1

Everything he said is true.

2 Rapist!

3 Preach it bro!

4 LOL, wait until you have been married for 30 years. 3 or 4 times a week???? Hahahahahahaha

5 I for one get it...and so does my husband.

6 I have remarked to my wife at the grocery store checkout counter that I could write every single article in Cosmo headlined 'How to Keep you Man', 'How to Wow your Man in Bed', 'How to Keep your Man Satisfied' etc. etc. etc.:

Give him a blow job.

And yes, it is just that simple. 

7 >>>LOL, wait until you have been married for 30 years. 3 or 4 times a week???? Hahahahahahaha

I know, which is bad.

I'm fighting the good fight, man.

8 What's wrong w/ being pussy-whipped? You make it sound like a *bad* thing. LOL Yes, we all know men are pretty much suckers when it comes to the opposite sex. That's how I scammed lunch money off of my guy friends in high school. j/k

Believe it or not, the pendulum swings both ways on this story.

9 In the New Age that began Tuesday, is that really an issue any more?

Though I couldn't blame Zero for not ushering in an era of sex for all, seeing as how he's married to a captain of the Uruk-Hai.

10 Mrs. Instapundit was awesome in Groundhog Day!

11 3 to 4 times a week sounds right...if by 3 to 4 you mean once and by week you mean year

12

I disagree with you about wives, sex, and affairs.

The reason my ex-husband had affairs had absolutely nothing to do with our sex life. He got it from me whenever and wherever and most of the time however he wanted it. We were equal in our sexual drives and desires and even when we went to marriage counseling he never had one word of complaint about that aspect of our relationship.

So, apparently, in some cases, "screw him lots" doesn't always guarantee you'll keep your man.

13

Wait until you have small children.  Especially when you have a four-year-old who won't go to sleep herself unless she has absolutely verified that everyone else in the house is also asleep.  Especially when you have a four-year-old who, regardless of what time she goes to bed (including time wasted verifying that everyone else has already gone to bed), usually wakes up by 7:00 / 7:30.  Even on the weekends.

Sometimes I truly have to wonder how we managed to give her a younger sibling.

14 Who was that genius with the "keep his balls empty and his stomach full" advice?

Honey, if you're reading this, I can do the first part, but is pizza delivery OK for the second?

*smooches*

15 One of the complaints that my husband had about his ex-wife (a woman we get along fine with, by the way) was that after she gave birth to their son she cut off the sex. Even when he tried to negotiate for once a week, at least, she woudn't comply.

Me--although not in the mood all the time (for some reason, childbirth does that to a woman), I at least try to keep him happy when I can when he is. Since I had my son I haven't really felt like I was in the mood for it too much. So I did what I had to do -- watch "special movies" to get us both in the mood.

16 Do you guys (by that I mean 'men') believe in the 'emotional affair'?

17 yes but it's not as bad as the real one. For some women, I think, they're on par, or the emotional one is even worse.

But yeah, the emotional affair is real and not good.

18

Do you guys (by that I mean 'men') believe in the 'emotional affair'

 

OK, I’m slow, what is an “emotional affair”?

19 Or rather, "not good" if you're on the wrong end of it.

I'm sure it's good for the people involved.

20

"If you don't have sex with me in three months, I'll have sex with someone else.  I know, I seen me do it." - Ron White

21

'emotional affair'?

Yup.

22 This is fine and makes good points, but the whole thing is complicated. Men cheat for a lot of reasons. A lot of sex would kill a lot of affairs but some are emotional and some are just guys who think they aren't shit unless they are screwing someone "hot".

23

My grandma said men are like floor tiles - if you lay them right you can walk all over them.

Grandpa was still smiling when we buried him.

24 OK, I’m slow, what is an “emotional affair”?

Its when you cry when you drop off the hooker

25 Ace, in the midst of all your talk about cleavage and ejaculation, you never fail to toss out the occasional gem of intelligence and, dare I say it, sensitivity.  You never cease to amaze me.  Have I mentioned you are my most admired athiest?

26 >>>OK, I’m slow, what is an “emotional affair”?

It's what it sounds like. It's an affair that doesn't go physical but has all the other elements of an affair, emotional closeness, treating each other as confidantes, relying on each other, etc.

Emotional cheating. Going outside the relationship for emotional stuff rather than physical.

Of course, pretty much any emotional affair can turn into a physical affair at the drop of a hat, too.

27 Good God Ace I love it when you do these post about sex!

28 Sounds like a 'work wife' or 'work husband'.

29

OK, I’m slow, what is an “emotional affair”?

It's like when your spouse is late getting home cause he/she was having a cup of coffee with a fellow worker of the opposite sex.  Over the cuppa, is the nice little chit-chat the two of you had while you were dating but don't do anymore.  "We were just having coffee" can be as dangerous as "just having sex". 

30 >>>This is fine and makes good points, but the whole thing is complicated. Men cheat for a lot of reasons. A lot of sex would kill a lot of affairs but some are emotional and some are just guys who think they aren't shit unless they are screwing someone "hot".

yes but 90% is a good guesstimate.

it's not just the lack of sex, it's the inevitable add-on stuff like building resentment and sniping and feeling that there's something better out there and stopping all efforts on behalf of your partner and etc.

31 Compulsive masturbation is more reliable than any woman.

32 In my day we called an 'emotional affair' flirting.

33 Wait.  Drop off the hooker?  Drop off?  And here I thought dumping them in the river was the proper thing to do.  The stuff I learn from this blog...

34 >>>"We were just having coffee" can be as dangerous as "just having sex".

As said in Seinfeld: Married women don't have coffee. They have affairs.

35

OK, I don't have kids, never lived with kids since the age of 18, so apparently there's something I'm missing.

I mean, I understand the fatigue of raising them, for example. Is that the problem? Or is it getting "caught"?

Cause, I mean, couldn't you just do it really really quietly after they're in bed? Or lock the door? Is that infeasible? I'm sure I'm missing something, because I hear this all the time. (my condolences to the sufferers.)

 

36 OK guys, while we're being open, can anybody tell me why the ONLY TIME my ex-husband wanted sex was when I didn't?  If I wanted sex he turned me down flat, 100% of the time.  He told me when we were divorcing that he felt like he was seducing me that way.  How can anybody be that stupid?

37 its just that after the kids come...you don't want to run the risk of making anymore that will turn out the same way

38

Do SHARED Soloes count TOO?

39 Why do gay men break up?

40 It's not that uncommon for it to go the other way. There are frustrated wives out  there too.

But in general, your point is well taken. One of our local tv preachers admonished his flock that a wife who withholds sex is practicing witchcraft. That got my attention. Men are really serious about this shit. Even God doesn't like it if you don't put out for your man.

41 <em>Why do gay men break up?</em>

I guess you just get sick of the same shit everyday

42 >>>So, apparently, in some cases, "screw him lots" doesn't always guarantee you'll keep your man.

No, it doesn't. But a lot of problems are fixed this way.

43 “People who are not putting out for their partners are making a big mistake.”

So not having sex or waiting for marriage is not just old fashioned, now it's considered wrong. Gotcha.

44 "It's an affair that doesn't go physical but has all the other elements of an affair, emotional closeness, treating each other as confidantes, relying on each other, etc."

Why would any guy do that? What's in it for him? So you risk "getting caught," pissing off the wife totally, and you get absolutely nothing of value in return? If you're gonna have an affair, you ought to at least get some sex out of it, don't you think?

45 He told me when we were divorcing that he felt like he was seducing me that way.  How can anybody be that stupid?

He meant to say controlling but didn't want to get hit in the head. It's amazing the ideas some guys have for "controlling" a woman.

46 Cause, I mean, couldn't you just do it really really quietly after they're in bed? Or lock the door? Is that infeasible? I'm sure I'm missing something, because I hear this all the time. (my condolences to the sufferers.)

Or just go at it like jackrabbits and assume the kids will be so disgusted at the prospect of their parents doing it that the kids will clear out.  It's what my folks did, and I always cleared the hell out of there fast when it seemed like things were going south of PG-13.

47

it's not just the lack of sex, it's the inevitable add-on stuff like building resentment and sniping and feeling that there's something better out there and stopping all efforts on behalf of your partner and etc.

Bingo. I was trying to explain that, but ace did it better. That's the real poison. It's apparently not well-known to women how much not having sex isn't just frustrating, or irritating, but really damaging to guys' self-esteem. It's the worst possible way to say to a male s/o "i don't like you anymore." it's that simple.

the resentment comes in when the guy realizes he's still doing stuff (whatever it might be) for a chick that doesn't seem to want him around. he ends up feeling used.

48

I have had numerous female “friends” but I wouldn’t say we were “emotional” about it. My wife has many male friends but I don’t expect she is “emotional” about it. I don’t see this as an issue.

 

We have been married since 1981 and I have never cheated. My feeling has always been if you were going to go out and play the field there is never any reason to get married to begin with. Besides that, it can be damn expensive.

 

I had a co-worker who lost half of his retirement plan on his 3^rd divorce so he will die at work now. He had already lost his house and savings to the 2^nd wife.

49

I understand the fatigue of raising them, for example. Is that the problem? Or is it getting "caught"?

The fear of getting caught is a cold shower.  I remember hearing my parents...oh horrors, the trauma.

couldn't you just do it really really quietly after they're in bed? Or lock the door? Is that infeasible? I'm sure I'm missing something, because I hear this all the time.

After they are no longer little, they're teenagers.  After they're in bed?  Please, teenagers never go to bed and they are all over the friggin' house.  I'm not saying it isn't doable, but it's complicated.  Very easy to let the frustration take over and stop trying to dredge up the energy to care.

50
I guess you just get sick of the same shit everyday

Funny.....Ass........Shit!

51 Or PG.  Or G.  Depending on how the idiots at the MPAA are judging things on a given day.

52 That's right, stace. Although, frankly, I've seen what you get up to in the bedroom, and I'm not thrilled about that either.

53 >>>I mean, I understand the fatigue of raising them, for example. Is that the problem?

Fatigue plus a hormonal change (I think) that simply plummets a woman's sex drive down to near zero.

The man's sex drive, alas, remains pretty much as high as ever.

This is a really unfortunate trick of biology that's hard to finesse. As a guy, of course, I want to just tell women to suck it up, but I get that this is hard to do.

A lot of women will say "No sex' if they're tired.

Very few men will ever trade sleep for sex, on the other hand, unless they are almost about to pass out. Yes, guys can be too tired. But they have to be very tired indeed.

54

If I wanted sex he turned me down flat, 100% of the time.  He told me when we were divorcing that he felt like he was seducing me that way.  How can anybody be that stupid?

That word "seduce" your ex-husband used, it doesn'ta mean what he think it to mean.

55 Or is it getting "caught"?

OK, so, Johnny and his dad were out walking around in the park when they see two dogs (well) doing it.

J:  Daddy, what are those two dogs doing.
D: (thinking it was about time Johnny start learning about these things) Well Johnny, they are making puppies.

The walk continues, and it's bed time.  Johnny goes off to bed, and daddy and mommy start feeling frisky.  Johnny can't quite get to sleep, and walks into the 'rents room at the most perfectly inopportune time.

J:  Daddy, what are you doing to mommy?
D: (with a thoroughly embarrassed mommy, and still remembering the moment in the park) Umm, we're making you a little brother.
J: Oh.  Well can you tell mommy to turn around.  I would rather have a puppy.

