The Return of Jesse MacBeth (?)

Note well the question mark. As they say, no one on the internet knows if you're a dog, or even a basic-training wash-out branded "unfit" who lied about being an Army Ranger and then lied further about his unit committing atrocities in Iraq as standard operating procedure, which of course got him glowing attention from the anti-war left, who publicized his anti-military slurs like the good patriots they are, and then further scammed the Veterans Administration out of benefits with a fake military ID and then was sent to prison for use of a forged document.

So this isn't necessarily Jesse MacBeth. It is nevertheless someone purporting to be Jesse MacBeth, and writing in the sub-retarded style one would expect of him. I guess I'm guided here by the words of Malone (Sean Connery) in David Mamet's Untouchables script: "Who would claim to be that, who was not?"

What does he have to say for himself? Well, it's pretty surprising, really. MacBeth -- or rather "MacBeth," for now -- takes full responsibility for his self-serving deceits and his vicious libels against men he served with in Iraq... or rather would have served with in Iraq, had he been able to hack the Army for more than 44 days. He is utterly apologetic, forthright, and genuinely sorry for the pain he caused real soldiers.

Psych. Shyah, right. MacBeth -- or, "MacBeth" -- is up to the same old MacBeth tricks, whoring for attention, wallowing in self-pity, and telling further lies about the military.

I'm adding paragraph breaks just to make better sense of this dog's breakfast of psychosis and hatred. The whole thing is written in one big jumble.

first off let me say i had no ideah it would get this big i had no ideah it would become internation and that was not my intention.
i simply wanted to get back at the army for the way they treated me in basic training.
basic is hard but for me it was even harder. i dont exspect any of you to believe any of this because my credabilty is already shot but here is the truth. take it are leave it.
iam muslim and have been most of my life. my family was muslim. i grew up in saudi arabia for the first seven years of my life. i joined the army an american muslim proud of my country and wanting to make a difference i knew that i could be an asset to operation in iraq because iam muslim i speak arabic, i can read it and write it, and i know the culture. i was also homeless at that point in my life.
i joined the army a proud man.
but it seemed the army wasent so proud to have me. the first week of basic everything went ok besides being smoked and drilled to exhaustion there were no out of orinary issues. intil during the secound one of my drill dgt (ds martin) appraoched me in the training bay in front of all the other iet soldiers in my platoon took the quran off my bunk spit in it and threw it across the room yelling "muslims dont belong in my army" and madde me crawl in his words" like the muslim dog i was" to get my holy book.
i was upset but again i wanted so bad to be part of something. all my life i was eigther in grouphomes homeless are in jail. i wanted to change that and this was my chance so i took the the racial slurs and religiouse slurs know that it wouold all end in 7 more weeks.
but it only got worse during the 3 week of basic in the few hrs that we get to sleep i was pulled down from my bunk by my drill sgt. i was on the top bunk so the fall took the wind from me. he a and a couple of other iet soldiers beat me badly strip my cloths from me and tied me to the poll naked in the training bay.
for the next 2 days i was tied there naked. pages of my quran were ripped out and shoved down my throat. bacon was shoved down my thrat. cold water was dumped on me. i was called hajji, sand 'n-word', and several other slurs. i was repeatedly punched kicked and spit on while i was tied i did not sleep for the days i was tied to the poll and i had to urniated on myself. i had open wounds and cuts on my face and all over mybody the only nourishment i got were the words of allah.
that was enough to get me through it.
on the mourning of the third day i was rleased told to shower and clean the bay. i still dident know why they singled me out. i was on there side a black muslim american. trying to help and make a difference. but to them i was just a muslim i was just the enemy. i was hurt and scared and i began to hate them for the things they did to me.
the drill sgt knew i was not gonna keep quite about what happen so he threatened me he said that if i said anything he would kill me and make it look like an accident on the feild.
at the point in my life i dident care anymore what he did to me.
i went to the chaplin and told him what happened. he dident belive me despite how beaten and battered my body was despite showing him my ripped and torn quran. i wasnt to the battilion comander and he braught in the drill sgt martin. i was afraid of him afriad of all of them. he dident belive me eigther his words were. "why shoul;d i believe you a pvt over a mant hat has 17yrs in the army and no blemish on his record" and i was sent away after drill sgt martin called me a liar several times.
later that night he stood me infrom of all the training platoons on sandhill and told them iam the enemy iam the reason why we are fighting my people were responable for 911

Strong words. Strong, badly misspelled words.

