1 Awesome.

And may Hugh Heffner burn in Hell, and as quickly as possible.

2

How the hell do they expect to make money from pron when it's free on the Intarwebs?

 

3 They've been losing money to all the free pron on the internet for awhile.  They've even tried to compete a bit, with more risque pics, especially with their online-only photoshoots.  But why shell of the money for the mag when you can just get the pics off the net, often before the mag even comes out?  For the articles? ha

4 Look, all I know is I stepped away from Penthouse for about a decade, and the next time I looked it was nothing but pictures of girls peeing.  That can't have been a good sign.

5 The only thing that could save Playboy is an exclusive pictorial of...


...Sarah Palin


...with Cindy McCain


...and Meghan McCain.


That's what I said!

6

Well, look on the bright side.  All the single male morons have just had their chances of meeting a totally hot, desparate woman who will live in a hovel with them upped from 1 in a million to 1.01 in a million chances.

Always the silver lining.

7 I read Playboy for the articles.

8 I wonder if Hugh will lay off his girlfriends anytime soon.

9
Well, if he is forced to liquidate, maybe, Ace can pick one up cheap? You know, for the blog.

10 Playboy jumped the shark decades ago.

11 "I read Playboy for the articles."

As a kid I used to read Playboy for the articles, because the pictures were so damn boring. Had to pick up Hustler or Penthouse to see anything that wasn't all washed out and blurry-looking.

12 Had to pick up Hustler or Penthouse to see anything that wasn't all washed out and blurry-looking.

Most people would blame the squinted eyes and rhythmic movements associated with 'reading' material such as this, but YMMV.

13 This is the way the world ends,

This is the way the world ends,

This is the way the word ends,

not with a bang, but a

OMFG!!!1!!!WTF11!!!!1!1!eleventy!!!11

14 I read somewhere on the internet (so it must be true) that ol' Hugh can't have normal sex anymore. He has to have two girls do a lesbo scene while he masturbates.

/rod serling voice = on

Submitted for your approval, a horny old millionaire, publisher of a magazine that has encouraged young men to wildly fornicate with any woman in sight,surrounded by beautiful women, only he is unable to have sex with any of them. How pathetic is that? I suspect this is God displaying His extraordinarily piquant sense of humor, as He always does... in the Twilight Zone.

/rod serling voice = off

15 That damn Beaver-shaving is to blame!  At least that is what the lady with the moustache down the street told me.

16 >>>I read somewhere on the internet (so it must be true) that ol' Hugh can't have normal sex anymore. He has to have two girls do a lesbo scene while he masturbates.

Have I said one mean thing to you?

17

And NOW we move into a full scale Depression. 

18 So, logically, if you mnasturbate while watching lesbian porn, you are the same as Hugh Hefner?

19 that was a mnasty mnistake.

20 two girls do a lesbo scene while he masturbates.

So, this is not normal?

21

Hey, has anyone seen Hefner's Playboy's Penthouse shows from 1960. Basically the idea was that Hugh would have interesting, hip people come to a cocktail party in his penthouse and mingle and entertain on camera. I couldn't find the intro, but it's an awesome example of retro, 50's style cool.

Clip 1

Clip 2

 

22 I remember the first one I ever read. It was in my dad's suitcase (one of the interior pockets) when he got back from a business trip.

I sure do miss my dad, my eyesight, and hairless palms. Sigh.

23 Wait, Bill Maher is straight?

You've got to be shitting me.

24

There is a book out there that was written by an ex-girlfriend that gives explicit detail on the nights that Hef would boink his harem. He takes Viagra. Yeah, I know huge surprise. Each lady either blows him or rides his winky. So pretty much, he's a carnival ride.

Sorry if this is too vulgar. I am still trying to get the feel of things around here.

25 Playboy bunnies have become the latest victim of the credit crunch. Noooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!

For THE LOVE OF GOD!! 

Someone on Capitol Hill write a g*dd@mn check, ASAP!!!

26 KCLady, it's pretty vulgar. By comparison, I feel this is much cleaner.

But only by comparison.

27 ********************************************
If I have to hear ONE MORE freekin Democrat tell us how Obama wanted to stay on the campaign trail and not go to the senate during the financial crisis because
"Obama believes that people want to hear about how a president will handle a crisis and they want to see what a candidate is all about"
REEEEEALLY? can someone please remind these dolts that THEIR candidate has been running for president LONGER THEN ANY OTHER CANDIDATE IN THE HISTORY OF THE COUNTRY!! I mean EIGHTEEN months man...if you havent gotten your message across yet, maybe you should RETHINK YOUR MESSAGE
how long does Obambi need??? this gives a whole new meaning to nuance

28

I keep seeing ad's for Bill Maher's new "documentary" (scare quotes, nice) about religion.  I'm sure that it will be highly "enlightening".  I do note that he found some nut who thinks he's Jesus to interview.  Classy.

