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Maxim's "Famous People Who Look Like They Smell"

While this list of the World's Unsexiest Women is getting all the attention for its mean factor, it's actually this list -- and the text explaining what certain celebrities might smell like -- that's a howl.


Steve Buscemi

Probably smells like: Weasel genitals, fangs, lips, other teeth that aren´t fangs, a hamster cage

Amy Winehouse

Probably smells like: Pomade, high-heel blisters, some sort of cheese, Chewbacca

Winehouse also made the Five Unsexiest list, so they're really pounding her.

Posted by: Ace at 01:55 PM



Comments

1

Helen Thomas = Hillary Clinton's va jay jay

John Kerry= pommade and ketchup. does botox smell?

Teddy Kennedy= Aqua Vulva  scotch

 

 

Posted by: pajama momma at October 29, 2007 02:04 PM (fRbgO)

2 Al Franken = Bengay

Posted by: pajama momma at October 29, 2007 02:06 PM (fRbgO)

3 Rosie O'Donnell = Absolutely everything in 7-eleven

Posted by: pajama momma at October 29, 2007 02:08 PM (fRbgO)

4 Yeah, the appeal of Sandra Oh and Sarah Jessica Parker are completely lost on me, as well.

Presumably there's some reason why the only Asian women the US media push (Oh, Lucy Liu, Lisa Ling) all fit the same scowling look.

Posted by: CC at October 29, 2007 02:11 PM (EqFh0)

5 (Amy) Winehouse also made the Five Unsexiest list, so they're really pounding her.

Sounds like another friday night for her.

Totally agree about SJP.  I have never found her even remotely likeable.

Posted by: CUS at October 29, 2007 02:13 PM (bbXZq)

6 John Edwards = Aquanet hairspray, KY Jelly and Chanel #5

Posted by: wiserbud at October 29, 2007 02:14 PM (IHbof)

7 Al Sharpton = Soul Glow

Posted by: pajama momma at October 29, 2007 02:15 PM (fRbgO)

8 Britney= Vaseline, latex, Cheeto's.

Posted by: bmac at October 29, 2007 02:17 PM (spnY1)

9

Rosie O'Donnell = Absolutely everything in 7-eleven

Including Apu

Posted by: pajama momma at October 29, 2007 02:18 PM (fRbgO)

10 Paris Hilton = yeast infection and Prada

Posted by: pajama momma at October 29, 2007 02:19 PM (fRbgO)

11 I'm pretty sure Winehouse smells like shooting gallery/crack house.

Posted by: Purple Avenger at October 29, 2007 02:19 PM (3AAjp)

12 Lindsay Lohan= menstruating bear, Olde Enlgish 800, popcorn.

Posted by: bmac at October 29, 2007 02:20 PM (spnY1)

13

Harry Reid - Depends™ that have started to smell funny.

Nancy Pelosi - Thongs that are too tight, and rubbing the skin raw.

Michael Moore - Pork fat, pork chops, pig excreta.

John Murtha -  Michael Moore, after he has gone without a bath for a month.

Al Sharpton - Black beans, the gassiness after eating black beans

Ted Kennedy - A beached whale corpse, rotting for a while

John Edwards - hair gel, brylcreem, volumizer, hair straightner, hair color, KY jelly.

Obama - he reeks of sanctimony

Hillary - Cattle (to be slaughtered in near Future) 

 

Posted by: Tushar D at October 29, 2007 02:20 PM (IlgNp)

14

>>Rosie O'Donnell = Absolutely everything in 7-eleven

>>Including Apu

Ha Ha Ha!!!

Posted by: Tushar D at October 29, 2007 02:21 PM (IlgNp)

15

Just the other day, I saw an ad for the 'Paris Hilton Perfume' and imagined this ad copy:

A fragrance reminiscent of a pussy that gets pounded 10 times a day, and never gets washed. A heady mix of skank and spunk, with just a hint of ass.

