Some Thoughts on Zombies - Mætenloch
Are Zombie Movies a liberal parable?
While everyone is focused on what’s happening in Iran, I thought we should take a moment and look at the second most pressing issue of our time – the undead. This week Paul Waldman of The American Prospect has an interesting article where he covers the history and recent popularity of zombie movies and then asks whether the zombie genre is fundamentally liberal or conservative. His conclusion is that z-movies are in fact liberal parables reflecting the value of progressive ideals. Now let me first say that Waldman has clearly done his research on zombies and is familiar with all major works in the canon. He even unearths some interesting nuggets of zombie lore – the first true zombie movie was White Zombie (1932) starring Bela Lugosi and the first movie of the Nazi-zombie subgenre actually appeared in 1943 when we were, uh, still fighting actual living Nazis. So Waldman knows his stuff. However his argument that zombie movies reflect progressive ideals doesn’t really make sense. He admits that fighting off zombies requires lots of guns which seems to be an argument for the Second Amendment, and also in most Z-movies the government is ineffectual or just plain absent leaving people to their own devices which again is a generally conservative view. However he notes that in a zombie-apocalypse capitalism breaks down with people taking whatever they need from hardware and gun stores, malls, etc. In addition the key to survival is usually diverse people coming together in the progressive ideals of common cause and collective action. Hence he claims zombie movies are really a liberal genre.Well first of all common cause and collective action are hardly unique to the left – most of the difference between the left and right is how collective action should be implemented – top-down or bottom-up, government-based or strictly voluntary. And furthermore insofar as zombie movies actually have a political viewpoint, I would argue that it’s more a conservative one. As Margaret Thatcher once said, “The facts of life are conservative,” and the facts of the zombie apocalypse seem even more so.
Most z-movies end up with a small band of survivors holed up with guns fighting off zombie hordes, planning a way out to safety with no assistance from authorities. At the very least this suggests that conservatives and libertarians would be the most prepared to survive a zombie-filled world. Even if you’re not into guns, it’s good to have at least one neighbor who is, just in case. And while most movie plots revolve around a collective plan to escape, the emphasis is on individual action and responsibility. Z-movies usually contain a mini morality tale where a weak character through cowardice or distraction allows zombies to get through and kill other characters. Personal responsibility is not a virtue unique to the right, but it’s something that you generally only see celebrated in conservative-themed movies. But the most telling point in favor of zombie movies being conservative is how they view the zombies themselves. The movies don’t bother focusing on their back story, motivations, or how or if they feel. The zombies are an implacable force that must be destroyed. Sure they may have been human friends and family once full of love and life, but now they are the undead who hunger for human brains or flesh. No moral equivalence here. And while occasionally a character expresses some sympathy for the zombies, no one ever tries to negotiate or find common cause with them. It’s pointless. They’re zombies, they’re hungry, and they have to be destroyed. You’d be hard pressed to find a more stark, good-vs-evil view of the world in anything Hollywood produces. Even Nazis and Klan members are given a more shades-of-gray treatment, but not zombies. Zombies – a metaphor for the war on terror? One particularly interesting item in Waldman’s article is a chart where he graphed the number of zombie movies released by decade. From a glance it’s obvious that zombie flicks have exploded in popularity since 2000, and we seem to be in a zombie golden age. Out of curiosity I took the data from the same wikipedia page and plotted the number of z-movies released year by year. From the chart you can see that the z-movie spike is a post-9/11 trend with the number of movies only taking off around 2002. They peaked around 2006, and seem to be fading back to normal levels. The shape of the curve looked vaguely familiar so for kicks I plotted a scaled version of the number of US military deaths in Iraq and Afghanistan along with it and got this chart:
Amazingly the popularity of zombie movies tracks very well with the number of deaths. Could zombie movies actually be a metaphor for the war on terror?
Well correlation does not imply causation and all that. But it is awfully interesting and does lead one to speculate.
Certainly you could view militant Islam as a sort of mind virus, infecting and spreading among people, filling them with rage, causing them to attack their own countrymen, and with no known cure short of killing them. Yeah, it’s kind of a strained analogy, but it would place the war on terror perfectly in the center of the zombie genre plus it avoids any niggling political correctness concerns.
So could zombie flicks actually be the war movies that Hollywood has refused to make for the last eight years?
Maybe. But I think this decade’s popularity of zombie movies can be better explained due to something else: fast zombies. In 2002 both Resident Evil and 28 Days Later appeared and these were the first successful movies to feature fast zombies rather than the slow shambling ones seen before. This made zombies a more fearsome threat and re-energized the entire genre, opening up all sorts of creative possibilities as well as a multitude of imitators. I suspect if anything, the curve reflects the rise and fall of fast zombie exploitation by Hollywood rather than the war on terror.
However the kind of movies that are successful often do reflect the anxieties of the times. The 50’s were chock full of alien invasion movies and now these are generally viewed as reflecting a fear of communism, and the 80’s featured a lot of movies with nuclear armageddon as a plot background. So why shouldn’t movies of the last eight years reflect the anxieties in the age of the war on terror?
I figure someone could get a whole PhD thesis out of this or at least a full blog post like I just did.
Comments
SECOND most???
The lightness with which you take this dire threat (nifty charts aside) will find you on the business end of a zombie embrace before you know it.
Posted by: krakatoa at June 21, 2009 07:43 PM (FuVvK)
Oh yea, firssssst !
Posted by: Blazer at June 21, 2009 07:43 PM (AoS9J)
Posted by: President Pantywaist at June 21, 2009 07:44 PM (czm9r)
Posted by: Phelps at June 21, 2009 07:46 PM (YSklX)
Posted by: Phelps at June 21, 2009 07:47 PM (YSklX)
Where the shambling undead horde is concerned, you can never be fast enough.
The only thing sadder than 'second' calling first, is 'second' getting eaten by the zombie that 'first' evaded because HE (that would be me) treats the threat with the seriousness it deserves instead of playing frivolous 'first' games.
Poor chap. We hardly knew ye. And now you are likely all putrescent and shambly.
Posted by: krakatoa at June 21, 2009 07:50 PM (FuVvK)
Posted by: Blazer at June 21, 2009 07:50 PM (AoS9J)
Have you seen Land of the Dead? I'm pretty sure we were supposed to feel bad for the zombies, particularly the way those mean living people invaded their town and shot them all up while they practiced music. I mean they couldn't help being zombies after all. And those mean rich not dead people were living it up with electricty and running water, so the oppressed zombie nation had to rise up take the shit of their mainly white oppressors.
Posted by: Methos, honorary zombie for a post at June 21, 2009 07:52 PM (wU8X9)
Hey, it's not my fault that a fast zombie infiltrated this thread before I could.
No one said anything about fast zombies. That a different subject entirely and not one to be taken lightly either.
Posted by: Blazer at June 21, 2009 07:52 PM (AoS9J)
They could have come straight out Atlas Shrugged as the mindless looters. Except instead of taking everything you created, they come for that which makes all creation by humans possible - the mind.
ok ok... Braaaaaiiinnnnnnssss
Posted by: turtle at June 21, 2009 07:54 PM (PasZ5)
Posted by: zombie abbie hoffman at June 21, 2009 07:55 PM (+RbK8)
Posted by: Methos, no longer an honorary zombie at June 21, 2009 07:56 PM (wU8X9)
Posted by: Fish at June 21, 2009 07:56 PM (FnA4R)
Posted by: Client Number 9 at June 21, 2009 07:56 PM (in8Vs)
Posted by: Dang Straights at June 21, 2009 07:58 PM (Uq1QA)
As much as I like Return of the Dead as an incredibly underrated classic, there's a lot of anti-military stuff in there too. 28 Day Later (from what I've heard) is the only major zombie movie lately that has real conservative aspects to it.
Posted by: AD at June 21, 2009 07:59 PM (u/1oZ)
Posted by: Client Number 9 at June 21, 2009 07:59 PM (in8Vs)
...the curve reflects the rise and fall of fast zombie exploitation by Hollywood rather than the war on terror.
Only on Ace of Spades...
