Craigslist Ad: Hey, Come Rape My Unwilling Wife So I Can Get Off Watching It

Not just an ad, either: He got someone to do it.

And it gets even better than that:

His wife called police early Sunday morning and said a man with a knife raped her in the bedroom of their home in Kannapolis, about 25 miles northeast of Charlotte, authorities said. Her husband was in the room, police said. Their two young children were also home, but were unaware of what was happening, authorities said.

In case you missed the "unwilling" in the headline, the wife was not part of this plan and did not ask to participate in a fake rape scenario. The husband just thought it was a cool idea.

Before I really understood the appeal of the internet -- back in 1996 or so -- steve_in_hb told me, "Well, you can find people with the same interests as yours. Like some guy might be a collector of antique HO scale railroad trains manufactured by a specific Bavarian company. There's no easy way to find fellow enthusiasts without the internet, but with the internet, he can find the six other guys in the entire world who share his passion."

Unfortunately that logic applies to less wholesome interests. Every sexual predator can find other sexual predators and a struggling artist of live rape can find an eager audience for his "show."

More Sexual Weirdness: This one is consensual, but dangerous. And stupid.

"Daggering." No, no daggers involved. Just a cool name.

Resulting in "broken penises."

AN erotic dance craze is thought to be the cause of a recent spate of broken penises in Jamaica, and now faces a government crackdown.

"Daggering", a lewd dance style where couples simulate dry sex in various positions to the beat of the music, is characterised by over-the-top gyrating, heavy pelvis-thrusting and daredevil leaps.

Many couples have taken the rough daggering dance from the club to the bedroom, with disastrous consequences.

Jamaican doctors were prompted to issue a warning on the dangers of daggering when presented with a range of fractured penises caused by rough intercourse.

The number of cases tripled in the last year, the UKs Sun reports.

The rising popularity of the new dance - and subsequent public protests - have prompted the Jamaican government to ban songs and videos with blatantly sexual content.


Posted by: Ace at 01:49 PM



Comments

1 I'll be in my bunk

Posted by: dave @ at June 04, 2009 01:54 PM (IwKSD)

2 What a dirtbag.
He's gonna get raped in prison.

Posted by: portlandon at June 04, 2009 01:55 PM (Hj5SH)

3 See also: furries.

Posted by: Some Guy at June 04, 2009 01:55 PM (lPxkl)

4 Too bad that chick didn't have a .44 under her pillow like I do. That would have given this story a nifty twist.

Posted by: di butler at June 04, 2009 01:56 PM (tjdui)

5 what if the 'rapist' thought it was a mere fantasy scenario, since the husband did make an ad for it

let's not be so haste to label him a rapist...just sayin

Posted by: palin steele at June 04, 2009 01:56 PM (VDj74)

6 Was it their anniversary?

Posted by: MAJHAM at June 04, 2009 01:57 PM (WvC5A)

7 #4 Too bad that chick didn't have a .44 under her pillow like I do. di, you sound like my (and a bunch of other guys here) kinda gal. What model may I ask?

Posted by: teej at June 04, 2009 01:58 PM (QdUKm)

8 So where do you think these two will end up on the moralheirarchyladder inprison, aboveor belowthose who have sex with animalsor children.
Discuss.

Posted by: AndrewsDad at June 04, 2009 01:59 PM (C2//T)

9 >>>what if the 'rapist' thought it was a mere fantasy scenario, since the husband did make an ad for it

It's a possibility. Though I have trouble believing the guy wouldn't realize it was a real rape at some point.

Posted by: ace at June 04, 2009 02:00 PM (gEsIJ)

10 All on their own, 56 people found the "Keep Wonder Woman Bound" petition,
http://tinyurl.com/pebc77
so I guess you have a point there.

Posted by: HiHO at June 04, 2009 02:00 PM (5V/kc)

11 According to Sonia Sotomayor, as a white female with a white male husband, she probably enjoyed the experience so you right wing nutjobs can just sit down and shut the hell up.

Posted by: Fish at June 04, 2009 02:00 PM (FnA4R)

12 In case you missed the "unwilling" in the headline, the wife was not part of this plan and did not ask to participate in a fake rape scenario. The husband just thought it was a cool idea.
Whenever my wife starts that old saw about what a mean and heartless man I am (usually when I'm headed out the door for a week in the deer woods) I always bring guys like this up and ask her to compare. Case closed. Works (til the next time) every time.

Posted by: maddogg at June 04, 2009 02:00 PM (OlN4e)

13 Obviously we are white males who are incapable of valuing diverse lifestyles and the rich experience of fantasy rape. Rape is such a harsh and judgmental term anyways. I prefer to use the term "surprise sex".

Seriously, the husband should end up like the poor bastard in the torture pic from the below thread.

Posted by: Sam at June 04, 2009 02:01 PM (2RAD8)

14 why would barack do this to michelle?

Posted by: Ben at June 04, 2009 02:01 PM (wuv1c)

15 I saw this in one of the local papers (on line). My thinking is that there is more to the story than is being published because even in todays insane times this just doesnt pass the smell test.

The question is, if further outs during the trial show that it wasnt like the reports, will we ever see the updates?