Posted by: Tushar D at October 29, 2007 02:23 PM (IlgNp)

16 wiserbud = lemon pledge, cough syrup, rubbing alcohol and *sniff* *sniff* oh yes, horse tranquilizers.

Posted by: pajama momma at October 29, 2007 02:23 PM (fRbgO)

17 Monica Lewinsky = cheap cigar

Posted by: pajama momma at October 29, 2007 02:25 PM (fRbgO)

18 Julia Roberts = horse shampoo, hay, leather , rodeo tent

Posted by: polynikes at October 29, 2007 02:26 PM (m2CN7)

19 cheap cigar = Monica Lewinsky

Posted by: CUS at October 29, 2007 02:29 PM (bbXZq)

20 pj momma = stale breast milk, Gordon's gin, urine that she got on her fingers when performing her latest pregnancy test,

Posted by: wiserbud at October 29, 2007 02:30 PM (wWwJR)

21

Tushar D  LOL

Do we have Idris Leppla, version 2?  From Best of the Web

Rochelle Reed, an editor at the Tribune of San Luis Obispo, Calif., published an essay recently about her son's decision to join the Army. "This was definitely not the way things were supposed to turn out," Mrs. Reed writes:

Never in a million years did I imagine my son would join the Army. Nor did Evan. In high school, he'd hang up on recruiters who called the house. He'd blurt, "Get away from me!" to the ones who trawled the local hangouts. Our home was liberal Democrat and anti-war and now, at 21, he was a Michael Moore fan. The night before he left, he spent his time reading "Stupid White Men." . . .

When I tell people that Evan has joined the Army, their reactions are almost always the same: their faces freeze, they pause way too long, and then they say, "I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry for you." I hang my head and look mournful, accepting their sympathy for the worry that lives in me. But as it dawns on them that Evan wasn't drafted, as Vietnam still clings to my generation, their expressions become quizzical, then disbelieving. I know what they're thinking: Why in the world would any kid in his right mind choose to enlist when we're in the middle of a war? I begin telling them the story, desperate to assure them it wasn't arrogant patriotism or murderous blood lust that convinced him to join. What finally hooked him was a recruiter's comment that if he thought the country's role in Iraq was so screwed up, he should try to fix it.

 

Posted by: funky chicken at October 29, 2007 02:30 PM (I+jPP)

22 George Clooney = candle wax, leather, Lubriderm, Brad Pitt

Posted by: wiserbud at October 29, 2007 02:31 PM (wWwJR)

23 Too bad about Amy. Her addictions are getting the best of her.
It's hard to imagine that the two images in this photo are of the same person.

Posted by: McLovin at October 29, 2007 02:32 PM (SAQWb)

24 Tushar D = chutney, tumeric, Gerbers

Posted by: wiserbud at October 29, 2007 02:33 PM (wWwJR)

25 Rosetta = George Clooney, minus the Brad Pitt, plus tears and shame

Posted by: wiserbud at October 29, 2007 02:34 PM (wWwJR)

26

wiserbud,

you may want to dial it down a notch. That was offensive.

Posted by: Tushar D at October 29, 2007 02:36 PM (IlgNp)

27 Dennis Kucinich = patchouli, incense, alien anal probes and aluminum foil

Posted by: pajama momma at October 29, 2007 02:37 PM (fRbgO)

28 BTW, wiserbud, I am not talking about your comment about me. I am talking about comment # 20

Posted by: Tushar D at October 29, 2007 02:37 PM (IlgNp)

29 Wiserbud - rotting sea-weed, effluent that gets dumped in ocean, whale poo.

Posted by: Tushar D at October 29, 2007 02:39 PM (IlgNp)

30

I know Tushar I was totally offended. My breast milk is still fresh.

Posted by: pajama momma at October 29, 2007 02:39 PM (fRbgO)

31

>>Tushar D = chutney, tumeric, Gerbers

Corrected:

Tushar D = chutney, curry, Similac

Turmeric does not have a smell, and our preferred brand is Similac.

