Real Headline: Vampires Seek Tolerance, Understanding from Others
In absolutely no way does the media write these idiotic fake-"news" articles to coincide with interest in a popular movie opening up. You should definitely not suspect that entirely fake articles about pretend vampires are suddenly commissioned just because the new Twilight is opening.
I suppose I prefer this to another funemployment piece.Being a vampire is boring compared to the young, beautiful and powerful bloodsuckers appearing weekly on TV and movie screens.1, no it's not, because 2, there are no real vampires.
Merticus, an organizer of the 4-year-old Atlanta Vampire Alliance, said vampires are mostly like anyone else.Exactly like everyone else, Merticus, except for the psychological problems. Not "mostly." The "real vampires" in movies are mostly like humans, except for the superpowers. (By the way: Vampires are just superheroes for goths and emos; instead of being bitten by a radioactive spider, they're bitten by a sunken-cheeked goth of dubious sexual preference.) You are, on the other hand, exactly like everyone else.
"We could be the model-train group down the street from you," he said.You can only aspire to be the model-train group down the street from me.
And except the model-train group does not believe they are actually building real trains. They're not out in front of their houses passing out schedules and collecting boarding passes. And everyone who's ever had a cut has drank a little blood. It's salty. Film at 11.
Except the model-train group depends on electricity as a power source. Atlanta vampires believe they drain energy from people and some, yes, drink a bit of human blood to get the boost they need.
Merticus, who declines to give his real name...Oh, you mean his slave name?
... and alliance members claim they are different, physically or psychologically. They draw energy to feel good and stay healthy...Yes, "normal" humans draw energy to feel good and stay healthy, too. We call this energy "food."
...,and they absorb it psychically from close contact with "donors" or from drinking a tablespoon of blood from them maybe once a week. They do not claim mythic powers such as immortality, and the screen depictions are often off-putting to members.By off-putting I assume they mean "off-whacking." Everytime these guys see Lestat they come in their pants. Give me a break.
For instance, the vampires from the Twilight Saga..."For instance." The Twilight connection just off-handedly occurred to the writer! Oh, right, Twilight! Silly me, I'd almost forgotten to mention the pop-culture tie-in that is the entire point of this piece!
...the luridly romantic novel and movies for young adults, have skin that sparkles in sunlight. "That doesn't sit too well with us," Merticus said by phone.Poor kid's oppressed due to the non-diamond-sparkly color of his skin. Damn stereotypes about made-up pretend creatures.
And of course Abraham Van Helsing.
Sounds weird? That is why Merticus, a politically active small business owner in Atlanta, and the eleven other members of his group do not talk to outsiders about their alternate identities. They fear losing jobs, discrimination or shunning.
Few vampires have come out like the lady who posed for photos in a T-shirt and jeans for the Washington Post in 2008. "The only thing I objected to in the article is that we were painted as boring," Merticus said dryly.Dude, you dress up like a bat and obsess about movies made for 12 year old girls. How exciting could your life be?
Whoops, Twilight again. Thank goodness they mentioned it, because people reading this article might not know about Twilight.
Vampire groups have been around for decades, but the pop culture obsession fueled by the Twilight phenomenon (85 million novels sold worldwide)...
Laycock's book shows vampires are teenagers and grandmothers, stay-at-home moms and professionals.Well, without having written a book, I could have told you the two groups most commonly affected by "vampirism" were teens, followed distantly by very bored and somewhat schizophrenic housewives. I'd also be willing to wager, sans research, that "vampirism" affects a lot of chubby homosexuals who can't get laid the normal way.
... Merticus said the survey was a start to answering doubts like Ramsland's. The survey shows vampires report higher incidences of depression, asthma, migraines and other physical ailments.Really? "Vampires" are unhealthy, depressive geeks? Thank God for science.
He would love for genetic testing to take place to look for scientific explanations for their differences.Here's a scientific explanation: Marriage between first cousins.
In the meantime, "The only thing I would ask is tolerance," he said.And mascara that has that all-day "smeared from crying hot tears of despair" sexy look. Thanks to Gabriel Malor.
Comments
For good reason. Most employers do not want batshit crazy people working for them.
Posted by: Vic at November 16, 2009 01:41 PM (CDUiN)
Posted by: Mr. Pink at November 16, 2009 01:41 PM (SqAkN)
Posted by: brak at November 16, 2009 01:41 PM (NuJ5P)
BTW have you noticed in the trailors on TV and on all the TV shows they have with vampires none of them are black?
Racists.
Posted by: Mr. Pink at November 16, 2009 01:42 PM (SqAkN)
Posted by: Gabriel Malor at November 16, 2009 01:43 PM (nPZxi)
"If you go to Los Angeles, no one even cares if you are a vampire," Laycock said
Wow.
Laycock.
What are the odds?
Posted by: shibumi at November 16, 2009 01:43 PM (OKZrE)
How about a link to the pic blog "Goths in Hot Weather"? This has pics of various gothy-types, um, suffering under the Day Star.
The current top page is ok but the older posts are a bit better.
Posted by: ArandomPerson at November 16, 2009 01:43 PM (MSMPS)
Posted by: Mr. Pink at November 16, 2009 01:46 PM (SqAkN)
Posted by: XBradTC at November 16, 2009 01:47 PM (y0E9v)
Posted by: alexthechick at November 16, 2009 01:47 PM (8WZWv)
Of course the piece doesn't get into the rising tide of vampire fury-manglings or the drained corpses of virgins littering the nation's high schools. They wouldn't want to provoke any kind of backlash.
Posted by: spongeworthy at November 16, 2009 01:47 PM (rplL3)
Posted by: runningrn at November 16, 2009 01:49 PM (qP2BK)
Posted by: Mr. Pink at November 16, 2009 01:49 PM (SqAkN)
Same kind of insidiousness masquerading as tolerance, but Merticus is capitalizing upon it for a silly end, whereas there is a real possibility that an educrat is going to try to teach your second grader that women can become men and vice versa.
Posted by: Alec Leamas at November 16, 2009 01:50 PM (AlKlj)
I enjoyed the first Twilight movie, it was stupid but entertaining. My daughter read the books so I have to take her.
I honestly don't know any kids like emos and shit like that. My kids are into athletics and academics, none of those other types come around.
The thing that was cool about Punks, metal heads, and the rejects of my day, they (we) were active. Made their own bands, went out and had fun. Went surfing and skating, physical activity was part of it.
These kids are dweebs.
Kids these days, sheesh.
Posted by: Uniball at November 16, 2009 01:50 PM (27iEn)
Posted by: Mystry Vampire at November 16, 2009 01:50 PM (kmgIE)
Posted by: Dave at November 16, 2009 01:50 PM (Xm1aB)
Perhaps "scientific" experiments are in order to determine the duration of the Vampire "bullshit gap"?
Posted by: Purple Avenger at November 16, 2009 01:50 PM (HlKbK)
"Of course the piece doesn't get into the rising tide of vampire fury-manglings or the drained corpses of virgins littering the nation's high schools. They wouldn't want to provoke any kind of backlash."
The only thing these kids are mangling are their father's dreams of a son he can be proud of.
Posted by: Mr. Pink at November 16, 2009 01:51 PM (SqAkN)
I'll take that bet. Goths hate that kind of "corporate conformist music."
Posted by: ace at November 16, 2009 01:51 PM (jlvw3)
Posted by: Wampyr Nightshade (formerly known as ace) at November 16, 2009 01:52 PM (jlvw3)
Posted by: Kirk Lazarus at November 16, 2009 01:53 PM (DYYHe)
Posted by: WTFCI at November 16, 2009 01:54 PM (GtYrq)
And except the model-train group does not believe they are actually building real trains. They're not out in front of their houses passing out schedules and collecting boarding passes.
No, of course not, the train does not run out of my house. There's not even a track.