Posted by: Rush Babe at June 21, 2009 08:00 PM (LKkE8)
Posted by: Tinian at June 21, 2009 08:01 PM (70sTG)
28 Days Later portrayed the soldiers as rapists and pedophiles.
Posted by: Blazer at June 21, 2009 08:01 PM (AoS9J)
Posted by: General Zod at June 21, 2009 08:01 PM (V0yZT)
Posted by: loppyd at June 21, 2009 08:01 PM (UJIeT)
Posted by: Comrade Zombie at June 21, 2009 08:02 PM (X18kq)
It is racist and demeaning to portray brown zombies as brainless unemotional cannibals trying to eat white people's supposed juicy and delicious brains. Is it a statement that the white man's brain will bring sustenance and peace to an animalistic and uncivilized culture?
We demand brains at a discount and a position on the board of zombies.
Posted by: Sonia Zombiemayor at June 21, 2009 08:02 PM (yUiO3)
"Look, I don’t care if you enjoy zombie flicks. More power to you. But let’s not pretend it’s because you admire the subtext. You like violence, you get a chuckle out of dismemberment, and if there are titties in the movie, that’s bonus points. It’s garbage cinema. Drive-in fluff. Completely brainless. The genre is completely played out."
Damn right, Spoony! The best zombie flick I saw was the Zack Snyder's Dawn of the Dead remake. Not much to offer in human metaphors, but lots of action, some "titties", and those fast zombies! I enjoyed it.
I did have high expections for 28 Weeks Later. I did like 28 Days Later, because the movie actually gave me a reason to give a damn about the main characters. But what did 28 weeks turn into? A sorry sight, with plotholes you could drive a truck through (the way the Britions were locked down, the utter incompetence of the NATO [American] protocols, ect, ect), one dimensional characters, and a bs ending among other things. It turned into a damn metaphor about the Iraq War, and poorly done btw, and I didn't care for it one bit.
And why is people coming together during times of disaster a "leftist" trait? Can't it be a common human reaction to disaster? Nah...only bitter clingers wouldn't help their fellow people during a crisis.
Posted by: Kratos (on the back of Gaia, scaling Mt Olympus) at June 21, 2009 08:02 PM (otlXg)
Posted by: Dang Straights at June 21, 2009 08:02 PM (Uq1QA)
Posted by: Beto at June 21, 2009 08:03 PM (F1b/5)
Posted by: eman at June 21, 2009 08:04 PM (52Hin)
For anyone who missed the ONT a couple nights ago, here it is: zombies, hapless victim and clinking bullets. Warning: it's addictive.
http://tinyurl.com/6c286b
Posted by: Rush Babe at June 21, 2009 08:04 PM (LKkE8)
When I was watching the movie Tremors, I was certain that the NRA members for life couple were going to die ... as a plot point of irony.
Where liberals and conservatives disagree on government is only a symptom of where they disagree on the state and merit of the individual. Are they proud citizens who bear arms, or mindless vagrants who use up all the carbon / oil / brains?
Posted by: Cincinnatus at June 21, 2009 08:05 PM (K5AMb)
Posted by: Beto at June 21, 2009 08:06 PM (F1b/5)
Then I stand corrected. Actually, after checking through IMDB, the movie I was referring to was its sequel--from what I've heard, the general who wants to kill the infected woman winds up being right and the compassionate people end up f'king it up--but, again, I'm going by hearsay with this.
Posted by: AD at June 21, 2009 08:06 PM (u/1oZ)
that's the funny pfunk.
Posted by: joan at June 21, 2009 08:07 PM (+RbK8)
It's about time you devoted a thread to me!
Posted by: Granny Botox at June 21, 2009 08:07 PM (sey23)
Posted by: JavaJoe at June 21, 2009 08:07 PM (Am6n/)
Land of the Dead...oh God, yeah, I saw parts of it (okay about 5 minutes). Let's just say that I would have rather been thrown to the zombie hordes and then slowly ripped apart (ala "Harry Potter" in Shawn of the Dead) than watch that travesty.
Romero's recent flick "Diary of the Dead" was..okay. There was some of that anti-military/black power crap in there, but I thought it was okay regardless. Again, in describing Romero's main metaphor in that movie, Spoony sums that up well: "The YouTube Generation are assholes!".
Posted by: Kratos (on the back of Gaia, scaling Mt Olympus) at June 21, 2009 08:08 PM (otlXg)
Posted by: Babs Boxer at June 21, 2009 08:08 PM (sey23)
Posted by: California voter at June 21, 2009 08:09 PM (sey23)
Posted by: Kratos (on the back of Gaia, scaling Mt Olympus) at June 21, 2009 08:02 PM (otlXg)
Ummm, did you forget something there k-dude, at the end of the post. Or something.
Posted by: Dang Straights at June 21, 2009 08:09 PM (Uq1QA)
Posted by: gator at June 21, 2009 08:09 PM (yUiO3)
Look at what the zombies are portrayed as. They are mindless consuming machines Now look at how the survivors are portrayed, they are usally common folk with no real knowledge of small arms/group tactics, and are almost always the "clever city dweller".
In a nut shell we are supposed to believe that a squad of US Marines did not make it, but a non skilled street punk, house wife, former hooker, and a token inner city black person can??
They would never make a zombie movie about me. Cause it would be hours and hours of me NOT getting attacked by zombies. Shots would mostly consist of me playing xbox on a 37 inch LCD TV in my zombie proof "command bunker" eating trail rations while I marked away the days until all the "zombie food" was gone.
Posted by: Rickshaw Jack at June 21, 2009 08:09 PM (D7g7i)
Not the I am Legend new one.
Morgan!
Chuck Heston in The Omega Man was pretty fuckin' awesome too.
Damn good movie.
Posted by: Blazer at June 21, 2009 08:10 PM (AoS9J)
Posted by: Kratos (on the back of Gaia, scaling Mt Olympus) at June 21, 2009 08:10 PM (otlXg)
Posted by: joan at June 21, 2009 08:10 PM (+RbK8)
Posted by: TheQuietMan at June 21, 2009 08:10 PM (YhRea)
I am Legend really scared me for some reason. But, it also made me realize that having a map of the houses in the neighborhood where I can raid food and supplies is an excellent idea.
Also the Omega Man is high cheese factor, but good.
Posted by: ParanoidGirlInSeattle at June 21, 2009 08:11 PM (AJ4xq)
I agree wholeheartedly about The Omega Man. Heston certainly made talking to himself while riding his sports car blowing away hooded albino freaks awesome!
Too bad that in the end, there won't be only Heston's hairy chest. RIP Heston.
Posted by: Kratos (on the back of Gaia, scaling Mt Olympus) at June 21, 2009 08:13 PM (otlXg)
Posted by: Purple Avenger at June 21, 2009 08:13 PM (Slx41)
Posted by: gator at June 21, 2009 08:13 PM (yUiO3)
Posted by: Purple Avenger at June 21, 2009 08:14 PM (Slx41)
Posted by: Blazer at June 21, 2009 08:14 PM (AoS9J)
Posted by: Beto at June 21, 2009 08:14 PM (F1b/5)
Posted by: Kratos (on the back of Gaia, scaling Mt Olympus) at June 21, 2009 08:15 PM (otlXg)
Posted by: Rush Babe at June 21, 2009 08:15 PM (LKkE8)
Who are we to judge?
No cortex, no peace!
Posted by: eman at June 21, 2009 08:16 PM (52Hin)
Strangely enough, Omega Man, Last Man On Earth, and I Am Legend are all (more or less) based on the same book. No bullshit. Joe Biden didn't even write it, but he WAS in the running for the lead instead of Fresh Prince.
Posted by: Dang Straights at June 21, 2009 08:16 PM (Uq1QA)
Posted by: General Zod at June 21, 2009 08:17 PM (V0yZT)
Yes, the book I am Legend.
Posted by: JavaJoe at June 21, 2009 08:19 PM (Am6n/)
Posted by: Kratos (on the back of Gaia, scaling Mt Olympus) at June 21, 2009 08:20 PM (otlXg)
Posted by: Bust of Churchill at June 21, 2009 08:20 PM (JyfVU)
i feel deprived and ignorant, uncultured and devoid of brain.
