Music to Interrogate By

This list comes second-hand and through the AP, so it may not be accurate. Still, some of these definitely constitute torture. Allegedly, interrogators would blast these songs at detainees in Iraq, Afghanistan, and Guantanamo Bay:

• "Enter Sandman," Metallica. [Awesome, 'specially the S&M version; also this will probably piss of Ulrich.]
• "Bodies," Drowning Pool. [Also cool.]
• "Shoot to Thrill," AC/DC. [Meh.]
• "Hell's Bells," AC/DC.
• "I Love You," from the "Barney and Friends" children's TV show. [Time for an escape attempt.]
• "Born in the USA," Bruce Springsteen.
• "Babylon," David Gray. [Okay, okay, I'll confess.]
• "White America," Eminem.
• "Sesame Street," theme song from the children's TV show. [Just kill me already.]

So which song would cause you to file your toothbrush down into a shiv so you can stab yourself in the neck?

Posted by: Gabriel Malor at 09:45 PM

Comments

WTF? No 'Stuck In The Middle With You'?

Next your going to tell me that by 'rigorous interogation' you just mean 'slap people on the belly'.

Posted by: Entropy at December 10, 2008 09:49 PM (cok/k)

2 Allof the above.

Posted by: Ronster at December 10, 2008 09:50 PM (hP5A8)

How could you forget "Who Let The Dogs Out"?

Posted by: chemjeff at December 10, 2008 09:52 PM (vkmUf)

4 Ween - "Push th little Daisies"

Posted by: 4thGenerationBuck at December 10, 2008 09:53 PM (AtjNL)

5 At this time of the year, such thoughts come to the forefront when I hear "Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer".

Posted by: Johnnycab23513 at December 10, 2008 09:53 PM (+IwXY)

6 Just about anything by Queen, but especially "Bohemian Rhapsody."

Celine Dion's "My Heart Will Go On" comes in second because I once worked on a media software project where that was one of the test cases.

Posted by: Raoul Ortega at December 10, 2008 09:54 PM (9p0nw)

7 Flava Flav would drive me fuckin' nuts. Boy George and Flava Flav doing a duet would cause my head to explode like Scanners.

Posted by: mossback at December 10, 2008 09:54 PM (in8Vs)

8 "Mickey" by Toni Basil

Posted by: Baron Von Ottomatic at December 10, 2008 09:54 PM (Ulsfn)

9 No Barry Manillow? No KC and the Sunshine Band? Pussies.

Posted by: Purple Avenger at December 10, 2008 09:54 PM (D+IVw)

10

In the jungle, the mighty jungle, the lion sleeps tonight.

Posted by: Big Swede at December 10, 2008 09:54 PM (GhwKr)

11 Umm, to torture the intended audience I think you really need some girl groups, complete with videos of them in short-shorts, or perhaps that old Cher video on the aircraft carrier.

Also, probably anything by the B-52s. Fred Schneider would probably get under their... skin.

Posted by: Y-not at December 10, 2008 09:55 PM (dC8te)

12 "...and Jerry Mathers as...the Beaver."

or "Henry The Eighth I Am" by Herman's Hermits.

Posted by: railwriter at December 10, 2008 09:55 PM (XcsD4)

13 Forget music, lock them in a room tied to a chair with "2 girls 1 cup" playing over and over again on every wall... after you let them puke all over themselves for a few hours they'll be ready to tell you anything.

Posted by: Watcher at December 10, 2008 09:56 PM (j+aGc)

14 enter Sandman, obviously, whilst waterboarding you average raghead...

Posted by: enter sandman at December 10, 2008 09:57 PM (zxaA2)

15 "I think I love you" by the Partridge Family. Also "Yummy yummy yummy, I've got love in my tummy.

Posted by: Jack Bauer's Evil Brother at December 10, 2008 09:57 PM (LrhbJ)

16 "Seasons in the Sun" by Terry Jacks. I have been known to launch myself across a room in a Jackie Chan-style leap just to change the radio station.

Posted by: Andrea Harris at December 10, 2008 09:58 PM (wZKga)

17 Oh, and how could I forget The Beegees?

Posted by: Jack Bauer's Evil Brother at December 10, 2008 09:59 PM (LrhbJ)

18 Barney's song has already caused the disappearance of thousands. Do you want to disappear too? I HATE that song.

Posted by: NJRob at December 10, 2008 09:59 PM (NYSmP)

19 "We Are the Champions" is fingers-on-chalk awful. The geezer-rock station which the radio at work is permanently tuned to plays it what seems like every fucking day, which explains my twitching left eye and quiet murderous rage.

Posted by: Waterhouse at December 10, 2008 09:59 PM (H4Yey)

20 Make em listen to the song stylings of Vegas Skank, Celine Deion. Horrible.
Or, alternately, A solid hour long loop of Wayne Newton's DankeSchoen.

Posted by: enter sandman at December 10, 2008 09:59 PM (zxaA2)

21 Hey, don't hate on the B52's! It's only 15 miles to the Love Shack!

Posted by: chemjeff at December 10, 2008 10:00 PM (vkmUf)

22 11 Umm, to torture the intended audience I think you really need some girl groups, complete with videos of them in short-shorts, or perhaps that old Cher video on the aircraft carrier.

This one: http://tinyurl.com/5brv6x

Posted by: Y-not at December 10, 2008 10:00 PM (dC8te)

23
Love Hurts, Nazareth

Posted by: Ike Turner at December 10, 2008 10:00 PM (GhwKr)

24 How can any list be complete without the following?

1) Escape (the Pina Colada Song) by Robert Holmes

2) Anything and everything by Alanis Morissette

I had a roommate in college that liked to play (1) every morning for the better part of a semester and a next door neighbor that liked to torture me with (2) every morning for another semester.

Posted by: Lord Squirrel at December 10, 2008 10:00 PM (9Jnjm)

25 21 Hey, don't hate on the B52's! It's only 15 miles to the Love Shack!

I love the B52s, but I'm thinking AQ guys probably wouldn't. Fred probably isn't their type.

Posted by: Y-not at December 10, 2008 10:01 PM (dC8te)

26 You can catch my 5 year old daughter singing: "let the bodies hit the floor; let the bodies hit the floor ..."

Posted by: gm at December 10, 2008 10:01 PM (aXpYP)

27 I guess that should be fingernails-on-chalkboard.

Posted by: Waterhouse at December 10, 2008 10:01 PM (H4Yey)

This is dedicated to all you B52 haters out there:

http://tinyurl.com/2xer9o

Posted by: chemjeff at December 10, 2008 10:03 PM (vkmUf)

29 The Carpenters - For All We Know From Lovers and Other Strangers

Quintessential stabbing-yourself-in-the-throat-with-a-filed-down-toothbrush "Oh, please God make it stop" interrogation music.

Posted by: Tattoo at December 10, 2008 10:03 PM (EJmQG)

30 But, personally, I'd use Torn Into Enthrallment by Suffocation.

Posted by: gm at December 10, 2008 10:04 PM (aXpYP)

31 "Carrie Anne" by The Hollies is garden-rake-on-a-blackboard excruciating for me -- I'm ready to kill myself by I played the ja-nee-tour / You played the mo-nee-tour, which is only the second line of the first verse.

Plus it reminds me of Carrie-Ann Moss, thus reminding me of The Matrix, which reminds me of overrated things that suck.

Posted by: Throbert McGee at December 10, 2008 10:04 PM (ETHtZ)

32 Gerry and the Pacemakers, "Ferry 'Cross The Mersey". I'd talk, or beg someone to rip out my ears with a file.

Posted by: boloth at December 10, 2008 10:06 PM (lWJG0)

33 Another horror would be a loop of "Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds", by Cap'n Kirk hisself. A spoken album classic. How many people have eaten a .22 hollow point with this evil sound droning in the background?

Also, a good way to inflict harm to your enemy is play a sampling of Liza Minelli groaning her drug-addled way through "New York, New York", or Cher singing that classic of the age of Billy Jack, "Half-Breed". Yep, Cher; half indian and all skank.
Picks yer poison...How bout some SlimWHitman? I got worse...Burrell Ives...
don't call my bluff. This stuff is evil...

Posted by: enter sandman at December 10, 2008 10:06 PM (zxaA2)

http://tinyurl.com/2f4gxn Arthur Brown is DA MAN Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha

your gonna burn! Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha

Posted by: sonnyspats at December 10, 2008 10:06 PM (XDOzp)

35 If I were in charge, I'd play "Piggies" by the Beatles over and over and over just out of spite, then switch over to a 72-hour marathon of "Dreamweaver," followed by that Flying Lizards album and then a whole bunch of Rammstein. We wouldn't be talking about closing Guantanamo - that would be a given. All we'd be discussing is how best to dispose of the bodies of detainees who decided it was better to go meet Allah and get their 72 raisins.

