File under painfully retarded: Brit "anti-stab" knife

With the economy collapsing, middle east in disarray, and a prez and VP who apparently "guess" about shit like spending trillions of dollars to stanch growing unemployment, I felt we needed some good old fashioned world class stupidity to brighten up the day.

Enter the new British "anti-stab" knife.

As I behold the ummm...brilliance of this design, I also note that things like files and grinding wheels are still on sale in Britain...so "points" aren't all that hard to restore on a knife if one has more than a handful of neurons firing and is capable of going to the potty without mom's help.

Also, any self defense instructor will tell you its not the stabbers you have to really be concerned about its the slashers. Stabbers are generally amateurs, slashers are pros who know how to fuck you up real bad.

Of course the 50 pound price will likely chase most criminals away and they'll simply opt for a chunk of old sharpened up auto leaf spring with a not so stylish duct tape grip.

So this is the sad state of affairs it has degenerated to in England. A country where the common law was born, where Blackstone recorded that every man had an inherant right to self defense, etc. etc. Now they're selling freaking knives that aren't real and the criminals are laughing their asses off over all this theater

Posted by: Purple Avenger at 02:49 PM

Comments

Can I get my anti-hit cricket bat next?

Grim

Posted by: Grim at June 16, 2009 02:51 PM (gyNYk)

2 The Bronze Age called and said they are willing to help any modern day Brit to fucking stupid to figure out how to sharpen metal to a point.

Posted by: DrewM. at June 16, 2009 02:52 PM (iTt2X)

3 Next? The patented anti-shoot gun.

"cause that'll scare the piss out of your everyday mugger.

Posted by: wiserbud at June 16, 2009 02:52 PM (wWwJR)

4 I guess the sun's finally set on the British Empire.
What a bunch of pussies.

Posted by: Iblis at June 16, 2009 02:53 PM (9221z)

5 My favorite part is how clever some think it is.

Posted by: Pelvis at June 16, 2009 02:56 PM (LlaBi)

6 I think I'll sell them some fire proof lighters. Looks like they are into buying stupid shit.

Posted by: Lemmiwinks at June 16, 2009 02:56 PM (IqfKc)

7 Please, that shit looks like a failed attempt at an edgier version of a butter knife.

Posted by: TiNa48 at June 16, 2009 02:56 PM (rcAOq)

8 And yet, when I went to London a few weeks back, every trendy youth was wearing a kaffiyeh. Mixed messages, anyone?

Posted by: Tungsten Monk at June 16, 2009 02:56 PM (VrNoa)

9 What do you expect from some anti-common-sense poofters?

Posted by: wiserbud at June 16, 2009 02:57 PM (IHbof)

10 That is sofa king wee todd ed.

Posted by: Farmer Joe at June 16, 2009 02:57 PM (z4es9)

11 I beg to differ with the inventor's analysis that you can't just grab it out of a kitchen drawer and kill someone with it. Maybe I'm being stupid, but can't you just slice across somebody's jugular with it? Or open the veins at their wrist? Of course that won't be as quick as just punching the knife in, but it will be fatal.

Posted by: ParanoidGirlInSeattle at June 16, 2009 02:57 PM (AJ4xq)

12 How about a 'pointed stick'?

Posted by: CUS at June 16, 2009 02:59 PM (wOGfT)

...so "points" aren't all that hard to restore on a knife if one has more than a handful of neurons firing and is capable of going to the potty without mom's help.

Well, thankfully we know this means Palin Steele won't be a threat.

Posted by: ParanoidGirlInSeattle at June 16, 2009 02:59 PM (AJ4xq)

14 I just can't seem to get these little parachutes to stay on the bullets. Staples maybe?

Posted by: alppuccino at June 16, 2009 02:59 PM (nwXF9)

15 How about a 'pointed stick'?

SHADDUP!

Posted by: wiserbud at June 16, 2009 03:00 PM (IHbof)

16 They can grind a new point, or easier yet, just grab a traditional, old-fashioned cutting-type knife.

Posted by: TomK at June 16, 2009 03:01 PM (Z1okY)

17 Someone remembers Python, Monty.

Posted by: CUS at June 16, 2009 03:02 PM (wOGfT)

18 Next up? Anti-drowning water.

Buy a bucketful today!