I really liked at the end how professional soldiers stood him up in front of the assembled platoons and said he was the real enemy they were fighting since 9/11. That just rings true to me, you know? It has that texture of reality and versimilitude that you usually don't find outside of Penthouse Forum.

I'm glad I got this scoop before Iraq Veterans Against the War could pounce on it. They're just queer for Jesse's True Two-Fisted Tales of Atrocities and Imperialism.

It seems rather absurd to even bothering asking questions of this luridly misspelled account, however: If he wanted to "get back" at those who abused him in basic training, why lie about being in Iraq and then lie about stuff other soldiers did? Here's an idea -- to get back at the soldiers who abused you, tell the true story of your genuine abuse at the hands of the actual abusers.

Nah, seems too complex. Yeah he was right the first time-- go up with the made-up shit that's easily disproven.

"And then we forced the children into a ditch,
and then shot them all with ich luge bullets...

"And then a beautiful, beautiful unicorn with magical
powers and golden hooves befriended me, for he
said I alone in my company was Pure and True.
And he told me his name was Shaenathir,
which means 'Dawn Racer' in the native tongue
of the Faeries, or Sidhe, as they call themselves.

"And then he asked if he could blow me,
on a 'cause of I'm so hot.
And I said, Sure. Why not.

"And now we're happily married.
I call my gay sex unicorn Mabel.
I pretend he's a girl,
because otherwise people might talk."

Ummm... Jesse MacBeth Creative Writing Contest?

Thanks to papa.

Posted by: Ace at 01:06 AM

Comments

1 The Passion Of The Shitheel

Posted by: David Ross at March 20, 2008 01:15 AM (AVHq/)

^{i simply wanted to get back at the army for the way they treated me in basic training.}

Really? Cause usually you don't curse the military, but your TI. I had serious problems (mostly health -- trying to kill myself by getting pneumonia and all), but I never blamed the Air Force.

^{for the next 2 days i was tied there naked.}

I take that back -- I HATE THE AF; ARMY, SIGN ME UP RIGHT NOW!

Posted by: TheEJS at March 20, 2008 01:18 AM (nWQmo)

3 The whole thing is written in one big jumble.

i hate that. also the fact that hes not familiar with the shift key or commas.

Posted by: Gabriel at March 20, 2008 01:19 AM (1Ug6U)

4 Yeah... so...

Code Pink will believe it.

Posted by: Synova at March 20, 2008 01:22 AM (KZJr+)

>>>i hate that. also the fact that hes not familiar with the shift key or commas.

Or periods. Or letters. Or words.

Or reality.

Posted by: ace at March 20, 2008 01:23 AM (SXBHu)

he's complaining cos they made him eat bacon?

i call shennanigans!

Posted by: pudenda at March 20, 2008 01:26 AM (qLDTR)

Does anyone believe this guy is actually a Muslim? As much as he gets the bile rising (heh), I'm thinking the right thing to do is put him in a place where he's not a danger to himself or anyone else.

And where the other inmates treat him like a combination blowup doll and speed bag.

Posted by: Ace's liver at March 20, 2008 01:40 AM (eSqCK)

8 Off topic, but Ann Coulter really nailed the Obama's racist pastor and church issue.

http://www.anncoulter.com/cgi-local/printer_friendly.cgi?article=241

Posted by: MlR at March 20, 2008 01:41 AM (mX6h5)

9 C'mon, you're missing the obvious here:

It's clear he's been taking writing lessons from Mr. Mindthoughts.