In the trailer it looks like he might slam Islam as well as Christianity.  If he does I'll have to give him credit for having the courage of his convictions.  We'll see.

29 Like any addiction, addiction to porn needs more stimulus (ie harder core action) to get the same effect.  As harder core porn becomes more mainstream there will be a day when famous actresses talk openly about anal sex in family magazines. 

30 Shannon Tweed has built a fine career out of doing soft core private eye films that can only be seen on Cinemax and blowing Gene Simmons, which as horrible as it sounds, makes her classier than if she was blowing Bill Maher

31 Sorry Christoph. I will try to keep things cleaner.

32 oooops sorry to interrupt your girlie talk boys

BOOBS just bore me...

33 Adrianne Barbeau rocked in Swamp Thing. 

34 KCLady, the reference to sex doesn't bother me. The reference to Hugh Heffner bothers me.

35 I stepped away from Penthouse for about a decade,

I did the same, and the next time I looked it was hard-core pron, up close and personal in high-def. 

Playboy's still in bidness, eh?  Haven;t seen one on years, although haven't been looking for it either.  I mean, who in the hell PAYS for pron these days?  Not like ya kind find it pretty much for free............

36

This part of it is simply nasty. That's immoral -- and I don't mean the sex. I mean taking advantage of these women with gross lies.

And encouraging them to blow the venomous pockfaced mutant dwarf Bill Maher.

I'm so glad I read that last line.  Because, for a moment, I thought that ace had gone all moral or something.

Then I'd have to go comment some place else.

37 Shannon Tweed.  mmmm Shannon Tweed.

38 Laura Ingraham played some clip today where Hef said he was proudest of 'questioning the outdated socio-sexual mores of a hypocritical culture,' or some lame shit like that.

This immediately summated in my mind to "My claim to fame is teenage pregnancy, exploding illegitimacy, the spread of AIDS and STDs and the overall decline of the culture."  Hef's like the same old tired revolutionaries of the Bolshevik Revolution-- had some grand ideas of some bold new Utopia that turned out to be an utter crock and just generally fucked things up and caused a whole lot of damage.

I just hope he lives long enough to see utter ruin.

And that's not a prude speaking, by any means, but this fucker's a real slimebucket.

39

>>KCLady, the reference to sex doesn't bother me. The reference to Hugh Heffner bothers me.

Noted. I will keep that in mind next time.

40 If I were to compile a list of 5 people who were most responsible for destroying the culture, Hefner would be the first one I'd choose.

41 blowing Gene Simmons, which as horrible as it sounds

Gene is a nice Jewish boy, and a George W. Bush fan.

So, not all that horrible, really.

42 In the trailer it looks like he might slam Islam as well as Christianity.  If he does I'll have to give him credit for having the courage of his convictions.  We'll see.

Maher used to be pretty tough on Islam back in the late 90's.

Then he decided to be all edgy and go against the grain after 9/11.

43

One of his girlfriends wanted to be in Playboy since she was five years old.

I don't know about you guys, when I was five years, I had no fucking idea what Playboy was nor did I ever dream of posing nude for some dirty magazines.

 

44 "I just hope he lives long enough to see utter ruin."

I hope he is kidnapped by a vengelful father whose daughter's life was ruined, and is taken to a backwoods shack.

There, I hope the father has Saw on "high def" DVD for inspiration. I hope Hugh Heffner is tortured for days on end because the father is also a medical professional and knows when to stop, provide aid, sustenance, rest, raw powder cocaine on cuts to stop the bleeding, and when to start again. I hope he targets Hugh Heffner's nervous system specifically in addition to disfiguring and mitilating. I hope the pain is intense, and magnified by drugs and fear.

Or I hope Hugh Heffner goes to Hell. I expect this will be much the same thing.

45

>>If I were to compile a list of 5 people who were most responsible for destroying the culture, Hefner would be the first one I'd choose.

I think the dude that runs Girls Gone Wild and Larry Flynt  should be on that list as well.

46 "I think the dude that runs Girls Gone Wild and Larry Flynt  should be on that list as well."

And Lyndon Johnson.

