If Workplace Training Films Were All Like This, We'd Pay to See Them

Five minutes of pure awesome at Hot Air.

Grim, gory stuff. It's funny because it's just odd to see so much blood and gore in an instructional film. On the other hand, it's kinda sick because, unlike a slasher film, this stuff happens.

Candian Anti-Accident Ad Campaign: More gore, this time with American Werewolf in London style visitations from the grisly dead:

Thanks to BrianFaughan from the Weekly Standard.

Posted by: Ace at 01:47 PM

Comments

1 Well that put me right off my wheaties.

Posted by: ParanoidGirlInSeattle at April 11, 2009 01:52 PM (AJ4xq)

2 God I hope some H.R. department somewhere commissioned that production company to produce an instructional film about sexual harassment.

Posted by: Deety at April 11, 2009 01:56 PM (1jglO)

3 Thankfully, as I've been frequently told by painfully-ignorant fuckwits, Americans don't manufacture anything anymore, so no one has to concern themselves about this kind of workplace training. Now the most anyone needs to worry about are paper cuts, carpal tunnel, and getting caught staring at that hot intern's rack.

Posted by: Waterhouse at April 11, 2009 01:56 PM (c8GW3)

4 I've been told there is someone named andros here that would like to put on a lace wig and let me rub him down.

Is this correct?

Posted by: Leftist troll at April 11, 2009 01:58 PM (VxJ0h)

5 Super hilarious.

Posted by: Dr. Manhattan at April 11, 2009 01:59 PM (OkrJ4)

6 @ 4

Actually the jokes on you. The President you voted for is ruining your country.

Posted by: Dr. Manhattan at April 11, 2009 02:00 PM (OkrJ4)

7 >>>You realize you're getting your stupid ass kicked on that comment thread, right?

Oh God No.

No.

No.

NOOOOOOOOOOOO.

Why didn't someone tell me?!!?

Why??!!!

Posted by: ace at April 11, 2009 02:00 PM (iEedE)

8 Is it wrong that I laughed (hysterically) at every single accident?

Posted by: mare at April 11, 2009 02:01 PM (X1fsj)

9 btw it's was JackM's post. I think he should deal with it. I didn't even really hear about the story.

Posted by: ace at April 11, 2009 02:01 PM (iEedE)

10 Mummy told me there were no monsters, but there are, aren't there?

Posted by: Newt-Ace, quivering with fear at April 11, 2009 02:03 PM (iEedE)

I was president of our safety council for a year and had to hunt up videos like that one. Unfortunately we could only get our videos from corporate and they would never have something like that one.

The men would all be laughing their ass off and the women would get up and leave after the first slasher event.

Posted by: Vic at April 11, 2009 02:05 PM (f6os6)

I don't know why YouTube considered Muppetstar Galactica a related video, but that was funny, too.

http://tinyurl.com/66ejob

(It's 19 seconds long. Click it; you know you want to.)

Posted by: FireHorse at April 11, 2009 02:16 PM (5KNeJ)

13 It may have been Jack's post, you big fat coward, but it's YOUR BLOG. How does it feel to be a global laughingstock?!!

When may we expect corrections/retraction with regard to this latest steaming pile of stupid, Ass o Spuds?

Posted by: gertrude himmlerfarb at April 11, 2009 02:17 PM (VxJ0h)

14 torching flammable-gas/liquid bearing 55 gallon drums is hazardous? Why wasn't I told?

Posted by: Fire Marshal Bill at April 11, 2009 02:19 PM (Aaspy)

15 Could somebody translate what what gertrude was saying? I can't understand all the garbling. They must be sucking on obama's cock again?

Posted by: Ginger at April 11, 2009 02:20 PM (TeSUC)

16 love the quick troll-smashing, by the way

Posted by: Frank G at April 11, 2009 02:21 PM (Aaspy)

17 was that made by the people at Troma Pictures?

Posted by: Lemmiwinks at April 11, 2009 02:23 PM (IqfKc)

18 Global laughingstock?! God.... that's super alot!

Posted by: Eleven at April 11, 2009 02:23 PM (OGbpf)

19

13:
Good news: AoS has finally gone global. Bad news: The globe is apparently chock full of assholes.

Posted by: bunny boy at April 11, 2009 02:23 PM (YsSn7)

20 MST3k Job Safety Classic: Days of Our Years

Posted by: V the K at April 11, 2009 02:24 PM (d2fuu)

21 Clearly we need to blow up the globe.

Posted by: Eleven at April 11, 2009 02:25 PM (OGbpf)

22 @21 Apparently using a welding torch near a drum filled with flammable liquid creates a pretty big explosion, we could try that...