Posted by: someone at March 20, 2008 01:42 AM (XuUEE)

10 "or Sidhe"

ha ha ha

geek classic

Posted by: someone at March 20, 2008 01:44 AM (XuUEE)

Code Pink will believe it

Yes, but they're not the only ones. Take a look at the comments at the linked site. I didn't read them all, but it appears that about half the comments are supportive of this nutjob. Good grief.

Posted by: Bugler at March 20, 2008 02:14 AM (YCVBL)

It's clear he's been taking writing lessons from Mr. Mindthoughts.

LOL. I should write a book...

seriously, though, it's nice to see that someone jumped on it fast and hard, and nice that the wiki entry is so comprehensive.

Like playing whack-a-mole, really.

Posted by: jdub at March 20, 2008 02:24 AM (hUStE)

GOOD GRIEF.

I took a second to look around the rest of that site.

Sound frequencies [sic] can help heal our DNA patterns?!?

why wasn't i told?

(and it shows why he picked that particular forum. those people, apparently, will believe anything.)

calculating little varmint, ain't he?

Posted by: jdub at March 20, 2008 02:27 AM (hUStE)

14 Total. Bullcrap.

Posted by: mojojojo at March 20, 2008 02:30 AM (6EQ2c)

15 Well, at the risk of touching on Godwin's Law, this is a classic example of the Big Lie. For some reason, if the story is outrageous and far fetched, people will believe it, using the reasoning that no one could make up something that crazy.

But people can.

I feel sorry for Jesse MacBeth. He could have been a world class beat poet, or an avant garde screenwriter. His total disconnect with reality and his total disregard for grammar are a powerful combination in the world of modern art.

Posted by: Britt at March 20, 2008 02:33 AM (ggOIi)

16 Not that this should surprise anyone, but there's no way something like that happened at a modern basic training facility. Tied up naked for 2 days? Right....

Posted by: Grimaldi at March 20, 2008 02:51 AM (lduP/)

17 Absolutely no way Grimaldi. Nothing even close to that could be true.

Posted by: Bugler at March 20, 2008 02:56 AM (YCVBL)

18 In fact, when I look back on my basic training I'm impressed with the effectiveness and professionalism of my Drill Instructors. A lot of that stuff made no sense to me then, but it does now.

Posted by: Bugler at March 20, 2008 02:58 AM (YCVBL)

Sweet fuckin' Jesus, it never ends...

This guy was TOTALLY debunked on Hotair and other sites when this first came out. It was so complete that even the liberal scumbag site that first hosted his bullshit was forced to disown him. But it was hard to do so...

And now this piece of shit is back? And those fuckin' commenters overthere are believing this shit?

Game over, man. These fuckers are like the aliens or the fuckin' terminator. They have no shame or pity or remorse. And they will not stop ever... until the U.S. has been defeated.

Can you stop it Ace?

With these blogs and media? I don't know. I just don't know.

Posted by: Kyle at March 20, 2008 03:04 AM (+gpBw)

20 You're terminated, fucker.

Posted by: Sarah "Ace" Connor at March 20, 2008 03:06 AM (+gpBw)

Game over, man. These fuckers are like the aliens or the fuckin' terminator. They have no shame or pity or remorse. And they will not stop ever... until the U.S. has been defeated.

Take heart. You fight bad information with good information. Look how quick someone popped up over there and hit Jesse with the wiki-hammer. Yeah, the architecture and nature of the internet means that you're gonna end up whacking the mole over and over and over.

But scott beauchamp's not doing it from TNR, Dan Rather's not doing it from CBS, Eason Jordan's not doing it from CNN, Micah Wright, well, you get the idea anyway.

The guy's peddling his shit to kooks on a site which, if i may reference my earllier comment, purports the possibility to heal your DNA through "sound frequencies."

