First the Rightwing Parody, Then the Leftwing "Reality:" Yes, They're Now Claiming Global Warming *Causes Volcanos, Earthquakes*

First the Rightwing Parody, Then the Leftwing "Reality:" Yes, They're Now Claiming Global Warming Causes Volcanos, Earthquakes

The Earth Fights Back, crows this Guardian piece, claiming that the planet has taken all it can take and is now set to go Rambo on us with all the means at its disposal -- which includes, somehow, deliberately, willfully inducing earthquakes and volcanoes.

We've parodied this tendency on the left for a while, suggesting -- for laughs -- that the left would blame any calamity on global warming, even those that obviously could not possibly have any connection to atmospheric warmth, such as earthquakes and volcanoes. Which are of course caused by plate tectonics and pressures beneath the earth's mantle, and couldn't tell if the earth's temperature had increased by 1000 degrees, nevermind 1.

But last year's parody becomes this year's Inconvenient Truth. And the Cult of Mother Gaia, in all its illogical theocratic glory, officially takes the inevitable step towards deistic teleological anthropomorphization.

What? I don't know what the hell that meant either. I think I channeled Jeff Goldstein for a minute.

Earth is angry, boys. And earth plans to cock-slap the lot of you. (That much of Goldstein I "get.")

That's the Guardian's illustrative pic. They're warning us that we cannot wait for the smoking gun that comes in the form of a pyroclastic cloud, it seems.

Now we discover that not only are the oceans and the atmosphere conspiring against us, bringing baking temperatures, more powerful storms, floods and ever-climbing sea levels, but the crust beneath our feet seems likely to join in too.
Looking back to other periods in our planet's history when the climate was swinging about wildly, most notably during the last ice age, it appears that far more than the weather was affected. The solid earth also became restless, with an increase in volcanic activity, earthquakes, giant submarine landslides and tsunamis. At the rate climate change is accelerating, there is every prospect that we will see a similar response from the planet, heralding not just a warmer future but also a fiery one.

Hmmm... maybe weather was affected by volcanoes blasting thousands of tons of albedo-increasing ash into the atmosphere, as was the case with Mt. Pinitubo in the 90s. Perhaps shifting continental plates caused -- get this -- shifting ocean currents, resulting in a different distribution of ocean warmth and thus affecting temperatures.

In other words, maybe massive tsunamis, landmass movements, and volcanic explosions influenced the weather, rather than the weather causing massive tsunamis, landmass movements, and volcanic explosions.

Nah, that's too simple. Must be the "Satan Chemical" which was until fairly recently called "carbon dioxide."

...
But how can rising sea levels cause volcanoes to erupt? The answer lies in the enormous mass of the water pouring into the ocean basins from the retreating ice sheets. The addition of over a hundred metres depth of water to the continental margins and marine island chains, where over 60% of the world's active volcanoes reside, seems to be sufficient to load and bend the underlying crust.

Um, one problem? That "enormous mass of water" didn't just come out of nowhere. It was always there. Either in the form of glacial ice or liquid water, it has always been on the earth's surface, and hence was always "bending the underlying crust."

Does this douche have any evidence that the massive weight of glacial ice covering landmasses has no earthquake or volcano-inducing effect, and yet the sea bed is, for some unexplained reason, particularly sensitive to additional weight?

It's actually dumber than that, because, of course, water in the form of glacial ice gets stacked upon itself quite high, resulting in more weight weighing down upon a specific and limited area of the world's crust (more pressure, more force per square foot), whereas liquid water of course seeks its own level and distributes its weight almost perfectly evenly along the entirety of the world's contiguous oceans and seabeds.

What would "bend" the earth's crust more? A half mile of ice stacked up over a fairly small area, or a dozen meters of water spread out over the whole of the word's oceans?

This in turn squeezes out any magma that happens to be hanging around waiting for an excuse to erupt. It may well be that a much smaller rise can trigger an eruption if a volcano is critically poised and ready to blow.

Well, at least he's using all the proper scientific terminology. In a slightly more scientifically rigorous formulation, the earth's crust is like the skin of the planet's face, water pressure is like a teenager's fingers, and volcanoes are like pimples in need of popping.

Got it?

