Now <i>Predator</i> to Be Remade/Rebooted, with Robert Rodgriguez Attached

Now Predator to Be Remade/Rebooted, with Robert Rodgriguez Attached

Fun fact you probably already know: Jean-Claude Van Damme played the Predator originally. They had in mind a small, agile predator. Like space monkey Gleep.

But they realized it wasn't working -- the bad guy should be more imposing than the hero -- so they shut down production for like six weeks, redesigned the predator, cast a giant in the role, and re-shot the Predator parts.

The Trouble with Remakes: is this -- the filmmakers can't really simply remake the best, most memorable parts of the movies they're remaking. That would be "copying," and audiences would be annoyed at the re-do. So they do the good parts in a different way.

The trouble is, the original film got those parts right. And there are a thousand ways to screw up any particular movie but only one or two ways to get them right. So, the original film having gotten those parts right-- what do you think the odds are the remake will somehow manage to stumble upon the only other way of making it work at all?

Like, zero.

The awful Planet of the Apes remake tried to contrive a same-but-different "surprise ending" twist. They went through all this complex connivance of time portals opening at different times just to get the same payoff -- kinda -- as in the first one. Trouble was, not only had we seen that basic ending before, but we'd seen it simpler, starker, and more effectively once before; the new "surprise" ending was too cute by half and too complicated to have even 5% of the impact of the first. *

The Robocop remake won't remake the parts of that movie that really elevated it above the ordinary -- namely, Robocop's creepy-yet-understandable stalking of his onetime wife, and his ultimate recovery of his humanity with the simple invocation of his name, "Murphy" -- because that's been done. Instead they'll jigger up some obscure and complex emotional arc that's sort of like the first one but just different enough to leave the audience cold (and possibly scratching their heads).

I guess that's why they say don't remake moves that worked. The stuff you have to toss out in order to make the movie fresh is the stuff that worked the first time, and the odds of your coming up with something nearly as good are extraordinarily low.

* Charleton Heston really should have realized he was on Earth from the beginning. Not only was he in a world of horses and apes, but the apes spoke English.

Kind of a tip-off.

Posted by: Ace at 02:03 PM

Comments

1 I heard they were remaking Slap Shot, too. Hollywood is dead.

Posted by: CUS at February 04, 2009 02:06 PM (wOGfT)

2 Jean-Claude Van Damme played the Predator originally

Nuh-uh. You're joking, right?

Posted by: lorien1973 at February 04, 2009 02:09 PM (IhQuA)

3 <yawn>

Posted by: dan-O at February 04, 2009 02:15 PM (teb/C)

4 2 Jean-Claude Van Damme played the Predator originally

Nuh-uh. You're joking, right?

No, he isn't.

Van Damme wasn't happy to be running around the forest wearing a day-glo orange bodysuit for the optical camo stalking scenes, either.

Posted by: Brandon In Baton Rouge at February 04, 2009 02:15 PM (Ekjw6)

Hollywood is dead.

Creativity is dead. I think post-modernism killed it.

Posted by: Eleven at February 04, 2009 02:15 PM (7DB+a)

6 Is there anything Hollywood can't ruin?

/losers. Imagination-free losers.

Posted by: DG at February 04, 2009 02:15 PM (qPu42)

7 Bunch of slack-jawed faggots around here. You could be a god damned sexual Tyrannosaurus, just like me.

Posted by: Brewster at February 04, 2009 02:19 PM (m2CN7)

8

They're gonna wreck that.

Might make it worse than Predator 2, which I actually like.

Posted by: Sen. Gov. E. Buzz Miller, PhD at February 04, 2009 02:20 PM (sf4Oe)

9 The Trouble with Remakes:...

Yeah, yeah, blah, blah. Give us your $10, then buy the damn DVD and shut up already.

Posted by: Hollywood at February 04, 2009 02:21 PM (hlYel)

Brewster at February 04, 2009 02:19 PM (m2CN7

What the hell are you?

sockpuppet thats what. damn

Posted by: polynikes at February 04, 2009 02:22 PM (m2CN7)

11 I make no qualms about enjoying parts of Predator 2.

It's just so....................80s! The whole movie could be a set piece.

Posted by: Techie at February 04, 2009 02:22 PM (906oR)

12 Will they remake the sequel, too?

Hollywood's not about ideas. They're about product.

Shitty product, apparently.

Posted by: nickless at February 04, 2009 02:22 PM (MMC8r)

13 Dang, type slow and the other morons are all over the point you're making...

Posted by: nickless at February 04, 2009 02:23 PM (MMC8r)

14 Well, Michael Bay destroyed Transformers (sorry, Alexthechick)--might as well continue gutting the childhood of everyone that grew up in the 80s (yes, I know: Predator was R and I shouldn't have seen it when I wasn't even into my teens, but we were devious lads).

