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| If You Are Reading This At Work, You Are Likely More Productive Than The Schlub Next To You Who Is Actually WorkingIt's science, so it must be true. Caught Twittering or on Facebook at work? It'll make you a better employee, according to an Australian study that shows surfing the Internet for fun during office hours increases productivity. The University of Melbourne study showed that people who use the Internet for personal reasons at work are about 9 percent more productive that those who do not. Study author Brent Coker, from the department of management and marketing, said "workplace Internet leisure browsing," or WILB, helped to sharpened workers' concentration. "People need to zone out for a bit to get back their concentration," Coker said on the university's website (www.unimelb.edu.au/) "Short and unobtrusive breaks, such as a quick surf of the Internet, enables the mind to rest itself, leading to a higher total net concentration for a days' work, and as a result, increased productivity," he said.Ace of Spades HQ...Helping the economy one 'accidential' lesbian Pr0n link at a time. I eagerly await the inevitable next story which will show this study is tainted because it was funded by money from the Big Blog lobby. Comments1
Still prefer the violin.
Posted by: Sherlock at April 02, 2009 11:18 AM (t/GDA) 2
Vicodin for me
Posted by: Greg House at April 02, 2009 11:19 AM (t/GDA) 3
I would believe the study if the workplace studied was CONGRESS.
Posted by: Blue Falcon in Boston at April 02, 2009 11:20 AM (SMD8k) Posted by: Rocks at April 02, 2009 11:26 AM (Q1lie) 5
Thanks McCain! You (and Bush) handed Barry the eraser for the first amendment! Posted by: kidney at April 02, 2009 11:29 AM (FgUFX) 6
Actually I can see this being true. My friend works at a TV station where access to any facebook, hotmail, yahoo mail, etc stuff is all blocked from the computers. There is one public terminal in the lunch room where that stuff can be looked at (but there are always people looking over your shoulder).
What ends up happening is that all the employees feel like they are being treated like immature high school students (which they kinda are). And so they treat the job accordingly. In other words, they don't really give a shit about doing a bang-up job after being treated like idiots. Posted by: CNN at April 02, 2009 11:29 AM (teb/C) 7
Damn CNN sockpuppet
Posted by: dan-O at April 02, 2009 11:29 AM (teb/C) 8
...and by 'productive' we don't mean to imply that anything is being produced. But among people with meaningless office jobs, those who spend 8% of the day WILB'ing accomplish 9% more per hour than those who don't.
No air traffic controllers were interviewed for this study. Posted by: t-bird at April 02, 2009 11:30 AM (FcR7P) Posted by: dan-O at April 02, 2009 11:30 AM (teb/C) 10
Sometimes, scientists do a bullshit study I can get behind. As an aside, what's the over/under on whether these guys just said "how can we make sure we get away with just surfing the web all day?" and made the study fit their needs?
Posted by: leoncaruthers at April 02, 2009 11:30 AM (PH0UW) 11
Not to be a stick in the mud, but the verb form of Twitter is Tweet. (I don't make the rules. . . .)
Posted by: FireHorse at April 02, 2009 11:30 AM (5KNeJ) 12
Monty's Boss: Monty, it has come to our attention that you were caught watching a pornographic web video at your workstation.
Monty: I guess it depends on what you consider to be pornographic. Monty's Boss: I believe the title of the piece was Midget Hookers Gone Wild, and it contains explicit scenes of coitus, profanity, drug use, bestiality, loud rock music, and an out-of-context Dryden quotation. Monty: I believe you're right. I don't know for sure, though. I was kind of distracted. Monty's Boss: Don't you agree that this kind of thing is pornographic and completely unsuitable for the workplace? Monty: Oh, no! Not at all! In fact, it's a nice therapeutic way to re-center my ching. And I definitely need my ching re-cenetered every so often, ya know what I mean? Sure ya do! (Wink, wink! Nudge, nudge!) Monty's Boss: Surely you are not trying to justify this filth? Monty: Filth? Filth? How dare you, sir! I consider expressions of human sexuality to be both natural and life-affirming, whether it be between two female midgets, between a female midget and ten different guys, or between three female midgets, four guys, a labrador retriever, and a somewhat confused Amazon Green parrot. Only the hopelessly narrow-minded could possibly believe otherwise. Monty's Boss: But how can you possibly tie this into your work performance? Monty: Hey, it's maintenance, you know what I mean? It's either this or I go on a murderous rampage. My midget-centric art-films are saving you literally millions of dollars in legal fees, judgements, and losses incurred due to bad publicity. Monty's Boss: (Sighing heavily) Oh Jesus Christ. just get out and try to keep it on the down-low, okay? Monty: I find your casual sacrilegious use of the name of my Lord and Savior to be offensive! Posted by: Monty at April 02, 2009 11:32 AM (/0a60) 13
The good-kind-of-gay-pron in my office is very much on purpose, thank you very much.
