Noted Imbecile Ponders Nuances of Sexual Personae

Joe Biden, God love him, he's been on a train, he once got knocked down in Scranton and then got up again.

My sister is smart, runs every one of my campaigns, is beautiful. Graduated with honors from college. Is homecoming queen, but shes a -- she is what I call a girl-boy growing up, you know what I mean? And I tell you what. Girl-girls are tougher than girl-boys. But there's one important thing I noticed.
the great thing about marrying into a family with five sisters, theres always one that loves you. Cause you can count on splitting them a bit. You know what I mean?
I shouldnt be going off like this, but...

What?

Posted by: Ace at 06:24 PM

Comments

1 What in the flying fuck?

Can we get a flying fuck award?

Posted by: watchdog at November 03, 2008 06:25 PM (yCbBv)

2 He is so much smarter than everyone else. He ponders the inponderable.

Posted by: robtron12 at November 03, 2008 06:28 PM (gue+Q)

3 I seriously have no freaking clue what he's talking about.

Is he just trying to act as much like his SNL counterpart self as he can, now?

Posted by: Chris at November 03, 2008 06:28 PM (SiJV8)

4 What the .... ?

Posted by: cbharmon at November 03, 2008 06:28 PM (+7CmB)

I saw that live and it doesn't even make sense.

Is he saying his sister is a lesbo?

Posted by: Rightwingsparkle at November 03, 2008 06:28 PM (jcH8M)

6 Epic. Can you imagine if Palin said that?

Posted by: watchdog at November 03, 2008 06:29 PM (yCbBv)

7 Is he trying to tell us his sister is a lesbian?

Posted by: Sue at November 03, 2008 06:29 PM (Jol77)

8 As someone here once said.."that's weapons grade stupid"

Posted by: Hedgehog at November 03, 2008 06:29 PM (aDOKh)

9 I agree with watchdog. WTFF? Is there a Babelfish we can plug in before Biden speaks?

Posted by: AnonymousDrivel at November 03, 2008 06:29 PM (sI5Ho)

10 a living example of what drugs do to one's brains

Posted by: Mongol at November 03, 2008 06:30 PM (gtZwa)

11 Or is he trying to tell us that his sister's not a lesbian, but lesbians are a lot more butch than regular women?

Seriously, no possible explanation of that makes sense! I'm getting more and more confused the more I try to figure it out!

Posted by: Chris at November 03, 2008 06:31 PM (SiJV8)

12 Wait.

I need pictures.

Or a map. Or something.

He's slamming his sister for being "a girl-boy" because he thinks "girl-girls" are tougher? WTFFF?

Posted by: Al at November 03, 2008 06:31 PM (Lk931)

13 In Spring, the gals are buoyant and and the boys are gallant.

Posted by: The Raving Atheist at November 03, 2008 06:31 PM (SaMpQ)

14 Sorry Biden. But President Bush is more eloquent.

Posted by: Al at November 03, 2008 06:32 PM (Lk931)

My sister is smart, runs every one of my campaigns, is beautiful. Graduated with honors from college

Just like I did said I did but really I graduated towards the bottom of my class.

Joe Biden

Posted by: robtr at November 03, 2008 06:32 PM (C6ME0)

16 God love ya' Joe, what are ya talkin' about???

no wonder they keep him off the trail. And HE'S a heartbeat away from the presidency?

Posted by: sas at November 03, 2008 06:32 PM (HoB7g)

17 Mark his words and gird your loins

Posted by: toby928 at November 03, 2008 06:33 PM (evdj2)

18 So is Sarah Palin a girl-boy or a girl-girl?

Is Obama a boy-girl or a boy-boy? Maybe a boy-girl-boy?

Posted by: cbharmon at November 03, 2008 06:34 PM (+7CmB)

19 Ok, I'm going to attempt to translate.

What I think/ guess he's saying is that a female who is a tomboy is more sympathetic and understanding to men. In contrast, the females who have no trace of tomboy are ruthless and have no problem destroying men on a whim. At least that is what I kind of get from his garbled misuse of the language.

I will not even try to figure out what the 'splitting the sisters' comment is supposed to mean.

Posted by: shibumi at November 03, 2008 06:34 PM (tZB/c)

This is not the Joe Biden I knew.

No really, it's not. It's Tom Hanks playing Forrest Gump playing Joe Biden.