56 jdub @35--

I can't speak for every woman, of course, but when my kids were young (and I mean YOUNG), I sometimes lost my sex drive for a while because of two things: all day, every day, someone needing something from me and when the other adult in the house wanted something, I just wasn't up to it; and breastfeeding. I just wanted my body to MYSELF for a while. Sometimes, a mom just wants everyone's hands (and everything else) OFF for a while. I remember literally saying, "OH MY GOD, wouldja just GET OFF OF ME for ten minutes?!"

So. My 2 cents.

57

So not having sex or waiting for marriage is not just old fashioned, now it's considered wrong. Gotcha.

I think this is taking it to an extreme not intended.  Its about having sex after you've already started having sex, not about encouraging people who choose to wait to do it anyways. 

58 Women, ya really want to drive a guy away?

Not only stop sex but at least once a day comment about how some guy, famous or not, is great looking or a "real" man. Saying the words "real man" is like writing a prescription for an affair. The guy just needs to figure out who's gonna fill it.

59 >>>Why would any guy do that? What's in it for him? So you risk "getting caught," pissing off the wife totally, and you get absolutely nothing of value in return? If you're gonna have an affair, you ought to at least get some sex out of it, don't you think?

Women do it more.

60

I have had numerous female “friends” but I wouldn’t say we were “emotional” about it. My wife has many male friends but I don’t expect she is “emotional” about it. I don’t see this as an issue.

 

The danger is probably for couples who have ceased to 'talk' to each other.  So, like sex, they seek it out elsewhere.

61 Did you ever wonder why I haven't aged since Super Fuzz?

62

I remember hearing my parents...oh horrors, the trauma.

My dad had a "porn box" that he thought he'd hidden pretty well, with horrible, grainy old videos in them, which of course I devoured at every opportunity between the ages of, oh, 13-15.

One day I found a little gray camcorder tape in the box. Like the kind our family camcorder used.

I put it back very carefully in the porn box, covered it up with a couple other tapes, but the porn box back in its hiding place, and never, ever, ever looked in there again.

I still get the shivers, literally. The written word is truly incapable of expressing the horror and revulsion I felt at this point. I'm surprised my dick didn't fall right off, honestly.

63 >>>"OH MY GOD, wouldja just GET OFF OF ME for ten minutes?!"

Actually, I am done in 60 seconds...

64 jdub speaks truth to power.

65 Can I get an Amen Brother!?

66 I was no ball of fire after having my children, but I made sure my husband at least got a hand job if I didn't want to have sex. Once the baby weight was gone and I actually felt like a woman again...put SpongeBob on the telly for the kids and lock the bedroom door.

67

TEN minutes?

 

Is that like, metric system minutes?  What?

68 I think that "emotional affairs" are just about like the physical ones. A partner seeks emotional intimacy, companionship, or compassion because they desperately want it, but are not getting it at home.

There is also an interesting neruo-chemical aspect to the "empty balls" theory. Sex really does flood the brain with chemicals which make it compliant and "plastic". Regular reinforcement is the key to conditioning, in the Skinner sense.

69 I had a co-worker who lost half of his retirement plan on his 3^rd divorce so he will die at work now. He had already lost his house and savings to the 2^nd wife.


guess you can't move ahead in life by dividing

70 >>>Not only stop sex but at least once a day comment about how some guy, famous or not, is great looking or a "real" man.

My missus use to scream Matt Damon's name...problem solved when I said "give it to me Carnie Wilson!"

71
Observation: the phrase "making love" seems to be completely phased out of the American-English lexicon.

72

To whom it may concern:

Being a ROYAL BITCH will cancel out copius amounts of sex. Just saying.

73

I am guessing that the women they remember the most -- the ones that stick in their minds, the ones they never quite get over -- are the ones that were the most aggressive and accessible sexually.

Is there an affirmative beyond "Fuckin' A"?

74 This so f*cking true.

75 >>>There is also an interesting neruo-chemical aspect to the "empty balls" theory. Sex really does flood the brain with chemicals which make it compliant and "plastic"

The way guys are engineered is that we become increasingly moody and pissed off and stressed and etc. the longer it's been since the last one.

Once we, um, do our dirty business, it's very hard to pick a fight with us, even if you really try.

And masturbation does not fix this, only actual sex does.

What is it, oxytocin? Is that the neuro-chemical that leads to these feelings of deep contentment and peace and affection?

76 Truer words have never been spoken.

I worked myself to death when I was married to give my family everything they could possibly want while still giving them the attention they needed too.

All I wanted was a rumble in the hay a few nights a week without having to hear 'Again?!?!? We just did it last week!'

77 To be clear, I wanted to be left alone for ten minutes. The "ten minute" figure had nothing to do with the time spent on sex.

78

Fatigue plus a hormonal change (I think) that simply plummets a woman's sex drive down to near zero.

The man's sex drive, alas, remains pretty much as high as ever.

This is a really unfortunate trick of biology that's hard to finesse. As a guy, of course, I want to just tell women to suck it up, but I get that this is hard to do.

A lot of women will say "No sex' if they're tired.

So I guess giving them sex when we really aren't in the mood, would be an ultimate gift of love.

79 Yes, oxytocin is the "cuddle hormone". Same thing that gets released in women when they nurse or care for infants that bonds them so strongly.

80 For some women, I think, they're on par, or the emotional one is even worse.

*raises hand*  I completely lost my shit on my ex because of exactly this.  Mainly because he wanted all the emotional benefits of another woman while still being able to be all huffy and claim he never ever cheated.  It actually made me angrier that he wanted to pull everything but touching and expect me to be okay with that because he never saw her naked.  Yeah.  No.  If he'd been banging someone, I would have been peeved but not remotely as angry as I was at that. 

I do think there's a lot of truth to this - the only time that I've ever not really been willing was when the relationship was already falling apart.  That led to not wanting intimacy and whatnot which started a complete downward spiral.

The Good Ex-BF and I had a deal.  Give it up whenever the other wanted.  In return, simple consideration about the timing of the request was to be made.  He knew better than to try for morning sex since I HATE mornings.  I knew better than to pester him when he got a new book and was in the middle of it.  It's amazing how actually caring about stuff like that helped.

Of course, it helps that I've never had a kid or been with someone who does.  I don't know how y'all manage that.

81 My missus use to scream Matt Damon's name...

So does Matt Damon.

82 I put on my robe and wizard hat...

83 "He knew better than to try for morning sex since I HATE mornings. "

I hate mornings, too, but a good roll in the hay is a damn fine way to start a day off right.

84 Katya..

yes, it is.

85

 It's an affair that doesn't go physical but has all the other elements of an affair, emotional closeness, treating each other as confidantes, relying on each other, etc.

Damn, I thought that was called "friendship". But now I can inflate my "affairs" total considerably. 

86

Observation: the phrase "making love" seems to be completely phased out of the American-English lexicon.

It's alive and well on teen prime time soaps.

87

Yes, oxytocin is the "cuddle hormone". Same thing that gets released in women when they nurse or care for infants that bonds them so strongly.

Ah. So that's what we need to slip in womens drinks ...

88

Fatigue plus a hormonal change (I think) that simply plummets a woman's sex drive down to near zero.

 

Especially when the kids are babies and you are nursing them every 2,3, or 4 hours, and the husband wants in on the action. 'Hey, thems food for the baby, it gets tiring enough with them hooked up. Please understand the body works overtime to produce the stuff.'

 

And then when they are toddlers! Good Heavens, do you know what energy it takes to try and stay ahead of the little monkeys? All of ya'll can suck the life right out of us...when there is no help.

89

I understand the fatigue of raising them, for example. Is that the problem? Or is it getting "caught"?

What hasn't been mentioned yet is the fact that young children, the younger the more, are absolutely the most efficient germ factories on the planet.  We had only one child and were happy when only 2 out of 3 of us were sick.  Add that to all the other crap going on for there not to have any sex.

90

Do what I do; show up to bed with a couple of Advil in hand and when she tells she doesn't have a headache, you can go "Gotcha!"

My wife once didn't want to have sex because she was going to the gynocologist the next day, to which I replied "Okay, but you don't have a dentist appointment do you?"

91 I hate mornings, too, but a good roll in the hay is a damn fine way to start a day off right.

Yeah that was the theory.  That lasted until the time that he was trying to wake me up in a loving and caring manner and startled the hell out of me and I smacked him in the face and nearly broke his nose.  He was a bit leery after that.

 

92 Ah. So that's what we need to slip in womens drinks ...

Only if you want 'em to "bond" with you. It's not a sex thing. It's a "I love this person and want to share my feelings in a physical way" thing. Might want to be careful about that one.

93 Emotional Affair..

if you don't want your wife to read an email or text message from the other person..  because 'she might not understand'..

or have a throw away email account and have learned to clear web history too

(well, that last one works for not wanting your wife to find out about the pron you've been viewing too )

94

Observation: the phrase "making love" seems to be completely phased out of the American-English lexicon.
Nope; still alive and well. It's just that sometimes a fuck is really all you need.

95 alexthechick,

I am guessing that for most men, the physical affair is worse, and for women, the emotional one.

I think this is probably because men are pigs so a physical affair doesn't necessarily mean anything, and it's the emotional bond that really counts.

And women are more selective, so when she has a physical affair, it's a huge repudiation and humiliation. And the emotional affair, while it hurts, isn't the Big One.

Women are bit the opposite-- the physical is SOMEWHAT understandable, the emotional bond is the killer.

But for both men and women -- they're both pretty bad a pretty much a sign the relationship is going to end or at least go through a crisis period. We just rank them slightly differently.

96

Do what I do; show up to bed with a couple of Advil in hand and when she tells she doesn't have a headache, you can go "Gotcha!"

My wife once didn't want to have sex because she was going to the gynocologist the next day, to which I replied "Okay, but you don't have a dentist appointment do you?"

"Your mouths not bleeding...is it?"

97 I can handle just about anything for "ten minutes."  Just call it a quickie and get on with yourself. 

98

This is so true.

Feed 'm, f'**k 'm, don't nag 'm. Those are the rules to keep ANY man.

I would say: a man needs food, sleep, sex, and a little time for himself and his friends. Give him that, and he'll do anything for you.

So simple.

99

I'll speak up on behalf of married (16 years, 2 kids) guys who are getting laid by their wives on average 4-5 times per week. 

It's great.

I mean, hell, sex helps make all the other stuff better.  It's like bacon. 

 

100

We tried locking the door a few times.  It wasn't good.  She'd knock.  Lightly at first, then louder, and then when that didn't work, she'd start calling out to us from behind the closed door.  Questioningly at first, but then when no response was received, increasingly more scared and/or frantic.

If that alone doesn't put you out of the mood, the fact that this little spectacle she was making also wound up waking the baby...  *sigh*

 

For me to blame it largely on the children isn't entirely fair to them, though.  My wife still secretly pines to regain her 20-something body, and the fact that she's currently nowhere in that ballpark makes her see herself as fat and unattractive.  Despite my attempts to rebuild her ego, I have come to the conclusion that there isn't really anything I can do about this, as it falls entirely into the "female irrational thought" arena.  I did not marry her back when she had this alleged 20-something body.  I didn't even meet her until after she had apparently "let herself go" after a prior divorce.  I know nothing of this mythical scrawny version of my wife, and honestly, I could give a crap...  I likes her the way I founds her.  But, her own depression keeps her out of the mood, and despite my efforts to raise her spirits and debunk her own theories about her own attractiveness, here we are.

Hey!  Let's play psychiatrist!  Whee!