Posted by: Greg Griffith at December 10, 2008 10:08 PM (6cvPQ)

36 enter sandman is the most overrated song evah! I love Metallica but everytime I hear that song it makes me want to drink a gallon of Valu-rite and then let some hobos stab me in the neck.

Posted by: MFn G I M P at December 10, 2008 10:08 PM (6z72Q)

37 Anything by Bob Dylan.

Posted by: alexthechick at December 10, 2008 10:09 PM (xUOXi)

38 "Sunshine Day" ---- The Brady Bunch

http://tinyurl.com/588j9f

Posted by: Shannon at December 10, 2008 10:10 PM (v4qA1)

39 Some spoken- word rockers by Leonard Nimoy? My, oh my... Does it get any worse than that?

"She Bang", William Hung...as if Ricky Martin weren't bad enough without the help...

Anything by Billy Ray Virus Cyrus.

Posted by: enter sandman at December 10, 2008 10:10 PM (zxaA2)

40 Actually, anything by Phish and I'd talk.

Posted by: gm at December 10, 2008 10:11 PM (aXpYP)

41 Yep, "Achy Breaky Heart" would do me in after about three plays.

Posted by: AngelEm at December 10, 2008 10:14 PM (+Ql9y)

42 The way I really knew my ex-wife wanted me gone was when she played this hoffically saccharine duet between Barbara Fucking Streisand and Celine Fucking Dion ... play that, they'll talk, they'll do anything to make it stop.

Posted by: thirteen28 at December 10, 2008 10:14 PM (MsWP4)

43 A solo song by Danny Bonadouche...
Batman singing to Catwoman in the television series...putrid.

Posted by: enter sandman at December 10, 2008 10:14 PM (zxaA2)

44 No-talent assclown Michael Bolton singing anything, but special cruel and unusual consideration should be given to his covers of Otis Redding tunes like "Dock Of The Bay" or "Try A Little Tenderness".

Posted by: IllTemperedCur at December 10, 2008 10:14 PM (MKNSy)

45 Gerry and the Pacemakers, "Ferry 'Cross The Mersey". I'd talk, or beg someone to rip out my ears with a file.

Hey! I like that song! You not into the Mersey sound?

My torture song is Barney. Also, generic instrumental jazz.

Posted by: Remember the Kat-Mo! at December 10, 2008 10:16 PM (T/AOR)

46 Crazy World of Aurther Brown trivia the drummer is Carl Palmer who is a double player with Lucky Man from ELP

Posted by: sonnyspats at December 10, 2008 10:16 PM (XDOzp)

Ummm... ANYTHING by Michael Bolton!

Endless loop of "Walkin' on Sunshine" by Katrina and the Waves.

Anything by Red Sovine.

I have to stop... this is getting too depressing.

Posted by: Harry at December 10, 2008 10:17 PM (w0vgM)

48 Oh, can't forget recreational ass pirate Adam West's extremely gay dance with Catwoman with that whole fingers across the eyes thing while wearing purple tights and his underwear on the outside. At least his 60's Batman outfit didn't have a dick hole in the back. If he has one now, I bet it does...

Posted by: enter sandman at December 10, 2008 10:18 PM (zxaA2)

49 Hey! (Hey!), You! (You!) -- I wanna blow my brains out!

Posted by: McKittrick at December 10, 2008 10:18 PM (uOvAE)

50 I think most anything sung by David "Don't Hassle the Hoff" would more than do the trick for me. His covers are equally retarded as his "originals".

His most shiv inducing song however would have to be his childrens' classic "Pingu Dance".

Posted by: Chad at December 10, 2008 10:18 PM (ycdDC)

Anything by Eminem. Him being a sawed off poseur punk is enough, but his music sucks on it's own.

I just heard Britney Spear's new song, and it's a harrowing case of ear cancer, too. But at least she's thin again.

Posted by: UGAdawg at December 10, 2008 10:18 PM (MDHAs)

52 "It's a Small World After All"

Kill. me. now.

Also that freaking song from Annie.

The sun will come out... tomorrow....

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Posted by: AngelEm at December 10, 2008 10:19 PM (+Ql9y)

53 "Candy Man"
Sammy Davis, Jr.

Anything by down under ass pirate Peter Allen. Can it get worse than that?

Posted by: enter sandman at December 10, 2008 10:20 PM (zxaA2)

There are three songs that, quite literally, make my teeth hurt:

the theme from Flashdance

Eye of the Tiger

and this song...

Posted by: jmflynny at December 10, 2008 10:20 PM (GiRXj)

55 "Me and Mrs. Jones" we got a thing going on....rats, now it's in my brain!!

Posted by: PJ at December 10, 2008 10:22 PM (GVdvM)

56 Oh, my...
Karma Kameleon, by Teabagger Queen, Boy George. Comes with a chain and some handcuffs that Boy isn't currently using to beat fruit bat male whores.
That's as bad as I can tolerate thinking about...

Posted by: enter sandman at December 10, 2008 10:22 PM (zxaA2)

57 Also, probably anything by the B-52s. Fred Schneider would probably get under their... skin.

The B-52s would be useful in a system of positive/negative reinforcement: If the detainees are bad, they get continuous loops of nothing but Fred Schneider vocals all night; if they're good, they get to hear the Kate Pierson / Cindy Wilson parts.

(Check out this live concert version of ''Dry County'' for an outstanding example of the contrast between Fred's nasal honking and the Kate/Cindy harmonies -- particularly in the final minute of the song.)

Posted by: Throbert McGee at December 10, 2008 10:22 PM (ETHtZ)

58 Dexy's Midnight Runners-Come on Eileen
Culture Club- Do You Really Want to Hurt Me

As for the latter...yes. Yes I do.

Posted by: shibumi at December 10, 2008 10:23 PM (tZB/c)

59 Perhaps some Lawrence Welk, maybe a cover of "Stairway to Heaven" done in 4-4 time with accordions and a Mexican Mariachi band...

Posted by: enter sandman at December 10, 2008 10:24 PM (zxaA2)

60 That "I kissed a girl" song. It would just piss 'em off on so many levels.

Posted by: AngelEm at December 10, 2008 10:24 PM (+Ql9y)

61 I actually like David Gray, so I have to confess on that one, and I was once young enough to listen to "C'mon Eileen"...but I could never justify anything by Latoya Jackson...that'd be enough to make OBL shave his beard off and go Mormon.

Posted by: enter sandman at December 10, 2008 10:27 PM (zxaA2)

It occurs to me that, once upon a time, not only would the songs have been listed in the post, but the links to the You Tube vids would have been linked as well.

How dare you make us do the work of looking them up ourselves.

Posted by: jmflynny at December 10, 2008 10:28 PM (GiRXj)

63 Sometimes I'm not so sure about these guys, I mean how is a terrorist to know the difference?

At Waco, the ATF played Nancy Sinatra's "These boots are made for walking"so loud it made babies wake and children cry, and it sure pissed off everyone else. You know how well that one turned out.

The point is that it was Reno and Clinton so it sure can't be torture. Burning the kids might have been a touch rude, but even then the press complained less than GITMO.

There is a better way, Robert's quiet way to sleep deprivation:

1) Find the next Jeff Dahmer or Hannibal Lecter

2) Make sure everyone knows who they are and that they eat people.

3) Place #1 in same cell as terrorist.

Posted by: Robert at December 10, 2008 10:28 PM (VotgB)

Everything but the AC/DC.

Everything from the 80's.

'What If God Was One Of Us?'

Any cindy fucking lauper...

That shit-ass song by the wannabe-Greatful Dead group that had an ugly trollchick lead singer and lyrics "what I am is what I am are you what you are or what?"

That fag-assed song 'You Spin Me Right Round Baby'.

Fuck.

Posted by: Uncle Jefe at December 10, 2008 10:28 PM (p8IOE)

65 Jerry Lewis snivelling his way through "You'll Never Walk ALone", althoug you'll want to after hearing Jerry 'sing' this classic...

Posted by: enter sandman at December 10, 2008 10:29 PM (zxaA2)

66 Edie Brickell and New Bohemians

Posted by: enter sandman at December 10, 2008 10:30 PM (zxaA2)

67 Trollchick band name...you're welcome, the broad married aging hipster Paul Simon.

Posted by: enter sandman at December 10, 2008 10:31 PM (zxaA2)

68
Any cut off of Carol King's "Tapestry" album. Especially "You're So Vain". My younger sister loved that album and played it over and over and over and over and over and over and over ... to the point where just the thought of hearing King's whiny, nasal, out-of-tune voice has me contemplating stepping in front of a train.

