1

HAH!

 

2 Gisele Bundchen is no longer the "most requested" bod for plastic surgery patients.  Personally, I think that if we created an army of Nazi Superwomen - with Gisele at the helm - we could rule the world with an iron fist . . . and bra.  They are the prefect weapon. 

3 thanks for the instructions Moron!

4 "can hit beer cans or filthy city pigeons future urban food sources at 50 feet.”

K

5 Kestrel - After the bailouts, that's all we'll have left.

6 The perfect weapon?

A make-'em-crap ray. Nobody will fight with their pants full. Nobody.

7 Hmm.

Well, thanks for the explanation.

So, this is totally off-topic, but....

8 "Gisele Bundchen"

I want her nose. Or, anybody else's, for that matter. It'd just be fucking nice to have a nose again.

9 Pranksters Hack Highway Sign To Warn Of Approaching Zombies

Awesome.

10 Too many instructions. We're not putting together some Ikea craptastic kitchen here. Are we? I didn't read that shit.

11 I've got a better SLAM for you. This gives my inner Curtis LeMay a raging hard-on. See photos and specs... "Power is one-half the power output of Boulder Dam."

12 I think the post at Iowahawk with Obama trying to go through the window right next to a classic Far Side cartoon is some seriously funny shit. As is the tax guys column. Damn, that man's satire is solid platinum.

13

9 Pranksters Hack Highway Sign To Warn Of Approaching Zombies

Awesome.

Funny as hell. It's goin' straight to Krakatoa. He runs the in-house zombie research dept. He'll know what to do with it.

14 "Damn, that man's satire is solid platinum."

I agree. When you get a chance, drop a dime in the tip jar. But, fair warning, just like Ace, he doesn't bother with a thank-you.

Either the money's rolling in too fast for a "thanks," or geniuses of their caliber can't break stride.

Anyway, God and Paypal (like there's a difference) know how we support our heroes.

15 And God and Paypal know the difference between a post and a sockpuppet....

16 Who you callin' drunk...

17 Anyone else enjoy running over squirrels? I haven't done it yet but it's been highly recommended to me.

What's all this sockpuppet talk about? I hate paying attention. It makes me feel out of the loop. Who's the puppet?

18 "Who you callin' drunk..."

Um.

Who you askin?

Or, who's askin' whom?

'Cos I'm willing to call you, and the horse you rode in on ... wait, were you riding?

Never mind. But there's some serious drunks around here.

19 I saw this at NRO. Culture11 is going under?
It's a culturally conservative site? I never even heard of it, anybody else?

20 Amanda,

Just so you know, the real Michael Jackson didn't post on this thread.

That was me, pretending to be him, earlier in this thread.

But, if he had posted, I like to believe that he would have said something very like what I said. He's a mensch. A fine broth of a lad. Really.

21 "It's a culturally conservative site? I never even heard of it, anybody else?"

I'm thinking that's a good chunk of its problem....

22 I believe that squirrels are pure evil and I think they are a sleeper cell waiting to be activated. Speaking of that, the map of sleeper cells in the US made me realize that I'd better practice bending over and kissing my ass good-bye because apparently Washington state is a seething cesspool of Jihad wannabes. Well, not to mention the crazy ELF people and the WTO anarchists, and the ricin taunting nutjobs. And probably some PETA conspirators, unless they are too busy fucking the broccoli to carry out terrorist acts.

23

Noooooooooo    eqdf k    RAA567  dkei wkl  TROPIS,

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24

I'm watching "Gangs of New York" on the TV.

Does anybody else really, really want to beat the living dogshit out of Leonardo DiCaprio?

I mean, right at this moment, I would give up my house, car, and pretty much everything else I own, just to pound the shit out of that little prick.

25 genghis,

I'm sorry.

No. I mean really; I'm sorry.

No, seriously man, I'm fucking sorry.

Seriously.

And you're beautiful.

I mean that.

And not in a ghey kind of way.

You're the sort of human being who's, well, beautiful.

Seriously.

And I'm sorry.

And I'm not especially drunk.

And I love you, man, but not in a ghey way.

Really.

26 Dood, why the confuse? So unnecessary. I accept you speaking for the prince of darkness.

For me, sockpuppetry has always been multiple personality trolling. Nothing to do with your channeling perverts. I like Caligula. Can you do him, too?

I'm so feeling Agrippina tonight.

