Shirley Jones In Playboy

Her husband is suggesting it. Ummm. Hrm.

"She's still drop-dead gorgeous, and at the age of 75, a natural beauty," Ingels told Page Six. "I'm her husband, and I think it would be sensational. Mature women are relevant."

Now, she doesn't look bad, for 75. Go to the link. She still cute. Granny-cute.

But you see that little peek of drapey wrinkly stuff under her chin?

Now imagine about five feet more of it. I think that's clear enough, don't you?

Need we go there? Do we have to get graphic about what happens to human beings as we age? Do we need to belabor the point in excruciating detail and in the crudest of terms?

I certainly hope so.

They'll have to do so much airbrushing she'll end up with a cartoon body anyway, so why bother.

Posted by: LauraW. at 10:47 AM



Comments

1 Aaaaaaaaaaaaack

Posted by: MAJHAM at May 12, 2009 10:51 AM (c2P97)

2 Do. Not. Want.

Posted by: bunny boy at May 12, 2009 10:52 AM (YsSn7)

3 I once gave Charlie Chaplin a handjob. He wasn't silent once I got through with him.

Posted by: Grace at May 12, 2009 10:52 AM (ctwjM)

4 We watched "Oklahoma" the other night and Shirley Jones certainly was drop dead gorgeous. A photo shoot showing her then and through the years would be nice. Nude pictures whatever age -- not so much.

Posted by: erp at May 12, 2009 10:52 AM (BDRHK)

5 It will ALL be airbrushed out! GROW UP!

Posted by: Joan Rivers at May 12, 2009 10:52 AM (GdalM)

6
She's pretty hot as the librarian in the Music Man.

But I'll pass on this.

Posted by: dan-O at May 12, 2009 10:54 AM (teb/C)

7 For some inexplicable reason, the image of a Basset Hound keeps coming to mind.

Posted by: Rob Crawford at May 12, 2009 10:55 AM (ZJ/un)

8 Shirley Jones was and is a beauty. I don't know if that translates into old lady centerfold or not.

Personally, I believe she has way more class than to strip down to her birthday suit for a bunch of salivating basement dwellers. (No offense to those who enjoy Playboy...just wrote that for "fun illustrative purposes")

Posted by: Twinks at May 12, 2009 10:56 AM (dTt9I)

9
3
I once gave Charlie Chaplin a handjob. He wasn't silent once I got through with him.

Nice pull.


Posted by: Dang Straights at May 12, 2009 10:56 AM (Haq+B)

10 You fucking cowards. I'd hit it.

Posted by: km at May 12, 2009 10:57 AM (mrk0R)

11 If we could go back in time and bring the Elmer Gantry Shirley Jones to the pages of Playboy, I'll buy it.
But a 75 year old Jones will just prove that Heff really doesn't look at women.

Posted by: jimmytheleg at May 12, 2009 10:57 AM (IBdw+)

12 There was once a time when the sight of Shirley Jones nude might very well be considered one of the most astonishingly wonderful thing in the world to a vast majority of the male population in this country.
Sadly, that day is long past. Not just because Shirley ain't what she used to be, but because there is nothing one cannot find on the internet in just a few clicks, if one is so inclined. Is there anyone who actually buys Playboy magazine anymore? If so, why? Certainly not for the nudie pics.

Posted by: Quality Control at May 12, 2009 10:59 AM (TOk1P)

13 *shiver*

Posted by: lowfibass at May 12, 2009 10:59 AM (T1ZAZ)

14 (surely) you must be kidding? Well, here's to you Mrs. Robinson!
..did you time this for lunch, Lauraw?

