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No Fat Chicks: Modeling Agencies Turning Away Miss UK for Being Too Chubby

Mooo.

Cheesecake photo (light non-nude but high-sexy content warning) below the fold. You be the judge.

lauracoleman2.jpg

Another pic at the link.

In related news, heterosexual men continue being blamed for foisting impossible standards of beauty upon women, causing them shame and anguish and eating disorders, despite the fact the rail-thin-is-in fashion industry is dominated by women and gay men, with the occasional one-in-five straight photographer who thanks Jesus every day that he ignored his parents' suggestion he go into accounting.

In other related news, I'm beating my dick like it's Apollo Creed and I'm Ivan Drago. I must break you.

I'm even wearing a scary-looking black mouthguard. Just to intimidate it.

Update: Just to think-- five minutes ago my dick was dancing around to James Brown's Living in America.

Now look at it. On the mat, quivering in death-spasms.

It wasn't an exhibition, comrade.

Posted by: Ace at 02:32 PM



Comments

1 Tease

Posted by: Editor at December 01, 2008 02:33 PM (GTpOW)

2 FAIL

Posted by: Iwillnotsubmit at December 01, 2008 02:33 PM (Ec8wQ)

Posted by: Buddy Bizarre at December 01, 2008 02:37 PM (YacaW)

4 On topic:  Her navel appears cavernous!  THAT I would hit.

Posted by: Buddy Bizarre at December 01, 2008 02:38 PM (YacaW)

5 Ain't nothin' wrong with a little junk in the trunk!

Posted by: Huggie Bear at December 01, 2008 02:40 PM (7FA9S)

6

Now THIS is in my wheelhouse. I don't knows economics, or all this terrorism stuff, but I stand solidly against boney chicks passed off as "sexy."

This woman is gorgeous. I don't want to imply that anyone who disagrees is gay. I'm just saying that, you know, anyone who disagrees is gay.

Posted by: CJ at December 01, 2008 02:42 PM (9KqcB)

7 What CJ said..

Posted by: aubrey at December 01, 2008 02:43 PM (1YVnX)

8

That's too chubby?

Gay guys have no idea what makes a girl beautiful. See, gays like young boys, thus "attractive" to them has no curves. Thus we see the "waif" look as the most popular look in fashion.

Normal guys see that as corpse couture. We need curves as they convey a woman's health and fertility.

Posted by: Iblis at December 01, 2008 02:44 PM (9221z)

9 My position has always been that women dress for other women.  Not necessarily in the way that I would like, but I mean to avoid the cattiness and general bitchiness that infests too much of female interaction.  Of course that's a general rule and doesn't necessarily apply to the lovely, gracious and fantastic women here.  I mean all those other bitches.

As much as I love high fashion, and I truly do, there is something deeply disturbing about how most fashion post The New Look seeks to eliminate female secondary sexual characteristics.  I know, I know, it's all about the line of the dress, blah blah blah.  It's still disturbing.

Posted by: alexthechick at December 01, 2008 02:44 PM (SHHaV)

10 The upside to the story is this makes it way more likely for her to do porn.

Posted by: Dave J at December 01, 2008 02:46 PM (qsGH+)

11

If she ain't built like a half starved prepubescent boy, she ain't industry standard.

The female modeling industry does push hard at making sickly stickly the form of norm.

Posted by: Grimmy at December 01, 2008 02:47 PM (NnF4T)

12

 I stand solidly against boney chicks passed off as "sexy."

A) Bony chicks are sexy.

B) That chick is bony.

Auschwitz survivors, however, are not sexy.

To recap, sexy:

Thin - yes.

Dying of scurvy - no.

Posted by: Entropy at December 01, 2008 02:49 PM (m6c4H)

13 Keep in mind that this is a story by Robert Fisk.
OTOH, "Chubby? Meet Chubbie."

Posted by: mrobvious at December 01, 2008 02:53 PM (x1h/A)

14 What a big fat cow.

Also, stockings and garter belts need to make a comeback, big time.  Sex-ay!

Posted by: Kensington at December 01, 2008 02:54 PM (fhJCy)

15 Lika da curves, no lika da boney ribs and butt

Posted by: Wolverine at December 01, 2008 02:54 PM (FVGJ9)

16 Hot or not?  I'll go with hot.  Besides...this is the UK we're talking about here.  It's not like there's a lot to choose from to begin with.  Oh, sure...the hot ones are hawt, but it's not as if there are that many to go around.