47 Laura Ingraham played some clip today where Hef said he was proudest of 'questioning the outdated socio-sexual mores of a hypocritical culture,' or some lame shit like that.

Good. Maybe he can repeat that line to himself when he's on his deathbed, gasping out his life's last breaths.

Maybe then he'll repent of his foolishness.

48

So, what you are saying, Ace, is that the founding principle that undergirds the entire Playboy "Empire" is exactly that which similarly motivated the William Jefferson Clinton presidency, to whit (said in an Arkansas accent, with a touch of bravado):  "Unlimited pussy for me and a couple of my closest confidantes, and fuck the consequences to the pussy, and the country." 

Sounds about right.

49 Hell, even before Algore invented the Internet Playboy was lame. When I raided my older brother's porn collection when I was a kid and home alone, I always skipped Playboy and went straight to Hustler. Rennaissance paintings give me a bigger hard-on than Playboy.

50

>> And Lyndon Johnson.

And Billy J Clinton.

51

I don't know about you guys, when I was five years, I had no fucking idea what Playboy was nor did I ever dream of posing nude for some dirty magazines.

And see where that attitude has gotten you - now you're posting semi-filthy comments on a foul-mouthed blog full of morons and I bet you didn't dream of that either when you were a little girl.

52 Ace, ya forgot to mention that midget, Bill Mahr.

53

The Onion got it right a few years ago with the News in Brief:

Playmate of the Month Mulls Her Option

54 And Billy J Clinton.

Naw.  I like Billy Jeff. Thanks to the escapades of the satyr-in-chief, radical feminism is now pretty much a laughingstock everywhere (except, admittedly, in academia).

Good work, Bill!

Also, I would classify Bill Clinton as one of Hugh Hefner's spiritual children, so it would be redundant to have both of them on the list.

55 And no, I don't really call for violence on Hugh Heffner. I was exagerating and speaking emotionally.

If that's God's judgment, so be it, but it isn't my place.

56 Somebody needs to lob a "your getting bjs at the playboy mansion" grenade at Maher on his show.  I dunno, maybe it's already happened (I tried to watch a clip here a while back and could only take about 10 seconds of it) or maybe this is something that Bill is happy to acknowledge so it wouldn't matter. 

57 I had a Lionel train and tinker toys when I was 5.   They were more exciting than Playboy.

58

AHHHHHHHHHHHHH, what a relief! I thought I was the only one that hated that reprobate with a passion.

Ace, you could add to your litany of misdeeds that many of the girls put themselves through lots of surgery to be accepted to Playboy. Not just the obvious boobjobs: rib removals.

Mutilation.

59 I read somewhere on the internet (so it must be true) that ol' Hugh can't have normal sex anymore

Viagra takes care of the erection. However, the orgasm may be hindered by an enlarged or removed prostate.

60 Yeah, I know huge surprise. Each lady either blows him or rides his winky. So pretty much, he's a carnival ride.

He's 83 years old! Do you want him to break a hip?

61 However, the orgasm may be hindered by an enlarged or removed prostate.

Or, the orgasm may be hindered by boredom brought on by a half century of empty, meaningless, unfulfilling sexual encounters, and a fruitless quest for the next sexual thrill. After a while, you run out of thrills. And then you're pooched.

62 Single best post I ever read here Ace.
Although Playboy occasionally had some decent short stories 30 years ago.
You forgot the drugs in your equation though. For a good 25 years there they were as important as the rest in the Playboy scheme for stardom.
Also midgets, ever notice the hangers on, ala Bill Maher, are all midgets?
Short guys hoping for the throwaways.  They should be beat and shown the door like hobos.

63 Fuck, Ace.

Sometimes you're brilliant. Disgust with that shit is the difference between a libertarian and a conservative.

Unless you're a young buck, then I'll cut you some slack cause you don't know shit. I've got 6 and 8 year old daughters. My daughters ever show up at a place like that, some heads are getting busted. If you don't have kids yet, just wait.

Kid will move you from libertarian to conservative, if you haven't already.

64

As lame as Hef's libertinism is, I recall his politics being a lot less offensively leftist than those of Larry Flynt, or Bob Guccione (the other two prominent nudie mag publishers).

I also recall Playboy being a lot more, well, conservative about sex. By that I mean no lesbian scenes, no "letters", half of which are obviously phony and the other half of which you sure as hell hope are.

65

Kid will move you from libertarian to conservative, if you haven't already.

A social conservative is a liberal with a daughter entering junior high.

66 that important editorial by Norman Fucking Mailer on how much America sucks every other month.