Posted by: sickinmass at May 12, 2009 11:00 AM (/i4dU)

15 I'm a Motherlover, so I'd hit it.
Now, you know who I'd hit without any joking whatsoever? Ann Margaret. Fucking hawt and I don't give a shit how old she is

Posted by: EC at May 12, 2009 11:01 AM (mAhn3)

16 Yes, rent Grandma's Boy and you'll get all you want.

Posted by: Alex at May 12, 2009 11:01 AM (FkZ+B)

17 Could be worse. Could be Ingels posing.

Posted by: Chuck Simmins at May 12, 2009 11:03 AM (gnipF)

18 So much for the Helen Thomas/Barbara Mikulski girl-on-girl edition of Hustler...

(runs like hell)

Posted by: tmi3rd at May 12, 2009 11:05 AM (MLaAD)

19 Playboy has said that this is all a big myth. Another internet urban fantasy.

Posted by: Vic at May 12, 2009 11:06 AM (f6os6)

20 A big myth or an old myth? Because she doesn't look all that fat to me.

Posted by: Quality Control at May 12, 2009 11:09 AM (TOk1P)

21 More airbrushing than Overhauling.

Posted by: somejoe at May 12, 2009 11:09 AM (yP5sH)

22 i'm with the hump on this one.
instead of one 75 year old how aboutfour 18 and three quarter year olds?

Posted by: elliot spitzer at May 12, 2009 11:10 AM (dKiTb)

23 Frankly, reading his wiki page, Ingels sounds a bit nuts.

Posted by: nickless at May 12, 2009 11:11 AM (MMC8r)

24 "So much for the Helen Thomas/Barbara Mikulski girl-on-girl edition of Hustler..."My eyes! MY EYESSSSSSSS!

Posted by: MAJHAM at May 12, 2009 11:12 AM (c2P97)

25 You fucking cowards.
Literally and figuratively.

Posted by: Circa (Insert Year Here) at May 12, 2009 11:16 AM (B+qrE)

26 Does she still have all her own teeth, even?

You will know her by her wrinkles.

Posted by: Barry da man Obamacan at May 12, 2009 11:16 AM (NLtVk)

27 And you thought your day was bad.........
Man sits on toilet and gets his penis bit by a snake:
http://tinyurl.com/prkg7y

Posted by: momma at May 12, 2009 11:16 AM (penCf)

28 Mrs. Partridge in Playboy? I'll be punchin' the clown harder than a red-headed stepchild I beat Danny's ass.

Posted by: Rubin Kincaid at May 12, 2009 11:16 AM (hnq5i)

29 DAMN IT!!! How do you get that image out of your brain? Tequila isn't working.

Posted by: harleycowboy at May 12, 2009 11:17 AM (JKGfQ)

30 Just remember, Momma, it's all about da wang...

Posted by: Leon Phelps, Da Ladies' Man at May 12, 2009 11:18 AM (MLaAD)

31 She still is beautiful, but if she wants to do nudes, don't they have calendars for that?

Posted by: momma at May 12, 2009 11:19 AM (penCf)

32 Which image is that, Harley?

Posted by: tmi3rd at May 12, 2009 11:19 AM (MLaAD)

33 I was always taught never to use my teeth. Now I see why.

Posted by: momma at May 12, 2009 11:20 AM (penCf)

34 Danny Bonoducci (whatever) will be in his bunk again!

Posted by: 'Nam Grunt at May 12, 2009 11:21 AM (wtt6i)

35 Who's next barbara wawa! Dorkbats are such idiots, they are trying to turn this entire Country into gollywood!

Posted by: 'Nam Grunt at May 12, 2009 11:23 AM (wtt6i)

36 All you haters need to shut the hell up and send up prayers to the Gods so this thing will happen. Shirley Jones is hotter now than any of those languid creatures of the idle hours in Hollywood will ever be. We may lament that Ms. Jones has not taken this step before; we can only hope she does it now.

Your Emperor has spoken. So let it be written. So let it be done.

Posted by: Monty at May 12, 2009 11:26 AM (/0a60)

37 Marty Ingels was a professional comedian at one time. Shirley's probably used to him by now. Anyway, once the airbrush team gets done with her, she'll look like any other Hollywood bimbette.
I swear, I've seen walls well coated with less paint than the Playboy airbrush team uses.