Posted by: Vic at June 04, 2009 02:01 PM (BYokb)

16 5 what if the 'rapist' thought it was a mere fantasy scenario, since the husband did make an ad for itlet's not be so haste to label him a rapist...just sayin
Posted by: palin steele at June 04, 2009 01:56 PM (VDj74)
Did he rape the woman? Yes or no?

Posted by: buzzion at June 04, 2009 02:02 PM (Lrsi6)

17 Was the woman a conservative blogger or talk show host?

Posted by: ricky at June 04, 2009 02:03 PM (muUqs)

18 That truth is that Mr. Ms. America both participated in the game, and it was just an audition for the Jerry Springer show. The victim in this case is the sucker who believed the "rape my wife"story.

Posted by: Fish at June 04, 2009 02:05 PM (FnA4R)

19 Come on di, don't be a tease. Model 29 smith? Desert Eagle? Charter Arms Bulldog? Enquiring minds want to know.

Posted by: teej at June 04, 2009 02:05 PM (QdUKm)

20 If the woman was Michelle Malkin - no problem she's an evil conservative so she deservedit.

Posted by: Bonnie Erbe at June 04, 2009 02:05 PM (P0/pa)

21 Yikes.
I, for one, enjoy my existence smack dab in the middle of the sexual bell curve.
Normal is just fine with me...really.

Posted by: Circa (Insert Year Here) at June 04, 2009 02:05 PM (B+qrE)

22 Did the new internet czar put that ad in craigslist ? This story smells.

Posted by: paranoid polly at June 04, 2009 02:06 PM (YLNjm)

23 A Darwinian moment to be sure.

Posted by: iowavette at June 04, 2009 02:08 PM (0JTac)

24 Jamaica. Daggering. Broken Penises.

Brings to mind that great Marley song "Get Up, Stand Up, Stand Up For Your Rights, Get Up......"

Posted by: Dave at June 04, 2009 02:08 PM (Xm1aB)

25 I blame Playboy.

Posted by: BackwardsBoy at June 04, 2009 02:10 PM (ZGhSv)

26 But we must not violate the civil rights of rapists who wish to marry each other.

Posted by: wHodat at June 04, 2009 02:10 PM (+sBB4)

27 She should put an ad in craigslist to assist her husband with suicide. What a douche.

Posted by: yinzer at June 04, 2009 02:10 PM (/Mla1)

28 Okay di, fair is fair. I'll share first. Colt M1991A1 in 45ACP. Okay, your turn.

Posted by: teej at June 04, 2009 02:10 PM (QdUKm)

29 Welcome to Jamaics have a nice day

Posted by: Pak at June 04, 2009 02:11 PM (qSdz5)

30 My wife is unwilling most nights as well. What does that make me?

Posted by: lorien1973 at June 04, 2009 02:11 PM (IhQuA)

31 It's Gladaggering according to the LA Times.

Posted by: ricky at June 04, 2009 02:11 PM (muUqs)

32 For all the talk about the "Erotic Service" section of CraigsList, it's the "Casual Encounters" section that is the REAL freak show.

Posted by: KelliD at June 04, 2009 02:11 PM (Q9Cny)

33
As for "daggering", years ago I read a medical-journal article on "broken penis". Each case study included the sentence, "Subject claimed to have been engaging in normal sexual activity." Unspoken comment: "Uh-huh. Riiiiiiiight."

Posted by: Brown Line at June 04, 2009 02:12 PM (JULQx)

34 This was a plot from the TV show The Closer. Some jilted boyfriend fakes an ad from his ex saying she likes fantasy rape. Some sap believes the ad, finds the key where the ex-boyfriend leaves it, rapes her and accidentally kills her.

Posted by: Iblis at June 04, 2009 02:12 PM (9221z)

35 Hey penis, you act like you've got a hole
in your head.

Posted by: wHodat at June 04, 2009 02:13 PM (+sBB4)

36 Okay di, fair is fair. I'll share first. Colt M1991A1 in 45ACP. Okay, your turn.

Ive got one of those, I love it. Fits in a back pocket nicely.

Posted by: Vic at June 04, 2009 02:13 PM (BYokb)

37 OT
The Prez Dispenser!
(iowntheworld)

Posted by: momma at June 04, 2009 02:13 PM (penCf)

38 Did the big "O" apologize to the jamaican gov't yet, for the broken penii too??
Maybe they should get broken penis reparations or at least a free bus pass.

Posted by: dananjcon at June 04, 2009 02:14 PM (1B81L)

39 #37 Ive got one of those, I love it. Fits in a back pocket nicely. - Are ya testing me Vic or have ya got a really big back pocket. It's basically the std. issue govt. .45 with an inch shorter barrel. But I do love it. Matte Black finish. Fairly accurate out of the box.

Posted by: teej at June 04, 2009 02:17 PM (QdUKm)

40 Or maybeIsreal is to blame, afterall the break the palestines balls too.

Posted by: dananjcon at June 04, 2009 02:18 PM (1B81L)

41 Rape my wife, please!

Posted by: Henny Youngman at June 04, 2009 02:19 PM (xxgag)

42 You know what you get when you add 'g' to rape?

That's right! Grape!