I think this might make you a........
ZOMBIE!!!!
Posted by: ParanoidGirlInSeattle at June 21, 2009 08:21 PM (AJ4xq)
Posted by: Client Number 9 at June 21, 2009 08:22 PM (in8Vs)
Just for that, I'm eating this one's brain first.
Posted by: Zombie Phil Sheridan at June 21, 2009 08:22 PM (jNE9Q)
Posted by: John Carter of Mars at June 21, 2009 08:22 PM (v8Ozi)
Posted by: General Zod at June 21, 2009 08:23 PM (V0yZT)
Posted by: Client Number 9 at June 21, 2009 08:24 PM (in8Vs)
Posted by: David Frum at June 21, 2009 08:25 PM (II70q)
Posted by: President Pantywaist at June 21, 2009 08:25 PM (czm9r)
Posted by: Dick Primate at June 21, 2009 08:26 PM (iVO/E)
In real life, all zombies eat teh penis because that's where our brain is. I.E. All zombies are fags.
Posted by: gator at June 21, 2009 08:27 PM (yUiO3)
Posted by: General Zod at June 21, 2009 08:28 PM (V0yZT)
i feel deprived and ignorant, uncultured and devoid of brain.
I think this might make you a........
ZOMBIE!!!!
well you don't have to calling names and shit. even if i am a zombie, zombies need love too. damn.
Posted by: joan at June 21, 2009 08:28 PM (+RbK8)
"Return of the Living Dead" was awesome because it had that buck naked chick running around in it. Sure, it was awesome watching her get killed, but then she was out of the movie.
Posted by: gator at June 21, 2009 08:29 PM (yUiO3)
Posted by: joan at June 21, 2009 08:31 PM (+RbK8)
Linea Quigley was the nekkid chick and yes she was very hawt.
However, what made that movie fuckin' awesome was Clu Gallagher, hands down.
Posted by: Blazer at June 21, 2009 08:32 PM (AoS9J)
Hath not a Zombie eyes? hath not a Zombie hands, organs, dimensions, senses, affections, passions? fed with the same food, hurt with the same weapons, subject to the same diseases, healed by the same means, warmed and cooled by the same winter and summer, as a Christian is? If you prick us, do we not bleed? if you tickle us, do we not laugh? if you poison us, do we not die?
Huh?
Oh, right, we don't do any of that shit. But it's a great nonlife! Who wants to join us?
Posted by: Zombielock at June 21, 2009 08:32 PM (II70q)
I know that you were referring to the sequel, but it's a common criticism of Days. I disagree. I think that it's telling that the last bastion of civilization and government organization is the small band of soldiers. They're the only ones in authority who had the strength and discipline to hold to the very last.
That's what makes the Major's revelation ("I promised them women") near the end so horrifying. It's the last breath of civilization, when her soldiers abandon morality and ethics.
It's not the first time that Boyle had made a film that vindicated conservative ideals. The Beach shows the hypocrisy of liberal/communal ideas quite convincingly.
Posted by: IllTemperedCur at June 21, 2009 08:33 PM (9Lm5R)
Posted by: Client Number 9 at June 21, 2009 08:33 PM (in8Vs)
Posted by: muffy at June 21, 2009 08:35 PM (zplc6)
I love you joan, now please don't eat my brain.
Posted by: ParanoidGirlInSeattle at June 21, 2009 08:35 PM (AJ4xq)
Most z-movies end up with a small band of survivors holed up with guns fighting off zombie hordes, planning a way out to safety with no assistance from authorities.
Yes, but on the other hand, you have to admit that dead people vote Democratic by an overwhelming margin.
Posted by: flenser at June 21, 2009 08:36 PM (II70q)
This White Zombie doesn't suck.
http://tinyurl.com/kpftv2
Posted by: jas at June 21, 2009 08:37 PM (sJaoP)
I think a lot of zombie movies try to have a liberal slant by having evil conservatives and hatemongers be the bad non-zombies, but they can't get away from using conservative principles in order to keep the liberal heroes alive. God love 'em, they try though. Romero with his sympathetic zombies probably came closest.
Oh, and fast zombies are an abomination before the Lord. The whole POINT of zombies is that you can easily deal with one or two, but there are hundreds of them that overwhelm you.
Posted by: Cautiously Pessimistic at June 21, 2009 08:42 PM (ltwze)
I didn't read all the crap, but I saw the word Zombie. Sorry. Something I ask all my coworkers:
If you have sex with a zombie, is it necrophilia?
I say brain activity is a prerequisite for movement, and something that moves independent of an outside force is alive. If the zombie moves, there is brain activity. If it has brain activity, it is at least partially alive.Partially alive = not necrophilia. They all say if the heart has stopped, it's dead.
I'm not sure if it's relevant, but they all voted for Obama.
Posted by: thelinyguy at June 21, 2009 08:42 PM (weMJq)
Yes, but on the other hand, you have to admit that dead people vote Democratic by an overwhelming margin.
Posted by: flenser at June 21, 2009 08:36 PM (II70q)
Well-played, sir.
Posted by: Dang Straights at June 21, 2009 08:42 PM (Uq1QA)
Zombies are definitely liberal. They think they have the right to take what others have....but, dammit, it's not their fault. They were in pain, and brains were the only things that would ease their suffering.
Posted by: gator at June 21, 2009 08:42 PM (yUiO3)
Yes, the book I am Legend.
And the LMOE is the closest adaptation to the terrifying book. It's also one of Vincent Price's best performances, and you can see where Romero picked up some of his imagery and vibe for Night of the Living Dead a few years later.
Carnival of Souls is another cool zombie precursor film from 1962. EXTREMELY creepy. The old Saltair pavilion in Utah was a major part of the film, and it makes the film.
Posted by: IllTemperedCur at June 21, 2009 08:42 PM (9Lm5R)
Posted by: joan at June 21, 2009 08:43 PM (+RbK8)
well you don't have to calling names and shit. even if i am a zombie, zombies need love too. damn.
Posted by: joan at June 21, 2009 08:28 PM (+RbK
Its OK, Joan; we all love you. Especially your ass.
Posted by: Josef K. at June 21, 2009 08:43 PM (70sTG)
It goes beyond that, in fact—when a human character attempts to negotiate empathize with terrorists a zombie, they end up zombified (or nearly so, as in Night of the Living Dead).
Posted by: Fortunate Son at June 21, 2009 08:44 PM (FaLC9)
The American Prospect? Isn't that, like, a big Lefty rag, just left of The Nation?
Posted by: Capt. Numbstick at June 21, 2009 08:45 PM (voIlD)
Posted by: brak at June 21, 2009 08:45 PM (Hebqq)
Shotguns are highly effective at short range.
Shotgun shells are cheap. No reason not to have 1000+ shells in stock.
Human teeth have a hard time penetrating leather. Your duster jacket will save your ass.
Machetes don't have to be reloaded.
Posted by: Techie at June 21, 2009 08:45 PM (cxW4X)
Posted by: General Zod at June 21, 2009 08:46 PM (XcsD4)
Posted by: gator at June 21, 2009 08:46 PM (yUiO3)
Brushhooks don't have to be reloaded either, and they have an impressive reach.
Posted by: Josef K. at June 21, 2009 08:47 PM (70sTG)
Unfortunately, I missed the joan in a thong pic, but I've seen it much talked about. I think she should re-post that pic on here to dispell any possible rumors that her ass isnt fine as shit.
Posted by: Blazer at June 21, 2009 08:48 PM (AoS9J)
I love you joan, now please don't eat my brain.
OK this is getting interesting.....
Posted by: JavaJoe at June 21, 2009 08:48 PM (Am6n/)
I'm tellin' ya, Zombie infiltration is EVERYWHERE!!
Posted by: Capt. Numbstick at June 21, 2009 08:48 PM (voIlD)
i do have a nice ass i don't blame you after all you are merely human.
Posted by: joan at June 21, 2009 08:48 PM (+RbK8)
Posted by: Blazer at June 21, 2009 08:51 PM (AoS9J)
So its OK (at least in the context of this thread) that I'm interested in your ass, not your brains?
