72 Goats for Jihadis

All right let me see if I have this straight. You people are morons, which makes sense having read the comments. That actually makes me feel right at home. And it seems the main pastime around here involves the extermination of hobos. Once again something I am down with. My buddy Kev and I used to have a little game we played in Madison that involved thinning the herd of bums that would live off the guilt of the idiot college students there. It was great fun and the end result involved Lake Mendota, a Ranger bass boat and a wood chipper. The fish there are record class these days. Please feel free to help me in my feeble attempts to fit in here at AOS, I'm sure you all have some kind-hearted advice. Anyhow, here is a bit of weekend fun. An old video I made when al Qaeda was asking for questions to be answered by Dr. Z.

Posted by: Uncle Jimbo at 11:28 AM

Comments

1 needs more cowbell, and welcome

Posted by: trailortrash at February 07, 2009 11:47 AM (pseS/)

2 What make and model of wood chipper ? Mine ( Sears ), keeps jamming , when I try to add them whole and it's such a bother cutting them up first .

Posted by: Bill D. Cat at February 07, 2009 11:47 AM (d0YiG)

free to help me in my feeble attempts to fit in here at AOS, I'm sure you all have some kind-hearted advice

If you don't look at porn or drink liquor there won't be much to talk about here.

Posted by: katya at February 07, 2009 11:48 AM (oRJZj)

It's about time we got a higher class of lowlife around here.

Posted by: Mr Snuggle Bunny at February 07, 2009 11:48 AM (Q/ZWV)

5 Ace of Spades and Black Five: like peanut butter and chocolate...like beer and pizza...like hobo-stompin' and Val-U-Rite Vodka...like one-legged Thai tranny prostitutes and deformed circus midgets.

Posted by: Eric at February 07, 2009 11:49 AM (quZLX)

6 Just don't live in a Dacha.

Posted by: Vic at February 07, 2009 11:51 AM (f6os6)

Uncle Jimbo? Here?

bunk.

Posted by: KelliD at February 07, 2009 11:55 AM (AFoGR)

8 Mockery of PETA goes down well, likewise unicorn jokes and creative titles/nicknames for Joe Biden's boss.

Posted by: PA Cat at February 07, 2009 11:58 AM (PGeV7)

Fitting in means being able to brag about performing Dirty Sanchez's on liberal chicks who eat tofu, raw vegetables, and would never consider placing an erect penis within the confines of their oral cavity. They also follow the teachings of Sheryl "one square of TP" Crow, Cherilyn (fuck Republicans) Sarkisian (a/k/a Cher) another liberal raghead, and the bestest and greatest philosopher of all times, Barack "I won" O'Bambi.

PS Liberal chicks prefer dildos so as to expand their 'feelings' without having to deal with a pesky, stinky male interloper.

Posted by: Fish at February 07, 2009 12:05 PM (CG+cG)

10 But are they virgin goats?

Posted by: payaso at February 07, 2009 12:05 PM (Qn5/z)

creative titles/nicknames for Joe Biden's boss.

As well as names and jokes for Biden, his wife, Michelle O and Nancy Pelosi.

Posted by: katya at February 07, 2009 12:11 PM (oRJZj)

12 More kind-hearted advice: weapons-grade military hardware videos and interservice jokes also welcome. We had us a USAF flame war not so long ago.

Posted by: PA Cat at February 07, 2009 12:12 PM (PGeV7)

13 I am feeling the love. Now I am going to head out this afternoon to get a picture of myself flipping a double bird to that building where our Parliament of Hoors is busy taking out a sub prime mortgage on our future. Then a trip the the Hawk & Dove (remarkably free of Hawks) in my Greenpeace t-shirt to lie to and pick up an Obama-lovin' lefty chick who I will get sloppy drunk, take back to her place and pull a Martha Stewart on (Bang her in the ass and then wipe my Johnson on the drapes). Am I on the right track?

Cordially,

Uncle J

Posted by: Uncle Jimbo at February 07, 2009 12:12 PM (BDrES)

14 You're fitting in just fine-- welcome-- just come back from your excellent adventure this afternoon with all major body organs still functional.

Posted by: PA Cat at February 07, 2009 12:16 PM (PGeV7)

Sounds like a fun-filled day there UJ.

Remember, use the outside of the drapes. The neighbors will see it, she won't look there, but will wonder 'where that smell comes from' for about a week.

