Coming Soon…A Faster Internet

Just when you think you’ve got the intertubes figured out, they are going to replace it.

Behold….The Grid

The Internet could soon be made obsolete. The scientists who pioneered it have now built a lightning-fast replacement capable of downloading entire feature films within seconds.

At speeds about 10,000 times faster than a typical broadband connection, “the grid” will be able to send the entire Rolling Stones back catalogue from Britain to Japan in less than two seconds.

The latest spin-off from Cern, the particle physics centre that created the web, the grid could also provide the kind of power needed to transmit holographic images; allow instant online gaming with hundreds of thousands of players; and offer high-definition video telephony for the price of a local call.

David Britton, professor of physics at Glasgow University and a leading figure in the grid project, believes grid technologies could “revolutionise” society. “With this kind of computing power, future generations will have the ability to collaborate and communicate in ways older people like me cannot even imagine,” he said.

Yeah maybe so, but 90% of The Grid is still going to be pr0n.

Posted by: DrewM. at 02:21 PM



Comments

1 CERN didn't create the web. DARPA did. What's wrong with these journalists?

Posted by: Steve Johnson at April 07, 2008 02:27 PM (m97Cc)

2 I love these articles that give you every meaningless measurement possible. Like, for instance "the entire Rolling Stones back catalog"... is that 64Kbps MP3, FLAC, or uncompressed 48-bit 7.2 channel surround? Of course if the writers were capable of doing journalism instead of reprinting nebulous press releases like the worthless fuckwits they are, this might be an interesting article.



Exit question: just how many rods to the hogshead does this new-fangled Internet get?

Posted by: Erik The Red at April 07, 2008 02:28 PM (4Tslg)

3 Yes, but it will be faster pron.

Posted by: JayC at April 07, 2008 02:28 PM (zsxFK)

4 @Steve - DARPA created the TCP/IP protocol that the Internet runs on. HTML (the primary language of the World Wide Web) was invented by Vince Cerf while he was at CERN.

Posted by: Erik The Red at April 07, 2008 02:28 PM (4Tslg)

5 Yeah maybe so, but 90% of The Grid is still going to be pr0n.

Is that supposed to be a criticism?
Think about it. 10,000 times faster.
I'll be in my bunk.More often.

Posted by: Rocketeer at April 07, 2008 02:29 PM (GFaLW)

6 The scientists who pioneered it have now built a lightning-fast replacement capable of downloading entire feature films within seconds.
I'M GOING TO NEED MORE HAND LOTION!

Posted by: Entropy at April 07, 2008 02:33 PM (m6c4H)

7 Erik The Red
In that case, I would still credit DARPA with the creation of the Internet. HTML is just a markup language that the browsers know how to render. TCP/IP and the HTTP Protocol is the real deal.
To give a parallel, credit for inventing photography goes to the guy who invented photosensitive chemicals, and the process of applying it to a plate and then processing it etc. The guys who invented the 35mm film format and the consumer camerasare lower in the pecking order.

Posted by: Tushar D at April 07, 2008 02:34 PM (IlgNp)

8 Holographic pr0n?

Posted by: holdfast at April 07, 2008 02:35 PM (Gzb30)

9 Hi-Def, baby!

Posted by: Fred at April 07, 2008 02:36 PM (ivbbD)

10 You're arguing over who invented the internet?

Helloooooooo.

Posted by: Al Gore at April 07, 2008 02:36 PM (hlYel)

11 Oh..
And isn't CERN a european partical accelerator? WTF does that have to do with the internets?

Posted by: Entropy at April 07, 2008 02:37 PM (m6c4H)

12 I don't get no respect.

Posted by: Al "Dangerfield" Gore at April 07, 2008 02:38 PM (i+22q)

13 Damn you, hlYel!

Posted by: Gabriel at April 07, 2008 02:39 PM (i+22q)

14 And now a big hand for Senator Proxmire and all the other Washington assholes who struck a pose and killed the Texas supercollider so that we have to wait for these discoveries from other nations.

Posted by: richard mcenroe at April 07, 2008 02:42 PM (pmtKk)

15 Wasn't this a really bad whatshername movie? The chick with the big butt.

Posted by: urthshu at April 07, 2008 02:43 PM (bFqDX)

16 All ur fibers are belong to us.

Posted by: Higgs boson at April 07, 2008 02:44 PM (XjZZY)

17 That's gonna be one big ass tube.

Posted by: Sen. Stevens at April 07, 2008 02:44 PM (JefgB)

18 We're gonna need a bigger modem.

Posted by: Chief Brody - deceased at April 07, 2008 02:46 PM (IHbof)

19 richard mcenroe at April 07, 2008 02:42 PM


Come on, he was just trying to keep the black holes out of Texas..and in Europe, where they belong.

