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It Has Come To Our Attention That Michelle Obama Has Nice Guns

I can't say I disagree. In fact, I mentioned it over at some other blog during the Inaugural balls when she was getting cut up for her fashion sense.

The media's long uninterrupted O-gasm continues apace:

How to get Michelle Obama's toned arms

The question we must ask ourselves; how does she get them? One can't help but notice that her figure exhibits no other evidence that she's a longtime gym rat.

We here at AOSHQ have been unable to search up any beauty articles in which women say Mrs. Obama inspired them to transform their lower halves into colossal spongiform pumpkins.

Look, I don't want to be mean to Michelle Obama about her looks. I want to be mean to the fawning press which has thrown all pretense of objectivity out the window. Unfortunately in order to do this, I have to point out things about her that the press ignores. This is tearing me up inside, but I have no choice.

Here's another one:

First lady bares her arms and a nation is awestruck

Only if by 'a nation' you mean a hyperventilating MSM that is looking for anything, anything nice to say about this woman's looks.

The MSM needs help creating new headlines celebrating Mrs. Obama's....erm, more striking features. We should help them out.
I'll kick it off:

You're Beautiful When You're Angry: How To Get Michelle Obama's Eyebrows

ps: I did a google image search using the term 'angry eyebrows' and Michelle's mug showed up all over the place.

Thanks to Slublog and Ace.

Posted by: LauraW. at 12:03 PM



Comments

1 It's genetic - Klingons have upper-body strength.

Posted by: payaso at February 28, 2009 12:05 PM (wJ2/3)

2 Klingons tend to be kinda meaty.

The eyebrow thing is just the look you get after having those cranial ridges ground down.

Posted by: Iggey Schnetz at February 28, 2009 12:08 PM (mlBMr)

3 It has come to our attention that Michelle Obama has nice guns - Laura W.

Maybe it's a regional thing, but to some of us, the term "guns" refers to another part of the female anatomy.  And most decidedly, no....

Posted by: Ombudsman at February 28, 2009 12:09 PM (fWF4Q)

4 #1

The better to swing a bat'leth with my dear!

Posted by: catmman at February 28, 2009 12:10 PM (BCSpK)

5 Markie Marxist sez:  "She's pretty hot for a communist.  You have to remember that the guiding principle of our Marxist sense of aesthetics is pretty much defined by 'ugly'."

Posted by: Chas at February 28, 2009 12:13 PM (81ekr)

6 She hates Romulans.

Posted by: eman at February 28, 2009 12:16 PM (Ee8qq)

7 This shit reminds me of those articles proving that all of Obama's ummmmms and ahhhhhhhhs were actual proof of how smart he was.  You see, he was thinking at the time, thus the verbal tic.  While I don't think the visage of Michelle Obama is such that she should be living under a bridge with the intent of eating children, she definitely is not pleaseant to look at. 

Posted by: sears poncho at February 28, 2009 12:16 PM (uj/0b)

8 First Lady Worf, is at least 3 times stronger than the average human. It's quite well known throughout the federation.

Posted by: Blazer at February 28, 2009 12:16 PM (+FzLa)

9 First Lady bares her arms and a nation is awestruck

Yes, all 300 million of us - every fucking one, without exception - is absolutely stupefied, jaws agape, at the magnificence of her fucking arms.  (Wait!  There's some guy in Arkansas who isn't impressed!  Send the Secret Service!)  Will these tools ever stop?

Posted by: Ombudsman at February 28, 2009 12:17 PM (fWF4Q)

10 And Ed Whelan, over at The Corner, points out yet more in the non-stop string of o-gasming media.

“Just a day after he transformed the domestic political landscape with a breathtakingly bold budget plan ….”

“Commentators left and right have reacted with awe to the ambition and transformative potential of President Obama’s economic blueprint.”

I mean, that's not even Pravda bad. That's more like IRNA bad. Or Comical Ali bad.

Posted by: notropis at February 28, 2009 12:20 PM (V6CDP)

11 You used balls and Bitchelle in the same sentence. From tea baggin', to balls, to Klingon sex.  This place is a moron's wet dream. Well, except for the Bitchelle part.

