1 Surprise Cockfags!

2

I am already going off topic, but did you see where the idiot congressman from New Jersey nearly got his dumb ass blown to bits in Mogadishu? How can people be so stupid?

3 Speaking of which, I wish you'd quit calling these guys "pirates." They're "undocumented income redistributionists."

4

OUT - "pirates"

IN - "cargo liberators"

5 Our unilateral action against these pirates, interference in their waters, is only going to create more pirates. Isn't that obvious? Plus, it's all about controlling oil shipping lanes, isn't it really? It's absurd for us to battle "piracy." Piracy is only a tactic. Moreover, one man's pirate is another man's freedom fighter. We don't belong in the ocean anyway, and who can blame these people for protecting their waters?

6 Obama's quiet backstage decision to authorize the Defense Department to take necessary action if Capt. Richard Phillips' life was in imminent danger gave a Navy commander the go-ahead to order snipers to fire on the pirates holding the cargo ship captain at gunpoint.

In other words there real plan from the White House was to negotiate, not to rescue the Captain. The Navy could only fire if  "Capt. Richard Phillips' life was in imminent danger" , not simply if the opportunity presented itself. Shouldn't that have been the orders?

In a hostage situation during a bank robbery doesn't the FBI and local law enforcement have the right to take out the robber if he is stupid enough to expose himself? Isn't a hostage's life always in "imminent danger"?

I think that is the reason to orders were needed. Obama's first was too restrictive and then the Navy got wording it could hide behind and took the action they wanted to from the start.

 If Obama's pan was to use the Navy to free the Captain why was the FBI being sent to investigate?

Not only is that not leadership, it's actually a hindrance. This is a big victory for the Navy and common sense. I don't see how this is a victory for President Obama and his :

"Let every nation know, whether it wishes us well or ill, that we shall pay any price, bear any burden, meet any hardship, support any friend, oppose any foe, in order to assure we can negotiate."

7 Cool, it's just like my undocumented intergenerational romances with young boys.

8 Reminds me of the "New Way Forward" protestor suggesting that since "nationalization" is so stigmatized people could use the word "receivership" instead.

These people are too dumb for this world. Worried about reality? Just call it something different!

Orwellian as fuck.

9 "Undocumented income redistributionists."

Heh.

10 "Undocumented income redistributionist."

You talkin' to me?

11

Our unilateral action against these pirates, interference in their waters, is only going to create more pirates. Isn't that obvious? Plus, it's all about controlling oil shipping lanes, isn't it really? It's absurd for us to battle "piracy." Piracy is only a tactic. Moreover, one man's pirate is another man's freedom fighter. We don't belong in the ocean anyway, and who can blame these people for protecting their waters?

Brilliant! But you forgot to add that we must break our addiction to shipping.

12

My guess is Chrissy Mathews will get another leg tingle and NBC will credit El Duce with everything from building the Navy to the hostage rescue and beyond.

 

The next step will be 1 trillion dollars in aid to the pirates so they will not be so desperate and unloved.

13 When will we sit down and have open discussions with the moderate Somali pirates commodity organizers?

14 First, since we killed three of them, doesn't that just mean there are now six more coming on line?

Second, I thought it had been widely understood for some time that when all a freedom fighter has is rocks, he'll throw rocks -- doesn't it follow that when all he has is some cheap ships to hijack and seek ransom then that's what they'll do?

Third, what drove these misunderstood miscreants to such action?  Poverty?  A desperate lack of basic nutrition for their children?  An acute shortage of kite string?

Fourth, why isn't this illegal -- the U.S. has unilaterally killed a family of kite-waiving parents trying to provide for their children that sailed from Africa's eight holiest Muslim city -- shouldn't we really have asked the U.N. before going all cowboy on these guys?  Tsk, tsk, we didn't even reach out to the elders, where's the dialog and listening?

15 Read the comments to the HuffPo piece. They're priceless.

The lefties can't manage to keep a lid on their knee-jerk anti-Americanism for two seconds. Their seething hatred (of the idea that America might be on the side of right and justice) just comes bubbling right up.

What I love is that then they'll turn right around and yammer on about how conservatism is some sort of mental disorder, after they've just spent time trying to rationalize piracy.

16 "I wonder which principled member of our corporate media will point out that, in the big picture, the Somali pirates are acting in self-defense?"

I'm confused. Where is this quote from? I think you forgot a cite.

17

 

Markie Marxist sez:  "Our Marxist/warrior/hero/criminal/pirates are ripping off capitalism and helping to move the world towards socialism.  We need to help them as much as possible, and since Marxism rules the world, we will.  You don't want the pirates to fail, do you?"