Posted by: wiserbud at June 16, 2009 03:03 PM (IHbof)

19 The snag hook on the end looks like it could give you a really nasty scratch.

Posted by: John Galt at June 16, 2009 03:04 PM (SDkq3)

20 Someone remembers Python, Monty.

And then, you release the tiger!

Posted by: wiserbud at June 16, 2009 03:04 PM (IHbof)

21 So this is what passes for innovative design in England these days. Only a moonbat could think this was anything but idiotic. Pathetic. I wonder when we will see them in better moonbat stores here?

Posted by: maddogg at June 16, 2009 03:05 PM (OlN4e)

22 While it may have been designed to caught in clothing if used to stab, i suspect with a modicum of force on bare skin, that knife will slide right into you. Brilliant design, when used to stab, it will cause even more damage, because it is a blunt edge which will tear skin and tissue instead of cleanly slicing it.

Posted by: Penfold at June 16, 2009 03:05 PM (lF2Kk)

23 when you are scared shxxless about a nuclear Iran and N Korea and feel generally helpless in the face of the Islamo terrorist threat, it is rather comforting to deceive yourself by focusing on the minute little things you do control.

Posted by: canuk at June 16, 2009 03:05 PM (flu/p)

24 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=piWCBOsJr-w

Posted by: CUS at June 16, 2009 03:05 PM (wOGfT)

25 Meh. I'm more of a slasher anyway.

Its more than adequate if someone comes at you with a banana.

Posted by: toby928: fagotty faux-con fragger at June 16, 2009 03:07 PM (PD1tk)

26 I blame the farmers for growing food that requires such a sharp piece of metal to slice it.

Won't someone thing of the Children?^tm

Posted by: wiserbud at June 16, 2009 03:07 PM (IHbof)

27 You could still put someone's eye out with that thing.

Posted by: yinzer at June 16, 2009 03:07 PM (/Mla1)

28 My favorite part is how clever some think it is.

People think California emissions controls are clever too. Almost every state has mandated that cars use California emissions controls so they can reduce their NO_x gases from 6 ppm (that's parts per million, an extremely small amount) to 3 ppm while reducing their mpg by 9-15%. The best way to instantly reduce the country's CO₂emissions* by 9-15% is to remove all of the emissions controls.

*I don't believe in Al Gore's global warming garbage but since some idiots do....

Posted by: Lemmiwinks at June 16, 2009 03:08 PM (IqfKc)

29 I could really use a non-slip handle on that thing. Sure will cut up the hands to no-end while trying to jab that into someone.

Posted by: Stabby at June 16, 2009 03:08 PM (pUfK9)

This is so rich, it's hard to pick a good starting point. And yes, teh funny dawned on me as I typed that.

First, they outlawed guns. Now this. Bats will be next, followed by screwdrivers and awls. Then fingernails, finally fingers themselves, then arms.

Where will it all end?

At the shoulder?

Posted by: BackwardsBoy at June 16, 2009 03:08 PM (ZGhSv)

31 Anti-stab? I bet I could stab you while you're holding one.

Posted by: Z Ryan at June 16, 2009 03:08 PM (PDeVA)

32 Anti-stab knife? That makes about as much sense as an anti-American POTUS.

Posted by: yinzer at June 16, 2009 03:09 PM (/Mla1)

33 Nobody could just grab one out of the kitchen drawer and kill someone

I bet I could.

Posted by: OJ Simpson at June 16, 2009 03:09 PM (UMwMT)

This cannot be serious.

I'll betcha the stimulus package here in the USA that I can stab anyone with those knives. You think the inventor will volunteer?

Posted by: BIGKAHUNA at June 16, 2009 03:09 PM (8Elov)

35 Its more than adequate if someone comes at you with a banana.

Fight or flight. When someone comes at me with a banana, I split.

Posted by: IllTemperedCur at June 16, 2009 03:10 PM (oT+Ek)

36 Sorry Purple, but this self-defense instructor will tell you no such thing. Slashing attacks, when done correctly, are dangerous. Stabbing attacks, when done correctly, are dangerous. Get the picture?

Posted by: NJconservative at June 16, 2009 03:10 PM (/Ywwg)

37 Lost in this discussion is the effect on hobo-skinning in the UK. This will only serve to embolden the hobos.

Posted by: BackwardsBoy at June 16, 2009 03:11 PM (ZGhSv)

38 Instead of worrying about anti-stab knives how about the English look into toothbrushes and dentistry in general. Eh wot?

