Help the Leftwing Comedy Writers Find the Funny in Obama
BumperStickerist offers these for starters:Knock Knock! -- Who's there? Barack Obama -- Barack Obama who? Barack Obama who wants to see that Hope is restored to America through Change, Change in our country's politics; Change in our Great Nation's Ability to Lead through Peace, and Change in the Eating Habits of Children, so that together we can face this Century with Hope. Hope brought through Change. ------------------------- a boy, a girl, and Barack Obama walk into McDonald's. The boy says to the cashier "Thanks to the dietary advice from Senator Obama, I'd like a healthy salad and a water for lunch!" The girl says "I'd like the same and I'd also like to talk to the manager about how I can access employment opportunities." -------------------------- Barack Obama is standing on stage at the Ivesco Center, he adjusts his tie and says to the audience "Take my wife, please ... She's an example of how America offers promise but fails to make that promise available to all. For too long people like my wife, Michelle, have had to work too hard to achieve for reasons that are historical, but that can change. Together, we can make a difference." -------------------------- Barack Obama took his wife and children to see a talent show agent. The agent asked Senator Obama what the family act was. Senator Obama explained that his family represented the opportunity for change, the ability of people to improve their lives through hardwork, that children can reach their potential even at the cost of ten to fifteen thousand dollars per year in music lessons and summer camps, that families can struggle to eat healthy foods, such as fresh fruit and leafy greens, and, that all this can happen despite being limited to speaking in one language. The agent sat back, decided he would never smoke again, order healthier foods that contained zero transfats, begin saving a percentage of his income, donate to charity, and invest in that RosettaStone package he'd seen advertised on television, and asked Senator Obama what the name of his act was. "The Aristocrats" ---------------------------- So, my name is Barack Hussein Obama, Hussein. Yeah, I know. Hussein. It's a common enough middle name where my father grew up, and it given to me by my father over forty years ago. It could have been worse, though. If my father were from anywhere else, my middle name could have been 'Dubya' -------------------------------- How many Barack Obamas does it take to change a lightbulb? None. Barack simply hopes and the light bulb changes itself. -------------------------------- Why did the chicken cross the road? Hope. And a desire for Change. --------------------------------
Barack Obama, Maureen Dowd, and Bob Novak are standing at the Pearly Gates. Barack says to Maureen Dowd - "So, why should I let you in?" -------------------------------- Barack Obama likes to shop at Whole Foods. He says that's where he buys his arugula. Message to Senator Obama, half of America thinks that arugula is something in the back of your throat and the other half of America thinks that "Whole Foods" is a donut shop. taptaptap is this thing on? Credit: Not sure if BumperStickerist had this idea first, but Andy Borowitz also has the same idea of officially-approved Obama "jokes"/campaign advertisements. Credit Part II: BumperStickerist did have the idea first, or at least indepedently. Why, it's just like Newton and Leibniz.
1 I'm no good at this, so I'll steal from Jeff:
Q: How many Barack Obamas does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Fuck that. That’s what Whitey’s for.
Q: Why did Michelle Obama cross the road?
A (1): Because it ain’t just Whitey’s road no more.
A (2): A bitch gotta eat.
A (3): The road started it by subjecting her to 400 years of oppression.
Posted by: carin at July 16, 2008 04:01 PM (Pb41/)
2 Change. Its three inches from an asshole.
Posted by: Chairman Mow at July 16, 2008 04:01 PM (xr3gm)
3 Why do dogs lick themselves?
Because dogs have inadequate medical attention which will change under the Barack Obama Administration because universal health care should not limited to just humans.
Posted by: David in San Diego at July 16, 2008 04:04 PM (TPWTR)
4 #2...I don't have any pockets within the stated radius...Are you saying |I have a fat ass?
Posted by: John Galt at July 16, 2008 04:05 PM (Lq/Cq)
5 Starting to wonder where Chairman keeps his change.
Posted by: John Galt at July 16, 2008 04:07 PM (Lq/Cq)
6 Why do dogs lick themselves?
Well, a dog should be able to lick themselves but what's really important is that gays are unable to lick themselves and each other in public due to past and present discrimination that will be changed under the Barack Obama Adimistration.
