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| Media Stupid: Marvel Set to Debut World's "First" Gay SuperheroExcept, you know, the story is a lie. Marvel has an interest in the lie-- publicity. The media has an interest in the lie -- a silly story with a grabby headline. The first (AFAIK) Marvel gay superhero was a guy I think namedComments1
Is he the first "title" character?
Posted by: Knemon at January 14, 2009 03:18 PM (EBY+H) Posted by: Techie at January 14, 2009 03:18 PM (906oR) 3
Why does a superhero have to be gay?
Posted by: Captain Hope at January 14, 2009 03:19 PM (0eJbm) 4
Aquaman shared a love that can't be named
Posted by: toby928 at January 14, 2009 03:19 PM (PD1tk) 5
Not Polaris. Northstar is the gay member of Alpha Flight. Polaris is the green-haired girl with magnetic powers who was the girlfriend of Cyclops' brother Havok.
Posted by: Bridget at January 14, 2009 03:20 PM (9BrAV) 6
It was Northstar, but there were gay superheroes in "Watchmen". There's been a gay superhero in "The Authority". And Thor's always seemed a bit light in the loafers.
Posted by: jac at January 14, 2009 03:20 PM (orS1c) 7
I thought Captain America was the first Gay superhero.
Posted by: Robert at January 14, 2009 03:21 PM (V+ylD) 8
Yeah, Marvel made Northstar, their first gay superhero, as part of the Canadian Alpha Flight. Though in the Ultimate Marvel series, Colossus is also gay and banging Northstar.
Posted by: DoDoGuRu at January 14, 2009 03:21 PM (xBkZj) 9
How soon they forget.
Posted by: Ace & Gary at January 14, 2009 03:22 PM (MMC8r) 10
Thanks, Bridget. I was coming here to give that correction.
Posted by: Shillelagh at January 14, 2009 03:24 PM (Oz4Bj) 11
LOL ace and gary.
Posted by: ace at January 14, 2009 03:25 PM (/SI8o) 12
Which is why I theorized Adam West was the first gay superhero. Anyone who didn't jump Julie Newmar back in the day had issues.
Posted by: JWF at January 14, 2009 03:25 PM (1l37M) Posted by: payaso at January 14, 2009 03:25 PM (Gn/r1) 14
Thanks bridget... polaris, northstar... I guess you understand my brainglitch.
Alpha Flight was f'n' lame. Posted by: ace at January 14, 2009 03:26 PM (/SI8o) 15
Awwee shit. Ace and Gary beat me to it. (no pun intended) I use to kinda be embarassed to watch Ace & Gary and laugh out loud at some of their shit. I'm kinda embarrassed to be typing this right now in fact. I'm not homophobic though. Not completely. Posted by: pendejo grande at January 14, 2009 03:26 PM (PaRC/) Posted by: Darling at January 14, 2009 03:26 PM (VUOGC) 17
These clowns have never heard of Robin? And I've got my doubts about the ol' Dark Knight too, IYKWISAITYD.
Posted by: Buttpirates of Penzance at January 14, 2009 03:27 PM (wgLRl) 18
The sexuality of Super Heroes is now more important than either the Super or the Hero. God help us all. And will his real identity be as a decorator?
Posted by: dfbaskwill at January 14, 2009 03:27 PM (4L5Tl) 19
Yeah, getting superhero names mixed up is a great way to get us geeks out of the closet.... Posted by: Bridget at January 14, 2009 03:28 PM (9BrAV) 20
First of all, it's 'Thuperhero', not superhero. Second, just being gay or protesting in favor of gays in gay neighborhoods makes you a real-life hero.
Posted by: t-bird at January 14, 2009 03:28 PM (FcR7P) Posted by: Jayne Cobb at January 14, 2009 03:28 PM (+MtXg) 22
Were the teletubbies not superheros? What about the smurfs? I know one of them dudes had some dick in him at one time or another.
Posted by: pendejo grande at January 14, 2009 03:29 PM (PaRC/) 23
That's so not true it's not even funny.
