New York Times: All The News About Labias That's Fit To Print

What the hell?

Our Vaginas, Ourselves

These are cruel times for vaginas. Lately, as if I don't have enough to worry about, with the deadline on various unkept 2005 resolutions fast upon me, I have begun obsessing about various aspects of my genital appearance. Take my labia minora, for instance. Tucked away as those intimate folds of flesh are - hidden in the underbrush, you might say - I have never given them much thought, except as they relate to experiences of sensual pleasure. Ditto my labia majora, which dutifully served their purpose in guarding the entryway to what the Victorians would have quaintly referred to as my maidenhead. As for the much vaunted hymen (named for the Greek god of marriage), mine remained intact longer than most thanks to my slow-blooming erotic life, until such time as a boyfriend's patient late-night exertions finally parted me from it at the age of 25.

She then goes on to discuss fashions in pubic hair.

Is this the New York Times or Penhouse?

The author that piece, by the way, is Daphne Merkin. I guess this was the piece she was born to write.

Thanks to Allah, who writes to me to say he attends a large northeastern university and never thought these New York Times columns were real until something happened to him to convince him otherwise.

Related: I wrote about my own complaints in this regard some time ago.

Posted by: Ace at 05:14 PM


1 Women still have pubic hair? From what they've seen, I thought they had bred it out for chrissakes.

Posted by: MarkV. at January 01, 2006 05:25 PM (/653L)

2 From what I've seen... from what I'VE SEEN, damnit!

Posted by: Mark V. at January 01, 2006 05:26 PM (/653L)

3 Mark,

The hair comes in when they get older.

Posted by: caspera at January 01, 2006 05:31 PM (jylGY)

4 A bit earlier today I commented on a post at CQ, "More Desperation At The Gray Lady," deconstructing another "illegal" NSA snooping story in today's rag. I closed with:

"Q. Can these clowns possibly make themselves more ridiculous?"

"A. Yes"

Who know they would with a story about pudenda?! I can't wait to read Merkin's meme about whatever problems she has the other oriface nearby. Presumably that one will have universal appeal.

Posted by: Redhand at January 01, 2006 05:36 PM (TrmBs)

5 Is there any news about labias that's not fit to print?

I mean, c'mon, guys. Seriously. I hope they do a story on boobs next.

Posted by: Sortelli at January 01, 2006 05:36 PM (Bjdtq)

6 The NYT has become the Village Voice.
Is the author the same "woman of the world" who gets her anal aperature bleached?

(I had a gf that I had to beg to trim her bush. It was very annoying. One time, I stopped in the middle of sex, went to the bathroom, got the scissors, grabbed as much hair I could between two fingers and snipped it off. She complained it would itch the next day. I said it wouldn't. I was right. We were both happy.)

Posted by: Bart at January 01, 2006 05:42 PM (2COPh)

7 While we are talking about vulvas ...yesterday I came upon this site while helping my son on a school project on Greek myths.

Posted by: len at January 01, 2006 05:45 PM (w3i1F)

8 You, with link to history of the merkin, have solved one of those problems that, without this crazy ethersphere, would never have been.

And, of course, who would likely care... but now, having proof to validate the existence of the merkin, another query ended. And, I guess lamely, I had searched the internet years ago for proof of merkin.

A best buddy, who has many fireman tales to tell(being a retired fire fighter), mentioned the "merkin" years ago. I refused to believe it existed since, as a capitalist pig, I couldn't figure out what need it was filling. Or, if Wal Mart doesn't carry it, there is no it.

Thank you for the knowledge you bring to the world.

[sidenote: as one who has enjoyed both chemo and radiation I can speak to certain baldness from a male perspective. I wonder if the NY Times might be interested... ;-]

Posted by: Shivas Irons at January 01, 2006 05:54 PM (bCOus)

9 They're puppets. Vulva puppets. You wear them on your dick. Every guy needs one.

Posted by: at January 01, 2006 05:58 PM (7AJk5)

10 One time, I stopped in the middle of sex, went to the bathroom, got the scissors, grabbed as much hair I could between two fingers and snipped it off.

Damn, that's romantic.

