Unavoidable: Cool Facts About Sarah Palin
I'm not sure this will be fruitful... Alas, the biggest categories in Cool Facts include jokes about sexual prowess, sexual promiscuity, and assorted body functions, and none of that seems appropriate for our little Barracuda.Still... who knows, maybe you morons will figure out the right take. To be honest, I'm not sure the cool facts would rival the real facts. She hunts and eats moose, and she flies her own float-plane. A moose bit my sister once... Sarah Palin avenged her. Oh... Here's a site dedicated to cool facts about Sarah Palin. Cool pic, too. Thanks to Jay.
1 I hear she plays hockey, skates, pads and all. Awwww yeeaaahh!
Posted by: PaleoMedic at August 29, 2008 04:41 PM (xirX/)
2 Former New York Ranger and current Dallas Star Sean Avery had a bet with her that she couldn't take any of them in a fight.
Avery lost the fight, lost that bet, was shamed and shunned from the team, and had to do an internship at Vogue as a result.
Posted by: tmi3rd at August 29, 2008 04:43 PM (Gz0u5)
3 A repost, more appropriate here:
"My ideal fantasy is to be running on a hot dusty road just wearing
running shorts and some kind of top that wicks away sweat. But in
reality I'm running in 20-below temperatures, so I wear layers of
fleece and always a good outdoor waterproof trail shoe. Right now I've
been running in Nike Air Structure Triax. And I always wear sunglasses.
My kids tell me to put them on so I don't freak people out when they
see me with a goofy hairdo and no makeup."
Posted by: CUS at August 29, 2008 04:43 PM (bbXZq)
4 Palin seems to have a lot of actual cool facts to start with. Kind of hard to top eating mooseburgers.
Posted by: marc at August 29, 2008 04:44 PM (oLZks)
5 Palin IS Alaska's missile defense system.
Posted by: Techie at August 29, 2008 04:47 PM (yjPD8)
6 Dang... she's like a modern day version of a female Paul Bunyon.
Posted by: sergei at August 29, 2008 04:47 PM (AGMH1)
7 She's literally going to run rings around Slow Joe Biden.
Posted by: Michael J. Myers at August 29, 2008 04:47 PM (LZ3cP)
8 Who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of men?
Sarah Palin knows.
Posted by: Techie at August 29, 2008 04:48 PM (yjPD8)
9 I stand corrected.
Posted by: marc at August 29, 2008 04:48 PM (oLZks)
10 OMG. Women's vote hell, she just delivered the men's vote. At least any one with a nut sack. My Tivo keeps looping that shot of her with the AR15 over and over...
Posted by: Willy at August 29, 2008 04:48 PM (uSv0C)
11 She once got in a fight with a bear, and she only had a knife. She gave the knife to the bear so the bear would have a chance. It lost anyway.
Posted by: cranky-d at August 29, 2008 04:49 PM (L4z/p)
12 I'm not really comfortable making sexual innuendoes about a woman with a husband who could pound me into the ground like a tent-peg.
Posted by: Monty at August 29, 2008 04:50 PM (4Pleu)
13 It isn't Global Warming that's melting the Arctic ice, but the warmth of her smile.
Posted by: Shawn, but not lowercased shawn at August 29, 2008 04:50 PM (5CVeR)
14 Oil is a fossil fuel, derived from the remnants of dead plants and animals. There is oil in Alaska only because Sarah Palin’s ancestors liked to hunt there.
Posted by: Hollowpoint at August 29, 2008 04:51 PM (plsiE)
15 Sarah Palin convinced me to donate to the McCain campaign.
That is quite the miracle.
Posted by: Dave in Texas at August 29, 2008 04:51 PM (eiOZw)
16 Sarah once rescued a baby seal from being killed by a polar bear. After hand-feeding it until it was fully grown, she released it into the wild. She then hunted it down, shot it and ate it because Sarah Palin does not tolerate freeloaders.
Posted by: Hollowpoint at August 29, 2008 04:51 PM (plsiE)
17 My Tivo keeps looping that shot of her with the AR15 over and over... Willy
Hey Willy, when I saw Palin man-handling that weapon, I told my husband that millions of rock-ribbed conservative men just simultaneously ejaculated.
Posted by: Redhead Infidel at August 29, 2008 04:52 PM (M2upF)
18 Sarah Palin is .... taking Steven Segal for a ride.
Posted by: blogRot at August 29, 2008 04:52 PM (EKMxC)
19 She hunts and eats moose- not for the meat, but because one once crossed the street in front of her car, delaying her trip by 8 seconds. The insult was not forgotten.
Posted by: Hollowpoint at August 29, 2008 04:52 PM (plsiE)
20 When Palin shoots you, you stay shot.
Posted by: Techie at August 29, 2008 04:53 PM (yjPD8)
21 Sarah palin made the entire free world forget about Barry's speech last night....she is more powerful than Chuck Norris.
Posted by: RobG at August 29, 2008 04:55 PM (8Yrry)
22 The sun shines for six months straight in Alaska because if Sarah Palin says the lights stay on, THEN THE FUCKING LIGHTS STAY ON.
Posted by: Empire of Jeff at August 29, 2008 04:56 PM (bu0Ek)
23 Sarah Palin energized the conservative base.
Posted by: mpur at August 29, 2008 04:56 PM (5gNJU)
24 Sarah Palin makes the Drive-Bys wet their bed at night.
Posted by: blogRot at August 29, 2008 04:57 PM (EKMxC)
25 I posted this on an earlier thread:
Did you know that Sarah Palin recently shot down a Russian Bear Foxtrot
airplane by pointing her finger at it and shouting "B A N G !"
is not what happened. What happened is that she karate-kicked her way
into a military base, commandeered a .50 machine gun, mounted it on a
hippie, and took down the Bear. And then had a beer and a shot.
