Obama Poetry Thread
Before hiring a ghostwriter to write Dreams of My Father, Barack Hussein Obama's contribution to English literature was one short law school note and the following poem from college.
No, really. He wrote this. Under water grottos, caverns Filled with apes That eat figs. Stepping on the figs That the apes Eat, they crunch. The apes howl, bare Their fangs, dance . . . David Ross began parodizing the mindthoughts and soulpatterns of Obama: see the monkeys they howl and throw poo oo oo oo poo poo poo fling, splat reagan's fault and figs are tasty i also like plums and apples but peaches and papayas remind me of pooter which is scary Not sure how far Obamapoetry can be taken, but it's worth a shot as someone suggests.Comments
Posted by: filled with apes that eat figs at October 09, 2008 03:54 AM (JxyMA)
Posted by: someone at October 09, 2008 03:56 AM (2z2WN)
An inspired start, to be certain. Someone, what in the hell are you still doing up at this hour? My excuse is cold medication from some idiot chorister in the Fledermaus I just did giving me his or her head cold.
tmi3rd
Posted by: tmi3rd at October 09, 2008 03:57 AM (X9MTa)
There once was a pol from Chicago
Set to see how far he could go
He hung out with commies
but smooth talked soccer mommies
And we all know him now as ObamO!
Yes, I really suck at poetry. But it's better than the crap O! wrote.
Posted by: XBradTC at October 09, 2008 03:57 AM (L2EPB)
simple nouns
perform simple verb functions
with a minor adjectival clause to add "texture."
other nouns
do other verbs, and
the nouns
verb, and verb, and...
verb.
Posted by: ace at October 09, 2008 03:58 AM (1WR4H)
Mighty ACORNs grow
Run by Commies
Who love Obammie
'Neath the white out of media snow
Posted by: Mr. Right at October 09, 2008 03:58 AM (+1Q/0)
glad I snagged the nic in the other thread
OK, I'm no John Donne, but:
In a white room
with lots of white folks
who pretend to love black folks
but just hate America
because they hate Daddy
and all the money he had that they could never earn. Conspire
to advance their empty
suit of a protege, Laughing, twinkling, tinkling
write the checks, feel superior
And bring us the commie
Posted by: filled with apes that eat figs at October 09, 2008 03:59 AM (JxyMA)
One would think
That Diderot's Dog
Would have something to add
in terms of felching
Obama
But he's probably
practicing his oratory
in front of his mother's mirror
while wearing her underwear.
Posted by: tmi3rd at October 09, 2008 04:00 AM (X9MTa)
I didn't see any of you retards' "poems" until I posted.
Wild, cats.
Posted by: filled with apes that eat figs at October 09, 2008 04:00 AM (JxyMA)
Obama's weird though.
Obama, ripping off WCW:
so much depends
on a red wheelbarrow
and the apes
tearing into the necks
of the white chickens
crunch
squawk
kerrUUUCK!
the apes chomp
and eat the chickens
then they masturbate
on to an old Neil Sedaka album
lying in the mud.
Posted by: ace at October 09, 2008 04:01 AM (1WR4H)
Ace -- note that Barry has never acknowledged any ghosting of his first book. That's why the poem is *evidence* -- a Beauchampian dork writes, after not too long, a memoir much and broadly praised for its literary qualities? No f'in way.
Posted by: someone at October 09, 2008 04:03 AM (2z2WN)
apes eat figs.
By taking 55% of all figs
and investing them in a single-payer health care system
we can move
the grotto
forward.
Posted by: ace at October 09, 2008 04:04 AM (1WR4H)
Alright, lets try again:
In the ghetto, in the ghetto
There's a community organizer walking door
to door
Earnest, with clipboard
Thinking, writing, signing lots of paper
But not talking to anyone,
Because that would be his real job with ACORN
Posted by: filled with apes that eat figs (moronizer) at October 09, 2008 04:05 AM (JxyMA)
Posted by: Mr. Right at October 09, 2008 04:07 AM (+1Q/0)
Furiously typing, flying fingers
making up for lost virility
these cold lonely nights
obsessed with Trig
Must suck to be David Frum
Posted by: filled with apes that eat figs at October 09, 2008 04:08 AM (JxyMA)
stars blazing
the moon hangs
made of spare ribs
hey Norm,
if the moon were made of spare ribs,
would you eat it?
Good.
You chose wisely.
Posted by: ace at October 09, 2008 04:10 AM (1WR4H)
Xbox
Instead of lolling at Ace's
at least then,
I wouldn't go to bed enraged
and yet hopeful
for Fitzmas
Posted by: filled with apes that eat figs at October 09, 2008 04:11 AM (JxyMA)
Posted by: HAI KU KAT at October 09, 2008 04:11 AM (4yauu)
Tiny Bugs
eating flecks of skin
but yet not becoming human
All around wondering
Is there hope?
Change?
Posted by: filled with apes that eat figs at October 09, 2008 04:14 AM (JxyMA)
Dancing, gnashing!
Crunching, munching!
Figs!
Where?
There?
The figs, frightened
afraid
not knowing
hardly breathing
where are the apes?
There
the apes
biting, smiting!
gripping, ripping!
dancing, prancing!
Apes.
Figs.
-- composed in the early evening of 9/11/2001
Posted by: leelee sobieski at October 09, 2008 04:15 AM (1WR4H)
Posted by: XBradTC at October 09, 2008 04:16 AM (L2EPB)
The Hell?????
Oh well, at least it doesn't end with:
Soyuzni come,
Ayres' will be done,
In D.C.
As it was at Columbia.
Posted by: Wm. Fucking Shakespeare at October 09, 2008 04:17 AM (Tz2XN)
To fetch America's power
The press did their best
To fix the contest
And the future is looking quite dour
Posted by: Mr. Right at October 09, 2008 04:18 AM (+1Q/0)
my last bit (i think, unless there's more inspiration when I'm brushing teeth)
Tumbling into darkness
the blackness of light, the brilliance of dark
Hopenchangelo
Speaks
I swoon, rapturous
And then the littlefuckerwithtthedownssyndrommakesmewriteanotherpost
hate the vagina
Oh, the steroids
and mushrooms
Posted by: filled with apes that eat figs at October 09, 2008 04:18 AM (JxyMA)
what happened to her is what happens to all actresses. they get to be the it girl for 1-2 years, then get less work, and then no work at all.
actresses have it easy breaking in because Hollywood is always tossing out the old crop, but it's almost impossible to have a hot career longer than 5 years, tops.