101

Its not "just" having sex.  Its acting like its more than another chore that the woman is doing around the house.  Notice I said "acting".  If you gotta fake some enthusiasm, ladies, I encourage you to do so.  Simply rolling over and checking your watch every couple of minutes is not going to get it.  Most married guys do have that one girlfriend in their past who really enjoyed his company in bed, IYKWIMAITTYD, and if you're consistently a cold fish even when you do deign to give it up, its likely to have negative reprecussions, long term.  We remember what it was like to be with someone who enjoyed what we did in bed and may seek that sort of thing out again if its lacking in a current relationship.  None of this excuses a guy from doing the necessary prework to put his wife in the mood, but since we're talking from a guy's perspective here...

Also, for long term relationships, its been my bitter experience that companionship and conversation are must haves for marital happiness, as much as sex is.  For both partners.  If you're lonely a lot, you're going to eventually try and find someone to fill that gap, even if you are getting the regular and routine charity toss in the sack.

Finally, remember, BJ's are like flowers to guys.  You know how special it makes you feel when he brings home the big bouquet of roses?  Yeah.

102 Damn, I thought that was called "friendship".

It's more than friendship.  It's when the other person is emotionally your spouse/partner/lover.  There's nothing wrong with that.  It's when you start relying on that other person for all the emotional support and care you should be getting from your spouse.  Then it's a huge problem. 

103 Communication is key because is gets tiring talking about the same shit everyday and takes effort.  She knows all your jokes, stories, metaphores, similies-and dear lord you know hers.  It's easier to just stop talking and communicate through the children in some strange brownian flow of information.  "She's not letting Son #1 play nintendo Ds in bed tonite so she's not in a good mood today and it's not worth me trying to get any tonite".  You don't even ask why she's in a bad mood because you already know that as well 9 times out of 10.

104

I mean, hell, sex helps make all the other stuff better.  It's like bacon. 

 Hmmm,

bacon sex...

105

OK guys, while we're being open, can anybody tell me why the ONLY TIME my ex-husband wanted sex was when I didn't?  If I wanted sex he turned me down flat, 100% of the time.  He told me when we were divorcing that he felt like he was seducing me that way.  How can anybody be that stupid?

 

As a matter of fact there are whole websites devoted to this topic. Google "PUA game". The theory is - treat women like dirt and they'll worship you.  Sadly, I've seen plenty of circumstantial evidence that there is some degree of truth to this.

106 I mean, hell, sex helps make all the other stuff better.  It's like bacon.

Is it wrong to have an emotional affair with bacon?

107

"Why do gay men break up?"

There are other reasons besides sex, you know. Money and spending come to mind rather quickly.

And Gay men that are in long term relationships slow down, too. My partner and I are in year 20 together. It ain't like it was in the old days, that's for sure. Just like straights, you got to spice it up.

108 Sex?

What is this sex you speak of?

Where can I find this thing called, "a woman," to have sexy time with?

109 you got to spice it up.

Does it get spicier the day after eating Taco Bell?

110
My marriage of seventeen years was for ten years celibate.  The wife wasn't interested in sex as soon as she had our last child.  I didn't cheat and remained loyal to her for a decade, until she decided that she wanted to pull the plug, telling me that she had fallen out of love early in our marriage but wanted a family.

Ten very long years.  Needless to say, I was a tad grouchy.

111

Emotional Affair..

if you don't want your wife to read an email or text message from the other person..  because 'she might not understand'..

or have a throw away email account and have learned to clear web history too

 

Bingo. 

112

Reason,

Take the t.v. away from her.  It's impossible to feel good about yourself or sexy when you're watching all the sexed-out nymphette celebs parade around in designer almost-clothing.  Even when you try to assure her you don't care what they look like.

113

The only problem I have with this argument is that, in my experience, once you have sex the slate is wiped clean. It's like giving food to a dog; once its done, it's forgotten. I gave my husband an amazing blowjob last night and 2 hours later he was back for more and then had the nerve to be insulted when I wasn't up for round 2. Sheesh.

114

>> I can handle just about anything for "ten minutes."  Just call it a quickie and get on with yourself. 

 

Damn.

It's a cruel world where ten minutes is considered a "quickie".

 

 

*sulks

 

115

It's more than friendship.  It's when the other person is emotionally your spouse/partner/lover. 

I've been there. But I can see that it might be a problem if either party is married to somebody else.

116 And Gay men that are in long term relationships slow down, too. My partner and I are in year 20 together. It ain't like it was in the old days, that's for sure. Just like straights, you got to spice it up.

Well, goddamnit, even that escape hatch has closed.

Bring on the fembots!

117 So if babies/toddlers make women uninterested in having sex, how do we get these 21-year-old single mothers with 3 children?

118 Control of sex = power.

Though in my ex's situation in equaled divorce.  Twice.

119

I just wanted my body to MYSELF for a while. Sometimes, a mom just wants everyone's hands (and everything else) OFF for a while. I remember literally saying, "OH MY GOD, wouldja just GET OFF OF ME for ten minutes?!"

Yeh. Just that feeling of being over-touched or "touched out" after a day with two and then 3 young children. I wouldn't have thought there was such a thing as too much snuggling and hugging, but it happened.

Plus, when you have kids, you're not really going to just jump each other in the kitchen while making dinner. You're gonna do it in bed and it's going to mean a little less sleep. If you have babies/toddlers who are keeping you from getting enough sleep for months or years on end, nothing that keeps you from sleeping is good.

120 or have a throw away email account and have learned to clear web history too

Some guys will have an extra cell phone as well.  Or so I've been told.  Really.

121

Wait until you have kids.  The time spent without kids is time spent recouping energy.  I'm not trying to make kids out to be something not great, because they are the best, but they are exhausting.  Sex is usually a 4 am type thing.  All of the exhaustion is made up when my 1 year old does things like look in the mirror, point at my reflection, say "daddeee" and kiss the air.  Or when my 4 year old asks for something, I say no and she proceeds to ask God, Jesus, and Mary outloud if she can have it.  Complete with answering "yes" in their voices.  "See dad, God wants me to have it."

And as a guy, I have to make sure to keep romancing my wife.  It goes both ways.  We want sex, they want letters, flowers, compliments, etc.

122 Extra cell phone.. good idea..

I mean..  What?  the nerve.

123

We tried locking the door a few times.  It wasn't good.  She'd knock.  Lightly at first, then louder, and then when that didn't work, she'd start calling out to us from behind the closed door.  Questioningly at first, but then when no response was received, increasingly more scared and/or frantic.

Lorazepam. A million and one uses.

124 Bacon?

125 dammit

126 To prove I am a chick and to take this more seriously, I think it boils down to a question of treating your partner as if they are worthy of your care and attention.  Most men have higher sex drives than most women.  That is a true fact.  For a woman to act like there's something wrong with that undercuts her man in the most personal way.  It's devaluing something integral to your partner.  Of course that's going to lead to resentment and bitterness, particularly if the woman still demands that the man completely understand and respect her needs. It goes both ways.

Look, there's also the fact that sometimes fooling around when you're not in the mood will get you in the mood.  The guy I was dating in law school once wanted sex while I was in the middle of studying for the bar.  I stared at him like he was insane, considering I was strung out on coffee, hadn't done more than shower, brush my teeth and comb out my hair in a week and was wearing the comfiest (read ugliest) things I owned.  Me "okay as long as I don't have to pay attention". 

We wound up breaking the bed and knocking over the dresser.  Hell, just thinking about what we ended up doing is making me blush.  So yeah.  I fully support the idea that a good sex life helps a relationship.

127

'So simple.'

A woman is a bit more complex for a man. We have an almost insinctual desire to have a wall up and women need that emotional closeness like water.

But a guy is a dog. Rub his belly, play fetch and put some food out.

128

Yes, oxytocin is the "cuddle hormone".

Do they sell supplements over the counter? A slow-release patch, perhaps?

129

That lasted until the time that he was trying to wake me up in a loving and caring manner and startled the hell out of me and I smacked him in the face and nearly broke his nose. 

 

Obviously he should have tied you to the bed first.

130 And masturbation does not fix this, only actual sex does. True that, Ace. Masturbation increases frustration.

131 I made sure my husband at least got a hand job if I didn't want to have sex.
Kelli D, you are what is known as a "catch." A keeper.

132 Some morning radio show was goofing on 'Family Fear Factor'..  asking the dad if he would rather do:

A. [the disgusting stunt of the day]
or
B.  show his wife the calls on his cell phone..

133

I have noticed that my sex drive increases when I get older. When I was in my younger twenties, sex wasn't a big deal to me, in fact I thought it was boring. Now that I am older, I can't get enough of it. It does help that my husband is good in bed.

 

134 Is it wrong to have an emotional affair with bacon?

If it's wrong, I don't want to be right.

135

Some guys will have an extra cell phone as well.  Or so I've been told.  Really.

My word, how do they keep them straight?  I can barely keep track of one!  But them I'm a woman (there, I said it so you guys don't have to).

136 When a relationship devolves into a scenario offering only three choices;

1. begging
2. rape
3. finding it somewhere else

I'm going with #3 everytime...   (begging only works on the first date, morons)

137 We wound up breaking the bed and knocking over the dresser.  Hell, just thinking about what we ended up doing is making me blush.  So yeah.  I fully support the idea that a good sex life helps a relationship.

made me blush too

138

Maybe some teens are different.  We raised our two kids in a VERY small house.  The 3 bedrooms were well within earshot of each other.  Hubby and I always have had a good sex life.  I can't re-call the exact conversation, but apparently out daughter overheard us once and complained to her older brother whose bedroom was actually closer to ours that hers was..  She didn't realize I could hear her.  He said, well I'd rather hear that than hear them fighting with each other. 

139 Obviously he should have tied you to the bed first.

That's what I said! 

140

I have noticed that my sex drive increases when I get older. When I was in my younger twenties, sex wasn't a big deal to me, in fact I thought it was boring. Now that I am older, I can't get enough of it. It does help that my husband is good in bed.

Lemme know how it's going when you're 46.

141

This is an all too common problem and one that I warned about some time ago.  It is amazing how many women will resort to a thin thread of anti-logic to justify withholding sex, almost any excuse will do.  My ex. would proudly admit to sex on my birthday and other "special occasions."

But here too is a warning on the other side.  For those guys who feel forced outside the marriage, you are inviting disaster and this is no answer.  Sure it will be great at first, but in the end you will be left with two women.  Double the trouble, not to mention the cost.

 

When your wife starts to suspect, and she will, you will be pursued like Sundance and Butch Cassidy by Sheriff Joe Lefors – no escape, no escape. 

 

So you can go to Bolivia or Divorce Court, and with it certain death.

142

re: kids

we used to break up periods of time for sex into "SpongeBobs" - fifteen minutes per SpongeBob episode. It helped with the time management aspect.

143 If blowjobs are like flowers then yesterday my new internet buddy presented me with the hanging gardens ! She is African American and I met her on interracialdatingcentral.com. Hey when in Rome right!

144 I can handle just about anything for "ten minutes." 

...in a row?

145 Heh; thank gawd for spongebob, and the new Wii!

146 wiserbud loves to give flowers...

147 Most of the actual studies I've seen seem to indicate that when men have extra-marital affairs, the vast majority of them list "not feeling appreciated" as the number one reason.

For example: The man goes to work, earns a living to support everyone in the home (as is my case), comes home to a wife who's done nothing during the day other than watch TV and facebook, finds the laundry's not done, the house is filthy and it's fast food again.

On top of that, you're accused of screwing every female co-worker you have, and you get a guilt trip every time you leave the house without her.