Posted by: TheQuietMan at June 16, 2009 03:11 PM (1Jaio)

39 We won't be using a stabbing motion when we're cutting heads off British infidels.

Posted by: al Qaeda, London Branch at June 16, 2009 03:13 PM (QYJUz)

40 "... its not the stabbers you have to really be concerned about its the slashers. Stabbers are generally amateurs..."

Tell that to any Marine who knows how to take out a goblin silently from behind with a Ka-Bar into the left side of the ribcage. Not a word; barely even a whimper.

That being said, once the BATFE comes and takes away our guns, knives, lawn tools, silverware, and barstools, I don't think many readers here will have any problem coming up with an improvised weapon when the need arises.

Posted by: Keith Arnold at June 16, 2009 03:14 PM (Jdtsu)

It was invented by industrial designer John Cornock, who was inspired by a documentary in which doctors advocated banning traditional knives.

Those doctors should be strung up by their sacks, if they have any. Un-effing-believable.

Posted by: yinzer at June 16, 2009 03:14 PM (/Mla1)

42 That's pretty fucking weak, bub.

Posted by: Wolverine at June 16, 2009 03:14 PM (wU8X9)

43 Who needs em? I once killed a man with 2 paperclips and a toothbrush!

Posted by: Joe Biden at June 16, 2009 03:15 PM (/Mla1)

wish i had it before gouging my eyes out w/a spoon after seeing the pic of M.O. walking the dog.

eh...tis merely a flesh wound!

Posted by: dananjcon at June 16, 2009 03:15 PM (1B81L)

45 The Anglo-Saxons stab while the Muslims slash.

Posted by: Lemmiwinks at June 16, 2009 03:15 PM (IqfKc)

Where will it all end?

At the shoulder?

You;ve obviously never been in a mall when there's a sale.

Posted by: wiserbud at June 16, 2009 03:15 PM (wWwJR)

47 They're becoming a nation of bubble boys. Maybe the entire island should be enclosed in a rubber-padded dome so they don't hurt themselves.

Posted by: lmg at June 16, 2009 03:15 PM (Qt4Y7)

48 Last time I checked, all prisons have a complete and total ban on knives. That ban isn't very effective in preventing stabbings.

Posted by: Ken at June 16, 2009 03:16 PM (3rbzb)

That being said, once the BATFE comes and takes away our guns, knives, lawn tools, silverware, and barstools, I don't think many readers here will have any problem coming up with an improvised weapon when the need arises.

you must be one of those rigthwing extremists

Posted by: dananjcon at June 16, 2009 03:17 PM (1B81L)

Ok, so you buy one of these if you don't want to stab somebody or you don't want someone to stab you? But other knives are still out there, right?

Makes perfect sense for a country that still has "royalty".

Posted by: Circa (Insert Year Here) at June 16, 2009 03:17 PM (B+qrE)

Last time I checked, all prisons have a complete and total ban on knives. That ban isn't very effective in preventing stabbings.

You talking about the OJ Simpson kind of stabbings, or the Perez Hilton kind of stabbings.

Posted by: Joe Biden at June 16, 2009 03:18 PM (/Mla1)

52 The point is mightier than the edge but my weapon has both, and a man used to the point is sometimes a sucker for a cut.

Posted by: E. C. "Scar" Gordon at June 16, 2009 03:18 PM (PD1tk)

53 Anti-stabbing? I thought that's what spoons were for.

Posted by: who invented paste at June 16, 2009 03:18 PM (eTkwe)

That ban isn't very effective in preventing stabbings.

Today's double entendre winner!!!!!!

Posted by: Circa (Insert Year Here) at June 16, 2009 03:18 PM (B+qrE)

55 I guess I won't be practicing my stabbing in the UK

Posted by: Roberto from Futurama at June 16, 2009 03:18 PM (IhQuA)

56 They need to invent a hammer that can't pound a nail to prevent people from creating sticks with nails in them.

Posted by: WalrusRex at June 16, 2009 03:19 PM (xxgag)

57 I'm thinking of inventing a weedeater that uses silly string. Not only would it be safe, it would be damn festive.

Posted by: scottythrust at June 16, 2009 03:19 PM (VTeUD)

58 Just making a point, dananjcon. But yeah, I s'pose, guilty as charged.

Posted by: Keith Arnold at June 16, 2009 03:20 PM (Jdtsu)

59 >>Nobody could just grab one out of the kitchen drawer and kill someone.�

Bull@#$. You can stab someone to death with a ball point pen. (I know. . . they're going to ban those in England next).