Posted by: ParanoidGirlInSeattle at April 11, 2009 02:26 PM (AJ4xq)

23 Did you hear that, ace?

GLOBAL LAUGHINGSTOCK!!!!!

It's almost as if you thought "Austrian" was a language. That's how stupid you look! Like a special olympian!

Ass o spuds!!!! OMFG!!!!! Total pwnage!!!

Posted by: Warden at April 11, 2009 02:26 PM (KXbGD)

24 That's right, Eleven! It sure IS super alot! Very good!!

From here to Bermuda, London -- all OVER the world! Check out the comments on the hilariously wrong "PizzaGate" story!!

Posted by: gertrude himmlerfarb at April 11, 2009 02:26 PM (VxJ0h)

25 I pronounce ace SHAMED in the eyes of 5 billion world citizens!!

How's it feel, "ace", to have your whole blog CRUMBLE before your eyes?!!!!!

Posted by: Warden at April 11, 2009 02:28 PM (KXbGD)

26 Me likey gertrude...

Posted by: Eleven at April 11, 2009 02:29 PM (OGbpf)

27 gertrude you are "rocking the house!"

I give you a hearty congratulations on this awesome victory.

It's almost as epic as Gannon-gate!

Posted by: Warden at April 11, 2009 02:29 PM (KXbGD)

28 I don't want this blog to crumble!!!! Make it stop!!!

Posted by: Eleven at April 11, 2009 02:30 PM (OGbpf)

29 Oh no, you're too kind. It's all the work of your own JACK M!! Oh yeah!! Rock on, thugtards!

Posted by: gertrude himmlerfarb at April 11, 2009 02:30 PM (VxJ0h)

30 Thugtards!!!

Another win!!!!! Someone get gertrude another medal for winning the intertubes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted by: Warden at April 11, 2009 02:31 PM (KXbGD)

31 Warden! You're so easily amused!! Now quit stalking me.

Posted by: gertrude himmlerfarb at April 11, 2009 02:32 PM (VxJ0h)

32 That's phuquing thugtards to you m'am.

Posted by: Eleven at April 11, 2009 02:33 PM (OGbpf)

33 Worked in a factory that has some huge lathes.
Giant, walk through the spindle big lathes.
Guy fucked up and was sleeping during a long cut.
Cutter got dull and strung the chip out instead of breaking it.
It penetrated the cab and cut his head clean the hell off, just below the shoulders.
Another dude had a forging that was being broached shatter and the shrapnel went through his chest and pushed his heart out his back.
Another guy got caught by a big shaft he was turning, nobody saw how, and got mashed into a puddle.
All within a year.
When I got laid off I felt like I won the lottery.

Posted by: Beto The Elder at April 11, 2009 02:33 PM (G6YRo)

34 OMFG gertrude, you're totally right! I came here to this blog that I've been visiting since 2004 and totally started stalking you.

Better get a restraining order. I may be dangerous!

Boo!

Posted by: Warden at April 11, 2009 02:33 PM (KXbGD)

35 Holy Crap! That's Brian Cranston, aka Tim Watley of Seinfeld, the father in Malcolm in the Middle, and now on AMC, getting crushed in the compressor at :25. He must have really needed to pay the rent. Or support a crack habit.

Posted by: Milesdei at April 11, 2009 02:34 PM (FS9ko)

36 What a delightful troll. All those exclamation marks. Nice to see a change from erg's dour ravings and andros' pathetic Axelturfing.

Posted by: Waterhouse at April 11, 2009 02:34 PM (c8GW3)

37 Exclamation marks just PROVE THAT YOU'RE WINNING!!!!!!!

Posted by: Warden at April 11, 2009 02:35 PM (KXbGD)

38 Crap 111111 my shift button's broke

Posted by: Beto The Elder at April 11, 2009 02:38 PM (G6YRo)

39 !!!!!!I DON'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!WHAT WE'RE TALKING ABOUT!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted by: Z Ryan at April 11, 2009 02:39 PM (PDeVA)

40 Well, Beto the Elder, I bet you are a ray of sunshine at parties. Now I have to go bleach my brain to get those images out of my head.