Posted by: OregonMuse at August 29, 2008 04:57 PM (FO+YO)
26 Sarah Palin shot a man in the face...
and he died.
Posted by: Bart at August 29, 2008 04:57 PM (/EpPq)
27 If Sarah Palin wants a bridge, she doesn't want the U.S. Government giving the state a ton of money to get it, she'll build the thing with her own two hands.
Posted by: Shawn, but not lowercased shawn at August 29, 2008 04:58 PM (5CVeR)
28 Sarah Palin plans to sue NBC over the name of the show, "Law Order." Those are, in fact, the names of her left and right hands. Okay, so I shamelessly stole that from the facts about Chuck Norris.
Maybe she's a second incarnation of Chuck Norris? But without the facial hair.
Posted by: The Other Shoe at August 29, 2008 04:58 PM (Pus2I)
29 Fred Baron tried to help Sarah Palin once, but she punched hin in the face.
Posted by: OregonMuse at August 29, 2008 04:58 PM (FO+YO)
30 The polar bear was recently put on the endangered species act because Sarah Palin was about to go on a fishing trip, and she does not like competition.
Posted by: Hollowpoint at August 29, 2008 04:59 PM (plsiE)
31 Sarah Palin once glanced northward. The glaciers have been receeding ever since.
Posted by: blogRot at August 29, 2008 04:59 PM (EKMxC)
32 Sarah Palin met Chuck Norris at a fundraiser once. She snapped his neck and made a mascara brush out of his shinbone, because There Can Be Only One.
Posted by: Empire of Jeff at August 29, 2008 04:59 PM (bu0Ek)
33 Sarah Palin energized the conservative base.Posted by: mpur
Posted by: Redhead Infidel at August 29, 2008 04:59 PM (M2upF)
34 I just watched the vid of her speech; McCain looks like he knows he is being out-classed, but accepts it.
Posted by: Brad at August 29, 2008 05:02 PM (LZs5x)
35 Sarah Palin is so hot if she went to San Francisco the gay bars would all go out of business.
Posted by: Buzzsaw at August 29, 2008 05:05 PM (K1I/w)
36 Sarah Palin can field strip an M-16 and reassemble it in less than 2 minutes and fire a full clip while blindfolded down range and hit nothing but bullseye. Obama and Biden would pass legislation to have their M-16 preassembled and require that the target be environmentally friendly not resemble anything that might be deemed offensive by the endangered polar bear.
Posted by: CDR M at August 29, 2008 05:06 PM (TJoU6)
37 Brad, McCain knows that this lovely lady has just saved his bacon. Out-classed, hell yeah.
Posted by: Redhead Infidel at August 29, 2008 05:06 PM (M2upF)
38 There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Sarah Palin has allowed to live.
Posted by: slowlearner at August 29, 2008 05:07 PM (Ame6E)
39 You remember that guywith the"Cunt Puncher" tattoo?
Sarah Palin punched him.
With her cunt.
Posted by: marchand chronicles at August 29, 2008 05:07 PM (Bj/HA)
40 I'm in love!
Posted by: Kensington at August 29, 2008 05:08 PM (kFwRi)
41 Although hitherto unknown to the people on this area, Palin was destined to take the place of the Mud Shark, rubbing it in with a circular motion.
Posted by: spenn at August 29, 2008 05:08 PM (QIfim)
42 Just for the record, she can waterboard me anytime!
Posted by: CDR M at August 29, 2008 05:09 PM (TJoU6)
43 Along the same track...
Got a few in there (Waterboy) hee hee I'm funny!
Posted by: James at August 29, 2008 05:11 PM (MP5IX)
44 Soccer mom's fear her fore check!
Posted by: CDR M at August 29, 2008 05:12 PM (TJoU6)
45 Since Sarah Palin became governor of Alaska, their biggest export is wood.
Posted by: Stinky Esposito at August 29, 2008 05:12 PM (MMC8r)
46 "Our little barracuda" ... I love that!
Posted by: km at August 29, 2008 05:13 PM (mrk0R)
47 The reason you can find el chupacabra is because he's scared Sarah Palin might wander south of Canada and that's just TOO DAMN CLOSE FOR COMFORT.
Posted by: Rob B at August 29, 2008 05:13 PM (q32Ly)
I don't think we need our hottie VP pick used in the same post as the c-word, but that's just me.
Posted by: Wilhelm Klink at August 29, 2008 05:13 PM (GGhvX)
49 Sarah Palin can not only catch a bullet in her teeth, she can tie it in a knot with her tongue.
Posted by: Stinky Esposito at August 29, 2008 05:14 PM (MMC8r)
50 She has more executive experience than McCain, Obama, or Biden. Maybe she can get Barack to elaborate on his 'executive experience' with his friend Bill Ayres. Heh, heh.
Posted by: profligatewaste at August 29, 2008 05:14 PM (s65nF)
51 Sarah palin spends one weekend a month scowling over the Alaska-Canada border to make it absolutely clear those plaid-wearing snowmonkeys better not try anything.
Posted by: Stinky Esposito at August 29, 2008 05:15 PM (MMC8r)
52 Sarah Palin is the real Dread Pirate Roberts.
Sarah Palin rolls 20s on a 10-sided die.
