Mancow's a Frickin' Idiot

He got "waterboarded" by some untrained guy -- who now says he had no idea what he was doing, and just guessed based on what he read on Wikipedia.

The "waterboarding" consisted of just pouring a buttload water from a pitcher into his mouth until he coughed it up.

Mancow sprang up and declared he felt like he was drowning.

Idiot, you were drowning, you stupid douchenozzle.

That's why it felt "just like you were drowning." See how that works? Like if I pour lighter fluid all over my genitals and then ignite it, it will feel just like my hog is on fire.

And then you went out and proclaimed it was "torture" on Olbermann.

Waterboarding, properly done, does in fact simulate the feeling of drowning. But the reason Mancow -- or Girlcow, as Howard Stern used to call him -- could only take five seconds of it is that here, drowning wasn't simulated. He was really drowning.

This doesn't prove it's "torture" either way. It does, however, prove what no one previously thought needed much proving: That slapdash stunts by shock-jocks are probably not what courts would deem "best evidence."

Keith Olbermann, however, put the guy on, and is having him on again to attempt to rescue them both from ridicule.

I know it's just wrong to say this -- oh so wrong -- but I hope he fails.

By the Way: Allah asks why Mancow didn't pop up and declare it non-torture.

Um, that's easy: Because he's a shock jock and does Wacky Radio Stunts (TM) to get attention and media exposure. You get more attention by claiming something unexpected than something expected.

How often do we see the New York Times quote contrarian Republicans? "Even some Republicans support Obama's economics plans..."

On top of that, because he was such a whiny little sissy about it, he could hardly cry and make the Bad Man stop and then say, "Oh, that wasn't so bad. But I'm just a sad little girl with almost no tolerance whatsoever for discomfort, so I had to cry like a bitch to get him to stop. Despite how non-torturous it was."

Even if his initial intent wasn't to just grab headlines by acting as one of the Some Republicans Say people, once he cried like baby, he sort of had to talk about how awful it was, right? You can't cry like a sissy and then admit you're just very sensitive to discomfort.

Posted by: Ace at 05:44 PM

Comments

1 I swear, Olbermann has to be one of the ugliest women I've ever seen.

Posted by: bill at May 29, 2009 05:46 PM (8RhE0)

2 Fake but aquarate!

Posted by: Jim Treacher at May 29, 2009 05:47 PM (VeFGY)

3 Awesome. So what he experienced is in some ways worse than waterboarding. If this was really torture he'd be in a hospital right now.

Posted by: Bald Ninja at May 29, 2009 05:47 PM (4pdbX)

4 " it will feel just like my hog piglet is on fire."

Posted by: Fixed It For You at May 29, 2009 05:47 PM (Gzb30)

5 I could stipulate that some interrogators pounding me into hamburger is torture. That said, if some jihadi won't give up some info on dangerous cells in America after we give him a halal burger with a diet Pepsi, I'd be just fine with pounding him into hamburger until he starts telling us shit we didn't even ask about.

Posted by: kbdabear at May 29, 2009 05:48 PM (93F13)

6 Aside from the idiocy of this little dog and pony show, I'm pretty sure some asshole talk show host saying "it's torture" isn't exactly what one might call...a legal and enforceable definition.

I think I'm being tortured because Judy Greer won't have sex with me (leave aside the fact she would feel that way if we did have sex)...that's not exactly an objective standard that you take to court.

Memo to the left...what you 'feel' about something is not the same as the law, which of course brings us back to Sotomayor.....

Posted by: DrewM. at May 29, 2009 05:49 PM (PLGGU)

7 I will never talk about when my hog was on fire , for much the same reason .

Posted by: Bill D. Cat at May 29, 2009 05:49 PM (d0YiG)

I know it's just wrong to say this -- oh so wrong -- but I hope he fails.

Come, now, ace, that kind of mean-spirited negativity isn't going to get us anywhere.

Posted by: Gabriel Malor at May 29, 2009 05:50 PM (fKpiB)

9 In GI Jane she was waterboarded Mancow-style (i.e. without the plastic over the mouth) in SERE training - and then she beat up her interrogator. Which just goes to show (1) Mancow is a whiny little bitch and (2) we should send Demi Moore to kill the Taliban.

Seriously though, if we can do it to our own troops in SERE school or otherwise, then we can certainly do it to Jihad Johnnies like KSM. How about stress positions, verbal abuse, sleep-deprivation and extreme temperatures - funny, that sounds like my basic and combat leader courses.

Posted by: Holdfast at May 29, 2009 05:50 PM (Gzb30)

10 Mancow's next act will be to dunk his head deep into a toilet bowl and flush.

Posted by: Captain Jean-Luc Picard at May 29, 2009 05:51 PM (NLtVk)

11 If Capt Spears can have a few guys in Company E pound an American soldier until he's a bloody pulp, then cock the hammer on his service weapon and put it to his temple, I'm down with doing the same to enemy combatants.