Posted by: Herr Morgenholz at April 02, 2009 11:36 AM (5aa4z) 14
And by "good-kind" I mean midgets, too.
Posted by: Herr Morgenholz at April 02, 2009 11:37 AM (5aa4z) 15
Monty, how in the world did you produce that in sixteen minutes, max? You should be the man feeding TOTUS.
Posted by: t-bird at April 02, 2009 11:38 AM (FcR7P) 16
Oh, and, hey -- um, that link brought me to a Reuters article carried by Yahoo News. I just thought that, well . . . . . . oh, never mind. Posted by: FireHorse at April 02, 2009 11:39 AM (5KNeJ) 17
I got into this when I was called upon to draft the internet use policy at work. I drafted it in such a way as to allow people limited unobtrusive personal use. The Big Bosses went apeshit. I pointed out that treating people like grownups would result in better morale. The Big Bosses were adamantly against that. So, theoretically, we do have a fair locked down system. The reality is that people surf MORE when they think they're getting away with something and sticking it to the man.
Though god help me I'm going to block espn.com at the root level if I have to hear about people's fantasy baseball teams one more time. Posted by: alexthechick at April 02, 2009 11:39 AM (SHHaV) 18
Sometimes I like to take a break from the old grind, threatening to annihilate all life on Earth, etc. So I do a little sufing to check out things like the "hidden" side of the Moon... IFYWIMAITYD. Posted by: Big Fucking Asteroid at April 02, 2009 11:40 AM (FsbnY) 19
#6 sounds like where I work. Lots of stuff on our list you can't go to. And if you try, it gets blocked and your bosses bosses boss is informed by the IT dept. that you tried. That's why I hate the tiny url thing. I can't put my cursor on it and see what the name of the site is at the bottom of the page so I can check to see if it's safe. And no net access a home because I don't make much and the cable/internet fees are reeeediculous.
Posted by: teej at April 02, 2009 11:44 AM (QdUKm) 20
...and I could look up how to spell IYKWIMAITYD, also.
Posted by: Big Fucking Asteroid at April 02, 2009 11:44 AM (FsbnY) 21
If by productive they mean a day's work done in 4 hours so you can spend 4 hours on AOS, then yes. If they mean total volume of work done that would be a big no. Man, Monty has been on fire lately. Keep up the good stuff.
Posted by: SilentMoron at April 02, 2009 11:46 AM (Ki3Ag) 22
I'll be sure to make note of the time I spend here on my next Performance Appraisal Evaluation. Posted by: reason at April 02, 2009 11:51 AM (XiVKO) 23
My work has been hyping Tea Parties... because I care. Spending way too much time on Facebook and Twitter. And spent yesterday making this youtube video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3HJjEERXXgk
If you click and view the video above my hours will be productive. If you ignore it I will not be productive. The choice is yours. Posted by: Hoss at BigGuv.com at April 02, 2009 11:51 AM (E4ZRb) 24
The University of Melbourne study showed that people who use the
Internet for personal reasons at work are about 9 percent more
productive that those who do not.
What exactly are they producing? Bodily fluids? Posted by: Captain Saveaho at April 02, 2009 11:52 AM (/X0Gc) 25
Now....to convince the boss this is ALL true!
Posted by: lowfibass at April 02, 2009 11:52 AM (T1ZAZ) 26
Dude, it's not "pron". It's "pr0n". Get with the program, already! Sheesh...
Posted by: Barack's Nuts at April 02, 2009 11:52 AM (dTijc) 27
oh man, your zeros are indistinguishable from your o's, at least in my browser. My bad.
