1 I'm no good at this, so I'll steal from Jeff:



Q: How many Barack Obamas does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A: Fuck that. That’s what Whitey’s for.
***

Q: Why did Michelle Obama cross the road?

A (1): Because it ain’t just Whitey’s road no more.

A (2): A bitch gotta eat.

A (3): The road started it by subjecting her to 400 years of oppression.

2 Change. Its three inches from an asshole.

3 Why do dogs lick themselves?

Because dogs have inadequate medical attention which will change under the Barack Obama Administration because universal health care should not limited to just humans.

4 #2...I don't have any pockets within the stated radius...Are you saying |I have a fat ass? 

5 Starting to wonder where Chairman keeps his change.

6 Why do dogs lick themselves?

Well, a dog should be able to lick themselves but what's really important is that gays are unable to lick themselves and each other in public due to past and present discrimination that will be changed under the Barack Obama Adimistration.

7 Barack Obama walks into a bar, and the bartender says "Oh no, I'm not getting involved in a joke about Barack Obama."

8 Isn't Arugula where that Natalie Holloway chick went missing?

9

Barak Obama is standing at the Pearly Gates. St.Peter asks why he should be granted access to heaven.

"I was the first black president of the United States" he says.

"No kidding? America elected a black man president? When did that happen?"

"About 30 seconds ago."

 

10 Plenty of yuks from watching the Distinguished Gentleman.... BHO   got his best lines from this film....L.Ingrahams stand in  brought up the comparison....it is priceless....change change

11
Q: Whats the difference between Obama and the high school girls track team? 

A: Obama is a cunning runt.

12 Why do hobos love Barack Obama?

Change.

13

Q.  What do Obama and Bin Laden have in common?

A.  They both have friends who bombed the Pentagon. 

14 Jake and Marcel go into Shreveport to buy some 2x4s to build a house.  The lumber dealer asks them how they long they want the 2x4s.  Barack Obama tells the lumberman that he should give the lumber away as the people of Louisiana have suffered enough under the Bush Administration's careless disregard and lack of response to the Katrina hurricane.

15 They could go with something Seinfeld-style: 

"What's the deal with middle-aged men wearing baseball caps?  Do they want us to believe they just walked out of a dug-out somewhere?  I don't get it.  It's probably got something to do with the failed economic policies of the Bush Administration.  Which Barack Obama would change." 

16 A priest, a rabbi, and Barack Obama walk into a bar. The priest says, "You damn Jews! You people were the main cause of slavery and the ongoing war in the Middle East, and I'm glad about what Hamas is doing! Do you hear me? Glad!" So then - did I remember to mention the priest is Michael Pfleger? Ah, crap.

17

Q: Why did the colored man wear a tuxedo to his vasectomy?

A: Grandmother, those are the sort of racial remarks that make me cringe.

18

What does Jenna Haze and Barack Obama have in common?

Frequent changes in position to better fuck everyone they can.

19

Obama wandered in the desert of Chicago politics, and finally ascended the Capitol hill, where he talked about his burning hatred of Bush.

He came down with Ten Commandments for all mankind:

1. You shall have no other gods before Me

2. You shall make for yourself a carved image--of my dreamy visage

3. You shall not take the name of the LORD OBAMA your God in vain

4. Remember my birth day, to keep it holy

5. Honor me, because I am better than your father and your mother

6. 'You shall not murder hope

7. You shall not commit adultery by thinking about any other politician.

8. You shall not steal your own money, which rightfully belongs to the State

9. You shall not bear witness against your neighbor, especially if he is a Jihadist.

10. You shall not covet your neighbor's house ; you shall not covet your neighbor's wife, nor his male servant, nor his female servant, nor his ox, nor his ass, nor anything that is your neighbor's. I will do all that. Especially the ass.

20 Obama and Jesus Christ walk into a bar.

They sit down, have a drink, and have a pleasant conversation in which they find they agree on most issues, with the exception of the tastefulness of performing miracles in public.

21

 Not sure if BumperStickerist had this idea first, but Andy Borowitz also has the same idea of officially-approved Obama "jokes"/campaign advertisements.

I don't know the timeline, but my idea was original if not unique, as witnessed by the fact that my jokes aren't as funny as Borowitz's ... teh bastid.

-

22 Q:  How does Barack Obama change a light bulb?

A:  Racist!

23 Three guys walk into a bar, Barack Obama, an inexperienced Democrat senator, and a secret Muslim.  And that was only the first guy.

24

Q: What do you call an Aggie who votes for Barak Obama?

A: An enlightened member of American society who chose to put aside his fears and prejudices to cast his vote for hope, for change, for the future and a new, better country than the one Bushitler is President of.

25 Obama and Buddha are walking in a zoo.

"What is the sound of one hand clapping?" Buddha inquires with a devilish twinkle.