Posted by: David in San Diego at July 16, 2008 04:08 PM (TPWTR)
7 Barack Obama walks into a bar, and the bartender says "Oh no, I'm not getting involved in a joke about Barack Obama."
Posted by: Chris at July 16, 2008 04:08 PM (yoDw9)
8 Isn't Arugula where that Natalie Holloway chick went missing?
Posted by: Cybrludite at July 16, 2008 04:09 PM (3hbBj)
9 Barak Obama is standing at the Pearly Gates. St.Peter askswhy he should be granted access to heaven.
"I was the first black president of the United States" he says.
"No kidding? America elected a black man president? When did that happen?"
"About 30 seconds ago."
Posted by: a bitter and clingy sense of humor at July 16, 2008 04:09 PM (BEvIV)
10 Plenty of yuks from watching the Distinguished Gentleman.... BHO got his best lines from this film....L.Ingrahams stand in brought up the comparison....it is priceless....change change
Posted by: free at July 16, 2008 04:13 PM (cFwGO)
Q: Whats the difference between Obama and the high school girls track team?
A: Obama is a cunning runt.
Posted by: dan-O at July 16, 2008 04:15 PM (7Nejo)
12 Why do hobos love Barack Obama?
Posted by: Rocks at July 16, 2008 04:16 PM (Q1lie)
13 Q. What do Obama and Bin Laden have in common?
A. They both have friends who bombed the Pentagon.
Posted by: Bob from Ohio at July 16, 2008 04:18 PM (s6nMp)
14 Jake and Marcel go into Shreveport to buy some 2x4s to build a house. The lumber dealer asks them how they long they want the 2x4s. Barack Obama tells the lumberman that he should give the lumber away as the people of Louisiana have suffered enough under the Bush Administration's careless disregard and lack of response to the Katrina hurricane.
Posted by: David in San Diego at July 16, 2008 04:19 PM (TPWTR)
15 They could go with something Seinfeld-style:
"What's the deal with middle-aged men wearing baseball caps? Do they want us to believe they just walked out of a dug-out somewhere? I don't get it. It's probably got something to do with the failed economic policies of the Bush Administration. Which Barack Obama would change."
Posted by: Phinn at July 16, 2008 04:19 PM (NLtoU)
16 A priest, a rabbi, and Barack Obama walk into a bar. The priest says, "You damn Jews! You people were the main cause of slavery and the ongoing war in the Middle East, and I'm glad about what Hamas is doing! Do you hear me? Glad!" So then - did I remember to mention the priest is Michael Pfleger? Ah, crap.
Posted by: bgates at July 16, 2008 04:20 PM (RzFhF)
17 Q: Why did the colored man wear a tuxedo to his vasectomy?
A: Grandmother, those are the sort of racial remarks that make me cringe.
Posted by: kevin at July 16, 2008 04:22 PM (GK56f)
18 What does Jenna Haze and Barack Obama have in common?
Frequent changes in position to better fuck everyone they can.
Posted by: Hollowpoint at July 16, 2008 04:25 PM (rf03a)
19 Obama wandered in the desert of Chicago politics, and finally ascended the Capitol hill, where he talked about his burning hatred of Bush.
He came down with Ten Commandments for all mankind:
1. You shall have no other gods before Me
2. You shall make for yourself a carved image--of my dreamy visage
3. You shall not take the name of the LORD OBAMA your God in vain
4. Remembermy birthday, to keep it holy
5. Honor me, because I am better than your father and your mother
6. 'You shall not murder hope
7. You shall not commit adultery by thinkingabout any other politician.
8. You shall not steal your own money, which rightfully belongs to the State
9. You shall not bear witness against your neighbor, especially if he is a Jihadist.
10. You shall not covet your neighbor's house ; you shall not covet your neighbor's wife, nor his male servant, nor his female servant, nor his ox, nor his ass, nor anything that is your neighbor's. I will do all that. Especially the ass.
Posted by: Tushar at July 16, 2008 04:26 PM (IlgNp)
20 Obama and Jesus Christ walk into a bar.
They sit down, have a drink, and have a pleasant conversation in which they find they agree on most issues, with the exception of the tastefulness of performing miracles in public.
Posted by: ace at July 16, 2008 04:27 PM (aEOLm)
21 Not sure if BumperStickerist had this idea first, but Andy Borowitz also has the same idea of officially-approved Obama "jokes"/campaign advertisements.
I don't know the timeline, but my idea was original if not unique, as witnessed by the fact that my jokes aren't as funny as Borowitz's ... teh bastid.