Posted by: Eric at December 01, 2008 02:55 PM (quZLX)

17 I'd wrestle my wife over who gets to do her first.

Posted by: ErikTheRed at December 01, 2008 02:56 PM (erlfI)

18

Maybe it's just these two pics, but perhaps what the agencies were objecting to were those two airships on her chest.  They look fake.  Maybe they are real, but in those pics, they don't look like it. 

And for the record: fake boobs are not sexy, no matter how much blubber she carries otherwise.

Posted by: Quality Control at December 01, 2008 02:58 PM (TOk1P)

19

A) Bony chicks are sexy.

B) That chick is bony.

Not bony by modeling standards, but yes rather bony.

And, the ONLY reason bony chicks can be passed off as sexy is if they stuff saline bags in their chest to counteract the boneness. Rail-thin women with ample bosoms are quite rare in the wild.

And, it’s just not fair. You can be thin, or booby, but not both. Let the big chicks at least have the superior boobs they’ve earned.  

 

 

Posted by: CJ at December 01, 2008 02:59 PM (9KqcB)

20 If she's considered too fat there's something very, very wrong in the world.

Posted by: DrewM. at December 01, 2008 03:00 PM (hlYel)

21 Verdict: real, not fake. Just pushed up.

Posted by: mrobvious at December 01, 2008 03:02 PM (x1h/A)

22

Isn't it a rule that if your model can't fit into the standard sample size, you call her fat, take a sharpie to her thighs and tell her that her cat's dead?  That's just the way it is, sister.

Mannequins and fashion school dress forms don't eat, that's the problem. 

Posted by: Joanie at December 01, 2008 03:03 PM (Z9tCp)

23 OK, the make-up is on a bit thick, but she's just plain gorgeous. This word "chubby," UK Modeling Agencies... I don't think it means what you think it means. Just wondering. Does "anorexic" mean dead skeleton to these experts of fashion or perfectly formed? And what guy wants to walk around with the human equivalent of a coat hanger anyway, other than the gay designer?

Posted by: AnonymousDrivel at December 01, 2008 03:03 PM (sI5Ho)

24

And for the record: fake boobs are not sexy

Testify! It must be said.

Posted by: CJ at December 01, 2008 03:03 PM (9KqcB)

25 I believe mrobvious that more research is involved.  I humbly volunteer...

Posted by: CUS at December 01, 2008 03:03 PM (+p7v2)

26 I just realized that I'm into fat chicks

Posted by: Lemmiwinks at December 01, 2008 03:03 PM (E6GUg)

27 If the next Bond movie decides to not suck, she'd make a good second Bond girl.

Posted by: mrobvious at December 01, 2008 03:03 PM (x1h/A)

28 "Verdict: real, not fake. Just pushed up."

Scots verdict: not proven, one way or the other.  The jury demands more evidence.

Posted by: Dave J at December 01, 2008 03:05 PM (qsGH+)

29 BTW:  I'd bang it like a screen door in a hurricane.

Posted by: CUS at December 01, 2008 03:08 PM (+p7v2)

30

Also, stockings and garter belts need to make a comeback, big time. 

Abso-friggin-lutely.

But for that to happen, skirts and dresses need to make a comeback first.

Women wear pants waaayyyy too much.

Posted by: Entropy at December 01, 2008 03:09 PM (m6c4H)

31

Verdict: real, not fake. Just pushed up.

I agree.

 

for the record: fake boobs are not sexy

Some are, some aren't. But I'm holding out until they can make the boobs full of chocolate milk. I have faith in medical science.

 

Posted by: flenser at December 01, 2008 03:10 PM (/uC7f)

32 Just to think-- five minutes ago my dick was dancing around to James Brown's Living in America.

Now look at it.

Do we have to?  If this is some initiation ritual to become an official moron, I think I'll become a KosKid.

For the record, AOSHQ is becoming pussified.  All these comments and not one "I'd hit it."

Well, I would hit it.  Hard.

Posted by: Steve L. at December 01, 2008 03:11 PM (Gkhxf)

33 Seems they never had a problem with Samatha Fox but that of course was in the 80s and she was a whore. The good kind.

Posted by: polynikes at December 01, 2008 03:11 PM (m2CN7)

34 Look again, Steve L

Posted by: CUS at December 01, 2008 03:14 PM (+p7v2)

35 Hey, if they don't want her, I have a place for her.

Because I'm a wonderful guy just looking out for her best interests.