Eruptions of Pavlof volcano in Alaska, for example, tend to occur during the winter months when, for meteorological reasons, the regional sea level is barely 30cm (12in) higher than during the summer. If other volcanic systems are similarly sensitive then we could be faced with an escalating burst of volcanic activity as anthropogenic climate change drives sea levels ever upwards.

Yeah. And volcanic eruptions blast the air with thousands of tons of light (and heat) reflecting particles which, in turn, depresses the amount of sunlight actually reaching the earth and hence lowers temperature.

So, by this idiot's own hypothesis, we need to take no steps whatsoever to fight global warming; angry Mother Earth will take care of it for us, by wagging her earthquakes at us and scolding us with volcanic blasts.

In other words, we can mess up our room to our heart's content; mom's on the job.

Goddamnit, no one has the right to be this fucking stupid. Is this any different than just cutting to the chase and saying lighting is caused by battles between Thor and Loki, or rainfall is caused by Jesus crying?

Thanks to both Jim and Mike. Wish I'd noted their tips sooner; I didn't realize exactly how frigging stupid this was.

Note the Pattern: Whenever non-anthropogenic, non-carbon-dioxide causes for weather changes are noted, the Global Warming Cultists first denigrate such causes, but then switch to claiming a reversal of cause and effect, i.e., these events do not cause temperature increases, but rather temperature increases cause these events.

The next step? Well, it's obvious, isn't it? Since the varying power-output of the sun, a cyclical phenomenon that just happens to correspond nicely with rising temperatures, is proposed by some to be a major, if not the largest, contributor to increasing temperatures on earth, it is only a matter of time before a Global Warming Cultist claims that increases in CO2 on earth somehow triggger sunspot activity.

Sound preposterous? Well I thought this last one was pretty preposterous too, and yet here we are, now having to deal with the absurd claim that global warming caused Noah's flood.

Ecstatic Religious Millennialism Update! Just so you know this guy is a serious scientist, and not at all a religious zealot clownishly toting "THE END IS NEAR" placards, I'll have you know he's written an extremely nuanced and scientifically cautious book called Surviving Armageddon: Solutions For a Threatened Planet.

Surviving Armageddon.

Will this happen before or after the Jews rebuild the Temple of Solomon, I wonder?

Damn Jews and their Satanic global-warming zionism.

The Book of Climatic Revelations: And the Second Seal was opened, and lo, the sky did become as black as sackcloth, and the seas did boil red as if blood, and yea, an apartment complex in Oslo was smitten low by Satan's Army of Carbon Dioxide Molecules, each one with seven heads and ten horns...

Thanks to Christopher Taylor of Net Word Blog.

Posted by: Ace at 03:16 PM

Comments

So on one hand, melting ice raises sea levels, but on the other:

Eruptions of Pavlof volcano in Alaska, for example, tend to occur during the winter months when, for meteorological reasons, the regional sea level is barely 30cm (12in) higher than during the summer.

I guess all the rules are different in Alaska due to the presence of snowbillies or something? What? How come the sea level is higher in winter?

Primary cause of global warming: Somebody trying to blow smoke up my ass.

Posted by: spongeworthy at August 08, 2007 03:23 PM (uSomN)

2 Virgins. We need virgins to throw in volcanoes. It's the only way to save the planet.

Posted by: Your Mom at August 08, 2007 03:27 PM (qX8mO)

Too bad yKos broke up - we could have gathered enough sacrificial virgins there to appease the Old Gods for years to come.

Posted by: BumperStickerist at August 08, 2007 03:28 PM (Gz4Wf)

Klang, Klang, Mighty Thor's Hammer slams down . . . on your Helm . . . ^*

^*Sung to the tune of the Beatles' shitty "Maxwell's Silver Hammer."

Posted by: Sharkman at August 08, 2007 03:29 PM (gzbD0)

5 I guess this guy has never tried the old ice cube in a glass of water experiment to see the effect of melting ice on the volume and level of the water.

Posted by: Drew at August 08, 2007 03:31 PM (hlYel)

6 Umm...won't all that gunk from volcanoes block the amount of sunshine hitting the earth resulting in ah cooling? Oh, sorry, I forgot, the sun has nothing to do with global warming.