I collect passes in the train at the station, of course. You don't collect the passes until after they board.
ALL ABOARD!
Posted by: Entropy at November 16, 2009 01:54 PM (IsLT6)
Posted by: Todd at November 16, 2009 01:54 PM (LLOGQ)
Ace, instead of drawing energy from humans via blood, draws energy via snark. And then rest of his faithful coven lap it up. Ah, the parallels!!
totally kidding.
Posted by: Mouse at November 16, 2009 01:54 PM (8QSSn)
Posted by: Purple Avenger at November 16, 2009 01:55 PM (HlKbK)
Why you picking on Allan Root? That guy's genuinely funny.
Anyway, as a forced or "hostage" watcher of True Blood, I can say that Bill Compton is not teh ghey. Sheriff Eric, on the other hand, is Mega-Scandi-Emo-Bi.
Posted by: Holdfast at November 16, 2009 01:55 PM (Gzb30)
Posted by: CUS at November 16, 2009 01:55 PM (wOGfT)
Posted by: Zombie Vlad the Impaler at November 16, 2009 01:55 PM (RD7QR)
Posted by: Purple Avenger at November 16, 2009 01:56 PM (HlKbK)
Posted by: Wampyr Nightshade (formerly known as ace) at November 16, 2009 01:56 PM (jlvw3)
Posted by: The Count at November 16, 2009 01:56 PM (GtYrq)
20
Eh you might be right, next time I see one of these punks I will ask. What kinda bands would they listen to though? I doubt they have their Ipods filled with Slayer and Pantera.
Posted by: Mr. Pink at November 16, 2009 01:57 PM (SqAkN)
I was at a party once, he was there, and he had his face painted white, black eyeliner, the full costume. He made some asshole comment to a friend of mine, some kind of droll effete insult. My friend walked up to him and yanked a couple of the earrings out of his ear. The guy starting screaming and crying like a girl. He didn't fight back, just shrunk back, crying like a baby and left.
It sounds horrible but it was actually really funny.
Posted by: Uniball at November 16, 2009 01:57 PM (27iEn)
Posted by: AP at November 16, 2009 01:57 PM (pUfK9)
One guess as to his political affiliation.
Posted by: IllTemperedCur at November 16, 2009 01:57 PM (t3Mi3)
It's worse than you think - I had a roommate years ago here in Atlanta that was into the Vampire:The Masquerade 'live-action role-playing" (exactly as bad as it sounds), and a lot of their members were elementary and high school TEACHERS.
Posted by: negentropy at November 16, 2009 01:57 PM (27KAF)
Posted by: Wampyr Nightshade (formerly known as ace) at November 16, 2009 01:58 PM (jlvw3)
Obviously.
But wouldn't it be funny if he were a Republican?
Posted by: Wampyr Nightshade (formerly known as ace) at November 16, 2009 01:59 PM (jlvw3)
Well, I gotta tell ya, I really didn't see that one coming.
So now I'm going to need a D&D manual to be culturally sensitive.
Whatever.
But I tell you right now, I'm drawing the line at zombies. They start showing up and the only sensitivity they're gonna get is going to be delivered via 12 gauge.
Posted by: RayJ at November 16, 2009 01:59 PM (YcjCJ)
very bored and somewhat schizophrenic housewives.
SERIOUSLY?
I did not know that. About the bored Morrocan Islamic Liberation Frontiersmen, I mean.
Hmmm..... do I need like plastic fangs? Or is it come as you are?
Posted by: Entropy at November 16, 2009 01:59 PM (IsLT6)
Posted by: GOP Dracula Caucus at November 16, 2009 01:59 PM (GtYrq)
Posted by: unknown jane at November 16, 2009 02:00 PM (5/yRG)
and alliance members claim they are different, physically or psychologically
Mostly pscychologically. The rest of us think they are nuts. They, however, think....well, I'm not sure I want to know how they think.
Posted by: Mallamutt at November 16, 2009 02:00 PM (V9SYy)
Posted by: nickless at November 16, 2009 02:00 PM (MMC8r)
What kinda bands would they listen to though? I doubt they have their Ipods filled with Slayer and Pantera.
Type O Negative, the Cure, etc.
Posted by: Entropy at November 16, 2009 02:01 PM (IsLT6)
Posted by: Mr. Pink at November 16, 2009 02:01 PM (SqAkN)
Posted by: Monty at November 16, 2009 02:02 PM (4Pleu)
Great. A new class for the leftards to "protect" by trampling all over my rights.
Posted by: Scott J. at November 16, 2009 02:03 PM (NY7mQ)
Posted by: Mike at November 16, 2009 02:03 PM (OVl+v)
Posted by: runninrebel at November 16, 2009 02:03 PM (i3PJU)
<hr />
That is why Merticus, a politically active small business owner in Atlanta
vampires are teenagers and grandmothers, stay-at-home moms and professionals
<hr />
These stupid vampires are Southern Conservatives, definitely racist, probably Teabaggers!
Posted by: Less at November 16, 2009 02:03 PM (PGXeZ)
Which is why modern vampire movies stink. They are just action films.
Traditional vampires are much cooler and make better stories.
Posted by: Rocks at November 16, 2009 02:04 PM (Q1lie)
Posted by: Zombie Vlad the Impaler at November 16, 2009 02:04 PM (RD7QR)
Posted by: Wampyr Nightshade (formerly known as ace) at November 16, 2009 02:05 PM (jlvw3)
Posted by: Sheldon the Impaler at November 16, 2009 02:05 PM (MMC8r)
I did know a guy back in high school who liked "Death Rock"
WTF is death rock?
Death Metal? "Vampyres" do not listen to death metal. It's not emo.
Posted by: Entropy at November 16, 2009 02:05 PM (IsLT6)
Posted by: Pranky McFoolishness (rdb) at November 16, 2009 02:05 PM (BA043)
So if I drink other people's blood it will give me energy and help me feel good and stay healthy?
Do I ask for an AIDS test from my donor first, or do I just assume it won't effect me because everyone knows, from watching vampire movies, vampires don't get the diseases humans get.
Posted by: ParanoidGirlInSeattle at November 16, 2009 02:05 PM (RZ8pf)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OKRJfIPiJGY
It's actually pretty kickin'.
Posted by: Wampyr Nightshade (formerly known as ace) at November 16, 2009 02:07 PM (jlvw3)
Posted by: Wampyr Nightshade (formerly known as ace) at November 16, 2009 02:07 PM (jlvw3)
Posted by: katya at November 16, 2009 02:08 PM (VakJ9)
The Great Archives determine you to have gone by the identity:
Emperor of The Cold Wastes
Known in some parts of the world as:
Incubus of The Banat
The Great Archives Record:
A true child of the night, making merry of everything and light of life.
Posted by: Editor, Emperor of The Cold Wasts at November 16, 2009 02:08 PM (pUfK9)
"Sanity" works for me.
Posted by: Purple Avenger at November 16, 2009 02:08 PM (HlKbK)
Posted by: Boarding Officer on the First Golgafrincham Ark at November 16, 2009 02:08 PM (MMC8r)
I have mommy issues.
Posted by: Count Lawrence the Baby Biter at November 16, 2009 02:08 PM (SqAkN)
It is if you're hanging with a female fruit bat.
Posted by: joncelli at November 16, 2009 02:08 PM (RD7QR)
Posted by: Wampyr Nightshade (formerly known as ace) at November 16, 2009 02:09 PM (jlvw3)
Posted by: Scott J. at November 16, 2009 02:10 PM (NY7mQ)
Posted by: Pranky McFoolishness (rdb) at November 16, 2009 02:10 PM (BA043)
Posted by: Charlie Gibson at November 16, 2009 02:10 PM (y0vbB)
Posted by: lorien1973 at November 16, 2009 02:10 PM (IhQuA)
Posted by: lowfibass at November 16, 2009 02:11 PM (T1ZAZ)
I am just so proud of my hometown. *face-palm*
I do have one son who would kind of like to be goth or emo, but just can't work up the energy. That's weapons-grade lazy right there. He'll listen to the music, he'll wear a lot of black, but actually putting effort into ennui is where my boy draws the line.