Posted by: Tushar D at October 29, 2007 02:40 PM (IlgNp)

32 Pounding her? I hope you meant that figuratively.


Posted by: rightwingprof at October 29, 2007 02:41 PM (0o7wJ)

33 you may want to dial it down a notch. That was offensive.

???

What site have you been reading for the last few years? 

Posted by: wiserbud at October 29, 2007 02:41 PM (IHbof)

34

>>I know Tushar I was totally offended. My breast milk is still fresh.

Sigh! If you don't mind....

Sorry about that Wiserbud, you can dial it up again.

Posted by: Tushar D at October 29, 2007 02:41 PM (IlgNp)

35 Sean Penn= The inside of a Miller High Life can after ten cigarette's have been put out in it.

Posted by: bmac at October 29, 2007 02:42 PM (spnY1)

36 He's a daddy now wiserbud.

Posted by: pajama momma at October 29, 2007 02:42 PM (fRbgO)

37

>>Sean Penn= The inside of a Miller High Life can after ten cigarette's have been put out in it.

bmac, you are a pro!

Posted by: Tushar D at October 29, 2007 02:42 PM (IlgNp)

38 You put weasel genitalia in your mouth one time and you're branded for life.  Damn.

Posted by: Steve Buscemi at October 29, 2007 02:44 PM (4zjxp)

39 McLovin  I have no idea who that person is, but sheesh.  I nominate her for the perfect poster child to show celebrity worshippers.  Hopefully it might snap a few back into the realization that these singer and actor types are highly likely to be total fruitcakes or worse.

Posted by: funky chicken at October 29, 2007 02:44 PM (I+jPP)

40 Tush, yer probably right. I would be offended if someone accused me of drinking Gordon's too.

Tanquery Sterling, baby!

Posted by: wiserbud at October 29, 2007 02:47 PM (IHbof)

41 Kurt Cobain = rotten putrid teen spirit

Posted by: polynikes at October 29, 2007 02:48 PM (m2CN7)

42 Michael Jackson = ice cream, apple juice, rufies

Posted by: wiserbud at October 29, 2007 02:52 PM (wWwJR)

43

Glenn Greenwald=Brazilian lube + tube socks

Posted by: eddiebear at October 29, 2007 02:52 PM (QiLm7)

44 John Edwards = Mrs. Buttersworth's, Knotts Berry Farm's, a Greek bath house

Posted by: everydayjoe at October 29, 2007 02:54 PM (/c1gr)

45 larry craig = men's airport restroom, handcuffs and denial

Posted by: pajama momma at October 29, 2007 02:54 PM (fRbgO)

46
You think that when you call your investagory group the "ABA's Death Penalty Moratorium Implementation Project" it's predictable what your findings will be?? Famous people aren't the only people who stink.

Posted by: aoshq janitor at October 29, 2007 02:54 PM (G9NVw)

47 Nancy Pelosi = Dirty money, leather, astroglide.

Posted by: bmac at October 29, 2007 03:00 PM (spnY1)

48 Dan Rather = has never passed the smell test

Posted by: polynikes at October 29, 2007 03:00 PM (m2CN7)

49 Ace: stale cigarettes, regurgitated vodka, hobo sweat, ground beef

Posted by: sandy burger at October 29, 2007 03:01 PM (PQyeQ)

50 Buscemi: moldy paper.

Winehouse: tunafish.

Posted by: ricpic at October 29, 2007 03:03 PM (CaZ8t)

51 John Kerry - rice fields, river fish, diesel fuel, failure

Posted by: Tushar D at October 29, 2007 03:03 PM (IlgNp)

52 Hillary: crusty undies.

Posted by: ricpic at October 29, 2007 03:03 PM (CaZ8t)

53 sandy burger = Whatever perfume Condi Rice wears, tears

Posted by: wiserbud at October 29, 2007 03:06 PM (IHbof)

54 Lindsay Lohan (before Disney): new mown hay.

Lindsay Lohan (after Disney): a rotting compost heap.