Posted by: Sort-of-Mad Max at May 12, 2009 11:31 AM (ERJIu)

38 No.

Posted by: ken at May 12, 2009 11:32 AM (9zzk+)

39 Your Emperor has spoken.
I thought we were an autonomous collective.

Posted by: Circa (Insert Year Here) at May 12, 2009 11:32 AM (B+qrE)

40 Do not know if she is practicing but at one time Shirley was registered Republican.

Posted by: Long Island at May 12, 2009 11:34 AM (/QzyE)

41 A long time ago, Shirley Jones was amazing. She has a few great scenes in Elmer Gantry. Here's one:

http://www.tcm.com/mediaroom/index/?cid=221784

Posted by: Brian Faughnan at May 12, 2009 11:36 AM (xMDWD)

42 "Hey, I'm Marty Ingels, great to be here!"
"So I went to bed with this 75-year-old woman; she said she'd show me a new wrinkle. Looked like about 30 of 'em to me! (Kaboom!)"
"So people ask me, 'Marty, you've had oral sex with a 75-year-old woman? What does a 75-year-old woman taste like??' And I say, Eh, Depends! (Crash)!"
"I told my wife I was going to go out car shopping, maybe get myself a Hummer. She said 'why don't I just take my teeth out and save you some money? (Kaboom Kaboom Kaboom)!"
"Hey thanks, what a great audience!"

Posted by: Shecky "Sheldon" Greenbaumberg at May 12, 2009 11:39 AM (ERJIu)

43 Basic flaw to the idea: they'd need a special centerfold with about six folds in it.

Posted by: Loren Heal at May 12, 2009 11:40 AM (uiKEv)

44 "So I took my wife to the doctor; he calls up a week later and says they mixed up her test result with someone else, and she might either have Alzheimer's or AIDS. I said 'My God, doc, what do I do?" He says 'drive her to the outskirts of town and leave her there. If she finds her way home don't have sex with her!' (Trombone slide, cymbal crash)"

Posted by: Shecky "Sheldon" Greenbaumberg at May 12, 2009 11:47 AM (ERJIu)

45 If true, very fucking unseemly. But I doubt it's true.

Posted by: MDH3 at May 12, 2009 11:47 AM (CZcCo)

46 Shirley Jones is a classy woman I highly doubt she would even entertain the idea of doing something like this.

Posted by: 'Nam Grunt at May 12, 2009 11:49 AM (wtt6i)

47 Every red-blooded American loves a cougar.

That's a fucking smilodon.

Posted by: apotheosis at May 12, 2009 11:50 AM (xWk3U)

48 I would let Shirley Jones make me biscuits in the morning as my granny, not share my bunk with me, c'mon guys this is all BS dreamed up by the dorkbats!

Posted by: 'Nam Grunt at May 12, 2009 11:53 AM (wtt6i)

49 Paris Hilton better commit suicide, there's a new girl in town that doesn't give blowjobs on the internet, Carrie Prejean!

Posted by: 'Nam Grunt at May 12, 2009 11:54 AM (wtt6i)

50 I've got stuff to do on my property, y'all have fun. America Fuck yeah!!!

Posted by: 'Nam Grunt at May 12, 2009 11:58 AM (wtt6i)

51 ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS, look in the bowl before you sit down (and carry a stick to the outhouse).

Posted by: Javems at May 12, 2009 12:00 PM (hq71Y)

52 If I want to look at a 75 year old naked woman I will just look at Mrs. 1st.
BTW, Mrs. 1st is waaaay hotter ...

Posted by: 1sttofight at May 12, 2009 12:03 PM (PGmsW)

53 As a post-menopausal woman, Shirley Jones will not be encumbered with worry over a Tampon string showing, but the questions remains, will she wear her teeth?

Posted by: Fish at May 12, 2009 12:06 PM (zaeV0)

54 no can haz.

Posted by: Fred Ralista at May 12, 2009 12:09 PM (ooN+B)

55 @3 ... whoah, Dead Like Me?

Posted by: Fred Ralista at May 12, 2009 12:09 PM (ooN+B)

56 If given the choice between a nude FLOTUS, James Brown, or Shirley Jones, my choice would be for a slightly wrinkled Shirley versus a well-toned angry ass fist-pumpin' biatch.

Posted by: Fish at May 12, 2009 12:10 PM (zaeV0)

57 yeah, DUH. Klingon women, like Michelle, have man-junk too.. or so I figure.