Posted by: Obama's LA Times at June 04, 2009 02:20 PM (qk0Ux)

43 I'm sorry, I have to break the prohibition against cussing because in this case I really do think I need to use the word.
What the fuck is wrong with people?

Posted by: ParanoidGirlInSeattle at June 04, 2009 02:20 PM (AJ4xq)

44 Credibility for the wife hinges on whether she files for divorce. If she "forgives" him, she was in on it.
I'd be stopping on the way home from the cop shop, myself.

Posted by: Steve the Pirate's Wife at June 04, 2009 02:20 PM (IGLuA)

45 OT

Heard a great country tune the other day by Vince Gill and Rodney Crowell that kind of sums up my present marital state: "It's Hard to Kiss the Lips at Night That Chew Your Ass Out all day Long."

I'm not sure you could dagger to it though. Not that daggering would be an option.

Posted by: Dave at June 04, 2009 02:20 PM (Xm1aB)

46 You did say the Model 1991A1 right? Not the model 1911A1

Posted by: Vic at June 04, 2009 02:20 PM (BYokb)

47 O/T --David Carradine, 72, was found dead in Bangkok, of hanging. He was making a movie there. RIP, Grasshoppa.

Posted by: rushbabe at June 04, 2009 02:20 PM (LKkE8)

48 I'll go get mine and check the number.

Posted by: Vic at June 04, 2009 02:20 PM (BYokb)

49 "What the fuck is wrong with people?" -ParanoidGirlInSeattle

Oh, get off your high horse!

Posted by: palin steele at June 04, 2009 02:21 PM (VDj74)

50 Yep; Model 1991A1 Compact Model. Holds 5 in the clip only.

Posted by: Vic at June 04, 2009 02:23 PM (BYokb)

51 maybe carradine was daggering, furrying and auto-erotic-ing....now thatsthe path to tru enlightenment-grasshopper.

Posted by: dananjcon at June 04, 2009 02:24 PM (1B81L)

52 BTW; It will fit in my back pocket (regular jeans)

Posted by: Vic at June 04, 2009 02:24 PM (BYokb)

53 I recall a similar incident in the past pre internet..lemme see if its googleable...

Posted by: ginaswo/MiM at June 04, 2009 02:25 PM (P6hfV)

54 "What the fuck is wrong with people?" -ParanoidGirlInSeattleOh, get off your high horse! Posted by: palin steele
Yeah, PGIS, you think you are soclassy with your common sense andrational behavior.

Posted by: huerfano at June 04, 2009 02:25 PM (knHvu)

55 Has the LA Times described this as funrape yet?

Posted by: TheQuietMan at June 04, 2009 02:26 PM (1Jaio)

56 33, "As for "daggering", years ago I read a medical-journal article on "broken penis". Each case study included the sentence, "Subject claimed to have been engaging in normal sexual activity." Unspoken comment: "Uh-huh. Riiiiiiiight."

Actually, it's easier than you think/fear. All it takes is for cowgirl/reverse cowgirl to go horribly wrong in an instant, and presto, broken penis.

Posted by: Mr. X at June 04, 2009 02:26 PM (MbenW)

57 Jesus never try a google like that my Gawd , yeah its happened before and since, the case I recall the man raped his own wife while wearing a ski mask and she didnt know for quite some time...sick bastards these people...

Posted by: ginaswo/MiM at June 04, 2009 02:26 PM (P6hfV)

58 48
O/T --David Carradine, 72, was found dead in Bangkok, of hanging. He was making a movie there. RIP, Grasshoppa.

Posted by: rushbabe at June 04, 2009 02:20 PM (LKkE
Rushbabe, the morons-in-mourning thread is a few posts down. Make sure you check the youtube dramatization that Evil Red Scandi posted at comment 45. It had about 200 views this morning, right now headed toward 50,000.

Posted by: CB at June 04, 2009 02:27 PM (9Wv2j)

59 #56

I don't think so, I think they're saving that for the tax increases.

Posted by: Dave at June 04, 2009 02:27 PM (Xm1aB)

60 "Oh, get off your high horse!"

You are an unrelenting imbecile.

Posted by: Kensington at June 04, 2009 02:28 PM (i02zG)

61 You know what you get when you add 'g' to rape?That's right! Grape!


Woman: Grape! Grape!!!
Policeman: (runs up to her) Don't you mean rape?
Woman: No there was a bunch of them.

Posted by: TheQuietMan at June 04, 2009 02:28 PM (1Jaio)

62 I'm with you PGiS (even if you are a Logger).
Between the Playboy stunt and this story, you have to wonder if there is a growing number of folks out there that think rape is okay.
The internet is a great place to find people that share the same interests but I am very waryas mydaughters begin to out grow playhouse disney and webkinz.

Posted by: Trish at June 04, 2009 02:29 PM (0U5Kd)

63 Charter Arms Bulldog. Best handgun I ever had. My 3rd. First one the ex took from me for trying to shoot his brother(useless waste of skin), the second got stolen from my car in downtown ATL while I was at a Comedy Club, and this one will have to be pried out of my cold, dead fingers.
Palin Steele says we shouldn't be to hasty to condemn the guy who was only replying to the ad the husband had placed. If you need someone to explain to you that going to someone's house and doing any kind of rape scenario, real or not is a stupid ass idea, then you deserve the lead poisoning. I personally would have shot the hubby, too, but hey, that's just me, I have a temper.