Posted by: leelee sobieski at October 09, 2008 04:19 AM (1WR4H)
Bear in blue coat
Eats marmalade.
Waiting for the train
Reading 9:15
Chugga, chugga, chugga
Shuff, chugga
Shuff, hiss...
Posted by: Anonymous at October 09, 2008 04:19 AM (4yauu)
Posted by: Adriane at October 09, 2008 04:20 AM (wJlIy)
Racists words
Thrown at me
or by me
Not the words I
once knew
petard hoist
Kettle: Hmmm
Pot says yes
cold medicine is
3am call.
Posted by: JarvisW at October 09, 2008 04:21 AM (8yPsP)
under the bus
friends & family
I know not
Let them rot, the minds
of the worshiping masses
awash in hope-n-change
now deranged
flip,flop, lie
repeat, now the
deceit is complete
Posted by: d at October 09, 2008 04:21 AM (uzw/p)
Posted by: Beatle Glutes at October 09, 2008 04:21 AM (+1Q/0)
But that David Ross link you have, are you sure that is the right one? I clicked it and I didn't see any connection.
Posted by: Ed at October 09, 2008 04:22 AM (taXMV)
huge neck muscles
yells at me at night.
Squat-thrusting my crack
-addled frame.
Princess howls,
bares her chest,
My heart dizzy, afraid...
Posted by: BAMBI'S MOTHER IS DEAD at October 09, 2008 04:22 AM (4yauu)
Posted by: filled with apes that eat figs at October 09, 2008 04:23 AM (JxyMA)
Posted by: Wickedpinto at October 09, 2008 04:23 AM (ul7te)
Posted by: JarvisW at October 09, 2008 04:24 AM (8yPsP)
ty-five click click click click click
click click click click click click click
Posted by: Anonymous at October 09, 2008 04:24 AM (4yauu)
don't know why I watched it
eternally disappointing
as he gets less and less funny
but wears suits e'er more sparkly.
Let's face it
even that one show
was only funny
when he was talking the n-word.
and looking back
I don't think we even really thought it was really that funny
so much as we were like,
Well, Chris Rock said it, so there you go.
Figs.
Posted by: ace at October 09, 2008 04:25 AM (1WR4H)
Kill my landlord. Kill my landlord.
The watchdog barking, do he bite?
Kill my landlord. Kill my landlord.
C-I-L-L my landlord.
Posted by: Tyrone Green at October 09, 2008 04:25 AM (+1Q/0)
I shield my eyes from Helen Thomas' stuff,
It's election won, but the country's lost,
The summer of love meets Chicago's frost,
It's Power bump time.
Eternal apologies to Leonard Cohen.
Posted by: Adriane at October 09, 2008 04:25 AM (wJlIy)
always had
the two qualities i most prize
a nice natural rack
and that hard-to-define
"retard look"
that probably means she does anal
because she's too fucking stupid to know the difference.
Posted by: ace at October 09, 2008 04:27 AM (1WR4H)
Read this (which should really be included in the main post) for more.
Posted by: someone at October 09, 2008 04:28 AM (2z2WN)
tiny dick
women laugh 'till
they're sick
pathetic
lonely one
never will
you be well hung
trollish poems
he will write
'cause he ain't
gettin' anything
else tonight
Posted by: d at October 09, 2008 04:29 AM (uzw/p)
Posted by: someone at October 09, 2008 04:30 AM (2z2WN)
Chris Rock has never actually been funny
in that second show
where he apparently decided to dress up
as a Bond villain named
Maximillian Platinum
the only funny word he said all night
was "Aquaman."
Undersea caverns, grottoes.
Posted by: ace at October 09, 2008 04:31 AM (1WR4H)
the Kenyan birth certificate is moot,
the sugar bowl is empty,
like Obama in a suit ...
Posted by: Adriane at October 09, 2008 04:32 AM (wJlIy)
Bitter guns: to Bibles cling: Hope: Change
Acorn cheats: Red states swing: Hope: Change
Silence critics: Race cards fling: Hope: Change
Media tingles: Crown him king: Hope: Change
Wake me up from this nightmarish thing! Hope??? Change???
NOT!
Posted by: Mr. Right at October 09, 2008 04:34 AM (+1Q/0)
I was stupid, and fucked it up.
But not before
(not poetry, but true)
Posted by: filled with apes that eat figs at October 09, 2008 04:35 AM (JxyMA)
Don’t you fear the Yetis in Rio?
No.
No?
No.
Rio Yeti. Rio Yeti. Rio Yeti. Rio Yeti.
No, No, No, No, No, No, No, No, No, No, No, No, No, No, No, No.
Posted by: The American Astronaut at October 09, 2008 04:35 AM (4yauu)
Posted by: someone at October 09, 2008 04:36 AM (2z2WN)
Posted by: D&D geek at October 09, 2008 04:37 AM (YrCzB)
How do I love thee, let me, uh... let me... ummmm, uhhh, just a minute... I er, uhhh, ummmm, let me count... count the... uhhhh... ways.
Posted by: Mr. Right at October 09, 2008 04:40 AM (+1Q/0)
and their mean, pinched faces.
Thanksgiving for figs, pigs, wigs.
Thanksgiving for legs, pegs, begs.
Thanksgiving for jelly, smelly, belly.
The apes howl, "F!ck You, America."
Bats, bats, bats,
giant hairy ones.
Duke, watch where you're aiming that thing!!!
Posted by: Adriane at October 09, 2008 04:42 AM (wJlIy)
Smiles knives.
Angry senator
Hugs Weathermen.
Angry wife
Finally proud.
Angry preacher
Damns America.
All millionaires.
Posted by: Tom W. at October 09, 2008 04:42 AM (0MG9n)
Posted by: Ed at October 09, 2008 04:44 AM (taXMV)
Posted by: someone at October 09, 2008 04:44 AM (2z2WN)
i said id take out
the dam trash
thats senator dumbass
to you you bitter sack of
o wait now
hold on sugar lets not be
hasty put down the knife i
said i was sorry about
the oprah interview baby
i can has testickules back kplzthx
Posted by: sulla at October 09, 2008 04:44 AM (tlFbX)
bluely lighted by the moon
an imperious dolphin
rides upon a camel, dressed in the luxurious robes
and jewels
of an Arab Bey.