Obama answers him, explaining to him the complex but elegant Secret Laws of the  Universe that bind Light to Matter, Spirit to Flesh, and Chance to Fate.

"Ah," Buddha says.  "Usually that's more of a 'stumper.'  Can I subscribe to your newsletter?"

26

What do you get when you cross Obama?

Disowned.

27

What is Barac Obama's new nickname for Rev. Jerimiah Wright?

 

Speed bump.

28 In Soviet Union,  Michelle Obama's kids help *you.*

29 Why does Barack Obama wish to give a speech at the Brandenburg Gate?

The Mount of Olives was unavailable.

30 I know what you're waiting for, I know what you're waiting for.

(Takes out sledgehammer with comically-oversized head.)

Everyone have their plastic sheets on? 

(Swings sledgehammer at a watermelon, but stops at the last moment.  Then a representative from Comic Relief takes the watermelon to be fed to pediatric AIDS victims.)

Change.

31

Barack Obama rides into town on a donkey. 

Someone yells out "Hey, were ya get the ass?" 

The donkey says "Hey, that is no way to speak about the one person who can bring desperately needed Change and Hope to the millions of unemployed and suffering people in  this country!"

32 What's the difference between Barack Obama's plan for Iraq when it was a hopeless quagmire and Barack Obama's plan for Iraq after the surge succeeded?

Nothing.

33

Why will Barack Obama get the panhandler vote?

 

They're all hoping for change.

34 For sale, suit, never filled.  Call Michelle @ 555....

35 Jesus is on a cruise and becomes impatient because the ship is taking too long to dock so he jumps over the side and walks to shore. One passenger turns to a second passenger and asks who the hell is this character and does he think he's the son of God. The second passengerr answers no, he is the son of God, but now he thinks he's Barack Obama.  

36 Why do Obama's eyes tear up whenever he sees the flag?

He's sensitive to smoke.

37

>>Why do Obama's eyes tear up whenever he sees the flag?

>>He's sensitive to smoke.

Ouch!

38

What's the difference between Barack Obama and Jesus Christ?

Obama's middle name really begins with 'H.'

39

So this gorilla walks into a bar and the bartender says

Ummm. Nevermind. Hope and change, yada, yada, yada...

40

How many Obama supporters does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. Who needs light when we are in the presence of the Light-worker?

 

41 How do you say flip flop in Kenyan?

Barack Obama

42 Will Barack Obama be sworn in as President using a Bible?

Yes, but only if it has a black cover.

43

So this drunk guy walks into a bar and he sees Barack Obama sitting there.

Upon seeing the light and the good that is the Chosen one, he immediately sobers up and pledges his life to Barack, traveling the country, speaking of his miraculous deeds and compassionate words.

That man's name?  Ted Kennedy.

44 Question: Why doesn't Obama ever visit his grandmother?

Answer: Because there's no more room under the bus.

45

I'd credit this one to the person who came up with it if only I could remember where I saw it...

What's the difference between Barack and the Kama Sutra?

Barack has changed his position just as often but with the Kama Sutra only 2 people get screwed.  

46 Question: Why does Obama have so many associations with commies and radicals, and why does he get caught lying and flip flopping so much?

Answer: RACIST!!!!!

47 Barack Obama walks into a bar, and after a short discussion with the owner, the bar is turned into a combination free clinic and community outreach center that teaches people to go beyond their past predudices for the needed hope and change that finally makes us proud to live in America.

48

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

The Junior Senator from Illinois.

Oh, my God..

Call me Barry.

49

You want to hear a joke?

Barack Obama.

50 Question: What Barak Obama purchases goods and services, what does he get in return?

Answer: Change.

51 Fuck, I meant "When".

52 If Mccain wins, I would like to see Obama made ambassador to the Burmuda Triangle.

53 Obama likes to sit up nights reading the Bible.

He's editing.

54

What does Batman and Barack have in common?

One has the tools that make him a superhero, the other is a tool who made himself into a superhero.

55

Q. What's the difference between Ace and Barack Obama? 

A.  It looks like Ace is starting to read some of the comments on his web site. 

56

Why did Barack Obama cross the road?

To bathe Chris Matthews and Keith Olbermann in his own brand glorious, hot, sticky, gooey Holy Spirit of Hope and Change.

Why did Chris Matthews' leg tingle when Barack gave his speech?

Keith Olbermann already got first dibs on making his dick jingle for Obama.

57 Question: Why did Obama really change his mind about wearing a flag pin?

Answer: He finally found some that are made in America; not China.

He's just that patriotic.

58

Jesus Christ, Jesse Jackson and Nancy Pelosi walks into Barack's Bar.

Barack pulls out his sword, and decapitates Jesus, for there can be only one.

Then he puts the bowl of nuts under lock and key because Jesse's into nut harvesting.