Posted by: Sortelli at January 01, 2006 06:12 PM (Bjdtq)

11 Sex sells, and have you seen the NY Times's bottom line lately?

Posted by: Moonbat_One at January 01, 2006 06:29 PM (ivB4r)

12 Ace,

The reference to Merkin cleared up something I've puzzled about for years:

What was the meaning of the US President's name (Merkin Muffley) In the movie "Dr. Strangelove".

I should have known...

Posted by: Cheese_Tensor at January 01, 2006 06:35 PM (41Dd+)

13 This is disgusting, but anyone who's read this blog more than once should know there are no sacred subjects unmentioned here. So either get over it or get used to it.

The NYT, however, has for the most part avoided being the language gutterdweller in the past (with occasional lapses, of course, for shock value). For a "family" newspaper, even a left-leaning, moonbat-loving family, this is more than over the edge. They have (pardon the pun) dived into a chasm from which they may never return. To which we may all say, amen, good riddance.

Hugh Hefner may want to check to see if any copyright laws were violated, though. He could probably check w/ Ms. Hamster!

Posted by: Carlos at January 01, 2006 06:35 PM (waYuu)

14 Yeah, sex sells, but does unsexy sex sell? Egghead writing about the subject containing such gems as "These are cruel times for vaginas" simply isn't erotic. This is an unpleasant article, sort of the journalistic equivalent of Stallone's and Sharon Stone's love scene in The Specialist.

Or maybe regular readers of the Times do find this stuff erotic.

Posted by: caspera at January 01, 2006 06:40 PM (jylGY)

15 I can't wait for the Dem candidate in 2008 to complain "You're being cruel to my vagina!"

Bwa ha ha.

"Stop questioning my vagina!"

But there is a fundamental truth here. These times we live in are very cruel to my penis.

Posted by: Sortelli at January 01, 2006 06:44 PM (Bjdtq)

16 Next in the series, "deep thoughts about my tampon".

Posted by: Village Idiot at January 01, 2006 06:53 PM (N5NIk)

17 Whatever happened to NAVEL-gazing?

Posted by: eli at January 01, 2006 07:09 PM (1+INI)

18 "Take my labia minora, please."

Posted by: skinbad at January 01, 2006 07:17 PM (SwH/f)

19 Never having been one to enjoy group activities of any sort, the thought of becoming more closely acquainted with my private parts in a public setting seems potentially traumatizing rather than liberating or, God knows, celebratory.
Uhhh...then why this article, moron?

Perhaps it's an inescapable consequence of living in a free-market society that choice springs eternal, that nothing is ever done with, that decisions once made can be unmade, that you can return your character to the vendor and ask for improvements.
Right. Free market economy = pussy surgery.

And; are you saying that the condition of your nether regions is going to reflect on your character?
From the NYT. Will wonders never cease.

She's going to get flamed by that little remark.
By pirate hookers.
Because she slapped them in public.

Posted by: lauraw at January 01, 2006 07:53 PM (6krEN)

20 Of course it's the New York Times. You can't spell "labias" without "bias."

Posted by: Bill from INDC at January 01, 2006 08:01 PM (hDDCf)

21 as if I don't have enough to worry about,
I have begun obsessing about various aspects of my genital appearance.

Uh, stop obsessing, then.

Take my labia minora, for instance.

Look, women have to put up with a lot of grief from men about their appearance, it's true. But I have never ever heard a guy say anything one way or another about a woman's labia minora. A hot woman is hot regardless of what Daphne Merkin thinks about her quinny.

Sagging groin skin and limp labia

Oh, please. She's creating this insecurity out of thin air.

aging women hoping to catch a flagging penis with the semblance of undeflowered innocence?

And contributing to male insecurity in the process.

And although it's true that the very structural inaccessibility of the vagina may lead to difficulties with body image (how do you go about envisioning something you can't see?)

This woman is tormenting herself with postmodern claptrap.

She seems to be lamenting the very insecurity she's promoting with this strange article. Daphne, to the extent that this is a problem at all, you definitely aren't a part of the solution.

Posted by: sandy burger at January 01, 2006 08:21 PM (yYYVZ)

22 Of course it's the New York Times. You can't spell "labias" without "bias."

That's pretty good. Might work better with the LA Times.