This so-called "anti stab" knife doesn't prevent you from sticking it into someone's chest, it only makes it a little more difficult. (And that's assuming you don't spend the necessary 5-10 minutes sharpening the round edge into a chisel point using any variety of impossible to ban tools, including a simple brick).

Further as Purple Avenger suggests, there is nothing stopping you from using it to slash someones throat.

One wonders if the "brain surgeon" physicians advocating these idiotic anti-stab knives conduct their operations with "anti-stab" scalpels.

Posted by: looking closely at June 16, 2009 03:20 PM (6Q9g2)

60 And now that I take stock of my knife arsenal hanging from the magnetic bar in the kitchen, there already is an "anti-stab" knife - it's called a cleaver. Square head, impossible to stab with. Sure you can, ya know, chop, but not stab.

Posted by: Ken at June 16, 2009 03:20 PM (3rbzb)

61 Icepicks are still cool though, right?

Posted by: Ramon Mercader at June 16, 2009 03:20 PM (PD1tk)

I think the marketing for this knife is brilliant! Anyone so stupid as to think this knife will make them safer from stabbings needs to have a knife with no point. Just as one doesn't give real scissors to a kindergartner, one doesn't give real knives to a Brit.

A person who needs a pointless knife would be repulsed by an ad that sold knives with the tagline "Safe for 'tards!". The marketing genius who came up with this campaign to effectively sell "safer" knives to people who need safer knives should be given all the awards the marketing community offers.

Posted by: bonhomme at June 16, 2009 03:20 PM (yJtrs)

63 If their ancestors had known what the Brits would someday become, they would have cut off their own balls in shame.

Posted by: lmg at June 16, 2009 03:21 PM (Qt4Y7)

64 A real man does his hobo-skinning with a fire-axe anyways.

Posted by: yinzer at June 16, 2009 03:22 PM (/Mla1)

65 Combine a vitamin free diet with an obligatory adolescent homosexual phase and you get where Great Britain used to be.

Posted by: nk at June 16, 2009 03:22 PM (iwz43)

E. C. "Scar" Gordon at June 16, 2009 03:18 PM (PD1tk)

OK, who's the Heinlein fan?

Posted by: Sort-of-Mad Max at June 16, 2009 03:23 PM (ERJIu)

67 And I guarantee you that if I put sufficient force behind that blade, it'll stab you just fine.

Now, if I really want to fuck someone over, I find a knife with a serated edge, then slash and hack.

Posted by: I R A Darth Aggie at June 16, 2009 03:23 PM (1hM1d)

68 Incidentally, my favorite kitchen knife actually does lack a point. Its a $7 Chinese cleaver, that's awesome for chopping vegetables.

http://fantes.com/images/121241cleavers.jpg

But I'm not stupid enough to think that you couldn't seriously hurt or kill someone with it if you were trying to.

Posted by: looking closely at June 16, 2009 03:24 PM (6Q9g2)

At one time the sun never set on the British Empire. Now the whole country stands unashamed limp wristed sissies. Sickening. They could be conquered with a belt and harsh language at the rate they are degenerating. Are they trying to out wimp the Fwench?

Posted by: maddogg at June 16, 2009 03:24 PM (OlN4e)

Did the UN declare this week to be "Anti-knife Week"?

http://tinyurl.com/nhr3fl

Posted by: BackwardsBoy at June 16, 2009 03:24 PM (ZGhSv)

71 Come to think of it... if this happens here, we'll have to club hobos like baby seals. But how will we field-dress them?

Posted by: Keith Arnold at June 16, 2009 03:24 PM (Jdtsu)

72 Icepicks are still cool though, right?

I just knew that I should have kept that steel helmet.

Posted by: Zombie Trotsky at June 16, 2009 03:27 PM (oT+Ek)

73 BTW, for the imbeciles who think that this silliness will prevent impulse killing, I seem to recall some hijackers a few years back who managed to murder a stewardess and crash some airliners into some buildings with box knives, which cannot be used for stabbing at all. Kill yourself, you are an imbecile.