Posted by: dittybopper at August 08, 2007 03:33 PM (9GalL)

7 Aside from all the other idiocy in this piece and God knows there's a lot of it, how come it never dawns on him that all the other warming/cooling cycles he talks about happened loooong before people and their damn machines appeared? How come all of a sudden when what's happened before happens again, it's our fault?

Morons, dangerous, deluded morons.

Posted by: Drew at August 08, 2007 03:35 PM (hlYel)

If you kids don't cut the crap I'm gonna stop the car, erupt out of this rock, and burn the shit out of your heinies.

Just give me an excuse.

Posted by: Magma at August 08, 2007 03:36 PM (STurz)

9 I KNEW America was the cause of the tsunamis and earthquakes! Just couldn't figure out how.

Thanks hippies, for clearing it up.

Posted by: Kevin at August 08, 2007 03:38 PM (f0QzP)

10 Fucking Dirt Worshippers.

They have gone all pagan on us. Its amazing that it took us 10000 years to get over worshipping the thunder and rain gods, now we have smugly self assured folks worshipping mother earth all over again.

How long before they start sacrificing virgins?

Probably not that long when you consider that slaughtering a fatted calf was probably as wasteful 3000 years ago as eliminating cars or electricity.

Posted by: joeindc44 at August 08, 2007 03:38 PM (za2Xz)

11 Christianity, Judaism = superstitions nonsense

Earth Mother Goddess is Alive and Angry, ooga booga booga = science and hip

Posted by: reason is dead at August 08, 2007 03:38 PM (AQj/2)

12 Don't you get it?

It's climate change!

It's contagious. Change one thing, and it ALL changes. Even the rocks.

Posted by: cirby at August 08, 2007 03:39 PM (CdRkW)

13 Hey, I warned you guys not to diss Manbearpig. Now we're all toast.

Posted by: Algore at August 08, 2007 03:40 PM (72/aa)

14 I question their patriotism sanity.

Posted by: Filthy Scandi Snowbilly at August 08, 2007 03:40 PM (uXLfA)

Is this any different than just cutting to the chase and saying lighting is caused by battles between Thor and Loki...

You mean it's NOT?!

Posted by: physics geek at August 08, 2007 03:43 PM (MT22W)

I guess this guy has never tried the old ice cube in a glass of water experiment to see the effect of melting ice on the volume and level of the water.

I saw that on mister wizard way back when, but it only applies to the ice that is submerged, and I think glacial ice barks out the gasses contained in your average ice cube.

Of course this is complete bullshit, or overly simplified, the idea that compression of land mass under, previously, huge amounts of ice are releasing pressure has been around for a while, but based on an accidental earthquake in AZ back in '98 I think it was, caused by dumping semi-treated sewage into an abandoned mine sorta lubricating a stress point that they didn't know what there, made geologists confident that a release of stress on fractures result in very mild shocks and might actually lead to increased stability in the crusts.

Posted by: Wickedpinto at August 08, 2007 03:45 PM (QTv8u)

Hey someone needs to tell Mr. Scientist who wrote this story that:

"Eruptions of Pavlof volcano in Alaska, for example, tend to occur during the winter months when, for meteorological reasons, the regional sea level is barely 30cm (12in) higher than during the summer."

Results in an added pressure on the ocean bottom of...get this...0.43 psi...because 2.32' of head = 1 psi (pound per square inch). So, you are telling me that 0.43 psi extra is enough to cause volcanoes to erupt?

We are doomed. Doomed!

Posted by: WunderKraut at August 08, 2007 03:45 PM (0yMxr)

18 Agreed. We need more virgins. But where? How? Maybe Kansas?

Posted by: dri at August 08, 2007 03:45 PM (koO9y)

19 Have you seen The Warm List yet? It's all the goofy things global warming has been accused of causing, through the years. No matter how contradictory or goofy it is.

Posted by: Christopher Taylor at August 08, 2007 03:45 PM (wmgz8)

20 Interesting, this article is in what the Guardian labels as the 'Science' section. Apparently 'science' is one of those words (like faggot) that means two different things in American v. British English. I guess in their version of the language 'science' means 'superstitious gibberish'.

Posted by: Drew at August 08, 2007 03:47 PM (hlYel)

Also, it's not the mass of water, it's the depth of water.