For classically minded terrorists, the Polka and Fugue from the suite to Weinberger's opera "Schwanda the Bagpiper" is pure torture. God Almighty, I hate that piece of crap!

If you really want torture, though, play the Ring Cycle. Except that the Red Cross would be sure to intervene.

Posted by: Brown Line at December 10, 2008 10:31 PM (xYeJ1)

69 "Take On Me" A Ha...miserable noise. Rather hear rotors being ground down.

Posted by: enter sandman at December 10, 2008 10:32 PM (zxaA2)

70 "We Built This City on Rock and Roll"

Posted by: JCNY at December 10, 2008 10:33 PM (C634M)

71 Karelia Suite, Sibelius. Very maudlin, Scandi too.

Posted by: enter sandman at December 10, 2008 10:34 PM (zxaA2)

72 I would add Ace of Base to the list -- although their biggest U.S. hit, "(I Saw) The Sign," isn't actually so terrible compared to some of the shit that dominated the UK and Euro charts, like "All That She Wants" and "Happy Nation."

Posted by: Throbert McGee at December 10, 2008 10:34 PM (ETHtZ)

73 Black Eyed Peas "My Humps"

I still want to kill Fergie over that.

Posted by: AngelEm at December 10, 2008 10:35 PM (+Ql9y)

74 Delta Dawn, by Tanya Tucker. The soundtrack to hell.
Anything by Ricky Martin.

Posted by: enter sandman at December 10, 2008 10:35 PM (zxaA2)

75 It occurs to me that, once upon a time, not only would the songs have been listed in the post, but the links to the You Tube vids would have been linked as well.

YouTube is being a bit flaky tonight, so people might be trying to find the song links and then giving up -- it's hit or miss.

Posted by: Throbert McGee at December 10, 2008 10:36 PM (ETHtZ)

76 How Bout something awful by Peter Gabriel?
The Lion Lays Down on Broadway was a tired, overblown bunch of shit, for instance.

Posted by: enter sandman at December 10, 2008 10:36 PM (zxaA2)

77 5 minutes of that Lou Reed album Metal Machine Music would have the Devil himself ratting out his grandmother. 10 minutes of any Eno album would have them slashing their wrists. I did better stuff on an ancient patch cord programmed EMS Synthi at the Crane school of music for one of my electives.

Posted by: Purple Avenger at December 10, 2008 10:38 PM (D+IVw)

78 Or any instant classic by Flock Of Seagulls or Menudo. Can't leave out the annoyingly gay boy bands, now can we?

BackSeat Boys...Boys To Men, which sounds perfect for Michael Jackson, who could damn us all with "Billy Jean..."

Let's not forget that classic "Humpin Around" By Bobby Brown. And yes, he was sober when he made that.

Posted by: enter sandman at December 10, 2008 10:40 PM (zxaA2)

79 Hellen Reddy's "I Am Woman", followed by the Carpenter's "I'm on The Top Of The World", and then Abba's "Dancing Queen", and then throw in a delicious topping of John Denver's "Grandma's Feather Bed".

I'm admitting to crimes I didn't commit just thinking about it.

Posted by: johnd01 at December 10, 2008 10:41 PM (sG3C/)

80 Pet Shop Boys, what was their evil piece of shit song?

Posted by: enter sandman at December 10, 2008 10:41 PM (zxaA2)

81 "Born in the USA," Bruce Springsteen.

So, to torture anti-American terrorists, they play what is basically a whiny, anti-American, "my government sucks" song? Does anyone even listen to the lyrics before they decide what to play?

Posted by: wiserbud at December 10, 2008 10:41 PM (EW49d)

82 I still want to kill Fergie over that.

Which reminds me, it's been a while since I watched Alanis' "My Humps" mockery.

Damn, youtube is down right now.

Posted by: Gabriel Malor at December 10, 2008 10:42 PM (rWvvO)

83 West End Girls, Sandman?

Posted by: Shannon at December 10, 2008 10:42 PM (v4qA1)

84 "Raspberry Beret" Prince. So bad I wanted to gouge my eyes out when they actually made that piece of crap into a video. Horrible.

Posted by: enter sandman at December 10, 2008 10:43 PM (zxaA2)

85 ANY rap song would be enough to make the cheese slide off of my cracker.

Posted by: dragonlady474 at December 10, 2008 10:44 PM (qiCGV)

86 OMG, I just remembered "Hobo Humpin' Slobo Babe", a one-hit wonder by the Swedish group Whale, and obviously appropriate for AoS. (It's music to keep terror suspects awake by, AND to drink Val-U-Rite vodka by!)

Here's a YouTube link -- though, again, YouTube is "undergoing maintenance" right now and the link may or may not open.

Posted by: Throbert McGee at December 10, 2008 10:44 PM (ETHtZ)

87 Thanks, Shannon, that's it and I'd say Girls were the last things on the Pet Shop Boys list of things to do, so why'd they make that crappy tune?

But let us not overlook anything by Wham! "Wake Me Up Before You Go".
Words cannot describe the horror.
Oh, the humanity...

Posted by: enter sandman at December 10, 2008 10:45 PM (zxaA2)

88 As for songs that would make me confess to killing JFK, RFK AND MLK,

Sea of Love - The Honeydrippers

Micky - Toni Basil

Womanizer - Britney Spears

Posted by: wiserbud at December 10, 2008 10:46 PM (EW49d)

89 Sesame Street and Barney the Dinosaur but no "Won't You Be My Neighbor" by Fred Rogers? Oh wait, that would get 'em to commit suicide before they began to squeal like stuck pigs.

Posted by: Reiver at December 10, 2008 10:46 PM (oliA4)

90 And another boy band of ass pirates singing about girls, and later turning out to be tea baggers.

In sync, In sucks...

Posted by: enter sandman at December 10, 2008 10:47 PM (zxaA2)

For breaking hard core Al Queda fighters? The first two on that list--Enter Sandman and Bodies--aught to more than suffice. Take someone unfamiliar with metal and make them listen to that on continuous loop....It'll make thier ears bleed.

I'd like it. At least for a while.

Posted by: Crash at December 10, 2008 10:47 PM (ZueEu)

92 Markie Mark and the Funked Up Bunch.
B Side? Something bad by Tupac Shakur, real name SixPack To Go...

Posted by: enter sandman at December 10, 2008 10:49 PM (zxaA2)

In my day. a good metal band would be proud to learn that their music was used as a torture device.

Kids these days.

Posted by: LiberalNitemare at December 10, 2008 10:49 PM (09Qdq)

94 "Elvira" by the Oak Ridge Boys. Over and over.

Posted by: johnd01 at December 10, 2008 10:50 PM (sG3C/)

95 "Ice Ice Baby". Covered by Clay Aiken. With a feather boa, his dog and a gay Big Band...Joy Behar singing back up.
Not enough confessions in Rome to forgive that kind of sin...

Posted by: enter sandman at December 10, 2008 10:51 PM (zxaA2)

96 Top that, if you can...

Posted by: enter sandman at December 10, 2008 10:52 PM (zxaA2)

97 *self high five* I came up with the worst case scenario, thus far...

Posted by: enter sandman at December 10, 2008 10:53 PM (zxaA2)

98 followed by the Carpenter's "I'm on The Top Of The World"

The Shonen Knife cover of this, on the other hand, is pretty cool in its punk-Barbie Engrish way:

♪♫
I'm a toppa da wor', rookin
Downa kwee-ay-shin,
An' de on-ree essu-pa-nay-shin
I ca' fine...
♪♫

Posted by: Throbert McGee at December 10, 2008 10:55 PM (ETHtZ)

99 Anything by that pretentious pile of shit Bruce Springsteen.

Posted by: TheQuietMan at December 10, 2008 10:56 PM (FmAuk)

100 "Afternoon Delight" - Starland Vocal Band

"Valley Girl" = Frank and Moon Unit Zappa

Posted by: Baron Von Ottomatic at December 10, 2008 10:57 PM (Ulsfn)

101 Elton John, "Crappin fantastic and the Brown Eye Cowboy" IYKWIMAITYD with 'brown eye' there. *wink, wink,nod,nod*

Posted by: enter sandman at December 10, 2008 10:57 PM (zxaA2)

102 My head hurts now,thanks. Nightmares for sure.

Posted by: enter sandman at December 10, 2008 10:58 PM (zxaA2)

103

49 Hey! (Hey!), You! (You!) -- I wanna blow my brains out!

Heh - when I first read this I thought you were referring to this classic tune.