Posted by: maddogg at June 16, 2009 03:27 PM (OlN4e)

74 Well, being from Russia I can tell you that if this stuff somehow made it to the kitchens of our drunks it would spare a lot of lives.

Posted by: AlexD at June 16, 2009 03:27 PM (dGjtN)

75 How long before actual scissors are outlawed and these become mandatory for every citizen of the formerly Great Britain?

Posted by: wiserbud at June 16, 2009 03:28 PM (wWwJR)

You can try to idiot-proof everything, but they will just build better idiots!

Posted by: Ben There at June 16, 2009 03:29 PM (lCtCL)

And it was so much fun stabbing these british eunuchs before we cut off their heads. Oh well, guess we'll have to skip the foreplay and go straight to the decapitation.

Posted by: Mustafa in Britain at June 16, 2009 03:29 PM (knIKF)

78 I could maybe see the need for "anti-stab" knives, if say, you wanted to eat a steak dinner in a ward full of homicidal psychopaths.

But then again, they already make plastic knives.

Also, its not so much the POINT of a knife that makes it dangerous, its the ability to penetrate a vital organ. If you wanted a truly "safer" knife, it would not only need to lack a point, but it would also need a short blade length.

Posted by: looking closely at June 16, 2009 03:30 PM (PwGfd)

79 "Also, any self defense instructor will tell you its not the stabbers you have to really be concerned about its the slashers. Stabbers are generally amateurs, slashers are pros who know how to fuck you up real bad."

"36 Sorry Purple, but this self-defense instructor will tell you no such thing. Slashing attacks, when done correctly, are dangerous. Stabbing attacks, when done correctly, are dangerous. Get the picture?"

Just to throw my semi-professional opinion out for destruction, while it's not good to get stabbed OR slashed, stabbings are, in general, much more deadly. Unless someone is specifically slitting your throat, the majority of cut wounds to the body, head or limbs, even fairly deep ones, will bleed for a bit, but eventually stop before bleeding to death. One or two thrusts into the torso, however, can easily hit a vital organ, causing death from blood loss, shock, organ failure, etc.

Posted by: Grimaldi at June 16, 2009 03:31 PM (am5lH)

*made it to the kitchens of our drunks*

Can you narrow it down to something less than 95% of the population?

;-)

Posted by: Ken at June 16, 2009 03:31 PM (3rbzb)

If the inventor was really brilliant the knife would be made of inferior materials.

He should make it so the thing won't hold an edge after any use at all. Viola, it's not a slashing weapon! Maybe you can even make it especially brittle, so in a violent altercation it shatters.

I'm off to pitch my ideas to Billy Mays. I shall be called the "Shoddy Knife King".

Posted by: bonhomme at June 16, 2009 03:32 PM (yJtrs)

82 You can try to idiot-proof everything, but they will just build better idiots!

Nope, ya can't stop me from being me, that's for sure.

Posted by: palin steel - super idiot at June 16, 2009 03:32 PM (IHbof)

83 "Slice like a fuckin' hammer" makes a lot more sense now, doesn't it?

Posted by: Paul Anka at June 16, 2009 03:32 PM (wU8X9)

84 can someone over there please stab amy whinehouse?

Posted by: dananjcon at June 16, 2009 03:32 PM (1B81L)

85 And here is the next mandatory British cutlery set.

The set in question, actually IS made in England, by the way.

Posted by: looking closely at June 16, 2009 03:33 PM (PwGfd)

86 What's the surprise? The Brits came up with anti-bite teeth.

Posted by: rdbrewer at June 16, 2009 03:35 PM (BIttS)

87 Frankly far more worrisome is the US Customs' attempt to impose a stealth ban on lots of knives here in the US. This deserves a hell of a lot more attention than these stupid non-stabby knives. Unfortunately nobody seems to be discussing this at all.

Posted by: Enas Yorl at June 16, 2009 03:35 PM (BvNzB)

88 86 What's the surprise? The Brits came up with anti-bite teeth. thats it you got me lolol ahahaha

Posted by: dananjcon at June 16, 2009 03:36 PM (1B81L)

89 #83, Paul Anka was ahead of his time.