Posted by: Josef K. at June 21, 2009 08:51 PM (70sTG)
Posted by: Btminthestl at June 21, 2009 08:51 PM (kGDTD)
Posted by: Capt. Numbstick at June 21, 2009 08:52 PM (voIlD)
Start with the ur-text, Night of the Living Dead. Then go to Return of the Living Dead, Dawn of the Dead (either the Romero original or the Snyder re-make. As much as I love it, the Romero doesn't age well in my opinion.), and Shaun of the Dead.
Those are the zombie essentials, in my opinion.
Posted by: IllTemperedCur at June 21, 2009 08:52 PM (9Lm5R)
Joan: I'm only interested in the zombie-buttfuck vector to the degree that it might create a momentary, life-saving conversational escape:
"Yes, I know you're about to eat my neck, but really...have you considered having loud monkey-sex with that other shambler's asshole? I mean, have you really thought about it? I hadn't until now, and to be completely candid, between your ragged, torn-flesh ear and me, I'd consider hitting it. Hard. Like, with bells on."
Posted by: General Zod at June 21, 2009 08:54 PM (XcsD4)
Those are the zombie essentials, in my opinion.
You left out Day Of The Dead, the 1985 one, which I thought was the best in the series.
Posted by: Blazer at June 21, 2009 08:55 PM (AoS9J)
Posted by: joan at June 21, 2009 08:55 PM (+RbK8)
World War Z: An Oral History of the Zombie War
was outstanding. And the Government gets it's shit together in the end. How soldiers attract and headshot a million zombies in one long battle is fascinating.
Posted by: trainer at June 21, 2009 08:57 PM (yCWYQ)
I must have missed the link.
Posted by: Blazer at June 21, 2009 08:58 PM (AoS9J)
Posted by: joan at June 21, 2009 08:59 PM (+RbK8)
OT
So, on the day before Father's Day, O takes his kids out to get icecream because he wants to be a better father. But ON Father's Day, he ditches the family (ignoring the fact that the half the world is under attack) to go golfing? Shouldn't a guy that says 'I need to be a better father' spend FD WITH his kids? Why didn't they go putt-putting or fishing or something?
Posted by: momma at June 21, 2009 09:00 PM (penCf)
Posted by: Blazer at June 21, 2009 09:01 PM (AoS9J)
Posted by: Josef K. at June 21, 2009 09:02 PM (70sTG)
I left that one out on purpose. It's a little to focused on anti-military criticism for my taste. Unfair criticism, I might add. As brutal as they are, they're the only ones with any honor, their brutality and mistreatment of the scientists is a reaction to the disdain and lack of respect from the scientists.
Although Bub the Zombie is probably the best character in any zombie film, hands down.
Posted by: IllTemperedCur at June 21, 2009 09:03 PM (9Lm5R)
There's just something about buttocks.
Although, I think that picture doesn't do your butt justice.
We need butt justice.
Posted by: gator at June 21, 2009 09:03 PM (yUiO3)
Back in a minute or two.
Posted by: Josef K. at June 21, 2009 09:04 PM (70sTG)
Posted by: Btminthestl at June 21, 2009 09:05 PM (kGDTD)
True it was very anti-military. However, I thought it was the creepiest of the lot, especially the tunnel scenes, and the gore was realistic as hell .
Posted by: Blazer at June 21, 2009 09:05 PM (AoS9J)
Same with "28 Days Later" -- Much too "The military are all sadistic savages at heart" for me. Typical lefty horseshit.
Posted by: Capt. Numbstick at June 21, 2009 09:05 PM (voIlD)
Posted by: Unicles at June 21, 2009 09:05 PM (Bmhek)
Posted by: Palin Steele at June 21, 2009 09:07 PM (COZb8)
well played, joan, throw down the butt photo, now no one will stand in your way as you eat my brains.
Posted by: ParanoidGirlInSeattle at June 21, 2009 09:07 PM (AJ4xq)
Check out posts 17 and 19. After all, great moronic minds think alike.
Posted by: Josef K. at June 21, 2009 09:07 PM (70sTG)
Posted by: General Zod at June 21, 2009 09:08 PM (XcsD4)
I agree. The only way you could possibly top that, is to post some pics of those large breasts you keep bragging about.
Posted by: Blazer at June 21, 2009 09:09 PM (AoS9J)
just to be fair i think presidents kind of do this as a sign sometimes. i think there were times during a crisis that eisenhower and bush and other presidents played golf when there were some important worldwide events going on. i think it's meant to show that life goes on and that the president is not frantic and is under control. in reality it's not like the president can't be reached if need be, it's meant as a symbolic thing but in the light of the deaths, to me it seems a bit cold and callous. people are dying in the streets for the taste of freedom.
Posted by: joan at June 21, 2009 09:10 PM (+RbK8)
Check out posts 17 and 19. After all, great moronic minds think alike.
Niiiiiice. Makes me feel good.
Posted by: Unicles at June 21, 2009 09:10 PM (Bmhek)
Posted by: Btminthestl at June 21, 2009 09:11 PM (kGDTD)
joan
I agree, but my problem is that od Father's Day, he wasn't being a father. I have young kids and they wanted to spend the entire day with dad because it was his special day.
Posted by: momma at June 21, 2009 09:12 PM (penCf)
i don't have large breasts far from it, nothing to brag about there.
Posted by: joan at June 21, 2009 09:12 PM (+RbK8)
Me too. You motherfuckers here make me proud. AOS, smartest commenters evah !
Posted by: Blazer at June 21, 2009 09:12 PM (AoS9J)
Posted by: Btminthestl at June 21, 2009 09:13 PM (kGDTD)
While Days did portray the soldiers badly, the context is somewhat different. See my comment #77 above.
But the whole premise of DayOTD is anti-military. It probably didn't help that I've listened to Romero's DVD commentary where he's spelled it out in no uncertain terms.
Posted by: IllTemperedCur at June 21, 2009 09:13 PM (9Lm5R)
Oh, sure, there's the survivors coming together and supporting each other -- but what are they actually DOING on screen? Killing people. Well, they're killing zombies, but you notice how careful the moviemakers (Romero, Raimi) are to draw parallels between zombies and modern ordinary Americans.
Which is exactly what liberals dream of doing. They hate modern American life and would love to kill us all. But they'd never admit it, so they go to zombie movies and watch their surrogates kill surrogate Americans. (And that's why the military are always useless in zombie movies: liberals can't identify with them. The military aren't good liberals so they have to die, preferably horribly and gruesomely. Liberals like watching that, too.)
The peak in zombie movies pretty much matches the Bush administration. It's not the War on Terror, it's the war between liberals and everyone else. Liberals spent eight years fantasizing about mass murder, and zombie movies gave them an acceptable way to do it.
Posted by: Trimegistus at June 21, 2009 09:14 PM (jLf0x)
An entire prom full of lesbians? Well played, sir.
Posted by: Josef K. at June 21, 2009 09:14 PM (70sTG)
I was talking about PGIS, trust me your ass more than makes up for your boy tits.
I'm an ass man anyway.
Posted by: Blazer at June 21, 2009 09:14 PM (AoS9J)
BREASSSSSTTSSSS...
It was one of the other female morons who was bragging about that...PGIS? Alexthechick?
Don't answer without pictures. :-p
Posted by: Zombie AOSHQ Moron at June 21, 2009 09:15 PM (jNE9Q)
that is correct, i distract the morons with the awesomeness of my ass while i eat you brains. damn you. i want your brains.
Posted by: joan at June 21, 2009 09:15 PM (+RbK8)
I'm hoping for the best.
Posted by: Neo at June 21, 2009 09:16 PM (5d1ix)
Sure, I was a cheap rip off, but I still exist, so don't forget about me, even if I'm forgettable.