Posted by: Fred Ralista at May 12, 2009 12:12 PM (ooN+B)

58 I would rather not see a 75 year old woman nude. Maybe she's attractive for her age, but there is clearly something wrong with the idea of her appearing in Playboy.

Posted by: sjh at May 12, 2009 12:13 PM (GErKE)

59 Need we go there? Do we have to get graphic about what happens to human beings as we age? Do we need to belabor the point in excruciating detail and in the crudest of terms?
Does that mean I can look forward to tying my boobs in a knot?

Posted by: SFC MAC at May 12, 2009 12:17 PM (dX8Ae)

60 I don't want to sound like I'm gay or anything, but even Shirley's TV daughter, Susan Dey, is getting a little old for this type of thing to be tantelizing. Plus, Susan always kept herself way to skinny.

Posted by: pendejo grande at May 12, 2009 12:18 PM (PXZI9)

61 Shirley Jones is a classy woman I highly doubt she would even entertain the idea of doing something like this.
Yep (video).

Posted by: Cuffy Meigs at May 12, 2009 12:35 PM (zNrBL)

62 Admit it LW, you're just jealous. While they might have to airbrush Shirley's wrinkles and blemishes, you know they could never slop enough paint on that hideous hump of yours.......

Posted by: Alamo at May 12, 2009 12:36 PM (Mqupr)

63 Playboy's demographics must be similar to Buick's. I guess only dirty old men read it anymore.

Posted by: Wheeler at May 12, 2009 12:53 PM (iHCjy)

64 I suppose photoshop will make her look OK. But the thought of little boys wanking over a nude 75 year old is... gross.

Posted by: CoolCzech at May 12, 2009 01:13 PM (iafWn)

65 I've heard of granny porn. But great-gradma porn?

Posted by: nikkolai at May 12, 2009 01:18 PM (4EBUu)

66 66 Try closer to ten years ago

Posted by: anctrekker at May 12, 2009 01:49 PM (kclNB)

67 Uh, no. Thanks, but no. Definitely.

The "Elmer Gantry" Shirley, now...

Posted by: mojo at May 12, 2009 01:49 PM (g1cNf)

68 there's a new girl in town that doesn't give blowjobs on the internet
Which is precisely why I have no use for her.

Posted by: Entropy at May 12, 2009 03:04 PM (m6c4H)

69 Shirley Jones, I'm gonna say no.
Hell no.
Now a 75 year old Florence Henderson on the other hand....

Posted by: Entropy at May 12, 2009 03:07 PM (m6c4H)

70 #41:
I was thinking of Elmer Gantry myself. Thanks for the clip. Wow. Showing a lot of boob for 1960. Nice legs, too.

Posted by: Pervy Grin at May 12, 2009 04:52 PM (fqvpi)

71 If I have to look at a septuagenarian nekkid, I prefer Helen Mirren.

Posted by: ol_dirty_/b/tard at May 12, 2009 05:27 PM (/0Hi3)

72 She looks pretty bangable in that clip from "Elmer Gantry". But that was then.

Posted by: PoconoJoe at May 12, 2009 05:55 PM (PIetB)

73 My angel is a centerfold

Posted by: Kevin at May 12, 2009 08:20 PM (2pSub)

74 "They'll have to do so much airbrushing she'll end up with a cartoon body anyway, so why bother."
Such irony. As if the majority of young women posing for this sort of entertainment has had something cartoonish done to their bodies either, yeah. Most men can't even get a hard looking at a real woman anymore because they've singed their eyeballs on the cartoon results of plastic surgeons, tanning beds and touch-up artists.
If the lighting is good and they incline her upwards to counteract gravity, it might meet your standards.

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78 Shirley Jones is still one of the hottest film actresses around...At 75 years old she still has lots of class..During her younger years especially in ELMER GANTRY she is by far the sexiest woman alive.. She has the sexiest set of leggs with those silk stockings in full view as she props one of them up on a chair with Burt Langcaster watching as she dons her nylons and black garter belt....I'd have done her many of times back then but now I don't think that she could handle the ride.. She still a sexy provocative woman even at 75....If she decided to pose for Playboy Id check her out if she was in nylons and that like she was back in the ELMER GANTRY days.. Love you Shirley Jones!!

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