18 President Morgenholz's Orders regarding the holding of Capt. Richard Phillips by Somali pirates:

Dear Admiral:  THEY'RE FUCKING PIRATES!  DO 'EM!

Prez

19 Since they are disagreeing with High Lord Obama, can we question their patriotism now?

20 I think you forgot a cite.

Sidebar item: More Lefties Taking the Pirates' Side

21

It really has gone beyond parody.  And the breathtaking historical ignorance on display just reconfirms my fundamental opinion of the left:

You're stupid and your mother dresses you funny.

22 a commentator on HuffPro said something bad ? shocking The entire website should be closed down and its archives destroyed

23

Great, John ryan is here.

Pixy, can you please set up some kind of warning siren so that those of us who would prefer to slam ourselves in the testicles with a hot brick rather than read his incoherent, ignorant posts can do so?

I'll be over here in the corner.  Can someone call the paramedics, please?  Shit, that's hot...

24 John Ryan is so fucking stupid I had to block him a while back. Went on some crazy anti-Semitic rant.

25 john ryan

Don't put words in our mouths. We have never advocated Huffpo be closed down. Got another hyperbolic strawman?

Deal with reality: these morally confused people are your chosen compatriots.

26 Pirate Captain Monty: Yar, sea-dogs, the poopdeck be open for the airin' of views.
Pirate #1: I move we break out the grog!
Pirate Captain Monty: Point of order, you scurvy dog! Don't speak 'til you're recognized by yer Cap'n, or I'll keelhaul your lubberly hide!
Pirate #2: Able Seaman Jenks wishes to be rekinnized, yer Honor!
Pirate Captain Monty: Speak and be heard, Jenks!
Pirate #2: I move we revisit the dividin' of the booty as regards the younger sea-dogs. One-tenth share ain't near enough!
Pirate #3: Aye! Seconded!
Pirate Captain Monty: Avast, there, Hackett! One more yawp out of you and you'll dance with Jack Ketch coming morning!
Pirate #2: He's followin' parliamentary procedure, Cap'n! No need ter give him a broadside!
Pirate Captain Monty: A pox on the parlerment'ry procedures! You'll do what yer Cap'n tells ye, or pay the price, you dogs!
Pirate #2: Aye, Cap'n. (Sullenly.)
Pirate #4: Able Seaman Turk, sar! (Waving a grimy hand in the air.)
Pirate Captain Monty: Turk, spit it out afore it chokes ye!
Pirate #4:  The bonnie lass from the UN is aboard, sir! Natterin' something about "social justice" and such. The boys and I were going to give 'er a bit of the old Jolly Roger, but we wanted your view on it, sar!
Pirate Captain Monty: Bring the pert wench for'ard, Turk!
(Louise Abalone Fitch-Smith-Curmingdon-Schmedlt, Assistant Secretary to the Minister for Pirate Relations at the UN, is brought forward.)
Louise F.S.C.S: Captain, I appreciate your seeing me, but I must protest at the sexist, misogynist label of "pert wench". Didn't you receive the UN gender-equity handbook we couriered over last week?
Pirate Captain Monty: I used yer book to wipe me backside when the bog-roll ran out, my pretty!
Louise F.S.C.S.: Well, I understand. Poor, misunderstood gentlemen like yourselves have been oppressed for years by the corporatist, toilet-paper-hoarding plutocrats! But I am here to show solidarity with your cause?
Pirate #1: What babble is this wench talkin', Cap'n?
Pirate Captain Monty: Avast! Shut yer gob and let the missy finish 'er speechifyin'.
Louise F.S.C.S: Thank you, Captain. I just wanted all of you ship-cargo redistribution workers to  know that you have friends in the UN who are aware of your struggles! We know the hardships you have endured! We know the burden that the evil capitalists have placed on you, forcing you into a life in the shadows!
Pirate #3: (Whispering loudly) Cap'n...the wench's brains are addled! Too much time in the sun, methinks!
Pirate Captain Monty: Ar, it may be, it may be. (To the woman) Speak smartly, now, wench -- do ye bring gold or jools with ye?
Louise F.S.C.S: Why...why, no! But I did bring these letters of support! Just look at all of them!
Pirate Captain Monty: (Takes the packet of letters, squints and them, and heaves them overboard.) I never picked up cypherin', milady. (To his men.) Take hold of her, lads, and cart her down to my quarters!
Louise F.S.C.S.: But...no! (Screaming as the pirates grab her.) I'm on your side, Captain! Surely you must see that! I'm not the enemy!
Pirate Captain Monty: (Rubbing his hands in glee.) She's on my side, right enough! Long while since I've had any fluff in my bunk, boyos! She'll take the kinks out of the old John Thomas, eh?
(The pirates roar with laughter as Louise is carried belowdecks, still screaming.)
Pirate Captain Monty: Now, he hearties, back to business! Any further comment before we're done? No? Then this meetin' is hereby closed! Get back to work, ye scurvy dogs, afore the cat chews your backs! Grubb! To the fantail! Hackett! To the crows-nest! I be hankerin' for some o' that luverly UN aid in the ship just yonder!

