Porn Business Says We Want a Five Billion Dollar Bailout, Too

A genuine request, or some sort of goof on their part?

With the financial industry, auto makers and more getting assistance from the federal government to stay afloat during the recession, the adult industry decided it would try to get something as well.
Girls Gone Wild CEO Joe Francis and “Hustler” magazine publisher Larry Flynt have said they will petition Congress for financial aid along the lines of what the Big Three auto makers are getting.
Francis said that he and Flynt are asking for $5 billion, and that they have sent letters to Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson, Congress and their local Congressman, Henry Waxman (D-Calif.) with the proposal.
With the $5 billion, they would "invest in building new means of distribution, and shoring up our distribution right now to prevent further erosion from factors like Youporn and other Internet content that has seriously affected our business over the past few years," Francis said in an interview with FOX Business. "We will use the money wisely, and we will create more jobs."
Francis said that if invited, he and Flynt would drive across the country in a hybrid vehicle to present their plans to Congress.

Gotta be a goof, right?

Meanwhile, as we've all been cheering the dying of the MSM, it seems we overlooked an unintended casualty. We can afford to lose a network, certainly.

But the porn industry?

This could have a "ripple effect" reverberating through the rubber sex novelty industry, the swingers' magazine industry, and even the late-night-programming-on-HBO-and-Cinemax industry.

Why, an entire region of twenty square miles of California could be devastated.

Thanks to Uncle Jefe.

Posted by: Ace at 02:55 PM

Comments

1 Obviously a goof, but soooo awesome.

And why not? If we can give money to broken banks and broken car copmanies, why not give it to porn-makers? They employ lots of college students, right?

Posted by: Shill at January 07, 2009 02:58 PM (8jYMc)

2 prevent further erosion from factors like Youporn and other Internet content

We can generate enough electricity to power the entire country by sticking magnets on the corpses of members of The Buggy Whip Makers League, then wrapping their coffins with wire.

Posted by: HeatherRadish at January 07, 2009 02:59 PM (fGDhl)

3 Wake me up when Armageddon arrives.

Although a bailout for porn might save California...

Posted by: Vercingetorix at January 07, 2009 02:59 PM (iTDJo)

4 What.......people actually pay for porn???

Posted by: Ken at January 07, 2009 03:00 PM (3rbzb)

5 Okay, I'll support this one. Free enterprise only goes so far.

Posted by: The Obvious at January 07, 2009 03:01 PM (1g+FW)

6 I will personally oversee the distribution of said monies.....for a cough cough small fee.

Posted by: NoDakDrunkhobos at January 07, 2009 03:02 PM (Rxscw)

7 Who knew fapping wold be hit so hard by teh economics.

Posted by: Sam at January 07, 2009 03:03 PM (2RAD8)

8 [Our sponsors have found this comment to be offensive and have asked us to remove it]

Posted by: icus at January 07, 2009 03:03 PM (Zvtms)

9 So, basically, they're looking for a hand-out?

Posted by: wiserbud at January 07, 2009 03:04 PM (EW49d)

10 Obama said there would be no pork in the stimulus plan, he didn't say anything about porking however.

Besides, what's more stimulating than porn?

Posted by: DrewM. at January 07, 2009 03:04 PM (hlYel)

11 Oh, the link isn't to the quoted article.

Posted by: HeatherRadish at January 07, 2009 03:04 PM (fGDhl)

12 If you can't sell images of naked people having various kinds of freaky sex during a recession, you should consider a different career. Like a test dummy. Or a doorstop. Or mulch.

Posted by: Andrew the Noisy at January 07, 2009 03:07 PM (V0QP1)

13 Also, the link goes to donation page for John " my friend" McCain's donation scam.

Posted by: Sam at January 07, 2009 03:07 PM (2RAD8)

12 If you can't sell images of naked people having various kinds of freaky sex during a recession, you should consider a different career. Like a test dummy. Or a doorstop. Or mulch.

Why buy it when it's free on the Internet? Ask the NY Times. Why am I paying for a sub to Weekly Standard, when the content is free on the web, and my damn magazine comes a week late?

