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Science: Mysteries of Belly Button Lint Revealed

Check. And now, presumably, we can move on to second-order projects like cancer.

After three years of research, Georg Steinhauser, a chemist, has discovered a type of body hair that traps stray pieces of lint and draws them into the navel.

Dr Steinhauser made his discovery after studying 503 pieces of fluff from his own belly button.

Chemical analysis revealed the pieces of fluff were not made up of only cotton from clothing. Wrapped up in the lint were also flecks of dead skin, fat, sweat and dust.

Dr Steinhauser's observations showed that 'small pieces of fluff first form in the hair and then end up in the navel at the end of the day'.

Writing in the journal Medical Hypotheses, he said the scaly structure of the hair enhances the 'abrasion of minuscule fibres from the shirt' and directs the lint towards the belly button.

"The hair's scales act like a kind of barbed hooks," he said. "Abdominal hair often seems to grow in concentric circles around the navel."

Like a black hole.

Thanks to Dave in Texas. Gabriel notes this breakthrough builds upon an earlier watershed study:

An earlier, Australian study of samples from 5,000 people concluded the typical carrier of navel fluff to be 'a slightly overweight middle-aged male with a hairy abdomen'.


Posted by: Ace at 11:16 AM



Comments

1 An earlier, Australian study of samples from 5,000 people concluded the typical carrier of navel fluff to be 'a slightly overweight middle-aged male with a hairy abdomen'.

I am NOT Australian...

Posted by: IllTemperedCur at March 03, 2009 11:18 AM (Amo5t)

2

What about toe jam and butt cheese?

Will they remain a mystery?

Posted by: payaso at March 03, 2009 11:21 AM (wJ2/3)

3 i resemble that statement, minus the ausie part

Posted by: trailortrash at March 03, 2009 11:21 AM (pseS/)

4 This new data correlates nicely with Salk's study of toe jam and its inverse relationship with thread count in socks.

Posted by: eman at March 03, 2009 11:22 AM (Ee8qq)

5 Great...now what kind of research is the stimulus money going to research?

Posted by: In Exile at March 03, 2009 11:25 AM (saQlg)

6

Those aussies are something special - most american men would dig around in there and pull out a chunk, roll it between their fingers momentarily and then flick it at the dog (or the back of their wife's head) and resume ball scratching.

But the aussies subject the lump to chemical analysis (in a lab even, not just a quick sniff and taste)

It's gotta be the Fosters.

Posted by: payaso at March 03, 2009 11:27 AM (wJ2/3)

7

*wipes a tear of joy from his eye*

This is the kind of progress that we can only achieve now that science has been put back in its rightful place!

Maybe I can get myself a nice grant and finally complete my undying quest to solve the mystery of how a bath towel still gets dirty even if it is only used to dry off a clean person.

Posted by: reason at March 03, 2009 11:28 AM (q/kmn)

8 I bet you could find particles of hobos in Ace's navel.

Posted by: EC at March 03, 2009 11:28 AM (mAhn3)

9 Finally, the barbed hooks of Satan's navel!

Posted by: andycanuck at March 03, 2009 11:36 AM (TpHGM)

10 The crayon art slideshow towards the bottom of that article was really dang awesome.  FYI.

Posted by: reason at March 03, 2009 11:40 AM (q/kmn)

11 Ace, didn't you listen to the fraudulent one's speech last week?  He's going to cure cancer right after he finishes fixing the economy and revising the constitution . . . but definitely by the end of the month.

Posted by: CB at March 03, 2009 11:40 AM (9Wv2j)

12 I've always been against belly lint in all its forms.

Posted by: Admr. Sebastian B. O. Buniontow VI at March 03, 2009 11:43 AM (NLtVk)

13

After three years of research...

More to come, baby!  Like maybe 757 billion more for this kind of important research!

Posted by: Snoop-Diggity-DANG-Dawg at March 03, 2009 11:44 AM (Mv/2X)

14 They're wrong. It's a glandular secretion.

Posted by: harrison at March 03, 2009 11:46 AM (Gv4O0)

15 Quick! Give this man his Nobel Prize! At least his research is accurate and was conducted in a scientific manner. Worthless conclusions didn't stop Al Gore.