Posted by: outraged at February 28, 2009 12:21 PM (penCf)

12 I think the bear arms and umpire waist dress in purple no less were meant to distract from the stomach/hips area.   That dress was slightly gathered in the umpire waist giving plety of drapey fabric to the bottom part.

Posted by: silly at February 28, 2009 12:21 PM (zplc6)

13 Maybe it's just me, but I have yet to see Michelle O. in a properly fitted outfit. So "toned arms" or not, everything I've seen her wear fits like a potato sack. 

Posted by: KelliD at February 28, 2009 12:21 PM (Q9Cny)

14 Everytime I see her I think of that great remark:  "I'm not fat, I'm just big boned"

Posted by: silly at February 28, 2009 12:23 PM (zplc6)

15 I wonder if her colossal ass doubles as a hide out for a Klingon battle cruiser.

Posted by: YIKES! at February 28, 2009 12:24 PM (obJsq)

16 I think the bear arms and umpire waist dress in purple

If she's going to dress like an umpire, please wear the mask... all the better to keep foul balls off her face.

Posted by: Ombudsman at February 28, 2009 12:25 PM (fWF4Q)

17 Wouldn't want her arms, wouldn't want to be her.  Although if you look at pictures when she first met hubby, it is hard to believe that this is the same woman.

Posted by: silly at February 28, 2009 12:26 PM (zplc6)

18

When I first read the headline I thought "AK-47?  Sig-Sauer?"

I didn't think of flabby appendages with turkey-wattle

Posted by: payaso at February 28, 2009 12:27 PM (wJ2/3)

19

"Let me be very clear on the economics of President Obama’s State of the Union speech and his budget.

He is declaring war on investors, entrepreneurs, small businesses, large corporations, and private-equity and venture-capital funds."
http://www.cnbc.com/id/29434104

Posted by: silly at February 28, 2009 12:30 PM (zplc6)

20

I wonder if her colossal ass doubles as a hide out for a Klingon battle cruiser.

Badonkadonk cloaking device?

Posted by: payaso at February 28, 2009 12:30 PM (wJ2/3)

21 You'd have toned arms too if you were constantly wiping the yeast infection.
Typical.Bitter.Klingon.

Posted by: sickinmass at February 28, 2009 12:31 PM (/i4dU)

22 Toned guns,  guns are arms?  I learn something new everyday.  The old song Bertha,Bertha Butt keeps playing in my mind.  Awe struck, I ain't.

Posted by: jAYNE at February 28, 2009 12:31 PM (pC6uF)

23 It has come to our attention that Michelle Obama has nice guns.

Makes sense Laura.  She has to have strong arms to support all that weight since she's on top all the time too, otherwise she'd crush Thhe One™.

Posted by: David in San Diego at February 28, 2009 12:32 PM (GF+6V)

24 I was trying to find a different picture, but I sorta like this one of John Stewart, with his nose apparently stuck straight up the ass of the Democratic Donkey:


http://tinyurl.com/jsnoseupbutt


(Not exactly off-topic, since it also shows the difference in height between a Twit and a Klingon.)

Posted by: notropis at February 28, 2009 12:32 PM (V6CDP)

25

You'd have toned arms too if you were constantly wiping the yeast infection.
Typical.Bitter.Klingon.

Thread winner

Posted by: payaso at February 28, 2009 12:32 PM (wJ2/3)

26 I was going to say those arms are from batleth (or however you spell it) workouts, but the other morons were way ahead of me.

Posted by: cranky-d at February 28, 2009 12:33 PM (8TXe9)

27

I am a fashion groupie. I admit it.  I am very familiar with the rules of dress, and Michelle has violated them on several occasions.

The dress she wore the night of the election was a weird disaster, that looked like runway fair at a political event...and it was very unbecoming.

The dress, robe, combo for the inauguration looked too church lady and dated in an unbecoming way, and have sequins and glitter which is a mistake for daytime wear.  The dress that she attempted to dance in at 10 partied was ill fitting and did look like tampons were tied to it.  It was also too youthful for a woman of her age, and not elegant. 