Both of them.

Posted by: Phineas at December 01, 2008 03:17 PM (mT12M)

36 Heh... a position on your staff has just become available?

Posted by: Entropy at December 01, 2008 03:18 PM (m6c4H)

37 She is thin to the point of being very fit for a girl her age but hardly bony and nowhere near chubby. But then a lot of young people in Britain are skeletons and ghouls so comparatively she might be "fat". That's why the British think all you Americans are morbidly obese (and because your media keeps telling them you are) - they consider anyone who can't fit a roll of pennies in between their ribs to be morbidly obese.

Posted by: Saul Wall at December 01, 2008 03:20 PM (wE+eO)

38 Saul, does that have anything to do with marathon bouts of drinking and purging?

Posted by: kidney at December 01, 2008 03:24 PM (QZyY3)

39

38:

like that's a bad thing?

 

Too bad my hand is injured.

Posted by: eddiebear at December 01, 2008 03:27 PM (wnU1W)

40 Excuse me, but aren't we talking about Britain?  Can they really afford to turn down any attractive British chicks?


Posted by: JayC at December 01, 2008 03:29 PM (H5zz/)

41 I nobly volunteer to further explore the real or not question.  You're all welcome. 

And hell.  freaking.  yes. to the stockings and garters comeback.  Hell.  Yes.

Posted by: alexthechick at December 01, 2008 03:33 PM (SHHaV)

42 She appears to have all her teeth.........which puts her way ahead of most of the limey tramps.

Posted by: pendejo grande at December 01, 2008 03:33 PM (Eb4hF)

43

But can she fit through the hole in the door?

Posted by: Tim at December 01, 2008 03:35 PM (3Wewy)

44 Problem is, somebody like her is teh hawt now, but what about 25 years on, and she looks like Mrs. Bucket from "Keeping Up Appearances"?

Posted by: eddiebear at December 01, 2008 03:37 PM (wnU1W)

45 I'm afraid I'd have to kick her out of my bed, should I happen to find her there.

But that's only because I'd want to have a go with her on the floor. Or pehaps the shower. Or kitchen. Where's that stick of butter?

Posted by: I R A Darth Aggie at December 01, 2008 03:39 PM (1hM1d)

46 My anaconda don't want none
Unless you've got buns, hun!



I like big butts and I can not lie
You other brothers can't deny
That when a girl walks in with an itty bitty waist
And a round thing in your face
You get sprung, wanna pull out your tongue
'Cause you notice that butt was stuffed
Deep in the jeans she's wearing
I'm hooked and I can't stop staring
Oh baby, I wanna get wit'cha
And take your picture
My homeboys tried to warn me
But with that butt you got makes me feel so horny
Ooh, Rump-o'-smooth-skin
You say you wanna get in my Benz?
Well, use me, use me
'Cause you ain't that average groupy
I've seen them dancin'
The hell with romancin'
She's sweat, wet,
Got it goin' like a turbo 'Vette
I'm tired of magazines
Sayin' flat butts are the thing
Take the average black man and ask him that
She gotta pack much back
So, fellas! (Yeah!) Fellas! (Yeah!)
Has your girlfriend got the butt? (Hell yeah!)
Tell 'em to shake it! (Shake it!) Shake it! (Shake it!)
Shake that healthy butt!
Baby got back!

(LA face with Oakland booty)
Baby got back!

[Sir Mix-a-Lot]
I like 'em round, and big
And when I'm throwin' a gig
I just can't help myself, I'm actin' like an animal
Now here's my scandal
I wanna get you home
And ugh, double-up, ugh, ugh
I ain't talkin' bout Playboy
'Cause silicone parts are made for toys
I want 'em real thick and juicy
So find that juicy double
Mix-a-Lot's in trouble
Beggin' for a piece of that bubble
So I'm lookin' at rock videos
Watchin' these bimbos walkin' like hoes
You can have them bimbos
I'll keep my women like Flo Jo
A word to the thick soul sistas, I wanna get with ya
I won't cuss or hit ya
But I gotta be straight when I say I wanna *fuck*
Til the break of dawn
Baby got it goin' on
A lot of simps won't like this song
'Cause them punks like to hit it and quit it
And I'd rather stay and play
'Cause I'm long, and I'm strong
And I'm down to get the friction on
So, ladies! {Yeah!} Ladies! {Yeah}
If you wanna role in my Mercedes {Yeah!}
Then turn around! Stick it out!
Even white boys got to shout
Baby got back!