BTW, Brian Dennehy was great as Bull Randleman

Posted by: kbdabear at May 29, 2009 05:52 PM (93F13)

Boy, this makes olberdouche look sooooo smart! Man-kook is produced by the same producer as jerry springer...go figure.

Posted by: paranoid polly at May 29, 2009 05:52 PM (YLNjm)

13 Wait, there really is a person named Mancow?

He must not be available in my market (or is on a station I don't listen to).

I'd seen the name mentioned in passing, but I just thought it was a reference to that Rachel Maddow woman.

Posted by: Dead Career Sketch at May 29, 2009 05:52 PM (GokQp)

14 OT story of the day

Obama "white washes" Soto bigoted comment - should have been "restated" (but the intent is okay? )

WATCH: After Gibbs walked back Sotomayor's 2001 comments on race in his Friday briefing, Obama weighed in during an interview with NBC, saying Sotomayor "would have restated" her comments, but "was simply saying that her life experiences will give information about the struggle, the hardships that people are going through, that will make her a good judge." (UPDATED 6:23 p.m.)

Posted by: Anti-Harkonnen Freedom Fighter at May 29, 2009 05:53 PM (5r0Tz)

15 This is right after he tried to demonstrate that an entire Koran actually could fit down a toilet, right?

Posted by: Capt. Numbstick at May 29, 2009 05:54 PM (voIlD)

16 Remember that Eldrigde Cleaver book "HOG ON ICE?"
I bet that's as bad as LIGHTING it on FIRE.

Posted by: Buglerwing Plover at May 29, 2009 05:54 PM (YCVBL)

17 Come, now, ace, that kind of mean-spirited negativity isn't going to get us anywhere.

It will get you everywhere.

But only if you're a Democrat.

Posted by: shibumi at May 29, 2009 05:55 PM (OKZrE)

18 I swear, Olbermann has to be one of the ugliest women I've ever seen.

Rachel Maddow will be mad at you for saying that.

Posted by: I R A Darth Aggie at May 29, 2009 05:55 PM (1hM1d)

19 The creeps on the varsity football team at Cornell engaged in torture by giving me atomic wedgies when I was their equipment manager.

Posted by: Keith Olbermann at May 29, 2009 05:56 PM (93F13)

20 I always thought whether conservatives claiming waterboarding isn't torture hindered their argument greatly.

I've said time and time again, conservatives should just grow a pair and admit that waterboarding is torture and stand behind using torture to prevent innocent deaths.

What is wrong with torturing terrorists to save innocent lives? Can someone explain that to me.

Posted by: palin steele at May 29, 2009 05:58 PM (VDj74)

21 Mancow's 'waterboarding' actually sounds weaker than your typical Atomic Swirly.

Posted by: M�tenloch at May 29, 2009 05:59 PM (7z9RL)

22 18 I swear, Olbermann has to be one of the ugliest women I've ever seen.

Rachel Maddow will be mad at you for saying that.

Rachel borrowed my Braun series 7 760cc men's electric shaver and didn't return it. That is torture.

Posted by: Keith Olbermann at May 29, 2009 06:00 PM (93F13)

23 "Mancow's a Frickin' Idiot"

Well, yeah. I mean, the guy call's himself "Mancow," fer cryin' out loud. Everything else pretty much follows from there.

Posted by: Capt. Numbstick at May 29, 2009 06:00 PM (voIlD)

24
Mancow talks to Olbermann about waterboarding?

Dude, my IQ dropped 14 points just typing that sentence.

Posted by: DelD at May 29, 2009 06:00 PM (WHoJw)

25 >20 What is wrong with torturing terrorists to save innocent lives?

Nothing.

Posted by: Capt. Numbstick at May 29, 2009 06:01 PM (voIlD)

26 Posted by: palin steele at May 29, 2009 05:58 PM (VDj74)

I believe 'torture' is illegal so what is defined as torture matters.

Legalities aside, dumming down the definition of torture makes it meaningless and obscures acts that actually are torture (e.g., there's been reports of torture - do they mean he was yelled at or that he had is fingernails removed?).

Posted by: Bald Ninja at May 29, 2009 06:02 PM (4pdbX)

27 I read his "report" at Big Hollywood, and it sounds like he was trying to reenact an episode of "Beavis and Butt-head", or at least that was a primary source of information for him and his "expert".

Posted by: Raoul Ortega at May 29, 2009 06:02 PM (9p0nw)

28 20 I always thought whether conservatives claiming waterboarding isn't torture hindered their argument greatly.