Posted by: Damiano at March 03, 2009 11:48 AM (cfKer)

16 This takes navel-gazing to a whole new level.

Posted by: BackwardsBoy at March 03, 2009 11:49 AM (ZGhSv)

17 Well, now we can move on to the more pressing (and mysterious) matter of skidmarks in tighty-whiteys.

Posted by: gebrauchshund at March 03, 2009 11:53 AM (ACDor)

18

That article is missing the two most important pieces of information:

 

1. what University is this assclown affiliated with

and

2. where did the funding come from

Posted by: Terry at March 03, 2009 11:55 AM (nyxv/)

19 ... and in related news, Georg Steinhauser reports he will be coming to America in hopes of receiving a Federal grant which would enable him to study the causes of sprouting ear hairs in older men, and whether there is a correlation with the accumulation of earwax.  The US National Institutes for Health has issued a statement that the grant committee has limited the amount of the grant to $300 million due to the present state of the Federal budget.

Posted by: Keith Arnold at March 03, 2009 11:56 AM (Jdtsu)

20 Talk about contemplating your own navel!

Posted by: Editor2 at March 03, 2009 11:56 AM (tyJ6Q)

21 How does this help Michelle's children?

Posted by: Vic at March 03, 2009 12:01 PM (f6os6)

22 We are going to be living off belly button lint in the future.

Belly button lint the new currency standard?

Posted by: Long Island at March 03, 2009 12:05 PM (/QzyE)

23 oh you bitches

Posted by: Dave in Texas at March 03, 2009 12:05 PM (zEc/0)

24 more gov't sponsored naval-gazing.

Posted by: krukke1 at March 03, 2009 12:11 PM (GMn5O)

25

Well, now we can move on to the more pressing (and mysterious) matter of skidmarks in tighty-whiteys.

Skidmarks are a miracle - aka "Holy Shit!"

Posted by: payaso at March 03, 2009 12:21 PM (wJ2/3)

26 "But Mom, I'm not gazing at my navel, I'm doing important scientific research!"

Posted by: BackwardsBoy at March 03, 2009 12:27 PM (ZGhSv)

27 Think about it - he did this without any TARP or Stimulus money.

Posted by: Jack is Back! at March 03, 2009 12:31 PM (DGtFq)

28

Y'know, I just say "I'm a doctor" at class reunions.

Posted by: Georg Steinhauser at March 03, 2009 12:40 PM (5KNeJ)

29

If only he could make the connection between Belly Button Lint and Global Warming...

Because you just know there is one.

Posted by: jaleach at March 03, 2009 12:45 PM (gHrZU)

30

Navel lint serves as an insulating force near the core of your body, causing the entire body to warm.  This heat is transferred to the air in your lungs as part of the normal respiratory process, and is expelled each time you exhale.

The elevated temperature of these exhalants (which, by the way, also contain a startling amount of CO2) account for exponential growth in the median global temperature, especially as our human population continues to expand.

Where's my Nobel?

Posted by: reason at March 03, 2009 12:53 PM (kZVsz)

31 Did he do his research at the Navel Observatory?

/ackk

Posted by: Golem14 at March 03, 2009 01:03 PM (eejyp)

32 Interesting. I was vacuuming my belly-button lint the other day and, no stupid I wasn't using an upright, anyway while vigorously sucking out the lint the vacuum nozzle slipped into my naughty parts. Whoa, now that was interesting.

Posted by: solitary knight at March 03, 2009 01:04 PM (GEfQI)

33 The good news is that there was $100 million dollars allocated in the "stimulus" package that would have studied this.