Just asking.

Kemp

Posted by: Kempermanx at January 07, 2009 03:10 PM (qvT/A)

15 I guess this bailout money would fall under "college tuition" no?

Posted by: CDR M at January 07, 2009 03:11 PM (TJoU6)

16 Didn't Barack say if you did 'community service' you could be eligible for financial assistance with college tuition....maybe this what he had in mind all along!

Posted by: IC at January 07, 2009 03:13 PM (jZNCU)

So, we need to bail out those people who publish media showing basically the same thing that Congress has been doing to all of us? Sounds like cutting off Peter to save Paul.

Posted by: Roy at January 07, 2009 03:13 PM (cB77O)

18 So the porn industry has gone soft! Where's the fluffer when you need them?

Posted by: MikeH at January 07, 2009 03:13 PM (wCFWT)

19 Does anyone think they're really that hard up? (and I can't believe we're 18 comments in and nobody's used this bad joke yet).

Posted by: ErikTheRed at January 07, 2009 03:15 PM (erlfI)

I call dibs on being "Porn Czar"

Posted by: BumperStickerist at January 07, 2009 03:15 PM (MKFU7)

21 The free market ends where the masturbatory aides begin.

Posted by: Benson at January 07, 2009 03:17 PM (qzcNU)

"We will use the money wisely, and we will create more jobs."

Jobs for everybody!

Posted by: Rocks at January 07, 2009 03:18 PM (Q1lie)

With the $5 billion, they would "invest in building new means of distribution, and shoring up our distribution right now to prevent further erosion from factors like Youporn and other Internet content that has seriously affected our business over the past few years," Francis said in an interview with FOX Business. "We will use the money wisely, and we will create more jobs."

Didn't he mean more blowjobs?

Posted by: TomJW at January 07, 2009 03:18 PM (xRCpL)

24 I predict the churches will be next.

Posted by: katya at January 07, 2009 03:19 PM (oRJZj)

25 I will give my support for a bailout of the adult industry as long as the dancers in the men's clubs agree to a wage cut from $20 to $10 dollars for a lap dance in order to be competitive with Thailand.

Posted by: polynikes at January 07, 2009 03:20 PM (m2CN7)

As a concerned Christian, oops, wait a minute, I thought this was Dennis Prager's thread.

Nevermind.

Posted by: BackwardsBoy at January 07, 2009 03:24 PM (ZGhSv)

27 #22 that would be "blow" jobs for everybody!

If taxpayer's front the money for this, would we then be able to get hotels to give us back the free 2 minute trailers. It's all I need.

Posted by: CDR M at January 07, 2009 03:25 PM (TJoU6)

28 On second thought, if Barney Frank is managing this bailout, he can keep those "jobs"!!

Posted by: CDR M at January 07, 2009 03:25 PM (TJoU6)

29 Well, why not. They're giving bailouts to everyone else, and it is a fact that the porn industry has really wilted with the internet boom.

Posted by: Christopher Taylor at January 07, 2009 03:26 PM (PQY7w)

30 Does this mean Obama gets to appoint a cabinet level position to "examine" industries to find out if they are really "Porn" or just "Cheesey MSM with bikinis"? How much "investigation" would there be? Do we need a Federal Porn Investigative Agency? (like the Federal Reserve, you know, to get behind the scenes and make sure everyone is having actual sex on camera and not just using creative edits to make it look more like Porn and less like a new car loan)

Is Federal Pork parve? (wrong thread, but I've been waiting to ask)

Posted by: Potosi Joel at January 07, 2009 03:27 PM (TPRbZ)

31 GGW is losing out to a natural competitor in the amateur sites where you see more than some drunk co-eds flashing their tits on Spring Break.

Flynt has to realize that dead-tree print porn is dying. With the net you can see for free Hungarian, Russian, and Czech girls working for Germans who do things that the meth addict trailer trash that work for Flynt won't do.

But Larry might have something there. If we can bail out Detroit because of the consequences to Southern Michigan if they go under, Larry can claim that the San Fernando Valley will be gutted if the porn industry goes down. Come on folks, don't let Van Nuys and Reseda go down!