You can't ever kill these dopes for good, you can't nuke the planet from orbit. But you can use the distributed and various skills and talents of others with similar interests and goals, cooperatively, and make sure the real bastards, i mean the outright frauds here, have as small a megaphone as possible. You can deny them credibility.

Posted by: jdub at March 20, 2008 03:12 AM (hUStE)

I was at a 2nd grade recital with a patriotic theme earlier tonight. Innocent 7 year-olds singing about how cool America is. Black, white, hispanic, asian, whatever. At the end, they asked all the parents who had served in the military up on stage while the kids sang some patriotic song. As I live near a few milatary bases, that was quite a few of the parents.

Tears in eyes, etc.

Contrast that with this mother fucker and his enablers. Fuck them all. I will fight against them with word and deed to my last breath.

Posted by: Hermit Dave at March 20, 2008 03:13 AM (Tk5HT)

23 yikes! things are getting ugly in the comments over at HA

Posted by: jdub at March 20, 2008 03:33 AM (hUStE)

24 Jesse MacBeth, 23, was also sentenced to three months in a halfway house after his release and three years of probation. 9/21/08 Link

I think it would be difficult for him to hang out in the library and post. But, who knows? Regardless, if it is him, he has a history of mental illness.

Posted by: Mack at March 20, 2008 03:42 AM (s8Y1I)

25 jdub: link?

Posted by: someone at March 20, 2008 04:12 AM (XuUEE)

26 Jesse Macbeth speaks Truth to Power, you wingnuts! Iowahawk has the low-down: http://iowahawk.typepad.com/iowahawk/reality_based_community/page/2/

Posted by: Filthy Scandi Snowbilly at March 20, 2008 04:22 AM (BxtwP)

Wow, what a pussy.

On the other hand, I can't help but think he's merely a victim of his white grandma's racism and Bill Clinton's ridin' dirty while in the White House with that white girl with the big breastages.

Let's hope, nay, pray, for change.

Posted by: Bart at March 20, 2008 04:40 AM (5AijO)

28 oops. sorry. http://hotair.com/archives/2008/03/19/video-confrontation-of-the-day/

Posted by: jdub at March 20, 2008 04:57 AM (hUStE)

29 I recall when I first got to Korea (an 18 year old Army private). I have a Persian last name, and two NCOs asked me if I practiced Islam. I told them I did not, but we talked about the religion and other aspects of Iran, politics, etc. Turns out both these Staff Sergeants were Muslims. They both were quite normal, were comfortable speaking about their views, etc. They were young, and seem to have been on a fast track for promotions.

One time, after 9/11, a soldier did make fun of my heritage and had a stereotypical voice parodying me, saying I was in Islamic Jihad. I wasn't irritated so much as I was rolling my eyes at how stupid and tasteless the joke was. The soldier had been a friend of mine for a long time, actually. But every NCO there, and several later that day really dug into his ass. And I mean *really* dug into his ass.

There is no way in hell a Drill Sergeant would ever throw a Quran like that, or say Muslims do not belong in the military. It is totally unbelievable. Many other soldiers would have heard it, and an EO complaint would have effectively ended a career. They drill into your head in basic that you cannot treat people on basis of religion, race, etc. New privates are familiar with EO complaints, chaplains, open door policies, etc.

It is outrageous to taint the military as a bunch of racists, as Hollywood does from time to time. Soldiers are not marching to Iraq so they can kill some ragheads. They actually are returning there, time and again, because they refuse to let the fragile future of a bunch of innocent Arabs go to hell because of a bunch of asshole Arabs. They are there because they care about Iraqis. To paint them as racist is disgusting. It is not oppressive to be a Muslim in the Army.