(We fade to black as the pirates all begin to sing "A Pirate's Life For Me".)

27

Guys,

John Ryan is merely following his beloved leader in the grand leftist tradition of:

"Making Shit Up!"

Accept no substitutes.  

28 I have always hated my parents.

29

Speaking of making shit up--from the idiotic article in the link:

In 2004, after a tsunami washed ashore several leaking containers, thousand of locals in the Puntland region of Somalia started to complain of severe and previously unreported ailments, such as abdominal bleeding, skin melting off and a lot of immediate cancer-like symptoms. Nick Nuttall, a spokesman for the United Nations Environmental Program, says that the containers had many different kinds of waste, including "Uranium, radioactive waste, lead, Cadmium, Mercury and chemical waste."

Can anyone spot the obvious BULLSHIT content?

Yeah--tsunamis washing things ashore from deep water.  BULLSHIT.

30 I think John Ryan wears a jaunty pirate hat when he posts.

31 Yeah--tsunamis washing things ashore from deep water.  BULLSHIT.

But.. but.. the comments said that incident was confirmed, in an article by Italian Greenpeace! Surely you cannot be suggesting that they would lie? Next you'll be telling me that I can't trust what I read in Indymedia...

32

Circa (Insert Year Here) -

Remeber when they where saying all of this stuff months and months ago when everyone except a US flagged ships where being hijacked?

Yeah, me niether.

33 (We fade to black as the pirates all begin to sing "A Pirate's Life For Me".)

*volunteers for wench duty*

34 Read the comments to the HuffPo piece. They're priceless.

So will the HuffPuffers rush out to join the Somali 'Coast Guard' to fight the evil waste-dumpers?

No?

Fuckin chickenhawks.

35

*volunteers for wench duty*

Now you've gone and distracted them all again, alex.

36

No one can say for sure that some of the ships they are now holding for ransom were not involved in illegal activity in our waters.

Good grief.

37 Dear John Ryan,

If we shut down HuffPo, where in the hell would we go for comic relief?  You really need to start looking at the big picture.

38 *volunteers for wench duty*

Aye, the most luverly lass on the Spanish Main, she is! Brings a tear to this old bilge-rat's eye to think on it, it does! Come aboard, says I! You'll be my Buccaneer Queen! I'll name my ship after ye! Proud Alex, she'll be, and a right terror when her topsail breaks the horizon!

Now put on all the canvas she'll carry, lads! There's a whole ocean full of booty to be plundered!

39 Joe Queenan's "Mickey Rourke For a Day" is one of the funniest damn things on paper.  From "If You're Talking to Me, Your Career is in Trouble."

40

I've got te warn ye, Alex...life on the high seas be not a good suit fer all who hanker fer bad meade an' foul language.  I'll be blunt as the captain's wooden teeth:  Ye'll be serrrounded wit' sea-men from dawn t' dusk, an' again 'til dawn next.  More sea-men then ye'll know what te do with.  Ev'ry time ye open yer eyes:  SEA-MEN.  Ev'ry time ye hit the mess fer grub:  SEA-MEN.  Ev'ry time ye just want te catch a wink 'er two in the calm salty breeze:  SEA-MEN!  By th' time yer back fer the first shore leave, ye'll feel like ye got sea-men pouring from yer ears and drippin' from yer hairr.  Ye'll feel like ye been eatin', sleepin', an' cryin' sea-men fer yer whole miserable existence!

Ye think ye got tha stomach fer that much sea-men in yer life?

41 Ah, for the glorious future in which kidnappers, armed robbers, and murderers will be praised for their glorious actions, rather than treated as common criminals.

Sadyl we haven't quite reached the enlightened times when all people who feel they have ever been oppressed in any manner by any other peoples finally realize that any actions against their "oppressors" are truly noble actions; and that all violence is promoted and encouraged.

Only by praising this level of violence, thuggery, murder, and theft can we finally become a peaceful and enlightened world.

... What, why are you laughing?  Maybe it'll work, we've never tried it before...

42 And if I need a sarcasm tag on that; well you're probably too stupid to read... but fine.

That was sarcasm.  Jeez, I hope that was obvious.

43 Captain Monty!  Request permission to jog yer mem'ry to Pirate's Corollary #4!  Te cite:  Red hair at marnin', pirates take warnin'...