He whispers his name to me.
I can almost remember the smell
of his exotic abergris perfume
and thinking,
"Mother fucker,
I feel like I just fell into a Led Zeppelin album.
This is like Kashmir,
with a dolphin."
Posted by: ace at October 09, 2008 04:45 AM (1WR4H)
that good enough for me
e is for earmark
that good enough for me
e is for earmark
that good enough for me
o
earmark earmark earmark
start with e
Posted by: sulla at October 09, 2008 04:46 AM (tlFbX)
Posted by: Ed at October 09, 2008 04:46 AM (taXMV)
I blame the booze. ANd I'll be sober in teh morning
Man sobieski just overrode the normal filters, there
Posted by: filled with apes that eat figs at October 09, 2008 04:47 AM (JxyMA)
Posted by: d at October 09, 2008 04:47 AM (uzw/p)
k - i - s - s my ass - ing.
First comes the White House,
for the MSM's champs.
Republicans flee to Mars to escape the Camps.
Posted by: Adriane at October 09, 2008 04:48 AM (wJlIy)
Posted by: filled with apes that eat figs at October 09, 2008 04:48 AM (JxyMA)
Posted by: Anonymous at October 09, 2008 04:49 AM (4yauu)
8 inches uncut
will take loads in a variety of places
well, two, really
how many more do you need
Posted by: RAWMUSCLGLUTES at October 09, 2008 04:52 AM (1WR4H)
where poets,
write poems
of parody new.
Stop. Failure awaits.
For you can not parody
that which parodies itself...
Word.
Posted by: ricky at October 09, 2008 04:53 AM (muUqs)
the two qualities i most prize
a nice natural rack
and that hard-to-define
'retard look'
that probably means she does anal
because she's too fucking stupid to know the difference."
Dialog from My First Mister (2001), starring Leelee Sobieski.
"If memory serves...
technically I'm still a virgin.
There was this one day in third grade...
when Matthew Kingsley came over and we played doctor.
He confused my vagina with my anus...
and took my temperature with a fire-engine red crayon
From then on, whenever I'd hear a siren...
I'd giggle."
Posted by: Tom W. at October 09, 2008 04:56 AM (0MG9n)
We're JimJim and Koko and we like the figs.
We are the apes, the apes that eat figs,
We JimJim and Koko and we like the figs.
We like them big, and we like them small,
We like them one, and we like them all.
They're always baring their fangs when they eat their figs,
Cuz they know that down in the caverns, we too like figs.
In the under water grottos we're crunching,
Stepping and dancing, but mostly fig-munching.
Who's that guy howling, howling about pigs?
Me, I'd rather stay up late and sing about figs.
We are the apes, the apes that eat figs,
We're JimJim and Koko and we like the figs.
We are the apes, the apes that eat figs,
We JimJim and Koko and we like the figs.
Posted by: mrobvious at October 09, 2008 04:57 AM (KMcEY)
How did Obama get this published? I have read some amazing poetry written by English majors. It's a dumb thing to do with your life, but there is such a thing as poetry that kicks you in the balls with meaning. How did Obama get so many breaks? Every step of them way, he has NO merit, but get's every acolade. Unpublished, yet Harvard Law Review Prez. Shit, he flunked out of Columbia, and got into the best law school in the nation!
He's won election after election by magically finding himself unopposed... his caucus scam kicked Hillary in the ass... the economic disaster curbed Mccain's poll surge... the media is more uncurious about this guy than makes sense, even with their bias (every journalist wants to sell the story that changes the world... and there are so many scoops out there, just sitting on the ground waiting for someone to print them)
Posted by: Shill at October 09, 2008 04:57 AM (8jYMc)
and one pill makes you small.
& the ones that socialized medicine gives you,
don't do anything at all.
Go ask Obama!
He & Michelle are 10 feet tall.
And if you go off, chasing capitalism,
and you know that you're going to fall,
sink into the grottos,
with the talking apes,
and eat figs in the pall,
Of a great country,
laid low by it's 1st half Arab/half White President,
ACORN insures elected this fall.
Posted by: Adriane at October 09, 2008 04:58 AM (wJlIy)
We want a leader,
an optimist.
Not an angry man
lurching from one position to another.
When you vote with George Bush 90% of the time
you're best hope is attacking your opponent 100% of the time.
Posted by: This is fun at October 09, 2008 05:01 AM (YrCzB)
Ace, have mercy on us poor fucts who just got up and haven't had our cu of joe yet. This is cruel and unusual punishment.
Posted by: Vic at October 09, 2008 05:05 AM (b1ysY)
kickin-it with
Ahmadinejad
in Iran
Organize
the world
as one
I'll tell you
Communism is fun
"Worship me"
I will say, then
On Chris Matthew's leg
I will play
Posted by: d at October 09, 2008 05:07 AM (uzw/p)
Poetry lies within the soul,
It’s really not that hard.
From mind to keyboard the words should roll,
Remember to play the race card.
We will look upon this election,
In the future with affection.
Just remember in some strange way,
The Moodies words, never comes the day.
Posted by: Biscuiteater at October 09, 2008 05:07 AM (2JF/+)
Posted by: mrobvious at October 09, 2008 05:08 AM (KMcEY)
Vitamin D, comes from the cod that lives in the sea.
E, FIG,
I reject your patriarchal alphabetical new world Order.
Apes eat figs,
Apes ate figs.
next is H.
But we can't say Hussein,
'cause that is so obvious and plain-
-ly racist racist racist, white cracker apes, eating fig newtons.
Burma
Shave.
Posted by: Adriane at October 09, 2008 05:11 AM (wJlIy)
FIGS IS WHAT THEY CRAVE /
ONE THING'S BETTER THAN HAVING BO /
AND THAT'S USING BURMA SHAVE
Posted by: Anonymous at October 09, 2008 05:14 AM (4yauu)
Posted by: mrobvious at October 09, 2008 05:15 AM (KMcEY)
Filled with jelly
Eaten by gops.
Eating the jelly
That the gops
Spread, they type.
The gops yawn, bore
Their friends, reload . . .
Posted by: Anonymous at October 09, 2008 05:21 AM (4yauu)
The howling ape knows.
But if he tells ya,
he'd half ta kill ya.
Or, you'd half to give a subprime mortgage for America's howling ape fig polishers minority SHALL NOT be denied their place in the sun,
their finger on the byebye, Miss American Pie pulse of America.
