CAUGHT ON VIDEO: THE UNMASKING OF THE REPTOID CONSPIRACY

When I was younger and not as wise, I mocked the theory that the world was being controlled by a race of shapeshifting reptilian Jewish space vampires called "Reptoids" whose ranks included such luminaries as the Queen of England and, um, Kris Kristofferson. (If you play Me and Bobby McGee backwards, it reveals the exact coordinates of NORAD's secret Rocky Mountain Strangelove Sex Shaft.)

Well, just goes to show you. There is now, it is averred, proof that the Reptoids walk among us, and, even more frightening, they are largely brown people.

God, I was afraid of them enough when they were merely reptilian aliens from space who wanted to suck my blood while performing rituals from the Protocols of the Elders of Zion. Now, on top of all of that, they keep pushing shows like Moesha on me.

Courage.

Posted by: Ace at 04:14 PM



Comments

1 Soon your human race will be but grease for the wheels of our rule!

Posted by: Jew at October 01, 2007 04:29 PM (PDeVA)

2 Anyone have Rowdy Roddy Piper's phone number?

I think we've just run out of bubble gum.

Posted by: DelD at October 01, 2007 04:31 PM (MNyRf)

3 Just give us your money and we will let you live - for now!

Posted by: Robert at October 01, 2007 04:37 PM (6Cp0G)

4
Speaking of brown people, Tushar must be taking time off of work. Otherwise, I would expect him to be fucking off on the job and posting madly how tired he is. Bwaaahhhhh!!!!!

Posted by: dave at October 01, 2007 04:37 PM (oR8jC)

5 I saw this on the last season of CSI. Ally Sheedy guest starred and everything.


Posted by: Stormy70 at October 01, 2007 04:50 PM (Y+o71)

6 Yikes!! That would explain things like the missing honey bees Helen Thomas.
Were Doomed!!

Posted by: CAD Daddy at October 01, 2007 04:55 PM (U6x6j)

7 hes clearly from the FIFTH DIMENSION someone better call BUCKAROO BANZAI and where is JOHN LITHGOW

Posted by: somewing guv'nor at October 01, 2007 05:26 PM (lPxkl)

8 There are some truly odd people out there in this big world. I'm talking call the kids home, lock the door, hide the cheese whiz, the reptillians are coming wierd. Is thisconspiracy theorists group older or younger than the TV series 'V'? Did some person withparanoid delusions manage to convince the staff to let him watch the show and then scared the other patients in group? I look forward to the YouTube video of some reptillian invasion believer attempting to remove this reporter's mask.

Posted by: bonhomme at October 01, 2007 06:47 PM (z9gCU)

9 I'm not seeing it.

Is it the artifacts of video compression that make the mottling on their skin? Is that what we're objecting to? The proof?

That's easily dispatched with a few factual explanations of how compression works, and the fact that the Reptoids always work from BEHIND the scenes. Duh.

Posted by: moviegique at October 01, 2007 06:58 PM (1y5Vr)

10 I once met a guy who believed this conspiracy. He went to a small church predicated on the notion. Although these were angels in the form of lizards from other planets. Basically the same thing. Anyway, he wasotherwise a successful business professional. I wouldn't expect cult members to be all that good at other spheres of life.

Posted by: John at October 01, 2007 07:11 PM (ZYkRv)

11 Is thisconspiracy theorists group older or younger than the TV series 'V'?

Quite a bit older, actually. It's so damn crazy it's almost interesting. Almost. "Interesting," like goatse is "interesting."

Posted by: Beth at October 01, 2007 07:58 PM (yqiXY)

12 BTW, if you want some more laughs, read the wikipedia talk ("discussion") pages on any loony conspiracy shit (the 9/11 shit is the worst). That'll tell you all you need to know about Wikipedia's legitimacy.

Posted by: Beth at October 01, 2007 08:07 PM (yqiXY)

13 moviegique: yeah, looks like whoever compressed the clip originally (the YouTube is a second-generation copy if I understand correctly) set the compression too aggressively so keyframes weren't generated often enough to keep the obvious artifacts at bay.

Posted by: Ian S. at October 02, 2007 12:59 AM (pg/HS)

14 I, for one, welcome our reptilian overlords.

Posted by: Bentsteele at October 02, 2007 08:00 AM (gJRfN)

15
1) EIGHTH dimension. Sheesh.

2) Anyone who actually believes that compression artifacts = lizards should... should... just shut up. I realize that most people viewing this think it's a joke, ha-ha, but there are some truly mad people out there.

3) Cultists are sometimes quite successful, because of their obsessive natures. They focus better (pathologically so, sometimes) and have an "overarching goal" that helps them keep working at something when the rest of us would have better things to do.

Obviously, at its extremes, this results in non-functional paranoid delusion, but inside the margins obsession, while not healthy or fulfilling, can spur productivity.

In other words, the same thing that's so annoying about fanatics (their single-mindedness) can push them farther than most people (who have varied interests) can go.

That, and you really free up a lot of time in your social calendar when you're bugfuck insane.

Posted by: Merovign at October 02, 2007 12:58 PM (ynF6J)






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