Judging by the transcript.. it is the only explanation I can fathom.

Posted by: Entropy at November 03, 2008 06:34 PM (HgAV0)

21 LOL, that's the best laugh I've had all day! WTF?!?! Have his medical records been released???

Posted by: biscuit at November 03, 2008 06:35 PM (XFyLb)

22 #18 ROFL

Posted by: watchdog at November 03, 2008 06:35 PM (yCbBv)

23 Just as I thought. The extended Biden family is a herd of trannies, with one dressed up as a Senator from Delaware.

Posted by: Fish at November 03, 2008 06:36 PM (6Rihj)

24 18 So is Sarah Palin a girl-boy or a girl-girl?

Is Obama a boy-girl or a boy-boy? Maybe a boy-girl-boy?

Sarah: definitely girl-boy. C'mon, she hunts moose.

Obama: I'd go for door number four: boy-girl-commie-narcissist

Posted by: shibumi at November 03, 2008 06:37 PM (tZB/c)

25 So basically Biden's saying his sister is a hermophrodite, how precious.

God love ya' Joe, stand up Joe.

Posted by: Blazer at November 03, 2008 06:38 PM (+FzLa)

Funny, hunh?

A heartbeat away.

Think about it.

Still funny?

Posted by: notropis at November 03, 2008 06:38 PM (Y8PBj)

biscuit,

Made me laugh!

Posted by: Rightwingsparkle at November 03, 2008 06:38 PM (jcH8M)

28 His words are best translated as Help me, I'm having a stroke

Posted by: toby928 at November 03, 2008 06:38 PM (evdj2)

My testicles just descended.

My clitoris is a penis.

It makes so much sense now.

Thanks, Joe!

Posted by: Amanda Marcotte . at November 03, 2008 06:38 PM (GuX8p)

30 Actually, that second graf, I think I get...he's saying that, with five sisters, who pretty much never all agree on anything, you can play them off of each other, and have them mad at each other, and not at you....

...ah, screw it. Even my explanation doesn't make sense.

Posted by: Chris at November 03, 2008 06:39 PM (SiJV8)

31 See what happens when you keep Biden locked up too long? His cubicle's air gets so stale that he starts with all the delirious crayzee talk when fresh air's O₂ finally reaches his brain.

Posted by: AnonymousDrivel at November 03, 2008 06:39 PM (sI5Ho)

32 Splitting the sisters...sounds kinky and rather nasty..what is wrong with this man. Can you imagine his one-on-one meetings with foreign head of states as VP?

Posted by: IC at November 03, 2008 06:39 PM (jZNCU)

33 Joes hairplugs really rooted too deep I think

Posted by: robtr at November 03, 2008 06:39 PM (C6ME0)

34 Joe only appears to be babbling.
Actually , Joe is sending a coded message. He is in trouble and he knows it.

My sister is smart, runs every one of my campaigns, is beautiful. Graduated with honors from college. Is homecoming queen, but shes a -- she is what I call a girl-boy growing up, you know what I mean? And I tell you what. Girl-girls are tougher than girl-boys. But there's one important thing I noticed.

Posted by: jadedinga at November 03, 2008 06:40 PM (LJnG/)

35 What a complete asshat

Posted by: RobG at November 03, 2008 06:40 PM (8Yrry)

36 This just in, photos from the event clearly show an onion hanging from Biden's belt. Not one of your fancy, schmancy white onions, either, but a blue-collar red onion.

Posted by: CJrun at November 03, 2008 06:40 PM (0+gXr)

37 I think Joe has hit the point where he literally does not care even slightly about what comes out of his mouth. He is just a walking, talking stream of consciousness, who will take multiple free association detours. He must do it simply to amuse himself and rattle fear in those who it will affect around him.

He belongs on the steps of his children to be care for properly, not in the second highest office of the land.

Posted by: DCox at November 03, 2008 06:40 PM (2pT9a)

38 dammit , toby!

Posted by: jadedinga at November 03, 2008 06:41 PM (LJnG/)

39 I'd make a joke about Joe Biden "splitting his sisters", and how he found the girl-girl's tougher..........

But then I'd have to go drink bleach to get the thought out of my head.

Ladies and Gentlemen, about to be a heartbeat away!