If you had a cylinder that was 100 foot high and full of water, you would have the same pressure at the bottom of the cylinder as would be found at the bottom of a 100,000 square mile lake that is 100 feet deep.

Science! Catch the fever!

Posted by: WunderKraut at August 08, 2007 03:48 PM (0yMxr)

You had me at

"This in turn squeezes out any magma that happens to be hanging around waiting for an excuse to erupt."

Excuse me, I'll be in the bathroom.

Posted by: Bosk at August 08, 2007 03:49 PM (+aNmG)

23 They're probably fear-mongering about isotasticity (SP?) and crustal rebound (yeah, I didn't bother to read the article, so what). It's a theory that says if you push down with enough force in one spot (say the glaciers) it'll lower the tectonic plate a little in that spot, but if you take the weight off (glaciers melt), then it goes up, while the place the mass was displaced to goes down.

Kinda like if Ace is strangling a hobo on the front of a bass-boat, but the hobo somehow gets away, and moves to the back and Ace kills him there. The bassboat will be lower in the water in the front initially, and end up lower in the back. Ace and the hobo were always on the boat and never left the boat, so there's not a change in mass...well, unless Ace got messy and a little hobo blood got flung overboard.

Posted by: Ranba Ral at August 08, 2007 03:50 PM (h2MEX)

24 Hmmm....

The entrails of this hobo clearly show that global warming is caused by the giant walrus living on the dark side of the moon.

Hobomancy- the shambling, drunk science.

Posted by: rinseandspit at August 08, 2007 03:51 PM (fsZu0)

25 "officially takes the inevitable step towards deistic teleological anthropomorphization"

Deism takes a sorta' set-it and forget-it approach to the universe and the "God" of deism isn't anthropomorphic.

Theism is the anthropomorphic (actually it's not that God is man-like, it's that man is God-like, but this just depends on your perspective) and interventionist God.

In both cases they can impose a teleology on their creation.

But anyway, the greens tend to be pantheistic fags. An earth goddess permeating and being one with all her creation and so on and so forth. Real hardcore horse-shit.

They also tend to smell like that too. That would be a "holistic" approach I believe.

Posted by: Hippolytus at August 08, 2007 03:53 PM (kEvI+)

Ranba,

That was brilliant.

Posted by: Wickedpinto at August 08, 2007 03:54 PM (QTv8u)

27 Why does Gaia hate us?

Posted by: Sticky B at August 08, 2007 03:55 PM (wkjFE)

28 The plates are overheated. That's why they're buckling, buckling, buckling, bu............

Posted by: ricpic at August 08, 2007 03:55 PM (0FRi9)

Agreed. We need more virgins. But where? How? Maybe Kansas?

The term virgin is outdated.

We must find persons with a zero sex footprint.

Posted by: hit and run at August 08, 2007 03:56 PM (jjNS6)

30 I was all backed up so I squeezed out some magma last night. I feel so calm now.

Posted by: Paulitics at August 08, 2007 03:56 PM (47+Ys)

31 What's that? They gonna be throwin' vigins in the volcanoes?

I feel a boom market coming.

Posted by: Crystal Magnum at August 08, 2007 03:57 PM (n+ZaI)

I nominate Wickedpinto as the first of the virgins thrown into the volcano.

No one said they had to be girls.

Posted by: CAD Daddy at August 08, 2007 04:01 PM (U6x6j)

33 The winter months on the southern end of the peninsula include June? August?

<a href="http://users.bendnet.com/bjensen/volcano/alaskacanada/alaska-pavlof.html">According to this website</a>, last updated in 2000:
<blockquote>In Nov. 1983, vigorous explosions accompanied strong seismicity. In April 1986, an ash plume rose to 5 km. During June to Sept. 1986, strombolian activity and a lava flow were reported. From Nov. 1986 to Feb. 1987, small lava fountains fed lava flows which reach the ocean. New tephra was reported on its slopes in mid August, 1988.</blockquote>

And it had had 36 eruptions between <span style="font-weight:bold;">1790</span> and 2000.