Tell that monkey you hired to type for you to go back to holding the metal cup, ya hockey puck

Posted by: Don Rickles at May 29, 2009 06:02 PM (93F13)

29 I suppose waterboarding is best left to, you know, people who actually know what the heck they're doing. Right?

But remember folks, Olbermoron is considered gospel among the leftards,

Posted by: DocJ at May 29, 2009 06:03 PM (nfek1)

You know what IS torture, pukin deal? Listening to you.

I hear your mother calling you. It's time to go home.

Posted by: Who Knows at May 29, 2009 06:03 PM (7FgWm)

31 BTW, Brian Dennehy was great as Bull Randleman

I agree, but he was evem better as SGT. Mike Horvath

Posted by: Blazer at May 29, 2009 06:03 PM (+FzLa)

32 Rachel sent out an email to everyone that hers was bigger than mine. That's torture

Posted by: Keith Olbermann at May 29, 2009 06:05 PM (93F13)

33 I guess it was a bad idea when I hired a plumber for that colonoscopy too.

Posted by: Mancow Muller at May 29, 2009 06:06 PM (+FzLa)

34 When I heard he was having it done I questioned the premise whether he would say it is or isn't. What gives him the gravitas to say whether its torture or not?

Is it uncomfortable and scary as shit that you are willing to give up the goods on your brother mahmood? Damn right.

Is torture something you go through then jump up, wipe off your face, finish your radio show live then go and have a few beers?

I think not.

Posted by: TendStl at May 29, 2009 06:09 PM (5nBLv)

35 The truth is guys, I wanted a two hour show for MSNBC, but they wouldn't give it to me. So now I just dress in drag and we call it The Rachel Maddow show instead.

Posted by: Keith Olbermann at May 29, 2009 06:09 PM (+FzLa)

36 Nothing is wrong with torturing terrorists in my mind. Torturing though, is like breaking arms and legs, pulling fingernails, shit that truly hurts. Waterboarding isn't torture. When it's an act that people are willingly choosing to have happen to them to prove a political point, it's not torture. Would he chose to have his arms broken? No, cuz he's a fucking pansy.

Mancow, here's a stunt I'll happily do so you get ratings. Let's torture you like John McCain, and then let's "properly" waterboard you, then you tell me which of the two is torture.

Posted by: Brenden at May 29, 2009 06:10 PM (6wJlt)

37 The guy who drowned him, in the vid said outright "but I'm not a professional never done this before." But muller cuts him off and you can barely hear it.

I just wrote it off as a stupid stunt and thought it wouldn't be a big deal.

The gawker piece points out that because this proves nothing about torture and only lends fuel to people like us who think it's not quite torture, because properly done, it won't kill you, to continue making that argument.

Yellow journalism.

Posted by: Douglas at May 29, 2009 06:10 PM (uU+Ss)

38 We absolutely know that waterboarding is effective, that is, it makes people do or say things they otherwise wouldn't out of fear of continuing waterboarding and or imminent demise. Some people can describe that as tortuous, however I don't primarily because literally within seconds of being released from the waterboard, the waterboardee is without permanent damage.
It's effective and doesn't cause lasting harm. Truthfully I can't beleive that we've only done it to 3 people.

Posted by: 4thGenerationBuck at May 29, 2009 06:10 PM (AtjNL)

39 Brian Dennehy was stellar in his double-role of villain and hero in Face/Off.

Posted by: ace at May 29, 2009 06:11 PM (gEsIJ)

40 So are we going to get the "I was a complete idiot by not actually having qualified military do the deed, but by having cousin Cletus from the Piggly-wiggly night crew do it"? Yeah, right.
I'm getting worn out trying to keep track of all the people I used to like a little, acting like Dear Leader has film of them with barnyard animals.
What a world.

Posted by: jjshaka at May 29, 2009 06:11 PM (G43ay)

Like if I pour lighter fluid all over my genitals and then ignite it, it will feel just like my hog is on fire.

A real man can do that and laugh.

Posted by: Dick F'n Cheney at May 29, 2009 06:12 PM (5jf38)

42 The creeps on the varsity football team at Cornell engaged in torture by giving me atomic wedgies when I was their equipment manager.

Please. Make that Cornell Agricultural College. In fact, let's see the diploma again, you pathetic douchebag.

Posted by: Ombudsman at May 29, 2009 06:12 PM (fWF4Q)

43 Brian Dennehy was stellar in his double-role of villain and hero in Face/Off.

I loved him as Mothra. How he was able to flap those wings fast enough to elevate his substantial girth is a mystery to this day.