THAT is a recipe for an affair.

148 I told my husband the other day, that we should just go ahead and fuck each other like rabbits, while the kids were still in their cribs and can't open their bedroom doors. After they get out of the crib and start opening their own bedroom doors, the only time we will be able to do it is late at night when they are sound asleep and during the day when they are at school. Thank the Lord, my husband does not have 9 to 5 job.

149 My wife had a 5 year affair with Burger King...but it was with the baconator, so it's all good.

150

You guys are sick and perverted.

 

I like that.

151

WHAT THE HELL HAS HAPPENED TO ACE O' SPADES?? 114 comments and no one's stated the obvious?? To wit:

I'd hit both of them, Dr Helen AND Amy, like Brian Urlacher blitzing a bacon-covered Eli Manning.  Jeez, 2 fargin' days into the Age of Obamaquarius and we've lost our mojo. Egad.

152 I have four kids ages, 10, 7, 5 and 2 and I have LOTS of sex.

153 Ace of Spades is my Oprah (I mean that in a good way).

154 >>>Look, there's also the fact that sometimes fooling around when you're not in the mood will get you in the mood.

This is true, and frustrating for men. Sometimes a guy will want to TRY to get a woman in the mood, and she won't even allow that. She has decided that not only is she not in the mood for sex, she is not in the mood to be put into the mood.

I think guys have to accept that cuddling is not a guarantee of sex, and not get bitchy about it if it doesn't work out. On the other hand, it would help if women would try to do the cuddling-with-chance-of-sex thing, because touching often leads down the road to actual sexual interest.

It's one thing to not be in the mood. it's another thing to say "I'm not even in the mood to let you try to get me into the mood." That's a total freeze-out, shoot-down.

This might be because women, in my experience, tend to feel genuinely bad when they refuse people something, and so they don't even want to be in the position of having to refuse at all. I think this is why they start sending the "Don't ask me tonight" signals. They just don't want to be put in the position of refusing.

I guess guys can defuse this a bit by swearing that they won't get pissy or upset if their efforts end in naught, and actually try to mean that, or at least do a good job of hiding their disappointment if it doesn't happen.

155 An affair is just not intelligent.  Get a divorce.  If you have kids, wait until they are 18, then get a divorce.

156 wiserbud loves to give flowers...

unlike TBOM, who goes straight to giving the blowjobs.

Crucify me, I'm a romantic.

157 I have to admit I resent that sex is a cure for cranky. Everything asserted in the top post is true, or usually true. When my husband is impossible or grouchy or critical of something he usually doesn't give a hang about, I know the cure.

I guess that's like men resenting a woman's need for affection, though.

158 I have four kids ages, 10, 7, 5 and 2 and I have LOTS of sex.

Because you're PJ...I won't hit this set up

159

Or when my 4 year old asks for something, I say no and she proceeds to ask God, Jesus, and Mary outloud if she can have it.  Complete with answering "yes" in their voices.  "See dad, God wants me to have it."

YOURS DOES THAT, TOO?

160 I have four kids ages, 10, 7, 5 and 2 and I have LOTS of sex.

Obviously.  But, does PJD know about this?

161

Because you're PJ...I won't hit this set up

I dare you. I double dog dare you.

*runs like a bat out of hell

162

My husband worked with a guy that had a pregnant wife. The wife would not put out while she was pregnant. So you would think the husband relieved himself by masterbating. Nope, he told my husband that he couldn't masterbate because he did not like the feeling of having sex with himself. Of course, the guy was really sexually frustrated. I don't see how he managed.

163

I have four kids ages, 10, 7, 5 and 2 and I have LOTS of sex.

Do you also have a nanny and a housekeeper?  Or are you in porn?

164 Gosh, I feel old. Barney video tapes were what we used for toddler immobilization.

pjmomma just duct tapes her kids to the wall.

165

>> or at least do a good job of hiding their disappointment if it doesn't happen.

Hey, whether it happens or not, there is going to be disappointment.

166 It's one thing to not be in the mood. it's another thing to say "I'm not even in the mood to let you try to get me into the mood." That's a total freeze-out, shoot-down.


That's truth to power right there.  i'm going to curl up in  a little ball now.

(actually.. in this last year, things have been different.. more conversations, more.. other things    )

167 I have a question for those of you guys who are (or were) in relationships where you felt like the woman was withholding sex -- were the other aspects of your relationship good?

168

#155

Ace, are you sure you're not married?  OTOH, maybe you're so rational because youre not married.

169

This thread is proof we are all sick of talking Obama.  By the way, 1.5 million at the inauguration.  Only 14 missed work.

170 Full stomach and empty balls huh ... well now that you put it that way...

171 Mathematicial joke:

I like to have sex with my wife three or four times a week.  She is all too happy to reciprocate.

172 ........he told my husband that he couldn't masterbate because he did not like the feeling of having sex with himself. Of course, the guy was really sexually frustrated. I don't see how he managed.

That man's name?

Ted Bundy.

173

Do you also have a nanny and a housekeeper?  Or are you in porn?

Yes and I lie around on my couch eating bon-bons and commenting on Ace's all day. Ok, well part of that IS true.

Duct tape is the word.

Word.

174

I have a question for those of you guys who are (or were) in relationships where you felt like the woman was withholding sex?

Witholding it from me, or from half of Biloxi? Or does that matter?

175 Didn't Dennis Prager just catch a bunch of grief from feminists for saying pretty much the same thing?

176

I have a question for those of you guys who are (or were) in relationships where you felt like the woman was withholding sex -- were the other aspects of your relationship good?

Hard to tell--I was too busy burning the world.

Seriously--it so colors the other aspects of the relationship that you can't differentiate. 

177 This is true, and frustrating for men. Sometimes a guy will want to TRY to get a woman in the mood, and she won't even allow that.

I'll admit, there's nothing like a guy (or girl as the case may be) saying "look, you might feel like you should be speaking whale but I think you're hot and I want to bang you".  That satisfies both emotional and physical needs. 

178

DON'T YOU CLITORIS HATING PATRIARCHS REALIZE THAT THIS SOMEHOW PRECLUDES FEMALE ORGASMS?

http://tinyurl.com/bfjxoj

Comments on that post are closed now (probably just because it's old) and I had one more comment to make. It's kind of long, should I post it here.

PS - Long strings of unbroken text are not annoying, nor is that a normal way to refer to URLs of normal length.

179 Wait. Drop off the hooker? Drop off? And here I thought dumping them in the river was the proper thing to do.

Only for zombie hookers.

180

Well if I discovered anything in my marriage it was that some men are just assholes and no amount of pleasing them either sexually or emotionally will satisfy them. They are always on the look-out for "something else" and after a while you become "the same old thing."

I think the thrill of an affair is also part of what makes it happen. The excitement of not getting caught, the newness of the other person, that fluttery feeling of having a secret.

I never had an affair, so I can't say for certain, but I assume that is part of it.

p.s. Note to men, if you do have an affair with a married woman, be sure her husband isn't a computer expert who knows how to undelete messages to find out what's going on. My ex-husband learned that one the hard way. And the dolt was a computer expert himself.

181

You fuckin lazy broads talking about "how tired you are".  Guys typically do all the work.  What you can't lay down and spread? You know you want it!

182 My longest relationship never said no. I hated her for nagging etc. She never said no! I often thought I can't take this, but never saying no made me stay years longer than I would have.

183 Scariest thing a guy can hear after deleting emails and such from the computer from 'the other' is to hear your spouse say, "Hey come here and check this out"

184 Any article on this topic that contains more than three words ("Screw him lots") is missing the big picture and dwelling on trivialities.

Truer words have never been spoken. 

Male psychology can largely be reduced down to "must find moist place to stick pee pee."  Ladies, your relations with men will be remarkably simpler if you remember that.

185 'What you can't lay down and spread?' If I wanted that I'd rip a hole in the mattress, about as fun.

186 Ace is sick and we get the male-female sexual relations post. I expect he'll throw an evolution-intelligent design one up and get back to bed. The two topics guaranteed to fuel comments and keep rolling with zero additional work needed.

187 My longest relationship never said no. Dare we ask what the question was?

188 Hey Mr. Peabody, it's shit like that has me unmarried. I mean seriously, why should I ever want to get married? At least long term. If you want a family fine but when the sex stops the marriage does too. I don't care what women say their reasons are, nor should it. It's truly irrelevant. If you stop contributing that part of the relationship you are done. It doesn't matter to me what your reasoning is about it. So what? What's then in it for me? Companionship? LOL!

189 Look, I have 4 kids, all between the ages of five and two. Neither them being awake, or your wife being tired are valid excuses for withholding Teh Vagina. It is a piss-poor, selfish attitude that leads to an anemic sex life. You're tired? I'm tired, too. And horny. I can be both at the same time. Why can't you? Talk to your wife about your frustrations - when you're not frustrated at the moment. Having discussions about sex is a lot more productive than having arguments about sex. If you love each other and are willing to work on making time for each other, the rest is just logistics and strategies for getting time alone. All of which I am willing to share.

190 I think this is taking it to an extreme not intended.

Its exactly what she said. she didn't say "spouse" she didn't say "when you're ready" she didn't say "after getting to know each other."

And this is praised as deep and insightful. No wonder we're in the situation we are now.

191 (I like to have sex with my wife three or four times a week. She is all too happy to reciprocate.
Posted by: pbrown at January 22, 2009 03:04 PM)

Hey, that makes two of us! Who knew?

Seriously, I am the luckiest guy in the world. I have the horniest girlfriend EVAH, and we are breaking shit around the house all the time.

Her kids are already in college, mine is still at home, but sleeps like the proverbial BABY.

Sometimes I feel like I'm being raped. And... that's ok, somehow. Go figger. And NO skull ridge enhancement for her! See how lucky I am?

192 Ace @154

This is very true. There are times I'm not in the mood, but there's no reason I can't GET in the mood with a bit of attention, and there are other times it just isn't gonna happen, period. The reasons are many and varied, but never (for me) as simple as or cruel as wanting to deprive my partner.

Yeah, I could lie down and spread 'em, but where's the fun in that? Maybe wait a day and let's do it right.

193 Battle-tested Strategies for Getting the Kids Out of Your Hair so Mommy Can Get a Proper Rogering:

"The Gulf of Tonkin Incident" -

This maneuver works best with multiple children.  You either move something they were told not to touch or break some minor appliance.  Call them all together and demand to know who did this.  Of course, being innocent, they will all deny it.  At that point, you blow up and scream "ALL OF YOU GO TO YOUR ROOM AND DON'T COME DOWN UNTIL ONE OF YOU ADMITS IT!!!! I AM EXTREMELY DISAPPOINTED IN YOU!!!"

They'll head upstairs in tears, and while Mommy is securing her own ball gag to the sounds of crying and accusations flying between your children, you can rest assured that you have at least ten minutes of uniterrupted scrogging to look forward to.

194 Among the sentences never spoken in human history: "Your Honor, I was compelled to have an affair. My wife was fucking me too damn much."
=======

There is no good reason to have an affair.  None.
Or at least no good reason to have an affair and hide it from your spouse- you know, the other person in the relationship. If you feel you need to get sex elsewhere, admit it.

My two best friends (women) are divorced. Both had sex with their husbands about 6 times a week.  In one case, the guy had affairs anyway.  He liked the danger.  In the other case, the woman had the affair because she resented that sex had become a duty.

In a marriage, treat each other well in all ways. That will get you through everything.