Baby got back!
Yeah, baby ... when it comes to females, Cosmo ain't got nothin'
to do with my selection. 36-24-36? Ha ha, only if she's 5'3'.

[Sir Mix-a-Lot]
So your girlfriend rolls a Honda, playin' workout tapes by Fonda
But Fonda ain't got a motor in the back of her Honda
My anaconda don't want none
Unless you've got buns, hun
You can do side bends or sit-ups,
But please don't lose that butt
Some brothers wanna play that 'hard' role
And tell you that the butt ain't gold
So they toss it and leave it
And I pull up quick to retrieve it
So Cosmo says you're fat
Well I ain't down with that!
'Cause your waist is small and your curves are kickin'
And I'm thinkin' bout stickin'
To the beanpole dames in the magazines:
You ain't it, Miss Thing!
Give me a sista, I can't resist her
Red beans and rice didn't miss her
Some knucklehead tried to dis
'Cause his girls are on my list
He had game but he chose to hit 'em
And I pull up quick to get wit 'em
So ladies, if the butt is round,
And you want a triple X throw down,
Dial 1-900-MIXALOT
And kick them nasty thoughts
Baby got back!

(Little in the middle but she got much back) [4x]

Posted by: Sir Mixalot at December 01, 2008 03:41 PM (Gzb30)

47 She may be too big for the modeling agency, but she's much too small to be a BBF gal.

Posted by: wiserbud at December 01, 2008 03:45 PM (IHbof)

48 See, gays like young boys, thus "attractive" to them has no curves.

Not all of them do, you know. Yes, the prototypical ghey man is the twinkie lover - youthful looking, all-skin-and-boner, if you will. But the Bears? they'd be Whatev. A twink isn't very filling. They'd rather go for the "Al Borland" type.

I don't get that, either. Just like I don't get hawt chicks hanging out with douchenozzles...

Posted by: I R A Darth Aggie at December 01, 2008 03:46 PM (1hM1d)

49

She is already doing some modeling. Check this out.

 

And yes, I would hit it.

Posted by: Vic at December 01, 2008 03:47 PM (Qd7GC)

50

41 I nobly volunteer to further explore the real or not question.  You're all welcome.

We will of course require video documentation of this Alex.

Posted by: buzzion at December 01, 2008 03:48 PM (oUlvc)

51 I'd wrestle my wife over who gets to do her first.

500 quatloos on your wife!

Posted by: I R A Darth Aggie at December 01, 2008 03:48 PM (1hM1d)

52

"But for that to happen, skirts and dresses need to make a comeback first.

Women wear pants waaayyyy too much."

That's one of the things that make Sarah Palin so sexy. She knows how to dress like a woman ... plus she has one great package to dress.

 

Posted by: bc3b at December 01, 2008 04:04 PM (AB9XE)

53 I'd hit it.

Posted by: Orator at December 01, 2008 04:10 PM (yImMm)

54

"Let the big chicks at least have the superior boobs they’ve earned.  "

Thanks, CJ.  Because at one size bigger than that model, I think I'm noticably chubbier.  But at least I can claim the superior boobs!

Posted by: April at December 01, 2008 04:11 PM (2B3NC)

55 Sarah Palin is a size 0. And you can have curves and be pretty thin, depending on your frame.

Posted by: SarahW at December 01, 2008 04:21 PM (7sl9X)

56 And what's wrong with pants?

Posted by: SarahW at December 01, 2008 04:21 PM (7sl9X)

57 I mean, I like a nice dress or skirt, but pants are not the anti-sexxy.

Posted by: SarahW at December 01, 2008 04:22 PM (7sl9X)

58 Built for comfort, not for speed.

Posted by: Michael J. Myers at December 01, 2008 04:23 PM (LZ3cP)

59 If that's a UK 10, she's an American size 6.

Uk size 0 is size 4.