Posted by: alexthechick at January 14, 2009 03:30 PM (SHHaV) 24
Superman was a newspaperman. What is this guys cover? Interior decorator? Ewok blogger?
Posted by: hutch1200 at January 14, 2009 03:30 PM (07u+3) Posted by: A. Hitler at January 14, 2009 03:30 PM (Hj9yW) 26
I bought an Alpha Flight sometime around 1984 (I was 10), one of the only singles I've ever purchased. I wonder if teh ghey was there and it went over my head.
Posted by: tachyonshuggy at January 14, 2009 03:31 PM (TXp3z) 27
What about the smurfs? I know one of them dudes had some dick in him at one time or another.
Understandable. With only one Smurfette to go around, Smurf villiage might as well have been a British Man-o-war. Lots of blue balls there, lots. Posted by: toby928 at January 14, 2009 03:31 PM (PD1tk) 28
I think Avengers Great lakes ( a spin-off of Avengers west coast) had a gay member that could flatten himself "mat man" or something. This was like the early eighties, he must've been the first.
Posted by: Mighty Mick at January 14, 2009 03:32 PM (kOQDM) Posted by: mojo at January 14, 2009 03:32 PM (g1cNf) 30
OOOOH! Butfucker heroes.
Posted by: Shaitan at January 14, 2009 03:32 PM (65WaW) 31
When will there be a gay president?
Maybe there's already been one and we don't know it. (I won't venture any guesses). OT: Judge rules Bernie Madoff can stay free on bail and continue to feed the UPS trucks lined up and down the street in front of his apartment with all the loot and bearer bonds he can get his hands on to ship to the the Cayman Islands and his Swiss bank account. Posted by: SlaveDog at January 14, 2009 03:32 PM (H6Jyg) 32
*cough
Posted by: Buttfucker Man at January 14, 2009 03:32 PM (wWwJR) 33
I always thought Scott Summers aka Cyclops was 'teh ghey.'
Of course, 16 years ago, my brother and I referred to him as 'another name' whenever we would watch the 'X-Men' cartoons and he would act, invariably, very gay. not that there's anything wrong with that. Posted by: icemike at January 14, 2009 03:36 PM (QyYSk) 34
I was first!
Posted by: BroadwayChoreographerMan at January 14, 2009 03:37 PM (8mMXS) 35
Will he be called Fabulous Man?
Posted by: Fernandozer at January 14, 2009 03:39 PM (uHvsp) 36
we're treacherous trio, we're
the serious joint
a from sun to sun and from day to day i sit down and write a brand new rhyme because they say that miracles never cease i've created a devastating masterpiece i'm gonna rock the mike til you cant resist everybody, i say it goes like this well i was comin home late one dark afternoon a reporter stopped me for a interview she said she's heard stories and she's heard fables that i'm vicious on the mike and the turntables this young reporter i did adore so i rocked a vicious rhyme like i never did before she said damn fly guy im in love with you the casanova legend must have been true i said by the way baby what's your name said i go by the name of lois lane and you could be my boyfiend you surely can just let me quit my boyfriend called superman i said he's a fairy i do suppoose flyin through the air in pantyhose he may be very sexy or even cute but he looks like a sucker in a blue and red suit i said you need a man who's got finesse and his whole name across his chest he may be able to fly all through the night but can he rock a party til the early light he cant satisfy you with his little worm but i can bust you out with my super sperm i go do it, i go do it, i go do it, do it , do it an i'm here an i'm there i'm big bang hank, im everywhere just throw your hands up in the air and party hardy like you just dont care let's do it dont stop yall a tick a tock yall you dont stop go hotel motel what you gonna do today(say what) im gonna get a fly girl gonna get some spank drive off in a def oj Posted by: SugerHill Gang at January 14, 2009 03:39 PM (AQj/2) 37
Weirdest thing is it's not even a comic, but a TV show.