Posted by: Blazer at May 29, 2009 06:14 PM (AoS9J)

44 How much did they pay Brian Dennehy to try and drown Mancow?

Anyway, I look forward to seeing Brian Dennehy playing Tony Stark in the next Iron Man.

Posted by: Bald Ninja at May 29, 2009 06:16 PM (4pdbX)

45 I loved him as Mothra. How he was able to flap those wings fast enough to elevate his substantial girth is a mystery to this day.

No, you're confusing Dennehy with Raymond Burr who starred in most of the classic Godzilla movies.

Posted by: M�tenloch at May 29, 2009 06:17 PM (7z9RL)

46 when water fills your mouth it does NOT give me the sensation of drowning it gives me the feeling of having a mouth full of water

Posted by: John ryan at May 29, 2009 06:18 PM (behNH)

47 I've also often wondered why people can't see that crullers and donuts are the same thing.

As I've said, time and time again to my Vietnamese donut baker, "Hey, Ching Chong, why you no see, cruller and donut same thingey? You grow pair now."

What's wrong with that? Can somone one please tell me that?

Posted by: palin steele at May 29, 2009 06:19 PM (WHoJw)

48 Damn, talk about leaving yourself open....

Posted by: IllTemperedCur at May 29, 2009 06:19 PM (oT+Ek)

49 One other thing, it's not a walk of shame if your doing it while wearing cowboy boot's.

I'd like to scrape a spur across Olbermanns powdered cheek and watch him whimper in horror.

Posted by: Dick Cheney at May 29, 2009 06:20 PM (AoS9J)

50 I've come closer to drowning while hitting a beer bong.

No, really.

Posted by: Blazer at May 29, 2009 06:21 PM (AoS9J)

51 As much as I respect Mancow's opinion, I think I'll have to withhold judgement until hearing from Manbearpig.

Posted by: Cautiously Pessimistic at May 29, 2009 06:21 PM (ltwze)

52 If the guy Mancow recruited to 'waterboard' him didn't know what he was doing, then Mancow wasn't waterboarded. Thus, he has no credibility on the subject, only an opinion. Also, Mancow is a blowhard and a publicity whore.

Posted by: Jones at May 29, 2009 06:21 PM (KOkrW)

53 40 So are we going to get the "I was a complete idiot by not actually having qualified military do the deed, but by having cousin Cletus from the Piggly-wiggly night crew do it"...

Pssst -- Cousin Cletus is actually Brian Dennehy.

Posted by: Capt. Numbstick at May 29, 2009 06:22 PM (voIlD)

54 >>when water fills your mouth it does NOT give me the sensation of drowning it gives me the feeling of having a mouth full of water

Spoken like a true waterhead.

Posted by: JackStraw at May 29, 2009 06:22 PM (VW9/y)

55 IIRC, the best showcase of Brian Dennehy's hand-to-hand combat skills would be as Dr. Klahn in the "A Fistful of Yen" segment from The Kentucky Fried Movie.

Posted by: Hoss Fuentes at May 29, 2009 06:25 PM (H1GNK)

56 >55 The best showcase of Brian Dennehy's hand-to-hand combat skills would be as Dr. Klahn in the "A Fistful of Yen" segment from The Kentucky Fried Movie.

Wow -- I though Dennehy was actually "Rex Kramer -- Danger Seeker" in that film...

Posted by: Capt. Numbstick at May 29, 2009 06:28 PM (voIlD)

57 BTW, "A Fistful of Yen" is incredible parody -- one of the best ever made.

Posted by: Capt. Numbstick at May 29, 2009 06:29 PM (voIlD)

58 And then you went out and proclaimed it was "torture" on Olbermann.

My local cable company just dropped MSNBC from my low-tier package. I've been able to survive the loss quite nicely. Now if they'd only drop all the TV preachers and shopping 'networks' I'll be in my glory.

Posted by: El-Amin Chirag-ud-Din at May 29, 2009 06:29 PM (8XI4A)

59 When i was real lil,my uncle took me on my first roller coaster ride.said it would be fun ,and put hair on my chest.Well ,that wonderful idea turned into 2:45 of SHEER FUCKING PSYCHOTIC HELL!that was my opinion anyway.

Posted by: lil'boycalf at May 29, 2009 06:30 PM (3/GXy)

60 I think it is obvious that Mancow proved within a shadow of a doubt that waterboarding is NOT torture.
He sat up and held a rational conversation right after the boarding, he was not harmed physically in any fashion and he didn't even suffer any mental anguish even though he had a near drowning experience as a child.
Thanks for the display Mancow, even though you changed, in "your" mind that this enhanced interroagation is torture....when it wasn't, as we all saw.

Posted by: Drider at May 29, 2009 06:30 PM (y8jjN)

61 I've said time and time again, conservatives should just grow a pair and admit that waterboarding is torture

Why, because you say it's torture? Fuck you, pinhead.