Posted by: Gohuckyourself at March 20, 2008 05:03 AM (8jYMc)

30 I should add that the Army is not for everyone, and some people, through no fault of their own, cannot adapt.

While joining the Army isn't anything like becoming a SEAL, or a Ranger, or whatnot, there really is no shame in failing BCT. I don't think it's cool to make fun of people just because they couldn't hack a PT test or accept some rigid authority. They give you every chance to succeed, and a normal healthy person should find BCT to be only moderately challenging, but some folks just can't do it.

This guy could just say "I have some problems... I didn't pass BCT and I was ashamed so I pretending I did, and I'm sorry for that." I'd understand. Instead he decides to hurt those who did make it through BCT and onward to the much greater challenge of war. Why? The pettiest possible revenge. How can someone with such a pathetic life stand in judgment of people working that hard? He can rot in hell for all I care.

Posted by: Gohuckyourself at March 20, 2008 05:12 AM (8jYMc)

You can't ever kill these dopes for good, you can't nuke the planet from orbit.

Oh yes I can. It's the only way to be sure.

Posted by: Cpl Hicks at March 20, 2008 05:14 AM (eSqCK)

32 http://www.myspace.com/shadowhart

Check out the idiot's myspace (I guess it could be a moby, but I doubt it). He's an OBAMAMANIAC!!!

Also, check out this pic: http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/d/d2/Macbeth_uniform.jpg

How could you possibly spend 44 days in the Army and still wear a uniform like this? Perhaps he spent a day or two in BCT and the rest awaiting seperation? His beret flash is on the wrong freaking side, the beret is poofed, his sleeves are rolled like USMC, he's wearing a god damn black undershirt and it's a freaking v-neck.

No unit patch, but he's got a brown beret and E-4 rank.

It's not a surprise he had a hard time in the Army if he showed up to formation dressed like that!

turns out the guy has an assault record (I guarantee he was a hitting a woman)., and steals credit cards. His DD-214 (http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/2/2b/Jesse_macbethdd214.jpg) has fuck you scrawled on it, and notes he was Ranger "qualifyed".

What in the hell? The freaking fact is that any reporter talking to this guy would easily be able to tell he's full of shit and mentally lost. Yet several reporters for newspapers and TV repeated what he said as truth with no fact checking (for example, he said he'd been in Iraq for 16 months when we'd only been there for 13). It is disgraceful that the press would call Bush a liar over the 16 words and be willing to repeat this crap.

All of the sudden I'm extremely angry with this person.

Posted by: Gohuckyourself at March 20, 2008 05:33 AM (8jYMc)

33
"someone with such a pathetic life"

Exactly. Ever meet a liberal that wasn't miserable and pissed off 90% of the time? The more liberal, the more shame, the more anger, the more guilt. They are their own punishment.

Posted by: klrtz1 at March 20, 2008 06:00 AM (Y+AeB)

34 I think the lesson we should take from Jesse's writings is to never try and bare your soul after drinking an entire bottle of Robitussen.

Posted by: UGAdawg at March 20, 2008 07:21 AM (vfDNl)

35 In a related story, Jesse's high school English teacher committed suicide.

Posted by: Ted K. at March 20, 2008 07:33 AM (y+y9u)

36 I'm thinking a strong learning disability now, or just a 79 IQ.

Posted by: Stinky Esposito at March 20, 2008 07:41 AM (+sImq)

"i simply wanted to get back at the army for the way they treated me in basic training"

Oh. My. Fucking. Gawd.

Why didn't the Drill Sergeant rip off the head of that shitbird, crap down his neck, and boot his ass out of my Army?????

Posted by: sfcmac at March 20, 2008 07:49 AM (TIr7a)

38 Folks,

It's been quite some time since I was in OCS, which is pretty much along the lines of enlisted boot, and I don't recall you being allowed to have korans or Bibles, or really anything other than supplies for blisters and q-tips for cleaning weapons. I mean, we all know the story is garbage, but I still want to pot-shot it.