Posted by: trw at January 14, 2009 03:39 PM (/Mtjv) 38
Handiman could kick gay superhero man's ass in the battle of oppressed minorities. Posted by: polynikes at January 14, 2009 03:40 PM (m2CN7) 39
Well, he may have saved Metropolis. But then he sped around the planet, back in time, and fucked me and the pony in the ass at my 7th birthday party.
Posted by: hutch1200 at January 14, 2009 03:40 PM (07u+3) Posted by: pendejo grande at January 14, 2009 03:42 PM (PaRC/) 41
I understand stand that his costume will be just faaaaaaabulous.
Posted by: TheQuietMan at January 14, 2009 03:42 PM (1Jaio) 42
There was a tranny bisexual super hero named Herpes - The Flaming Pucker that appeared in the 1980s. Posted by: Dang at January 14, 2009 03:42 PM (Y5LIx) Posted by: Darling at January 14, 2009 03:43 PM (VUOGC) 44
Will he be called Fabulous Man? Nah, they're just going with the simpler Gayman. Dahh dahh daaaaaaahhhh... "Heeeeeeere I come to save the daaaaaaaaay... and I look faaaaaabulouuuuuus!" *eats* Posted by: Grue in the Attic at January 14, 2009 03:44 PM (k58xs) 45
They made Richard Simmons a comic book hero?
Posted by: Unclefacts at January 14, 2009 03:44 PM (M+Vfm) 46
Alert us when they get to trannies...
Posted by: doug at January 14, 2009 03:47 PM (I6iFS) Posted by: Ace & Gary at January 14, 2009 03:49 PM (MMC8r) 48
James Buchanan was supposedly our first gay president.
Posted by: Ginger at January 14, 2009 03:50 PM (nsb+C) 49
how long 'til ace shuts down the comments?
Posted by: icemike at January 14, 2009 03:50 PM (QyYSk) 50
Hold it- the capes, the masks, the colors...are there any superheroes who AREN'T gay?
Posted by: t-bird at January 14, 2009 03:52 PM (FcR7P) 51
The Fabulous Fist, and his loyal sidekick The Skin Flute.
Posted by: FreakyBoy at January 14, 2009 03:53 PM (4s1it) 52
Don't forget his "sidekick" - Gobsmackingly Excitable Boy!!!
Posted by: Andi Sullivan at January 14, 2009 03:55 PM (4o6vo) 53
There are rumors that President James Buchanan, Democrat, was gay. To date, he was the only bachelor President.
Posted by: Naqamel at January 14, 2009 03:59 PM (UMwMT) 54
Understandable. With only one Smurfette to go around, Smurf villiage
might as well have been a British Man-o-war. Lots of blue balls there,
lots.
Probably a lot of buggery in Smurfville...or Smurfette was just a 'ho... What's this new superhero's name...ButtBoy...FudgePacker...Rhambutt... Posted by: Buck Naked - Pron Star at January 14, 2009 04:01 PM (utes0) 55
"Colossus is also gay "
He didn't used to be gay. In the 80s, he was dating cute little 14-y-o Kitty / Ariel / Sprite / Pryde. "Stan Lee ... I wish Zombie Jack Kirby could come back and fuck his skull." You sure that hasn't already happened? It would sure explain a lot. Posted by: Stoop Davy Dave at January 14, 2009 04:02 PM (w4kVU) 56
Umm am I the only one who sees that it is Stan Lee doing this not marvel?
Posted by: Dban at January 14, 2009 04:06 PM (2qrx8) 57
And then of course there's this travesty... http://tinyurl.com/96uwk7 - Obama to appear in Spider-Man comic *shudder* Posted by: Grue in the Attic at January 14, 2009 04:09 PM (k58xs) 58
I guess Stan's going by the Jim Shooter-era standards for Marvel superheroes' sexuality...