Posted by: DHM at August 08, 2007 04:02 PM (rTk1b)

34 What CAD? I'm a coot, you need a youngl'n like EJC.

Posted by: Wickedpinto at August 08, 2007 04:02 PM (QTv8u)

35 Wickedpinto + active volcano = Showtime!

Posted by: Paulitics at August 08, 2007 04:03 PM (47+Ys)

I'll give you all the virgins you want for the right amount of orange soda.

Also,

I guess this guy has never tried the old ice cube in a glass of water experiment to see the effect of melting ice on the volume and level of the water.

0.43 psi extra is enough to cause volcanoes to erupt?

These both point to a pet peeve of mine. Finally Earthy McEnviro-Lords are pointing to increassed pressure at the sea floor. If you took a Star Trek transported and transported a 1 square foot of water from the sea floor to sea level, how much room would it take up? Get it? So, how do envirotards think the sea level will rise so much if all that extra water weighs the rest down so much? Wouldn't it net out virtually no change? You know, the ice cube test?

Posted by: penn state marine at August 08, 2007 04:04 PM (M/4m4)

37 I declare war on Earth. If she's going to make idle threats - BRING. IT. ON.

Posted by: Editor at August 08, 2007 04:06 PM (SJCkB)

The Earth is responding as a single, integrated system to climate change driven by human activities. Global warming is not just a matter of warmer weather, more floods or stronger hurricanes, but is also a wake-up call to Terra Firma. It may be no coincidence that one outcome of increased volcanic activity is likely to be a period of falling temperatures, as a veil of volcanic dust and gas reduces the amount of solar radiation reaching the surface. Maybe the Earth is trying to tell us something. It really would be worth listening before it is too late.

It.May.Be.No.Coincidence. Got that? According to Bill McGuire, here is his resume which you will see makes him someone who you would not expect to be insane, it is possible that the Earth is a sentient being that is going to try to cool itself off by having volcanoes erupt. Just like college kids making homemade air conditioners or rednecks not wearing shirts, except in this case it's a planet increasing it's volcanic activity. It's totally natural, when people get hot they take measures to cool off, now we know that apparently planets are the same way.

This is extravagently bad news people. How long could it possibly be before the Earth shakes itself out of it's orbit and heads over to try to score with Pluto now that Pluto's self-esteem has been shattered by its demotion from planetary status? He'll probably just tell her that she's as pretty as any planet and then wham.....My god, I wonder if that's where the moon came from?

Posted by: Big E at August 08, 2007 04:07 PM (uw1/g)

hit and run,

Thanks for adding "zero sex footprint" very hip of you! Having a zero sex footprint should also lower your carbon footprint, because of the lack of heat your body gives off.

Posted by: Lou at August 08, 2007 04:07 PM (DngOs)

So all you earthlings want to drive your stinkin' SUV's, eh?

Okay - All you volcanos out there - Get ready to RUMBLE!

Posted by: Lady at August 08, 2007 04:10 PM (wSBsc)

41 See, what we all don't realize is that the earth's climate is meant to be every day of the year, every year from now to eternity, just like the climate that the earth had in the summer of 1969.

Because.

I'd like to know if these GW advocates spend winter in some of the colder areas in the country.

my guess is that they don't.

Posted by: Lt. Col. E Buzz Miller at August 08, 2007 04:11 PM (sf4Oe)

42 Fucking Great, now Barrack is in negotiations with the moon, and Mars, and conferring with his national defense policy team on contingency plans to bomb the earth.

Posted by: Wickedpinto at August 08, 2007 04:13 PM (QTv8u)

43 So we're the bacteria and the volcanos are big zits. We need to exfoliate. I mean, you don't see any volcanos where we've deforested, right?

Posted by: penn state marine at August 08, 2007 04:13 PM (M/4m4)

44 Hmmmm.

I forget where I read it but some climate scientist calculated that if every last scrap of ice were to melt all over the Earth the seas would rise a maximum of 67 meters.

So the idea that:
"The addition of over a hundred metres depth of water to the continental margins and marine island chains, where over 60% of the world's active volcanoes reside, seems to be sufficient to load and bend the underlying crust."

Seems a bit idiotic.

Posted by: memomachine at August 08, 2007 04:15 PM (3pvQO)

45 The earth is having a bad hair day.

Posted by: ricpic at August 08, 2007 04:16 PM (0FRi9)

Which of these is not like the others?