27

Psycho Squirel is giving me the heebie jeebies. That stare those eyes    I can't take it AHHHAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Sombody stop him.

28

22I believe that squirrels are pure evil and I think they are a sleeper cell waiting to be activated. Speaking of that, the map of sleeper cells in the US made me realize that I'd better practice bending over and kissing my ass good-bye because apparently Washington state is a seething cesspool of Jihad wannabes. Well, not to mention the crazy ELF people and the WTO anarchists, and the ricin taunting nutjobs. And probably some PETA conspirators, unless they are too busy fucking the broccoli to carry out terrorist acts.

I think you've pretty much just described the mayor, city council and the King County council. Did I leave anyone out?

29 "I like Caligula. Can you do him, too?"

Well, I did him years ago, but my ass hurt for weeks afterwards. And, since I'm straight, it didn't hurt in a good way.

But he paid good. Real good.

30

19

what did you ask about Culture 11. Oh yeah sure I log on all the time Uh yeah member that post about uh you know the culture and stuff hey really good culture you know 11 was good there too and stuff

31 Pfft! May the squirrel eat your left eyeball while pissing in your nostrils.

32 That Zombie road sign warning was not a hack. Austin has been a festering hotbed of zombie activity ever since the hippies started outnumbering real Texans in that area.

It's a little known fact that patchouli, when mixed with the correct amount of drug-induced stupor and heat, produces a particularly repulsive (though relatively harmless) genus of zombie.

Zombie Pacificus.

The best defense is to treat them like a real man deals with a speed bump. Slow down to 35, square your wheels to avoid loss of control, and accelerate off the initial impact.

33

And you're beautiful.

I mean that.

And not in a ghey kind of way.

You're the sort of human being who's, well, beautiful.

Oh please. I hear that shit all the time. Send me money and I'll believe it.

I do kind of exude (or maybe extrude) Skittles and rainbows though. Which has been kind of a problem at recent project meetings. But that's a problem for the overnight janitorial service to deal with.

34 Bundchen is overrated, too thin. Aria Giovanni, THERE'S a body for you. Kyla Cole, perhaps, Sasha Monet...Angela Jennings who's not in porn but is a booth babe and demonstration shooter for Aimpoint Optics....

Porn stars tend to have better bodies than fashion models. Why? Porn is made by straight men. The fashion industry is run by gay men, who all want to fuck male teenagers, so they want their women curveless.

35 Wow, been hearing about a lot of layoffs today.  I guess they don't even make the news anymore.  Now just as the guy said on the radio, big law firms are being hit by the economy.

36 Seeing as how we're all drunk, let's watch some drunk history: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YjZR1Rjj_p0

37 "Send me money and I'll believe it."

Sorry. I mean, seriously, sorry.

I feel so damn sorry; I might as well be Martin fucking Mull on Late Nite TV sorry.

But, money? Sorry.

38

On squirrels and other critters:

 

It is in the rich tradition of the Native American to name people after animals to illustrate personality traits and features.  Names like “Ten Bears” paint a vivid picture like nothing else can.

 

So it is with the Obama circus that just hit town, with their tax cheats, pardon providers and traveling Global Warming salesmen.  If we use animal terms, there are the usual tigers and lions of course, but also enough snakes, weasels and lap dogs to round out the farm.  It is high time we address more descriptive names for these people and their titles in the Indian way – like calling the new Chief of Staff: “Horse Facing Away” for example, or changing the title of the “Secretary of Energy” to “Secretary of Graft and Corruption.”

 

We respond to the Russian bear with the American squirrel, and so on.

 

Lincoln gathered a similar eclectic group of rival rabble for his own Cabinet we are constantly instructed.  These days, the comparisons of Obama to Lincoln are ubiquitous, to the extent that some must think the only difference between Obama and Lincoln is the buffalo beard. (Sorry).

 

But Obama served himself an extra helping from time to time I can’t forget, doubling his wife’s already considerable pay in close proximity to millions in Federal earmarks being directed to her employer by the One himself. In animal terms, this would be the hyena without a doubt, both from the laughter at the comparison to Lincoln, and the animal’s ability to lunch on the provision of others.  (Once started, animal comparisons can be hard to stop).

