Christmas Odds And Ends

This has already been a great Christmas season for me...I didn't hear Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer or Dominic the Donkey once. You have to take your victories where you can get them.

Now, without further ado, my contributions to A Very Special Ace of Spades HQ Christmas....

NORAD Tracks Santa. Can't have the old boy sneaking up on us. And don't worry Bush wouldn't shoot down Santa just to piss off America. Or would he?

"A modern day George Bailey". Man volunteers to be laid off so his friend can keep his job and support his four kids. Wow.

And finally, below the fold...Apollo 8, the Moon and the Book of Genesis.

Merry Christmas.

Posted by: DrewM. at 07:06 PM

Comments

1 So what's up with Fox running a Rick Warren special? Do they do that every year, or are they just making the sell-out official?

Posted by: Methos at December 24, 2008 07:11 PM (9AV8Z)

2 merry christmas you gun nuts ..dont shoot me j/k..

Posted by: uncle rico at December 24, 2008 07:12 PM (Y4oAO)

3 on the first day of kwanzaa, my true love tortured me....

Posted by: uncle rico at December 24, 2008 07:17 PM (4eLhB)

4 Check out the pic for Santa's stop at Mongo, Chad. It looks like a mountain of poo nuggets.

Posted by: Contributor X at December 24, 2008 07:17 PM (/Zt8j)

Odd how the 7 values of Kwanzaa pretty much match up with the 7 beliefs of the SLA. One might almost think that they were related.

But then again....

Kwanzaabot: At least they understand you, you know what I'm sayin'? Ain't nobody down with this Kwanzaa tip.

Bender: Hey! Maybe you could lend me a hand with these deliveries.

Kwanzaabot: No time! I gotta hand out the traditional Kwanzaa book. ["What The Hell Is Kwanzaa?"] I've been givin' these out for 647 years!

Posted by: Fa Cube Itches at December 24, 2008 07:24 PM (LxjSI)

6 Merry Christmas Morons

God bless us every one.

Posted by: toby928 at December 24, 2008 07:51 PM (PD1tk)

7 My father was one of two engineers working on a particular project for Westinghouse in the late 60s. After a while, there were layoffs, and they were told that one of them had to go. Dad enlisted and turned in his resignation. The other guy had a wife and kids, Dad was a bachelor at the time. I don't think there was ever a question in his mind about what was the right thing. He probably would've been the one laid off, but his resignation made certain that the other guy kept his job.

I only heard that story (from my mother) a couple of months ago.

Posted by: AngelEm at December 24, 2008 07:51 PM (sGpZS)

8 My adult son voluntarily took the hit at his work because he was single. His co-workers all had wives and young children.

Posted by: WonderWartHog at December 24, 2008 07:58 PM (LVT6e)

9 "I didn't hear Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer or Dominic the Donkey once."

Yeah, but have you seen the commercial for the "Heat Surge Roll-N-Glow Electric Fireplace"? It's made by Amish people! Amish people who won't use the Heat Surge Roll-N-Glow Electric Fireplace because they don't use electricity.

They showed this commercial on my cable network at least three times per whatever show I'm watching, and it's driving me nuts. But there's a website!

Posted by: Andrea Harris at December 24, 2008 08:00 PM (d5tTP)

10 "I didn't hear Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer or Dominic the Donkey once."

Check out "Osama Got Run Over by a Reindeer" instead:

http://tinyurl.com/8n7q6q

Example:

"Al Qaida found him Christmas morning,
"Face down on that mountain pass,
"There were hoof marks on his turban,
"And a broken reindeer antler up his... HO HO HO!"

Posted by: RoadRunner at December 24, 2008 08:35 PM (fYqRI)

Merry Christmas everyone! Hope Santa is good to you all and you get the guns, ammo, Val-U-Rite, etc., that you put on your wish lists.

'Ho-ho-ho...now I have a machine gun.'

Posted by: CanaDave at December 24, 2008 08:53 PM (uoxA0)

12 Lord these people are a pain in the ass.

Hee Haw!

Posted by: Sam Wainwright at December 24, 2008 08:57 PM (rpQjM)

Happy Hanukah or Merry Christmas as the case may be, Ace and all you fellow morons out there.

Posted by: BattleofthePyramids at December 24, 2008 09:08 PM (dBTAb)

14 Crying my eyes out 'bout the guy who gave up his job for his friend... My youngest also has severe autism and this guy probably saved this family from unimaginable difficulty and heartache. f-it. pass the val-u-rite.