Posted by: rdbrewer at June 16, 2009 03:36 PM (BIttS)

Some obscure inventor invented it, and some obscure pussified government agency found it promising. I would bet the vast majority of Britons find it a bizarre and insulting concept.

Go to the Guido Fawkes blog and read the comments. The people there are anti-nanny-state and not well behaved at all. Reminds me of this place.

Posted by: Wm T Sherman at June 16, 2009 03:37 PM (w41GQ)

91 What's next, "stab-proof" ice picks? Padded polo mallets?

Posted by: GarandFan at June 16, 2009 03:40 PM (C3okI)

Some obscure inventor invented it, and some obscure pussified government agency found it promising.

Wanna bet someone in the aforementioned pussified goverment agency has an *ahem* interest in this company?

Posted by: BackwardsBoy at June 16, 2009 03:40 PM (ZGhSv)

He said: �It can never be a totally safe knife, but the idea is you can�t inflict a fatal wound. Nobody could just grab one out of the kitchen drawer and kill someone.�

Wrong.

If you slash the inside of the left thigh the femoral artery will bleed you out inside of 4 minutes.

At least the knives are Islamic friendly, they just use the edge to cut heads off, no need to be pointy.

Still, knife or no knife, if you really have the urge to kill, you could do someone from 5 yards with a Smith Corona automatic typewriter. All it takes is one shot to the head.

Posted by: Speller at June 16, 2009 03:40 PM (fh5Oy)

94 @66 Sort-of-Mad Max

OK, who's the Heinlein fan?

It wasn't my post, but what man who has ever read Heinlein's description of Star isn't a Heinlein fan?

Posted by: MikeO at June 16, 2009 03:41 PM (hz67i)

The erudite and sophisticated Brits are apparently too irresponsible to be allowed to have proper utensils. No wonder they need govt to provide healthcare and wipe their collective useless asses.

Posted by: Mustafa in Britain at June 16, 2009 03:41 PM (knIKF)

From the people who brought you the anti-stab knife: The official catalogue of governmet approved anti-bite teeth. As you can see, there are several models to choose from.

Posted by: rdbrewer at June 16, 2009 03:44 PM (BIttS)

97 Gee. . .its not like there are ANY OTHER implements in the kitchen that might be dangerous if used improperly.

Posted by: looking closely at June 16, 2009 03:44 PM (6Q9g2)

98 Now someone needs to put a wine cork on the end of Nigel Tufts' fork so he doesn't poke himself in the eye again.

Posted by: Empire of Jeff at June 16, 2009 03:45 PM (xGIqT)

99 Chicken Pot Chicken Pot Chicken Pot Piiie!!!!

Posted by: typical Brit in the kitchen at June 16, 2009 03:46 PM (IHbof)

100 What's next, anti-hooligan soccar matches?

Posted by: rdbrewer at June 16, 2009 03:47 PM (BIttS)

101 @93 Speller

Brachial artery is a fat target as well if you pull downward on your opponent's arm with your free hand while slicing upward with a reverse grip.

Trying to hit CNS or vital innards to stop your opponent's attack requires more precision than the gross movements available in a fight-or-flight situation would afford.

Posted by: MikeO at June 16, 2009 03:48 PM (hz67i)

102 #98

I think you need a new design for an "anti-stab" fork.

Perhaps chopsticks made of rubber.

Posted by: looking closely at June 16, 2009 03:48 PM (6Q9g2)

103

Can you narrow it down to something less than 95% of the population?

;-)

Ah, how cruel, and I haven't even touched a fifth bottle of beer yet (it's true).

BTW Brits seem to nurture the idea for some time, here's article from 2005 http://tinyurl.com/m8t88v

Posted by: AlexD at June 16, 2009 03:49 PM (dGjtN)

104 @38: Instead of worrying about anti-stab knives how about the English look into toothbrushes...

Surely, you jest. You could put someone's eye out with one of those.

Posted by: Lemming of the BDA at June 16, 2009 03:49 PM (1OYcp)

105 Are these not the same people who had to put padding on lamp posts to protect drunks?

Posted by: Ben There at June 16, 2009 03:50 PM (lCtCL)

106 We must also ban pizza cutters, microwaves (think about the kittens!), can openers, and open cans with sharp edges. I something else I can't seem to remember.