Posted by: kbdabear at January 07, 2009 03:28 PM (miw86)

Hmmm, more jobs in the pron industry, eh? Is there like a Monster.com or a CareerBuilder site where I can apply?

Wait! I got it! Thingamajob!

Posted by: BackwardsBoy at January 07, 2009 03:29 PM (ZGhSv)

33 Ace, this was a rare miss for you. Here's how you could have rewritten the story -

Porn Biz May Go Tits Up

Larry Flynt of Hustler and Joe Francis of Girls Gone Wild find receipts drooping and need to suck wads of taxpayers' bills. Internet competiton has turned the porn kings' enterprises flaccid. In an interview with FoxBusiness, Francis said that he and Flynt are asking for $5 billion. With the big wad, they would "invest in building new means of distribution, and shoring up our distribution right now to prevent further erosion from factors like Youporn and other Internet content that has seriously affected our business over the past few years." Flynt and Francis have sent letters to Treasury Secretary Paulson and to their Congressman, Henry Waxman. However, they have not received a reply as their names and addresses were withheld.

chsw

Posted by: chsw at January 07, 2009 03:35 PM (6KFZ+)

34 Is there anyone beside the taxpay who hasn't got in line for a bailout now?

Posted by: Vic at January 07, 2009 03:39 PM (f6os6)

This is ripe for an Iowahawk parody.

I laughed at Congressional Motors.

I'll pee my pants over Congressional Pron.

Posted by: dusty at January 07, 2009 03:39 PM (MDkjt)

See what happens when you vote in ugly saggy wouldn't do her with your dick dems? This entire fiasco could have been avoided by casting a vote for Sarah Palin.

Posted by: Eric at January 07, 2009 03:46 PM (MFvqO)

Come to think of it, it will never work. Those guys are just promoting Hetero pron to males. The libs will never go for that.

Posted by: Eric at January 07, 2009 03:48 PM (MFvqO)

38 BTW - considering that these guys are pretty libertarian, I'm guessing they're being sarcastic.

Posted by: ErikTheRed at January 07, 2009 03:49 PM (erlfI)

39 Here is the real plan, give the bailout money back to the tax payers and let them vote with their money on which businesses survive and which ones thrive.

Posted by: Lemmiwinks at January 07, 2009 03:50 PM (5GNS+)

40 Eliot Spitzer and Kwame Kilpatrick approve...

Posted by: changer1701 at January 07, 2009 03:51 PM (xEHEN)

41
Thats fine for Waxman and California, but what about the rest of us. Maybe Obama could use this as part of a future Stump speech, No doubt Jergens is going back and forth on support.

Posted by: Eliot Spitzer had a hand in this plan at January 07, 2009 03:53 PM (2nEGa)

42 I read that porn is the largest industry on the internet. Porn is too big too fail!

Posted by: pitythefool at January 07, 2009 04:00 PM (Sg8sX)

43 If "Eliot Spitzer had a hand in this plan" I sure as hell would want him to beforehand wash them if we were to shake them.

Posted by: Lee at January 07, 2009 04:01 PM (TxTIh)

44 Support London Fog!

Trenchcoat makers are hurting, too.

Posted by: Fresh AIr at January 07, 2009 04:03 PM (oSULw)

45 How about making porn/lap dances etc, tax deductible? I, uhm, my friend has receipts....Needless to say I won't be filing jointly

Posted by: hutch1200 at January 07, 2009 04:04 PM (yyXfK)

46 Cockholsters

Posted by: Sharkman at January 07, 2009 04:04 PM (69J41)

47 How about they give me $5 billion, I'll spend it all on porn, I promise.

Posted by: Lemmiwinks at January 07, 2009 04:06 PM (E6GUg)

48 Actually, I wouldn't mind seeing real estate prices fall here. Dramatically.

Heh. Imagine all those porn folk being driven into real jobs because sex-for-cash doesn't pay any more.