Posted by: Waterhouse at May 29, 2009 06:30 PM (FftmV)

62 Wow -- I though Dennehy was actually "Rex Kramer -- Danger Seeker" in that film...

If you pay close attention, through clever use of make-up, Dennehy played both roles.

Posted by: Hoss Fuentes at May 29, 2009 06:30 PM (H1GNK)

63 Yea, The Three Wolf Moon t-shirt ? Overrated.

Just standing within 10 feet of a Brian Dennehy t-shirt will add a full six inches to the length of your penis.

Posted by: Brian Dennehy at May 29, 2009 06:30 PM (AoS9J)

64 If I pour lighter fluid all over my genitals I feel.

Posted by: kahall at May 29, 2009 06:32 PM (ZCT0i)

65 Toby the beagle says waterboarding is not torture. Torture is ..........well, you all remember his story.

Posted by: paranoid polly at May 29, 2009 06:33 PM (YLNjm)

66 Where is Mancow's frame of reference? He has not experienced real forms of torture, therefore he has no business drawing conclusions about waterboarding. I wonder if he would still claim waterboarding is torture after I took my garden shears and removed each of his fingers...then his ears...etc.

Posted by: CharlieDontSurf at May 29, 2009 06:33 PM (0Xpf6)

This whole debate about 'torture' is bullshit anyway. Any reasonable person- i.e., not a political idealogue with an axe to grind and their head up their ass- knows what real torture is. Beatings. Broken bones. Cutting off fingers or tongues. Fire. Cattle prods up the ass. I'm talking physical cruelty on a Nazi, Saddam- like level.

Waterboarding and other techniques we have used amount to no more than aggressive interrogation. No physical harm, no permanent injury.

And here's the dirty secret: the Democrats don't give a fuck about 'torture', beyond the word's emotional value and its use as a rhetorical weapon against the previous administration.

Speaking of which, I hope the Obama administration goes after terrorists with the same zeal and dedication with which they are attacking Bush administration policies and officials.

Posted by: Jones at May 29, 2009 06:35 PM (KOkrW)

68 Torture is ..........well, you all remember his story.

True. She used Generic Crunchy instead of Peter Pan Creamy, now that's fuckin' torture.

Posted by: Tobey The Beagle at May 29, 2009 06:35 PM (AoS9J)

69 "50 I've come closer to drowning while hitting a beer bong.

No, really.

Posted by: Blazer at May 29, 2009 06:21 PM (AoS9J)"

Blazer...you dick...you owe me a new keyboard

Posted by: beedub at May 29, 2009 06:36 PM (AnTyA)

70 Torture is reading palin steels comments.

Posted by: Who Knows at May 29, 2009 06:36 PM (7FgWm)

71 Mancow's Top Five Tortures

5) Beer not on coaster.

4) Sticky bit of poo that won't drop off no matter how many times you jiggle up and down on the toilet seat.

3) Ovaltine

2) Cashier gives you 26 cents change in pennies

1) Someone lays on your bed right before you go to sleep and your blanket is all hot and stuff

Posted by: rinseandspit at May 29, 2009 06:38 PM (oEAm5)

I grew up with four sadistic older brothers. I would have gladly chosen waterboarding over some of the shit they used to pull.

Hey Mohamad...ever had your arms duct-taped to your side..your feet taped together...then tossed off the diving board into the deep end??

...when you're nine years old??

Posted by: beedub at May 29, 2009 06:39 PM (AnTyA)

73 Somebody oughta give Mancow a 'wet willy' and see if he cries

Posted by: Jones at May 29, 2009 06:41 PM (KOkrW)

74 Jack Bauer used an exposed electrical chord on Brian Dennehy's balls and he didn't tell him a damned thing

Posted by: kbdabear at May 29, 2009 06:41 PM (93F13)

True. She used Generic Crunchy instead of Peter Pan Creamy, now that's fuckin' torture.

Now I need a new keyboard.

Posted by: paranoid polly at May 29, 2009 06:42 PM (YLNjm)

76 Hell, he talked with Olbermann. That alone should make him understand torture.

Posted by: nickless at May 29, 2009 06:43 PM (MMC8r)

77 71 Mancow's Top Five Tortures

6. Glare off a car in the parking lot right into his window

7. Trying to keep a car with a stick shift from rolling backwards at a red light.

8. Olbermann's lipstick on the straw of his juicebox

9. Trying to zip up without those last two drops going down his pants

10. Fumbling for his credit card on 1-888-Hot-Talk

Posted by: kbdabear at May 29, 2009 06:49 PM (93F13)

Girlcow said he had suffered a near-drowning as a kid. Add to that that the schmuck who did the stunt was actually drowning him, and not waterboarding, and I can see why he would find it torture. Either way, his stunt was relevant and significant only to other imbecilic douches.