44 Belay that, Jenks, or you'll be groaning  under the lash come sunrise! I treats me crew harsh but fair, so mark ye well: any lubber that lays a finger on me luverly lass will sleep in Davy Jones's locker! She's for the Cap'n, who is me, and not the rat-turds who crew it, which is you. Now hup! I want that fo'c'sle Bristol fashion before six bells!

45

I remember from high school a quote from Clarence Darrow to the point that kidnappers and bank robbers should not be reviled as felons as they only worked in a different field than capitalists. Teacher tried to convince us that the guy who was on the right side of the Scopes trial must be an authority on "social justice".

Convinced me right then that any one who talked of "social justice" un-ironically was an utter ass hat.

(I'm looking at you John Ryan and Erg.)

46 Yar! I have moral authority! I am chickens come home to roost. Yar.

47 As soon as I read or hear the term "social justice", I pretty much know all I need to know about the writer or speaker.

48

Good Captain Monty, I believe that Jenks was simply tryin' to help prevent ye from findin' yerself the victim of another heartwrenchin' wenchin', lest ye be reminded of the time our fair vessel was visisted by a wench of androgynine nomenclatcharrr...

Recall?  Ye had the entire crew give ye pumice-stone scrubs nonstop 'til Orion was out of the sky.  Writin' letters, then crumplin' them and tossin' em starboard?  The month ye had us all wear fancy lace dickeys that ye'd bought from Sir Remy the Unsolicited Sea Merchant?

49

As soon as I read or hear the term "social justice", I pretty much know all I need to know about the writer or speaker.

Add "raising awareness"...

50 Aye, me good Turk, well indeed I remember. Me poor old belaying pin had the aspect of a burned-up chicken wing, it did. But yer Cap'n admitted his error, he did, so there's no call to be pipin' up about 'em now. As fer the lace dickeys, me fine old chum -- Remy swore they'd make you filthy barnacles look right smart, and he weren't wrong, by Tophet!

Now, don't ye worry 'bout yer Cap'n. He's been a swordsman many a year, man and boy, and survived so far with ary help from you!

...but lay the pumice-stone by handy-like, just in case of cases, ye understand.

51

Well they say a man should dress for the job he wants

so why am i dressed like a pirate in this small little jaunt

its all because some hacker stole mi idenity

now every evening im sevin satan chowder and iced tea

shoulda gone to free credit report dot com

woulda seen snipers comein at me like a atom bomb 

52 Chapter Two: ‘I Am Nailed To The Hull’. 

“It having been determined by my benefactor that a term of service at sea would make a man, I accordingly left Pinckley Hall in the company of Captain Monty, and put out from Bristol aboard his ship The Raging Queen.  Captain Monty, I learned from my shipmates, was a very manly, virile, manful person, and a firm believer in strict discipline, corporal punishment, and nude apartment wrestling. How truly strict he was, I learned on our first day out of port, when out First Mate called all hands on deck for an important annoucement.”

53 Aye, man me mantle 'n enchantarrr's cap.

54

Seems the Daily Kossacks are starting to voice opinions that the pirates shouldn't have been taken out.

I can't respond to their rants. I have been denied access. Why? because I have shown them that I too am free to state my views on their boards.

This has made me a pariah on the Daily Kos.

55 So the pirates of the Barbary War era were just anticipating and protesting the enviro destruction by the white devils to come 200 years later?

56 Navy Seal: "I couldn't hear the go ahead from barry over the loud report of my Barrett .50".

57

barry: "How are the negotiations going Captain?"

Captain:" They said fuck you, pussy, for the 183rd time". "Wait I can't hear you over the gunfire, I'll call back when this is handled properly".

58 ATTICA! ATTICA! ATTICA!!!

59 On a day when the Obamas revealed their dog, they didn't want this to turn into

Dog Day Afternoon

60 At least these pirates are honest about who they are and how their primary objective is all about getting money into their grubby little paws.  If members of the House and Senate were half as honest, they too would refer to themselves as "pirates".

61 Avast ye mateys!  I hath come to pwunder your booty!

62

Arr, Cap'n Monty.  How many times with Alexthewench is my ten percent?  The naughty rake with her love of bacon and great, old Cthulhu make this sea dog's heart go F'tagh.

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64

The Taliban don't use the term 'beheading', 'flaying', or 'amputating/dismembering' and never have 'cause they speak Urdu or Pashto of some other lame non-English gibberish. 

What shipping lines need is to hire their own rescue commandos to get hostages back and settled up proper and permanent-like with these scurvy dogs.

65 Facilitate the overseas contingency operations!

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