Posted by: SarahW at December 01, 2008 04:24 PM (7sl9X)

60

Posted by: Sir Mixalot at December 01, 2008 03:41 PM (Gzb30)

 

Mmmmm- a girl with so much junk in the trunk, you can't even shut the lid *Homer drool*

Posted by: Bill H at December 01, 2008 04:25 PM (q8CmE)

61 Rather, Uk size 4 is an American size 0.

Posted by: SarahW at December 01, 2008 04:25 PM (7sl9X)

62 Too chubby? I remember when Britain used to not be 100% gay.

Posted by: physics geek at December 01, 2008 04:25 PM (MT22W)

63 It's like dog years.

Posted by: SarahW at December 01, 2008 04:26 PM (7sl9X)

64

If that's a UK 10, she's an American size 6.

OH!  That explains that...

Posted by: April at December 01, 2008 04:37 PM (2B3NC)

65 I'd nail it.

Posted by: SGT Dan at December 01, 2008 04:40 PM (Q6BTe)

66 Heroin chic?  No thanks.  This lass I'd hit like a viking.

Posted by: Purple Avenger at December 01, 2008 04:40 PM (CwzFE)

67 "And hell.  freaking.  yes. to the stockings and garters comeback.  Hell.  Yes.
Posted by: alexthechick at December 01, 2008 03:33 PM (SHHaV)"

I may never leave my bunk again.

Posted by: MSM Cocksuckers at December 01, 2008 04:41 PM (fhJCy)

68 Damn sockpuppets.

Seriously, if this is too fat for the UK, then unleash the Daleks and get out of the way.

Posted by: Kensington at December 01, 2008 04:43 PM (fhJCy)

69
Pants are utilitarian, but they are definitely anti-sexy.   How do I know?  My devining rod never lies.


Posted by: Mr. Peabody at December 01, 2008 04:44 PM (jyVye)

70 1.) My girlfriend agrees with the theory espoused by Ace, that the fashion industry's current predilection for rail-thin androgynous models is due to its domination by homosexual men, who naturally and subconsciously select for what they like (young wiry males). 

2.) She also points out that this wasn't always the case in the fashion industry, and that these things go in cycles.  In her verbatim words: "Look at Cindy Crawford - all boobs and butt, curves everywhere.  But she would never have a chance of becoming a supermodel with the current aesthetic."

3.) I'd hit it in a minute provided a.) I was single; b.) they weren't fake.  I stand with CJ: I'll take smaller real breasts over larger phony ones any day of the week and twice on Sunday.  Perhaps one day America's finest medical/cosmetic researchers will achieve a breast implant that is both real-looking and real-feeling.  Until that day,  they're disgusting.  Hell...probably after that day, too.

Posted by: Jeff B. at December 01, 2008 04:45 PM (t7Qgx)

71

pants are not the anti-sexxy.

Compared to skirts, yes, they pretty much are.

Posted by: Entropy at December 01, 2008 04:49 PM (m6c4H)

72 My skinny jeans dispute your theory of pants.

Posted by: SarahW at December 01, 2008 04:49 PM (7sl9X)

73 bend her over and load her like a shotgun..

Posted by: Dave C at December 01, 2008 04:50 PM (STI8c)

74 "My skinny jeans dispute your theory of pants."

Hussy!  Jezebelle!

Posted by: Kensington at December 01, 2008 04:51 PM (fhJCy)

75

Thanks, CJ.  Because at one size bigger than that model, I think I'm noticably chubbier.  But at least I can claim the superior boobs!

My wife is several sizes bigger than that model, April. A great face and a great chest.  If she has to worry about her hips (which God gave her) the skinny chicks should have to worry about the boobs.

And guys just worry that you'll talk to us.

Posted by: CJ at December 01, 2008 04:59 PM (9KqcB)

76 My grandma used to own a bridal shoppe and I figured out then and it still holds true today.  Women's clothing sizes are pretty much random and don't mean a thing.

Posted by: CUS at December 01, 2008 05:00 PM (+p7v2)

77

Pants are utilitarian, but they are definitely anti-sexy.  

I never got that opinion. Pants show the female form. The woman's, um...ass.

Call me old fashioned, but I like seeing the form of a woman's ass.

Posted by: CJ at December 01, 2008 05:01 PM (9KqcB)

78

pants are not the anti-sexxy.

Compared to skirts, yes, they pretty much are.

Posted by: Entropy at December 01, 2008 04:49 PM (m6c4H)

If you're into librarians, sure.