And howling.
No Justice, No figs.
Posted by: Adriane at October 09, 2008 05:25 AM (wJlIy)
Posted by: S. Weasel at October 09, 2008 05:55 AM (Dy8+A)
Brain farts
Casual misuse of internet darts.
This election may well depend,
On what we are willing to defend.
Because I am white,
Because I am black,
Neither will make me automatically right.
Posted by: Biscuiteater at October 09, 2008 05:56 AM (2JF/+)
Apes
Under water?
Why don't they drown? Why?
When they eat figs
Under water
Do they swallow a little water too which hurts like a heart attack or a punch in the sternum?
Because I hate that.
Posted by: S. Weasel at October 09, 2008 05:59 AM (Dy8+A)
How did we miss this one?http://tinyurl.com/4tgc26
Well, here is the song version.http://tinyurl.com/35wp83
Posted by: Vic at October 09, 2008 06:05 AM (b1ysY)
Posted by: Anonymous at October 09, 2008 06:12 AM (4yauu)
Up in Wasilly, Alaska
Filled with snowbillies
That eat moose
Comes my worst nightmare
Like Freddy Krueger
With lipstick
Her winks pierce my dreams
Can't sleep
Must never sleep.
Posted by: Randy R at October 09, 2008 06:27 AM (r+abb)
Granite, Masstossits, Bob Smith's comb over
Filled with mites
That eat larvae
And not Marva
They crunch
In the nosehair
Of Bob Smith's nose
Dancing...
Posted by: Sen. Rev. Dr. E at October 09, 2008 07:13 AM (DmCUL)
Flying in the plane, large tylenol
It smells awful
Not something human?
BO
OB?
Take a shower
On the hour
Soap on a rope
RACIST.
Posted by: Sen. Rev. Dr. E Buzz at October 09, 2008 07:15 AM (DmCUL)
My wife sits in a chair
Hasn't bathed in a month
Smells like rotting cabbage
Angry press
Fuck them, they're mine
Keep it real, yo
Mezzanine thinking
Posted by: Sen. Rev. Dr. E Buzz at October 09, 2008 07:19 AM (DmCUL)
Posted by: Stinky Esposito at October 09, 2008 07:26 AM (MMC8r)
[figs]
don't say crack
[cracker barrel]
judge wopner
[
fishsticks]
where theres hope
[changey]
silverback! back! back!
[sigourney weaver]
bush is a chimp
[flings poo]
YOKO
Posted by: pdbuttons at October 09, 2008 07:30 AM (trs/d)
People say there was, but there wasn't
That's not the inscape I knew
Head full of pot
Stick it to the pigs
Far out
You mock community organizers?
White hot lava frost surges within me:
I'll organize your community, muthafucka
When I scratch my face with my middle finger
It doesn't mean anything
RACIST!!!
Posted by: Dan Collins at October 09, 2008 07:35 AM (SohFK)
BUTTONS
society is [oh my god!]
naked
like apes
like...You..
[changey]
atone bitches
with all ur fig leaf-ez
come back to Obama-land
for ever and ever
amen
{redrum]
Posted by: pdbuttons at October 09, 2008 07:36 AM (trs/d)
Massatoosits...
Aglow with thought
Careen
Eating figs and honeydew
My plane
It smells
But does it really, man?
Hi brother, have you given any money
To the Hare Krishna
Stand.
Posted by: Sen. Rev. Dr. E Buzz at October 09, 2008 07:41 AM (DmCUL)
Posted by: J at October 09, 2008 07:44 AM (ZO0u/)
Posted by: Sen. Rev. Dr. E Buzz at October 09, 2008 07:47 AM (DmCUL)
Oh, Mr. Commuter!
Wash me not in your Mad Ave. paint-by-numbers soap,
In your Cheez Whiz TV dinner bathtub graveyard.
Not for me your drip-dry tuna casserole!
Not for me your gray-and-pink poodle FASCISM!
I'd rather roll in my own PUKE!
Free and proud to smell.
This is poetry!
It does not NEED to rhyme!
Ga ga!
Da da!
God!
Dog!
Dog!
God!
Posted by: Sen. Rev. Dr. E Buzz at October 09, 2008 07:53 AM (DmCUL)
one leg at a time
suits are made 4 courts
pantsuits not
double-wide
the awning shades
my mini-putt putt
trophy
lost....
in a cul-de-sac
of hatey
four left turns
your plane smells
hows my ass taste?
Posted by: pdbuttons at October 09, 2008 07:53 AM (trs/d)
Cant we talk about the economy?
ANd how it like, totally sucks?
ANd how talking about it will totally make it not suck?
Especially free health care, free college tuitiion and taxing the rich? WHich will totally fix the economy?
Posted by: Obama SUpporter at October 09, 2008 07:54 AM (/YM8H)
Cops man...
All are pigs man...
You are a cop
And you don't even know it man...
Admit to the face
Of oppression and anxiety
Over the piety
And life insurance straights
White collar facist
White man don't know shit.
Insurance salesman repression.
Diminished, augmented, stalemate...
Posted by: Sen. Rev. Dr. E Buzz at October 09, 2008 07:58 AM (DmCUL)
You can read that poetry (it's junk) and then read Dreams of my father and that's supposed to be the same guy? B.S.
Posted by: Andy at October 09, 2008 07:59 AM (PA57O)
I'm the Evil Midnight Bomber
What bombs at Midnight.
When Barry gets elected,
Then we're making gravy
Without the lumps.
Posted by: Bill Ayers at October 09, 2008 08:01 AM (MMC8r)
Posted by: S. Weasel at October 09, 2008 08:02 AM (rasT+)
The cashew cannot scream.
Mind
ZOOM MOOZ
ZOOM
Filth and white man greed
Filth of the white man
He creates the hell
And won't live
In it
ZOOM MOOZ
Man.
You got to be shittin me
With the corporate facism
Fake tit white bread crackers
All of them.
I hate them, slithering like a snail across a diamond tipped blade
Opressed and regressed brother!
FIGHT THE POWER
Posted by: Sen. Rev. Dr. E Buzz at October 09, 2008 08:04 AM (DmCUL)
Then, his house, I start to wreck.
Got no reason. What the heck!
Kill my landord! Kill my landlord!
Posted by: Tyrone Green at October 09, 2008 08:08 AM (PLvLS)
Going down, no thanks.
Filled with Barney Frank,
Who eats like a pig.