Posted by: A. Weasel at April 07, 2008 02:49 PM (bqcfE)

20 What the Hell difference is any of this gonna make anyway?

Posted by: 8088 Luddite at April 07, 2008 02:50 PM (bFqDX)

21 Will it work if I want to download Pink Floyd? (Not a big Stones fan....)

Posted by: iamnot at April 07, 2008 02:51 PM (onj4J)

22 The Grid's knees are too sharp

Posted by: Can't give up old memes at April 07, 2008 02:52 PM (evdj2)

23 Yeah, HOLOGRAPHIC PRON.

Posted by: Dr. Chopper at April 07, 2008 02:59 PM (xvIpv)

24 The Internet was invented by DARPA. IIRC, it was an effort to preserve information if WWIII broke out between the US and the USSR.

The World Wide Web was invented as a document sharing project for the scientific community.

That's my "geek out" for today.

Posted by: NG at April 07, 2008 03:00 PM (ym/Kq)

25 And the Grid will be better for trapping terrorists and child molesters, since it'll transfer info you want at the blink of an eye - and instantly record and package it all for the authorities. Its all good.

Posted by: urthshu at April 07, 2008 03:03 PM (bFqDX)

26 What the Hell difference is any of this gonna make anyway?

In theory, it means you'll never have to buy a CD, DVD, or other physical piece of media. In reality, it means that media companies will be locked in more format wars as they all try to lock us into their proprietary formats that give them the most revenue.

Posted by: NG at April 07, 2008 03:04 PM (ym/Kq)

27 Obligatory Avenue Q link

Posted by: Alice H at April 07, 2008 03:05 PM (jRtPb)

28 OT: Ron Paul endorses the John Birch Society

http://libertarianrepublican.blogspot.com/2008/04/ron-paul-takes-leap-to-populist-right.html


hahahaha

Posted by: jp at April 07, 2008 03:12 PM (DFDtC)

29 I think I'm about to come. You were warned...

Posted by: the Singularity at April 07, 2008 03:15 PM (ojW85)

30 I don't like new shit. I like old shit, like orange juice that comes in a can. Why are people so impatient? Can't you wait a minute or two, the porn is coming okay?

Posted by: Joanie at April 07, 2008 03:16 PM (Z9tCp)

31 This plus the recent successes at urban AI driving probably mean we're about 10-15 years out from self-driving, can't-crash cars. Get in early on the political movement to maintain your legal ability to do your own piloting!

Posted by: The Sidewalk at April 07, 2008 03:17 PM (7iTO9)

32 Crap, now I've got sockpuppetosis too.

Posted by: leoncaruthers at April 07, 2008 03:18 PM (7iTO9)

33 I don't like new shit. I like old shit, like orange juice that comes in a can. Why are people so impatient? Can't you wait a minute or two, the porn is coming okay?
This will not do.
The new porn must arrive before the old porn finishes playing!
Mein winkie est kaput.

Posted by: Entropy at April 07, 2008 03:21 PM (m6c4H)

34 The problem is that the other 10% will be zombies attempting to interfere with my pr0n experience by sending Viagra spam.

Posted by: Anachronda at April 07, 2008 03:22 PM (xIUG5)

35 I think I'm about to come. You were warned...

Posted by: the Singularity at April 07, 2008 03:15 PM (ojW85)

Ready when you are, buddy. If you need a human go-between, lieutenant, or gopher, you know where to find me.

Posted by: leoncaruthers at April 07, 2008 03:22 PM (7iTO9)

36 I have an announcement: Technology is faster today than yesterday!!

Where's my pulitzer?

Posted by: right at April 07, 2008 03:23 PM (pMGkg)

37 If technology was really faster you would have told us that 35 comments ago.

Posted by: Entropy at April 07, 2008 03:24 PM (m6c4H)

38 The Grids nice, but until you get fiber into the house, you aint gonna see it.
So get off your bloody asses Verizon and get FIOS to my house!
Research institutions, and Telcos back ends will be using it the most.
You probably also need to use IP6

Posted by: Iblis at April 07, 2008 03:28 PM (9221z)

39 Hey Professor Britton, less talk about bringing us the grid, and more, you know, actual bringing.
Don't make me give you a wedgie, nerd.