Posted by: Techie at November 03, 2008 06:41 PM (EVMm7)

40 So with that statement Joe made about his sister are we to take it that they are The Bi-dens.

Posted by: Blazer at November 03, 2008 06:41 PM (+FzLa)

41 I watched this live this morning. I couldn't believe what I was hearing! JB, the gift that keeps on giving.

Posted by: DCA at November 03, 2008 06:41 PM (80uXY)

42 God love ya, Joe! Why don't ya just pull up her dress and show us what the hell you're talking about.

Posted by: CB at November 03, 2008 06:42 PM (9Wv2j)

My uncle Juan would talk like this after his stroke.

Didn't Biden have something like a stroke?

Posted by: Guero Loco at November 03, 2008 06:43 PM (lD4DZ)

44 hahaha

Posted by: trailortrash at November 03, 2008 06:43 PM (pseS/)

45 When Joe is formally dressed, he wears an Armani suit, Bruno Magli shoes, fitted shirts, and a custom made tinfoil hat in the shape of Madonna's cuchi.

Posted by: Fish at November 03, 2008 06:44 PM (6Rihj)

The best part is the last paragraph.

After all that stupid, he goes on to say that Barrack's picking him as VP makes him a genious!

Posted by: kidney at November 03, 2008 06:44 PM (QAdII)

47 Is Delaware the Arkansas of the Atlantic seaboard?

Posted by: huerfano at November 03, 2008 06:44 PM (knHvu)

the great thing about marrying into a family with five sisters, theres always one that loves you.

So THAT's how it is in their family, eh?

Maybe Joe was translating from his native Klingon.

Posted by: Fred R. at November 03, 2008 06:44 PM (FbB3x)

49 Heh. Even McCain dropped the usual Senatorial deference and called him the gift that keeps on giving last night in NH.

Posted by: Andy at November 03, 2008 06:44 PM (C3mTI)

50 I just want to know if his mental prowess will help that guy in a wheelchair walk.

Posted by: eddiebear at November 03, 2008 06:45 PM (wnU1W)

51 Biden is obviously making disjointed appeal to the Mormon vote.

Posted by: freakzilla at November 03, 2008 06:45 PM (Yy4/x)

52 Sounds like a neurological problem to me.

But I'm not a doctor. I'm just one of the little people with an IQ higher than Joe Biden.

Posted by: SlaveDog at November 03, 2008 06:45 PM (H6Jyg)

53 If, God forbid, Obama and Biden win, at least we'll have Joe to laugh at and be bewildered by. If Palin said that, it would be front page news. Thanks for posting that, Ace.

Posted by: biscuit at November 03, 2008 06:46 PM (XFyLb)

On the "Reminisces War" (where we put my Alzheimer's-afflicted Granny) they would call that a four aneurism speech.

Posted by: Holdfast at November 03, 2008 06:47 PM (Gzb30)

55 I think he had an aneurysm so severe he just gave David Axelrod a nosebleed.

Posted by: Loren Heal at November 03, 2008 06:49 PM (uiKEv)

56 Beware the man with one sandal! It has been written!

Posted by: Joe Biden at November 03, 2008 06:50 PM (hNEXT)

57 I'm just one of the little people with an IQ higher than Joe Biden.

You're not exactly narrowing the field down with that statement.

Posted by: IllTemperedCur at November 03, 2008 06:51 PM (Ds4I5)

58 Sounds like ol' Joe is way past his expiration date. Probably wont' be long before he's sucking Tapioca pudding through a straw and having people wipe his ass for him.

Posted by: Blazer at November 03, 2008 06:51 PM (+FzLa)

59 This is what happens when you start doing that subatomic mental fissioning. All that excess power fries the remaining synapses....

Either that, or the little alien inside him has dropped its language translator software into the sink again, and is having to wing it until it can download a spare copy.

("Tanjit, Bergl, that's the third time this flarg!")

Posted by: Drumwaster at November 03, 2008 06:52 PM (8oH1E)

60 Is he talking about the five 'sisters' on his right hand?

Posted by: seyont at November 03, 2008 06:53 PM (FcR7P)

61 At first I thought he meant tom boy when he said girl boy. But, I think he means a girl who likes boys a lot as opposed to a tom boy, or sumtin.'