The outfit she wore to the SOTU faux was really weird..it looked like something you would wear to a nightclub...and when she walked by Biden's wife, she had to see what she should have been wearing.

The response of the fashion police is only evidence of their willingness to suck up to the Obama...bare arms are inappropriate for a first lady to wear at a SOTU ...the reason it hasn't been done before , is because it is in poor taste and reflects a novice at the helm.

Posted by: ford at February 28, 2009 12:33 PM (Ki7fm)

28

Barack Curls.

C'mon, look at her. She can lift him. Easy.

Posted by: Squatch at February 28, 2009 12:33 PM (COZb8)

29 Michelle Obama. Now we know what the offspring of a Pekingnese and Dolph Lundgren would look like.

Posted by: Blazer at February 28, 2009 12:34 PM (+FzLa)

30

She has to have strong arms to support all that weight since she's on top all the time too, otherwise she'd crush Thhe One™.

She's probably got to hold on tight to keep him from squirming away while she's pounding his squeakhole with a Klingon-sized strap-on 

Posted by: payaso at February 28, 2009 12:35 PM (wJ2/3)

31 I liked Treacher's take on it:  how did she get such great guns?  By strangling Democracy!

Posted by: Kensington at February 28, 2009 12:35 PM (90mpl)

32 Maybe Bitchelle is pregnant.  She wants to hide it till after they pass the FOCA.

Posted by: outraged at February 28, 2009 12:36 PM (penCf)

33
27..
Mr. Blackford.

Posted by: sickinmass at February 28, 2009 12:38 PM (/i4dU)

34 Crap. I have to get back to reading Treacher every day.

He was away so long for a while that I got out of practice.

Posted by: lauraw at February 28, 2009 12:39 PM (1zMMp)

35 Ford, even a non-fashionista like me can recognize when a woman in the public sphere needs to fire her stylist.

Posted by: lauraw at February 28, 2009 12:41 PM (1zMMp)

36 >>He was away so long for a while that I got out of practice.

WTF?

Posted by: sickinmass at February 28, 2009 12:42 PM (/i4dU)

37 Greetings:

I think we will all get plenty of those "angry eyebrows" once someone finds out why the State of Illinois revoked Mrs. Obama's license to practice law.

Posted by: 11B40 at February 28, 2009 12:48 PM (zHxe9)

38

#23 and #30

Please, pretty please; involuntarily envisioning the POTUS and FLOTUS engaging in the all-American pastime of getting it on interferes with proper digestion.

And I'm pretty sure referencing such action is a felony in 57 states.

Posted by: solitary knight at February 28, 2009 12:53 PM (SqnIe)

39

She has to have strong arms to support all that weight since she's on top all the time too, otherwise she'd crush Thhe One™.

She's probably got to hold on tight to keep him from squirming away while she's pounding his squeakhole with a Klingon-sized strap-on

Does a Kilngon strap-on look anything like the barbed cock of Satan?

Posted by: David in San Diego at February 28, 2009 12:53 PM (GF+6V)

40 I think we will all get plenty of those "angry eyebrows" once someone finds out why the State of Illinois revoked Mrs. Obama's license to practice law.


....and this helps my children how?

Posted by: Michelle Obama at February 28, 2009 01:02 PM (+FzLa)

41 With Tuvok and Lursa at the helm, we truly have a government for the future.

Posted by: Dead Career Sketch at February 28, 2009 01:04 PM (hYZdF)

42     35 Ford, even a non-fashionista like me can recognize when a woman in the public sphere needs to fire her stylist.

Posted by: lauraw at February 28, 2009 12:41 PM (1zMMp)

She has a stylist!?!?!?  Who the fuck is it, Stevie Wonder?

Posted by: Old Hippie Vet at February 28, 2009 02:13 PM (3IZGh)

43 "Posted by: notropis at February 28, 2009 12:32 PM (V6CDP)"


That's a huge bitch!