Posted by: chemjeff at December 10, 2008 10:58 PM (vkmUf)

104 In my day. a good metal band would be proud to learn that their music was used as a torture device.

Not just in your day. See this related story. The money quote from a member of Drowning Pool is below.

Some musicians, however, say they're proud that their music is used in interrogations. Those include bassist Stevie Benton, whose group Drowning Pool has performed in Iraq and recorded one of the interrogators' favorites, "Bodies."

"People assume we should be offended that somebody in the military thinks our song is annoying enough that played over and over it can psychologically break someone down," he told Spin magazine. "I take it as an honor to think that perhaps our song could be used to quell another 9/11 attack or something like that."

The band's record label told AP that Benton did not want to comment further. Instead, the band issued a statement reading: "Drowning Pool is committed to supporting the lives and rights of our troops stationed around the world."

Unfortunately, in that article you'll have to read Tom Morello from RATM whine like a little bitch. But the sure antidote is to watch him play a terrorist in Iron Man. He's the first one that gets splattered by Tony Stark in the cave escape.

Posted by: IllTemperedCur at December 10, 2008 10:58 PM (MKNSy)

105 George Michael covering "Don't Let Your Son Go Down On Me" or Father Figure.

Posted by: enter sandman at December 10, 2008 11:00 PM (zxaA2)

106

"I Love You," from the "Barney and Friends"

I succumb, pig eaters! Show me the manner of stroking the plastic rodent to make the mark "Cave of Prince Obama (pbuh)" on the Google Earth! Then have mercy and send me to my reward quickly, lest the Purple One begin again!!

Posted by: sherlock at December 10, 2008 11:00 PM (8V5Ut)

107 Daydream Believer, The Monkees
More like the Mongoloids.

Posted by: enter sandman at December 10, 2008 11:01 PM (zxaA2)

108 Anything from MSG would cause me to have a shiv-assisted blowout.

Posted by: steveegg at December 10, 2008 11:02 PM (LvEFt)

109

"It's Peanut Butter Jelly Time!"

(click it, you know you want to)

Posted by: chemjeff at December 10, 2008 11:04 PM (vkmUf)

110 "Una Paloma Blanca" A Slim Whitman classic.

Posted by: enter sandman at December 10, 2008 11:05 PM (zxaA2)

111 Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers, gagggg or Joan Jett, I got stuck on some road trips with them on a continuous loop and thought I was in a torture chamber, 48 hrs of "I love Rock and Roll" will do the job. I love Metallica but I can see how they could break a jihadi. I would say any and all rap/hip hop/pop would break me before any other genre, I hate the shit.

Posted by: goat at December 10, 2008 11:06 PM (UNM/i)

112

enter sandman is to conversations about shitty music what wickedpinto is to conversations about any kind of shit that's all fucked up. You go sandman.

Anyway.........my only contribution will be this one: Play Ted Nugent's "Stranglehold" from the Double Live Gonzo album at about 125 decibals during all future waterboarding. And while we're at it, let Ted in on the administering of the waterboarding.

Posted by: pendejo grande at December 10, 2008 11:08 PM (iMnDJ)

113 Chucky's in Love, by Rikki Lee Jones. Best torture song, ever, since even five years after the last time you heard it, the only way to get it out of your head is to blow your brains out.

Posted by: Sharkman at December 10, 2008 11:09 PM (69J41)

114 Rush's "Tom Sawyer". The multiple difficult tempo changes along with Geddy Lee screaming "...Salesman!" while they are trying to sleep would make them eat their own ears.

Posted by: johnd01 at December 10, 2008 11:10 PM (sG3C/)

115 Would Frank Zappa's "The Torture Never Stops" be a bit too obvious?

Posted by: Raoul Ortega at December 10, 2008 11:12 PM (9p0nw)

116

Ironic that "Born in the USA" is on the torture list considering it's not a patriotic ballad at all. Surprised the lib's don't make it required listening.

Posted by: Lowell at December 10, 2008 11:14 PM (yxfDC)

117

And the winner is...

Samwell- What What

Posted by: Darth Randall at December 10, 2008 11:16 PM (oLULt)

118

"Yummy yummy yummy, I got love in my tummy.".

Twelve hours of that and they will be bleeding from their nose AND anus.

And a couple of tracks from one of Shatner's or Nimoy's albums? Or for that matter, anything Willie Nelson's ever done?

Guaranteed Ebola-like hemorrhaging from ALL bodily orifices.

In either case, just let me watch, OK?

Posted by: fulldroolcup at December 10, 2008 11:17 PM (dBb94)

119

I once heard "Stairway to Heaven" played live on the harp in an LAX restaurant lounge.

For me it was a "Whoa!" moment.

For a terrorist, it would be nothing but "Arrrrggghhhhh"!

Posted by: fulldroolcup at December 10, 2008 11:22 PM (dBb94)

120

Yes, sandman, edie brickell.

Trollchick.

Posted by: Uncle Jefe at December 10, 2008 11:22 PM (p8IOE)

121 Damn I almost forgot the song that grates on my nerves more than any, John Lennon's "Imagine". I hate that song with a passion that equals my hatred for the Beetles in general or the Rolling Bones er Stones

Posted by: goat at December 10, 2008 11:23 PM (UNM/i)

122
I'm shocked nobody's nominated Honey, by Bobby Goldsboro, which won Dave Barry's Crappiest Song in the World contest.

It's also a song that nearly killed my wife. Spike O'Dell on WGN was playing the Barry hit parade one afternoon, and had gotten to Honey; but it was getting near to the news break, so he cranked it up to 78 RPM. My wife was laughing so hard she nearly drove off the road.

So be careful! These songs can be dangerous!

Posted by: Brown Line at December 10, 2008 11:24 PM (xYeJ1)

123 So which song would cause you to file your toothbrush down into a shiv so you can stab yourself in the neck?

A Horse With No Name

Just typing the title of the song gave me the willies. I fucking hate that song with a deep burning well of hatey-hot-bile.

"Afternoon Delight" - Starland Vocal Band

Jesus! The first time I watched the movie Anchorman, I found myself in the garden weeding and transplanting, and humming and singing that song. It followed me into my dreams. And into the next day, which I found amusing.

And the next day.

AND THE NEXT.

AAAAND THE NEXT.

And so on, for weeks every time I was working outdoors. I couldn't stop. I wanted to die.

It was such an unstoppable melody to me while at work in the yard, that in the intervening year or so I have actually put time and practice into training myself to stop an earworm to save myself this pain in the future.

Posted by: lauraw at December 10, 2008 11:24 PM (DbybK)

124 Wiserbud, you sonafabitch...you had to put that fucking 'mickey' song in my head...my insomnia will have a theme song tonight...

Posted by: Uncle Jefe at December 10, 2008 11:25 PM (p8IOE)

125

"And I said heyayayaya heyaya, I said hey, what's goin' on??"

Fucking hara kiri, now.

Hey, how about that pedophile whazzizname...Gary Glitter...that shit they play at sports arenas...

Posted by: Uncle Jefe at December 10, 2008 11:29 PM (p8IOE)

126 They're Coming to Take Me Away Ha Ha!

Posted by: Grimmy at December 10, 2008 11:32 PM (NnF4T)

127 This is the best list of the worst records ever:
http://tinyurl.com/WorstRecords

and I'd have to give JLo's "Jenny From the Block" top dishonors here.Every word is the song rings false and every note rings sour.

Posted by: Johanna Lapp at December 10, 2008 11:33 PM (xqhoO)

128 For breaking jihadis though I would suggest any gospel music or those Christian monk's chants.

Posted by: goat at December 10, 2008 11:35 PM (UNM/i)

129

"I touch myself", The DeVinyls. Oh, and "Heartbeat" By Don Johnson. Kill me fucking NOW.

Posted by: C In Az at December 10, 2008 11:35 PM (f/8YE)

130 wiserbud@81:

THANK YOU! It drives me NUTS how people think that's a pro-American song!

My personal torture tunes:
"Midnight at the Oasis" send your camels to bed, Ahmed!
"I Got a Brand New Pair of Roller Skates"
"I Believe in Miracles" ooh, you sexy thing!
"Havin' My Baby" by Paul Anka (and I'm even pro-life! But that thing is AWFUL)
"Copa Cabana" Barry Manilow at his absolute worst (now THAT's saying something!)
"I Am Woman" by Helen Reddy oh puh-leeeeez

Laura W, you beat me to it. "Afternoon Delight" has GOT to be on the list.

Posted by: Kathy from Kansas at December 10, 2008 11:37 PM (Prdx7)

131 She's Like The Wind by Patrick Swazye. Ugh.

And that shitty, cliche'd crapola song from Robert Downey Jr's album. It was played over the credits on Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang. Every time I watch that DVD, I have to jump all over the place looking for the remote to kill the sound when the movie ends.