Posted by: ricpic at October 29, 2007 03:08 PM (CaZ8t)

55 Al Gore - baby seal blubber, airplane exhaust, desperation

Posted by: wiserbud at October 29, 2007 03:08 PM (wWwJR)

56

Nancy Pelosi = Dirty money, leather, astroglide.

Ha!

Nancy Pelosi = leather, whips, chains and the Butterfly Fu#$ Swing.

Posted by: pajama momma at October 29, 2007 03:11 PM (fRbgO)

57 Olbermann: bukkake target of Ted Kennedy, Barak Obama, Harry Reid, John Murtha and John Edwards

Posted by: Tushar D at October 29, 2007 03:11 PM (IlgNp)

58 White Republican Male = Blood, oil, money, sweatshop clothes

Posted by: Loony Left at October 29, 2007 03:13 PM (fRbgO)

59 Chris Mathews= Urinal cake, ink from the NYT, and just a hint af ass.

Posted by: bmac at October 29, 2007 03:15 PM (spnY1)

60 Urgh. Buscemi looks like that Sewer Creature from the X-Files. No need to describe that stench.

Posted by: dicentra at October 29, 2007 03:20 PM (HyYBP)

61  David Clayton Thomas = blood , sweat , tears

Posted by: polynikes at October 29, 2007 03:23 PM (m2CN7)

62 Mmmmm, sweatshop clothes.  Nothing in the world smells like that.

I love the smell of sweatshop clothes in the morning.  It smells like....victory.

Posted by: wiserbud at October 29, 2007 03:29 PM (IHbof)

63 smells like The Gap to me.

Posted by: pajama momma at October 29, 2007 03:35 PM (fRbgO)

64

Amy Winehouse was dynamite on paper when I first heard about her.

"British tattoed chick with funky hair sings like a mad-sexy woman?  Sign me up!"

Then I saw her, and my penis died.

Dave at Garfield Ridge's Penis, 1974-2007

"We hardly knew ye."

Posted by: Dave at Garfield Ridge at October 29, 2007 03:46 PM (4P9aC)

65 good one, PJ

Posted by: polynikes at October 29, 2007 03:47 PM (m2CN7)

66

wiserbud = gerbil hair, assless chaps, exhaust from a Prius, Madeliene Albright's atrophied pussy, grape kool-aid, homosexuality

pajama momma = maggot fart, stale Thunderbird wine, fear, bananas foster, burning hair, the Florida Marlins starting lineup, placenta

Tushar = aboriginal toilet, slaughterhouse dumpster, sulphur, burnt headcheese cake, newly opened beek jerky, Rosie O'Donnell's hemorrhoid cushion, Bob Munck

 

Posted by: Rosetta at October 29, 2007 03:53 PM (omkIU)

67

How is Mickey Rourke not on this list anywhere?

I notice that he did, however, make the Bad Plastic Surgery list.

Posted by: Lewis at October 29, 2007 03:56 PM (Y3uPw)

68 Rosetta = inadequacy, jealousy, failure, incompetence, desperation, impotence, Usher cologne

Posted by: wiserbud at October 29, 2007 03:59 PM (wWwJR)

69

you may want to dial it down a notch. That was offensive.

You obviously haven't seen pjmomma dance.

Much more here.

Posted by: mesablue at October 29, 2007 03:59 PM (KCOdQ)

70 Rosetta = rose petals, freshly baked apple pie, Heidi Klum's boobs, Friday afternoon, Lamborghini Murcielago, success, wiserbud's tears

Posted by: Rosetta at October 29, 2007 04:02 PM (omkIU)

71 mesablue = nicorettes, any drink with an umbrella and a piece of fruit and crawdads.