Also, he likes girls.
Posted by: VKI at November 16, 2009 02:11 PM (LZK9H)
Posted by: JDW at November 16, 2009 02:11 PM (uw+0A)
Posted by: Ted Kennedy's Gristle Encased Head at November 16, 2009 02:12 PM (+lsX1)
Liberals?
Posted by: XBradTC at November 16, 2009 02:12 PM (y0E9v)
Posted by: brak at November 16, 2009 02:13 PM (NuJ5P)
Bahahahahaha. That shit is why I come to this site. Well, that and the Ewok jokes.
Posted by: Ace's liver at November 16, 2009 02:14 PM (XIXhw)
Oh, great, are we going to end up with vampire trolls now because you made fun of them??
Thanks, Wampy.
Posted by: Mama AJ at November 16, 2009 02:14 PM (Be4xl)
Posted by: ol_dirty_/b/tard at November 16, 2009 02:15 PM (IoUF1)
Posted by: Charles Johnson at November 16, 2009 02:15 PM (dP6Ky)
Emperor of The Orient
Known in some parts of the world as:
Death of The Steely Moon
The Great Archives Record:
A child of the Moon Goddess - Cold, determined, but of the light in the night.
Posted by: joncelli at November 16, 2009 02:15 PM (RD7QR)
Posted by: Mr. Pink at November 16, 2009 02:15 PM (SqAkN)
And mascara that has that all-day "smeared from crying hot tears of despair" sexy look.
...totally down with the sympathy sex bit.
But I believe they need to adopt the "two birds with one stone" approach and work the funemployment slant into the story line;
Vampiress is laid off from high paying job in the local blood bank.
Vampiress cries all day (ergo the smudged mascara).
Human boyfriend, unaffraid of vampire girlfriend, comforts vampiress with sympathy sex.
Vampiress empties boyfriend of blood post afterglow.
Hello academy award!
Posted by: Hussein the Plumber at November 16, 2009 02:16 PM (RkRxq)
"alternative" lifestyle, a bunch of freaks decided they were going to stalk our college campus as vampires. That ended when we found one of them, stripped him naked, and duct taped him to the statue in the center of campus.
Sic semper "vampyres."
Posted by: grognard at November 16, 2009 02:16 PM (v0kvW)
Yeah. You're not supposed to swoon, you're supposed to be scared spitless.
BTW, today is International Day for Tolerance, as declared by UNESCO and egged on by the Southern Poverty Law Center. Observe with all due respect.
Posted by: HeatherRadish at November 16, 2009 02:17 PM (NtiET)
I do have one son who would kind of like to be goth or emo, but just can't work up the energy. That's weapons-grade lazy right there. He'll listen to the music, he'll wear a lot of black, but actually putting effort into ennui is where my boy draws the line.
Also, he likes girls.
My kids all wear black and like some goth music. The girls play around with goth-ish clothes, makeup and jewelry because it's cool, pretty and makes people wonder about them.
These guys are not goths. They are attention whores.
Posted by: katya at November 16, 2009 02:17 PM (VakJ9)
Posted by: ParanoidGirlInSeattle at November 16, 2009 02:18 PM (RZ8pf)
Normals! I'll exsanguinate each of you! Right after my shift at Food Lion!
Posted by: Lord Vladimir Pseudogoth of Nanana at November 16, 2009 02:18 PM (RD7QR)
Posted by: Monty at November 16, 2009 02:18 PM (4Pleu)
The main reason all that hippie shit caught on and screwed up the entire country is because those losers weren't mercilessly ridiculed and made fun of from the beginning.
Let's not let it happen again with these emo clowns.
Posted by: OregonMuse at November 16, 2009 02:19 PM (A/5II)
Margravine of The Night
My business card is scarier than that.
Posted by: HeatherRadish at November 16, 2009 02:19 PM (NtiET)
Posted by: grognard at November 16, 2009 02:19 PM (v0kvW)
Posted by: Dr. Spank at November 16, 2009 02:20 PM (muUqs)
Ooo, I just vampired my name:
The Great Archives determine you to have gone by the identity:
Antoinette Vigée-Lebrun
Known in some parts of the world as:
Leto of The Mountain Ash
The Great Archives Record:
A peaceful one, of tormented goodness, who lives in places of the Rowan where stakes are freshly cut.
I am definitely of tormented goodness, how did it know????
Posted by: ParanoidGirlInSeattle at November 16, 2009 02:20 PM (RZ8pf)
Posted by: Count Chocula at November 16, 2009 02:20 PM (jvrmc)
"You have to have faith."
As for "Twilight" ... m'eh ... I've got school age sons. non-goth sons. Emotionally shut-off from their environment ... just the way God and Dr. Benjamin Spock intended.
Posted by: BumperStickerist at November 16, 2009 02:20 PM (ruzrP)
I used to be somewhat of an attention whore. Whatever happened to smoking, getting suspended, drinking, and skipping school? Are those hobbies not in style anymore?
Posted by: Mr. Pink at November 16, 2009 02:20 PM (SqAkN)
Posted by: kefka at November 16, 2009 02:20 PM (n1uMU)
Posted by: katya at November 16, 2009 02:20 PM (VakJ9)
Posted by: Angus Dei at November 16, 2009 02:21 PM (WAI6U)
Posted by: Ace's liver at November 16, 2009 02:21 PM (XIXhw)
The vampire name generator said I was Emperor of the Arctic. Sweet. I rule polar bears and a whole lot of fucking ice. What could be more pathetic? Emperor of the Bottom of the Marianis Trench?
Posted by: Alex's Cabin at November 16, 2009 02:21 PM (jOGPq)
Pfft. I can make up my own cool Vampire names:
Vlad Monty the Feculent and Far-Out
Montag, Bringer of Terror and Groovy Music
Montague, Neck-Biter and Love-Maker
Hunka Hunka Burnin' Neck-Hickey
...I could go on.
Posted by: Monty at November 16, 2009 02:22 PM (4Pleu)
I'll tolerate your hobby so long as you do not insist on making me play along.
Posted by: Rob Crawford at November 16, 2009 02:22 PM (ZJ/un)
Pity sex and attention. But mostly pity sex.
Posted by: Lord Vladimir Pseudogoth of Nanana at November 16, 2009 02:23 PM (RD7QR)
Posted by: negentropy at November 16, 2009 02:23 PM (27KAF)
The Great Archives determine you to have gone by the identity:
BumperStickerist
Known in some parts of the world as:
non-descript blog commentor
The Great Archives Record:
nothing of note
----
Well, that was depressing
Posted by: BumperStickerist at November 16, 2009 02:23 PM (ruzrP)
Louis ArnauldKnown in some parts of the world as:
Curse of The CrowsThe Great Archives Record:
Intelligent, knowing, wise and shrewd. This winged one was cast from the firmament.
Not bad.
Posted by: grognard at November 16, 2009 02:24 PM (v0kvW)
Posted by: Keith Arnold at November 16, 2009 02:24 PM (Jdtsu)
Posted by: Mr. Pink at November 16, 2009 02:24 PM (SqAkN)
The Great Archives determine you to have gone by the identity:
Constance FlandersKnown in some parts of the world as:
Epona of The LostThe Great Archives Record:
A lonely one who guides the lost - but not to safety, to their doom.
Posted by: IllTemperedCur at November 16, 2009 02:24 PM (t3Mi3)
You could be Emperor of the Goths and the Emo. That's more pathetic.