Posted by: ECM at February 04, 2009 02:24 PM (q3V+C)

15 Crappy Hollywood product. I guess there has to be an industry for folks who's product is so crappy that even the Ford/GM/Chrysler folks said, "No, that's too crappy..."

Posted by: XBradTC at February 04, 2009 02:24 PM (4nxTP)

The great sin of this remake is that it is going to be a team of soldiers fighting off an army of predators. The whole point of Predator was that one of those bastards could take out a squad of elite special forces with chain guns. That in turn makes Arnold that much more badass for taking out the Predator single-handedly!

If it bleeds we can kill it.

Posted by: verdrangung at February 04, 2009 02:25 PM (fRn+t)

17 I wonder if they'll use computer animation?

Posted by: Eleven at February 04, 2009 02:29 PM (7DB+a)

Charleton Heston really should have realized he was on Earth from the beginning. Not only was he in a world of horses and apes, but the apes spoke English.

True. In this respect, the novel by Pierre Boulle makes more sense. In the novel, the apes speak a different language, which the hero has to learn. That's why he can't communicate at first. In the film they changed this so Heston is injured in the throat and can't talk for a while.

Incidentally, the apes in the novel live in an advanced civilization with cars and skyscrapers. The filmmakers originally considered this approach, but decided against it and set the apes in a primitive community instead.

Posted by: sauropod at February 04, 2009 02:29 PM (D7bS1)

19 Aint got time to bleed.

Who TF will they get to play the characters?
Blaine (Jessee Ventura) will probably be played by Jack Black or some other asshat. Bet the new special forces crew will be UN or NATO.

Posted by: mrcaniac at February 04, 2009 02:30 PM (Rbulg)

20 Thing is man, about the original PotA, they were abusing the fact that everybody was smoking shit back then man. Every SF movie and TV show had people speaking English, and the cheap as budgets made using Apes and Horses instead of oddball shit expected. No CGI back then either dude.

Posted by: the Big Lebowski at February 04, 2009 02:31 PM (d2kuI)

21 One thing the movie is sure to retain is all the ghey that made the original movie so memorable.

BTW, the new Planet of the Apes sucked, but the twist ending actually comes from the original novel.

Posted by: mrobvious at February 04, 2009 02:31 PM (lCAKQ)

22 All Hollywood does is 'remake' movies. Not an original thought there in years. Guess it goes to show what happens when you fry your brains on drugs.

Posted by: GarandFan at February 04, 2009 02:33 PM (237hA)

23 Yeah, yeah, blah, blah. Give us your $10, then buy the damn DVD and shut up already.

BitTorrent killed the mooooovie star....

Posted by: IllTemperedCur at February 04, 2009 02:33 PM (kJisp)

24 But Ace, this time around they'll have CGI!

Posted by: Sobek at February 04, 2009 02:33 PM (UefZl)

25 Why????

_{What the hell is wrong with these people?}

Posted by: A. Weasel at February 04, 2009 02:33 PM (bqcfE)

I hope Rodriguez keeps the jokes from the original movie that Shane Black did. How do you top this one?

"My girlfriend has a huge pussy, as big as a house. So I said to her, 'gee your pussy's big gee your pussy's big' "

"And she said, 'why did you say that twice?' "

"I didn't."

In other news, I also heard that Escape From New York was being considered for a remake with King Leonidas himself, Gerald Butler. Butler has since quit and the hope of a remake is dead for now. This is a movie very dear to my heart because I stayed up very late one night, way past my bedtime when I was little, and watched the whole thing. Carpenter's vision of the future scared the crap out of me, but the story of an anti-hero saving a president he hated and not giving a shit about anyone or anything, all the while running under a ticking clock, absolutely fucking rocked my world. Snake Plissken became a hero in my eyes.

I was pretty pissed when Escape From LA came out and they recycled the same story, complete with 24 hour countdown.

Posted by: EC at February 04, 2009 02:35 PM (mAhn3)

27 These hollyweed directors are so stoned stupid on dope and booze they have lost anyway to make new movies so their remaking the classics like they did in 2005 I mean their doing a remake of ALFRED HITCHCOCKS classic movie THE BIRDS with GEORGE CLOONEY and knowing them it,ll be all about this GLOBAL WARMING CRAP screw hollyweed too much wacky weed and stupididy

Posted by: Spurwing Plover at February 04, 2009 02:35 PM (F4bzH)

28
* Charleton Heston really should have realized he was on Earth from the beginning. Not only was he in a world of horses and apes, but the apes spoke English.

Charlton Heston should have realized he was in a left wing propaganda shit fest and made The Ten Commandments part II instead. Ben-Hur II, The Quickening - anything would have been better than that monkey crap!