Posted by: Marcus Antonius at November 03, 2008 06:54 PM (knw82)

62 Sounds like a neurological problem to me.

Posted by: SlaveDog at November 03, 2008 06:45 PM (H6Jyg)

Are there any pathologies out there which imitate the lungs turning oxygen into 100 proof alcohol before passing it into the blood-steam?

Posted by: DCox at November 03, 2008 06:54 PM (2pT9a)

63 Well, at least we finally know who Diderots Dog really is.

Posted by: DelD at November 03, 2008 06:55 PM (Yw/4J)

64 37 I think Joe has hit the point where he literally does not care even slightly about what comes out of his mouth. He is just a walking, talking stream of consciousness, who will take multiple free association detours. He must do it simply to amuse himself and rattle fear in those who it will affect around him.

In the upper classes, these people are thought of as "eccentric."

In the working classes, these people are put into homes.

Posted by: shibumi at November 03, 2008 06:56 PM (tZB/c)

65 Those hairplugs got sunk way too deep and have apparently caused a partial lobotomy.

Posted by: Penfold at November 03, 2008 06:57 PM (lF2Kk)

66 Say it ain't so, Joe

Posted by: oldfart at November 03, 2008 06:58 PM (L8y/X)

I'll say it again.

A heartbeat away?

'Taint funny, McGee.

Posted by: notropis at November 03, 2008 06:58 PM (Y8PBj)

68 Has anyone ever been to Delaware? Is it really a real state?

I'm beginning to have some doubts.

But that's just me.

Posted by: SlaveDog at November 03, 2008 06:58 PM (H6Jyg)

69 Maybe, Andrew Sullivan will want to look into obtaining Biden's sister GYN records?

Posted by: Marcus Antonius at November 03, 2008 06:59 PM (knw82)

70 Just how does what comes before "[b]ut there's one important thing I noticed," have anything to do with what comes next?

Maybe it works better as a syllogism:

1. His sister is smart and beautiful.

2. His sister graduated with honors, and runs every one of his campaigns.

3. His sister was homecoming queen, but she was a "girl-boy" growing up.

4. "Girl-girls" are tougher than "girl-boys."

Transition: But there's one important thing I noticed.

5. The great thing about marrying into a family with five sisters is that there's always someone who loves you.

6. You can count on "splitting [your sisters] a bit."

Conclusion: You know what I mean?

Hmmm ... no, I can't say that I do ....

Posted by: Constant Reader at November 03, 2008 06:59 PM (EQYOq)

71 Dammit Joe, I told you to lay off the sauce until we officially lose.

Posted by: Teleprompter at November 03, 2008 07:04 PM (NbR7V)

72 I will not even try to figure out what the 'splitting the sisters' comment is supposed to mean.

Since Joe lies about, well, everything I'm hoping this means that he hasn't banged at least one of his sisters. But he really sounds like word processing software that's been infected by a virus.

Posted by: Captain Hate at November 03, 2008 07:05 PM (m2sQh)

73 Here's my shot at a translation.

My sister is smart, runs every one of my campaigns, is beautiful. Graduated with honors from college. Is homecoming queen, but

OK. With you so far. Sounds nice and folksy.

shes a -- she is what I call a girl-boy growing up, you know what I mean?

OK. She's a lesbian.

And I tell you what. Girl-girls are tougher than girl-boys.

Lipstick lesbians make Joe hotter than their bull-dyke counterparts.

But there's one important thing I noticed.

Isn't there always, Joe?

The great thing about marrying into a family with five sisters, theres always one that loves you.

Four out of five women are repulsed by hair plugs.

Cause you can count on splitting them a bit.

OK. Getting sick now. Joe's talkin' code for "I got a huge dick and I hump my sister with it."

You know what I mean?

Not first hand, Joe.

I shouldnt be going off like this, but...

Joe's wondering if there's a statute of limitations to humping your sister in this state.

He's also considering the risk of jacking off on stage through his pants pocket...

Posted by: Randy at November 03, 2008 07:05 PM (XFyLb)

74 "Has anyone ever been to Delaware? Is it really a real state?"

Obviously not a state of consciousness.