Posted by: Rob Crawford at November 16, 2009 02:24 PM (ZJ/un)
I wore all black and liked some goth music.
And still do wear mostly black and like some goth music...
Well... all black besides the blue jeans. By which I mean a T-shirt... that says SLAYER or 'Mercenaries Never Die, They Just Go To Hell To Regroup' I got from Flying Tiger Army/Navy Surplus.
And fuck you if you think I'm wearing makeup.
Except that one time when I was 14 and I had a zit and stole my mom's foundation.
Does that make me gay? Or Vampyric?
Posted by: Entropy at November 16, 2009 02:25 PM (IsLT6)
We're just asking for equal rights, per se.
Posted by: Mandrake the Slayer at November 16, 2009 02:25 PM (n1uMU)
Posted by: trainer of vampire hunters at November 16, 2009 02:26 PM (K5X44)
The Great Archives determine you to have gone by the identity:
Michael Ruthven
Known in some parts of the world as:
Hyperion of Slaves In Chains
The Great Archives Record:
Silently this one moves amongst the helpless and the oppressed.
SILENTLY. If only.
Posted by: grognard at November 16, 2009 02:26 PM (v0kvW)
Posted by: Brandon In Baton Rouge at November 16, 2009 02:26 PM (olNam)
Posted by: Alex's Cabin at November 16, 2009 02:27 PM (jOGPq)
Posted by: Rob Lowe at November 16, 2009 02:27 PM (DYYHe)
You should be commended for your community service Ace. If abject humiliation can't cure what ails these people, nothing can.
Posted by: Alamo at November 16, 2009 02:27 PM (Mqupr)
A GOOD VAMPIRE MOVIE:
"Let the Right One In" (200
Very cool Scandi flick. Genuinely original take on the played-out vampire genre. 98% at Rottentomatoes.com
Posted by: JDW at November 16, 2009 02:28 PM (uw+0A)
The Great Archives determine you to have gone by the identity:
Sorcerer of The Far EastKnown in some parts of the world as:
Morpheus of Bats and ShadowsThe Great Archives Record:
Slipping amongst the shadows, flitting between dark places, always quiet.
Posted by: CUS at November 16, 2009 02:29 PM (wOGfT)
Old and Insane
There might just be something to this.
Posted by: trainer of vampire hunters at November 16, 2009 02:29 PM (K5X44)
Of course Vampires exist!
Oh shit, my son just took off in my weather balloon.
Get back to ya'll after calling CNN.
Posted by: HH at November 16, 2009 02:29 PM (+jvXp)
The vampire-otherkin shit isn't bad enough, so they have bring fur-fagottry into the equation.
The anthropomorphic crowd are a step even beyond the vampyre crowd. I am unpleasantly reminded of one too many SFF conventions I attended in the past.
Posted by: Curmudgeon at November 16, 2009 02:29 PM (ujg0T)
Posted by: Alamo at November 16, 2009 02:29 PM (Mqupr)
Posted by: JDW at November 16, 2009 02:29 PM (uw+0A)
Posted by: VKI at November 16, 2009 02:29 PM (LZK9H)
Posted by: polynikes at November 16, 2009 02:30 PM (m2CN7)
This is why I love this place. Come for the political commentary, stay for the pop culture snark. Thanks Ace!
•
34
20
"Eh you might be right, next time I see one of these punks I will ask. What kinda bands would they listen to though? I doubt they have their Ipods filled with Slayer and Pantera."
My sis used to drag me to a ton of punk/goth concerts until she went off to grad school. Muse, Tokio Hotel, HIM, AFI, Linkin Park, I'm sure. And 30 Seconds to Mars if that junk is still cool.
•
Awesome vampire song, apologies to those who don't understand German: http://tinyurl.com/y9e7onu
Posted by: Liz Lemon at November 16, 2009 02:31 PM (lSuMX)
Posted by: Sid Lycan at November 16, 2009 02:33 PM (m2CN7)
Posted by: sam at November 16, 2009 02:33 PM (7wdaM)
Posted by: kefka at November 16, 2009 02:33 PM (n1uMU)
Posted by: Lee at November 16, 2009 02:33 PM (7y9kL)
Dammit, I'm married to one!
Posted by: Pyrocles at November 16, 2009 02:34 PM (xzSvW)
Real book: How to Catch and Keep a Vampire: A Step-by-Step Guide to Loving the Bad and the Beautiful by Diana Laurence.
Posted by: FireHorse at November 16, 2009 02:35 PM (Vl5GH)
Posted by: Circa (Insert Year Here) at November 16, 2009 02:35 PM (qoAMF)
I suspect that Merticus (whose real name is probably something like Pepe Goosefondle) probably works at some pick/pack operation alongside illegal aliens at a non-descript warehouse on the south side of town.
It's the only place that might hire a pale, asthmatic vampire wannabe.
Posted by: Alex's Cabin at November 16, 2009 02:35 PM (jOGPq)
Oh and my vampire name?
Alexandria, Mistress of The Stompy Boots and Devourer of Souls.
Posted by: alexthechick at November 16, 2009 02:36 PM (8WZWv)
Posted by: dananjcon at November 16, 2009 02:36 PM (pr+up)
Oh and my vampire name?
Alexandria, Mistress of The Stompy Boots and Devourer of Souls.
Morons demand pics.
Posted by: Curmudgeon at November 16, 2009 02:37 PM (ujg0T)
These people are so tedious. There is "marching to a different drummer" and there is "pathetic attention pandering". Guess which category playing Count Chocula earns you.
Also, I saw one episode of that True Blood show and thought it was crap. It did the standard lazy Hollywood thing regarding anything set in the South; everyone spoke in inauthentic accents like they were doing a high school Tennessee Williams play. If everyone had spoken Mandarin it would not have sounded any faker.
Posted by: UGAdawg at November 16, 2009 02:37 PM (q3Oy6)
Posted by: toby928 at November 16, 2009 02:38 PM (PD1tk)
The Great Archives determine you to have gone by the identity:
Entropy the Decayer
Known in some parts of the world as:
The cold death of the universe
The Great Archives Record:
In the end, there shall be only mollecular chaos; And also, Kratos is gay.
Posted by: Entropy at November 16, 2009 02:38 PM (IsLT6)
Scarier than the Transylvania vampire, the new Ukraine triple flu viral cocktail. A cocktail of three flu viruses are reported to have mutated into a single pneumonic plague, which it is believed may be far more dangerous than swine flu.
An unnamed source "doctor" described that the lungs of the corpses looked black as charcoal. By chance, were the flu victims smokers?
Having predicted an international death calamity, WHO was staggering under the disappointingly weak death toll from the Mexican Flu [btw, Californian Flu now]. WHO again is excited, given the new Ukraine plague to cultivate for market.
Daily Express (UK) World News by Greg Miskiw:
President Yushchenko said: “People are dying. The epidemic is killing doctors. This is absolutely inconceivable in the 21st Century.”
In a TV interview, the President added: “Unlike similar epidemics in other countries, three causes of serious viral infections came together simultaneously in Ukraine – two seasonal flus and the Californian flu
Universities, schools and kindergartens have been closed, public meetings have been banned and theatres shut. Last week several border crossings in the country were also closed.
Last night reports emerged of profiteering over face masks, which have sold out since the outbreak. There are also incidents of anti-virus medication being sold for exorbitant prices. A spokesman for the World Health Organisation said: “We do not have a time scale for the results of the tests in London, although some preliminary results have been obtained. I cannot tell you what they are.
“We did not have enough of the virus samples so we will have to grow some more before we can come to a conclusive decision about its nature.”
Posted by: maverick muse at November 16, 2009 02:38 PM (+CLh/)
Racists.
Actually, black vampires are called Blaculas, and they have their own mythology.