What ever possesses actors to think that they can sing?

Posted by: IllTemperedCur at December 10, 2008 11:46 PM (MKNSy)

132 I think the Beach Boys combined with waterboarding would be appropriate

Posted by: ICBM at December 10, 2008 11:57 PM (K+jgw)

133 A "One Hit Wonders of the 70's", "Dora the Explorer" soundtrack, or any of Meat Loaf's "Bat Out of Hell" sequel CD's would do the trick.

Posted by: Dr. Remulak at December 10, 2008 11:57 PM (5Fh7q)

134 Don't Stop Believing by Journey. The epitome of cruel and unusual punishment.

Posted by: TheQuietMan at December 11, 2008 12:12 AM (FmAuk)

135 How about:

''Who's Johnny?'' by El DeBarge (who is not a chick)

or

''The Neverending Story'' by Limahl (who is also not a chick)?

Posted by: Throbert McGee at December 11, 2008 12:14 AM (ETHtZ)

136 'Silvia's Mother' by Dr.Hook. I defy you to find a worse song this side of HELL!!!!!

Posted by: WonderWartHog at December 11, 2008 12:18 AM (LVT6e)

137 123.
"a deep burning well of hatey-hot-bile"....Classic.

Posted by: WonderWartHog at December 11, 2008 12:25 AM (LVT6e)

138 Almost all of the songs people have mentioned I don't mind. That having been said...

"We Built This City on Rock and Roll" is a good call. I viscerally don't like that song, and it is bizarrely catchy.

"Horse with No Name" gets old pretty quick, too. Like three bars in. But it is nowhere near the searing, pulsing, throbbing pain that Jefferson Starship is capable of inflicting.

"Carrie Anne" I liked when I was a kid. Then something clicked in my brain one day. I was horrified and could never listen to it again.

I like Led Zeppelin, but the 13 minute "Carouselambra" could break Ernest Shackleton.

Posted by: caspera at December 11, 2008 12:31 AM (vSuMy)

139 What - no one's said

"Muskrat love" by the captain and Tenille?

Posted by: anne at December 11, 2008 12:32 AM (uJBct)

140 Anything by the Captain & Tenille.

Posted by: WonderWartHog at December 11, 2008 12:34 AM (LVT6e)

141 Y'all are naming half my favorite songs. (I like Muskrat Love!)

Don't hurt me.

Posted by: Alana at December 11, 2008 12:43 AM (JE2zV)

142 Everyone's forgetting "Baby One More Time"

"My loneliness is killing
I must confess, I still believe
When I'm not with you I lose my mind
Give me a sign

Hit me baby, one more time"

Perfect anthem for terrorists.

Posted by: Amy at December 11, 2008 12:44 AM (U0dI+)

143

This is pretty fingers-on-the-chalkboard bad.

Roseanne Barr- the National Anthem.

Posted by: Darth Randall at December 11, 2008 12:45 AM (oLULt)

144 What Is Love by Haddaway
Heal the World by Michael Jackson
Macarena by Los del Rios
Informer by Snow
Wannabe by Spice Girls
Im Too Sexy by Right Said Fred
Dur Dur D'etre Bebe by Jordy
Mmm Bop by Hanson

I worked at a Top 40 station in the 80's and 90's. Most of these songs made me want to air condition my brain with a 9mm.

Posted by: mrcaniac at December 11, 2008 12:46 AM (Rbulg)

145 Yeah, Mmm Bop would do me in for good.

Posted by: WisCon at December 11, 2008 12:53 AM (RsaX9)

146 And, ladies and gentlemorons, now that YouTube is working properly again, I give you:

''The World Is a Circle''

...from the 1973 megabomb remake of Lost Horizon, as lip-synched by Liv Ullmann, with music and lyrics by Burt Bacharach. It's pretty much a superfecta of '70s New Age-iness and Westerners discovering inscrutable Oriental wisdom, plus it's super duper catchy.

Posted by: Throbert McGee at December 11, 2008 12:54 AM (ETHtZ)

147 Do You Believe in Life After Love

... or any other song that uses that horrible pitch correction vocal effect that makes me want to claw my earballs out.

Posted by: Brendan at December 11, 2008 01:02 AM (2jQGY)

148 "Peaches" by The Presidents of the USA and "Roxanne" by The Police.

Posted by: dianainsa at December 11, 2008 01:04 AM (T1f+6)

149 What's that treacly 80s song that has some whiny cockholster weeping about his dead dad and how he never talked to him until it was too late and it reminds him of his own son and it all just makes me want to projectile vomit across the room.

The Mechanics, or some such, was the name of the group what did it. I hate them forever.

Posted by: OregonMuse at December 11, 2008 01:11 AM (bMJ2V)

150 * "That's the Way (Uh Huh Uh Huh) I Like it (Uh Huh Uh Huh)" -- just the refrain (i.e. just that one line), on an endless loop. (See: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Complexity_of_Songs)

* Van Halen's "Sunday Afternoon In the Park" -- great instrumental, but depressing as hell. (I want it played at my funeral.) Since it fades in and out, it would also work nicely on an endless loop. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cXKhoUh--s8, up to about 1:53.)

* Joy Division's cover of "Sister Ray" (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0vUNddDbJ-k). (The singer, Ian Curtis, killed himself a few weeks later.)

Posted by: Stumbo at December 11, 2008 01:12 AM (dPaNC)

151 Muse,
'The living years' or 'in the living years' by Mike & the Mechanics. In case you're feeling masochistic.

Posted by: WonderWartHog at December 11, 2008 01:17 AM (LVT6e)

152 You can tell that everyone on this moronblog is either very young, very not gay, or just teddibly uncultured, because no one has mentioned Florence Foster Jenkins.

Here's an instructive YouTube clip with a hot chick lip-synching two versions of the "Queen of the Night" aria from Mozart's The Magic Flute: as performed by a professional soprano, and as performed by the late Ms. Jenkins.

Posted by: Throbert McGee at December 11, 2008 01:20 AM (ETHtZ)

153 Florence Foster Jenkins.

I would sand my fingers off before I would let them click on that link.

Posted by: WonderWartHog at December 11, 2008 01:23 AM (LVT6e)

154 ... Oh, and just about anything by the Swans, esp. live. (E.g.: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YSRjYYUE-_c)

Posted by: Stumbo at December 11, 2008 01:48 AM (dPaNC)

155 Anything Hip-Hop

Posted by: Vic at December 11, 2008 01:51 AM (q8aAJ)

156

I have, in my posession, the ultimate auditory crime against humanity to ever exist. A friend sent it to me years ago, because he's an ass, and it has only been deployed in active service once.

I don't know the actual title nor the band who performs it, nor do I want to. I know it simply as jpara15.mp3, or "The goddamn techno-yodel song".

It's japanese techno/eurobeat with all the lyrics yodeled. 30 seconds of it would make a grown man cry like a little girl just diagnosed with AIDS and given 5 minutes left to live.

It was deployed in 2001, against my next-door neighbor in the dorms, who was banging his girlfriend all, almost every night for the past 2 months. It was final exam time, so I got sick of no sleep and crunch stress, put my sub and speakers against the wall, and cranked it. I think it's raw evil made him sterile, because I never heard a creaking bed and shrill annoying banshee calls in the night afterwords.

In short: the military is using the pansy stuff and libtard trolls should stfu about loud music at interrogations.

Posted by: Ranba Ral at December 11, 2008 02:01 AM (fpk1J)

157

*all night, almost every night.

Damnit, I need to quit posting at 2 am local

Posted by: Ranba Ral at December 11, 2008 02:02 AM (fpk1J)

158 Vic - you mean like, "Who Let These 'Hos In My Room"?

(I learned of that one during John Gibson's Hip Hop Week in Review last Friday.)

Posted by: Shannon at December 11, 2008 02:03 AM (v4qA1)

159

Knights in White Satin.

Hate it, hate it, hate it.

Posted by: AndrewsDad at December 11, 2008 02:22 AM (reApX)

160

Who let the Ho’s in my room? What a title for a song. LOL, my grandchildren bring over disks for me to rip and put on their mp3 players. I try to keep from listening to any of that shit but sometimes they want to hear one to see if it is up to their “standards”. I sit and cringe as it is playing.

Posted by: Vic at December 11, 2008 02:28 AM (q8aAJ)

161

Hellen Reddy's "I Am Woman", - Ding ding ding!!!