Posted by: Jack Burton at March 20, 2008 08:05 AM (hh4y/)

39 He missed his shot at being something better. I pity him.

What he's doing about that, however, is a different story....

Posted by: lauraw at March 20, 2008 08:08 AM (DbybK)

40 Your right you have no credibility. No I don't believe you!

Posted by: rpk at March 20, 2008 08:16 AM (OPNg7)

41 I like how now he is fluent in arabic. Yeah, right. I'm not interested enough to read all 14 + pages, but towards the end, some guy congratulates him on getting married. Has he remarried? What's wrong withe women? Lauraw???

Posted by: Mack at March 20, 2008 08:24 AM (s8Y1I)

42 Found it: honestly iam about to get married and i have been blessed with a beautiful women who has read everything on the net and doesent care.

Again, why would anyone marry a guy who already has been convicted for beating on one wife, won't support his child, is mentally ill, has both a state and federal criminal record, and by all intents and purposes is both illiterate and dishonest?

Posted by: Mack at March 20, 2008 08:28 AM (s8Y1I)

43 Even when I went in the service 35 years ago, no DI would ever get away with this kind of bullshit. And we're a helluva lot more PC today than we were then. 'Jesse' is inventing his own reality as he goes along. BTW, I have a dog named Jessie who has better grammar and spelling skillz than this, as Rosetta would say, Aktard.

Posted by: cranky at March 20, 2008 08:30 AM (7rKVk)

44 He's a lying sack of shit.

None of that shit could happen in boot camp. Its not a matter of believing him or not. What he's describing is the equivalent of unicorns and flying pigs.

Posted by: UberBlick at March 20, 2008 08:35 AM (6VsSt)

The dude misses the space in "I am" so many times, I'm completely convinced he's actually writing "I'm" and spelling it "iam". I'm.

Fucks up 2 letter words.

I think this guy needs to be evaluated by a shrink.

Posted by: Entropy at March 20, 2008 08:39 AM (m6c4H)

46 Yeah, I have problems believing that in his second week of basic they tied him to a pole naked and beat on him for two days. Then again, I can see how quickly he rubs people the wrong way. lol!

Posted by: Mack at March 20, 2008 08:44 AM (s8Y1I)

47 MacBeth? Can't be. Shakespeare never was this moronic.

Posted by: Harry Callahan at March 20, 2008 08:47 AM (Xroyb)

48 I think this guy needs to be evaluated by a shrink.

He has been. When the shit initially hit the fan, his sister posted something about him being diagnosed something. He really is mentally ill.

Posted by: Mack at March 20, 2008 08:51 AM (s8Y1I)

Five to One

Five to one says that in six months the really real reason Jesse MacBeth had to get back at the army is that he's a Muslim Post-Op Transexual and the Army wasn't tolerant of his Muslim Post-Op Transexual Truth.

The LGBTQLMNOP people will be angry.

Posted by: BumperStickerist at March 20, 2008 08:53 AM (UeP9e)

50 AboveTopSecret? Perfect place for him. That place is great for entertainment, if you think gazing at lunatics is entertaining.

Obviously, Jesse MacBeth hasn't been punished by the entire internets enough yet, or he's just into the abuse. Dude's got serious problems, not the least of which is stupidity. He is epic fail of biblical proportions.

Posted by: Rev. Jeremiah Wright at March 20, 2008 09:25 AM (yqiXY)

I mean why tie him naked to his bunk?

It would be so much more satisfying to take him out to the PT pit and make him front-back-go until he puked.

(BTW-the 1SG will often walk through to inspect the barracks during the day. Did he not notice the naked guy tied to his rack? Did MacBeth not notice him?)

Posted by: CavMedic at March 20, 2008 09:26 AM (tc3dx)

Oh yes I can. It's the only way to be sure.

Damn. Walked right into that metaphor/idiom box canyon, didn't I?