Posted by: Iggey Schnetz at February 28, 2009 02:57 PM (mlBMr)

44 Jemima ass is in.

Posted by: chicocano at February 28, 2009 03:15 PM (P2bg4)

45 Oh come on now guys........I sure has hell wouldn't kick her out of the sack for chowing down on crackers...The downside is she's a *caprihorns* only makes me wonder how many times she's had to put them *caprihorns* to ol Barry, lmao!

Posted by: numbnutz at February 28, 2009 03:25 PM (MyEs9)

46 She needs a tarp.Oh yea thats been legislated already.

Posted by: chicocano at February 28, 2009 04:18 PM (P2bg4)

47 So, for the first time in her adult life, i wonder if she's proud of her arms. Good grief. Her arms are about as toned as Obama's man-boobs. Isn't this nonsense our own fault? As a nation we have dumbed down the entertainment industry by watching reality shows, hollow blockbusters, and different versions of the same cop show every night. Even on this site there's a loyal BSG following who has known the show has been crap for 2 years...but they're still watching it. Why should we be surprised to see the MSM follow suit with one stupid story after another? They're in it to make money, too, and integrity just doesn't pay. The MSM has always been liberally biased, they just have never dwelled on irrelevancy before to this extreme. But, sadly, this isn't only a reflection of the MSM's desire to make the Obamas out to be messianic. This is the sort of "news" the public pays for.

Posted by: Barbelle at February 28, 2009 04:32 PM (qF8q3)

48 Sorry, I typed my last post with paragraph breaks, so I don't know why they're not there.

Posted by: Barbelle at February 28, 2009 04:33 PM (qF8q3)

49 Madonna has guns.  Michelle, not so much.

Posted by: kina at February 28, 2009 05:08 PM (I1WeW)

50 Are you sure this post could be caused by a typo?Michelle has big buns.To me this summarizes everything.

Posted by: chicocano at February 28, 2009 05:31 PM (P2bg4)

51 "35 Ford, even a non-fashionista like me can recognize when a woman in the public sphere needs to fire her stylist.

Posted by: lauraw at February 28, 2009 12:41 PM (1zMMpZ)"

If you add the ag es of "her stylist" and "his speech writer" together you won't even break 50.

Posted by: silly at February 28, 2009 10:29 PM (zplc6)

52 Per Fox, Paul Harvey 1918 -2009 has died.  "And that's the rest of the story"

Posted by: silly at February 28, 2009 10:30 PM (zplc6)

53 Barry married himself a BIGFOOT...What the fuck is GOONEY GOO GOO, Gus?!?!?  Bet the bitch sticks her head in the water to catch the fish...teaches her Angela Davis Afro wearing kids how to do it....

AUNT BUNNY HAS A MUSTACHE!!!!

/Eddie (Mr. Fuck You Man) Murphy

Posted by: Buck Naked at February 28, 2009 10:52 PM (kmEp8)

54 Maybe she works out on the monkey bars? (Is that racist?)

Posted by: andycanuck at February 28, 2009 11:20 PM (TpHGM)

55

He is declaring war on investors, entrepreneurs, small businesses, large corporations, and private-equity and venture-capital funds."

But the MSM assures me that he's just "taking on" the lobbyists. And they wouldn't lie to me, would they?

With Tuvok and Lursa at the helm

No, Tuvok had much smaller ears, Dead Career Sketch.

Posted by: andycanuck at February 28, 2009 11:29 PM (TpHGM)

56 Michelle Obama looks good in her official WH photograph.

The fact that she looks like she can throw a spear through the heart of a charging lion, as a matter of routine, only makes her more awesome.


Posted by: o.u. at March 01, 2009 01:11 PM (HPf2h)

Posted by: remy hair at March 01, 2009 09:11 PM (poHFL)

58 If the MSM has evidence that Barry had or was having an affair, would they run it?









ha ha ha, I kill myself.

Posted by: dustydog at March 02, 2009 10:59 AM (5u36L)

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60 To Ombudsman (#9)

Andy,
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