* from the makers of Transmorphers and Snakes On A Train
Posted by: I am Omega* at June 21, 2009 09:17 PM (PD1tk)
Posted by: Btminthestl at June 21, 2009 09:17 PM (kGDTD)
Posted by: Purple Avenger at June 21, 2009 09:17 PM (Slx41)
Posted by: joan at June 21, 2009 09:18 PM (+RbK8)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=En-cHBv7UpA
Posted by: Client Number 9 at June 21, 2009 09:18 PM (in8Vs)
Posted by: Nom de Blog at June 21, 2009 09:19 PM (1Bods)
Posted by: Bust of Churchill at June 21, 2009 09:19 PM (JyfVU)
Posted by: Waterhouse at June 21, 2009 09:20 PM (0cEvW)
um gee thanks.
I didn't mean to be so blunt, but thats teh Blazer. At any rate if its any consolation, I can envision me flossing my teeth with that thong you had on in that pic.
Posted by: Blazer at June 21, 2009 09:21 PM (AoS9J)
Billie Jean
fuck it, let me reattach that link..
Posted by: Client Number 9 at June 21, 2009 09:21 PM (in8Vs)
i don't know about that, really i'm sure his kids wished him happy fathers day when he woke up and then he saw michelle and decided to go golfing, can you blame him ?
Posted by: joan at June 21, 2009 09:22 PM (+RbK8)
I have faith they are not boy tits, but are rather exquisite, and nicely proportioned. Of course, I need photographic evidence, preferably in color and high definition. Say, 6-8 photos? Also, please use oil on two of them.
I can take the photos for you if you need a photographer. Because I'm that kind of a helpful guy.
Posted by: Josef K. at June 21, 2009 09:22 PM (70sTG)
Posted by: steevy at June 21, 2009 09:22 PM (G6sXb)
I'm an ass man anyway.
Posted by: Blazer at June 21, 2009 09:14 PM (AoS9J)
And a silver-tongued devil at that.
Posted by: Dang Straights at June 21, 2009 09:22 PM (Uq1QA)
The zombie movie genre should be put to rest - permanately. If that corpse needs to be shot in the head a few times and burned, then it must be done.
Posted by: Kratos (on the back of Gaia, scaling Mt Olympus) at June 21, 2009 09:23 PM (otlXg)
Posted by: steevy at June 21, 2009 09:23 PM (G6sXb)
Left 4 Dead is pretty fuckin epic too.
Posted by: Blazer at June 21, 2009 09:24 PM (AoS9J)
Posted by: Kratos (on the back of Gaia, scaling Mt Olympus) at June 21, 2009 09:26 PM (otlXg)
Posted by: IllTemperedCur at June 21, 2009 09:27 PM (9Lm5R)
Posted by: zombie palin steele, the only nonpartisan of the undead at June 21, 2009 09:28 PM (93F13)
Posted by: joan at June 21, 2009 09:28 PM (+RbK8)
For you OGs, what was the name of that big-chested proto-Joan that used to post here way back in the day ... she modeled that gaywad tee-shirt Ace made up ... red hair, also very sassy mouthed ... aaaargh ... I can't remember her name, though she did have great boobs ....
Posted by: Bust of Churchill at June 21, 2009 09:28 PM (JyfVU)
Mmmmm . . . Meeeeella . . . [pant, wheez]
Bunk time.
Posted by: Capt. Numbstick at June 21, 2009 09:29 PM (voIlD)
I don't have the system to play that game (Xbox?), but I read the synopsis and saw some videos of Dead Rising on YouTube. Damn I was pissed off when I heard the terrorist say something along the lines of "You red, white, and blue Americans! All you ever do is eat...".
Why the hell do people have to ruin stuff with their lefty bs? Even the Resident Evil series of games has that anti-corporate virus running through it. As if Resident Evil was produced by something other than a corporation...
In the end, there will be only.. corporations putting out contradicting messages.
Posted by: Kratos (on the back of Gaia, scaling Mt Olympus) at June 21, 2009 09:29 PM (otlXg)
I thought I made him famous?
Posted by: Coke Cola pyrotechnics guy at June 21, 2009 09:30 PM (wU8X9)
"Omega Man" -- one of my favorite movies from my yout'. Kicks ass. The original Matheson "I Am Legend" book is cool, too.
And no, I wasn't about to watch Will Smith sully the concept with that re-make.
Posted by: Capt. Numbstick at June 21, 2009 09:31 PM (voIlD)
Posted by: TheQuietMan at June 21, 2009 09:32 PM (YhRea)
...what was the name of that big-chested proto-Joan that used to post here way back in the day ... she modeled that gaywad tee-shirt Ace made up ... red hair, also very sassy mouthed...?
Rosetta.
Posted by: Unicles at June 21, 2009 09:32 PM (Bmhek)
I think Milla showed more flesh in the second RE movie, and the movie set must have been real cold IYKWIMAITYD.
Posted by: Kratos (on the back of Gaia, scaling Mt Olympus) at June 21, 2009 09:33 PM (otlXg)
Posted by: ParanoidGirlInSeattle at June 21, 2009 09:33 PM (AJ4xq)
Posted by: Coke Cola pyrotechnics guy at June 21, 2009 09:30 PM (wU8X9)
Pepsi marketing drones around the world are going to shoot themselves over the money they apparently spent in futility.
Posted by: Waterhouse at June 21, 2009 09:35 PM (0cEvW)
Posted by: Bust of Churchill at June 21, 2009 09:35 PM (JyfVU)
Posted by: Coke Cola pyrotechnics guy, who was secretly moonlighting at Pepsi at June 21, 2009 09:36 PM (wU8X9)
omg i can't believe you remember that i posted that. it is true that i can do that ,not that i do, mind you. i'm not going to provide any photographic proof so take my word. or not.
Posted by: joan at June 21, 2009 09:37 PM (+RbK8)
Posted by: toby928 at June 21, 2009 09:37 PM (PD1tk)
Goddamn you. No, not Rosetta the male lesbian. What the fuck is wrong with you? That is freakin' hilarious, though ...
Posted by: Bust of Churchill at June 21, 2009 09:37 PM (JyfVU)
Posted by: toby928 at June 21, 2009 09:38 PM (PD1tk)
made me want to masturbate
Probably not this one, but she's funny as hell and gives it right back.
Posted by: gator at June 21, 2009 09:39 PM (yUiO3)
Posted by: toby928 at June 21, 2009 09:39 PM (PD1tk)
Posted by: steevy at June 21, 2009 09:39 PM (G6sXb)
There were two images seen by the world yesterday
1. Neda dying in the streets of Tehran before our eyes
2. Obama chowing on soft ice cream
Revolutions and uprisings are built heavily on symbolism. Remember how much attention and sympathy the Cedar Revolution of 2005 got when the Protest Babes appeared.
Neda and Obama's pictures are symbols, and the Democrats are supposed to be the masters of symbolism.
Does anyone believe that the thugocracy in Iran didn't use Obama's Ice Cream picture to crush the spirits of those brave protesters in Iran?
THAT is why it matters
Posted by: kbdabear at June 21, 2009 09:40 PM (93F13)
Posted by: kbdabear at June 21, 2009 09:42 PM (93F13)
There were two images seen by the world yesterday
1. Neda dying in the streets of Tehran before our eyes
2. Obama chowing on soft ice cream
Revolutions and uprisings are built heavily on symbolism. Remember how much attention and sympathy the Cedar Revolution of 2005 got when the Protest Babes appeared.
Neda and Obama's pictures are symbols, and the Democrats are supposed to be the masters of symbolism.
Does anyone believe that the thugocracy in Iran didn't use Obama's Ice Cream picture to crush the spirits of those brave protesters in Iran?
THAT is why it matters
i think this was a miscalculation on obama's part. those horrific images of the murder of neda does make obama in perspective look to be entirely out of his element as indeed he is.
Posted by: joan at June 21, 2009 09:44 PM (+RbK8)
Posted by: kbdabear at June 21, 2009 09:44 PM (93F13)
Posted by: steevy at June 21, 2009 09:44 PM (G6sXb)
You are now free to resume your regularly scheduled fantasizing about Joan's ass. I know I will.
Posted by: Bust of Churchill at June 21, 2009 09:44 PM (JyfVU)
What was that you said , I didn't hear you, I was too busy looking at joans well- toned ass.
