The Foreign Policy of Pooh

What was that word from 2000 again? Oh yes...gravitas.

Richard Danzig, who served as Navy Secretary under President Clinton and is tipped to become National Security Adviser in an Obama White House, told a major foreign policy conference in Washington that the future of US strategy in the war on terrorism should follow a lesson from the pages of Winnie the Pooh, which can be shortened to: if it is causing you too much pain, try something else.
Mr Danzig told the Centre for New American Security: “Winnie the Pooh seems to me to be a fundamental text on national security.”

Danzig went on to say the animals in the book "Big Red Barn" were a metaphor for world citizens and that we should, like the characters in the book, "all live together in the big red barn and play all day in the grass and in the hay."

Next week, "Foreign Affairs" will publish an essay by Danzig entitled "Everyone Poops: We're More Alike than We Are Different so Can't We Just All Get Along?"

Posted by: Slublog at 10:15 AM

Comments

1 Danzig is a Bore of Very Little Brain.

NO WAR FOR HUNNY!

Posted by: Cerebral Paul Z. at June 17, 2008 10:19 AM (cQhQZ)

2 Oh bother.

Posted by: KelliD at June 17, 2008 10:25 AM (JMwaV)

I much prefer the foreign policies of Dr. Suess.

Posted by: CAD Daddy at June 17, 2008 10:30 AM (U6x6j)

4 If only the Truffula Trees had been grown in privately-held orchards instead of left in common...

Posted by: The Capitalist Lorax at June 17, 2008 10:33 AM (GwV+j)

5 The surge has failed.

Posted by: Eeyore at June 17, 2008 10:34 AM (pzen5)

6 Damn this is an entertaining election cycle. So long as I keep sublimating the truth that we are well and truly fucked no matter who the next president is.

Good god they (the candidates and their advisors) are just all seriously retarded, aren't they?

Posted by: krakatoa at June 17, 2008 10:44 AM (/FUhT)

7 Do we get Popeye as Secretary of Defense? We're gonna need alot of spinach.

Posted by: nikkolai at June 17, 2008 10:45 AM (k1UIa)

8 When is nap time going to be in the Oval office?

Posted by: roy at June 17, 2008 10:45 AM (cB77O)

9 Has anyone else actually read "Everyone poops"? Seriously.

Posted by: AndrewsDad at June 17, 2008 10:47 AM (C2//T)

10 The question is, how long is barracks ass going to hang in my living room. Phony antlers only go so far.

Posted by: Rabbitt at June 17, 2008 10:48 AM (5ap+X)

In related news, Obama just announced Wile E. Coyote as his choice to evaluate the failed weapons systems he wants to cancel.

Posted by: Andy at June 17, 2008 10:49 AM (C3mTI)

Better animal analogy.

90% of the world are sheep. The other 10% are split between wolves and sheepdogs. Unfortunately the sheep have a hard time telling the difference.

Posted by: analogy generator at June 17, 2008 10:49 AM (m2CN7)

Has anyone else actually read "Everyone poops"? Seriously.

Yes

Posted by: Andy at June 17, 2008 10:50 AM (C3mTI)

14 We are so screwed when all these blind dope heads vote in Obamachrist for president.

Posted by: BillyBob at June 17, 2008 10:50 AM (q74vH)

15 WAF

Posted by: Fred at June 17, 2008 10:52 AM (ivbbD)

16 ...I kinda like tiger butter on my pancakes and waffles.

Posted by: Curious George McChimpyBoosHitler at June 17, 2008 10:54 AM (zAvxs)

17 Barney Rubble for Secretary of Housing

Posted by: RobG at June 17, 2008 10:57 AM (6Oq7N)

18 I don't know, people. This is funny, sure. But it's starting to feel like gallows humor. And we're the ones in mortal danger of getting hanged.