 

I am reminded of the many stories about Honest Abe, including the one in which he was thought to have walked many miles to return a few cents in change to a recipient who did not expect it. A true Elephant he - in memory and temperament not just ears - and as loyal to the public trust as a puppy.  Also from Illinois he came, but a bit before “Pay to Play” had got a good foothold.

 

So it is not without some thought that I write now to seek to bury these Lincoln comparisons for once and all, and to replace them with the new animal associations.  And it is not Rush we need to lead this effort – I fear the time has come for the return of Tarzan.

39 34 Bundchen is overrated, too thin. Aria Giovanni, THERE'S a body for you. Kyla Cole, perhaps, Sasha Monet...Angela Jennings who's not in porn but is a booth babe and demonstration shooter for Aimpoint Optics....
Posted by: SGT Dan at January 29, 2009 02:55 AM (UWbv/)

Dammit, how about some links?  Do you expect us morons to look this shit up ourselves?

40 genghis, did you get an email account set up for teh overnight tips? 

41 There were only two of us left after the hunt was over.  The entire Special Tactics Unit Battalion was wiped out, just so BushHitlerMcCheneyBurton could get their giant pelt.  That was when I knew we were the terrorists.  No more blood for pelts!!1!1

42 40 genghis, did you get an email account set up for teh overnight tips?

Never mind.  It's old.

43 Oh noes, I killed the thread.

44 It's only mostly dead. 

I killed one deader than shit over at The Hostages.

45 Squirrels?  Pffttt.  

Never underestimate the viciousness of chipmunks.

46 If I had one of them future weapons this thread would be deader than shit.  Alas, all I had was a stupid boxing glove arrow.

47

Amanda "Babe" Carpenter  along with Jim DeMint warning of a new stealth campaign by the Commiecrats to boost big labor and the card check with even more poison pill bullshit.

48

Just went downstairs for breakfast and turned on the TV while eating and there was Amanda Carpenter on O’Reilly which I do not normally watch. But lo and behold they were showing the Peta faux Superbowl commercial with the vegetable sex.

 

It was just like we said here, they knew that the news people would show it for free. O’Reilly the scum bucket even said this but he still showed it.

49

Couldn't fucking sleep.

Tried counting sheep.

Mostly though, I watched my AIG

account turn in to rolling papers.

But I don't smoke weed.

It was gonna be a nice future.

 

50

From the earlier bailout thread:

One post has over 7k comments on it. I think the house Republicans, by showing some guts, are having an impact.........at least mentally on the tards.

Posted by: Jubal Anderson Early at January 28, 2009 11:12 PM (krKUp)

7,000?  My Gawd, it feels like I'm standing on a wall with several hundred or so conservatives watching the hordes of Isengard swarming towards us.

51

I would agree, BUT, as I remember it, the house Republicans also voted down the first bailout bill and when the Senate added it back to an already passed pork bill they then voted yes for it.

They just can not resist pork. I guess we will see after the spineless aisle crossers in the Senate pass it and send it back to the house with a “few modifications” to give them cover.

52 One post with 7,000 comments referring to Arianna Huffington's little trollhole.

53

>Overnight’s sort of a “free-fire” zone for insomniacs, night shift workers slacking off,

 

FINALLY some respect!

54

Just went downstairs for breakfast and turned on the TV while eating and there was Amanda Carpenter on O’Reilly which I do not normally watch. But lo and behold they were showing the Peta faux Superbowl commercial with the vegetable sex.

 

It was just like we said here, they knew that the news people would show it for free. O’Reilly the scum bucket even said this but he still showed it.

Posted by: Vic at January 29, 2009 05:50 AM (f6os6)

 

People are curious, yes, but not for the message. The story on this ad is the hot sexy quotient, so that's what people are looking at. And if God didn't want us to eat animals, why did He make them out of meat?

55

People are curious, yes, but not for the message. The story on this ad is the hot sexy quotient, so that's what people are looking at.

 

Of course, and Peta is counting on that.

56

People are curious, yes, but not for the message. The story on this ad is the hot sexy quotient, so that's what people are looking at. And if God didn't want us to eat animals, why did He make them out of meat?

Posted by: Jones in CO: night shift worker slacking off at January 29, 2009 06:54

Well, PETA apparently believes God made vegetables to give us something to fuck.

57

Well, PETA apparently believes God made vegetables to give us something to fuck

 

Well, I guess that depends on what religion the Peta member is. Some religions, it appears, believe that he made sheep, goats, and camels for that purpose.