Posted by: Dang at February 04, 2009 02:36 PM (Y5LIx)

29 19:

A band of (ethnically correct) metrosexuals from various corners of the globe, spearheaded by a spunky, 90lb. female that could take down Arnie and Sly in their primes with both arms amputated--in other words, something entirely realistic from Hollywood's warped POV.

Posted by: ECM at February 04, 2009 02:37 PM (q3V+C)

30 Hollywood was bludgeoned to a bloody pulp, first, then it died.

In the first Planet of the Apes, I thought maybe he was trapped in a parallel world like in Star Trek or something. But then, that would have been way too complicated and way too interesting.

Posted by: Duesa at February 04, 2009 02:37 PM (Srqga)

31 Blaine (Jessee Ventura) will probably be played by Jack Black or some other asshat. Bet the new special forces crew will be UN or NATO.

In which case, I'm rooting for the Predator.

Posted by: I R A Darth Aggie at February 04, 2009 02:37 PM (1hM1d)

32 I heard they're remaking Lethal Weapon with Josh Hartnett and Ice Cube.

Posted by: Big E at February 04, 2009 02:38 PM (CBGRs)

33 >>>Thing is man, about the original PotA, they were abusing the fact that everybody was smoking shit back then man. Every SF movie and TV show had people speaking English, and the cheap as budgets made using Apes and Horses instead of oddball shit expected.

I know. It's exploiting a convention to disguise a plot hole.

They did this on Psych recently. Exploit a convention that you just ignore because it's the formula. The set-up was that Gus was being fired by his boss because he's moonlighting at a psychic detective agency, but oh, suddenly Gus' boss is being haunted by a ghost and that gives Shawn a chance to prove that what Gus is doing is worthwhile.

The big reveal is that the house is being haunted... by Shawn.

Which makes perfect sense, of course. What are the odds a man's house is suddenly haunted just as he's firing a guy that works at a psychic detective agency? Um, zero. But you overlook this because it's just part of the convention that these improbable, convenient sorts of intersections happen. So the solution -- which should have been OBVIOUS -- is a surprise.

It was a cute trick. It's done every once in a while to good effect.

Posted by: ace at February 04, 2009 02:39 PM (gEsIJ)

They're fools...next thing they'll try to do a remake of Alien2, which was the only really good one...then I'll be pissed.

I agree with Dang, I never was much of a fan of the Apes movies...too much gloomy liberalism in them.

Posted by: CanaDave at February 04, 2009 02:40 PM (k9v4E)

35 >>>I heard they're remaking Lethal Weapon with Josh Hartnett and Ice Cube.

I assume that's not true. Please tell me it's not.

Posted by: ace at February 04, 2009 02:40 PM (gEsIJ)

36
Speaking of movies, I watched Coogan's Bluff the other night. Clint Eastwood being all bad ass as usual. Pretty good anti-hippie movie. I fucking hate the hippie.

What are some more good anti-hippie movies?

Posted by: Dang at February 04, 2009 02:42 PM (Y5LIx)

37 The Ten Commandments: Part II ?

Posted by: PoconoJoe at February 04, 2009 02:42 PM (qs1Y8)

38 Other Predator triva. They had to have a bodyguard on set guarding Sonny Landon....to protect the other actors and crew from Sonny Landon. I guess he only liked to work with people "who fucking understand artists" as well.

Posted by: Sam at February 04, 2009 02:43 PM (r7vy9)

Like space monkey Gleep.

Damn, now that is pure, snarky awesomeness.

Whoever this ace is, she sure is funny.

Posted by: Ed at February 04, 2009 02:44 PM (OjcQM)

40 I'm still waiting for the Sense and Sensibility remake with zombies and M41A pulse rifles.

C'mon, Jane Austen, sci fi weaponry and the living dead? That's some good family entertainment.

Posted by: IllTemperedCur at February 04, 2009 02:44 PM (kJisp)

List of best remakes

1. The Thing

2. Against All Odds

3. Payback

4. Kiss Before Dying

5. Heat

6. Sorority Sluts Do Vegas

Posted by: polynikes at February 04, 2009 02:45 PM (m2CN7)

42 Whoever this ace is, she sure is funny.

He only posts here about once a week, it seems.

Posted by: IllTemperedCur at February 04, 2009 02:46 PM (kJisp)

Whoever this ace is, she sure is funny.

Yes she is.

Posted by: Judea Pearle, mother of Daniel Pearle at February 04, 2009 02:46 PM (OjcQM)

List of best remakes

7. Dawn of the Dead

Posted by: CanaDave at February 04, 2009 02:47 PM (k9v4E)

45 I think a remake of Soylent Green is most definitely needed.

I love that part where Heston goes "Soylent green is ppppeoooople! Argh!