The bad news is that the government will now reallocate $200 million dollars of the "stimulus" package to confirm the resulsts

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at March 03, 2009 01:16 PM (Q76YN)

34 They must be pulling barrels of lint out of their ears.

Posted by: Corona at March 03, 2009 01:25 PM (pI8vF)

35

1. what University is this assclown affiliated with

http://www.tuwien.ac.at/aktuelles/news_detail/article/4959/

Posted by: Dennis at March 03, 2009 01:29 PM (QTgB6)

36 Laugh at him all you want, but this guy is making a living studying things he's pulled out of his belly button.  I found a LEGO stormtrooper helmet in mine once.  Someone give me a grant.

Posted by: anonymous at March 03, 2009 01:40 PM (ccEuN)

37 "Like a black hole."

THAT'S RACIST!

Posted by: Larry Sheldon at March 03, 2009 01:41 PM (OmeRL)

38 Well I for one am glad that "mystery" has been solved.  How much did he get in grant money for that "study"?

Posted by: GarandFan at March 03, 2009 01:47 PM (237hA)

39 In futher news, after extensive study, Dr. Steinhauser has determined that the angle of his dangle is directly proportional to the heat of his meat.

Posted by: Matt at March 03, 2009 01:52 PM (ecpMe)

40 He's joking? Right?

Posted by: MrsPaulsFishSticks at March 03, 2009 02:03 PM (iYbLN)

41 Next up: Study of Dingleberries.

Posted by: sickinmass at March 03, 2009 02:18 PM (/i4dU)

42

Just a point.  How did the fucker get dead skin, etc in his belly button?  Doesn't the fucker ever bathe?

Next he'll tell us mungo cheese gives girls clear skin.

Kemp

Posted by: kempermanx at March 03, 2009 02:39 PM (qvT/A)

43 Linet insist upon myself.

Posted by: Navel at March 03, 2009 03:09 PM (ZjdIG)

44 After a 7 year study of my belly button lint, I found a clogged shower drain.

Posted by: Navel at March 03, 2009 03:10 PM (7jMyu)

45 And people want to destroy such an eveloed society? Our navel studies will allow us to fall. Into the asshole of the universe.

Posted by: hutch1200 at March 03, 2009 03:12 PM (7jMyu)

46

When I was a young nurse, our floor took care of this old lady for months and months. She was a bedridden, old, Italian lady who called us, "butana, butana." as we cared for her. Everyone dreaded the job of her on an assignment. She had a urinary catheter for so long I dreamt that there were goldfish swimming in it. It was so repulsive I made it a game to care for her and finally made it my mission to free her of her bellybutton "lint." Daily I doused it in water, oil, whatever, and after about a week I freed it from that black hole and came up with about a 10 carat hunk of petrified bellybutton lint. It was like a stone. I want to throw-up thinking about it.

Posted by: Tessa at March 03, 2009 03:34 PM (HSWmB)

47 "I coulda been somebody".

Posted by: gerge Stienhauser-lint chemist at March 03, 2009 03:39 PM (7jMyu)

48 Tessa - that is simultaneously awe-inspiring and vomit-inducing.

Posted by: reason at March 03, 2009 05:31 PM (V40IZ)

49 Gabe also notes that fat middle aged men are the least sexy demographic ever.

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Posted by: remy hair at March 03, 2009 09:56 PM (8d+0+)

51 Me being as shy as I am, maybe this will be a good conversation starter for me.  When I meet a nice looking woman I can ask her "Do you want to know why all that stuff in your navel stays there?"

Posted by: Smorgasbord at March 04, 2009 05:24 AM (7wBTD)

52

am i the only one who read the whole thing? i can't believe the last paragraphs.

"In the curious case of Australian hospital worker Graham Barker much of his fluff is red, even though he rarely wears the colour.

Mr Barker has been collecting his own navel fluff in jars every day since 1984. The achievement has won him a place in the Guinness Book of Records for the world's largest collection of navel lint."

that's gotta be a lot of jars. 

Posted by: leafyqueen at March 04, 2009 08:58 PM (2GTwd)

53

Hello,

 

my wife would like to know how the belly lint gets  in the navel? please be honest.

 

charlie

Posted by: charlie at April 14, 2009 09:21 AM (x73Br)

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