake bed and then dying of thirst while they waited to drown.

Isn't their motto: "Oklahomuh.....trees r maid of wud?!?!?"

Posted by: Lemmiwinks at November 03, 2009 01:10 PM (IqfKc)

153

At least I know where .0025% of the money went

Posted by: steve at November 03, 2009 01:11 PM (glQ/d)

154 Well now there is a job I am absolutely not applying for, fish fluffer.

You'll be back.

Posted by: Percy the Pudwhacking Perh at November 03, 2009 01:12 PM (5aa4z)

155 And just how, exactly, do the turtles know to use the tunnels?

Posted by: chewydog at November 03, 2009 01:12 PM (9F+6+)

156 141 I'm not a wayward streetwalker. Yet. Though if this non-recession keeps up, it could come to that.

Posted by: ParanoidGirlInSeattle at November 03, 2009 12:57 PM (RZ8pf)

What if you just pretend to be a wayward streetwalker?

Posted by: moron who will pay good money for pretend wayward streetwalkers at November 03, 2009 01:13 PM (kn+jW)

157

130 -- Yeah, that's weatherizing (maybe throw in some new wiper blades, change out the oil and flush the radiator, new filters etc. maybe some snow chains). In some instances, winterizing a vehicle wouldn't be such a bad thing -- but it doesn't cost that much.

And as every Illinoisian knows, it gets Artic cold in Madison Co....unlike the tropical conditions of Duluth.

Posted by: unknown jane at November 03, 2009 01:13 PM (5/yRG)

158

141 I'm not a wayward streetwalker. Yet. Though if this non-recession keeps up, it could come to that. -

Then come to Kansas sweetheart. Small town. Close to two lakes. The house isn't fancy but it has character and I keep it just the right temperature in the winter. Perfect for snuggling together under a blanket.

Posted by: teej at November 03, 2009 01:14 PM (QdUKm)

159

And just how, exactly, do the turtles know to use the tunnels?

They spent some of the money creating and mailing fliers to the turtles to explain the new tunnel system of course.

Posted by: ParanoidGirlInSeattle at November 03, 2009 01:15 PM (RZ8pf)

160 155 And just how, exactly, do the turtles know to use the tunnels?

Hey now, don't give them any ideas or they'll spend another 3 million on "turtle wranglers".

Posted by: koopy at November 03, 2009 01:15 PM (mvMLh)

161 As forthe study of freshmen female sex lives, I'm pretty sure they could've gotten some volunteers who would've paid them.

Posted by: unknown jane at November 03, 2009 01:19 PM (5/yRG)

162 And just how, exactly, do the turtles know to use the tunnels?

That three mil is split thus: $250k for the tunnel, the rest to the union to train the turtles.

Posted by: CUS at November 03, 2009 01:20 PM (wOGfT)

163 159

And just how, exactly, do the turtles know to use the tunnels?

They spent some of the money creating and mailing fliers to the turtles to explain the new tunnel system of course.

Fliers are sooooo Carter administration. I heard they produced an instructional video in HD and bought all of the the turtles TVs and blue ray players.

Posted by: Lemmiwinks at November 03, 2009 01:22 PM (IqfKc)

164 I thought they mades little signs for the turtles -- in Austrian naturally.

Posted by: unknown jane at November 03, 2009 01:23 PM (5/yRG)

165 What would you do for a Musky Pike Bar?

They don't call 'em jackfish for nothing.

Posted by: right at November 03, 2009 01:23 PM (EquV1)

166 And just how, exactly, do the turtles know to use the tunnels?

Cuz they spent 20 million on signs that read

"DON'T CROSS HERE TURTLES, USE THE TUNNEL"

Posted by: Lemmiwinks at November 03, 2009 01:25 PM (IqfKc)

167 I'm milting... milting...

Posted by: right at November 03, 2009 01:26 PM (EquV1)

168 $3.4 million for a 13-foot tunnel for turtles and other wildlife attempting to cross U.S. 27 in Lake Jackson, Fla.

Moron "journalists". There's not city/town/post office called "Lake Jackson". However, there is an actual lake of the name, and a sizable portion is within the city limits of Tallahassee.