Posted by: moviegique at January 07, 2009 04:09 PM (1y5Vr)

49 ABSOLUTELY I support a bailout of the porn industry! Cars I can live without. But life without Hot Horny Lesbian MILFs Sharing a doubleheaded dong would be a human rights violation!

Posted by: CoolCzech at January 07, 2009 04:19 PM (iafWn)

You know, I think I deserve bailout money. I'm going to apply for some and see what happens. I've been against the bailout since the get-go, but my numerous calls didn't stop it. If we're facing the collapse of our currency and possibly country with nothing but the cold death of socialis, I think I'll handle it better with $7.5 - $10 million, converted into foreign currency in overseas banks and gold coins.

That's my plan, anyway.

Posted by: Ella at January 07, 2009 04:23 PM (jeP9I)

This could have a "ripple effect" reverberating through the rubber sex novelty industry, the swingers' magazine industry, and even the late-night-programming-on-HBO-and-Cinemax industry.

There's still gonna be a lotta fuckin' goin' on at my house whether there's any on the TV or not. You can believe that.

Posted by: pendejo grande at January 07, 2009 04:23 PM (THKHB)

52 all I can say, "that takes balls!"

Posted by: w2 at January 07, 2009 04:26 PM (MobLv)

Porn Industry Seeks Backdoor Channels For Money. Shot mostly in CA, sales of porn films going down. Some say the request smells fishy, and suggest times are too tight to furiously pump money. Politically, such stimulation might be hard for the public to swallow regardless of what oral arguements are made.

Posted by: Hollowpoint at January 07, 2009 04:26 PM (plsiE)

54 Tongue in cheek?

Posted by: huerfano at January 07, 2009 04:33 PM (knHvu)

55 eh, I think they're just yanking our chains with this idea.

Posted by: wiserbud at January 07, 2009 04:38 PM (EW49d)

56 They want to change it from Uncle Sam to Uncle John.

Posted by: polynikes at January 07, 2009 04:42 PM (m2CN7)

Goodyear and Firestone abandoned Akron, Ohio. The big Goodyear tower there is now the home of the company that makes Go-Jo, the soap that the rubber workers used to clean up after work.

The only rubber company left in Akron makes those blow-up party dolls.

People, there are union jobs at stake here.

Posted by: comatus at January 07, 2009 04:49 PM (CMi/T)

58 54 - Tongue in cheek?

More like tongue between cheeks... we're talking porn, you know...

Posted by: CoolCzech at January 07, 2009 04:49 PM (iafWn)

We can haz teh free pron?

Posted by: Alisa at January 07, 2009 04:50 PM (5VRhq)

60 Rim shot?

Posted by: huerfano at January 07, 2009 04:51 PM (knHvu)

61 Posted by: Hollowpoint at January 07, 2009 04:26 PM (plsiE)

Sounds like someone is using their head, hollowpoint. Better than beating around the bush. After all, they've got the country by the short hairs...

Posted by: CoolCzech at January 07, 2009 04:54 PM (iafWn)

62 There will always be porn.

Posted by: runninrebel at January 07, 2009 04:55 PM (0n9wc)

63 A Porn Czar? No wonder Bubba said he wasn't interested in serving out Hillary's Senate seat.

Flynt can also point out to the subsidiary industries that rely on porn, such as Phillipino plastic surgeons, platform heels makers, and hair extensions parlors.

One industry that welcomed cheap online porn were the convenience stores. No longer did they have to shout out the accented 'please sir don't read the magazines"

Posted by: kbdabear at January 07, 2009 04:58 PM (miw86)

64 I'm for this bailout so long as I get to dork Jenna Jameson's squeakhole as part of my tax refund.

Posted by: CavMedic at January 07, 2009 05:05 PM (UyFYg)

65 Does this mean it's gonna cost us $5billion$ for a blowjob?
I'll pee my pants on over Congressional Pron first.

Posted by: sickinmass at January 07, 2009 05:08 PM (/i4dU)

66 Are there going to be any "Green Initiatives" as part of this bailout?

You know how I feel about the green wimmens!