Meanwhile, Nancy... barely... almost... blinks.

59

Q: Why did Michelle and Barack have that fist bump?

A: They were warming them up for the fisting they will be giving to Chris Matthews and Keith Olberman.

Q: No, seriously, why did they have that fist bump?

A: Alright. If their palms touch, the light that emits from their palms would be too powerful, they would end up obliterating each other from the inside.

Q: Fine, you're not serious about this.

A: Because fist bumps on TV are always serious. :rolleyes:

60

Susan Atkins finally dies of brain cancer.

She goes to hell and who does she see but Barak Hussein Obama. She can't believe her boiling, ruptured eyeballs!

Susan runs over to Barak and asks him, "What are you doing here?"

Obama tells her, "I've talked with Satan and convinced him to change his ways. Your afterlife will be much better now."

Susan Atkins gasps with astonishment as Obama rises towards Heaven and the flames of Hell go out. She weeps with joy as the ceiling of Hell itself opens to a clear, blue cloudless sky. Golden sunlight floods the realm of the damned and a cool breeze playfully ruffles Susan's hair.

She's puzzled however by the hordes of demons struggling to set up huge magnifying glasses and concave mirrors along the corridors of Hell and the steep stone walls leading toward the sky.

"Thank you. Thank you so much, Barak." she calls to Obama as the last of the magnifying glasses lock into place, "But what are the mirrors and magnifying glasses for?"

"Solar power." Obama yells down to Susan as the first rays of sunlight magnified and reflected and magnified again- a hundred, a thousand, a million times - strikes her and causes her skin to burst into flame.

"Satan's going green."

61 Q: Ever since Barack Obama's last flip flop (the FISA bill), the left has been seething, which is why he's solidly back to his untenable 16 month troop withdrawal plan for Iraq; to placate his base. He claimed in his NYT op-ed that that is what Maliki wanted, but it turns out Maliki was mistranslated. Also, when he visits Iraq, reps from  Iraqi government will tell him the troops need to stay until the Iraqi Military is ready stand alone. Our commanders on the ground will tell him the same thing.

He can't flip flop one more time on a matter of such importance without looking like a total ass. What does he do?

A: That's never stopped him before!

62

Q: How do you know Obama is the Messiah?

A: He can raise the dead.  Check the voters list.

63 Michelle walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Hey, why the long face"?

64 Why will Jane Fonda vote for Obama?

Because Ho Chi Minh is dead.

-------------------------------------

Why will Ho Chi Minh vote for Obama?

Because he is dead.

65

The year is 2030.  A small tour group stops in front of an empty field. 

One tourist says to the other, "Why are we stopping here?" 

The second tourist replies, "According to this plaque, the White House used to be here." 

The first tourist asks, "What happened to it?" 

The second tourist replies, "Dunno.  It just says 'Bill Ayers slept here.'"

66 I thought arugula was the Greek term for a spider!

67

Re-working

What's the difference between the Kama Sutra and Barak Obama?

One has pictures of people screwing the other is a picture perfect example of how people get screwed.

 

68

Why'd Ted Kennedy finally sober up?

He had a come to Barak moment.

69

Two old guys are standing in the unemployment line.

The first one says to the second one, "So, what happened to you?"

The second one replies, "I got downsized.  What happened to you?"

The first one responds, "I got replaced by a younger man. Some guy named Obama."

The second one shakes his head in sympathy, "Jesus, that sucks."

Jesus lights another cigarette, "Yeah.  You have no idea how hard it is to compete when the guy has more pictures of his head surrounded by halos than you do."

70

How many Obamas does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Just one--he holds it in and it's screwed in by the world revolving around him.

71

I'm calling on Eddie Murphy to dust of the old SNL "White Like Me" skit and do it as Obama infiltrating the Republican campaign headquarters of McCain. 

You could take out both sides with a skit like that.

72 I said... the PRESIDENT is NEAR!

73

Another SNL skit to update: "Remember, only YOU can make ME rich!"

74

Flip.

Flop.

Flip.

Flop.

Flip.

Flop.

75

At everything Barry says, swoooooooooon!

76

Tonight on HARDBALL our guest is Barrack Obama.

"Barrack, why do you suppose the dirty bastard Republicans want to keep the black man down?"

77

President Obama and a squad of Secret Service agents are walking to the Capitol for the administration of the Oath of Office.  It is brutally cold, intermittently snowing and sleeting.

"God," remarked Obama, "what a miserable day to have to walk anywhere."

"Quiet, sir," replied the nearest agent.  "At least *you* won't have to walk back in it."

78 My sister married an irishman.
Oh, really?
No, O'Bama

79 1) Barack and Jesus Christ are having a townhall debate, and a questioner from the audience asks how Barack will be better for the public weal -- better than even Christ himself -- and Obama responds, "While it may be true that Jesus saves, I will stimulate the economy by spending and borrowing..."