Posted by: BumperStickerist at July 16, 2008 04:28 PM (UeP9e)
22 Q: How does Barack Obama change a light bulb?
Posted by: David in San Diego at July 16, 2008 04:28 PM (TPWTR)
23 Three guys walk into a bar, Barack Obama, an inexperienced Democrat senator, and a secret Muslim. And that was only the first guy.
Posted by: Pak at July 16, 2008 04:29 PM (egcIk)
Q: What do you call an Aggie who votes for Barak Obama?
A: An enlightened member of American society who chose to put aside his fears and prejudices to cast his vote for hope, for change, for the future and a new, better country than the one Bushitler is President of.
Posted by: rinseandspit at July 16, 2008 04:30 PM (ao5cQ)
25 Obama and Buddha are walking in a zoo.
"What is the sound of one hand clapping?" Buddha inquires with a devilish twinkle.
Obama answers him, explaining to him the complex but elegant Secret Laws of the Universe that bind Light to Matter, Spirit to Flesh, and Chance to Fate.
"Ah," Buddha says. "Usually that's more of a 'stumper.' Can I subscribe to your newsletter?"
Posted by: ace at July 16, 2008 04:31 PM (aEOLm)
26 What do you get when you cross Obama?
Posted by: Pak at July 16, 2008 04:32 PM (egcIk)
27 What is Barac Obama's new nickname for Rev. Jerimiah Wright?
Posted by: CAD Daddy at July 16, 2008 04:33 PM (U6x6j)
28 In Soviet Union, Michelle Obama's kids help *you.*
Posted by: Yakov Smirnov at July 16, 2008 04:34 PM (aEOLm)
29 Why does Barack Obama wish to give a speech at the Brandenburg Gate?
The Mount of Olives was unavailable.
Posted by: Rocks at July 16, 2008 04:34 PM (Q1lie)
30 I know what you're waiting for, I know what you're waiting for.
(Takes out sledgehammer with comically-oversized head.)
Everyone have their plastic sheets on?
(Swings sledgehammer at a watermelon, but stops at the last moment. Then a representative from Comic Relief takes the watermelon to be fed to pediatric AIDS victims.)
Posted by: Galagher at July 16, 2008 04:37 PM (aEOLm)
31 Barack Obama rides into town on a donkey.
Someone yells out "Hey, were ya get the ass?"
The donkey says "Hey, that is no way to speak about the one person who can bring desperately needed Change and Hope to the millions of unemployed and suffering people in this country!"
Posted by: wiserbud at July 16, 2008 04:40 PM (wWwJR)
32 What's the difference between Barack Obama's plan for Iraq when it was a hopeless quagmire and Barack Obama's plan for Iraq after the surge succeeded?Nothing.
Posted by: Pak at July 16, 2008 04:42 PM (egcIk)
33 Why will Barack Obama get the panhandler vote?
They're all hoping for change.
Posted by: CAD Daddy at July 16, 2008 04:44 PM (U6x6j)
34 For sale, suit, never filled. Call Michelle @ 555....
Posted by: Stinky Esposito at July 16, 2008 04:45 PM (xFpza)
35 Jesus is on a cruise and becomes impatient because the ship is taking too long to dock so he jumps over the side and walks to shore. One passenger turns to a second passenger and asks who the hell is this characteranddoes he think he's the son of God.The second passengerr answers no, he is the son of God, but now he thinks he's Barack Obama.
Posted by: adk46er at July 16, 2008 04:46 PM (aZCPZ)
36 Why do Obama's eyes tear up whenever he sees the flag?
He's sensitive to smoke.
Posted by: Stinky Esposito at July 16, 2008 04:49 PM (xFpza)
37 >>Why do Obama's eyes tear up whenever he sees the flag?>>He's sensitive to smoke.
Posted by: Tushar at July 16, 2008 04:55 PM (Q7Ugu)
38 What's the difference between Barack Obama and Jesus Christ?
Obama's middle name really begins with 'H.'
Posted by: michaelt at July 16, 2008 04:55 PM (N2C6e)
39 So this gorilla walks into a bar and the bartender says
Ummm. Nevermind. Hope and change, yada, yada, yada...
Posted by: Roy at July 16, 2008 04:56 PM (cB77O)
40 How many Obama supporters does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None. Who needs light when we are in the presence of the Light-worker?
Posted by: wiserbud at July 16, 2008 04:57 PM (wWwJR)
41 How do you say flip flop in Kenyan?
Posted by: Rocks at July 16, 2008 05:00 PM (Q1lie)
42 Will Barack Obama be sworn in as President using a Bible?
Yes, but only if it has a black cover.