Posted by: Fluffy McNutter at May 29, 2009 06:49 PM (xMSXs)

79 >71 Mancow's Top Five Tortures...

4) Sticky bit of poo that won't drop off no matter how many times you jiggle up and down on the toilet seat.

Dammit, I should know better than to try to eat and read this blog at the same time...

Posted by: Capt. Numbstick at May 29, 2009 06:57 PM (voIlD)

80 I was wrestling Rachel Maddow and she got my head in a scissorlock with her legs while she gave me a headburn. That was torture

Posted by: Girlcow at May 29, 2009 07:00 PM (93F13)

81 too bad he didn't drown.

Posted by: evil libertarian at May 29, 2009 07:00 PM (/LywR)

82 They recently dropped him from a rock station here in Kalamazoo. That station probably wasn't alone, and he needs the attention. The hours he was on really sapped the quality of programming that this station has, as it's a great mix of arena rock and heavy metal from the 70s and 80s. Probably the best mix since that stuff was popular.

Posted by: Doc at May 29, 2009 07:01 PM (AghBu)

83 Waterboarding to desert dwellers is considered an amusement park ride.
Give me a break. I commuted five hours a day into Manhattan for 20 years, I knew torture, waterboarding is not torture.

Posted by: NortonPete at May 29, 2009 07:06 PM (fVuwW)

84 Somewhere in a mudhut in South Berserkistan, Ayman al Zawahiri is pissing himself from laughter. His face hurts.

This is KSM we're talking about, and two other guys who're nearly as bad. Mancow and Olbermurrow need to sit down and watch the Daniel Pearl video, then chase that with a big roundup of 9-11 death pics. Go back and read about the Pentagon worker who survived the attack, but his little boy was on the airplane that hit his workplace.

Posted by: MSM at May 29, 2009 07:08 PM (g/wgk)

85 "How about stress positions, verbal abuse, sleep-deprivation and extreme temperatures - funny, that sounds like my basic and combat leader courses."

That and any decent surgical internship.

Posted by: Foramen of Winslow at May 29, 2009 07:10 PM (W64WZ)

86 Bwahahahaha. Mancow's been laughed out of the local market twice already, by a DJ he constantly denigrated as inferior.

Hey Mancow, how's Johnny's ass taste, bitch?

Posted by: apotheosis at May 29, 2009 07:11 PM (xWk3U)

87 84 is me, not that it matters, except it's not something the msm would ever say. Unfortunately.

Cracking up at the top 10 torture list.

Posted by: stace at May 29, 2009 07:11 PM (g/wgk)

88 When he took the spot on WLS he, in effect got 3 people canned (jerry agar and this one chick, I forget who she was) who didn't do stunts, they focused on local politics.

Now it's all about stupid stunts on what is primarily a newstalk channel (not counting george noory)

Looks like 560 in the morning for me.

Posted by: Douglas at May 29, 2009 07:13 PM (uU+Ss)

89 Go back and read about the Pentagon worker who survived the attack, but his little boy was on the airplane that hit his workplace.

Really? Man I didn't hear about that one. That's some seriously fucked up shit there. Love to get that guys opinions on torture.

Posted by: Blazer at May 29, 2009 07:24 PM (AoS9J)

77 71 Mancow's Top Five Tortures

11. Can't get the DVD player to stop flashing 12:00

12. Cat jumps on his lap and kneads his crotch

13. Trying to Tweet in the bright sun on his cell phone

14. Somebody put Ultra-Strength Ben-Gay into his Preparation H

15. No toilet paper in the MSNBC bathroom stall

Posted by: kbdabear at May 29, 2009 07:26 PM (7FgWm)

91 Some police department down south, back at the peak of the media's "Aiee! Tasers kill people! They must be banned!" phase, simply made it a requirement that every officer who wanted to carry a Taser had to agree to be tazed once a year to requalify. Sounds good in court when some defense lawyer is whining about how his client was tortured and his life cruelly placed in danger, and the cop can stay on the stand "Man up, buttercup--I've been tased four times."
The CIA ought to do this with the waterboarding experts. Have them go through it once a year or so. It won't deflect criticism 100% but it's a good start.
And I agree we neeed to instantly stop handing the liberals a win on calling waterboarding torture. Ripping arms out of sockets is torture. A soldering iron to the eye ball is torture. Teeth pulled out with pliers is torture.
Liberals want "torture" to be defined down to mean "anything that actucally works in acquiring information."

Posted by: Flubber at May 29, 2009 07:31 PM (e1FEt)

Uh oh, Ace! Watch out or you will be named as Ohlberdouche's "World's Worst Person"!