Posted by: Derak at February 04, 2009 02:52 PM (8wxBZ)

46

These idiots could fuck up a wet dream.

Posted by: Sen. Gov. E. Buzz Miller, PhD at February 04, 2009 02:52 PM (sf4Oe)

They had to do that to keep it within the budget.

List of best remakes

1. The Thing

If you're talking about John Carpenter's remake, it's one of my top-ten favorite movies. Never fails to scare the ever-lovin' crap out of me.

Posted by: katya at February 04, 2009 02:53 PM (oRJZj)

48 Even though it's on one of Nick Denton's pieces of crap, the original post has it entirely right: it's all about the ultimate badass (Ah-nuld) going against the ultimate alien.

They probably won't even put in the great bit with Arnold's big shout of challenge.

Posted by: someone at February 04, 2009 02:55 PM (1wXl7)

49 Hollywood is populated by retards. There are plenty of ideas, but they are too narrow minded and cowardly to break out of their religious mold. I could talk about making movies out of the Coldfire Trilogy but you guys probably think it's ghey so I won't mention it here. And Frank Peretti books would be awesome in movies but there's too much actual Christianity in them for the spineless morons. Peretti's depiction of angels and demons would make them too intense for kids.

Posted by: katya at February 04, 2009 02:58 PM (oRJZj)

50 I don't really view John Carpenter's "The Thing" as a remake. It was really a truer vision of the story "Who Goes There" than the first movie was.

Posted by: Dreagon at February 04, 2009 03:00 PM (X9gLV)

51 I heard they're going to remake Casablanca with Madonna playing Ilsa Lund.

Posted by: Ella at February 04, 2009 03:01 PM (jeP9I)

52 I'm not making that up. I couldn't fabricate anything that horrible.

Posted by: Ella at February 04, 2009 03:01 PM (jeP9I)

If they remake Beau Geste I'm going to be mad. Marty Feldman already made the "Last Remake of Beau Geste" so that's that.

The best remake?

When they remade "Fistful of Dollars" into "Last Man Standing".

Even though they had absolutely no imagination, giving the hero in the second one had a Colt .45, just like in the first one, showed that.

Posted by: Veeshir at February 04, 2009 03:01 PM (ThMnZ)

I heard they're going to remake Casablanca with Madonna playing Ilsa Lund.

Oh, please, say it ain't so. Who's going to do Bogie? Buttface Pitt?

Posted by: katya at February 04, 2009 03:02 PM (oRJZj)

55 katya, I have always thought "The Visitation" would be an *awesome* movie. In fact, I think of that meltdown of Brandon at the end, when he can't keep up the whole Messiah/Jesus shtick, every time I see O! on TV.

Posted by: Ella at February 04, 2009 03:04 PM (jeP9I)

56 I heard they're going to remake Casablanca with Madonna playing Ilsa Lund.

Wouldn't be the first time.

http://tinyurl.com/c8as37

Posted by: IllTemperedCur at February 04, 2009 03:05 PM (kJisp)

57 Sorority Sluts Do Vegas

Shut up. I must have missed that one.

I'm waiting for the remake of Sex Sluts in the Slammer.

Posted by: CUS at February 04, 2009 03:09 PM (wOGfT)

58 katya,

Here's the Daily Mail story from last March:
http://tinyurl.com/borgvb

She's just shopping around the story; so far, it doesn't sound like any studios are taking her up on it. But she wants to play Ilsa and she wants to set it in modern-day Iraq.

It just can't be.

Posted by: Ella at February 04, 2009 03:10 PM (jeP9I)

katya, I have always thought "The Visitation" would be an *awesome* movie. In fact, I think of that meltdown of Brandon at the end, when he can't keep up the whole Messiah/Jesus shtick, every time I see O! on TV.

Oh they did. It's on DVD. Pretty good. Not exactly but pretty close. They made a couple plot changes and character changes but nothing I couldn't live with. I was impressed with it.

Posted by: katya at February 04, 2009 03:10 PM (oRJZj)

I heard they're going to remake Casablanca with Madonna playing Ilsa Lund.

I wouldn't worry too much about that. Everything she does is so forgettable and lightweight, no-one will even remember it happened.

Posted by: Eleven at February 04, 2009 03:11 PM (7DB+a)

She's just shopping around the story; so far, it doesn't sound like any studios are taking her up on it. But she wants to play Ilsa and she wants to set it in modern-day Iraq.

Madonna is such a friggin' moron. Wish she'd go back to Italy and stop slumming around America. Hehe, did you see about 6 months ago when somebody did a thingy on t.v. about how she's getting too old to do 'sex' stuff on videos & the stage? Most of the old folks thought she was awesoma and more power to her. All the teenagers thought it was embarrassing and gross. One girl said, "She's my mother's age." You could tell she was pretty grossed out about it.