In the 80s, John Byrne had originally intended Northstar to not only be gay, but to have AIDS be the mystery illness that was interfering with his powers. Editor-in-chief Jim Shooter shit-canned that idea because he had decreed there be no gay heroes at the time and that the writers were supposed to scrap any plans to reveal them as such. As a result, Byrne re-wrote the storyline to say that Northstar and his sister Aurora were actually Faerie Folk and that his power loss was due to being away from their home for too long. Byrne's fellow Marvel writer Peter David, of Incredible Hulk fame, referred to the whole situation by saying "Northstar's not gay... he's just a fairy." Posted by: Brandon In Baton Rouge at January 14, 2009 04:11 PM (FoRpJ) Posted by: Entropy at January 14, 2009 04:18 PM (m6c4H) 60
Pooh-Stabber and Pickle Boy - the new REALLY dynamic duo. "They'll tap dance their way into your heart...or your asshole"
Posted by: JDW at January 14, 2009 04:21 PM (uw+0A) 61
I was going to point out that the Ultimate X-Men has been torturing us with the Colossus-Northstar tragedoromance for a couple years now, but a few people beat me to it.
Seriously, they've totally ruined the Colossus character for me. He's not only gay, he's now shooting drugs (that give you more super powers) as well. They should just change the name to the "X-Hobos". Qwinn Posted by: Qwinn at January 14, 2009 04:25 PM (/y1J0) 62
And of course "Paradise Island" had no men on it.
Posted by: Zanzibar Buck-Buck McFate at January 14, 2009 04:29 PM (Hj9yW) 63
I thought Barney Frank was the first gay superhero.
Posted by: Dan F at January 14, 2009 04:31 PM (eOC9C) Posted by: North Dallas Thirty at January 14, 2009 04:40 PM (ybd38) 65
...I haven't actually read any recent comic books for some time, and all this news about Colossus is shattering my teenage dreams. Though I guess if their aim was to bring in the yaoi-fangirl readers, he was rather low-hanging fruit, being a sensitive, brooding artist type and all.
Posted by: Bridget at January 14, 2009 04:47 PM (9BrAV) Posted by: flenser at January 14, 2009 04:55 PM (CV6pI) 67
I'll third the Aquaman quess. He had no "real" superpowers.. he was the Doctor Doolittle of the sea. BFD. And he could have ridden around on something badass; like a hammerhead shark of something. Instead he rode a farging seahorse. Posted by: Gunslinger at January 14, 2009 04:55 PM (Zi+FQ) 68
Lincoln may also have been other than strictly AC. His profile is pretty similar to his predecessor Buchanan's - except, of course, that Lincoln did actually get married and sire a mess of children.
But then again, Buchanan was engaged too - Lincoln and Buchanan both had nervous breakdowns when their engagements were disrupted. The difference is that Lincoln's was only a temporary break-up, Buchanan's fiancee died - it shook him up and he never married, and he may have been banging another senator, William "Miss Nancy" King. For more on Buchanan, although he doesn't purse the gay angle, John Updike's "Memories of the Ford Administration" is ... eh. Posted by: Knemon at January 14, 2009 05:01 PM (EBY+H) Posted by: andycanuck at January 14, 2009 05:02 PM (55TIb) 70
I think I can live with the media lying to me on this one.
Posted by: Eleven at January 14, 2009 05:04 PM (7DB+a) 71
I think Avengers Great lakes ( a spin-off of Avengers west coast) had a gay member that could flatten himself "mat man" or something. Wasn't that the Rachelcorrienator? Posted by: andycanuck at January 14, 2009 05:06 PM (55TIb) 72
I expect the first Gay Superhero's assignment should be finding out who Trig's real mother is. I'm not nuts, I'M JUST ASKING QUESTIONS!!!!
Posted by: Andi "SuperGlutes" Sullivan at January 14, 2009 05:09 PM (miw86) 73
Captain Onan?
The Flesh? The Gay Blade? Analman? The Flame? I just can't wait to find out what his name is, and I bet boys all over the country will brag that he's their favorite superhero... NOT. Posted by: CoolCzech at January 14, 2009 05:10 PM (iafWn) 74
69: No; he secretly screwed his loyal seahorse.