Posted by: di butler at June 04, 2009 02:29 PM (tjdui)

64 #47 yup

Posted by: teej at June 04, 2009 02:29 PM (c459z)

65 Actually, it's easier than you think/fear. All it takes is for
cowgirl/reverse cowgirl to go horribly wrong in an instant, and presto,
broken penis.

So true. Caution, and incredible stiffness is a prerequisite for both those positions. Anything less, could allow enough bend for ... ouch. In the words of some internut sage: "If it ain't stiff, it ain't worth a f**k."

Posted by: El-Amin Chirag-ud-Din at June 04, 2009 02:30 PM (8XI4A)

66 "The victim in this case is the sucker who believed the "rape my wife"story."

Yeah, uh, I don't think that guys who roleplay as rapists with strangers really qualify as victims...

Posted by: Kensington at June 04, 2009 02:30 PM (i02zG)

67 Still doesn't top the German cannibal that found a willing victim via the internet.

Posted by: FreakyBoy at June 04, 2009 02:30 PM (4s1it)

68 #51 - #53 - well damn, maybe I'd better look at mine when I get home. I have been known to have "senior moments" at times.

Posted by: teej at June 04, 2009 02:31 PM (c459z)

69 The internet is a tool. Same as with guns. You do with it what you will. It enhances your ability to do whatever you're doing with it. But what you do is up to you.
People complain the internet allows pedophiles or sex perverts to set up little pervert communities, aid and abet each other in crimes, and encourage each other to escalate. Absolutely. It's not a bug.
That's what the internet does - allow people to find each other and network.
Guns don't kill people and the internet doesn't rape people, though.
Unless it does. Sometimes it does. Especially when annonymous 4-chan'ers are involved.

Posted by: Entropy at June 04, 2009 02:32 PM (m6c4H)

70 "The internet is a great place to find people that share the same
interests but I am very waryas mydaughters begin to out grow
playhouse disney and webkinz."

Just make sure you expose them to Bratz between Playhouse Disney and the rape stuff. Bratz will make the transition to the harder stuff a little less jarring.

Posted by: Kensington at June 04, 2009 02:33 PM (i02zG)

71 You know what, Palin Steele, a couple of times now you've made light of stories about rape. Even for the normally no holds barred free for all that this site embraces I find that reprehensible.
There are people, men and women, who have rape fantasies. And, as long as the act is consensual, meaning that both parties agree to the simulated act, that's one thing. But, when a woman is forced to have sex she has not consented to, that is a crime. And it is a crime not to be taken as lightly as your comments seem to indicate you take it.
Oh, and Ace, please forgive me for this one too...
Fuck off, Palin Steele, you are an unmitigated asshole.

Posted by: ParanoidGirlInSeattle at June 04, 2009 02:33 PM (AJ4xq)

72 #64 - K - tks di. Now I can close my eyes and "imagine".

Posted by: teej at June 04, 2009 02:34 PM (c459z)

73 Grape! Or Rapeg!

Posted by: San Francisco Chronicle at June 04, 2009 02:36 PM (YmPwQ)

74 Gives a whole new meaning to the old military phrase "broke-dick lifer", don't it?

Posted by: mojo at June 04, 2009 02:36 PM (g1cNf)

75 You judgemental wingnuts!

Posted by: Stalin Peele at June 04, 2009 02:38 PM (YmPwQ)

76 The internet is a great place to find people that share the same interests but I am very waryas mydaughters begin to out grow playhouse disney and webkinz.
That's when you send them to the nunnery.
In rural Moldova.
'Till they're 43.

Posted by: Entropy at June 04, 2009 02:39 PM (m6c4H)

77 Credibility for the wife hinges on whether she files for divorce. If she "forgives" him, she was in on it.
Maybe, but she did call the police. I wouldn't expect her to report itif she was a willing participant in a fantasy. On the other hand, the prosecution of this case should be interesting. Consider the following:
"Yeah, I'm guilty of of being a weirdo but I'm no rapist. When I answered the ad and set this up with the husband I was led to believe that she was a willing participant. If I had known that the wife was not in on it I would never have done it."
On the other hand, one element of the crime is lack of consent on the woman's part. The guy may have been led to believe that the wife was part of the fantasy, but I don't see how that can be a valid defense.
The husband should have his nads smashed into a gelatinous pulp with a sledge hammer.

Posted by: Ghost of Lee Atwater at June 04, 2009 02:39 PM (sXLx/)

78 The rising popularity of the new dance - and subsequent public protests
- have prompted the Jamaican government to ban songs and videos with
blatantly sexual content.

This is foolishness, and blaming the wrong target. Clearly the "daggering" dance moves, songs, and content are all because of sex. Just make sex illegal and they'll be fine, right?

What could possibly be wrong with that?

Posted by: Gekkobear at June 04, 2009 02:39 PM (X0NX1)

79 i think i just broke my penis, can i get a broken penis grant?