Dispatches from hell?

67 There have been, who knows, 3 to 6,000 bunnies either photographed in Playboy or living as whores at the mansion.

98% of whom have serious "daddy" issues.

68 This post is so awesome, I almost cried.

69

I think the Chicago Mansion was sold like 20 years ago, when I was masturbating to just boobies.

To paraphrase a comedian (I forget who) "Yeah, I can watch gay porn, it's disgusting, what I can't watch is lesbian porn, cuz with that much pussy, there really has to be a cock in there somwhere."

and how many "Oh! I'm naked, but you caught me oooops!" hand over mouth, pictures can you take before it becomes boring?

70

the answer is two.

Just give me the boobs.

71 "I think the dude that runs Girls Gone Wild and Larry Flynt  should be on that list as well."

Albert Kinsey. By far.

Without him, Hef doesn't exist. Or matter.

I liked my porn better when it was considered horribly uncivilized to have it out in the open.

72 "I think the dude that runs Girls Gone Wild and Larry Flynt  should be on that list as well."

Albert Kinsey. By far.

Without him, Hef doesn't exist. Or matter.

I liked my porn better when it was considered horribly uncivilized to have it out in the open.

Posted by: IllTemperedCur at September 26, 2008 07:16 PM (Ds4I5)

 

Add Roger Baldwin to the top of that list.

73 #40: If I were to compile a list of 5 people who were most responsible for destroying the culture, Hefner would be the first one I'd choose.

#45: "I think the dude that runs Girls Gone Wild and Larry Flynt  should be on that list as well."

#46: "And Lyndon Johnson.

#71: Albert Kinsey. By far.

Without him, Hef doesn't exist. Or matter.

Meh. Walter Duranty has them all beaten by a country mile. Hef's a piker.

74 If I recall correctly, Playboy started having financial problems several years ago when they lost their gaming license.

Apparently the magazine and the (non AoS) lifestyle were used as branding to pull people into their casinos.  The casinos were the real cash cows.  Once that was gone, the whole empire started to slide.

75 Oh, man. This is bad. The geezer's had to lay off one of his twenty-ish girlfriends. That only leaves two now.

76 This reminds me of when the last Playboy club was closing, and the headline in the business section read "Business Tails Off At Bunny Club".

77

Absolutely great post with comment #16 to really bust me up.

Thanks. And I really mean that.

78 Hey! What's all this about Adrienne Barbeau?

She was never in Playboy! It was her role on "Maude" (and subsequent poster) that brought her offers to appear in Playboy, which she refused.

Marrying John Carpenter landed her her part in The Fog, presumably.

I demand a retraction!

79 You forgot Barbie Benton, who starred with Barbeau in the inimitable Deathstalker

80 Yeah, I hate how he wallows in that late 50's "we need to let go of our outmoded sexual mores" type stuff.

Has he noticed that its 2008 and nobody really cares that he's publishing a magazine with boobs?

Or that nobody cares if the guy down the street is gay?  All of these movement type guys look so old when the world just moves along without them.

81 As a kid I used to read Playboy for the articles

Same here, only in my case it was because I was a budding young homo, and titties bored me. But I remember wanking meself daft over the guys in the Calvin underwear ads -- and occasionally there'd even be some male full-frontal nudity (albeit flaccid) in articles about swingers' resorts or the crazy streaking fad that was sweeping college campuses. (My dad's top-sekrit Playboy stash spanned from the mid-'70s to the early '80s -- although I didn't stumble across that box in the basement till I was a high schooler in the late '80s.)

82 Ace you magnificent bastard. You have rightly and properly flamed the suckers of cock {per AOSHQ manual of style}, as well as the suckees.

83

My how times have changed. Remember the huge scandal over Jimmuh's interview with Playboy wherein he admitted to having lust in his heart?

First: It was Playboy

Second: Lust?

Of course, who knew he was talking about facsist dictators way back when he said it.

84 I can't believe you left Dorothy Stratton off the list...

85

Hello....Martha Smith from "Animal House"

 

86 jmflynny, That was beautifully done!

87

I read recently that Playboy's financial problems are forcing it to start distributing gay porn videos.

It will be interesting to see how far it slides downward into slime before it finally dies.

I just hope it dies before Hef does.  I would love for him to stick around long enough to see his empire crumble.

Reading about a foreclosure on the Mansion would be the sweetest thing.

88 There is absolutely nothing wrong or immoral with prostitution.  Women have poontang.  Men have money.  They exchange value-for-value.  It's capitalism.

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