58

I'm watching "Gangs of New York" on the TV.

Does anybody else really, really want to beat the living dogshit out of Leonardo DiCaprio?

I would,  but he looks just like David Gilmour when he was younger.  I can't.  I.  Just.  Can't.  ( Falls to the ground,  weeping bitterly... )

59

Pranksters Hack Highway Sign To Warn Of Approaching Zombies

...what don't you morons get about the parable of "The Boy Who Cried Wolf"?

This is seriously irresponsible shit.

60 If we're talking about hot women, and, really, we should be, may I suggest Carla Gugino?  I shamefully admit that I am so going to see Race to Witch Mountain.  Carla *and* Mr. The Rock Sir?  Yes, please!

61

From Istapundit: When Obama was asked by the Republicans in the House to include more tax reductions in his stimulous bill, he said:

"Feel free to whack me over the head because I probably will not compromise on that part."  He apparently added: " I understand that and I will watch you on Fox News and feel bad about myself."

There is a technical term for this: "Fucking arrogant asshole get kicked in the balls on his fucking honeymoon."

62 We all need to contact our senator and let them know..NO BAILOUT.

63 How culturally conservative could they be, if they were slamming Sarah, and practically drooling over Obama during the entire campaign. One prominent
commenter, was crying because Tim G, was in trouble because he didn't pay his taxes, Good riddance to bad bad rubbish.

64

Yesterday on Fox Cavuto made a statement to the affect that he said he would not “compromise on the tax cut for low income people” e.g. the EIC welfare provision. It would be interesting to know what he really said he would not compromise on. A real tax cut or just the welfare provisions.

 

What I am really scared of is that what will happen with this “stimulus” is the same thing that happened the original bailout. They larded this thing up with every conceivable piece of communist shit that they have been wanting since that fuck-tard FDR started moldering in his rotten grave and then removed a couple of the more onerous provisions, like billions for ACORN for the sake of “bipartisanship” and the squishy Retards like Gramnasty can point at that and say “Behold they have compromised, we must march forth and meet them half-way”.

 

The difference is that this time all it has to do is pass in the Senate and that is it. They do not need a single Repug vote for this to pass. The Repugs would have to filibuster in the Senate and I don’t see that happening. I just want to see how many squishies vote for this POS.

 

Aldo yesterday on Fox Mort the Short Shit said that if the Repubs continued to be “obstructionists” it would hurt them. What a dumb SOB. How could actually voting conservative hurt them any worse than voting liberal in the past two years has done.

65 The Slingshot website as removed the PS-52 Lasar Sited Sling Shot.  I was going to buy one but I guess it's too late.

66

I think the post at Iowahawk with Obama trying to go through the window right next to a classic Far Side cartoon is some seriously funny shit. As is the tax guys column. Damn, that man's satire is solid platinum.

 

I seemed to have missed that being plastered all over the news. Did that cockmunch on the Daily Shitshow say anything about it? If it was Bush walking into a window it would have been on a 24 hour loop.

67

I don't know if it's in the slide show but I still say the best Future Weapons weapon was the AA-12.

Go to youtube and search for Auto Assault 12. A full auto .12g shotgun.

68 When the better half saw the little critters for the first time in our backyard she squealed with delight that they were oh so cute. Not so much now. When the little fuckers started digging into the flower pots looking for their stash, she was ready to make some critter stew.

69 Read on MSN headines: Obama is writing a letter to Iran.  We're saved!

70 Fox news is awaiting Michelle Obama's first White House reception.  Can't wait to see what she's wearing.

71 This is off topic, but does anyone know what the best solvent is for dissolving a human body?

I need something that will not hurt the finish on my tub, but that will also break up all the DNA strands.

72

This is off topic, but does anyone know what the best solvent is for dissolving a human body?

I need something that will not hurt the finish on my tub, but that will also break up all the DNA strands.

I hear hog manure is pretty effective.  Don't know what that'll do to your tub, though.

73 Blagojevich to give passionate speech that he worked on all night.  Pass the popcorn!

74 The Il dems might need the valu-rite to make it through the speech. wonder what tricks he has in store for us

75 This is off topic, but does anyone know what the best solvent is for dissolving a human body?

Besides Val-U-Rite?

76

Liberalism.

Oops, my mistake. I thought you said "best solvent for dissolving a human mind".

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