Posted by: Barack's Nuts at April 02, 2009 11:53 AM (dTijc) 28
No joke! Added bonus: now we all know what to get Monty for his birthday.
Posted by: reason at April 02, 2009 11:54 AM (XiVKO) 29
Dude, it's not "pron". It's "pr0n". Get with the program, already! Sheesh...
How did office drones enjoy a good tug in the days before there was internet pron? Posted by: Captain Saveaho at April 02, 2009 11:55 AM (/X0Gc) Posted by: Hoss at BigGuv.com at April 02, 2009 11:55 AM (E4ZRb) 31
Going online helps me excercise my snark, and let off a little steam
Posted by: Cromagnum at April 02, 2009 11:55 AM (UxAb/) Posted by: Cromagnum at April 02, 2009 11:57 AM (UxAb/) 33
Speaking of O being indistinguishable from a zero...
(thanks to Herr Morgenholz for a sockpuppet idea) Posted by: Herr Dr. Lieber von Hinten at April 02, 2009 11:58 AM (FcR7P) Posted by: Captain Saveaho at April 02, 2009 11:59 AM (/X0Gc) 35
Oh man. The moron-rush (bum-rush?) on the anarchist blog calendar. I've got to read it in small doses, or I'm gonna wind up killing myself, holding back so much laughter... I sense this will do wonders for my productivity today. Posted by: reason at April 02, 2009 11:59 AM (XiVKO) Posted by: Circa (Insert Year Here) at April 02, 2009 12:01 PM (B+qrE) 37
Though god help me I'm going to block espn.com at the root level if I
have to hear about people's fantasy baseball teams one more time.
alexthechick: You know I love you, right? I am swamped with a large number of powerful emotions whenever I read your name. I imagine all kinds of...scenarios. (Let us remain deliberately vague here to preserve the frisson, shall we?) To woo you I would send flowers, I would play gentle music upon my guitar, I would perfume you with exotic scents and petals of flowers. Having said that: If you take away my baseball stream at work I will beat you down like a rabid dog. I will crush your nuts. Do we understand each other, my delicate little boysenberry? Posted by: Monty at April 02, 2009 12:02 PM (/0a60) 38
alexthechick: What Monty said roughly trebled when football season gets here, my medium-sized zucchini blossom. Posted by: Circa (Insert Year Here) at April 02, 2009 12:05 PM (B+qrE) 39
Practically the only time I surf AOS is while at work. This visit is more anomaly than anything else. I also found that, despite Websense, I can view Page 3 girls at work. This will enhance my work performance, I am certain. Posted by: Jones at April 02, 2009 12:05 PM (VkNlv) 40
My work has been hyping Tea Parties... because I care. Spending way too
much time on Facebook and Twitter. And spent yesterday making this
youtube video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3HJjEERXXgk
Hoss, I love it. I'll post that at Nice Deb on my next Tea Party post (maybe later, today). OT- I'm looking for dream submissions from conservatives who have dreamed about Obama...(real ones, guys!). We've all heard the liberal slobbering sexual fantasy dreams....it turns out conservatives dream about Obama, too...only their dreams are more like nightmares. Posted by: Latest Troll at April 02, 2009 12:06 PM (MHx40) Posted by: DrewM. at April 02, 2009 12:08 PM (hlYel) 42
or you can use the Scandi form "prطn"
Posted by: Jones at April 02, 2009 12:08 PM (VkNlv) 43
or you can use the Scandi form "prطn"
They do produce some high quality stuff. Their pr0n is pretty good too. Posted by: Captain Saveaho at April 02, 2009 12:11 PM (/X0Gc) 44
My old workplace had a strict policy that computers were company resources to be used for company business only. While an occasional visit to a site for checking “product prices” would be overlooked ANY visit to a porn site would get you instantly fired.
Also, long visits to blogs and chat rooms would get you fired as well. Posted by: Vic at April 02, 2009 12:11 PM (f6os6) 45
Jones, ew. That's nasti.
Posted by: reason at April 02, 2009 12:11 PM (XiVKO) 46
If by productive they mean a day's work done in 4 hours so you can
spend 4 hours on AOS, then yes. If they mean total volume of work done
that would be a big no.