Posted by: dananjcon at June 04, 2009 02:40 PM (1B81L)

80 And I'm not even Catholic.
....
I'm not sure if Moldova is either, actually....Do Moldovian Orthodox have convents?

Posted by: Entropy at June 04, 2009 02:40 PM (m6c4H)

81 A quick trip to YouTube land reveals hundreds of daggering videos.

This one might explain the whole broken penis thing.

I'd say it's NSFW, except that everyone is fully clothed.

Posted by: DelD at June 04, 2009 02:41 PM (LSBUj)

82 hey, didn't Bubba's turn left? Do you think if he broke his they could have reset it straight?

Posted by: dananjcon at June 04, 2009 02:42 PM (1B81L)

83 I need a broken penis bailout, because it's too big to fail.

Posted by: Kensington at June 04, 2009 02:42 PM (i02zG)

84 @72

Amen, sister!

Posted by: Kensington at June 04, 2009 02:43 PM (i02zG)

85 Not just an ad, either: He got someone to do it.
David Carradine?

Posted by: nickless at June 04, 2009 02:43 PM (MMC8r)

86 Actually, it's easier than you think/fear. All it takes is for cowgirl/reverse cowgirl to go horribly wrong in an instant, and presto, broken penis.
It can't happen to me.

Posted by: Entropy at June 04, 2009 02:44 PM (m6c4H)

87 #84 LOLOL Good job, i got tired of laughing at myself!

Posted by: dananjcon at June 04, 2009 02:44 PM (1B81L)

88 Rushbabe, the morons-in-mourning thread is a few posts down. Make sure you check the youtube dramatization that Evil Red Scandi posted at comment 45. It had about 200 views this morning, right now headed toward 50,000.
CB -- This presents the perfect opportunity. Is there any way to check on Ace to see if a topic/name has already been mentioned, like in a subj box? also, how can you get to Ace archives? Thanks Eleventy!

Posted by: rushbabe at June 04, 2009 02:46 PM (LKkE8)

89 #84-now who's fantasizing? And I do mean fantaSIZING.
PGIS is right, PS in an asshole. And a weird one at that.
And that stupid reverse cowboy position isn't all it's cracked up to be either. If you can do it right, why do you need 30 different positions?

Posted by: di butler at June 04, 2009 02:48 PM (tjdui)

90 WTF is with these, um... 'guys' that get off on watching other dudes bang their wives and cuckold them?
That right there is fucked up in and of itself. Have some fucking self esteem man. If that happened to me I wouldn't kill him, I wouldn't kill her, I'd just kill everyone. I'd basically become the Unmaker of Reality. I'm gonna bust a cap in the laws of thermodynamics over this because, indirectly or not, they're responsible for causing this.
Wife couldn'thavecheated on me if there hadn't been any Space-Time continuum, Space-Time continuum gotta die now.

Posted by: Entropy at June 04, 2009 02:50 PM (m6c4H)

91 Hey, di butler, saw your name pop up quite a few times on Brett Baier's after show last night. Do you know if any other Morons post there? I figured the posts advocating "Charles for President" had to from them...

Posted by: rushbabe at June 04, 2009 02:50 PM (LKkE8)

92 My concerned 7 year old son asked me the other day if his penis could break. I have no idea where the question came from but I managed to keep a straight face while I explained that it was possible, though rare.
Thankfully he didn't further question me as to the "how" otherwise I would've done my usual "hey I'm not the parent with the penis, ask the one with the penis these questions" dodge.

Posted by: ParanoidGirlInSeattle at June 04, 2009 02:50 PM (AJ4xq)

93 ParanoidGirlInSeattle

You tell her. One of the cardinal traits of the left is to continually keep "lowering the bar" on acceptable behavior. On the one hand they attempt to portray themselves as these supremely superior and empathetic people. Social conservatives are portrayed as "uptight" people. The "richness" of their experience provides them with all the credentials they need. *spit*

In this case Palin Steele couldn't give a f**k about the woman who may now be "married" to a STD or even AIDS or who could have have her throat slashed by some homicidal maniac.

Posted by: El-Amin Chirag-ud-Din at June 04, 2009 02:50 PM (8XI4A)

94 #29, I was thinking the same thing...
It will forever be Wendy now
hahahaa

Posted by: Say What? at June 04, 2009 02:51 PM (vwh8M)

95 teej Vic,

You're both right.

The 1911 comes in several size variants: Government (5" barrel), Commander (4.25" barrel), and Officer's (3.5" barrel).

The Colt 1991 is a direct descendant of the 1911, and the 1991A1 Compact is, I think, the same size as a 1911 Officer's Model.

Posted by: MikeO at June 04, 2009 02:51 PM (hz67i)

96 You are an unrelenting imbecile.
Isn't that redumbdant?

Posted by: rushbabe at June 04, 2009 02:51 PM (LKkE8)

97 So now I'm wondering if male porn actors insure their wankers.

What are the premiums?

Posted by: Dave at June 04, 2009 02:52 PM (Xm1aB)

98 ohmigod morons, lighten up! I'm sure Ace intended this to be a humor post and not some sad tragic post.

Don't tell me you guys didn't find this headline and Ace's post funny in the least...