Posted by: Some Dude at August 29, 2008 05:16 PM (+dnnZ)
53 Oil is a fossil fuel, derived from the remnants of dead plants and animals. There is oil in Alaska only because Sarah Palin’s ancestors liked to hunt there.
Wrong, wrong, wrong.
there's fossil fuels in Alaska because Sarah Palin ripped a hole in the time/space continuum, traveled back in time andkilled all the animals and plants just to make sure Alaska had oil. When she came back through the rip in time, she was so hungry, she killed a moose, bbq'd the meat on an open campfire, tanned its hide for a jacket, whittled its antlers into a comb and a set of hair sticks to keep her hair off her neck and then mounted the rest of the antlers on Chuck Norris' head for shits and grins.
Posted by: kat-missouri at August 29, 2008 05:16 PM (YLs4U)
54 Sarah Palin gives Chrissy and Olby a spastic colon.
Posted by: alycan at August 29, 2008 05:17 PM (Il2Ep)
55 Sarah Palin took no meds when she birthed.
She just yanked them up, one by one, and said "DONE"!
Then she tied a Girl Scout knot in the umbelicle and chewed it apart.
Posted by: Dave in Texas at August 29, 2008 05:17 PM (eiOZw)
56 Sarah Palin once saved a girl from drowning. That girl grew up to be John Edwards.
Posted by: Stinky Esposito at August 29, 2008 05:18 PM (MMC8r)
57 Sarah Palin has me actually considering voting for McCain. My base is not quite energized but it's stirring.
Posted by: JackStraw at August 29, 2008 05:19 PM (VBon8)
58 You know why Russia invaded Georgia on their western border? Because they wanted to get further away from Sarah Palin on their eastern one.
Posted by: Lee at August 29, 2008 05:19 PM (AFE7Q)
59 "Funny" outranks "clean" here, Klink.
Unless this is not the sucker-of-cock moronblog I once knew.
Posted by: marchand chronicles at August 29, 2008 05:20 PM (Bj/HA)
60 Sarah Palin makes John McCain look good.
And almost knocked some sense into Keith Olbermann. She ain't God.
Posted by: MlR at August 29, 2008 05:20 PM (PLmsY)
61 Sarah Palin completed the Iditarod in a bikini while using a sled made of, and pulled by, hobos. At night she stayed warm by drinking Val-U-Rite vodka in a tent made of Scandi scalps.
Too many cliches in one post?
Posted by: Some Dude at August 29, 2008 05:20 PM (+dnnZ)
62 The last mooseSarah Palinkilled had the biggest asshole on record. Unfortunately,the sphincterescaped and is now employed as Speaker of the House.
Posted by: compos mentis at August 29, 2008 05:21 PM (pzGnb)
63 Sarah Palin is the governor Arnold Schwarzenegger should be.
Posted by: Stinky Esposito at August 29, 2008 05:22 PM (MMC8r)
64 Sarah Palin humbled Barack Obama.
Posted by: Some Dude at August 29, 2008 05:22 PM (+dnnZ)
65 Sarah gives Barack 15 points and still beats him in one-on-one basketball games.
Posted by: Arthur at August 29, 2008 05:22 PM (VeGZw)
66 Wow, I step out for the day, am out of range of any communications, I come back and this happens.
Biden is going to have to be real careful not to "Lazio" himself in the VP debates. Its generally accepted in NY that Rick Lazio's aggressive attacks against Hillary are what cost him the election and made Hillary a senator. She was down like 5 or 10 points until that debate, then all the women turned against Lazio.
Posted by: Purple Avenger at August 29, 2008 05:23 PM (6L459)
67 I don't think we need our hottie VP pick used in the same post as the c-word, but that's just me.Posted by: Wilhelm Klink
That's just me, too.
Posted by: Redhead Infidel at August 29, 2008 05:27 PM (M2upF)
68 Global Warming............
Sarah Palin uncrossered her legs.
Posted by: your name here at August 29, 2008 05:29 PM (PfmeB)
69 The glaciers in Alaska are receding. She's that hawt.
Posted by: Stinky Esposito at August 29, 2008 05:29 PM (MMC8r)
70 Oddly, the glaciers in New York have been advancing since 2000.
Posted by: Stinky Esposito at August 29, 2008 05:30 PM (MMC8r)
71 Hey, the truth is we just have fun with this stuff... we don't actually you know, believe it. It's just fun. Sara Palin is just a nice-lookin chick and a good mom and decent Governor. She isn't superhuman or anything. No biggie.
Um, why is there a very pissed-off looking woman, who looks vaguely familiar and hasa gigantic Kodiak bear standing behind her very patiently, bashing on my front door?
Posted by: sherlock at August 29, 2008 05:32 PM (FsbnY)
72 Fine. I'm sorry I said "cunt."
Posted by: marchand chronicles at August 29, 2008 05:32 PM (Bj/HA)
73 The latest California earthquake......
Me: did you feel the earth move?
SP: Uh not really
Me: Never mind
Posted by: your name here at August 29, 2008 05:33 PM (PfmeB)
74 Every night before bed, Sarah Palin goes out and pushes the Canadian border a little further east. The Canadians know this, but are afraid to say anything.
Posted by: Stinky Esposito at August 29, 2008 05:34 PM (MMC8r)
75 That's not a Kodiak bear, Sherlock. That is Sarah's husband. He forgot to shave this morning.
Let us not forget he is a bad ass as well.
Posted by: Some Dude at August 29, 2008 05:35 PM (+dnnZ)
76 Sarah Palin made Obama disappear from CNN for a whole day
Posted by: dailybayonet at August 29, 2008 05:36 PM (IyupJ)
77 McCain had to put Palin on the ticket to get her farther away from the North Pole, because she is so hot she was melting the polar ice caps.