Posted by: Rocks at July 16, 2008 05:02 PM (Q1lie)
43 Sothis drunk guy walks into a bar and he sees Barack Obama sitting there.
Upon seeing the light and the good that is the Chosen one, he immediately sobers up and pledges his life to Barack, traveling the country, speaking of his miraculous deeds and compassionate words.
That man's name? Ted Kennedy.
Posted by: wiserbud at July 16, 2008 05:04 PM (wWwJR)
44 Question: Why doesn't Obama ever visit his grandmother?
Answer: Because there's no more room under the bus.
Posted by: Nice Deb at July 16, 2008 05:07 PM (s5YdS)
45 I'd credit this one to the person who came up with it if only I could remember where I saw it...
What's the difference between Barack and the Kama Sutra?
Barack haschanged his position just as oftenbut with the Kama Sutra only 2 people get screwed.
Posted by: adk46er at July 16, 2008 05:07 PM (aZCPZ)
46 Question: Why does Obama have so many associations with commies and radicals, and why does he get caught lying and flip flopping so much?
Posted by: Nice Deb at July 16, 2008 05:10 PM (s5YdS)
47 Barack Obama walks into a bar, and after a short discussion with the owner, the bar is turned into a combination free clinic and community outreach center that teaches people to go beyond their past predudices for the needed hope and change that finally makes us proud to live in America.
Posted by: David in San Diego at July 16, 2008 05:12 PM (TPWTR)
48 Knock, knock.
The Junior Senator from Illinois.
Oh, my God..
Call me Barry.
Posted by: Old Dad at July 16, 2008 05:12 PM (JQwWt)
49 You want to hear a joke?
Posted by: pawchikapawpaw at July 16, 2008 05:13 PM (pc1iN)
50 Question: What Barak Obama purchases goods and services, what does he get in return?
Posted by: The Drizzle at July 16, 2008 05:14 PM (GtMQd)
51 Fuck, I meant "When".
Posted by: The Drizzle at July 16, 2008 05:15 PM (GtMQd)
52 If Mccain wins, I would like to see Obama made ambassador to the Burmuda Triangle.
Posted by: The Drizzle at July 16, 2008 05:16 PM (GtMQd)
53 Obama likes to sit up nights reading the Bible.
Posted by: Stinky Esposito at July 16, 2008 05:16 PM (xFpza)
54 What does Batman and Barack have in common?
One has the tools that make him a superhero, the other is a tool who made himself into a superhero.
Posted by: pawchikapawpaw at July 16, 2008 05:23 PM (pc1iN)
55 Q. What's the difference between Ace and Barack Obama?
A. It looks like Ace is starting to read some of the comments on his web site.
Posted by: pitythefool at July 16, 2008 05:35 PM (Sg8sX)
56 Why did Barack Obama cross the road?
To bathe Chris Matthews and Keith Olbermann in his own brandglorious, hot, sticky, gooeyHoly Spirit of Hope and Change.
Why did Chris Matthews' leg tingle when Barack gave his speech?
Keith Olbermann already got first dibs on making his dick jingle for Obama.
Posted by: pawchikapawpaw at July 16, 2008 05:38 PM (pc1iN)
57 Question: Why did Obama really change his mind about wearing a flag pin?
Answer: He finally found some that are made in America; not China.
He's just that patriotic.
Posted by: Nice Deb at July 16, 2008 05:39 PM (s5YdS)
58 Jesus Christ, Jesse Jackson and Nancy Pelosi walks into Barack's Bar.
Barack pulls out his sword, and decapitates Jesus, for there can be only one.
Then he puts the bowl of nuts under lock and key because Jesse's into nut harvesting.
Meanwhile, Nancy... barely... almost... blinks.
Posted by: pawchikapawpaw at July 16, 2008 05:47 PM (pc1iN)
59 Q: Why did Michelle and Barack have that fist bump?
A: They were warming them up for the fisting they will be giving to Chris Matthews and Keith Olberman.
Q: No, seriously, why did they have that fist bump?
A: Alright. If their palms touch, the light that emits from their palms would be too powerful, they would end up obliterating each other from the inside.
Q: Fine, you're not serious about this.
A: Because fist bumps on TV are always serious. :rolleyes:
Posted by: pawchikapawpaw at July 16, 2008 05:55 PM (pc1iN)
Susan Atkins finally dies of brain cancer.