Posted by: Blazer at November 03, 2008 07:06 PM (+FzLa)

75 Crazy Joe, best contender for sleazy strip joint lounge comedian of the year.

Posted by: Michelle's American White Racist at November 03, 2008 07:08 PM (NLtVk)

76 Biden Babelfish translation:

My sisters is clever, runs is beautiful each one of campaign. From the university graduates in honor. The returning home queen, but are shes a -- Her I am knowing and under meaning, you to go out i grow and as the young girl boy i name and is? And with what says to you. The young girl young girl is rougher the young girl boy. But there' Goes out and s one pays attention had to be important. The sisters of 5 people which love you, theres about marriage had to be serious in the family which always with the thing has. This the (thing) of you will listen and to dividing the cause which is the possibility which will count a little. You am I under meaning knowing? I am incorrect and like this to becoming weak, i am not, but�

Posted by: Long Island at November 03, 2008 07:12 PM (XHzEP)

"This the (thing) of you will listen and to dividing the cause which is the possibility which will count a little."

Aaah, you make it so clear.

Thank you.

Posted by: notropis at November 03, 2008 07:14 PM (Y8PBj)

78 Delaware is more like an afterthought. Like Joe it has no character. A beach , shopping outlets, some chickens and Joe.

Posted by: JohnTBissell at November 03, 2008 07:15 PM (AjfGV)

79 Has anyone ever been to Delaware? Is it really a real state?

I'm beginning to have some doubts.

It's a mythical land of unicorns, rainbows and wonderfully lenient corporate tax policy.

Posted by: IllTemperedCur at November 03, 2008 07:17 PM (Ds4I5)

"It's a mythical land of unicorns, rainbows and wonderfully lenient corporate tax policy."

You forgot about the credit cards! Tell 'em about the credit cards! Every day, my mailbox is filled with cards and letters from Wilmington. God Bless Wilmington! Without Joe Biden and Wilmington, I'd feel lost, lonely and unloved. But as it is, I've already been approved!!!!!!!

Posted by: notropis at November 03, 2008 07:25 PM (Y8PBj)

81 With a middle name of "Robinette" wtf do you expect? Anyway?

Posted by: JimK at November 03, 2008 07:35 PM (1xOJr)

82 As a lesbian PUMA, I can tell you that the 'girl-boy' crap is stupid. And this is coming from a 'girl-girl'. I heard him say this during a morning raly and I still have no idea what he was talking about.

Posted by: Destini at November 03, 2008 07:36 PM (duUdu)

83 Scranton!

Posted by: Matt Damon at November 03, 2008 07:39 PM (aaGD+)

84 If 0bama wins, this jerk will be one heart-beat from the Oval Office.

Posted by: rabidfox at November 03, 2008 07:45 PM (eTizj)

If 0bama wins, this jerk will be one heart-beat from the Oval Office.

And people say Palin's scary....

Posted by: notropis at November 03, 2008 07:48 PM (Y8PBj)

As much as I dislike Obama's ideas, I have to admit that his idea that Joe Biden is a great statesman is the single one that showcases his world-class cluelessness better than any other.

Posted by: sherlock at November 03, 2008 07:54 PM (ojW85)

87 This is what we get for raising a nation full of "sensitive" males, training all they boy-ness out of them. They are males who try to sound female-friendly sensitive and politically correct and can't figure out what the crap they are saying. McCain doesn't have that problem. Heck, Sarah Palin is ten times the man O & Joe are.

Posted by: katya at November 03, 2008 08:00 PM (G3frc)

88 Cause you can count on splitting them a bit. You know what I mean?

Was that ribbed for their pleasure or his ?

Posted by: dtmf at November 03, 2008 08:01 PM (Fa5b6)

89 I'll bet everytime Biden speaks, the MSM groan and wince and hope the heck-all they can cover it up.

Posted by: katya at November 03, 2008 08:03 PM (G3frc)

90 notropis: You said it, or raved it, quite nicely.

OK, so Dubya mangled his grammar a lot. He never, NEVER said anything as stupid as Biden has said in public. I think the MSM owes him an apology, which of course he will never receive. Meanwhile Senator "Shoe Leather Yum Yum" gets a pass from sounding like a complete dumbfuck in spite of decades of being in DC! (Or maybe all those years in DC made him a dumbfuck....)

Posted by: exdem13 at November 03, 2008 08:10 PM (nQ6xk)

I believe OeJay is an UmaPay

I think Biden is enough of a patriot that he's done all he could to sink Obama. Dammit, surely the American people are smart enough to reward his effort by delivering a McCain/Palin win.