There are a billion ways to be unproductive offline that aren't hardcoded into employee handbooks like the Internet. It's stupid when businesses single out one behavior. A couple of geek jobs ago I had a desk behind two department secretaries who easily spent four hours a day chatting to each other and on the phone to other people about diets, weddings, grandbabies, clothes, husbands, gynecological issues, etc. This went on for the whole 18 months I was there, so apparently it was no big deal as long as they got their work done. OTOH, I was reprimanded with a note placed in my file for spending half an hour or so a day pulling up news sites online during the initial invasion of Iraq, even though I had been asking for more work. I ended up spending hours a day studying lists of words for Scrabble tournaments, and going outside to sit with the smokers every hour or so. Speaking of your "unproductive time" that ends up being useful for your work...learned a lot out there. Posted by: HeatherRadish at April 02, 2009 12:12 PM (WocgN) 47
I can ban him. Just saying.
I can kill you with nothing more than a popsicle stick, two paper clips, and a block of C4. Just saying. Posted by: Monty at April 02, 2009 12:13 PM (/0a60) 48
alexthechick Drew, please button your shirt. And I'd expect gold chains (plural) from Ace, but not from you. Posted by: Circa (Insert Year Here) at April 02, 2009 12:13 PM (B+qrE) 49
So, how's the job hunt going lately, Vic?
Posted by: reason at April 02, 2009 12:13 PM (XiVKO) 50
Drew, please button your shirt. And I'd expect gold chains (plural) from Ace, but not from you.
Hey, the HQ doesn't have an internet policy but we do have a corporate dress code. Don't blame me. Posted by: DrewM. at April 02, 2009 12:15 PM (hlYel) 51
I pretty much only surf teh interwebs at work, because I'm busy at home. I don't know if it affects my productivity at all, as I can only look at this stuff when the phone isn't ringing in. In a busy season like now, I get really annoyed because productivity interferes with my enjoyment of AOSHQ and the like. And I go home mad. Posted by: April at April 02, 2009 12:16 PM (2B3NC) 52
on the anarchist blog calendar
It's not an anarchist blog calendar, you uncultured hobo. It's a calendar for the "Peace and Justice community" of Olympia, WA. Says so right up there at the top of the page. Personally, I'm proud to be a member of the "War and Injusticc" community, along with my pals, Karl Rove andd Dick Cheney. We promote both with equal fervor. Posted by: OregonMuse at April 02, 2009 12:16 PM (FO+YO) 53
Posted by: DrewM. at April 02, 2009 12:08 PM (hlYel)
Posted by: Monty at April 02, 2009 12:13 PM (/0a60) Looks as though a duel is in the works between two who are vying for the affections of the fair alexthechick. Posted by: Slublog at April 02, 2009 12:17 PM (qjKko) 54
I can kill you with nothing more than a popsicle stick, two paper clips, and a block of C4. Just saying.
(I always feel compelled to post this picture whenever I say stuff like that. Were it not for my innate cowardice, complete lack of physical coordination, and a tendency to vomit when I see blood, I could be a total badass. Alas, God has gifted me with none of these things so I must hurl insults from afar.) Posted by: Monty at April 02, 2009 12:18 PM (/0a60) 55
Posted by: Monty at April 02, 2009 12:18 PM (/0a60)
I knew you were faking the tough guy pose. No one needs two paper clips to kill someone. Posted by: DrewM. at April 02, 2009 12:19 PM (hlYel) 56
So, how's the job hunt going lately, Vic
LOL, I did not do any of those things and I have the BEST job in the world. I am retired and I get paid to do nothing but live my AOS lifestyle of posting and drinking.
Which was another thing forbidden on the job…drinking. But that was a federal law. Posted by: Vic at April 02, 2009 12:20 PM (f6os6) 57
I knew you were faking the tough guy pose.
Just remember that, true to my libertarian ethos, I have no trouble hiring an independent contractor to off you. Chum. Posted by: Monty at April 02, 2009 12:21 PM (/0a60) 58
If a fifteen minute internet break will increase my productivity by 9%, then it stands to reason that surfing the net for three hours on company time will increase my productivity by 108%. You can't argue with math, people. Posted by: Sobek at April 02, 2009 12:22 PM (UefZl) 59
Four or five bong rips before breakfast clears the head - and it helps increase hand/eye coordination and mental focus while operating heavy machinery.