She goes to hell and who does she see but Barak Hussein Obama. She can't believe her boiling, ruptured eyeballs!
Susan runs over to Barak and asks him, "What are you doing here?"
Obama tells her, "I've talked with Satan and convinced him to change his ways. Your afterlife will be much better now."
Susan Atkins gasps with astonishment as Obama rises towards Heaven and the flames of Hell go out. She weeps with joy as the ceiling of Hell itself opens to a clear, blue cloudless sky. Golden sunlight floods the realm of the damned and a cool breeze playfully ruffles Susan's hair.
She's puzzled however by the hordes of demons struggling to set up huge magnifying glasses and concave mirrors along the corridors of Hell and the steep stone walls leading toward the sky.
"Thank you. Thank you so much, Barak." she calls to Obama as the last of the magnifying glasses lock into place, "But what are the mirrors and magnifying glasses for?"
"Solar power." Obama yells down to Susan as the first rays of sunlight magnified and reflected and magnified again- a hundred, a thousand, a million times - strikes her and causes her skin to burst into flame.
"Satan's going green."
Posted by: rinseandspit at July 16, 2008 06:03 PM (ao5cQ)
61 Q: Ever since Barack Obama's last flip flop (the FISA bill), the left has been seething, which is why he's solidly back to his untenable 16 month troop withdrawal plan for Iraq; to placate his base. He claimed in his NYT op-ed that that is what Maliki wanted, but it turns out Maliki was mistranslated. Also, when he visits Iraq, reps from Iraqi government will tell him the troops need to stay until the Iraqi Military is ready stand alone. Our commanders on the ground will tell him the same thing.
He can't flip flop one more time on a matter of such importance without looking like a total ass. What does he do?
A: That's never stopped him before!
Posted by: Nice Deb at July 16, 2008 06:13 PM (s5YdS)
62 Q: How do you know Obama is the Messiah?
A: He can raise the dead. Check the voters list.
Posted by: kat-missouri at July 16, 2008 06:14 PM (YLs4U)
63 Michelle walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Hey, why the long face"?
Posted by: Pardo at July 16, 2008 06:18 PM (MQVqX)
64 Why will Jane Fonda vote for Obama?
Because Ho Chi Minh is dead.
Why will Ho Chi Minh vote for Obama?
Because he is dead.
Posted by: oklo mud at July 16, 2008 06:24 PM (MQVqX)
65 The year is 2030. A small tour group stops in front of an empty field.
One tourist says to the other, "Why are we stopping here?"
The second tourist replies, "According to this plaque, the White House used to be here."
The first tourist asks, "What happened to it?"
The second tourist replies, "Dunno. It just says 'Bill Ayers slept here.'"
Posted by: kat-missouri at July 16, 2008 06:25 PM (YLs4U)
66 I thought arugula was the Greek term for a spider!
Posted by: Ron at July 16, 2008 06:33 PM (L1Sp3)
What's the difference between the Kama Sutra and Barak Obama?
One has pictures of people screwing the other is a picture perfect example of how people get screwed.
Posted by: kat-missouri at July 16, 2008 06:48 PM (YLs4U)
68 Why'd Ted Kennedy finally sober up?
He had a come to Barak moment.
Posted by: kat-missouri at July 16, 2008 07:00 PM (YLs4U)
69 Two old guys are standing in the unemployment line.
The first one says to the second one, "So, what happened to you?"
The second one replies, "I got downsized. What happened to you?"
The first one responds, "I got replaced by a younger man. Some guy named Obama."
The second one shakes his head in sympathy, "Jesus, that sucks."
Jesus lights another cigarette, "Yeah. You have no idea how hard it is to compete when the guy has more pictures of his head surroundedby halos than you do."
Posted by: kat-missouri at July 16, 2008 07:32 PM (YLs4U)
70 How many Obamas does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Just one--he holds it in and it's screwed in by the world revolving around him.
Posted by: andycanuck at July 16, 2008 07:42 PM (3EcfL)
71 I'm calling on Eddie Murphy to dust of the old SNL "White Like Me" skit and do it as Obama infiltrating the Republican campaign headquarters of McCain.
You could take out both sides with a skit like that.