Posted by: thirteen28 at August 29, 2008 05:37 PM (s8N54)
78 Sarah Palin completed the Iditarod in a bikini while using a sled made of, and pulled by, hobos. At night she stayed warm by drinking Val-U-Rite vodka in a tent made of Scandi scalps.
Too many cliches in one post?
Posted by: LauraW's Hump at August 29, 2008 05:42 PM (EKMxC)
79 Mr. Palin refers to his spouse as "The Liveliest Catch."
Posted by: Incognito at August 29, 2008 05:43 PM (j02xJ)
80 You know why Todd Palin was first to arrive after a 2000-mile snowmobile race?
`Cause Sarah was there to kiss him.
Posted by: Beryl at August 29, 2008 05:46 PM (SbpyK)
81 When Sarah Palin kills an animal, nothing goes to waste. Except for the assholes. Those she releases to Daily Kos.
Posted by: compos mentis at August 29, 2008 05:48 PM (pzGnb)
82 In one day, Sarah made Hillary irrelevant.
Posted by: JackStraw at August 29, 2008 05:49 PM (VBon8)
83 Sarah Palin knoked all the Obamaites dicks in the dirt ... Well, the feminazi's of the left,since leftists of male genre have no dicks...
Posted by: I Luv Alaska at August 29, 2008 05:50 PM (defEz)
84 I don't think we need our hottie VP pick used in the same post as the c-word, but that's just me.
And me three. R-E-S-P-E-C-T is how it's spelled. It can still be teh funny.
Whew, the babewith the bear went away.
Posted by: sherlock at August 29, 2008 05:50 PM (FsbnY)
85 Sarah Palin doesn't use a rod and reel to fish, she just says,"Get in the boat."
Posted by: Brass at August 29, 2008 05:50 PM (v/Ofr)
86 Sarah Palin has the heart of a lion. Literally. She ripped the fucker right out.
Posted by: compos mentis at August 29, 2008 05:50 PM (pzGnb)
87 I want Sarah Palin to mount me on the wall of her cabin.
Posted by: EnochF at August 29, 2008 05:51 PM (VXm6y)
88 Palin's Secret Service codename will be "Goose".
Posted by: ArrMatey at August 29, 2008 05:51 PM (35LYA)
89 In the Winter in Alaska, there is no sun for months at a time.
They don't need it.
I think we know why.
Posted by: PalinFan at August 29, 2008 05:51 PM (Tikwf)
90 I want Sarah Palin to mount me on the wall of her cabin.
I'd like her to mount me on the floor.
Posted by: Stinky Esposito at August 29, 2008 05:53 PM (MMC8r)
91 Sarah Palin's Secret Service Agents feel safer just because she's nearby.
Posted by: Stinky Esposito at August 29, 2008 05:54 PM (MMC8r)
92 Sarah Palin once glared in the direction of Russia and re-froze three receding glaciers.
Posted by: EnochF at August 29, 2008 05:59 PM (VXm6y)
93 I'm not a big fan of Sarah, however, this is my theme song.
Posted by: Brass at August 29, 2008 06:01 PM (v/Ofr)
94 Sarah Palin made Obama disappear from CNN for a whole day.
Yeah, and she andTeh Mavpushed the picture ofM. T. Soot and "Miss Congeniality Patriotism" a good ways down the page on Drudge, too. Love it!
Posted by: sherlock at August 29, 2008 06:01 PM (FsbnY)
95 She's pro-family. Even to the point of being corrupt!
"she is under investigation for her firing of a state official,
Public Safety Commissioner Walt Monegan. She has been instructed to
hand over documents and recordings of telephone conversations as part
of the inquiry, which grew out of allegations that she sacked Monegan
for refusing to fire her former brother-in-law from the state police.
She has denied wrongdoing.
But Palin acknowledged that a member of her staff made a call to a
trooper in which the staffer suggested that he was speaking for the
Palin has admitted that the call could be interpreted
as pressure to fire state trooper Mike Wooten, who was locked in a
child-custody battle with Palin's sister. She suspended the staffer who
made the call."
I'd counter with something about Renzo, but isn't it time conservatives just sit quietly? Haven't you guys advocated enough fuck-uppery to last a couple of decades?
Posted by: John at August 29, 2008 06:03 PM (qiTAx)
96 Joe Biden shit his pants when he found out that Sarah Palin is a Life Member of the NRA.
Posted by: GarandFan at August 29, 2008 06:03 PM (eJ32B)
97 Dick Cheney's 'undisclosed location' is a cabin in Alaska he time-shares with Sarah Palin.
Posted by: OregonMuse at August 29, 2008 06:04 PM (FO+YO)
98 Sarah Palin raced a killer whale across the Bering Strait, won easily, then killed it, ate it, and used the bones to build a hunting rifle.
Posted by: EnochF at August 29, 2008 06:10 PM (VXm6y)
99 The Russians call the Bering Strait 'the last line of defense.'
Posted by: Stinky Esposito at August 29, 2008 06:11 PM (MMC8r)
100 Former New York Ranger and current Dallas Star Sean Avery had a bet with her that she couldn't take any of them in a fight.
Sean Avery is a putz. He couldn't fight his way out of a wet paper sack. Trust me, I know.
Posted by: Martin Brodeur at August 29, 2008 06:11 PM (1hM1d)
101 Once, once I was in a hurry to leave for work and couldn't find my keys, I texted Sarah Palin and she texted back, "They're in the side zip pocket on your backpack, silly!"