Posted by: ajmalkov at June 17, 2008 10:57 AM (8r/RM)

19 No problem, as long as everyone understands that we are the Heffalump, and are best not fucked with.

Posted by: sherlock at June 17, 2008 11:00 AM (ojW85)

20 I nominate Blutarski for Sec. of Education.

Posted by: nikkolai at June 17, 2008 11:03 AM (k1UIa)

...the future of US strategy in the war on terrorism should follow a lesson from the pages of Winnie the Pooh vampire wasp/zombie caterpillar symbiosis

the details of implementation get in the way, but the broad concept is appealing.

Posted by: railwriter at June 17, 2008 11:05 AM (2AgNZ)

My daughter is a big fan of My Little Pony. I'm sure the foreign policy expertise of Pinky Pie and Sparkleworks are tougher than Winnie the Pooh.

19: as for the Heffalump, only a small bug (or was it a bee) was able to dislodge it from Rabbit's garden by biting it. All attempts by the other animals to talk to the Heffalump resulted in the talker being kicked out of the garden.

I should know. I just read that story a few nights ago to my daughter.

Posted by: eddiebear at June 17, 2008 11:06 AM (wnU1W)

What about The Very Hungry Caterpillar and Brown Bear, Brown Bear, What Do You See? Those had some interesting Foreign Policy tips.

Posted by: eddiebear at June 17, 2008 11:07 AM (wnU1W)

I much prefer the foreign policies of Dr. Suess.

Word. If we all join hands and sing like the Whos down in Whoville, Ahmadinejad's heart will grow 3 sizes.

Posted by: JackStraw at June 17, 2008 11:08 AM (VBon8)

25 We are so screwed when all these blind dope heads vote in Obamachrist for president.

You referring to the "yoot" vote? I think it will be overrated this year as it has been in every other election, i.e. the yootful dope heads will be either passed out or too stoned to get their slacker hippie asses down to the polls.

Posted by: OregonMuse at June 17, 2008 11:08 AM (FO+YO)

"Bother," said Barack, as Ahmadinejad nuked Gainesville.

Posted by: Bob Hawkins at June 17, 2008 11:12 AM (eZ0vq)

27 Once again, the Grinch gets no respect.

Posted by: Dick Cheney at June 17, 2008 11:12 AM (Tse6W)

Obama is an imbecilic naive idiot. He lives in a cocoon of ignorance. He pretends to absorb much, but retains nothing. His grasp of how the world operates is sophomoric at best. He blindly trusts vicious Octopuses like Ahmedinejad.

Obama is Spongebob.

Posted by: Tushar at June 17, 2008 11:13 AM (IlgNp)

29 The "funny" thing is the motto across the top. "Why are dictators such meanies?" Pooh may be asking that question, but
Obama and Danzig are not. They already "know" why. Dictators are not mean, they are reacting to the evil actions of the US. If only the US would take on the demeanor of Pooh Bear, the world would be a 100 acre wood.

Posted by: Potosi Joel at June 17, 2008 11:15 AM (TPRbZ)

30 The Oprafication of America is proceeding as planned. A signal that completion is near will be when all men are instructed to turn in their testicles to local authorities.

Posted by: Jones at June 17, 2008 11:15 AM (XNzgD)

31

Yes, GRAVITAS.

Where are the questions by our very, very concerned cocksucking media whores? it was daily, even hourly, that "some" questioned GW's GRAVITAS.

Don't quite hear any fucking concerns with this guy named Barry from Chicago who has done JACKSHIT in his entire life.

But NOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Posted by: Sir Rev. Dr. E Buzz Heinz-Miller-Heinz, Esq at June 17, 2008 11:15 AM (sf4Oe)

32 Oh my God, are we screwed....................

Posted by: jmm at June 17, 2008 11:16 AM (9qVYM)

BTW, while the picture at the top of the post is a Slushop, this isn't.

Scary.