Posted by: Steve O at July 16, 2008 08:41 PM (z7c3k)
72 I said... the PRESIDENT is NEAR!
Posted by: Steve O at July 16, 2008 08:42 PM (z7c3k)
73 Another SNL skit to update: "Remember, only YOU can make ME rich!"
Posted by: Steve O at July 16, 2008 08:43 PM (z7c3k)
Posted by: Steve O at July 16, 2008 08:43 PM (z7c3k)
75 At everything Barry says, swoooooooooon!
Posted by: Steve O at July 16, 2008 08:45 PM (z7c3k)
76 Tonight on HARDBALL our guest is Barrack Obama.
"Barrack, why do you suppose the dirty bastard Republicans want to keep the black man down?"
Posted by: Steve O at July 16, 2008 08:46 PM (z7c3k)
77 President Obama and a squad of Secret Service agents are walking to the Capitol for the administration of the Oath of Office. It is brutally cold, intermittently snowing and sleeting.
"God," remarked Obama, "what a miserable day to have to walk anywhere."
"Quiet, sir," replied the nearest agent. "At least *you* won't have to walk back in it."
Posted by: Fa Cube Itches at July 16, 2008 09:15 PM (U9h+H)
78 My sister married an irishman.
Posted by: crosspatch at July 16, 2008 10:00 PM (/XgUc)
79 1) Barack and Jesus Christ are having a townhall debate, and a questioner from the audience asks how Barack will be better for the public weal -- better than even Christ himself -- and Obama responds, "While it may be true that Jesus saves, I will stimulate the economy by spending and borrowing..."
2) Barack as a young man managed the Rules for Radicals Restaurant in Chicago. Another young man began working for Barack in the restaurant, but as the weeks passed, he noticed that he still hadn't been paid for any of his work. He nervously brought up the matter with his boss, and Barack smiled his winning smile and pulled out a checkbook and a pen and gave them to the young man and told him to write the paycheck out to himself, along with a $100 bonus, which the employee happily did. The young man, filled with gratitude, thanked Obama. Barack said, "That's nothing" and proceeded to hand the young man the deed to the restaurant. The young man, bewildered, asked "Why?" Barack responded, "I want you to realize that you are the one you've been waiting for..."
Posted by: caspera at July 16, 2008 10:03 PM (+64QE)
80 Abbot: Barack says he's gonna bring hope and change.
Costello: Who's saying?
Abbot: That's right.
Costello: What's right?
Costello: I don't know. You were telling me.
Abbot: Telling you what?
Costello: Who was saying!
Abbot: Not who was saying, Hussein.
Costello: That's what I'm asking!
Posted by: caspera at July 16, 2008 10:14 PM (+64QE)
81 How about Barack, taking a break from his prestigious Senate duties, dressed in a $3000 suit with a $300 tie, voted best dressed man on Earth by Esquire, leaving his 4 car garage house which is a city block, a man with a reported 2007 of $4,000,000 giving a commencement speech telling college graduates who've just blown their entire savings on tuition not to go for the fancy house, the fancy clothes, and the fancy job. That's comedy right there.
Posted by: caspera at July 16, 2008 10:19 PM (+64QE)
82 >BumperStickerist did have the idea first, or at least indepe[n]dently.
>Why, it's just like Newton and Leibniz
Well, just as soon as I stop laughing I'll have to clean all that Coca Cola out of my nose and off my monitor. You erudite smart ass!
God I love this blog.
Posted by: History of Science buff at July 17, 2008 12:24 AM (o5I1i)
83 Barack Obama and Bill Clinton are sittting together at a DNC Fundraising Dinner. Bill asks Barack how he is doing. Barack tells Bill that the stress of campaigning has ruined his sex life and he can no longer get an erection. Bill tells him that after 8 years as the president he has a surefire way to get a hard on: before sex he bangs his pecker on the bedpost three times; the resulting blood rush makes him stiff. Barack thanks Bill and says he'll give it a try. The next night, Barack sees his wife Michelle sleeping in bed and decides to give the Bill Clinton method a try. He turns out the lights and walks quietly over to the bed. He pulls out his pecker and knocks it loudly three times against the bedpost. In the dark, Michelle wakes up and whispers: "Is that you Bill?"
Posted by: Anoni Moose at July 17, 2008 08:40 AM (KeyUP)
84 Got this one in email yesterday:
Eyes be your new president, yo.