Posted by: palin steele at June 04, 2009 02:52 PM (VDj74)

99 i think i have broken penis envy

Posted by: dananjcon at June 04, 2009 02:55 PM (1B81L)

100 97 teej Vic,You're both right. - As we pat each other on the back. Thanks Mike-O. I was 99.99999% sure. Hell, I just put 50 through the chute this weekend. 7 round clip and full size 'cept for the approx. inch shorter barrel. Thanks again.

Posted by: teej at June 04, 2009 02:56 PM (c459z)

101 "WTF is with these, um... 'guys' that get off on watching other dudes bang their wives and cuckold them?"

Don't judge me.

Posted by: David Frum at June 04, 2009 02:58 PM (i02zG)

102
#72 -- Paranoid Girl in Seattle, I agree with you, and I've noticed the same thing. I'm starting to think Palin Steele has some real issues with women--and not the regular kind.

Posted by: Girl Thursday at June 04, 2009 02:59 PM (WgOs6)

103 Are broken penii covered under the new"O" health plan??

Posted by: dananjcon at June 04, 2009 03:01 PM (1B81L)

104 HUTCHS' first rule of perversion:
No matter what sick thought crosses you mind...12 other people on this planet are thinking the same thing and 1 is actually doing it.
I don't care if it is granny in a nursing home who likes getting dildo'd with a wifffle ball bat from a grand niece.

Posted by: hutch1200 at June 04, 2009 03:03 PM (AlpW1)

105 ohmigod morons, lighten up! I'm sure Ace intended this to be a humor post and not some sad tragic post. Don't tell me you guys didn't find this headline and Ace's post funny in the least...

I'm sorry; are you out of your fucking mind?

Posted by: VKI at June 04, 2009 03:04 PM (7yOgz)

106 @102 teej

I have an SW Commander and a Springfield Gov't.

I don't think I'll go smaller than the Commander, though.

I bought my wife a Springfield EMP in 9mm. That is a sweet but expensive little shooting iron, and she loves it.

I've been working on proficiency with a Walther PPS in 9mm. That is about the same size as an Officer's model, but it runs very differently.

I figure that it'll make a good carry gun for the summertime, and we can share expensive personal defense ammo.

My favorite is my SW 627. It's an N-frame with a 4" barrel. It holds eight .357/.38spl in the cylinder and came cut for moonclips from the factory. I couldn't carry it concealed without a heavy parka, though. I have a belt holster for it, and I've been looking for a rubber rooster that would fit in it so I could wear it around as a cockholster.

Posted by: MikeO at June 04, 2009 03:05 PM (hz67i)

107 #106 I don't care if it is granny in a nursing home who likes getting dildo'd with a wifffle ball bat from a grand niece.
Can the granny be Pelosi??

Posted by: dananjcon at June 04, 2009 03:05 PM (1B81L)

108 Paranoid Girl, if your 7-year-old's questions get too awkward, just show him the videos.

Posted by: Kensington at June 04, 2009 03:05 PM (i02zG)

109 Hmm.
My response to that question would have been "Well Jesus Christ, don't bend it! What's wrong with you?!?"
I'll make a great dad someday.

Posted by: Entropy at June 04, 2009 03:08 PM (m6c4H)

110 Good to know....mid america more depraved than H'wood....

Posted by: free at June 04, 2009 03:09 PM (cFwGO)

111 MikeO

Thanks I actually didnt know that the 1991A1 came in the full size. I have only seen the small size.

Posted by: Vic at June 04, 2009 03:16 PM (BYokb)

112 "There's daggers in men's smiles" --The Bard
(and apparently elsewhere)

Posted by: logprof at June 04, 2009 03:16 PM (tjUml)

113 @113 Vic

My pleasure.

I was cringing a little watching you and teej argue past each other, and I had to butt-in.

Posted by: MikeO at June 04, 2009 03:22 PM (hz67i)

114 i'm going home, out of penis jokes

Posted by: dananjcon at June 04, 2009 03:26 PM (1B81L)

115 No matter what sick thought crosses you mind...12 other people on this planet are thinking the same thing and 1 is actually doing it.
My number 1 rule of fantasies: Some things make great fantasies, but actually doing them only succeeds in ruining the fantasy.
As an example, take for instance, the "banging an entire highschool cheerleading squad all at once" fantasy.
Goes fucking great in your head. I think that's the right brain doing all that shit.
By temporarily disabling that lobe with an icepick, your now unimpeded left brain clearlyanalyzes the situation and informs youthat in reality, the following occurs:
1) You realize you can't bang 15 chicks. You only have 1 penis and it only works twice an hour, 2 times a day.
2) You realize this hasn't been suitably choreographed. In your head, everyone moved like you thought they ought. In reality, somebody just elbowed you in the eyeball and the pain has killed your boner. And they're laughing.
3) Sprained muscles and/or penis fracture.
4)You're tired and done (and possibly wounded). They will proceed without you, thereby emasculating and embarassing you asan, apparently, competely unneccesary component. And they will do thisfor hours and hours and hours longer then you lasted in the first place. When they are done, they will decide to do this again, but this time not invite you.
5) Oh My God I have to clean this up? What even is that stain?
5) Jail. And.....
5.5) Buttrape.
6) Can't get STD medication because pharmacy is located within 50' of a preschooland you're been put on the sex predator list.
7) Death from untreated siphilis.