Posted by: andreaSF at December 24, 2008 09:09 PM (zBbvT)

15 Merry Christmas Morons and a special Merry Christmas to those standing watch tonight so we don't have to.

Posted by: robtr at December 24, 2008 09:11 PM (uJzOr)

16 Merry Christmas everyone!!! Our Christmas doesn't officially start until the 27th. My husband is in Portland, Oregon and won't be back home until at the least the night of the 26th.

Posted by: Ginger at December 24, 2008 09:28 PM (FOom6)

And spill a little Valu-Rite for the brothers who aren't here, andreaSF.

Posted by: andycanuck at December 24, 2008 09:30 PM (CZaaY)

18 I love the NORAD tracking thing.

Posted by: alexthechick at December 24, 2008 09:35 PM (LJ0he)

19 To all of my fellow morons - Merry Christmas/Happy Hanukkah

Posted by: Buck Naked - Pron Star at December 24, 2008 09:37 PM (gNXjy)

20 Crying my eyes out 'bout the guy who gave up his job for his friend... My youngest also has severe autism and this guy probably saved this family from unimaginable difficulty and heartache. f-it. pass the val-u-rite.

Same here. My little guy's 5 and was diagnosed right after his 2nd birthday. Cheers and best wishes to you and your family.

Posted by: Andy at December 24, 2008 09:38 PM (B+HYX)

21 On the NORAD thingy, my 8 year-old has been giving me the play-by-play on Santa's whereabouts all day. She's drifting off to sleep right now, and he's jussstttt about here. He just needs a couple more shots of liquid motivation.

Posted by: Andy at December 24, 2008 09:43 PM (B+HYX)

22 1. Dad went to Harvard with Borman, so I've got autographed photos of earthrise.Mighty cool.

2. Last year when the choice was between single me, and single mom other person, I took the lay-off. Actually, they fired me for reading Ace o'Spades at work.

Posted by: XBradTC at December 24, 2008 09:59 PM (/K0QE)

23 One Christmas eve my wife, son and I were running a few errands; stocking up for Christmas Day and football. My son was about three. We pulled into a 7-11. There, in the parking lot, was Santa himself, in the passenger seat of a car, just sittin' there. My kid freaked. Santa got out, my boy ran over and they had a nice little Christmas eve chat. I'm thankful to that stranger for his kindness as well as all the other good people in the world that put themselves out there for the children.
Merry Christmas, Morons.

Posted by: WonderWartHog at December 24, 2008 10:03 PM (LVT6e)

This has already been a great Christmas season for me...I didn't hear Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer or Dominic the Donkey once. You have to take your victories where you can get them.

I heard them once this year either, thank God. However, I have heard some that are either overplayed or should only be played to prisoners at Gitmo.

I'll I Want for Christmas - Mariah Carey : gee, haven't heard this one in like 15 minutes.

I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas : cute a few times, but after 100 times I want the hippo to sit on the kid

Christmas Shoes; why does mommy want shoes when she dies, is she gonna pole dance for Jesus?

Santa Claus is Coming to Town - Bruce Springsteen AKA "Sanna Claws izz comin' at ten" : Bruce sounds like he got into the egg nogg before getting on stage. "Clarenzz... Sanna goanna buy you a new sassaphone?"

Last Christmas: George Michael : soooooo gay

Step Into Christmas - Elton John : Elton, step into oncoming traffic

Do They Know It's Christmas - 100 self-righteous Brits led by Bob Geldof: no, they probably don't know since most of East Africa is Muslim

I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus - Jackson Five : yes, totally creepy, now it would be "I Saw Michael Kissing Caulkin Kids"

I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day - Harry Belafonte : I can't slash Harry's wrists in the middle of this one, I'll have to slash my own. Woe is the world.

War is Over - John and Yoko: Nice enough tune, but Yoko's screeching would start any war John wanted to end.

Simply Having a Wonderful Christmas - Paul McCartney: Sir Paul, had you played this for Heather BEFORE you married her, you'd have saved the divorce cash.

That's What Christmas Means to Me - Jessica Simpson: Jess, please make your vocal chords the next surgery.