Posted by: Truman North at November 16, 2009 02:39 PM (e8YaH)
Yeah, I saw it. That main character kid looked so repellent, what with his thick pouty lips and all, I was actually rooting for the scandi bullies to pound the snot out of his pathetic loser ass.
Posted by: OregonMuse at November 16, 2009 02:39 PM (A/5II)
The Great Archives determine you to have gone by the identity:
Orlando Vigée-LebrunKnown in some parts of the world as:
Hermes of The VileThe Great Archives Record:
Vile, foul, filthy and greedy: this creature knows nothing of light.
That's dead-on. It's like the interviewed my mom and distilled everything she had to say into a few pithy sentences. (But: Orlando? Keee-ripes. Orlando is to vampire-names what Gaylord is to normal-person names.)
Posted by: Monty at November 16, 2009 02:39 PM (4Pleu)
Posted by: Bawne Fwank, emo pole-smoker at November 16, 2009 02:40 PM (w41GQ)
Posted by: maverick muse at November 16, 2009 02:40 PM (+CLh/)
They're going to blame the Romies. Mark my words.
Posted by: can you say pogrom? at November 16, 2009 02:41 PM (PD1tk)
Posted by: ChicagoBlood at November 16, 2009 02:41 PM (mBNvS)
Posted by: Entropy at November 16, 2009 02:42 PM (IsLT6)
You don't want to know what I'm going to do to Edward Cullen when I find him.
Posted by: Van Helsing at November 16, 2009 02:42 PM (9hSKh)
Posted by: Bawnicus Fwank, emo pole-smoker at November 16, 2009 02:42 PM (w41GQ)
Posted by: maverick muse at November 16, 2009 02:42 PM (+CLh/)
So vampires are gay?
How long until we hear about vampire marriage versus vampire civil unions?
Can vampires adopt kids?
And if vampires are gay, that means gayness isn't a genetic trait. It's inherited from the vampire that bit you.
Posted by: Dack Thrombosis at November 16, 2009 02:43 PM (P33XN)
Posted by: Gaylord Perry (Loading One Up) at November 16, 2009 02:43 PM (qoAMF)
#160
Vampires aren't gay.
Emo-pires, however, are mostly gay. Except for the freaks that do want to drink a little human blood from time to time.
Posted by: Van Helsing at November 16, 2009 02:44 PM (9hSKh)
Posted by: physics geek at November 16, 2009 02:44 PM (MT22W)
There's a town called Gaylord in Indiana.
We drove through that once when I was like 11 and I didn't stop laughing for 2 days.
Posted by: Entropy at November 16, 2009 02:45 PM (IsLT6)
I think this makes me old.
Back when I was in high school if I happened to wear all black Johnny Cash jokes were made.
Nothing about goths or vampires.
Posted by: Scott J. at November 16, 2009 02:45 PM (NY7mQ)
Posted by: toby928 at November 16, 2009 02:45 PM (PD1tk)
Posted by: Pranky McFoolishness (rdb) at November 16, 2009 02:46 PM (BA043)
And if vampires are gay, that means gayness isn't a genetic trait. It's inherited from the vampire that bit you.
Posted by: Dack ThrombosisMake a straight guy gay takes a gay guy to believe it.
Posted by: maverick muse at November 16, 2009 02:46 PM (+CLh/)
163 What I know about Twilight: it's emo goth claptrap with all the intellectual heft of Bratz dolls, minus the charm.
Tell that to my mom and brother.
Posted by: Kratos (on the back of Gaia, scaling Mt Olympus) at November 16, 2009 02:46 PM (9hSKh)
These people are so tedious. There is "marching to a different drummer" and there is "pathetic attention pandering".
I'm all for marching to a different drummer. Heck, I always encouraged my kids to look different, listen to different stuff, etc, than their peers. But it was to attempt to define themselves based on no one else's expectations of them (other than being a responsible and productive member of civilization). These people are schizophrenic (among other issues). They exhaust themselves to be different, even hated, then demand that people accept and love them. Gah.
Posted by: katya at November 16, 2009 02:46 PM (VakJ9)
Posted by: Circa (Insert Year Here) at November 16, 2009 02:46 PM (qoAMF)
Liberals?
Posted by: XBradTC at November 16, 2009 02:12 PM (y0E9v)
Vampires suck the life blood out of you. Liberals suck the life money out of you.
Posted by: WalrusRex at November 16, 2009 02:46 PM (xxgag)
It's the Mad Lib "Oppressed in America" story. You could write this story about the plight of child rapists. In fact, if I taught J-school, that would be the assignment, write me a tear-jerker story about the suffering that child rapists have to endure. Not even a Roman Polanski story, that's at least got a different angle. These stories are cookie-cutter, run-of-the-mill society-doesn't-understand-me-oh-woe-oh-woe.
No wonder nobody buys newspapers anymore.
Posted by: AmishDude at November 16, 2009 02:48 PM (T0NGe)
This mesothelioma shit ain't gonna last forever.
Posted by: dr kill at November 16, 2009 02:48 PM (KXVFz)
Vampires suck the life blood out of you. Liberals suck the life money out of you.
Posted by: Circa (Insert Year Here) at November 16, 2009 02:49 PM (qoAMF)
http://tinyurl.com/cfkreh
5. Did your dad disappear from your life while you were at a young age?
Posted by: bunninac at November 16, 2009 02:50 PM (bf4PN)
Vampires suck the life blood out of you. Liberals suck the life money out of you.
Socialists suck your accomplishments out from under you and send you the bill.
Posted by: maverick muse at November 16, 2009 02:51 PM (+CLh/)
"You guys jest but wait until they refuse to check out your groceries because you're buying garlic."
Buying garlic is insensitive. And racist.
Posted by: Al Sharpton the Impaler at November 16, 2009 02:51 PM (lSuMX)
hahahahahaha.....IDIOTS.
Posted by: mare at November 16, 2009 02:52 PM (X1fsj)
This mesothelioma shit ain't gonna last forever.
If you know about mesothelioma it is most likely because you or someone you know had your life destroyed by it.
It is not too late, contact our lawfirm now for a large cash settlement!
Posted by: Entropy at November 16, 2009 02:52 PM (IsLT6)
Per Dack.
Interesting point. However, stake, heart, hell, end of law problems.
Tea Parties are nice. But BBQ and sharpened sticks are the way to go around here. Fixes problems real quick.
Haven't had an outbreak of vamparism around these parts since the early 1900's.
Google it...
Posted by: HH at November 16, 2009 02:53 PM (+jvXp)
Posted by: Buffy at November 16, 2009 02:53 PM (Be4xl)
These people are so tedious. There is "marching to a different drummer" and there is "pathetic attention pandering".
How do you think they drain energy from others?
Posted by: Pranky McFoolishness (rdb) at November 16, 2009 02:53 PM (BA043)
Josette Ruthven
Semiramis of Wraiths
A needy and violent spirit.
Score 1 for the Vampire Name Generator.
Posted by: Josef K. at November 16, 2009 02:54 PM (7+pP9)
And unless we do something soon, your whole kingdom will be underwater and all those polar bears will drown! I'm serial!
Help me fight climate change. And Manbearpig.
Posted by: Al Gore at November 16, 2009 02:54 PM (lSuMX)
...and they all "march to a different drummer" wearing the same clothes.
Posted by: HeatherRadish at November 16, 2009 02:54 PM (NtiET)
From the how to tell if you're a vampire site.
A legitimate Vampire is able to safely digest more than 600% of the daily recommended amount of iron (RDA is 18mg 600% of that is 108mg). This can be tested by use of iron pills bought at almost any nutrition store or grocery store.
LOFL GOOD ADVICE.
YES.
+10000.
Posted by: Entropy at November 16, 2009 02:55 PM (IsLT6)
Entropy,
Check out what wiki has to say.