Posted by: JackStraw at June 17, 2008 11:17 AM (VBon8)

34 Word. If we all join hands and sing like the Whos down in Whoville, Ahmadinejad's heart will grow 3 sizes.

Forget the Whos. Think more along the lines of "I Had Trouble in Getting to Solla Sollew"

Posted by: No One of Consequence at June 17, 2008 11:21 AM (PVpTQ)

When I first read about the Heffalump in the Pooh stories, it was a creature that was never seen, and assumed to be quite fearsome. The original Milne drawing shows it as having enormous sharp tusks, and a snarly disposition. Perfect.

But, it looks like it has been cuddlized by Disney, et al. I wonder if never allowing our children to be exposed to the concept of the dangerous and unknown has resulted in some of the wussification on exhibit in the Obama generation?

I used to scare the shit out of my little girls with the bedtime stories I made up, and they turned out just fine, or at least that's what their therapists say will be the result after a few more years of treatment.

Posted by: sherlock at June 17, 2008 11:23 AM (ojW85)

On what would Christopher Robin base his diplomacy? Nothing a bowl of honey won't cure. So that leaves McCain as Mr. Vim and Vinegar?

At least vinegar cuts the grease, makes fine pickles, cleans surfaces and the digestive tract of what's ailing you. Honey, on the other hand, given an open pot policy, rots teeth and makes you fat whilst attracting undesirable illegal aliens, Marxist Bears and Islamofascist bloodsuckers. There's the disappointment of looking forward to a sweet taste of honey only to find it's been dilluted, polluted and gone bad. Obama feeds his honey to babes in arms, poisoning them.

Posted by: maverick muse at June 17, 2008 11:24 AM (1cbR0)

37 Now that Gore has endorsed Obamessiah, we can be sure that "The Lorax" will be the model for Barry's environmental policies.

Posted by: Reiver at June 17, 2008 11:24 AM (Yi1Sk)

38 Can you believe this garbage? I just got rejected from Obama's foreign policy team because I was too "aggressive" in my approach to singalongs. What effin' pussies. I'm having me a fifth of Val-U-Rite and then it's time to spearfish a few hobos.

Posted by: Barney The Dinosaur at June 17, 2008 11:27 AM (GBzlx)

39 foreign policy template: Winnie the Pooh
domestic policy template: Animal Farm

Posted by: rick at June 17, 2008 11:29 AM (EGm8u)

40 Danzig may be an idiot, but that tune "Mother" was awesome.

Posted by: carin at June 17, 2008 11:29 AM (Cj1+K)

I want to slip my sausage in and out of Uma Pemmaraju until it spits.

-Jerry

http://www.liteflush.com/wh2005/uma.jpg

Posted by: Jerry Allen at June 17, 2008 11:30 AM (WCCSH)

42 Goodnight room, Goodnight moon, Goodnight economic boom.

Posted by: M W Brown at June 17, 2008 11:34 AM (FBhoV)

43 I was not picked for Obama's foreign policy team, because my no-nonsense, 'OFF WITH HIS HEAD' approach did not fit in with his strategic vision.

What a pussy.

On an unrelated subject, John Bolton's mustache tickles my thighs something fierce, if you know what I mean.

Posted by: the Red Queen at June 17, 2008 11:36 AM (FO+YO)

44 O.T.: The UK ordered an owner of a London hair salon who did not hire a muslim because she wore a headscarf to pay £ 4,000 due to hurt feelings. Yep, this woman is really going to bring in those hip young customers the shop owner is geared toward.

Posted by: GRC at June 17, 2008 11:37 AM (wLKyA)

45 Too bad Glen Danzig can't be National Security Adviser...

Posted by: Reverend Darkness at June 17, 2008 11:40 AM (43Hl9)

46 We are circling the fucking drain folks.

Posted by: RobG at June 17, 2008 11:45 AM (6Oq7N)

Mickey Mouse, White House Chief of Staff

Somehow, it just seems right.