Posted by: Coach K. (nee smeagol) at March 20, 2008 09:27 AM (0t6Ct)

53 Shit, I forgot the sock-name.

Gohuckyourself & anyone else wanting to debunk his drivel--why bother? Save yourself the aggravation. He's a joke.

Time to make a fake Jesse blog, I think, � la Scott Thomas. Not sure if he's worth it, though.

Posted by: Beth at March 20, 2008 09:31 AM (yqiXY)

Yeah, I have problems believing that in his second week of basic they tied him to a pole naked and beat on him for two days.

That wasn't basic. That was a Shawnee village, circa 1778.

Also, it wasn't Jesse Macbeth, it was Simon Kenton. Other than that, totally true.

Posted by: Rocketeer at March 20, 2008 09:52 AM (GFaLW)

55 Rex Kramer: Do you know what it's like to fall in the mud and get kicked... in the head... with an iron boot? Of course you don't, no one does. It never happens. It's a dumb question... skip it.

Posted by: Jeffersonian at March 20, 2008 09:56 AM (sdVks)

56 Having spent three years in the Army, I can safely say "No Way."

Posted by: Brad at March 20, 2008 10:01 AM (LZs5x)

57 Maybe it's somewhere else in his screed, but does he mention what happened to him the 5 times a day he has to face Mecca and pray?

Posted by: CUS at March 20, 2008 10:10 AM (bbXZq)

58 Ace should have Slu photoshop a child's skull on his head.

Posted by: Warden at March 20, 2008 10:19 AM (rZ5uY)

59 Gotta call bullshit here. Even the immediate post Vietnam slightly crazy drill sargents I had didn't do anything like that.

Get in people's face? Yes.
Order goofy punishments? Yes. (I raked a forest one day, another guy had to dig for non-existent potatoes in the barracks lawn with a hand trowel)

Posted by: Purple Avenger at March 20, 2008 10:19 AM (V8z6O)

60 Maybe he reads and writes Arabic well, but he doesn't write English worth shit. If they did throw him out, it was probably because they found out he was a borderline retard.

Posted by: Kowboy at March 20, 2008 10:20 AM (kJiXe)

61 Imagine the PTSD treatments all his barracks-mates would have to go through from having to see that nasty scrawny bastard nekkid for 2 days straight. The shower had to be bad enough. Ew.

Posted by: funky chicken at March 20, 2008 10:42 AM (I+jPP)

62 Quick! Alert the authorities that Jesse is off his meds again.

Posted by: GarandFan at March 20, 2008 10:50 AM (N4c1G)

Training barracks, Ft. Leonard Wood Missouri

[MacBeth]

Basic, shit. I'm stil only in basic traning. every time I think I going to wake up back in the homeless shelter. when I was homeless after my first tour, it was worse. i'd wake up and there'd wouldn�t be nothing... i hardly said a word to my family until I said yes to the army. when I was here I wanted to be there. when I was there, all I could think of was geting back into the shelter. I been here a week now. waiting for a mission, getting softer. every minute I stay tied to this bunk I get weaker. and every minute Abdul squats in the sand he gets stronger. All the time I look around the walls move in a little tighter.

we get everything we wants I wanted a mission, and for my sins they gave me one. braught it up to me like room service. with some oatmeal.

Posted by: Dave in Texas at March 20, 2008 10:59 AM (pzen5)

64 The BRAP by Jesse MacBeth

Im shure you know by now about the huem humileyateing bad time I had in BCT. The Quran tossing, the bacon eating, the urinating on myself, all of it. Shure, it was a tuff time, but that's nothing compared to the real bad time that hapned after it.

I was walking threw a north eastern Washington state town, wen a sherif stopped me. He asked why I was their and said the town didnt like my kind. Things happened a lot like what happend in Rambo, but different, and definitely not the same as Rambo the movie.