Posted by: Capt. James T. Kirk at January 07, 2009 05:09 PM (SPSOE)

67 Can I get a bailout for my homemade lezzy orgy site?/sarc

Posted by: Ginger at January 07, 2009 05:16 PM (M3d12)

68 Of course the porn industry is failing because the San Fernando Valley isn't turning out the products that Americans want to buy. Nanny Nancy will direct the pornmakers to make the kind of San Francisco Gay S&M vids that will be competitive with the best that foreign competition from Amsterdam and Hamburg provide. You know, porn is too important to be run by people who know the business, it has to be run by the really smart people in government.

Posted by: kbdabear at January 07, 2009 05:18 PM (miw86)

69 67 Can I get a bailout for my homemade lezzy orgy site?/sarc

Only if you film a few episodes at my house, Ginger...

(555) 555-5555

Posted by: CoolCzech at January 07, 2009 05:19 PM (iafWn)

70 66 Are there going to be any "Green Initiatives" as part of this bailout?

You know how I feel about the green wimmens!

She's dead, Jim!

Posted by: Dr. "Boner" McCoy at January 07, 2009 05:20 PM (iafWn)

71 Barney Frank denies that donations from dental dam makers influenced his vote for the porn bailout.

Posted by: kbdabear at January 07, 2009 05:20 PM (miw86)

Czech,

I'll get some big boobed bimbos with low self esteen over to your place right away.

Posted by: Ginger at January 07, 2009 05:22 PM (M3d12)

Online porn can be very dangerous. I'm still in sick bay from reflexive use of the Vulcan Nerve Pinch while scanning our library tapes.

Posted by: Mr Spock at January 07, 2009 05:25 PM (miw86)

74 But Captain! She can't take anymore! She just wasn't built to take the Captain's Log!

Posted by: Scottie at January 07, 2009 05:25 PM (iafWn)

75 73
Online porn can be very dangerous. I'm still in sick bay from reflexive use of the Vulcan Nerve Pinch while scanning our library tapes.

Fascinating.

Posted by: Spock at January 07, 2009 05:26 PM (iafWn)

76 I'll get some big boobed bimbos with low self esteem over to your place right away.

Ginger, you are a great American. Maybe that "Country First" idea still has a chance!

Posted by: Che Pizza at January 07, 2009 05:26 PM (SPSOE)

77 You want porn?

One of the lost Star Trek Season Two episodes featured me doing Mr. Spock while I wore a crotchless Gorn green lizard suit.

Truly, where No Man had Gone Before, ha, ha!

Posted by: George Takei at January 07, 2009 05:30 PM (iafWn)

78 They told me it was a prostate exam!

DAMN You, Takei!

DAMN You to HELL!!!

Posted by: Leonard Nemoy at January 07, 2009 05:36 PM (iafWn)

79 I have many Russian girls ready to make sequel to "Spock's Brain". I shall call it "Kirk's Dick"

Posted by: Pavel Chekov at January 07, 2009 05:41 PM (miw86)

80 I got a "stimulus package" for ya!

Posted by: Ron Jeremy at January 07, 2009 05:45 PM (SPSOE)

81 You mean there's no such thing as a Vulcan Main Vein Pinch?

Posted by: Dr. at January 07, 2009 05:47 PM (iafWn)

82 Hey, at least society gets something out of porn.

Why are we still paying for Congress, tho?

Posted by: richard mcenroe at January 07, 2009 05:49 PM (yIy7z)

83 Why are we still paying for Congress, tho?

Hey, watch your language! This is a family thread...

Posted by: CoolCzech at January 07, 2009 05:51 PM (iafWn)

84 "We are slowly being pulled into the zone of darkness"
"We are going to penetrate the zone of darkness with one massive thrust forward"
"Brace yourselves, the area of penetration will no doubt be sensitive"
"Keep applying thrust"
"When do you estimate penetration"
"We'll implant it, then back away"
"We are going to enter the body of the organism rather abruptly I think"
"Prepare to launch probe"
"Enormous and growing"
"Aye, it couldn't swallow that"
"They're ready to come together, ready to reproduce"
"We must make it through the membrane before that thing explodes"
"Penetrate it's vulnerable spots"

These are ACTUAL lines spoken in the TOS episode "The Immunity Syndrome" (the giant amoeba)

Posted by: kbdabear at January 07, 2009 05:53 PM (miw86)

85 81 You mean there's no such thing as a Vulcan Main Vein Pinch?