Posted by: Dale #3 at April 02, 2009 12:24 PM (WOCI+) 60
Posted by: Monty at April 02, 2009 12:21 PM (/0a60)
Heh. If I weren't the potential target I'd applaud your effort to stimulate the economic well being "Hit man-American" community Posted by: DrewM. at April 02, 2009 12:24 PM (hlYel) 61
My money's on alexthechick being able to take out both DrewM and Monty without breaking a sweat. And she'd probably do it wearing totally kick ass boots too.
Posted by: ParanoidInSeattle at April 02, 2009 12:27 PM (AJ4xq) 62
And I call bullshit on this study because countless other studies have been indicating that the Internet and video games and cell phones and Twitter and all that stuff have disrupted our ability to concentrate because we're distracted and can no longer hold a coherent thought for...
Posted by: ParanoidInSeattle at April 02, 2009 12:29 PM (AJ4xq) 63
"Hit man-American" community
I think I'd call it the "Assassin-American" community. It has a better ring, don't you think? Still, becoming a victim-group sort of defeats one of the main purposes within the hired-killer fraternity: you know, the whole anonymity thing. Posted by: Monty at April 02, 2009 12:29 PM (/0a60) Posted by: JayC at April 02, 2009 12:30 PM (YA74s) 65
I think I'd call it the "Assassin-American" community.
Much better. This is Obama's America now, every community will be organized. And taxed. And regulated. And subisidized. And...... Posted by: DrewM. at April 02, 2009 12:32 PM (hlYel) 66
"My money's on alexthechick being able to take out both DrewM and Monty without breaking a sweat. And she'd probably do it wearing totally kick ass boots too." ...
...
Headin' to the bunk, now... Posted by: reason at April 02, 2009 12:35 PM (V40IZ) 67
"So if Ace would read his own blog once in a while, he'd be more productive?" He'd dupe-post stories less often...so it stands to reason that, yes! Yes he would. Posted by: reason at April 02, 2009 12:36 PM (V40IZ) 68
Who's less productive: These people http://tinyurl.com/d9l2f5 Posted by: FireHorse at April 02, 2009 12:38 PM (5KNeJ) 69
Hey, where dem lesbians at?
Posted by: nk at April 02, 2009 12:40 PM (VtS3a) 70
This is Obama's America now, every community will be organized. And taxed. And regulated. And subisidized. And......
Dramatis Personae: Stewart Fishman, IRS Auditor Louis Fink, A.K.A. "Angel of Death", A.K.A. "The Right Hand of God", A.K.A. "The Silent Messenger", etc. Stewart: Have a seat, Mr. Fink, this should only take a few minutes. Louis: Can you switch seats with me? I like to keep my eye on the door. Stewart: Well...okay. (They change places.) Louis: So I got this letter from New York via my Zurich drop-box that I was being audited. What's going on? Stewart: Well, you only declared ten million last year in your earned wages for that little job you did down in Barbados. However, it has come to our attention that the demise of PM Msobutu in Zimbabwe was not, in fact, the result of eating spoiled pheasant eggs but rather the result of a high-caliber bullet to the skull. We have good reason to believe that you, sir, were the deliverer of said bullet and were compensated accordingly. What do you say to this? Louis: Oh, well, see, here's the deal on that: it was sort of a deferred job. I didn't get the money right away, just an on-demand presentation certificate to my Zurich bank only redeemable in June. So I didn't actually get the money last year. Stewart: Yes, but you were compensated and the money was guaranteed. So it counts as income. You must declare it. Louis: What the fuck, man! I don't have the money; how can I owe you taxes on money I don't even have yet? Stewart: I'm sorry, sir, it's the law. Now there was a clause added to the Tax Code 291(b)(a) last year that might help you: since you made the shot with a rifle at a distance of more than 500 yards and didn't do it up close with piano wire or a knife, your income from that job is only subject to the 20% surtax rather than the higher 40% "legendary badass" bracket. Louis: What are you saying, I'm a pussy or something? Stewart: I make no judgements about you, sir. I only interpret the code. The Administration has ruled that assasintation-from-a-distance is less inherently dangerous than doing it up close, and thus does not fall under the "badass" statutes. Louis: Goddammit. So how much do I owe you guys? Stewart: Well, based on the undeclared part of your income, it comes to approximately 1.5 million. [There is a muffled shot, and Stewart blinks once or twice in abstract surprise before he topples to the floor. Louis stands and unscrews the silencer from his pistol.] Louis: Funny. That's the exact same amount your boss wanted for punching your ticket, chum. Consider the bill paid. Posted by: Monty at April 02, 2009 12:49 PM (/0a60) Posted by: IllTemperedCur at April 02, 2009 01:04 PM (7YgGp) 72
If you take away my baseball stream at work I will beat you down like a
rabid dog. I will crush your nuts. Do we understand each other, my
delicate little boysenberry?