195 Ace, you magnificent bastard ... your simple wisdom is beautiful!

196 Witholding it from me, or from half of Biloxi? Or does that matter? Now you're just getting into semantics.

197 As a stay-at-home Dad with 4 kids between the ages of 7 and 2 1/2 I have to laugh when I hear a woman doesn't want to have sex because they are tired from taking care of the kids all day. They might think the kids are the reason they don't want to have sex, but the truth is it's just because they are a woman. I would have sex with my wife every night. The kids are an excuse, just as job stress would be if they worked outside the home.

When a man has a bad day he can think of nothing better than having sex. When a woman has a bad day she can think of nothing worse than having sex. It's important not to have bad days together because the misery is multiplied. He can't believe she won't have sex and she can't believe he even has the nerve to ask.

198 Sex with a partner is waaaay too much work, with too many hassles and strings attached. Sex is best enjoyed alone, with your favorite porn.

199 I have a question for those of you guys who are (or were) in relationships where you felt like the woman was withholding sex -- were the other aspects of your relationship good?

I think that this is a little bit of a chicken and egg thing depending to which partner you talk too. I am also more than a little bit biased on this opinion since my ex lost interest the day we got married. But, if someone is withholding sex for any reason, then it will cloud all other aspects of the relationship.

I truly do not believe that women really understand how important sex is to a man. Much like I truly do not believe that men understand how much verbal and physical reassurance women really need. I think that flowers really are indicative of this. I know guys send them to girls, but they really don't understand why it is such an important thing to some of them. Of course, to a lot of girls for think flowers are important, it is more important to show off that they are better than their friends at work.

I really used to believe that if a woman really started withholding sex, then other things were wrong in the relationship. But, in my experience, my ex just lost interest. I tried everything that I could for about three years and she constantly was telling me how great of a husband I was and that she would brag to her friends about all I would do, but I could not get any more than once a month at most.

So eventually, I gave up. Once, I did, what was left of our relationship quickly descended downhill. Then she had the affair and that was the end of that.

So in answer to your question, yes I thought that they were for a little while, but it will not stay that way for every long.

200

I often run into the excuse of "I just need ten minutes to myself."  Then she'll use that time to fall asleep.

When that occurs more than once, I'll go to the Mutually Assured Destruction phase.  "You need ten minutes?  Take twenty, honey.  But when I get back, and you won't wake up, I'm  putting my dick on your cheek."

Mutually Assured Destruction, because I may not be getting laid, but she damn sure won't be falling back asleep anytime soon.

201

Her kids are already in college, mine is still at home, but sleeps like the proverbial BABY.

Hah, you think!  The little twerps never sleep until after 3 a.m.

202

Ace is sick and we get the male-female sexual relations post.

 Ah.  That might explain a lot.  I was starting to think I'd misjudged him.

203

Its exactly what she said. she didn't say "spouse" she didn't say "when you're ready" she didn't say "after getting to know each other."

And this is praised as deep and insightful. No wonder we're in the situation we are now.

And in the magical land of makebelieve you live in you can enforce the idea of no sex outside of marriage for everyone.

They're dealing in reality where people in relationships have sex, be they a married relationship or where they aren't married.  Its not about people who have been dating for two weeks and they're telling the ladies to "spread 'em" no matter what.

Yeah yeah, in a perfect world, no one would have sex outside of marriage, and condom makers would only have to talk about using their products in the prevention of pregnancy and not be worried about std's.  Tell us when a perfect world exists.

204 Log Cabin. Any chance you have a really good straight male friend named Matt?

205

My ex-wife like to have sex at least twice a day.

 

Usually while I was at work.

206

re:  treating her nice

One piece of advice by Robert Heinlein's "Time Enough for Love" is "Rub her feet" - as is "keep your beer stored in a cool, dry place" - but the foot rub is a good mood enhancer for her.

Being a guy, this needs must become more complicated to become more engaging.  The simple solution is to pick up a book on reflexology.  Not because of the Eastern/AltMed crap, but because a reflexology book will give you technical advice on good massage technique and  something to think about while you're doing the foot massage.

Plus, there's a pooter-reflex zone on the sole of her foot you can stimulate.

Google it.

207

"75 >>>There is also an interesting neruo-chemical aspect to the "empty balls" theory. Sex really does flood the brain with chemicals which make it compliant and "plastic"

The way guys are engineered is that we become increasingly moody and pissed off and stressed and etc. the longer it's been since the last one. "

So that explains it.  The last 6 years of sexual deprivation have caused my obstinate resistance to hopey-changey goodness, anger toward Muzzies and Lefties, and other anti-social thoughts. That must also be why I become irate every time I check the news.  It's so clear to me now!  Hopefully Obie will spread the wealth a little and help me pay for a mistress...  Perhaps that would cure my malaise.

208

My ex-wife like to have sex at least twice a day.

 

Usually while I was at work.

Damn she was awesome...you had a nice house too

209 When Dennis Prager said the same thing (paraphrased; women, have sex with your husbands even if you're not in the mood) and everyone (women) went ape crap about it. I thought you covered it well and in an uncomplicated way.

Why was everyone in an uproar talking about domestic rape?

210

Why was everyone in an uproar talking about domestic rape?

Because they are loons. 

211

I just wanted my body to MYSELF for a while. Sometimes, a mom just wants everyone's hands (and everything else) OFF for a while. I remember literally saying, "OH MY GOD, wouldja just GET OFF OF ME for ten minutes?!"

Wait a fucking minute here!

My wife complained of me not talking to her about adult things after she was with the kids all day!  She wanted, craved adult attention.

You're saying you want to be alone?!  You woman have GOT to make up your fucking minds...

212

Hopefully Obie will spread the wealth a little and help me pay for a mistress...  Perhaps that would cure my malaise.

Oh, I'm gonna fuck you, sweetheart, you better believe it. I'm gonna fuck you reeeal good.

213 "Because they are loons."

Yep. Man-hating, reality-dodging loons.

214

209 When Dennis Prager said the same thing (paraphrased; women, have sex with your husbands even if you're not in the mood) and everyone (women) went ape crap about it. I thought you covered it well and in an uncomplicated way.

 The old double standard; men are pigs for even contemplating this notion while women discussing it is vogue and forward thinking. Same dif as what Democrats are allowed to get away with versus Republicans.

215 Why was everyone in an uproar talking about domestic rape?

Because they're nuts and need to get laid.

216 191 (I like to have sex with my wife three or four times a week. She is all too happy to reciprocate.
Posted by: pbrown at January 22, 2009 03:04 PM)
Hey, that makes two of us! Who knew?
Seriously, I am the luckiest guy in the world. I have the horniest girlfriend EVAH, and we are breaking shit around the house all the time.

I think you didn't get the joke, then. 

"Reciprocate" can mean "do the same in return".  But mathematically, reciprocate means "compute 1/x".

217 Catman--

talking is NOT the same as waiting until three seconds after the kids she's been taking care of all day, then groping her.

My end-of-day routine that worked was once the kids were in bed, or awake and happy, I'd leave 'em to their father, take a shower (without company or anybody outside the door hollering for anything) and use that time to switch gears mentally. Made a world of difference.

218

After 12 years of 21 being married to the Daughter of Satan, I became bisexual. Only got it twice a year, around Christmas and 4th of July.

219 talking is NOT the same as waiting until three seconds after the kids she's been taking care of all day, then groping her.

That should read: Talking is NOT the same as waiting until three seconds after the kids she's been taking care of all day ARE IN BED, then groping her.

220

Domestic rape was how I got pregnant every time.

I'm bummed I ran out of rufies.

221

My wife complained of me not talking to her about adult things after she was with the kids all day!  She wanted, craved adult attention.

You're saying you want to be alone?!  You woman have GOT to make up your fucking minds...

The honest women who are not ego damaged will admist that we are complicated (not always in a good way) and often can't even figure ourselves out.  Most of the time I appreciate my husbands mostly patience with my looniness.

222 "Reciprocate" can mean "do the same in return". But mathematically, reciprocate means "compute 1/x".

I thought there was to be no math at the moron blog?

223

Here is my take on this whole mess of a topic.... 

Some women really like sex and some do not.  In general, women like sex less often than men.  I am hoping the Nobel Prize committee reads this.  If you are dating a women who likes sex a lot less than you, do not think that can be fixed because it can't and it won't.  Do not think marrying her will make it better.  If you think lack of sex could be a problem, replace the word could with will.  Trust me on this.

Some women, just like some men, have affairs.  It seems more men are willing to have affairs than women but I have never figured how the math can work out on that claim.  If you are dating a women who you think or know has had an affair in the past and you think you can fix her, think again.  She most certainly will have another affair, it is just a matter of when.  No matter how great she is otherwise, how hot she is, what she looks like naked, how often she wants to have sex, it is almost certainly not going to be worth the pain and suffering so just walk away.  Trust me on this.

Now if you find someone who enjoys sex about as often as you or even more, is fun to be around, does not cheat, even if she may not be the ideal image of what you have stuck in your head.  Do what you need to do to hold on to her.  Unless of course you are not interested in being happy.  Trust me on this.

224 If I found a Baraccudameister#98 attitude in a woman I would pull out all stops to marry her at the soonest possible moment. She wouldn't even have to be a superhottie(or even a lukewarmy).  However, such a being only exists in theory(or on comment threads), and Rosie Palms and her five sisters will never leave me, take everything I own and will ever earn, as well as my children, my house, car and pets.

 As I sit here and laugh my ass off at the various conversations, I cannot even imagine having to go through endless negotiation to get my fuck-fix, since I haven't married the pusher who immediately cuts me off after getting me hooked. What excruciating torture it must be to lay next to a female body that is cold you. What a raging, permanent scalding fire it must be to work all day, to come home to bitching and frigidity! Heh!

 A few seconds of nookie for an entire lifetime trapped in torture. Thank you, Rosie, for saving me the anguish.

225 I think a woman should make the effort, even if she is tired.  It makes a huge difference in the relationship.  When other people make jokes about marriage, my husband talks about how much he loves being married.  And I am kind of a bitch, even.

Yes, ladies, I understand how hard it is with kids.  I have three and I am at home with them alone all day.  And I mean all day - I homeschool.  And one of them has special emotional/behavioral needs.  I am very tried most of the time.  But, I still make time for my man.  Besides, it benefits me.  With such a hectic life, I need for things to be good in my marriage.  And good they are.

226 women who like sex less than I do are prudes.  Women who like sex more than I do are sluts.

227

Empire of Jeff at January 22, 2009 03:43 PM (bu0Ek)

Word.

 

228

Rosie Palms and her five sisters will never leave me, take everything I own and will ever earn, as well as my children, my house, car and pets.

Rosie Palms will never give you children either.

229 If BJs are like flowers, than I should be getting a heck of a lot more flowers.

230

...talking is NOT the same as waiting until three seconds after the kids she's been taking care of all day, then groping her.

What?!  Something that should have been brought to my attention yesterday!

Yes, I know that. 

231

"Log Cabin. Any chance you have a really good straight male friend named Matt?"

Nope, AndrewsDad. It ain't me.

 

On the topic at hand, doesn't the frequency and quantity of sex in a relationship reflect the type of relationship generally?

If you get along and really like each other, you want to do it more, right? That's why it's important to like someone before you get hitched, because the initial passion fades with time. If the spouse never wants to do it with you, he/she probably only sees you as a paycheck, a maid, a cook, or is has just settled for the best they can do.

Some people are even too lazy or scared to even break up and find something new. They just stay in the crappy relationship and bitch about it.