1. Beautiful polynesian virgin princess

2. Fatted calf

3. 53-year old obese lesbian hippie YKOS organizer

See, the unwritten rule is that you have to sacrifice something of VALUE. Go dumping #3 in a volcano, and we are gonna be in a world of shit (and magma)! Volcanoes aren't stupid, people.

Posted by: sherlock at August 08, 2007 04:19 PM (jdXw+)

47 Wickedpinto vs. the volcano?

That's some biblical-proportion bitch-breaking there.

Posted by: krakatoa at August 08, 2007 04:21 PM (n+ZaI)

48 Good, common-sense science is created under the assumption that the "scientific method" is just false-consciousness created by the polluting, SUV-driving white, patriarchal capitalist class.

Good, common sense science has no need for the false, dishonest "scientific method."

This article is written as good science, based on common sense. You reichwing nutters can deny it all you want with your evil assault on reason.

Posted by: reason is dead at August 08, 2007 04:24 PM (AQj/2)

So you better sell all your earthly possessions and send all your money to Al Gore. That is the only way we can survive.

Posted by: Jenny at August 08, 2007 04:25 PM (1Qzdb)

50 The Earth must be a Hank Aaron fan.

Posted by: penn state marine at August 08, 2007 04:25 PM (M/4m4)

51 I'm pretty sure global warming is making my pet turtle constipated.

Posted by: Purple Avenger at August 08, 2007 04:27 PM (0d45V)

Krakatoa,

I was thinking more Santorini.

Posted by: Wickedpinto at August 08, 2007 04:27 PM (QTv8u)

53 What's the difference between this guy saying manmade global warming is the cause of earthquakes and volcanic eruptions and Pat Robertson's declaration that Katrina was God's punishment for New Orleans' sin?

Scientifically, they're on equal footing.

Only difference I can see is that with Robertson, there was a collective guffaw at its silliness, followed by indignant catterwauling by the MSM. This episode, not so much.

Posted by: red speck at August 08, 2007 04:28 PM (Lc9rf)

See, the unwritten rule is that you have to sacrifice something of VALUE. Go dumping #3 in a volcano, and we are gonna be in a world of shit (and magma)! Volcanoes aren't stupid, people.

What about hobos?

Posted by: Paulitics at August 08, 2007 04:28 PM (47+Ys)

"zero sex footprint"

that shit is brilliant!! love it!!!

Posted by: Vergeltung at August 08, 2007 04:28 PM (jttPx)

56 Pavlof has erupted close to 40 times in the past 200 years or so BTW. I'm pretty sure it was those SUV driving Brit redcoat bastards who irritated it.

Posted by: Purple Avenger at August 08, 2007 04:29 PM (0d45V)

Anyone got any hash?

Posted by: M/4m4 at August 08, 2007 04:29 PM (M/4m4)

58 If you haven't read it, this is a decent essay about fighting the planet for survival:

http://lifeboat.com/ex/screw.sustainability

Posted by: leoncaruthers at August 08, 2007 04:31 PM (7iTO9)

59 I think we need a warning sign for articles like this, "Warning, liberal arts major attempting to discuss science."

Or something like that.

extra water creates sea bed pressure which leads to plate shifts and magma dispersal? huh? Magma is about 14 times denser than water. So, seems to be sufficient to load and bend the underlying crust. Its cuckoo, the crust is lying on top of the core, which is filled with liquid iron. its incompressible. its already spherical, so is any additional water. agh. too. much. crazy.

Do we get earthquakes during full moons, during high tide?

BTW, whatever, State of Fear pointed out that sea level has risen 2 millimeters since whenever. All this extra water? huh, what water?

Posted by: joeindc44 at August 08, 2007 04:32 PM (za2Xz)

If you haven't read it, this is a decent essay about dealing with enviromentalists:

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20060714212207AAsmN3V

Posted by: penn state marine at August 08, 2007 04:34 PM (M/4m4)

61 Someone yesterday sent me a copy of the Mars Spectacular (Mars will be as large in the sky as the Moon on August 27) Hoax yesterday, like they do every August. They still haven't updated it yet to blame that "event" on GLOBAL WARMING!

Posted by: Dr. Remulak at August 08, 2007 04:35 PM (YmPwQ)

joeindc44,

Have you ever jumped into a volcano with meg ryan? Dude, is she still hot?