Posted by: CJ at December 01, 2008 05:03 PM (9KqcB)

79 Pants on woman can be sexy, but too many woman wear baggy pants, making them indistinguishable from boys, which isn't sexy.

For the most part, skirts and dresses are inherently sexier.

And stockings with garters under skirts or dresses are really teh hawt.

Posted by: Kensington at December 01, 2008 05:06 PM (fhJCy)

80

Pants on woman can be sexy, but too many woman wear baggy pants, making them indistinguishable from boys, which isn't sexy.

True, but what's more baggy than a skirt?

Of course, I'm not a legs guy....maybe that's the problem.

Posted by: CJ at December 01, 2008 05:09 PM (9KqcB)

81 "True, but what's more baggy than a skirt?"

Skirts aren't necessarily baggy, but even the baggy ones are still fundamentally feminine in a way that baggy pants are not.

Plus, of course, there's the whole "easy access" thing.

Posted by: Kensington at December 01, 2008 05:13 PM (fhJCy)

82 Speaking of access, I've always wondered how women feel about men in kilts?


Posted by: Mr. Peabody at December 01, 2008 05:22 PM (BIwsj)

83 With their hands, Mr. Peabody.

With their hands.

Posted by: Kensington at December 01, 2008 05:25 PM (fhJCy)

84

My skinny jeans dispute your theory of pants.

No. Even the tight pants are really not sexy.

They can be - if you use them sparingly. Variety is the spice of life, after all.

But when you wear pants - even tight pants - 6 days a week or more, it's simply not at all sexy.

Posted by: Entropy at December 01, 2008 05:27 PM (cok/k)

85

If you're into librarians, sure.

Who's not into naughty librarians?

Palinmania baby.

Everyone wants to be the one to make the beautiful but mousy, chaste bookworm finally let her hair down and go wild doggystyle on the kitchen table.

Posted by: Entropy at December 01, 2008 05:30 PM (cok/k)

86 My skinny jeans dispute your theory of pants.

I hope those aren't the emo/indie calf-hugging variety that the kids are wearing these days (Seriously, how do they get their feet through those?  The ones in the 80s at least had little zippers on the calves).  Those things have a serious ass-flattening effect on about 98% of their wearers.  That's flattening, not flattering.

OTOH, I'm not a big fashionista, but I have become well aware of (and give two huge thumbs up to) the "Seven for All Mankind" brand, thanks to its label being placed right where I happen to usually be staring on women who are wearing them.  Those things must be the equivalent of a WonderBra for the ass -- I suspect that a lot of the women who wear them don't have nearly as hot-looking back-ends when they wear other brands.

Pants on woman can be sexy, but too many woman wear baggy pants, making them indistinguishable from boys, which isn't sexy.

If the baggy pants are made from a thin fabric with just the right balance between flowing and clinging, they can be quite bonerific.

But when you wear pants - even tight pants - 6 days a week or more, it's simply not at all sexy.

Tight pants 6 days a week or more is a recipe for bad things to be going on "down there."  I think the companies that make those skinny jeans must be part-owned by the makers of Monistat.

Posted by: Alex at December 01, 2008 05:40 PM (fgyj8)

87 By the way, whatever became of that truly chubby UK girl who was in some beauty pageant or other a year or so ago -- was that the Miss UK competition or a different one?  Girl had a lovely face but was seriously into "Whole Lotta Rosie" territory.  Curves are nice, and "more bounce to the ounce" isn't just a song title, but she was a little past maximum density.

Posted by: Alex at December 01, 2008 05:42 PM (fgyj8)

88 You know, to be fair, Billie Piper wore baggy jeans on Doctor Who, and she looked really sexy.  Of course, she had curves, too.

Posted by: Kensington at December 01, 2008 05:45 PM (fhJCy)

89

I would voluntarily wear a kilt if we could just banish pants altogether and go back in time and wack the dude who invented them. So no chick could wear them. Even the occaisional sexy pants, are an easy sacrifice to get women back in skirts and dresses.

And of course, their legs will get cold. So they'll start wearing knee-high and thigh-high stockings and garter belts, of course.

And that, sirs, is page motherfuckin 1 of my plan for a new utopia once I become Generalisimo Por Vive.