 

 

 

232 I could only listen to that voice for maybe 10 seconds before shutting it off.

My opinion why so many women have fucked up attitudes about sex .... womens magazines, womens libbers.

233

Why was everyone in an uproar talking about domestic rape?

Because they're feminists. Programmed to believe they are superior to half the human race, they cannot see men as lovable human beings with feelings, who need a little consideration and appreciation just as they do.

They call it 'rape and oppression,' (laughably) but the way they huff about it, it is quite obvious that comforting a man is simply beneath them. They don't want to be asked for anything. Their mere presence in the relationship should be enough for him.

234

My opinion why so many women have fucked up attitudes about sex .... womens magazines, womens libbers.

Over self-analyzation.  Hate it.

235 >>>I'll admit, there's nothing like a guy (or girl as the case may be) saying "look, you might feel like you should be speaking whale but I think you're hot and I want to bang you". That satisfies both emotional and physical needs.

Here's the hitch with that. This does seem to work. Women get into the mood faster when you assure them they're sexy and you want them.

The problem comes when there is a lot of rejection and the guy winds up feeling so cranky that compliments are like poison in his mouth.

Still, yeah, it's a good plan. But if things begin to slide it gets hard to execute.

236

All they are saying is what men have known all along. Their ideal woman is a 24 year old nymphomaniac who owns a liquor store.

237 This was a good thread and I should be getting more flowers.

238 It's not women's lib, and it's not pure cussedness.

It's the expression of power that works best for women. Controlling sex - by depriving, by saying no most of the time - is how women control. What are they controlling? Not the man (except his sexual frequency), but the relationship in its aspect of simply saying, "I can deny you something that you value very highly."

For men, the control of money is the same exact expression of power. Men say, "No, you don't need that new pair of shoes," or that new bike, or that food. (Walk through a grocery store while a couple is shopping, and see how often the man says, "No, we don't need that.") It's denying something, not in this case the thing they want to buy, but the power to decide and act on spending for the happiness of the family or herself.

Women control with sex. Men control with money. Neither is good.

239

"Your search - pooter reflex zone - did not match any documents."

  Story of my life.

240 Have fallen into the no-sex habit myself.  My sex drive plummeted when I hit menopause a few years ago, and it actually hurts now.  Also my husband as he has gotten older has started falling asleep way earlier than me.  Neither of us likes to be woken up for sex.  We used to do it all the time, even after kids, but lately not so much.  I'm trying to figure out how to fix things and get back on track.  It isn't something I miss very much, but I guess he does.  

241 pajama momma, Since I am a selfish narcisist [sp?] to any person that is married, or ever has been, even if it failed, why should I see having children as desirable? Having children is desirable inside a proven working marriage, and a curse to everyone outside it, especially the children.

242 Once again, woman projects woman emotions upon man...

243 On the topic at hand, doesn't the frequency and quantity of sex in a relationship reflect the type of relationship generally?

Not necessarily. As others have noted, there are hormonal changes that happen to women, especially after childbirth. She may mean well, but it's just something that's not on her mind, and not appealing to her when it is. Add to that the various other stressors, fatigue, etc. and you might end up with a woman who loves her husband, is happy in her marriage, but just really doesn't wanna do it.

The point of what's being said here is that in spite of all that, women should understand that this is very, very important to men, and they should make the effort to throw the guys a little sumpin-sumpin so we don't LOSE OUR FREAKING MINDS.

244

pajama momma, Since I am a selfish narcisist [sp?] to any person that is married, or ever has been, even if it failed, why should I see having children as desirable? Having children is desirable inside a proven working marriage, and a curse to everyone outside it, especially the children.<<

If you don't want 'em, don't have 'em.  I have never agreed with everyone's need to see everyone hooked up and having kids.  And I admire someone who is "mature" enough to admit they are too "narcisistic" to have kids.

245

Once again, woman projects woman emotions upon man...

Hah, you're the one projecting emotion. I was stating a fact.

246 And in the magical land of makebelieve you live in you can enforce the idea of no sex outside of marriage for everyone. Other than you, who said anything about enforcing anything? I simply am pointing out that the moral shift has gone from discouraging something destructive to society and people to discouraging not doing so. You don't have a problem with that?

247

You brought children up. I did not.

I have enough kids to make up for your deficit.

248

"Over self-analyzation.  Hate it."

Word.  Oh, and regarding your earlier comment about "take away her TV," that made me chuckle.  Obviously, you don't know my wife, but it was funny to me, because she is pretty conservative, and hates the over-sexualization of modern society.  So I don't think she cares much to try and compare herself to the rest of what society tells us is beautiful.

It's far worse.  She compares herself to what she felt was her own personal best, 20 years ago, when she was a high school cheerleader, and was so skinny her thighs didn't touch when her knees were together...

She's a lot of fun to unpack, sometimes.  Fortunately, she is very intelligent, and realizes that she holds impossible and illogical ideals for herself...  So at least on those rare occassions, if the planets align and the kids are zonked out on Benadryl, I get some red-hot cuddlin'...

249

>> they cannot see men as lovable human beings with feelings, who need a little consideration and appreciation just as they do.

You know what? Sometimes appreciation is a sammich! 

 

 

_{Consideration and appreciation is probably a blow job and a sammich.}

250

Couples do need to talk about this.  It took a while for me to convince my husband that I was often not in the mood for a long screw, but I was fine with giving him a quickie if he really needed it, and I do enjoy it even if I am not "really into it."  He was kinda embarrassed to have to ask for it.  It's tough when you have been together a long time and and you hit the point where you do not always want it at the same time.  If you have never had to ask for it, it can be hard to start asking. 

And, I think many older women really do appreciate being asked. Men may think they are entitled to it whenever they want it, but they need to understand that sometimes women want to be asked.

251 "Wanting kids" is a woman's reason BIOLOGICALLY, for securing a nest for children. Marriage, to a man, tends to be securing a base of operations(job is identity) and a warm bed, and a meal.

252 rockmom - hormone therapy?

253 Dave in TX:  Steak.  BJ and a steak.  WIN.

254

@ 251

F**k That!!! Biologically or emotionally or mentally....no kids for this chick! None from me and certainly no one else's spawn is desired or needed to "secure a nest"

255 Once the source of seed, a nest, and food for offspring are secured by the legalities, and babies start popping out, the reasons for women to have sex go right out the window.  Men are well aware of this, and it is the reason many of them are not especially excited to find out an added expense is now growing in the womb, and the days of desired procreational activities will soon be over.

256

Posted by: J David at January 22, 2009 05:28 PM (amATM)

Oh, I misunderstood. I thought you were talking to me. I guess you must have been talking to someone else about putting women's emotions on a man.

 I never said anything about "wanting" kids. You said Rosie Palm could never take away your kids. I just stated the obvious that she could never give you any either. There was no emotion in my statement, only fact.

 

257 The problem comes when there is a lot of rejection and the guy winds up feeling so cranky that compliments are like poison in his mouth.
====
Yeah, but pressure to have sex can be like poison, too.

It's give and take, right?
If things begin to slide, you have to take care of the cause of the slide.
I'm really bothered by the one-sidedness here.
Better advice than telling women to just go ahead and have sex with their man is to tell women to find a way to remind themselves they have a good man.    Having someone you want to please is crucial.

258 Feed 'em, f**k 'em and don't nag 'em, indeed. They get nagged enough at work. Going to work everyday to help provide for someone else is a gesture of love many women (but not all) overlook.

It doesn't always take the form of love letters and roses.

259

when there is a lot of rejection and the guy winds up feeling so cranky that compliments are like poison in his mouth

I hear ya sister. 

After years and years of not getting almost any action, I was told it was because "I didn't feed her soul".  When asked to explain what that means, I just got a blank stare.  Well let me see if I can explain what that horse shit means... instead of being interested in having a real relationship with an adult male, you would rather sit on your ever fattening ass watching Oprah tell you how good her life is and learning phrases like "feed your soul".  Am I close?

260 Thank you, Rosie(and her sisters, too), for sparing me a woman's emotions to argue with, and her screaming children too!

261

Posted by: J David at January 22, 2009 05:36 PM (amATM)

HAHAHA!

262 107
"Why do gay men break up?"

There are other reasons besides sex, you know. Money and spending come to mind rather quickly.

And Gay men that are in long term relationships slow down, too.

Thank you, Log Cabin. That was kinda' my point.

I really feel (no, not in that way) for the guys on this thread who find themselves in a sexless or low-sex relationship, but at the end of the day it's not about someone denying or withholding themselves from someone else... it's about incompatibility. I'm not saying this to make excuses, but it just seems to me that starting from the assumption that men always want more sex all the time isn't really helpful. Some folks are hornier than others. Yeah, women have more complicated hormonal things going on, but fundamentally if you have a solid relationship, that can always be accommodated.

263

>> Dave in TX:  Steak.  BJ and a steak.  WIN.

Hey, we're just talking a little consideration here.

 

Not worship.

264 >>>I'm really bothered by the one-sidedness here.

I'm a dude. Whose side do you think I'm going to take?

265 I'd like some sort of scientific study that would measure the difference in sex-drives between women that read Ace's and women that watch Oprah.

266 After years and years of not getting almost any action, I was told it was because "I didn't feed her soul".

Yeah, but we say mind-numbingly inane things when we're fighting!

The dumbest jibe I ever tossed at my hubby during a fight was that he had "no subtlety of mind." To do this, I have no idea what I meant by that, but we still use it when we are on the verge of an argument -- never fails to make us giggle and defuse the situation.

267 I think Oprah, like the women who follow her, are probably angry, frusrated and paranoid.

268

It's apparently not well-known to women how much not having sex isn't just frustrating, or irritating, but really damaging to guys' self-esteem. It's the worst possible way to say to a male s/o "i don't like you anymore." it's that simple.

I'll buy that. Now, here's the female version:

It's apparently not well-known to men how much not talking isn't just frustrating, or irritating, but really damaging to gals' self-esteem. It's the worst possible way to say to a female s/o "i don't like you anymore." it's that simple.

269

Ten very long years.  Needless to say, I was a tad grouchy.

 

I would not have been grouchy I would have been gone..

270

Oprah.

Bad for asses.

Bad for men.

Bad for America.

^{(This message brought to you by the Coalition for Oprah-Conciousness Politcal Action Committee.  All opinons are solely represented by COC-PAC.)}

271

I think Oprah, like the women who follow her, are probably angry, frusrated and paranoid.

OTOH, Ace, like the people who follow him are angry, frustrated and paranoid ... about lefty democrat politicians.

272

It's apparently not well-known to women how much not having sex isn't just frustrating, or irritating, but really damaging to guys' self-esteem. It's the worst possible way to say to a male s/o "i don't like you anymore." it's that simple.

I'll buy that. Now, here's the female version:

It's apparently not well-known to men how much not talking isn't just frustrating, or irritating, but really damaging to gals' self-esteem. It's the worst possible way to say to a female s/o "i don't like you anymore." it's that simple.

So  in  a nutshell, men should talk more and women should have sex more. 

273 I think Chris Rock made a similar point about women's magazines and their articles on the 100 ways to please your man.  That was because the articles were written by women for women.  If a man wrote the list, it would have 3 things according to Rock:

Cook for him, have sex with him and don't talk to him

ie. Feed me, F*ck me, and Shut the F*ck Up!

274 It's the worst possible way to say to a female s/o "i don't like you anymore."

Or, I don't respect or value you any more.