Posted by: British safety inspector who took a cheese grater to the face at June 16, 2009 03:50 PM (wU8X9)

107

Stupid is supposed to hurt.

Posted by: MikeO at June 16, 2009 03:51 PM (hz67i)

108 #105, Its better than watering down the booze.

Posted by: looking closely at June 16, 2009 03:51 PM (6Q9g2)

109

The anti-chuck rock.

Posted by: rdbrewer at June 16, 2009 03:53 PM (BIttS)

110 My god, they have this kind of brilliant technology at their disposal, and yet they still have a snaggle toothed populace?

No wonder the british trolls here are so pissed.

And here I thought it was the fact that we kicked their collective asses in two wars, and bailed them out of two others...

Posted by: UncleFacts at June 16, 2009 03:57 PM (vZVv7)

111

A guppy knife.

Posted by: Javems at June 16, 2009 04:00 PM (hq71Y)

112 For all the humor, the "PTB" actually think they can control every aspect of your lives..and get away with doing so.

Why would they reach such a conclusion, you might ask?

It's because you're Morons.

Posted by: Warren Bonesteel at June 16, 2009 04:01 PM (ZMJCm)

113 First the Brits banned the guns...

Then they did away with the pointed knives.....

Next will come the bench grinders without the grinding wheels......

Posted by: fixerupper at June 16, 2009 04:01 PM (J5Hcw)

114

'Ah, that's not a knife.

SCHWING!

'ere, THAT'S a knife!

Posted by: Mick 'Crocodile' Dundee at June 16, 2009 04:03 PM (Hb/ve)

115 Well, I really don't know if the stabbing would have done me in, but the beheading certainly finished me off, eh.

Posted by: former Canadian former bus passenger at June 16, 2009 04:19 PM (knHvu)

116

We already have an anti-stab knife in our kitchen. Use it all the time. It's an older design though:

http://tinyurl.com/ym72p7

Posted by: HiHO at June 16, 2009 04:41 PM (5V/kc)

117

What the heck. I didn't mean to put that in bold. It should have been BOLD ALL CAPS UNDERLINED

sorry.

Posted by: HiHO at June 16, 2009 04:44 PM (5V/kc)

118 I understand the brits are even now perfecting the nerf 2X4. No more broken knee caps!

Posted by: DngrMse at June 16, 2009 04:44 PM (IzN2d)

119 @79 Grimaldi,

I won't argue the point (sorry), other than to say that a well-trained knife fighter can slash you to death pretty quickly, but it probably does take a bit more skill. And, I was just busting balls a bit.

Now go home and get your fucking shine box!

Posted by: NJconservative at June 16, 2009 04:46 PM (/Ywwg)

120 The Brits love to make fun of the Irish, but how long ago was the potato peeler invented?

Posted by: bergerbilder at June 16, 2009 04:49 PM (u61UO)

121

On the boat we used to discuss how long it would take to beat someone to death with a sound-powered phone. I don't think it would take long.

Grim

Posted by: Grim at June 16, 2009 04:50 PM (gyNYk)

122 Nope, nothing else in the kitchen that could hurt someone in a fit of impulsive rage, nosiree.

(looks at his 10'' cast iron skillet, bottle of drain cleaner and remarkably heavy glass vase)

Posted by: Techie at June 16, 2009 05:03 PM (cxW4X)

123 My point about slash vs stab is that there are viable blocks for most forms of frontal stab attack. A good slasher in a frontal attack IS going to draw blood.

Posted by: Purple Avenger at June 16, 2009 05:12 PM (Slx41)

124 good thing i sold er lost yea thats it... lost all my sharp pointy knives in a boating accident last summer. and all my guns and reloading equipment. such a shame.

Posted by: evil libertarian at June 16, 2009 05:13 PM (/LywR)

125 simple fact.....in a knife fight...everyone bleeds. the winner drips, the loser gushes, but everyone bleeds.

Posted by: madamemayhem at June 16, 2009 05:13 PM (J3B6Y)

126

38 Instead of worrying about anti-stab knives how about the English look into toothbrushes and dentistry in general. Eh wot?

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Posted by: marine43 at June 16, 2009 05:21 PM (/CM3N)

128 Unless you're a quick-draw artist, at close range, within about five yards, the knife has the advantage. While you're still reaching for your pistol, the knife will slash you to ribbons.