Step 3 will be to fire the UAW, rename Toyota 'General Motors East', and replace CAFTA and emissions standards with regulations instead mandating a minimum naturally-aspirated horsepower of 400 for all street legal vehicles.

Step 2 will be free steak tacos.

Step 7 will be to send all the communists to Canada.

The steps will not be done in numerical order but rather in accordance with a strict secret plan known only to me and my cabinet and closest advisers, the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders.

Posted by: Entropy at December 01, 2008 05:46 PM (cok/k)

90 Fist. Angry. God.

Posted by: TC at December 01, 2008 05:47 PM (G3Wx0)

91 Billie Piper her dental work like a chimp, and her chest is meh

Posted by: Sir Mixalot at December 01, 2008 05:54 PM (Gzb30)

92

I would voluntarily wear a kilt if we could just banish pants altogether and go back in time and wack the dude who invented them.

And of course, their legs will get cold.

 

Umm..... our legs would get cold! In case you had not noticed, women have more cold resistance then we do. It's that extra body fat business.

 

 

Posted by: flenser at December 01, 2008 05:55 PM (5H00A)

93

Basically I'm going to be like the white Muammar al-Qaddafi.

My Sexy Secret Service of ninja kunoichi will fuck you up, and look great doing it.

Trust me, the rematch against Vietnam is going to look like a director's cut of Kill Bill.

Posted by: Entropy at December 01, 2008 05:55 PM (cok/k)

94 She's a size  0, no wonder other women hate her guts, where'd you dredge that fact anyways. 

Posted by: narciso at December 01, 2008 05:55 PM (9EG7Z)

95

Umm..... our legs would get cold!

Jesus Christ Nancy, I can't believe you said that.

What are you a sissy? Of course your legs are cold... you don't admit that! You just pretend like it doesn't bother you because you're a tough guy...

You sir, are going up against the wall. That's gonna be step 47. I'm penciling it in.

Posted by: Entropy at December 01, 2008 05:57 PM (cok/k)

96

Size zero? Do the clothes makers just make this shit up to make women feel good? Oh, right. Stupid question.

 

Posted by: flenser at December 01, 2008 06:01 PM (5H00A)

97

Of course your legs are cold... you don't admit that!

I thought you were going to say that we'd all wear mantyhose.  (Look it up)

Posted by: flenser at December 01, 2008 06:03 PM (5H00A)

98

Model agencies don't want hot women to distract people from their clothing. Given a choice I'd think they would prefer robotic clothes hangers on the catwalk.

As for me, I'd hit that like a red-headed kid in a family of brunettes.

Posted by: Aaron at December 01, 2008 06:10 PM (grVhf)

99

Hot woman enhance clothes!  Fuck. 

Fashion Queers would use teenage boys if they thought they could get away with it.  As it is they use the next best thing;  flat chested broads who could use a sandwich or two, or four.

Posted by: Russell Ziskey at December 01, 2008 06:42 PM (LlaBi)

100 What this woman needs is protein injections.

/ ...because I care about her.

Posted by: Dr. Fritz, nutritionist at December 01, 2008 06:44 PM (aaGD+)

101 I'd hit that like Keith Moon with a new drum kit and a brain full of methamphetamine.

Posted by: Dead Career Sketch at December 01, 2008 06:50 PM (5MeOO)

102 If she doesn't have a home at the modelling agaency, there's always room for her in my flat.

Posted by: Chaz706 at December 01, 2008 07:15 PM (BF1cW)

103

>>but pants are not the anti-sexxy.

 

only chicks think that's true.

Posted by: Terry at December 01, 2008 07:20 PM (nyxv/)

104

With #6 on this one.

 

Posted by: Mikey NTH at December 01, 2008 07:27 PM (TUWci)

105 I showed this lady's photo to my Cardiologist and he said "take two nitroglycerin tablets and call me in the morning, if you can".

Posted by: solitary knight at December 01, 2008 07:28 PM (UzdN3)

106

To be very blunt about things -

I don't know what the rest of you morons are doing tonight but I know what I am - and who is going to first in my fantasies!

God is very, very good!  His creation is worthy of praise!  Can I hear an 'Amen'?