Posted by: Murph at June 17, 2008 11:46 AM (Dw2sU)

48 Anyone remember the smurfs and gargamel? The US as evil gargamel, israel as the cat and the poor euroweenies as the smurfs. Or the left's beloved insurgents?
What a twisted world...

Posted by: Hush at June 17, 2008 11:47 AM (nyHOU)

49 Foreign policy advisor #1 fired for calling Hilary a monster.

Foreign policy advisor #2 says Middle East violence is the jooooos fault.

Foreign policy advisor #3 says we should fight terror using Winnie the Pooh as a model.

What's not to like?

Posted by: IreneFingIrene at June 17, 2008 11:53 AM (nqlWD)

50 We are so dead. There do they find these people?

Posted by: Holdfast at June 17, 2008 11:53 AM (Gzb30)

Murph,

Mickey Mouse went the easy popularity route with the DNC jackass, but Mighty Mouse stays with his pal the GOP Elephant aka Lord Ganesh.

GOP auspicious beginnings

knock on Pinocchio's wooden head

Posted by: maverick muse at June 17, 2008 11:55 AM (1cbR0)

Why did Tigger jump in the toliet?

He was looking for Pooh.

And any last vestiage of a strong American foriegn policy if this moron is elected..

Posted by: Blue Eyed Devil at June 17, 2008 11:56 AM (hHoZ7)

53 Where are the questions by our very, very concerned ... media whores?

You're referring to the communications division of organized liberalism. They are a tool of the Democratic party and/or cultural Marxists. You can't still be under the illusion that they are objective and neutral, seeking only facts and truth, can you?

Posted by: lmg at June 17, 2008 11:59 AM (hEMOH)

54 Meanwhile, Merrill McPeak is gonna teach Obama how to dress like an Alpha Pooh Bear.

Posted by: Tinian at June 17, 2008 12:01 PM (1Mq7K)

55 Scene: Greyhound bus station, a few days after Richard Danzig's Winnie the Pooh remarks are made. Danzig, stage left, sitting on bench.

Danzig: I feel so honored that Obama named me a key foreign policy advisor, last November. I wonder if I can have stuffed toys in my office?

VO loudspeaker: Paging Richard Danzig, paging Richard Danzig... your bus is waiting. Come on down.

Posted by: ExxonMobil at June 17, 2008 12:01 PM (rf5CF)

56
Winnie the Pooh? The same substance-addicted Winnie the Pooh who steals from innocent, hard-working forest denizens to support his sticky habit?

The same totalitarian Pooh who imposes his will on the weak and carries out the policies of his rubber-booted thug overlord?

The same bigoted Pooh who made himself up in blackface and called himself a "rain cloud" - a well known racial slur?

Mr. Danzig is a bear of very little brain.

Posted by: geoff at June 17, 2008 12:04 PM (KxuZ/)

57 I thought that this was an amusing spoof.

This shit is real. He's serious. We are well and truly fucked.

Posted by: iamnotachef at June 17, 2008 12:04 PM (nwJit)

58 Well, it makes sense that for Jimmy Carter's second term, we get winnie the pooh because I guess Winnie was Jimmy Carter's daughter's foreign policy advisor.

Posted by: joeindc44 at June 17, 2008 12:08 PM (QxSug)

59

Why didn't Barry stop the Iowa flood?

Does he hate WHITE PEOPLE??????

Posted by: Rev. Dr. E Buzz Miller at June 17, 2008 12:09 PM (vFeQi)

Brilliant Geoff, spot on.

It's curious that when Obama goes back to the well for defense/foreign policy types, he pretty universally picks those that were despised by the services. Was there anyone in the AirForce that liked/admired McPeak? Anyone in the Navy who didn't get ill at the mention of Danzig's name?

Posted by: XBradTC at June 17, 2008 12:13 PM (kddTy)

61 This is not the Pooh I knew.

Posted by: Barrack Obama at June 17, 2008 12:13 PM (WWkFI)

Pooh.