I don't know if this generalization holds, but my gut tells me that women are much less likely to want to be intimate with someone they don't respect than men are. So, if the woman feels that the guy doesn't respect her, she probably would feel appalled that that same guy wants to screw her.

That may be where the whole marital rape stuff originates.

On the other hand, I see these loser women spending their family paychecks on getting their finger nails done (how many guys care about finger nails?) but they can't take the time to cook a decent meal for their hubby or kids.

Lots of bad relationships out there.

275 It has been my observation that men stop talking right after they discover they will ALWAYS be punished for what they say, sometimes for years.

276

277 It is my fond desire that I should some day be wealthy so I can buy a wife, and afford to keep her horny. Right now I just can't afford a diamond every time I get the urge...but Rosie always comes through, and she's a good cook too.

278  Dropped off (real) flowers at my wife's work today..

I'll find out if I get the men's version of flowers later tonight.

279 "masturbation does not fix this, only actual sex does"  You're doing it wrong.

280 136 When a relationship devolves into a scenario offering only three choices;

1. begging
2. rape
3. finding it somewhere else

I'm going with #3 everytime...   (begging only works on the first date, morons)

Posted by: Fritz at January 22, 2009 02:49 PM (ad8lc)

Amen Fritz....there are tons of women looking for a good man...Women who get married and turn their back on

their husbands aren't keepers

281 I'm a dude. Whose side do you think I'm going to take?

It depends what your goal is.
If you want a bunch of guys to agree with you that women should give their partners more sex whether they want to or not, take the guys' side.
If you want a long-term relationship with lots of good sex, listen to me. ;-0

282 I really feel we just aren't giving masturbation a fair shake here, guys. (npi)

283 Please pay Aces receptionist on the way out.  Did Ace say he wants to see you again next month?

284

"It has been my observation that men stop talking right after they discover they will ALWAYS be punished for what they say, sometimes for years."

Wow... does this ring true for me!

285 Amen, Willie! I have had no shotgun weddings, no divorces, no alimony payments, no mother-in-laws, catch no diseases, don't worry about cheating wives, frigid nagging bitches who wait all day for me to get home from work so they can nag me all night, and don't have to buy diamonds, $50 worth of roses, a house or a car when I'm needing to let "off some tension"(or whatever you want to call releasing pressure on the gonadal area).

286 You know, J David, it's beginning to sound more like you're trying to convince *yourself* how awesome your life is, than convincing us.

Just my take on it. If you're happy, good for ya.

287 I don't have to buy "push presents" for frigid nagging bitch whose knees I finally pried apart so she could instantly get pregnant, and give me hormonal insanity for nine straight months(but no leg), for the privilege of having my kid and having me to pay the bills.

288 @270

Hear, hear!

289 "I have learned in whatsoever state I find myself, therewith to be content..."

290

Geez, if the kids are getting in the way of sex, just do what my old man used to do; just send them down to the corner store for a carton of cigarettes! Do I have to tell you people how to do EVERYTHING?

(Grumbles, turns Madlock back on.)

291 Oh, you people! I never let the kids get in the way of sex around MY house! HEE-hee!

292 I gamble for a living, so to speak, and it provides as much excitement and risk as I can handle. I can always get more money, but only one first-and-only marriage.

293

It has been my observation that men stop talking after they have been lied to for the 3rd or 4th time such as [insert a phoney excuse here]* in order to avoid having to deal with the potential of sex.

* I must have fallen asleep on the couch downstairs watching TV last night.

294 OK guys, while we're being open, can anybody tell me why the ONLY TIME my ex-husband wanted sex was when I didn't?  If I wanted sex he turned me down flat, 100% of the time.  He told me when we were divorcing that he felt like he was seducing me that way.  How can anybody be that stupid?

He wasn't being stupid, he was being dishonest.  He didn't really want to have sex with you, but he didn't want to be seen as the reason the two of you weren't having sex anymore.  So he comes on to you when he knows it isn't gonna happen, like when you invite someone to a party when you know they can't come.  That way you get points for asking without having to clean the vomit off your back seat the next day.

The only real question is who he was trying to fool, you or himself.

295 My sex drive plummeted when I hit menopause a few years ago, and it actually hurts now.

Two words, rockmom:  KY.

296

You want your wife to screw your eyes out? Divorce her, let her sit in a apt. for a year.   Next time you see her, she'll beg for it.

Been there, done that.

297 I love my self, I think I'm grand,
When I go to the movies I hold my hand.
I give myself flowers, With charm and grace,
And when I get fresh, I slap my face!

298 It is a strange irony that a woman can pretty much get whatever she wants from a guy with no arguments and no disagreements ---- nothing but "Absolutely, dear" and "Whatever you want, honey" -- by doing just one thing...

You're getting pretty close to revealing one the cardinal secrets of Men, here.  It is, of course, quite obvious.  Since you're so close, why not just spill the beans:

If women ever figure out that they control 100% of the pussy in the world, it's all over.

299

her own depression keeps her out of the mood

Get her to fast-walk 30-40 minutes every other day (you do it too).  Releases endorphins to reduce depression and raises metabolism to reduce waistline.

300

Ladies

     Never had an affair, not the least interested.  I love my wife.  Seduced, begged, got mad tried every inducement for regular sex.    Eventually one decides its not worth the effort.  Wacking off becomes the most regular sex.  Eventually you may not even know when where or how to get a love making session started.  Ladies,  do your part.  We all got problems.  A guys self worth gets tied up in his wife wanting him in bed.  There's one hell of a lot of middle aged women out there wondering why they are alone.  Don't make us do all the work.

Guys, 

You can't treat your wife like crap and expect great sex.  A little nookie on the side will eventually mean you get to play weekend Daddy and who gets the kids on Christmas Day.  If BJ's are roses for us a foot or backrub can (notice I used the word can not will) put her in the mood.

 

 

Married 33 years and not going anywhere.

301

279"masturbation does not fix this, only actual sex does" You're doing it wrong.

Dave Chapelle has a possible half-solution:  he suggests lying on your hand until it falls asleep, and then whacking off with that hand .

He calls it "A Stranger".

302 Late to thread... my husband of 13 years only wants to have sex 3-4 times per year, and that's after me begging. I'm not fat or ugly, really! He has a terrible diet and is about 45lbs overweight. I wish I had every other girl's problem!:-(

303

OK, since this post isn't at the top of the page anymore, and no one told me not to,  I'll put my reply to http://tinyurl.com/bfjxoj here:

I have not made the argument that you must be a liberal, or that wanting orgasms makes you liberal. I am saying that the type of
misrepresentation you are indulging in is characteristic of the kind of self-caricaturing leftists who say that Prager's colum advocates
marital rape. In this particular, atypical case, you are behaving in a way that is similar to a type of liberal. If I thought that you were
in fact, an actual liberal, I would not have bothered to tell you that you were a liberal.

Neither I nor Prager ever said that husbands should not perform cunnilingus on their wives. Among civilized people forplay and
cunnilingus are implicit in "to have sex". If you have ever had sex with a man who was inclined to skip it, this reflects very poorly on your
selection of partners and/or the state of your vagina.

The post I am commenting on contains a small amount of misrepresentation, and a large amount of cliche about sexual performance. The bulk
of the post ought to go without saying. If a man says "I want to have sex with that woman", but does not specify, "I would like the sex to
be mutually pleasurable", it would not be reasonable to assume that this must mean that he does not want the woman to enjoy the sex.

I am objecting to your misrepresentations. This does not imply an objection to women having orgasms, or to men applying effort to sexual
performance. On this particular topic, your mind appears to have spun so far down the vortex of self-rigteous quasi-feminist
posturing and grotesque sexual paranoia that it truly appears neccessary to write this stuff down in black and white. This (let alone the fact
that you like, want, and expect orgasms) does not make you a liberal, it makes this particular post, and your response to critisism of it,
resemble the work of another, lesser breed of blogger than you.

Show me where (OUTSIDE of your mind), anyone has said that women should give up their orgasms for a man, that a woman who puts out,
lays there and moves is good enough for them, that a guy shouldn't be willing to go down on his wife (Prager's column was about married people),
or that not being totally selfish neccessarily means not wanting any orgasms ever? It seems that you infer this all based on your assumption
that there is only ONE thing that could possibly go wrong sexually between a husband and wife; Utter, cartoonishly hateful sexual bad faith on
the part of the husband. You seem to assume (among other things) that if the husband cares even an iota, that guarantees that the experience
will be mutually enjoyable every single time regardless of any particular, varying circumstances, and that furthermore, the pleasure of the
experience totally precludes the possibility of the wife ever aquirring a negative attitude in the future (for any reason) that could complicate
the husband's future efforts to initiate arousal. These assumptions could be totally correct (no one would like to belive more than I would that
being "willing", so to speak, to go down on a woman absolutely guarantees that she will put out), but that does not mean that they are universally
shared assumptions. When Prager says that wives ought to recognize a marital duty, it does not automatically follow that they should not expect
to take pleasure in the particulars of how this duty is discharged, unless Prager shares all of your assumptions (that even on an abstract level,
this could not be thought of in terms of duty at all unless there is no possibility of pleasure, etc).

Prager says A, you infer B, and go off on that digressively, bringing up a lot of things that ought to go without saying (orgasms good). I point
out, perhaps gracelessly, that Prager did not in fact say B, and you accuse me of disaggreeing with the things you mentioned that ought to go
without saying (Only someone who is *ANTI-ORGASM* would object to your unkind characterization of Prager's column). Then, you flip me off.

From looking at some of your other posts, I got the impression that you were someone who was likely to have noticed something similar going on
with political topics. Someone proposes a government program to benefit a minority group. Someone else opposes it because of it's unintended
consequences, or because they believe there is a better way of getting the intended result. The firt person, assuming that their proposal is
self-evidently the best solution and could not have unintended consequenses, and that second person also, secretly, believes this to be true,
infers that the second person must be against benefiting the minority group, because they hate them or something. Their stated objection can
not possibly be their real objection, so undebatable are the merits of the proposal, so unassailable the intellect of the proposer. No
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to his guns, bitterness, and religion.

Amateur internet psychoanalysis can be very annoying, and in fact is characteristic of the worst sort of Pauline Kael, hard-left, hothouse
liberal, but I can't help but to tentatively observe that you seem to have some trouble distinguishing "X is LIKE Y" from "X is IDENTICAL to Y".

304

I am a long time reader, but this is the first post I have ever felt moved to comment on.  Why?  This is the truest piece of commentary every posted on the internet.

This should be inscribed on some monument somewhere.

305 301

279"masturbation does not fix this, only actual sex does" You're doing it wrong.

Dave Chapelle has a possible half-solution:  he suggests lying on your hand until it falls asleep, and then whacking off with that hand .

He calls it "A Stranger".

 

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL

That is absolutely hilarious.

306 Why do gay men break up?

For the same reason that young couples break up: someone more interesting comes along.  And for a relationship which is centered around sex, well, the sex eventually gets boring.  That kind of relationship is easy to replace.

When there is no such thing as "alimony" and "child support" and "she gets half of my shit", then it's even easier to replace.

307 All this makes me very glad I have Little Lesbian Girlfriend who I see 2-3 times a week and I can count on one hand (so to speak) the amount of times she's said no in the last 18 mos I've known her.  On the other hand it will go nowhere at all.  Maybe I'm wasting my time.  (Sura 2:29)

308

a marriage that is wet is a good bet

one that is dry, well, bye bye

309

a marriage that is wet is a good bet

one that is dry, well, bye bye

And that, my friends, sums it all up.