"Horse With No Name" - I'm a musician, once I played in a comedy-rock band that did a parody, "I've been through the desert on a horse with no name, it felt good to be so inane"

Q. What does a [Grateful] Deadhead say after you cut off his drugs for a week?

A. Boy, does this band suck!

Posted by: Gary Rosen at December 11, 2008 02:49 AM (mB/JC)

162 You know my choose is very good!

Posted by: jarry at December 11, 2008 03:15 AM (kj3UG)

163 I second fulldroolcup: William Shatner's "Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds". Actually, his whole album "Transformed Man" is weaponized audio that makes physical duress during questioning entirely unnecessary.

Others have mentioned a lot of the worst mind-twisters in music, but honestly, Shatner's at a level all his own. You must listen once, if you never have.

This article talks about it.

You can find it on iTunes, among other sources.

Posted by: thecork at December 11, 2008 03:44 AM (L0cxG)

164 Found it!

http://tinyurl.com/6jd9dy

Posted by: thecork at December 11, 2008 03:57 AM (L0cxG)

165 thecork - I'm not sure. Isn't Shatner so bad he borders on greatness?

Meh. Its late; I could be wrong.

Posted by: Shannon at December 11, 2008 04:04 AM (v4qA1)

166 I guess no one here remembers the great Yoko Ono. I think enough time has passed that I can write that now without reliving the searing horrible painful memory of that 'music'.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=el06R6fwm1U

Oh good lord NOOO!!!!! Make it stop!!!!!

Posted by: Buddy Bizarre at December 11, 2008 04:37 AM (YacaW)

167

I am stunned that no one has yet mentioned "Feelings."

"Sometimes When We Touch," "Cherish," and "Silly Love Songs" are all standards in the torture repertoire, aren't they?

For really difficult cases you could pull out "MacArthur Park." Cruel and unusual.

Posted by: Cassandra at December 11, 2008 04:39 AM (Yes46)

168

Okay. That's it!

Yoko Ono doing "Feelings."

Posted by: Cassandra at December 11, 2008 04:42 AM (Yes46)

169 Just make them listen to Israeli pop on repeat. Or make them listen to the shrills on The View.

Posted by: In Exile at December 11, 2008 04:45 AM (Dw6L6)

170

Being that I can understand the lyrics, unlike a Jihad Joe, if it comes down to waterboarding or a Rage Against The Machine screed, all I can say is:

"Grab a bucket, I can strap myself down."

Posted by: SuperCool at December 11, 2008 04:50 AM (a80B1)

171 Anything by The SugarCubes.

Posted by: TC at December 11, 2008 05:42 AM (mcFb3)

172

One from the AoSHQ crowd:

http://tinyurl.com/292jaf

Posted by: Don Carne at December 11, 2008 05:45 AM (wSNS7)

173 Enter Sandman is my pick.

Posted by: Mike at December 11, 2008 06:08 AM (xbwcb)

174 When I was a gaurd over there they would sometimes play Metallica, Barney and Hank williams jr. at the same time for them. It almost ruined music for me entirely. Give it a shot put your signifigant other in a sterile room with three radio's and see how long it takes for them to aggree to your housework list

Posted by: missiletech at December 11, 2008 06:49 AM (WvC5A)

175 I definitely agree with Andrea Harris, number 16: "Seasons in the Sun," by Terry Jacks, must be the worst song ever written in the English language. It is the most horrifying example of '60s-era creepy earnestness ever written. Prize lyrics: "Good-bye, my friends, it's hard to die." Thinking about everything that the dead fellow has just lost. Yecccch.

Posted by: sk at December 11, 2008 07:07 AM (jbRZt)

176 J-pop. Any and all.

Posted by: Dave at December 11, 2008 07:14 AM (16KQz)

177 I bet the modern classical composer George Crumb's "Black Angels" would have them begging for the sweet release that death would bring. Just putting it on the ol' CD loop, and they'd be spilling by the second repetition. It's like a descent into hell.

Listen here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A5OsuzSXU-k

Posted by: sk at December 11, 2008 07:15 AM (jbRZt)

178 I just listened to Florence Foster Jenkins (linked above). Holy moly, toe-curlingly bad. I've never heard Mozart sung (by a professional, yet) so amazingly off key.

Posted by: sk at December 11, 2008 07:22 AM (jbRZt)

179 Free-ee
Credit
--
Report.
Dot.
Com...

Posted by: Bugler at December 11, 2008 07:32 AM (YCVBL)

180 So far it looks like 130 FTW with some excellent supplements for the list. I'll toss in anything from Anne Murray or Celine Dion. Just mentioning them makes me want to tear out my own eardrums just to be safe.

Posted by: The Taxpayers at December 11, 2008 07:42 AM (o2slJ)

181 Sockpuppet off, dammit!

Posted by: VRWC Agent at December 11, 2008 07:43 AM (o2slJ)

182 Personally, I'd probably go with a lot of sugary sweet stuff like "We Are the World", "Kumbaya", "One Tin Soldier" and stuff like that, just for the irony factor, but if we're talking pure awfulness, I can't believe no one has mentioned THE MAN.

http://tinyurl.com/674vvw

Posted by: Farmer Joe at December 11, 2008 07:54 AM (nYv/9)

183 Convoy - CW McCall

game, set, & match

Posted by: GrayLoess at December 11, 2008 08:02 AM (eifYH)

184 If I taped my two younger girls playing karaoke on the PS2, that'd work. Tortures me, that's for sure...

Going back to "MmmBop" - our local morning show had Hansen on one day, but they'd only do the interview if everyone on the show promised not to even *mention* Mmm Bop. Apparently, they don't like it so much these days, either.

Posted by: AngelEm at December 11, 2008 08:08 AM (+Ql9y)

185 Any one of the 15 - 20 songs repeated daily on these so called 'mix' stations. Funny... Mix apparently means pussy boy soft rock, whiny shitbag stalkers, and the token 80's dance song. Fuck I'd almost feel bad for the camel turd eaters.

Oh and don't even get me started on the classic rock stations.... The next person to request 'Pinball Wizard' is getting stabbed in the face. I like classic rock, but apparently the songs I like are never played on the radio. I live in MA. Anyone living in MA knows MIX98.5 and WZLX.... That'll kill anyone

Posted by: Melodic Metal at December 11, 2008 08:18 AM (0TU9n)

186 "Times of Grace" by Neurosis... sounds like God himself tossing MOABs on y'ass, with Satan on strings. Great song, but oppressive and frightening like nobody's business.

Posted by: Mike Foster at December 11, 2008 08:19 AM (7P5mH)

187 ``Seasons in the Sun.'' Oh my God, yes.

There was also a Susan Jacks - Terry's wife? - who sang a mopey-girl thing called ``Which Way Ya Going, Billy?'' Not only maudlin but at the end of each phrase you could hear a huge intake of breath for the next line - it was as loud as the song itself, and even in the early 70s someone should have had the wit to edit that stuff out.

Rod Stewart did some really bad stuff too, though I've forgotten the titles (the lyrics are still with me, alas) so I can't name them for you right now.

Posted by: Annalucia at December 11, 2008 08:23 AM (xYeJ1)

188

CopaCabana by Barry Manilow.

Mahna Mahna by The Muppets

Posted by: Clancy at December 11, 2008 08:25 AM (HPYJV)

189

"Hollaback Girl" & "Fergi-licious" or any damn club song where they spell the chorus...

oh, make it stop

Posted by: that guy at December 11, 2008 08:29 AM (zl17B)

190 To celebrate the Christmas season, how about this old favorite? I'm sure the jihadis would appreciate it.

http://www.knightopia.com/O%20Holy%20Night.mp3

Posted by: sk at December 11, 2008 08:30 AM (jbRZt)

191 I can't believe no one's mentioned "Tie a Yellow Ribbon" by Phony Orlando and Yawn. I destroyed a car radio because of that song.
I loved that car.
And fuck.
Just for the ratings.

Posted by: batteryguy at December 11, 2008 08:54 AM (WhoZn)

192

Forget music, lock them in a room tied to a chair with "2 girls 1 cup" playing over and over again on every wall... after you let them puke all over themselves for a few hours they'll be ready to tell you anything.

Dude if you did that to me, I would want to blow up your stupid civilization too.

Death to the infidel!

Posted by: Entropy at December 11, 2008 09:02 AM (m6c4H)

193 Doo wop. Any of it. I wouldn't be able to confess fast enough.

Posted by: rori at December 11, 2008 09:04 AM (2e4Y0)

194 Achy Breaky Heart is enough to break the hardest jihadist. But that's not what I'd use, because I hate the jihadists too much for that.

Season In The Sun, You're A Lady and Sometimes When We Touch cycling endlessly would make them beg to die.