Smells like a movement.

Posted by: CAD Daddy at June 17, 2008 12:15 PM (U6x6j)

63 I can foresee the Obamassiah surrending to everyone his first day in office.

Posted by: GarandFan at June 17, 2008 12:17 PM (eJ32B)

64 I was going to say that I thought their foreign policy WAS Pooh...

Posted by: Scoop11 at June 17, 2008 12:19 PM (AEmfc)

65 Jesus H. Fucking Christ.

It was bad enough when I thought the country was going to fall into the hands of a bunch of liberal fanatics who hate us and everything we stand for. But now I see they're a bunch of complete fucking idiots, too.

Time to start filling the basement with ammo and toilet paper.

Posted by: Trimegistus at June 17, 2008 12:29 PM (DHpqI)

66 Pooh.

Smells like a movement.

CAD Daddy takes first place!

Posted by: ExxonMobil at June 17, 2008 12:31 PM (rf5CF)

67 if it is causing you too much pain, try something else.

Yeah, tell that to a woman in labor.

Posted by: Rob Crawford at June 17, 2008 12:34 PM (IuKAf)

68 If Winnie the Pooh is good foreign policy material, do you think they'll use "Animal Farm" for their domestic policies?

Posted by: Kowboy at June 17, 2008 12:38 PM (kJiXe)

69 We are all going to die. Soon.

Posted by: Sean M. at June 17, 2008 12:40 PM (e6v7s)

70 Latest from the playroom: Obama has thrown Winnie under the Fisher-Price Schoolbus and is making vroom-vroom noises.

Posted by: Cerebral Paul Z. at June 17, 2008 12:42 PM (cQhQZ)

71 I. . .just don't understand this shit at all.

Posted by: tachyonshuggy at June 17, 2008 01:02 PM (TXp3z)

72 So, Winnie the Pooh is advising Tinkerbell.

Posted by: Al Gore at June 17, 2008 01:02 PM (T5YQR)

73 You know what the sad thing is? Whenever a conservative says anything John Stewart thinks is silly, he plays the clip and then just sits there with his stupid mug, but he'll never bring this up on his show. Much fun could be made of this...

Posted by: greg s at June 17, 2008 01:13 PM (kZVsz)

I much prefer the foreign policies of Dr. Suess.

Have you ever seen the 'Why We Fight' cartoons Dr. Seuss did during WWII?

http://orpheus.ucsd.edu/speccoll/dspolitic/Frame.htm

I suspect he'd be way too belligerent for OBambi's Playhouse.

Posted by: Sort-of-Mad Max at June 17, 2008 01:18 PM (WTn2v)

75 In related news, Danzig said that "Dora the Explorer" can be a valuable template for our dealings with Hugo Chavez.

Posted by: Steve the Pirate at June 17, 2008 01:36 PM (W54Uh)

76 My foreign policy would take a page from Megas XLR.

Posted by: Hassidic rabbit at June 17, 2008 01:59 PM (N66ki)

Gah!

Once again this illustrates how screwed the US is (and with us the rest of the people living in the free world) once Obama is elected.

Somehow my 25 bucks to McCain seems like a hopeless gesture.

Posted by: This&That at June 17, 2008 03:04 PM (MSMPS)

Oil Prices, Geopolitical Implications, and the Cost of Doing Nothing

Posted by: Lumpy at June 17, 2008 03:12 PM (Uhe/c)

Oil Prices, Geopolitical Implications, and the Cost of Doing Nothing

Posted by: Lumpy at June 17, 2008 03:14 PM (Uhe/c)

80 Dammit. I didn't get here in time to make the Glen Danzig comment. Glad to know I'm not the only one who had the thought, though.