Posted by: funky chicken at November 03, 2008 08:12 PM (xyyHG)

92 63 Well, at least we finally know who Diderots Dog really is.

Posted by: DelD at November 03, 2008 06:55 PM (Yw/4J)

Crap, I hadn't thought of that . You may be right

Posted by: funky chicken at November 03, 2008 08:16 PM (xyyHG)

93 Living proof that hair plugs that don't take actually DO take, they just grow inside rather than out and choke the brain, like weeds.

Posted by: xbjllb at November 03, 2008 08:18 PM (5gBP7)

94 Biden and AOS commenters are comedy gold .
Almost snorted Dewars outa' my nose.

Posted by: aubrey at November 03, 2008 08:19 PM (joS+d)

95 "76 Biden Babelfish translation:

My sisters is clever, runs is beautiful each one of campaign. From the university graduates in honor. The returning home queen, but are shes a -- Her I am knowing and under meaning, you to go out i grow and as the young girl boy i name and is? And with what says to you. The young girl young girl is rougher the young girl boy. But there' Goes out and s one pays attention had to be important. The sisters of 5 people which love you, theres about marriage had to be serious in the family which always with the thing has. This the (thing) of you will listen and to dividing the cause which is the possibility which will count a little. You am I under meaning knowing? I am incorrect and like this to becoming weak, i am not, but�

Posted by: Long Island at November 03, 2008 07:12 PM (XHzEP)"

I cannot clap loudly enough for you to hear, but I'm trying

Posted by: Mike at November 03, 2008 08:26 PM (sE50l)

96 Please, please let there be video, or at least audio.

Posted by: AndrewsDad at November 03, 2008 08:28 PM (C2//T)

97 The Flying Fuck Award goes to.... Joe Biden:

http://tiny.cc/ZC6Wf

Posted by: peterargus at November 03, 2008 08:50 PM (XHzEP)

98 Has this man been checked for amyloid-beta plaques? Will someone please make sure he gets home OK? Maybe the tomboy can take care of him. He seems to like her.

Posted by: snookered at November 03, 2008 08:56 PM (h3PdB)

99 Mr Biden, we're all laughing at your superior intellect.

Posted by: The Haimster at November 03, 2008 09:02 PM (hb2qF)

100 Biden is a tard. It's the only plausible explanation.

Posted by: MrsPaulsFishSticks at November 03, 2008 09:02 PM (PBGAP)

101 On second thought, maybe he had a stroke. You can't really tell the difference.

Posted by: MrsPaulsFishSticks at November 03, 2008 09:04 PM (PBGAP)

102 Yeah, an audio of this could go viral.

Posted by: Marcus Antonius at November 03, 2008 09:09 PM (knw82)

103

Joe the Senator making Miss North Carolina sound like the President of MENSA.

Posted by: innominatus at November 03, 2008 09:27 PM (BfGcv)

104 This is nothing but a red herring to get us off of the trail of bill ayers, jerrimiah wright, bankrupting big coal, slithering socialism, dual citizenship, reperations don't go far enough, acorn, and weather underground for ten minutes. Maybe ol' Joe ain't so dumb.

Posted by: RWB at November 03, 2008 09:31 PM (WGj+E)

105 I am proud to say (once again) that I went on record here at Ace of Spades when Biden was nominated as saying that Biden was dumber than a sack of hammers. I would say that I am happy to be proven right, except that it is sad for the country.

Posted by: Harry at November 03, 2008 09:47 PM (J6QDn)

106 "...Biden was dumber than a sack of hammers. I would say that I am happy to be proven right, except that it is sad for the country."

Sad for us, too. What kind of back-handed compliment is that? I mean, that shot came out of nowhere. What'd we ever do to you?

Posted by: A Sack of Hammers at November 03, 2008 10:20 PM (sI5Ho)

107 Biden's the Owen Wilson of the Democrat Party. Everything he says sounds like an ad-lib.

Posted by: Michael Rittenhouse at November 03, 2008 10:31 PM (vUmP3)

108 Randy, I think I peed my pants a little.

Posted by: melda at November 03, 2008 10:57 PM (XJzib)

109 I just found this story. And I'm laughing uncontrollably. It brought tears to my eyes. I kid you not.

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