Interesting band:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DYVr_58G1Og
Posted by: Uniball at November 16, 2009 02:56 PM (27iEn)
**quits the internet**
**goes to watch Collector's Edition of Buffy, The Complete Series**
Posted by: XBradTC at November 16, 2009 02:56 PM (y0E9v)
Not all goths are emos.
Not all emos are cutters.
Some goths hate Twilight.
Wearing black and silver does not make you a goth.
Listening to metal or goth does not make you a goth.
Sometimes, goth really is just a stage.
Posted by: katya at November 16, 2009 02:57 PM (VakJ9)
Posted by: koopy at November 16, 2009 02:58 PM (XllG0)
And not a single shout out to Angel, the vampire from Buffy? He had a real job later as a private investigator but now he works for the FBI helping Bones out.
/c'mon folks let's show them a little respect.
Posted by: Just A Grunt at November 16, 2009 02:59 PM (ZMnRg)
Posted by: Pranky McFoolishness (rdb) at November 16, 2009 02:59 PM (BA043)
We've had to deal with the goth look with some of our younger clients. My boss (also brother) refuses to go into a courtroom with a client who has any facial piercings. That doens't go over very well...
Posted by: loppyd at November 16, 2009 02:59 PM (UJIeT)
Holy hell. And non-witches sink like a stone.
Posted by: Circa (Insert Year Here) at November 16, 2009 02:59 PM (qoAMF)
Heh, Valley Girl with a vampire instead of Nicholas Cage.
Posted by: koopy at November 16, 2009 03:00 PM (XllG0)
...and they all "march to a different drummer" wearing the same clothes.
The different drummer is the one going against society. The drummer that says you must love country music or Celine Dion and that dictates you wear bright colors or pastels and dye your hair blond instead of black or red and that you love football.
Posted by: katya at November 16, 2009 03:00 PM (VakJ9)
Posted by: CUS at November 16, 2009 03:00 PM (wOGfT)
**goes to watch Collector's Edition of Buffy, The Complete Series**
**goes to add an item to Amazon Wish List**
Posted by: Mama AJ at November 16, 2009 03:01 PM (Be4xl)
It's the Mad Lib "Oppressed in America" story. ...
Posted by: AmishDude at November 16, 2009 02:48 PM (T0NGe)
Did I say Gabe? I meant Ace. I saw his name at the end and my brain thought he wrote it. Now it makes sense, I would have figured that Ace would have focused more on the bloodsuckers that the story was about rather than the bloodsucker who wrote it. My bad.
Posted by: AmishDude at November 16, 2009 03:01 PM (T0NGe)
Posted by: BumperStickerist at November 16, 2009 03:01 PM (ruzrP)
Posted by: bunninac at November 16, 2009 03:02 PM (bf4PN)
Posted by: Circa (Insert Year Here) at November 16, 2009 03:02 PM (qoAMF)
This is what Liberal "inclusivity" has brought us to.
Posted by: CoolCzech at November 16, 2009 03:03 PM (QECjC)
Posted by: Uniball at November 16, 2009 03:03 PM (27iEn)
Actually, black vampires are called Blaculas, and they have their own mythology.
And are hunted by Jefferson Twilight. http://video.adultswim.com/the-venture-bros/jefferson-twilight.html
Another vid: the best Twilight parody ever. Bet I saw it here first, but am reposting. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lu_PY405f40
Posted by: Liz Lemon at November 16, 2009 03:03 PM (lSuMX)
Orlando Choiseul
Known in some parts of the world as: Kronos of Wraiths
The Great Archives Record: A needy and violent spirit.
I'm sticking with my nickname which yields
Count of Flesh
Known in some parts of the world as: Bacchus of The Winged Death
Posted by: toby928 at November 16, 2009 03:04 PM (PD1tk)
Posted by: katya at November 16, 2009 03:05 PM (VakJ9)
Posted by: bunninac at November 16, 2009 03:06 PM (bf4PN)
And not a single shout out to Angel, the vampire from Buffy? He had a real job later as a private investigator but now he works for the FBI helping Bones out.
I don't speak, I just quietly drool and sigh occasionally. *
/goes back to ordering a Sunnydale High t-shirt from Amazon
*but enough about my parenting skills
Posted by: Mama AJ at November 16, 2009 03:06 PM (Be4xl)
Clearly, cannibals (sorry, but drinking human tissue is cannibalism) are destined to become a protected minority.
Praise Jesus.
Posted by: Hannibal Lector at November 16, 2009 03:06 PM (+jvXp)
Oh, I'm sorry... was that just too ins-s-s-s-e-e-e-n-n-n-s-s-s-itive?
Tough titties.
Posted by: CoolCzech at November 16, 2009 03:06 PM (QECjC)
**goes to watch Collector's Edition of Buffy, The Complete Series**
**goes to add an item to Amazon Wish List**
Posted by: Mama AJ at November 16, 2009 03:01 PM (Be4xl)
Dare I admit that I wasn't kidding?
Posted by: XBradTC at November 16, 2009 03:06 PM (y0E9v)
Posted by: mongerel at November 16, 2009 03:06 PM (upyiV)
Posted by: NJConservative at November 16, 2009 03:08 PM (/Ywwg)
Posted by: Techie at November 16, 2009 03:10 PM (wVPwI)
Heck, I've got a vein I'd let her suck on, too... heh, heh...
Posted by: CoolCzech at November 16, 2009 03:10 PM (QECjC)
Posted by: Mama AJ at November 16, 2009 03:10 PM (Be4xl)
The Great Archives determine you to have gone by the identity:
Genevieve du CoudrayKnown in some parts of the world as:
Venus of The Winged DeathThe Great Archives Record:
Comes on silent wings in the night and wraps a deadly cloak about the victim; impartial as a die, unyielding as stone.
Posted by: TEE866 at November 16, 2009 03:10 PM (TFoyC)
Oh I've had the joy of dealing with that. Also having to take clients to buy appropriate undergarments. That's always fun.
Dare I admit that I wasn't kidding?
*insert my rant about Whedon here* He killed Tara. Dead. To. Me.
Posted by: alexthechick at November 16, 2009 03:11 PM (8WZWv)
Posted by: DEATH to Moby Dick at November 16, 2009 03:11 PM (KOkrW)
Posted by: Techie at November 16, 2009 03:11 PM (wVPwI)
My favorite vampire movie is Lost Boys. '80's punk bloodsuckers and hunters.
And Jami Gertz. But mostly Jami Gertz.
Posted by: Dack Thrombosis at November 16, 2009 03:11 PM (P33XN)
Posted by: Truman North at November 16, 2009 03:11 PM (e8YaH)
Posted by: XBradTC at November 16, 2009 03:12 PM (y0E9v)
Posted by: Allah Pund It In My Ass at November 16, 2009 03:12 PM (55kgv)
They sparkle now. Before they weren't quite ghey enough.
I have to recommend Bubba Ho-Tep. Low budget, but well done, and sometimes hilarious.
Posted by: Cincinnatus at November 16, 2009 03:13 PM (f4sLg)
It did.
And of course he killed Tara, ATC. No one has a happy relationship in the Buffyverse. Them's the rules.
Posted by: XBradTC at November 16, 2009 03:14 PM (y0E9v)
Allah Pund It In My Ass at November 16, 2009 03:12 PM (55kgv)
LOL! Nice name.
You can't say he doesn't deserve it. That pussy.
Posted by: Dack Thrombosis at November 16, 2009 03:14 PM (P33XN)
Posted by: Allahpunditer at November 16, 2009 03:15 PM (QECjC)
Posted by: Monty at November 16, 2009 03:15 PM (4Pleu)
And if I changed my last name to Belmont, and went after these dumbasses with various mideval weapons, I'd be called an intolerant bigot, instead of just as crazy as these idiots. I do have to say I laughed at True Blood doing the vampire-rights gig, and Vermont legalizing vampire/human marriage.