Posted by: AngelEm at June 17, 2008 04:06 PM (FTbYM)

81 o_o

Please God, let Obama get hit by a meteor if he manages to win the election. The idea of the Obamessiah being advised by a supposedly adult man who derives life & policy lessons from A. A. Milne makes me want to weep in frustration. (Or maybe get a rifle and start randomly sniping cars on I-75.) I can't imagine (but can suspect) the sort of emotional response it will inspire in the enemies of America around the world....

Posted by: exdem13 at June 17, 2008 05:35 PM (fenBi)

82 I thought that this was an amusing spoof.

This shit is real. He's serious. We are well and truly fucked.
Pretty much sums up the stages I went through reading it...and I'm pretty sure the Mohammedans don't like cartoons.
Piglett in particular if memory serves.

Posted by: X_LA_Native at June 17, 2008 05:45 PM (6Cp0G)

83 I personally prefer "The Little Red Hen". Probably the most conservative children's book ever written.

Posted by: thirtypundit at June 17, 2008 06:14 PM (NtI5g)

84 I can see his pick for Dept of Energy, The perfect minority tri-fecta...Tinky-Winky, red skin, alien [British/outerspace], and Gay....plus he farts and lights up the the TV in his belly....perfect for Obama's new alternative energy plan...

Posted by: murgoot at June 17, 2008 06:36 PM (okZxE)

85 Sorry , Tinky-winky is purple....my bad....but his fashion sense!!

Posted by: murgoot at June 17, 2008 06:41 PM (okZxE)

86 Well, Anthony Cordesman of CSIS (another potential Obama official) wrote a paper http://www.ciaonet.org/wps/coa20/coa20.pdf.. called Biological Warfare and the Buffy paradigm back in 2001. Danzig obviously thought pop culture had been mined dry for analogies.

Posted by: Simon Oliver Lockwood at June 17, 2008 09:14 PM (OPgxr)

87 Remember in the post modern world, anything that takes away from your constant pursuit of comfort, hedonism, selfishness and happiness is bad. If something is tough? Stop doing it. If something takes to long? Do something else. It's haaarrrrd! Are we there yet??? WAHHHHHH!!

Posted by: Christopher Taylor at June 17, 2008 09:29 PM (0+Ggj)

I don't know whether to laugh or to cry

ragnell

Posted by: Ragnell at June 17, 2008 10:50 PM (pGmVE)

Dorothy Parker nailed it (from Wikipedia):

Not everyone was a fan of the original stories. Dorothy Parker in particular was critical of what she considered A. A. Milne's "dumbing down of English for children", a criticism she had for many other children's book authors as well. In her pseudonym as Constant Reader in the New Yorker magazine she made one of her most famous barbs when she, while reviewing one of the stories, wrote, "and it is precisely at that word, 'hunny' that Tonstant Weader fwowed up."

She also said of one of the Pooh tomes:

"This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force."

Actually, I rather enjoyed the books ... but as foreign policy?

Um ... no.

Posted by: iamfelix at June 17, 2008 11:20 PM (yfeAd)

90 Please tell me this is the new Rick Roll

Posted by: The Great Yellow hOpe at June 18, 2008 02:58 PM (82iEI)

91 The post doesn't include what Danzig said about terrorists trying to emulate Luke Skywalker.

Soooo, if the terrorists are Luke Skywalker, guess who we are?

Posted by: None of the Above 08 at June 18, 2008 11:53 PM (LRB8q)

92
I'm sorry, there's nothing anyone can post here that will top the main article itself for sheer Monty Python Magic. Obama just stepped out of "Dr. Strangelove" and is still in character.

I sincerely hope most adult voters wake up by November and realize this Obama character is as dumb as a stump.

Posted by: PrairieWind at June 19, 2008 08:06 AM (DM0G/)

93 I fear that should he be elected then he will wrap up his cabinet announcement with "and Jerry Mathers as the Beaver." Now, in addition to reading von Clausewitz and Sun Tzu, a well rounded education includes a little bit of Pooh as well!

We are soo screwed!

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Posted by: replica watches at February 09, 2010 09:03 AM (t6ytD)

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