Posted by: katya at February 04, 2009 03:15 PM (oRJZj)

62 Meh. Remade Predator, Shremade Shremator. If it doesn't have good lighting, I'm not interested.

Posted by: AnonymousDrivel at February 04, 2009 03:18 PM (sI5Ho)

63 I hope they don't shoot at the Predator. That would just make it mad.

Posted by: The Pleaser at February 04, 2009 03:18 PM (FkL60)

Best part about The Thing: when Mac is testing the petri dishes full of blood, and the wire scrapes against the glass bottom. Even when the test is negative it still scares the crap out of you, because you hear this awful sound. Then Mac finally hits the positive sample just when you're completely off-guard.

Ho. Lee. Crap.

Posted by: Sobek at February 04, 2009 03:19 PM (UefZl)

65 I would give a remake a better chance if it had unknown or little-known actors in it. Once an actor gets to a certain level of fame, it's like they forget how to act. They can only do the same character in every movie they make.

Posted by: katya at February 04, 2009 03:20 PM (oRJZj)

Ho. Lee. Crap.

Heh. My favorite part.

Posted by: katya at February 04, 2009 03:21 PM (oRJZj)

67

RUUUNNNN!!! GET TO DA CHOPPPAAAAHHHH!!!

Posted by: Sen. Gov. E. Buzz Miller, PhD at February 04, 2009 03:21 PM (sf4Oe)

68 I'm waiting for the remake of Sex Sluts in the Slammer.

Posted by: CUS at February 04, 2009 03:09 PM (wOGfT)

No remake but they did make a sequel.

Sex Sluts Get Paroled

Posted by: polynikes at February 04, 2009 03:25 PM (m2CN7)

69 Coming soon, Lawrence of Arabia, starring Jude Law as T.E. Lawrence, and Oded Fehr as Sharif Ali. Directed by Michael Bay, soundtrack by Hans Zimmer with a new hit single by Aerosmith.

Posted by: PaleoMedic at February 04, 2009 03:28 PM (xirX/)

70 2 Jean-Claude Van Damme played the Predator originally

Damn, I swear I thought that was Whoopie Goldberg without makeup.

Posted by: Bawney Fwank at February 04, 2009 03:35 PM (iafWn)

Of course, they wait until Paul Newman passes away to remake ruin the greatest sports movie of all time. Because they know Reg Dunlap would kick their asses for even thinking about it.

May the ghosts of Eddie Shore and Dit Clapper haunt this production and every asshole that even gets close to it. Time to put on the foils...yeah coach, before every game...

Posted by: Hanrahan- your wife's a dyke... at February 04, 2009 03:35 PM (hNhHc)

George Roy Hill- Slap Shot, The Sting, The Great Waldo Pepper, Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid

Who does Hollywood get to replace a legend and feed us the guaranteed shit sandwich that a Slap Shot remake abortion will be?

Dean Parisot- Fun with Dick and Jane, Home Fries and Peter Steinfeld- Analyze That, Be Cool and a couple of other forgettable sequels.

Yeah. It will go straight to video faster than Slap Shot 3: The Junior League. But maybe not. The retard fest that was Adam Sandler's remake of The Longest Yard made $158 million. Film is dead.

Posted by: Ogie Olglethorpe at February 04, 2009 03:57 PM (hNhHc)

73 Van Damme is actually in the finished film. A number of the "invisible" predator shots are him.

Posted by: BeckoningChasm at February 04, 2009 03:59 PM (kLWtB)

My worry about a remake of Predator is that they'll a) gussy it up with a lot of political correctness about global warming or whatever (maybe gay rights), or b) that it will be as utterly unwatchable as the "Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem" film of a year or so ago.

Robert Rodriguez has talent, which gives some hope, but he also has an almost Lucasian tendency to overstuff his film with distracting eye-candy.

Posted by: BeckoningChasm at February 04, 2009 04:02 PM (kLWtB)

75 I wonder who will play Gunga Din* in the remake.

*In the remake of Gunga Din, of course, the Brits will lose to the noble savages after they are betrayed by Mr. Din who has had enough of their cultural imperialism.

Posted by: Nom de Blog at February 04, 2009 04:03 PM (szcvf)

76 And The Rock is in Race To Witch Mountain which is a remake of Escape to Witch Mountain. I guess that might work because it's a kids movie and it's been so long the age group for it now won't even know about the original, i'd guess. Bit it's still just another remake. Movies seem to be going through the phase music did in the 90's when most songs were just samples of older songs with some nitwit talking over it.

Posted by: koopy at February 04, 2009 04:18 PM (bL4cA)

77 Heh, Wiki describes Race To Witch Mountain as "a modern re-imagining of Escape to Witch Mountain". Not a re-make, a "re-imagining". You can just see some Disney tool writing that.