Posted by: penn state marine at August 08, 2007 04:35 PM (M/4m4)

If you haven't read it, this is a decent essay about dealing with enviromentalists:

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20060714212207AAsmN3V

Okay, I don't care who you are, that right there is funny.

Posted by: Paulitics at August 08, 2007 04:37 PM (47+Ys)

64 It's the benefit of a Land Grant education

Posted by: penn state marine at August 08, 2007 04:39 PM (M/4m4)

What would "bend" the earth's crust more? A half mile of ice stacked up over a fairly small area, or a dozen meters of water spread out over the whole of the word's oceans?

Uhh...I think neither.

Posted by: Entropy at August 08, 2007 04:45 PM (HgAV0)

66 As a commenter over at Hot Air said, it is getting increasingly difficult to tell if a story comes from the MSM or The Onion.

Posted by: profligatewaste at August 08, 2007 04:49 PM (3wY2o)

67 We must find persons with a zero sex footprint.

I've got some celibacy credits for sale.

If Earth is going to be such a bitch, I say we move to the moon.

Posted by: CUS at August 08, 2007 04:52 PM (bbXZq)

68 The article mentioned that earthquakes, etc., had been more prevalent during past periods of turmoil, like during the little ice age, which isn't comparable. During cooling periods, ice mass accumulates over land, which certainly could strain the underlying geology.

We know that a lot of the localized sea-level rise and fall that has been measured in various places is actually due to the earths crust recovering from the last ice age... it is slowly "springing" back into place over millennia. The theory is intuitively sound, but it seems like it would be more likely to occur with a long-term and very sharp cooling.

Posted by: DaveS at August 08, 2007 04:52 PM (wEYaf)

What about hobos?

Indiscriminate volcanoes can get all the hobos they want from Ace already. When he feels those infra-sonic rumblings, he knows it's time. I'm talking about the better class of volcanoes here. Those are the ones that are dangerous. Schlub ones like Mt. St. Helens for example, could have been sated (and shit, plugged for that matter) if anyone had thought to dump Rosie O. in at the right time. Don't try that shit with Mauna Loa.

Posted by: sherlock at August 08, 2007 04:53 PM (FsbnY)

70 Quite possible the dumbest thing I've ever read. What a retard.

Posted by: RobG at August 08, 2007 05:02 PM (6Oq7N)

71 The Vice President of the Newark Chapter of the "End of the World" Sandwich Board Makers (EWSBM) has dispatched a letter to Bill McGuire and former Vice President Al Gore requesting they refrain from using such strident and preposterous global warming claims "as it has demostrated a drop in membership in recent years." VP Kyle "Dude" Johanssen stated in an off-camera interview, "Al is just killin' us, man. When we strut our "End of the World" signs, we believe. But Al's making a mockery of "real" doomsday protests and makin' us all look like turds, man." He also said that Doomsday Board sign sales have plummeted since Al Gore lost in 2000, stating "I used to think it was Bush's fault, but shit...maybe Wal-Mart's hiring."

Posted by: Casper the Friendly Host at August 08, 2007 05:18 PM (4hSCz)

What BS. Everyone enlightened person knows the earth is hollow and our salvation waits inside. Come, join the lost 10 tribes of Israel and our alien overlords!.

Posted by: toby928 at August 08, 2007 05:19 PM (evdj2)

73 I've heard a few Gaia enthusiasts suggest that HIV and other pandemics are Nature's way of fighting back against the planetary infection that is humanity.

Posted by: Throbert McGee at August 08, 2007 05:24 PM (rv3/E)

Virgins. We need virgins to throw in volcanoes. It's the only way to save the planet

Agreed. We need more virgins. But where? How? Maybe Kansas?

No need to go so far. We've got Rosetta and Bart right here. We can auction them off and have a great party with the proceeds.

Posted by: maxxman at August 08, 2007 05:30 PM (OYeDg)

"deistic teleological anthropomorphization"

I'd pull out the ruler and double check your wang, buddy.

You may have lost an inch for that one, book-boy.

Posted by: ether at August 08, 2007 05:49 PM (Ck4+0)

76 You know, the Aztecs were right. We need a good 80,000,000 person sacrifice (since we're so much bigger now) and double-quick.