I'd rather smoke a cig.
Smoking all the cigs,
Avoiding the pig.
Frank howls, bareback, come back!
If he had teeth, I'm sure they'd dance
Posted by: rdbrewer at October 09, 2008 08:09 AM (CrSOk)
Mindriot
Mind warp
We are waiting
For the overthrow
Of the fatcat corporate salisbury steak facist
WHite man oppression
Of the worker
We know
We see
Can you
Dig man?
Brother, spare me some soup.
We care not about your society man, as it stands
You are fuckin with my shit.
Assiduous...
Posted by: Sen. Rev. Dr. E Buzz at October 09, 2008 08:12 AM (DmCUL)
Posted by: SarahW at October 09, 2008 08:13 AM (7sl9X)
Golf?
Golf??
Golf???
Have you no decency?
SIR?
SIR?
What has this come to, in your warped white man, scene, SIR?
Is this the viewpoint, white man, corporate, we see, of the man who
Can lead us?
Lead?
Golf?
Strike...
Posted by: Sen. Rev. Dr. E Buzz at October 09, 2008 08:15 AM (DmCUL)
Posted by: Entropy at October 09, 2008 08:19 AM (m6c4H)
minor mirror
augmented and such
went ta Harvard
got box lunch
scales
diminished shiny/
justice and more
got a purple finger
inside my
barney frank doll
notes
"quoth da raven"
Posted by: pdbuttons at October 09, 2008 08:20 AM (trs/d)
Integrity
Of the man
Kick?
Slice like a fuckin hammer...
Don't ever fuck with me.
Where's Joe.
Is Joe a corporate white?
Man fat cat, tv dinner, processed Velveeta white bread?
Forthrightly man.
Posted by: Sen. Rev. Dr. E Buzz at October 09, 2008 08:20 AM (DmCUL)
Posted by: A. Pendragon at October 09, 2008 08:21 AM (3s7Qc)
Posted by: That Creepy Kid from 'Last Sacrifice' at October 09, 2008 08:23 AM (MMC8r)
Under the streets
Of the city of wind
White terrorists
Grow the One.
Teach it to hate
The ideal under
Which a nation
Was born.
Kill your parents,
Take their bread,
And give it
To ACORN.Posted by: tcbevo at October 09, 2008 08:24 AM (zBPvU)
Posted by: nord at October 09, 2008 08:26 AM (azL8r)
Posted by: Lighten Up, Francis at October 09, 2008 08:29 AM (MMC8r)
Posted by: pdbuttons at October 09, 2008 08:30 AM (trs/d)
You know, I would be so humiliated if anyone ever got ahold of the bad poetry I wrote as a kid. But none of it was published, so I guess I am safe.
long ago
'neath the moon
there was a dance
there was a fire
there was love.
what happened?
damn dirty apes, that's what happened. shit.
Posted by: Mrs. Peel at October 09, 2008 08:34 AM (CNi9Y)
Christopher Walken-" Hi- I'm Christopher Walken"
scuba ape "................"
Nancy Walker-"Rock-Barney on line two"
ipod-"What's a Walkmen?'
Crocidile Dundee-"going 4 a walk-about"
that's my "walk" poem
Posted by: pdbuttons at October 09, 2008 08:39 AM (trs/d)
I'm just a little fig
Who deserves to live.
And stepping on your "food"
Ain't "good."
Anyway.
Get your hands off me you damned dirty apes!
Go fuck yourself in your own grotto,
Underwater and shit.
Posted by: rdbrewer at October 09, 2008 08:41 AM (CrSOk)
Posted by: spypeach at October 09, 2008 08:52 AM (QwWKI)
Under cover man
Waiting in shadow
Cover blown
Relentless pushing, clawing
Almost to summit
Soon the power ours
Soon to punish them
One final knife thrust
Rotting corpse stinks
Posted by: Guero Loco at October 09, 2008 08:54 AM (lD4DZ)
Posted by: bitter, clinging Pennsylvanian at October 09, 2008 08:58 AM (bd68Z)
And slackers
And union boss backers
I got a cool jet
The far left
And a starlet named Scarlett
I got polls
And trolls
And communist goals.
I got peeps
In the streets
They all want to meet
I got cash for days
And a messianic haze
And along comes Sarah
Posted by: Kestrel♠ at October 09, 2008 08:59 AM (p6Tpr)
Posted by: Pak at October 09, 2008 09:02 AM (Phwij)
I help you get lot next door
Now I bunk with Grossberger
I feel like talking
Start stretching
Posted by: alppuccino at October 09, 2008 09:02 AM (BYezr)
Posted by: Michael Fisk at October 09, 2008 09:03 AM (8YgdQ)
Breeding voters out of the dead land,
Mixing acorns with desire,
Enflaming nutroots with dead brains.
Summer brought us figs,
Crunched by apes in submarine grottos,
Which smell a lot like Mo Dowd's gnarly snatch.
Posted by: Milesdei at October 09, 2008 09:09 AM (ACHxk)
A jolly spectator to the rubbled fields where combines
Have only yesterday taken up the corn.
I see this from the window of the campaign bus
As I listen to The One hold forth
To the journalists and wonks and assistants
Clustered at the front of the bus.
I sit at the back and watch the Midwest
Roll by under the harvest moon
And wonder how I came to be here.
Posted by: Monty at October 09, 2008 09:13 AM (4Pleu)
Posted by: rdbrewer at October 09, 2008 09:13 AM (CrSOk)
By: Kestrel♠
The toaster springs to life
Announcing your presence
I took you out of the back of the freezer
from your secret place
where the kids can't find you.
They get pop tarts
Not me
Posted by: Kestrel♠ at October 09, 2008 09:18 AM (p6Tpr)
Nothing rhymes with "purple," dumbass.
except "maple syrple". on a waffle.
I'm just trying to eat my waffle here.
Posted by: Dave in Texas at October 09, 2008 09:20 AM (eiOZw)
Filled with apes
That eat figs.
Little fish eat figs
Demand equal share.
Apes howl, bare
Their Fangs, dance.
Populist fish uprising.
Beach in Montauk
Apes wash ashore
Humans shit brix.
Posted by: Ranba Ral at October 09, 2008 09:21 AM (fpk1J)
Posted by: Dave J at October 09, 2008 09:24 AM (qsGH+)
To the brink on which he is poised
Crafted by Marxists so coy
Their heir is Bill Ayers' boy.