Posted by: koopy at February 04, 2009 04:25 PM (bL4cA)

I only agreed to star in Planet of the Apes so I could be caged with that hot chick.

Posted by: Charleton Heston at February 04, 2009 04:32 PM (eiKW7)

79 This remake actually angers me. That's one of the best pure action movies of all time. And it's nothing without Arnold. "Yoo threw us into a meat-grindaaah!!"

Only way I watch a remake is if the Predator wins.

Posted by: brak at February 04, 2009 04:39 PM (tF/V3)

80 The remake will be a failure unless at least 2 actors become governors.

Posted by: MarkyG at February 04, 2009 04:50 PM (NMLB/)

81 Pelosi + HD = Nosferatu

Posted by: right at February 04, 2009 04:54 PM (EquV1)

82 I wonder who will play Gunga Din* in the remake.

Kumar of course.
(Yes, I know, Kal Penn.)

Posted by: adamthemad at February 04, 2009 04:56 PM (kIjlp)

83 It's Gleek, not Gleep.

Jesus, man. Do some research when you reference the most pivotal member of the Super Friends.

Posted by: Aaron at February 04, 2009 05:09 PM (gftD1)

84 There's already three Predator movies (Predator, Predator 2, Aliens vs. Predator) with little or no continuity between them. A re-make is not needed. Just make another stand-alone Predator movie.

Posted by: Aaron at February 04, 2009 05:14 PM (gftD1)

Remakes are easier to do than original ideas, that's nothing new in Hollywood.

Not all remakes are bad, too. The Bogart-Huston version of "The Maltese Falcon" was actually the third version.

Posted by: BeckoningChasm at February 04, 2009 05:17 PM (kLWtB)

86 I don't know how to break it to you guys, but Predator really isn't that good a movie. Besides being a direct ripoff of 1980's Without Warning (which feature Cameron Mitchell, and future Academy Award winners Jack Palance and Martin Landau), it's corny, the witticisms are strained, and the racism is abhorrent. (I mean, come on, it's pretty blatantly anti-Jamaican.)

More seriously, the point is Rodriguez probably won't actually remake the film. For all the bitching about remakes here, you'd never know that they're really aren't all that many!

Now, if you want to talk franchises, that's a different story. But actual remakes? Last year you had, oh, Death Race--and that's a reach--and The Day The Earth Stood Still, which I think is also a bit of a reach. (I'm not counting foreign language "remakes", or we could include Quarantine as a remake of the Spanish movie Rec, and Mirrors as a remake of the Japanese movie Millols.) Out of some 200-odd films released last year, that's not a lot.

There are a lot more movies made from franchises, like Bond, Batman, Hulk, etc., and I wouldn't expect that to stop. But then, those were some of the best movies made last year, too.

Anyway, Rodriguez is a pretty good fit for a remake, though, if he can keep it tight. Planet Terror was overblown.

Posted by: moviegique at February 04, 2009 05:22 PM (1y5Vr)

87 I've seen the new Predator script and they've done a great job updating it.

The new movie starts in Iraq, where the Predator is ass-raped by al Queda and turned into a suicide bomber.

Then the Predator goes to New York and all hell breaks loose!

Pure awesomeness!

Posted by: rinseandspit at February 04, 2009 05:23 PM (ao5cQ)

88 I'm waiting for the remake of Sex Sluts in the Slammer.

----

No remake but they did make a sequel.

Sex Sluts Get Paroled

----

Didn't they round that trilogy out with Sex Slut Recidivist?

Posted by: moviegique at February 04, 2009 05:24 PM (1y5Vr)

Jean-Claude Van Damme played the Predator originally
...
Damn, I swear I thought that was Whoopie Goldberg without makeup.

I thought it was Venus Williams.

If you're talking about John Carpenter's remake, it's one of my top-ten favorite movies. Never fails to scare the ever-lovin' crap out of me.

My favorite scene/line is when the spider legs sprout from the guy's severed head and it crawls away: "You gotta be fucking kidding me."

Posted by: slug at February 04, 2009 05:31 PM (n8Nln)

90 Anyway, Rodriguez is a pretty good fit for a remake, though, if he can keep it tight. Planet Terror was overblown.

As much as I like Rodriguez, he'd have done better with Planet Terror if he'd spent more time working the film than working his leading lady. IYKWIMAITTYD.

Posted by: IllTemperedCur at February 04, 2009 05:35 PM (kJisp)

91 Perhaps, Mr. Cur. Or perhaps you are just ill-tempered. Or both.

Anyway, I did forget one other remake, that of Luce's "The Women". I'm sure you understand.

Oh, also, as far as small monsters go, I believe Roger Corman learned about not making the monster smaller than the leading lady back when he shot It Conquered The World. Damn alien looks like Sigmund and the Sea Monsters.