Posted by: CoolCzech at January 14, 2009 05:11 PM (iafWn) 75
I thought Plastic Man was gay until he hooked up with Inflatable Girl
Posted by: payaso at January 14, 2009 05:12 PM (Gn/r1) 76
12 Which is why I theorized Adam West was the first gay superhero. Anyone who didn't jump Julie Newmar back in the day had issues.
What makes you think he DIDN'T? What do you think the "Bat Swing," "Bat Cuffs," and "Bat Whip" were all about??? Posted by: CoolCzech at January 14, 2009 05:13 PM (iafWn) 77
Wonder what his secret identity will be: the hairdresser from Gay Eye for the Straight Guy?
Posted by: CoolCzech at January 14, 2009 05:14 PM (iafWn) 78
Barney Frank in tights?
Posted by: Chas at January 14, 2009 05:16 PM (1XTjz) 79
78: Oh, thanks for that mental image right before dinner, Chas.
Posted by: CoolCzech at January 14, 2009 05:17 PM (iafWn) 80
Didn't we all assume that Captain Planet was as gay as the day is long??
Posted by: CoolCzech at January 14, 2009 05:19 PM (iafWn) 81
Jan. 21st, Obama lifts the Don't Ask, Don't Tell Policy on the Justice League of America. Posted by: SalvucciFumbles at January 14, 2009 05:22 PM (YM2u5) 82
Could someone with Photoshop handy please put up a picture of Andi Sullivan as the Gay Superhero? PowerGlutes? SuperGlutes GluteMan?
Posted by: kbdabear at January 14, 2009 05:30 PM (miw86) 83
Could someone with Photoshop handy please put up a picture of Andi
Sullivan as the Gay Superhero? PowerGlutes? SuperGlutes GluteMan?
My name is Qwinn, and I approve this message. In fact, it's kinda shocking no one thought to do it previously. Posted by: Qwinn at January 14, 2009 05:36 PM (/y1J0) 84
They all aren't?
Posted by: The Obvious at January 14, 2009 05:46 PM (1g+FW) 85
HA! I forgot about Zorro the Gay Blade. I'm surprised nobody has mentioned the Ambiguously Gay Duo. Posted by: ErikW at January 14, 2009 06:00 PM (hKtiw) 86
I think the point is that it is the first gay superhero TV show.
Posted by: LifeTrek at January 14, 2009 06:04 PM (tJTIW) 87
Yeah...Stan's been dead to me since The Sentry hoax back in '02 so and I've pretty much washed my hands of Marvel on the whole ever since Joe Al-Quesada took over as EIC and decided to use every title on the slate as a lefty soapbox so... Posted by: SuperCool at January 14, 2009 06:22 PM (a80B1) 88
So, when does Felcherman make his appearence?
Posted by: ginsocal at January 14, 2009 06:25 PM (6hw4x) 89
What about Hopalong Ben Gay?
Posted by: payaso at January 14, 2009 06:38 PM (Gn/r1) 90
Super butt plug boy
Posted by: navyret at January 14, 2009 06:51 PM (IaWv8) Posted by: Stanley, Fabulous Comix at January 14, 2009 06:52 PM (3Bqev) Posted by: Mikey NTH at January 14, 2009 07:30 PM (TUWci) 93
Wasn't Human Torch the first gay superhero? I mean, c'mon...the guy is FLAMING.
Thank you. Try the veal. Posted by: Fa Cube Itches at January 14, 2009 08:11 PM (LxjSI) 94
How about they invent the first superheroine that will nail anything that pees standing up after three beers?
Posted by: richard mcenroe at January 14, 2009 08:42 PM (yIy7z) 95
73 Captain Onan?
<p>Butt-boy Joy-boy Happy Camper Obama
</p> Posted by: James at January 14, 2009 08:52 PM (ww7lN) 96
...Northstar?
Posted by: MoisturePoints at January 14, 2009 09:06 PM (D4yhj) 97
I'm really not sure exactly what being gay (or straight) can bring to being a "superhero".
Does a gay superhero love other villains into submission ? Or does a gay superhero whack them with his big ... (you get the idea) ? Posted by: Neo at January 14, 2009 09:19 PM (Yozw9) 98
Actually, there's a lesbian pair that predates Marvel's "First" by at least a decade and a half.