Posted by: maverick muse at October 09, 2008 09:25 AM (F1b/5)
fields of waving
poppies are the womb from wence
comes this written tripe.
i know it
sucks but maybe it will get me
laid.
Posted by: CAD Daddy at October 09, 2008 09:29 AM (U6x6j)
Posted by: Bud Norton at October 09, 2008 09:36 AM (6cOMd)
Over financed cribs, joints
Filed with losers
That eat money
Stepping on money
That the losers
eat, they skip
The losers howl, put out
Their hands, dance
Posted by: polynikes at October 09, 2008 09:36 AM (m2CN7)
Could this be the "something to talk about" from last night?
It's hard to say; the stuff in the ad won't be news to anyone who reads the blogosphere, but there are still a lot of people who get their news from the MSM.
Posted by: Dead Career Sketch at October 09, 2008 09:37 AM (5hxyn)
crackers and horns
crunching crackers, honking
horns, the devil
The crackers die, honking
silent, red and black, rise
Posted by: polywright at October 09, 2008 09:41 AM (m2CN7)
Posted by: pendejo grande at October 09, 2008 09:46 AM (L47wF)
The only poem I ever wrote, which I think is still kinda gay, I painted it on my plane. It was short but sweet and it went something like this:
Kill Charlie!
Posted by: McCain at October 09, 2008 09:50 AM (BXHeE)
"It was only a month ago that McCain seemed poised to overcome the public’s poor view of the Republican Party, having literally lifted the GOP’s prospects with his own and largely escaped the political deadweight of President Bush."
Hey, they acknowledge now what they refused to admit then. That's a starting point, not mere futility. And it proves that McCain IS/CAN be seen positively, though media-mouths repudiate to their hearts' content.
“Barring a terrorist attack,” said Maslin, “in the face of what’s happened to the United States economy, the world economy, in the last two weeks how does this trend reverse itself?”
It takes a saboteur [Maslin] to instigate the ONLY means of victory via sabotage [terrorist attack]. I shuttered last week when a "journalist" wrote that the only way McCain could win would be for Israel to attack Iran before election day. World events are so damned complex; one event may tip another but is not the only reason for any tipping that occurs as everything boils "over" from the same cauldron: PLANET EARTH.
“McCain could have changed the direction of the river. He could have opposed the bailout. Made clear it was a massive bailout loaded with pork. And he was not party to the Bush-Obama plan,” said Doug Schoen, Bill Clinton's former pollster.
Schoen neglects to mention the negative implications that McCain faced should McCain have taken Schoen's "could have" route. Yes, I wrote McCain asking him to oppose the bailout. But there's always more to what's going on than I comprehend, though I have my senses alert. We're being barraged by a million ping-pong balls and are supposed to know which ball to swat back when it's ALL the balls that need to be returned to sender. Neither McCain nor Obama returned all the balls to sender. However, only McCain fought to cut the slices of pork that inevitably would be inserted by the Democrat majority in their own bill, sliced to accomodate later REFORM. So goes hope.
“There is the complete utter loss of faith in GOP politics,” argued Jim Jordan, a Democratic strategist. “This is chickens coming home to roost in a way that was almost unimaginable a year ago.”
ALWAYS THE DEMOCRAT STRATEGISTS FORMULATING PUBLISHED OPINION. Strike GOP/ Insert DNC politics and Jordan's argument holds water. The democrats are exercising the old chicken practice of casting tons of feathers into the wind and telling republicans to go clean the mess.
No one who studies has anything but an utter loss of faith in Democratic politics: elected Democrat officials go AWOL when they can't get their way in legislation; Democrat Majority Leaders fail to fulfill Congressional protocol allowing votes, allowing oppositional time to speak from the floor; Democratic foot soldiers of Elitist Non-Profit Leftists purposely corrupt voter registrations in huge drives and corrupt ballot box results. THE DEMOCRAT PARTY OWNS THE MONOPOLY ON THESE EVILS.
Posted by: maverick muse at October 09, 2008 09:51 AM (F1b/5)
I met a senator from Scranton-land
Who said, "The apes eat figs, they howl, bare fangs
In under-water grottos, near them stand
Columns from a convention, and there hangs
A teleprompter, where these words appear:
My name is Obamandias, King of Kings,
Look on my Change, ye Whitey, and despair!
Nothing beside remains! Nothing is heard
Of that colossal Wreck, in D.C. where
All men were thrown under the bus. Just words.
Posted by: Pak at October 09, 2008 09:51 AM (Phwij)
Posted by: alppuccino at October 09, 2008 09:52 AM (BYezr)
Posted by: AlexD at October 09, 2008 09:56 AM (s+yKc)
Maverick Muse
That wasn't very poesy.
Perhaps you should
Step on some figs
And then eat them, crunch.
Cuz we all know how figs crunch.
Especially stepped-on figs.
Who has ever eaten a soft Fig Newton?
Soft, like your poetry.
Posted by: rdbrewer at October 09, 2008 10:02 AM (CrSOk)
Posted by: SarahW at October 09, 2008 10:04 AM (7sl9X)
Oh freddled gruntbuggly
Thy micurtations are to me
As plurdled gabbleblotchits
upon a lurgid bee.
Groop I implore thee, my fonting turlingdromes
And hootptiously drangle me with crinkly bindlewurdles,
Or I will rend thee in the gobberwarts with my blurglecruncheon, see if I don't!
Prostetnic Vogon Jeltz
Posted by: Prostetnic Vogon Jeltz at October 09, 2008 10:05 AM (X9MTa)
Cashill
floats
and maybe I sink
http://www.wnd.com/index.php?fa=PAGE.view&pageId=76731
Posted by: SarahW at October 09, 2008 10:17 AM (7sl9X)
Posted by: frito at October 09, 2008 10:31 AM (N9dF/)
Posted by: mongo at October 09, 2008 10:32 AM (7wDAS)
How do they keep the water out of the grotto? Water is the natural enemy of crunch.
These apes must have some kind of sophisticated systems of pumps and dehumidifiers and shit. Makes me wonder why they still have to be such pigs when eating fruit.
Here on dry land, miles from the ocean, my baked goods stop crunching when there's a little spike in humidity, and they started out that way.
But these apes are starting out with squishy little figs in undersea grottoes. These figs have more than one natural disadvantage in the 'ability to be crunched' department.