Posted by: ParanoidGirlInSeattle at April 11, 2009 02:39 PM (AJ4xq)

41 We should have voter safety training films.

After 4 years of Carter we had enough scary material to get the DemocRATS unelected forever. Now they are back.

We need a version of "Fitna" that features scary dangerous ruinous DemocRATS.

Posted by: torabora at April 11, 2009 02:40 PM (R+SMh)

42 Just be glad I didn't start talking about my MOM.

Posted by: Beto The Elder at April 11, 2009 02:40 PM (G6YRo)

43 Hey Gabe! Where's the Top Headlines thread?

Posted by: katya at April 11, 2009 02:40 PM (oRJZj)

Erm, @40 is about @33 not @38

!1!Eleventy!1!1

Posted by: ParanoidGirlInSeattle at April 11, 2009 02:41 PM (AJ4xq)

45 It's funny because it's not happening to me.

Posted by: Milesdei at April 11, 2009 02:42 PM (FS9ko)

46 Clearly we must blow up all the giant lathes.

Posted by: Eleven at April 11, 2009 02:43 PM (OGbpf)

47 I'm confused. Did some trolls come and hijack this blog? And if so, what's the ransom?

Posted by: Ginger at April 11, 2009 02:44 PM (TeSUC)

48 I happened to be in Ottawa last year and actually saw this commercial on TV. Kind of shocking for a PSA, but on the other hand I am now much more careful when handling hot grease.

Posted by: M�tenloch at April 11, 2009 02:45 PM (Y+FcV)

49 If we blow up all the giant lathes,
only outlaws will have giant lathes

Posted by: Beto The Elder at April 11, 2009 02:46 PM (G6YRo)

50 Did someone html center justify without turning it off?

Posted by: Beto The Elder at April 11, 2009 02:47 PM (G6YRo)

51 and by careful I mean I hire mexicans to do it for me.

Posted by: M�tenloch at April 11, 2009 02:48 PM (Y+FcV)

52 Wow that was entertaining. No need to pop in a DVD today. The ones where the dead get up and talk were the coolest ones.

Posted by: Tina48 at April 11, 2009 02:48 PM (WT6xs)

53 First the pizza humilation; now the center justify scandal!

Ace is going down!

Posted by: Warden at April 11, 2009 02:49 PM (KXbGD)

54 I've worked in a couple factories but one was an optical lens plant and the other was a packing plant so I saw a few accidents but nothing as extreme as this. I did, however, learn first-hand how fatal box cutters can be. And I always looked for fork lifts like I was crossing a 6 lane highway.

Posted by: katya at April 11, 2009 02:51 PM (oRJZj)

55 No pizza -- no justice!!!!

Posted by: Eleven at April 11, 2009 02:51 PM (OGbpf)

56 I think that whole "flew coach with all my pizza shit, enough for over a hundred people, because I was going anyway" is bullshit.
Never take these asshole at their word.

Posted by: Beto The Elder at April 11, 2009 02:55 PM (G6YRo)

I trust Obama.

To lie.

Posted by: katya at April 11, 2009 02:58 PM (oRJZj)

58 Beto,

It's not worth even getting worked up over, but of course this guy is lying. He was going to D.C. anyway and flying coach? And Obama magically knew about this already scheduled trip and said "Yeah, bring some pizza and come to the White House?

Uh huhh. That's what happened.

Then he paid for it out of his own pocket. Went down to the corner market and bought the toppings locally.

Yup.

Posted by: Warden at April 11, 2009 02:58 PM (KXbGD)

Ace, there's an open "center" tag somewhere... I believe at the end of the "Thanks to Brian XXXX of the Weekly Standard" line beneath the "Candian" video clip.

Mmm. Candian.

Posted by: andycanuck at April 11, 2009 03:05 PM (vulJH)

60 My oldest who totally loves modern horror movies totally freaked out watching this clip. Ew.

Posted by: katya at April 11, 2009 03:06 PM (oRJZj)

61 Ace, Where's Candia? (See title of vid).

Posted by: geographically challenged at April 11, 2009 03:08 PM (LKkE8)

Where's Candia?

Obama thinks it's in Iowa or something.

Posted by: katya at April 11, 2009 03:09 PM (oRJZj)

63 This is a pretty good one, too.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CV64lW0CTwI

Posted by: HeatherRadish at April 11, 2009 03:10 PM (fVvSB)

64 Those remind me of the "Future Me" people in that South Park episode. . . .

Posted by: logprof at April 11, 2009 03:12 PM (tjUml)

65 Blonde Canadian zombies are hot. She coulda used a spotter.

Posted by: Eleven at April 11, 2009 03:15 PM (OGbpf)

btw it's was JackM's post. I think he should deal with it. I didn't even really hear about the story.