Posted by: Blazer at June 21, 2009 09:45 PM (AoS9J)
Quickly, and dashed-off: zombie movies, if they have any single thematic thread, are simply variants of the hunter-hunted, predator-prey horror story. No more. A primal human fear is to be stalked and eaten; it's baggage from our days out on the veldt being hunted by large cats and other predators. It's not that complicated. This is probably the first level.
The second level is probably the mindlessness of the zombie. Another primal human fear is to lose the self, the anima. All id, no ego. All appetite, no consciousness. Again, this is a very old concept.
Death: death itself is terrifying enough; the idea of dying and then coming back...horrible.
Zombies are really just primal human fears put into horror-movie form. Several movies have taken the survivalist leitmotif: the zombie hordes being held off by relatively few gun-toting throwbacks who cast off "polite society" and scatter zombie brains with abandon (hard to see how this falls into the liberal archetype in any way). It's also notable that survivalist zombie movies never spend much time on utopianism, the whole "this must never happen again!" preaching. The idea is simply to survive, to live to see the dawn. Again, it's based on primal fears, primal goals, primal reactions. Zombie movies speak to the limbic system directly without requiring intervention by the forebrain.
You can of course project whatever politics you wish onto a zombie movie: that's one of its charms. But at base a zombie movie has no politics. It does not concern itself with issues of governance or the reformation of society, or of rehabilitation of The Other. (A prototype "zombie story" would probably be Peter and the Wolf, or the Pied Piper of Hamelin, or any number of other ancestral vampire/werewolf tales.)
Mmmm....brains.
Posted by: Monty at June 21, 2009 09:46 PM (9qrfj)
158 The Best Review of the Dawn of the Dead remake.
Kick ASS, another Maddox aficianado. I especially like his review of the iPhone, it's sublime. Wish he still did the page instead of those videos, though.
Posted by: Dang Straights at June 21, 2009 09:46 PM (Uq1QA)
Posted by: Client Number 9 at June 21, 2009 09:46 PM (in8Vs)
Posted by: slightly drunk guy not rreally paying attention to the conversation at June 21, 2009 09:47 PM (wU8X9)
There is no miscalculation on Obama's part. He's waiting for everything to end and the dust to settle. Then Obama and his goons in the media will begin spinning and taking credit. He just doesn't know what to credit for, yet.
Posted by: Unicles at June 21, 2009 09:47 PM (Bmhek)
Posted by: gator at June 21, 2009 09:47 PM (yUiO3)
Posted by: Dang Straights at June 21, 2009 09:49 PM (Uq1QA)
Posted by: Client Number 9 at June 21, 2009 09:50 PM (in8Vs)
Posted by: Malamutt at June 21, 2009 09:51 PM (tdr59)
Posted by: Capt. Numbstick at June 21, 2009 09:51 PM (voIlD)
Posted by: gator at June 21, 2009 09:52 PM (yUiO3)
most people that eat at dick's are either zombies or in a zombie like state whilst chowing on dick's. however satisfying at the time you consume the dick's, you don't want to wake next day with a throbbing hangover and that taste of dick's in your mouth. you will wish you were not among the living .
Posted by: joan at June 21, 2009 09:52 PM (+RbK8)
Posted by: Evil midnight Bomber What Bombs at Midnight at June 21, 2009 09:53 PM (taJZA)
Suddenly, a bunch of grey skinned men in rags stumbled towards me smelling of death and Old Milwaukee beer. I told them to stay right where they are but still they came, moaning in that unintelligible way that sounds like Ted Kennedy on the morning of a Senate hearing after an all nighter. They were moaning something about "change" and right there I told them to hold on, me and Barack were all about change. Still they came though, and knowing that zombies always go for the brains I thought I was a goner with that cornucopia of gray matter under my plugs.
Posted by: Joe the zombie killer Biden at June 21, 2009 09:54 PM (93F13)
Posted by: IllTemperedCur at June 21, 2009 09:54 PM (9Lm5R)
Posted by: jju at June 21, 2009 09:54 PM (j5jFu)
i think this was a miscalculation on obama's part. those horrific images of the murder of neda does make obama in perspective look to be entirely out of his element as indeed he is.
Some of the stuff I'm seeing on sites full of lefties is that the Neda murder is completely faked by the CIA and we're manufacturing the whole iranian protest thing, probably filming it in LA. Hence the won's "I Got This" give-a-fuck attitude. I always have to wonder at the level of idiotic self-delusion and mental gymnastics the leftist aholes are capable of achieving.
Posted by: Dang Straights at June 21, 2009 09:55 PM (Uq1QA)
... i think this was a miscalculation on obama's part. those horrific images of the murder of neda does make obama in perspective look to be entirely out of his element as indeed he is.
Some of the stuff I'm seeing on sites full of lefties is that the Neda murder is completely faked by the CIA and we're manufacturing the whole iranian protest thing, probably filming it in LA. Hence the won's "I Got This" give-a-fuck attitude. I always have to wonder at the level of idiotic self-delusion and mental gymnastics the leftist aholes are capable of achieving.
Posted by: Dang Straights at June 21, 2009 09:55 PM (Uq1QA)
Oh, and notice how Obama and Hillary Clinton helped Lisa Ling's sister in North Korea?
The press at the Media Circle Jerk on Saturday night where Obama was telling jokes didn't seem to give a shit, either, did they?
Posted by: Unicles at June 21, 2009 09:55 PM (Bmhek)
Posted by: Montjoie at June 21, 2009 09:56 PM (mSJ8J)
Posted by: Zombie Obama at June 21, 2009 09:56 PM (AoS9J)
Posted by: gator at June 21, 2009 09:56 PM (yUiO3)
Posted by: butch at June 21, 2009 09:56 PM (bSXOz)
Posted by: kbdabear at June 21, 2009 09:58 PM (93F13)
Can you say cognitive dissonance ?
Posted by: Blazer at June 21, 2009 09:58 PM (AoS9J)
Yes, it was bbeck.
C'mon guys, quit fugging around. Find the pics and post links already. I need to see red hair and big tits before I go out and kill zombies in Dick's parking lot.
Posted by: jaleach at June 21, 2009 09:58 PM (gHrZU)
Posted by: gator at June 21, 2009 09:59 PM (yUiO3)
Posted by: jju at June 21, 2009 09:54 PM
Does this jju guy have them in zombie sizes?
Posted by: kbdabear at June 21, 2009 10:00 PM (93F13)
Ace of Spades, getting grandmas up to speed on cultural matters so we don't go through life clueless.
Posted by: Miss Marple at June 21, 2009 10:00 PM (Vli7s)
Posted by: Mystry at June 21, 2009 10:00 PM (dIHlE)
yeh some people try very hard to read and find different sources of news and be informed as possible to try to ascertain what is the most accurate information and make assessments based on that, others just avoid facts reality that conflicts with their own beliefs and just go with their own delusions.
Posted by: joan at June 21, 2009 10:01 PM (+RbK8)
Posted by: Tattoo De Plane at June 21, 2009 10:01 PM (m4hZ+)
The whole "9/11 was an inside job" line of thought was the nadir of idiocy from which I realized nothing would ever surprise me about the lunacy of delusional Lefties again.
Posted by: Capt. Numbstick at June 21, 2009 10:01 PM (voIlD)
Posted by: Mama AJ at June 21, 2009 10:01 PM (X6Zdh)
Hey, speak for yourself, dicks are deeee-fuckin-licious !
Posted by: Andrew Sullivan at June 21, 2009 10:01 PM (AoS9J)
Posted by: Clay Aiken at June 21, 2009 10:06 PM (gHrZU)
Posted by: gator at June 21, 2009 10:06 PM (yUiO3)
Posted by: zombie palin steele, the only nonpartisan of the undead at June 21, 2009 10:06 PM (93F13)
I'll take it Shaq wasn't available?
Posted by: Blazer at June 21, 2009 10:07 PM (AoS9J)
Posted by: joan at June 21, 2009 10:09 PM (+RbK8)
Hope is in the eye of the beholder.
Posted by: Mr. Peabody at June 21, 2009 10:09 PM (gxVc6)
Are vampires and zombies allies, or are they mortal enemies? It's kind of like this Sunni vs. Shia thing
Posted by: kbdabear at June 21, 2009 10:09 PM (93F13)
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Posted by: royalmewigs at June 21, 2009 10:09 PM (30tM6)
Yeah, and Patrick Ewing doesn't have a big enough ass to pull it off.