Posted by: runningrn at May 29, 2009 07:32 PM (aC/SY)

93 If this dumbing down of what torture means continues:

Well heck, I'm stressed about what Obambi is doing to the economy, the rule of law and how the free press is prostituting itself to him. My ability to buy a house and keep it might be damaged, my retirement may be seriously injured, perhaps permanently, and I don't like any of that. Must be torture!

Posted by: Mark at May 29, 2009 07:34 PM (NWyED)

94 Is it okay to hope Olbermann's show gets hit with a freak flash flood?

Posted by: Circa (Insert Year Here) at May 29, 2009 07:39 PM (0qe2I)

Mancow's Top Five Tortures...

4) Sticky bit of poo that won't drop off no matter how many times you jiggle up and down on the toilet seat.

you mean dingleboarding?

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Posted by: kbdabear at May 29, 2009 08:10 PM (93F13)

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Well he can try, but his last turd of credibility has pretty much made that impossible. That vessel is full.

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Blazer at 89 - Its a lot worse than that. I don't recall the guys name right now but he was a Navy senior non-com IIRC. The truthers used to (may still, I don't know) accuse him of being a willing, voluntary participant in the plot they claim led up to 9/11. They litterally claim he deliberatly put his child on a plane he knew was going to be flown into the Pentagon and then took the day off to avoid the danger himself. Claim the fact he did not go in that day proves he was up to his eyeballs in the planning.

If I were he the people who came up with that would be real familiar with real torture not pussy-ass waterboarding by now.

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Posted by: CoolCzech at May 29, 2009 10:34 PM (iafWn)

110 I 've always thought manocock was a stupid fool dying for attention.

Torture I had to go through that Mancow never did:

1. Hung me off a second floor balcony by my ankles until the apartment manager, neighbors, and police contacted my poor mother to run home to rescue me.

2. Sat on me and: Farted, let drool hang over me like it was going to hit me in the face, stuffed his dirty underwear in my mouth, gave me endless red-bellies, threw me off of the top of a bunk bed cracking my head open on the floor - 10 stitches, stuck a carpenters nail upwards in a board so it could not be readily seen and then told me to walk on it = the nail went through my foot - he laughed. Sold tickets to have the neighborhood bully - Todd - fight me in a match in our neighbors backyard. He threatened that if I didn't do it he would be me up - Todd and I both lost a tooth that night.

3. Grease the bathroom floor before he knew I was going to in so I would slip wildly and hit my head not only on the porcelain bathtub but toilet as well.

Oh and I could add have a 9 lb. baby with no anesthesia because the nurses thought that I wasn't dilated enough - "Whoops"! they said as the baby was crowning and I was screaming.

Yeah, Mancow you're a total douche.

P.S. My brother and I are not on speaking terms.

Posted by: Cheri at May 29, 2009 10:53 PM (11AYx)

111 My last post should have read:

Torture by my big brother I had to go through that Mancow never did:

Posted by: Cheri at May 29, 2009 10:54 PM (11AYx)

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Posted by: Lemmiwinks at May 29, 2009 11:14 PM (IqfKc)

113 "Some police department down south, back at the peak of the media's "Aiee! Tasers kill people! They must be banned!" phase, simply made it a requirement that every officer who wanted to carry a Taser had to agree to be tazed once a year to requalify"

Actually, I don't know if this is still a requirement for tasers, but I know it is for pepper spray. I know that because I had to stand in a line and get sprayed by a guy that DEFINATELY knew what he was doing, then run an obstacle course. I was working on a Military installation, but we were going to be carrying pepper spray near civillians, and that's the rule in every civilian PD I've ever heard of.

Also, as for the recommendation that anybody doing waterboarding should have been waterboarded at some point themselves, I would almost certainly think that's the case. The CIA doesn't fuck around with this stuff; I don't know what exactly someone has to do to be certified to do this sort of thing (of course), but I would lay big money that it includes waterboarding and a whole lot more.

Posted by: francis at May 29, 2009 11:32 PM (c4Suq)

114 Two items:

Isn't Mancow the guy who closed of a busy rush hour traffic artery so he could stage a haircut on a bridge?

Where do you find real instructions on how to waterboard? While I have heard it is incredibly effective I find it hard to believe it is torture. Not that I care if it is but I would like to know. I figure I would get someone I trust to try it on me and I'd tell him/her to do it repeatedly until I told him/her to stop with a third trusted person timing and refereeing the proceedings. Is there a "Waterboarding For Dummies" book?