For close-in work, it's better to ensure that your Kung Fu skillz are mighty.

There's a reason why that old mobster said to charge a gun and run from a knife.

Personally, these days, I prefer long-range elegance and the use of a tripod.

Posted by: Warren Bonesteel at June 16, 2009 05:29 PM (ZMJCm)

129 If attacked in London, I take great comfort knowing I will not be stabbed to death, but will be repetitively slashed about the face, hands, and abdomen, losing copious amounts of blood and bleeding out. Yes, a more prolonged and painful death experience is what makes this so appealing.

Posted by: Fish at June 16, 2009 05:34 PM (FnA4R)

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Posted by: Codec717 at June 16, 2009 05:51 PM (DyuqI)

131

Anti-poke stick.

Posted by: rdbrewer at June 16, 2009 05:59 PM (BIttS)

132

Any restrictions on the sale of screwdrivers? Not-yet-broken bottles? Razor blades that can be inserted into a potato?

No?

You lose, nanny. The thug wins.

Posted by: Mikey NTH at June 16, 2009 06:25 PM (TUWci)

133 I vote stabbing over slashing also. The Romans knew something about edged weapons and equipped their legionairres with the gladius for stabbing. There are lots of vital points for stabbers to target that will finish the victim quickly.

Posted by: Belasarius at June 16, 2009 06:26 PM (mqMgN)

134 61 Icepicks are still cool though, right?
Yes. Just remember that the handle needs to be loose. After you stab the guy the handle is suppose to come off leaving the pick inside while you walk away with the fingerprints on the handle.

Posted by: Snookered at June 16, 2009 06:51 PM (h3PdB)

135 The standard claw hammer is the best of both worlds. I recommend an Estwing.

Posted by: Mikey NTH at June 16, 2009 06:54 PM (TUWci)

136 On the plus side, it looks kinda like a shark. Which the UK has clearly jumped, in its fear of inanimate weapons, and coddling of animate criminals.

Posted by: Splunge at June 16, 2009 06:59 PM (9uwvY)

137 They aren't anti-stab, they're pro-slash.

Posted by: Craig R. Harmon at June 16, 2009 07:08 PM (ZckOd)

138 The best anti-stab knife is one without a block to the hand sliding down the blade. My current pocket knife would be really tough to stab with. You would have to whack the victim on the head with the skillet then while they were stunned, position the knife and push on the back of the handle. Of course morons in congress are trying to ban my knife because it can be opened with one hand. The whole point of the knife is to open with one hand since it is a specialized climbing knife. The old Boy Scout knife was even worse because the blade would not lock. Of course that did not stop me from stabbing a tree and about cutting my finger off. That was my second corner off my totem card ) :

The ban of switch blades and gravity knives was a great over-reaction to the 50's street gangs, they have moved on to guns but we still can't buy a convenient to open knife.

Posted by: Bill at June 16, 2009 07:50 PM (LZSir)

139

During the good old days of Queen Victoria, Englishmen could walk into a store and buy revolvers, shotguns, swordcanes, swords, knives and just about any other weapon they wanted, short of a Maxim gun more or less. Today the modern, 21st century Englishman, the descendant of the men who fought 2 world wars and more small wars than you can shake a stick at, those men allow their government to tell them they cannot be trusted with ordinary kitchen knives?

How the mighty have fallen!

Posted by: BattleofthePyramids at June 16, 2009 07:51 PM (WbZeR)

140 "Is this a dagger which I see before me..."

Um, no.

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The Romans designed the gladius as a complement to their shield walls. When locked in a proper mutually defensive shield wall, it is impossible for a soldier to swing his weapon. Therefore, it was necessary to devise weapons that could be jabbed at the enemy through the gaps in the shields.

However, since few of us will ever have the opportunity to form a shield wall when attacked in our homes, or mugged in the streets, I would prefer a weapon that can stab and slash.

Against a unskilled or surprised opponent, a stab is the quickest, most effective way to kill or disable your opponent. However, a skilled and/or prepared opponent is likely either block your attack or stab you in return.

As one of my combat instructors taught us, your best tactic if you get caught in a knife fight is to bleed your opponent, and weaken him to a point where he starts making mistakes, then you stab him. Just remember, nobody wins a knife fight, they just survive.

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