Good times. Good stuff.
Posted by: Jones at August 29, 2008 06:16 PM (KOkrW)
102 Posted by: John at August 29, 2008 06:03 PM
If I wanted to be mean, I'd put moose antlers on your head. But with Sarah Palin around, you wouldn't make it to 6:20.
Posted by: marchand chronicles at August 29, 2008 06:18 PM (Bj/HA)
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You know what this proves, right?
I mean aside from completing Biden’s transformation to a
higher life form: from sanctimonious pandering gasbag to leering old perv with
his hand down the front of his pants.
I mean aside from negating the talking heads consensus of pressure
being on the Republican VP candidate in the VP debate. Putting a foreign policy
question to Sarah would make even Jim Lehrer look like he clubs baby seals to
death, and from the moment the host announces “Next we move to the swimsuit competition”
not even a declaration of a state of emergency by the president is going to be
able to clean up all the sick. And meanwhile, old Joe’s asking for a washroom
break [“I really, really have to go – right now”] the Dems are stuck with
prostate problems being the BEST case scenario.
I mean, aside from this:
“Now this question is for you, Senator Obama, and it’s a
two-parter: First, if you did NOT choose Senator Biden to provide your candidacy
with credibility on foreign policy, then could you please explain what you’re
picking him was intended to bring to the ticket? Second, if you DID choose him
for precisely that reason, would you be prepared to agree that given that the
subject of this evening’s debate is foreign policy national security,
Americans looking for an answer to what your administration might do in response
to a crisis in those areas would be far better served by your having stayed
home to spend some quality time with your daughters tonight, and in your stead
sending Senator Biden to this session? And please try to keep your answer under
three minutes to allow for rebuttal the audience reaction of shocked
I mean, aside from leaving the Dems holding onto an old-school
bucket-of-piss marginalized VP pick, while the Republican VP pick into a blow for
freedom ….with a blow job throw in:
Xena Princess Warrior with a blond white Jesus-on-the-Cross tattoo’d
inside half an index digit from the end zone-
That picture in your wallet of your beautiful pristine daughter
graduating from high school - before she fell for your loser of a son-in-law – who
five grandkids later you will never – NEVER - allow yourself to even imagine
her ever “doing it” – not with him nor anyone!
The benefits of all the above go to the McCampaign. Grumpy
old man? They know how to restore an the old Maverick.
But the credit goes to you guys: Ace all his faithful
Tools – and all others who can only aspire to be him, and to, I dunno, pull off
an authentic Tool grunt, two snorts a fart salute to his Spade-iness.
The comments above range from obvious, to incisive, to
RobG @ 22 “forget about Barry's speech last night”
mpur @ 24 “energized the conservative base”
marchand chronicles 42 “punched him.With her cunt”
[Also I gather from 36 Ace is somewhat relieved it wasn’t
This was just the kind of pick that the memory of Senator John Blutovski should inspire.
Finally of course, the little matter of the election. The talking heads are headed so fast into Sarah Spin on the Palin Pick, we won't even be able to hear the sound of the Obama campaign flushing its game plan down the toilet.
Sure this is a hail Mary...but remember little Dougie Flutie at Boston College?
And you know what? Little Dougie Flutie had a winning record wherever he played: college, the Eskimo league, the sacred NFL.
I bow to the masters.
Posted by: Diderot's dog at August 29, 2008 06:23 PM (umFRQ)
104 Upon hearing that Sarah Palin may become president in 2016, Putin made secret plans to withdraw from Georgia, withdraw from Ukraine, and... just to be safe, withdraw from most of Siberia. Upon hearing the same news, Osama Bin Laden... made no plans. Osama's hanging in Sarah Palin's basement, helping to feed her team of huskies.
Posted by: EnochF at August 29, 2008 06:25 PM (VXm6y)
105 When Sarah Palin was elected governor of Alaska, out of fear all the French-Canadians decided to move east and pretend that Quebec had always been on the Atlantic, not Pacific, coast.
Posted by: Lapsed Leftist at August 29, 2008 06:38 PM (eY6PD)
106 Sarah Palin is so intelligent she could read #110 through and understand what it meant.
Posted by: Lapsed Leftist at August 29, 2008 06:40 PM (eY6PD)
107 Sarah Palin (Goddess of th Great White North)tm is so HOT, I would suck her husbands dick to find out what her pussy taste like!
Posted by: LUGNUT at August 29, 2008 06:41 PM (4jyVH)
108 Sarah Palin doesn't collect earmarks, she collects ears.
Caribou, moose, corrupt politicians and grizzly bears are her faves. And just to prove that she's agnostic on the matter; imaginary creatures like unicorns, yeti, Keyser Soze and the Loch Ness Monster.
Posted by: IllTemperedCur at August 29, 2008 06:41 PM (ItxWA)
109 Sarah Palin once parachuted naked into the Yukon, armed only with a Bowie knife. Within two hours, she had killed three polar bears, skinned them, and made herself a fur bikini, boots, gloves, a hat and a coat.
