Rosie O'Donnell's Got A Fever, And The Only Cure Is Hillary's Tears

Rightwing Sparkle notes that women seemed to fall for Hillary's crying jag photo-op. As the man said, no one ever went broke betting against the intelligence of the American public.

She also sends this link from Rosie's site. It's like eating at Sizzler's All You Can Eat Stupid Buffet.

Humanity
hilary [sic] showed her soft side
as the men sneered weak
women know
tears soothe the soul
cracks let in light
after years of illusion
we crave something real
a trickle of truth
falling down a powdered cheek
reminded me
what i know
carry on all
in peace
if possible

And that's followed up by this:

Haagen-Dasz
rich creamery double-churned bliss
glittering with chips of ice
food for the soul
and also
for the thighs
this cellulite isn't going to feed itself, you know
only manic-depressive women
know the power of the cookies and cream
as you shovel it into your enormous freakmouth
using a soup ladle
and a garden trowel
double-fisting it
with the tools at hand
did I just eat the cat?
again?
and it drips and splatters all over your face
cooling you
splashing down
to your fetid bosom
hot and pulsating like a rabbit hutch
which smells pungently
of soft cheese
and feet
and failure
hilary knows the siren song
of the chocolate sandwich crisps
and the vanilla cream that unites them
like a mosiac of the races
united
in peace
and purpose
and an impending insulin-induced coma
im basically voting
for anyone with a vagina
its a toss up between hilary
and edwards
whats edwards position
on fig newtons?
personally im anti-fig
but pro-newton
peace
if its still possible
and if its not
please pick me up some ben and jerry's
chunky monkey
look at me
covered in cookies in cream
god
i look like
the world's worst
bukake movie

Heh: We all knew it was coming.

According to the Brain Trust at Democratic Underground, Hillary won... thanks to Diebold.

Diebold's working for Hillary.

Let's remember that.

Posted by: Ace at 01:49 PM

Comments

1 i look like
the world's worst
bukake movie

No that I believe.

Posted by: Blacksheep at January 09, 2008 02:14 PM (EQYOq)

2 The real news is that RECORD numbers voted for the Democrats in the primary. The Democrats are extremely motivated this year.
And the Independent who actually decide the elections are voting Democratic

Posted by: john Ryan at January 09, 2008 02:15 PM (TcoRJ)

3 Um ... No = Now.

Not really very funny if you have to correct in order to be understood. {Sigh}

Posted by: Blacksheep at January 09, 2008 02:15 PM (EQYOq)

According to the Brain Trust at Democratic Underground, Hillary won... thanks to Diebold.

Will someone please screencap that for possibly hilarious purposes down the road?

Posted by: lauraw at January 09, 2008 02:16 PM (6xPkG)

I wish you could post more, Ace. I don't even have to look at the byline when I read your unique stylings:

as you shovel it into your enormous freakmouth
using a soup ladle
and a garden trowel
double-fisting it
with the tools at hand
did I just eat the cat?

Posted by: adolfo_velasquez at January 09, 2008 02:17 PM (2SXAn)

6 Hmmmm.

What the HELL makes her think she can write poetry?

Posted by: memomachine at January 09, 2008 02:17 PM (3pvQO)

So in the middle of a global war against radical islam, one major US political party is aiming to nominate a Muslim teenaged drug dealer or a woman who cries because the campaign is "tough" - "So as tired as I am and as difficult as it is to keep up what I try to do on the road"

Can we just surrender now?

Posted by: Jay at January 09, 2008 02:18 PM (BNlV7)

8 The Ronulans are saying the same thing. It's possible he would draw more leftist nuts than rightie nuts if he ran as an independent after all.

Posted by: funky chicken at January 09, 2008 02:20 PM (I+jPP)

9 It also should be noted that you can't spell caucus without a "cock" and an "us".

Well, you could, but that takes all the fun out of it.

Posted by: john Ryan at January 09, 2008 02:24 PM (rZ5uY)

10 Knock it off with the cock jokes, John Ryan.

Damn.

COCK!

Posted by: Tom at January 09, 2008 02:27 PM (q4xwX)

Diebold assisted Hillary? Then it is all a Rovian plot, to have Hillary nominated, so that she can lose. And if Obama wins the nomination? There is always Balckwater.

I loves the sound of conspiracies.

Posted by: Mikey NTH at January 09, 2008 02:28 PM (O9Cc8)

12 Hillary takes the women's lib vote boldly into the realm of empfindsamkeit, milking it for all it's worth, as though the women's lib movement ever did anything but villify stay-at-home parents. She'd do anything to photo-shop as "mom" with the NH state fair 1st place apple pie. Rush asks what's next, as once is enough. But coming from her HARD-LOVE, her shameless tears will continue to spill for the sympathy and compassionate vote. Who buys it?! She's part of the social onslaught that brought about my mother's premature death, and she's part of the social onslaught that laid a ferociously heavy burden on us as we raised our children. To hell with Hillary and her parlour.

Posted by: St. Paul Plunder at January 09, 2008 02:32 PM (C6SGg)

Dems were deemed "extremely motivated" to vote for John Kerry too.

BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Posted by: TMF at January 09, 2008 02:37 PM (KTgUG)

14 The problem with people is their brains make them stupid. I'm just going to cut and paste this.

Posted by: Eleven at January 09, 2008 02:39 PM (7DB+a)

15 Eleven, perhaps I should just speak for myself here, but I think it's our genitals that make us stupid.

Posted by: spongeworthy at January 09, 2008 02:44 PM (a00go)

16 im basically voting
for anyone with a vagina
its a toss up between hilary
and edwards

Heh.

Posted by: OregonMuse at January 09, 2008 02:45 PM (q4xwX)

If a women told me she was voting for Hillary because she stage-cried on TV, I don't think I could respond verbally: I would just pee on her shoe and walk away. What absolute pudding-brained, goopy nonsense. If crying on TV made someone Presidential, I'd vote for Dick Vermeil as a write-in candidate, with Halle Berry as the VP.

I was surprised, though that Hillary's tears weren't like the Alien's blood and didn't burn through anything around them.

Posted by: UGAdawg at January 09, 2008 02:52 PM (d38jD)

did I just eat the cat?
again?

Carpetmuncher code. Wheels within wheels

Posted by: Frank G at January 09, 2008 03:01 PM (Ydps9)

19 What would Rosie know about being a woman?

Posted by: Michael Laurence at January 09, 2008 03:08 PM (M0QEs)

Ace - Your Rosie post was freakin laugh out loud funny.

It is funny how people like Rosie think they are so deep with their poetry. Ever since Maya Angelou was anointed as this generation's conscience, liberals think they too can make hearts swoon with their drivel.

Anyway - thanks for posting that...people in my office were startled by my cracking up uncontrollably.

Posted by: Right-Wing Gangsta Lean at January 09, 2008 03:09 PM (m6Zud)

21 I feel like I've fficial&hs=Z30&sa=X&oi=spell&resnum=1&ct=result&cd=1&q=fever+prescription+site:ace.mu.nu&spell=1">been here before.

Posted by: RW at January 09, 2008 03:17 PM (nr2qO)

22 Well, that's what I get for using the link thingie in the comments box. How's about this: I feel like I've <a href="http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&client=firefox-a&rls=org.mozilla:en-US

fficial&hs=Z30&sa=X&oi=spell&resnum=1&ct=result&cd=1&q=fever+prescription+site:ace.mu.nu&spell=1">been here before</a>.

Posted by: RW at January 09, 2008 03:18 PM (nr2qO)

23 Cripes, what the eff is up with the html?

Posted by: RW at January 09, 2008 03:19 PM (nr2qO)

When I first arrived in the U.S. in 1998, I'd never heard of Rosie. The first time I saw her on TV I thought "bull-dyke." My wife was a big fan of hers (along with most of my in-laws, who are libs). When Rosie 'came out', they were shocked, shocked, I tell you.

Rosie used to have this life-sized cardboard cutout of Tom Cruise on her show. My wife insisted this proved Rosie was straight. My wife is a Democrat, but not a liberal; and she's far more homophobic than I am. She hates Rosie now.

Posted by: Michael Laurence at January 09, 2008 03:25 PM (M0QEs)

I rarely laugh out loud at anything I read here at work but that second poem got me right in the gut. Until the part where you tied Rosie O'Donnell covered in ice cream to bukake movies. I was not amused. Please don't hurt me anymore with mental images like that. I'm fragile like Hilary and I don't want to go on a crying jag at work again (nobody likes to be woke up in the middle of a totally excellent dream).

I'm not a woman Ace so weeping openly at work is unlikely to help me obtain my ultimate dream of everyone forgetting that I even work here and leaving me alone.

Posted by: Big E at January 09, 2008 03:39 PM (uw1/g)

26 She strikes me as exactly the kind of woman who would buy into Senator Clinton's act. She really was crying because she really was upset and distraught - not at how tough it is, but because she's the savior of mankind and people just don't get it, out of frustration of being denied her proper standing as god emperor.

Posted by: Christopher Taylor at January 09, 2008 03:53 PM (hfyfI)

27 powdered cheek

Hillary wears make up! I couldn't tell.

hilary [sic] showed her soft side
as the men sneered weak
women know
tears soothe the soul

Yeah, that'll work real well at peace talks. Morons.

Posted by: katya at January 09, 2008 05:06 PM (8tze7)

I literally felt myself getting stupid after reading three lines of her first "poem." I called upon the spirit of Elizabeth Hasselbeck (I know she's not dead) and managed to pull out.

I teach Freshman in college to write poetry. Several of last semester's students came with certificates claiming brain death.

Their poems were Homeric compared to this femi-tripe.

Posted by: Cowboy at January 09, 2008 10:21 PM (P4Kwb)

29 ROSIE ODONNELL has a desease called LIBERAL HYPOCRACY and its cure is sending her to the nut house

Posted by: Spurwing Plover at January 10, 2008 01:44 AM (qMAo+)

30 Hey, don't criticize me! I just want to be appointed Carpet-Muncher-in-Chief.

Posted by: rosie o'donut at January 10, 2008 01:49 AM (osEQK)

31 Flashbacks of a tuna salad sandwich left in the sun.
A misdirected wind howls through the canyon.
Cherry Cheesecake! Dulce de Leche!
Lactose intolerance interrupts Sapphic love.

Posted by: Brett at January 10, 2008 11:43 AM (+Jw+i)

32 Mr Clinton, responding to what Rosie wrote, said: "I can't make her taller, or younger, or smarter".

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