310 Well, this old guy just wants to find someone who won't have sex with him 3 or 4 times a day.. then i can talk her into sex 3 or 4 times a week.  sounds fair to me.

311

I married a nun.

None at night, none in the morning.

 

Old joke, but still funny.

312
The reason I put up with all that shit from my ex-wife was for the love of my two daughters.  A father doesn't walk away from his girls.  All things considered, lot's of people have made much greater sacrifices.  Anyway, there's a lot of sex out there after divorce. 

313

......the love of my two daughters. A father doesn't walk away from his girls. 

And your daughters are better people for it.

314 Four times a week, Ace? Come on, Jeez!

315 I always get a kick out of those "I lost interest in it," "didn't feel like it," and "too tired" reasons women give as their iron-clad, take-it-for-granted-it's-so-obviously-true for not putting in, say, a total of an hour a week to have sex a couple of times.

Here's a list of things I have no interest in, don't feel like doing, and am too tired to do:

1) Put in 55 hours a week at a high-pressured, anxiety-producing job which I have little interest in and which I have to smile in the face of anger, condescension, and ingratitude, but need to keep to support my family.

2) Live in a place which, while not unpleasant, is dull and has never felt like home, but which is near my wife's family, who she rarely sees and are of little help when she does.

3) When not at work, going on an endless round of errands and chores.

4) Endlessly calming, motivating, making peace, teaching, reassuring, my family and extended family on both sides.

Yet, in spite of being too tired, uninterested, and not feeling like doing, the above is 95%+ of my life.

Here's what I'm interested in doing:

1) Reading a book I like, spending time with a friend I like, going to a movie I'd like, etc.

I get to put in a few hours a week.

2) Having sex with my wife.

It's been years.

So, it's impossible for married men who are trying to do right by their families to take with any credence that women shouldn't have sex because they're too tired, aren't interested, or don't feel like it.

316 "My wife has many male friends but I don’t expect she is “emotional” about it. I don’t see this as an issue."

Uh, sorry - but any man who thinks there is a scintilla of truth to this is a dick. At least one of those "friends" is fucking her ass off. Sorry to have to break that to ya.

317 " Here's what I'm interested in doing:
1) Reading a book I like, spending time with a friend I like, going to a movie I'd like, etc.
I get to put in a few hours a week.
2) Having sex with my wife."

Joe, I almost hate to break this to you, but you will have time for that when you retire. But then you'll be old - and you STILL won't get any sex from your wife. Why? (and I speak from experience here)...

1. I'm afraid you'll have a heart attack!
2. We're too old to be doing that!
3. You want me to do ... WHAT?

Take my advice and go to a local Bingo joint. They are loaded with lonely widows who will ASK you to take them home and fuck them.

318 but the foot rub is a good mood enhancer for her.


Don't be tellin' me about foot massages - I'm the foot fuckin' master.

319

It was Dr Laura Schlessinger's book "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands" that opened my wife's eyes to what men really need.  She quoted one guy in the book as saying, "What do men want?  If I'm not horny, make me a sandwich." 

It really is that simple.

320 I see people getting married for every other reason EXCEPT sex. They want a trophy, a hottie, a parent, a money bag, a pedigree, a career booster, a breadwinner, a servant-or a master, a punching bag, a toy, a scapegoat, a footstool, a doormat, a beard. People have told me they married for security, social status, rebelliousness, boredom, even for ''spite''. Some say they just got tired of looking. They want to appease their parents, or friends..or disgust them.... with their choice of a spouse. They marry people who are frigid, contemptuous, a -sexual, bisexual, perverted. or just abusive. Not very sexy.

321 302 Late to thread... my husband of 13 years only wants to have sex 3-4 times per year, and that's after me begging. I'm not fat or ugly, really! He has a terrible diet and is about 45lbs overweight. I wish I had every other girl's problem!:-(

Posted by: What the Hell? at January 22, 2009 07:34 PM (E22ZN)

-----------------------

Just keep repeating the phrase "It's not me, it's you" 

322

Ladies, the way to a man's heart is thru his zipper.

323
Hey PJ,

Thanks for the comment.  Yah, my girls are doing great.  Tough sledding through adolescence since they were blind-sided by the situation, but they are both well adjusted and finishing college getting good grades.  Post divorce experiences could fill an episode with Oprah or Dr. Phil.  With a few snippets that would delight Jerry Springer.

Joe Y's situation sounded like my life.  It took years after the divorce to believe someone would be attracted to me.   Physical rejection really screws up a guy's psyche really fast.  So, let's just say I feel for him.

My laundry list included taking in and caring for a live-in mother-in-law, covering for the kids at night and on weekends when the wife was working.  She had her own income and never helped pay a single bill in seventeen years.   Post-divorce the ex took the house, completely paid for, took out equity loans for the full and inflated value and spent all the money on wrinkle cream. She has just moved out of the house after her mortgage doubled last year and was unable to pay the bills.  It will probably be foreclosed in a few months.  Of course she feels like a victim and buys into "Hope and Change" mantra.

The girls saw this all coming and are not impressed.  They both voted for Obama though.   Still works in progress.









 

324 Jeff Foxworthy (comedian) has a routine about how men are really very simple we only want to see

“Something Naked” "Somthing to Eat" and “Something to Drink”. I thing that is probably the simplest answer to the question.

 

The idea of talking more to your partner has some merit, but when a minor discussion last more than 5-10 minutes you lost us. My wife can turn I meet a old friend at the store into a 2 hour discussion.

 

The simplest answer to this discussion is

“If you ain’t getting it at home, you will get it elsewhere”

325

Her: "I don't really feel like it."

Me: "Ok, no problem......Hey, what's your sister's phone number?"

After a broken lamp and some yelling we reached an agreement that maybe my requests should garner a little more consideration. Now the answer is never "no" but "when."And that when better be sooner, rather than later.

326 My wife recently had an epiphany. She came to me and said "You know, when we don't have sex at least weekly, we're really cranky with each other." I admitted as this was true. So I guess I must have the perfect woman.

Maybe I should pick up some flowers on the way home.

327 You know, if you guys were any good at it, your women might actually want to have sex with you, as opposed to regarding it as a chore.

328

Posted by: Mr. Peabody at January 23, 2009 09:07 AM (09ntO)

At least you can die with the knowledge that no matter what,  you did the right thing. If you have kids, it's your job to sacrifice and protect them no matter what, people don't do that anymore.

329 What an interesting thread. And wonder of wonders, nobody's mentioned Hitler yet. Darn! Alas, I've ruined it.

330 I've been married for 13 years, and I have one seven-year-old boy and a baby girl on the way, due end of February. (And both mother and baby are healthy and wonderful, hurrah.) The sex is good, even now, though I am definitely looking forward to my wife being able to see her toes again. And so is she!

I work at an agency that does work with TV, including religious programming. A pastor on one of these programs said something I thought interesting. He said that most people think they have a heart problem in their marriages, when they really have a head problem-- that they don't understand how people think differently, and this makes them attribute bad motives to each other. He said his advice works for a married couple of generally good will, who are having trouble connecting.

He drew a stick figure with a heart in the middle, and a smiley face where the reproductive bits are. With many arrows in his graph, he told his audience how men don't often understand how the way into a woman's pants is through her heart, and the way to a man's heart is via his pants. (A commenter above said almost the same thing, namely, Ladies: The way to a man's heart is through his zipper.)

I think that if men and women got this, marriages and sex lives would be a lot better. Women shouldn't be offended by a husband asking for sex, and men shouldn't be offended by having to seduce his wife.

For me, I find even at this stage of advanced pregnancy, giving an erotic oil massage coupled with a willingness to be generous in bed-- I mean giving my wife thorough oral sex and other such fondling-- will really open her up to the possibility of sex. And because she knows she will absolutely get an orgasm every time, she's pretty open to the possibility.

Once I got over the stupid but ego-stroking idea (from romance movies that my girlfriends made me watch?) that my wife should just throw herself into my arms and wrap her legs around me as I walk in the door after work, things got much better.

It doesn't mean I get it every time I want it, and that I don't ever get frustrated. But it's an improvement, anyway.

331 Does it not occur to you and your high-fiving commenters that this exposes you as the sexless wankers you are? Good God - you actually think there's something macho about this, don't you?

Strange wankers.

332 I'm willing to bet a week's pay Ace is our 40 year old virgin.

He is utterly clueless.

333

Wow, this is insulting to both men and women. So some men will do anything for sex? Sex is all they really want out of a relationship? No wonder they have to beg and cajole. I wouldn't want to sleep with a shallow, pathetic bag of slop like that, either.

Sex is a highly personal and individual thing. No one can speak for "what men want" or "what women want," because people of both genders are individuals. Further, people all over the world can attest that an awesome sex life is absolutely no proof against divorce.

If your sex life is lacking, look first for disconnects in other areas. Couples with deep emotional connections are more likely to be sexually satisifed. Lose the stereotypes and whinery, and look to solve the lack of intimacy.

334

Aurora Erratic: Wow, this is insulting to both men and women

Ace of Spades strives for equal-opportunity insulting.

335 Hear, hear!

336 I was wondering when the real trolls would show up...

337 Heh:

Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin choking chickens.

338 Speaking of emotional relationships - back a few years ago, a neighbor and I got along great. We talked for hours at times, often surprised at how much time had passed.. We both got things from each other we were not getting from our spouses, in hindsight. Purposely, it never went anywhere as neither of us (it seemed) were ones to cheat on their spouse. Until one day it somehow came up in conversation over coffee. We both realized (with dead silence) we would, with each other, at the drop of a hat. Or we both finally admitted it to each other - not really sure. All I know is it scared us, and she and I stayed on our respective sides of the street after that, waving occasionally. It was a struggle.
Although having moved away from there over ten years ago - especially considering how things have transpired for both of us -  I now wish we would have, just as much as I was glad at the time we didn't. I know there are millions of similar stories.

339 A few years ago I remember reading about a Catholic cardinal who coined the phrase "emotional adultery". Unfortunately I cannot now locate his name or provide a link. He had written a book making the assertion that a spouses should be each other's best friends and closest confidants. If a married person ever felt emotionally closer to someone other than his or her spouse that was a warning sign indicating that the marriage relationship needed more time and effort. One of his most controversial points was that the gender of the "third" person did not matter. A husband who is most comfortable talking about his private life with a male friend at work or at the gym is still committing "emotional adultery" by replacing what should be in the marriage relationship. This has always seemed good advice to me. My wife and I do follow it. We have friends, but make sure we are always each other's best friend. http://davidvs.blogspot.com/2009/01/emotional-affair.html

340 This is the saddest thing I've ever read by a man. The reason you are dissatisfied and perplexed by women is not that women are confused.

It's that you are such a sorry excuse for a man.

341 Within my experience, women from all walks of life have remained consistent on one thing: They react positively toward the gentleman who isn't afraid to say what he wants. Not necessarily toward the rebel, or the Type-A, or the jock. But the guy who expresses a preference that is sincere. And doesn't mute the tone. This, I think, is why they do the "black dress or red dress?" thing. Once they know you'll tell them what you like about things, and you're not going to be pressured to masquerade your preferences under some societal expectation -- that it's really you talking -- they'll miss surgery appointments to spend a few more minutes with you. It's always been true in what I've seen and, I think, in all of human history.

Anthony#340 I don't know who in the world you've been dating. If I was looking, I'd counsel my interest (when the time was right) to read up on this stuff, and read up good. Except I'm not looking. So I'll just blog about it, and you too, while I'm at it.

342 Shades of "Roxanne Roxanne..."

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