Posted by: 5Cats at February 07, 2009 12:17 PM (Ivexw)

16 Only the female goats are virgins. The Minions of Peace get to the boy goats at a very early age.

Posted by: radar at February 07, 2009 12:17 PM (a8EJC)

WOW, Uncle Jimbo is here. Welcome to the show cockholster.

Btw the way, your vids of you clowning the Madison freaks are legendary! B5 is in my humble view the best milblog (you need some sailors though)

Oh, you somehow need to get in a Michele O is a Klingon rip somewhere.

Posted by: navycopjoe at February 07, 2009 12:17 PM (EmdYj)

18 get pics

Posted by: trailortrash at February 07, 2009 12:18 PM (pseS/)

Unless you're using the slang meaning of "drapes".

Hey, I only found out yesterday what "Blue Falcon" is slang for. Nobody tells us Canadians nothin! Dammit! Eh?

Posted by: 5Cats at February 07, 2009 12:19 PM (Ivexw)

20 Well boys and girls, Uncle Jimbo will return this afternoon for "Show & Tell." Don't bother with Sesame Street or Mr. Rogers today because Uncle Jimbo has a very special treat for one and all. It's a fairytale about buggery and debauchery, and you will better understand after the class. Tootle loo all.

Posted by: Fish at February 07, 2009 12:21 PM (CG+cG)

21 20 You mean Uncle J is making a house call on Bawney Fwank?

Posted by: PA Cat at February 07, 2009 12:22 PM (PGeV7)

22 We said we would get you canadians in the loop once you take minnesotastan from us, sheesh!

Posted by: navycopjoe at February 07, 2009 12:24 PM (EmdYj)

23 I want goat.Stimulus you know.
Enjoy the azz..

Posted by: sickinmass at February 07, 2009 12:24 PM (/i4dU)

24 Am I on the right track?

The force AoSHQ Lifestyle^(tm) is strong in this one. Welcome, Uncle Jimbo.

Posted by: Andy at February 07, 2009 12:29 PM (B+HYX)

25 Don't forget the Valu-Rite vodka. It retails for about $5/gallon.

Don't drink too much at one time. You might go blind.

Additionally, there's the bacon explosion.

Enjoy.

Posted by: I R A Darth Aggie at February 07, 2009 12:33 PM (1hM1d)

26 Welcome Uncle Jimbo!

And thank you for the informational video. I did not know that bin Laden was fond of fruit bats. As for the image of the goat in the pajamas- most jammie tops don't work on goats, but this one really worked with his fur-tones. Two thumbs up!

Posted by: shibumi at February 07, 2009 12:35 PM (tZB/c)

Important etiquette note, UJ: when blogging on the latest under-achievements of a member of Congress, it is considered good manners to conclude by adding their office phone numbers, and the politie invitation to "Light 'em Up". For example:

Collins, Susan M. RINO, ME. (202) 224-2523

Snowe, Olympia J. RINO, ME. (202) 224-5344

Specter, Arlen RINO, PA. (202) 224-4254

Light 'em up!!

Posted by: sherlock at February 07, 2009 12:36 PM (8V5Ut)

28 What kind of weapon is that leaning against the wall in the video?

That's the kind of question asked around here. Then you will have a 200 comment thread on weapons and one commenter discussing how he became a man that one summer in upstate New York or Thailand.

Posted by: mare at February 07, 2009 12:45 PM (X1fsj)

Cordially

Am disturbed by the fact that you spelled that correctly.

Notwithstanding, (not bad for an enlisted/draftee,huh), welcome from a REMF. That's rear echelon "moron" fucker for the uninitiated.

Happy Hunting Jimbo.

Posted by: solitary knight at February 07, 2009 12:46 PM (N1Iug)

Speaking of hobos, Iowahawk's got a great one up.

Posted by: km at February 07, 2009 12:46 PM (EIIxN)

31 Advice? get drunk.

Posted by: A.G. at February 07, 2009 01:03 PM (JoIvi)

32 Welcome aboard, Uncle Jimbo. I read your post about the lying shitbag deserter whose name isn't worth remembering. If you're going to fit in on AoSHQ, calling him a Buddy F-er simply won't do. It's Buddy Fucker around here. B-u-d-d-y F-u-c-k-e-r. Can't let Ace's rating slip to PG, ya' know.