Posted by: God Emperor Barack Obamacles I at August 29, 2008 06:58 PM (OqYSc)
110 Damn sockpuppet.
Posted by: Jack Bauer's Evil Brother at August 29, 2008 06:58 PM (OqYSc)
111 Sarah Palin outlawed drivel, like comment 110, in Alaska.
Posted by: hutch1200 at August 29, 2008 07:06 PM (NbHoW)
112 Sarah Palin could train Diderot's Dog.
Posted by: Jack Bauer's Evil Brother at August 29, 2008 07:11 PM (OqYSc)
113 When Sarah Palin points her M-16 at you, you are instantly dead. She doesn't even have to pull the trigger.
Posted by: Jack Bauer's Evil Brother at August 29, 2008 07:16 PM (OqYSc)
114 True story:
Years ago, Sarah Palin invited Chuck Norris and Fred Thompson to dinner one weekend. At some point, while her husband went out with a pocket knife to catch dinner, Fred and Chuck got into an argument over something silly. The argument led to a brawl. After a few minutes of fighting and a tsunami or two, Sarah had enough, walked up to the two men, grabbed them by the ears, and slammed them into the couch, demanding they apologize. Her husband gets back with several polar bears and a few dead moose only tofind Fred and Chuck looking guilty on the couch, a new lake in the backyard, and Sarah threatening them with a frying pan. Chuck and Fred have never said an un-nice thing to the other again out of fear of Sarah Palin's threats.
Posted by: Davon at August 29, 2008 07:17 PM (DYedO)
115 Six months ago, the Russians resumed bomber flights over Alaskan airspace because they were afraid of Sarah Palin.
Posted by: Jack Bauer's Evil Brother at August 29, 2008 07:18 PM (OqYSc)
116 Lapsed Leftist: Sarah Palin is so intelligent she could read #110 through and understand what it meant.
I got that mine was visionary.
Sarah Palin wants to drill in ANWR. With the heel of her stiletto. While the flat part slowly crushes Glenn Greenwald's testicles. And he'll love every minute of it.
Posted by: marchand chronicles at August 29, 2008 07:20 PM (Bj/HA)
117 Sarah Palin finished the Unfinished Symphony.
Posted by: Jack Bauer's Evil Brother at August 29, 2008 07:21 PM (OqYSc)
118 Sarah Palin gets up every morning at 4 AM. Twenty minutes later, she has completed an Ironman Triathlon.
Posted by: Jack Bauer's Evil Brother at August 29, 2008 07:23 PM (OqYSc)
119 Sarah Palin believes the Ice Road Truckers have "gone soft, and shit".
Posted by: Nom de Blog at August 29, 2008 08:37 PM (14k+t)
120 The Ice Road Truckers think Sarah Palin is a big ol' meany.
Posted by: Nom de Blog at August 29, 2008 08:38 PM (14k+t)
121 Mr. Sarah Palin is not "fucking amused" and will be where you are... shortly.
Posted by: Nom de Blog at August 29, 2008 08:39 PM (14k+t)
122 Sarah Palin has a recipe to cook and eat Diderot's dog.
Posted by: Jones at August 29, 2008 09:10 PM (KOkrW)
123 Sarah Palin's judgment is despicalble. She knowingly whelped a Mongoloid child earlier this year, probably to pander to the Right to Life Nutbags.
Irresponsible decisions like hers dilutes the viability of the American Gene Pool. No wonder why we are falling farther and farther behind in an increasingly competitive global economic environment.
Her OB should have cut her tubes after her first child!!!
Posted by: paul Curooke at August 29, 2008 09:36 PM (MBief)
124 paul Curooke shoule be banned.
What he wrote is disgusting.
And I'm not easily disgusted.
Posted by: Nom de Blog at August 29, 2008 09:50 PM (14k+t)
125 When General Zod was banished to the Phantom Zone, the exit was sealed by Sarah Palin.
Posted by: sulla at August 29, 2008 10:10 PM (Y4/VY)
126 Sarah Palin once smiled sweetly at John Bolton. His moustache was so smitten, John Bolton had to brush it himself that day.
John Bolton's moustache only brushes itself, baby.
Posted by: Squatch at August 29, 2008 10:10 PM (COZb8)
127 From the link:
"Little known fact: Sarah Palin makes Andrew Sullivan regret some key life choices."
Oh, this is grand!
Posted by: Masturbatin' Pete at August 29, 2008 10:11 PM (9PwYj)
128 Dick Cheney shot a man in the faceto impress Sarah Palin.
She wasn't...until the shootee apologized.
Sarah Palin doesn't placate.
Posted by: sulla at August 29, 2008 10:13 PM (Y4/VY)
129 After catching a flying leg kick from Sarah Palin, Chuck Norris changed his name to Winthrop and opened a knicknack shop in SoHo.
Posted by: sulla at August 29, 2008 10:19 PM (Y4/VY)
130 corooke: you are the ONLY reason i have for not being against all abortions.
Posted by: bite my ace at August 29, 2008 10:24 PM (8nB5X)
131 The following is an Eskimo expression for Sara Palin.She's mean, she'stuff, chews nails spits rust, she's strong like tree, sly as fox, quick as bunny, and wise as Owl.
Posted by: Bkwavi at August 29, 2008 10:36 PM (BQEMz)
132 Sarah Palin started Hair Club for Men and actually owns Joe Biden’s hair.
Posted by: SlaveDog at August 29, 2008 10:56 PM (6Gy0q)
133 The day Sarah Palin was inaugurated, she rode through Fairbanks on a dog sled pulled byeight polar bears. Upon reaching the capitol, she skinned them and used the hides and the blood to draft her first executive orders.
Posted by: sulla at August 29, 2008 11:18 PM (Y4/VY)
134 Sarah Palin's husband, Todd, is actually a wolverine she tamed and trained to stand on its hind legs.
Posted by: Jack Bauer's Evil Brother at August 29, 2008 11:27 PM (OqYSc)
135 When the Most Interesting Man in the World dines with Sarah Palin, he has whatever kind of beer she's drinking.
Posted by: Jack Bauer's Evil Brother at August 29, 2008 11:31 PM (OqYSc)
136 Quebec is trying to seperate from Canada just for the luxury of having another country act as a buffer between them and Sarah Palin.