Posted by: pajama momma at October 29, 2007 04:04 PM (fRbgO)

72 Rosetta = weaknes, sulphur and Teddy Kennedy's underwear. 

Posted by: pajama momma at October 29, 2007 04:07 PM (fRbgO)

73 Rosetta = John Edwards, but with more estrogen and an enhanced twist of teh ghey.  Like Mesablue, but without the patchioulli stench. 

Posted by: wiserbud at October 29, 2007 04:08 PM (wWwJR)

74 mesablue = porn, bad weather, illegal immigrants, wet dog, Kool cigarette butts, pleather, Wickedpinto

Posted by: Rosetta at October 29, 2007 04:08 PM (omkIU)

75 Rosetta = Rupaul's jock strap, Champale, old cheeseburgers, allspice (the actual spice, dumbasses), illegal aliens, possum carcasse, the carpet at Bukkake Land.

Posted by: mesablue at October 29, 2007 04:08 PM (KCOdQ)

76

I like crawdads.

And, I do not smell like Wickedpinto -- anymore.

Posted by: mesablue at October 29, 2007 04:11 PM (KCOdQ)

77 Harry Reid = Nancy Pelosi's pubic hair, Astroglide, Hillary Clinton's smegma, Rosetta's saliva

Posted by: wiserbud at October 29, 2007 04:12 PM (wWwJR)

78

I will admit crawdad hunting is fun. We used to do it in the creek behind the local elementary school.

Posted by: pajama momma at October 29, 2007 04:12 PM (fRbgO)

79

wiserbud = the toilet rim, Michael Moore's bellybutton and the area between his fat fold, outhouse in Phoenix in July.

Posted by: pajama momma at October 29, 2007 04:17 PM (fRbgO)

80 wiserbud = fumunda, glory hole, Gilbey's gin, whatever smelly thing that Tushar had for dinner last night.

Posted by: mesablue at October 29, 2007 04:18 PM (KCOdQ)

81 pjmomma = stale baby vomit, cat puke, crawdad puke,  redneck puke, beer, puke.

Posted by: mesablue at October 29, 2007 04:21 PM (KCOdQ)

82 mesablu = rancid Appletinis, Britney Spears' used Summer's Eve applicator tip, pickles

Posted by: wiserbud at October 29, 2007 04:26 PM (wWwJR)

83 pj momma = Ellen Degeneres' ball sweat, stale pot, lauraw's hump wax, rancid yogurt

Posted by: wiserbud at October 29, 2007 04:29 PM (wWwJR)

84 These are the best comments ever!

Posted by: LOL at October 29, 2007 04:35 PM (zFQE/)

85 mesa, wiser and pj = group sex

Posted by: polynikes at October 29, 2007 04:38 PM (m2CN7)

86 cool!  I've always wanted to have sex with two chicks!

Posted by: wiserbud at October 29, 2007 04:39 PM (IHbof)

87

mesa, wiser and pj = group sex

it's lame though because mesa and wiser are always fighting over who gets to be the other girl

Posted by: pajama momma at October 29, 2007 04:40 PM (fRbgO)

88 oh I was a minute too slow

Posted by: pajama momma at October 29, 2007 04:40 PM (fRbgO)

89 wiserbud = toe jam, methadone, chicken mcnuggets and tartar sauce, folsom street.

Posted by: mesablue at October 29, 2007 04:42 PM (KCOdQ)

90

mesa, wiser and pj = group sex

Unzip this gimp suit thingy so I can see what is going on, dammit.

Posted by: mesablue at October 29, 2007 04:44 PM (KCOdQ)

91 Dave in Texas = bbq sauce, chlorine, damp beagle, chicken pot pie, the dumpster at Gilley's.

Posted by: mesablue at October 29, 2007 04:59 PM (KCOdQ)

92 One thing I don't want to do: "really pound" Winehouse.

She scares me.