Posted by: Entropy at June 04, 2009 03:31 PM (m6c4H)

116 @117 Entropy

Yeah. Thanks for passing that icepick.

Posted by: MikeO at June 04, 2009 03:33 PM (hz67i)

117 # 117

Remind me to never run any of my (other) fantasies by you in the future.

Posted by: Dave at June 04, 2009 03:35 PM (Xm1aB)

118 Seaking of which, the Olsen Twins fantasy kinda died on it's own.

Posted by: Eleven at June 04, 2009 03:39 PM (7DB+a)

119 yes I know .... that would be Speaking of which.

Posted by: Eleven at June 04, 2009 03:41 PM (7DB+a)

120 And it gets even better worse FIFY than that:

also,

Craigslist is the new SUV

Posted by: Dave at June 04, 2009 03:41 PM (/KhNJ)

121 Charter Arms Bulldog. Best handgun I ever had. My 3rd. First one the ex took from me for trying to shoot his brother(useless waste of skin), the second got stolen from my car in downtown ATL while I was at a Comedy Club, and this one will have to be pried out of my cold, dead fingers.
Hey hey, a Son of Sam fan!

Posted by: bonhomme at June 04, 2009 04:01 PM (yJtrs)

122 Daggering With The Stars.

Posted by: The Drizzle at June 04, 2009 04:04 PM (fWnCD)

123 Well that's going to be slam-dunk divorce settlement. Her lawyer must be doing back-flips.

Posted by: Y-not at June 04, 2009 04:10 PM (sey23)

124 100 ohmigod morons, lighten up! I'm sure Ace intended this to be a humor post and not some sad tragic post. Don't tell me you guys didn't find this headline and Ace's post funny in the least...
You have said nothing at all funny though. You've been insulting, and acting like there is nothing at all wrong going on.
There may be humor here, but you're incapable of it.

Posted by: buzzion at June 04, 2009 04:17 PM (Lrsi6)

125 The wife ought to get a chance to perform a reciprocal rape on that fucker...with a Louisville Slugger.
@teej:
I got a .380 Browning semi-auto with hollow points. I 'set' it every night along with the alarm clock.

Posted by: SFC MAC at June 04, 2009 04:23 PM (dX8Ae)

126 Lexicon update: The word is "Funtasy" now.

Posted by: LA TIMES at June 04, 2009 04:26 PM (aC/SY)

127 dananjconAre broken penii covered under the new"O" health plan??

Covered? They're required.

Posted by: El-Amin Chirag-ud-Din at June 04, 2009 04:36 PM (8XI4A)

128 "Between the Playboy stunt and this story, you have to wonder if there is a growing number of folks out there that think rape is okay."

Well, I don't know about you, but I just feel 'off' throughout the day if I don't get some rape in with my morning coffee. Next thing you know people will start telling me it is not okay to kill hookers during sex.
What is the world coming to?

Posted by: Stick at June 04, 2009 04:51 PM (kX5hh)

129 "Fracture" and "Penis", two words you pretty much never want to hear in the same sentence.

As to this "daggering" thing, bumping uglies on the dance floor is hardly anything new. Anyone remember the "lambada" from the late 80s (aka "the forbidden dance")?

When I was in college I worked a summer job with a Jamaican woman who told me in all seriousness that "whining" was responsible for her first child!

It wasn't the simulated "whining" sex on the dance floor that did it, but rather the ACTUAL sex that occurred when she and her complete stranger partner went off the floor horny as bunny rabbits to do the dirty deed ten minutes later.

Posted by: looking closely at June 04, 2009 05:11 PM (KNy97)

130 "range of fractured penises caused by rough intercourse."
I know those Mandingo's in Jamaica are big, but your dick can not be fractured, their is nobone in dicks in "North America", or anywhere else for that point.
You can rupture the blood vessels, but their is nothing to fracture in a "boner".
Kemp

Posted by: kempermanx at June 04, 2009 05:34 PM (2+9Yx)

131 Kannapolis story? It a former mill town, was home of Cannon Mills, remember the sheets. Full of lent heads and white trash, now they mostly work in Charlotte.
I am not surprised.
Kemp

Posted by: kempermanx at June 04, 2009 05:37 PM (2+9Yx)

132 Anything that gets hard can break. But as you note, that's only blood vessels.

Upside: you'll have that massive manhood you always dreamed of.
Downside: you really can't make use of it.

Posted by: I R A Darth Aggie at June 04, 2009 05:37 PM (1hM1d)

133 #123 .44 Special is a good round, nearly equivalent to the .45ACP and the .45 (Long) Colt.



The problem with the Bulldog (apart from historically spotty QC from

Charter Arms), is that even in the days when you could find ammo on the shelves, .44 special ammo
has always been sort of scarce and spendy, generally running only slightly less than
.44 magnum.

Posted by: looking closely at June 04, 2009 05:38 PM (KNy97)

134 #132

Not to get too technical, but a penis "fracture" refers to a rupture of the tunica albuginea, the fibrous capsule surrounding the corpus cavernosa where the erectile tissue is located.

When that happens, there may be a popping sound, and the wee-wee may bend like a hockey stick.