These must be some kind of crispy fig specifically bred to withstand the unusual growing conditions that exist below the sea. Again, indicating that these apes are effing brilliant and really should know how to use a plate and a napkin.
Posted by: lauraw at October 09, 2008 10:32 AM (xaRTf)
In Death's grottos
Zombies with ballots.
Apes filled with figs
fling poo and racism.
ACORNS fall
into FBI hands.
Fake votes fail,
Weatherman returns
to destroy campaign.
Whitehouse lost,
Klingon wife rages.
Posted by: Larsen E. Whipsnade at October 09, 2008 10:33 AM (6BgmB)
Posted by: rdbrewer at October 09, 2008 10:36 AM (CrSOk)
Posted by: rdbrewer at October 09, 2008 10:41 AM (CrSOk)
i gaze at the sun's snatch
fallen figs / octobers match
with a crunky spelunky grotto hatch
salmons dive back
silverback! silverback!
just words/turds to fling
Yoko said
from her garbage bag
Imagine if all the peeps
had a "bag- in"
that would be slammin'!
aqua-aqua apes
chucky heston rapes
my...my...hairy pancake waits
for victory juice
sticky
aside-I'm havin a blast!-great thread!!!
Posted by: pdbuttons at October 09, 2008 10:41 AM (trs/d)
Posted by: exdem13 at October 09, 2008 10:45 AM (nQ6xk)
raisin bran 'crunch'
thy milk will not-ee
wilt thou seed
table-spoon
table-spoon
ape thy man
barney frankey necktie
too tight
by half
Posted by: pdbuttons at October 09, 2008 10:48 AM (trs/d)
Posted by: Dave in Texas at October 09, 2008 10:50 AM (eiOZw)
in the fucking tank
deep.
like a milky load in sully's gullet
hard to vet a man
with a tongue in his asshole
What's that I taste? A fig?
Posted by: bunny boy at October 09, 2008 10:55 AM (YsSn7)
Posted by: lauraw at October 09, 2008 11:01 AM (xaRTf)
Posted by: lauraw at October 09, 2008 11:04 AM (xaRTf)
Posted by: Dave in Texas at October 09, 2008 11:05 AM (eiOZw)
Posted by: Slublog at October 09, 2008 11:05 AM (R8+nJ)
[fig-fig fig]
power max glutin'
[fig fig fag]
try to make fun
[tina fey fey fey]
o[y veh
[stinky plane]
where to co-sign
with my fig pen
underwater ?
across the board?
the blue yonder?
[stinky plane]
Posted by: pdbuttons at October 09, 2008 11:06 AM (trs/d)
Obama is the affirmative action candidate. Throughout his entire adult life, all the skids have been well greased for him. From his entry into Harvard Law to his presidential campaign, all of the obstacles before him have been removed, all valleys raised, all mountains levelled, all the rough places smoothed out.
If I were a tin-foil-hat-wearing John Birch type of conservative, I'd think this is the result of a conspiracy by shadowy far-left groups who have found the perfect front man to advance their agenda.
But I think the real reason that Obama has risen so far so fast is that people are just dumb.
Posted by: OregonMuse at October 09, 2008 11:09 AM (FO+YO)
Like you enjoy the sound of your molars cracking and your incisors being ground away. Mmm! Yummy!
But you meant precisely the opposite. Phew.
We can postpone that big fight for now.
Posted by: lauraw at October 09, 2008 11:11 AM (xaRTf)
Posted by: roy at October 09, 2008 11:12 AM (cB77O)
Posted by: lauraw at October 09, 2008 11:13 AM (xaRTf)
Posted by: Dave in Texas at October 09, 2008 11:15 AM (eiOZw)
I could no more
denounce
a typical white person
eating fig newtons
while voting
"Present"
than, uhh,
wait a minute, wait a minute...
Posted by: someone at October 09, 2008 11:19 AM (2z2WN)
Posted by: lauraw at October 09, 2008 11:20 AM (xaRTf)
gnaw the masses
i make passes
at titanium glasses
save the earth
lets save it again
i gots fears/
polar bears
and congressman queers
one shot left
i rub the bullet with figs
hmmmm...which to shoot?
duh!
Posted by: pdbuttons at October 09, 2008 11:30 AM (trs/d)
by O. Bama
Fannie Mae
Freddie Fae
Bernie Mac
Freddy Fac
Daisy Mae
toot some crack
that's what I said
that's what I said.
Posted by: OregonMuse at October 09, 2008 11:35 AM (FO+YO)
Posted by: CAD Daddy at October 09, 2008 11:39 AM (U6x6j)
fingers point
at my scuba gear breathing piece
[twitchy excited motions]
can I get a witness[grunt]
can i get an action figure?
for-fig-ive me
apes dont plan'their parenthood
Posted by: pdbuttons at October 09, 2008 11:40 AM (trs/d)
Funny chit mayn.
I think you must have lived through that time to be so fluent, whitey. Or is you?
Well done, all. Keep the dream of apes and figs alive. Oh, and honestly, those were decent beat poems.
mrs. peel and rd with teh Planet of the Apes checks, nice. Didn't even think of that last night. Roy did a nice job too, with his, uh, pacing. Yeah.
Posted by: filled with apes that eat figs at October 09, 2008 11:41 AM (JxyMA)
Posted by: pdbuttons at October 09, 2008 11:43 AM (trs/d)
But keep this stuff coming, it's hilarious.
Posted by: someone at October 09, 2008 11:45 AM (2z2WN)
Posted by: Jack M's sockpuppet at October 09, 2008 11:46 AM (d0YiG)
to stop saying
optics
he sound like
a fucking twit
trying to impress the board of directors
of the local goodwill
Posted by: filled with apes that eat figs at October 09, 2008 11:48 AM (JxyMA)
cave
can i throwey shitty at you-ey?
is toilet paper an "invention?'
depends[fart]
depends
Posted by: pdbuttons at October 09, 2008 11:54 AM (trs/d)
I agree. Close second, though, was Sen. Rev. Dr. E Buzz and his faux beatnik cri de coeur at #97.
Posted by: OregonMuse at October 09, 2008 11:58 AM (FO+YO)
If I could
walk with the animals
talk with the animals
grunt and squeek and squawk with the animals
then maybe they would
vote
for
me.