In Bishojo Senshi Sailor Moon, Sailor Uranus (Haruka Ten'oh) and Sailor Neptune (Michiru Kaioh) were an item. Haruka (Alex in the dubs) was the butch half of the pair and Michiru (Michelle in the dubs) was the femme. They adopted a daughter, Hotaru Tomoe, aka Sailor Saturn. Posted by: Steffan at January 14, 2009 09:40 PM (GerNd) 99
In the regular X-Men.. Colossus isn't gay.. he's still straight..
In the Ultimate Universe (same characters, rebooted them and their origins.. The Regular and the Ultimate Universe have completely different cannons..) Colossus is gay. http://tinyurl.com/8t5xhd Regular Colossus. http://tinyurl.com/7l4swc Gay Colossus Posted by: Dave C at January 15, 2009 12:12 AM (ZWoDp) Posted by: Dave C at January 15, 2009 12:13 AM (ZWoDp) 101
OOOOH! Butfucker heroes.
It's important to point this out because straights NEVER buttfuck, butfuck, or tittyfuck at all. They only cuntfuck. 100% cuntfucking for straights. They hate the butt. Posted by: SuprKufr at January 15, 2009 12:47 AM (Xm81b) 102
Super butt plug boy
Important to point this out, too, since straights NEVER buy butt plugs, but plugs, dildos, or any other kind of sex toy for any reason whatsoever. 100% penis (going in cunt 100% of the time) for straights. Posted by: SuprKufr at January 15, 2009 12:52 AM (Xm81b) 103
SuprKufr - A sloppy oversight on your part, but you forgot to mention that straights also hate oral sex, 'cause they're all about the d!ck into pussy action, 100% of the time. That's some mighty loose shit from you - good thing I'm here to help pick up your slack. Posted by: Lewis at January 15, 2009 01:11 AM (23X4s) 104
Important to point this out, too, since straights NEVER buy butt plugs, but plugs, dildos, or any other kind of sex toy for any reason whatsoever. 100% penis (going in cunt 100% of the time) for straights. Lighten up, Francis..... Posted by: Curmudgeon at January 15, 2009 01:22 AM (kP7wk) Posted by: bethesdaguy at January 15, 2009 05:22 AM (bAwz4) 106
Actually, there's a lesbian pair that predates Marvel's "First" by at least a decade and a half. It's Japanese... they're crazy over there. I'm not sure they count. *eats* Posted by: Grue in the Attic at January 15, 2009 11:31 AM (k58xs) 107
Umm am I the only one who sees that it is Stan Lee doing this not marvel?
Just you and me, apparently. Stan doesn't work for Marvel anymore (though he does do a freelance story every once in a while). This is about Stan's own company. Posted by: suedenim at January 15, 2009 02:53 PM (myHQe) 108
"I'll third the Aquaman quess. He had no "real" superpowers.."
...except for the telepathy and the super-speed, and that he can toss a locomotive from here to North Carolina. Guy grew up somewhere way way down below submarine-hull-crush depth is why, kind of like a heavy-gravity environment. At sea-level, that translates into super-strength. I forget why it only takes him about an hour to swim across the Atlantic Ocean, but Gardner Fox said so, back in the day, so I gotta believe it. And you should too! Posted by: Stoop Davy Fanboy at January 15, 2009 04:08 PM (2Aokz) 109
Hey DC already has two gay super heros APPOLO and MIDNIGHTER their always hugging and kissing each other
Posted by: Spurwing Plover at January 15, 2009 04:22 PM (S1bpJ) 110
Toby928 @ #4
"Aquaman shared a love that can't be named" Oh yeah he did! Look it up for y'self, in the inimitable Absorbascon: http://tinyurl.com/8k3y53 Posted by: Accursed Interloper at January 15, 2009 05:36 PM (WIP4+) Posted by: Accursed Interloper at January 15, 2009 05:38 PM (WIP4+) 112
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