Sweetness, were you it I would not need to contemplate such a horror as your discussions of your team and standings in your league would be accompanied by the lamentations of the women for those who have the misfortune to attempt to take your crown. Whereas the morons (note the lowercase) with whom I work display the acumen and management skills that led the Cubs to have all those World Series wins over the last century. Speaking of the Cubs, let me bask in the glow of thinking that This. Will. Be. The. Year. Mmmmmmmmmm. It's almost like having a unicorn. Drew, you are just sucking up. Good boy. You remain my favorite. Re: the boot wearing - it's all fun and games until someone gets a puncture wound. Um. So I've been told. Posted by: alexthechick at April 02, 2009 01:10 PM (SHHaV) 73
Speaking of the Cubs, let me bask in the glow of thinking that This.
Will. Be. The. Year. Mmmmmmmmmm. It's almost like having a unicorn.
You know, I've always had a sneaking admiration for Cubs fans. Alone among sports fans they instinctively understand the Greek Stoic philosophy of persevering even in the face of insurmountable odds. They do not expect victory; nor even hope for it in the normal sense of the word. They simply turn their faces into the gale and shake their fists at an uncaring Fate. They know that wisdom is gained through the striving, of standing up to impossible odds. The victory is not in "winning", but in having competed at all. Which is not to say that the Cubs don't suck. Because, God, do they ever suck. Posted by: Monty at April 02, 2009 01:16 PM (/0a60) 74
Drew, you are just sucking up.
I prefer to think of it as demonstrating what I bring to the table. But if you prefer to call it sucking up...meh, potato/patahto. It's all good so long as the whole your favorite is the end result. Posted by: DrewM. at April 02, 2009 01:17 PM (hlYel) 75
Jeez, Monty, you're getting everyone all hot and bothered - KEEP IT UP (and by that, I mean Keep It Up) Posted by: Puff Ho at April 02, 2009 01:19 PM (8g9qq) Posted by: Anachronda at April 02, 2009 01:23 PM (3K4hn) 77
Puff Ho:
I was going to say, "Flattery will get you nowhere", but since I am vain and shallow, flattery will in fact get you quite a long way. Posted by: Monty at April 02, 2009 01:24 PM (/0a60) 78
Do the Cubs suck ? Why yes , yes they do . It's become a generational thing . They do seem quite earnest , though ..
Monty ,, more please . My favorites were the Faustian bargain ones . The Army infantry's loss is our gain . Posted by: aubrey at April 02, 2009 01:25 PM (vJZ+j) 79
You know, I've always had a sneaking admiration for Cubs fans. Alone
among sports fans they instinctively understand the Greek Stoic
philosophy of persevering even in the face of insurmountable odds.
Hell, I get pissed when they break my heart in the 8th inning instead of with 2 out in the bottom of the ninth. Just think how much more productive I could be if they let me play WoW at work. Hells yes. Posted by: alexthechick at April 02, 2009 01:33 PM (SHHaV) 80
My favorites were the Faustian bargain ones.
They're fun to write, but I think I've about played that shtick out. I may dust it off if another juicy piece of financial malfeasance comes to light, though. Posted by: Monty at April 02, 2009 02:17 PM (/0a60) 81
The time I spend here is a complete distraction and waste of time from the Extremely Important Work I do, so that study is horseshit. Posted by: icus at April 02, 2009 02:58 PM (5anS9) Posted by: Arthur at April 02, 2009 03:28 PM (s7s77) Posted by: kim in vancouver at April 02, 2009 04:03 PM (lzBKU) Posted by: royalmewigs at April 02, 2009 10:40 PM (YRTmg) 85
Good morning. Be sincere; be brief; be seated.
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