Posted by: Burt TC at April 07, 2008 03:28 PM (TOk1P)

40 Technology is faster today than yesterday, thanks to democrats.


(guaranteed win)

Posted by: right at April 07, 2008 03:28 PM (pMGkg)

41 Where the fuck did I leave my buggy whip.

Posted by: pendejo grande at April 07, 2008 03:34 PM (K3Psy)

42 Yeah, I remember Tron. I remember buying and watching the "Special Edition" DVD only to realize that the movie wasn't nearly as good as I thought it was.

Posted by: cranky-d at April 07, 2008 03:34 PM (8RwJy)

43 Iblis at April 07, 2008 03:28 PM

I've had fiber right to my desk for over a year now, but guess what, the 200 pair line ends mysteriously about 35 miles out of town. My little town local phone company has done their part, but the big guys won't bury the last 23 miles of fiber to make it work.

Go figure.

Posted by: A. Weasel at April 07, 2008 03:36 PM (bqcfE)

44 They released TRON on DVD?


Why?

That piece of shit was a bust in 1980. Disney execs looked like huge assholes for releasing that crap movie.

Now this movie, on the other hand, was fucking awesome.

Posted by: Bart at April 07, 2008 03:47 PM (7hkcp)

45 DO WANT

Posted by: AndrewGurn at April 07, 2008 03:47 PM (c5iS7)

46 Another April 1 article.

Posted by: davod at April 07, 2008 03:48 PM (llh3A)

47 Great name for new ultra-fast porn site? Pronto!

Posted by: right at April 07, 2008 03:49 PM (pMGkg)

48 If you're familiar with Megaforce, Never Ending Story, the 1980's, aerobics-apparel, and the stupidity of flying motorcycles, you'll enjoy this clip.

Posted by: Bart at April 07, 2008 03:50 PM (7hkcp)

49 Or is that the Lone Ranger's horny friend?

Posted by: right at April 07, 2008 03:51 PM (pMGkg)

50 Pronto want three-way.

No, kemosabe. Two SQUAW!

Posted by: right at April 07, 2008 03:54 PM (pMGkg)

51 Come on, he was just trying to keep the black holes out of Texas..and in Europe, where they belong.
Shit, you do that and Houston will be a ghost town.
*rimshot*

Posted by: mpur at April 07, 2008 04:00 PM (8uPFc)

52 Will I still be able to use my beloved dial-up connection?
I posted this comment an hour ago and it finally shows up.

Posted by: Ronster at April 07, 2008 04:01 PM (OEBnt)

53 OMG, Bart! That was the entire decade of the 80's distilled down to a single video clip.

It was so bad that it was awesome!

Posted by: Log Cabin at April 07, 2008 04:04 PM (j7zrD)

54 Now, if they couldnot only download a movie, but play it back that fast, I'd be impressed. I might even watch Sicko or Inconvenient Truth, if it only took me 1.5 seconds of my wasted time.

Posted by: Roy at April 07, 2008 04:16 PM (cB77O)

55 Yeah, LC, can you believe that was a major motion picture?

It's so bad that it makes Starship Troopers look like high art.

Posted by: Bart at April 07, 2008 04:22 PM (7hkcp)

56 Pr0n so fast it'll be on my screen before I click the link?

Oh yeah, WANT!

The movies and information will be nice, too, but they don't need to feel rushed on those...

Posted by: Militant Bibliophile at April 07, 2008 04:24 PM (6Ph3V)

57 Think about it. 10,000 times faster.
Being excited about FASTER is part of the reason the male morons are alone in their bunks.

Posted by: MamaAJ at April 07, 2008 04:42 PM (X6Zdh)

58 The idea of the distributed network was DARPA. Using research universities as "hubs" for nuclear survivability (and cheapness) was DARPA.

Liberal POS journalists will do anything to make people forget that the US invented the internet.

They prefer to just discuss the WWW protocol.

Enemy propoganda, all of it.

Posted by: smarty at April 07, 2008 04:43 PM (+jnQm)

59 Not sure I want pr0n that's so high-def you see every breast enhancement scar and every VD pustule...

Posted by: David Ross at April 07, 2008 04:57 PM (GwV+j)

60 Not just the US, smarty: the eeeeeevil Pentagon invented it! Well, OK, a contractor working for an eeeeevil Pentagon agency, but still ... put your nose close to the intertube and you can smell the brimstone.

Speaking of changes ... recently, I was an exhibition of maps, and one of the items on display was a DARPA map of the internet from the late 1970s. There were fewer than 100 nodes; the whole thing fit on a single sheet of paper. And now, here I am, chatting with my fellow morons ... my, how times have changed.