Be careful of the Vulcan Death Grip

Posted by: kbdabear at January 07, 2009 05:54 PM (miw86)

86 Anyone remember that awful episode "And the Children Shall Lead" and the hand motions the kids used to fuck with the crew's minds? What was up with THAT?

Posted by: kbdabear at January 07, 2009 05:57 PM (miw86)

87 "One of the lost Star Trek Season Two episodes featured me doing Mr. Spock while I wore a crotchless Gorn green lizard suit."
Posted by: George Takei at January 07, 2009 05:30 PM (iafWn)

"Lock on target, Mr. Sulu" and "Full speed ahead, Mr. Sulu - Warp Factor 8!" has suddenly taken on a whole new meaning...

Posted by: CoolCzech at January 07, 2009 05:59 PM (iafWn)

88 It's hard (no pun intended) trying to choose the dumbest Star Trek episode of all time...

Maybe the one with the Intergalactic Hippies? ("The Way to Eden")

I thought I could see Spock blush with embarrassment thru all the green makeup...

Posted by: CoolCzech at January 07, 2009 06:05 PM (iafWn)

Their request isn't just fluff, there's now a gaping hole where there once was a tight knit industry. There are too many financial gaps needing be filled to just throw them a single bone. Porn is American as hot dogs and banana cream pie. The winds of a throbbing economy will once again blow; jobs can't must be protected if our economy is to climax once again.

Posted by: Hollowpoint at January 07, 2009 06:07 PM (plsiE)

90 Everything you EVER wanted to know about Star Trek and Sex in one place; amazing that someone actually did this...!

Posted by: C in Az at January 07, 2009 06:18 PM (GiRra)

I've heard of a Donkey Punch, a Dirty Sanchez, and the Nasty Adolf...

What's a Bailout?

Posted by: Uncle Jefe at January 07, 2009 06:24 PM (+3fAP)

92 Look, let's face it, I think we all knew that Alexthechick, Inc. was really going to be a porn studio. At least now I can be honest about it.

Posted by: alexthechick at January 07, 2009 06:26 PM (xUOXi)

I've heard of a Donkey Punch, a Dirty Sanchez, and the Nasty Adolf...

What's a Bailout?

I think it is the same thing as a reverse-pile-driver.

Posted by: Lemmiwinks at January 07, 2009 06:28 PM (Nwbo8)

94 88 It's hard (no pun intended) trying to choose the dumbest Star Trek episode of all time...

Maybe the one with the Intergalactic Hippies? ("The Way to Eden")

I got a kick out of that "music" they were playing, and the instruments. There was Spock's Vulcan harp which looked like a Fender Stratocaster with the neck sawed off and sounded like a Hammond organ when you turned a knob. Then there's the crossbow guitar the singing hippie played, along with the bicycle rim the blonde hippie chick strummed. A literal garage band. If the props dept had hauled out the gas can, the fishing rod and the garden hose they could have had The Wall of Sound there.

While Chekov is scowling in his best KGB face over disapproval of his ex-girlfriend's new lifestyle, he's in the auxiliary control room at the panel telling his old squeeze which buttons can be used to take over the ship. You'd think Kirk would have beefed up security in that room after Khan nearly suffocated them from the aux panel. After the Space Charlie Manson with the clamshell ears takes the room and rewires the panels, you have Space Donovan singing him a ballad. How sweet, music to hotwire a panel by... Way dowwwwn, below the oceaaaannnn...

The hippies land the stolen shuttlecraft (after painting it with peace signs and no blood for oil slogans I imagine), they discover the Eden planet they land on has acid in the vegetation. Duuude, you didn't say it was THAT kind of acid.