Posted by: Dang Straights at June 21, 2009 10:10 PM (Uq1QA)
I'll take it Shaq wasn't available?
Voice wasn't deep enough to pull it off, plus he refused to wear her clothes.
Posted by: gator at June 21, 2009 10:11 PM (yUiO3)
Posted by: Mystry at June 21, 2009 10:11 PM (dIHlE)
Posted by: muffy at June 21, 2009 10:11 PM (zplc6)
Ironically in Richard Matheson's I Am Legend , their were vampire like zombies and intelligent zombies and they were both mortal enemies.
Posted by: Blazer at June 21, 2009 10:12 PM (AoS9J)
Posted by: Mr. Peabody at June 21, 2009 10:13 PM (gxVc6)
Yeah, and Patrick Ewing doesn't have a big enough ass to pull it off.
But Ewing has the toned arms...Shaq is a bit too pudgy all-around.
Posted by: IllTemperedCur at June 21, 2009 10:14 PM (9Lm5R)
It looks like the situation in Iraq is playing a part in this revolution...
Iranian democracy protesters on Thursday carried signs warning the evil regime, "Do not forget what happened to Saddam Hussein!"
http://tinyurl.com/mdm9ow
Posted by: Tami at June 21, 2009 10:15 PM (VuLos)
Posted by: kbdabear at June 21, 2009 10:16 PM (93F13)
On a positive note, Michelle is great in that Snickers™ commercial:
Michelle: What's up, Brian? <dunks on Brian>
Posted by: gator at June 21, 2009 10:16 PM (yUiO3)
It looks like the situation in Iraq is playing a part in this revolution...
Iranian democracy protesters on Thursday carried signs warning the evil regime, "Do not forget what happened to Saddam Hussein!"
Quickly... delete all copies and send the teamsters over to re-educate those protestors. This is so NOT on message!
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Posted by: zombie lace wigs at June 21, 2009 10:19 PM (93F13)
@152 Also, please use oil on two of them.
Good God man, how many of them do you think she has?
I guess we are all in Woodinville now.
Posted by: comatus at June 21, 2009 10:21 PM (XTm8J)
Posted by: Malamutt at June 21, 2009 10:22 PM (tdr59)
Qwinn
Posted by: Qwinn at June 21, 2009 10:22 PM (/y1J0)
Posted by: UoC Conservative at June 21, 2009 10:22 PM (ivwt+)
Posted by: Chris Edwards at June 21, 2009 10:22 PM (y8G9y)
Did anyone just see Mickey "Plastic Face" Rourke on that stupid Spike TV award show?
He musta thought it was a roast because he was rude and obnoxious, especially to Jason Stratham.
Posted by: Unicles at June 21, 2009 10:24 PM (Bmhek)
If I'm going to kill the planet, I want so much to do it in the Astin-Martin DB9. They're so fast and beautiful, I could look good while killing dolphins with it
Dolphins turn porpoises into zombies, so they deserve it anyway
Posted by: kbdabear at June 21, 2009 10:25 PM (93F13)
Posted by: gator at June 21, 2009 10:25 PM (yUiO3)
Posted by: Unicles at June 21, 2009 10:26 PM (Bmhek)
He musta thought it was a roast because he was rude and obnoxious, especially to Jason Stratham.
Mickey is no stranger to the bottom of bottle of Val-u-rite.
Posted by: Dang Straights at June 21, 2009 10:26 PM (Uq1QA)
Speaking of douche bags...
I'd like to stick Geraldo Rivera and Rick Sanchez in a cage and make them fight for food and water.
Posted by: Unicles at June 21, 2009 10:27 PM (Bmhek)
Posted by: rdbrewer at June 21, 2009 10:28 PM (iGKaC)
I was a skeptic on the subject of zombies until I saw Nick Nolte's mug shot
Posted by: kbdabear at June 21, 2009 10:29 PM (93F13)
Posted by: Mystry at June 21, 2009 10:29 PM (dIHlE)
Posted by: Trimegistus at June 21, 2009 10:29 PM (jLf0x)
No, nothing official, it's just passed around the hobo community as an oral tradition.
How many bottles of Val-u-rite do we need for the zombie apocalypse?
It's like homemade pasta: one cup of Val-u-Rite for every pound of kidnapped babysitter.
Do we prefer .45 hollow points or do we need 12 gauge slugs?
Yes.
Do we pack the inflatable "friend"?
Duh. I have just renamed my own bbeck.
Posted by: Bust of Churchill at June 21, 2009 10:30 PM (JyfVU)
Posted by: Evil midnight Bomber What Bombs at Midnight at June 21, 2009 10:31 PM (taJZA)
Posted by: joan at June 21, 2009 10:31 PM (+RbK8)
Posted by: GW Bush at June 21, 2009 10:31 PM (wU8X9)
um, why hasn't anyone in the GOP expressed outrage for the Cash for Clunkers scam that was just signed?
It's a $4B taxpayer boondoggle and the GOP says nothing?
Posted by: Unicles at June 21, 2009 10:37 PM (Bmhek)
Posted by: kbdabear at June 21, 2009 10:37 PM (93F13)
Posted by: Tami at June 21, 2009 10:37 PM (VuLos)
gator likes that law. 4500 per clunker and he can finally clean up his front yard
Posted by: kbdabear at June 21, 2009 10:38 PM (93F13)
Posted by: UoC Conservative at June 21, 2009 10:39 PM (ivwt+)
Actually I was going to talk about how vampires are mostly zombies with good PR, but the post was already getting too damn long.
Posted by: Mætenloch at June 21, 2009 10:39 PM (u2i5o)
Posted by: kbdabear at June 21, 2009 10:40 PM (93F13)
We covered a fantastic number of zombie possibilites at TPW in the man thread, A Man On Men, starting at #7542. Classic thread. Funny as hell.
This might be a link. I don't know.
Posted by: rdbrewer at June 21, 2009 10:40 PM (iGKaC)
Posted by: rdbrewer at June 21, 2009 10:41 PM (iGKaC)
Now vampires -- soulless bloodsuckers who feed off of the living, seduce and deceive, pretend to be harmless animals, are unable to stand sunlight and change you into one of them if they take enough blood -- no, vampires are liberals.
Posted by: AmishDude at June 21, 2009 10:41 PM (FWbHu)
i tried to note this earlier, but i think that with the liberation of iraq, there may be the potential of a sort of "domino effect" of westernization in that region. who wants to be ruled by a bunch of bearded repressed fundamentalist moslems who wont take a bath and make women wear a tent in the desert sun. fuck that.people want to be free. human nature and the desire for liberty, freedom and yes fun is a great force in this world, it was a factor that helped bring down the iron curtain and it is a great influence now in the mideast. the iranians want what the western world has and what iraq now has .
Posted by: joan at June 21, 2009 10:42 PM (+RbK8)
Posted by: kbdabear at June 21, 2009 10:47 PM (93F13)
Posted by: joan at June 21, 2009 10:47 PM (+RbK8)
* from the makers of Transmorphers and Snakes On A Train
Posted by: I am Omega*
Those clowns? I'm almost done watching their latest abomination, "Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus". (by way of comparison) "Snakes on a Plane"* delivered. Lots of snakes, there's a plane. One thing you see very little of in MS v GO is the shark or the octopus. If you've seen the trailer, you've seen ALL the good stuff in the movie.
So why am i watching? It falls right in the middle of the "so bad it's good" category. But it's so bad that I can't watch it for than 10-15 minutes at a time before doing something else for a bit.
Speaking of "so bad it's good", ABC is showing the first part of "Impact" tonight. That's the one where a Brown Dwarf (racist!) smacks into the moon and dooming the earth to certain destruction in 39 days.
That's gotta suck real bad. I can't wait to see it.
*NOT from those people
Posted by: Comrade Arthur at June 21, 2009 10:49 PM (xEa0K)
Mætenloch already mentioned the heroes - a heavily armed group of individuals who recognize they are in a kill or be killed scenario with the zombie hordes.