Posted by: moviegique at February 04, 2009 05:40 PM (1y5Vr)

92 "the parts of Robocop that really elevated it above the ordinary" In which I would include 1) unprecedentedly bitter cynical portrayal of human nature and institutions, 2) extraordinarily hateful villians, 3) scenes of torture and violence that shock even today. Both Robocop 1 and 2 highly recommended.

Posted by: gp at February 04, 2009 06:09 PM (X3X3b)

Race To Witch Mountain which is a remake of Escape to Witch Mountain. I guess that might work because it's a kids movie and it's been so long the age group for it now won't even know about the original, i'd guess. Bit it's still just another remake.

Actually, we watched this a month ago and I thought then that it seriously needed a remake. 70's special effects are so cheesy. BTW: I read the book when I was a kid and it was different and much better than the movie.

Posted by: katya at February 04, 2009 06:42 PM (oRJZj)

94 @92: Yeah, but any porn???

Posted by: CoolCzech at February 04, 2009 06:56 PM (iafWn)

95 "Anyway, Rodriguez is a pretty good fit for a remake, though, if he can keep it tight."

You mean, "Rodriguez would do a good job, if he manages something he's never before accomplished"?

The man's a self-indulgent hack. Always has been.

Posted by: someone at February 04, 2009 07:32 PM (1wXl7)

96 It's well known among people that spend years of their lives reading about movie trivia.....people kind of like.........uh.......ME.........that Van Damme was the original Predator.

Not only that, after just a few days of filming people were so TIRED of listening to him bitch and whine about how hot it was in that bodysuit the crew couldn't WAIT to get rid of him.

The fact the Predator wasn't really looking anything like what they expected also helped Special Effects coordinator Stan Winston to scrap the old suit (and the whiny punk inside it) and start over.

Kevin Peter Hall was cast as the new improved Predator, and did a good job in the newly designed suit, which has been the basis for all the Predator related stuff since (Predator 2, Aliens vs Predator, not to mention the comic book novels)

Posted by: Replicator at February 04, 2009 07:36 PM (uSh7j)

97 Hm, never heard about the VanDamme angle. I can see what they were trying to do, and it was a clever idea. Pit the gigantic, musclebound macho men against a lithe, agile monster from space who beats them all except Arnie who has to get clever to win. It just doesn't work on film.

Posted by: Christopher Taylor at February 04, 2009 07:37 PM (PQY7w)

98 Good points about the villians in Robocop.

Kurtwood Smith's portrayal of super-manic criminal Clarence Boddicker is so over the top any subsequent role he has ever had, I keep waiting for him to start saying stuff like:

"Can you fly, Bobby?"

"Cops don't like me.........so I..........don't like..............cops."

"Just gimme my fuckin' phone call!"

Posted by: Replicator at February 04, 2009 07:40 PM (uSh7j)

99 On other childhood rapage fronts, Disney is finally getting around to making A Princess of Mars, which has never actually been done before. It's being made by Pixar people (but not actual the actual studio). I can't imagine Disney getting bloody swordfights and nekkid alien princesses right, though. I dearly love everything Edgar Rice Burroughs, and if they fuck it up into some PC shitfest...

Posted by: Captain Atom at February 04, 2009 07:42 PM (Hwnlj)

100 ERB's Warlord of Mars has been kicking around studios in one form or another for decades.

Back in the early 1990's I remember hearing that TOM CRUISE was looking to get a project going and it died in development.

The fact that the books are highly violent with bloody sword fights and half naked 'red' women means Disney is probably going to drop most of the things that made the books cool.

Then again, they did a bang up job with Pocahantas - remember how the women's lib groups howled that they make Pocahantas waaaay too hot, like a Playboy bunny in a leather dress?

Posted by: Replicator at February 04, 2009 07:50 PM (uSh7j)

101

" I don't know how to break it to you guys, but Predator really isn't that good a movie."

Only a typical slack jawed faggot would say such bullshit.

Posted by: Senator, Advisor Rev. Dr. E. Buzz Miller at February 04, 2009 07:55 PM (cTHpq)

102 Rodriguez was excellent writing and directing El Mariachi, Roadracers, and the first 2/3rds of Desperado. The problem was that before he finished writing Desperado, everyone in Hollywood started sucking him off and throwing money at him. Without any constraints of money or ego, he became a swarthier version of Michael Bay. Seriously, watch Desperado right up until he calls his buddies, then turn it off.

Posted by: wooga at February 04, 2009 08:00 PM (2p0e3)

103 Butch Cassidy could actual stand to be remade - the music was horrible, and the filming wasn't anything spectacular. It's just a good script and great acting.

Panic in the Year Zero still works - and could even be the template for a zombie flick.