Let's start with Iran.

Seriously, though, the other day I was in a small group of professionals, negotiating, and one of them actually said "our sacred forest". Without the slightest hint of irony.

I asked if we were back to worshipping Wotan.

These hippie freaks will be moving on to sacrifice any day now. Hope you all don't work for a biomed company.

Posted by: malphonse at August 08, 2007 06:06 PM (p1s9n)

....... celibacy credits ......

nah , think celibacy debits ...

Posted by: Bill D. Cat at August 08, 2007 06:13 PM (3ApNq)

78 .... bigger market cap and all ....

Posted by: Bill D. Cat at August 08, 2007 06:15 PM (3ApNq)

79 Just a note:

The data for that CO2 graph that everyone keeps showing, with a steady increase over the past few decades, was taken on Mauna Loa in Hawaii, an active freakin' volcano.

Posted by: Big S at August 08, 2007 06:17 PM (Sc39z)

80
Alright you monkeys, how'd you figure it out?

Posted by: The Earth at August 08, 2007 06:21 PM (bajTN)

81 The other day someone said to me, in all seriousness, that we were causing the temperature on Mars to increase. I haven't laughed that hard in days.

Posted by: alexthechick at August 08, 2007 06:29 PM (0Yp+y)

82 And earth plans to cock-slap the lot of you.

A simple spanking will do nicely, thank you.

Posted by: Steve (the artist formerly known as Ed Snate) at August 08, 2007 06:47 PM (Yc+Ve)

83 This article is written as good science, based on common sense. You reichwing nutters can deny it all you want with your evil assault on reason.

Good lord I hope that was satire.

Posted by: Christopher Taylor at August 08, 2007 06:50 PM (wmgz8)

44: Memomecahine, except the added weight would be srpead out over areas that are now coastal, and off areas that are not coastal, so if the water cycle I learned about in third grade means anything, there won't be any change in the amount of water-weight the earth carries.

"A sacrifice! we must throw a virgin an SUV into the maw of the volcano in propriation!"

Posted by: Mikey NTH at August 08, 2007 08:01 PM (aWopX)

85 Seriously, shifting frozen water from on part of a tectonic plate to another part of the same plate as liquid water - and considering the mass of tectonic plates, should, umm, in my own unscientific WAG - have less effect on the position of that plate as one overweight tourist running from the port side breakfast buffet to the starboard side all-chocolate dessert buffet on the Queen Mary 2.

Posted by: Mikey NTH at August 08, 2007 08:11 PM (aWopX)

86 We need to start sacrificing virgins, before it's too late.

Posted by: mark at August 08, 2007 09:01 PM (TyyCo)

And where are we going to find those virgins, mark? Hollywood?

How conveeeenient!

Posted by: Mikey NTH at August 08, 2007 09:14 PM (aWopX)

The Moonbats have moved all of their chips on to the Global Warming space and are yelling "Let 'er rip!"

When GW crashes into a crumpled pile of junk, what next? Global Cubism? Human are destroying the Earth's roundness? Our once proudly sherical globe will soon become a dangerous, unsightly cube? Our children will cut themselves on its sharp edges? Old people will drive into space?

Posted by: eman at August 08, 2007 09:27 PM (F/DIG)

MEDINA, Saudi Arabia - The global warming faith-based community (GWFBC) announced today that negotiations have begun with leaders from various Islamic organizations. Negotiations center on the GWFBC demands that martyred jihadists should have their reward of virgins cut in half to 36, to ensure enough virgins are available for volcano sacrifice to help stave off global warming.

The negotiations were cut short when the GWFBC representatives were beheaded.

Posted by: hit and run at August 08, 2007 10:34 PM (Kt8vP)

90 Global cooling is likely the next big cause. It will take 20 years or so to change courses, but Al Gore will likely be at the forefront.

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Sacrifice all the virgins you want, but for God's sake spare the sluts!

Posted by: Rob B. at August 08, 2007 11:40 PM (AofOs)

The earth is having a bad hair day.

No, she's menopausal.

Moonbats

Posted by: katt at August 08, 2007 11:45 PM (mHps9)

93 Gaia picked up my building and dropped it last night. Fucking woke me up. Bitch.

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