Posted by: kbdabear at December 24, 2008 11:03 PM (miw86)

My Christmas faves

A Baby Changes Everything - Faith Hill

Mistletoe - Colbie Caillat

River - Joni Mitchell

Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer - Dean Martin

I'll Be Home For Christmas - Bing Crosby

I Believe in Father Christmas - Emerson, Lake, and Palmer

Silent Night - Linda Eder

O Holy Night - Josh Groban

Little Town - Cliff Richard

Mele Kalikimaka - Bette Midler

Posted by: kbdabear at December 24, 2008 11:10 PM (miw86)

I know most of you will think I'm bonkers, but I never tire of hearing Elvis belt out "ah-haahlll have uh Buh-loooooo Chrissssmuhsss without yooo"

Thankya vurra much

Posted by: kbdabear at December 24, 2008 11:15 PM (miw86)

Drew,

Thanks for the SC story, I sent it to 75 people.

Merry Christmas to all the morons, may the hobos sleep safe tonight, we're not hunting. Too much egg nog and rum.

Kemp

Posted by: kempermanx at December 24, 2008 11:16 PM (2+9Yx)

28 I *hate* "Simply Having a Wonderful Christmas". They were playing that on some demo stereo at Costco and I expressed my feelings loud and clear. Wound up talking to a complete stranger for five minutes about how annoying that song was.

Posted by: AngelEm at December 24, 2008 11:19 PM (sGpZS)

Cool!! We just captured Toronto. According to the NORAD site, Santa is now in Toronto, Ontario, United States.

Suck it, Canucks.

Posted by: Fa Cube Itches at December 24, 2008 11:36 PM (8MuSQ)

30 Fairytale for New York - The Pogues. It's going on at midnight. To be followed by an animated triple feature: the two Futurama X-mas episodes, and the Family Guy Christmas episode.

Posted by: Fa Cube Itches at December 24, 2008 11:39 PM (8MuSQ)

Cool!! We just captured Toronto. According to the NORAD site, Santa is now in Toronto, Ontario, United States.

"You serious, Clark?" - Cousin Eddie

Posted by: kbdabear at December 24, 2008 11:56 PM (miw86)

32 Maybe there's something wrong with me, but I like those novelty Christmas songs. Grandma, dogs barking Jingle Bells, the Chipmunks, it's all good.

Posted by: Dead Career Sketch at December 25, 2008 12:12 AM (5MeOO)

33 Merry Christmas From the Family

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P37xPiRz1sg

Posted by: stace at December 25, 2008 12:20 AM (JO0c/)

For something different and quite sublime

Enya singing Silent Night in Gaelic "Oiche Chiuin

http://tinyurl.com/9xeawv

Posted by: kbdabear at December 25, 2008 12:21 AM (miw86)

Well, the family is nestled in their beds, I have a mellow Val-U-Rite buzz going, and Type O Negative on the stereo. Feeling pretty fucking maudlin right now.

Merry Christmas, and all that.

Posted by: PaleoMedic at December 25, 2008 12:21 AM (yiNoG)

36 Time to go rewatch the Futurama Santa Claus episodes:

Santa-bot: By the way, Bender, here's a small token of my appreciation for being Santa while I was trapped in the ice.
Bender: Hey Chief, you screwed up! There's nothing in here.
Santa-bot: Oh, it might appear empty but the message is clear: play Santa again and I'll kill you next year!

Ho Ho Ho!!!

Posted by: Additional Blond Agent at December 25, 2008 12:22 AM (YYanS)

For those AOS regulars who are Jewish, don't forget the Hannukah song

"Why deck the halls with jingle bell rock, when you can spin the dradle with Captain Kirk and Mister Spock"

Posted by: kbdabear at December 25, 2008 12:26 AM (miw86)

38 Merry Christmas General Patton, John Birch, we'll get those last fucking Commies for ya.

Posted by: solitary knight at December 25, 2008 12:44 AM (rtThB)

39 My grown up kids are home for Christmas! I'm lovin' and hatin' it! Nobody's sleeping tonight without a little assistance (i.e. 5 grown people in a trailer!).

Posted by: katya at December 25, 2008 01:25 AM (oRJZj)

40 Katya,

If "assistance" means Val-U-Rite, I'd guess it's an average night. Except for the body heat driving down the power bill. Then again, I don't know how many people are usually passed out on the carpet ...

Merry Christmas.

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Posted by: replica watches at February 03, 2010 10:17 PM (YOuVm)

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Posted by: replica watches at February 07, 2010 03:05 AM (TUJDt)

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