Posted by: Mikey NTH at December 01, 2008 07:32 PM (TUWci)

107 Ace, you have a girlfriend.  Beating it is one of her affirmative duties.  You no longer have to do it yourself. 

Posted by: Contributor X at December 01, 2008 07:43 PM (/Zt8j)

108 I never thought it was MEN who were making women "starve themselves". This supports what I have always  known. Yes the fashion industry likes em  bone thin - they get paid to be "coat hangars". Men like real women, but not slobs with  cankles. OK, Zelda gets it!

Posted by: Zelda Starr at December 01, 2008 07:56 PM (OLbi5)

109 Men in kilts, yes please. Mmmm.

May I add something? Stockings *with the seam up the back* and garters.

Posted by: AngelEm at December 01, 2008 07:57 PM (EyKhI)

110 Well, I did a google image search on "Laura Coleman" and came up with this one.

So maybe she did pack on a few....

Posted by: notropis at December 01, 2008 07:59 PM (cTufV)

111 #109 KILTS you say??? Thre is a fetish I have been trying to hide. Pleez destry my computer on my death bed lest I be found out. Call me lass (not laasiie you morons) ntil I lay me doon and dee.

Posted by: Zelda Starr at December 01, 2008 08:01 PM (OLbi5)

112 "May I add something? Stockings *with the seam up the back* and garters."

Like this?

Posted by: notropis at December 01, 2008 08:04 PM (cTufV)

113 She might not be anyone's perfect woman... but I'd have to say that any man who cannot at least acknowledge the general attractiveness of the above-mentioned specimen is batting for the other team, IYKWIMAITYD

Posted by: TheNewGuy at December 01, 2008 08:24 PM (l7IRX)

114 LOL, I was thinking more like:

http://tinyurl.com/56czq4

Posted by: AngelEm at December 01, 2008 08:26 PM (EyKhI)

115 http://tinyurl.com/5obtm5

That works, too...

Posted by: AngelEm at December 01, 2008 08:28 PM (EyKhI)

116 Whoa, that's one cavernous belly button. You could hide several WMDs in there.

Posted by: OregonMuse at December 01, 2008 08:35 PM (bMJ2V)

117

#112 notropis:

No.  No and NO.

Posted by: Mikey NTH at December 01, 2008 08:42 PM (TUWci)

118 Best euphemism I've ever heard for masterbation, Ace.

Posted by: espnjunkie at December 01, 2008 08:50 PM (iZRTA)

119 There they go again, homos ruining straight women with tits.  She said she put on some curves; was it the implants?  Those are great curves, and I know how much homos hate tits.

Posted by: Johnnie at December 01, 2008 09:19 PM (9Ocfc)

120 Men don't affect women as much as those dumb women's magazines. May they all go out of business.

Yes, garters and stockings are great and more women should wear them. I have to disagree on the seams, though. Not necessary, a hassle to keep straight and not so classy looking.

Posted by: Shannon at December 01, 2008 09:35 PM (q0Z3p)

121

Yes. Women's magazines do push the skinny chick thing, but in my case I haven't read one of those in years and did my very best to try and keep them out of the hands of my daughter when she was a teen. Every friggin one of them has a cover declaring: "How to Lose the Weight!", "How to have Great Sex!", "What isn't He Telling You?!"

It's all crap.

However, having been a size 2-4 after giving birth at age 18, and wearing size 4-6 until my mid-30s, I can tell you that it is women who are harshest on themselves. Now in my 40s, the thought of accepting myself in my current configuration of size 8-10 is simply not going to happen. I just bitch and moan about it and since, obviously, I sit on my ass reading this moron blog night after night, I'm also not motivated enough to hit the gym either.

So, I've settled on dressing for my shape instead of hiding it, a.k.a. Joan Holloway and otherwise to never ever be seen naked again.

 

Posted by: jmflynny at December 01, 2008 11:13 PM (vDvv1)

122

Mooo

 

Needs more cowbell?

Posted by: Bill H at December 01, 2008 11:39 PM (q8CmE)

123 I'd shag her rotten, YEAH!

Posted by: Austin Powers at December 02, 2008 07:05 AM (iWyUx)

124 Oh, and to be pedantic, she's Miss England, not "Miss UK."  To round out the other Home Nations for your viewing pleasure...

Here's Miss Scotland: http://tinyurl.com/5hau45

Miss Wales: http://tinyurl.com/6ppwd2

and Miss Northern Ireland: http://tinyurl.com/5r6esr

Posted by: Dave J at December 02, 2008 08:40 AM (qsGH+)

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