Posted by: AvoAren at August 30, 2008 12:08 AM (kOI5t)
wrestling grizzly bears is no longer an olympic event because sarah palin kept winning gold silver and bronze every year
Posted by: duff_man at August 30, 2008 12:16 AM (f1/aA)
138 Sarah Palin scared all the punctuation away from post 145
Posted by: AvoAren at August 30, 2008 12:18 AM (kOI5t)
139 Sarah Palin has the power to prevent me from completing this sen
Posted by: Jack Bauer's Evil Brother at August 30, 2008 12:24 AM (OqYSc)
140 Sarah Palin never cries, but if she did, her tears could cure Andrew Sullivan.
Posted by: Jack Bauer's Evil Brother at August 30, 2008 12:26 AM (OqYSc)
141 Ever wonder why no hobos in Alaska?
Sarah Palin loves her some hobo stew.
Posted by: JBD at August 30, 2008 12:41 AM (o1Xqs)
142 Sarah Palin will not rest until she has tracked down and killed everyone who ever called Alaska "Seward's Folly" even if she has to travel backwards in time to do it.
Posted by: Jack Bauer's Evil Brother at August 30, 2008 01:03 AM (OqYSc)
143 Sarah Palin wears glasses, wears her hair up, and dresses conservatively, because that way every man she meets is only semi-erect.
Posted by: Jack Bauer's Evil Brother at August 30, 2008 01:11 AM (OqYSc)
144 "Sarah Palin is so hot [that] if she went to San Francisco the gay bars would all go out of business."
oh hoho, that can be interpreted in (at least) two ways. :-)
Posted by: let them eat gollum balls at August 30, 2008 03:57 AM (ckhH0)
145 Sarah Palin told Brett Favre to get back to work or she would kick his ass.
Posted by: Frizbane Manley at August 30, 2008 10:46 AM (MkDt7)
146 Little-known fact: Sarah Palin has been seen in Dick Cheney's office with a tape measure.Dick hasn't saida word.
Posted by: Uh, Clem at August 30, 2008 10:52 AM (CNAh+)
147 Sarah Palin will twist Joe Biden's arm behind his back until he agrees to add a swimsuit contest to the vice presidential debate.
Posted by: Frizbane Manley at August 30, 2008 10:52 AM (MkDt7)
148 Sarah Palin told John McCain that after the election he's got to suck it up, be a man, and go back to his first wife, Carol Shepp.
Posted by: Frizbane Manley at August 30, 2008 11:02 AM (MkDt7)
149 Sarah Palin once drank a team of sherpas under the table in a bar in Nepal, then immediately recorded her Grammy-winning rendition of <a href="http://wcvarones.blogspot.com/2008/08/because-um-he-had-to-pick-someone.html">"The Villages"</a>.
Posted by: W.C. Varones at August 30, 2008 11:29 AM (Zd7+H)
150 Sarah Palin has answered the eternal question "What do women want?"
She has also answered the eternal queestion "What do men want?"
Posted by: someone2 at August 30, 2008 11:34 AM (npv1q)
Sarah Palin knows how to skin a moose with a penknife.
Sarah Palin wrote a Caribou recipe book.
Sarah Palin calls "Baked Alaska" "Baked Here."
Sarah Palin know which leaves are safe to use for toilet paper.
Sarah Palin rides to the Governor's mansion on a stretch snowmobile.
Sarah Palin has waffle soles on her high heels.
Sarah Palin has three pairs of formal waders.
If you ask Sarah Palin what the four seasons in Alaska are she will tell you that they're Early Winter, Winter, Late Winter and Road Repair.
Sarah Palin's customized snowblower can do 60 on fresh snow.
Sarah Palin keeps her cosmetics in her hunting bag.
Posted by: Hillary Kitten at August 30, 2008 12:25 PM (lb43l)
152 Little-known fact: "Sarah Palin" is an adopted name. Her birth name is unknown, but her brother's birth name was "Kal-El."
The only question that remains to be asked is: Will she be the first woman President in 2012 or 2016?
Posted by: Merovign at August 30, 2008 04:30 PM (UXoQt)
153 A movie was made based on events in Sarah Palin's life. Her role was played by Linda Hamilton and her last name was changed to Connor to protect her privacy. Hasta la vista....O-bambi.
Posted by: James Lea at August 30, 2008 07:59 PM (bScQ/)
154 Sarah Palin made me cry. She may have also awoken some latent lesbian tendencies, or maybe I'm just a straight man trapped in a woman's body.
Posted by: MsBear at August 30, 2008 11:23 PM (SGfdh)
155 The story of Sarahslife was "fictionalized" and Tom Clancy and Vince Flynn changed both her sex and her name to Jack Ryan and Mitch Rapp respectively.
Posted by: bite my ace at August 31, 2008 02:31 AM (XWJh5)
156 Game, set, match!
With Obambi, the lights are on but nobody's home, there's no there there, no accomplishments other than his mouth!
Posted by: sal at August 31, 2008 06:34 AM (SrK7y)
157 Sarah Palin, Chuck Norris, and Dick Cheney went to Gulf Coast and told Gustav to settle the fuck down, and it dropped form a 4 to a 2.