Even more than bouncy insufferability, it's endless, creepily earnest whining that undermines a man.

Posted by: David Blue at December 11, 2008 09:06 AM (sPXmf)

195

Anything by Coldplay or Hinder.

Posted by: TC at December 11, 2008 09:07 AM (mcFb3)

196

Dude if you did that to me, I would want to blow up your stupid civilization too.

Death to the infidel!

Posted by: Entropy at December 11, 2008 09:02 AM (m6c4H)

Make the watch Kids in the Sandbox

Posted by: TC at December 11, 2008 09:08 AM (mcFb3)

197 Dominic the Christmas Donkey

Posted by: Korla Pundit at December 11, 2008 09:09 AM (TaHq4)

198 Dear Mister Jesus

Posted by: Korla Pundit at December 11, 2008 09:09 AM (TaHq4)

199 Do They Know it's Christmas?

Posted by: Korla Pundit at December 11, 2008 09:10 AM (TaHq4)

200 Ebony and Ivory

Posted by: Korla Pundit at December 11, 2008 09:10 AM (TaHq4)

201 Happy Christmas (War is Over)

Posted by: Korla Pundit at December 11, 2008 09:11 AM (TaHq4)

202 >>"So which song would cause you to file your toothbrush down into a shiv so you can stab yourself in the neck?"<<

'Born in the USA', from the album that redefined "selling out".

Posted by: DDJ at December 11, 2008 09:11 AM (mT2TF)

203 Anything from RENT.

Posted by: Korla Pundit at December 11, 2008 09:11 AM (TaHq4)

204
F to the R to the E to the E

To the C to the R to the E-D-I-T

Posted by: Tinian at December 11, 2008 09:12 AM (Ohodx)

205 Any Mellencamp song

Posted by: Korla Pundit at December 11, 2008 09:12 AM (TaHq4)

206

Ya’ll had to start with the Christmas songs. So I remembered THIS ONE.

Posted by: Vic at December 11, 2008 09:18 AM (q8aAJ)

207

As the mother of small children I can attest to the psych ops potential of the freaking Barney song. It is the only song I know of that can create suicidal and homicidal tendencies in tandem with thumb sucking, crawl into a corner submission to an evil fate all at the same time, while causing permanent resulting in emotional scarring and a loss of 5 IQ points every time you hear it. Play it softly to them boys, 24/7/365, and witness the power of the purple freaking dinosaur....

That Yo Gabba Gabba show has possibly the same potential.

Sesame Street and Mr. Rodgers ain't got nuthin' on those two.

I'd have to vote for Stranglehold and letting Uncle Ted help out too -- if I was a jihadi that would worry me.

Anything by Dave Matthews! The horror!

Posted by: unknown jane at December 11, 2008 09:20 AM (wyaGP)

208 Taxi
Daddy Don't You Walk So Fast
Billy Don't Be a Hero
Patches

Posted by: kingaljr at December 11, 2008 09:32 AM (S9bjs)

209 YMCA - The Village People

Saturday Night - The Bay City Rollers

Time Warp - from The Rocky Horror Picture Show
or
We Go Together - From Grease

They Don't Know - Tracey Ullman

Posted by: Baron Von Ottomatic at December 11, 2008 09:32 AM (Ulsfn)

210 That Yo Gabba Gabba show has possibly the same potential.

I saw 4 seconds of that before I banned my children from ever watching that in my house..

the one song that would make me make a noose out of my shoe laces would be 'No Rain' by Blind Melon..

I do believe in Karma to some degree because the lead singer and of Blind Melon later died from a heroin OD..

Posted by: Dave C at December 11, 2008 09:34 AM (MfaHp)

211 I forgot to throw in Honey by Bobby Goldsboro.

Posted by: kingaljr at December 11, 2008 09:35 AM (S9bjs)

212
208 posts to get to Billy Don't Be a Hero.

That's some severe slacker activity.

Posted by: Tinian at December 11, 2008 09:36 AM (Ohodx)

213 The Whistle Song. GAH!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ryZUlhTzqxo

Posted by: AngelEm at December 11, 2008 09:36 AM (+Ql9y)

214 Numa Numa

*cringe*

Posted by: AngelEm at December 11, 2008 09:38 AM (+Ql9y)

215 "Any cut off of Carol King's "Tapestry" album. Especially "You're So Vain". My younger sister loved that album and played it over and over and over and over and over and over and over ... to the point where just the thought of hearing King's whiny, nasal, out-of-tune voice has me contemplating stepping in front of a train.
"

I think you should revisit Tapestry. You're So Vain was written and preformed by Carly Simon, supposedly it was about Warren Beatty.

Posted by: Ann NY at December 11, 2008 09:40 AM (nG/mN)

216 What??? No Zamfir, Master of the Pan-flute?

Posted by: The Watcher at December 11, 2008 09:51 AM (LRbd/)

217

I think you should revisit Tapestry. You're So Vain was written and preformed by Carly Simon, supposedly it was about Warren Beatty.

I had heard it was about her ex-flame James Taylor. I liked Tapestry but I can feel for the poster who had to listen to it over and over. My youngest brother played Snoopy and the Red Baron over and over until I wanted to scream.

Posted by: Vic at December 11, 2008 09:56 AM (q8aAJ)

218 Don't Worry, Be Happy.

Posted by: polynikes at December 11, 2008 09:56 AM (m2CN7)

219

That "Cotton-Eye Joe" song by a Scandi group'll make ears bleed.

Posted by: Alec Leamas at December 11, 2008 10:10 AM (AlKlj)

220 Tommy Jones and the Shondelles, Moany, Moany. Sets your damn teeth on edge. Anything by that Brit guy with the fried brain. Nobody can understand his lyrics.

Posted by: indga at December 11, 2008 10:41 AM (wj0n9)

221 Eamon - "Fuck It."

That was the number one hit in Italy when I was there about four years ago, and it was playing on the radio in every shop I went into, including gelato shops filled with American tourists the age of my parents. I had to chuckle at first, but after the first couple days the song got old real fast.

Anything by that Brit guy with the fried brain. Nobody can understand his lyrics.

You just described about a hundred people; could you be more specific?

Posted by: Alex at December 11, 2008 10:54 AM (UxKB5)

222 Oh and don't even get me started on the classic rock stations.... The next person to request 'Pinball Wizard' is getting stabbed in the face

Fuck those classic rock stations. It's always the same music. They play Who, it's always Pinball Wizard or Won't Get Fooled Again. When they play Cream:, it's Sunshine of Your Love or maybe White Room. As if those groups never recorded any other songs. You never hear anything else. It's like top 40, only with a different play list.

Posted by: OregonMuse at December 11, 2008 10:54 AM (FO+YO)

223 And since it's December, they ought to rotate in this notorious rendition of "O Holy Night."

Y'all need to listen to that, and stick with it until the end -- it just keeps getting better.

Posted by: Alex at December 11, 2008 10:57 AM (UxKB5)

224 And I'm surprised at the songs being suggested that first came out in the 60s and 70s. This means that the old geezer quotient of AoSHQ is rather high.

Posted by: OregonMuse at December 11, 2008 11:00 AM (FO+YO)

225 "E-lek-trick-kull banana..."

Posted by: Throbert McGee at December 11, 2008 11:09 AM (gCe7u)

226 Can't freaking believe that we're 224 comments in and no one has mentioned "Air Supply". "I'm all out of love" on an endless loop would break me like a twig. Please, I'll tell you all the secrets, just let me die!!!!

Posted by: Who is Good Will at December 11, 2008 11:10 AM (ElNuT)

227 @ Ranba Ral

Where, oh where, can I find this? This seems like an extremely useful weapon, errr, addition to my music collection. I've tried google searching "japanese techno-yodel" and not surprisingly, have come up with a bazillion useless hits...

Posted by: Who is Good Will at December 11, 2008 11:16 AM (ElNuT)

228 Aha, here's The Beatles' "Ticket to Ride," performed in a baroque operatic style by coloratura soprano Cathy Berberian.

It's really... um... something. (Note that Berberian, unlike the eccentric and completely tone-deaf Florence Foster Jenkins, is actually a gifted opera singer who had no trouble handling Mozart.)

Berberian did an entire album of Beatles covers, and her treatment of "I Wanna Hold Your Hand" is fucking hilarious, but as far as I know, there's only this one short clip of it online.

Posted by: Throbert McGee at December 11, 2008 11:19 AM (gCe7u)

229 All of you are thinking small. Proper audio torture would be the shorts from They Might Be Giants Apollo 18 album plus Deerhoof's Panda Panda Panda put on permanent shuffle with random repeats of the previous song within the shuffle. And don't turn it off either, just reduce the decibels by 40 or so.