Posted by: kbdabear at January 07, 2009 06:30 PM (miw86)

95 88 It's hard (no pun intended) trying to choose the dumbest Star Trek episode of all time...

Many says "Spock's Brain", but it was so campy it was comedy gold. Those bimbos in the shiny skimpy (for 196

outfits and the shiny go-go thigh boots get me hot too.

My vote for dumbest goes to "The Savage Curtain", the one with Abe Lincoln helping Kirk fight the baddies of history for the amusement of a rock creature that looked like a giant steaming turd.

Posted by: kbdabear at January 07, 2009 06:35 PM (miw86)

96 90 Everything you EVER wanted to know about Star Trek and Sex in one place; amazing that someone actually did this...!

Roddenberry really pushed the envelope back then. There was the episode where the "Bad Kirk" goes into Yeoman Rand's quarters and tries to rape her. It was pretty graphic for 1966.

There was an episode the next year where some Turkish style go-go bar had a dancer who showed the whole navel, and the bottoms were just above the pelvic bone.

Posted by: kbdabear at January 07, 2009 06:41 PM (miw86)

97 I'm going with the deliberately mocking the bailouts interpretation and have to give kudos to them.

Posted by: SamIam at January 07, 2009 06:43 PM (jl7C/)

98 The hippies episode: from where the hands together to form the "O" symbol for Obama came: http://tinyurl.com/6fc8zb

Posted by: C in Az at January 07, 2009 06:44 PM (GiRra)

99 One thing I could never figure out. Ginger and Maryanne on the island in nothing but bikinis, no cops around for thousands of miles, yet Gilligan, the Skipper and the Professor never made a move. Realistically, after a few weeks without sex and they would have jumped Mrs Howe's bones.

Gilligan and The Skipper were sailors and they shared a hut. I guess there was a sly meaning to "my little buddy Gilligan"

Posted by: kbdabear at January 07, 2009 06:46 PM (miw86)

100 Ward, weren't you a little hard on the Beaver last night?

Posted by: June Cleaver at January 07, 2009 06:48 PM (miw86)

101 June Cleaver was my favorite MILF. You guys didn't think I was showing up just to see Wally, did you?

Posted by: Eddie Haskell at January 07, 2009 06:50 PM (miw86)

102 Little known trivia. The actress who played the Kirk's "trainer" in that episode where he had to fight in a gladiator ring while the brains under glass bet on the matches went on to do hardcore porn in the 70s.

Posted by: kbdabear at January 07, 2009 06:53 PM (miw86)

103 Are you going to be cross-posting at Big Hollywood now? What's the deal?

Oh, and your little bio that is up there is hilarious.

Posted by: dan-O at January 07, 2009 06:55 PM (teb/C)

104 I lusted after Judy from Lost in Space.

With a hot Swedish-looking chick like her to "probe," why you evah want to be found??

Posted by: CoolCzech at January 07, 2009 06:58 PM (iafWn)

105 102 - pics?

Posted by: CoolCzech at January 07, 2009 06:59 PM (iafWn)

106

for the amusement of a rock creature that looked like a giant steaming turd.

Don't knock rock creatures, asshole.

Posted by: The Horta at January 07, 2009 07:11 PM (55TIb)

107

BTW, Larry Flynt is suing two nephews for bringing down the quality of porn associated with the family name. An Aussie woman is charged with murder after burning her husband's dick off. And icus is busy on his Aussie vacation doing B&E to fuck rubber dolls. [All via Conservative Grapevine. And none of these stories is a headline, but Ace wants to be blog of the year. Tsk. Tsk.

Posted by: andycanuck at January 07, 2009 07:18 PM (55TIb)

108 For anyone interested, I have a Star Trek parody group on MySpace

groups.myspace.com/spockbrain

Posted by: kbdabear at January 07, 2009 07:32 PM (miw86)

109 105 102 - pics?