After i layed waist to there town I was forced to run again. Things were Ok until a group of angry white rich republicans found me and straped me to a pole. This pole maid me wish for teh pole in the army, because this pole was covered in razor blades and Franks Red Hot sauce. I urinated again this time. I new that my only way out was to outsmart them. We know that angry white rich republicans only weeknessess are money and blue kryptonite, i didn't have ether. I entered a deep metia mediatat thinking state were i was granted the wisedome to excape. Using my pee pee, two razor blades, a pine cone, and three lumps of doo (it wasnt mine, I only uriniated, honest) I fashined an exact copy of Roneld Ragan. When the white rich angry republicans came back they saw me sitting and talking with Roneld and were confussed. I am a ventr vantriliakwist so I made Roneld talk at them. They said 'But roneld wasnt a black fluewent arabic speaker', and I said 'wasn't he, wasn't he?' They let me go and gave me givts of rubies and fine wines and covered me in the finest roabs. Thay asked me to be the king high preest of black roneld arabic speaking people, or BRAP, but i new i could not, because they only had a playstation 2, not playstation 3. I still have the roab, it shows the logo of their old group, Holiday Inn Express.

Posted by: coleman at March 20, 2008 11:11 AM (7Vb+X)

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Posted by: Kibbles N' Bits Dog at March 20, 2008 11:19 AM (xWFo/)

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Posted by: DANEgerus at March 20, 2008 11:24 AM (J8yxJ)

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BTW, pronounce my last name with proper French, please. It's "Bay-oo-shanm", knuckledraggers.

Posted by: s_t_beauchamp at March 20, 2008 11:31 AM (PonvG)

i speak arabic, i can read it and write it

Great. May want to learn English some day.

Posted by: AndrewsDad at March 20, 2008 11:40 AM (C2//T)

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Posted by: Scott Free at March 20, 2008 11:41 AM (70HCY)

71 Dave and Coleman, you almost got it right. You just forgot to ignore the shift key and Jesse's rules of style.

Posted by: Beth at March 20, 2008 12:25 PM (yqiXY)

Now hold on a sec, guys... he can write!

Just like the preacher in "Coming to America"...

Praise-uh thuh name-uh... I love-uh da Lawd! If lovin' da Lawd is wrong-uh... don' wanna be right-uh!

Aftuh all-uh... he gawt Jonah out da whale-uh! He gawt Gilligan-uh off da island-uh!

And-uh... Allah-uh gawt Jess-uh MacBeth-uh out da BCT-uh... which-uh waz probably-uh da local mental institution-uh!

tmi3rd

Posted by: tmi3rd at March 20, 2008 12:30 PM (j0gzJ)

The length of his deathless epistle is 769 words. So what if they're not in any particular order?

Haters, all of you.

Posted by: Paulitics at March 20, 2008 12:53 PM (47+Ys)

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Posted by: Opinionator at March 20, 2008 01:14 PM (j2wCU)

75 "i dont exspect any of you to believe any of this because my credabilty is already shot but here is the truth. take it are leave it."

Deal. Goodbye.

Posted by: Stoop Davy Dave at March 20, 2008 01:23 PM (LhyHE)

76 I just wish he would name some of those evil, evil soldiers who abused him so we could bring them to justice. Or, alternatively and more likely, bring defamation charges against Jesse.

There's a phrase that comes to mind, and it rhymes with rucking pooser.

Posted by: Merovign at March 20, 2008 02:04 PM (IaYDo)

Two drill instructors approach the bunk :

SOLDIER

"Specialist MacBeth? What are you doing here?"

MACBETH

"eatin oatmeal�

MACBETH (v.o.)

"it was a real good mission, and when it was

over, id never would want another."

MACBETH

"sup?"

SOLDIER

"Are you all right Specialist?"

MACBETH

"how does it look like? i�m pissin on the floor and coughing up bacon and kuran"

SOLDIER

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assigned SOG ?"

MACBETH

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SOLDIER

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MACBETH

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SOLDIER

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MACBETH

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SOLDIER

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MACBETH

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SOLDIER

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