Posted by: ravenshrike at December 11, 2008 11:31 AM (C63A/)

230

Kokomo.

And that boom-shicka-boom remake of Lean on Me.

Oh and that Brian Adams song from the Robin Hood movie.

Posted by: arminius at December 11, 2008 11:39 AM (sBm2i)

231 Any of Metallica's post-Black Album shit. Awesome music up to that point, everything they did after that was teh suck.

Also this.

Posted by: ol-dirty-/b/tard at December 11, 2008 11:40 AM (IoUF1)

232 Title song to the movie:

Never Ending StorEEEeeeeeeeeee

Posted by: TXMarko at December 11, 2008 11:46 AM (tyERa)

233

Two songs spring to mind..."Wipe it Out" possibly the worst song evah! and "upgrade you" the Beyonce song that was clearly written to be a Jingle for Direct TV.

But for my money, that stupid Toyota jingle "Saved By Zero" is the most annoying 'song' in the World.

Posted by: BiasedGirl at December 11, 2008 11:46 AM (zo/+l)

234 FREEBIRD! Stairway to Heaven Hotel California Hell, anything by those three bands

Posted by: Nosmo at December 11, 2008 11:54 AM (FsIge)

235 My Baby Takes the Morning Train
He works from 9 to 5 and then
He takes another home again
To find me waiting for him

More inane lyrics may never have been written...

Posted by: TXMarko at December 11, 2008 11:54 AM (tyERa)

236 Bite me, Nosmo. Freebird rules.

You just have to be in the right frame of mind, that's all....

Posted by: TXMarko at December 11, 2008 11:56 AM (tyERa)

237

Hoo-Hoo ooh hoo-hoo

That Japanese girl-band song from Kill Bill that was used in that fucking commercial.

I confess I want to kill Tarantino for that.

Posted by: Eleven at December 11, 2008 12:05 PM (7DB+a)

238 "Dial for Man
Manly manly man
Dial for man
Yes I am"
I freakin' hate that commercial
Mainly because I can't get it out of my fucking head

Posted by: knat at December 11, 2008 12:13 PM (pW0vz)

239 <a href="http://tinyurl.com/6g8exk">Cornershop's "Brimful of Asha"</a>

Posted by: MikeO at December 11, 2008 12:18 PM (7WIEF)

240 People, people, you're thinking waayyyy too small. Forget the professionals; what you want is some Florence Foster Jenkins. Guaranteed to drive anyone nuts in no time. Talk about cruel and unusual punishment.

Posted by: Pam at December 11, 2008 12:25 PM (UooVE)

241 anything from the backstreet boyz...

Posted by: nygal at December 11, 2008 01:04 PM (+/c0N)

242 and if it's during the holidays....feliz navidad....

Posted by: nygal at December 11, 2008 01:07 PM (+/c0N)

243 Most of the stuff from this website:

http://interbutt.com/sonicwarfare/

"Tunak Tunak Tun" is probably slightly less annoying for Middle Easterners, but enough repeats of that song and I'm convinced even a native Punjabi speaker would eventually start banging his head against the cell wall in a desperate attempt to knock himself unconscious.

And I'm pretty sure that using "Junghwa Banjeom" or "Hubba Hubba Zoot Zoot" would violate about fifty international regulations.

Posted by: Jake Was Here at December 11, 2008 01:38 PM (yD4xj)

244

I love the B52s, but I'm thinking AQ guys probably wouldn't.

"Six to eight thousand years ago, they laid down the law in Mesopotamia."

It's decadent and educational!

Posted by: FireHorse at December 11, 2008 02:10 PM (5KNeJ)

245 Geez, almost 250 comments and nobody has mentioned MacArthur Park? That song is like the One Ring of Power of bad songs: it's so malignant and evil that everybody has forgotten about it lest it resurface.
http://tinyurl.com/4rwg2v

It's SEVEN fucking minutes long!

By, the way this stupid link limitation is why people aren't posting youtube links. 42 characters is too long? I don't remember reading this blog on a 40 character Apple //e screen.

Posted by: Beppo at December 11, 2008 02:28 PM (Ka5Jh)

246 GOD BLESS THE USA by LEE GRENWOOD GOD BLESS AMERICA,IRVING BERLIN,KATE SMITH

Posted by: Spurwing Plover at December 11, 2008 02:44 PM (RBA5d)

247

Seal, We're Never Gonna Survive Unless We Go A Little...Cray-zee. Sounded kind of OK the first time I heard it until I realized that was all there was, he was just going to keep repeating the chorus over and over.

I knew a girl who said Enter Sandman was her favorite song. I was like "It's OK to like it, but it really shouldn't be your official favorite song. That's really white trash, like some deluded stripper who thinks she's an artist because she came up with this imaginitive, yet retardedly concrete routine where she drags an actual kiddie pool full of sand out onto the stage and dances to it. You have green eyes and women like songs that sound like they could in theory be about them, so if anyone asks, you should say Green Eyed Lady is your favorite song. Sandman can still be your second favorite. I have spoken."

Posted by: Dave M at December 11, 2008 03:42 PM (qoewY)

248 "Dear God" by XTC should be in the torture playlist along with anything from Cher done without Sonny for sheer "make it stop" anguish. Maybe some "Hatten ar Din", or "Yatta".

For the make your ears bleed and keep you up at night, I'd suggest some Type O Negative, Ministry, Misfits, Laibach, Marilyn Manson, or Rammstein.

Posted by: Smokey Behr at December 11, 2008 04:16 PM (QyeW7)

249 I didn't look at anyone else's answer because I know the answer is Born in the USA!

Posted by: Jaded at December 11, 2008 04:37 PM (WdD3J)

250 #86 Slobo Humper by Whale is pretty fucking horrible. That would just be cruel to the interrogators.

Posted by: Tattoo at December 11, 2008 05:44 PM (EJmQG)

251 Wonderful Christmastime by Paul McCartney

Makes me want to dress in purple, give myself a "Glasgow smile," put on my warpaint, and start asking coworkers if they'd like to see magic tricks.

Posted by: Hoss Fuentes at December 11, 2008 06:23 PM (QWAKu)

252

No one mentioned ABBA? Good; I like ABBA.

That said, I'm sure the International Red Cross would take issue with playing "Mama Mia" for 18 hours stratight, 6 days in a row, into a confined space.

Posted by: FireHorse at December 11, 2008 06:51 PM (5KNeJ)

253 Nothing like a good night's sleep to refresh your mind when devising new methods of torture. That being said: "Rivers of Babylon." "Rasputin." Boney M.

No, Achmed, I don't want to listen to your confession; I want to listen to your screams.

Posted by: boloth at December 11, 2008 07:13 PM (hH0I2)

254 The Shaggs' My Pal Foot Foot

Posted by: Korla Pundit at December 11, 2008 09:54 PM (TaHq4)

255 > MacArthur Park

When I watch "The Unforgiven," I always imagine Gene Hackman is really wailing on Richard Harris so convincingly specifically because of his rendition of that song.

The song itself is amazingly bad. But he pushes it over the top. Donna Summer just squeaks by.

Posted by: Korla Pundit at December 11, 2008 09:57 PM (TaHq4)

256 Shatner's Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds

Posted by: Korla Pundit at December 11, 2008 09:58 PM (TaHq4)

257 Tom Clay's 1971 "What the World Needs Now is Love/Abraham, Martin, and John", a medley combining Dion's recording with Jackie DeShannon's recording of Burt Bacharach's "What the World Needs Now Is Love", along with vocals by The Blackberries. Clay's recording features narration, sound bites from speeches given by President John F. Kennedy, Robert Kennedy, and Martin Luther King Jr., along with sound bites from the live press coverage of Robert Kennedy's assassination. It reached number eight on the U.S. pop singles chart in August 1971.

Glurge-a-thon!

Posted by: Korla Pundit at December 11, 2008 10:04 PM (TaHq4)

258 Blind Man in the Bleachers

Posted by: Korla Pundit at December 11, 2008 10:06 PM (TaHq4)

259 Yoko Ono, in any capacity.

Posted by: Korla Pundit at December 11, 2008 10:06 PM (TaHq4)

260

Thanks for the Memories, Bob Hope, and the closing song from the Carol Burnett Show -- filling in the irony slot on the playlist.

Every Breathe You Take -- the P.Diddy version, major suck

No Sleep til Brooklyn -- turn it up loud and on a loop with Insane in the Brain and Jump Around...turn it up loud

Neil Diamond, Coming to America

Die Die Infidel Die by The Sihnha Bros.

The Little Drummer Boy -- store muzhak version

Definite adds to the list.

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