I Am Legend needs to be remade to actually follow the fucking book. He's supposed to turn out to be a guilt ridden villain at the end, not a martyr. Of course, that would require casting a lead actor who isn't a self-absorbed douche. "Aw hell no!"

Posted by: wooga at February 04, 2009 08:08 PM (2p0e3)

104 As long as none of the actors in the new Predator run for office afterward. They make shitty governors.

Posted by: Ostral B Heretic at February 04, 2009 08:20 PM (id7IM)

105 The socialist asshats are re-deconstructing as many popular movies as they can so that when they finally get to impose their brave new skittletopia upon us they can demonstrate that all the movies known by 'those names' sucked balls. Potentially subversive cinematic moments chronicling the beginning of the end (i.e. the Carter era), will just disappear along with all memories of the original movies they were encoded in.

Move along folks and don't forget to eat your soylent rainbow peace wafers on your way to the mandatory screening of Planet of the Bonobos who are just as equal as humans XXIV.

Posted by: monkeyfan at February 04, 2009 08:25 PM (cEE8N)

106 SOYLENT GREEN IS PEOPLE!!!!!!

Posted by: Julia Child at February 04, 2009 08:37 PM (fh07K)

107 I know, my dear!

Posted by: Hannibal Lector at February 04, 2009 08:37 PM (fh07K)

108 100-

Actually, Rodriguez was attached to the project about 5 years ago, then Kerry Conran, then Favreau. Before that Disney started on models for an animated version in the 90s, but cancelled it because it was public domain, and they couldn't get 5 cents everytime "John Carter" appeared on something.

It made it to story board status in the 70s under American International, intending to star Troy...err, Doug McClure, and probably Caroline Munro as Dejah Thoris, who would have been perfect. Bob Clampett animation tried to get it off the ground in the 30s and 40s.

And if it does get off the ground, 90% of the people who see it will think it is a ripoff of Star Wars, even though the opposite (via Flash Gordon) is true.

Posted by: Captain Atom at February 04, 2009 08:40 PM (Hwnlj)

109 Only a typical slack jawed faggot would say such bullshit.

Excuse me, Mister Reverend Doctor E Buzz Miller--if that is your real name--I am hardly typical.

Posted by: moviegique at February 04, 2009 09:05 PM (1y5Vr)

110 You mean, "Rodriguez would do a good job, if he manages something he's never before accomplished"?

The man's a self-indulgent hack. Always has been.

Well, okay, but sometimes that works. In fact, sometimes it works every time. (See Cameron, James.)

Posted by: moviegique at February 04, 2009 09:07 PM (1y5Vr)

111 It's Gleek damnit, not Gleep. How could you misspell the name of one of the greatest cartoon characters ever? Zan and Jayna are gonna have to open a can of whoop ass on you right after she transforms into a vulture and he transforms into a bucket of water.

Posted by: Bob at February 04, 2009 09:21 PM (ZYUqU)

112 Predator: The Musical

Posted by: eman at February 04, 2009 09:59 PM (ZsOIJ)

113 Random trivia about remakes - there was virtually no continuation from Death Race 2000 to "Death Race".

The new movie was actually based on a shareware video game from the 90s called "Death Rally." Right down to the cars (Come on, a Porsche?). And being on tracks with obstacles instead of cross-country. And armor and defense and offense and powerups...

It was more than kind of sad.

Posted by: Merovign at February 04, 2009 10:30 PM (or0jG)

114 Yeah, yea, blah, blah. Over 100 comments & nobody mentions how hot Rose McGowan is??!!

Posted by: Rickter at February 04, 2009 10:36 PM (bWaxS)

115 Look DISNEY remade AROUND THE WORLD IN 80 DAYS and it was pretty crappy i understand they even remade INCREIDIBLE JOURNEY and THAT DARN CAT and crapped them up with real stupid pet tricks

Posted by: Spurwing Plover at February 04, 2009 10:46 PM (O5Rlm)

116 "Robocop" and "Predator" prove that 1987 was the greatest year in testosterone cinema history.

Now, to all you anal-retentives bitching about English being spoken in sci-fi films, especially Planet of the Apes - have you ever kissed a girl? If it makes you feel better, here's a mildly logical post-rationalization: they're not speaking English in these movies. The human, English-speaking character and the aliens are using pantomime, body language and other non-verbal cues to get their message across, but since that would be tedious as shit to watch, the filmmaker "translates" it as English. And if the timeframe of the movie is long, we can assume they're learning each other's speech.

This annoys me almost as much as people who complain that American actors don't have accents when playing foreigners. You know why Tom Cruise doesn't have a German accent in Valkyrie? Because he's speaking fuckin' German. Germans don't speak German with a German accent, they just speak German. They speak English with a German accent.

Posted by: Dave S. at February 05, 2009 10:57 AM (z0CuT)

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