Link please? I miss all the carnage...

Posted by: TomB at April 11, 2009 03:18 PM (HPG5S)

As somebody who has either seen or responded to almost every accident in that video- I can tell you that it almost always is worse than it looked in that film.

Second- the guy was probably trying to dehead a EMPTY drum. I saw a guy get his head nearly cut off trying that stupid stunt. The metal head slice through about 2/3 of his neck when the drum exploded.

The lathe guy- well I've seen a guy get his arm ripped off in a conveyor belt. He was lucky he didn't bleed out.

Spent 17 days in a burn unit for skin grafting from Nitric acid burns. The bottom fell out of a drum I was moving. Why? the assholes at the company that filled it used the wrong kind of drum. The acid attacked the weld at the bottom and eventually thinned it to the point it collapsed. Wasn't even my fault and I damn ner got killed.

Laugh all you want- but like the guys said: Stuff you think you arer safe doing will eventually jump up and bite you.

My $0.02

Posted by: Harry at April 11, 2009 03:20 PM (k0Mnt)

68 Workplace safety is always crucial but this is hilarious. The guy hammering the nail is classic.

But they always leave out White Collar worker safety. Staplers are DANGEROUS you know? And a good paper cut really stings, you could lose a finger.
.

Posted by: Rocks at April 11, 2009 03:21 PM (3RHzM)

Did I mention box cutters? (Stupid) People laugh at the idea that the 9/11 terrorists carried out their attacks with box cutters but we used the every minute of the day and they were the cause of probably 90% of the accidents, most resulting in stitches. Suckers are dangerous.

Posted by: katya at April 11, 2009 03:28 PM (oRJZj)

70 I worked in the oil patch up in Iowa for over 20 years.Its surprising what booze,drugs,and lack of sleep can do.Amputations were common and not very amusing.The best paying wages have all to do with attracting people that dont belong there.Mechanical inclination anyone?

Posted by: chicocano at April 11, 2009 03:33 PM (P2bg4)

71 Oh, for heaven's sake. We know industrial accidents happen and it can be horrific. We are laughing at the video, not anyone in real life who has suffered a horrible accident.

So yes, we will laugh all we want to.

Posted by: mare at April 11, 2009 03:34 PM (X1fsj)

72 I also like the response of the guy with the nail in his eye.

Warden, this is for you......smootch.

Posted by: mare at April 11, 2009 03:36 PM (X1fsj)

73 "49 If we blow up all the giant lathes,
only outlaws will have giant lathes."

That really made me laugh.

Posted by: mare at April 11, 2009 03:39 PM (X1fsj)

Is there a German PSA about not farting while having a mole removed from your ass? BTW, "gertrude himmlerfarb" is a German fart name isn't it?

And is "flammable" German and "inflammable" Austrian? If only they used a common language, like Esperanto, that sort of thing wouldn't happen.

Posted by: andycanuck at April 11, 2009 03:39 PM (vulJH)

75 I didn't think it was funny, either...I screamed all the way through it - GAH! I can't watch stuff like that!

Also, Gertrude is a pathetic Obot douchenozzle.

Posted by: Nice Deb at April 11, 2009 03:49 PM (MHx40)

76 I love slasher films. That was a great time-saver. Cut out all that pesky character-development and gratuitous nekkidness and go straight to the gore.

Posted by: Laura at April 11, 2009 03:54 PM (fuw6p)

77 @4: yes, absolutely. Meet me at Motel 69 with 30 minutes prepaid for room. Bring the lace wig - Millie Vanillie style, with the dreadlocks - and a half gallon of Mobil One motor oil, bitch!

Posted by: Andros at April 11, 2009 03:54 PM (MzvX7)

This should have been headed with a *Trigger Warning!*

Posted by: Amanda Marcotte at April 11, 2009 04:06 PM (7FgWm)

79 It's no "Shake Hands With Danger".

Posted by: dorkafork at April 11, 2009 04:09 PM (LIM+2)

80 Link please? I miss all the carnage...

The pizza link jack m did yesterday got axelturfed --obots oozing all over the place.

Scared their new despot is, er, well, an incompetent, arrogant buffoon.

Apparently they have a strong need to moon the moron nation.