Naturally, the county commission and the city fathers think this is a lovely thing to spend money on...

Posted by: I R A Darth Aggie at November 03, 2009 01:29 PM (1hM1d)

169 But no money for jellyfish study -- and just look what happens!

Posted by: unknown jane at November 03, 2009 01:35 PM (5/yRG)

170 You know, I would have been happy with a Manhattan Project type Alternative energy RnD. 787 BILLION and all I can see from this 'wonderful package' are all the signs on the highway letting me know that Owebama is responsible for this cluster fuck.

Additionally, all these construction jobs he's 'creating' aren't repairing ANYTHING in my state! Interstate 495 has been paved, repaved, repaved, and repaved. How about fixing some real problems? Yay for me! I have Deval and OBlockhead fixin shit up in here!

Shit bags

Posted by: MelodicMetal at November 03, 2009 01:36 PM (x4S2a)

171

But no money for jellyfish study -- and just look what happens!

Fear the jellyfish man, fear the jellyfish.

Posted by: ParanoidGirlInSeattle at November 03, 2009 01:37 PM (RZ8pf)

172

Was that asian longhorned beetle thing for real?

Why the fuck would they want to rear large numbers of those??????

We used to run Asian Beetles up around Zaragoza....of course in those days they had long horns.....or were they short horns....maybe sort of medium sized horns???

Posted by: Henry Winehard Cowboy at November 03, 2009 01:43 PM (ujg0T)

173 There is no pork in the stimulus. Oh, and I won.

Posted by: Barak Obama at November 03, 2009 01:50 PM (2vnBk)

174

True, there is no pork -- no Bacon Council study grants, no monies for the study of what sort of sex lives eaters of BBQ ribs lead, no monies for creating hog derived green energy (actually, that one might work...), no monies to freeze Berkshire sperm.

So truly, no pork.

Posted by: unknown jane at November 03, 2009 01:59 PM (5/yRG)

175

"They spent some of the money creating and mailing fliers to the turtles to explain the new tunnel system of course."

This was likely the problem with the currently-existing tunnel...which none of the turtles use...hence the need for a new, better tunnel + instructions.

And re: Oklahoma - we learn at a very early age here in Texas that the reason Oklahoma is abbreviated "OK" is because nobody there knows how to spell "mediocre."

Posted by: reason at November 03, 2009 02:01 PM (q/kmn)

176

Regarding 156.

Most people will pay a streetwalker to pretend she's something a little more desirable for a few hours.

Here at AoSHQ, we offer a desirable woman money to pretend she's a streetwalker for a few hours.

Posted by: reason at November 03, 2009 02:08 PM (q/kmn)

177 Well at least the San Francisco Bay Marsh Mouse got $116 MILLION to rehabilitate it's habitat. That will go a long way in stimulating the economy and creating an engine for prosperity.

Posted by: GarandFan at November 03, 2009 02:35 PM (ZQBnQ)

178 Let's face it. It wasn't a stimulus, IT WAS A PAYOFF!

Posted by: GarandFan at November 03, 2009 02:41 PM (ZQBnQ)

179 OK, what happened to the Civil War thread?

Posted by: oLD gUY at November 03, 2009 03:04 PM (P/D33)

180 177 Well at least the San Francisco Bay Marsh Mouse got $116 MILLION to rehabilitate it's habitat. That will go a long way in stimulating the economy and creating an engine for prosperity.

NO. It will just create a whole bunch of gangsta mice with a bunch of gold chains and spinners on their cars.

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Posted by: SGT Dan at November 03, 2009 05:19 PM (GgXZc)

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- $20,000 for a fish sperm freezer at the Gavins Point National Fish Hatchery in South Dakota. Sounds like a bargain to me. It sure is not a bargain for those eight pick trucks. $173,834 you could have bought a lot more trucks that are customized for the winter. Why oh Why are we letting this get by us, the American TAX PAYER. Why are WE not storming the castle and running these BBFN out on a rail, tar and feather them and then setting them afire? Seems like it is time to do this before we are set afire by them (congress).

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