Posted by: mpur at July 17, 2008 12:51 PM (MZTYP)
Accessoires Iphone 5
Accessoire Iphone 4
Accessoire Ipad pas cher
¨¦tui iPhone 4
Case iPhone 4
Bumper iPhone 4
Housse iphone 4
Coque iPhone 4
Protection iPhone 4
Films de protection
iPhone 3G & 3GS
¨¦tui iPhone 3GS
Coque iPhone 3GS
Housse iPhone 3G
iPad & iPad 2
iPod touch 2G & 3G
Posted by: accessoires iphone5 at July 13, 2011 04:15 AM (x9/E0)
Processing 0.02, elapsed 0.0254 seconds.
Polls! Polls! Polls!
Real Clear Politics
Frequently Asked Questions
The (Almost) Complete Paul Anka Integrity Kick
Primary Document: The Audio
Paul Anka Haiku Contest Announcement
Integrity SAT's: Entrance Exam for Paul Anka's Band
AllahPundit's Paul Anka 45's Collection
AnkaPundit: Paul Anka Takes Over the Site for a Weekend (Continues through to Monday's postings)
George Bush Slices Don Rumsfeld Like an F*ckin' Hammer
Top Top Tens
Democratic Forays into Erotica
New Shows On Gore's DNC/MTV Network
Nicknames for Potatoes, By People Who Really Hate Potatoes
Star Wars Euphemisms for Self-Abuse
Signs You're at an Iraqi "Wedding Party"
Signs Your Clown Has Gone Bad
Signs That You, Geroge Michael, Should Probably Just Give It Up
Signs of Hip-Hop Influence on John Kerry
NYT Headlines Spinning Bush's Jobs Boom
Things People Are More Likely to Say Than "Did You Hear What Al Franken Said Yesterday?"
Signs that Paul Krugman Has Lost His Frickin' Mind
All-Time Best NBA Players, According to Senator Robert Byrd
Other Bad Things About the Jews, According to the Koran
Signs That David Letterman Just Doesn't Care Anymore
Examples of Bob Kerrey's Insufferable Racial Jackassery
Signs Andy Rooney Is Going Senile
Other Judgments Dick Clarke Made About Condi Rice Based on Her Appearance
Collective Names for Groups of People
John Kerry's Other Vietnam Super-Pets
Cool Things About the XM8 Assault Rifle
Media-Approved Facts About the Democrat Spy
Changes to Make Christianity More "Inclusive"
Secret John Kerry Senatorial Accomplishments
John Edwards Campaign Excuses
John Kerry Pick-Up Lines
Changes Liberal Senator George Michell Will Make at Disney
Torments in Dog-Hell
The Ace of Spades HQ Sex-for-Money Skankathon
A D&D Guide to the Democratic Candidates
Margaret Cho: Just Not Funny
More Margaret Cho Abuse
Margaret Cho: Still Not Funny
Iraqi Prisoner Claims He Was Raped... By Woman
Wonkette Announces "Morning Zoo" Format
John Kerry's "Plan" Causes Surrender of Moqtada al-Sadr's Militia
World Muslim Leaders Apologize for Nick Berg's Beheading
Michael Moore Goes on Lunchtime Manhattan Death-Spree
Milestone: Oliver Willis Posts 400th "Fake News Article" Referencing Britney Spears
Liberal Economists Rue a "New Decade of Greed"
Artificial Insouciance: Maureen Dowd's Word Processor Revolts Against Her Numbing Imbecility
Intelligence Officials Eye Blogs for Tips
They Done Found Us Out, Cletus: Intrepid Internet Detective Figures Out Our Master Plan
Shock: Josh Marshall Almost Mentions Sarin Discovery in Iraq
Leather-Clad Biker Freaks Terrorize Australian Town
When Clinton Was President, Torture Was Cool
What Wonkette Means When She Explains What Tina Brown Means
Wonkette's Stand-Up Act
Wankette HQ Gay-Rumors Du Jour
Here's What's Bugging Me: Goose and Slider
My Own Micah Wright Style Confession of Dishonesty
Outraged "Conservatives" React to the FMA
An On-Line Impression of Dennis Miller Having Sex with a Kodiak Bear
The Story the Rightwing Media Refuses to Report!
Our Lunch with David "Glengarry Glen Ross" Mamet
The House of Love: Paul Krugman
A Michael Moore Mystery (TM)
Liberal Consistency and Other Myths
Kepler's Laws of Liberal Media Bias
John Kerry-- The Splunge! Candidate
"Divisive" Politics & "Attacks on Patriotism" (very long)
The Donkey ("The Raven" parody)