Google images search results, make sure "safe search" setting is off. That's as far as I'll take it, you can go from there. If I link directly to a porn site from here, Ace might wack my pee-pee

http://tinyurl.com/9r9uzj

Posted by: kbdabear at January 07, 2009 07:39 PM (miw86)

110 WTF, I'm getting a chill up my leg...

Posted by: navyvet at January 07, 2009 07:51 PM (IaWv8)

111 107 "An Aussie woman is charged with murder after burning her husband's dick off."

She was charged with murdering a dick?

Posted by: CoolCzech at January 07, 2009 07:54 PM (iafWn)

112 "With the $5 billion, they would "invest in building new means of distribution, and shoring up our distribution right now to prevent further erosion from factors like Youporn..."

How the hell did I not know about YouPorn? I gotta bookmark that place quick!

Posted by: RoadRunner at January 07, 2009 07:57 PM (4ONdx)

113

I'm way, way too big to fail.

Posted by: Dirk Diggler at January 07, 2009 08:16 PM (k87Wm)

114 113
I'm way, way too big to fail.

So's my rectum!

Posted by: Barney Frank at January 07, 2009 08:21 PM (iafWn)

115 @114: Isn't prolapsing a form of failure, though?

Posted by: Fa Cube Itches at January 07, 2009 09:28 PM (LxjSI)

116

That will teach the porn industry for not outsourcing or using illegal immigrants to make porn.

Posted by: darkbhudda at January 07, 2009 09:33 PM (GXlYW)

117 Maybe we should outsource our porn. India has Baliwood... I suppose Thailand could have Phuketwood...

Posted by: CoolCzech at January 07, 2009 09:51 PM (iafWn)

118 The entire movie industry could go in the toilet and I could care less.
The leftards in Congress try to get something like this through and there will be a revolt in this country.

Posted by: Bruce at January 07, 2009 10:34 PM (rdFaW)

119 A very wise man once told me that people are going to drink, smoke, gamble and screw no matter what it costs. It would appear that we could now add look at porn to that list. Don't like porn? Don't buy it.

Posted by: Annie at January 07, 2009 10:57 PM (AGcog)

120 "{25 I will give my support for a bailout of the adult industry as long as the dancers in the men's clubs agree to a wage cut from $20 to $10 dollars for a lap dance in order to be competitive with Thailand."

You're paying for more dance over here. The girls are taller.

Posted by: richard mcenroe at January 08, 2009 12:28 AM (DBS+D)

121 My tax dollars to go to: Molester fodder, illegals, abortion mills, unions, commie-lib teachers unions, "art" in the form of elephant dung on a picture of the Virgin Mary and "Piss Christ", programs to subsidize the burning of food in gastanks, Fannie/Freddie Fraud, and etc.-to-infinity...

We are FUNDING our own country's DEMISE from our very own pockets!!

Posted by: J David at January 08, 2009 11:09 AM (09MIy)

122

"People are too depressed to be sexually active," Flynt said in the press release. "This is very unhealthy as a nation. Americans can do without cars and such but they cannot do without sex"--Larry Flynt

Supposedly, sex can compensate for lack of a job, a car, 'and such', especially if you work for Larry.

There's an old joke:

The Democratic Party is changing its symbol from a jackass to a condom because:

It stands for inflation, halts production, protects a bunch of pricks, and gives a false sense of security while being screwed.

I'll say this much; compared to the screwing that the Democrats give taxpayers, at least you'll get your money's worth out of Flynt.

Posted by: sfcmac at January 08, 2009 01:01 PM (5Vq8T)

123

Where's the fluffer when you need them?

Gee, if someone knows what a fluffer is . . .

Posted by: Pelayo at January 08, 2009 06:08 PM (nw+cE)

124 They told me it was a prostate exam!

Well let me try to remember. The Doc put his left hand on my shoulder and put his right finger . . . No, wait, He put his right hand on my shoulder and . . . Damn, he had both hands on my shoulders!

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Posted by: timm at February 02, 2009 03:24 AM (uLZ40)

126 lol... it actually seems like a ploy to jump onto the bandwagon and get some government funds whilst they are handing out money they don't have... and what a story in would make over a few quiet beers at the pub... "yeah we managed to score $5 billion from the government... all for porn!!!"

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