Posted by: Uncle Jefe at October 09, 2008 12:02 PM (xuO8w)
christian
and lifelong republican
(who voted for reagan
twice)
my concern is deep.
the use of
racist code words
like 'apes' and 'figs'
have pushed me to the side
of the democrats.
also mccain is old and palin bans books and keating 5!!!
Posted by: A Concerned Christian at October 09, 2008 12:17 PM (2jQGY)
i say apes
we all say figs
figures
trees I save
fig trees fo' sure
sure '
nuff honey
give me more..more
more
uhh...character not
colour of the skin?
excuse my french
but...
fuck you!
Posted by: pdbuttons at October 09, 2008 12:34 PM (trs/d)
Fear not, the bitter bible-bumping bumpkins blindly bearing Brownings and Berettas
For I, the wise and worldly Windy City Wonderboy will waltz into the White House after pulling the wool over whitey (William...Weatherman...Who??)
Free at last, African Americans are affirmatively accounted, with ample additional 'ayes' of Acorn abundance
Posted by: Uncle Jefe at October 09, 2008 12:41 PM (xuO8w)
Ramshackle huts, trailers
Filled with hicks
That eat pigs.
Stepping on the pigs
That the cretins
Eat, they crunch.
The crackers howl, bare
Their chest, stumble . . .
Posted by: Guero Loco at October 09, 2008 01:06 PM (lD4DZ)
Posted by: xantippe cross at October 09, 2008 01:58 PM (lB/5N)
Posted by: alppuccino at October 09, 2008 02:47 PM (BYezr)
i split my time between
baby pandas
and
political outrage
i don't remember
when i last washed
these pajamas
Posted by: CB at October 09, 2008 07:16 PM (9Wv2j)
Posted by: cheshirecat at October 10, 2008 01:18 AM (lhDtH)
Posted by: Milesdei at October 11, 2008 09:53 PM (ACHxk)
While Ace, Laura, and others bleat.
I sit, sigh, and try to eat.
Mom, Dad,
I have been reading,
It’s not healthy for my meat to be bleeding.
Shut up son, or you soon will be dead,
You must remember what Obama said
The fatty flesh,
That you so desire,
Will soon bring,
The government’s ire.
The tasty meat,
That you’re wont to eat,
The government will soon delete.
The food your little farm will produce,
Cannot and will not global famine reduce.
Obama now owns your dates and figs,
Obama now owns your cows and pigs,
We will not feed you bleeding meat,
NOW! Sit down and eat.
Thanks for the complement, I thought I was writing 1st grade poetry.
Posted by: Biscuiteater at October 12, 2008 04:52 AM (2JF/+)
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Dale's ECB
Election Projection
Federal Review
Real Clear Politics
Rasmussen Reports
Gallup
Zogby
FoxNews Polls
Sabato/Crystal Ball
Paul Anka Haiku Contest Announcement
Integrity SAT's: Entrance Exam for Paul Anka's Band
AllahPundit's Paul Anka 45's Collection
AnkaPundit: Paul Anka Takes Over the Site for a Weekend (Continues through to Monday's postings)
George Bush Slices Don Rumsfeld Like an F*ckin' Hammer
Democratic Forays into Erotica
New Shows On Gore's DNC/MTV Network
Nicknames for Potatoes, By People Who Really Hate Potatoes
Star Wars Euphemisms for Self-Abuse
Signs You're at an Iraqi "Wedding Party"
Signs Your Clown Has Gone Bad
Signs That You, Geroge Michael, Should Probably Just Give It Up
Signs of Hip-Hop Influence on John Kerry
NYT Headlines Spinning Bush's Jobs Boom
Things People Are More Likely to Say Than "Did You Hear What Al Franken Said Yesterday?"
Signs that Paul Krugman Has Lost His Frickin' Mind
All-Time Best NBA Players, According to Senator Robert Byrd
Other Bad Things About the Jews, According to the Koran
Signs That David Letterman Just Doesn't Care Anymore
Examples of Bob Kerrey's Insufferable Racial Jackassery
Signs Andy Rooney Is Going Senile
Other Judgments Dick Clarke Made About Condi Rice Based on Her Appearance
Collective Names for Groups of People
John Kerry's Other Vietnam Super-Pets
Cool Things About the XM8 Assault Rifle
Media-Approved Facts About the Democrat Spy
Changes to Make Christianity More "Inclusive"
Secret John Kerry Senatorial Accomplishments
John Edwards Campaign Excuses
John Kerry Pick-Up Lines
Changes Liberal Senator George Michell Will Make at Disney
Torments in Dog-Hell
The Ace of Spades HQ Sex-for-Money Skankathon
A D&D Guide to the Democratic Candidates
Margaret Cho: Just Not Funny
More Margaret Cho Abuse
Margaret Cho: Still Not Funny
Iraqi Prisoner Claims He Was Raped... By Woman
Wonkette Announces "Morning Zoo" Format
John Kerry's "Plan" Causes Surrender of Moqtada al-Sadr's Militia
World Muslim Leaders Apologize for Nick Berg's Beheading
Michael Moore Goes on Lunchtime Manhattan Death-Spree
Milestone: Oliver Willis Posts 400th "Fake News Article" Referencing Britney Spears
Liberal Economists Rue a "New Decade of Greed"
Artificial Insouciance: Maureen Dowd's Word Processor Revolts Against Her Numbing Imbecility
Intelligence Officials Eye Blogs for Tips
They Done Found Us Out, Cletus: Intrepid Internet Detective Figures Out Our Master Plan
Shock: Josh Marshall Almost Mentions Sarin Discovery in Iraq
Leather-Clad Biker Freaks Terrorize Australian Town
When Clinton Was President, Torture Was Cool
What Wonkette Means When She Explains What Tina Brown Means
Wonkette's Stand-Up Act
Wankette HQ Gay-Rumors Du Jour
Here's What's Bugging Me: Goose and Slider
My Own Micah Wright Style Confession of Dishonesty
Outraged "Conservatives" React to the FMA
An On-Line Impression of Dennis Miller Having Sex with a Kodiak Bear
The Story the Rightwing Media Refuses to Report!
Our Lunch with David "Glengarry Glen Ross" Mamet
The House of Love: Paul Krugman
A Michael Moore Mystery (TM)
The Dowd-O-Matic!
Liberal Consistency and Other Myths
Kepler's Laws of Liberal Media Bias
John Kerry-- The Splunge! Candidate
"Divisive" Politics & "Attacks on Patriotism" (very long)
The Donkey ("The Raven" parody)