Posted by: Snake Oil Baron at May 29, 2009 11:39 PM (7XIRN)

115

This is torture:

Some of the martyrs refused to give even their names to the torturers. For example, Sanctus, finally when there was nothing more that they could do to him, they applied metal plates that were burned till they were red hot, to the most tender parts of his body, his body became swollen and enflamed but he did not yield. For every question they put to him, he had only one answer �I am a Christian�.

There was a woman named Biblias. Fellow Christians thought that since she was a frail and timid person, she would succumb when tortured, but she surprised them when she vehemently shouted against her torturers, saying "How can people like us eat children who are forbidden to drink the blood of brute beasts".

Pothinus who was the bishop of Lyons was a very sick person and was over ninety years old, but still the enraged crowd dragged him to the tribunal, the governor asked him "who was the God of Christians", the bishop only replied �If you are worthy, you shall know�. People kicked him and slapped him but he endured without saying anything, two days later he died.

Marturus, Sanctus, Blandina and Attalus were condemned to the beasts, but that did not satisfy the angry crowd, they were forced to sit on red hot iron chairs that suffocate from the reek, the crowd wanted to break their resistance but finally realizing that they failed in doing so, they cut their throats.Blandina was hung on a stake as food for wild beasts. But the beasts did not touch her at that time, she was taken down from the stake and was tortured. Attalus was a popular and well respected person in the society He was dragged into, the amphitheatre with a placard in front of him on which was written, "This is Attalus, the Christian�. But the Governor found out that he was a Roman citizen. So he sent a dispatch to Caesar asking for further instructions. Caesar ordered that he should be be-headed. But upon the demand of the crowd, he was placed on the red-hot chair. When they asked him what was the name of his God, he answered "God has no name as human beings have." Again Blandina and a fifteen year old boy named Ponticus were thrown to the beasts, but Blandina encouraged Ponticus to be strong. He endured every kind of torture and expired. Blandina was whipped and cast before the beasts, was made to sit on the red-hot iron chair that reeked. She was at last thrown into a net and cast before a bull, having no further sense of what was happening. She herself had her throat cut. Finally all the bodies of the martyrs were exposed for six days and then they were burnt and their ashes were thrown into the river Rhone.

-- Eusebius

Posted by: Cowboy at May 29, 2009 11:40 PM (odnDW)

116 So, you've discovered ManCow is an idiot.

Old news, mon ami. It's been an established fact since ManCow himself began posting on the NoPC (libertarian) message board roughly 10 years ago. The one thing the board's liberals, conservatives, libertarians, and moderates could agree upon was that ManCow was a complete moron. I think even the 9/11 "Truthers" were convinced, as well.

He apparently followed the old Morton Downey/Geraldo Rivera plan: being a rampant asshole gets attention, and all media is interested in is attention. Of course, ManCow brings none of the redeeming social value of those jackasses, and yet he endures. As Mencken also observed, "No one ever went broke by underestimating the intelligence of the American public."

Posted by: Adjoran at May 30, 2009 12:06 AM (AO39X)

117 I just found the answer to my first item. I should have Googled before posting:

"After a stint at KDON in Monterey, California, Muller headed north to San Francisco. In 1993, Muller made national headlines working for radio station 107.7 KYLD-FM in San Francisco, California, when a story was circulating that President Bill Clinton tied up traffic on an LAX runway for over an hour getting a haircut on Air Force One. Muller staged a parody of the incident on the San Francisco � Oakland Bay Bridge during rush hour. He used vans to block the westbound lanes on the bridge while his then sidekick, Jesus "Chuy" Gomez, got a haircut.

As a result of this publicity stunt, Muller was prosecuted and subsequently convicted of a felony by a San Francisco Municipal Court. His sentence included three years probation, a $500 fine and 100 hours of community service. The radio station eventually paid $1.5 million to settle a lawsuit filed by a bridge commuter."

If Clinton really did tie up a runway for an hour (and I really don't care right now if he did) it is crappy thing to do but hardly compares with shutting down the Oakland Bay Bridge at rush hour. He is one of the few people I really wish was actually against the Iraq war.

I seem to recall him having a flame war with an atheist activist named Normal Bob Smith over "blaspheming" Jesus with a Flash based dress up game. It gave Smith a lot of publicity and Mancow came off looking foolish to all but his fans. As a secularist I enjoyed the friendly fire against Bible fanatics who would censor religious criticism and parody but I now regret that conservatives have to endure folk like him pretending to be conservatives while behaving like hippy freaks.

Posted by: Snake Oil Baron at May 30, 2009 12:09 AM (7XIRN)

118 I may be biased because I live in Chicago and see Mancow every now and then when I go out but I tend to think he is a pretty OK guy. Now that he is on AM, he isn't nearly as "shock jock" as he used to be on his FM format show. And his politics while a bit dumb still fall on the right side of the dial. Just saying.

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