But consider the zombies for a moment.
They are united in one goal. To the extent that they think, they all think zombie-correct thoughts. They don't care about race, gender, sexuality, etc. There are no classes, no elites. They are even environmentally conscious - not using technology and eating Gaia destroying human beings. And they will force every other human being they can to join them on every level - the personal is political (zombiecal?).
If the goal of zombies was to clean up the earth or some such, and not eat brains, they would be the embodiment of what the Left says it wants.
Posted by: 18-1 at June 21, 2009 10:52 PM (odYmd)
well you have thoroughly convinced me with logic and recitation of the facts that overwhelmingly support your argument that zombies do posses the entrepreneurial spirit of all true capitalists.
Posted by: joan at June 21, 2009 10:52 PM (+RbK8)
OT:
Uh oh.....
TEHRAN, Iran (CNN) -- Iran's election authority has rejected claims of voting irregularities by a defeated presidential candidate, while acknowledging that the number of ballots cast in dozens of cities exceeded the number of eligible voters there, state-run TV reported Monday.
Posted by: TypicalWhitey at June 21, 2009 10:53 PM (xeVap)
acknowledging that the number of ballots cast in dozens of cities exceeded the number of eligible voters
Eh, sounds like the US.
Posted by: flenser at June 21, 2009 10:55 PM (Qov9E)
Posted by: AmishDude at June 21, 2009 10:58 PM (FWbHu)
Posted by: troyriser at June 22, 2009 02:15 AM (cYYYp)
Zombies are lefties. They always on the lookout to take someone's brains. They're never content to raise their own. Count their allies the vampires and Werewolfs too. Watch a dhimmirat turn into a real wolf once he gains a majority and there is no stopping him.
Mummies are also lefties. Always concerned with the trappings of healthcare they don't actually care what they deliver. Also mummies have no guts, no brains, and are generally yellow (with age).
Posted by: Thomas Jackson at June 22, 2009 02:41 AM (B8gqF)
Guess you've never seen Fido, eh?
Posted by: Mike Schinkel at June 22, 2009 03:12 AM (w6Xe1)
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Posted by: loppyd at June 21, 2009
Major LOL!
"Someone, please make it stop"
George Costanza
Posted by: Scipio at June 22, 2009 07:54 AM (a8MXW)
Posted by: Spurwing Plover at June 22, 2009 09:46 AM (xer5c)
Posted by: Dathi at June 22, 2009 09:48 AM (1kwr2)
Zombies are a metaphor for the thousands of starving masses created by liberal policies. After liberals collapse the economy and shut down agriculture and transit, the City dwellers will become desperate and will resort to searching frantically for people who might have food or weapons. (the means to take from others.)
I and my family are Zombie aficionados, and it is a running joke in our family that we have to watch zombie movies to prepare for the hordes of half starving desperate zombielike refugees which are going to result from allowing the Media to elect an incredibly stupid man as president.
By making zombies dead, it mitigates the tender feelings of having to shoot live people, which will be closer to the reality.
Yeah, it's ugly, but I didn't create this mess.
Just consider it training.
Posted by: Progress! at June 22, 2009 11:10 AM (EOnG1)
Oh yes it does.
It just doesn't prove causation.
You're welcome.
Posted by: Professor Peter P. Pedantry, PhD at June 22, 2009 12:11 PM (+Nim8)
The theory is George Romero put a liberal spin on his franchise where originally there wasn't one. In the original, the impression is the Zombie Apocalypse is won, but The Hero(tm) gets shot in the end, mistaken for a zombie. Some people said it was racism; hence Romero's spinning it in future milking. More likely it was just irony for irony's sake. The popularity of the movie demanded a sequel; hence the Zombie Apocalypse went from a victory to a loss.
Posted by: hadsil at June 22, 2009 12:12 PM (mzBaW)
PHUQUE!
There MUST be a way of un-seeing this!
I shall spend the rest of my days in search of such a way!
Posted by: Huck Foley at June 22, 2009 12:33 PM (+Nim8)
Well...maybe gay zombies. They'll be pretty disappointed to find out that's all a stage act, though.
Posted by: The Ghost of Flannery O'Connor at June 22, 2009 07:45 PM (gC7PR)
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Dale's ECB
Election Projection
Federal Review
Real Clear Politics
Rasmussen Reports
Gallup
Zogby
FoxNews Polls
Sabato/Crystal Ball
Paul Anka Haiku Contest Announcement
Integrity SAT's: Entrance Exam for Paul Anka's Band
AllahPundit's Paul Anka 45's Collection
AnkaPundit: Paul Anka Takes Over the Site for a Weekend (Continues through to Monday's postings)
George Bush Slices Don Rumsfeld Like an F*ckin' Hammer
Democratic Forays into Erotica
New Shows On Gore's DNC/MTV Network
Nicknames for Potatoes, By People Who Really Hate Potatoes
Star Wars Euphemisms for Self-Abuse
Signs You're at an Iraqi "Wedding Party"
Signs Your Clown Has Gone Bad
Signs That You, Geroge Michael, Should Probably Just Give It Up
Signs of Hip-Hop Influence on John Kerry
NYT Headlines Spinning Bush's Jobs Boom
Things People Are More Likely to Say Than "Did You Hear What Al Franken Said Yesterday?"
Signs that Paul Krugman Has Lost His Frickin' Mind
All-Time Best NBA Players, According to Senator Robert Byrd
Other Bad Things About the Jews, According to the Koran
Signs That David Letterman Just Doesn't Care Anymore
Examples of Bob Kerrey's Insufferable Racial Jackassery
Signs Andy Rooney Is Going Senile
Other Judgments Dick Clarke Made About Condi Rice Based on Her Appearance
Collective Names for Groups of People
John Kerry's Other Vietnam Super-Pets
Cool Things About the XM8 Assault Rifle
Media-Approved Facts About the Democrat Spy
Changes to Make Christianity More "Inclusive"
Secret John Kerry Senatorial Accomplishments
John Edwards Campaign Excuses
John Kerry Pick-Up Lines
Changes Liberal Senator George Michell Will Make at Disney
Torments in Dog-Hell
The Ace of Spades HQ Sex-for-Money Skankathon
A D&D Guide to the Democratic Candidates
Margaret Cho: Just Not Funny
More Margaret Cho Abuse
Margaret Cho: Still Not Funny
Iraqi Prisoner Claims He Was Raped... By Woman
Wonkette Announces "Morning Zoo" Format
John Kerry's "Plan" Causes Surrender of Moqtada al-Sadr's Militia
World Muslim Leaders Apologize for Nick Berg's Beheading
Michael Moore Goes on Lunchtime Manhattan Death-Spree
Milestone: Oliver Willis Posts 400th "Fake News Article" Referencing Britney Spears
Liberal Economists Rue a "New Decade of Greed"
Artificial Insouciance: Maureen Dowd's Word Processor Revolts Against Her Numbing Imbecility
Intelligence Officials Eye Blogs for Tips
They Done Found Us Out, Cletus: Intrepid Internet Detective Figures Out Our Master Plan
Shock: Josh Marshall Almost Mentions Sarin Discovery in Iraq
Leather-Clad Biker Freaks Terrorize Australian Town
When Clinton Was President, Torture Was Cool
What Wonkette Means When She Explains What Tina Brown Means
Wonkette's Stand-Up Act
Wankette HQ Gay-Rumors Du Jour
Here's What's Bugging Me: Goose and Slider
My Own Micah Wright Style Confession of Dishonesty
Outraged "Conservatives" React to the FMA
An On-Line Impression of Dennis Miller Having Sex with a Kodiak Bear
The Story the Rightwing Media Refuses to Report!
Our Lunch with David "Glengarry Glen Ross" Mamet
The House of Love: Paul Krugman
A Michael Moore Mystery (TM)
The Dowd-O-Matic!
Liberal Consistency and Other Myths
Kepler's Laws of Liberal Media Bias
John Kerry-- The Splunge! Candidate
"Divisive" Politics & "Attacks on Patriotism" (very long)
The Donkey ("The Raven" parody)