Posted by: digitalbrownshirt at January 01, 2006 08:23 PM (AlU3k)

23 These were the best of labia, these were the worst of labia.

Posted by: Captain Ned at January 01, 2006 08:40 PM (TV7Hr)

24 Hey, Bill was funny!

Knock it off, Bill.

Posted by: Chairman, Banned By Bill Association at January 01, 2006 08:44 PM (pRtzm)

25 The NYT:

Making sex unsexy and uninteresting since 2006

Posted by: DaveP. at January 01, 2006 08:53 PM (6iy97)

The strangest thing about all this surgery is that the woman actually think they are making their vulvas prettier for us men.

Sure, there are some nice-looking cooches out there, but overall, in general, the female genitalia is not very handsome.

But the only guy who's going to be turned off by prominent labia minor or a protruding clitoris is a major-league homosexual. Most guys, if not all, would see a "more exposed" vulva and say, Oh cool, let me investigate.

Posted by: Bart at January 01, 2006 09:10 PM (pBEUr)

27 I don't know. Something about all this smells fishy.

Posted by: BrewFan at January 01, 2006 09:10 PM (0AD+O)

28 Now THAT was funny.

Posted by: kellymo at January 01, 2006 09:32 PM (MdPUz)

29 Hey, at least it's not boring.

Posted by: scarshapedstar at January 01, 2006 09:47 PM (sOfYg)

30 I thought labia minora and labia majora were cunstellations.

Posted by: Gaylord Ravenal at January 01, 2006 11:18 PM (BPhem)

31 As for the much vaunted hymen (named for the Greek god of marriage), mine remained intact longer than most thanks to my slow-blooming erotic life, until such time as a boyfriend's patient late-night exertions finally parted me from it at the age of 25.

She's obviously never met Dick Cheney.

Posted by: Sticky B at January 01, 2006 11:25 PM (uz2Qq)

32 ....ummmm.. Mulva?

Posted by: Jerry Seinfeld at January 01, 2006 11:47 PM (xd73D)

33 Say, Daphne...
Nice pussy!

I've got a feeling that the fellow who finally bagged this pig is still regretting that fateful night.
No offense to those fair maidens who choose to wait until Mr. Right, but 25??!!
I'm not so sure it was a decision she consciously made.
Perhaps it wasn't her ugly vagina that kept the boys at bay, but rather that which was between her ears, both on the surface and within.

Posted by: Uncle Jefe at January 02, 2006 02:37 AM (w9g/S)

34 Dammit, and here I was certain that the ass cream Allah has been recommending was going to fix all my problems.

Posted by: Tres at January 02, 2006 02:53 AM (6krEN)

35 Obviously she's never spent 5 minutes surfing porn, or she'd know that there are many variations of vulva shapes, and that men will happily fuck any of them.

Posted by: shell at January 02, 2006 08:08 AM (QqR/4)

36 Take my labia minora... please!

Posted by: Henny Youngman at January 02, 2006 03:41 PM (SyfL7)

37 ...this mossy covering is deemed no more than an aesthetic hindrance to the unfettered male gaze....

*spit*Aesthetic hindrance?*spit*Gaze?*spit*

*spit*lemme get this hair out of my mouth*spit*

Posted by: Madfish Willie at January 02, 2006 03:53 PM (SyfL7)

38 I tell ya it's tough out there. I'm at the DU site the other day and I say "Hey, you read what this Merkin girl wrote?" and they all jump on me, saying "'Murkin girls can't write!!"

Tough for the ladies, too. The wife's over at DU and asks them, "Do you think my labia majora stick out too much?" And they're saying, "Hey, anything that meets us halfway!!"

So far so good, so she keeps going, "How about my minora?" But they call her a Jew and kick her out. I tell ya, it's tough out there.

Posted by: Rodney Dangerfield at January 02, 2006 04:26 PM (HJ3Oq)

39 hah!

Rodney, yer killin me

Posted by: Dave in Texas at January 02, 2006 04:29 PM (OwP//)

40 D'oh! Sorry skinbad - didn't see you there, my bad!

Posted by: Henny Youngman at January 02, 2006 05:05 PM (SyfL7)

41 The New York Times is still a birdcage linner not worth reading

Posted by: spurwing plover at January 02, 2006 10:03 PM (UdEnh)

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