Posted by: Reiver at February 07, 2009 01:04 PM (+Je7m)

33 Keeping it classy in Disneyland East: Gateway Pundit reports on the latest example of lefty cult-chuh:

Although some people aren't amused by Will Ferrell's latest gig/gag and have been walking out of the theater:

They�ve been standing up . . . after the projection of a supersize photo on the backdrop of the stage. A photo of a penis. Specifically, as Mr. Ferrell (who plays President Bush) leads the audience to believe, the president�s penis. Except that�s not quite right.

�It�s an anonymous but age-appropriate public domain Internet penis,� said Adam McKay, the play�s director. �We went on the Web and got a penis.�

...No surprise, the play has been a major draw for New York liberals.

Posted by: PA Cat at February 07, 2009 01:11 PM (PGeV7)

It's Buddy Fucker around here.

This is a gay bar?

Posted by: payaso at February 07, 2009 01:14 PM (Qn5/z)

35 Welcome aboard, Uncle Jimbo. Remember, this is a smart military blog so try to use the word "pooter" in your posts once in a while.

Posted by: DPR Hussein VIII at February 07, 2009 01:15 PM (4XUD3)

36 Remember, hobo and tramps are a dry meat and need to be hung for at least a fortnight prior to preparation. Some recommend hanging by the heels but this is incorrect. Hanging from the neck keeps the ValuRite inside where it belongs.

Posted by: the angel of death wearing a funny hat at February 07, 2009 01:19 PM (PD1tk)

37 Please feel free to help me in my feeble attempts to fit in here at AOS,

More cussing. Plus, a picture of Megyn Kelly in a bikini. All new posters have to find a picture of Megyn Kelly in a bikini and post them on this site.

Posted by: AD at February 07, 2009 01:34 PM (4s7p5)

Reminds me of an old punchline:

Old goatherder to young goatherder:

We weren't laughing at you because we caught you making it with a goat, we were laughing at you because she is so ugly!

Posted by: I'm Just Sayin' at February 07, 2009 01:34 PM (1KV0A)

39 Welcome, Uncle Jimbo.

I look forward to dipping my balls in Teh Awesomeness you will undoubtedly bring to this place.

I just hope you've been properly vetted. I would suck to be you if the morons find out you're of... SCANDI descent. If there's one thing more despised around here than Democrats, it's those dirty reindeer-humping, ice dago snow-fags.

Posted by: Empire of Jeff at February 07, 2009 01:38 PM (xGIqT)

40 The phrase "get down and give me 20" has an entirely different meaning on AoQ, and I speak from experience.

Posted by: Gomer Pyle at February 07, 2009 01:42 PM (bcK3v)

Am disturbed by the fact that you spelled that correctly.

It's okay, the link in his nick isn't right, so you can tell he really is a moron.

And

Posted by: MamaAJ at February 07, 2009 01:43 PM (X6Zdh)

42 Dammit! I meant AoS. I was distracted thinking about the last 20 that I gave.

Posted by: Gomer Pyle at February 07, 2009 01:44 PM (bcK3v)

Me moron too.

Ahem.

And with that snark, I welcome you.

Posted by: MamaAJ at February 07, 2009 01:44 PM (X6Zdh)

44 Me moron three

Posted by: sickinmass at February 07, 2009 02:18 PM (/i4dU)

45 UncleJimbo,

A columnist once described Ace Of Spades as a 'very smart Military blog'.

Welcome aboard, and thanks for finally proving that columnist factually right.

Posted by: Tushar at February 07, 2009 02:34 PM (PTWes)

In the name of Allah, the Gracious, the Merciful,

Listen again and youll notice that what he said in the first three sentences was:

You can call me Ray,

And you can call J,

and you can call me, Ray J.

but ya doesn't haf'ta to call me Johnson. (Sura 2:29)

Posted by: 7HEAVENS at February 07, 2009 02:38 PM (gzhXa)

In the name of Allah, the Gracious, the Merciful,

You have insulted Islam! The Virgins are found in the Qur'an (Sura 52-55). Though references to livestock are in Sura 2, Al-Baqarah (the cow) and Sura 6 , Al-An'am (the cattle), the 72 goats are not in the Qur'an, they are in the Hadith, and are therefore open to interpertation. No Jihad today, but next time, Al-Massad (Sura 111). (Sura 2:29) P.S. Welcome to Moronville.

Posted by: 7HEAVENS at February 07, 2009 03:00 PM (gzhXa)

Viva B5. Hilarious.

Should have been broken up into two seperate segments, but ima fwd it to all my people.

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