Posted by: Derak at April 11, 2009 04:17 PM (Y0qoQ)

81 Lead Paint--delicious but deadly!

Posted by: andycanuck at April 11, 2009 04:17 PM (vulJH)

82 Heh. The ladder accident was me but I ate a lot more wood than glass. Shame that elbow's never quite been the same since.

The real irony was that I was rehanging a smoke detector.

Posted by: Additional Blond Agent at April 11, 2009 04:33 PM (SHKl9)

The pizza link jack m did yesterday got axelturfed --obots oozing all over the place.

That may well have become my all-time favorite AoS thread. Never has there been a better demonstration of groupthink.

It has to be that every response after post 150 or so was written by the same 2 or 3 people. They didn't even try to change the wording.

Posted by: TomB at April 11, 2009 04:47 PM (HPG5S)

84 Here's a nasty little gem from Penn State Student University, part of a "worrisome student behaviors" series.

The 'Worrisome' Veteran

Hey, academics have workplace safety issues too. Especially when they are forced to come into close proximity to notoriously ignorant, unstable and violence prone individuals who have demonstrated the above 'worrisome' qualities by volunteering to serve in the armed forces.

Posted by: Deety at April 11, 2009 05:37 PM (1jglO)

85 Thank you AoS - I will be more carefull - espechilly around my lathe!

Posted by: JoeTee at April 11, 2009 05:50 PM (prdCq)

86 I have a dream that someday humans, um, I mean, people won't have to do dangerous work ever again.

Posted by: Skynet at April 11, 2009 05:55 PM (3xN8g)

No, the pizza story doesn't sound too much like elitism no matter who was picking up the tab. Not at all. [Hat tip to Mad Mullah posting in LGF's comments for the link for this HuffBlow link.]

Posted by: andycanuck at April 11, 2009 06:00 PM (vulJH)

88 At least this film is based in fact, as opposed to Al gore's film, or all the global warming calamity comedies that followed.

Posted by: bill at April 11, 2009 06:02 PM (zIEEc)

89 Dont' worry lambs, when Obama completes histotal destruction of our American jobs and the US financial system - we'll all be in the fields picking lettuce, etc.

Pass the sunscreen please.

Posted by: Cheri at April 11, 2009 06:04 PM (AQtrD)

90 OT, but I just posted another book review over at BlogCritics if anyone cares. I'll probably be posting a bit more there now that I have a bit more time to write. I'll probably be keeping my more tart comments and asides for this site, but on things cultural and artistic I will be posting there betimes.

Back to your regularly scheduled program.

Posted by: Monty at April 11, 2009 06:17 PM (dCZbI)

91 My last comment was horrible, by the way. Repetitive, dull, and almost incomprehensible. I blame the public schools.

Posted by: Monty at April 11, 2009 06:18 PM (dCZbI)

92 I was on the safety committee at work back in the nineties. We had to watch movies like this in committee meetings, but we didn't make our coworkers see them.

We always laughed at the movies, but then I'd go back to work yelljng at my coworkers you're not fucking going up that ladder if you dont tie it off. So I guess the films worked pretty well.

Posted by: Stace at April 11, 2009 06:19 PM (PzT1A)

93 As an independent businessman, I can assure you I'm cognizant of the risks inherent in the trades: drowning, electrocution, severing of the penis, and excessive showing of the ass crack. .

But what I wasn't prepared for was an ambush by an ambitious POS politician and the subsequent ass-reaming I received from the state and the state media service.

Posted by: Joe The Plumber at April 11, 2009 06:34 PM (n2eCn)

94 Deety -- thanks for the link to the site. As a veteran, I didn't know I was so unstable and threatening to my professors in class--I thought my comments were piquant and engaging.

And that "professor" had an enormous beak. She could have bats living in there.

Posted by: Big Fat Meanie at April 11, 2009 06:37 PM (n2eCn)

95 Wow, those "Death Becomes Him" ones give me hope. There IS an afterlife! As long as everyone over there is that gory, I guess no one minds.

Posted by: arhooley at April 11, 2009 06:48 PM (NobXD)

96 now THIS was valuable, till she had the hatchet accident.
(be sure an ENLARGE!!!! for most wins!!!!!!!)

http://tinyurl.com/cfzm3v

Posted by: Blago at April 11, 2009 07:31 PM (h04nI)

97 I used to work at a biomass power plant. The boss was fond of saying "you got to be smart enough to work here". He was the most dangerous MF out there and made it 20+years with all his parts. Remarakable.

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