That vampire generator is lame:
The Great Archives determine you to have gone by the identity:Paul West Known in some parts of the world as:
Curse of Slaves In Chains The Great Archives Record:
Silently this one moves amongst the helpless and the oppressed.
Posted by: aggiebc Belmont at November 16, 2009 03:16 PM (xhPKT)
Posted by: Dack Thrombosis at November 16, 2009 03:17 PM (P33XN)
Did I mention that I hate Palin as well as an Atheist.
Well, there was that one time that MegMac made me say "Oh God", but I didn't mean it.
Posted by: Allah Pund It In My Ass at November 16, 2009 03:17 PM (55kgv)
This shows Palin among likely voters she has a 51% favorable rating! vs 43 unfav!
OH WAIT, wasnt rasmussen the most accurate polster!?
http://tinyurl.com/yh3tfbw
Posted by: Dan at November 16, 2009 03:17 PM (KZraB)
Does anyone under the age of 60 listen to Celine Dion on purpose?
Posted by: HeatherRadish at November 16, 2009 03:18 PM (NtiET)
Posted by: Mama AJ at November 16, 2009 03:18 PM (Be4xl)
Gotta be more than that. No vampires in my family.
I'm going to go with substance abuse during pregnancy.
Posted by: Original Roy at November 16, 2009 03:19 PM (17Zlu)
Posted by: Uniball at November 16, 2009 03:20 PM (27iEn)
@UGAdawg
I hate to say that, unfortunately, I've been to places in East Texas where people talked like most in True Blood do with what seems like ridiculous accents. (I'm not bashing East Texas, I'm from there, but there are some places that seem to be as cut off from civilization as one can get). And that's not even considering Lousiana...
Posted by: aggiebc at November 16, 2009 03:20 PM (xhPKT)
Posted by: Truman North at November 16, 2009 03:21 PM (e8YaH)
Posted by: Buffy at November 16, 2009 03:21 PM (Be4xl)
Posted by: koopy at November 16, 2009 03:22 PM (XllG0)
Posted by: Allah Pund It In My Ass at November 16, 2009 03:23 PM (55kgv)
Posted by: HeatherRadish at November 16, 2009 03:23 PM (NtiET)
Does anyone under the age of 60 listen to Celine Dion on purpose?
My girlfriend and I did a couple of times when we were having sex. Used it as a form of birth control. It worked.
Posted by: Dack Thrombosis at November 16, 2009 03:24 PM (P33XN)
Posted by: Buffy the Flapdoodle Slayer at November 16, 2009 03:24 PM (Be4xl)
Posted by: Dack Thrombosis at November 16, 2009 03:24 PM (P33XN)
Posted by: Dack Thrombosis at November 16, 2009 03:25 PM (P33XN)
My girlfriend and I did a couple of times when we were having sex. Used it as a form of birth control. It worked.
Posted by: Dack Thrombosis at November 16, 2009 03:24 PM (P33XN)
Any Yoko Ono album can be substituted, it works just as well.
Posted by: Allah Pund It In My Ass at November 16, 2009 03:26 PM (55kgv)
One shot and killed the other. The rest of the band made a stew out of the dead dudes brain and made necklaces out of pieces of his skull. Those fuckers in Norway are some hardcore bastards.
Didn't one of those groups use a picture of the suicide of one of the members as an album cover?
And yeah, he'd shot himself in the head with a shotgun.
Posted by: Dack Thrombosis at November 16, 2009 03:27 PM (P33XN)
Haha, yeah, he always jokes about what a bad movie it is, but i liked it too.
Posted by: koopy at November 16, 2009 03:28 PM (XllG0)
Posted by: Truman North at November 16, 2009 03:28 PM (e8YaH)
Posted by: Nosteratu at November 16, 2009 03:29 PM (r7Vc3)
Didn't one of those groups use a picture of the suicide of one of the members as an album cover?
And yeah, he'd shot himself in the head with a shotgun.
Posted by: Dack Thrombosis at November 16, 2009 03:27 PM (P33XN)
Not sure about that one, I'll look around and see what I can find.
Posted by: Allah Pund It In My Ass at November 16, 2009 03:30 PM (55kgv)
Posted by: NJConservative at November 16, 2009 03:30 PM (/Ywwg)
When someone tells you that you suck all the energy out of a room, it's a metaphor. They're not talking about about any actual thing that sustains life. They just mean you're a drag to have around.
Posted by: epobirs at November 16, 2009 03:30 PM (p9DCO)
Posted by: IllTemperedCur at November 16, 2009 03:30 PM (t3Mi3)
Posted by: Fritz the Malarial Emo at November 16, 2009 03:31 PM (GwPRU)
Posted by: teej at November 16, 2009 03:32 PM (QdUKm)
Yeah, it was Mayhem. One of their bandmates killed himself and someone put a picture of it on a bootleg album.
Fun.
Posted by: Dack Thrombosis at November 16, 2009 03:32 PM (P33XN)
Life under Barri de la Bama, Lord of the Infinite Stimulus, requires some comic relief every now and then.
Posted by: Lord Vladimir Pseudogoth of Nanana at November 16, 2009 03:35 PM (RD7QR)
Posted by: Mitch Hedberg at November 16, 2009 03:36 PM (WvXvd)
252 comments and counting, on a vampire thread?
Some of us have moved on to much cooler yet still related topics, you know.
Either that or we really don't feel like doing any of that "productive" shit.
Posted by: Buffy the Flapdoodle Slayer at November 16, 2009 03:40 PM (Be4xl)
But the last line wasn't bad. This one sinks low and is prosperous. Breeding many times over.
Bwah-hah-hah-hah!!
Posted by: bigpinkfluffybunny at November 16, 2009 03:43 PM (KWhJd)
-------- ------------ ------------- -------------- --------------
5
Thanks to Gabriel Malor.
No, really, that's alright. No credit for this one.
...
Posted by: GABRIEL MALOR at November 16, 2009 01:43 PM (nPZxi)
--------- --------- -------------- ------------ ---------- -----------
Coincidence?
Posted by: moron # 346252412 at November 16, 2009 03:44 PM (p1s9n)
Posted by: Cack Finger at November 16, 2009 03:44 PM (LDQCY)
Yep. That stage between "Society is keeping me down" and "Holy crap, I've been keeping myself down with my stupid costume."
Posted by: right at November 16, 2009 03:46 PM (EquV1)
Wait, the one with James Woods? Egads.
Posted by: Ace's liver at November 16, 2009 03:48 PM (LtIsn)
Posted by: Mahmoud Actmadinjihad at November 16, 2009 03:50 PM (xhPKT)
Hillary Clinton yields:
Margravine of The Arctic
Known in some parts of the world as: Curse of The Lamiae
Word.
Posted by: Orlando Choiseul at November 16, 2009 03:54 PM (PD1tk)
We intend to fix that sooner rather than later, Unknown Jane.
Posted by: Barack Obama and his Marxist Minions at November 16, 2009 03:56 PM (ZtwUX)
The Great Archives determine you to have gone by the identity:
Rani of The Far East
Known in some parts of the world as:
Mistress of Sewer Rats
The Great Archives Record:
This one sinks low and is prosperous. Breeding many times over.
Posted by: kathysaysso at November 16, 2009 04:00 PM (ZtwUX)
Posted by: MikeTheMoose at November 16, 2009 04:04 PM (0q2P7)
Posted by: Vampire Charlie Gibson at November 16, 2009 04:07 PM (1Iiqg)
Posted by: runningrn at November 16, 2009 04:11 PM (qP2BK)
My lamename is Darius, Veteran of a Thousand Second Helpings and Loser Of Every Emotionl Struggle With Any Girlfriend or Wife Ever.