Posted by: Francase at September 01, 2008 04:38 AM (eJ8Ob)
158 A Warning for Barack Obama. You are going to have to watch your emotional sense of Sarah Palin. People like her, conservatives, are just following rules in their consideration for others. They are rules as in a competition or sporting event, rules that must be obeyed and that derive from fear of judgment from authority, not from any real empathy for the pain and suffering of others. For all conservatives have had their natural emotions wiped from their psyches and replaced by fear of punishment for disobeying rules, fear and guilt inculcated as “conscience” by fear of punishment at a young age. Rather than caring about people as I know you do, Barack, out of genuine empathy, they care about how they are seen and judged in the way that they treat people. Much will be made about McCain and Palin’s attitudes toward people during Hurricane Gustav. There are limits as to how much you can thwart the perception of the electorate towards her and McCain’s sympathy for victims of the storm, for visible statements of concern and supporting deeds speak for themselves are hard to contradict in people’s minds whatever their motive. Reality is the unrehearsed response by conservatives to what happened during Hurricane Katrina. Counterbalance their kind act political theatre during this storm when all eyes are upon them as best you can within the limits of political reality. But you must not, yourself, not even for a moment, become emotionally connected toward Palin as a fellow caring individual in any way, for that misplaced identification of her with yourself would be emotionally fatal to the proper attitude you must have towards her no more than a player on the Bush, Rove, Limbaugh conservative gang that seeks four more years of power, four more years that will destroy us all. She is no more than the sheep’s clothing of the wolf, never more in your mind than an enemy of the people that must be defeated in her efforts to get McCain into the White House.
Ruth Calabria matrix-evolutions
Posted by: Ruth Calabria at September 01, 2008 05:22 PM (RqWDL)
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Posted by: FreeAgent at September 14, 2008 10:09 PM (PoJTh)
161 You're all a bunch of fucking morons! Go ahead vote McCain and Palin, see what happens. Ignorant Motherfuckers!
Posted by: Patrick at October 02, 2008 11:25 AM (yCH98)
162 You people amaze me with your complete ignorance . She is an unprepared idiot , McBush is an incompetent boob .
Posted by: William Lawrence Tatum at October 05, 2008 04:15 AM (MPAsF)
163 Sarah Palin has a penis ...and unlike McCain, can still get an erection (a very weak small one)
Posted by: Jeffie at October 09, 2008 10:30 PM (ui8zc)
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God bless America.
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Nicknames for Potatoes, By People Who Really Hate Potatoes
Star Wars Euphemisms for Self-Abuse
Signs You're at an Iraqi "Wedding Party"
Signs Your Clown Has Gone Bad
Signs That You, Geroge Michael, Should Probably Just Give It Up
Signs of Hip-Hop Influence on John Kerry
NYT Headlines Spinning Bush's Jobs Boom
Things People Are More Likely to Say Than "Did You Hear What Al Franken Said Yesterday?"
Signs that Paul Krugman Has Lost His Frickin' Mind
All-Time Best NBA Players, According to Senator Robert Byrd
Other Bad Things About the Jews, According to the Koran
Signs That David Letterman Just Doesn't Care Anymore
Examples of Bob Kerrey's Insufferable Racial Jackassery
Signs Andy Rooney Is Going Senile
Other Judgments Dick Clarke Made About Condi Rice Based on Her Appearance
Collective Names for Groups of People
John Kerry's Other Vietnam Super-Pets
Cool Things About the XM8 Assault Rifle
Media-Approved Facts About the Democrat Spy
Changes to Make Christianity More "Inclusive"
Secret John Kerry Senatorial Accomplishments
John Edwards Campaign Excuses
John Kerry Pick-Up Lines
Changes Liberal Senator George Michell Will Make at Disney
Torments in Dog-Hell
The Ace of Spades HQ Sex-for-Money Skankathon
A D&D Guide to the Democratic Candidates
Margaret Cho: Just Not Funny
More Margaret Cho Abuse
Margaret Cho: Still Not Funny
Iraqi Prisoner Claims He Was Raped... By Woman
Wonkette Announces "Morning Zoo" Format
John Kerry's "Plan" Causes Surrender of Moqtada al-Sadr's Militia
World Muslim Leaders Apologize for Nick Berg's Beheading
Michael Moore Goes on Lunchtime Manhattan Death-Spree
Milestone: Oliver Willis Posts 400th "Fake News Article" Referencing Britney Spears
Liberal Economists Rue a "New Decade of Greed"
Artificial Insouciance: Maureen Dowd's Word Processor Revolts Against Her Numbing Imbecility
Intelligence Officials Eye Blogs for Tips
They Done Found Us Out, Cletus: Intrepid Internet Detective Figures Out Our Master Plan
Shock: Josh Marshall Almost Mentions Sarin Discovery in Iraq
Leather-Clad Biker Freaks Terrorize Australian Town
When Clinton Was President, Torture Was Cool
What Wonkette Means When She Explains What Tina Brown Means
Wonkette's Stand-Up Act
Wankette HQ Gay-Rumors Du Jour
Here's What's Bugging Me: Goose and Slider
My Own Micah Wright Style Confession of Dishonesty
Outraged "Conservatives" React to the FMA
An On-Line Impression of Dennis Miller Having Sex with a Kodiak Bear
The Story the Rightwing Media Refuses to Report!
Our Lunch with David "Glengarry Glen Ross" Mamet
The House of Love: Paul Krugman
A Michael Moore Mystery (TM)
Liberal Consistency and Other Myths
Kepler's Laws of Liberal Media Bias
John Kerry-- The Splunge! Candidate
"Divisive" Politics & "Attacks on Patriotism" (very long)
The Donkey ("The Raven" parody)