2) Barack as a young man managed the Rules for Radicals Restaurant in Chicago. Another young man began working for Barack in the restaurant, but as the weeks passed, he noticed that he still hadn't been paid for any of his work. He nervously brought up the matter with his boss, and Barack smiled his winning smile and pulled out a checkbook and a pen and gave them to the young man and told him to write the paycheck out to himself, along with a $100 bonus, which the employee happily did. The young man, filled with gratitude, thanked Obama. Barack said, "That's nothing" and proceeded to hand the young man the deed to the restaurant. The young man, bewildered, asked "Why?" Barack responded, "I want you to realize that you are the one you've been waiting for..."

80 Abbot: Barack says he's gonna bring hope and change.
Costello: Who's saying?
Abbot: That's right.
Costello: What's right?
Abbot: Hussein.
Costello: I don't know. You were telling me.
Abbot: Telling you what?
Costello: Who was saying!
Abbot: Not who was saying, Hussein.
Costello: That's what I'm asking!

81 How about Barack, taking a break from his prestigious Senate duties, dressed in a $3000 suit with a $300 tie, voted best dressed man on Earth by Esquire, leaving his 4 car garage house which is a city block, a man with a reported 2007 of $4,000,000 giving a commencement speech telling college graduates who've just blown their entire savings on tuition not to go for the fancy house, the fancy clothes, and the fancy job. That's comedy right there.

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83 >BumperStickerist did have the idea first, or at least indepe[n]dently.
>Why, it's just like Newton and Leibniz

Well, just as soon as I stop laughing I'll have to clean all that Coca Cola out of my nose and off my monitor. You erudite smart ass!

God I love this blog.

84 Barack Obama and Bill Clinton are sittting together at a DNC Fundraising Dinner. Bill asks Barack how he is doing.  Barack tells Bill that the stress of campaigning has ruined his sex life and he can no longer get an erection. Bill tells him that after 8 years as the president he has a surefire way to get a hard on: before sex he bangs his pecker on the bedpost three times; the resulting blood rush makes him stiff. Barack thanks Bill and says he'll give it a try. The next night, Barack sees his wife Michelle sleeping in bed and decides to give the Bill Clinton method a try. He turns out the lights and walks quietly over to the bed. He pulls out his pecker and knocks it loudly three times against the bedpost. In the dark, Michelle wakes up and whispers: "Is that you Bill?"

85 Got this one in email yesterday:

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Eyes.

Eyes who?

Eyes be your new president, yo.

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منتديات اغليك-افلام مصرية-منتديات حب بنات-شات حب بنات-افلام
هندية-اغاني حزينه-شابك-افلام عربية-افلام اجنبية-دردشة
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دردشة بنات - 


منتديات اغليك - 


افلام عربية - 


افلام اجنبية 

- العاب
اغليك - 


دردشة اغليك - 


منتديات بيت 

حواء 

- 




الأرشيف - 


الارشيف - عبودي 

- 


صور اغليك - 




اقسام 

الفن والسينما - 


افلام مصرية 

-افلام 

هندية - 


بلوتوث اغليك - 



شات حب بنات 

- حب
بنات - 


منتديات 

حب بنات - 


منتديات 

بنات - 


الاقسام العامة - 


مواضيع عامة - 


مقالات - 


النقاش - 


اخبار عاجل - 


تعلم اللغات الاجنبيه - 


الترحيب بالاعضاء الجدد - 


عالمك الخاص - 


الاقسام الاسلاميه - 


مواضيع اسلاميه - 


تحميل اناشيد اسلاميه - 


اناشيد طيور الجنة - 


اقسام ادبيه - 


الشعر والقصائد - 


الخواطر الرومانسية - 


القصص والروايات - 


منتدى بنات - 


ازياء وموضة - 


منتدى العروس - 


ميك اب - 


منتدى تسريحات - 


منتدى اكسسوارات - 


منتدى العناية بالبشرة - 


اطباق رئيسية - 


الاشغال اليدويه - 


منتدى الديكور والتصاميم - 


الثقافة الزوجية - 


اقسام الترفيهيه - 


منتدى الرياضة - 


منتدى الفرفشه والصرقعه - 


العاب منتديات - 


منتدى الالغاز - 


صور حب بنات - 


منتديات الصور والغرائب - 


السياحة والسفر - 


صور اطفال بنات - 


صور السيارات - 


افلام انمي كرتون - 


اقسام التقنية - 


يوتيوب فيديو مسلسلات - 


مسجات حب بنات - 


توبيكات حب بنات - 


العاب حب بنات - 


برامج الكمبيوتر - 


ثيمات سطح المكتب - 


بطاقات حب بنات - 


المواضيع المكررة - 


حب بنات -


منتدى حبيتك

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