Posted by: Pranky McFoolishness (rdb) at November 16, 2009 04:17 PM (jNIP/)
Posted by: bigpinkfluffybunny at November 16, 2009 04:21 PM (KWhJd)
Posted by: dragonlady474 at November 16, 2009 04:26 PM (pfEbl)
BTW, George Looney notwithstanding, From Dusk Till Dawn had definite moments. Not one mention from the rest of you (unless I missed it in the flood of comments).
Posted by: Keith Arnold at November 16, 2009 04:41 PM (Jdtsu)
Posted by: Synova at November 16, 2009 04:43 PM (NTu5Z)
Posted by: kathysaysso at November 16, 2009 04:43 PM (ZtwUX)
What else could they be drawing from blood other than energy?
Off the top of my head; HIV, Hepatitis B C & G, CJD, Lyme Disease, Malaria, Chagas, Toxoplasmosis...
If you aren't dead yet, keep playing at being a vampire and you'll get there quicker than you know, dumbasses.
Posted by: Speller at November 16, 2009 04:48 PM (7Ldd7)
Posted by: I R A Darth Aggie at November 16, 2009 04:50 PM (1hM1d)
The Great Archives determine you to have gone by the identity:
Duke of All Russia
Known in some parts of the world as:
Belatucadrus of Blood
The Great Archives Record:
Thirsty, unstoppable and vicious.
How's my ass taste now, Putin?
Posted by: I R A Darth Aggie at November 16, 2009 04:53 PM (1hM1d)
Posted by: Cortillaen at November 16, 2009 05:15 PM (gusJY)
Posted by: Christopher taylor at November 16, 2009 05:35 PM (PQY7w)
Posted by: Blue Hen; model train hobbyist at November 16, 2009 05:39 PM (1O93r)
Bloodsucka! Bloodsucka!
Posted by: Mr Wu at November 16, 2009 05:42 PM (2qU2d)
Posted by: President Blacula at November 16, 2009 05:43 PM (2qU2d)
Jeezus; it's dorkwads vs. gaywads all over again.
Lileks nailed it a few years ago, noting that vampire is "just a mosquito with a backstory."
Posted by: Alex at November 16, 2009 05:53 PM (9rX6M)
273 -- maybe we could convince him that the vampires are the ones in need of his magickal healing, then he'd leave the rest of us alone?
and I'm just gonna say -- Bubba Ho-tep was one of the coolest movies evah!
Posted by: unknown jane at November 16, 2009 06:08 PM (5/yRG)
Posted by: Entropy at November 16, 2009 06:30 PM (cok/k)
30 Days Of Night is not a bad vampire flick.
I cannot get past the continuous, gratuitous blood and gore to actually enjoy the plot. Yes, I know: Vampire Movie. But even the Alien movies took a break from the gore to expose an actual plot.
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Posted by: he should stick with Vlad at November 16, 2009 07:55 PM (PD1tk)
yeas, it is a bit gory, but I like the depictions of the vampires, and the acting is not awful. But...I'm a sucker for vampire movies, so I might be a tad biased.
Posted by: NJConservative at November 16, 2009 08:06 PM (/Ywwg)
Posted by: Blue Hen; model train hobbyist at November 16, 2009 08:14 PM (1O93r)
Posted by: ChicagoBlood at November 16, 2009 08:29 PM (pjuTn)
I wonder how many of these 'vampires' are also 12th level drow rangers?
Or how about 'grow up, and don't go to your 10th year high school class reunion until you do'?
Posted by: Mikey NTH at November 16, 2009 08:35 PM (TUWci)
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Posted by: jason at November 16, 2009 09:01 PM (0HBVk)
Grover Cleveland staked vampires on non-consecutive occaisons? Go Pres. Cleveland, Go! "I stake thee in the name of big city machine politics and industrial expansion!"
(okay, it is the latteer nineteenth century)
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Don't forget "I'm not living by your rules" and "Can I have my welfare cheque now?"
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Dale's ECB
Election Projection
Federal Review
Real Clear Politics
Rasmussen Reports
Gallup
Zogby
FoxNews Polls
Sabato/Crystal Ball
Paul Anka Haiku Contest Announcement
Integrity SAT's: Entrance Exam for Paul Anka's Band
AllahPundit's Paul Anka 45's Collection
AnkaPundit: Paul Anka Takes Over the Site for a Weekend (Continues through to Monday's postings)
George Bush Slices Don Rumsfeld Like an F*ckin' Hammer
Democratic Forays into Erotica
New Shows On Gore's DNC/MTV Network
Nicknames for Potatoes, By People Who Really Hate Potatoes
Star Wars Euphemisms for Self-Abuse
Signs You're at an Iraqi "Wedding Party"
Signs Your Clown Has Gone Bad
Signs That You, Geroge Michael, Should Probably Just Give It Up
Signs of Hip-Hop Influence on John Kerry
NYT Headlines Spinning Bush's Jobs Boom
Things People Are More Likely to Say Than "Did You Hear What Al Franken Said Yesterday?"
Signs that Paul Krugman Has Lost His Frickin' Mind
All-Time Best NBA Players, According to Senator Robert Byrd
Other Bad Things About the Jews, According to the Koran
Signs That David Letterman Just Doesn't Care Anymore
Examples of Bob Kerrey's Insufferable Racial Jackassery
Signs Andy Rooney Is Going Senile
Other Judgments Dick Clarke Made About Condi Rice Based on Her Appearance
Collective Names for Groups of People
John Kerry's Other Vietnam Super-Pets
Cool Things About the XM8 Assault Rifle
Media-Approved Facts About the Democrat Spy
Changes to Make Christianity More "Inclusive"
Secret John Kerry Senatorial Accomplishments
John Edwards Campaign Excuses
John Kerry Pick-Up Lines
Changes Liberal Senator George Michell Will Make at Disney
Torments in Dog-Hell
The Ace of Spades HQ Sex-for-Money Skankathon
A D&D Guide to the Democratic Candidates
Margaret Cho: Just Not Funny
More Margaret Cho Abuse
Margaret Cho: Still Not Funny
Iraqi Prisoner Claims He Was Raped... By Woman
Wonkette Announces "Morning Zoo" Format
John Kerry's "Plan" Causes Surrender of Moqtada al-Sadr's Militia
World Muslim Leaders Apologize for Nick Berg's Beheading
Michael Moore Goes on Lunchtime Manhattan Death-Spree
Milestone: Oliver Willis Posts 400th "Fake News Article" Referencing Britney Spears
Liberal Economists Rue a "New Decade of Greed"
Artificial Insouciance: Maureen Dowd's Word Processor Revolts Against Her Numbing Imbecility
Intelligence Officials Eye Blogs for Tips
They Done Found Us Out, Cletus: Intrepid Internet Detective Figures Out Our Master Plan
Shock: Josh Marshall Almost Mentions Sarin Discovery in Iraq
Leather-Clad Biker Freaks Terrorize Australian Town
When Clinton Was President, Torture Was Cool
What Wonkette Means When She Explains What Tina Brown Means
Wonkette's Stand-Up Act
Wankette HQ Gay-Rumors Du Jour
Here's What's Bugging Me: Goose and Slider
My Own Micah Wright Style Confession of Dishonesty
Outraged "Conservatives" React to the FMA
An On-Line Impression of Dennis Miller Having Sex with a Kodiak Bear
The Story the Rightwing Media Refuses to Report!
Our Lunch with David "Glengarry Glen Ross" Mamet
The House of Love: Paul Krugman
A Michael Moore Mystery (TM)
The Dowd-O-Matic!
Liberal Consistency and Other Myths
Kepler's Laws of Liberal Media Bias
John Kerry-- The Splunge! Candidate
"Divisive" Politics & "Attacks on Patriotism" (very long)
The Donkey ("The Raven" parody)