Posted by: Brown Line at April 07, 2008 05:04 PM (VrNoa)

61 The Internet? Is that thing still around?

Posted by: Homer Simpson at April 07, 2008 05:19 PM (C3mTI)

62 The Grid? Hmm. Not bad for a start. But we need to make it more...immersive.

Posted by: The Architect at April 07, 2008 05:42 PM (70HCY)

63 A. Weasel at April 07, 2008 03:36 PM
Typical. In our case Verizon has to get approval from each town in the county before pulling FIOS. Combination of good Cablevision lobbying and Verizon FIOS installers setting fire to people's homes drilling through electrical lines.

Posted by: Iblis at April 07, 2008 05:48 PM (9221z)

64 I took the initiative in creating this one, too.

YOU'RE WELCOME.

Posted by: Al Gore at April 07, 2008 06:13 PM (saRwI)

65 Uh, has it occurred to anyone that they haven't even got broadband to every home in this socialist worker's paradise yet and these turdhooks are yammering about this 10,000 times faster version?

Professor Dipsh*t, PUT DOWN THE CRACKPIPE AND STEP AWAY...



Posted by: ObamasSpiritualadvisor at April 07, 2008 07:40 PM (NtDmS)

66 Fat kids, fatter kids. Internet porn, holographic porn. VOIP phones, VOIP phones that never get the pudpullers away from their irritatingly fast idiotboxes.

Basement dwelling mamasboys everywhere, rejoice...
faster pudpulling is on the way.

Yippee.

Might as well start mainlining sugar, lard and excess stupidity; Full incompetence on anything resembling real world stuff and not attached to high tech, on the way.. Revenge of the super nerds.

Posted by: ObamasSpiritualadvisor at April 07, 2008 07:46 PM (NtDmS)

67 I have this bad feeling that "The Grid" is going to require some sort of spiny anal probe to meet its full potential. It won't be mentioned in the sales pitch, but you will hear all about it when you call tech support.

Posted by: eman at April 07, 2008 08:25 PM (0AZ4a)

68 I'm waiting for MMI - Mind-MAchine Interface. Direct to your brainz!!! No middle-man! Er, middle monitor, screen, DIRECT to your BRAINZ!

Posted by: 5Cats at April 07, 2008 09:01 PM (Knaf0)

69 Holographic porn? Does that mean the little pixel censorship squares in my Japanese cartoons will be little pixel CUBES now?

Posted by: richard mcenroe at April 07, 2008 09:02 PM (e+exz)

70 4 @Steve - DARPA created the TCP/IP protocol that the Internet runs on. HTML (the primary language of the World Wide Web) was invented by Vince Cerf while he was at CERN.

Vint Cerf never worked at CERN. He worked on the IP protocols at Stanford for the DoD about 15 years before the web was created. In fact, CERN didn't really have much to do with the web. Tim Berners-Lee worked there when he was developing the web, but as I understand it, CERN distanced themselves from the project on the (not at all unreasonable) grounds that it wasn't their line of business.

Posted by: jic at April 07, 2008 11:33 PM (ch7uh)

71 The good news is that at the rate newly invented communication technologies are being brought online [ this one from Cern has already been up running for several months] it'll be pretty much a household appliance in about a year.

In Europe - Russia - China - Venezuela - Saudi Arabia - western Canada - anywhere with a pisspot full of oil or cash.

So it looks like the Web is secure in the US for ...oh...ever.

Posted by: Diderot's Dog at April 08, 2008 06:50 AM (0Aj7X)

72 And isn't CERN a european partical accelerator? WTF does that have to do with the internets?

Partical accelerators generate enormous amounts of data, so there has to be a way to move that data from where it was generated, to where it's going to be stored. It's not so far-fetched that CERN developed some of the technologies that ended up becoming what we know as the internet.

As for the new data transfer rates, well, it'd be nice if hard-drives could write that fast. You'll be able to download it, but you won't be able to store it that fast. Yet, anyway.

Wilkeson

Posted by: wilkeson at April 08, 2008 08:20 AM (APBcM)

73 aionaccountaionaccountsaioncdkeyaiontimecardaionpowerlevelingaionkinaaiononlinegoldaiongoldaiononlinecdkeyaiononlinetimecardaiononlineaccountaiononlineaccountsaiononlinepowerlevelingaiononlinekinaaionkinahaiononlinekinah

Posted by: aion-kinah at October 08, 2009 01:16 AM (9R0+R)






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