Posted by: Nom de Blog at October 29, 2007 05:06 PM (6Ie+q)

93

>>Tushar = aboriginal toilet, slaughterhouse dumpster, sulphur, burnt headcheese cake, newly opened beek jerky, Rosie O'Donnell's hemorrhoid cushion, Bob Munck

Rosetta, why are you so intolerant towards me? You know I don't eat beef. Must you mock me cruelly for it?

Posted by: Tushar D at October 29, 2007 05:13 PM (IlgNp)

94

What if you just open it and smell it?

The smell would still get on you.

Posted by: mesablue at October 29, 2007 05:14 PM (KCOdQ)

95

Dumpster diving at Gilley's.

 

good times, good times

Posted by: Dave in Texas at October 29, 2007 05:34 PM (pzen5)

96 wiserbud: recycling bin runoff, rosetta's aftershave, mildew

Posted by: sandy burger at October 29, 2007 05:34 PM (PQyeQ)

97 lauraw: fish emulsion, glue

Posted by: sandy burger at October 29, 2007 05:36 PM (K2rlS)

98 Dave in Texas: paraffin, armidillo musk, shame

Dave at Garfield Ridge: vaseline, sour goat milk, shame

Posted by: sandy burger at October 29, 2007 05:37 PM (K2rlS)

99

One of you insensitive bastards needs to play taps for poor Dave's penis.

What is beek jerkey?

Posted by: funky chicken at October 29, 2007 05:42 PM (I+jPP)

100 sandy burger = feet, goat rectum, kaopectate

Posted by: wiserbud at October 29, 2007 05:44 PM (EW49d)

101

What is beek jerkey?

It's like beef jerky but with ground up bird beek.  Duh.

Posted by: Rosetta at October 29, 2007 05:50 PM (omkIU)

102 funky chicken = self-explanatory

Posted by: Nom de Blog at October 29, 2007 05:51 PM (6Ie+q)

103 Bart-

Summer's Eve, Tofu, Cheez-Whiz,  and Tom Brady's used jockstrap...

Posted by: Billy Bats at October 29, 2007 05:52 PM (WyIDj)

104 Sarah Jessica Parker is a Butterface.

Posted by: Mike at October 29, 2007 06:30 PM (+XDhk)

105 Maury Povich--I don't know of what (insert whatever Connie Chung joke) but I thought I was the only one that thought some people looked like they smelled.

Posted by: mikey at October 29, 2007 08:22 PM (moR1g)

106 Um, sorry, but fuck Maxim.

Here, on Madonna:

Why She´s Unsexy: After building a personal fortune on Top 40 pornography, Madonna traded pioneering sexuality for, like other old Jewish women, self-righteous bellyaching and rapid postnuptial deterioration. Combine a Paris Hilton–like pet accessorizing fetish only for dirt-poor foreign babies with a mug that looks Euro-sealed to her skull, and you´ve got Willem Dafoe with hot flashes.

Yes, fuck you.

Really,

Fuck.You.

That is all.

Just sayin'.

Posted by: MTT at October 29, 2007 08:59 PM (1xjmZ)

Posted by: MTT at October 29, 2007 09:00 PM (1xjmZ)

108 Close italics.

Just checkin'.

Posted by: MTT at October 29, 2007 09:00 PM (1xjmZ)

109 AOSHQ = smells like stale sheets, every body orifice known to man or beast, desperate sex talk, attempted chivalry pounded down by foul mouthed cads, barely disguised misogyny disguised as raging hormones, and *sniffs air* oh yes, women who unfathomably put up with the indignity of it all.

Posted by: no one you know, nor will see, ever again at October 29, 2007 10:25 PM (b0sdZ)

110

AOSHQ = smells like stale sheets, every body orifice known to man or beast, desperate sex talk, attempted chivalry pounded down by foul mouthed cads, barely disguised misogyny disguised as raging hormones, and *sniffs air* oh yes, women who unfathomably put up with the indignity of it all.

Kickass!

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