So while its not the same as a broken bone, its a "fracture" in the literally sense of the term.



Posted by: looking closely at June 04, 2009 05:43 PM (KNy97)

135 fracture" refers to a rupture
I believe that is what I said, you need a BONE to have a fracture, rupturing a vessel is NOT a fracture. You may call it that, but it is NOT one.
Kemp

Posted by: kempermanx at June 04, 2009 05:50 PM (2+9Yx)

136 To get technical, read this definition of fracture from wiki.
http://tinyurl.com/u48jb
Kemp

Posted by: kempermanx at June 04, 2009 05:52 PM (2+9Yx)

137 I hurt her a whole lot more than she ever hurts me, unless I'm a TOTALIDIOT WHO WANTS TO BREAK HIS OWN DICK!Darwin was right ...

Posted by: 7HEAVENS at June 04, 2009 05:58 PM (SCzrD)

138 What, no one read Regina v. Morgan in law school?
http://tinyurl.com/oks64q

http://tinyurl.com/oks64q

Posted by: Oschisms at June 04, 2009 06:04 PM (Gs0qi)

139 I broke my penis in four places. Twice

Posted by: Hi fellows at June 04, 2009 06:24 PM (IcnpO)

140 "have prompted the Jamaican government to ban songs and videos with blatantly sexual content."

Right, because broken dicks aren't enough of a disincentive.
This is like having laws against suicide.
There's already zero recidivism; what more do they hope to achieve?

Posted by: Stoop Davy Dave at June 04, 2009 08:26 PM (lsSyk)

141 who else @ 5 "let's not be so haste to label him a rapist...just sayin"

Wowza yowza, I keep thinking I've seen it all, but nope! Guess not.

HiHO @10 "the "Keep Wonder Woman Bound" petition, "

Oh dear ... I really HAVEN'T seen it all, at all, not yet.
Don't they have ... uh, OTHER comics, that, you know, specialize in that sort of thing?

PGiS @ 44 "What the fuck is wrong with people?"

1. Broken dicks.
2. Severe lack of common sense.
3. Probably more, much much more ...

Rushbabe @ 48 "David Carradine, 72, was found dead in Bangkok, of hanging."

Brokedick or not brokedick? Inquiring minds ... actually never mind...

who else @ 50 "Oh, get off your high horse!"

Wasn't there a guy in the overnight thread who did that, with fatal or at least very bad results? Not a broke dick, but a punctured abdominal everything?
NTTAWWT... except for being a stupid way to get killed. Or brokedicked.





Posted by: Stoop Davy Dave at June 04, 2009 08:42 PM (lsSyk)

142 #142

Considering that law enforcement is likely to approximate zero, banning it won't make "daggering" go away, but it might increase awareness of the risks, and (probably more important in the eyes of the Jamaican gov't) keep it out of public places.

Perhaps the Jamaican government could institute mandatory cup wearing for "daggerers", like seat belt laws, to help reduce the risk of "accidents".

You might think that broken penises might be self-correcting in a purely Darwinian sense, but see my #131. The practice might lead to a net INCREASE in fertility among those who participate, increasing the number of daggerers!

Posted by: looking closely at June 04, 2009 09:00 PM (KNy97)

143 "Perhaps the Jamaican government could institute mandatory cup wearing
for "daggerers", like seat belt laws, to help reduce the risk of
"accidents"."

"Okay Mr Jamaican rookie cop lad, your assignment this evening is to stand in the door of this disco and check for cups."
Man! Who would you have to piss off to get THAT assignment?

Posted by: Stoop Davy Dave at June 04, 2009 09:05 PM (xJfY5)

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Posted by: jju at June 04, 2009 09:50 PM (rxT7b)

145 Sorry, but this is just typically dangerousblack sexual behavior.
You should look up what they do in Africa. The men shove leaves that are soaked in chimp urine up inside the vaginas of their women. This makes them "dry up" (this is apparently considered a good thing...), and therefore theyend up"tighter."
Of course, massive pain for the woman ensues, as well as severe bleeding. And we wonder why AIDS rates are so much higher for blacks in Africa than anywhere else in the world.
(Just google "dry sex" and "Africa" if you don't believe me...)

Posted by: AM at June 04, 2009 11:49 PM (d61S+)

146 And I thought I was a kinky old poofter but Ace and his "morons" take the cake.

Posted by: Patrick Joubert Conlon at June 05, 2009 01:49 AM (5ycMj)

147 Housekeeping?
Aisle 48?
kthxbai

Posted by: Oilophobic Hippy at June 05, 2009 06:20 AM (xJfY5)

148 Proofreading?
Entry 150?
I'm sure I meant "Aisle 148," please and thank you.

Posted by: Oilophobic Hippy at June 05, 2009 06:24 AM (xJfY5)

149 Fuck Craigslist.

Seriously.

This guy can run a post long enough to get a rapist for hire transaction done, and my advertisement looking to buy a new magazine for my Ruger .22 pistol is deleted in 30 seconds?


Posted by: Gonzo at June 05, 2009 12:05 PM (nTd0a)

150 Hey, Oilophobic Hippy?
Go fuck yourself.
Thanks.

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